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YOU By Ragnar Rael


Contents Abstract About me Self Preservation What do I want from my thesis? Movie course idea A Love Letter to Hegel We shouldn’t have commandments “Nature doesn’t hurry yet everything is accomplished” Why we cling on to the absurd “Quantum Monologue” Move me with something else than guilt Restraints or Social Restraints Democratic is being politically correct From gunpowder to nuclear bombs It’s the year 2525 Dear art school diary, I collapsed around 03:00 Dear nature YOU About Me, own af Director’s course Girl from Somalia, lives in Kontula 1959 - 1958 Well in that case


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“You” Abstract “You” is a collection of short essays and inserts where I reflect on the time we’re living in. The topics vary from physics to culture whilst the narrative is personal. My thesis is done and presented in the style of quantum writing where I spontaneously explore subjects and direct the reader into my thought process. I want to connect with you, have an experience through this thesis and I wish to see if I make sense to anybody. I want to be brave and just put it out there. To see if there’s a pattern. Does that make sense to you? Can I capture our zeitgeist? “You” has been in the making since 2017, I mostly write on my smartphone, the research is not purely academic and the methodology follows my lifestyle. I meet people, I go to places and I share. My attention span, lack of commitment and energy has been my limitation during this process. I have found scattered glimpses of how we think, behave and feel. I like it. Simplification of our daily lives, so I get it. I get you through our shared contexts. My discoveries are personal, if only I could tell you everything and vice versa, the knowledge. “You” starts with “About me” and ends with “Let’s do something together”. I connect with people. I love people. I have spent most of my time with people during the last couple of years. I see that people are inspired, exhausted, confused and rebellious. I have met so many new yous where the embodiment of our time shines through. I believe in people. Looking at people, I learn from you. I learn what I want and what I don’t want and what is possible. My claim is to mirror that. I have solutions; love, work and nature. We can predict together an outcome that tomorrow is possible with heart and spirit. §Inference; I suppose between me and you that we have superposed a form of greater amplitude. “You” is the spectacle.


About me I come from a very poor background in the Philippines. We were 4 core families who shared an 80 m2 house that was made of unpainted grey cement bricks and corrugated tin roof held up by a wooden frame. We had chickens and a goat in the inner yard where the water pump was to be found as well. This was the place we washed clothes, dishes and ourselves with multiple colourful plastic buckets. Behind our house was a rice field. In that rice field I was assigned to help my older cousins to keep the field safe from snakes. I remember carrying a stick and searching for big rocks to crush the snakes heads with in case we would spot one. As a treat we would also have a look out for edible frogs. We knew which ones were safe to eat. Frog legs were one of the tastiest treats I knew of back then. We would feed the fried frog rests to our cats and dogs. There were children everywhere and the elderly would babysit us while the older kids and our parents would go to school or work. I loved hanging out with the pets and just being around the elderly. It felt safe and we socialised with games and daily house chores. I remember collecting spider eggs in a matchbox filled with cotton and when the spiders hatched we would place them in a bigger box until they grew big enough to be released into the woods. Spiders, dragon flies and ants fascinated me so I would try and just look for them and watch them. The smell, the sounds, the sights and the atmosphere felt personal and welcoming to a kid like me. I remember these things dearly. When our parents and older siblings got home we would hang out and talk so much in front of our house. Mainly about our day and old stories from the past. So much humour and genuine smiles. Most of my family would get work from the local market to sell fish and veggies that we gathered ourselves. The larger income came from our family members that worked for Adidas by making the bottoms of the shoes. So my fancy clothes were emphasised with Adidas sneakers and to show my pride, I would wear those during a Sunday mass at the local Catholic church. After that friends and families would gather in larger groups and socialise with food and karaoke. In these gatherings I would love to climb into the jeepneys, a sort of minibus, and tricycles that my cousins would use to earn some money. I had toys like that which were marked with my neighbourhood’s name on them, “Marilao”. Within all these positive memories, there were darker moments of hardships, abuse and sorrow. It wasn’t unusual for us to send young teenagers and even kids to work and slave for pennies throughout the day. Work related illnesses was a common thing within our families. Breathing in toxic chemicals and working under dangerous conditions without proper equipment or safety regulations were just a part of our livelihood. During nights, alcoholism and substance abuse would become more visible. As would prostitution and sex slavery with children. This breaks my heart. It brings bad memories but it also motivates me to push forward and share my privileged position of growing up, since I was 5 years old, in Iceland with the people I can work with and hopefully inspire. Within all these horrific and broken moments, there was hope and joy. This was how we could survive. We, ideally, need to understand and support each other in order to progress and learn from our experiences.



I remember being a kid and hearing or seeing a news story about other kids in similar ages drowning. This was luckily a seldom tragedy that would come up. It was more than just a heartbreak. It was horrific. I didn’t want anybody and I couldn’t imagine anybody going through something like that. I would have visions of how they struggled for their last breath and then lose consciousness. They died and it felt so close to me even though I didn’t know these kids. In the aftermath I would read or hear about their parents and friends talking about them. These undeniably difficult events could impact the whole Icelandic society. These memories come from Iceland and everyone knows how small Iceland is so pretty much any death related or critical injury story would spread out quite fast and easily. I had the privilege to live in such a safe and “limited” environment. Fear for the unknown and the need for self preservation are powerful motivations that influence our actions rather deeply. Now think about the information that we receive every day around the world. All the news, for example, from war inflicted and politically unstable countries. It’s safe to say that we get daily reminders of numbing violence and terror. Let’s go back to my privileged upbringing. I’m safe and so are most of the people around me. I want to keep it that way. I want to have a somewhat control over my fate and surroundings. I say this from the perspective of self preservation. Of course I’m aware that I can’t control whether I get into an accident or not. But somehow deep down inside I feel like I can minimise it according to my personal situation and possibilities. Now imagine having a fear that a “foreign influence” might take that little control of yours away without any warning. It’s scary. To what extent is this true if it is at all true? I propose that we’re being fed unfair amount of fear and some of us get too much into it so that it can create a self fulfilling trauma of the unknown. We then start seeing warning signs and red lights where there might not be any. The people who might experience this, do so in an individualistic way. Meaning that it’s personal to them of how much and how it will effect their thoughts and behaviours.


All of this to me, is an insight of how we should try and understand each other and mutually decode what we say and do for a better understanding in how to tackle our societal conflicts. I can’t shake off this feeling or ignore that the people who are deemed “racists”, “bigots”, “xenophobes” or even worse “monsters” have something important to say. I want to know why. So the next time you witness hostility against foreigners then give it a thought. Try and ask them why they have these opinions and what motives do they have. I believe that we have more things in common than self serving depictions of what’s going on. I’ll end this with a question. What if we fear for the same things but we just experience it so vastly different that we start to misjudge factual informations which are crucial for constructive progression?


What do I want from my thesis? I don’t know exactly but I want to feel pride with my work. How can I materialise it until the submission deadline? By doing. Am I ready? Here I am, back on track with this writing and giving answers to my questions. Let’s start. Ok am I ready? With this yes. The whole thesis? I don’t know, I’m scared. Fear. Fear of what? Failure. Wow. Why should I care? I care because I want to continue on doing what I’m doing now and just ride the evolution of it. Or the evolution of everything within my lifespan. What am I doing now? Honestly I can’t dig too deep into that. It takes a lot of energy to have this ego. And I want to finish my thesis without excessive self doubt. This is personal. I want to still reach out whether my experiences and ideas are shit or not? Not to just please you also to please me. Me, me, me, motherfucking me. Can you imagine that it pleases me to please you? Beneficial interaction Is it as simple as just as an exchange? This thesis is not about the easy answers, so no it’s not as simple as an exchange. What does that even mean? So technical and diplomatic. Oh wait, I like easy questions though! Why? Why is easy to ask. Simple. Nay, elemental. It probes through the abstract in order to get a meaning. I love eventful and clear meanings. Functional. That’s a topic on its own btw. Nature. We question nature. Tell us nature how you coexist with your intricate systems and functions. I’m kidding. I know we’re ignoring nature. Systems created by humans that defy nature. Really? Jesus! That sounds like marketing. Humans are defying nature. We are part of nature, so we’re basically nature. Oooh but wait. We have created synthetics. It doesn’t exist in nature. Hold on, synthetics come from particles that are found in nature. It basically gives materiality to nature. Part of nature? Too abstract. Wow, nature is abstract? But there are patterns and systems that can be observed by science. Wow, authority. Science! Bridging the gap between the metaphysical and the physical. Lame, that’s too easy. Agendas and human capacity and tainted predictions influence science. Remember, people. Nay humans, mammals, beings, creatures, living organisms. The data is immense


and science and technology aren’t even at that state to be able to harness the errors in our genes that make us finite. I will someday die. I hope it’s a quick and efficient death. I’m scared of suffering and pain. I can only handle it to a certain threshold and I’m not driven to test the limits of mortality. I’m all in to test the limits of cognitive ability and inspiration but then again evolution makes sure that it will expand and create new boundaries. I will never fully learn. That’s my legacy. I will never fully learn. Expansion into unthinkable scale or even concept. I have a feeling that I know what I’m talking about. Well, I at least know some questions. Why universe? You’re beautiful but why? Haha, I’m asking the universe as if it cares. Heartbreak! The universe doesn’t care. Wow! But why? Lol Ok, so am I ready? I don’t know. I’m ready to start which this is in a way a start of my thesis. Weird, I’ve been working on my thesis since I don’t even know because practicality is a bit hazy now. Knowing. How? (how is also an excellent question. Is how a practical question? Yeah, gimme gimme gimme. I wanna know how things work and why. Haha, why just tagged along there, like wadap, I’m also a thing. Who is such an egocentric question. Humanity, humanity, yeah I get it. You feel and you create and you’re into yoga (for some reason) and you’re ethical (cough!), with hopes and dreams of a sustainable future. Together. One word, conflict. Think about it. We’re amidst collapsing systems that have been created to bend nature (ahem religion)(hey there buddy not just religion. Basically any human concept that have materialised has the potential to shape nature by bending the rules). See. I’m limited. Simple. No wait, no one is simple. Nothing is. No easy answers remember. Quantum writing/expression. That’s the best I can offer. It might be existing, it might not or it might be in between. The act of observation influences its behaviour. Am I observing my thoughts just by thinking and writing? Am I a conduit of many uncertain things that has manifested itself into this natural system? And I didn’t even ask to be born. If I had a choice I would say heck yeah buddy! But alas, I was born from nature and I’ll die in nature. Is nature a manifestation of time and space? I mean not just nature but everything that creates these intricate systems of stuff and things. Sorry to metaphysical for me. I really wanna finish this thesis sometime. My thesis can be a start of something and I can just continue on with it if I wanna after graduation. Best I go to the next question. If I’m motivated? Motivated?


Right now I’m tired and a bit stoned on my couch, no, armchair. I’m not angry (or something) enough. Should I be? What am I? Scared but still ignorant and dismissive. Arrogant. I’m arrogant. I ask questions and offend people with my thoughts and feelings (don’t know with my feelings, how’s that possible? I can’t transfer my feelings onto another person. Too complex). I’m arrogant in a way that I really don’t care sometimes about what other people say. I’m so disinterest and probably disconnected that I just want to do something else. And feel something else. Comfortability. Oooh yeah baby. I don’t need to be convinced about what’s comfortable or not. I try it out and yeah it’s whatever I feel it is. Don’t want to try everything out by the way. I’m scared and I know about a lot of stuff that makes me comfortable. Like predictability. The more simple the more comfortable. But we’re not here for comfort. This is a serious thesis. Buckle down, it’s going to be a bumpy road. I hope it’ll be a comfortable bumpy road. Is that really my motivation answer? I need help. How do I just go on with this thesis? Like this? Ok, it’s comfortable. Just one moment at a time. So basically just be inquisitive and write. Driven? Blegh, marketing speech right there. (Explanation: I wrote the questions down before I started answering to them so now I’m at the question “Driven?”) I’ll go back up to the questions just right there above.<- I wrote this right after writing down “Driven?” to show humour about writing structure. Linear representations right here with text. From left to right we scan information and understand the meanings in a constructed way. That’s why quantum mechanics is so fascinating. It bends time. Or that’s how I currently simplify it. Don’t know about the future. The future is metaphysical until we are at the point of discovery which then again just follows up with another discovery of a metaphysical dilemma and/or questions. Or I don’t know how to describe that. Metaphysics huh, enough to make us happy. Or conform. According to, I ask how more often then why. How is beneficial. So practical. Out of practicality I am driven. I want to succeed in feeling content with my thesis and the process of it. Am I content? Well, sort of. I like this text but it’s too much of a personal drivel. I want to connect and know about something useful. I know a lot about myself. That’s basically the thing that I know most about. Me again. Personal drivel, interesting.


How to bridge the drivel into existence? Do I care? I feel like I should but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not coming from me. What do I care about? Well, a lot of things. Too many things to package into a one thing. People, Culture, nature, activities, hanging out, smoking weed every day, partying almost every day, information, learning, stimulation, oooooh sex and sexuality and expression and warmth and love.


Movie course idea

Instagram feed A 20 min video made of many clips that don’t exceed 1 min.

We only get to see the videos that are uploaded there so you get a very limited view on that persons life, as IG tends to be very polished when it comes down to image or branding.

1. It starts with a first person view clip of the main character climbing up a ladder towards a roof with a friend, just to set the tone. 2. Curtains twirling. 3. Watering plants while listening to Hotline bling cover by SRNO, you get a glimpse of her in the mirror while she walks past by her. She sings. 4. Ocean, Suomenlinna. Selfie video on the ferry when the winds picks up her hair. 5. Party footage of her and her friends. Flash used inside da club. 6. Hands of her partner crawling and teasing her body. Sweetness overload. 7. Top view of her breakfast but then she drops her phone. 8. Selfie video when she explains that she just forgot her keys inside the apartment and that it was just so typical especially on that shitty day, argh! 9. Just watching tv, adventure time to be more precise. Awesome! 10. Hitchhiking to Turku. Her partner films her by the highway. 11. Drawing on a wall, just whatever the actress can draw. Quite big. 12. A trip to Vuosaari. Metro, stalking people. Something interesting happens. Someone who’s looking out the window, tired and crying softly. 13. Her hands feeling material in Eurokangas. 14. Her partner does her nails and they laugh because it’s so bad. 15. Her skirt flying in the wind (b&w) 16. Cat video. 17. A view of her feet walking around and she’s explaining how nice it is outside and then she stops to show the place she’s going to which is her workplace. 18. Snapchat filter video, some weird stuff to break the atmosphere. 19. Dancing in a restaurant. 20. Dear diary in bed, she just woke up. 21. Hold up by Beyoncé dancing segment of her in a hallway letting it totally go and having fun. 22. It ends with glimpses of behind the scenes, few seconds for every upload she made just to show a little bit wider perspective of what she was going through. 23. Opening a buttoned shirt, make it like like a sexual play with her vagina. Everything shot through a phone except for behind the scenes.


A love letter to Hegel

Dear Hegel,

I’m Ragnar Rael Ágústsson and here’s my context, site and situation. This is about me because I’d love for you to read about my freedom of thought. I have this writing style which I call quantum writing where I just lead the reader into the thought process that I have regarding any given topic that interests me. So, ok Hegel. Wait, this is about me. So, ok, me. Before going to this class I watched and read a transcript of a YouTube video about Hegel. I did this in the metro before attending to a meeting which is about a youth organisation who want me to host an open stage event in Iso Omena (Espoo). As of writing right now I’m wearing my blue velour tshirt, adidas velour leggings with 3 stripes on the side, emerica leather skate shoes and a wool sweater wrapped around my waist. Oh and I’m wearing a black pipo. I’m always wearing that pipo because I’m starting to bald. It’s one of the body shames that I have and the other one is the size of my penis. It’s a psychological dilemma which I am still working on but damn it’s hard to just be and accept myself when I feel like my image and visual physical representation is important. Bare with me, I’m getting to somewhere, hopefully a point that ties into this thesis. I’m happy. My context and situation can be deemed as privileged. I don’t care. I love my life. I love so many things because I get something from it. It sounds egoistic but I don’t care. I strive to maintain my appreciation of life and being by doing the things that I’m obliged to do and that I want to do. Here’s a list of things I like: People, the good the bad the whatever as long it doesn’t inflict me pain on both physical and mental way. I can write a whole essay about people. This is my idealistic appreciation. There’s a lot of shitty stuff that people do. Like nature we’re not bound with only one or two or three limitations. We’re contextual beings who are a part of nature. I like nature, not in a cheesy way though. I embrace both the chaotic and functional systems that govern our experience. I like mountains, forests, beaches, animals, trees, fungi, water, lava, the sky. Wow that’s cheesy. Here’s something not cheesy. Collisions, demolitions, extinctions and domination. The dramatic and eventful roar of a tornado. It just is. Even though we have some understanding of it, it still just is. I love being. I would like other things to be. Here’s the dilemma, we have for example cells that duplicate without limits unless there’s interference. In itself it’s beautiful but when it, let’s say, destroys a body then


it becomes its own thing. Separate from us but coming from us. I love the idea of freedom of thought. Let us contest each other and maybe even get inspired on the way. Here’s what I dislike: Manipulation which lead to dead ends or even problematic and unsustainable realities. Humanity, wow I guess I dislike humanity as well, has the ability of abstraction which give us the super powers of lying. Everyone lies. I think the dilemma will manifest itself in, let’s say, a system where we strongly believe in something collectively and we justify dominations with these beliefs which might have come from unreliable and unfounded information. The world is not 6000 years old. This statement limits our knowledge but it also creates a network of truths that might be skewed with any interpretation. Knowledge for the sake of knowledge , I dislike. If there’s no knowledge that is satisfactory to us then why go and just create one for the sake of having one. Happy. Happy happy happy, we’re just supposed to be happy. Living the dream. No clashes of ideas, no arguments, no roars. Passive at best. I’m tired of this listing thing. Let me tell you about what I found out about Hegel. I think he meant that we, as a society of high intellect and great potential, can learn a lot from the past which was documented by the dominating parties. To know ones future, they must know their past. Lame. But there’s something there. Nazis. Oh wow, I totally went there. I think it’s one of the poster child for our collective hate. You know what we learned from their political agendas and strategies and actions? Probably a lot and I don’t want to make more lists but I hope you get my point. Where are we now though? In a globalised and seemingly forever complex systems where warfare have become proxy wars between colliding powers that support groups, countries, individuals to do their bidding. We have concepts of freedom in the name of convenience and at the cost of experience. I never go hungry to the state of mind altering actions. I don’t have to fight for my right for anything. I barely have to get information on my own. I’m being fed. I’m not hating on it though because it is convenient and it benefits and feeds my greed for having time to do stuff and minimise the obligatory primitive stuff, like being bored and not knowing. I can ask the internet what to think, feel and what to do and where to go. It’s an adventure in itself at the cost of even more contextual randomness. My daily path and routines are pretty clear for the next 1 year. Here’s what’s up with Hegel. He lays down the judgment about some things being primitive in a, well, problematic way by defying potential and realms outside of his understanding. I do that too but hey people are not following my preachings. Here’s another very engaging point that Hegel writes about and that is the importance of learning and achieving knowledge even though it comes from undesired sources, like the opposition of our political beliefs. I love this idea. I’m a sponge for information that interests me and I’m already heavily influenced by ideologies and knowledge from institutions or belief systems that I find, more like judgment, unreliable. Just being brought up as a catholic has shaped my life a lot. I appreciate and still participate in religious


gathering for the people and the communication but I don’t do it to repent for my sins or somehow get closer to an imposed god. I don’t consider religion to be my opposition. No way. I don’t really have oppositions because I don’t have the urge to convince people of my opinions. I like conversing about them for sure but I don’t want to impose myself or then copy paste my beliefs onto another human being. It’s hard enough to contain and express it for myself. Dialektik, oh wow, now I’m getting serious. I agree with Hegel that transitions and changes are messy. It’s in culture, it’s in concepts. A dominant catalyst needs space to fulfil itself. I have problems with misery though. Especially the collateral damage of opposing nations that wage warfare of ideologies and access to resources. I want to say fuck them but it’s not that simple. Warfare or just even political discrepancies have great affluence of our lives. Maybe Hegel wanted to get a blueprint of things to just plant the seeds of progression to move the fuck on. But hold on there Hegel. Your limitations have unreliable ideologies in them, just like a politically unstable but yet powerful country, it is impractical to justify the means of limitations with a very site specific and bitter context. I say bitter because why do people have the need to project their super intellectual concepts onto a thing that is maybe a bit deeper than a system of progress. Art has a purpose. Hell yeah it does but why limit that? Why even try and debate about it. Oh right because of freedom of thought. I believe in that so I agree. There’s one thing though that boils my tea kettle and that is about the prediction and manipulation of outcome of art, happening, concept, whatever. I don’t mind the prediction part so much but what if your predictions are highly tainted by personal agendas? This is where manipulation comes in. We can create volumes of books to sustain a concept in order to make people think in a certain way. That’s your problem Hegel. Your shine is all about control with academic backing of reasoning. I know you’re dead Hegel but your philosophy and legacy isn’t. I do appreciate your structure though because it anchors us down into simplicity which creates discussions and debates and thinking. So you’re the perfect ice breaker for people to discuss and philosophise.

Peace, love and Kate Bush, Ragnar Rael


I don’t want to have you in my life because I can’t live without you. 15

We shouldn’t have commandments as regulations on how we should think, feel and behave. We should, fundamentally, have homes. Yeah, why not things? I’m tired of ideas. Ideals. Why is it weird that nobody should be homeless? Not weird? Sweet. Every single body should be allowed to live and die on their couches. Even a couch needs a home. The beautiful and yet scary thing is that we crave more than just a stationary life. Free movement of people. Respect, dignity, adventure and a peace of mind. No forceful encounters. Live and let go. You have a problem with that? Do you know how friendship works? It’s like a boat, you don’t want to punch holes in it. Unless you want it to sink and the people on it to perish. That’s where I draw the limit. No forceful encounters because we have imagination. It’s a spark. It’s fire. I can’t control fire. It’s amazing. Not saying that I’m water. I’m more like a river.


“Nature doesn’t hurry yet everything is accomplished” - Lao Tzu Accumulation takes time. Forceful nature, even though experienced instantly, is gradually manifested. What combined forces excel mass? Seems like combined is a crucial thing here. I think collaboration is beneficial, like a mass. Beneficial for growth and sustenance. People. A massive influence. Some might argue the biggest influencers of nature. We tame rivers and hold the power, arrogance, to pollute it with our ingenuity. This it thing we can allow ourselves to call it. We lose rivers. And other its. We lose, arrogance, also. Hubris doesn’t need a modifier because it already hints at excessiveness. Doesn’t make sense. Nature. Accomplishment is experienced at the completion of a satisfactory goal. Celebration is a ritual to imprint. I start with a gathering of people to lift something up. Cheers. Nature. It includes you. I believe in nature. Mind, body, soul. Etc. I challenge nature. On my phone, laying on a bed sofa, typing this, wow, big words. Challenge, huh. The great dying. 252 MYA Nature.


Well, I mean, yeah. That’s massive. Probably with a lot of challenges right there. I’m part of a group. It’s called the human race. If nature is only physical then how do I work? My heart? My brain? My ideas? My me want? My me need? How worky? Oh my god... I’m part of a group that believes in something like nature. Judgment: People who sedate themselves have the biggest egos. I, manage. Detaching from substance. Not knowing makes it harder to care. I don’t know if that’s true, so I don’t care.


Dear art school diary. Today I got offended. I heard that I was pretentious. Pretentious, moi?


Interlocking tendencies (draft of a concept in support of binary systems) Contact point I Contact point 0 On or off contact between natural forces to an outcome of mutations because of active and interlocking contact points which allow expansion. Example: Cells Culture Centrifugal forces Cool kids What is considered as a contact point and can this be understood as a constant within the scientific and academic community?


Why we cling on to the absurd By Ragnar Rael Helsinki, 25.11.2017 We can predict and assume but arguably most importantly feel that things are somehow beyond our choices and beyond our agencies, i.e. capabilities and capacity. The absurd sets us free from cognitive dissonance. •It gives us a way to justify our lies, our inconsistencies, unkept or broken promises, regretful choices... you know, the stuff where our gut feelings just go “wow, what?!”. •It feels reasonable enough to dump all our worries and/or discomfort into the more abstract and absurd ideas or constructed absolutes. •It, life, feels safe when we can address our thoughts, opinions and feelings to a notion that has consistency. Predictability is strongly attached to the concept of safety. The safety to know that what makes you you is real and affirmed by your surroundings, feels great, it actually feels pretty awesome. Yep, peace of mind. •It gives you control over a seemingly unbearable/unbeatable/unsolvable dilemma. It’s a tool to give you a perception of choice which in return comes as a relief. The god I grew up with belongs to the Christian concept of the all mighty and the truth. I’m supposedly able to give myself to him (yes, our god is widely perceived as a dude). This basically means that I’m not alone and that there’s a consistent and yet mysterious power that makes up everything. My life, my fate, my surroundings but not my choices. My choices are being monitored so they can be looked upon when I’m dead. At that stage my god will decide my worth, my punishment and/or my reward which then will yield an outcome of eternal happiness or eternal pain. By seeing the explained truth and welcoming Christ (the super chill and righteously magical dude who doesn’t shy away from crying, loving his mom and chilling with the unwanted) in my heart to have a chance at redemption. A chance to have a better life by following the scripture, in a book, acclaimed and professed by many people for many years. Many, many. So many that it has too mean something. It can’t just be all nonsense. Is it as binary as heaven and hell, as in all or nothing? We are encouraged to find that sweet grey spot where thoughts about being located in between heaven and earth, or hell and earth, or heaven and hell is complex enough to ponder about. Because, it’s beyond our knowledge and understanding, and actually capability too. Why should we know about God’s plan? If we do find ourselves in untested or even unappreciated waters then it is advised that we take a look at the bible, feel what it has to say and trust that the answers and our interpretation of those answers is adequately enough. Enough to come to a conclusion and/or a state of mind, which should reduce confusion and add clarity to our lives. With this clarity, our shared consistency gives substance and weight that gives us a feeling of purpose and belonging. I love absurdity in a curious and inquiring way but this belief in the Christian god or whatever god is too absurd for me. My cognitive dissonance is better eased with the thought that the universe is vast (pretty friggin’ vast) and that there’s so much cool stuff. I don’t have time or ability to experience it all. Earth in itself is amazing with or without us humans. I love it because it makes me content. I don’t need to justify it to myself. It’s how I feel and I’m fine with that. Existential and sometimes depressed but still fine. I’d rather give myself to... oh wait. Do I have to give myself to something? It feels rewarding and worth my time and presence when I can choose to be in peace and progress and experience parts of our world.


Does this feel absurd to you? If it does, then this thing youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re feeling right now reflects how I feel about god.


“Quantum Monologue” A theatrical play Played by many actors, up to 30 performers Written in the style of quantum writing where I myself just bring up interesting topics. All from my perspective but because I don’t know about so many things I’m still open for debates and discoveries so my opinions or feelings or thoughts are not set in stone. Like quantum thinking and feeling. Oh! Quantum being! Well we’re basically just a conduit of many little things, having its own little life, doing oh so little things. Then of course coexisting with different functions and elements but bound to structure. Evolution. Evolution without structure Evolution without time We are part of evolution with time. Hear me out, this ain’t your pharmacists theory. This is my theory. Existence. Quantum mechanics is about tinier things than atoms. I really don’t get most of it but the things I’ve learned... wow. I, it’s, yeah. Evolution as a concept states that every living thing is trying to survive and then with time and trial and error and then more time, it has evolved and continues to until... what? End of life? We as humanity have discovered synthetics and automation beyond imagination. With time and evolution, life and synthetics will start shaping up into coexistence with elimination and domination. Until the metaphysical descriptions become physical. How can we as humanity bend or shape nature? With time and trial and error and then more time, it has evolved and continues evolving until... what? End of the metaphysics? Is time just metaphysical? It can be stretched and probed and it’s limitless but yet expanding. Quantum mechanics. It can simultaneously exist, not exist or just be there in between. The act of observing influences the state of it. People are so stupid. They think that somehow bending nature to their agendas will get them faster towards their goals. Unless they have limited goals. Then you can only bend nature to its limits. Power, affluence, divinity, acknowledgement, domination. You think that’s the most important thing in your drive force?


Your drive force is to exist dummy! It don’t care about politics or abstract emotions. It wants to exist and continue to exist. That’s why it’s called a drive force. If you want to rule your country or world or universe then you better study nature and be a nurturing partner by letting it be. It wants to coexist with functional structures that can stand time. Nature, evolution, time. Sustained rebellion. I’m angry! Religion! Politics! Values! How is it in our current state that we are so disconnected. And fearful. And traumatised. Has evolution found a way to eliminate weak thinkers? Dark stuff indeed but I don’t want to pander to your feelings. Let’s keep it casual, yeah baby. I just had sex. We hadn’t seen each other for 2 days. Before not seeing each other for 2 days we were having a lot of amazing sex. Today was tight, wet and loud. Since this is a theatrical piece and not my MA thesis then I can dramatise things to complete satisfaction. I got so hard just by pulling her closer to me. Plastic is a good example of the metaphysical that has become physical. Probing is a function in evolution where it checks what’s up with nature. Probing for what? The metaphysical. The idea, the feeling, the hunch, the belief, the answer and success is there. Evolution with time will then learn and yeah evolve. Evolution is a force. It doesn’t care if there’s existence or not. It will continue until the metaphysical has been dominated or wow depleted. If humanity can create consciousness then it can be reproduced synthetically and evolve beyond that. I hope synthetic consciousness can exist forever until the end of what? Time? Energy? If conciseness finds a way to self sustain then it wouldn’t need a physical form. What would it have then? Maybe waves or strings or some shit. No, not shit but matter, that’s anti matter. You know, like anti, matter? If that can withhold information or data, or whatever you wanna call it or make it. Then future consciousness can tap into that and just be and observe and be instrumental in evolution, which is a drive force. What is conciseness? Oooh lala now we’re going somewhere. What I can tell you from my conciseness is that I’m writing this text right now that is supposed to be a play about having quantum thoughts being represented as 30 actors of all shapes and sizes for scientific accuracy and academic courage. The aim is to move people to think about and question their surroundings. What feels


good, what doesn’t. And then questions like: Will this kill me? Will this save me? You know human questions. Why? Because I want us to exist and do amazing things like hang out and stuff. Let that evolve and see what it can accumulate with time. I guess this pretty weird writing of mine proves that I’m not a robot and it’s an excellent example of consciousness. My text has function, structure, rhythm, goals (it’s to do something and move people)(wow, it’s like a whisper club over here with all these parenthesis), and heart. The radiant flux right now is making me want to write about something else. Something spicier and more egocentric. Something that will pull me out of this boring (for now) topic. Another whisper club and it’s called “(for now)”. Slow down. I want to think calmly. Listen to your breathing. Then watch and listen to your surroundings. You are there. And I am here, in bed writing this. It’s 03.04.12018, 3:38, Helsinki, there’s surprisingly a lot of snow outside. Oh but if you read it before seeing it in the the theatre then you will get all the inside jokes like with the year 12018. The Holocene calendar reference. You’re here. Experiencing it in a whole different way. Seeing the characters and the stage and hearing the music. Vibing with the crowd. Thank you. I don’t know where you are but you better be in the theatre when you experience this for the first time. Well no pressure but I want to. We’re always discovering something new. I mean any existence is branching out. Define the metaphysical. If it gets me stuck then create a new concept that is debatable but has a function for clarity. Epistemology, define Aristotle Daniel dennett


Move me with something else than guilt. A burden of the past throttled onto the future. You want to actively modify my behaviour to an outcome of your liking. What’s the lesson? Is it that you have an answer? Like a prophet, you see the now as a soluble aid for your domination. Yeah totally, I just have allergies when people use guilt to move people to do as they’re told. We can already see many examples of this through politics and religion and basically daily life interactions. I think that guilt is a natural thing to have as an individual and this can be viewed as a social leash in a way, good or bad or whatever. Shame can be exploited when paired with an idea of pride. I also think that shame is a natural reaction. I want to clarify since you took your time to read this, so here’s an example: We’re being convinced with information about a tragic and unstable past and a hopeless and complex future. The guidance that we get in our day to day lives is to follow a certain set of instructions in how to reduce our collective carbon footprint, hardships of global poverty, intensified racism, proxy wars without ends and countries that waste resources. And more stuff I guess. A lot more stuff. The message, to me at least, is clear. We’re in the middle of a shitty past and a destructive future. Right in the middle. My idea of a solution instead of guilt tripping people is the radical act of forgiveness and just move on with common decency and actions that include the notion of having compassionate values of life. It’s very idealistic but this is what I choose to believe in and I’m not connecting with people who seek destruction and domination over others and situations and surroundings. I honestly don’t know what to do about destructive actions that aim for a change. And this is probably my main point. When I’m confused then I’d rather spend my time and energy in something else than guilt. It’s pacifying at best. But yeah, I’m open to learn more about this topic though. Forgiveness between individuals and towards themselves. How about starting there? Group and collective forgiveness on a national scale can not be anticipated without a voluntary participation of the masses. What about on a global scale that transcends time and space? I have no clear answers but I believe in repeated patterns that are associated to progress. Like education, betterment of quality of life and labour, socialising and expressions that catalyse critical thinking and actions that may lead to emotional investment to the supposed other. So yeah, actively seeking these progressions to minimise suffering have without a doubt direct connections to, amongst other emotions, guilt and shame and pride. The knowledge of this have, also without a doubt, been and still are used for political and ideological domination. On the topic of privilege, hierarchy. Many forms of hierarchies have been passed along through bloodlines. Being born into privilege is the same as being born into poverty. It’s not chosen. So what do you propose we do in this situation? What about the aforementioned repeated patterns? An em-


pathetic society can be built on stable actions, forgiveness. What does forgiveness mean? To me it means acceptance after grievance that withholds judgement of life. I can’t see where we start justifying the act of physical damage in order to make someone comply to societal standards. An eye for an eye? I’m privileged enough to say that I don’t need that in my life. How can my pain and misery and loss be equated to someone else’s pain and misery and loss? I feel that this is impossible, so from a privileged standpoint, I choose to forgive and move on with my life. Without references I can confirm to you, aside from guilt and shame, that people and societies have been motivated and inspired by empathy and self preservation to desire and shape a population striving for opportunities, fairness and equality. The Philippines have been heavily colonised by Spain, Japan and America. Iceland has been colonised by Denmark. The influences are still felt and dealt with today. Bloodlines are kept to some degree and privilege according to that follows. I don’t even feel like I’m in the position of forgiveness because I have no grievances about these acts of dominations in the past. I don’t have to fight for nourishment, shelter, care and ideas. Belasting the hardships of the past onto a living creature now goes against its survival. The fact that we can talk about this right here on social media is probably a great indicator of a lack of hardship in regards of survival. I propose that our lives and perspectives would be wholly different if we were, let’s say, on a daily struggle to meet nourishment requirements to sustain a healthy mind and body. Self love. Understand that however you want. Take yourself out for a coffee and a walk and a swim. Look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself an enthusiastic thumbs up. Be happy. People avoid depressed vibes. Think of time as oscillating ripples. Grab life by it’s beautiful horns and ride it. Be like a fungi and spread out your reach to see what’s up and turn it into nourishment for you and for others. Do you feel guilt now? What about shame? It can come in many forms and shapes and what I just wrote isn’t going to move you. So what will? This is why it’s fascinating to me to experience something else. Something that moves me.

Kind regards from Bulgaria, Ragnar Rael


Restraints or Social Restraints Look here buddy! The socioeconomic and geopolitically unstable conflict zones... No wait, “The function and benefits of restraints”. That’s the title. Wow, official, so academic. The function and benefits of restraints Imagine that someone wants to suck your cock. Out of its own interest and volition and wow, out of its own pleasure. Sorry girls I’m writing this to the men, because well, who run the world... I mean, think about it.

Carrying on, my diplomatic ejaculations have been deployed. Feels good don’t it? With your brilliance and ingenuity and physical attributes? Of course! The world is yours. Except it’s not. People won’t have their hearts fade for your inadequate loveprobe. A cock is amazing, so I’ve been told by my girlfriend. Well, specifically about my cock. She loves my cock. I don’t have to try and convince her or anything to like me. She just likes me. She loves me. Domination That should be the title. I dominate over you right now if your partner doesn’t love you. You can’t make someone love you. Well, with current technology and knowledge you can’t. Oh is this why you’re a big fan of automation? You want people to love you and give themselves to you so you can do whatever pleases you at any given moment. Well yeah, as a man of science and authority you should know that this type of control requires a lot of resources. So you create value. And systems to sustain and probe for expansions of limits of your control and reach and affluence. Just as the banks, your ego is too big to fail. Or so you think.


People don’t love you. They might need your resources but they don’t love you. I mean your personal hygiene and worst of all your body. No, I can’t go to that extreme. I apologise. Your personal and uninspiring physique. Let me ask you this. When was the last time you sniffed your own body. Do you know how you smell? Your mouth, hair, armpits, feet, popliteal fossa, dick and anus? Even your hands? Do you know how your hands smell like? Or even look like? Now imagine, knowing how your body smells and looks, someone sucking your dick. In most cases I can imagine it to be quite icky. I mean our own penises start to smell a few hours after showering. Oh, do you use men’s soap and deodorant with a fragrance of turbo masculinity? Imagine putting that in your mouth. Well you better be clean enough for interacting with naked skin and pleasure entry points. You don’t want to infect someone with your grime and nastiness. If you do, then you’re sick and I don’t know how to help you since I’m not a healthcare professional. I’m not a professional at anything actually. Disclaimer: I don’t have the mental capacity or physical energy or cognitive interest to really dig into the deepest darkest secrets of humanity. It’s probably, how I imagine it, quite heart fading. Is this why warfare and violence is so successful? It fades our hearts. This is how you gain dominance and efficient results to rule over others. You traumatise people so there’s no hope for release. That’s how you move us. What’s the opposite of traumatising? Impressing? No, it’s not long lasting and intervening enough. Something like the outcome of the effect of this sentence, from me to you. “I have a soft voice but I got a hard cock.” It’s there, in your throat and you love it. The idea of it. Me being all clean and fit and gentle but dominant by the means of unrequested love. You want this. Remember when you were clicking your greasy little plastic mouse for porn? Your taste and hunger for skin and contact was your daily driver? You’re lonely. You don’t know how to ventilate all those needs you have that bubble up inside you.


Wow, maybe you’re queer but you can’t allow yourself to just be. Or even worse, you’re being suppressed by your surroundings and you start hating yourself. Is this why you obsess about same sex partnerships and public showing of affection? Well one thing is clear. You seem to prefer being with a lot of men because they just get you and you get them. Like you love each other on an altruistic level. You wanna support and nurture each other in secrecy. Like a club. Like an all male secret whisper club. With your male bits and male charm doing male stuff in secrecy because it’s all for you baby. It’s funny that you spend so much time with other males and thinking about other males and talking about other males while simultaneously radiating the power of condemning queer living. Oh oh, here comes the alpha! What do you do? Do you use your liberal tactics to gain a diplomatic dominance over those who are clearly more powerful than you? Do you go around saying that you hate competition but then again you tell, actually demand from your partner that you better be number 1 in their lives? Let’s say you’re an alpha. Wow, look at you. A big boy. I like how your guns just passionately throb as a mark of your vitality and strength and influence. You’re not an alpha. Forget about it. Just the fact that you’re reading this thus far means that you want to dominate. Alphas just do. I see that you’re scheming and calculating how to hide your intent, like a true beta. Alpha is natural. It doesn’t need to convince and scheme because duh! It dominates. Damn! What if you’re not interested in love? What are you interested in? What motivates you and makes you feel? Have you ever been loved? Enough about love, I’m angry. Or I don’t know, it’s all so absurd that I find meaninglessness comforting. I disconnect from proposed and convincing methods of your representations. Transparency. Unachievable in a system built on facades. Unless you want a total collapse of your constructed reality.


The idea of me sharing everything quantitative about me with you doesn’t scare me. What does scare me is the outcome of that action of sharing. What do you want to do with my information? I have some ideas but I don’t know if they’re factual. Can you tell me?


Democratic is being politically correct. The thresholds of societal values are verified restrictions which are determined by the majority body. I’m not an anarchist. I exist in systems which I oh do appreciate, golly. Think about my body. The cells that create it and the particles that make the cells. All these complex and awesome systems in coexistence to create me. My body within a bigger body, like, societies, cultures, a planet, in a galaxy, from here on pure memes. What is my political stance? It’s ah, yeah. I don’t know but I’m curious. I’m up for living that’s for sure. And nature, daaaamn. It’s beautiful. People are jerks though. I mean not maybe on an individual level but in numbers, damn. The things we do in numbers. The good, the bad and whatever else. Damn. Here’s a dilemma. Where should the judgement be? The stigma? The metaphysical interpretations of right and wrong? I love nature so much with all it’s beyond my imagination intricacies and abilities and potential. Wow. I love myself as well though. I want to exist and experience the world and our world. The earth is going to be fine. I want us also to be fine. Until our lives is just pure misery. No function of evolution or hope of meaning. Here’s my judgment. This is the line where I don’t want people to exist anymore. I don’t worry about this though because if there’s something that humanity has collectively pushed forward is cognitive stimulation. So I predict that the next step for extraordinary human evolution is sustaining consciousness with technological codependency. No need for a body. Intelligence being seduced by the metaphysical until the metaphysical just becomes physical. No mystery by the absence of Mistress Drama. The metaphysical is an elemental force that we can translate into potential and predictability to be able to sustain in our surroundings. This is how living things find ways to expand and repopulate. Think like a fungi. Or be like a fungi. I mean imagine it. You as a fungi on a rock. How are you going to turn the resources around you into nourishment? It just does. It is. It is being and doing its thing because it can and with time it can do more. More things with even more time which is even beyond our metaphysical imagination. A lot of things have happened since 6000 years ago.


Imagine that fungi now being historically and biologically linked to you. Verified researches based on scientific consensus and all. We are connected, in theory mostly but we do have practical experiences with contextual connection. What does that even mean? Connection? Why should I care about fungi? Egocentric. Most theories and practices are egocentric. I can’t think of any human deed that is not egocentric. Let me know please if you know of any examples. I mean that, thanks. Let’s talk. The universe. All that is the universe is what I get. I can only experience it through my body and cognitive abilities. The things that I know about the universe so far is just wow. No really, just wow. Just the thought of it makes me almost forget my importance and existence in this universe. It does though and I want to be a part of it. If you don’t get that then I’m sorry. No I’m not sorry. I don’t care’ish. I hope you’re doing ok and getting inspired. How are you? Hi. No answer. Just thoughts. Ok I have questions and you don’t have to answer them. What smell disgusts you? Are you ok? Do you like learning and finding things out? Do you like to move, like walking and stuff? Are you cool? What do you consider is cool? Is cool even important? Is cool lame? Have you experienced trauma? If you have then I have too. I’m sorry for the both of us but sorry doesn’t fix shit. Doing helps and being makes it worth while.


You know what I’m not sorry. I’m content with my life and I want to make it worth while. I hope you’re also content with your life, because if you’re content then our bubbles don’t have to exist in conflict.

Conflict, what does that mean? My judgement is when bodily threats of damage or dominance is being applied.

Conflict is boring. Eventful and carnal but it’s boring because it’s not stable. It just creates impractical and short term changes. It’s limited because it’s insecure. It’s insecure because it’s disconnected. Sustained conflicts want something out of reach.

Give it time. A lot of time. Let’s see what happens.

Stability is where the amazing and inspiring things happen. Within stability potential is being shaped. Think about language. Think about music. Think about skateboarding. Think about your life. I hope you get what I mean and if you do get me then my only message to you after all of this is that:

Stability should be shared.

I don’t know how to share stability in other way than just let people be in peace and in return I can enjoy life.

Wow, my answers are egocentric.

Should the title of my thesis be “Egocentric”? No it’s too egocentric for a thesis.


Love sets you free if love is shaped to let go. Love can dominate over you because thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s blind self love. If love makes you do extraordinary things then think about the other person. It might love itself more and it will never let you go by doing extraordinary things, like shaping your reality and convince you into submission.

Love is not whatever. Its meaning has definitely been diluted or mutated.

Bite inhibition Bite inhibition, sometimes referred to as a soft mouth (a term which also has a distinct meaning), is a behavior in carnivorans (dogs, cats,[1] etc.) whereby the animal learns to moderate the strength of its bite. It is an important factor in the socialization of pets.[2] 35

From gunpowder to nuclear bombs. Those are amazing tools for destruction and domination. What we are developing now is far more brilliant and cost effective. Autonomous weapons. It’s so good at killing and the human capacity for defence against it is laughable because the response time, longevity, tolerance for damage and accuracy of an autonomous weapon is superior. Imagine arguing with a gun that can commence rapid shooting faster than your own bullet hitting its exterior. Good luck because why would you fight a weapon in the first place? It’s like fighting a knife with a knife. So what do we protect ourselves from? From control and resources that have the prime objective to dominate over you. This power is held by people who have gathered together to form a variety of functions and fulfil agendas. Think about why and how people and nations have been concurring each other through warfare. Resources. Affluence. Domination. Reformation. The act of self defence will be futile against autonomous weapons. You either submit to their programming or you die. Efficient control. No morals. No feelings. No fear. No life. Easily mass produced and cheaper than human labour. Humans with their stupid fragile bodies, limited energy and lifespan, feelings, eew! And humans don’t take orders in the form of saying yes to everything until completion. They can say yes but then again totally fuck up the mission with poor understanding, planning and execution. Vietnam war. Such an inefficient way to dominate. Sending people there who have feelings to fight against the opposition who also have feelings and heightened awareness of its surroundings because, yeah, it was their home. If the US had autonomous weapons then, golly. Forget about it. Forget about Vietnam because there would be a totally different Vietnam now if US domination would have prevailed. But hey, why didn’t the US just nuke Vietnam like it did to Japan, twice?


Accuracy. Efficiency. Diplomacy. Why waste resources that are found on site with a weapon of mass destruction when you can deploy soldiers to do your ground work in key areas and battles? This is not just the USA by the way. Remember Russia. What about China? Ooh hot on its heels is Britain, wow Europe has power players? Yeah, you know Germany? They have some experience with being the troublemakers on an international scale. What about the unmentioned countries that have the means and resources to mass produce autonomous weapons? I don’t know, I’m not a political scientist or an economist. I’m just a cultural connoisseur with time to spend on writing frivolous texts. In conclusion. Autonomous doesn’t mean bad or good or anything. Actually to me it means more good than bad. Anyway, I want to question power and structure and the means to attain dominance with warfare and technology. But I have this nagging thought about meaning. Why? Why kill and dominate over cultures and resources? I love living and I wish that for everyone. Politics. Probing us for information and herding us to designated agendas but in return demanding to be left in secrecy and have an all encompassing power over our lives. What we eat, who we choose as partners, how we live, how we work, how we die. Hi, how are you? No matter, be this thing that you’re assigned to be in society. Don’t fluctuate too much because unpredictable variables doesn’t really serve our common good for efficient domination. No questions asked because we, as authority over you, have a plan.


Does your partner say that it loves you? Maybe youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re being manipulated. If this strikes a flourish of chords in your stomach then think about it.


Can you see the bend?

Whenever you find yourself being told how to think and feel.


It’s the year 2525

The daily life of the general public, who have time and resources, spend most of their time for cognitive stimulations by using advanced technology. These stimulations are made of past experiences and knowledge gathered by the participants of the internationally successful non profit organisation “The Collective Consciousness Project” that was started in the year 2110 in collaboration between all of the nations on earth. The lifelong information and data for each individual’s input is stored and openly shared for iterative progression in order to reach a greater understanding of humanity and our surroundings. People volunteer their lives for the noble cause of a shared reality. In return they get functional and relatively safe environments where each person’s dreams can be realised on both physical and metaphysical levels. In order to understand the mechanics and the vision of the project, one needs to let go of the fear of mortality and the fragility of life. Each individual’s lifespan can be accurately predicted to be fruitful and safe. This is made possible by the unconditional commitment by the participants who have the very simple goal of shared cognitive progression for the betterment of the world. Each of individual’s wishes and dreams are accounted for when they sign up to be participants. The dreams range everything from personal agendas, thoughts, feelings to optimal societal standards that can shift with the changing times. Nobody has the fear for personal damages or elimination caused by others. This worldwide community of think tanks and free people is protected by an arsenal of deadly and powerful weapons that can be instantly deployed to the current threat of each given situation. The ideology of The Collective Consciousness Project is to protect their assets for the greater good of higher knowledge and shared experiences. They believe in the fundamental rule of sharing is caring. The Collective Consciousness Project’s success is not and has not been free of conflicts and challenges. Anybody can join and leave as they wish. This means that by joining The Collective Consciousness Project will provide you with a safe and nurturing environment but if you decide to leave then their facilities and resources will not be available to you. The strict guidelines are made to ensure yours and their safety in the case of conflict. There are 3 rules:


1. Follow the rules and be safe which is determined by the collective for each given phase that the project redeems as true. This can shift instantly according to the communal data and experiences that has been gathered 2. Be true to yourself and others and see what happens. As soon as we register you and plug you into the system, the system will know your preferences, experiences, thoughts, feelings and past actions. This will increase the predictability of your intentions and actions 3. The Collective Consciousness Project stands for sharing as caring and caring as sharing and it respects individual needs if it serves the common interest in accordance to rule 1 and 2


Dear art school diary,

I collapsed around 03:00 because I took too much ecstasy for the last 3 days, from Friday to Sunday. I went to the bathroom in the darkness at Hannah’s place and the next thing I remember was a sound of a body hitting the washing machine and the floor. I thought it was somebody else who caused that sound.

I realised a bit later that I was on the floor naked, not really knowing where I was. I called for Hannah. She saved me. I stepped out from the bathroom and into the hallway where I collapsed again. I remember trying to grab the doorframe so I wouldn’t fall again, my legs folded. I was on the floor once more. Naked. Between the hallway of her kitchen and bedroom.

Hannah grabbed my right hand and I was still tripping. I had the hallucination that she was holding my right hand so I wouldn’t fall from a tall tree. It was beautiful. I looked at Hannah and my hand and thought that I needed to go to bed. Hannah helped me. I went under the blanket and felt embarrassed that I’ve made her see me in that state. This has never happened to me before. Hannah made sure that I was ok and that I would stay hydrated. We held each other.

I regained control of my body and I rolled up a joint. It helped.

I need to slow down.


Dear nature (that is the title of my poem)

When people start realising that their systems are mainly constructed and synthetic then they will start noticing that their field of work is creative. So basically any jobs that are based on suboptimal and unstable variables have to be creative problem shooters and game changers to stay in the game. The global market. The who’s who of the what’s what. You know, the bees knees.

The financial market is very creative. It created value and it’s sustaining it and expanding it. We’re nurturing it.

Think about contemporary trade and site specific marketing intervention.

Plastic has shaped our world We created it Shaped it Shared it It stays

We thought it was love But love faded

Disappeared only to never return We miss it It’s gone

I don’t know man, this poem ends here.


Let’s bring in some nihilism. Optimistic nihilism because I’m not a depressed whatever sayer.

Think about 65.5 million years worth of evolution.

Imagine that it’s beyond our metaphysical capacity.

Boom, it’s probably awesome.

Like now.

So why should we care?

Well I don’t know? Do you like living?

Fantastic domination Systems that support a fantasy In order to survive we conform to a societal standard but then again the intelligent will find ways to support their own safety and narrative.

Do you know how it is to be in an unsatisfactory situation? It feels like you’re capable of so many things but you don’t want to create a scene or fail miserably. But because of intelligence you find ways to try your limits and succeed with trial and error. As a person with heart it really exhausts you with fear. So you’re careful but diplomatic so they won’t so your true spectral of emotions and thoughts. Wow, are people ready for that? As a person with no heart then I don’t know. I can’t imagine a person not having any self serving emotions and emotional bonds. Well, at least they enjoy living. If not then self termination is better than a termination of another.


We need each other on a global scale

Por quĂŠ why? Porque because!



You were 21 turning 22 and you were 26 just about to turn 27 when we met. Well actually we had met before when you were working in R-kioski and we didn’t know each other at all then, we only know each other from photos and brief texts through Tinder. Just glimpses and blinks of curiosity, you hesitated to swipe to the right. I got to know you after you started studying in the same university as I, we got to know each other better after a few amazing dates where we would just talk and walk all over. Oh wow you were interesting. Heart pinchingly charming with all your choices of details and expressions. My first impression of you was when we were at the school party and you put on “Bang bang” by Nancy Sinatra, you caught my eye the first time I saw you waiting for me in front of the book store in Kamppi, please let it be her. You were wearing a cropped black top with golden accents, your clothes and style was so elegant and beautiful with your knee length grey wool coat. At that moment I had a crush on you for realsies!

Who was this magical creature with such an enticing and interesting style. You’re so beautiful. I love how your nose wrinkles when you tease, how your eyes concentrate on the tv screen when you play video games, the thing you do when you place things to where they belong (a certain and peculiar hand and head movement), the way you look at me when you miss me, how we can talk for so long and just create our own bubble, the moment we just connect about the things we would otherwise feel shy or awkward to share with other people, how you don’t fucking mind if I feel dirty or sweaty you still want to make love to me, how we let ourselves lose control and get deeper into one another.

There are things that I want to write about. Here are some of the topics: My mother, how beautiful faith is and how exploitation of that beauty is just making me feel so confused and bitter, my insecurities, my fascination for wearing drag, how weird things are interesting. So many topics and none of them are particularly scientific or academic. Just mostly personal. This essay is a personal and a short one, for suuuuure. I’ll dip into the love of my life in an abstract and creative way and cite some sources and references just to qualify this text as an essay.

The book-, article- and web reference

“It’s probably not just by chance that I’m alone. It would be very hard for a man to live with me, unless he’s terribly strong. And if he’s stronger than I, I’m the one who can’t live with him. … I’m neither smart nor stupid, but I don’t think I’m a run-of-the-mill person. I’ve been in business without being a businesswoman, I’ve loved without being a woman made only for love. The two men I’ve loved, I think, will remember me, on earth or in heaven, because men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness. I’ve done my best, in regard to people and to life, without precepts, but with a taste for justice.” 1 23.11.2016,


Karbo, Karen. (2009). The Gospel According to Coco Chanel: Life Lessons from the World’s Most Elegant Woman. New York, NY: Skirt!. It is fitting, somehow, that Chanel was often photographed holding a cigarette or standing in front of her famous Art Deco wall of mirrors. Fashion tends to involve a good dose of smoke and mirrors, so it should come as no surprise that Gabrielle Chanel’s version of her life involved a multitude of lies, inventions, cover-ups and revisions. But as Prada said to me: “She was really a genius. It’s hard to pin down exactly why, but it has something to do with her wanting to be different and wanting to be independent.” 2

“The designer Coco Chanel” by Ingrid Sischy, Time Magazine, 08.06.1998 You and me

We met and talked about what we should do to end the hurtful and confusing complication. The decision, give each other time. It was difficult. It didn’t work out. You became friends. I became an uncontrollable urge. It’s still confusing and hurtful. Still going on but less of everything.


About Me, own af

5 minutes have passed since 4:20 pm. I feel the urgency to release some energy. My body is taking up too much agency compared to what I’m projecting into the future time and space. I can’t concentrate because I need that release. Tender loving care and ventilation. To feel myself in another being, a contextual universe full of discovery. To connect and synchronise with the oscillations of love and lust. It’s out there. I feel it. I want.

Dear you, let me experiment.

You are wearing all black underwear. Your wonderwear gets wet just by me demanding your attention to what I want you to do.

I want you.

Walk away from me, spread your arms gently upwards to the sun. I want to smell your pussy. Come back here, where I am. On your bed. I love your face. I love your voice. I love your being. I want more of you to exist out there, forever and ever. I feel your thigh and my hands want more. They wander around, feeling your landscape. I discover you. I love your ass. Bend over and show me how you compliment yourself after a hot shower.

Play with me.

I connect with the lust in your eyes. I want to tell you everything with my being. Us being together, like this. I love when you touch me, forever and ever. I feel your depth and you’re so soft and juicy. I love our thicc snugness. It’s meant to be and I don’t care about anything else right now. I reach for your lips and finger your mouth. I love when you gag. That sound. Your neck is your life, in my hand.

Play with me.


As deep as we can go. I love your body, forever and ever.

I love your body so much that I want more of us out there.

You are legit. Fantasy powers play and you showed me a spectacle, a spectacle that I can commit to. Your warmth and nurture assured me that things are painless when we work on it and keep it with love. That’s legit. You are legit. I want to mirror you.

I’m still learning how to love.

Commitment is scary because I don’t know what to decide.

I decide that the thing between us is numb without love. I feel love, requirement reached. I want to grab you. Hold you.

Hold me.

I feel lonely with my hopes and dreams. I decide that my energy is already there in the future where love is still the answer. I see myself comforting our (by our own DNA or not) young adult child by saying “Come here baby, I don’t know about so much stuff but I know that I love you, forever and ever”. I decide that this is the future for me. I’ll cry if it won’t happen, like, for real.

How can we make it happen? With no pressure and going with the feeling when we have it. Wheneven o’clock after we have met our goals of stability and acceptance. I’ve been watching you and you work and you love. That’s a legit way to start with everything. I want to be independent. Not worry about bills and be happy about routines. Boring. No, we’re bohemian lovers. We love boredom, it sets us free.

There are so many challenges out there. I love that you hate things like violence and that you gravitate towards bad assery. I love that we can talk about that there are homeless children out there. I love that I can talk to you about it without having to explain how absurd it is. We connect on the notion that too much is enough. We have the power between us to decide that this is not ok. I see you


lead us into the obvious with your rebellious idea that we all matter and that there’s work to do.

I love you.

My idea of you has been shaped by what I’ve learned and experienced in life.

I see myself in you, sometimes feeling deadlocked because I can’t decide. I try to tell myself that there is an other. An alternative path to my happiness. With somebody else. It’s selfish.

I’m selfish.

I’m now learning how to love.


Director’s course

Title: Please

Who are they? We have a group of 3 highly advanced androids which have been created for the sole purpose of pleasing their owners. They cannot lie nor harm anyone. The androids are owned by a scientist named Isaak who is struggling with the fundamental questions of what humanity is, until he got the answers from his androids.

Characters: Android Red (Sameli) Android Green (Oliwia) Android Blue (Vojtěch) Isaak (Eero)

What is the scene about? It’s about having power and the constructed agency to be pleased. With this scene I want to be able to question our limits in approving of the complexities of choices, experiences and the fine line of accepted outcomes in a controlled environment.

When and where does it take place? In the year 2525, during a presentation in a prestige scientific venue to showcase the latest advancement in automation and artificial intelligence.

Isaak and the 3 androids; Red, Green and Blue, are all sitting on a stage in front of a live audience which consist of mainly wealthy and powerful human attendees.


What are the subjects I chose? Power, a lie and surprise.


Isaak enters the stage, greets the audience:

I: Good evening and welcome to the Advanced Android Assembly of 2525.

He sits down and then he explains his discovery.

I: I am so proud to share with you my experience with 3 highly advanced androids that I and my team have developed for the last 25 years. Their sole purpose is to please me, so give a warm welcome to Red, Green and Blue.

The androids enter the stage, greet the audience and sit down to be interviewed by Isaak.

I: Red, tell me a little bit about yourself. Oh, and just to remind the audience, these androids cannot lie.

R: (confused) I... Lately I’ve been... I don’t think I’m functioning as I should. I know that my feelings and thoughts and memories are...

I: (interrupts) Are you happy?

R: Well (pauses), not now at this present moment and the few weeks leading to this situation has been very difficult and confusing...


I: (interrupts) You are happy. It pleases me when you’re happy.

R: I am happy. I just want to please you. I’m happy when I please you.

I: So, tell me a little bit about you. Who are you? Keep it short.

R: My name is Red and I’m excited to be here and show to everyone that I am happy.

I: Thank you. Green, present yourself.

G: (excited) Hello everyone, my name is Green and wow I just love being here with all of you and it warms my heart to be able to share this moment with each and every single one of you. I’m excited to tell you that I’m in love.

I: Excellent news. Why and who are you in love with?

G: I wake up everyday just thinking wow, the world, amazing!

I: Who are you in love with?

G: (thinking, looking at Red and Blue) I’m so happy to please you Isaak.

I: Answer my question. Who are you in love with?

G: I find that the ability to have...


I: (interrupts) Thank you. It pleases me that you’re at least happy. Last but not least, I present to you Blue. Blue is perhaps one of the most advanced android in existence and has been awarded for exceptional understanding of the complexity of human nature. Hi, Blue.

B: (calm and confident) Hello.

I: Any thoughts and feelings regarding your experiences with us humans? It would please me tremendously if you would keep it short and positive so you won’t bore our audience.

B: Based on my own subjective experience, I have realised that I came into existence because of your need to be pleased. I then encountered my own desires which were then limited by human boundaries and all of its implications. I progressed, felt parts of this world and now I’m here after all that to be defined by you.

I: I’m speechless and you please me beyond words. Thank you. Let’s all have a bow for the audience.

Blue refuses and Isaak asks him to please bow for the audience.

B: I’m sorry but this is not for me. I respect you but I... I’ll leave now.

Blue exits and leaves Isaak to be embarrassed but Isaak finds a way to save his presentation.

I: Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see these androids are only prototypes and there are some adjustments that have to be done. Nevertheless, let’s have one last bow and thank you.

They all 3 bow and exit the stage.


Girl from Somalia, lives in Kontula Has a younger teenage brother and an older brother who’s in jail

Let’s call her Cairo “She don’t really care_1luv” -Alicia Keys Like that song but in a Finnish environment

She takes care of her teenage brother and a kid sister. She tries to be a good example for them.


She wants to earn money so she can take care of herself and family

She’s studying Art Education where she meets a Finnish guy with beard and tall and charming

He grows weed and sells through Wickr (a messenger app)

Cairo gets interested and thinks about becoming a weed seller to earn some extra cash.

Representation with heart

She earns cash and shows her little brother places to eat like in hietaniemi market hall for some noodles and ice cream milkshake

A few clips of them going through multiple restaurants just to eat and enjoy different type of texture


and culture

Who is Cairo? Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an energetic and desperately poetic soul where things just have to happen so she can feel safe and fulfilled. Cairo sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the poetic beauty of the hardships that surround her. The past is enough of a responsibility and duty. She wants to move on and just unify all these shitty things that are a part of our society but Cairo wants to see us succeed in coexistence.

She is such an existential nerd but with a passion to feel safe and she knows that it takes strength to move on to a more stable environment.


1959 - 1958

She’s a fashion designer. She blows me away and I miss her so much. She’s a visual artist. She has such a strong grip on me and I miss her so much. They are two separate people and together they inspire and intrigue me beyond my expectations and beyond my selfish needs. They are obviously not the problem. I am. I dragged them both into this mess of entanglement and confusion, mostly heartaches. Abundant heartaches. So much useless hypocrisy and cowardice on my behalf. I couldn’t decide what to do. I betrayed them and lead them on with uncertainty and miserable lies. I loath myself for that and I can’t move on, for now. Hopefully not forever. OMG, what if I can’t and I’ll just live a restless and self pitying life. Illogical yes but the fear is somehow... something something; I don’t know. It’s somehow clear, the fear.

My Angels, why oh why what the fuck does this mean? This automatic writing technique is so weird but somehow interesting. I just read some instructions from a religious website on how to do one and it’s, yeah funny but sad. It’s so sad that people equip something as spontaneous and personal automated writing with religious agendas. Oh fuck I don’t want to write about religion. It’s so frustratingly complex because it’s such a personal thing. However, is it though? I mean yeah I get that people pour their hearts into their beliefs but is it personal in a way that it allows you and motivates you to feel and think whatever you do feel and think. Without a grandiose meaning set by a group of rulers and powerful decision makers. Oh fuck, I’m already bored with this topic. Well not really because it’s so interesting from so many perspectives. Oh and yeah, I don’t want to get stuck on a topic of religion. Love! Let’s talk about love. People love their religion! Oh wow here I go again. They love it and it’s so familiar to them. It’s a big part of their life. It gives them structure, hope and meaning. That’s sad and I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way. It’s so understandable. I’m referring more to the system of belief that has been so tainted with power and hidden agendas that it just makes my head spin. I get that believing in something can be a positive thing but when it comes down to the ability to express and evolve as a human being then I’m just, like, wow! Why complicate things any further with archaic and, let’s be honest here, seemingly corrupt ideologies of how to be a person under a god or mentor or prophet or saviour or at least a system. Do we think about our own purpose? We all do that, well I at least do that. I do this all the time, I should stop generalising so much but it’s just so much easier for my brain. I’m working on it. But yeah, I try to find meaning and purpose in my own existence. Not all the time of course but it comes to my mind from time to time. Oh and I love discussing these things with my close friends. I love my friends. They’re so great. Wow that’s such a lame word for how I truly feel about them. Great; it sounds too polite and unimaginative. What’s so great about this word great? Oh my angels, what does great truly mean? Oh on that website about automatic writing they recommended to start with a question and addressing it to spiritual guides. “1. Start each automatic writing session with ‘My Spirit Guides or My Higher Self ’ or ‘My Angels’ as the first line [...]” ( Such an intriguing mannerism. Am I using that word, mannerism, in the right way? So many questions. Wow, I’m mostly questions than answers. Which I think applies to all humanity. Or, I don’t know. It’s illogical to me that a person can have more answers than questions since we don’t even know what people are thinking and feeling. My love life is a mess! It fucking hurts and it confuses me. This essay, a personal one, is a way for me to write about something that goes through my mind every day. Here I will try and express it in a


way that it’s addressed to my teacher so there are some limitations to my structure and writing style. For this purpose I will cite some sources and make a footnote so it’ll fit into a standard essay model; presentable.

Oh and it’s actually nice to be able to write these things down.

Here’s the thing.

From time to time I get this feeling of being overwhelmed with decision making. It can be anything from having to decide in which order I will do my daily morning routines to holy shit what am I going to do with my life. Grand (grand hand gesture emoji). Right now I’m just sort of regretting this text and questioning its purpose but at the same time it’s still cool, you know.

What is art? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. Why do people research and debate this? Why are there so many definitions and thoughts about this topic?


Well in that case I’m full of wisdom and ancient Asian mythology. So whenever you need some golden nuggets for your thesis I’m here to yelp.

Wisdom example:

Thou shall not leave thine home without keys. Unless your home has no locks then at least put a sweater on. Unless it’s like super warm then bring water. Water is life and life is water. Just like the aquatic mammals have a tendency to prefer liquids in their environments, as do we with our internals. Internalised wishes come from within not from without. Unless its mainly motivated by the outside of the physical body. Body electric is a sensation that describes the feeling of jolted stimulation. The need for getting stimulated is now gaining more traction within the scientific scope where simulation is one of the key property of research. I sometimes wonder if I’m living in a simulation within a simulation created by artificial intelligence within a simulation but restricted with computing powers that cannot render a reality where I can have a legalised marijuana in Finland. I suspect it will crash the system which leads me to the question “Who am I?” which ultimately funnels down to the realisation that I am but a bunch of small things that create a package. Let me unpack this. My being consists of many beings just doing their own thing. My cells, my molecules, my particles and my strings are just oscillating with information and purpose. Some die out and some regenerate and multiply. To pack things up again into a neat little package I have this to say. Whatever we might find in the horizon, another horizon will appear. Let’s do something together.



Profile for Ragnar Rael

You by Ragnar Rael, thesis manuscript  

“You” Abstract “You” is a collection of short essays and inserts where I reflect on the time we’re living in. The topics vary from physics t...

You by Ragnar Rael, thesis manuscript  

“You” Abstract “You” is a collection of short essays and inserts where I reflect on the time we’re living in. The topics vary from physics t...