WHY YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TOLD ME “EVERYTHING”
Jane left John in the dust suddenly and according to John, she “talked a good game,” which I assume means that he thinks she played him. After reading half of this long email, I closed it. I was experiencing many conflicting emotions and I didn’t want to continue reading when I was flooded with so much new information. I asked myself why I wasn’t told by Jane or John, only to remind myself that what these two people choose to do together is none of my business. I asked myself if I minded the secrecy and then reminded myself that ignorance is bliss, especially since I don’t like being caught in he-said/she-said situations. I asked myself if I, as a woman, would mind an ex of mine contacting a middleman (or middlewoman) in the event that we broke up, and found that yes, I would definitely mind. I then read the entire email and went over more questions with myself, mostly revolving around the
ethics of secrets and the motivations of John’s email. John maintains that it was Jane who demanded the relationship be kept from me. In his email, he says that the reason he decided to tell me was because I should know and that he didn’t want to lie to me, and so on and so forth. I answered John’s email today and I sent Jane a message today. My response to John explained that while I felt that his heart was in the right place, it’s ultimately none of my business and that while I appreciate the transparency, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was trying to indirectly force Jane into speaking to him. If the latter is the reason (John may not even be aware as it could be a subconscious motivation), it’s nothing short of blackmail and manipulation. At least that’s how I would feel if I were Jane. Since I haven’t heard Jane’s version of how it all went down (I’m not actually sure I want to), I cannot say
where the “fault” should be placed, if anyone is at fault at all. I messaged Jane thus: “John sent me an email,” knowing she would know what that meant. She replied with: “He sent me a message saying he wanted to talk last week.” I don’t know who isn’t telling the truth, since John clearly stated in his email that he had called Jane and told her he was sending me this email. (It sounded like a threat to me when I read it.)
TAPED LIPS PHOTO © TODD PAGE
IT’S NOTHING SHORT OF BLACKMAIL AND MANIPULATION. AT LEAST THAT’S HOW I WOULD FEEL IF I WERE JANE
BELOW: PHOTO © TODD PAGE
NOVEMBER 2013
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