Goodbye, teachers; long live technology By Janae Brown
Pat Neudecker, superintendent of Oconomowoc School District and trendsetter, plans to lay off all the district’s teachers in the next five years. “Administration has agreed to replace teachers with video games in order save the district over $500,000 a year and garner some national attention,” Neudecker said. Apparently administration feels the teachers are not up to par, and that the video game called Quest Atlantis does a better job teaching the students. The kids seem to prefer it, too. Why sit in lecture when you can battle a beast of bad grammar in a virtual world? With the addition of video games, learning instantly becomes fun, engaging, a n d interon esting. Illustrati n w Bro by Janae G e t ting an A is now as easy as defeating the bad guy. Oconomowoc’s move from human to technology suggests that perhaps the teachers think kids living in the 21st century are technology depraved, or
that since they already spend hours every day on mobile devices, they might as well just go all day long with their noses stuck to screens. In fact, administration in Oconomowoc is looking into “mass-ordering Google Glass to bring video games even closer to the students’ brains,” Neudecker said. According to Psychology Today, a new study conducted by Max Planck Institute for Human Development and Charité University Medicine in Berlin has concluded that “video games physically expand the size of the brain and have been shown (in isolated cases) to bump up IQ,” Jürgen Gallinat, psychiatrist said. “These new developments are very exciting.” Since there have been no studies testing brain stimulation during boring lectures, Image provided by Brittanica Image Quest Oconomowoc teachers reaKids love video games (they’re obsessed) which is why they respond so well to virtual world learning. sonably concluded that video games teaching kids is “a way “adios” to teachers and acquir- optional, supplementary topics cially and mentally inept at life in to reshape education in powerful new ways,” according to the ing new and improved video like chemistry, English and math. general because of their absorpWhat all this really means tion in technology that the only Journal Sentinel’s special report games to teach kids everything on new directions in education. they ever needed to know, such is that this new fad started in way to pound messages into their Now schools all over the as “How to Survive in a Virtual Oconomowoc represents a fun- heads is through using said techcountry have been following World 101,” “Riding Out the damental truth about kids in nology- now that’s innovative. Oconomowoc’s lead, bidding Zombie Apocalypse,” and other America today: they are so so-
Illustration by Janae Brown
Five steps to ace AP exams
By Nicole Martin
With AP exams quickly approaching, it is time for Homestead’s intellectual body to kick it into high gear. Following these five steps to a five you will have no problem tackling the daunting tests that lie ahead.
1. Set up your study program at Starbucks.
Starbucks is the place to be during AP prep season. There is no better way to keep your body energized than many Starbucks breaks with friends. From all the calories in your skinny vanilla latte to the local Mequon Mom’s daily gossip, you’re sure to learn a ton. You and your friends will learn the meaning of life in the dark recesses of the coffee-infused building. And honestly, that is much more important than any course you should be studying for.
2. Determine your test readiness by sleeping on your books.
Nina Andersen, junior, sleeps on her books to help ingrain the information into her absorbent mind the night before an AP Exam.
Many people have heard the fable of osmosis: that you should sleep on your books to ingrain the knowledge into your brain even while you sleep! Just last month the AP board released test results proving this undervalued story to be true! Time to hit the sack and absorb all the juicy facts into your more than willing relaxed mind. Don’t worry about setting an alarm for the exam - sleep comes first. If you arrive an hour late to your AP Government exam, your teacher will understand and you will be at the top of your game to take the test in the last 30 minutes allotted.
3. Develop strategies for success through a relaxing massage at one of Reasons to Choose a Major Information complied by Katie Starsky
Which Homestead teacher are you most like? Take this HomesteadFeed quiz to find out! 1. Do you like Cornell notes? A. Yes B. Of course!! Who doesn’t?! C. Nah, what are Cornell notes? D. Sometimes
8. In a different life, what job would you have? A. Politician B. Auctioneer C. Comedian D. Author
2. What teaching method do you like? A. Walk and talks B. Note-taking C. When we talk about sports D. Open mic!
9. If you could be an animal what would you be? A. A bear, they’re strong and fierce B. A hedgehog, they’re so cute C. A cheetah, they’re the fastest land animal D. A butterfly, they’re so sweet
3. What’s your fashion style? A. Shirt and tie, keep it classy B. Dress pants and floral jacket C. Sweatpants and a sweatshirt, bum-it everyday D. Cute dress and boots 4. What’s your most prized possession? A. My coffee maker B. My tie-dye lab coat C. My new Nike-frees D. My skull leggings 5. You’re in a nightmare, what does it look like? A. I don’t have nightmares B. I spilled ethanol on a student’s desk C. I couldn’t run away from the werewolves fast enough D. All the furniture was taken out of my room 6. If you had something special, where would you hide it? A. I don’t know; everywhere I put it I would lose it B. In a beaker C. In my gym bag D. In the couch cushions 7. What do you do on the weekend? A. Football, all day everyday B. Blow things up C. Work out all the time D. Babysit
What major is the easiest to spell?
4. Develop the knowledge you need to score high by binge watching
What job requires the cutest attire?
What job will allow you to make the most amount of money with the minimal amount of effort? Which major has the greatest girl to guy ratio?
Illustration by Sarah Erpenbeck
Mostly A's: Mr. Ciurlik Your sarcasm gives you a satirical outlook on life in general. You host great study sessions that help others ace tests, and you have OCD tendencies towards chairs. Mostly B's: Mrs. Schultz Your absolute genuis makes you a slightly eccentric and creative individual that’s obsessed with chemisty moles and can always be counted on to bring food to brighten up flex time. Mostly C's: Mr. Claussen Your average decibal range is someone else’s yell. Your weakness is overworking yourself on weekends and always dressing too casually. Mostly D's: Mrs. Cicero Your personality is bright, cheerful and passionate. It’s the little things in life that make you happy, and you have delcared war on the monotony and uncomfort of school desks. Literature never ceases to amaze you.
Take more quizzes here!
http://www. buzzfeed.com/ quiz
the many spas in Mequon.
This is the most stressful time of the year in high schools across the country. Lucky for you, you live in a town that has five readily available spas at your disposal all within a five mile radius of each other (Neroli, Massage Envy, Erik of Norway, Tres Jolie, and Bella Lei). You know all you will ever know and there is no point breaking your back while leaning over a table looking at pointless math equations that will never help you in life.
Tips for choosing the right major By Sarah Erpenbeck
Throughout childhood, parents preach to their children that they can do whatever they set their minds to. Fortunately, thousands of college majors exist to ensure that each student can pursue his or her specific passion, whether it be crafting puppets or turf management. With so many highly applicable majors out there, it’s hard to weed out the duds and choose the best one. So here are some tips on choosing the right major: Mr. Todd Reineking, school counselor, suggests choosing a major you can confidently spell or a major that requires the least amount of work. Next and most importantly, consider which major will yield the most money because, after all, who cares if you actually enjoy your work. You’ll be rich; that’s all that matters. Completely let the thought of wealth override any interests, skills or quality of life factor into your decision. For females, the ultimate option is the ‘MRS degree,’ or majoring in finding a husband who will create a fortune for you,” Mrs. Jennifer Zortman, math teacher, suggested. Ally Sanfelippo, senior, agreed. “The easiest way to success is choosing a major that will lead you to a wealthy husband.”
Parents and teachers alike are continuously bombarding today’s youth to stop watching TV and to read more books so as to broaden our brains. However, this poorly misconceived notion must be put to rest before any serious damage is done to your mind. Therefore, you should tune into the newest season of “Breaking Bad” or “Pretty Little Liars” on Netflix to ensure that you are well prepared for your exam. After all, the life skills found in these shows alone appear all over the AP cirriculum.
5. Build your test-taking confidence while at the next big party.
Confidence is key when taking any AP exam. It is time to liven up those study sessions with a pounding bass. What better way to build confidence than downing countless juices boxes with the pros? If you have enough confidence to party with the best of them then you will have no problem remaining chill during the test.
Photos by Nicole Martin
Binge watching Gossip Girl on Netflix helps to prepare students AP Exams.
Homestead student drinks a passion iced -tealemonade from Starbucks while preparing for Homestead’s AP Launch.
@HomesteadTeacher: Teachers read tweets about themselves Jimmy Kimmel, a well-known comedian, conducts a segment on his show entitled "Celebrities Read Mean Tweets about Themselves," where celebrities read negative tweets others have posted about them. For The Artichoke, the Highlander Publications staff has decided to reciprocate this to teachers at Homestead. The following are a few of the tweets mentioned in the video, and there is also a QR code available to watch the video of teachers reading the sample tweets. @homesteadteachers
Mr. Fugate, if my unlimited wants can’t be satisfied, how will I ever be happy? #scarcity
Sra. Caldwell, the last thing I want to do at 7:25 in the morning is sing Shakira #HipsDontLie
Do you think Mrs. Weitekamp will go out with me? #stilldreaming @homesteadteachers
Wait is that Boo Radley or Mr. Daigle #maninthecorner #celebritylookalike?
Mrs. Schultz is really good at chemistry, I wonder what her story is #breakingbad? @homesteadteachers
Is it possible for Mr. Millard to stay on task for more than five minutes? #mostdistracted
OB- do you ever stop yelling or is that just the way you talk?” #justformen #SOB
Mr. Ciurlik, is your tongue firmly planted in your cheek? #pitterpatter
Watch the video! https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=4QOkjBYfL7U&fea ture=youtu.be
Satirical Issue of Homestead High School, Mequon, Wisconsin