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HIGH SCHOOL EDITION

the VOLUME 33, NUMBER 5

ARTICHOKE

HOMESTEAD’S FINEST NEWS SOURCE

MAY 2, 2014

Community uses Tip 411 line to save the city Thanks to the reliable tipline, the Mequon Police Department can bust sure-to-be scandalous activities, such as this covert study session in the IMC.

Photo by Brittany Emond By Brittany Emond

What’s Inside

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“Young Life” having a meeting. “What’s next?” Jerome Wilder, freshman, asked, “busted parties at the Weyenberg Library or the Thiensville Park?” The answer lies in the hands of everyone with the ability and willingness to text the tip line. Let the witch-trials begin. Speculations as to whodunnit have gone to new extremes. Friendships have been lost, enemies have been made and hell has broken loose. Sherry Holmes, senior and self-proclaimed tip line investigator, thoroughly examines all possible subjects on an hourly basis. “First I thought it was Lucy. But then I thought about it and realized it can’t be Lucy because she didn’t even know about the first party. So then I thought it was Nick, but he was at one of the parties the cops came to, so it couldn’t be him either. I heard it was a junior guy, but I’m not positive yet,” Holmes said. This behavior is not atypical. The question “who is the tipper?” is frequently brought up in everyday conversation, used in place of “what do you think of the weather?” or “what’s up?” In fact, Luke McAllister, senior, uses the line to avoid awkward conversations. “It doesn’t matter if I’m friends with the person or not, I know for sure he or she will have something to say when it comes to the tipline,” McAllister said. Some people in the community think the ability to tip in the rumored parties or illegal activity has become a responsibility, or a way to make themselves feel important. “My daughter Bailey told me about her best friend from fourth

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Bieber fans stay devoted

grade having a party and not inviting her, and I felt it was my duty to have the police break it up -- whether there was drinking or not,” Mrs. Nancy Northshore, Mequon mom, said. Her close friend and fellow Mequon mom, Mrs. Annette Chatalot, agreed. “I’d rather the kids be doing nothing on the weekend, just like me almost all the time.” Other people are targeted for simple things, such as having cars in their driveway. “I threw a birthday party for my 7-year-old son and had some balloons attached to the mailbox. The neighbors saw that and the cars and immediately assumed it was my 16-year-old daughter throwing an underage drinking party,” Mrs. Christina Parker, parent, said. Rebellious students who continue to rage despite the risk have used the tip line in other ways. “If I’m ever at a party that’s getting busted, you better believe I’m tipping in 10 other addresses I know off the top of my head to divert the cops away from my rager,” Faith Whittle, senior, said. With this behavior, it’s no wonder that the first house the cops arrive at typically has seven municipalities of backup to make sure they have every house, even the empty ones, covered. For future precautions, everyone should become a tipper. Without large get-togethers such as the Paranormal Activity movie night, the eighth grade basketball team party or the Young Life youth group meeting, we will be free of the horrible crimes plaguing the city, namely socializing or having any sort of contact with other people.

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How to pick a major

Are there more than 2 cars in the driveway? No

Yes

Are the curtains closed? No

Yes

No

Yes

Were you invited?

Are there lights on?

Can you hear sounds when you press your ear to a window?

No Yes

No Is it at that annoying girl in your marketing class’s house? No

Have you seen any Snapchat stories with music on in the background? No Yes

Yes

You weren’t invited?! Do it because you That’s not fair! Nobody don’t like her. can do anything without you! Better call it in before you miss out on something huge!

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Hot new spring break spot: Mequon

Yes

There’s nothing going on in Mequon anyways, might as well make it interesting.

It’s a rager

No blurred lines on this one, this is a full out banger.

8

{

Due to the recent usage of the Tip 411 Line, it’s not surprising anymore that a lot of Homestead’s student population can name more than three cops who work for the Mequon Police Department. A huge thank you goes out to the Tip 411 line, that has helped the police fight unspeakable crimes and protect Mequon from its true criminals. On March 7, the Mequon police received a tip and arrived at a house expecting underage drinking, only to find out that 10 high school juniors were spending their Saturday night watching Paranormal Activity in a basement. “The screaming was a little out of hand, but I didn’t know we were getting so rowdy until the police came. I’m glad someone tipped it in and stopped us from getting too out of control,” Carrie McAdams, junior, said. Fortunately, another promising tip came in on March 15. The raging drinking party the police were expecting according to the tip, was in reality just an eighth grade girls basketball team celebration. Soda was the only drink being passed around at this event. The Mequon PD hit the jackpot when another tip came in on March 17, keeping the police busy with more potential paperwork for the likely citations about to be given. However, this bust was unsuccessful -- similar to the last -- as the police only found that the 30 teenagers supposedly celebrating St. Patrick’s Day by chugging Irish Guinness, taking shots of Jameson and dancing on tables were really just members of the non-denominational youth group

Bodybuilding: A new religion


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news

Heartmelting Handcuffs: Bieber fan still in love

Ben Gust, junior

from Canada. Send it back.

Photo by Sydney Benson

Becky Lawlor, senior

a ticking time bomb.

Photo by Sydney Benson

Jordan Kolsky, freshman

Photo by Sydney Benson

Adam Stadler, senior

“ “ a great role model.

Photo by Madeline Boulier

briety test on a foot injury.... is that One Less Lonely Girl offer still up? When the cop searched Bieber for weapons after pulling him over, Bieber asked, “What the f*** did I do? I don’t have any f****** weapons.” YOU TELL HIM, SWEETIE! WAY TO TAKE A STAND! Other critics claim that Bieber’s “posse” holds a strong influence upon his recent actions. All I can say is that I can’t wait for Lil Twist to third wheel my honeymoon with Justin. And Perez Hilton can stuff it. Baggy pants and flat tops clearly too large for your head are hawt. Justin, baby, I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through recently. I understand you. I love you.

Although Justin Bieber’s name has not left the news due to his recent behavior, his place in several fans’ heart has. But not mine. Okay, so the kid was driving 55-60 mph in a 30 mph zone. We all speed! And all right, he had a little alcohol, marijuana and Xanex in his system while driving. He’s so talented, though. Like, it’s okay. Let me know when you have the complexity and pure artistic ability to write and sing “Baby” in front of millions of people. I still can’t expand my audience past my steering wheel. Cut the heart-throb some slack. Besides that, it is clear that he has handled the situation as best as possible. Making condescending remarks to cops, acting like an idiot in your deposition hearing video and blaming your failed so-

Photo by Sydney Benson By Sydney Benson

Word on the street: Justin Bieber is...

just another guy with a criminal record.

Students take measures to protect their fragile health By Kate Daniels

Within the halls of Homestead an epidemic runs rampant: students are continuously leaving school due to indiscriminate illnesses. At any given time of day you can find several students in the attendance office receiving that glorious blue pass out of class. But why are so many students leaving? “As soon as I walk into the doors of Homestead I seem to come down with an unexplainable sickness. I get bored, tired and nauseous, so I just go home” Sophie Bradshaw, junior, said. These same symptoms resonate with Georgeanna Joubert, sophomore: “By lunch time I’ve reached peak exhaustion, so I decide that my health is much

more important than Biology” said Joubert. These obscure illnesses seem to plague all grades but more prominently upperclassmen. As the year goes on, personal days among seniors become more common. In order to stay healthy and well rested, students conjure up illnesses to go home and catch up on sleep as well as that week’s reality television. “I find personal days to be necessary. The last thing I need is to be overtired or catch a cold right before the weekend” Logan Scarpace, senior, said.No matter the conditions, all students seem to have an unwavering necessity to skip out on class because, of course, health comes first.

Photo by Kate Daniels

Danny Coran, senior, gathers his remaining strength to send a text during one of his routine visits to the nurse’s office.

Do it for the By Rachel Novak

An epidemic, defined by Google, is ”a widespread occurrence of an infectious disease in a community at a particular time.” The world has never seen an epidemic as bad as Vine. It is attacking America’s children first because the sickness knows that

children are the most vulnerable to this kind of technological illness. It is spreading from the west coast to the east coast. Teenagers 13 to 18, obsessed with Vine, the cutesy neverending cat videos, the hilarious Smack Cam, even Nash Grier

Photo by Emma Wade

Local mom leaves loving note in 15-year-old’s lunch By Emma Wade

MEQUON, WI - Michael Schears, sophomore, groans as he opens his lunch box to yet another note from his mom, reading, “Hey, honey! I hope you’re having a great day! Don’t forget to eat your whole lunch! Love you! Mom.” He looks closer as he notices a little heart drawn next to the message. He pulls out the rest of his lunch, which includes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts cut off, a key lime pie-flavored Yoplait, string cheese and a Sunny-D juice box. Schears’ friends snicker as he hurriedly puts his made-with-love lunch back into his backpack. “He just pulled out the note and his face went bright red, then we all just died laughing,” Zach Beale, sophomore, said after school the day of the incident. “It was literally the lunch of a sixth grader. Throwback?” Emma Contardi, freshman, said. Schears later shared that he threw away the lunch with the note inside as soon as possible and bought a bacon burger to win back his manliness. with his strange facial expressions can’t be stopped. Beginning in 2011, teenagers became addicted, they’re so consumed by the disease that they do not even realize that they are victims. In order to prevent the spread, you should go outside your neighborhood supermarket and bring huge, distinct signs to protest the spread of this ravenous disease. Target the “Vine famous” teenagers at your local high school by teasing them

1 in 30 students at Homestead receive notes from parents in their lunch. 1 in 10 students that receive notes from parents embrace them and show them off to their friends 90% of Mequon parents reported that they would like to leave a note for their highschooler. 100% of those parents said their child would not be happy with them if they left a note for him or her. 20% of those parents don’t care what their children think and leave notes anyway.

and throwing rotten tomatoes at them. Ensure that everyone gets the message that you believe Vine is an evil force that needs to be stopped. Organize and participate in huge events that consist only of sitting around your kitchen table typing strongly worded letters to anyone and everyone who will listen. First, write them to the creators of Vine. When they don’t respond, email your nearest Apple store employees and force them

to listen to you. Threats always work the best, you will need to dig into the employees’ pasts and find some dirt to blackmail them with. Make sure that all of these emails are written in Comic Sans so that they know you mean business. Epidemics generally only last a few months, but the Vine epidemic seems to be lasting normal than usual. Last but not least, to survive this ferocious disease, form a prayer circle to pray for a cure.


Student Opinion

Our View: Editorial

Homestead creates new club for the non-diverse

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Photo Contest Where’s your favorite place to read The Highlander?

By Mike McCann

Many students at Homestead reap the benefits of joining an after school club, but unfortunately not everyone fits the criteria set by “A Taste of Judaism” and “The Asian Culture Club.” Luckily, there now is another option for Homestead’s less “exotic” crowd. The League of Rambunctious Conservative Christian Gentleman, or the LRCCG, is the newest organization to grace Homestead’s walls and has already started making waves. “Essentially, we’re a country club, within a nightclub, within a classroom,” said Borja Morales, executive chair of recruiting. Despite being invite-only and rumors of extreme and rather shady initiation practices, the club managed to pull in 10-percent of Homestead’s local male population within its first two weeks. However, only just over half of those remained after going through what has been dubbed, “hell week.” Connor McCormick, sophomore was forced to hold a tee between his teeth and was told he couldn’t leave until a hole in one was made or until he didn’t have enough teeth to do the job. “Kid didn’t have what it takes,” said Morales, adjusting his don.

Another student, Brenton Klimkosky, senior had to hot glue RayBans to his head and ingest nothing but stale saltines and severely aged milk for sustenance. “That was just too far for my taste,” Klimkosky said, and that’s really saying something. The club’s mission statement reads “To promote the heritage and lifestyle of the All-American man,” which must translate into playing fantasy baseball and comparing girls and your father’s net worths. Needless to say, the new organization has stirred up some controversy and has already warranted some complaints. One student, who wished to remain anonymous, admitted to being shut down “pretty hard” by the club. “I asked one of the members if I could join, but he just snatched my Arnold Palmer, shotgunned it, then called me a NARP,” (non affiliated regular person). Members of the club denied such allegations, stating “the peasants will always try to bring you down.” Senior overseer Jack Wegmann added these inviting words, “If you have an affinity for high-stake cockfighting, getting rowdy and rocking boat shoes on dry land, this club is where you want to be.” Love them or hate them, these gentlemen are your future bosses.

Homestead High School 5000 W. Mequon Road Mequon, Wisconsin 53092 The Highlander’s editorial policy is to present facts and opinions in a fair and honest manner on issues pertaining to students at Homestead. We uphold the right to speak unpopular opinions and the privilege to agree with the majority. Letters to The Highlander are encouraged; however, we reserve the right to edit for length and grammatical errors. In addition, letters must be signed, but names will be withheld upon request. Any student who wishes to express his opinion through The Highlander should drop off the letter in room 506.

Second Place, $25 Bayshore gift card (top): Wille Gross, freshman, casually

checks out The Highlander while hiking in Arches National Park.

Third Place, $25 Bayshore gift card First Place, $50 Bayshore gift card (top): Principal (bottom): Chase Gabriel, junior, Tucker

Alli Rudich and Head Caretaker Nikki Robson read Gabriel, freshman, Lief Erlandson, freshThe Highlander at Donges Bay Elementary School. man and Charlie Robbins, sophomore, enjoy The Highlander while kayaking on Santa Rosa Beach.

The Staff Adviser Editor-in-Chief Copyeditors Layout and Design Editors Reporters and Photographers

Mrs. Rachel Rauch Katie Bandurski Maddie Fricker, Emma Wade Katie Bandurski, Janae Brown, Sarah Erpenbeck, Molly Riebau Kelly Allen, Sydney Benson, Madeline Boulier, Janae Brown, Kate Daniels, Beth Emery, Brittany Emond, Sarah Erpenbeck, Nia Feaster, Maddie Fricker, Gaby Geiger, Aaron Glazer, John Happ, Carly Kleiman, Blake Leeson, Nicole Martin, Rachel Novak, Molly Riebau, Katie Starsky, Allie Stendler, Alex Talyansky, Emma Wade

2014 NSPA Best of Show 2013 All-KEMPA Award 2013 NSPA Best of Show 2013 WNA Second Award in Overall Excellence 2012 WNA First Award in Overall Excellence 2012 KEMPA First Place Award Visit us online for back issues of The Highlander at https://sites.google. com/a/mtsd.k12.wi.us/homesteadpublications/

American Litho Printing 530 N. 22nd Street Milwaukee WI 53233 (414)-342-5050


Student Opinion

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Student Opinion

Goodbye, teachers; long live technology By Janae Brown

Pat Neudecker, superintendent of Oconomowoc School District and trendsetter, plans to lay off all the district’s teachers in the next five years. “Administration has agreed to replace teachers with video games in order save the district over $500,000 a year and garner some national attention,” Neudecker said. Apparently administration feels the teachers are not up to par, and that the video game called Quest Atlantis does a better job teaching the students. The kids seem to prefer it, too. Why sit in lecture when you can battle a beast of bad grammar in a virtual world? With the addition of video games, learning instantly becomes fun, engaging, a n d interon esting. Illustrati n w Bro by Janae G e t ting an A is now as easy as defeating the bad guy. Oconomowoc’s move from human to technology suggests that perhaps the teachers think kids living in the 21st century are technology depraved, or

that since they already spend hours every day on mobile devices, they might as well just go all day long with their noses stuck to screens. In fact, administration in Oconomowoc is looking into “mass-ordering Google Glass to bring video games even closer to the students’ brains,” Neudecker said. According to Psychology Today, a new study conducted by Max Planck Institute for Human Development and Charité University Medicine in Berlin has concluded that “video games physically expand the size of the brain and have been shown (in isolated cases) to bump up IQ,” Jürgen Gallinat, psychiatrist said. “These new developments are very exciting.” Since there have been no studies testing brain stimulation during boring lectures, Image provided by Brittanica Image Quest Oconomowoc teachers reaKids love video games (they’re obsessed) which is why they respond so well to virtual world learning. sonably concluded that video games teaching kids is “a way “adios” to teachers and acquir- optional, supplementary topics cially and mentally inept at life in to reshape education in powerful new ways,” according to the ing new and improved video like chemistry, English and math. general because of their absorpWhat all this really means tion in technology that the only Journal Sentinel’s special report games to teach kids everything on new directions in education. they ever needed to know, such is that this new fad started in way to pound messages into their Now schools all over the as “How to Survive in a Virtual Oconomowoc represents a fun- heads is through using said techcountry have been following World 101,” “Riding Out the damental truth about kids in nology- now that’s innovative. Oconomowoc’s lead, bidding Zombie Apocalypse,” and other America today: they are so so-

Illustration by Janae Brown

Five steps to ace AP exams

By Nicole Martin

With AP exams quickly approaching, it is time for Homestead’s intellectual body to kick it into high gear. Following these five steps to a five you will have no problem tackling the daunting tests that lie ahead.

1. Set up your study program at Starbucks.

Starbucks is the place to be during AP prep season. There is no better way to keep your body energized than many Starbucks breaks with friends. From all the calories in your skinny vanilla latte to the local Mequon Mom’s daily gossip, you’re sure to learn a ton. You and your friends will learn the meaning of life in the dark recesses of the coffee-infused building. And honestly, that is much more important than any course you should be studying for.

2. Determine your test readiness by sleeping on your books.

Nina Andersen, junior, sleeps on her books to help ingrain the information into her absorbent mind the night before an AP Exam.

Many people have heard the fable of osmosis: that you should sleep on your books to ingrain the knowledge into your brain even while you sleep! Just last month the AP board released test results proving this undervalued story to be true! Time to hit the sack and absorb all the juicy facts into your more than willing relaxed mind. Don’t worry about setting an alarm for the exam - sleep comes first. If you arrive an hour late to your AP Government exam, your teacher will understand and you will be at the top of your game to take the test in the last 30 minutes allotted.

3. Develop strategies for success through a relaxing massage at one of Reasons to Choose a Major Information complied by Katie Starsky

Which Homestead teacher are you most like? Take this HomesteadFeed quiz to find out! 1. Do you like Cornell notes? A. Yes B. Of course!! Who doesn’t?! C. Nah, what are Cornell notes? D. Sometimes

8. In a different life, what job would you have? A. Politician B. Auctioneer C. Comedian D. Author

2. What teaching method do you like? A. Walk and talks B. Note-taking C. When we talk about sports D. Open mic!

9. If you could be an animal what would you be? A. A bear, they’re strong and fierce B. A hedgehog, they’re so cute C. A cheetah, they’re the fastest land animal D. A butterfly, they’re so sweet

3. What’s your fashion style? A. Shirt and tie, keep it classy B. Dress pants and floral jacket C. Sweatpants and a sweatshirt, bum-it everyday D. Cute dress and boots 4. What’s your most prized possession? A. My coffee maker B. My tie-dye lab coat C. My new Nike-frees D. My skull leggings 5. You’re in a nightmare, what does it look like? A. I don’t have nightmares B. I spilled ethanol on a student’s desk C. I couldn’t run away from the werewolves fast enough D. All the furniture was taken out of my room 6. If you had something special, where would you hide it? A. I don’t know; everywhere I put it I would lose it B. In a beaker C. In my gym bag D. In the couch cushions 7. What do you do on the weekend? A. Football, all day everyday B. Blow things up C. Work out all the time D. Babysit

What major is the easiest to spell?

4. Develop the knowledge you need to score high by binge watching

What job requires the cutest attire?

on Netflix.

What job will allow you to make the most amount of money with the minimal amount of effort? Which major has the greatest girl to guy ratio?

Illustration by Sarah Erpenbeck

Mostly A's: Mr. Ciurlik Your sarcasm gives you a satirical outlook on life in general. You host great study sessions that help others ace tests, and you have OCD tendencies towards chairs. Mostly B's: Mrs. Schultz Your absolute genuis makes you a slightly eccentric and creative individual that’s obsessed with chemisty moles and can always be counted on to bring food to brighten up flex time. Mostly C's: Mr. Claussen Your average decibal range is someone else’s yell. Your weakness is overworking yourself on weekends and always dressing too casually. Mostly D's: Mrs. Cicero Your personality is bright, cheerful and passionate. It’s the little things in life that make you happy, and you have delcared war on the monotony and uncomfort of school desks. Literature never ceases to amaze you.

BuzzFeed

Quizzes

Take more quizzes here!

http://www. buzzfeed.com/ quiz

the many spas in Mequon.

This is the most stressful time of the year in high schools across the country. Lucky for you, you live in a town that has five readily available spas at your disposal all within a five mile radius of each other (Neroli, Massage Envy, Erik of Norway, Tres Jolie, and Bella Lei). You know all you will ever know and there is no point breaking your back while leaning over a table looking at pointless math equations that will never help you in life.

Tips for choosing the right major By Sarah Erpenbeck

Throughout childhood, parents preach to their children that they can do whatever they set their minds to. Fortunately, thousands of college majors exist to ensure that each student can pursue his or her specific passion, whether it be crafting puppets or turf management. With so many highly applicable majors out there, it’s hard to weed out the duds and choose the best one. So here are some tips on choosing the right major: Mr. Todd Reineking, school counselor, suggests choosing a major you can confidently spell or a major that requires the least amount of work. Next and most importantly, consider which major will yield the most money because, after all, who cares if you actually enjoy your work. You’ll be rich; that’s all that matters. Completely let the thought of wealth override any interests, skills or quality of life factor into your decision. For females, the ultimate option is the ‘MRS degree,’ or majoring in finding a husband who will create a fortune for you,” Mrs. Jennifer Zortman, math teacher, suggested. Ally Sanfelippo, senior, agreed. “The easiest way to success is choosing a major that will lead you to a wealthy husband.”

Parents and teachers alike are continuously bombarding today’s youth to stop watching TV and to read more books so as to broaden our brains. However, this poorly misconceived notion must be put to rest before any serious damage is done to your mind. Therefore, you should tune into the newest season of “Breaking Bad” or “Pretty Little Liars” on Netflix to ensure that you are well prepared for your exam. After all, the life skills found in these shows alone appear all over the AP cirriculum.

5. Build your test-taking confidence while at the next big party.

Confidence is key when taking any AP exam. It is time to liven up those study sessions with a pounding bass. What better way to build confidence than downing countless juices boxes with the pros? If you have enough confidence to party with the best of them then you will have no problem remaining chill during the test.

Photos by Nicole Martin

Binge watching Gossip Girl on Netflix helps to prepare students AP Exams.

Homestead student drinks a passion iced -tealemonade from Starbucks while preparing for Homestead’s AP Launch.

@HomesteadTeacher: Teachers read tweets about themselves Jimmy Kimmel, a well-known comedian, conducts a segment on his show entitled "Celebrities Read Mean Tweets about Themselves," where celebrities read negative tweets others have posted about them. For The Artichoke, the Highlander Publications staff has decided to reciprocate this to teachers at Homestead. The following are a few of the tweets mentioned in the video, and there is also a QR code available to watch the video of teachers reading the sample tweets. @homesteadteachers

Mr. Fugate, if my unlimited wants can’t be satisfied, how will I ever be happy? #scarcity

@homesteadteachers

Sra. Caldwell, the last thing I want to do at 7:25 in the morning is sing Shakira #HipsDontLie

@homesteadteachers

Do you think Mrs. Weitekamp will go out with me? #stilldreaming @homesteadteachers

Wait is that Boo Radley or Mr. Daigle #maninthecorner #celebritylookalike?

@homesteadteachers

Mrs. Schultz is really good at chemistry, I wonder what her story is #breakingbad? @homesteadteachers

Is it possible for Mr. Millard to stay on task for more than five minutes? #mostdistracted

@homesteadteachers

OB- do you ever stop yelling or is that just the way you talk?” #justformen #SOB

@homesteadteachers

Mr. Ciurlik, is your tongue firmly planted in your cheek? #pitterpatter

Watch the video! https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=4QOkjBYfL7U&fea ture=youtu.be


Student Opinion

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Hot new spring break spot: Mequon

By Alex Talyansky

Sitting home during spring break, Connor Newell, senior, lets the water in his bathtub flow as he submerges himself in the waters of relaxation and switches on his heat lamp, creating a tranquil ambience for his Mequon staycation.

Though most people probably think otherwise, the bustling and cultural city of Mequon holds many tropical destinations amidst its sub-zero degree climate. So why travel any further than Mequon Road when all your vacation needs exist right in the 53092? Our first destination is Darkside Tanning. Too embarrassed that you didn’t go anywhere luxurious and tropical? That’s okay! You can fake bake yourself until everyone believes you’ve spent a week in the Bahamas. Next on the long drive out to Donges Bay Road you can visit the damp warehouse that is Libby Montana’s. What’s a tropical vacation without feeling the sand between your

toes? Take a step into the cold, wet sand. Grab yourself a chilled glass of lemonade, and play a game of volleyball with a bunch of people you don’t know. Nothing says vacation like making friends with complete strangers you know nothing about while pretending the damp sand is really a beach in Florida. I’m sure by now you’ve worked up quite the appetite, so for your final destination you can take a trip to the exotic Highland House. On a diet? Who cares? You’re on vacation. Take in the smell of the frying oil that fills the entire restaurant. Let all the beautiful twinkling lights and plastic palm trees sink in; it’s just like being in Hawaii, except fake. From the fish on the wall to the pictures of other people’s adventurous vacations you might as well have been on vacation for a week when you’re done with your day. Unfortunately you’re tropical Mequon vacation has come to an end. Now what to do with the other six days…

Photo by Alex Talyansky

Fake-baking in a tanning bed at Darkside Tanning proides students with a I--went-on-Spring-Break glow.

What would your ideal vacation be?

If you answered mostly

a. Being surrounded by tall buildings and busy streets b. Lying in the sun and doing absolutely nothing c. Skiing and snowboarding d. Exploring museums and old palaces

your ideal vacation spot would be New York!

What do you like to read?

a. Celebrity entertainment magazines b. Swimsuit catalogue c. Wilderness and nature books d. Fashion magazines

a b

If you answered mostly

your ideal vacation spot would be the Caribbean!

What would be your ideal high school class? a. Architecture b. Oceanography c. Physics d. Fashion design

If you answered mostly your ideal vacation spot would be Colorado!

Whats your favorite color? a. red b. blue c. green d. purple

If you answered mostly

If you could have a superpower it would be…

your ideal vacation spot would be Europe!

a. Mind reader b. Breathe under water c. Fly d. Go back in time

c

d

Images from Britannica ImageQuest

THE FAT STATS

1 in 3

Wisconsin third graders are overweight or obese

- Healthy Smiles/Healthy Growth

of Wisconsin High Schoolers are obese - F as in Fat

15

10.4%

Wisconsin’s obesity ranking in the United States

- F as in Fat

Illustrations by Molly Riebau

Thank you, Homestead By Gaby Geiger

Thank you, sophomores For taking all of the prom dates. Thank you, Vicki For brightening everyone’s mornings in the parking lot. Thank you, hand dryers For doing the only thing you were made to do so well. Thank you, WiFi For randomly not working in the middle of taking notes in Mr. Ciurlik’s American Studies class. Thank you, Homestead budget For allowing us to have the heat on at all times during negative degree weather.

GYM Act: 30 minutes a day to keep the flubber away

Thank you, toilet paper For giving us something to blow our noses with.

By molly riebau

Thank you, band members For being so shy about your trip to Ireland.

With the obesity rate in Wisconsin jumping 30 percent in the past five years, lawmakers begin to deal with the large issue. How can we eliminate the flubber? Easy. Mandate 30-minute exercise periods with the Get Youth Moving Act (GYM Act). While 30 minutes should suffice, Mrs. Janet Kimberly, elementary school gym teacher, suggested, “ Put the kids on scooters. Kids love scooters.” Breaking fingers or breaking a sweat? Gym class scooters prove a favorite activity that can burn 50

calories in 30 minutes. That’s enough to burn off a quarter of that fattening cupcake Jimmy brought for birthday treat. Studies show that that 70 percent of overweight adolescents remain overweight as adults. Mr. Chris Herber lives that statistic. Mr. Herber said, “I’ve always been overweight. If they would have instituted the GYM Act while I was in school I might be 325 instead of 350 today.” We can all thank the Rep. Chad Weininger (RGreen Bay) for this life-saving legislation.

Thank you, printed leggings For being oh so fashionable. Thank you, people who subtweet For being so discreet about it, because no one knows who you’re talking about! Thank you, freshmen For making everyone else feel superior.


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Student Opinion

The ‘Divergent’ Games By Maddie Fricker

Illustrations by Molly Riebau

Because every snowflake in nature is unique, Disney created a program to generate over 2,000 different snowflakes.

Let it go:

Frozen wins the hearts of all ages

By Madeline Boulier

If you haven’t heard about Frozen, the most recent Disney release, then you’ve been living under a rock. Perhaps the reason for its success in Mequon is that we too live in an icy tundra, impermeable by spring or summer. Or by chance, the reason for its national success is its ability to appeal to all audiences. Whether it’s the home-ridden housewife, the muscle car-driving man, or the Blues Clues watching baby, Frozen makes everyone want to belt out a musical number. Nevertheless, Homestead students have been flocking to Marcus to watch the highly anticipated, animated movie. With more drama than Twilight, this film follows Anna, joined with sidekicks Kristoff and Olaf, “encountering Everest-like conditions” in an attempt to find and reverse the disaster Anna’s sister, Elsa, created (IMDb). A loose rendition of Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Snow Queen, ” Frozen differs from the old fairy tale in regard to the “unconventional characters” and “sing along songs,” according to The New York Times and Rotten Tomatoes. Maggie Lyberth, avid moviegoer, proclaimed, “except for, like, one or two details nothing was really new, new. Like, there’s always that one crotchety old man out for world domination, what was his name in this? Duke Wesealtown? Whatever. And then at the end everything becomes unfrozen, like big surprise there.” Hannah Smithies, former Disney fanatic, had a completely different outlook. “I personally find it really sad, I mean, now Disney doesn’t believe in getting married a day after you’ve meet someone? What has this world come to?” “I actually enjoyed seeing this ‘Frozen’ movie, and that in itself is an abnormality,” said Axel Arnoldsson, inevitable Disney devotee. Whatever their reactions, movie watchers will just have to let it go, LET IT GOOO…

L ve at first click

Summit Entertainment’s highly anticipated new film provides audiences with a movie unlike any other— one that is based on a bestselling trilogy, featuring a 16-year-old girl and her role in a dystopian revolution. The film, directed by Neil Burger, is based on Veronica Roth’s 100 percent original Divergent series. It centers on Beatrice Prior (Shailene Woodley), a teenage girl in a future Chicago that has been divided into five distinct factions. This concept completely differs from any other movie, as no film has ever dared to explore the possibility of a future world divided into strict regions. Beatrice, who hails from the selfless faction Abnegation, is finally offered an escape from her faction through a simulated aptitude test once she reaches the age of sixteen. She takes the test, only to find that this apparently extremely high level of technology has flaws and does not work on her, making her “divergent.” This means she does not fit into one faction alone, and so she must decide her fate without the help of the test. Naturally, she chooses the most dangerous, threatening faction out of the five — Dauntless. The next 70 minutes of the movie consist of Beatrice shortening her name

to “Tris,” enduring a fight to the death and falling for a blonde, strong male, Four (Theo James), whom she later learns also hails from her faction. Surely, this idea of a teenage girl in the future falling for a muscular, blonde man whom she discovers comes from her home region remained untouched until Divergent creatively delved into this ingenious theme. In the last 20 minutes, the sterile, cold-hearted Jeanine Matthews (Kate Winslet) and Erudite, the intelligencedriven faction, lead an army of zombie-like Dauntless to Photo by Maddie Fricker destroy Abnegation. HorriProtagonists Tris (Shailene Woodley) and Four (Theo fied by this titanic disaster, James) grace the poster for Divergent, now showing at Tris emerges as a leader in the North Shore Cinema in Mequon. revolution, fighting to stop the Erudite while her home is All together, Divergent exemplifies destroyed and the lives of all those she the kind of movie audiences will only loves are at risk. The innovative origi- see once in a lifetime. This creative, nality of this part definitely makes this unique masterpiece is surely unlike film a frontrunner for the 2015 Academy anything they have ever seen before, Awards, especially considering how no and without a doubt, is a film that will film has ever centered on a protagonist go down for generations as an original, teenage girl emerging as a revolution- one-of-a-kind film. ary leader while her home is razed and her loved ones’ lives are endangered.

What faction do you belong to?

It’s simple. Each human being only has one personality trait, or he or she poses a threat to humanity. Since Divergent says it, there is no doubt that it must be true. Learn what your single trait is and what faction you will belong to. Have fun!

1. Vicki catches you with a hat in the hallway. You

a. offer her the hat and, as you wouldn’t dare think of yourself, your backpack too b. tell her she is ridiculous and ought to wear a hat herself c. smile, laugh, place the hat on her head, and skip away d. explain to her how Queen Elizabeth I once made it a law that everyone wore hats (duh) e. roundhouse kick her and run before she can grab the hat

89%

By Kelly Allen

Who needs face-to-face communication when one can easily locate that special someone from behind a computer screen at home? All it takes is a few clicks of the mouse and within five minutes an online algorithm-based matching system can accurately determine one’s soulmate. According to a report commissioned by the Association for Psychological Science, online dating is now the second-most popular way to start new relationships right behind meeting through mutual friends. In today’s modern society, over 5,000 online dating sites exist solely to serve singles who lack that loveinduced spark in their lives. With sites such as Christian Mingle and BlackPeopleMeet.com, singles can easily find the type of person they are searching for. Based on a quick questionnaire along with an uploaded photo avatar, online dating profiles allow people to really get to know each other. Using a Victoria’s Secret or Abercrombie model’s picture as one’s avatar is nearly impossible with today’s technology. One’s true self clearly shows through his or her online profile. Online dating unequivocally unites soulmates all over the globe; however, decades ago, people were not as fortunate to spend most of their lives on the Internet. Singles in search of “the one” had to physically leave the comfort of their homes and go through the long, tiring process of getting to know a person face-to-face without prior knowledge of his or her true identity. Back then, the key to a long-term commitment consisted of courtship and formal invitations to go on dates. Nowadays, soulmate seekers can easily go online and send their chosen match, with an 89 percent compatibility, a “heyyy” with three y’s complemented by a heart-shaped emoticon to let them know that he or she is interested.

2. Finally, flex-time returns. You

a. use the time to tutor other students and pick up trash in the hallways b. write a strongly-worded letter explaining how it should have never gone away c. use the time to draw flowers and write “good feelings” notes to your friends d. go to the IMC and read any AP textbook that is available e. get into a fistfight with the first kid you can find

3. Your ideal spring break would be

a. spending everyday from 8-3 volunteering at the soup kitchen b. getting out of Mequon and then proceeding to complain about Mequon the entire time c. taking all your friends somewhere warm, so you can plant flowers together! d. going to as many museums as possible and then writing essays on each e. swimming with sharks (with no cage) in a tropical place

MOSTLY A’s- ABNEGATION

You are selfless, thinking of others before yourself. You probably even think it’s selfish that you were self-indulgent enough to take this quiz.

MOSTLY B’s- CANDOR

Honesty is the best policy. You speak your mind about everything; even trivial matters are important enough to drop everything for and fight against.

MOSTLY C’s- AMITY

Peace and happiness consume every part of your life. You worship the Beatles and often find yourself dreaming of a reincarnation of the ‘60s so you can become a hippie.

MOSTLY D’s- ERUDITE

Learning is fun! The more you know, the better. You especially love exam time because you get to focus on your studies. Lucky for you, trimesters allow you to have them three times a year!

MOSTLY E’s- DAUNTLESS

The more danger, the better. You enjoy putting your life at risk because, well, YOLO

4. In 20 years, you see yourself

a. moving with only the clothes on your back to volunteer in the poorest parts of the world b. protesting on Capitol Hill about important issues like “should no flex-times be legal?” c. moving to a hippie combine, having lots of nice, happy children, and farming d. probably still in school, working toward your fifth doctorate degree e. leaving all those you love behind to become a top-secret assassin

A TIE- DIVERGENT

Sorry, but you are clearly a freak of nature for having more than one personality trait. You might want to say your goodbyes to your friends and family now because we’re going to have to destroy you, er, you might disappear one day for no apparent reason.


Highlander Publications

Homestead411

ARTICHOKE

sports

8

Couch potatoes of the Issue set new records of laziness By Nia Feaster

By Carly kleiman

When it comes to exceeding expectations in a realm that people already have deemed replete with talent, Michael Jordan’s immense impact on basketball does not compare to Quincy Newton’s, senior, impact on laziness. This newly formed extreme sport, developed after the creation of Nutella and Netflix, requires a strong aptitude for doing as little as possible, an extensive expertise in consuming the most flavorful but unhealthy foods as well as a deep understanding of the intricate action of watching TV. Newton epitomizes the ideal competitor of this rigorous sport as she refuses to participate in the basic actions of life. She even admitted that “I hate walking, and when I have to walk…I prefer to walk really slow.” Leigh Berman, senior, added, “instead of taking the energy to wave or say hi, she lifts her head a good five degrees in recognition” of one’s energetic greeting. Simultaneously, Andrea Rossman, senior, said, “She once told me that her mom one time brushed her teeth for her because she refused.” In order to maintain her skill in lackadaisical living, Newton solely fills her stomach with the finest of junk foods. Who needs the organic carrots when you can have the greasy Out & Out macaroni and cheese made to satisfy one’s taste buds? Newton understands this concept as she enthuses that Out and Out can replenish her barely depleted energy supply at the end of a school day. True athletes dedicated to their sport, Newton and Jordan practice on the daily. While JorPhoto by Carly Kleiman dan spent countless hours in the gym shooting Quincy Newton, senior, sinks into the comfort of the cushions as Ian Koch, senior, catches free throws, Newton utilizes the full 24/7 to a quick nap on their home away from home: the couch. perfect the art her sport.

Sleep, wake up, eat, and repeat seems to be ongoing trends for our male couch potato of the issue, Ian Koch, senior. Ian wastes no time procrastinating and makes sure that his skills of wasting time wake up just as soon as he does. Waking up, eating breakfast, and driving to school is just about as much strain as Ian puts into his lazy mornings. “He leaves his house to impress absolutely no one,” added Patrick Tucker, senior. The school day drags by and finally the time comes where Ian gets to do what he does best: eat and sleep. “Last night I asked Ian if he wanted to come to baseball and he responded with ‘nah,’” said Luke Lebesch, senior. It takes dedication to do as much of nothing as Ian does on a school night. Homework? “I typically don’t do homework,” said Ian Koch, senior. To make up for time spent not doing homework, watching Archer never seems to disappoint as a time filler. But of course Archer can’t fill all of this time, so what else to do besides….sleep. Believe it or not, the weekends produce less productivity than the weekdays for Koch. Sleeping until an average time of 1 pm is nothing new and being forced awake any earlier would be a crime against humanity. “He like doesn’t go out on the weekends. He sits in his house and watches Netflix,” said Michael Schulz, senior, about Koch’s weekend activities. Setting the bar higher for couch potatoes everywhere, Ian Koch redefines laziness. So for the rest of you competitively couch-potatoing, step up your game.

In (Pastor) Todd we trust By Alli Stendler

In recent years, the foundation of a new religion, “Bodybuildism,” has been taking place right here in Homestead’s weight room. Freshmen through seniors flock there every day at 2:37 to push their minds and bodies to the limit. They each take a place on the bench-press and immediately lift three times their weight, which can come in handy if they ever need to lift one of their five-pound textbooks.   Pastor Todd Brawner puts together lengthy sermons to inspire the young athletes, reminding them their work as a “bodybuilder” will pay off. Pastor is able to transform these weaklings into real men on their off-seasons or in their extra time. Their baptism into manhood spark an obsession with working out 24/7. In fact, Cody Scott, sophomore, said, “I work out more than I go to social events, and when I’m not working out, that’s all I am thinking about.” Being fit isn’t an option; it’s a commitment. Although we all aspire to be like our gods, these bodybuilders try to look like a god. The

athletes chisel their bodies to be idealistic to only the best looking goddesses. Kieran Sparks, senior, said, “Girls need guys with big guns because we can do things they can’t, like open jars and hold heavy doors for them.” With the release of these “Ten Commandments,” Pastor hopes to set the standard, as well as educate the athletes about the do’s and don’ts of working out. In April, Pastor Brawner announced the “Ten Commandments of Lifting”: Thou shall flex thy muscles when lifting; Thou shall not wear a shirt with sleeves to cover thy biceps when working out and when it starts to hurt, that is when thy set starts. “It seems as though ‘Bodybuildism’ has spread like wildfire through the school and it doesn’t show signs of stopping,” Lizzy Tucker, sophomore, said. With warm weather on its way, this spring will be the perfect time to showcase the new improvements hiding under sweatshirts all winter. Can I get an “amen?”

Photos by Alli Stendler

Sean Driscoll (left) and Chris Malicky (right), sophomores, show off the spiritual reawakening they have recieved through Bodybuildism.

Photo illustration by Blake Leeson

Bucks continue to drop the ball By Blake Leeson

I think of spectacular blowouts, eye-catching ally-oups and complete concentration on both sides of the ball. Yes, I am referring to every single team in the NBA other than our own Milwaukee Bucks. I don’t even know why anyone would attend a game anymore besides the fact that they were 15-67 on the season and had the worst record in the league and possibly one of the worst in NBA history, but really if I wanted to get a better bang for my buck I would stay home because at least I know I am guaranteed to get a full four quarters… something you can’t say you would get if you watched the Bucks. Attendance is one aspect of the game in which the owners can see if there is interest in the team. Buck customers who usually watch the game at home on cable are now asking how much extra they can pay to have the Bucks games blocked from their service, not really a good sign. Other than being tied to a chair and being forced to watch more than five minutes of the WNBA, I can’t think of much worse. Conor Quick, senior, said, “I was going to go to a Bucks game

once. Then my friend asked if I wanted to watch paint dry.” The nice thing about how bad the bucks are is that parking is really easy to find, but Sasha Novak, senior, said he still paid more for parking then he did to get into the game itself. Years ago they still weren’t good. Back then I thought “Oh they are probably performing poorly on purpose to get a couple high round draft picks.” I thought this was a good idea but I was wrong. The Bucks continued to draft trash players and continued to lose. This year the Bucks were a real disappointment. So much so that next year some of their scouts will be coming to Homestead’s field house over the winter on Monday nights to try and find new aspiring talent in the up and coming league of IBA. UWM has gotten more press this year than the Bucks have gotten in the past 30 years and if I’m not mistaken I think that the last time the Bucks made the finals we still had black and white TV’s. Forget about a future championship ring. If you see one on a Bucks player, assume it to be stolen.

May 2, 2014 Artichoke  

Satirical Issue of Homestead High School, Mequon, Wisconsin

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