queer indigenous girl issue 4

Identifying with my Mother: a Conversation about Fear

by Ashanti Marshall/@anotetozami This is a huge responsibility and honor because you are yourself at the end of the day and that’s special and that’s important. The minute you decide to become something to somebody else, you alter them and yourself. For better or worse.

Mom: “You kinda messed up but nothing can be unfixable.”

That premature disbelief in your success as a parent was a direct response to my disbelief in truly owning up to my potential as a human being, even if that meant failing. This was the easiest way to relieve myself of the feeling and action of limiting myself and my potential. Fear was my unsafe safety net.

Mom: “I never had disbelief in my success.”

I did. I did! I projected this by speaking it to you, on your life because misery loves company. I didn’t want to be alone in my fears so I brought the closest person to me down with me.

Mom: “You can be fearful but you can’t control my destiny.

You can not say ‘Oh, you gon’ fail because I’m afraid to even try.’”

That’s how afraid fear is. What an entry point, a way made, a possibility to believe.