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inside this issue

Sept. 7-20, 2018 Vol 33 No 10

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contributors this issue

Torie Dominguez, Kelly Fairman, Stan Kimer, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Gregg Shapiro, Trinity

front page

Graphic Design by Lainey Millen Photography: Ammon Cogdill via Adobe Stock

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Kameron Michaels Tell Trinity

life  5  8  8 14 19

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Navigating divorce

Getting a divorce can be challenging to those who are undergoing the process. However, it does not have to be as painful an ordeal when finding ways to do it in a healthy way.

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Political Correctness Village Hearth Carolina House Health & Wellness Our People

Legal Eagles

events charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

It’s not ever too late to get in shape and health and wellness pro Jack Kirven tells how to do it right.

Youth Suicide Rate Adam & Eve Survey Center Awardees ‘Liberating’ Conference Southern Health Survey 

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Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Managing Editor: Jim Yarbrough, x201, editor@goqnotes.com Assoc. Editor: Lainey Millen, specialassignments@goqnotes.com Copy Editor: Torie Dominguez, torie@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x205, production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper. Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2018 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

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Mission:

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBTQ and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBTQ life and social justice issues.

Suicide Prevention

Carolina House

Having an eating disorder is painful, both for the person who is experiencing it and for those around them. This facility has a special outreach for those in the LGBTQ community.

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18 Margaret Cho 18 Mint Museum Uptown Grand Re-Opening

Sept. 7-20 . 2018

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The Healthy Divorce Legal Eagles

BY Kelly Fairman | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Going through a divorce can trigger a myriad of emotions. Remember to acknowledge them, fight fair, have fun and get support. (Photo Credit: mokee81, Adobe Stock) I used to be a therapist. Now I practice family law, which in some ways is not very different. I consider it part of my job to help my clients find solutions that have the best long-term results. Legal outcomes depend on legal rules. Likewise, a good personal outcome requires applying some rules as well. Here are a few suggestions that can help you maintain your mental and emotional health as you separate or divorce. 1. Remember you once loved this person. You may not love this person anymore. You may want to hit this person with a frying pan. However, you cannot undo the fact that the two of you chose to be in a relationship. You do not have to be friends now, but you do not have to think of him or her as a sorry rotten liar either. Essentially, that is saying to yourself, “I am someone who will choose a sorry rotten liar.” or “I am someone who does not know how to discern a good person from a sorry rotten liar.” Both lead to either avoiding new relationships or racing into them to prove those thoughts are wrong. Letting the relationship go while maintaining some positive feelings is a much easier transition anyway. Hope the best for this person you are leaving behind. 2. Fight fairly. Yes, you should get the numbers on the table, talk about your assets and debts, and walk away with what is yours. However, any part of you that wants to walk away with what is his or hers is not a part of you that you should feed. Ten years from now that extra money, or car, or furniture, or whatever it is that you

felt so powerful wresting from this other person will not make you any happier. Looking back and seeing that you stood up for yourself but dealt fairly will. 3. Remember that your children were not married to this person. They have a very different relationship than you do with your ex. Maybe your ex cheated on you, yelled at you, cleaned out your savings account, ran over your flower garden and said they were glad to be free of you on Facebook. These things do not make a bad parent. Maybe your ex is a bad parent, but it is not because your ex was a bad partner. Are you trying to limit their custodial time? Are you saying it is in the children’s best interest? Be honest; are you really doing that because it is in your best interest? If so, stop it. All of you deserve better. 4. Have fun. Spend the day with an old friend. See a movie. Eat some chocolate. Have a picnic. Listen to music. Paint the bathroom your favorite color. Do things you were not able to do when you were with that other person. Do things that help you believe your new life is a good one. 5. Find support in and outside of yourself. You need people to talk to, complain to and cry with. You need people who will distract you, cheer you up and take you out for ice cream. You also need you. Sit with yourself. This is the you that you have been since the day you were born and will be until the day you die regardless of who you marry or break up with. What are you going to do with you? 6. Feel your feelings. Your feelings are important. If you do not let yourself feel them, they will pile up and come out in other ways. They are also not facts. You do not have to let them make your decisions. 7. You are not a vending machine. Don’t act like one. You do not have buttons that someone can push to get a certain response, like a bag of Yelling Chips or a Destroy Your Stuff bar. Regardless of what anyone else does, you still choose your response. Take responsibility for your choices, good and bad. True strength comes from knowing no one can make your choices for you. 6. When you really do not know what to do, ask yourself this question: If 20 years from now I was looking back at today, what would I want to have seen myself do? : : Kelly Fairman, M.S., L.P.C., J.D., is a certified family financial court mediator and certified parent coordinator who practices law in Durham, N.C.

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Diversity, Inclusion and the “Naïve Offender” How to be ‘politically’ correct in today’s world BY Stan Kimer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

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t is very easy in today’s complex multi-cultural world to inadvertently offend someone. When I hold a diversity and inclusion workshop with a client, early in the discussion, I ask people to think about where they may be on the “diversity spectrum” when considering this subject. I assert that people generally fall into four categories. Where are you? • Change Agent. These are the leaders on the diversity subject. They are full vocal supporters of diversity and inclusion, and are often the leaders within their organizations on this subject. They may teach workshops, are not afraid to initiate discussions with other leaders and employees, and are adroit at articulating the business case and value of diversity. • Active Supporter. These people “get it.” They understand the value and importance of diversity and inclusion and seek to grow in their knowledge. They take steps in their daily work to assure diversity and inclusion is a component. Hopefully we can all aspire to be change agents or at least active supporters in terms of diversity and inclusion. • Neutral. These are people who most likely have not given the subject much thought, and simply go along with the flow in their areas. Often, they may not have been educated on this subject. • Deliberate Offender. These are people who can do quite a bit of damage within an organization. They are antidiversity and often ostracize or criticize diverse groups or constituencies within the enterprise. They may even go as far as to spread false information and fear about others. But in addition, there is a fifth category where even those of us who are change agents and active supporters may find ourselves from time to time — the naïve offender. What is a naïve offender? This is a person who on occasion unintentionally makes an error or a misstep in terms of some aspect of diversity. Often a person may even have good intentions, but accidentally say something offensive to someone else. Frequently these missteps simply come from a lack of knowledge.

What are some examples of a naïve offender? • Using a word or phrase that is offensive to the hearer. For example referring to sexual orientation as “sexual preference,” which is used by those people trying to perpetuate the idea that gay people chose to be gay and can change; or an older white man who calls all younger men “boy” addressing an AfricanAmerican man as “boy,” which conjures up cultural references to slavery. • Saying something in jest which can offend certain hearers. Examples could be taking about how you are going to party it up and drink tequila and eat tacos to celebrate Cinco De Mayo, or making reference to nooses or chains with African-Americans. • Speaking more loudly and raising your voice to someone who does not speak English fluidly. Simply slowing down and avoiding complicated words and idioms would be helpful instead. • Treating all Hispanics or Asians as collective groups and not appreciating that Latin America and Asia are comprised of dozens of countries with their own distinct culture. • Unknowingly referring to a transgender person or a gender fluid person by the wrong pronoun.

Even as a diversity trainer, I make mistakes as a naïve offender. I was presenting some material that was three to four years old using the terms “hearing-impaired” and “sight-impaired” when those communities now prefer using the words deaf or blind. The word impaired connotes that someone has a fault or is not capable. What should you do if someone “naively” offends you? I would think that based upon your past relationship with someone and their body language and tone of voice, you can discern if the person is making an honest mistake or is truly belligerent, e.g. a deliberate offender. If you sense the person is a naïve offender, turn it into a learning moment and graciously point out their error. Lashing out at the person or ostracizing them will not be helpful to them, nor your community. And what are some hints and tips for the naïve offender? How can you continually improve in this area? • When you make a misstep and realize it, immediately and sincerely apologize. • When someone points out a diversity mistake that you made, thank them for pointing it out. •C  ontinue to educate yourself about diverse communities you interact with, especially those you may be less familiar with.

•T  hink of ways you can grow more as an active supporter or change agent of diversity and inclusion. May we all be gracious and continue to grow in building a world where all diversity is fully understood, respected and included. The below closing graphic illustrates these categories of people in regards to diversity and inclusion, along with another graphic sharing that effective diversity and inclusion training needs to incorporate the mind (business logic), the heart and taking action. Read about these components of diversity and inclusion training at bit. ly/1NKZlcb. : :

Sept. 7-20 . 2018

qnotes

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NEWS NOTES

news Youth suicide rate staggering

RALEIGH, N.C. — What almost was not funded in the 2017-2018 North Carolina state budget, was saved when lawmakers passed HB986, which directs the Department of Public Instruction (DPI) to develop a mental health training for school personnel that includes suicide prevention. As DPI implements this legislation, critical to its relative success is the understanding that some youth populations are at a much higher risk of suicide than others, Equality North Carolina (ENC)’s Director of Transgender Policy Ames Simmons shared with listserv subscribers to NC Child. “A new report from the University of Connecticut and the Human Rights Campaign Foundation reveals some of the factors behind the elevated suicide rate among LGBTQ youth. The report contains results of a 2017 online survey of over 12,000 LGBTQ youth across the U.S. — one of the largest surveys of this population ever conducted,” Simmons added. Of note in the study was that 11 percent of LGBTQ youth reported being sexually assaulted or raped because of their actual or perceived gender identity. Additionally, 43 percent of LGBTQ youth reported being bullied on school property in the last 12 months. Overwhelming stress accounts for elevated levels of anxiety and depression among LGBTQ youth, where the highest levels were shown to be among non-binary and gender non-conforming youth. The report stated that 95 percent all respondents reported difficulty with sleeping at night. Only one in five LGBTQ youth of color reported that they believe their racial or ethnic group is regarded positively across the U.S. Coupled with these statistics is that the suicide problem has grown in all age groups, Ames said. When HB2 passed, transgender students had restricted access to bathroom facilities that led to calls being doubled to the Trans Lifeline. ENC has called on state legislators to repeal HB142 (the legislation that replaced HB2, which restricts North Carolina cities from protecting transgender youth access to appropriate facilities) so that transgender youth can find protections from bullying, discrimination, etc., that can lead to suicide and depression. A more systemic approach is thought to be best in understanding and addressing LGBTQ youth suicide. Also, “LGBTQ youth are more likely to experience homelessness, foster care, and the juvenile justice system than their peers,” Ames stated. ENC is in the development stages of creating a youth fellowship program “designed to lift up LGBTQ youth across our state, especially young people in rural areas.” info: equalitync.org. ncchild.org. hrc.im/YouthReport. — Lainey Millen

Adult website shares data, survey results

HILLSBOROUGH, N.C. — In its recent survey, Adameve.com asked over 1,000 adults if they thought that gay and/or bisexual men should be allowed to donate blood if they have had sex with another man in the past 12 months. Under current U.S. Food and Drug Administration guidelines, gay and/or bisexual men are prohibited from donating blood if they have had sex with another man within the past 12 months. Although 49 percent of the respondents (45 percent of the females vs. 50 percent of the males) believed prohibiting sexually active gay and/or bisexual men from donating blood is a relevant and necessary public health restriction, 51 percent of the respondents (55 percent of the females vs. 50 percent of the males) felt that the rule was outdated and ignores current information about transmission of sexually transmitted infections. Dr. Jenni Skyler, Adam & Eve’s resident sexologist, said, “While gay men are prohibited from donating blood at all in Austria, Denmark and Greece, the laws in the United Kingdom were recently changed to allow donation at three months following same-sex encounters rather than 12. I am hopeful that the United States will soon follow suit, as blood donation should be based on a human being’s health, not their sexual orientation.” Adameve.com also released their latest infographic that shows a snapshot of current U.S. LGBTQ statistics. Information ranges from cities with the highest concentration of LGBTQ individuals to how Americans really feel about same-sex marriage and adoption, and more. info: adameve.com. adameve.com/tinfographic-lgbtq.aspx. — Lainey Millen

Center names annual awards recipients

RALEIGH, N.C. — The LGBT Center of Raleigh will celebrate area superstars when it welcomes attendees to its upcoming Annual Awards Dinner & Gala, #10Years10Reasons, on Oct. 5, 7 p.m., at the Sheraton Raleigh, 421 S. Salisbury St. Each year the center recognizes those whose service has gone well above that which could be expected. And this year, in honor of its 10th anniversary, it brings in Lydia Kinton to emcee the event. Kinton, a Wake County native and Durham, N.C. resident, is a licensed clinical social worker and serves as a healthcare compliance investigator with Public Consulting Group. She previously advocated against the discriminatory Amendment One measure. Today, she is a volunteer with the LGBTQ Center of Durham and has assisted with QORDS Camp. She is also am accomplished regional actress who has garnered nominations and awards for her craft. Kinton, along with the center’s board, will bestow awards on the following, sharing inspiring stories about them and how the center has helped the lives of everyday people in the community, organizers shared. Recipients are: LGBTQ Ally of the Year, Britt Ellis; Organization of the Year, Alliance of AIDS Services - Carolina (AAS-C); and Volunteers of the Year, Colin McKerrell and Alyssa Canty. The Distinguished Service and Rising Star of the Year Awards were not available as of press time, but will be made available in qnotes online coverage. Ellis, who helped create Stonewall Sports-Raleigh in 2013, has been an active ally. She realized her place within the community was to help bridge the gap between the LGBTQ and Raleigh communities overall, networking to find straight establishments that were inclusive and welcoming. The AAS-C has been on the forefront in providing services for those affected and effected by HIV/AIDS in the Triangle area. Their programming includes testing, prevention education, pantry services, short-term counseling, Drag Bingo, AIDS Walk + 5K Run, Red Ribbon Ride and Works of Heart art auction. McKerrell, as the Center Volunteer of the Year recipient, has worked at the center since 2014 after his son came out. He saw how negative attitudes affected his son and wanted to help make a difference for others in the LGBTQ community. McKerrell also served on the Out! Raleigh planning committee. Cant, as the Center Program Volunteer of the Year recipient, began her service to the center as an intern in 2013 and never left. She became interested in working with the LGBTQ community when family members came out. She saw how they were treated and decided that she wanted to expand her knowledge while learning from other’s experiences. On a related issue, the center is actively looking for volunteers to help out with center activities and community events. Interested parties are invited to fill out a profile at bit.ly/2PwqebL prior to attending an orientation session. The gala features live entertainment and dinner, along with other options for community engagement. Tickets are $125 until Sept. 15 and $150 afterward and can be procured online. info: lgbtcenterofraleigh.com. — Lainey Millen

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Org seeks volunteers

ReachOUT NC is currently searching for LGBTQ and allied volunteers who want to impact the broader community. They are participating in efforts for Triangle organizations such as the 9/11 Day of Service, Red Hat Amphitheater, Sept. 11, 6-3:30 p.m., and Carolina Tiger Rescue, Oct. 27. Registration is available online for these and other subsequent projects. info: reachoutnc.org.

History Project

Joshua Burford, a former archivist at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, was featured in an article penned by the Associated Press about his latest venture — documenting the history of LGBTQ individuals in the Deep South. Burford is engaged in this work through the Invisible Histories Project located in Birmingham, Ala. info: bit.ly/2PmY7ve.

Youth race

OUTright Youth of Catawba Valley has announced that it is holding its 2nd Annual Amazing Race for Equality on Sept. 22. The organization is seeking event and team sponsors, volunteers and individual and team participants for the fun-filled event. The race consists of 14 mind and body challenges across Hickory, N.C. and prizes will be awarded. Entry fee is $25/person. More information is available online. info: outrightyouthcv.org. outrightsamazingrace.com.

New board members

The Guilford Green Foundation has announced its 2018-2019 incoming board members. Taking office are: Summer Foster, office manager at Bouvier Kelly, Inc.; Rep. Cecil Brockman, North Carolina House of Representatives, 60th District; and Steve Stonecypher, managing director at Shipwright Healthcare Group, LLC. The replace outgoing members realtor/ broker Sandra O’Connor, attorney Justin Ervin, III, Labcorp employee Sabrina Kim Jones and National Conference for Community and Justice of the Piedmont Triad, Inc. Executive Director Ivan Canada. info: guilfordgreenfoundation.org.

Alliance welcomes van

ALFA held a ribbon-cutting ceremony on Sept. 6 in the parking lot of Catawba Valley Medical Center to celebrate the launch of their new mobile testing unit. The #BigRedVan is 251” long and has a 3.6 liter V6 engine. info: alfainfo.org.

SAGE women’s group

SAGE Raleigh’s Kathe Rauch is hosting an organizational meeting for a new women’s drop in. The gatherings will help assess when the group will meet and what it will offer. The planning sessions will be held on Sept. 22 and Oct. 6, 1 p.m., at St. John’s Metropolitan Community Church, 622 Maywood Ave., in Raleigh, N.C. info: sage@lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

Coastal org new board

The Grand Strand Pride’s Coastal Business Guild announced the appointments of Craig McGee as chair and Angie Morris as vice chair. McGee is owner and president of Atlantic Real Estate Management. Morris is a store manager for TD Bank’s Myrtle Beach main branch. Both individuals have worked for and supported the LGBTQ community for several years. info: coastalbusinessguild.com.


Liberation, inclusion focus of conference

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Freedom Center for Social Justice will hold its inaugural Liberating Theologies Conference on Oct. 6, 8 a.m.4 p.m., at the Charlotte Museum of History, 3500 Shamrock Dr. The one-day event explores varying theologies with an emphasis on liberation and inclusion for those who are oppressed and marginalized. This conference is an extension the center’s Do No Harm Initiative which asks faith leaders across the state to commit to doing no harm through interpretation of biblical text or other religious writings. There is a particular focus on harm caused on the basis of sexual orientation, gender expression, race and/or faith tradition. Conference leaders and theological areas explored are: Rev. Dr. William J. Barber, II, Black Liberation; Bishop Yvette Flunder, Queer; and Dr. Robyn Henderson-Espinoza, Activist. “There is a need in North Carolina to make a bold statement about intersectional justice and the importance of restorative justice for those in the LGBTQ community who have been ostracized and even banished from the church. Liberating Theologies seeks to uplift diverse religious narratives in support of the LGBTQ community,” Liberating Theologies Conference organizers stated. leaders (clockwise) Rev. Dr. William The conference is held Barber, II, Bishop Yvette Flunder in partnership with Union and Dr. Robyn Henderson-Espinoza. Theological Seminary of New (Photo Credit: Facebook) York in honor of Rev. Dr. James H. Cone, the founder of Black Liberation Theology, and Rev. Dr. Katie Cannon, Christian ethicist and scholar of Womanist Theology. Bishop Tonyia Rawls will serve as moderator. Registration is available online at bit.ly/2JShR6O. Seating is limited. info: fcsj.org. — Lainey Millen

LGBTQ health survey launched

ASHEVILLE, N.C. — The Campaign for Southern Equality (CSE) has announced that is has launched a Southern LGBTQ Health Survey in order to better understand the health care needs of LGBTQ Southerners. The survey data will be made publicly available and will serve as a resource for the LGBTQ community, researchers and public health advocates. In the weeks since its release over 2,000 LGBTQ individuals have completed the survey. More than 20 Southern LGBTQ organizations are partnering on this project to ensure that it reaches into the LGBTQ community all across the South. “Data is a great way to tell a story, but there is very little health data available to tell the stories of LGBTQ people living in the South. Our goal with this survey is to connect with as many LGBTQ Southerners as possible to better understand their health care experiences,” said CSE Survey Coordinator Chase Harless. More than 2.6 million LGBTQ adults live in the South according to data from the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Law. And existing research points toward LGBTQ health disparities in the South, especially with regard to H.I.V. “The crisis is most acute in Southern states, which hold 37 percent of the country’s population and as of 2014 accounted for 54 percent of all new H.I.V. diagnoses,” according to reporting from The New York Times. “Ultimately, we’re working to increase access to LGBTQ-friendly health care in the South. The survey findings will inform creating training materials and models of LGBTQ-friendly care for Southern health care providers. Our goal is that every LGBTQ person in the South could access the care they need in their hometown,” said CSE Executive Director Rev. Jasmine Beach-Ferrara. The survey is part of the Southern LGBTQ Health Initiative, a collaboration between the CSE and Western NC Community Health Services to increase access to LGBTQ-friendly health care in the South. “In many places across the rural South, culturally competent primary care services are just not available for many in the LGBTQ community. This needs to change, and this is one step in that direction,” said Scott Parker, director of development and collaboration at Western NC Community Health Services. The survey is available in English and Spanish and takes less than 15 minutes to complete. Any LGBTQ person who lives in the South and is 18 years or older is eligible to take the survey. The direct links to the survey are: English — surveymonkey.com/r/southernlgbtqhealthsurvey and Spanish — surveymonkey.com/r/EncuestadeSaludLGBTQdelSur. Supporting Partners for this project include: Equality North Carolina, Gender Benders, South Carolina Equality, Latinos in the Deep South, Transcend Memphis, The Montrose Center, Queer Appalachia, The PAIGE Memphis, POZ-Empowerment, ImpactOUT, Transcend Charlotte, Asheville Gay Men’s Chorus, Twin Oaks Gathering, Beer City Sisters, AIDS Services Coalition, Dr. Amy Murphy-Nugen, Transform Houston, Nelwat Ishkamewe, Mississippi Rising Coalition, Birmingham AIDS Outreach, Mississippi Positive Network, Central Alabama Pride and Comunity Estrella. info: southernequality.org. — Lainey Millen

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life

Village Hearth: An innovation in LGBTA senior living Cohousing project provides LGBTQ seniors with retirement housing option BY Stan Kimer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

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few years ago, I wrote a series of blogs about issues around diversity and housing, and included a discussion around the intersection of housing issues and LGBTQ aging adults (see bit. ly/2Iar2i9). Since that time, there has been a significant increase in senior housing options that are more affirming of LGBTQ people as we age. But now I want to write about a real innovation and a “first-of-its-kind” community for LGBTQ and allied people. Village Hearth in Durham, N.C. is the first “cohousing” community for LGBTQ people and their allies. What is “cohousing?” It is a concept that started in Denmark a few decades ago, and now there are about 130-150 cohousing communities in the U.S. Cohousing is an intentional neighborhood of private homes clustered around shared space. Households have independent incomes and private lives, but neighbors collaboratively plan and manage community activities and shared spaces. Village Hearth, which is about to start the construction stage, is the first cohousing development in the U.S. specifically geared toward LGBTQ people and their allies. Recently I met with two future Village Hearth residents, Tami Ike and Gary RossReynolds, out at their 15-acre location.

GARY: Yes, I had an interesting career, starting as a psychologist and later moving into ICU nursing. My partner Steve, who is nine years old than I, is a retired Episcopal priest.

STAN: Do tell me more about Village Hearth. When will building start? TAMI: We will be a community of 28 homes on this 15 acre piece of property, and we still have two units remaining for sale! Construction will start in the Fall of this year, and we hope to start moving in by the end of 2019.

STAN: Finally, what are you looking forward to most in moving into the Village Hearth? GARY: I am looking forward to getting involved in all that Durham has to offer, and I look forward to having a wonderful group of friends and activities here in the Village Hearth to enjoy.

STAN: What is the mix of future residents? Are they all gay and lesbian? TAMI: Actually it is quite a diverse mixed community of men and women, half are LGBTQ, and half are straight folks who enjoy living in diverse communities. We also have a good mixture of couples and single people, and several of our members are still working, and some are retired.

STAN: And where can people find more information, especially if they may be interested in the two remaining homes for sale? TAMI and GARY: Certainly explore our website, villagehearthcohousing.com. And feel free to call Gary at 828-545-9900 or via email at grrvhc@gmail.com.

STAN: So Gary, I understand you’re from Asheville. Could you tell me a little more about yourself?

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Sept. 7-20 . 2018

STAN: What led you to wanting to move into the Village Hearth? GARY: My partner Steve and I have been wanting to move to Durham for various community groups here we want to get involved in. But I didn’t simply want to move from one house to another house in a typical neighborhood — I wanted to move into a place that was both LGBTQ affirming and would offer a built-in set of friends and community activities. STAN: How important was the LGBTQ aspect of the Village Hearth to you? GARY: That was an extremely important part of our decision. In doing research, I found that many of the traditional senior living communities either are not welcoming to LGBTQ people, or don’t know what to do with us. I have heard of situations where same-gender older couples are even separated and not allowed to live together. They virtually have to go back in the closet again. And even if the community was open and welcoming, I really do not want to be their “token gay.”

STAN: Thank you for taking this time with me, and I wish you both and all your other future Village Hearth residents a wonderful joy-filled future.


Carolina House

Addressing eating disorders with a special outreach to the LGBTQ community

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or my 2018 LGBT Pride Month observance this year, I want to focus on an enterprise that has a wonderful outreach to the LGBTQ community. Our community is moving from tolerance and acceptance to now having organizations that understand and focus specifically on our needs. One such organization located in North Carolina (but serving clients up and down the East Coast) is Carolina House. Recently, I visited and toured their six-bed facility (called “The Estate”) with Rachel Porter, clinical care advocate and lead therapist at the Estate, and Beth Howard, director of clinical outreach. I also interviewed Rachel over lunch. Stan: What is Carolina House? Rachel: Carolina House is an eating disorder program, which provides two residential houses in Durham, N.C. and partial and intensive outpatient programming in Raleigh, N.C. We provide a safe and inclusive space for individuals to engage in the work of healing from an eating disorder and associated struggles. We provide an experiential approach to prepare people to return to their full lives. Our original 16-bed facility is called “The Homestead” and exclusively serves women, and our newer six-bed you are visiting today is called “The Estate.” Stan: What makes “The Estate” unique? Rachel: The Estate is Carolina House’s first all-gender-inclusive residence that opened in September 2017 in Durham, N.C. Our clinical and medical team is dedicated to competently and compassionately serving the LGBTQ population who are facing challenges with eating disorders. The Estate is a six-bed colonial home that allows for tranquil

BY Stan Kimer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER transgender may have on eating disorders? Rachel: For many transgender people, the only way they found for their body to match their gender was to starve, binge on food,and use other disordered eating behaviors. Sometimes it is more deeply engrained, further compounding these issues. Getting to a point of recovery can be difficult as they find acceptance for their bodies. The fear of fatness that so much of our society fears is heighten in those with eating disorders and is sometimes even more heightened in the trans and gender-fluid community. The gender-fluid individuals I have worked with want their bodies to appear in a more ambiguous way, and they don’t have many role models of larger bodied individuals.

healing situated on more than 10 acres. Stan: So are there particular unique challenges that LGBTQ individuals with eating disorders may face? Rachel: Because the LGBTQ community is so often dramatically underserved and poorly served, very often by the time they get to Carolina House, they have heightened difficulty and are sometimes in a more severe state. Sometimes incompetent and callus care has caused them to not reach out for help. And the gender dysphoria that the transgender community faces may make it even more difficult for trans folks to find peace for their bodies — something that the vast majority of people with an eating disorder can relate to.

Stan Kimer (right) with Beth Howard (left) and Rachel Porter (middle) on the grounds of ‘The Estate.’

Stan: There certainly has been much more focus and discussion lately about the transgender community, and many more transgender individuals feel safer with coming out about who they are while undergoing gender transition. Can you elaborate more on the impact being

Stan: Is there anything else you would like to share, including your own personal philosophy about your work? Rachel: My philosophy is to believe people for who they say they are, to accept people as they are, and to believe in their lived experience.

Stan: Rachel, thank you so much for your outstanding work with our often underserved and misunderstood community. For more information about the Carolina House, call 919-864-1004 and check out their website at carolinaeatingdisorders.com. : :

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life

Orgs poised to help with suicide prevention Events held to bring about community awareness BY torie dominguez | qnotes staff WRITER

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ach September, advocates across the U.S. mark Suicide Prevention Awareness Month with public education campaigns, fundraisers and demonstrations of all kinds. Events center particularly on National Suicide Prevention Week, which this year occurs from Sept. 9-15. With that in mind, qnotes takes a look at a few of the organizations working to end suicide and aid people in crisis, including individuals who are LGBTQ, and advises readers on how to spot warning signs of suicidal behavior, where to turn for help and what steps they can take in their daily lives to help build a safer, healthier world.

The Foundation’s scientific interests also reflect an awareness of the unique vulnerability of some LGBTQ people to suicidal ideation and behavior. 2014 saw a postdoctoral research fellow awarded $85,000 for an investigation undertaken in partnership with The Trevor Project, in which machine learning was applied to assess the language appearing in 100,000 anonymous individuals’ messages to the TrevorText helpline. In total, studies concerning suicide prevention and the LGBTQ population have benefitted from hundreds of thousands of dollars in AFSP grants over the past six years.

Suicide prevention organizations

The Trevor Project The Trevor Project exists to prevent suicide and provide crisis intervention for LGBTQ young people, with a focus on those ages 13 to 24. It takes its name from the title character of a 1994 Oscar-winning short film, based on a one-man show by writer and performer James Lecesne. Lecesne, along with movie producer Randy Stone and producer/director Peggy Rajski, founded the Project in 1998 to coincide with the film’s premium cable debut. Its first endeavor was the Trevor Lifeline, a free and confidential crisis hotline still in operation today. In the decades since, the organization has expanded its offerings to include access to trained counselors via text and instant message. It has also developed its own social networking site, TrevorSpace, through which members can discuss topics such as coming out, navigating family and other relationships, gender transition, the nuanced definitions of the many labels applied to gender and sexuality — and, on its Social Lounge board, anything and everything that might come to mind. TrevorSpace is carefully moderated to ensure the safety and privacy of its users, and posts can only be viewed by fellow members.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) One of the nation’s foremost health advocacy organizations, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) celebrated its 30th anniversary in 2017. The group traces its history to a partnership of what it calls its “founding families.” Those families were united by the loss of loved ones to suicide and determined to halt the rise in suicide deaths among young people which AFSP says had been observed in the preceding decades. AFSP was the first institution of its kind to operate on a national level and has grown to include chapters in all 50 states. It embraces a multi-dimensional approach to its cause, pursuing political advocacy — the foundation is based in New York, but maintains a major public policy office less than half a mile from the U.S. Capitol and an eight-minute drive from the White House — along with scientific research and public education. Research funded by the AFSP encompasses such diverse disciplines as neurobiology, social psychology, genetics, clinical treatment protocol and community intervention. And despite its name, the organization frequently looks for new insights beyond the borders of the U.S. In the last four years alone, grant money has gone to, among many others, a Cape Town, South Africa scientist investigating organophosphate insecticide exposure as a risk factor for attempting suicide; a Buenos Aires, Argentina researcher who posited that blood levels of polyunsaturated fatty acids in hospital emergency room patients might be used to predict future suicide attempts; and an Edinburgh, Scotlandbased Ph.D. interested in possible links between family and community ties and rates of self-harming behaviors in rural Sri Lanka.

Crisis intervention resources National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) TTY (Deaf & Hard of Hearing) 1-800-799-4889 Nacional de Prevención de Suicidio (Servicios en Español) 1-888-628-9454 Launched in 2005 with support from the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), the Lifeline provides free, confidential 24/7 suicide, crisis, and emotional distress counseling from a network of over 150 local branches. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline also offers an online chat service, available at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat. To communicate with a crisis counselor via text message, individuals can reach the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741 in the U.S. (Other suicide prevention and crisis intervention organizations may provide their own codes, such as START or CONNECT, but all provide access to the same service.) TrevorLifeline 1-866-488-7386 Crisis hotline provided by The Trevor Project, staffed by counselors 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. TrevorChat thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now. Instant messaging with a Trevor Project counselor, available daily between 3 p.m. and 10 p.m. EST.

Photo Credit: Arisha Ray Singh via Adobe Stock

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TrevorText Text TREVOR to 1-202-304-1200 Operates Monday through Friday, 3-10 p.m. EST.

National Alliance on Mental Illness The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is the largest organization of its kind in the nation. Founded in 1979, NAMI focuses on grassroots activism and education, fighting on multiple fronts to eliminate stigma and shape public policy. The Alliance provides a multitude of support groups and resources not only for people living with mental health conditions, but for their families, friends and other loved ones. NAMI Basics is a course aimed at family caregivers of children and adolescents who have been diagnosed with mental illness, or who have experienced symptoms but have yet to receive a formal diagnosis. NAMI Family-to-Family supports loved ones of adults with mental illness, helping them to understand the illness and its impact on the individual affected; recognize and cope with the role another person’s symptoms can play in the life of a family member, partner or friend; and effectively support and advocate for the person they care about. NAMI Homefront, meanwhile, is a similar program specifically catering to families, partners and friends of active military service members and veterans. A complete list of support groups and education programs, including one-day courses, is available at https nami.org/find-support/NAMI-programs. At the same time, NAMI pursues legislative and policy initiatives beneficial to individuals living with mental illness, and to their families, friends and caregivers. It has succeeded in securing greater government funding for mental health research, and has achieved notable victories in the quest to ensure that mental and physical illness are equally recognized under the law and in many insurance policies. NAMI also prioritizes awareness events like Suicide Prevention Month (September) and Mental Illness Awareness Week (the first full week of October). The NAMI HelpLine aids callers in non-emergency situations (staff and volunteers will transfer callers in crisis to a national crisis hotline) in common issues associated with mental illness, including information on symptoms and treatment, local support options, and job search and legal aid services. HelpLine can be reached at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) and is available 10 a.m. – 6 p.m. Monday through Friday. Signs to look for People at risk of suicide frequently exhibit behaviors that can indicate that risk. Take note if someone you know: • Talks about killing themselves. Even if they present it as a joke, the sentiment may well be sincere, and at the very least demonstrates that suicide is on the person’s mind. • Says that they feel hopeless, powerless, exhausted, or trapped, that they can’t remember a time they were happy, or that they can’t imagine ever feeling better or finding an escape from their current situation. • Says that they can’t bear the way they feel. • Talks about feeling like a burden to others, that they’re useless or a problem, that those they care about would be better off without them, or that they would eventually “get over” the person’s death. • Exhibits risky behaviors, such as increased use of alcohol or other drugs, or having unsafe sex. • Withdraws from relationships or activities that were previously important to them, or ceases to find pleasure in things they formerly enjoyed. • Researches methods of suicide. • Demonstrates fascination with suicide or romanticizes it, such as speaking of taking one’s own life as an act of beauty. • Gives away possessions, especially those they value highly. • Speaks hypothetically about their death or absence, or makes arrangements for that potential circumstance, such as asking a family member or friend to look after see next page u


Photo Credit: Voyagerix via Adobe Stock their pet if anything were to happen to them. • Has or seeks access to means of taking their lives, such as obtaining firearms or hoarding medication. Equally important, particularly if you have a history of mental illness or suicidality, is to remain aware of warning signs in yourself. It can be difficult to view your own situation with the perspective necessary to observe patterns, or even to note consciously that something is wrong. Look out for the same signs that you would in others, and keep in mind any thoughts or behaviors particular to you that have historically signaled a period of severe depression or a worsening of your symptoms. If you know that you tend to neglect personal hygiene when severely depressed, for instance, or experience insomnia or hypersomnia (sleeping too much yet still feeling tired), or skip school or work, or avoid answering the phone, or become easily overwhelmed by events that wouldn’t otherwise bother you — look for those signs, and ask people close to you to be aware of them as well. Steps you can take Above all, don’t ignore the signs. Don’t assume that someone else will do something, or that the situation will resolve itself. It’s as important to listen as it is to talk, but if it falls to you to begin the conversation or to take action in a crisis:

• D  on’t try to minimize the person’s feelings or struggles. If they’re real enough to contribute to a person’s thinking about suicide, they’re real. • It’s okay to recommend resources such as crisis hotlines or mental health services, but avoid giving advice about specific situations unless it’s asked for. • Don’t tell stories about people who have “had it worse.” Rather than inspiring the person in crisis to count their blessings, it’s much more likely to worsen the feelings of guilt and self-reproach they’re already struggling with. • Never say or imply that people who commit suicide are selfish, or express judgment or condemnation. This only discourages a person in crisis from talking about what they’re going through. • Do let the person know that you’re paying attention — that you’ve noticed the things they’re saying or doing that cause you concern, and that you care. • If the person isn’t ready to talk, don’t give up. Make sure they know that you’re available when they are ready. Similarly, if a friend or family member has been withdrawing or turning down invitations, keep inviting them, and keep reaching out. • If you believe that someone is in immediate danger, don’t talk yourself out of calling 911. Don’t leave them alone, or if you can’t be physically present, do your best to keep them on the phone or otherwise stay in communication. And take practical steps: get rid of anything they could use to harm themselves. • Accept that the person’s immediate reaction could be anger, resentment or denial. That’s okay. • In daily life, take suicide and mental health seriously, and be aware of the way your actions may affect others. Never joke about or shame suicide. Stigma is rife: if you find mental illness unnerving or frightening, learn more about it. And avoid sharing material that dramatizes suicide or self-harm, or that gives unnecessary detail, like news articles about suicides that include discussion of the method used. By remaining empathetic and aware of the resources available to us, we can all contribute to building a world without suicide. : :

Upcoming suicide prevention walks Out of the Darkness Community Walks American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Sunday, Sept. 16 1-3:45 p.m. Fayetteville Area Walk Festival Park Fayetteville, N.C. bit.ly/afsp_fayetteville. Saturday, Sept. 22 8 a.m.-12 p.m. Triad Area Walk Triad Park Kernersville, N.C. bit.ly/afsp_triad. Sunday, Sept. 30 9 a.m. – 1 p.m. Triangle Area Walk Durham Central Park Durham, N.C. bit.ly/afsp_durham. Sunday, Oct. 7 1-4 p.m. Asheville/Western NC Walk Carrier Park

Asheville, N.C. bit.ly/afsp_asheville.

Greenville, SC bit.ly/afsp_greenville.

Saturday, Oct. 13 9 a.m.-12 p.m. Central Piedmont Walk Statesville High School Stadium Statesville, N.C. bit.ly/afsp_statesville. 10 a.m.-1 p.m. Myrtle Beach Walk Broadway at the Beach Myrtle Beach, NC bit.ly/afsp_myrtlebeach.

Saturday, Oct. 20 1-4 p.m. Charlotte Walk Romare Bearden Park Charlotte, NC bit.ly/afsp_charlotte.

Sunday, Oct. 14 1-3 p.m. Charleston Area Walk Hampton Park Charleston, SC bit.ly/afsp_charleston. 1-4:30 p.m. Upstate Area SC Walk Conestee Park

Sunday, Oct. 20 1-4:30 p.m. Columbia Area Walk Riverfront Park Columbia, SC bit.ly/afsp_columbia. Sunday, Nov. 4 12:30-4 p.m. Wilmington Area Walk Wrightsville Beach Park Wilmington, NC bit.ly/afsp_wilmington.

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Have you met Miss Michaels? An interview with RuPaul’s Drag Race’s Kameron Michaels BY Gregg Shapiro | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

K

ameron Michaels, born Dane Young in eastern Ohio, stands apart from her fellow “RuPaul’s Drag Race” contestant queens in the following ways. While she’s far from the first Muscle Mary to turn up on the show, Nashville-based former go-go boy Kameron Michaels is easily the hottest. Perhaps it’s those tattoos that might have something to with the additional heat generated by Michaels. A fan-favorite Season 10 runner-up who was bested by fellow competitor Aquaria, Michaels is currently on the Werq the World Tour, hosted by Michelle Visage and featuring fellow Drag Racers Aquaria, Asia O’Hara, Eureka, Kim Chi, Valentina and Violet Chachki. Gregg Shapiro: How did you come up with your stage name, Kameron Michaels? Kameron Michaels: Kameron was chosen because I wanted something androgynous. Michaels was chosen because there were no Michaels in Nashville when I chose my name, and I wanted to be different from other local queens. GS: In a season which featured competitors named Eureka, The Vixen, Miz Cracker and Aquaria, how much value do you think is in the naming process of a drag performer? KM: I don’t really care about names. My name has nothing to do with my value as an entertainer. GS: What was it about “RuPaul’s Drag Race” that made you want to be a competitor on Season 10 of the show? KM: I’m quiet but competitive. I knew it was my time, and I knew it was my season. That’s why I sent in my audition tape. GS: One of the characteristics that set you apart from the “RPDR” competition is your “Body Builder Barbie” moniker. Please say something about body building and your workout routine. KM: Well, now that I’m on the road and never at home, that unfortunately has taken a toll on my body. Before the show, I was in the gym six to seven days a week with a rigorous workout routine and a strict diet. It was the most important thing in my life until drag took over. GS: Which came first, your interest in hair and makeup or drag? KM: Hair and makeup came first. Drag wasn’t on television when I was younger. The only time you really got to learn anything about drag was when you were old enough to go to the bars. GS: Why do you think you survived so many lip-sync challenges on “RPDR?” KM: I’m an entertainer, in my soul. It’s what I do. People that didn’t even like me on the show have said when they come and see me live that they become fans. You can see the passion in a true entertainer when they step on the stage. GS: You also have a considerable amount of ink. What can you tell me about your tattoos? KM: I started getting tattooed when I was around 26 or 27. All my tattoos are by the same artist, and they were all done in about a year and a half. (They depict) favorite movies from my childhood and sentimental things in my life. GS: You’ve talked about being bullied as a child. Have you had a chance to meet any of your bullies who are now fans? KM: No. I don’t really have any contact with anyone from my hometown. I’ve had some people reach out and apologize for the way they treated me, but that has nothing to do with the show. I left that place behind because I knew I was bigger than that. GS: You have an incredibly busy tour schedule, including several dates on the “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Werq the World Tour. What will you be performing on the tour? KM: I’ll be switching up songs here and there on the tour. The dancers and I have an evil queen mix that I’m doing right now that we will probably revamp and keep. Anything else will be at my discretion. GS: Are you going to places on the tour to which you’ve never been before, and if so, what are some of the cities you are most excited about visiting? KM: I’m overseas, on tour, so I’m seeing all of these cities right now. I honestly couldn’t even tell you where I’m going in the U.S. As you said, my schedule is so insane, I don’t even know where I’m going next. I check my schedule the week before, walk in my house for 24 hours, grab clean underwear, switch out costumes and jump on another plane. GS: Finally, are you watching or did you watch the Ryan Murphy series “Pose?” If so, do you see a thru-line from the drag balls of the 1980s to “RuPaul’s Drag Race?” KM: I have not. That’s something I would love to do, veg out on my couch and catch up on the series. “Walking” in balls is definitely something that has inspired “Drag Race,” as that is what we do. We walk in our looks. “Paris is Burning” is a great representation of the ball scene, so I’m excited to see this new series and I’m very happy to see the trans community receiving the roles and recognition they deserve. : :

‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ fan favorite Kameron Michaels performs with other season 10 contestants in the Werq the World Tour. (Photo Credit: Vossevents.com)

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Kameron Michaels will perform on stage as part of the “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Werq the World Tour stop in Charlotte, N.C. on Oct. 24 at Knight Theatre, 430 S. Tryon St. Visit blumenthalarts.org/visiting/knight-theater to learn more or to purchase tickets.


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What is in a vaccine and why is it important to get them? By Maraya Ramdhani, PharmD Candidate When babies are first born, they are immune to several diseases because they receive antibodies from their mother through the placenta. As time goes on, however, immunity fades; after the first year of life it starts becoming important to receive your immunizations. There are several misconceptions about vaccines, such as that influenza vaccines cause the flu or vaccines cause autism. These are all false. If an unvaccinated person is exposed to a certain germ, that person’s body may not be strong enough to fight it off — that’s where vaccines come into play. A vaccine contains certain components that help the immune system fight the disease-causing germs. The confusion about vaccines is partly due to the lack of knowledge of vaccines and what’s actually in them. The six components of a vaccine are the active ingredient, adjuvants, diluents, stabilizers, preservatives, and trace ingredients. The active ingredient is made from viruses or bacteria (antigen). An antigen is an unknown substance that the immune system wants to fight off. This is beneficial because it forces the immune system to produce proteins called antibodies, which attack the antigen. If you have a repeat exposure, the antibodies produced during the first exposure remember the antigen they first encountered, thus making it easier to fight off the disease. The active ingredients in vaccines come in very small quantities, so they’re harmless to the human body. They can be weakened (attenuated live) or killed (inactivated). Other components are adjuvants, diluents, and stabilizers. Adjuvants are used to boost the immune response by keeping the

antigen near the injection site so it’s easily accessible to the body’s immune cells. Adjuvants are typically aluminum salts such as aluminum phosphate and aluminum hydroxide. Local reactions at the injection site can be caused by these adjuvants; however, this does not result in serious or long-term issues. Diluents are liquids, such as sterile water or sterile saline, which are required to be mixed with the vaccine to obtain the desired concentration. Stabilizers are added to vaccines for storage and stability purposes. Stabilizers prevent the vaccine from adhering to the side of the vial. Examples of stabilizers are lactose (a sugar), monosodium glutamate (salt of amino acid), human or cow serum albumin (protein), or gelatin. Stabilizers are the reason why healthcare providers ask patients if they have a gelatin allergy. The last two components found in vaccines are preservatives and trace components. Preservatives prevent fungal and bacterial contamination. Phenoxyethanol (an alcohol) is a common preservative used in vaccines. Trace substances could be egg proteins, latex, yeast,

and antibiotics. The trace substances found in a vaccine depend on what type of vaccine it is and which manufacturer it comes from. The following are trace substances and which vaccines they’re commonly found in: egg proteins (influenza, measles/mumps), yeast (hepatitis B, human papillomavirus), neomycin and gentamicin antibiotics (varicella, DTaP). Latex is found in vaccine vials and syringes. All patients should be asked about allergies to these trace substances to minimize and prevent the risk of anaphylactic shock. In summary, vaccines are an essential part of disease prevention and knowledge of vaccine components might clear up some common misconceptions people have. It benefits not only the person natali_mis via Adobe Stock receiving the vaccine, but also the rest of the community. Diseases such as polio, rubella, and tetanus used to be common in the United States. Now, they’re virtually eradicated. For more information, refer to these resources: cdc.gov, the CDC Vaccine Schedules app, your local pharmacist, or your primary healthcare provider.

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life

Ripped Abs: Getting to the Core of the Situation Health and Wellness

BY Jack Kirven | CONTRIBUTING WRITER There’ve been many signifiers of fitness and beauty over the years. You can see this by looking at art from around the world and the way people are portrayed in photographs, paintings and sculptures throughout history. Some cultures value more body fat as an indication of being well-fed and healthy. Others have preferred to modify the shapes of their heads or lengths of their necks. Ritual scarring, tattooing and other body modifications are prized by yet others. In 2018 USA we value visible six packs. In fact, eight packs would be “better.” I’ve even seen a few freaks of nature with 10 packs. But these are extremes based on genetics, not fitness per se. Some people have more heads on their rectus

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abdominis. Most of us have six, and we’re lucky just to get those out, let alone the extras. Speaking of which, how do you get your abs to show? You cannot out-exercise a bad diet. This is critical for you to understand and accept. Your success in getting your abs to show will be directly related to how willing you are to be strict on your diet. Everyone will be a little different, but this is the truth: If you want visible abs, you have to eat properly for them. The reason is that you eat multiple times per day, every day; however, you nearly always exercise with much less frequency. Generally, you also burn fewer calories in most workouts than you consume in most meals. Taken on balance, what you

eat will be more likely to affect your progress than how much or how intensely you exercise. What are the secrets for eating for abs? *Insert drum roll*… Oh, wait: You already know them. 1) Reduce or eliminate added sugar from your diet. 2) Stop snacking. 3) Eat mostly vegetables with sensible amounts of protein and complex carbs. 4) Drink water, instead of juice, sports drinks, soda, and sweetened coffee or tea beverages. 5) Reduce salt to minimize water retention. No, really. That’s it. Though you can PayPal me some money for revealing the mystery, if you feel so inclined. Beyond food, though, you do want to keep your core strong. I really don’t like

the word “core,” which I think I’ve said in a past installment of this column; however, it’s the term that’s become familiar, so let’s just go with it. Often people will presume “core” means “abs.” This is not the case. But also, “core” isn’t only the multiple layers of muscles over your tummy. Nope, there’s much more to it than that. I would argue (and I think I make a good point), that your “core” is your pelvis and anything that connects to it. Think about that. That would be all the many layers of muscles on the front and side of your belly. The muscles of your mid- and lower back are included, as are your butt and thighs. Really, I consider the “core” to be everything from the nipples down to the knees, frontside and backside. But let’s narrow it down a bit for the purposes of this article. When you train your “core,” make sure you’re implementing enough variety of exercises to address all three of the planes of motion. Not that you need to know it (but in case you’re curious), these planes are the sagittal, frontal/ coronal and horizontal/transverse. When I program “core” for my clients, I tend to select four exercises at a time. But I’m very systematic and methodical. This isn’t the only way to train, but it helps me stay organized. Flexion: When you curl into a ball or fetal position, you are moving through sagittal flexion. Movements in the sagittal plane include somersaults, or the spinning of the tires on a bicycle. Exercises that do this include sit ups, reverse crunches, hanging knee raises, supine leg lifts, etc. These exercises train your six pack and hip flexors. Abduction/Adduction: When you wake up in the morning, yawn, stretch and then crunch sideways, you are abducting your head away from the center of your body. Movements in the frontal plane include jumping jacks and cartwheels, or the steering wheel in your car. The pendulum on a grandfather clock swings through the frontal plane. Exercises that do this include lateral crunches, side plank holds, standing lateral dumbbell crunches, spider-mans, etc. These exercises train your obliques. see next page u


Being consistent with a good workout program and maintaining good eating habits can bring about desired results for overall health and fitness. One example is strenghtening one’s core and developing well-defined abs, aka a six pack, utilizing systematic and methodical methods. Rotational Flexion: When you twist around in your seat at work to throw shade at the coworker behind you who keeps singing the same damn Beyonce song on repeat (I know, I’m sick of it, too), you’re moving through the horizontal plane. Movements through this plane generally involve twisting or spinning. Imagine a ballerina turning like a top on her toes. Exercises that do this include Russian twists, windshield wipers, standing cable twists and bicycle crunches. These exercises are much more complex, and they don’t work as isolations the way other “core” exercises do. They’re great for integrating and coordinating many muscles simultaneously, and they tend to mimic the types of movement you are likely to perform in your everyday life. Extension: When you arch back to watch a bird, or a plane, or Superman (more on him in a moment) flying directly overhead, you are moving through sagittal extension. Exercises that do this include hyperextensions, kettlebell swings, supermans, etc. These are great for recruiting your butt and lower back. You will likely also feel them in your hamstrings (the back of your thighs). To create balance in your “core” training, select an exercise from each category. You’ll have four exercises. Do 25 reps per direction of each exercise (e.g., 25 reverse

crunches; 25 lateral crunches on the right, 25 again on the left; 25 Russian twists per side; and 25 super-mans). Repeat that four times. : : Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

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a&e

Expectation is the word disappointment in disguise Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Dearest Trinity, Sometimes my partner just doesn’t get me. It’s so frustrating. I don’t mean to expect unreasonable things from her, but how can I get my needs met without losing my mind from having to ask for every little thing I need or want? Must I always ask? Expecting More, Philadelphia, PA Dearest Expecting More, Expectation is one of the most misunderstood words in the English language, as well as in the bedroom. It can inspire you or destroy you without ever leaving your mind. Expectation is truly the word disappointment in disguise. So, stop trying to get her to read your mind, follow your lead or live by your rules. Instead, start communicating lovingly and openly about your desires without secretly expecting the

outcome to be in your favor. Pumpkin, give in to love’s uncontrollable grip by giving up on unnecessary expectations. Hey, some people take longer to figure you — I mean things-out! Good Luck, Trinity Hey Trinity, I started dating someone with whom I talk a lot on the phone. Sometimes I wait for him to say goodnight first, and sometimes he waits for me. Is it better to let him say goodnight first or me first? Thanks. Who’s Off First, Providence, RI Hey Who’s Off First, According to the book, “The Rules,” “You are important! Your time is important, and you must keep your date thinking you are worth chasing after.” He should always be wondering what he can say the next time he talks to you! So, it’s you who must always say goodnight first! Why? Because you’re always busy. Keep ‘em com-

ing back for more, sweetie. Got it? (Check out my cartoon below to see how to handle this in action!) Dear Trinity, Don’t you think looks are not as important as what one says, does or feels? Don’t you think looks are secondary? Insiders View, Sacramento, CA Dear Insiders View, Of course, what’s inside is key, but looks are all someone has to judge you by when they first notice you. After a few dates, you can let your hair down… a little. Darling, instead of fighting it, go with it and always try to look (and smell) your best! That’s how the animal kingdom works, at least in my jungle. Kisses, Trinity Hello Trinity, I know love is blind, so can you take the blindfold off me and tell me why I shouldn’t move in with my boyfriend after four months? I can only see the good right now. Yours, Blinded, Chicago, IL Hello Blinded, Yes, since love is blind it’s easy to be persuaded into irrational situations. So, honey, here’s:

Trinity’s Negative Realities For What “You’ll Now Have …” Once You Move In With Your Mate

 1. You’ll now have… very little private time.  2. Y  ou’ll now have… to start making your schedule fit around theirs.

 3. You’ll now have… to work twice as hard to keep your home clean since there’s twice the mess.  4. You’ll now have… to deal with each other’s moods every single day and every single night.  5. You’ll now have… fewer romantic dates since you now live together! (Don’t cry just yet, baby!)  6. You’ll now no longer have… as many romantic trips to see each other, because you see each other weekdays, weekends and holidays. (Hey, you’ll save money for therapy.)  7. You’ll now have… to groom, shower, moisturize and floss more often since everyday someone has to see (and smell) you.  8. You’ll also now have… to answer to and be responsible for someone else on a daily basis. (Hey, what’s going on? Is that why there’s an “oy” in joy?)  9. You’ll now have… to disagree over decor, TV shows, radio stations, houseguests and lighting. (Hey, what happened to my dreams?) 10. L  astly, you’ll now have… to deal with someone else’s self-esteem, selfabsorption and self-destruction. (Sorry, but you asked!) With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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events the Movies present the Outfest Audience Award-winning drama chronicling a drag queen’s growing friendship with a younger counterpart. Tickets $8 in advance, $9 at the door. outatthemovieswinston.org.

September 8 Mint Museum Potters Market Invitational

2730 Randolph Rd., Charlotte 10 a.m.–4 p.m. 65 ceramic artists from across North Carolina participate in the Mint’s 14th annual one-day exhibition and sale. Tickets $12 day of show and include museum admission. Kids under 13 admitted free. pottersmarketatthemint.com.

September 8 Stonewall Rainbow Run

September 8 ‘No Man’s Land’ Film Festival

McGlohon Theater at Spirit Square 345 N. College St., Charlotte 8 p.m. Rocky Mountains -based collective No Man’s Land celebrates the experiences of women in outdoor adventure and exploration, showcasing female perspectives on wilderness while striving for a revolution in gender equality. General admission $12. blumenthalarts.org/events/detail/ no-mans-land-film-festival.

The Shed at Station House 600 E. Sugar Creek Rd., Charlotte 5 p.m. Stonewall Sports Charlotte aims to establish this offbeat charity event as a yearly tradition. Participants are encouraged to don their most outrageous neon attire to traverse NoDa while supporting local non-profits. Registration $40, afterparty admission $5. Participation in the run is not required to attend the party. stonewallsportsclt.wixsite.com/ stonewallcharlotte/rainbow-run-5k.

September 11-16 ‘Love Never Dies’

September 8 ‘Tucked’

The Kitchen + Market at Revolution Mill 2003 Yanceyville St., Greensboro 6-9 p.m. A drag show will accompany dinner and drinks on the patio. Admission is free, but a raffle will be held to benefit Pride.

ACE Theatre Complex at UNCSA 1533 S. Main St., Winston-Salem 7 p.m. The University of North Carolina School of the Arts and OUT at

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte Times vary Andrew Lloyd Webber’s sequel to ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ set 10 years after the Phantom vanishes from Paris. Tickets $25-$150. blumenthalarts.org/events/detail/ love-never-dies-the-phantom-returns.

September 12 Prissy on the Pier

September-October 2018 Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

greensboropride.org/event/prissyon-the-pier. thekitchenandmarket.com.

September 12 PrEP for Pride

Guilford Green Foundation & LGBTQ Center 1205 W. Bessemer Ave., Ste. 226, Greensboro 6-7:30 p.m. Triad Health Project hosts a panel discussion on pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) featuring medical professionals, community activists, and PrEP users. This event is free and open to the public. guilfordgreenfoundation.org/event/ prep-for-pride. triadhealthproject.com.

September 12 Film & Fashion: ‘The Gospel According to André’

2730 Randolph Rd., Charlotte 7-10 p.m. The Mint Museum hosts a screening on the lawn of a new documentary about the life and work of André Leon Talley, former Vogue editor-at-large, with Talley himself set to attend. Tickets $10 for adults, $5 kids 12 and under. Museum members receive 25 percent off admission. mintmuseum.org/happenings/1768.

September 14 Pop-Up Green Queen Bingo

Studio 503 503 E. Washington St., Greensboro 6 p.m. The Pop Star Wannabe Boyz and Girlz present a special pride edition of their popular drag bingo event at their new Washington St. location. Advance tickets $15 general admission / $12 student, $20 at the door. guilfordgreenfoundation.org/event/ pop-up-bingo.

September 15 Greensboro Pride Festival

S. Elm St., Greensboro 11 a.m. – 5 p.m. In 2018 Greensboro is “taking pride to the streets” with this free, family-friendly festival downtown. greensboropride.org.

September 15 Gaston Pride Festival

September 14-16: Mint Museum Uptown Grand Re-Opening

Celebration begins Friday night with a free event from 6-9 p.m., featuring interactive light/sound installation Lumisonica on the grand staircase, the opening of the new juried art show Mainframe, live jazz and more. Free community day Saturday 11 a.m.–6 p.m. includes aerial dance performance Perspective — on the building’s façade — along with a live-painting mural project, food trucks, museum tours and artist appearances. Sunday 1-5 p.m. sees repeat presentations of Lumisonica, Mainframe, and Perspective, with upper-level museum members entitled to a free ‘See All Three’ tour with RSVP. Mint Museum Uptown at Levine Center for the Arts, 500 S. Tryon St., Charlotte, Various times. mintmuseum.org/happenings/1779.

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Sept. 7-20 . 2018

Rotary Pavilion, Gastonia 1-6 p.m. The family-friendly afternoon will include live entertainment and a kids’ area along with informational booths and local vendors. gastonpride.org.

September 15 Tosco Music Party

Knight Theater at Levine Center for the Arts 430 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m. Tosco Music marks 30 years of partying with its next jam session

September 7-8: Margaret Cho

Cho makes Charlotte the latest stop on her 2018 “Fresh off the Bloat” tour. Tickets $25. The Comedy Zone, 900 NC Music Factory Blvd., Charlotte. 7:30 and 9:45 p.m. Friday, 7 and 9:30 p.m. Saturday cltcomedyzone.com. featuring a variety of local talent. Tickets $13-$28. Discounts available for students and groups of 10 or more. toscomusic.org/events/tmpsep-15-2018.

September 15 ‘The Music of Queen’

Youth of the Catawba Valley sees teams competing in a series of challenges throughout the Hickory area, plus a costume contest with cash prizes at stake. Registration $25 per person, with 2-4 people per team. outrightsamazingrace.com.

Meymandi Concert Hall Duke Energy Center for the Performing Arts 2 E. South St., Raleigh 8 p.m. The North Carolina Symphony invites a rock band and vocalist to join its ranks in tribute to one of the most iconic musical groups of all time. Tickets $57-$77. ncsymphony.org/events/192/themusic-of-queen

September 28-29 ‘The Music of Elton John’

September 15-16 Greensboro Comicon

September 29 Pride: Durham, NC Parade & Festival

Greensboro Marriott Downtown 304 N. Green St., Greensboro 10 a.m.–6 p.m. Saturday, 10 a.m.– 5 p.m. Sunday Pride teams up with the city’s annual celebration of all things comics, cosplay and pop culture.¬ greensborocomicon.com.

September 20 and 22 ‘Leonard Bernstein at 100’

Dana Auditorium 710 Levi Coffin Dr., Greensboro 8 p.m. Greensboro Symphony Orchestra music director Dmitry Sitkovetsky steps down from the conductor’s podium and picks up his violin to celebrate the renowned composer’s centennial. Tickets $6-$46. greensborosymphony.org/events.

September 22 ‘OUTright’s Amazing Race’

OUTright Youth Center 748 4th St. SW, Hickory 9 a.m. The 2nd annual Amazing Race fundraising event for OUTright

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m. The Charlotte Symphony joins forces with Grammy- and Tony nominee Michael Cavanaugh to put a new spin on Elton John’s greatest hits. Tickets $37-$167. charlottesymphony.org/events

Duke University East Campus 11 a.m.–4 p.m. The successor to NC Pride kicks off its inaugural event with an opening ceremony and prayer at 11 a.m. followed by the early afternoon parade, then main stage performances beginning at 2 p.m. prideindurham.org.

October 4-7 OUT at the Movies International LGBT Film Fest

Winston-Salem The 15th annual OUT at the movies festival and awards feature live appearances by filmmakers and actors including Wes Ramsey of “Latter Days.” Individual screening passes $10, all-inclusive festival passes $75. Tickets for Del Shores’ one-man show “Six Characters in Search of a Play,” $25. outatthemovieswinston.org.


a&e

REGULAR EVENTS

This mural aims to ‘reclaim space’ in Charlotte’s historic West End

Charlotte Latin Pride

Spanish-language support nights, second and fourth Tuesday of each month, 7 p.m., Charlotte Pride offices at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, 1900 The Plaza, Charlotte. info: charlottepride.org/latin/

One artist talks about her role

PFLAG Charlotte

Support meetings, second Monday of each month, 6:30-8 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: pflagcharlotte.org

Prime Timers

Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/

Trans Youth Group

Weekly discussion groups for transgender youth ages 13-20 each Thursday, 4:30-6 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Transcend Charlotte

Support groups for partners, friends and family of transgender and gender non-conforming adults ages 18 and older, second and fourth Sundays of each month, 6-7 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: transcendcharlotte.org

Youth Drop-In Space

Drop-in space Monday-Friday, 3-6:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth Discussion Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ youth ages 13-20 each Wednesday, 6:308:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth of Color Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ and ally people of color each Thursday, 7-8:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

BY Emiene Wright | Arts correspondent | The Charlotte Observer

T

he “Manifest Future” mural is a collaborative creative project — the brainchild of Janelle Dunlap and the League of Creative Interventionists, with partners including the Knight Foundation and Historic West End — and aims to reclaim a neglected lot on Charlotte’s West Side as a unifying force in the rapidly gentrifying African-American neighborhood. Georgie Nakima and Sloane Siobhan worked at creating a powerful visual statement that goes beyond art, turning the mural into a rallying point where artists, civic leaders and neighborhood residents could come together at weekly parties to paint, connect, and build a sense of cultural ownership of the space, at 1635 W. Trade St. Dunlap’s LOCI work continues.

Describe your role in this project. I’m the lead designer and creative director on “Manifest Future.” The space was chosen intentionally in the historic West End, a community that’s been marginalized and is being gentrified. We wanted to redefine gentrification, which is not necessarily a racial thing but is about displacement. The lot had been abandoned and underused for years. Instead of wallowing in it, we’re reclaiming the space. Sloane and I talked about images and what we were inspired by, and I sketched out the composition of the mural. It’s split into five pillars, a sequential narrative of black life where each portion of the mural tells a bit of the story: genesis, unity, group work, creativity, and sacred gardening. The first part, genesis, is symbolized by Adinkra symbols from the Asante people of West Africa representing progress. The weekly paint parties are open and the public is invited to come understand the subject matter and delight in the spirit of making art. It’s like a family reunion, with food and music. We keep it light, reactivating the space through colors, frequencies and vibrations. Each paint party is themed by the part of the mural we’re on. What has been the most surprising moment? We had a couple surprises, all of them not necessarily good. In the prefab stage everything that could go wrong did, from administrative issues, to meetings, to deciding roles and getting supplies. It was my first time not working solo and organizing with a team was a whole other process I needed to learn. I’m glad for it, because I’ve learned how to be a better leader and follower. Most profound moment? Both Sloane and I attended Northwest School of the Arts on Beatties Ford Rd., so we’re very familiar with the area. The positive feedback from the community has been overwhelming. Where we’re at, where Trade meets Beatties Ford, things are always happening to them and not with them. So seeing two young black women putting up an Afrocentric mural gives them a sense of

Georgie Nakima at work. (Photo Credit: Joshua Komer) pride, especially the kids, who are seeing us and learning that if they’re interested in art there’s a place for them. They know we have an emotional connection that’s reflected in the art. That’s why it’s so important to have black artists do work in black communities, because artists from different backgrounds don’t have those stakes. Residents from all walks are always coming up and telling us how dope it is. They feel extensive pride when they see it. Even after the mural is done there will be a place to go for community forums or a place where we can just pull up and post up. Has this work changed your art? It’s not my art that has changed as much as the way I see myself making an impact. There’s a difference between being impressive and impactful. Both are great but this is something that’s on the verge of building a legacy. My other murals have been in predominantly white arts districts or professional environments. This community has high traffic, a lot of people on foot and bikes and in cars, but residents have low access to art. I want to mold how we view art. You don’t have to be an artist or artistically inclined to take part. It’s very meditative and therapeutic, and people who haven’t had access to therapy or meditation can paint to express themselves. That can be empowering, too. : : This story is part of an Observer underwriting project with the Thrive Campaign for the Arts, supporting arts journalism in Charlotte.

Sept. 7-20 . 2018

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The LGBTQ community's suicide rate is staggering, especially among youth, and in this issue we've gathered a host of resources to provide he...

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The LGBTQ community's suicide rate is staggering, especially among youth, and in this issue we've gathered a host of resources to provide he...

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