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qmunicate Freshers’ Week Specials\\Monday 2011\\

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Yesterday All our sleep deprivation seemed so far away...

Kissy SellOut DJ Cobra warmed up the crowd with some classic club tunes, and held the thirst for music at bay. But after some great warm up dancing it was time for Kissy to take to the stage and began his set. Playing his unique style of eccentric electro dubstep Kissy managed to keep it fresh all night, and the punters rewarded him by jumping and shouting in a sweaty mass the entire night. If you weren’t hot and sweaty by the end, you obviously weren’t doing it right.


What better for fresher’s week than one of the freshest DJs out there, a man who has resisted labelling but who reluctantly describes himself as expressive post-modern electro speed garage from the forests of Essex.

Accurate or not Kissy Sellout certainly managed to live up to his name last night by filling up Qudos. The crowd screamed manically at the stage, jostled for position and bayed for banging tunes like a werewolf to the moon. They were not disappointed.

Hands reached for the sky and the bass reverberated around the room like a bouncy ball. Bodies rocked and drinks vibrated in their glasses. The bar must have been drunk dry of red bull considering the sheer energy for jumping up and down the crowd was capable of. Naturally our wonderful QMU fresher’s helpers were there to help you all get down QM style, and even Tyrone Ross, the QM’s special inflatable dinosaur helper (join the facebook group) was there in style, getting his groove on. It was a great start to fresher’s week, and there’ll be plenty more of the same fun to come.

White T-shirt Party Another year, another white t-shirt party. And, most importantly, another opportunity to draw cocks on each other’s back! Yup, Freshers Week in the ol’ Queen Margaret Union kicked off properly in spectacular fashion with the queue stretching farther than the eye could see from the sanctity of Champion’s Bar. Well, as far back as University Avenue anyway. The tried and tested format, essentially writing explicit slogans or drawing the aforementioned phalluses on each other’s white t-shirts, worked as well as ever. Nice vibes ran throughout the building and drawing on someone provided an excellent alternative to just walking up and going “I fancy you”. Qudos was absolutely packed come midnight and the sea of white tees, all covered in bright ink was quite a sight to behold.

The quality of the spelling and drawing diminished somewhat as many attendees became corrupted by intoxicating liquors

but all in all everyone stuck within their limits and seemed to be having an awesome time. Bring on Monday!

Scottish Showcase


Monday’s QM line-up sees the cream of Scotland’s musical crop gracing the legendary Qudos stage. Kassidy, currently enjoying success on the back of critically acclaimed debut album Hope Street, will be peddling their own unique brand of anthemic folk singalong numbers. On the rockier side of things, local icons Twin Atlantic return to the QM following their astonishing sold out show in March of 2009, a run of all

the major music festivals and the release of their debut album. Up and comers the LaFontaines bring their unique fusion of indie rock and rap, a style which has brought them attention from many critics and a fiercely loyal fanbase. Finally young bucks Bwani Junction bring their raucous stage show and African influenced indie-rock (think Vampire weekend with smarter lyrics) to the stage, after wowing crowd’s on the T-Break stage at T in the Park.

Ministry of Sound The Wideboys, Ministry of Sound staples and purveyors of filthy Garage and House take a break from remixing and producing some of the biggest acts in the world to play our beloved QM. The London based duo, who have mixed tracks for the likes of Rhianna and Snoop Dogg, are currently embarking on a headline UK tour, with Fresher’s week in the QM amongst their biggest dates.

Really Useful Pub Quiz So it’s Monday and you must be as excited as a porcupine meeting a pineapple! It’s more than likely you haven’t managed to make it out to Tesco Maryhill yet, and you are subsiding upon a diet of pesto and the jar the pesto was in, as I did during my FW.

Hinton and Bateman in the Jim’s at 3pm for banter and questions about your new home city and university, and the obvious benefit of potentially winning lots and lots of weird, wacky, wonderful and of course, useful prizes.

What you need then is some stuff like water closet wiping paper, sponges and washing up liquid, because you’re new to this flatsharing ting and ting and you don’t know how to share yet. You are like a child, damnit.


Well, you’re in luck, you wonderful infant. Join the face-kicking superhero duo of

It’s certainly an occasion to bring out one’s dancing shoes as the sound system gets pushed to the limits by the recent winners of “Best Dance Act” at the Urban Music Awards. Safe to say, it’s going to be banging. Every year the Ministry of Sound pack out any student union they’ve come near and today promises to be no exception. Get in nice and early to make sure you have the opportunity to let these dirty Wideboys kickstart what’ll be the most ridiculous and amazing week of your life.




Is gonna be the day...of quizzes, live music and ace DJs




The President’s Hiyaa

Chief Lioness Kirsty Hill, welcomes one and all to the QM that we are proud to call our members. Here at the QM, we invite you to become part of this community. We’ve got something for everyone, and you’re guaranteed to find like-minded people among our wonderful membership of over eight thousand current students.


Welcome to the University of Glasgow, and more importantly welcome to the Queen Margaret Union. I hope you all have a fantastic week, and that it sets you up for what I can guarantee will be the best few of years of your life. The student experience here is second to none, and I hope the QM will be a big part of that. The Queen Margaret Union has a long and rich history, stretching way back to the 1890s. The foremost reason that it’s still standing today is the strong, diverse and vibrant community of students and alumni

Whether you’re in halls or still living at home, there’s plenty on in the QM this Freshers’ Week that you’re free to enjoy. From making friends at Speed Mating on Tuesday, through getting dressed up for our Freshers’ Ball on Thursday, to busting moves covered in paint at Cheesy Pop this Friday, we’ve got it covered. We’ve put together what we think are the best bands in Scotland for our Scottish Showcase on Monday, the best chat in Glasgow for the Big Wednesday Night Pub Quiz [on Wednesday], even gathering some of the most beautiful and friendly students in Glasgow to help you settle in this week [the ones wearing red], all to make your Freshers’ Week one of the most memorable weeks of your life.

But the QM will be around long after the end of your Freshers’ Week. We’ve got four committees that you can come and get involved in. You’ll be able to read more about them in qmunicate this week. Whether your interests lie in writing, editing or producing a fine publication such as this (they do one with colour the rest of the year!), or helping to plan, set up and run events, we are more than happy to welcome you on board. Equally, if you’re interested in campaigns and charities, or running our open mic and quiz nights, there’s plenty for you to learn. You’re always going to be told that you need to get ‘more than just a degree’, so why not have fun doing it in the Queen Margaret Union? My office is on the third floor, do come and visit me any time. We can have a nice wee cup of tea and a chat, whether you have any questions about what we get up to, or ideas of your own! Have a fantastic Freshers’ Week, and a great time at the University of Glasgow.


Choose our new regular columnist by texting in your fave I applied to Glasgow because the main building looks like Hogwarts - Please don’t tell my mum. I’m not saying it was a bad decision – it was probably the best decision I’ve ever made. But what worries me is the underlying possibility that J. K. Rowling is, in fact, controlling my life. I’ve always loved Harry Potter, but to what I thought was a normal extent. With the release of every Harry Potter film, comes an obnoxious know-it-all giving a running commentary in the row behind you. I’m that obnoxious know-it-all. When they omitted the Brain Room from the Order of the Phoenix, I heard at least five other people start angrily muttering though! When I queued up at midnight to get the last book, I justified it on the basis that I was, at least, not one of the ones who dressed up. However, it’s becoming apparent that I have a problem. As a bookish (nerdy) girl with hair that defies both gravity and reason, I was always compared to Hermione growing up – back when that wasn’t a serious compliment. Two of my closest friends are a gangly ginger

and a dark-haired boy with round glasses. We considered dressing up as Rowling’s protagonists last Halloween, but ‘Ron’ sadly already had a Snow White costume. This obsession even extends to my love life. My boyfriend pulled me using references to Harry Potter. With his ginger hair, lovely clumsiness and huge family, I have essentially found my Ron. Mercifully, a straighter version than my Snow White clad friend. I suppose, for that, I can thank J.K. But, for my doomed foray into Classics, I hold her entirely responsible. I have no idea what possessed me to take Classics: I knew nothing about it, and am absolutely terrible at it. It took me half a semester to work out that the Romans came from Italy. Yet, even after a disastrous first semester, I pursued it. Because the lectures were in the main building. The same reason I actually weirdly enjoy exams – I just feel like Fred and George are about to fly in on their brooms and let off some fireworks. That feeling of excitement normally lasts until I turn over the exam paper. It could be worse: at least I’ve never considered getting a dark mark tattoo on

my arm. But, last week, as I wound tape around my broken sunglasses to hold them together, I started to realise just how serious this is getting. My bedroom next year is essentially a cupboard under the stairs, and I have an abnormal affinity with owls. I even shout “Accio!” at stuff when I’m too lazy to get up and get it. This is the turning point. Having now seen the final film, I’m breaking free of Rowling’s oppression. I will stop joining Facebook groups about ‘Going out for a quiet butterbeer and waking up next to Severus Snape’. I will stop hitting people who say the films are better than the books. I will stop calling the main building ‘Hogwarts’. I will buy a new pair of sunglasses, because I am not a wizard and taped-up specs are not a good look on me. I will return to Glasgow for second year without my books and DVD boxset. I will free myself from the obsession that has clearly taken over my life. And I’ll go to the QM to celebrate. Pint of magic, anyone? [Text qmu + monday to 07766404142 to vote Columnist No.1 as our regular columnist]

Focus on:

Campaigns & Charities

Four committees. Five days. We’ll work something out for Friday. Campaigns and Charities Committee is for anyone interested in raising money for charity, running campaigns for the union and across campus, and helping to improve student wellbeing. We meet every Monday, 5pm, in the Board Room on the 3rd floor. We run a Free Condoms service on Tuesdays and Wednesdays between 12 and 4. You can take an hour shift if you’re free, to hand out johnnies and other freebies. We get training from the Sandyford on sexual health and wellbeing, and we have loads of leaflets, flyers and guides on everything you ever wanted to know about sex (and a few things you probably did not). We sell stuff (glowsticks, mostly) at the regular club nights, every Tuesday and Friday. Right now, we’re raising money for Glasgow

Samaritans, but one of the first things we’ll be doing in the new term is picking a new charity. You can come along to a committee meeting to vote for the charity you’d like us to raise money for, or propose one yourself. Apart from a couple of special events, every penny we raise during first semester will go to them. How we raise those pennies is up to you. We’re also planning on organising a couple of extra events for different days throughout the year, including Children in Need, World AIDS Day and Sport Relief. This includes Jailbreak – a race of global proportions, as you try to get as far away from the QMU as possible (without spending any money). If you want to get some experience in organising big fundraising events for charity, this is the place to be.

Across campus we work with the SRC and the University as a whole on campaigns. We’re part of promoting Fair Trade at the University, and stock a bunch of Fair Trade stuff in the shop. We’ll also be organising some promotional events for Fair Trade Fortnight in February. Also, we’ll be getting involved with the SRC on Health Week to raise awareness around a range of health issues. Finally Raising and Giving (RAG) week to raise money for charity. If you have any time to spare, want to do some good and get some great experience, not to mention an invite to the infamous Committee Night In, we’d love your help. Just come along to a meeting, or email Hope to see some of you take a break from all the boozing to head down!


Pure Dead Magic


monday 6

Meeting Folk and That

qmunicate talks you through Freshers’ Week pals, and beyond Freshers’ week might just be one of the most talked up things you’ll ever take part in. Everyone’s telling you how great it is, how life changing it is, how it might just be the best week of your life. With all that build up, it’s bound to fall a little short of the mark. Indeed you might well find yourself hating the whole affair and wishing you could just find some people to chill out with and excuse yourself from all the socialising. If you’re anything like me you could condemn the whole affair as saccharine and look forward to actually getting down to the day-to-day existence of uni without being constantly expected to socialise or being hassled by endless companies wanting you to fritter away your student loan at their particular establishment. During my freshers week I remember wishing I had a t-shirt with my name, where I’m from and what I do printed on it so people would stop asking. All the small talk wore me down and all I wanted was to find a good friend among the throngs of people so I didn’t have

to stand in the corner with my hands in my pockets or risk embarrassment by trying to make friends and failing. A lot of the time I couldn’t really think of what to say to all these new people introducing themselves. In short freshers is great for the confident, not so great for the socially awkward. But have no fear, because university is all about catering for a vast array of interests, people and tastes. As much as you might feel like a fish out of water in the ultra social environment of freshers week you will find yourself some friends at some point and it’s all worth it in the end. The more people you can meet the more likely you are to find ones you get on with, and if you can relax and enjoy it you will. If when freshers week ends you’re still feeling out in the cold all is not lost, so don’t panic! Here are some tips for making friends; attend all lectures and seminars, they might be a pain if they’re early in the morning but they can be great for meeting people in not too daunting numbers.

Be an active flatmate! Wedge your door open for a more sociable environment. Also decorate the place up a bit, and just generally be around. Many people go back home at weekends to see friends and family and although this is tempting absent flatmates tend to annoy the rest. A big part of uni is learning how to live by yourself without your parents and whilst this does mean putting up with crappy food and shrunken laundry for a bit it’s a life skill as essential as the subjects you actually come to uni to learn. Join some clubs and societies; any will do as long as they get you out and about. Glasgow uni has a huge variety of extra curricular activities to be getting on with as you will see at the freshers fair, so there’s really no excuse for not getting involved. Most importantly, relax and be yourself. Nobody likes someone trying to be what they’re not, so don’t bother. If you let it, uni can be the best time of your life so far, so don’t waste it!

Were you caught kissing at Kissy SellOut?


We saw you


monday 8

The Admiral’s Love Boat

qmunicate’s scurvy sailor steers you through some stormy seas Dear Admiral, I just moved into Murano and I’ve quickly found out that the walls are paper thin. Unfortunately the person in the room next door is turning out to be a bit of a shagger and I’m having trouble sleeping with all the commotion. What do I do?

Ahoy, matey! Thar only be one hard and fast way we deal with this difficulty on the ship – the next time it be happenin’, bang on the wall and holler “You thar! Make the salty wench scream louder, I be tryin’ to beat one out and I can barely hear o’er the rattlin’ o’ me hook!” That should stop the lily-livered land lubber in his stride!

Dear Admiral, I’m having a spot of trouble. I think I may have caught something after a somewhat regrettable one night stand. What do I do?

Ah lad, barnacles on your rudder? It never be a good predicament to be in. It happens to the most swashbucklin’ o’ us all when we go from port to port. Best be sailing down to the Sandyford Clinic and gettin’ yer deck swabbed. An’ next time be wearin’ yer lifebelt afore divin’ in!

Dear Admiral, It is my first year away from home and I’m concerned about putting on a lot of weight. Shall I embrace the overspill like many of my more Scottish flatmates or shall I live on a strict nutritious diet of peas and lentils?

Well, Lad. First of all, I be disgusted that you’d even indulge the notion o’ a veggie diet. Whar did the salted pork go? The rum as the sun rises, the rum as the sun be at it’s highest, and the rum as the run sets? If you be eatin’ only peas and lentils then fair play be to ye. It be better for ye but not be good for yer taste buds! And remember, ye arrrrgh what ye eat!

I saw you Text ‘qmu’ + your message to 07766404142 to see it printed here tomorrow I say you Paul Kelly propping yourself up whilst you take a piss • i saw you sexual harrassment panda • I saw you Elli burrowing yourself like a hamster in toilet paper • I saw you Ironside pulling your bisexual friend • I saw you Jewson stealing those V’s • I saw you Jessica Alba being invisible in the girls toilets • i saw you cheviot one being the party flat again! • i saw you newbie, believing in secret orphanages • i saw you alice, loving cock • I saw you team pubs gettin mad wae it to born slippy • I saw you Nina asking me to send this text • i saw you Iain Smith fisting a King Size. Does Ellie know? • i saw you kat mixing bizness and pleasure - shame • I saw you dog. I LOVE DOG • i saw you kathryn, getting tuesday night drunk. • I saw you Adam, spilling my pint of magic all over my hands and my phone. • I saw you Kathryn, letting me stay in your flat when I wanted to leave early, THANK YOU. • I saw you Laura’s feet, hurting way too much. • I saw you Tyrone, being head and shoulders above the rest. • I saw you Sir Filth-A-Lot, being a downright filthy bastard. • I saw you Team Nugget, being quite fucking spectacular. • I saw you Team Pubs, working away whilst missing all the fatuous in-jokes. • I saw you QMU, having more fun. • I saw you Kirsty, running out of chat. • I saw you Colum, with your painted face. • I saw you Kathryn, losing your phone and breaking a glowstick. I fucking knew it. • I saw the qm pubs convenor doing parkour and being lovely • I saw you chippy confusing mary poppins with a nazi • I saw you guys coming up with Iron Colon. Shit chat! qmunicate.magazine@ qmunicate is © Queen Margaret Union. All work is © its authors 2011. Views expressed in qmunicate do not necessarily represent the views of the Queen Margaret Union or indeed those of the authors themselves.

Editor: Nina Ballantyne Deputy Editors: Jonny McAra/Marc Barr/Theo Wheatley Contributors: Peter Coyne/Alice Stearn/Bateman McBride/Paul Kelly/EllieMunro/Pad Hughes/Kirsty Hill/Mystery Columnist #1 Thanks: Tennent’s/Ginger Joe’s /Quids prices/ProPlus/Multivitamins/Surprisingly excellent office playlists Despite: The Admiral being steaming/Blackadder being steaming/Dimples being absent Photography Credits: Nina Ballantyne Printing: Mailboxes Etc

FW Special '11 Monday  

The Monday edition of our special daily qmunicates for Freshers' Week. Reviews of the weekend, previews of Monday and a ton of features abou...

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