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the one where we talk about dating



Leading Off Pulse Opinions


Athlete X


The Sports Page


Best and Worst of Dating


Unfiltered and unhinged, hear what our writers have to say.

The voice of the locker room - an anonymous essay by a local athlete.

Basketball season is in full swing! Check the latest on the 7A/6A landscape.

Valentine’s Day isn’t all bad...but it’s not all good either. We’ve got ideas to make Feb. 14 your best date yet, plus the stories of everything that can go wrong.

2013 Popcorn Previews


Don’t go to the movies until you know what’s there - theater and DVD reviews of the films you want to see.

Not the News

Some stories are too good to be true, and some things are just completely made up.




ALEXANDER JEMISON Bentonville @PulseBHS Clayton Adams Fayetteville @PulseFHS Bev Woessner Fayetteville @PulseFHS Jacob Benson Har-Ber @PulseHarBer Sara LaChance Har-Ber @PulseHarBer Matt Watson Executive Editor @PulseNWA


Modern Slavery: Not only a past injustice Over 27 million human beings suffer from the second largest global organized crime today - slavery. Slavery is when one person is completely controlled by another, forced to work against their will and treated like property. This is not an injustice of the past; slavery is very real and prominent today. Women, men and children are held captive and used for sex, labor and trade throughout all areas of the world, including the United States, according to the A21 Campaign. Over 17,500 innocent human beings are trafficked in the US yearly. Those who are prostitutes, underpaid field workers are includ-

Bev Woessner Fayetteville Senior ed in this number. Journalist Nicholas D. Kristof of

The New York Times wrote about a young Cambodian girl Srey Pov, who was first sold a sex slave at six years old -- the average age of a first grader. Srey Pov was worth more as a virgin, so after each customer she was stitched up and resold to the highest bidder. Like many victims first thrown into this horrific world, Srey Pov tried to escape. And like many victims of slavery, she was “caught and brutally punished.” In Cambodia, Srey Pov recalled a consequence she suffered when she was caught: “locked naked in the darkness in a barrel halffull of sewage, replete with vermin and scorpions that stung her regu-

larly for an hour or so,” Kristof reported. And the longest period of time spent in this grueling condition -- one week. Sadness is just one among the flood of feelings to describe the reaction to Srey Pov’s story. But we shouldn’t stop at just feeling this way for those trapped in slavery. One can hear about this and make the choice to ignore it, or make the choice to do something about it. Anybody has the choice, and ability to do something about modern slavery. This is not just something we learn in history class anymore. Right now there is an “End It” See WOESSNER on Page 4


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[Real] Nerds do it better

By Alexander Jemison Bentonville Senior

I feel like nerds do it better. Yes, while the folks on the dance crew at your high school can do a double over-vault mid-air twirl jump with a 189.4 degree rotation and stick the landing, nerds can wear bowties. We can play video games. We can master video games. Football players can run it – “it” being the pigskin – a whole 70 yards to the touchdown, and then scarf a plateful of grub after the big game, but nerds can scarf twice the amount without the physical exertion. And we have the paunches to prove it. Who else can sit down with a thirty two gigawatt four megabyte XLR Hyperjam motherboard and turn it into a jiga-whatsit with four collapsible floaties and surround sound? Not the debate team, that’s for dang sure! Yeah, monologue to the hand, debaters. But wait. What’s this… This feeling? This deep-rooted anxiety,


Continued from Page 3 movement going on to shine a light on slavery. Their mission: “Slavery is wrong. You know it. We know it. As a country, we’ve officially known it since 1863. But here’s something might no know -- slavery still exists. We want every man, woman and child to know that there are 27 million men, omen and children, just like them, living in the shadows. In brothels. In factories. In



a nervousness that tugs at my mind and makes me tremble… It is a fear – a fear of our entire prowess as nerds, all of our expertise, being flung from third-story windows like unwanted hardware and so much detritus, where it is caught by dumpster-diving wannabees who flock to our sudden popularity with a grisly lust and tenacious hunger. “Nerdicide.” It’s happening. It’s going on in your schools, your homes. It’s claiming victims. There is only one cure for nerdicide, or the systematic extermination of nerds by turning them into slaves to pop culture and fashion and giving their nerd juices to the popular folk, and that is Nerdom. Nerdom is the fantastic realm of shadows and smoke where Magic: The Gathering and Pokemon and One Piece and all the wonderful, classic, truly nerdy things gather. Cast out these new Cartoon Network shows like Frodo cast the ring into Mt. Doom, cast out the ones that are viewed by the seething masses with starstruck eyes. Back

to ye Olde Tymes we go, where Lord of The Rings and Dungeons and Dragons reign supreme, where Harry Potter is gaining fandom and where Syfy is the only channel besides Discovery that you TiVo. Let us remember Teen Titans. Let us gaze upon the Star Treks and Star Wars and behold the magnificence of the heavens (and George Lucas), lightsabers lit and held at the ready. Come with me, fellow nostalgians. Follow me, cloak donned and boots ready, into the mystical mists of mystery and wonder. Aid me in finding Courage, of the Cowardly Dog variety. What has happened to Nerds? We’ve degenerated. We’re not nerdy anymore; we’re hip. We’re not the one percent. We no longer engage in Chess club - do we even have one? Our LARP club is cloistered with festering wounds called hipsters. Our territory is being encroached upon, and we watch with indifferent eyes. We watch because them joining us makes us cool. If we’re cool, we no longer have to face the fear of wedgies and swirlies, long since

eradicated from the school systems. Why? Why would anyone forsake such a legacy? A legacy of stiff upper lips and lactose-intolerance. What is so wrong with that? Where are the people who watched Transformers and Gundoms and Thundercats? Where is the old X-Men TV show? What happened? Have we assimilated that well? Are we really that trendy? Are glasses really THAT awesome to have? Why are we being copied? When mockery was so much better. People don’t laugh at us anymore; they laugh with us. There is no hope for us unless we return to the far reaches of Nerdom, hole up our strongholds and mount an offensive to strike fear into the hearts of the cheerleaders and jocks and Sauron alike. Let all fear the word “nerd.” Let all tremble before our incalculable mental fortitude! Let the dirt shake at our approach.

quarries. Working as slaves. In 161 countries. Including our own. We are here to shine a light on slavery. No more bondage. No more sex trafficking. No more child laborers. No more, starting now,” according to If that statement and Srey Pov’s story don’t drive you to do something about this ignored tragedy, I don’t know what will. You have just learned about modern slavery, now what? There are many opportunities for people to help join the fight

against human trafficking. First, there are numerous organizations like Polaris Project, A21 Campaign and Not for Sale help prevent, rescue and heal human trafficking victims that one can donate money too. Second, you can spread the word. Maximize the amount of people you can reach via twitter, facebook and any other social media. It’s important to hear about this, but also more important to act on it. My challenge to the readers is to inform yourself. Find more stories

like Srey Pov’s, learn more statistics. Then inform those around you. Bring it up class/work, with your family at the dinner table. You have the power for modern slavery to longer be an ignored tragedy.


[ATHLETE X] the anonymous truth - written by you, about you


Finding myself in the water

s a freshman in the middle of picking the courses I would take my sophomore year and at a new high school, I was bewildered by all of the choices available to me. I knew I needed an athletic to graduate, and I did not want to take PE by any means. At that time in my life, I was a pretty modest person so I choose the most obvious choice: the school’s swim and dive Team (that was a joke). My initial reasoning behind this was that I had always been an accomplished swimmer naturally, and away from water, I had no hand/eye coordination when it came to sports with throwing balls or participating directly with others. Regardless of my decision then, being a part of that team has proven to be one of the most

important things to me through out my high school career. I was able to start out in a little bit of a more advance place than others, and over the next two years I grew as an athlete and a team member. More than that, I learned what it meant to be part of a something bigger than myself; a team. The people I’ve met through swimming together are also the people I’ve found myself calling my “best friends”. Even though our team is big and the sport itself is largely based on the individual, everyone there is very supportive of each other and I personally find that to be a refreshing difference from how the rest of the school day is. Physically, the swimming has taught me a lot about myself. While it provides huge stress relief by allowing me to forget everything

else and focus on swimming, it has also taught me to test myself, as many sports do. What a lot of people don’t realize is that swimming requires you to use your whole body. Some practices you are exhausted after just the warmup. But the being able to learn how to push yourself past that and complete your goals (in this case the workout), can be applied to anything. This year, however, I was offered to further my involvement with the team by being given the chance to being the lone diver at our school (as well as the only male diver in the school district). I took it, and it may have been the most rewarding experience out of all of my involvement with the team in all. I really discovered that I love diving and that I’m actually pretty good at it. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that

I get to score additional points for our swim team at meets, which is something that our school hasn’t had for a number of years. Now, I am a senior and still a proud member of the swim and dive team. Through my three years of dedication I have found myself placed as a ‘senior leader’ (we don’t have a ‘team captain’) and I can proudly say that I am a staple of the team’s success during competition. After I graduate, I’m sure that I will only grow to miss one of the things that was constant and that I could count on through out my high school career. Athlete X is an anonymous essay from a local high schooler. If you have something to say, message @PulseNWA.


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Fayetteville Boys Remain Unbeaten in League The Fayetteville Bulldogs beat every team in the 7A/6A West in the first half of conference play, and they moved to 9-0 with a win over Van Buren on Tuesday to continue the second run of league games. The Bulldogs haven’t lost a conference game on the court since 2011, officially a 19-game win streak. Their closest win was a 12-point victory this week against the Pointers, who held the ball for prolonged periods of the game to literally slow down the scoring. Siloam Slips at Home The Panther boys 55-53 to Rogers on Tuesday, as the Mounties doubled their con-

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.


ference win total and knocked Siloam out of the second-place spot in the standings. Siloam has thrived in its first go-round in 7A/6A play, but two of the Panthers’ three losses have come to teams near the bottom of the conference. They face a Springdale team on a four-game win streak on Friday, a team they beat earlier in the year but have now fallen behind in the league standings. Heritage still looking for first conference win The War Eagles wrapped up non-conference play with a promising 9-3 record, but they have come up empty in league play through nine games.

FAYETTEVILLE 19-3 (9-0) SPRINGDALE 15-7 (7-2) SILOAM 16-4 (6-3) BENTONVILLE 16-6 (6-3) HAR-BER 8-15 (3-6) VAN BUREN 10-12 (3-6)

After a Friday bout with Bentonville, Heritage faces the sixth, fifth and seventh place teams with its best chance to get a first victory and climb out of last place. Bentonville straight




The Lady Tigers have rattled off the league’s longest win streak, not having lost since Jan. 15, and were the first 7A/6A team (boys or girls) to get to 20 wins overall this year. Bentonville is in sole possession of first place with games against the two teams tied for second place up next. The race for first place could be all but over by Feb. 12.



ROGERS 8-14 (2-7) HERITAGE 9-12 (0-9)




1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Heritage, Rogers girls tied for second place The 2012-13 season is going a lot better for the girls in the city of Rogers than it is for the boys. While Heritage and Rogers have a combined two wins on the boys’ side, the Lady War Eagles and Lady Mounties are both 7-2 with a chance to catch first-place Bentonville in the next week. Rogers handed the Lady Tigers their only loss so far in the West in mid-January, but Heritage topped the Lady Mounties in the first cross-town match-up of the year. All three teams play each other in the next two weeks, with the all-Rogers rematch slated for Feb. 19.

BENTONVILLE 20-2 (8-1) HERITAGE 17-5 (7-2) ROGERS 15-7 (7-2) HAR-BER 14-10 (5-4) FAYETTEVILLE 8-14 (4-5) SILOAM 10-10 (3-6) VAN BUREN 5-14 (1-8) SPRINGDALE 6-16 (1-8)


tweet of the week presented by

Pulse writer and Har-Ber senior Sara Lachance signing her letter of intent Wednesday to play soccer at John Brown University. | Photo by The Har-Ber Herald

Our Editor in Chief signing to JBU for all of her hard work and dedication! So proud of her.” @CricketNation



Congratulates Class of ‘13 Signees

Pulse would like to salute the following 7A/6A West athletes in the class of 2013 who have signed to play college athletics. JOHN DONALD, BENTONVILLE HENDRIX FOOTBALL






















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BEST DATE EVER! Out of ideas for Valentine’s Day? Looking for the perfect date that will have the girl telling her all her friends about?

Lake Fayetteville Take advantage of the spring, summer or fall weather (or occasional 65-degree February day), put your Chacos on and venture out to beautiful Lake Fayetteville. You can walk together or cycle together on the trails that circle the lake. Cool down (or warm up) afterwards with coffee at Mama Carmen’s on College Ave. -Bev

Fayetteville Square From local music and rocking coffee at Jammin Java, to fun shopping at the Mustache Store, to pizza at town-favorite Tim’s Pizza, the Fayetteville Downtown Square is full things to do for any couple on any night. It also has beautiful lights and gardens that illuminate the night and provide a calm, peaceful scene. Check out for recurring and seasonal events on the square, like First Thursday or the farmer’s market. -Bev & Clayton

We had our writers put together the best ideas for a date night in Northwest Arkansas - whether it’s for Valentine’s Day, just another Friday night, or a fun night between friends.

Ozark Lanes (Fayetteville) Bored on a Friday night? Thursday night? Any other night? Ozark Lanes is always open, and bowling is a great first date. Whether you want to show off your game or just your form, it’s a built-in icebreaker in a fun setting. Just don’t hit the pin sweeper before your turn, they don’t like that. - Clayton & Matt

Fastlane (Lowell) The only date I’m even a little interested in going on is a date that includes laser tag. There aren’t a lot of good places to do this anymore, but luckily, NWA has Fastlane, home of actual pirate-themed laser tag. There is nothing more appealing than running around and “protecting each other” for a couple hours in a glow-in-the-dark pirate ship. Plus, every girl loves a hero. -Emma

Concerts If physical activity is too much (wimps), a concert is never a bad way to go. You can usually find small concerts in Fayetteville, and if none of those appeal to you, Tulsa is not far. Lots of cool bands go to Tulsa, and not even just the really expensive Lady Gaga-esque ones. -Emma




Star Gazing

Homeward Bound

Star gazing is always a romantic idea for any date and Valentine’s Day is no exception.

The classic date goes something like this –

Whether it’s in your backyard on a trampoline with a blanket or finding a quiet place else-

dinner, date, home, kissy kissy, goodnight.

where, staring into the sky is intimate and allows you to talk and get to know each other on

It’s very straightforward, but it gets a little

a deeper level. And with it being February, you have an excuse to cuddle, (for warmth of

bland, but hey! If bland is your thing… Go

course, duh). Make sure there are not bright lights anywhere near your spot that drown out

right on ahead with being Prufrock.

the stars. The more stars the better. A few spots in NWA perfect for star gazing are Lake

I say, mix it up. Goodnight, dinner, kissy

Fayetteville, Hobbs State Park, and any place out in the country. -Sara

kissy, home, date? Instead, try eliminating

Fine Dining You don’t want to date on an empty stomach. Treat yourself and your date to a lovely dinner at one’s of Arkansas’ finest restaurants. Fancier options can include Copeland’s in Rogers, or Bordino’s on Dickson Street. A good meal doesn’t have to break the bank either - if you’re looking for a more casual option you can look to Hammontree’s (also on Dickson). Girls love grilled cheese. -Jacob

Progressive Dinner

certain parts. While a lot of dates are had over food and it is true that eating your way to a relationship is a fine and time-proven technique, you can fast and be successful. Devote more of the food time to the goodnight time – write poems for each other and read them before sending one another off. Enjoy a movie in the comfort of your own home. It’s a crashing economic and social

Most people are familiar with dinner and a movie for a Valentine’s date, but this date takes a

market and all we do these days is

different spin on the dinner part. Try a progressive dinner, or restaurant hopping. Instead of

compartmentalize our lives; so why not

trying the appetizers, entrees, and desserts at only one restaurant, try them at three different

extend such efficiency to the dating scene?

places. The first restaurant order appetizers, the second one try entrees, and the last one try

Have your entire date in the comforts of

desserts. It is fun and different than the traditional dinner date. Not only is this date perfect for

your own home, but instead of watching

two people, but it is also great for group dates with other couples. Try to find three restaurants

a movie or making out, make sweet use

within walking distance, that way you have more time to chat and hold hands. -Sara

of all that spare time lying around. Help

Party of One Valentine’s Day is very special—to those in a relationship. Just another day to the single folks. If you’re single, here’s a nice way to have a little date night with yourself: first, choose a celebrity to play the role as your acquaintance for the evening. Then choose your favorite comfort food. Yes, it has to be strictly comfort food. Nobody enjoys a night alone with a salad. All right, Jessica Alba and a bucket of fried chicken, what next? Now pick an easy-to-watch feel-good movie. Action, comedy, or at worst a romantic-comedy...DO NOT watch a roman-

each other organize college applications and assist one another with applying for scholarships. Apply to universities together. Have ACT dates instead of nap dates. Real love is found in academia, not in the other person’s eyes, so put them peepers on your own darn paper and finish applying for financial aid, kiddos. -Alexander

tic movie. This will only make you feel lonely, which you are, but no need to dwell. Slip into your favorite pajamas and into bed. This date stays behind you and you, so when everybody’s blabbering about thier V-Day dates, probably just make up something else. -Jacob


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#3. Steak through the heart

We asked you to tell us your worse date ever. They’re anonymous (unless you’ve heard this story before...these things couldn’t have happened to more than one person). Here are the worst of the worst. Spoiler alert, there are drugs. And cops. And a trip to the hospital. It’s like The Hangover, except it wasn’t funny if it happened to you.

My friend’s brother’s date for prom one year did not turn out at all like he planned. Although he knew the girl somewhat, they weren’t that good of friends. Their conversations consisted of awkward silences punctured by short runs of small talk about boring subjects. Thankfully, the pictures went fine and the dance wasn’t too bad. However, the worst part was the dinner. He and his friends had planned to surprise all of the girls by taking them to an expensive, all you can eat steakhouse. As they slowly drove up to the restaurant, the girls expected a homemade dinner at some friend’s house - when they arrived at the steakhouse, all of the girls were thrilled. Except for my brother’s friend’s date. She had not told him until they got to the restaurant that she was a vegetarian. Because they had to reserve seats, he had already paid cash and couldn’t get it back. He ended up spending $100 on a girl he barely knew for food that she didn’t eat...such great luck.

#2. Say high to your date This guy I hardly knew from class asked me out to the movies. He picked me up and we went to the movie theater at the mall. On the way he lit something up in the car, and I didn’t really know what to say. Then we got pulled over by a cop for weaving. The guy quickly threw his paraphernalia out the window...I was scared to death. The cop came over to my side of the window and stuck his head in. “That’s what I thought,” he said. The guy spit some stupid excuse out. The cop returned to his car and followed us to the theater. On this date I met my future husband. He just wasn’t the pothead I was with.

#1. Car trouble is the good part... It’s Homecoming 2011. I am going to the dance with my crush, a boy I’d been hoping would ask me to the dance for a couple weeks now, and he finally did. Everything was perfect. My dress, my date, my group. After taking pictures at a local park, we drove my car to a sushi restaurant, where my tire exploded right outside of the restaurant parking lot. It was quite an ordeal, and I thought my night couldn’t get much worse. It wasn’t my fault my tire had just suddenly popped! We called my date’s parents to pick us up after we ate and finally arrived to the dance. We danced the night away, enjoying every timeless moment at our homecoming dance, but only for a little while. Suddenly I was having trouble breathing. My date kissed me and I realized I couldn’t feel my lips. I rushed to the bathroom and grabbed the mirror in front of me. What stared back was a swollen, purple girl. After telling my date I was having an allergic reaction to the sushi, I was taken to the hospital where I spent my night having needles injected in my arm...while my date decided to stay at the dance.




Construction Paper Valentine

By Emma Ellis Bentonville Senior

Sixth grade is arguably the most awkward age of anyone’s life, considering it’s directly in between the “girls have cooties” stage and the “girls have boobies” stage. When I was sixth grade, I had one friend that was a girl, but she barely counted because she owned exactly one skirt and didn’t brush her hair a lot back then. Her name was Cecily and she lived down the street from me. We were in the same kindergarten class and had been friends ever since. As we got older, we grew apart, but we always found ourselves playing crappy board games with her younger brother at least twice a month. There wasn’t really a lot else to do. Sixth grade was the first year that I experienced the girlfriend phenomenon. Everyone had to have one. Mark, my best friend and instructor on all things Girl, started dating this small girl, Lainey, around December. I say dating very lightly- they held hands twice and she told him she’d kiss him on Valentine’s Day. He came over to my house February 13th and spent the whole evening trying to find something to give her that would make her really want to kiss him. He didn’t think she’d actually do it (I didn’t either). Eventually, he made a really ugly pink heart out of construction paper and wrote “2 cute + 2 be = 4gotten” on it, and then signed his name. He told me to bring it to school the next day because he didn’t want his mom to see and find out that he was in a serious relationship. That was fine with me, so we cleaned up the art supplies

and he left. The next day in school, Lainey told Mark that she thought that Trey was cuter and would rather kiss him, so they did. Mark was temporarily devastated, but he managed to buck up when Casey Jackson told him that Allie Sanders thought he was cuter than Trey. The only problem that remained was that of the valentine. Mark told me he didn’t want it, because he didn’t want Allie to get too attached, so to take it home and throw it away. So I did. That afternoon, Cecily came over to my house. She was wearing this green dress thing and it made her eyes look really green and really pretty. We sat on my porch swing and ate popsicles that my mom brought us, even though it was pretty cold outside. After a few minutes, Cecily threw her stick on the ground and looked at me. “I have something for you.” “What is it?” “It’s in my bike basket.” She didn’t get up to get it. I looked over and couldn’t see anything poking out. “When are you gonna give it to me?” She crunched her eyebrows, got off the swing and kind of skipped over to her bike. She pulled something out and stuck it behind her back, but I saw what it was first. Every Valentine’s Day, Wal-

Mart gets those weird pink and red cards that come with candy in them and sells them for like a dollar. Cecily was holding one of those and it was meant for me. She was gonna ask me to be her Valentine. “Uhh, one sec, I have something for you, too!” I said, scrambling to get out of the chair. I bolted inside and dug Mark’s construction paper valentine out of the trash. I scribbled his name off and put “Sam” instead. When I got back outside, Cecily was sitting on the

swing again, card and chocolate in her lap. “Here.” I said, and thrusted the valentine at her. She looked confused. “Wow, thanks Sam.” She stood up and gave me a one-armed hug. “Hey, will you give this to Mark for me?”


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APP SPOTLIGHT: ESPN ScoreCenter APP: ESPN ScoreCenter COSt: Free GENRE: Sports Chances are you if you’re reading Pulse, you like sports, at least a little bit. You probably have a favorite team, and you probably like knowing what’s going on in the pros, or in college, or both. ESPN is the go-to for general sports coverage because they cover more high-profile sports than any other network. Naturally an ESPN app is

a must-have for a sports fan, but how well does it get the job done? ScoreCenter got a makeover over Christmas, and it definitely looks better than ever. It’s sleek, and there are little things you don’t get elsewhere team logos of both teams playing on a schedule, quick access to on-demand video and analysis. Functionality is a different story though. You can set your favorite teams and it’ll tell you the next time they play - that’s awesome. But try finding your favorite team’s season schedule? Good luck. Try finding news

for one specific team? Good luck. ScoreCenter is designed to be personalized and make it easy for you to know what’s going on with your favorite teams or in sports in general at the exact moment you’re looking. But if you need to know when the big game is next week, or you want to see what’s going on with every other team, you’re going to need another app. All in all a die-hard fan can’t go without the ScoreCenter app. But he or she can’t go without other apps too without missing something.


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DJANGO UNCHAINED By Clayton Adams Fayetteville Senior


GANGSTER SQUAD By Sara Lachance Har-Ber Senior Gory and action-packed, Gangster Squad is a great movie from director Ruben Fleischer set in the corrupt, mob-ruled city of Los Angeles in 1949. Gangster Squad is about a good Los Angeles cop who forms a group of outlaw police officers who are trying to take down Mickey Cohen’s crime-filled empire. Though not my favorite movie of all time, I did enjoy this movie and of course the fact that Ryan Gosling was in it. Sorry for being a girl there, but to complement Ryan Gosling’s hotness is the beautiful Emma Stone for the men to fangirl over. I loved the wardrobes of the movie, and Sean Penn did a fantastic job playing the role of Mickey Cohen. His ending fight scene with Karl Lennox (Holt McCallany), was awesome. Some parts of the movie were cheesy, but for the most part it was exciting and interesting. I recommend this movie to girls wanting to watch Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone fans, and anybody who loves mob movies. I’d give Gangster Squad a 7.5 out of 10 rating because the attire the characters wore was perfect for the era of the movie. On the other hand, I did not enjoy the cartoon-esk scenes and cheesy parts.

RATING: 7.5/10

Just like all of his other films, Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained is gory, hilarious and bursting with energy. Taking a subject that is often looked at with shame, Tarantino manages to provide hilarity to the plot in bizarre ways. For instance, there is one scene where the KKK is riding to kill the two protagonists Django (Jamie Foxx) and Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz). When they stop and are about to attack, one of the Klansmen suddenly complains about his mask. This leads to a hilarious scene, which ends with an offended

Klansmen riding off into the night and leaves the audience laughing after a scene that wasn’t expected to be funny. This just one of plenty of examples that are strewn throughout the movie. The story starts off with Dr. King Schlutz killing Django’s owners and taking him in as his accomplice. Initially, he wanted Django so that he could track down three people with bounties on their heads (Schultz is a bounty hunter), but he decides to help him after he tells the story of him and his separated wife. The story culminates at the villain Mr. Candy’s (Leonardo DiCaprio) residence, and although I won’t divulge the details, it’s a fun ride. I would give Django Unchained a 9 out of 10. Al-

in theaters soon: FEBRUARY 8

though it drags on a little bit and doesn’t quite stack up to Pulp Fiction and Inglorious Basterds, it’s still worth the ticket price and a little more.






HERE COMES THE BOOM Kevin James, Salma Hayek


Jennifer Lawrence, Max Thieriot



Tyler Perry, Ed Burns, Matthew Fox


Dax Shepard, Kristen Bell



Denzel Washington, Don Scheadle



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NOT THE NEWS: Love octagon just not worth sorting out Participants of a local love octagon announced Thursday that it’s just not worth sorting out, and all involved parties have decided to drop out. The octagon was much more tangled than a traditional “love triangle” made famous in one out of every three Hollywood movies, and the interested persons have decided to just give up altogether. You see, Ben likes Julie, but Julie is into Chad. That’d be easy

enough to figure out, but Chad likes both Whitney and Olivia, who swears her soulmate is a guy named Greg who goes to another school, whose ex-girlfriend Jamie just broke up with Nathan, who once touched Ben’s hand on accident when they were reaching for the same tray in the cafeteria. Rather than slowly discover all those facts in the course of an hour and a half or so via elaborate

cut scenes and coincidences, the “Eight is Enough” group has decided to preemptively confront the reality that no one really likes anyone back and love is really a crapshoot anyway these days. Seriously, have you seen divorce statistics? Anyway, that movie Valentine’s Day was full of crap, Ben said, speaking for the group, and honestly, all of America.

Signing Day snafu lands local QB in army Lost in the shuffle of forms to fill out and fax machines to finagle, a local athlete has accidentally signed up for the army instead of the college football program he planned to attend. The quarterback, who will from now on be referred to only as “Private,” put his letter of intent in the counselor’s office fax machine upside down, which voided the scholarship offer from the university recruiting him and

instead earned him a Friday flight to Afghanistan somehow. “To be honest, I had never heard of a fax machine until Wednesday,” the private said. “I didn’t read the progression correctly and hurried the attempt, and we’re going to be on the defense for a while.” The university is faced with a sticky situation as well, trying to find a new signal-caller for the fall and figuring out whether

new signee Sergeant First Class Vincent Raines is eligible to play college football, or if he even actually likes football. “I’ve been trying to work my way up to an officer, and I guess some of my paperwork got lost in the mail,” SFC Raines said. “Do we really still put legally binding documents in paper envelopes and ask strangers to deliver them across the globe for a handful of change?”

stuff we made up

more HEADLINES: Guy finally works up courage to ask out cheerleader “Not a chance,” she says, predictably Guy lands in jail after misinterpreting meaning of “Spring Fling” dance Theater giving out refunds in advance of latest Josh Duhamel V-Day film, apologizes to guys in general “You’re going to wear that?” local mom says


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9/20/12 4:08 PM

Pulse: The Valentine's Issue  

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