Issue 40 Wednesday 14.04.10
Perils of daytime TV Comment & Opinion » p6
This year’s last supper Life & Style » p11
Lee Mack Arts & Entertainments » p12
Hall damage costs £60k Ben Fishwick
The University has recently announced that they have lost a total of £60,000 over the course of the 2008/2009 academic year due to untraceable damage in halls. Across the Guildhall halls, staff have cleaned up excrement eighteen times since the beginning of this academic year and on average they clean up vomit three times a week, In addition to this, the lift in James Watson halls has been out of service for eight weeks following vandalism to the door by people the university is unable to track down. Students living on the top floor will have to climb approximately 300,000 steps every year. This term, the University plans to increase the amount of security patrols in halls in an attempt to catch those people that are responsible. This is part of a new awareness program that aims to reduce the amount of incidents of antisocial behaviour and vandalism in halls. The scheme is also raising awareness that the perpetrators may not be students. They may also be people
02392 84 5250
Saving £60,000 equates to every student in Guildhall Halls rent being reduced by £1 a week. £60,000 is the equivalent of 10,000 trips to the cinema. The number of ceiling tiles broken last year stacked on top of each other would be the three times the height of The Spinnaker Tower. A broken lift in James Watson means that students living on the top floor will on average have to climb over 3000,000 stairs a year.
News » Athletic Union
News » Election
New Dental Academy
Date an MP?
UPSU, The University and the Portsmouth Evening News are joining efforts to run a ‘speed dating’ event for first time voters and parliamentry candidates. The event will take place from about 7pm on the 19th of April. The event, which is still being planned should see all five candidates for the Portsmouth South Ward having an opportunity to speak to inividual studnets about their beliefs and mannifestos. Students wanted to register to vote can do so through aboutmyvote.
September 2010 will see the scheduled unveiling of the new £9m University of Portsmouth Dental Academy, promising to take on 80 new dental students a year. The Dental Academy is the beginning of an innovative partnership between the University of Portsmouth and King’s College London Dental Institute with funding from the NHS. It will provide leading edge dental education and training to dentists, therapists, hygienists and dental nurses. “From a construction perspective the building is exceptionally complex because of the vast quantity of techni-
If you want to report any damage to your hall or to report theperptrators of damage, use the confidential reporting line. Leave an answerphone message, your call cannot be traced:
Facts and Figures
News » University
visiting friends who live in halls. or non-residents who gain access to the building. Students that are involved however can face a police fine, exclusion and a criminal record if they are found to be invovled. In statistics released by the University it has also been noted that the fire brigade have been called out 76 times to halls of residence so far this year. Many students have who have lived in halls of residence will know that they can be the bane of student living. Craig Purvis, a first year Business and Law student said: “It’s so annoying at 2am when the first one goes off, then at 3 am the next one, then two nights later it goes off again. He added: “It’s so annoying and disturbing, all because some small minded people want amusement.”
cal equipment it’s required to accommodate. Remaining on time despite the snow and icy conditions in January, and being ready to welcome the students at the start of the new academic year, is very important,” said project director, Tony Horne. The new facility is physically linked to the University’s existing School of Professionals Complementary to Den-
Continued on Page 3
The University of Portsmouth has made headlines for its students’ attendance at the Saloufest over Easter. The tour is described on its Facebook page as: “5,000 students, partying, pulling, playing, prancing, parading, drinking and dancing all in fancy dress.” Adding: “What goes on tour stays on tour.” On April 1st the Daily Mail reported that a student from the University of Portsmouth had won an underwater Sangria drinking competition. Students from Portsmouth could also been seen in the background of a Sky News cast about the event.
To be involved with the event email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Elections: page 3, 8 & 9
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Editors Laura Patricia Editor
Philipp Geng Head of Design
Ben Fishwick Head of News
Photo of the Fortnight Leila de Lara Jonny Rowe-Davison Arts & Entertainment Co-Editors email@example.com
Liam Ryder Sports Editor
Emily Jane Smith Essentials Editor
Matt Blackall Grant Clarke Comment & Opinion Co-Editors
Chris Keep Web Manager
Melissa Flack L&S Editor
Detail of the new wall art installation in Ravelin Park done by the Wall Art Society and photographed by Mike Cooter. This colourful display can be seen from the Union.
Laura Stevenson Deputy Design Editor
Sub Editors News: Amy Cox & Faye Joice C&O: Jayna Zala L&S: Rebecca Hogg & Hana McFaul A&E: Joe Adams, Bryn Etherington, Matthew Pilbeam, Sam Rohde & Dan Smyth Sport: Hannah Barclay, Ellie Dyson
& Lucy Roberts Marketing & Distribution: Milly “Vanilli” Youngman VP Comunications: Jacob Leverett Societies: Lauren Smith Design: Joanne Norwood
Corrections & Thanks Although considerable time and effort goes into making sure we accredit people’s work correctly, mistakes sometimes do happen.
With many thanks to: Emma Corsham & Faye Joice.
Dates for the Diary Spinnaker Tower Celebrates... The Circus! 2nd – 18th Apr, Gunwharf Quays Enjoy a circus show or have a go yourself at a circus workshop! Fiesta Latino at Gunwharf Quays 10th – 18th Apr Workshops in dance, arts and crafts and storytelling culminating in a weekend of carnival entertainment with Samba bands and dancers, a carnival procession and a Tango and Salsa inspired fashion show. Grisaille Legacy 12th – 5th Apr – ‘Space’ and Eldon Galleries The first showing in England of an acclaimed exhibition by the Ameri-
can-Scottish artist Beth Fisher. Greening Southsea Launch 12pm, Sun 18th Apr – Castle Field Launch of the campaign for Southsea residents to tackle climate change and reduce CO2 emissions. UoP Concert Party Recital 2.30pm, Tues 27th Apr – Wiltshire Studios, Room 1.09 A lunchtime concert, covering musical genres including musical theatre, classical and popular song – and all for free! Eleanor’s Recital 7.30pm, Wed 28th Apr – Wiltshire Studios, Room 1.09 A recital by the beautiful voice of UoP student Eleanor Carr.
Universities Round Up University of Glasgow A show on University of Glasgow radio station Subcity has been suspended and details of the show has been removed from the website. During the Party Party show last Sunday, the presenters claimed to be drinking a litre of tequila, used numerous swear words and explicitly discussed sexual activities. Despite promoting responsible drinking website Drinkaware the presenters encouraged listeners to down a shot of spirits for every song they played.
University of Lincoln Students at the accommodation block known as the Pavilions have been told they will be charged for the cost of cleaning excrement found in a lift, if the culprit does not come forward. On Thursday February 18, the facilities team of the Pavilions discovered the human excrement in the lift of Ellison House. This incident follows a graffiti attack in Proctor Mews the week before, as well as another incident of excrement in the same block.
University of Glamorgan Glamorgan student Emma Franklin has won Miss University GB; however this was marred by protestors who demonstrated outside the venue of the finals. The NUS Wales women’s group conducted protests outside Oceana nightclub on March 1, ahead of the event. They paraded with placards and leaflets, sporting slogans such as “Mark my essays not my looks”.
Across the UK Student communities face “one of the most sinister social threats since apartheid” if government planning laws are changed to break up student areas near to universities, according to one landlords group. The proposed change to the ‘Use Classes Order’ would mean that some properties would not have the right planning permission to be used as a house in multiple occupation (HMO). Richard Jones, legal adviser of the RLA, said: “The government has been responsible, in the first place, for driving up the student population to a target 50% of young people in higher education. So where on earth did the politicians think these extra students were going to live?”
International – USA A pornographic magazine has been launched by a Harvard graduate. It features men and women exclusively from Ivy League US Universities Harvard, Yale and Princeton. Computer science graduate Matt di Pasquale decided to start Diamond after feeling that there was a gap in the market for women who have brains to go along with their looks.
Pugwash News & Purple Wednesdays
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To get in touch with the Pugwash News & Purple Wednesdays team, please visit upsumedia.com/ pugwash, e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, call us via the Union’s VP Communications at: 023 9284 3657, or visit us at The Student Centre, Portsmouth Students’ Union, Cambridge Road, Portsmouth, Hampshire, PO1 2EF.
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... that 82m people play Farmville. ... that the dog who played Toto in The Wizard of Oz was called Terry. ... that over 260 species of marine wildlife become entangled in litter or mistake it for food. ... that the flat-headed cat (a fair species of cat) has webbed feet. ... that more hair straighteners are sold in the UK than hair dryers. ... that dolphins can swim up to 50 miles a day. ... that fried tarantula apparently tastes like liver. ... that plastic surgeons use muscle from the neck to make lips fuller.
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Election results are in Easter eggs and other chocolate can be good for you, as long as you eat only small amounts, latest research suggests. The study of over 19,000 people, published in the European Heart Journal, found those who ate half a bar a week had lower blood pressure. They also had a 39% lower risk of heart attacks and strokes.
Chechen rebel leader Doku Umarov has said his group was behind the double suicide bombings on the Moscow Metro, which left 39 people dead. In a video message posted on a Chechen rebel website, he said he had personally ordered the attacks. He said they were carried out to avenge the killings of “poor Chechens” by Russian security forces in February and warned Russia to prepare for more.
The Cassini spacecraft in orbit around Saturn has caught an interesting new view of the tiny moon Mimas. The probe measured temperature differences across the object’s surface and produced a map that looks just like the 1980s Pac-Man video games icon. Scientists are unsure why Mimas should display such variations but say it is probably related to the diversity of textures in the surface materials.
Oil firms could be given the chance to
explore for reserves off the US coast for the first time in decades, under plans outlined by President Obama. The White House says drilling will be allowed off Virginia and considered off much of the rest of the Atlantic coast. The plans would overturn moratoriums on exploration put in place in the 1980s. Dan Smyth
Scientists say they have identified
a potential treatment for sleeping sickness, a killer disease that infects about 60,000 people in Africa a year. British and Canadian experts say drugs could attack an enzyme the parasite causing the illness needs to survive. They say the orally-administered drug could be ready for human clinical trials in about 18 months. The international community has
pledged $5.3bn (£3.5bn) in aid to earthquake-hit Haiti at a UN donor conference. The amount - spread out over the next two years - exceeds the $4bn requested by the Haitian government to rebuild infrastructure over the next 18 months.
Roman Catholic bishops in Switzer-
land have admitted that they underestimated the extent of sexual abuse committed by priests, and have offered an apology. The Swiss Bishops’ Conference said it was “ashamed” and suggested victims should consider pressing criminal charges against the perpetrators. The bishops did not, however, support the publication of a list of priests who have been found guilty of abuse.
On Friday 26 March, the Waterhole bar was packed to the rafters, with approximately a thousand more watching via the online broadcast, as students witnessed the climax of the 2010 University of Portsmouth Students' Union elections. There were six Sabbatical Officer positions up for grabs and eight students’ officer positions, with the winners running your Union for the
2010/2011 academic year. Approximately 3800 students voted, which is 19% of the student population, so results were expected to take longer to count up. The final tallies were expected to be announced late into the night and perhaps even in the early hours of Saturday morning. Tension rose as the night wore on. The results for the student officers came through at about 10pm, setting some of the candidates free from the stress and worry, but not for the candi-
dates for the Sabbatical positions.. Tension rose as the night wore on, as Friday night changed into the early hours of Saturday morning and weeks of hard work from all the candidates came down to waiting for a few vital moments. Finally, at 12.30am Steve Topazio, the current President of the Student’s Union, announced the results of each position, leading to explosions of triumphant noise as the winners were invited on to the stage to give speeches.
Results President: Aakash Naik - 1752 votes - 46% of vote VP Sport: Lauren Ryan - 1760 votes - 54% of vote
VP Democracy and Communications: Laura Stevenson- 1594 votes - 52% of vote - not in photo VP Academic Affairs: Sam Jones- 1643 votes - 53% of vote
VP Welfare and Volunteering: Amy Baker - 2543 votes - 85% of vote
Student Trustee 1Christal O’Reilly- 2083 votes
VP Societies and Community: Matt Blackall- 1451 votes - 51% of vote - third round of voting
Student Trustee 2Richard Davies- 1176 votes
VP Academic Affairs: Sam Jones- 1643 votes - 53% of vote
Black Students OfficerKevin Kararwa- 2059 votes
International Students OfficerAmin Khan- 2060 votes LGBT Students Officer- Max Davys- 1987 votes Part Time Students Officer- Dan Greenaway- 2071 votes Post Graduate Students OfficerAndrew Brown- 2072 votes Women’s Officer: 1200 votes
A Sussex carpenter is hoping to earn a place in the record books by spending nearly four months in a room with some of the world’s most venomous snakes. David Jones, 44, of Crawley, is due to fly to Johannesburg later to see the room he will be sharing with 40 snakes. His room-mates will include deadly puff adders, snouted cobras, boomslangs, green mambas and black mambas. A Hollywood-style sign spelling out the name of an Essex town has been erected along the A127. Basildon District Council hopes the giant letters will promote the town as a place to do business. The £400,000 project is being funded from a grant from the Thames Gateway programme. UK researchers have developed a device to drag space junk out of orbit. They plan to launch a demonstration of their “CubeSail” next year. It is a small satellite cube that deploys a thin, 25-sq-m plastic sheet. Residual air molecules still present in the spacecraft’s low-Earth orbit will catch the sheet and pull the object out of the sky much faster than is normal.
NUS Affliation: Yes 1869 for remaining Affliated
News » Local
News » University
Student makes ferry fares fair
New Dental Academy
A Portsmouth student has received a national award at the Houses of Parliament for recognition of his campaign to reduce the prices of Isle of Wight ferries for teenagers. Paul Magee received a Seen and Heard award for his work. The awards recognise achievements made by young people who make a difference to their own and others lives and have now been running for three years. Magee, who is on the Isle of Wight Youth Council, fought for a concessionary ferry fare for teenagers and successfully petitioned the two main ferry companies, Red Funnel and
Wight Link. Magee, 22, said: “"My council colleagues and I created a questionnaire which we dished out to schools and then compiled our results to show the ferry companies. Red Funnel was the first to act - it agreed to reduce the rates for teenagers and the new fares came into effect just over a year ago. It wasn't long before Wight Link followed suit.” This is not the first time Magee has won a Seen and Heard award. He won the same award two years ago for his successful campaign to decrease bus fares for young people on the island. Magee, who studies Business Studies and is currently on placement in Fareham spoke highly of his voluntary
work on the youth council. He added: "I started volunteering for the youth council when I was about 18. I was at the local youth centre when a youth empowerment worker came to talk to us. I was quite shy at the time but was inspired to help the island become a better place for young people.”
Do you use public transport to get to university? Think that it is too expensive or got any other problems with it? You can get in touch and tell us your opinion, let us know on comment@ upsu.net
Continued from Page 1
tistry (SPCD) by an overhead walkway and will boast an additional 20 dental chairs, a radiography suite and a state of the art instrument decontamination centre. For the first time student dentists will be trained in teams alongside dental hygienists, dental therapists and dental nurses mirroring how dental professionals work in practice. Each year up to 3,000 additional people from the local community are expected to benefit from the Academy’s services including oral health advice and all aspects of primary care dentistry such as check-ups, fillings, extractions, crowns, bridges and dentures. The role of the Dental Academy will enable final year dental undergradu-
ate students plus student therapists, hygienists and dental nurses from the University of Portsmouth to work with patients to achieve good oral health. All students will treat patients under supervision of qualified dental tutors. So with construction on target, come September the Dental Academy will be ready and raring to begin training its new students.
Picture: a design of the new Dental Academy. It is located behind the Student Union, next to Ravelin Park. Want to know more? Visit: port.ac.uk/ special/dentalacademy
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Comment & Opinion
The views expressed on this page and throughout this publication do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of UPSU, Pugwash News or the editorial team.
Earth Hour: the tyranny of Gaïa? Sophie Quintin Adali
Before 1972 (first European environmental action plan), there was darkness in Europe. The nation-state, its citizenry and industries were blighted, selfish polluters not paying due care to ‘Mother Earth’ (Gaïa) and its creatures. And then there was light, green light that is, switched on permanently by a common environmental policy (1987). Or so goes the official tale. Curiously with the Earth Hour, the friends of Gaïa were asking us to celebrate darkness again, quite literally by switching off our lights for an hour in an absurd ritualistic global communion against progress. Like for the Copenhagen wave, the organiser of this initiative - World Wildlife Fund - trumpeted success. In France the national electricity company EDF observed a mere 1% decrease in electricity consumption, a situation that can surely best be explained by the fact that only the modern day followers of the cult of Gaïa - the ‘greens’ - and, their new priesthood – experts and politicians - heeded the call. Environmentalists have been influenced by James Lovelock’s ‘theory of Gaïa’ which claims that the earth is a single living organism. Unperturbed by the fact that many scientists view it as little more than a neo-pagan new age religion, environmentalism regards Man and modernity (notably energy production and consumption) as a “disease killing the planet”. The controversial hypothesis has influenced the “deep ecology” move-
ment and is a foundation stone of political ecology in the Western world. It has had a profound impact on governance and policy-making in Europe. As academics like to point out, the environmental policy is the perfect example of Jean Monnet’s neo-functionalist method of integration through “spillover” in other sectors. Hence the green policy has “stealthily” grown in size and is now on its 6th Environmental Action Programme (2002-2012). Addressing climate change, nature and biodiversity, environment and health, natural resources and waste, it basically permeates all aspects of policy-
making, and by implication, of our lives. Apparently we should only be grateful. Questioning the scientific or moral foundation of green economic integration and cultishness is considered politically incorrect. If you do, you are treated as barking mad or ignorant. When your ‘scepticism’ comes out of the closet, you fall into the category of the ‘bad guys’ - deniers. The ‘good guys’, namely the green experts are a bit like the Navi people in Avatar. They ‘commune’ with Mother Nature and know best. Armed with the absolute Truth, they preach the cult of
Gaïa in its less extreme form through policies, laws, campaigns and by resorting to climate alarmism to impose their ‘noble’ cause on the masses. Of course, the European Union is not the utopian planet of Pandora. Behind the official discourse of “legacy to future generations”, (green) greed, power and interests play an important part. Organisations like the WWF are friends with big corporations. Greening one's conscience has a price: donations. The friends of Gaïa also have many friends in Brussels and receive public funds (EU budget) whether taxpayers approve or not. As the recent
International Policy Network study “the Friends of the EU" revealed, green advocacy groups like Friends of the Earth, Birdlife or WWF (the so-called big 8 or 10) receive plenty of funds to lobby for more funds and provide environmental expertise to the Commission. The researchers concluded that “sponsoring the narrow interests of such NGOs undermined the democratic process”. Driven by a missionary spirit, western NGOs are fighting to impose “sustainable development” in the name of Gaïa everywhere possible. In Ethiopia for example, a “coalition of the irresponsible” (including WWF) is campaigning to stop the government’s project to build the Gibe III dam which would bring progress to millions. In a recent (damn patronising western campaigns), Nathalie Rothschild, the editor of Spiked-online makes a compelling case against “green madness”. She notes that “the needs of the Africans are clearly not a priority for environmentalists. … They are more concerned about preserving the biodiversity of the Omo river than lifting its people out of abject poverty”. In 2010, 70% of Ethiopians are still unable to switch on a light and the friends of Gaïa would like it to stay that way. Environmental protection and nature conservation should be based on reason, not cultishness. I kept my lights on during "Earth Hour" and celebrated human achievement and progress.
In Response to ‘Earth Hour: the tyranny of Gaïa?’ Matt Blackall
It really rips my mind apart when I hear comments referring to environmentalists as progress blocking. These comments assume that all environmentalists want us to live in mud huts, to stop driving our cars, ground all planes and only eat apples that have naturally dropped off the tree. It is the same tactic of stigma attaching the Republicans and their supporters are trying to do to Obama (Socialist! Communist! Fascist! Grandma Killer!...) It is this kind of ignorance that those politically involved in environmentalism have to encounter regu-
larly. Of course, there are some pure environmentalists who have (or believe they have) a spiritual attachment to the Earth. But, I am not one of them. I am an environmentalist who campaigns for warmer homes, for energy independence (away from oil and the Middle East), for cheaper petrol costs, for improved and increased public transport, for a wider berth of jobs in public, energy based and environmentally based industries and who longs for the day we eat less meat because I believe we should not breed a life to kill that life. I have no yearning to ban people using cars, or stopping people taking off and flying half way around the world a couple of times a year for their holidays. I long for a nice warm
house I can call my own one day – not a cave I can drag my recently caught sabre-toothed tiger back to. Yet this is not anti-capitalism (albeit environmentalism and anti-capitalism have many mutual supporters), this is not market breaking. If anything, following the brief environmental path I announced above is more market making and democratic. For example, millions of people each year call for cheaper petrol prices – yet it is the large oil companies who lobby and block progress for the mass creation of sustainable energy sources. Over 2 million people marched (and were ignored) in London on eve of war with Iraq in what was most definitely in my opinion a war for control of oil. Also, subsidies for meat and dairy farming
if anything are breaking concepts of a free market economy. It really gets to me when people suggest that telling people we need to go green is un-democratic (the same ideas are attributed to anti-fascists and their opposition to the BNP). If anything it is more democratic because it is the process of educating people and showing them what alternatives there are, whilst allowing them to make their choice in elections (without a Green Party member breathing down their neck whilst casting their vote). This is why there has not been an environmental coup de tat. What anti-environmentalists (in this context I refer more to those against the theory of man accelerated climate change) forget to mention is
that environmentalism on the whole is not about ‘protecting the planet’, it is about protecting humanity (see the opposition of Gibe III dam for example) and perhaps also protecting what many people find aesthetically pleasing. Most people don’t protest about the cutting down of a tree in a village square because it will destroy the planet, they do so because they like seeing it. As George Carlin once said “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” Have something to say on this issue? Send us your opinion to comment@ upsu.net For more from Matt: mattblackall. co.uk
What Grinds my Gears... Come follow us on Twitter (@upsucomment) and tell us what “grinds your gears”, or leave us any comments or opinions on Facebook (UPSU Media Comment & Opinion Team) or by email (email@example.com) about this latest issue of Pugwash News, for a chance to get published next issue!
Dan Whiteway - my cat walking over my laptop, managing to delete work AND screw up the keyboard in the process
@_laurapatricia - Banks that call you up to politely remind you that you owe them money, before slapping you with a huge fine for being unable to pay them. Illogical, much?
@TheSpecs - That Portsmouth University only gets two weeks off at Easter, yet my mate attending Cambridge gets four weeks off!?
Anonymous - people who whinge, all the time.
Laura ‘Stevie’ Stevenson - that Tour is over
Student A - Students that hide behind a curtain of anonymity before sharing their opinion.
Alex Tarverdi - that the University buses no longer go to Park Road
Dan Smyth - the computers in the library shutting at SIX O’CLOCK!? Why do that when everyone needs them open for dissertations and stuff; not cool library!
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Comment & Opinion
The daily express treading thin ice Joe Wilkes
The Daily Express recently (25th March) announced its horror over the possibility that more 'Poles' could be coming to Britain. Their prejudice has been splashed all over their front page veiled in a thin shroud of actual news, in an article incorporating a number of extreme right-wing buzz words'Now Poles Get Free Abortions On NHS'. (Can't you just hear the tone of the writer's voice as they say 'Poles'?) Now I've heard of those opposed to abortion, but just imagine the outrage at FREE abortion; they won't be able to lift a trimmer to do their bushes this Sunday. Express readers loathe the idea of anyone getting anything for free, and especially a foreign individual, but IMMIGRANTS getting FREE ABORTIONS? I can hear the tea cups rattling on the saucer as the right-wing opinionated struggle to lift them to their lips after such a shock. Now of course, I am being inflammatory, and it is true that the NHS are encouraging Polish women to come to Britain to have an abortion in-
stead of having it performed illegally in their home nation. The sense I get from The Express's response however is one of just another excuse to batter the non-English unfortunates they see as somehow damaging this nation, and to garner support for their nationalistic ideology by claiming our great health service institution will be stretched unreasonably by this. The NHS is there to help people, and the staunch belief that it should be a privilege reserved for Brits only, is, to say the least, selfish, and in a nation which is not only hugely wealthy but has benefited a great deal financially from other nations, isn't it time we gave something back? Now I believe we are and we have been, but clearly we wouldn't be if individuals such as those at The Daily Express had any sort of real power, other than the strong words they fail to retain for real issues. I respect anyone's views, not least those of the Express, but I also reserve the right to call them out when, as today, they use a piffling little story such as this to promote their subliminal racism.
Writer’s block is a hell of a drug Mark Landry
I have to write something. I have to sit down, and write something. I have to stop being so childish, sit down, and write something. These thoughts have been floating around my head for the better part of a fortnight. Have I done anything about it? Of course not. When all I’m thinking about is the need to write, actual writing subjects get drowned out. It’s a vicious cycle. I'm just having trouble finding something to get me good and riled up. Nothing is bugging me enough to actually make want to sit down and vent my spleen. Well that's not true, but the problems the Catholic Church are not, as we say in the industry, "gag heavy". I should probably stop reading opinion pieces too, because when I agree with one, I'm terrified to state a similar opinion. What am I afraid of? Men from the internet abducting me in the middle of the night, Stasi-style? I don't think Google is that powerful. Yet. So an opinion piece is out the window. That leaves some other options. I could write something about my own life experience, weaving a grand tale of adventure, insight, and suspense as I visit the shops or check my emails.
Actually, I’m not going to do that because it’s either going to be indulgent, painting me as a suave, charismatic stallion of man, or be embellished beyond belief. Next time I’ll write about how I saved Nakatomi Plaza. From Godzilla. And still made it to prom. I suppose all that’s left is to review something. Sadly, that comes with a whole swathe of problems. Worst of all, there’s a time limit. I was planning to write a review of Green Zone( a.k.a. Bourne 4); shaping up all the ideas, deciding how I was going to present them, mulling it over and over in my head. Then I realised that it’s all been done. Writing a review after everyone else just makes me feel like a plagiarist. Once again, I’m afraid that some men from the internet will come to my door. That thought comes up way more often than it should. Oh dearie me, would you look at that. I’ve managed to fill an entire article simply by talking about my inability to write. How postmodern of me. Still, it gets the job done. That is until the next time I have to think of something to write. The vicious cycle continues… For more from Mark: shoutinggallery. blogspot.com
The views expressed on this page and throughout this publication do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of UPSU, Pugwash News or the editorial team.
Keeping the second year fresh
It has been confirmed; our country’s most powerful men will be taking part in a televised prime ministerial debate. Exciting or what!? I am literally wetting myself with the apprehension of watching three politicians degrade themselves to the level of minor celebrities....my boots are actually overflowing. I’m sure that as we, the un-educated and uninterested public, are done jackingup on the weekly dose of Top Gear, we’ll all quiver with excitement as the credits roll for ‘I’m An MP: Vote me in (please).’ What has modern politics become? No one wants to see Mr Brown’s car crash of a face in HD, we’ve all had enough of Cameron’s choir-boy smile on those repulsive billboards and poor old Nick Clegg hasn’t got enough get-up-and-go to rouse a toddler...let alone enthral a nation where 56% of people our age aren’t even registered to vote! It would be foolish of course to assume that anyone can get voted in without competing in ‘personality politics.’ After all, we the public with our social networking sites and what not, are completely flaccid at the prospect of life without knowing what somebody else is having for lunch. So naturally we are all following Mr Cameron on twitter just dying to find out which non-dom he’s sneaking fivers off of this week. I‘m pretty sure that the majority of the talk after this three part election epic will be about hairstyles, funny speech impediments and bad shoes, rather than about that tiny little matter of policies. It literally amazes me that Mr Brown has even got the time for TV appearances; surely he is as concerned with the current state of, well, everything he has ever touched, as we are? At this rate, the next election will be chaired by Simon Cowell, that bloke off dancing on ice and Alan Sugar...‘Ever so sorry Mr MP, your attempt at rapping your policies on climate change simply wasn’t good enough. You’re fired!’
For the last week and a half I have been contemplating what there is to write about in my life which I could possibly write about for Pugwash. I am just a mere student (tax dodger to some members of my family), living my university life. This encompasses a grand total of four things; the routine ten-hour Facebook sessions, clubbing, sleeping, and of course the occasional appearance at an inexplicably early timetabled midday lecture. Somehow as students our lives are dominated by this small number of activities, so it is no wonder I struggled. University is billed as a place to discover who we truly are and to give us freedom, but we seem to squander that opportunity. Yes, the way we spend our time as a fresher is our own and is for all intensive purposes the ‘dossing year’ of university, but the danger appears when those fresher moments carry over into level two and end up dragging your marks down in the first semester. The fresher mentality is a dif-
[Article written prior to telecast] What do you think? Should politics become a media and personality circus? Is it already? How do you think the leaders performed on the airwaves? Got anything to say? firstname.lastname@example.org
ficult one to subdue and, despite what I have already written, is precious and should not be forgotten. After all, we are students and these three years of our lives are the most fun we are likely to have. However, these three years also need to be a stepping stone for a career, and by spending our second year intoxicated eighty percent of the time it becomes increasingly difficult to avoid the dreaded 2.2 degree. So, don’t make my mistakes and over indulge in a false sense of level two ‘fresher fever’, instead only go out and get wasted sixty percent of the time.
University is billed as a place to discover who we truly are but we seem to squander that
Perils of Daytime TV Dan Whiteway
As this is being written, the full horror of daytime TV is starting to dawn. At university there are enough distractions to not being subjected to this unremitting torture. Work, house mates, other friends and so on all mean that even if you are watching daytime TV, you aren’t paying full attention to it. However, this is not the case at home. With parents, siblings and friends at work/school/college/jail/brothel, you are left with the family pet and the idiot box for company, because doing university work at home is like Katie Price. Pointless, in other words. As a result, we become reliant on daytime TV that the only two things that can take us off it is a sunny day or afternoon drinking, one more socially acceptable to enjoy than the other (here’s a hint, it’s the former). A dreadful, dreadful routine begins wherein you pray that you can stay asleep until at least midday to avoid half of the schedule. The routine beings with evil Jeremy Kyle who begets Homes Under The Hammer, followed by generic cookery show thing, which gives rise to Bargain Hunt, then quasi-feminist bollocks Loose Women, then some news. Thankfully, to save
the populace from collective suicide, these shows are interspersed with adverts, albeit ones with a lower budget than Zimbabwe. By this point you are praying that you get a wrong number phoning you that you can chat for 6 and half minutes, or the cat pukes up so you can clean it up, or even a grey man knocking at the door to ask you to change your gas provider. Anything, just anything to give you a break. And it’s not like having satellite TV helps. There are only so many Friends and Scrubs repeats you can watch and just 10 seconds of When Sports Goes Bad has been medically proven to make your brain turn to sludge and start dribbling out of your ear. 24-hour news eventually makes you become so paranoid you can’t open a cabinet without thinking a terrorist will jump out and poke Kit Kats in your eyes, whilst the comedic value of the specialist TV channels (Wedding TV and Rural TV anyone?) soon grates when you realise their own sense of self importance. Luckily, by the time you read this, term will have restarted and all will be well once again. That’s if we all survive these two weeks of internment and torture. Alternatively, we could just all go outside and socialise and then complain about that.
Phenomenal Kirstie Logan! Nandini Indiran
Curvy Kirstie Logan has proved that disability does not stand in the way in becoming Miss England. Kirstie, aged 19, from Coventry was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis 3 years ago. She refused to let that affect her dream of pursuing a modeling career and she’s already been crowned Miss Coventry. Currently, she is busy preparing for the finals of Miss England which will take place very soon. She had started her career as a plus size model, but began suffering from severe chest pains, nose bleeds and migraines. Kirstie went from a size 20 to a size 8 and relies on steroids
and painkillers to treat her joint and bone pain. She is proud to say that she is the first disabled contestant in the pageant and she wants to use the platform to raise awareness of her illness. She also claimed that entering the Miss Coventry competition showed her that beauty queens can have a disability and that does not affect someone’s beauty. She went on further to state that it is really important to include everyone in society and pageants like this should be inclusive to all. “The worst thing was that people at school thought I was making it all up. Because you can’t see what is wrong with me they didn’t believe me,” she said. She is a very brave woman who has obviously worked very hard to
battle through her illness and it is a real credit to Kirstie that she has done so well to make it this far in the competition. Since her diagnosis she does a lot of fundraising and campaigning for Help for Heroes and the Arthritis Research Campaign (ARC). The National Rheumatoid Arthritis Society said: "It is phenomenal how well Kirstie is dealing with the condition. Her work in spreading awareness is very important." So, let us all pray for Kirstie’s success! Go girl!
We are constantly on the look out for views, opinions, rants, debates or arguments. If you have read something in this issue or any of our others or want to make a comment on anything from university life round to the price of milk or international politics get in touch.
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Life & Style
Looking for Part-time or Summer Work? Part-time and Summer Vacancies are now advertised at Purple Door Careers & Recruitment The Part-time and Summer vacancies are advertised on Purple Door Careers and Recruitment Online at tinyurl.com/5ycfzm Current Vacancies include: Customer Service vacancies, Retail Assistants, Sales Advisors, Care Workers,
Call Centre Assistants and Administration Staff. In addition, there are many seasonal vacancies - part-time hours now with full-time hours available over the summer, working at Activity Centres local and throughout the UK, working on the Crosss Channel ferries. Many students will look for parttime employment while studying at
university to earn extra money and to gain additional skills. Part-time vacancies will be for evenings, weekends and during the week for students to work on their free days when they have no lectures. Working part-time during the term will also help students gain valuable work experience and additional employability skills to add to your CV.
Need some help with your CV? Then come along with a draft copy to CV Wednesdays between 10am - 4pm at Purple Door Careers and Recruitment Centre. For information and advice on looking for part-time employment, please visit the Purple Door Careers and Recruitment website. tinyurl. com/y34nqk2 There is a range of
information on Working in the UK, Income Tax, National Insurance and How to reclaim any Income Tax that you may have overpaid. Interested in receiving regular email updates on part-time employment with the Job of the Week? Then send an email to christine.mccann@ port.ac.uk with your university email address.
, t e r 6 p y u ,
V s h s n e . u n n f g s f
, l l e e
A campus-wide week of culture & diversity Monday 26th April - Friday 30th April
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010 Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Photos by Mike Cooter, Krish Mistry, Dan Smyth and Jacob Leverett
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Life & Style
Hard work – but deﬁnitely worth it ‘The Master’s combined two areas I was interested in – geography and computing, so it seemed like the logical step. The course gave me the background theory but also a practical element which is essential in building up a skill-set necessary for the ‘real world’. A Master’s also gives you the edge over other candidates at a job interview; it makes you stand out from the crowd.’ Caroline Cole, MSc Geographical Information Systems
Consumed Jess Skinner
We live in a consumer society. There's no doubt about it. Nearly everything we do, see, eat and dream about reeks of our consumerist ideals. Buy now, pay later, that's our motto. In the US, arguably the king of consumer culture, there were 156,000 new products released onto the shelves in 2005, that's one every three minutes! So it's hardly surprising that by the time we are 66 we have supposedly been exposed to about two million commercials on television alone. Some of you may be familiar with the episode of the show 'Futurama' where Fry is distraught because he learns that in the future, it has become acceptable for companies to advertise in dreams: “Only on TV and radio, and in magazines, and movies, and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and t-shirts, and bananas and written on the sky... But not in dreams.” Now unfortunately, this isn't an article about my concerns that corporations may actually start pumping adverts into my brain. However, I am concerned that this way of life which is so detrimental to our planet, our self-control, not to mention our bank balances, has become so... normal. It is so acceptable today to spend money we don't have, without a care in the world. And since I look at it this way, even my education seems to have become an extravagant purchase. (So here's hoping it pays off.) 99.9 percent of us are in debt
but still we are not afraid to spend, spend, spend. My mum always used to say, “Well, you can't take it with you!” which is so true that I still hear her saying it when I buy something I know I really shouldn't have. But when I look at my bank balance and see “£326”, what I really should be seeing is “-£26,000”. Lately I've been exercising a good amount of restraint, but mainly this is due to the fact it has been too cold to go outside, and NOT because it's easy to stop consuming, because if there's one thing it's difficult to avoid, it's spending money. But you know something? I feel so good for it. Out of all of those hundreds of thousands of adverts I see, I probably remember about 3 of them, and ironically they're for dog food and men's hair dye, when obviously I'm a woman who doesn't own a dog. And on 'Buy nothing Day', a holiday in November devoted to spreading anti-consumerist ideology (no need to worry about what gifts to buy!), I plan to do exactly that: Buy nothing! However I need some practice before then because I've also discovered the joys of internet shopping (no coat, hat, scarf, gloves and two pairs of socks required!) So I urge you all to try this, for at least a day! Or see if you can go a whole week without giving those multi-BILLION dollar corporations any more of your money, and experience for yourself that warm-fuzzy feeling inside that occurs when your bank statement isn't plastered with a “-£20” here and “-£10” there!
Travel tips: NME Festival Hotspots Rachel Thomas
Do a Master’s, change your life Postgraduate information days • Thursday 26 November 2009 • Tuesday 16 March 2010 • Tuesday 7 September 2010 11.30am–2.00pm and 5.00pm–7.00pm. Purple Door, 28 Guildhall Walk Portsmouth PO1 2DD. Drop in or book an appointment online at
Fake-Up: Con of Counterfeit Cosmetics Milly Youngman
I recently decided, after excellent reviews from friends and a trial of some myself, to treat myself to a new eyeliner, in particular, a MAC Fluidline gel liner. Officially priced on the website at £12.50, I was excited to find one on Ebay priced at just £10, with free postage and packing – being a skint student, that saving of £2.50 meant an extra drink on a night out – fantastic! Fast-forward to a few days later, a parcel was stuffed through my door, which was of course instantly ripped open to reveal the eyeliner I’d been lusting after since testing it out. I applied it straightaway, even though I was going nowhere and my plans
involved sitting around the house in my PJs all day. But unlike my previous experience of the liner, 10 minutes after the application, I resembled a hybrid mutation of a panda bear and the result of ten rounds with Mike Tyson (this may be exaggerated slightly). Disappointed, I remembered hearing about fake cosmetics beforehand – so I looked for obvious examples of counterfeiting, such as the MAC logo on the box. Looking on the internet, I stumbled upon a plethora of sites with information about how to spot fake cosmetics, particularly on Ebay. The problem with buying from auction sites such as Ebay, or unofficial internet stockists, is the product not being in front of you – so any opportunities to check for the more subtle
signs of fakery before you make your purchase are limited. The downsides of these counterfeits can be more serious than panda eyes. Some of these products will be peddled untested, so who knows what they could do to our faces, not to mention the detrimental impact they cause against legitimate manufacturers and the beauty industry itself. My advice? Go to the source and buy from the official stockist – it may well involve paying more, but you are guaranteed the quality that comes from the real deal. And as for my experience, I managed to get my £10 refunded, and am now the owner of a 100% genuine MAC Fluidline eyeliner. And it was certainly worth the extra £2.50.
As NME.com reveals its international music festival choices for 2010 including Serbia’s Exit, and the USA’s South By South West and Coachella, the Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) Know Before You Go campaign is urging music fans to follow some basic steps to ensure they avoid trouble abroad. Top tips include ensuring you buy adequate travel insurance which could save you up to £45,000 should you need hospital treatment and repatriation back to the UK. FCO festival tips include researching the laws and customs of your destination: • In Spain, where Benicassim and Sonar are held each year, anyone under the age of 18 is classed as a minor - any minors found to be unaccompanied by an adult are deemed to be vulnerable under the law and face being taken into care • In Croatia, the location of the TMobile INmusic Festival, make sure you carry your passport at all times as it is the only officially recognised form of identification. Remember to keep a photocopy of the photograph page in a safe location too • In Serbia, where Exit is held, taking photographs of, or near, police and military facilities can lead to arrest or confiscation of your camera. Campers should take particular caution and ensure they register with the local police in the town/city they are staying within 24 hours of arrival in Serbia – a failure to register may result in a fine, detention or court appearance
Alice Draper from the Know Before You Go campaign at the FCO, commented: “Going to another country to get away from the typically wet British festival is exciting but sometimes it’s easy to forget about the rules of the country you are in, which are often very different to those in the UK. For example, those about to travel to April’s Snowbombing festival, or other alpine parties, s hould remember that skiing while under the influence of alcohol or drugs could leave your insurance policy void, and you facing a huge medical bill. So check www.fco.gov. uk/travel before you jump on a flight to give your trip the head start to being a great adventure for all the right reasons.” Deputy Editor of nme.com Luke Lewis added: “There are some brilliant music festivals taking place outside of the UK. People tend to make the most of the weather and turn it into more of a holiday, but it doesn’t matter what the line up is if you end up spending half of the event in hospital or locked up. It’s important to remember to do a bit of research before you travel to these overseas festivals to avoid getting into trouble over something you could have easily avoided.” There are hundreds of festivals taking place all over the world each year and regardless of where fans are travelling, it’s important to research the country they are travelling to by visiting fco.gov.uk/travel and selecting the individual country page. The FCO are looking for music festival case studies. If you have found yourself in trouble when abroad, or realised that having travel insurance prevented you facing large hospital bills please contact email@example.com
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Life & Style
Alcohol: Socially Beneficial or Financial Nightmare? Liam O’Neill
Millions of graduates begin their working careers in an enormous amount of debt and with grades which could have been far superior. This is the question I put to you: is the only legal drug remaining (alcohol), its highest contributor? Over the last few days I conducted a survey in which students answered some questions and gave their own opinion on whether alcohol is worth its social value, or whether it has a detrimental effect on a student’s life and financial state post university, which in turn is then spoiling their chances
at financial survival in the future. Ian Jones, a first year student studying sports science at Portsmouth University when asked “On average how much would you say you spend on alcohol a week?” he replied, “around £70-£80’s.” Taking into account the fact that the average first year student spends £90£100 a week on accommodation, this means students are forking out nearly the same amount of money on alcohol as they do for where they live. When the students were asked: “Would you say you spend more on alcohol a week then you do on food?” The vast majority replied, “yes, definitely” and in some cases they stated that they spent
over double the amount. Surely from a moral adults viewpoint this sort of prioritising is extremely dangerous, not only from a nutritious and health position, but also from a financial point of view. Annually this level of alcohol consumption, not including holidays, would rack up a bill of £2,860. If you spread that over three years you are looking a debt, solely alcohol induced of £8,580. This does not include accommodation or the cost of a student’s course itself. Which brings me to the last worrying effect alcohol has on students, their grades. Tom Sorenson, a first year student studying Geography, told us that his academic grades would
profit substantially if he didn’t drink during the week. “I miss at least 3 lessons a week due to alcohol, but it’s worth it.” Unfortunately I fear there won’t be any decline in the level of alcohol consumption at university; if anything I would predict an increase. When Mr. Jones was asked what he would say to a fellow student if they told him they didn’t drink alcohol, his reply was: “I would think they have some sort of illness or religious reason which stops
them from drinking.” Now don’t get me wrong alcohol has it’s pro’s as well as its con’s, for some people it encourages socialising and can act as a confidence booster for people who otherwise would be very shy. Unfortunately the worrying question is, what else is there to do if you don’t go out? Read a book? Think alcohol is a detrimental part of student life? Let us know what you think on: firstname.lastname@example.org
This Year’s Last Supper Will Wells
Easter is one of those times that just drifts by, no one’s really sure when it’s coming, and if it wanted to be big like Christmas it really should’ve settled on a hard and fast date. Despite this it is still a recognised event in the Wells household. If Christmas is for kids or people with kids, then I’ve got no idea who Easter is for, maybe it’s a genuine religious thing. Suffering the end of term famine that usually cripples a broke student, you’d think an opportunity to gorge myself would be relished, but gradually, as the years have gone by, my egg haul has dwindled. This year I had only one egg to hunt. I know some people don’t even get that, like Jews and Muslims, but my sister got about a dozen. While I stood in the cold with that lone egg she was wandering around with armfuls, and it’s not even as if she’s that young - she was doing the egg hunt smoking. In truth we’re all too old for an egg hunt, some of the siblings don’t even live at home, but no matter how old you get Easter seems to be one of those occasions when tradition takes precedent above all else. Following the egg hunt is the family meal. I enjoy it; since being at Uni it’s nice to eat food off a clean plate with cutlery. But somehow I got the feeling not everyone wanted to be there; my Grandma for instance made her excuses, disappeared, then returned pretty much oblivious to all goings on. The scene was definitely losing its religious significance. My brother always positions himself in the seat next to Grandma; just in case she leaves her not-so prescribed Diazepam somewhere within reach. She’s probably the smartest of
us all, family occasions are fairly unbearable without some form of heavy self medication. Granddad, medication free, is talking to no one in particular about the government, while everyone else is concentrating very hard not to make eye contact, just in case he draws them into an exchange. My brother is throwing food in to his
mouth in a desperate, but ultimately futile attempt at leaving early, while Mum decides to take this opportunity to quiz my sister on her recent night out, my sister counters this by fingering the smokers amongst the family, grandma doesn’t care though; by this stage she’s smiling in a state of serenity that can only be Diazepam induced. At the head of the table, Dad has decided this is a prime time to become a wine drinker and in an effort to make up for lost years he’s stopped using a glass. All this while my grandma’s dog is wandering around under the table begging for scraps, I like dogs and when they nestle their head in your lap begging for food, well that’s nice that is, it’d take a cruel man to deny those eyes. My grandma’s dog, however, has recently taken to eating cat shit from the garden (this may be due to the affect diazepam has on animals, or that the dog is just a moron). Cat shit is, if you didn’t know, one of the worst smelling of all the bad smelling shits - dog shit, then slightly worse is foxes shit, worst of the lot is cat shit. In my lap was this old dog, breath-
ing heavy breaths on my crotch, each breath smelling like cat shit. I wretch at the smell of my own crotch, and this time it’s not even my own fault, to boot those loveable dog eyes have long since been covered by deep cataracts and the dog’s going a bit bald – the combination of balding, white eyes and that breath mean it’s like looking death in the face. The mutt is so old they now just age it in human years. The wine has kicked in and dad picks the old dog up under its arm pits and holds it up level with his face, I can only assume to talk to it like it’s a person. The dog knows he’s drunk – that’s why it’s stopped l i s t e n ing, Dad’s midway through telling her why she’s so lucky being a dog when he catches whiff of that breath and drops the dog about five feet to the ground. It bounces. Grandma’s oblivious, she wouldn’t have realised if she’d just been dropped five feet to the ground. Granddad does notice, but somehow manages to blame the whole incident on the government. This is the cue for the table to be cleared and both my brother and sister manage to go awol with their first trip to the kitchen. As the Diazepam wears off, and as she can’t seem to find the packet she swore she’d left on the table before, grandma decides to make her excuses and go back to the retirement home. For another year Easter is finished. So though no one traded anyone for thirty pieces of silver to the Romans, and I don’t think there was any bread with the meal, nor any prostitutes, there was plenty of wine and the case of the missing relaxants. I think for part-time Christians we did Jesus proud. As usual, picture also by Will Wells.
Societies Spotlight U8 Society Matt Blackall
For this issue we have been speaking to the U8 Society, another new society at the Union this year. So what is your society all about?
Well, we as a society may at first seem a bit obscure from our name, but, we are actually part of a national student network (funnily enough called U8) who care, work and study in international development issues. Do you see yourself as an academic society then?
In some sense i guess we are, as the idea is that we get together to discuss very specific issues and try to build a compromise. However, i do not really see us as an academic society because you don’t need to actually study or be involved in international development to be involved - you just have to have an interest, plus, there is no upper or lower limit as to what you put into the society. So, you talk a lot about working on specific issues, what sort of work is this?
There are opportunities for members of the society to take part in national research projects. Normally what happens is that a U8 member posts up a topic of discussion/research on the U8 website and members from around the country have the opportunity to research that topic and post their findings to the other people involved. This doesn’t really have to take up much time, maybe an hour a week at the most, as deadlines are over a period of months rather than weeks. There is no obligation to put hours into it either, just do what you can. At the end there is a chance that the final research will be used by NGO’s, the Government and the UN to help influence or direct policy. Are the activites members get up to largely based on research projects?
Oh no, we also intend to hold things such as conferences, talks, workshops and film showings. Unfortunately, because this is the first year of the society we have been a bit troubled with getting things off the ground, but there is a lot of work going on behind the scenes to get events sorted for our members during the summer term. Do you hold social events for members?
We have had socials and they have been well attended. We are all a really friendly, diverse bunch of people, so it is all good fun. For more information about U8 Society, or to get involved then email Jayna Zala at email@example.com
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Arts & Entertainment
The Circus Of Horrors
@ Portsmouth Guildhall It’s here at the Portsmouth Guildhall tonight, one of the many venues that has sold out across the country, that Lee Mack is to take to the stage as part of his massive Going Out UK Tour. I would assume the tour’s name is in reference to the BBC1 sitcom Not Going Out, in which he stars (personally, I am not too keen). However, tonight is all about Lee Mack doing what, in my opinion, he does best: stand up comedy As much as I would have liked him to have been, Lee Mack is not out on stage straight away and instead we are introduced to tonight’s warm-up act, Simon Evans. Anyone who is a fan of the more energetic comedian, and less of the comedian who stands with his hands in his pocket delivering line upon and line, won’t have warmed to Simon Evans quite as much. Although some material is good, his short set seems to drag on, his audience participation is non-existent and, although I cannot speak for everyone, overall the slow nature of his delivery and lack of audience participation makes the set a little disappointing. Lee Mack strolls onto the stage at around 9pm, with an unusual entrance consisting of him acting as some kind of magician, summoning an unsus-
pecting member of the front row to the stage and into a large box that has been brought in by the stage crew. The box is then taken away and Lee Mack’s opening comment is: “I just didn’t like the look of him”, which although a little predictable is amusing nevertheless. It is literally from the start of the show that this audience participation begins and never ceases. No more ‘magic tricks’ to come but Lee Mack’s interaction with the audience is outstanding, and he is one of those acts who uses this to drive his show forward. Tonight the audience are just as much a part of the show as he is. Lee Mack uses the audience throughout, referring back to particular members all the way through, mocking them, but in a playful way that is so popular that certain members of the audience begin to produce ridiculous laughs and blurt out comments to encourage Mack to interact with them. Whatever is said by an audience member, Mack seems to flawlessly generate humour literally within seconds and it’s just fantastic to watch. His prepared material is also topclass and consistently funny; he delivers all his anecdotes with energy, hyperactivity and he certainly gives us our money’s worth. Mack is definitely up there with the popular comedians of the moment, and he returns to the Portsmouth Guildhall at the start of November.
Jamnesty 2 Bryn Etherington
@ The Kings pub, Albert Road The UoP branch of Amnesty International regularly fight such civil and social injustices as the imprisonment and torture of human rights activists, political opponents of dictatorships, and more recently, a lower profile letter-writing campaign to my parents to ask them to reconsider their decision not to lend me 500 quid to go skiing. As it turns out, they also put on brilliant parties. Raising money and awareness by putting on some bands at the impossibly hip Loft, (known to us mere mortals as “the upstairs of The Kings”), the line up was filled by a blessed and di-
verse clutch of local and national acts. Opener Ash Grant was a one man folk-fest, beautifully underplayed and perhaps Southsea’s own new Guthrie; he played a number of his own immutably soulful songs as well as a brief cover of Death Cab’s ‘I will possess your heart’. Equally welcome were High Rise, with a throttling of indie-tinged pop punk to bring up the pulse of the crowd now gathered densely in the intimate space. Closing band Billy's Bones were a highlight, a seriously tight Bristolbased dub band with a charismatic vocalist and dreadhead saxophonist. With the evening’s boxes for esotericism, atmosphere and cool fully checked, leaving all interested parties much the merrier. Well done Amnesty, here’s to the next one.
Disagree with our reviewers, seen a good film or gig, read an awful book?
@ Kings Theatre Weird, scary, horrific and sickening. These words were spiralling their way through my mind as I take a seat in the stalls. A ‘Splash Zone’ encompasses the front four rows, and my stomach lurches again. Great, not only will I clearly see what is on the stage, but the stage will no doubt join us too. Luckily for me, I am just outside this area. Just as I take my seat, a guy dressed in rags with a marvellous hunchback walks between the aisles and picks a woman out of the front of the crowd, making inappropriate jokes he pulls her onto stage, yet she seems as comfortable as ever. Then, once herding her, humiliated, back into the crowd, the lights dim and the show begins. Smoke descends from the stage and creeps across the auditorium, surely a choking hazard, and the opening music to the 1980’s film ‘Halloween’ plays. After being told this show is not for “Sissys or Chavs” and to f**k off if you are one of those, the show begins. And what a show it is. You can see why this show, under its variety of names, has been going for 10 years or more. Mixing spectacular show stoppers, illusional magic and an assortment of performers, this show is one not to forget. And by way of performers, they are each unique, dazzling and unforgettable in their own right. Dr Haze leads you from scene to scene smoothly, and his entrusted musically talented Sante Muertes, sings you across the story of ‘The Day Of The Dead’. The Aztec Warriors acrobat across the stage, with a giant dancing skeleton, who ends up break dancing on a huge erect inflatable penis; air acrobats, and roller-skating marvels commence. Anastasia IV takes a breath taking moment
walking up the steps of razor sharp knives, later followed by her husband Hannibal Helmerto putting on an amazing display of sword swallowing, and showing off his removed ‘floating ribs’ (oh yes, for those daring enough, he even allows crowd members to feel them poking through his chest!)
Oh, and not forgetting Professor Daniel Von Henry, the dwarf who opens his beer bottle using his eye socket… urgh! He also happens to hang a two stone bowling ball and drag a HenryHoover around the stage by his penis. Gruesome show? Yes. Funny? Yes. Unforgettably enjoyable? Definitely!
Literature Sookie Stackhouse novels vs True Blood Charlotte Cloud
After Buffy The Vampire Slayer took over my teenage brain for several series I thought I’d had more than enough of vampires. But there was something about True Blood that made me want to break my embargo on vampires; it seemed to offer more than just the old tired formulae. The characters were well thought out and had much more depth than, for example, bookish Willow who seemed so barely necessary to the plot that the writers had to turn her into a witch. When Bill Compton cheesily announced “Sookie’s mine”, I shared Sookie’s disgust, but I was meant to. I acknowledged and enjoyed the naffness of that sentiment. I loved it. I wanted more. I started to read the Sookie Stackhouse novels to feed my addiction. Rather than work on minor details such as character development or plot, Charlaine Harris had other ideas,
seeming far more interested in what sex with an undead person would be like. The TV series is sexy as hell, but Charlaine’s lingering sex scenes go beyond the playful suggestion that gets viewers of the series going. After a while, readers might find themselves gagging for action – but not in a good way. Reading page upon page about the particulars of Compton’s anatomy may lead you to wonder when anything interesting is going to happen. The shabbiness of the writing style is particularly patronising. The series, albeit a bit of a guilty pleasure, has style and brains. A person of intellect can appreciate the series. Reading the book on the other hand leaves any reader who isn’t a blonde cocktail waitress who lives in Hicksville and relies on her word-a-day calendar to improve her vocabulary feeling cheap, used and thoroughly bored. Charlaine Harris can’t even use her own vocabulary effectively – I was having more fun counting malapropisms
and typos than the story would ever provide me with. In addition to this shabbiness, the suspense in the novel is infuriatingly lacklustre. The Sookie Stackhouse series has to rely heavily on suspense to create tension and drama. Unfortunately, the suspense in the novels is driven by Sookie’s idiocy. Her naivety leaves any reader who doesn’t share the stupidity of a country bumpkin frustrated at the predictability of some situations. Even the titles of the books are uninspired; if Harris were to write another I wouldn’t be surprised if it was entitled “Dead, Dead... Dead!” .Overall, the Stackhouse novels are dumb masturbatory aids for airheaded, vampire-obsessed rednecks, and as I have a sneaky suspicion that this demographic doesn’t even exist, I don’t know anyone who would enjoy these novels. Their only merit lies in how much they have made me appreciate Alan Ball’s ability to polish a turd into a diamond by creating such an excellent TV series.
Pugwash News Wednesday 14th April 2010
Arts & Entertainment
Gigs A Day to Remember Milly Youngman
@ Portsmouth Pyramids Centre Support: Architects, Your Demise. Entering the venue, I breathe a sigh of relief that, as with the seeming trend of gigs these days, my 5'1" self actually has a hope in hell of seeing, thanks to a large portion of the audience being barely in their teens, and therefore pre-growth spurt. Ignoring the monstrosity that is a ‘Mrs Oli Sykes’ t-shirt, I make my way to catch Your Demise open with a bang to an excited crowd – although it’s clear to see they’re mainly here for the headline act. Architects gave a strong performance, however seemed muted at points, despite vocalist Sam Carter’s efforts to get the crowd going, who were seemingly less responsive, except a small portion of loyal fans. A shame that a large portion of the crowd probably only knew them due to Carter’s vocals on Bring Me The Horizon track ‘The Sadness Will Never End’, as they currently lead the way in the growing British hardcore scene. The last time the Pompey crowds saw A Day To Remember, they went down a storm supporting Bring Me The Horizon (yep, them again...) hit the stage
to rapturous cheers and applause, hitting hard with ‘Fast Forward to 2012’, an unexpected yet appreciated opening song. The Ocala boys had clearly aimed their set at fans who had been there from the beginning, playing tracks from earlier released ‘And Their Name Was Treason’ and ‘For Those Who Have Heart’ - although it was standout tracks from latest album ‘Homesick’, such as singalong-friendly ‘The Downfall of Us All’. Things were slowed down a little with the frankly stunning cover of The Fray’s ‘Over My Head’, and ‘Have Faith In Me’ - the only downer was the band’s slightly sexist claim that they ‘had’ to play the soft songs ‘for the ladies’. After ending on arguably their best known track ‘The Plot to Bomb the Panhandle’, and the young’uns poured out to waiting parents, it’s easy to see that A Day To Remember are a band that aim to please their fans - and succeed.
Pugwashify is the new fortnightly playlist compiled by Team Pugwash. It’s filled with all sorts of music that we’ve been listening to at the moment and think is pretty rad. Head over to our website to have a listen! upsumedia.com/pugwash
A day to Remember - If it means a lot to you Darwin Deez - Radar Detector Does it offend you yeah? - we are rockstars Lacrosse - Can’t say no forever Delorean - Seasun Delphic - halcyon
Been to see a band play recently? Want to get free gig tickets to review for Pugwash News? We’re always looking for enthusiastic reviewers, contact us: artsents@upsu. net
Frank Turner - Photosynthesis Ok Go - this too shall pass White Unicorn - Wolfmother David Bowie - Changes
Interview The Strange Death of Liberal England
no big agendas or master plans. Bands in the Southsea area are lucky as there is a really supportive scene here and
dents starting their own bands or looking to get into the industry?
AW We like their music more than the
barrage of other comparisons. My fa-
Local band The Strange Death of Liberal England are a band on the rise; they've supported Manic Street Preachers, are currently touring with Editors and look set for a slot on the Portsmouth leg of the upcoming NME Radar Tour. We caught up with lead singer and guitarist Adam Woolway.
AW That’s quite an assumption...I don't count bands as influences. I've never tried to write a song in the style of someone else, except maybe when just starting out before finding my own voice. From that point on you can only ever write in your own style and that is made up of the things that happen around you, the things you read, and the people you talk to. PN Who's on your iPods at the mo-
AW We've just been playing with Cold Cave from New York and they gave us a few freebies, seems to be the only way I get hold of music nowadays...
Pugwash News: How did you feel tonight's performance went [supporting Editors]? Do you enjoy playing the larger venues?
PN What lead to the choice of name? How did you know/find out about the book?
Adam Woolway: Tonight went really
that would make us look clever. We rifled through the Dewey system for hours until our fingers bled and we broke the microfiche.
well. We've had a few days off since playing Brixton and have been eating our five a day. We're all local too, so people round these fair parts seem to be curious about what we're up to. It’s good to show them. And large venues are great. It’s a completely different thing to playing the small stages. It’s easier because the sound is better but harder as you need the cojones to fill the stage. I think we gave it our best. We've always been about the cojones.
PN How easy was it for you to get
started and later recognised as a serious band? AW Getting started was easy for us as
we were all friends and just wanted to do something enjoyable, there were
AW We wanted something pretentious
PN I was lucky enough to catch you
guys playing Southsea Fest last year; have you got any festivals lined up for this summer?
AW Not yet but it’s still early! We'll
events such as the Wedgewood Rooms annual Showcase help give artists that much needed first step on the ladder. Then, getting out of the South is more demanding but if you're passionate enough about what you do then people will eventually listen to you. PN Do you have any advice for stu-
AW Yes, contact the Wedgewood
Rooms and submit for this year's Showcase 'competition'. It’s how we started and we wouldn't be around today without it. PN You've been compared by many to the likes of Arcade Fire; are you fans of their music and do you have a favourite song(s) of theirs?
vourite track is Wake Up; I saw them do an accapella version on the steps of St George's Church in London a few years ago and it was breathtaking. PN Other than the aforementioned,
who would you say influences your music?
be touring again soon and looking to release our already-recorded album; a few festivals would be lovely. Summer isn't summer without paying a tenner for a hotdog and a weak lager.
You can catch these guys performing live at the Fat Fox on the 20th April.
Purple Wednesdays Wednesday 17th March 2010
Arts & Entertainment
Film Love You Too Bryn Etherington
@ Cinema No.6 Writer/director Sam Mason Bell and editor/producer Riyadh Haque are the front for upcoming local production company Trash Arts. Their latest film Love You Too follows a young man, Bailey (Jack Gary Davenport), and his father Robert (Thomas Thoroe), as they try and fail to cope with events both normal and unusual following the death of their wife and mother. Discovering the video journal of a girl which appears to be, in essence, her suicide note, Bailey finds his own
Paranormal Activity mental and emotional welfare at unbalanced by a combination of this strange event, his father’s descent into sex addiction, and the attentions of two girls from his school. The film’s tone is consistently bleak and almost overwhelmingly tragic, echoing in places the stripped down mundane naturalism observable in the work of Todd Solondz. However, where films such as Happiness were ultimately comedies of the blackest shade about the inability of humans to be anything but awful to one another, this film did seem to want better for its characters. Perhaps a more subtle mixing of tragic and comic elements may have added both complexity and respite from the solid-black canvas
of the film’s approach to storytelling. Having said this however, whilst the film was graphically explicit it was not immature, and scenes of nudity, sex and violence were only there to serve and advance the story and in this sense well-considered. Mostly a linear and coherent piece, a number of plot holes and somewhat unexplained character progressions towards the end detracted from the film. However its examination of grief was in places genuinely moving and a good showcase of local talent. With a new production already in the can and due for local release later this year, it would appear that we can expect interesting things from Messrs Mason, Haque and Davenport.
Green Zone Chris Batchelor
Paul Greengrass’ new war movie Green Zone tries to do exactly what the Hurt Locker achieved, combing an exciting action movie with a critique on war. Greengrass accomplishes on one front, with highly entertaining action sequences. The anti-war message however, comes across as extremely preachy. Chief Warrant Officer Roy Miller (Matt Damon) keeps coming up short on his mission to find weapons of mass destruction shortly after the USled invasion of Iraq in 2003. Whilst Miller’s failures come as no surprise to us now, Greengrass is dealing with the past, not present, trying to relive the chaos and confusion encountered. After every bit of intelligence Miller receives leads to a dead end his suspicions grow, and slowly he begins unveil an intricate conspiracy involving every layer of the government. Miller learns a man named Magellan is behind the failing intelligence and Miller decides to go after him to expose the disturbing truth. Greengrass films Green Zone very
much like the Bourne movies, with the documentary style allowing the audience to feel themselves a part of
the action. This is precisely why it is so frustrating that the politics are so unsubtle. The audience cannot draw their own opinions and conclusions from the movie as Greengrass’ opinions are quite obviously stamped all over Green Zone from start to finish. Matt Damon does a perfectly fine job as the lead role. Early on Miller does not ask questions but after continuous failures, he wants answers, and by the end he is practically at war with the Americans, trying to protect a ruthless Ba’ath Party general. Damon’s character is driven by the fact he was lied to by the supposed ‘good guys’, leading to an explosive finale reminiscent of Black Hawk Down. The problem with Green Zone is that the story is fictitious, but with the scenes of Iraq looking like footage we see on the news every night and the snippets of politicians such as George Bush speaking, I found myself thinking more about what is going on in Iraq right now instead of enjoying the plot. At the end of the day, I don’t like going to the cinema and being lectured at, but if you try not to think about the message too much you’ll enjoy this Bourne-esque thriller.
I Love You Philip Morris Liam Underwood
This is a film that tackles a rare subject in romantic comedies, homosexuality. While movies such as I Love You, Man (2009) have dealt with the close friendships of men, it is rare for homosexuality to be laid bare and frankly in a mainstream film. Not since Brokeback Mountain have well-known straight male stars been used as a ploy to lure in audiences to a film that deals with this subject matter. This is a movie that constantly defies audience expectations, and not just in terms of casting. The opening introduces Jim Carrey's character, Steven Russell, as a caring fam-
ily man. Leslie Mann, thankfully in a small role, plays his doting religious wife, but it isn't long before the rug is pulled from the audience’s feet and it is revealed that Steven Russell is gay. So begins an apparently true yet somewhat unbelievable story full of twists and turns, unafraid of toying with the audience’s expectations and emotions. Jim Carrey combines his trademark prat-falling, rubber-faced gurning reminiscent of The Mask - with a performance packed with enough emotion to rival his role in 2004’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Love interest Phillip Morris is played by Ewan McGregor, the titular character who has a calm and gentle soul and is
Hey, what do you do when there’s creepy stuff going on in your house when you’re asleep? Buy a camera of course! “If it’s one of those neighbourhood kids that is trying to peep on you, we can catch him” jokes Micah. Inevitably, the reality turns out to be much worse; otherwise you may as well call it ‘Peeping Tom Activity’ which just sounds like an adult film to be perfectly honest. Paranormal Activity has endlessly been praised as a genuinely terrifying film experience. In full knowledge of this, I purposely watched it in the daytime and was doing other things to distract me from the ball-tightening horror of it all. It is shot using the shaky-cam “found footage” style, characterised most notably by Cloverfield and The Blair Witch Project, which director Oren Peli has cited as a source of inspiration. Following these leads, Peli intended to do away with over-the-top action and gore in favour of a handheld camera to make everything more personal and the audience feel involved. He has without question achieved this aim. Acting-wise, the strain on the rela-
tionship between the couple is superbly portrayed. Husband Micah refuses to take the threat seriously and sees it as an exciting opportunity to catch a ghost on film. Katie however has had the haunting following her all her life, having long since had enough of it, and is fearful of Micah upsetting the spirit with the camera and later, a Ouija board. Micah soon becomes obsessed with the demon, believing he is in control of the situation, when clearly he is not. One of the film's biggest achievements is the outstanding quality of filmmaking. Given that the male lead is also essentially the cameraman and the entire film was made within a week (shooting, editing and visual effects all done in seven days), all on a budget of $15,000, the film is very impressive indeed. My two criticisms are: firstly, I’m not sure if it was the preview DVD, but the sound quality was poor, with it sometimes being difficult to hear conversations. Secondly, in terms of storyline, how on earth can these people still be able to sleep when something like that is going on in their house? But overall, this is a genuinely gripping experience for fans of horror and normal filmgoers alike.
The Bounty Hunter always willing to see the best in people. While both actors struggle with the Texan accent, it’s most noticeably distracting in McGregor’s performance as he occasionally slips into his native Scottish tongue. The comedy aspects are very good; the main characters’ sexualities are never used as cheap punch lines. The dramatic aspects are also done well, with Carrey falling hopelessly in love and willing to do all it takes to stay together. Unfortunately, these elements are not combined particularly well, with the film often jumping jarringly between the two. It's a daring and entertaining film but it may have benefitted from casting less well-known actors in the lead roles.
I went to see this film because my boyfriend reasoned that, so long as he was being subjected to a chick flick, it may as well be a manly sort of chick flick. And that’s pretty much the best way to sum up this film; it’s lighthearted and amusing, it’s not a spoiler to hear that boy and girl get together in the end, but the characters are bland, the plot is weak, and occasionally there are brief car chases and shoot-em-ups. In short, it’s the best and worst of ‘manly films’ mushed in a blender with the key elements of a girly film. It was one of those movies where you were supposed to be rooting for
the couple to win, and to realise they love each other really and want to be back together. But you weren’t given enough exposition or any sense of why their cause was worth caring about, so it was hard to really care who won. And I personally didn’t see enough in their sweet romantic moments to explain how they ever got together in the first place, let alone why you would be cheering for them to give it another shot. Don’t misunderstand me - it was okay and it killed two hours. But I won’t be running out to buy the DVD or anything. (Or the soundtrack, for that matter - might as well play the top 10 on Spotify for free and achieve the same effect).
Purple Wednesdays Wednesday 17th March 2010
Pompey champs again after medal haul Meet the committee: Wayne Gardiner
The Portsmouth University Boxing Club completed an unprecedented feat of winning medals in all bouts and thus retaining the British University Team Champions Title in Sheffield last month. The event was heavily contested, with over 120 entrants throughout all weight and gender categories. Portsmouth sent a large team of 11 boxers with a very confident attitude, and with such a large squad and many boxers having to compete three times in four days, the squad had a very busy and stressful time, none more so than the President of the club, Paul Mitchell. After a five hour trip to Sheffield at 4.30am on the Wednesday, Paul was the first boxer from our university to compete and boy was he up for it. Coming against a Slovakian boxer who is currently studying at Kingston University, Paul demonstrated superb defensive skills whilst pushing with aggressive powerful punches. Paul won this bout 5 points to 0, and after a deserved day’s rest Paul then took on the current Aberdeen champion and again used his defensive guard to the full. This opponent was a lot more seasoned than Paul and it showed going into the last round. The result was a very close count back points win to Paul, moving him into the finals. In the finals Paul boxed extremely well but unfortunately got beat by a superior boxer, but only through a close decision due to his persistent pressure and massive heart. A Fresher in the squad who seems
to have become a favourite in local circles was Callum “Lights-Out” Lewis. Callum dominated in his first bout, scoring whenever he wished – resulting in a massive 10 to 1 points win taking him to the semi finals. In the semi-finals Callum came against a rock hard lad from Kent, causing Callum all kinds of difficulty, but Calum stepped up and ended the bout with a lovely 7 to 3 win moving onto the final. In the final Callum dictated again, winning comfortably to take the British title – adding to the English title that he won four months earlier and continuing his 100% record of eight wins in eight bouts this year Holly “The Surgeon” Keats also retained her British Title for the second year running, with a superb win of 12 to 7 on points. Holly has made tremendous strides since being at university – only losing one bout in three years of boxing and earning six titles – next up Holly will be aiming for
international success in Russia and National success in June. Bashir “The Model” Natwari made a dominate display, reminding the crowd of a young Ali – in the last round of the final, Bash was up on points but received a standing count after being caught with a damaging left hook – Bash kept composed and managed to force out the victory. Coach Wayne Gardiner said of the event: "This is the most dominant result ever achieved by any University in the boxing championships; I cannot be prouder and thank the whole team including support staff for such an incredible season." Other Results: Rupish Nayee 57kg (Silver) – Syed “Little Dan” Fahat 54kg (Silver) – Yannick Foh 75kg (Silver) – Hisham “Chips” Al-Abaddey 71kg (open – Bronze) – Brian “Kid Chocolate” Ogwenno 67kg (Open-Bronze) – Terry Singh 60kg (Silver) – C Ducoutomany 51kg (Silver).
The next and last fight for Portsmouth was Club Treasurer Dan Marshall, known in training for his ‘club foot’, the hopes were set high for a win. Both Dan and his competitor went into the fight waiting for each other to attack, leaving them open to counter. With both fighters going in with the same mentality, not many kicks were thrown in either round by either fighter. The fight came down to a sudden death kick, with the result being 2-2 at the end of the fight. In the result of a tie, the first to land a point would win the fight and move to the next round. The controversial kick landing
Emily Walker - Vice-President Checks the swim team pigeon hole, organises committee meetings, completes forms for team trips and learns all that the president knows. Describing herself in three words she said: “I LOVE TENTS”
Louisa Herring (Reg) - Women’s Captain Chooses the squad for competitions such as BUCS. “The funniest moment on swim team I won’t ever forget was the abduction of Lenny Henry (a card-board cut-out),” she said
Liam Small (Big Liam)- Treasurer
on Dan after his kick wasn't scored resulted in a loss for Portsmouth. The bad luck on Portsmouth that day was still continuing. Dan, although clearly aggravated at the outcome, portrayed good sportsmanship towards his competitor and their Master. After being at the competition for 13 hours, the event came to a close with a moving memorial to 7th Dan Master Suh, who recently passed away. Master Suh was a world renowned teacher of WTF Taekwondo and his UWE team were presented with a tribute and commended for showing and competing in recognition of their Master. To anyone who was lucky enough to have met and trained with Master
Suh, will know truly how much Master Suh meant to Taekwondo. Portsmouth, however, left with a little more then they were expecting. Earlier in the day Gruff had pulled out of sparring, but what we didn’t know was he had been given a bypass to the semi-finals without having to fight. So after he had already collected his Bronze medal for Poomsae, we were humoured to hear his name being called again during the announcements to collect his Bronze medal for sparring.
Sorts out all the swim team payments and said he just helps everyone out when they need it. “The funniest moment was when we tried to play football,” he said. But how do swim team initiate the Freshers? “Apparently we’re not allowed to say... but it definitely doesn’t involve two Freshers and one cup. Honest.” Kyle Lavine (Babies) - Male Social Sec He said: “I work with the female social sec - we organise everything from weekly socials, larger socials and anything that is not based on training or competing (mainly consuming a lot and keeping the rabble in line!) So what’s a swimmers favourite drink? “There is only one purple nectar of the gods!” Jenny Braid - Female Social Sec She said: “I’m responsible for getting everyone as drunk as possible on a Wednesday.” She added: “I LOVE SWIM TEAM, and so should you!”
Women Finish in Seven Heaven Pompey 1sts 7-0 St Mary's Portsmouth Woman’s First Hockey team finished the season on a high last Wednesday with a 7-0 thrashing of bottom of the league team St Mary’s. The match that held a bit of animosity on both sides thanks to previous games had always promised to be a battle, however it seemed St Mary’s didn’t even turn up for the fight. The Portsmouth girls started well with an early goal and St Mary’s never really looked threatening after that. Goals from Man of the Match Sarah Eastman (4), Tori Clark, Grace Milas and Hayley Ford put the game far beyond St Mary’s who spent more
Makes sure the club is run sufficiently. He describes himself as a Grumpy old man, who loves Soco, lemonade and lime. “My most embarrassing moment was being left at the pool in Sheffield at BUCS in my first year,” he said.
Organises events and picks the team. Describing himself in three words he said: “Full of Rubbish.” He added: “Swim Team are a team with improving standards in and out of the pool in most areas. So jump in and get involved.”
Sport » Hockey
Jack Smith (Pirate Steve) - President
Tom Marsters (Tomo) - Men’s Captain
Taekwondo bring home bronze Continued from Page 16
time arguing with the umpires than playing the game. It was a great end to the hockey year and a fantastic last game for the 3rd years in what has been a turbulent season with lots of highs and lows. The team finished a very respectable third in the 2A league. Pompey 2nds 7-0 King's College The womens second team played their last match for their season, and with many players leaving such as Becci Whitelock, Hannah Iles, Claire Beetlestone, Kirsty Fraser and Liz Fentiman we knew we wanted this game to be worth remembering. Knowing we beat kings college in our last match 5-2, we wanted to improve. With everyone excited to play the match, we
were off to a good start, ending the first half at 5-0. With everyone working amazingly hard and playing as a team, we were all shattered but wanted to do better, leaving the final score 7-0! We could have gotten more goals in the second half, but we were all extremely happy with the final result, leaving this season on a high. For more information about hockey, contact Tom Murtagh (President) or Hannah Jones (Vice President) on: firstname.lastname@example.org
"Little Dan" demolishes Taekwondo bring home bronze Army boxer Robert Lock
Four boxers from the University of Portsmouth went up to compete in Enfield on the 19th March. The show was held in a working men’s club and with so many people watching it made for a great venue with a superb atmosphere. The capacity crowd were very welcoming and helped make the show a success. First up for Portsmouth was Carmen Lau against Amy Hill from the Metropolitan Police. Hill started very quickly and looked to overwhelm Carmen in the first round. Carmen however recovered from her slower start and began to out-manoeuvre her opponent, utilising her slick footwork and superior boxing skills. Carmen continued strongly until the final bell and won her bout convincingly, even being awarded the boxer of the night award by officials. Next up was Syed “Little Dan” Fahat against a boxer from the Army. Dan tested out a new strategy against his opponent and resisted the urge to constantly attack. By being patient and keeping up a tight guard, Danny was able to able to land some powerful shots on his opponent without taking many in return. This trend continued into the second round, with Danny taking advantage of the small ring and landing some quality shots, especially to the body, forcing the referee to step in and give a standing count. In the final round Danny kept up the pressure and managed to land a terrific body shot after backing his opponent into a corner, dropping him and stopping the bout. Following Danny’s impressive victory was Jack Holmár. Jack was pitted against a very unorthodox and scrappy boxer; he did not let this faze him though and resisted getting drawn into a brawl. Jack looked the better, classier boxer throughout the bout, managing to land some clean, accurate punches in contrast to his opponents more aggressive wild style. Utilising
straight shots and lots of movement Jack boxed very well against a difficult opponent but unfortunately lost on a close points decision. Stuart Lowney-Redger was up last for Portsmouth, making his debut. Stuart was up against a very experiencedlooking boxer; he did not let this affect him though and showed terrific determination. Standing his ground and using his hook to good effect, Stu put in a good display but was down on points in the second round, prompting Coach Matt Winstanley to throw in the towel. Despite the result Stu showed great fighting quality and heart against a very difficult opponent, something which many other boxers would not have done. All four boxers showed great skill and can be proud of their performances. The hard work does not stop there though as all four will look to take part in the next home show in front of an expectant student crowd. The final home show is a chance for boxers to perform in front of their peers and end the season on a high. Head coach Wayne Gardiner had this to say about the show: “I am very proud of all four boxers tonight; these bouts were preparation for the next home show on the 27th April 2010 against the Met police. It was a great trip with some valuable experience learnt this year’s boxing squad is having the best season they have ever had.”
This year’s British Student Taekwondo Federation (BSTF) Student Nationals Tournament was held in Aylesbury with just three students competing from Portsmouth and a few stragglers for supporters. We were what looked like the smallest team there,
For more information contact email@example.com Krish Mistry
with Southampton having 40+ and Newcastle University with around 30 competitors amongst many other large and small universities including Kingston and Brighton. With a 6am start, we believed this was going to be the only part of the day which would get in the boys’ way of bringing back medals for Portsmouth. But the first problem of the day arose at the morning weigh-in, as club President Josh Higgins was put into the wrong weight category due to a mix up with paperwork – meaning he would be fighting someone taller and/ or heavier then himself. The day was to be split into two sections, with the morning starting off with Poomsae Competitions. Portsmouth was represented by Dan Marshall and Gruff Davies for the men’s intermediate category. Both boys passed through the first round with unanimous votes each from the three judges. (Poomsae is judged by three people at a time to ensure the judges can take note on all movements made.) Dan was knocked out in the second round
with a 2-1 vote, while Gruff continued on to defeat another two competitors but was knocked out in the semifinals. Gruff was awarded Bronze for their category, bringing home the first medal for Portsmouth The Sparring began in the afternoon and, with Josh and Dan not fighting for several hours, the first block of waiting around flew past as we watched the first fights and spurred our boys on in the run up for their fights. First to fight was President Josh Higgins, not being deterred by the thought of his competitor being at least a foot taller than him giving him a large advantage, although this became extremely noticeable when they came face to face in the ring. With each round being only a minute and a half long, and two rounds per fight it is never clear until the end which way it is going to go. With Josh scoring first clearly landing kicks and moving out the way of his competitor quickly we soon saw Portsmouth take a 3-1 lead against the University of Kent competitor. But with the height advantage, and 3 points per head kick, the first chop kick to the side of Josh's head saw the scores start to alter. Several head kicks later and Josh fighting his hardest against the odds the final score was 12-5 to Kent. The two competitors having met and trained together before showed the first signs of sportsmanship we’d probably seen all day, both leaving the ring with big smiles after a friendly hug and pat on the back. Josh was commended on giving Kent a run for their money in the circumstances by many spectators, and if the disadvantage hadn’t been put up against him, the chances of him walking away the winner in his own weight category were more then likely. Continued on Page 15
Sport » Cheerleading
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Portsmouth Phoenix takes over Glee
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March 11th saw Portsmouth Phoenix take over Liquid for one spectacular Glee night! With hundreds of students arriving, ready to hit the dance floor and party it up, geek style. What was set to be an excellent night was made better with the Events Girls performing one of their routines which would put the cheer girls in Glee to shame. However, the singing we will leave to the professionals. With many students queuing in the cold, rocking the nerd glasses and eager to get inside; Stunt groups from Competition too wowed as they achieved baskets, splits in mid air and
extensions. Let’s not forget, a huge well done to Hanna Milton, Emma Conybeare, Oliver Soord-Gurney, Mark Williamson and Luke Donovan-King who performed their winning stunt performance in the middle of the dance floor... yes, no mats were used! A definite highlight of the night for Portsmouth Phoenix and with the cheers from the crowds, an enjoyed performance all round. So with another performance under the Events belt, a wowing performance from our winning stunt group and hung-over Portsmouth Glee geeks the next day, it’s only fair to say that March 11th saw yet another success for Portsmouth Cheerleaders.
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