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Murmur.

Poetry

Issue Four, 2012

Recipes! Conferences, Conferences, Conferences!

World Famous Dr. Anon Returns!

Surgical News

The Cafe Review Series: A Series of Unfortunate Cafes


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Murmur n. a rumour a soft indistinct sound made by a group of people a low continuous sound, almost inaudible a recurring sound heard in the heart, a sign of disease

Murmur.

Issue Four, 2012


Editor’s Welcome Elliot Dolan-Evans Page 6 Letters to the Editor Page 7 President’s Welcome Jono Davies Page 8 NLDS Review Jen McAuliffe Page 9 Surgical Interest Association Daniel Cattanach Page 12 GUMS Awards Stef Tran Page 17 Poetry Corner Page 19 GPCE Review Claire McAllister Page 21 Well-being Wrap-Up Jas Davis & Mat Wong Page 22 FHL Review Jono Davies Page 24 GUTS Page 25 GPSN Wrap Lauren Mann Page 26 GHC Review David Hill Page 28 Study Work-out Elliot Dolan-Evans Page 29 Neurosurgical Review Siobhan Fitzpatrick Page 31 Murmur Cooking Corner Lisa Pinel Page 34 NUHRC Review Ichhya Shrestha Page 36 Meme Land! Page 37 NSA Review Elliot Dolan-Evans Page 38 Cafe Review Series Elliot Dolan-Evans Page 41 Diagnose This! Dr. Anon Page 43 Thanks GUMS! Page 45 Sleeping on the Job Page 47

Publications Sub-Committee Disclaimer: Siobhan Fitzpatrick MBBS 1 Kristel Kemmerling MBBS 3 Christopher Maguire MBBS 1 Claire McAllister MBBS 3 Felicity McIvor MBBS 2 Tegan McMonagle MBBS 2 Samantha Nataatmadja MBBS 3 Carlin Saldanha MBBS 1

All published articles and images represents the views and attitudes of their respective authors and do not reflect the policy or beliefs of the Griffith University Medical Society. No warranty is made to the accuracy or currency of the information. GUMS, its executive and associated people will not be held liable for any claim, loss or damage arising out of reliance on the information in Murmur.

Murmur Edition Four 2012 Editor Elliot DolanEvans Cover Beautiful illustration by Erin Fitzpatrick


GUMS Would like to thank our wonderful sponsors; without them we wouldn’t be able to produce Murmur, please show them your support! Gold Sponsors:


Gold Sponsors:

Silver Sponsors:


A Lesson from the Executive Editor A lesson from Elliot Dolan-Evans that you’ll never forget... Welcome to the seductive and final tribute to the glory of the written word. As Murmur comes to a close for 2012, and my reign time as editor/king winds down, I would like to thank you all for reading the magazine with such vigour. We have experienced the highest amount of readership in the history of the magazine, and I would like to thank all of you sincerely! Sure, some may say that’s only because no other year’s readership was recorded… but to those people, I say, suck the velour lining one of my items of furniture. Needless to say, it’s been a great year as your humble editor - I also apologise for all of the controversial and offensive things that I have done as editor of Murmur, and will continue to do in the public domain. Everything has been light hearted, and I hope sincerely that I haven’t upset anyone. The 9th Café Review will be featured in this magazine - which resembles an outstanding effort for a publication series that was originally created so that I would be forced to try the Cafes around my local area (I was always complaining that no nice places existed). After extensive reviewing, I have confirmed my original fears. That Southport is an uncultured and bottomless hell, where no good Cafes can be found… or is it? Read the 9th Café Review to find out if I’ve finally found one worth dining at! I will leave discussion on this series with a warning - expect the Café Reviews back for 2013, in a slightly new format.

It’s been a fun year, it’s been a controversial year, and it’s been an offensive year to the community of Southport. I don’t think any general district has ever received this much abuse from an editor of a notforprofit magazine, and for this, I applaud you Southport. I applaud you for continuing to give me ample opportunity and a ridiculous amount of ammunition to figuratively, metaphorically and literally blow your slim reputation apart. I honestly do feel a great deal of pity for the area, which has potential to be so nice, and genuinely feel sympathetic to a lot of the public who try to get by in amidst the gangs, violence and hatred. There are a lot of disadvantaged people here, along with an exceptionally low employment rate, and I really do wish that hope can be restored to the area. It will be interesting to see what becomes of Southport once the hospital has moved on. With that, I hope you all enjoy the last issue of Murmur! Please let me know what you think  Yours, murmuring with you to the end of time, Kind Regards,

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Ya talking to me? Huh? If you’ve got something you’d like to contribute to Murmur, or if you have any opinions, feedback or abuse for the editor, please drop us a line at: publications@gums.org.au Well, punk?

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The Presidential Address In this grave hour, Jonathan Davies sends to every member this message, spoken with the same depth of feeling for each one of you.... Hola GUMS Members! Well, at least half of us (as I type this) are still in the dark depths of exams… and directing some jealousy-derived hatin’ at all evennumbered years that are done and dusted for the year already. Damn you all… So, what has happened since we last caught up? Well, we staged a little play called Med Revue… Cast and crew had an amazing time putting together the finest of productions and performing to sell-out crowds across three nights. The team overcame issues such as a certain temperamental DHC lead (who turned up late to his own scene) to stage an end result that reviewers have described as ‘Seamless’. The event will be back next year under guidance from 2013 Convenors Chris Maguire, Tyson Jones, Hamish Bush and Sarah McNamee. Adam and his Academic Aces delivered Futures Evening – equipping us all with the knowledge to handle our impending futures. Colleges, Finance companies and MDO’s gave us the low-down on how to not fail at life. We also gave away a PS3! Following some presentations we had a trade show with even more info, and attendees could have a go at interactive activities such as an intubation simulation station. And burritos… we had burritos. Wellbeing has been active in recent months too, releasing the Wellbeing Cookbook (hopefully you’ve tried your hand at some

of the recipes by now) and providing free massages from qualified professionals on Massage Day. So. Awesome. I wish it could be Massage Day every day. GUMS has been successful on the wider stage recently too – being named as ‘Cultural Club of the Year 2012’ by the Griffith Student Guild! We’re very honoured. I nearly cried. Our website www.gums.org.au has also recently been crowned the ‘Best Medsoc Website’ by AMSA! Again, I nearly cried. So from here on in it’s exams exams exams… and why do we sit exams? So we can go to the after parties! (Right?) Don’t worry, GUMS Social has got you covered. There is light at the end of the tunnel! Then later for the returning fourth years we have the ultimate light at the end of the tunnel – Graduation! And I guess that concludes the year that was 2012! What do you know, the world didn’t end. It’s been a great year, and I have been honoured to work alongside the GUMS team to provide you with all the events and initiatives that hopefully made your 2012 at Griffith a grand old time. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all of our members and also to congratulate Tommy Brennan and the 2013 Executive – I’m sure there is an awesome year to come! I hope you enjoy the final edition of Murmur for 2012, It’s been emotional. Jonathan Davies

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NLDS Wrap Rather than talking about a type of sandwich or some tunes Elliot likes to lay down on a Thursday night, Jen McAuliffe, tells Murmur about the National Leadership and Development Seminar Prepare yourself, because here comes another ranting from your friendly conference addict Jen, about her latest hit. I know, I know. I have done the CAGE survey, it’s definitely something that’s a vice, but well, if you’re going to have one, it could be worse. So my latest foray into the conference world was at the National Leadership Development Seminar which ran between August 20 and 22. It was an epic migration of the best and the brightest medical student leaders to our Nation’s capital Canberra and hosted by AMSA. The seminar was a 3 day veritable smorgasbord of influential politicians, medical leaders, activists and legal eagles. The speaking program was the main component of the event. It was here that we sat in wonderment and listened to the stories, wisdom and cautionary tales of some of our personal heroes. The program was literally packed. Even our first night which served as our meet and greet (…free time? Sorry, what?) was a platform for speakers to tell us about the world of leadership and the brave new world that as graduates and future leaders we would be heading in to. The speaking component was highlighted by a series of workshops on building skills in advocacy, negotiating and the finer points of meeting etiquette. It was a common thread among the students present that this was a very well favoured part of the 3 days and something that we all wish we had time to do more of!

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We were supremely lucky to be able to attend some wonderful venues. Most excitingly, we spent days two and three at Parliament House and day one was spent at the lovely, AMA House (a pretty close second place). Despite the fullness of the program, we did manage to squeeze in a few things just for kicks. On Monday the more politically tragic among us got a huge thrill out of attending question time and got to see the Shadow Treasurer Joe Hockey evicted from the chamber, watched Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott sling names from across the floor my favourite of which being Jack the Ripper and Lady MacBeth respectively. It was a day of history in the House of Representatives. Shortly after our departure (darn it!), Tony Abbott became the first opposition leader in 50 years to be evicted from Parliament. We were all a little bit devastated to hear that we had missed this momentous occasion by just minutes. As always, we also had a chance to let our hair down at 3 social functions. The last night and also normally the largest night gave the girls (and guys) a chance to get pressed and dressed for the MDA National Gala Dinner. Delegates were treated to a wonderful 3 course meal of which all I really remember is the delicious chocolatey dessert. Absolute heaven.


My favourite part of these things is getting to tell you all what I loved the most and why you should be totally jealous… because undoubtedly you should be. Sam Prince and his tail of Mexican food, a hardware store and infertility about his own humble beginnings was a scene stealer. Now I keep myself busy, but the thought of adding an MBA and starting my own small business to my resume whilst in medical school, seems a little too much even for me. I continue to be motivated by is take home messages to us: “dream big, take small steps and find a mentor.” Dr Sally Cockburn (aka Dr Feelgood) was another big hitter. Speaking on advocacy and how to be a successful advocate as a student and beyond, she gave us practical and realistic advice about the challenges of speaking up for others and the importance of being an activist for equality and justice. Her most lasting message to me was: “Don’t sit back and think someone else is doing it, they aren’t.”

Other notable mentions go to Dr Rob Moody, Air Commondant Tracy Smart (just awesome!), Samah Hadid (Australian Director of the Global Health Project), Dr Steve Hambleton (AMA President) and The Honourable Michael Kirby (eek! Justice Kirby!!) who did a wonderful job inspiring us to get involved, and to buy his books, which in case anyone was interested are available at med student affordable prices. I would very much like to thank GUMS for their support which has allowed me to make the most of this wonderful opportunity. Keep up the good work!

And to round out my top 3, Dr Andrew Perry. Emergency medicine registrar, current chair of AMA’s Federal Council of Doctors in Training, previous AMSA(SA) Doctors in Training Chair, Vice Chair of AMSA in his med school days and well, much more. Andrew reminded us that it’s okay to make mistakes by sharing his own and what he learnt from them. He also ran a fantastic workshop on affective meeting attendance and how to get what you need from them. Politically speaking, I was particularly surprised to find that some of my highlights were the politicians themselves (despite whether or not I agreed with their policies)! Senator Sarah Hanson-Young was quite an entertaining favourite as was The Honourable Bob Katter MP, who came complete with Akubra for happy snaps with thrilled and be-hatted med students.

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The Surgical Interest Association The vision of the Surgical Interest Association: Through grassroots development and innovative action, the Surgical Interest Association will create and inspire the surgical leaders of tomorrow and will enhance surgical care and access in the community.

The Queensland Government has invested over $2 billion in health infrastructure across the Gold Coast, highlighted by the construction of the Gold Coast University Hospital, the largest public health infrastructure in Australia1. The Gold Coast will become a centre of advanced care, and the region will require an expanded health workforce. Indeed, this is especially true for surgical services, which will need to increase by 56% in the next 15 years due to demand2. To ensure these needs are met, the number of surgeons will have to correspondingly grow by 50% by 20212. The surgical workforce is at maximum capacity, evidenced by surgeons having to work 60 hours per week3, which has created the perception that surgeons have a poor work/ life balance4,5. This belief, along with female students being discouraged from surgery6 and a lack of surgical exposure in medical school4,7, has contributed to the decreasing interest in students for a surgical career6. High working hours have also resulted in increased operation waiting lists8. Negative stereotypes about surgery have been allowed to persist due to the decline in length of surgical rotations9 and a lack of contact between surgeons and pre-clinical students10. A decrease in student interest for surgery will cause a drop in the numbers of graduating surgeons, which will negatively impact the future surgical workforce7, harming community health access.

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Griffith University is currently one of the only universities without a surgical interest group. For students, there are no opportunities out of a short elective that offer significant content in surgery, nor are there processes to assist students in their post-graduate transition into a surgical career. The University deserves a surgical society that exemplifies the ambition and progress of the institution and health region. Due to the future needs of the Gold Coast area, the decrease in student interest in surgery and the aims of Griffith in becoming a top research and academic institution, the Surgical Interest Association (Surgia) has been established. Surgia will be a not-for-profit, student-run incorporated association that will address future surgical workforce deficits, battle inequalities and discrimination in surgery, reverse the decrease in student interest in surgery, and assist the aims of Griffith University (GU) in becoming a top research and academic institution. Surgia will achieve these aims by fostering members’ interest in a surgical career and allowing GU to produce happy, ambitious and highly-skilled surgeons.

1. Queensland Health. Queensland Health Strategic Plan 2007-12. 2010. 2. Birrell, B., Hawthorne, L., & Rapson, V. (2003). The Outlook for Surgical Services in Australasia, (June). 3. Royal Australasian College of Surgeons. (2011). Surgical Workforce Projection to 2025 (Vol. 1). 4. Evans S, Sarani B. The Modern Medical School Graduate and General Surgical Training. Archives in Surgery. 2002;137:274–81. 5. Miller G, Bamboat ZM, Allen F, Biernacki P, Hopkins MA, Gouge TH, et al. Impact of man datory resident work hour limitations on medical students’ interest in surgery. Journal of the American College of Surgeons. 2004 Oct;199(4):615–9 6. Ek EW, Ek ET, Mackay SD. Undergraduate experience of surgical teaching and its influ ence and its influence on career choice. ANZ journal of surgery. 2005 Aug;75(8):713–8 7. Gauvin JM. How to promote medical student interest in surgery. Surgery. 2003 Sep;134(3):407–8. 8. AIHW. (2012). Australia’s Health 2012: In brief. Metal Powder Report (Vol. 54, p. 4). AIHW. 9. Evans S, Sarani B. The Modern Medical School Graduate and General Surgical Training. Archives in Surgery. 2002;137:274–81. 10. Bland KI. The recruitment of medical students to careers in general surgery: emphasis on the first and second years of medical education. Surgery. 2003 Sep;134(3):409–13.

Surgia will offer a wide variety of unique events that will foster surgical skills, link students with surgeons, encourage and celebrate research, facilitate the activities of underrepresented groups, develop extra-surgical skills, and address issues in rural and global surgical practice. Surgia will develop its members as professionals, ensuring that they are highly competent medical/health practitioners, improving health care access and services on the Gold Coast. If you would like more information, or would like to get involved, please email us at the following: Surgiagu@gmail.com Kind Regards, Daniel Cattanach

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L-R: Daniel Cattanach, Siobhan Fitzpatrick, Gillian Rumpf (Uni) Elliot Dolan-Evans, Skyle Murphy) ^

The Griffith Innovation Challenge is a venture planning Surgia with their coach - competition which encourages future entrepreneurs to use creativity, innovation and passion in developing Wayne Gardner new businesses. With more than $100,000 worth of cash and prizes to be won, it is one of the most prestigious competitions in South-East Queensland. Surgia have recently been announced as the overall winners for the Challenge in 2012! This means better events and more opportunities for our members. Get involved now to help Surgia through its development!

Aditi Rai and Samantha Nataatmadja!

Surgia with Professor Research, Professor David Shum

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p i h s r embe

M t n e d Stu

What do we do for you?

It’s F

REE!

Who is AMA Queensland?

Political lobbying in areas that affect you now and in your career, including university funding for medical school places, intern and specialty training positions and the conditions under which you will work Assistance and advice on professional and ethical matters

The Australian Medical Association Queensland is the peak health lobby group in the State, representing more than 5,400 doctors in Queensland and 27,000 doctors nationally, throughout all stages of their career. AMA Queensland promotes the professional interests of all doctors and advocates for the best health services and health outcomes for patients and communities. Student members benefit from a wide range of AMA activities and services – lobbying and advocacy, professional advice and mentoring, and a range of corporate benefits that meet the lifestyle and educational needs of students.

Provide policy advice on matters relating to your University, Medical Board of Australia Registration or Internship Provide networking opportunities with medical practitioners, professional development workshops and an array of personal development seminars including building wealth and buying your first property Discount on the Medical Journal of Australia magazine subscription Free online subscription to Doctor Q magazine and The Rounds e-newsletter

fits e n e B ip h s r e ur b from o s r e ff Mem o sive t d exclu more a n t ounts a rters. Find ou c s i d y Enjo enefits suppo b d t n n a e d s r u/stu partne ation: .com.a q inform a e r m o a m . www and for ensland ue AMA Q u To join .com.a

Includes free ASMOFQ membership!

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.amaq .au W:www t@amaq.com n e d u t E: s 2222 P:

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Join us for free student membership and enjoy the many MIPS membership benefits including free elective medical indemnity insurance cover, MIPS Protections for non medical indemnity matters, medico-legal advice, newsletters, special student benefits including IT offers, competitions and more! Apply online at www.mips.com.au

Medical Indemnity Protection Society Ltd po box 25 carlton south vic 3053]info@mips.com.au] www.mips.com.au]member services]p. 1800 061 113]f. 1800 061 116 Medical Indemnity Protection Society Ltd (MIPS) is an Australian Financial Services Licensee (AFS Lic. 301912). MIPS Insurance Pty Ltd (MIPS Insurance) is a wholly owned subsidiary of MIPS and holds an authority issued by APRA to conduct general insurance business and is an Australian Financial Services Licensee (AFS Lic. 247301). Any financial product advice is of a general nature and not personal or specific.


GUMS AWARDS!!

The annual Griffith University Student Guild Awards Night was held this year on the 14th of October, at the Function Centre at the Parklands Campus. Every year, Griffith University clubs and students gather to celebrate the year and recognise achievements in cultural and sporting excellence. Awards that were presented include: • Sport & Cultural Clubs of the Year • New Sport & Cultural Clubs of the Year • Sport & Cultural Club Administrators of the Year • Sports Team of the Year • Sports Star of the Year • Single Best Sporting Achievement • Most Outstanding Achievement by a Cultural Club • Volunteer of the Year GUMS was awarded the Cultural Club of the Year, and acknowledged for its outstanding work throughout the year in organising numerous successful social and academic events, publications, and Griffith’s first ever, and highlyregarded, Med Revue. GUMS member Gillian Gallagher received the Sports Star of the Year Award for her achievements in water polo, including representing at the QLD at the Australian Country Nationals this year. Congratulations to all of the members who worked this year to make GUMS the best Cultural Club of Griffith University for 2012; it could not have happened without your continued support. Thanks for a fantastic year, and we look forward to doing it all again in 2013!

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GUMS Representatives (L-R): Alice Ayres (Sponsorship), Jono Davies (President), Stef Tran (Advocacy) ^

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Poetry Corner Get ready for an adaptation to the popular John Betjeman poem titled ‘Slough’... this one is called Southport

Come friendly bombs and fall on Southport! It isn’t fit for humans now, There isn’t grass to graze a cow. Swarm over, Death!

And talk of sport and makes of cars In various bogan-laden bars And daren’t look up and see the stars But belch instead.

Come, bombs and blow to smithereens Those skin-tight, bright nylon greens, Skinned heads, skinned legs, skinned lives, skinned beans, Skinned minds, skinned breath.

In labour-saving homes, with care Their wives frizz out peroxide hair And dry it in synthetic air And paint their nails.

Mess up the mess they call a townA house for ninety-seven down And once a week a half a crown For twenty years. And get those men with double chin Who’ll always cheat and always win, Who washes his repulsive skin In women’s tears: And smash his ute, the stupid bloke And smash his hands so used to stroke And stop his boring dirty joke And make him yell. But spare the medical students who add The health of the stinking cad; It’s not their fault that they are mad, They’ve tasted Hell. It’s not their fault they do not know The birdsong from the radio, It’s not their fault they often go To Brisbane

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Come, friendly bombs and fall on Southport To get it ready for the plough. The cabbages are coming now; The earth exhales.


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*Full terms and conditions available at www.miga.com.au. Authorised under NSW Permit No. LTPM/12/00492, ACT Permit No. TP 12/02450. The promotion commences on Supporting Medical Students 1 August 2012 and ends on 21 December 2012. The draw will take place at 10.00am (CDT) on 22 January 2013 at the address of the promoter. Insurance policies available through MIGA are issued by Medical Insurance Australia Pty Ltd. MIGA has not taken into account your personal objectives or situation. Before you make in any Developing decisions about ourCommunities policies, please read our Product Disclosure Statement and consider your own needs. Call MIGA for a copy or visit our website. © MIGA June 2012


My first conference experience Claire McAllister informs Murmur of her first conference adventure... in third year and her first conference!! Jeeez what a rookie... She’s almost finished third year and she’s only JUST going to her first conference NOW?! Well yes, I look a little foolish writing this, but I wanted to share the experience with you all through the art of murmuring. In September, I made the long and treacherous drive to… well… only Southbank… and to be fair, my Mum drove me there… to attend a GP conference. Earlier that week, when I would bring up my future conference activities like a smug businessman, people would ask, “What’s the conference called?” To which I would stupidly reply... General… Practice... Conference… (and Exhibition). Which totally just sounded like something I made up on the spot to try and scam a day out of uni. But GPCE was actually a fantastic couple of days. And not just because of all the free drugs and the buffet lunches. So to explain GPCE, it was basically three days worth of workshops in anything the mind can imagine. You choose your workshops, you go to them, you wander around the exhibition in between workshops and you get a giant buffet lunch (did I mention that already?). I have an interest in mental health so I chose a few in that field: working with young people and their mental health, mental health and trauma engagement in people with refugee backgrounds, and practical management of drug and alcohol disorders. I also did some dermoscopy and splinting/casting to help my practical skills (which at the moment are what some might call “retarded”) and attended a seminar on medical practice business planning (which went right over my head… why do we have to make money? Can’t we just focus on treating patients?). The highlight of the

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weekend was definitely the advanced airway workshop, where I learnt how to intubate. (Wait, she’s in third year and she hasn’t ever intubated? Not even a dummy? – Be quiet. All of you.) I met some inspiring GPs, got lots of free drugs, ate lots of free food and learnt so much I thought my little brain would explode. I endorse this conference 100% for anyone thinking about a career in GP. Big thanks to GPCE and GPSN for providing me and other students with free tickets, it wouldn’t have been possible for me to go otherwise. :-) MEDICAL QUOTES CORNER! “The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease” - Voltaire “Wherever the art of Medicine is loved, there is also a love of Humanity” Hippocrates “Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress. When I get fed up with one, I spend the night with the other” - Anton Chekhov “The physician should not treat the disease but the patient who is suffering from it” - Maimonides “My music isn’t just music - it’s medicine” - Kanye West


2012 Well-Being Wrap Up Wow, 2012 really has flown by! With exam block looming, we hope that you are taking some time to look after yourselves, both physically and mentally, and have taken advantage of the recent events held by the GUMS wellbeing team. Wellbeing Cookbook Launch and Wellbeing Breakfast: To celebrate the launch of our first Wellbeing Cookbook, GUMS threw a free BBQ breakfast to help kickstart the day for our fellow students. We hope you had the opportunity to join in and enjoy some fresh fruit or an egg on a multigrain roll, topped with mushrooms and onion. After months of work, we were incredibly excited to see the cookbook in print, and handed out almost 200 copies - if you didn’t manage to get your hands on one, check out the PDF version: http://issuu.com/gumswellbeing/docs/ wellbeing_cookbook_arai_interactive__1_ We hope you get some great ideas and inspiration for getting in the kitchen and whipping up something healthy for yourself, or for your PBL group. Wellbeing Massage Day: To combat some of the exam stress, we invited some massage therapists along to help with a little relaxation in between classes. Total Massage (http://www.totalmassage.com.au/) massage therapists provided 10 minute massages to the lucky students who signed up quickly, and also offered fruit and nuts as a healthy snack for anyone who was walking by.

2013-ActiveHealthy.pdf) available for students to pick up and check out some of the great activities available in the local area - This is such a fantastic program and offers a number of activities, from free pilates and yoga, boxing and stand up paddle boarding to sessions on nutrition and healthy cooking. In the run up to exams we hope that you have plenty of ideas for stress relief and staying active. When it all gets too much, don’t forget to take a break, breathe deeply and remind yourself how far you have come and why you are here. If you are having trouble coping with the stress of exams, or other areas of your life, get in touch with your GP, or contact the Griffith Psychology service: http://www.griffith.edu.au/ health/clinics/psychology-clinic As it is almost time to hand the reins over to the incoming Wellbeing Officers, Carlin Saldanha and Ashlea White, we want to wish you the best of luck for exams and for the rest of your studies, and hope you will remember the importance of taking care of yourselves throughout the process. Jas & Mat

We had copies of the Gold Coast City Council’s Active and Healthy Guide (available here: http://www.gcparks.com.au/userfiles/file/2012-

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FHL Conference Our own fearless leader Jonathan Davies let’s us in on the Future Health Leader’s Conference, held down in Adelaide.. I have never been to Adelaide, so was very excited to receive funding from the GUMS Subsidy Scheme to attend the inaugural Future Health Leaders Conference: Shaping Tomorrow Today! 300 delegates from across Australia came together to initiate ideas, confront challenges and explore possible solutions for Australia’s future health system. Delegates came from a variety of disciplines; medicine, nursing, psychology and many more, giving this conference a truly diverse range of experience and perspective. The driving force behind the conference is the Future Health Leaders Organisation, an initiative of Health Workforce Australia (HWA). The idea behind FHL is that they encourage students and early-career health professionals to get involved with health reform early, and the first ever FHL conference showed that we have a lot to contribute! Some amazing keynote speakers were in attendance; David Heymann (former assistant director-general of the WHO amongst other great achievements) talked about the major issues affecting health globally at present, Sir Gustav Nossal (Ultra-respected immunologist and knight) spoke on eradicating infectious diseases, and Stephen Leeder (Prof. of public health and community medicine) educated us on some of the biggest issues faced by our healthcare system. And that was just the morning session of day one. The conference was split into streams relating to the areas that people were most interested in; Global Health, Indigenous Health, Mental Health, Rural Health and Workforce Innovation. After the keynote addresses, we would split up into our chosen streams and meet to discuss issues of relevance. I chose the mental health stream, and was

very happy with the choice. Our breakout sessions were incredibly insightful. We heard perspectives of those impacted by mental illness, as well as those trying to make a change in mental health. After being enlightened by our stream presentations, we were given the opportunity to reflect on which issues we felt were most important in mental health, and more importantly, came together as a group to generate possible solutions. It really was fantastic to see people affected by, people who were making a difference in, and people who wanted to make a difference in mental health issues come together to work towards a common goal. Before the conference concluded, we received addresses from yet more amazing speakers; Joshua Tepper (Canadian icon) gave us a partially on-topic discussion of Canadian rural health care, Chantelle Baxter amazed us with the innovative global health projects she has devoted her life to, Najeeba Wazefadost spoke of her experience as a refugee and how she now makes a difference to refugee health in Australia, and finally Prof. Patrick McGorry told us about his involvement in various youth mental health organisations. After my weekend in Adelaide, I left feeling like we had made some headway in tackling key issues in healthcare, and it was great to see how many passionate people came together hoping to make a change. There is no doubt that the conference showed us that the health system has much work to do, but for me it showed that there are just as many people willing to roll up their sleeves and get stuck into it.

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Doctors for the Environment Australia Student ConferenceReview

‘Hi There. My name is GUTS.’

27 15

By Vanessa Collier MBBS IV


GPSN As another year comes to a close, it seemed like the perfect time for the team at GPSN to reflect on the year that’s been, as well as spark some excitement for what’s sure to be a brilliant upcoming 2013.

in the coming year, as well as lots of new and exciting things coming your way. In the mean time, happy holidays and stay safe!

This year has been extremely successful for GPSN with new and old events alike providing not only a glimpse in the world of general practice, but great Lauren Mann opportunities to network and mingle, and gain some insight into the many different directions medicine can take you. Just some of the highlights this year have included: • Year 3/4 Seminar Series ‘Partnering Your Professionalism’ • GPSN Careers Fair- The Front Line • The first GPSN Tri-Uni Symposium, GP4ME featuring Prof John Murtagh and Prof Michael Kidd • Coffeehouse Night in association with GUMS • GPSN Suturing Workshop A number of these events happened for the first time this year and huge thanks and gratitude must go to all of the outgoing executive members who worked so hard to make each of them such a success. We also have some exciting news from the GPSN National Council… Our very own Jen McAuliffe was elected as the new Vice-Chair of the GPSN National Executive for next year, and the wonderful and extremely talented Aditi Rai won the Best Publications Award for 2012 for her “General Practice: The Front Line” poster. Our very biggest congratulations go to both these lovely ladies on such incredible achievements. Finally, I’d also like to take the opportunity to introduce myself as the new Student Ambassador for GPSN in 2013. I must also make particular mention of Jen McAuliffe who has done such a fantastic job of leading GPSN over the last year and has certainly left very big shoes to fill. I’m very much looking forward to helping develop GPSN even further as a club that has something to offer absolutely every medical student, irrelevant of their interest in general practice or not. We have a fantastic team looking forward to representing you

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Global Health Conference Our very own David Hill sits down with Murmur and discusses the recent AMSA-led conference in the tropical North! For the first time ever, the 2012 Australian Medical Student Association Global Health Conference (GHC) was located outside of a major capital city. The conference was fittingly located in Cairns, the tourist hub of tropical Far North Queensland, situated on the doorstep of the Asia Pacific region and surrounded by major issues of Indigenous health and tropical medicine. The event hosted over 500 passionate delegates all motivated to discover, discuss and plan strategies for addressing global health. The theme of this year’s conference was ‘Our World, Our Health, Our Responsibility’. This theme called on GHC delegates to not only develop and broaden their understanding of global health, but to take ownership of change in local communities at home and abroad. The academic program featured a fantastic mix of engaging and inspiring speakers who explored this theme over international, national and regional, cultural and ethical perspectives.

The conference also provided delegates an opportunity to showcase their own global health projects. It was fantastic to collaborate with other like-minded individuals and to learn and be inspired by their work. Finally, as you would expect with any conference starting with the letters AMSA, the impressive academic program was coupled with an exciting and well-organised social program. Thank you GUMS for your helping me attend this conference. I would certainly recommend it to any student with an interest in global health. I have gained new perspectives from the experience and opened new doors for a career in global health. - David Hill

Over the course of the four day conference, several academic modules stood out for me. The first of these was Global Health in the 21st Century, which was a broad series exploring the most important and controversial topics affecting human health in the coming century including climate change, food security, demographic changes and non-communicable diseases. Additionally, the module on Development Economics and Resource Planning provided an inspiring insight into the current issues surrounding debt relief, aid allocation and effectiveness. Finally, the module on Human Rights, Refugees and Asylum Seekers debunked many of the myths about refugees and asylum seekers in Australia and highlighted how volatile this topic has become in Australian politics.

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Study Fitness Program Our editor, Elliot Dolan-Evans tells us how he keeps tip-top physical and mental shape during exam time.. Do you often feel unfit, unloved and unprepared during study week? These simple exercises below will wipe your worries away for the first two of these concerns, and get you fit and firing in time for your examinations, so you can get that ‘examination body’ you’ve always dreamt of! Often as medical students, we are surrounded by books, swabs and other medical equipment; our problem is that we aren’t looking at these items in the wider context of life, and we don’t realise that they can be modified to be outstanding gym equipment, and without any joining fee! Read on for the best exercise tips in medical education… Harrison Curls: Big Guns means Big Marks. Curl a couple of these to get the big marks you’ve always wanted. Ever wondered why that guy you know is so popular with those other ladies you know….? One word. Harrison Curls. Start off going for low reps with maximum weight - read pages 1230-1840 to feel a real burn. DRE Squats: Studying tends to cause cushy bottoms - prevent this with the use of DRE Squats, at least 3 times a day! Basically, the Squat performer has to squat as low as possible, whilst also avoiding the extended index finger of a medical colleague, waiting far too eagerly for your yearly DRE. Achieve the perfect balance between maximum butt tone and a non-consensual DRE! Techno-Press: Ever thought that you use a hell of a lot of technology to study with? Use this to your fitness advantage! Pile up all of your techno-crap and destroy your pecs! You can tell

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the difference between the guys who use books, and the guys who use Techno-Press. Apple users will get a much more intense burn, due to the sheer amount of iJunk they utilise. Stethed Rows: Used to listen to chests, the stethoscope can now be your backs new best friend! Take a seat, wrap the stethoscope around a Harrison’s Book, and row those study worries away! This will allow for full preparation of your upcoming OSCEs and get that ‘Beach Back’ you always wanted. Kumar and Tally Press: Instead of throwing these away over your head when they eventually wear you down to a bloody pulp, why not lift them up and down above your head instead? Rather than causing damage to nearby vegetation and wildlife, you will really work your shoulders in this all encompassing and sensual exercise. Be at one with both clinical examination and clinical medicine…. to get clinically buff. Maximum Study Leg Press: Only those wanting to achieve the absolute best marks that they can, a ‘4’ out of 7, should try to attempt this. Stack all of your books on your legs and push to the skies! Push those books up to the stratosphere and into your brain - as we all know, exercise facilitates study-related osmosis!


Exercise the power of your degree As a proud sponsor of GUMS, Investec Medical Finance is committed to supporting the financial future of medical professionals. We understand the needs of medical professionals and acknowledge your degree, giving new doctors fast track access to: • motor vehicle finance • credit cards • overdraft facilities • deposit accounts •

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Neurosurgical Society Annual Scientific Meeting On her recent conference adventure, Siobhan Fitzpatrick learns how to depcapitate you using the most advanced technology in the world... The Neurosurgical Society of Australia’s Annual Scientific Meeting at the Sheraton Resort and Spa on the Gold Coast was a fantastic opportunity to open my eyes (and mind) to a possible career in Neurosurgery. Not only was the event exceptionally professional, but the various lectures fostered an interest in me that I am sure will remain omnipresent in my career. Arriving at the Sheraton was an eye-opener in itself, with its magnificent glass windows and vast crystal blue pools extending right up to the blue horizon of the ocean. I was a little taken aback that I had not yet discovered this marvellous place tucked away on the spit (and I have already put my name down for a room the day I receive my first wages as an intern). The main gallery of the conference was teeming with stalls for the various representatives from the neurosurgical industry. This provided me with the incredible opportunity to learn about (and handle) some of the latest equipment on the market. I was particularly fascinated by the neuro-endoscopes that are being increasingly employed in minimally invasive surgery, or the “Keyhole craniotomies” made infamous by pioneering neurosurgeon, Prof. Charlie Teo. Delegates were amicably greeted by all

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sponsors and industrial representatives, who are extremely important in success of today’s neurosurgical techniques. Delicious food was provided, as well as made-toorder barista coffee and icecreams in small portable freezers. The lectures on each day varied considerably, each with a different focus, but all equally as interesting. The topics varied from spinal surgery, to tumour removal, to the latest developments in neurosurgical techniques as well as the ethics invoked in the neurosurgical arena. Although speakers were predominantly neurosurgeons, delegates were also given the opportunity to hear from Neurologists and physiotherapists, who work alongside surgeons to treat various neurosurgical patients, exemplifying the importance of a multidisciplinary approach to patient care. continued....


After one of the presentation sessions, a particularly interesting topic was being discussed by the speakers during question time. The various surgeons (both delegates and speakers) were expressing their views on the importance of autonomy vs. paternalism in medicine and in particular in neurosurgery, where the patient may have limited knowledge or understanding of the procedure and its complications. It was extremely interesting to hear this topic discussed by actual practicing surgeons, particularly from those who have trialled or developed their own surgical techniques. From this conversation an issue was raised regarding the ability of surgeons to trial new surgical techniques on patients, which lacks stringent acceptance criteria, as opposed to introducing a new drug or treatment, which requires FDA approval. I felt very privileged to have witnessed this discussion, and I hope to apply some of their advice within my own clinical practice (and on my DLEPP exam paper). The conference came to a close on the Saturday afternoon, with the sun still shining over the pristine waters of the Sheraton hotel. The whole experience left me inspired and determined, to pursue what I feel is an insatiably interesting profession. I would like to thank GUMS for providing me with the opportunity to attend this conference, I hope to share the information and relationships I have gained with my fellow Griffith Students, through the Surgical Interest Association.

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Murmur Cooking Corner! Masterchef Lisa Pinel shares her culinary delights, the Ginger crumble cookies and Strawberry Bread! Ginger Crumble Cookies 2oz unsalted butter, melted 3tbsp golden syrup 100g brown sugar 1 egg 150g plain flour 1tsp bicarbonate of soda 1tsp ginger 1tsp cinnamon ½ tsp mixed spice Preheat your oven to 170° and prepare two baking trays with baking paper. In a large bowl mix the butter, sugar, golden syrup and egg. Sift in the remaining ingredients and mix well. If you find the batter too dry you can add a small amount of water until the batter forms a soft dough. Roll out tablespoons of the dough and place separated on the baking sheet. Press down lightly with your fingertips then sprinkle over some crumble topping. Crumble Topping 20g unsalted butter 2tbsp plain flour 1.5tbsp rolled oats 1.5 tbsp brown sugar Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix together with your fingertips until coarse. Sprinkle over prepared cookies and bake for 10-12 minutes or until golden. Allow to cool on a wire rack.

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Strawberry Bread 1½ cups plain flour ½tsp baking powder ¼tsp baking soda ½tsp salt ¼tsp cinnamon 4oz unsalted butter, at room temperature ½cup white sugar ½cup brown sugar 2 eggs 8oz Greek yogurt 1tsp vanilla essence 1 cup chopped strawberries Preheat oven to 180° and prepare a loaf tin. Beat the butter in a large bowl until light and creamy then beat in the sugars. Beat in the eggs one at a time then add the yogurt and vanilla.

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Sift in the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Mix through until combined. Stir through the strawberries. Pour into prepared tin and top with a sprinkling of raw sugar and some extra cinnamon. If you like you can mix a chopped strawberry in a small bowl with a teaspoon of sugar and spread over the top also. Bake for 55-60 minutes or until golden on top and if a skewer inserted in the middle comes out clean. If the bread is browning too quickly cover with foil for the last 10 minutes. Fantastic served with Greek yogurt and honey or golden syrup. See more of Lisa’s brilliant recipes at: http://www.playingwithflour.wordpress.com


NURHC Report Travelling to reaches far unknown, Ichhya Shrestha divulges the wonders she found in the outback! I attended the National University Rural Health Conference (NURHC) at Creswick, Victoria from Thursday 9th August until Sunday 12th August. NURHC is a biennial conference that provided great insight into issues surrounding the rural health workforce. Over 160 students attended from numerous disciplines of medicine, nursing and allied health. The night that we arrived was a “Welcome night” function and dinner where we had the opportunity to reconnect with nationwide friends and make some new ones. The following two days had a full programme of talks and workshops from both rural health professionals and students. The theme for the 2012 NURHC was “Connect. Engage. Inspire.” The conference certainly held up to its theme. It was a great opportunity to connect with students throughout Australia who are interested in rural health. Not only that but I met some interesting doctors, indigenous health

workers, and politicians. The talks were indeed engaging and brought up some pressing issues and challenges facing rural Australia today. There were some speakers whose career paths were truly inspirational. One particular speaker who stood out was a nurse who had dedicated his career to global health and working in disaster areas such as the war in Sudan, the tsunami in Thailand and the earthquake in Haiti. The social side of NURHC was very well organised. Apart from the Welcome dinner there was a function on every night including the formal dinner and awards night and then the “Golden Windmill” competition where each rural health club has to prepare a 2 min song and dance clip. It was a hilariously fun night. NURHC is a conference that I would recommend to anyone with an interest or curiosity about rural health.

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Meme Land!

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Neurosurgical Conference - A different perspective Elliot Dolan-Evans gives his thoughts on the joys of brains... brainsss... braaaaaiiinnnssssssss........ The 2012 Neurosurgical Society of Australasia’s (NSA) Annual Scientific Conference was held in Sheraton Mirage Resort and Spa on the Gold Coast, from the 4th to the 6th of October. Hosting an impressive range of speakers from all over the world, the conference updated the profession on advances in spinal and cranial trauma, cerebrovascular injury, brain cancer, and peripheral nerve diseases, and also addressed non-conventional issues in neurosurgery, such as the ethics of the profession and issues of futility and hope. By the end of the conference, I was certainly inspired further towards the profession, and was amazed at the content, organisation and management of the event. The Sheraton Resort must be one of my favourite hotels on the Gold Coast (after this conference!). It was truly a grand experience and is the only hotel on the Gold Coast to open directly on to the beach front. With grand pools, magnificent statues and waterfalls, the Sheraton had a splendiferous environmental appeal. Inside the resort, marble coated the walls and stairs, and the hotel was presented exceptionally well. Wearing formal attire for the conference into the hotel certainly made me feel like a character from Gossip Girl or the OC, and I’ve decided that I must book a room there for a couple of days following the end of exams! The conference itself was exceptionally interesting, and I learnt must more than I would have at a PBL or case wrap. The innovation and design that is going into the new neurosurgical tech-

niques are truly inspiring, and the technology used to treat neurosurgical problems is out of this world. Minimally invasive surgery, a topic presented by Dr. Charlie Teo, was a particular highlight (Dr. Teo is a bit of a professional hero of mine), and he presented a new way to perform a craniotomy with leaving minimal scarring for the patient. Dr. Teo has always attracted controversy within the neurosurgical profession, being regarded as a ‘cowboy’, and you could tell that he was choosing his words very carefully in his addresses. Dr. Teo was a great speaker, and certainly attracted me towards his minimally invasive and quality of life philosophy in doing neurosurgery. Although all of the surgical presentations attracted my keen attention, I also enjoyed a discussion on ethics in the profession, lead by Ian Kerridge, author of the book we use for our DLEPP curricula. These professionals really knew how to discuss ethics, and relate it to real clinical practice - something the School of Medicine could learn from! One of the best aspects of the conference was the free stuff, as for most conferences. However, this was one of the best conferences I’ve been to for free goodies. We were able to have the usual items: pens, paper, bottles of water for free, which we got alongside exceptional lunches and meals that were fit for the occasion.

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However, we were also able to dine on real coffee from one of the many coffee carts that were brought in, and take Magnum ice-creams from fridges… all for free! I also competed in a putput golf game, and won a free Avant umbrella, beating all of the neurosurgeons in the process! Obviously I’m destined for old age. Going back each day to the Sheraton was a really enjoyable experience, away from the laborious nature of medical school. I felt I really got a real education in current medical practice attending this conference, and I was also inspired to pursue my future career goals. Discussions on the current state of the scientific field and the progress of neurosurgery really captured my heart, and ignited a deep desire to contribute to this fascinating field.

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2012 Neurosurgical Society of Australasia Scientific Conference… you were fantastic! I would very much like to thank GUMS for their kind support that has allowed me to make the most of this wonderful opportunity, as I couldn’t have financially afforded it otherwise!


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Cafe Review Series # 9 Daniel Stuart’s The most death-defying, dangerous and damn good looking Cafe Review yet - Elliot Dolan-Evans explains why you should avoid Southport at all cost, lest you should be struck down by the wrath of God.... The final café review of the year. The final cherry upon this cake of suave suits, luxury locales and fine gentlemen (i.e. me). The conclusion to an epic tale… for this year. As my faithful readers know from the previous eight café reviews that have made their mark on community life in Southport, the general quality of the cafes in the area is, to put it mildly, worse than coal served up on a barbed plate with a dash of excrement. For this final café review, myself and Dinusha Thalagala (Master Dental Student and Keeper of the Pearly Whites (The Third)), were determined to raise the standards of businesses that often found the hideous back pages of Murmur. So, we embarked on an epic adventure, one in which we would both never return, where we would lose all hope, be on the brink of death, to only then trudge into the café and dramatically destroy the one ring with one of us burning in the flames of the enterprise! …. or we might just try a cappuccino. My readers would be initially shocked with the student demographic I was dining with today - a dental student. Never have I dared to make the bold social move away from supping with our beloved medical students, least not to replace such admirable company with the heathens occupying the lower levels of GH1. But do not be feared ladies and gentlemen, Dinusha (or ‘D-Meister’ as I often called her)

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was the most respectable and elegant student of this type one would ever have met on such a journey! Rather than epitomising the drunken, erratic, and crude behaviour that typically results in thousands of dollars worth of public damage and insults to social decency that dental students are famed for, Dinusha presented the utmost of class, sophistication and decency; making her a perfect dining partner for E. Reginald Dolan-Evans of Southport Esquire (The Fifth). To match our mutual exuberance in the areas of general dapperness, we chose to dine at Daniel Stuart’s - a temple/Mecca/church/Mosque for fine food in the centre of Southport’s ‘business’ CBD. By business, I’m assuming it means the business of thuggery, tom-foolery, and downright nastiness, rather than any formal centre of trading and bargaining…. maybe bargaining for your LIFE. Anyway, I digress, and I would firstly like to say that Daniel Stuart’s does paint a delectable picture of decadence unbeknown to the Southport riff-raff populace. With chairs that include intact backing, accompanied by tables, this café already has shot near the top of the Southport Café list. What was also nice about the establishment was that there was a glass panel separating the diners from the smog and filth of ScumSouthport; though it would have been nice if this was an impenetrable, concrete wall with steel reinforcement and operating turrets, we still felt separated from the district.


Another rarity was the fact table service was offered! Daniel Stuart’s was beginning to feel like it didn’t belong in this Northern end of the Gold Coast- and you can always judge a quality of a café in Southport by how much you feel you aren’t in Southport. Daniel Stuart’s was going quite well. Engaged in conversation for an extraordinarily enjoyable amount of time, the friendly service at Daniel Stuart’s made several enquiries as to what we would like to have though normally I would take great offence to being asked repeatedly, it wasn’t all that annoying. The staff were generally very nice, and I was only mildly outraged by this insubordination. Having dislodged from an array of conversation, which mainly centred on how much better dentistry actually is than medicine (bigger pay check, better hours, don’t have to talk to patients, get to have a pearly white smile, free access to novocaine), we were ready to order, and here are the beverages we decided to go with: D-Meister: • Capuccino $3.80 E-Rapper: • Chai Latte. $3.80 I know readers may be initially shocked by our partaking in only beverages, but due to severe deficiencies in the financial department in both the medical and dental student societies, neither was able to fork out the rather hefty price for food at the café. Dinusha and I, the most dangerous partnership ever formed between dentistry and medicine, both enjoyed our respective drinks, which had elevated temperatures. These beverages inspired us to embark on more discussions concerning the differences between dentistry and medicine, and Dinusha convinced me that it was actually medical students who were a social menace and threat to the fabric of society. Hereafter, I swear to be a dentistry student, behind the mask of a medical student, only examining patient’s teeth and charging offensive fees to do so. Within our musings, we decided that both of us wanted to do a little bit of the other’s course - I wanted to earn exorbitant amounts of money for not

doing much, and Dinusha wanted to have the opportunity to really ‘get to know’ patients through the use of DREs and breast examinations. Thus, we decided to establish the first class of ‘Denedicine’. The honour roll of Denedicine at Griffith consists of your humble fabulist and Dinusha, and we have already established a better curriculum than the School’s of Medicine and Dentistry combined, by allowing students to score over a ‘4’ out of 7. I have naturally awarded myself straight seven’s in the subject of Health Swindling 101, and Dinusha has scored similarly well in the art of patient communication, included in the course of Patient Interaction: Too close for their comfort 101. Shortly after our coffee, we both decided to never speak of this ill-formed school, lest we bring back horrible memories… and extend this joke much too further than it should have ever had. In summary, Daniel Stuart’s provides quite a nice alternative from the violence, swearing and domestic abuse offered around the general Southport area. You are just far enough from the main entrance of Australia Fair to feel like you’re somewhere much nicer… like Kabul or Baghdad. I hope that all of my enthusiastic readers will try this locale! Especially given that all of the good cafes I have reviewed have quickly closed down… so get in quick! Dinusha’s Ratings Elliot’s Ratings Food N/A N/A Ambience 9 9 Drinks 8.5 8 Cost 9 7 Conversation 10 19.76 Service 7 6.3333 *DISCLAIMER: These reviews are intended to be light-hearted and fun, and not serious or informative in any way. These reviews do not represent the views or opinions of the Griffith University Medical Society, or of the members the organisation represents, and especially not of the editor and writer of this piece.

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Diagnose This! He’s (or she’s!) back! From the brink of death, at the mouth of starvation, Dr. Anon has returned. The famous world-class doctor gives us some of his personal history and answers some very troubling medical questions.... For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to become a Gynaecologist. While all the other children built spaceships and pretended to be astronauts traversing the mysterious and dangerous terrains of intergalactic planets, I spent my days quietly locked in my room with the curtains pulled, examining an infinite number of pictures and videos of the human vagina. Picture after picture, video after video, I grew more fascinated by the exotic planet-like organism festooned upon the crotches of our female brethrens. I was never in it for the fame or money, or the sheer audacity one could conjure at a moment’s notice by simply donning a white lab coat and stethoscope. No, for me, it was always about helping a female in need; a damsel in distress if you will.

in the form of bacteria and helping the general public with their numerous vaginal issues, but by night I was sneaking off to Area 51, to help the Quasarians breed a new generation in preparation for the violent, hostile and unmerciful takeover of our dear planet. However, recently there has been an influx of client accusations of sexual misconduct from both institutions and due to the overwhelming number of out of court settlements I have been liable to honour, I have been forced to make ends meet by answering your general health and medical enquiries to pay off these, “unfortunate” allegations. ------------------------

The years of my medicine degree passed by rapidly – due to my executive membership to MENSA at age three, I was only required to complete one working day of classes – and before I knew it, I was known as Dr Anon MD. I always knew my parents would have been proud of this aforementioned fearless young renegade of modern medicine as they watched from heaven after joining that suicidal cult. But they weren’t the only ones keeping an eye on my achievements. The United States Government were so impressed that they wanted me to join their secret space initiative, tending to pregnant Aliens born inside the confinements of Area 51. I was living my childhood dream. During the day, I was just your average, run of the mill gynaecologist with a penchant for fighting crime

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Dear Doctor Diagnose This My son recently dislocated his knee. The waiting time for NHS MRI scan was approx 4 weeks, so I went private and had a MRI scan done yesterday. Today I have received a NHS appointment for a MRI scan done and was wondering if it is safe to have 2 MRI scans done in the space of 7 days, as I would like him to have this other scan done if it is safe to do so?” From Anne Dear Anne, Seriously? Do you want a medal for the amount of times your son has got some form of scan for the little ‘boo boo’ on his knee? Why stop at two scans in the space of seven days? Why not go for the Guinness World Record and get 50


CAT scans. Get as many scans done with all the imaging devices that contain the most radiation. That should do the trick. Or, how about you stop babying your son and let him live his life at school, without you hovering over him like a shadow or a foul stench. The kid probably gets picked on by the other kids constantly because you’re always there to give him a kiss better when he falls over. Your son’s all grown up, it’s time to let the precious little dove free from his cage to the world of cats waiting to devour him below. Dear Doctor Diagnose This Sonya writes: “I was 34 weeks pregnant last week when I released a gush of fluid. It wasn’t enough to make a huge mess just enough to make me need to change underwear. This happened 3 times in a row. The fluid was odourless and colourless. I just thought it was vaginal fluid. I just saw my dr. today for my weekly check-up. I forgot to mention it to him. I don’t think it was anything serious but now I’m kind of worried about it. I haven’t had any contractions yet and I’m only dilated to 1 cm.” Dear Sonya, Whoa, whoa, whoa…you’re pregnant? I know it’s probably too late to tell you this but children suck. They cry all the time, they stink and they’re completely dependent upon you. You should have got a dog instead. At least you can take them for walks, train them up to protect you and actually be competitive while playing sweet games like ‘fetch the ball’ and ‘tug of war.’ Seeing as I’ve probably made you change your mind about having children, I’ve included a list of all the closest abortion clinics in your local area.

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Thank-You GUMS Executive! Rhys Yb Felicity

Lauren

Batman

Jess

JONO Tess

Stef

Jas & Mat

Jana Rhys Y

The Riddler

Sidd Lizzie Alice

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Last Edition’s Beautiful Cover Illustration by Siobhan Fitzpatrick

Last issue’s cover illustration by Siobhan Fitzpatrick, just in case you missed it!


Sleeping on the Job! Murmur goes undercover to bring you snaps of clever medical students getting some zzzz’s where they can!


GPYR MDFT3862

YOU ASK AND WE ANSWER. INSTANTLY. Whether you’ve applied for one of our Medical and Health roles or are considering joining the Australian Defence Force (ADF), we thought you’d be interested in our upcoming live interactive broadcast. This is your chance to ask and gain first hand information from current officers in the field about their job, life in the ADF and more.

REGISTER TODAY The broadcast will commence on 29 March 2012 at 6.30pm AEDT. In order for you to participate, you will need to register prior to the event at broadcasts.defencejobs.gov.au

MEET THE SPEAKER

MEDICAL OFFICER LISA MAUS

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Meet Flight Lieutenant Lisa Maus of the Royal Australian Air Force (RAAF). Lisa provides primary care services to members at RAAF Base Williamtown; performs on-call base emergency response duties; and on-call duties for operational Defence tasks. Her skills and experience have also been put to use in numerous Defence exercises and humanitarian operations across the world.


Murmur Issue 4  

A fun-filled magazine for all! But mostly for Griffith medical students. See the chaos and hilarity that happens in down-town Southport on t...

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