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Be careful before you say ‘I Do’


used to go to a Church where, when talking about relationships, the Pastor always said, “Be careful before you say ‘I do’, because, once you say ‘I do’, you have to”. I’ve been thinking about that statement a lot lately, because I’ve been hearing a lot of stories about marriages, and people’s behavior in marriage. It occurred to me that a lot of people go into marriage thinking that their spouses will somehow change in marriage. You’ve heard the phrase I’m sure: “he or she’ll grow up when they get married”, or “they’ll settle down when they get married”. Having listened to people’s experiences in marriage, and being married myself, I don’t think that expression is true. I don’t think people necessarily grow up as soon as they stand at the altar and say ‘I do’, and I don’t think people change simply because they have a ring on their finger. In the old days people used to court before they got married; I think the equivalent now would be dating with purpose. That ‘getting to know each other’ time is extremely important. It’s a time when you should watch your intended and note all the things they do and decide whether you can live with them or not. Guys, if you are dating a girl and she doesn’t cook, and doesn’t like cooking, please don’t automatically expect that she’ll start cooking, or loving to cook, just because she gets married to you. G e t t i n g married is not like being born again; you do not become a new creation, and old things do not become new once you say your vows. Ladies, you’re dating a guy and you think he goes out too much, spends too much time with friends that you don’t really like; don’t think those friends are going to disappear just because you’re married. You have to decide what you can live with, and make a choice when

you get married to accept that person for who they are. You cannot marry them thinking that they will change, or expecting them to change. This is not to say that people never change, but the truth is, they might not. This has nothing to do with being a Christian. They can be Christian and still have character issues with regards to relationships, they can be Christian and not be domesticated, they (unfortunately) can be Christian and not be responsible. The ring won’t change that and if you can’t accept these things about them, get out now, before the ring, because once you say you do, you have to.

One Moment In Time


he year was 1994, and every night before I went to sleep I would put the tape into my cassette player (kids ask your parents what that is), and dance around my room, shouting into the mirror, “#My name is not Susan, so watch what you say…don’t wanna hear about Susan, she got nothing on me, so show some respect for the love you receive…#” I loved Whitney Houston. Out of all the big divas that were around Mariah Carey, Celine Deon - Whitney was always number one for me. Her voice was perfect, she didn’t ‘over sing’, she was soft when she needed to be soft and showed her power when she needed to show power. As she got older and the power ballads ceased, she could still hit us with an “It’s not right, but its okay” or

people, had been turned off by the drugs and drama that seemed to constantly surround her. However, news of her death made me look back, made me remember singing “All the man that I need” when I liked some guy in secondary school, “Where do broken hearts go” when said guy messed up, trying to make my bottom lip quiver like hers did when I sang “I will always love you…” and the memories went on and on. I tuned into her funeral almost by accident. I didn’t even know it was on, but for some reason I was channelhopping 30 minutes before the funeral, and every channel seemed to be carrying it live, so I thought since I’m here, I’ll watch some of it. I was not prepared for how blessed I would be watching a funeral on TV for a person I had never known. Whitney’s funeral was Church, or, as the African-Americans call it, “Cherch”, and God’s presence was there, as the pastor that opened the service declared. From Donnie Mcclurkin telling people to “stand when you’ve done all you can”, to Tyler Perry quoting the scripture that says nothing can separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus, to Bishop TD Jakes telling the crowd that love is stronger than death, or Cece Winans telling the watching world to join her in singing “Jesus Loves Me”, or the Winans singing their signature altar call song, “Tomorrow”, the funeral was a big ‘come to Jesus’ moment. I watched in amazement as the Gospel, unfiltered, was being preached to the world at a celebrity funeral and being broadcast on BBC, Sky, Fox news, CNN, places that normally wouldn’t touch the gospel with a barge pole. B e f o r e Marvin Winans preached he thanked Whitney’s mother for bringing the world to Church, and I found myself thinking, if Whitney hadn’t brought anyone to Christ in her 48 years on earth, she definitely did at her death. May she rest in peace.

If you are dating a girl who doesn’t like cooking, don’t automatically expect that she will start loving to cook just because she gets married to you.

Why won’t he change?

a “Heart break Hotel.” As I grew older I stopped buying Whitney albums, and I hadn’t listened to the ones I already owned in ages, so I was shocked by how upset I felt at her passing. I hadn’t bought an album of hers in almost a decade and, like most

thinking out loud The Musings of A 21st Century Christian Girl by dilichi lawal


Outflow March 2012  
Outflow March 2012  

Outflow magazine March edition