Best LGBTQ Patio Places
inform | inspire
April 4, 2019
WERUradio Puts LGBTQ to a Beat
Genitalia Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Make the Man
Atlanta busts out seasonal queer events Instafamous Couple, Indecent Proposals
Q Voices The Queer Agenda Q Shots The Q The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta
EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@THEQATL.COM
Get SPRUNG Atlanta’s got it goin’ on with spring patios and seasonal events
Q CATCHES YOU ADDING YOUR MAGIC to the LGBTQ landscape once again this week, and is it just me, or are you doing it with an extra spring in your step these days? Spring? Step? Yeah… You can tell by the groundbreaking florals everywhere you look that the season for pastels and patios is upon us. We take the cue and the clue for this year’s Q Spring Preview.
ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE BUCK COOKE CHARLES E. DAVIS JON DEAN BILL DICKINSON JIM FARMER BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER HEATHER MALONEY ERIC PAULK KYLE ROSE JAMES PARKER SHEFFIELD VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER VAVA VROOM NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071
MIKE FLEMING EDITOR & PUBLISHER
First up, events scheduled between now and Memorial Day are our Q Cover story. The packed schedule is sure to keep you hopping well past Easter with annual mainstays and new one-night-only options.
Hopping? Easter? Yeah… I’m in a giddy spring mood this week too. We also team with our advertisers to highlight a dozen of our favorite patio places as the season to enjoy the outdoors kicks into high gear. On top of all the above, the Queer Agenda kicks you off with a super-sized edition of this week’s events calendar. Another fresh queer development this season is WERUradio, the Atlanta-based airwaves dedicated to urban music for LGBTQ listeners. We check in with George “Say” Daigle about his first-of-its-kind project putting a queer spin on Hip Hop and R&B in our Q&A feature. Meanwhile, Heather Maloney is talking gender essentialism and upping your cache of five-dollar vocabulary words in the process. Her perspective broadens your thoughts even more with yet another reason that the penis doesn’t make the man in Q Voices. Still popping are our weekly doses of Q Shots photos and The Q advice, as well as fresh daily content over on our homesite Project Q Atlanta. Visit us at theQatl.com, and feel free to write me with your ideas for coverage any time at mike@theQatl.com. theQatl.com
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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 2 ISSUE 20 APRIL 4, 2019
His sounds ‘Say’ that “We R U”
Spring busting out all over SPRING PATIOS
30 Age of Aquaria
A dozen of our favorite queer patio places THE QUEER AGENDA
26 FEATURES Q Voices
Q&A 10 Queer Agenda
35 Other Madonna
Birds do it, bees do it, let’s do it
38 36 Neon BJs theQatl.com
of intersex people to challenge our views on sexual biology, having a penis still wouldn’t make this hypothetical man a
… and why I hate it so much
FROM THE MOMENT WE’RE BORN, WE’RE TAUGHT the unquestionable, immutable “fact” that is: Having a penis makes you a man and having a vagina makes you a woman. Sure, it may be an expectation placed on your child, but it’s just not something that can be argued against.
man. What makes him a man is that he says so.
His identity has been considered and defined by the only
person able to do so — himself. The more we learn about gender, the more we realize that the history behind it is pretty much a heap of bullshit.
Even people who espouse beliefs against Gender Essential-
ism may not hold themselves accountable to those beliefs in their day-to-day language. When they talk about women,
they refer to someone with a vagina and a uterus. It’s convenient, even if it excludes an entire population
So it makes sense that if the gender you were
of people. It’s often considered unreason-
assigned was wrong, then your transition
able to change it too, since we’re so used to
would entail surgery to “reverse” the genitalia
the language surrounding gender to be that
to match your gender. As the thought process
goes, if you don’t have genital dysphoria, why
Well, I can say from an unfortunate wealth of
transition? Wouldn’t that make you total-
experience, fuck that.
ly OK with what you’ve got and defeat the meaning of being transgender? No. Here’s why.
H E AT H E R MALONEY
Holding up certain immutable discrepancies between men and women as key to gender identity is called Gender
Essentialism. These traits are considered absolute and often
simplified (to a staggering degree) to the most obvious phys-
not in practice is to be considered not a real
woman. I’m not saying that we all need to ignore our bodies or the differences that we have from person to person, but I
am saying that there needs to be a shift in what we consider to be male and female.
ical differences between most men and most women, in this
“The surgery” is an incredibly useful procedure to help trans
of his penis, just as he isn’t a man because of his facial hair,
don’t want the surgery? What if they’re never able to get the
case the genitalia. But a man with a penis isn’t a man because his abundance of testosterone, or even his chromosomes.
None of those things intrinsically make someone anything
people with their perception of themselves, but what if they surgery for financial or other reasons?
beyond someone who exhibits those features.
Maybe a shift in the way society views sex and gender would
That man would still be considered a man no matter what,
than just something born from social constructs that leads
as long as he continued to state that he was a man. Facial
hair isn’t something unique to men, obviously, and neither is testosterone. Plenty of women who were assigned female at
birth have penises, or at the very least, sexual characteristics that could resemble a penis.
Even chromosomes, the last bastion of hope for biological essentialism in gender, are subject to all sorts of combinations, even if a specific combination would otherwise
determine biological sex. Even if we set aside the existence 8
To be considered a woman in concept but
diminish the genital dysphoria we feel, or maybe it’s more someone to feel that dysphoria. What I can say with ab-
solute certainty is that if it wasn’t considered “strange” for women to have a bulge in their pants or for men to have
bulges in their shirts, then the world could become a little less stressful of a place.
Fuck Gender Essentialism though, like honestly. Heather Maloney is an Atlanta writer, editor, and creative thinker with a vested interest in gender and sexuality.
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We R HERE FOR IT Atlanta-based WERUradio queers up Urban airwaves, diversifies Pride radio
What quality must a song have for you to include it in WERUradio’s playlist?
It has to fit the format. R&B/house music and hip hop, please. Production quality is essential. A mastered radio-ready submission sets itself apart. If you are an LGBTQ artist especially, we want to hear from you.
By Patrick Saunders WHAT IS LGBTQ MUSIC? WHAT IS PRIDE MUSIC? Whatever your answer, WERUradio (pronounced “we are you radio”) is here to expand the definition.
What’s been the response to the station so far? We have received some very positive feedback. Early fans have been very vocal about what they’d like to hear. Listener input is exactly what we need. This format has never been done before. Every day we are tweaking and developing.
The online radio station launched in February with the tagline “Urban Music for the LGBTQ Community.” George “Say” Who are some of your favorite artists right now? Daigle, the pansexual programming director of the station, brings 25 years in the I know I am late to the party on this one, Top 10 Hottest Songs radio business to the project. but I recently discovered Sharaya J. She is so Daigle gives Q the inside story on how WERU was born and where it’s going from here. What inspired you to start WERU?
I was doing a Google search. I was trying to find “black gay Pride music.” I searched “urban Pride music” and a couple of other related topics. I couldn’t find anything that related specifically to the searches. Everything that was under “Pride music” or “gay Pride music” was void of the urban sound I was looking for.
I listened to stations that were labeled as “Pride” or “LGBTQ” radio stations and playlists. Again, the urban sound was completely ignored. As I continued to search, I found all these LGBTQ artists who were astoundingly talented but weren’t being played anywhere in mainstream or otherwise. That was the catalyst and ideology for starting WERUradio.
1. “Please Me” by Bruno Mars & Cardi B 2. “Juice” by Lizzo 3. “WTP” by Teyana Taylor 4. “Pull Up” by Lil Duval featuring Ty Dolla $ign 5. “Twerk” by City Girls featuring Cardi B 6. “Girlfriend” by MNEK 7. “There For You” by Monet X Change 8. “Love My Life” by B. Slade 9. “Commitment” by Monica 10. “Let It Fall” by Lady Alma & The Rainmakers
Why is it important that there’s an outlet offering urban music for LGBTQ people?
Let me first start by saying, “urban music” does not refer to race. It’s a sound. It’s Hip Hop. It’s R&B. It’s House music. It’s Missy Elliott, Busta Rhymes, Martha Wash, Quinten Harris, Lizzo, Beyoncé, Trina, B.Slade and Cakes Da Killa. Sometimes it’s Kelly Clarkson, Bubba Sparxx, Ariana Grande, Post Malone, Calvin Harris, Christina Aguilera or Justin Timberlake. It’s a style. It’s Prada and Coach and Adidas and Fendi. It’s Timberlands and denim and fur.
The LGBTQ community has a distinctive voice in these genres and a particular way we digest and relate to this music. WERUradio’s mission is to be an integral part of setting the tone and painting the musical landscape with this unique format.
frigging hot! Her tracks “Say Less,” “Snatch Yo Wigs”and “Banji” are bangers, hunty! I’m also so proud of my girl Lizzo. I’ve been a fan for a long time, and the rest of the world has caught up. She’s getting the respect she deserves. “Good As Hell,” “Boys” and “Worship Me” are top faves. Do you try to incorporate Atlanta artists?
Definitely. Atlanta is still the mecca for musical talent. Our playlist is probably over half ATL artists. You broke the news on Project Q of former V103 personality Miss Sophia coming to your lineup. What’s next for WERU?
We’re looking for a building to house the station so that we can have a physical presence in Atlanta. We are adding some new voices and personalities to the format in various time slots this spring. Keith Sibley will be on weekends. Diamond will be doing middays Monday through Friday. Miss Sophia is slated to do an afternoon drive show built around her YouTube channel. So excited about that. Where did your name “Say” come from? “Say” is short for Adusay. It’s a name I use as a character in a virtual reality game called “Second Life.” The cohosts of the WERU Morning Crew — TJ, Nova, Jana and I — all met and became great friends on and outside of “Second Life.” They use their anonymous names on the air, so I decided to stick with mine on the show as well. Listen and submit song requests to WERUradio by visiting weruradio.com. theQatl.com
OUT ON FILM AND ATLANTA PRIDE PRESENT
of LGBT Cinema FREE Film Series in Honor of the 50th Anniversary of Stonewall
Thursday, April 4th at 7 pm at the Rush Center Annex
A kick-off party will precede the film and a talk-back will follow.
ADDITIONAL FILMS IN SERIES May 11 - Desert Hearts June 14 - Living With Pride: Ruth Ellis at 100 and The Watermelon Woman June 15 - Save Me, Brother to Brother and Shelter June 16 - Saturday Church, Rafiki and Pride
Coming This Spring...
• Atlanta Bear Pride (April 18) • Cinco de Mayo (May 2) • Swimsuit Issue (May 16)
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SPRING PREVIEW Q
Queer calendar warms up with LGBTQ Atlanta’s biggest spring shows, By Mike Fleming ird your loins, children. Mother specials and soirees
Nature, Father Time and the power of spring’s ancestral queer heritage of renewal team up to kick off events that keep your to-do list popping all season long. Here’s the skinny on cornerstone annual events like the HRC Gala and Peach Party, as well as our selections for spring’s best bets through the very last splash. theQatl.com
SPRING EVENTS, Continued FRIDAY, APRIL 19 – SATURDAY, APRIL 20 Atlanta Bear Pride Heretic, BJ Roosters, Woofs, Blake’s, Xion & Manifest4U, all weekend hereticatlanta.com
Sarah & the Safe Word
FRIDAY, APRIL 12 Sarah & the Safe Word With Fable Cry, Soviet, Shiksa and Nobody’s Darlings Star Bar, 8 p.m. starbaratlanta.com
Play: Pajama Party With For All Humans Moxy Atlanta Midtown, 9 p.m. forallhumans.co FRIDAY APRIL 12 – SUNDAY APRIL 14 Automoto Car show on the Beltline All weekend autohaussocial.com Doggies on the Catwalk Opening Reception & Gallery Exhibit, Friday Runway Show Gala, Saturday fashionado.net Atlanta Dogwood Festival Piedmont Park dogwood.org SATURDAY, APRIL 13 Evensong & Eucahrist Amplifying Queer Voices in Worship ft. the music of Madonna Neighborhood Church, 7:30 p.m. neighborhoodchurchatl.com The Room with DJ Aron Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com Boybutante 30th Anniversary 40Watt Club, Athens boybutante.org SUNDAY, APRIL 14 Daddies in Kilts Woofs, 3 p.m. woofsatlanta.com 16
SATURDAY, APRIL 20 – SUNDAY APRIL 21 Sandy Springs Artsapalooza Atlanta Foundation of Public Spaces 6100 Lake Forrest Drive, Sandy Springs sandyspringsartsapalooza.com SATURDAY, APRIL 20 Outworlders Spring Picnic McKoy Park, 11 a.m. outworlders.org
SUNDAY, APRIL 21 Armorettes Easter Drag Races Midtown Moon, 2 p.m. thearmorettes.com Daddies in Kilts
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 17 Whatever Happened to Baby Jane Plaza Theatre, 7 p.m. wussymag.com FRIDAY, APRIL 19 TRANScending Barriers 2nd Anniversary Midtown Bowl, 6:30 p.m. transcendingbarriersatl.com
Big Hare Games Ten Atlanta, 2 p.m. tenatlanta.com
SPRING EVENTS, Continued Eddie Izzard: Wunderbar Fox Theatre, 8 p.m. foxtheatre.org
AIDS Vaccine 200
MAY Sugar with DJ Russ Rich Loco Luna, 4 p.m. facebook.com/beyondatl Easter Service with DJ Vicki Powell Sister Lousia’s Church, 6 p.m. sisterlouisaschurch.com
TUESDAY, APRIL 23 Dear Evan Hansen Opening Night Fox Theatre foxtheatre.org FRIDAY, APRIL 26 – SUNDAY, APRIL 28 Inman Park Festival & Tour of Homes inmanparkfestival.org SATURDAY, APRIL 27 The Odd Ball with Yvie Oddly My Sister’s Room, 9 p.m. wussymag.com Charis Books Grand Re-Opening 184 S. Candler St. Decatur, all day charisbooksandmore.com SUNDAY, APRIL 28 EAV Tea Dance Includes Wussy Release & Artist Market Banshee, 3 p.m. wussymag.com TUESDAY, APRIL 30 Indigo Girls El Refugio Benefit Variety Playhouse, 8 p.m. variety-playhouse.com 18
FRIDAY, MAY 3 – SUNDAY, MAY 5 Gay Cinco de Mayo Las Margaritas Mama’s Cocina Latina Ten Atlanta Guac y Margys Zocalo Midtown Moon
SATURDAY, MAY 4 32nd HRC Atlanta Gala Dinner Hyatt Regency Atlanta, 6 p.m. hrcatlanta.org Change of Seasons with Joining Hearts Heretic, 9 p.m. joininghearts.org SUNDAY, MAY 5 Gay Day at the Zoo Zoo Atlanta, 12 noon atlantaga.gov/lgbtq WEDNESDAY, MAY 8 Judas Priest Ft. Rob Halford foxtheatre.org THURSDAY, MAY 9 Desert Hearts Screening Rush Center, 7 p.m. outonf ilm.org
Michelle Malone Birthday Bash Eddie’s Attic, 7 p.m. and 9:15 p.m. eddiesattic.com
Miss Mid-Life Crisis With the Armorettes Heretic, 8 p.m. hereticatlanta.com WEDNESDAY, MAY 15 Garrison Starr & Lolo Eddie’s Attic, 7:30 p.m. eddiesattic.com THURSDAY, MAY 16 Ben Platt Cobb Energy Centre, 8 p.m. cobbenergycentre.com FRIDAY, MAY 17 Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls, 8 p.m. Cobb Energy Centre cobbenergycentre.com FRIDAY, MAY 17 – SUNDAY, MAY 19 Peach Party 2019 Heretic, BJ Roosters & Buckhead Theatre peachpartyatlanta.com SATURDAY, MAY 18 Kirkwood Spring Fling Atlanta Foundation for Public Spaces Bessie Branham Park kirkwoodspringfling.com SATURDAY, MAY 18 — SUNDAY, MAY 19 AIDS Vaccine 200 Emory Vaccine Center av200.org
Lizzo Tabernacle, 8 p.m. tabernacleatl.com
FRIDAY, MAY 31 Betty Who Variety Playhouse variety-playhouse.com
SATURDAY, MAY 11 Trans Equity Symposium 2019 Center for Civil & Human Rights, 9 a.m. civilandhumanrights.org
Morningside Opening Night By Topher Payne OnStage Atlanta, through June 29 onstageatl.com
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SPRING PREVIEW Q
PATIO! The onset of queer patio season means prime time for sun, seeing and being seen ď ľ
PATIO PREVIEW, Continued
By Mike Fleming
our layering opportunities are already dwindling, but the good news is spring brings the LGBTQ-ATL’s legendary patio season.
Check out our whittled-down, very-most-favorite options for week-in, week-out sunshine service. You’ll also notice that you can find most of these also host lots of queer special events that take advantage of their access to eating and drinking in the great outdoors.
931 Monroe Drive NE frogsmidtown.com
Georgia Beer Garden 420 Edgewood Ave SE
132 10th St. henrysatl.com
Joe’s on Juniper
1958 Piedmont Road mamascocinalatina.com
1492 Piedmont Ave. facebook.com/MidtownMoon
2770 Lenox Road roastersfresh.com
1049 Juniper St NE joesonjuniper.com
980 Piedmont Ave NE
1425 Piedmont Ave. NE
900 Monroe Dr. NE lahaciendamidtown.com
1190 North Highland Ave.
1077 Juniper St NE
1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
Ten Atlanta & Coq et Oeufs
990 Piedmont Ave. NE
1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
Over 100 GA beers, ciders, & liquors Lunch / Happy Hour / Dinner
Mon - Fri 11am - 2:30am Sat 12pm - 2:30am Sun 12pm - 12am 420 Edgewood Avenue In the Old Fourth Ward GeorgiaBeerGarden.com LGBTQ owned
Yâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;all Means All
THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week
April 4 – April 10 THURSDAY, APRIL 4
MAAP Mix & Mingle
The LGBTQ business heads of Metro Atlanta Area Professionals come together for networking and cocktails @ My Sister’s Room, 6 p.m. maapatl.com
LGBTQ Therapist Networking
Networking and collaborating for queer and allied mental health providers @ Manuel’s, 6:30 p.m. facebook.com/lgbtqtr DILF: Kinky Beats
Jocks and underwear are the dress code
while a DJ shakes the butts @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com
Belong Spring Meeting
Photo by James L. Hicks
The quarterly gathering for updates on
Dykes On Bikes
Welcome women who love women who ride motorcycles to this general meeting @ My Sister’s Room, 7 p.m. facebook.com/ dykesonbikesatl G2H2
Arica Love Royal hosts “Gay Guy Happy
Hour” with fabulous door prizes and a 50-50
cash raffle @ Midtown Tavern, 6 p.m. facebook.
com/atlanta-g2h2 Stonewall Uprising
activities of the LGBTQ social and mentoring
group @ Out Front, 7 p.m. belong.lgbt
SATURDAY, APRIL 6 Fat Kid Dance Party
Queer Fat Femme is back in
town, working out in celebration of all body types @ 4620
S. Atlanta Road SE, 10 a.m.
Atlanta’s Radical Arts Community hosts its monthly mixer with a
screening of this hotly contested 2010 film @ Georgia Beer Garden, 7 p.m. facebook.com/resistshowatl La Cage Aux Folles
As part of their 50 Years of Stonewall film,
Out on Film screens the original 1978 film version of the stage hit @ Rush Center, 7 p.m. outonfilm.org Amen: 80s
Design of a decade with Taylor Alxndr and
her queens @ Sister Louisa’s Church, 10:30 p.m.
FRIDAY, APRIL 5 Atlanta Gay Men’s Chorus The spring concert is titled “Sound Off!” with two
performances this weekend @ Atlanta City Hall, 8
p.m. and Sunday at 3 p.m. agmchorus.org 26
Spring Festival on Ponce
The gay-run Atlanta Foundation for Public
Spaces hosts its annual rites of spring arts and crafts fair @ Olmsted Linear Park, all day. Sunday too. festivalonponce.com
SATURDAY, APRIL 6 Miss Ruck N Maul
With this year’s theme “Amateur
Hour,” the jocks in frocks promise to be entertaining if not pretty @ Out Front, 7:30 p.m.
Atlanta Field Day
Action Cycling Atlanta benefits from a day of schoolyard games, gay style @ Emory Activity Center, all day. av200.org Drag For Diplomas
Popular kings and queens and some out-of-retirement faves perform to
benefit Thrive with Pride, scholarships for queer kids who haven’t graduated high school @ My Sister’s Room, 11 a.m. mysistersroom.com Pride Soccer
The LGBTQ players of Atlanta Legends benefit Atlanta’s queer Pride
festival organizers with a tournament @ Georgia State Stadium, 4 p.m. atlantapride.org
TUESDAY, APRIL 9 Pageant Material
As part of the Atlanta Film Festival, this film follows
17-year-old Rodney’s dreams of escaping his small south-
ern town to follow in his late mother’s footsteps as a pag-
eant queen @ Dad’s Garage
Theatre Company, 9:15 p.m. atlantafilmfestival.com
Living Room Listening
The stalwart HIV/AIDS Housing center hears from supporters @ Rush Center, 6:30 p.m. livingroomatl.org
Drag Queen Bingo: Dolly Parton
The iconic singer and ally inspires the queens and their audience playing for
PALS. Possible Dumplin tie-ins abound @ Lips, 7:30 p.m. palsatlanta.org
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 10 I Love To Eat
Legendary gay food personality James Beard, a
gay director and gay lead make for a great oneman show @ Theatrical Outfit, 7:30 p.m. Runs through May 5. theatricaloutfit.org LGBTQ+ Teen Meet-Up
The SOJOURN group for queer and allied Jews hosts teens @
Congregation Bet Haverim, 6 p.m. sojourngsd.org Reclaiming Our Space
Feminista Jones talks about her journey and signs her groundbreaking book @ Charis Books &
More, 7:30 p.m. charisbooksandmore.com
Find even more LGBTQ events in the Queer
Agenda each Thursday at theQatl.com.
SPRUNG WITH AQUARIA AT THE DEEP END
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
MIDTOWN ROUGE AT BLAKEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
THE BLACK MADONNA AT HERETIC
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
Q SHOTS Q
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com
NINA FLOWERS NEON WONDERLAND AT BJ ROOSTERS
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
THEQ?! Insta Couples, Fisting &
MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS
One half of a very public, pseudo famous local Insta couple regularly hits me up on hookup apps, saying that his (closed) relationship is chaotic and ending and that the love is dead… and would I be willing to fist him? Meanwhile on Instagram and Facebook, the guy and his boyfriend appear to be in love. They’re traveling together more and more, increasingly melding their personal and professional lives for the world to see. Should I bring it up? Should I expose the guy? Should I take him up on the handball? Dear Buttplug: Skirting the juicy gossip factor of your question and leaving the scandal to reader imaginations, the guy is lying, at least to his boyfriend and his social followers, maybe even to himself. So I’ll start my answer with a question: Do you think he’s suddenly being honest with you, a stranger on the internet?
His lies are not your problem per se, and they don’t necessarily have to stop you from holding his heart in your hand, but when you can’t trust anything he says, the level of detachment has to be pretty intense to still get down with an act so intimate. Your conscience, your call. As for bringing it up to him, no. If it bothers you, and judging by your hesitation it does, stop engaging with him — certainly in person but also in the apps. Let him sleep in the bed he’s making. The same goes for telling others. You aren’t serving anyone but yourself to spread what you know, and it’s a petty part to play. The power of having juicy info is tempting, but dropping it shows your real strength of character. Even if you know enough to decide your own next steps, you don’t know this couple’s story — because remember, he lies.
My friend has started spending time with woman I’ve known for a while. The woman I’ve known has a tendency to
wine and dine girls, fall head over heels for them, then ruin their lives with ridiculous emotional baggage. Should I have the conversation with my friend about this person and her history of really bad relationship damage? Dear Meddling:
Even if you’re right about their ultimate fate, you’re wrong to get in the middle of it. Injecting yourself into someone else’s personal life and romantic relationships, much less unsolicited, is not just unhelpful, it’s not your place. Their relationship is not about you or the historical information you have. What if the woman has changed? People sober up, get help, mature and learn their lessons sometimes, or your friend could be exactly the match that the woman’s tendencies mesh with. Either way, it’s straight up none of your business. To you, the acquaintance is an unbearable asshole. To your friend, she’s a romantic interest that she’s perfectly capable of navigating her own big self. If you can’t keep your “warning” to yourself, imagine first that they stay together forever, and you’re the person who didn’t believe in them. Now imagine it doesn’t work out between them. What do you gain by being able to say “I told you so”? But you still want to meddle, don’t you? Fine, just couch it with all the above caveats above, and give your friend the option to hear it. Tell her that you trust her to make her own decisions, and that you hope the other woman proves you wrong. Then hope for the best. No matter how it goes, prepare yourself to live with what you decide. The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to email@example.com. ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON