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SUMMER 2019

PROGRESSIVEMEMETICS.ORG

A 0 F O E L D PG. 1 D I M ? E NMENT H T N I X 17” E G I ” W 1 L 1 A ARE TICAL RE RT E S US N L I P I ! POL OSTER P


WELCOME TO THE NEW IPM UPPERCUT 2 A message from the editor about the new super-sized quarterly edition of this zine.

IPM COMIX! 4 Cartoons by Mike Ramsey and Terrence Nowicki, Jr.

REALIGNMENT 10 A brief history of American politics.

RISE LIKE LIONS 12 We are many — they are few.

UN-LAWN-ING: A GUIDE 14 A-Minus’ visual guide to getting rid of your wasteful, polluting lawn.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW? HILLARY FOR AMERICA 18 Checking in on our very competent friends.

2020 PRESIDENTIAL POWER RANKINGS 21 The latest in our ongoing series tracking the candidates’ fortunes.

HOTHOUSE: THE WORLD AT 90°F insert


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WELCOME TO THE NEW IPM UPPERCUT. MIKE RAMSEY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ramseycartoons

S

TA R T I N G L A S T FA L L after almost a year and half of mere virtual existence, the Institute for Progressive Memetics made the jump into meatspace with the publication of the first issue of Uppercut. Printed entirely in black and white with twelve to sixteen pages each, these modest issues went out in the last three months of 2018 to subscribers across North America (and one in Taipei). Our goal has been to present work that is beautifully designed and illustrated, a cut above what would be seen in a typical zine. This is why we’ve changed over from a monthly black and white issue to a quarterly half-color issue to

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really show off what we can do in print. Each of these new jam-packed quarterly editions will also include a full-color insert poster similar to issues of National Geographic. This issue’s insert features a detailed infographic map; future inserts will include decorative illustrated posters for your wall, eye-catching “message” prints for flyering, templates for cut-out papercrafts, and whatever else we can think of to utilize the full potential of the medium. Over the next year, we’ll be putting out four more issues: Fall 2019, Winter 2019, Spring 2020, and Summer 2020, plus a special extra primary season issue. As of this writing, there are about 20

of you subscribed to Uppercut’s physical edition. To the ones reading this from a piece of paper right now and not from a screen: Thank you. Thank you for getting in on the ground floor of what we hope to build, with your help, into a major platform for leftist creatives and activists. —

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INCE OUR FOUNDING

two years ago in the turbulent summer of 2017, The Institute has gathered dozens of highly talented members whose excellent work you can expect to find in these pages. If you’re interested in submitting something for publication yourself, please send inquiries to: progressivememetics@gmail.com.


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No. 1

I PM

SUMMER 2019

COMIX! 69 ¢

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thisishistorictimes.com

Editorial Cartoons by Terrence Nowicki, Jr.

Don’t drive angry D

emocrats like to claim that Pelosi accomplished quite a bit during her first turn as Speaker, but when you actually look into them, some of her most significant legislative “victories” represented massive concessions to the Right and global, corporate oligarchy more than they did anything meaningful for her more moderate base, to say nothing of the Left. Meanwhile, she presided over enormous, catastrophic losses in the House, which served to make the Democratic agenda there even more submissive and anemic than it was during the party’s brief superma-

jority. As I’ve speculated in the past, it was almost as if they were failing on purpose, so that the bar for success would be so low afterwards, they could continue “earning” the same level of support while becoming ever-lazier and increasingly unsuccessful at everything they were elected to do. Pelosi had already made it clear immediately prior to the new year that she’d definitely continue her well-established tradition of sucking, when she and Chuck Schumer offered Donald Trump $1-2 billion for his racist border wall in exchange for paying government employees to do their jobs.

by

ThisIsHistoricTimes

Terrence Nowicki

How was the latter even up for negotiation in the first place? It feels like Democratic leaders are starting from a position of not only telling Trump exactly how to trap them in a cage, but helping him build it, too! After she accepted the gavel, Pelosi’s opening move was to convince all but three House Democrats to vote yes on a budget provision that seemingly the party’s entire base utterly loathes, because it would kneecap common-sense legislation desperately needed to save not just the lives of millions, but possibly the entire human race. 9


RRE EA LIG NMENT ALIGNMENT K E Y

The Federalist Era

MAJOR WAR

Historical Era

POTUS

Federalists

Democrats

DemocraticRepublicans

Republicans

Whigs

WASHINGTON

JEFFERSON

J. ADAMS

The Jeffers JEFFERSON

S E N AT E HOUSE

realigning 1980 election

Election

PARTY SYSTEM

1788 1790 1792 1794 1796 1798 1800 1802 1804 1806

FIRST Northeastern pro-English urban mercantile Federalists vs. Southern pro-French rura

V OTI N G R I G HTS

WH IT E M ALE LA ND OWNER S (FREEHOLD ER S)

MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR POLK

HARRSION/TYLER

WASHINGTON

CHEROKEE WARS

TAYLOR/FILLMORE

Crisis of the 1850s PIERCE

CIVIL WAR

BUCHANAN

Reconstruction

LINCOLN

A. JOHNSON

GRANT

1840 1842 1844 1846 1848 1850 1852 1854 1856 1858 1860 1862 1864 1866 1868 1870

The Whigs would become increasingly divided over slavery, leading to their collapse. P R O P E R T Y

R E Q U I R E M E N T S

G R A D U A L LY

WORLD WAR I

Progressive Era T. ROOSEVELT

TAFT

WILSON

1904 1906 1908 1910 1912

1916 1918

“A LL” MEN

T h e R o a r i n g Tw e n t i e s

WILSON

1914

THIRD Northern and Western Republicans, heirs to

A B O L I S H E D

HARDING

COOLIDGE

Great HOOVER

I

M

C

V I E T N A M NIXON

W A R

NIXON/FORD

R

Malaise CARTER

O

W

F. ROOSEVELT

1920 1922 1924 1926 1928 1930 1932 1934

War age out of politics, they are replaced by a new reform-minded generation led mostly by Northern and Western Republicans. J

Depression

WOMEN

NATIVE A MER ICA NS

GULF WAR

The Reagan Era REAGAN

REAGAN

FIFTH The Dem

G.H.W. BUSH

The End of History CLINTON

CLINTON

1968 1970 1972 1974 1976 1978 1980 1982 1984 1986 1988 1990 1992 1994 1996 1998

SIXTH The Republicans, capitalizing on the alienation of Southerners from the civil-rights-embracing Democrats, break the New Deal coalition and V OTI N G A G E LO WERED T O 18

10

T

H

E

N

E

W


D

urverger’s Law holds that pluralityrule political systems such as the United States’ “first past the post” system tend to be dominated by two major parties. Despite occasional elections where third parties are WAR OF 1812

sonian Era MADISON

1814

MONROE

1816

1818

MONROE

A P A C H E

R E Q U I R E M E N T S

W A R S

GRANT

HAYES

The Jacksonian Era

J.Q. ADAMS

JACKSON

JACKSON

VAN BUREN

1820 1822 1824 1826 1828 1830 1832 1834 1836 1838

al agrarian Democratic-Republicans, who would become Democrats. P R O P E R T Y

dominant coalitions form within the major parties rather than across several smaller ones, the institutional continuity of the Republican and Democratic parties since the 1800s masks periodic upheavals of the political order.

SEMINOLE WARS

Era of Good Feelings

MADISON

1808 1810 1812

uncharacteristically strong, this law has generally held true throughout all of American electoral history, from the Federalists and Anti-Federalists of the post-Revolutionary period to the familiar duopoly of the present day. Because

SECOND Whigs on the Eastern seaboard vs. Democrats on the frontier.

G R A D U A L LY

S I O U X

The Gilded Age GARFIELD/ARTHUR

A B O L I S H E D

CLEVELAND

W A R S

B. HARRISON

SPANISH-AMERICAN WAR

CLEVELAND

McKINLEY/ROOSEVELT

T. ROOSEVELT

1872 1874 1876 1878 1880 1882 1884 1886 1888 1890 1892 1894 1896 1898 1900 1902

o the abolitionist half of the Whigs, dominate the Southern Jim Crow Democrats nationally during this era. J

The New Deal F. ROOSEVELT

WORLD WAR II

F. ROOSEVELT

I

M

C

KOREAN WAR

Postwar Era TRUMAN

ROOSEVELT/TRUMAN

R

FOURTH As veterans of the Civil O

W

Civil Rights Era

EISENHOWER

EISENHOWER

V I E T N A M

KENNEDY/JOHNSON

W A R

L. JOHNSON

1936 1938 1940 1942 1944 1946 1948 1950 1952 1954 1956 1958 1960 1962 1964 1966

mocrats, no longer a conservative party of the Old South, are reborn in the New Deal as a broad coalition mostly based in urban industrial centers. J

W A R

I

O N

G.W. BUSH

M

C

T E R R O R G.W. BUSH

R

O

Great Recession OBAMA

W

CIVIL RIGHTS A CT

Hellworld

OBAMA

W

TRUMP

2000 2002 2004 2006 2008 2010 2012 2014 2016 2018 2020

d shift American politics rightward. J

I

M

?

SEVENTH? C

R

O

? W

VOTING R IGHTS A CT

ith the ongoing collapse of the bipartisan neoliberal order of the last generation, we are currently in the midst of another realignment. We may have already entered or will soon enter a new Seventh Party System. 11


R I S E

12

L I K E

L I O N S


A F T E R I N

S L U M B E R

U NVA N Q U I S H A BLE

S H AKE YO U R TO

EART H

WH I C H H AD

C H A INS

LI K E

I N

DE W

S LE E P

FA LLE N

Y E A RE

NUMBE R

ON YOU

MA N Y—

T H E Y AR E

F E W.

Percy Bysshe Shelley.

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unlawn ing a guide by A-Minus @_Anunnery

If it were considered as such, lawn grass would be the largest irrigated crop in the United States, using enough water each year to fill the Chesapeake Bay along with 2.4 million metric tons of fertilizer. Lawns are sterile at best, toxic at worst, and offer little food or shelter to beneficial wildlife. Start turning your lawn into a healthy part of the ecosystem with this guide. 14


Lawns use up to 60 million acre-feet of water per year, two thirds of the total amount of water used in farming.

Lawns produce the equivalent of about 25 million tons of CO2 a year due to nitrous oxide emissions and lawn management.

We use about 580 million gallons of gas in a year mowing lawns, and spill more than the Exxon Valdez did (17 million gallons) every single year.

Lawns are toxic, using 10 times the fertilizer and pesticides used on a typical area of crops.

before

Water contaminated with pesticides, motor oil, and more wash into storm drains and into our streams and rivers.

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Getting rid of your lawn is as simple as laying down cardboard or black and white newspaper pages with mulch— the “lasagna” method.

A layer of mulch helps prevent weeds, protect new plants, save water and build healthy soil.

Varying levels of canopy and natural features provide habitat, food and shelter for all kinds of beneficial wildlife.

Native plants require much less water and don’t need pesticides or herbicides.

after 16

Natural landscapes help prevent pollution, as more water soaks into soil and less washes into storm drains.


This promotion was created completely free of charge for something we think you should know about. We don’t do paid advertising!

D

DoucheLeaks

.com

Home of the 65 million #StillWithering.

DOUCHELEAKS.COM PARODY VERIFICATION CODE:

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Charlie Baker III President & Cofounder Chief Administrative Officer

Minyon Moore Principal Senior Advisor

Where Are They Now

KEY

Staffer Name New Role Campaign Role

W

e traced the career paths of Hillary Clinton’s top advisors and senior staff since the spectacular, world-historical failure of her 2016 campaign.

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#StillWithHer

Huma Abedin Chief of Staff Chief of Staff


John Podesta Chair Campaign Chair

Kristina Costa Senior Fellow

Neera Tanden President Senior Advisor

Jared Mueller Manager

Policy Advisor

Political Chief of Staff

Adrienne Watson War Room Director

Xochitl Hinojosa Communications Director

Rapid Response Spox

Director of Coalitions Press

Patrick Stevenson Chief Mobilization Officer Director of State Digital Programs

Nellwyn Thomas Chief Technology Officer Director of Digital Analytics

Maya Harris Campagn Chair Senior Policy Advisor

Corey Ciorciari Deputy Policy Director Policy Advisor Ian Sams National Press Sec.

Tracey Lewis Senior Advisor Primary States Director

Rapid Response

Jim Margolis David Binder Media Advisor Pollster Media Advisor

Pollster

Rebecca Chalif Deputy Communications Dir. Womens Press Lead

Ashley Woolheater Press Secretary Policy Chief of Staff

Alex Witt Deputy Digital Director Social Media Strategist John Anzalone Pollster Pollster

Emily Bengston Deputy Communications Director Social Media Director

Rob Flaherty Digital Director Digital Communications

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MILLENNIALS ARE KILLING CAPITALISM


SUMMER PRESIDENTIAL

2019 POWER R

A

N

K

I

N

G

S

W

ith the first debates behind us, the state of the race is coming into sharper focus. Poll after poll shows the exact same four frontrunners and a score of also-rans lagging far behind. As we approach another punishing gauntlet of debates, it’s do-or-die time for the large majority of candidates. Here’s our very unscientific but nonetheless conclusive rankings.

THE

THE

CONTENDERS PRETENDERS 1

2

3

4

5

With his huge network of small donors and army of volunteers, the Democratic primary is still Bernie Sanders’ race to lose. He has a comfortable lead in the polls above all other candidates but Biden, and is very well-poised to build momentum by running the table early.

Bloodless technocrat Pete Buttigieg is running an empty campaign based on photogenic sleeve rolling and perfect tie knots. Despite his unpronounceable name and total lack of substance, he was showered with buzz in the wake of Beto’s underwhelming launch and stole his thunder.

Elizabeth Warren is stuck between a rock and a hard place: too far left to get real institutional support, and not far left enough to significantly cut into Sanders’ base. She’ll be ripped apart in her attempt to straddle the growing rift between the party’s opposing factions.

While the butt-shine has definitely come off of Beto O’Rourke’s proverbial apple, he clearly has enough donors to keep him puttering around for a while. So long as his shrimpier clone Mayor Pete is still around, his chances of re-entering the top tier are pretty much nil.

Despite an embarrassing launch marred by scandal, Joe Biden seems sure that the third time’s the charm. He can coast a long distance on charisma and leftover warm feelings for the Obama adminstration, but his record and contant gaffes could tank him at any time.

What is there to say about Cory Booker? Though he’s been touted as a strong potential candidate for years and given ample opportunity to gain traction, he has utterly failed to do so. While he may be attractive to Rosario Dawson, voters don’t seem to have the same feelings.

7

While she is struggling to meet expectations in polling (especially among black voters), Kamala Harris remains a candidate with strong establishment backing. We fully expect her to be replaced by Pete Buttigieg in this position by our next ranking in October.

Venture capitalist Andrew Yang’s support for Universal Basic Income has garnered him a lot of attention, but much of it has been the wrong kind of attention: the #YangGang is crawling with chuds. This plus his Silicon Valley libertarian bent will sink his chances.

8

E H T P O T S T ’ N A E C H C N A L GRAVE

6

DEAD-ENDERS THE

W

hile their fortunes may yet change, these lackluster candidates are on the verge of not even being included in this feature at all.

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