Teen? my stressed-out

Our kids are dealing with stress in their daily lives including academic pressures and social problems such as bullying or friendship drama, while simultaneously juggling their full schedules and trying to get everything done. Providing support gets more complicated during the middle school and teen years because your child is developing their independence and stronger sense of identity. This is a big transition for parents as they navigate allowing their child to distance themselves while still being there for them emotionally when they are struggling.

Simple Places To Start

KNOW THE STATISTICS

Over 90% of the things we worry about never happen!

As Mark Twain said, “I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

NAME IT TO TAME IT!

Help your teen label their emotions or identify what is happening in the moment. For example, offer, “You’re feeling overwhelmed and burned out. Part of you wants to avoid doing your assignments altogether.” Putting words to their big emotions can give them perspective and help them feel like they are understood.

PERSONIFY THE ANXIETY LIAR

Anxiety often sounds like your voice, but it can help your child to give it an image. This helps with emotionally distancing from the thoughts and separates them from the anxious voice. I tell my clients the “Anxiety Liar” is always going to talk and talk. It loops the same messages over and over, telling you the worst case scenario or saying things as if they are absolutely true, when they are not. One client drew her Anxiety Liar as a monster whose nose grew as he talked! She listed all the messages the “anxiety guy” said and she evaluated those statements. Is that true? Is it accurate? What can you say to yourself instead? Challenging automatic thoughts and coming up with statements to counterbalance them is a skill.

Getting More To The Heart Of The Matter

ACTIVELY LISTEN & RELFECT THEIR EXPERIENCE

Paraphrasing their experience is key. When your child comes home and says, “I failed a test. I’m so stupid! I’ll never get into college!” Resist the urge to jump in and make them feel better. (“WHAT? You’re not stupid! You are SO smart!”) Instead, you can start with mirroring back their experience. You might say, “Whoa, that grade really shook you up and rattled your confidence.” Allowing them to process their feelings and not immediately talking them out of their experience isn’t easy, but it can help them work through strong emotions. Be the “calm captain of the ship” and an “anchor during their emotional storm.” Do your best to listen 70 percent of the time and allow your child to offload their feelings. Maintain a calm demeanor and respond in a soothing voice. Conveying your support and expressing your trust in their ability to handle the situation can be very comforting.

WHAT THINGS RELAX YOU?

Your teen might like doing art, listening to relaxing music, or hanging out with a friend. Help your child identify activities that are calming and encourage ways to sprinkle in downtime during their week.

As a licensed Clinical Psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience, I am dedicated to helping you make positive, lasting changes in your personal life and your relationships. Trust and collaboration are the foundation of a successful therapeutic relationship. Together we will explore your feelings and thought patterns and focus on what you would like to change in your life. I provide a nurturing, empathetic and confidential environment. My primary goals as a therapist are to work collaboratively with you to determine treatment objectives, to do everything I can to help you achieve these objectives and to empower you to know and trust your own inner strengths.

Specializing in teen and young adults is my passion! As a teen, I was diagnosed with depression and therapy was tremendously helpful through that difficult time. The adjustment to college was also more challenging than I anticipated. Academic pressures, break-ups and living away from home was a lot to manage. Now, helping clients during this phase of life is my calling.

I invite you to call me for a complimentary phone consultation. I would be happy to discuss treatment options and how we might work together.

To learn more, visit DrCarolRay.com