FREE EVERY WEDNESDAY / VOL • 13 NO • 28 / NOV 28 - DEC 4, 2012 / Superhuman Bravery, Unimaginable Brutality, and Bewildering Stupidity
NE COL W UMN !
Ask D Fleis r. Joel chm an!
s Bid on thi
Bid for Awesome Works of Art… Support a Great Charity!
PSU Sex Assaults— What’s Being Done?
Everybody Run! P.43 Brad Pitt’s Got A Gun!
’Tis The Season To Kvetch!
foLLoW us onLInE At: fAcEBook.com/mIkEthrAshErprEsEnts tWIttEr.com/mIkEthrAshErpdx · WWW.myspAcE.com/mIkEthrAshErprEsEnts
for A fuLL schEduLE vIsIt WWW.mIkEthrAshErprEsEnts.com
H A W T H O R N E T H E A T E R
SHAdOWS fALL & AcARO
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
kONg AT THE gATES guiLLOTiNE cENSuRE
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
HOOkERS · ON ENEMY SOiL & WERESquATcH
THE gROucH & ELigH
BROTHERS fROM ANOTHER & THE PHYSicS MON dEc
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
MiSTAH f.A.B. PROf & dJ fRESH
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
ANTIBALAS & STAY
7:30pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
TickETS gOiNg fAST!
6:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
6:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
i, THE MigHTY HAiL THE SuN & THE ORPHAN, THE POET
WOE iS ME
TExAS iN JuLY vOLuMES & cAPTuRE THE cROWN
& LONERO EvEryonE Who purchAsEs A tIckEt BEforE dEcEmBEr 1st WILL rEcEIvE An InstAnt doWnLoAd of ‘LovE’ And ‘toxIc GArBAGE IsLAnd’ LIvE from thE studIo At WEBstEr hALL As WELL As A fuLL LIvE rEcordInG from thE BAnd’s currEnt EuropEAn tour
dEviN TOWNSENd PROJEcT
& THE ATLAS MOTH
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
WHiTEcHAPEL EMMuRE uNEARTH
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
10:00Am 855-Cas-tIXX X2
5:30pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
& THE MENziNgERS
& guiLLOTiNE 855-Cas-tIXX X2
R O S E L A N d T H E A T E R
onE cEntEr court · portLAnd, or · 6:30pm doors · fuLL BAr WIth propEr Id tIckEts ArE on sALE At thE rosE QuArtEr Box offIcE, onLInE At rosEQuArtEr.com, At pArtIcIpAtInG sAfEWAy/tIckEtsWEst LocAtIons, And By phonE At 877.789.rosE(7673)
7:00pm doors 21 And ovEr
BrothErs of BrutALIty
THE PLOT iN YOu & OBEY THE BRAvE
WEdNESdAY dEcEMBER 5 THEATER Of THE cLOudS AT THE ROSE gARdEN
21 ANd OvER SHOW!
revoLver and roCkstar present
1 5 0 7 s e 3 9 t H a v e n u e
M83 TEgAN & SARA
7:00pm doors 21 And ovEr
Dance Gavin Dance A LOT LikE BiRdS SuN dEc
gYPSYHAWk & AMERicAN SHARkS
21 ANd OvER SHOW!
S T A R T H E A T E R
W O N d E R B A L L R O O M
DEATH GRIPS SAT dEc
ALL AgES SHOW!
13 nW sIXtH ave
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
& YOuNgBLOOd HAWkE
cONSidER ME dEAd & dAvEY SuicidE fRi dEc
8:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
& JudgEMENT dAY
7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
& WARBEAST 8 nW sIXtH avenue
6:30pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
MARiAcHi EL BRONx & dONOTS
8:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
128 ne russeLL st
cOMiNg stu hAmm · sABAton · mAxImum cAvALErA tour WIth souLfLy · doro / sIstEr sIn SOON: uLI Jon roth · nILE · soILWork 2
8:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id
c R Y S T A L B A L L R O O M
portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
1332 W BurnsIde st
www.MIKEthrashErprEsEnts.coM for complete details and info on how to get your tickets early
NOTES firstname.lastname@example.org LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE
DREAMS AND MUSH RE: “My, What a Busy Week!” [Nov 21] in which we take a giant step outside ourselves to recommend a show featuring two popular Portland musical acts. DEAR SARAH MIRK—Laura Gibson = so dreamy. Typhoon = mush. They’re just another emo band that sounds like the Polyphonic Spree, only not as large. Isaac Hudson
HAIL SATAN-MUSING ATHEISTS
STEVE—Curious point raised by a [commenter] on your website, who noted that the person on the billboard’s last name, Hecate, is that of an ancient Greek goddess associated with witchcraft and necromancy, among other things. That led me to do a web search, which indicated he may be the only person in the US with that name. That begs the question of whether he chose that name for himself, and if so, whether he’s the best choice to be a poster child for a tolerance of atheism campaign. As for me, I would say so, as I believe tolerance of atheists who might have an affinity for the dark arts people is no less a good goal than tolerance of run-of-the-mill no-godders. Steve A.
BETTER OFF DEAD RE: “Pig Stripping: Fetish or Sadism?” [Letters, Nov 21], in which a reader questions whether there’s “perhaps a whiff of sadism” in “Barnyard Butchery” [Food Issue, Nov 14], in which author Chris Onstad recounts the experience of taking a pig-head butchery class. I’m a vegetarian, but still, I can’t see how it’s sadism to cut meat off of the head of a DEAD pig. If Porky has already slipped this mortal coil, cutting meat off his head is no more sadistic than performing an autopsy is being sadistic to the corpse you’re performing it on. posted by AlaskanNow
here believe in homeopathy, horoscopes, and fluoride as a conspiracy. I’ve been on ghost hunts. I’ve chased UFOs. There’s a lot more psychology, sociology, and flat-out misinterpretation that takes place under heightened circumstances. It’s not ignorance by any stretch, but it does go hand in hand with a poor understanding of the scientific method. When you start at your conclusion and work backward, the tendency is to cherrypick data to support your conclusions and see patterns that aren’t really there. As for collecting evidence: We live in an age where virtually everyone is armed with a camera phone. If there were so many convincing cases of hauntings, alien encounters, hell, BIGFOOT… we’d have some decent photos or video by now. As the maxim goes, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. At such time that something convincing is submitted, tested and tested again, the scientific outlook will adapt. posted by groschopf
Hail Satan (and Carrie Brownstein)!
RE: “Ah! So THIS Is What an Atheist Looks Like.” [Blogtown, Nov 20], in which author Wm. Steven Humphrey shares a billboard meant to un-demonize atheists by showing an example of a normal, smiling dude that had been vandalized to give him devil horns.
1624 N.W. Glisan St. • Portland • 503-223-4527
(Of the velvet undergrOund)
Cass mcCOmBs Meshell Ndegeocello Dedication to Nina Simone
(of Y La Bamba)
RE: “Tonight at the Bagdad: Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein” [Blogtown, Nov 20], regarding a promotional appearance the Portlandia actors were making in support of the new book Portlandia: A Guide for Visitors, and containing an unfavorable review. I just want to say that I sincerely appreciate the amount of time the Portland Mercury spends on writing about Portlandia. Your critique and dislike of the show makes for a more interesting conversation and polemic, and I much prefer those to ambivalence. Anyhow, just wanted to say thanks. Carrie Brownstein CONGRATULATIONS TO CARRIE for publicly admitting that we’re right about why Portlandia isn’t funny. That must have been a very difficult and brave thing to do. As consolation, Carrie wins two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where you can drink a pitcher of beer while watching a film, which is kind of a Portland (no “ia”) thing.
HOTEL & BALLROOM
CRYSTAL BALLROOM HOWS ALLLSD OUT! SO
94/7 and Widmer Brothers BreWing present
DecembeR TO RemembeR the lumineers · 12/3 passion pit 12/5 of monsters & men the joy formidable 12/8 atlas genius 12/10 the shins · 12/12 fun.
80s VIDEO DANCE ATTACK
sat dec 1 $6 • 9 p.m. • 21 & over • lola’s room
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 30 8 PM $5 21+OVER
WITH VJ KITTYROX
LOLA'S ROOM red cube presenTs
McMenaMins and True WesT presenT...
CANCELL Thur Dec 13 16 & over
12/29· Tumbleweed Wanderers 12/30· Fruition saT-mon Dec 29-31 all ages
happy hOur w/ flOating pOinte-ringlers 12/27 & 28 Beats antique 1/8 keane flOater 1/20 slightly stOOpid 1/25 sChOOl Of rOCk: Best Of pOrtland 2 2/6 ellie gOulding 2/8 super diamOnd 2/16 leftOver salmOn 2/23 galaCtiC 2/27 fade tO light 3/15 Big head tOdd & the mOnsters 4/25 lOCal natives
SUPER SCIENCE RE: “Keep Portland Paranormal” [Feature Nov 21], in which author Alex Zielinksi takes a look at the prevalence of interest and belief in the paranormal in Portland. First of all, this article asks the wrong question. How about “Why do so many people in Portland believe in the paranormal?” I’d wager for the same reasons so many people portlandmercury.com
Souther Salazar southersalazar.com Score this 11X14 archival print and many more pieces of artwork in the Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction at portlandmercury.com More details on page 11.
115 SW Ash St., Suite 600 Portland, OR 97204 • 503-294-0840 • email@example.com
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Wm. Steven Humphrey
INTERNS Lex Chase, Kathleen Marie-Barnett,
MANAGING EDITOR Marjorie Skinner
Cheyenne Sophia Ruth, Rose Finn, Cara Mico
NEWS Denis C. Theriault, Sarah Mirk
DIRECTOR OF CIRCULATION Jay Williams
SENIOR EDITOR Erik Henriksen MUSIC Ned Lannamann
SALES DIRECTOR Rob Thompson
ARTS/WEB EDITOR Alison Hallett FOOD Chris Onstad
SALES COORDINATOR Autumn Webring
COPY CHIEF Courtney Ferguson CALENDAR Bobby Roberts
DIGITAL SALES MANAGER James Deeley
PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Davis
ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Sarah Elliott, Katie Peifer, Marissa Sullivan
SENIOR DESIGNER Nick Olmstead
ALTPERKS OPERATIONS MANAGER Michelle David
AD DESIGNER Nami Bigos
OFFICE MANAGER Noah Dunham GENERAL MANAGER Katie Lake
ART DIRECTOR Justin “Scrappers” Morrison
PUBLISHER Rob Crocker
AL’S DEn at CRYSTAL
FREE LIVE MUSIC nIghtLy · 7 PM 11/29-12/1
josh and Mer
ED FoRMAn Show - late-night talk show Mix of coMedy, Music, and interviews – thursdays thru saturdays at 10:30PM
Ballroom: 1332 W. Burnside · (503) 225-0047 · Hotel: 303 S.W. 12th Ave · (503) 972-2670 mcmenamins.com
cascadetickets.com 1-855-CAS-TIXX Outlets: Crystal BallrOOm BOx OffiCe, Bagdad theater, edgefield, east 19th st. Café (eugene)
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com
YUKON CHARLIE SNOWSHOE KIT You choose the size! Includes snowshoes, telescoping poles, and carry bag. LIST $150 OUR PRICE $69.99
ALPINA ZOOM KIDS SKI PACKAGE Includes ski and binding. $139.99
WHITE SIERRA TRABAGON RAIN PANT OUR PRICE $29.99
NEXT ADVENTURE Inform · Outﬁt · Excite
BOMBER HATS Assorted colors and styles. ONLY $14.99
POLAR FLEECE GLOVES Thinsulate. ONLY $4.99 SCOTT LITTLE PEOPLE GOGGLE ONLY $9.99
ATLAS 825 2011 LIST $140 OUR PRICE $109.99
SHERPA BAANS TECH 1/4 ZIP Men’s and women’s. LIST $45 OUR PRICE $29.99
MANZELLA POWERSRETCH 10 LIST $24.99 ONLY $14.99
ROME REVERB ROCKER CB Cosmetic Blems. You win!
LIST $400 SALE $199
SHERPA TASHI WOOL HAT Fleece lined. LIST $24.99 OUR PRICE $9.99
HEAD IGNITION ROCKA LIST $329 SALE $249
ELECTRIC EG.5 LIST $120 SALE $89.99
ROSSIGNOL JIBSAW MAGTEK LIST $430 SALE $299
BULA BEANIES $9.99 EACH OR 3 FOR $20
PULSE SYSTEM JACKET 3-in-1 system jacket. ONLY $69.99 ROSSIGNOL BC 70 AR Metal edged XC Ski. LIST $259 SALE $99.99
DRAGON ROGUE Gigi Ruf pro model. LIST $130 SALE $69.99
GIRO RICOCHET KIDS HELMET LIST $55 SALE $19.99
GIRO NINE 10 LIST $100 SALE $69
DEMON SEVEN SERIES AUDIO SALE $49.99
GORDINI GAUNTLET GLOVE LIST $29.99 SALE $19.99
TUBBS WILDERNESS 36 2011 LIST $199 SALE $89.99
TECHNINE WASSUP ROCKER LIST $310 SALE $219
SOFT SHELL JACKETS Men’s and women’s Above Sea Level soft shells. $39.99
TURBINE FDGB OR SIREN PANT Men’s and women’s. OUR PRICE $69.99
ZON YOGA KIT Includes mat, blocks, and strap. ONLY $24.99
M–F 10 –7, SAT 10 – 6, SUN 11–5 • 503-233-0706 • 426 SE GRAND • NEXTADVENTURE.NET 4 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
at a time THE WEEK IN REVIEW by Ann Romano
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 19
Nothing warms our cold, dead heart like the implosion of “young love.” So you can imagine our glee last week when the relationship between that little twerp with the hair (Justin Bieber) and his one true love (Disney princess Selena Gomez) went KERBLOOEY. And if you can imagine that, you can also imagine our deep, desperate disappointment when these two walking bars of Ivory soap got back together over the weekend?!? Nooooooooooooo!! Following the American Music Awards, BiebGo were spotted by Us at an afterparty holding on to each other SOAP STAR “for most of the night” and sneaking in “a few kisses as well.” This is in stark contrast to their high-pitched screeching match at a restaurant on Friday, where according to witnesses, the two had barely sat down “when they started to fight.” Mere minutes later, “they stormed out,” with a witness adding that Biebs was “swearing and yelling” after Gomez’s exit. And now they’re suddenly all smoochy-smoochy again? KIDS! Take it from us and our Hubby Kip—your love is doomed to failure! So either cut your losses or do like we did and get married. (The upside? Lots of wedding prezzies.) MEANWHILE… Speaking of being doomed to failure, apparently forgiven Twilight cheat Kristen Stewart has signed up to reprise her role in the sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman—but guess who won’t be along for the ride? (And by “ride” we mean “filthy sex”?) Snow White director Rupert Sanders, the 41-year-old creep KStew cheated with, thereby breaking the fragile, twinkly heart of boyfriend Robert Pattinson. (Heh… heh… hehhhh.) Says an inside source to Radar Online, “Rupert didn’t want to be a part of it to begin with because he is desperately still trying to save his marriage [to wifey Liberty Ross].” Yes, and he also probably realizes there are other way-too-young, lip-chewing fish in the sea. That’s right—we just called KStew a fish. Because she kinda really does look like a fish.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 20
In a story brimming with “sad,” Kevin Clash, the voice behind Sesame Street’s Elmo resigned today after being accused of yet another underage sexual relationship. After the first accuser recanted his statement last week, 24-year-old Cecil Singleton has stepped forward to claim he also had a “sexual relationship” with the puppeteer when he was 15, one that included “groping, masturbation, intense kissing, [and] dry-humping.” Still reeling from the original accusation, Clash resigned, saying the claims “have diverted attention away from the important work Sesame Street is doing.” In regard to this story, the New York Times spoke with Katherine Franke, the director of the center for gender and sexuality law at Columbia University, who called Clash a victim of “sex panic,” adding, “At precisely the moment when gay people’s right to marry seems to be reaching a positive tipping point, sexuality is being driven back into the closet as something shameful and incompatible with honor [as in the recent General Petraeus scandal] or decency.” Franke continued, “Mr. Clash has not been convicted of a crime, but merely accused of one in a completely unsubstantiated, vague complaint.” (On Monday, November 26, a third accuser came forward claiming that when he was 16, Clash “plied
him with alcohol and groomed him” into a sexual relationship. And the “sad” just keeps on coming.)
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 21
In much lighter (but just about as creepy) celebrity news, terrible pop star Ke$ha revealed to Time magazine that fans sometimes send her their teeth… which she used to construct a bra. Let’s just stop and think about that for a moment. [Pause.] Okay! Here’s Ke$ha’s quote: “My fans have sent me over 1,000 human teeth, that I’m making different accessories and clothing [necklaces, earrings, a headdress, and a bra] out of.” Let’s pause for another moment… because you will definitely need some time to process what comes next. [Pause.] Ready? Let’s do this. Ke$ha continued, “I think most of them are just teeth that have naturally fallen out, but a couple of them have given me bloody teeth.” [Pause.] [Pause.] [Pause.] Nope. There’s just not enough “processing time” in the world. MEANWHILE… In more jovial news, according to a posting alongside an accompanying photograph on Reddit, failed GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney was spotted pumping his own gas at a La Jolla, California, station and looking “tired and washed up.” In other words, a day in the life of the 47 percent. Welcome to our world, Mitt.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 22
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Here’s something we’re NOT thankful for: According to Gossip Cop, pop starlet Rihanna spent her Thanksgiving in Berlin with her former abuser/dickbag creep boyfriend Chris Brown—apparently because she enjoys driving us INSANE. Meanwhile, here’s something we are thankful for: Lady Gaga celebrated Thanksgiving pretty much as you’d expect—in Peru, waking up very late, and stumbling into the kitchen naked to discover 35 of her fans partying in her garage. Her biggest concern? According to her Twatter account, figuring out “how to slide stuffi ng under the [garage] door when there’s no cat flap.” Sigh. We are so very grateful for her.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 23
Today, millions of Americans with nothing better to do hunted for “deals” by camping out until the wee hours of the morning to—no, sorry. That’s traditionally how Black Friday goes. But perhaps because toaster riots in the past weren’t quite humiliating enough, this year Black Friday began last night—with rabid shoppers and stores like Target and Walmart forcing countless workers to skip Thanksgiving dinner so they could sell cheap crap. So… how did Black Friday go? Well, there was the man in Springfield, Massachusetts, who, at 1:30 am in a Kmart parking lot, locked his girlfriend’s two-year-old son in a car so he could buy a TV (after breaking into the car to get the kid out, police later found the man at home… watching his new TV); a man in San Antonio, Texas, pulled a gun on a person who cut in line; a gentleman at a Sacramento, California, Kmart calmly advised those around him to “Calm the fuck down! Push one of my kids and I will stab one of you motherfuckers!”; and a disagreement over a parking space at a Walmart in Tallahassee, Florida, led to two people getting shot. MEANWHILE… A Walmart strike took place in 46 states and 100 cities, with employees, activists, and union workers aiming to educate the public about Walmart’s anti-union tactics and poverty-level wages. That had to have put a damper on things, right? IN RELATED NEWS… “Walmart said it recorded its best Black Friday ever, with more shoppers than last year and nearly 10 million register transactions between 8 pm Thursday and midnight Friday,” the Huffi ngton Post reports. “Among other items, it sold more than 1.8 million towels, 1.3 million TVs, and some 250,000 bicycles.”
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 24
Celebrity woman-beater Chris Brown isn’t on Twitter anymore! Here’s why: When Brown tweeted “I look old as fuck! I’m only 23,” comedy writer Jenny Johnson replied, “I know! Being a worthless piece of shit can really age a person.” Shockingly, Brown took this… poorly, and began an exchange with Johnson that included bon mots like, “take them teeth out when u Sucking my dick HOE” (Johnson’s reply: “It’s ‘HO’ not ‘HOE’ you ignorant fuck”), “I should fart while ur giv-
NEW COLUMN A S K
DR. JOEL FLEISCHMAN!
DEAR DR. FLEISCHMAN: You know, Joel… light is more than watts or foot-candles… light is metaphor. “Lead, kindly light, amid the encircling gloom… lead thou me on.” Light is what binds the stars and…—Chris Stevens, Cicely, Alaska Oh… oh my god, shut up, Chris! SHUT… UP! Do you even have a question?? You… you’re like my Auntie Florence with the talk and the talk, and the words… shouldn’t you be on an Applebee’s commercial or something?!? FLEISCHMAN, YOU… are… pathetic. I mean really, Fleischman, you’re capable of neurosurgery and yet you don’t even know where a sparkplug goes? Hilarious, Fleischman… just hilarious.—Maggie O’Connell, Cicely, Alaska Oh! Oh! And suddenly that makes you a medical expert, O’Connell? Listen carefully to my words: You… are… a… Ne-an-der-thal. You have no concept of… of… science… or… or… I mean, here we are in the 20th century, O’Connell, with every possible scientific advantage at our disposal and you… you PEOPLE are… CONTENT to live in the dark ages! Ugh! Why can’t I be in New York right now eating my bubbelah’s blintzes! DOC… ARGH… IT’S… it’s my heart. I was out back choppin’ wood an’ a bull moose charged right outta the brush. I shot the bastard, but now I got this chest pain. My arm’s numb, an’ I can’t catch my breath. Dammit, I might be… might be…—Maurice J. Minnifield, Cicely, Alaska Umm… hello! Maurice, just because you were an astronaut in the, um… the, um… Paleolithic age doesn’t mean you should be chopping wood! Besides, you think you’ve got problems? You’re not… not the one who has to spend the next four years of his life in this godforsaken hole in the wall… this… this… pigsty with a bunch of dirty, psychotic… rednecks! Please!! Anybody reading this!! Call… my… lawyer! I AM BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL!! Have a medical question? Write Dr. Joel Fleischman, PO Box 4, Cicely, Alaska, 99729.
ing me top” (“Your mom must be so proud of you”), “mom says hello… She told me not to shart in ur mouth, wanted me to shit right on the retina” (“YOU FLIRT!!!”), and “your a pathetic bitch” (“It’s ‘YOU’RE’ a pathetic bitch”). “Okay, I’m done,” Johnson then tweeted. “All I got from that exchange with Chris Brown is that he wants to shit and fart on me.” “Don’t run for support now… Lol. Ur a comedic writer!!! If u can take a dick, u can take a joke,” Brown replied, adding, “Just ask Rihanna if she mad??????” and “Know that I’m not upset. Just felt like entertainGOOD RIDDANCE ing the ignorance. These bitches crazy..” Brown—or, more likely, his manager, who must be slightly less of misogynist moron?—then hastily shut down his Twitter account. It’s a Thanksgiving miracle!
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 25
Tonight—after months of car crashes, fights, and disputed hotel bills—Lindsay Lohan starred in Liz & Dick, the Lifetime channel’s Elizabeth Taylor biopic! Heavily hyped, Liz & Dick premiered to 3.5 million viewers. (To put those ratings in perspective, last month 6.5 million people watched Lifetime’s rerun of Steel Magnolias, the 1989 film that every single mother in the United States owns on VHS.) And the reviews? The reviews, shall we say, were not kind. “Lindsay is devastated by the response to the film,” a source whispered to the Huffington Post. “She has gotten used to all the negative press around her personal life but this is the first time she has experienced it about her work. No matter how bad things were going for her personally, everyone would always agree that she was a great actress.” Hmm. Okay, why not. Let’s let her have that one, dears. It’s the holiday season.
THIS WEEK ON Portlandmercury.com
WIN TIX TO HECKLEVISION GHOST! THURSDAY BLOGTOWN!
HALF-OFF ROOMS AT ASTORIA’S
RIVERWALK INN! MERCPERKS.COM
THE MERCURY COVER ART CHARITY AUCTION! ALL WEEK! SEE PAGE 11! November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com
DOUBLETEE.COM / ROSELANDPDX.COM
MISTAH FAB & MUMBLS
SATURDAY DECEMBER 1ST • ROSELAND • 8PM • ALL AGES
THURSDAY DECEMBER 13TH • ROSELAND • 8PM • ALL AGES
Fontanelle Dead in the Dirt & Loincloth
with CAP 1
FRIDAY DECEMBER 14TH • ROSELAND • 9PM • ALL AGES
portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
THURSDAY DEC 20TH • ROSELAND • 8PM • ALL AGES
ADVANCE TICKETS THROUGH ALL TICKETSWEST LOCATIONS, SAFEWAY, MUSIC MILLENNIUM. TO CHARGE BY PHONE PLEASE CALL 503.224.8499
Cops on Campus
As Reported Sexual Assaults Rise, PSU May Create Its Own Police Force by Sarah Mirk
ORTLAND STATE UNIVERSITY is a small city within a city—but a team of just 17 security guards patrols the 30,000-student urban campus. Now, the school is considering a controversial plan to create its own police force of sworn officers who, unlike the guards, would carry guns and be able to investigate serious crimes, like sexual assaults. The proposal took on tragic urgency this week, after a 27-year-old student walking to her dorm room early Monday, November 26, reported being hit over the head and sexually assaulted by a man she didn’t know. The woman woke up in an alley behind her dorm at SW 10th and Market and called campus security, who then called Portland police. PSU is unique among its 21 urban peer universities in not having a campus-run, independent police force. Unless a survivor of sexual assault reports the crime almost immediately afterward (as happened in this week’s case), campus security will call Portland police officers, who—since it’s not a crime-in-progress—can take several hours to show up, interview the survivor, and begin an investigation. “To me, it’s an embarrassment that in 2012 we’re conducting sexual assault investigations in this manner,” says Director of Public Safety Phil Zerzan. “This was the first thing that jumped out at me when I took this job, it was like a time machine stepping back into the ’70s.” PSU faces distinct challenges as the state’s largest university whose smack-in-the-middle-of-downtown campus has no real borders. According to the campus security office, 80 percent of people arrested on campus are not associated with the school. Meanwhile, reported sexual assaults have increased on campus from two in 2009 to nine in 2011, three-quarters of which were perpetrated by people the victims knew. An increase in re-
by Denis C. Theriault
ports could actuall be a good sign, as PSU has made strides to ensure sexual assault survivors can swiftly make a report, be paired with an advocate, and receive medical care all on campus. But the police element remains external. “I have people coming into my office every day saying they feel unsafe,” says Dean of Student Life Michele Toppe, noting that stu-
dent protests. Adding a professional police force to the campus touches a nerve at a time when the city has been struggling with its own issues of police accountability. “I don’t like cops, but the [current security] are the nicest cops I’ve come across,” said Thomas Buccido, a film production major. Public Safety Director Zerzan pointed out that PSU already does have armed cops on campus: Portland police, whenever they’re called. A PSU police force could be overseen directly by the university and have more specific training than Portland police. Zerzan pointed to the case of last year’s infamous pepper spraying of University of California, Davis students by campus police, noting that the officer involved was fired. “Ask yourself if you’d have the same response from the municipal authority we currently contract with to provide safety,” said Zerzan. Portland has been unable to fire officers involved in high-profile use-of-force abuses (most notably Officer Ron Frashour) and is in the midst of reform folPORTLAND STATE SECURITY: Not packing. CHEYENNE SOPHIA RUTH lowing a federal investigation that found dents—portaging laptops and expensive books that officers’ systematic treatment of people around an unfamiliar city—can make easy tar- with mental illness is unconstitutional. Other students at last week’s forum wongets. “I’ve waited a really long time for police to dered how much having a police force would show up when I needed them.” PSU’s police proposal would lower the actually reduce sexual assaults on campus. “The big problem is not lack of police officers, number of security staff, from 17 security guards to 10 security guards. But it would add but rape culture. What we need to support is mak16 sworn police officers and three sergeants, ing women feel safe,” said Sarah Levy, a member while establishing standards for training and of PSU’s International Socialist Organization. Of course, funding prevention and counoversight. The university says it has yet to seling is crucial, says PSU Women’s Resource prepare a cost estimate. At a public forum last week, students ex- Center Assistant Director Jessica Amo, who pressed mixed opinions on the plan, many supports the campus police-force proposal, worrying about oversight of the force and “but it’s not an either-or. We need to be advancfearing that armed police officers could ing on all fronts. After an incident has occurred, harshly respond to minor incidents and stu- we need to have solid services.”
Rough Road to Prosperity
Facing Cuts, Transportation Bureau Covets Citywide Street Fee by Denis C. Theriault
ACED WITH another gaping budget hole, partly thanks to Oregon’s unreliable gas tax, the beleaguered Portland Bureau of Transportation (PBOT) is sharpening its pitch in hopes of selling city leaders on a series of controversial revenue measures, the Mercury has learned. Topping the list, so far? A citywide street maintenance fee—long coveted by transportation advocates—that would be tacked onto every Portland property owner’s water and sewer bill. It would mark the city’s third stab at a fee, and passing it would require some political finesse. The past two attempts, under then-City Commissioners Charlie Hales and Sam Adams, fell short amid business pressure. Bureau leaders also are mulling over a Portland-specific gas tax (seen as a stopgap measure that may be too tough a sell); marketbased, inflation-indexed pricing at the city’s meters and parking garages; bridge tolls; and an emissions-based tax. PBOT Director Tom Miller has pondered those ideas at public meetings on the bureau’s finances. But plans for a street maintenance fee and market-price parking have become serious enough that a specially convened PBOT task force of outside financial advisors has placed them atop the draft of a report expected to go before Portland City Council as
soon as next month. Miller wasn’t available for comment before the Mercury’s press time. The 2007 bid for a street fee, if successful, would have earned $24 million a year, according to the latest draft of the task force’s report— which the Mercury eventually obtained after it was sent out, along with an internal message, to the wrong email list. “The gas-tax model is broken and it has no foreseeable ‘quick fix,’” reads the report, still roughly worded, missing charts, and filled with placeholder text. Soon after it says, “Most criti-
“The gas-tax model is broken.” −PBOT task force’s draft report cal and perhaps most important, we recommend that council immediately reengage its two previous efforts to establish a street maintenance fee.” A year after making more than $15 million in ongoing cuts, PBOT this fall is facing a $4.5 million shortfall. But concern over the future of Portland’s transportation budget predates the latest round of spending reductions. Both shortfalls are driven in part by falling
gas-tax revenues—something that isn’t likely to turn around. The state’s gas tax rate has remained static since 2009, with little political will to hike it or tie it to inflation. Meanwhile, with fewer people driving fewer miles in more fuel-efficient vehicles, income has failed to keep up with projections. Advocates and transit officials dream of swapping the gas tax for a tax on vehicle miles traveled—but that fight’s a long way off. Although PBOT plans on presenting the final task force report to city council next month, the revenue ideas will have to be pushed by whoever takes over the bureau next year. That decision will be up to Hales, the city’s first street-fee champion, who returns to city hall in January as mayor. Hales also wasn’t available for comment. But he was on record during this year’s mayoral campaign supporting a shift from the gas tax and generally supporting new local fees to pay for transportation. “The gas tax as a mechanism is a dinosaur; it’s only a question of how much longer before we have to switch to some new system,” he told transit magazine Portland Afoot this year. “Whether I keep the transportation bureau as one of my own bureaus [or] not, as mayor, I’ll certainly be a lead participant in the discussion.”
Cop Union Boss Makes His Point
WICE THIS MONTH, Daryl Turner—the president of the rank-and-file Portland Police Association—went public with an extremely damning critique of the federally mandated use-of-force reforms that his members must soon abide by. Seizing on a high-profile string of reported police injuries in recent weeks, Turner is playing a cold game to drive a message he wants his members to hear: Using constitutional levels of force, especially during encounters with people perceived to be suffering from a mental illness, is going to get officers hurt—or worse. And he’s got their backs. First, he took to his union’s newsletter, Rap Sheet, to vent about the city’s agreement with the US Department of Justice. Then he amplified that message in an interview the Oregonian published over the holiday weekend. “It’s giving the officers cause for pause, because they’re thinking in their mind about the DOJ,” Turner told the daily paper, “and they don’t think they’re going to get the support of their leaders.” But Turner’s complaints overlook something. Those proposed changes—prizing de-escalation, pushing restraint on Taser use, and judging cops on the decisions that lead them to use force—have yet to take effect. They’re still being worked on, revised, and polished. And, curiously, police accountability advocates on the other side of the issue have lodged serious concerns that they won’t go far enough to actually ease police misconduct.
The police union wasn’t invited to reform talks. No shit. So what’s really going on? Sources in city hall say Turner—who hasn’t returned my calls asking his thoughts about the federal reforms—is shouting loudly and dramatically because that’s about the only way Mayor Sam Adams will actually listen to him. Turner is mostly out to hammer home the point that no one in city hall consulted him or his executive board when working out the city’s deal with the feds. Turner does have regular check-ins with Chief Mike Reese and the Portland Bureau of Human Resources, about a host of issues. But a records request to Adams’ office appears to broadly confirm that complaint. Asked for emails and written correspondence to and from the union specifically about the federal settlement, Adams’ staffers supplied absolutely nothing. As in zilch. Turner may not appreciate being shut out of Adams’ third-floor offices—but sources say it should come as no surprise. Turner was unsparingly harsh and personal over Adams’ decision to crusade against an arbitrator’s decision to reinstate Ron Frashour, the cop who killed Aaron Campbell. He accused Adams of showing “questionable integrity” and launching a “personal vendetta.” He accused Adams and Reese of conspiring to fire Frashour before Reese was appointed chief—a charge found unproven by an independent city investigation convened at Turner’s request. And, sources say, it’s long been noticed among Adams loyalists that Turner has never properly thanked the mayor for presiding over a generous contract in 2011, and protecting cops from layoffs, despite citywide budget cuts. Right now, Turner isn’t someone anyone in city hall wants to do business with. Relations may improve next month, when Mayor-elect Charlie Hales takes over the police bureau… but maybe not by much. Hales says (for now) he’s keeping Reese around, and it’s no secret that Reese also holds little esteem for Turner. It could be, if we’re to see a federal deal that everyone can get behind, that Turner—and not his sparring partners—ought to be the one who adjusts.
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com
IN MUSIC WE TRUST PRESENTS THEIR FINAL DF SHOWCASE
WILL WEST & THE FRIENDLY STRANGERS
A CO-HEADLINE EVENING OF BUZZ-WORTHY GOODNESS
KZME PRESENTS AN ALBUM RELEASE CELEBRATION WITH PDX’S PURVEYORS OF SPAGHETTI WESTERN SOUNDTRACKS
DEEP SEA DIVER FEDERALE THURSDAY! FRIDAY!
WILD BELLE +LEMOLO
MCDOUGALL +FOREIGN TALKS
WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 28 •
THURSDAY NOVEMBER 29
MAKE IT A NIGHT
Present that night’s show ticket and get $3 off any entree Sun - Thur in the dining room
PUNK-INFUSED ALT-COUNTRY FROM FOR 16 HORSEPOWER FRONT-MAN
830 E BURNSIDE • 503-231-WOOD • www.dougfirlounge.com
DOUG FIR RESTAURANT + BAR OPEN 7AM–LATE EVERYDAY SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, LATE-NIGHT. HAPPY HOUR 3-6 PM EVERYDAY, COVERED SMOKING PATIO, FIREPLACE ROOM, LOTS OF LOG. LIVE SHOWS IN THE LOUNGE...
WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 5 •
A SPECIAL EVENING WITH BELGIAN-BORN BUZZ-BUILDER
HOW TO DRESS WELL TRIXIE WHITLEY BEACON +HUSTLE AND DRONE
TUESDAY DECEMBER 4
RUSTIC BLUES-TINGED FOLK FROM THE EMERALD CITY
POOR MOON +ROSE WINDOWS
THURSDAY DECEMBER 6
KING TUFF WHITE FANG
SUNDAY DECEMBER 9
A 1-2-3 PUNCH OF ABSTRACT HIP-HOP AND INDIE ROCK
LA-VIA-VERMONT GARAGE/POWERPOP WUNDERKIND
ETHEREAL EXPERIMENTAL R&B FROM BROOKLYN
FRIDAY DECEMBER 7
MESMERIZING GUITAR WORK AND SMOLDERING VOCAL CHEMISTRY FROM CANADIAN DUO
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 30
A MIND-BLOWING EVENING AND ALBUM RELEASE EXTRAVAGANZA WITH
SATURDAY DECEMBER 1
PT JUNCTURE WA +THE SHIVAS
BACARDI PRESENTS THE BACK TO BASICS SERIES
SATURDAY DECEMBER 8
AN EVENING OF SENSORY STIMULATION WITH
WE SHARED MILK +SPIRIT LAKE
THE LOWER 48
HALO REFUSER BUSDRIVER
MONDAY DECEMBER 10
L’HA: THE LASER HARP +GUDA (PDX, MYCELIUM)
WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 12 •
WHIMSICAL INDIE-FOLK FROM LA QUARTET
AN EVENING OF CALIFORNIA SOUL FROM BAY AREA HIP-SHAKERS
THURSDAY DECEMBER 13 •
TWO SPECIAL HOLIDAY SHOWS WITH BELOVED PDX ROCKERS
DANDY WARHOLS THE
FRIDAY DECEMBER 14
A LIVE ALBUM RELEASE CELEBRATION WITH
THE PARSON RED HEADS +AINA HAINA
SATURDAY DECEMBER 15
Doors at 4:30pm TWO Doors at 8:30pm, Show at 9pm Show at 5pm EARLY SHOW! SHOWS! LATE SHOW!
SUNDAY DECEMBER 16
TICKETS GOING FAST
AN END OF THE WORLD PARTY WITH
WATER & BODIES LIQUIDLIGHT +HERE COME DOTS
WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 19 •
FRAME BY FRAME
FRIDAY DECEMBER 21
+MOSBY $10 ADVANCE
Reva DeVito 12/28 Casey Neill & The Norway Rats 1/5 Two Gallants 1/19 Niki & The Dove 1/24 Tristan Prettyman 1/26 All of these shows on sale at Ticketfly.com
KELLI SCHAEFFER 12/22 • REVA DEVITO 12/28 • SUPERSUCKERS 12/29 • RADIATION CITY 12/30 • WEINLAND NYE 12/31 CASEY NEILL & THE NORWAY RATS 1/5 • CROWN POINT 1/11 • TWO GALLANTS 1/19 • NIKI & THE DOVE 1/24 ADVANCE TICKETS AT TICKETFLY - www.tickfly.com and at JACKPOT RECORDS • SUBJECT TO SERVICE CHARGE &/OR USER FEE ALL SHOWS: 8PM DOORS / 9PM SHOW • 21+ UNLESS NOTED • BOX OFFICE OPENS 1/2 HOUR BEFORE DOORS • ROOM PACKAGES AVAILABLE AT www.jupiterhotel.com
portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
Walmart Whomp Whomp
Despite Black Friday Protest, Retailer Rakes in Profits by Sarah Mirk
ORTLAND is an anti-Walmart town. The city is home to only one Walmart (significantly less than the national average of one Walmart for every 70,000 people), where 150 Portlanders turned out to protest on Black Friday, despite icy temperatures and constant rain. “I’m thankful we live in a city where this many people turn out to an anti-Walmart protest the day after Thanksgiving,” quipped Commissioner-elect Steve Novick, joining a crowd that waved signs and chanted outside the retailer’s vast parking lot on SE 82nd and Holgate as part of a chain of reportedly 1,000 protests at stores—hitting 25 percent of Walmarts nationwide—on Friday, November 23. While Novick, Commissioner Amanda Fritz, a hearty crew of neighbors, Occupy Portland protesters, and union members protested Walmart’s low wages, treatment of female workers, and long holiday hours, no workers themselves turned out for Friday’s protests in Oregon or Washington. The Walmart Black Friday walkout and solidarity protesters were supposed to be a stab into the economic heart of Walmart. Instead, the retailer was able to spin the protest to its advantage nationwide. While the United Food and Commercial Workers International Union spearheading the protest complained that Walmart was stealing Thanksgiving from its workers, that exact strategy is what led the retailer to record profits. Before Portland’s biggest protest even began, at 10:30 am on Black Friday, Walmart was already crowing about record sales. Big box retailers raked in 13 percent more sales this year over 2011, according to the Associated Press. Walmart bumped its Black Friday sales to start at 8 pm on Thanksgiving Day—two hours earlier than last year. The protest organizers are still tabulating the number of Walmart workers who participated in the protests, estimating the count as “in the hundreds.” But Walmart downplayed the role of actual workers in the protest, snagging TV slots on Black Friday for company spokespeople who said fewer than 50 workers participated in the walkout (and then took a minute to note that Walmart offers competitive benefits). A small protest took place at Portland’s Walmart on Thanksgiving night, when an
7pm Monday - Friday SARAH MIRK
“I’m thankful we live in a city where this many people turn out to an anti-Walmart protest the day after Thanksgiving.” —Commissioner-elect Steve Novick Occupy-organized group lit up a sign outside saying “Walkout on Walmart.” One protester was arrested for “creating a disturbance” in the store and, when the larger protest got underway Friday morning, four Portland police officers stood at Walmart’s front door. Inside, business proceeded as usual, with a steady stream of shoppers filling baskets with electronics and clothes beneath bleak fluorescent lights. Shopper Brandy Simmons took a smoke break outside the store after failing to find a particular 47-inch TV. Simmons said she wasn’t aware of the walkout protest, but had heard about the worker pay issues. “I kind of agree,” she said. “They work really hard at Walmart and they don’t get paid as much as they should.” Last year, Walmart was actively negotiating on 17 lots near Portland, clearly eyeing expansion within the city, and has started construction on a store near Delta Park. There’s nothing city council can legally do to block the store’s plans, Commissioner Fritz said at Friday’s protest, regretfully. “We need good jobs in town,” she said, “jobs with benefits.”
In Other News H
ultnomah County’s elections office acker collective Anonymous has taken on Monday, November 26, certified the notice of the Portland Police Bureau’s results of the November 6 general election, willingness to help Multnomah County enforce giving us one more look at just how little Port- foreclosure evictions—and, more specifically, land’s voters liked either of their two choices one of the cops who’s been spotted at some for mayor, winner Charlie Hales and loser Jef- of the eviction confrontations with protestferson Smith. Based on the unofficial results, ers: Mark Kruger, the controversial captain we already knew that close to 20,000 votsuspended two years ago for erecting a ers decided to write in some other public memorial to Nazi soldiers. Late Leaving name on the ballot, a historically Sunday, November 25, the collecthe mayoral tive tweeted out a link to a docusignificant sum. But the official results carry another statistic just ballot blank! ment containing what appeared as interesting: the number of votbe Kruger’s home address and A cop with a to ers who looked at their ballots and phone number. Sergeant Pete decided to leave the race entirely (Nazi) past! Simpson, the bureau’s lead spokesblank. That number, called the “unman, said he couldn’t confirm whethdervote,” came in at 38,051 this election. er the information was accurate. But In May, during a heated primary race that also when asked about Kruger’s notoriety, Simpson featured Eileen Brady, only 4,934 voters sent in said, “He was disciplined. It’s done.” As for the blanks. This fall’s total also exceeds the under- continued attention, “There’s nothing we can vote in the city’s last fall mayoral runoff, back do about that, and he understands that… That’s in 2004. More than 24,000 voters decided an the world we live in. When there’s negative inempty dot was better than Tom Potter or Jim formation about you, you can expect it to come Francesconi. DENIS C. THERIAULT back again. And not just for police.” DCT
5.0 ISO Frames Per Sec
Digital SLR Starter Kit! Canon Rebel T4i Camera Body Canon 18-135mm IS Zoom Lens Promaster 67mm UV filter ($15 value) Sandisk Ultra 16GB SD Card ($20 value) Benro MeFoto Tripod Kit ($140 value)
11 , 29
† (Canon T4i Body with 18-135 IS II Lens Kit reg price is $1,149.99 less $100 instant savings = $1,049.99) + (Pro Photo Supply add-on accessories valued at $175.00 less $100 instant savings = $75.00) FINAL PRICE =$1,124.99. Offer expires 12-1-12 .
HOLIDAY SALE! 99* $
5x Optical Zoom with 28mm Wide-Angle lens Smart AUTO recognizes 32 predefined shooting situations 720p HD movie button † Canon PowerShot A2300 reg price is $139.99 less $60 instant savings. Expires 12-29-12.
Preserve the Memories Versatile compact camera 16x Optical Zoom with 28mm wide-angle Lens Smart AUTO detects scenes by assessing
SAVE HOLIDAY GIFT! 99* $80 $
various factors, no more guess work * Canon SX160 IS reg price is $229.99 less $80 instant savings. Expires 12-29-12.
HOLIDAY SALE! 99* $
Super Compact, Super Zoom
30x Optical Zoom 24mm wide-angle Lens with Stabilization Enhanced Zoom Framing Assist button
* Canon SX500 IS reg price is $329.99 less $80 instant savings. Expires 12-29-12.
helps you track and capture subjects All rebates & sale pricing limited to stock on hand and expire on 12-1-12 unless stated otherwise. Not responsible for typographical errors in text or pricing.
ALL CANON PRODUCTS COME WITH A CANON U.S.A., ONE-YEAR LIMITED WARRANTY
Photo & Folding % Greeting Cards
Photo card offers expires 11-30-12
1112 NW 19th (at Marshall), Portland, Oregon
SAT 9:00-5:00 SUN CLOSED
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com
December 8–23, 2012 Keller AuDiTorium
Follow your passion, and come join us at Oregon Culinary Institute! Classes start in January for Culinary Arts, Baking and Pastry, and Restaurant Management. Real, hands-on, education. Call or Click now, and
CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
pproved mA mo
oregonculinaryinstitute.com 1701 SW Jefferson St. Portland, OR 97201 1.888.OCI.CHEF
AnY SunDAY - FriDAY PerFormAnce* use Promo code:
TAKe Your mom To The bAlleT!
www.obt.org / 503.222.5538 / Ticketmaster Fine Print: tickets start at $22.25 with discount. Valid for sunday - Friday performances, danced to pre-recorded music. areas 1-5. Limit 8. expires december 5, 2012. Cannot be combined with other offers. not valid on previous purchases. Presenting sPonsors Media sPonsors
Program information: www.oregonculinaryinstitute.com/programs/program-disclosure-information/
It’s Greek. It’s Freak. It’s Cheek to Cheek.
BACCHANAL BALLROOM HAPPY HOUR WITH AN EDGE featuring THE BAWDY BEAUTIFUL REVIEW & DJ ZIMMIE 5:30–8:30 P.M. tHurSDaYS through December 13th at the PORTLAND ART MUSEUM
10 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
GIVE TO A GREAT CHARITY… GET SOME AWESOME ART!
verybody knows it’s better to give than receive—but if you can receive at the same time? That’s the BEST. Now you can do both at the same time with the Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction. Since the year 2000, the Mercury has been putting the best artwork from the best local, national, and international artists on our covers. And now, for the first time ever, you can have a beautiful, fancy, full-color print of these original works of art—without all the stupid Mercury cover text on them—for insanely low prices. How? By bidding on them in the Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction! Roughly 11 x 17 inches, each piece of art is a super fancy singleedition archival giclée print—so it’s gonna look AWESOME on your wall, or on the wall of somebody you love. The highest bidders in our auction will receive their works of art in plenty of time for Christmas—so go on, give the best gift ever… an amazing piece of art, lovingly donated for this auction by the artists themselves. AND! Every penny of the proceeds goes to this year’s Mercury charity of choice, CHAP (Children’s Healing Art Project) providing art supplies and instruction to hospitalized and in-crisis children and their families. Check out the profile of this great organization on this page, and then GIVE! GIVE! GIVE! to the Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction!
Meet the Beneficiary of the Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction, CHAP (Children’s Healing Art Project) by Alex Zielinski
parents of deceased children to use the space. OR CHILDREN CONFINED to McGovern says that one father in particular, whose wife lengthy stays in a hospital bed or is battling cancer, brings his two daughters to the studio dealing with a physically or mentally to decompress. constrictive disorder, little is left in “We don’t ask what they’re dealing with or why they’re their control. From choosing what here, we just let them work it out,” she says. they eat for dinner (read: hospitalThe small studio is anything but gloomy, especially on a grade mush) to what they wear, most rainy November afternoon. Every corner of the workspace of their daily decisions are made by someone else. and gallery is touched by color, ranging from wild splatPortland’s Children’s Healing Art Project, or CHAP, is ter paint to carefully constructed sculptures. Even the proworking to change that by using an effortlessly effective gram’s two-car fleet bears child-created paint jobs. tool: art. “Here, kids are in control,” says McGovern, nodding to “We provide the supplies, the rest is in their hands,” says the plethora of art supplies and colorful tables. She says CHAP Executive Director Roxie McGovern, who originally that occasionally, staff has to put parents in “time out” if started out as a volunteer in the program during its earlithey’re trying to make decisions for their child. est days. “If a kid wants to paint a brown rainbow, they CHAP aims to bring the communal medium can paint a brown rainbow,” she says. “If a of art to children (and their families) sufferWANT TO parent tells them it’s wrong, we won’t aling from disease or disability across the SUPPORT THE low it.” region. Whether it’s bringing a tray of art GREAT WORK CHAP IS At the moment, CHAP’s lead focus supplies to a child’s bedside, or leading DOING? BE GENEROUS is on expansion. With only two full-time group art classes at its Southeast stuAND GIVE BIG IN THE staff and a handful of part-time teachdio, CHAP has found a way to bring out MERCURY’S COVER ART ers, the team is often stretched thin. a child’s strengths and facilitate family CHARITY AUCTION! McGovern says reaching out to as many growth through creativity. To learn more about CHAP, hospitals and families as possible is key “It’s hard sometimes to sit down as a visit their website at in aiding the community—but CHAP’s small family and just talk about what’s going on. chap.name. workforce leads to fewer programs than If the child and family have another project they’d like. to focus on while they talk, it helps create real “Wherever there’s a demand, that’s where we want conversations,” says McGovern. “It’s really a beautiful to be,” says McGovern. thing to watch.” With their move, the studio was gifted a massive printCurrently CHAP has teachers at Doernbecher Chiling press for programs. Currently, the press is churning out dren’s Hospital, the Harold Schnitzer Diabetes Health hand-drawn gift wrap, T-shirts, and cards for the holidays— Center, the Knight Cancer Institute, and the Shriners Hositems that will be sold at CHAP’s December-long holiday pital for Children, going door-to-door offering free artistic store alongside the studio (1910 SE 11th). solace from the stressors of hospitalization and illness, From offering simple volunteer hours to having compaand even setting up art-making stations in surgery waiting nies match funding goals, CHAP thrives with support. rooms. “CHAP’s a pretty unique concept, which makes funding While most of CHAP’s work is hospital outreach, their tricky,” McGovern says, adding that many hospitals don’t two-month-old Southeast studio provides space for clienaccept contracted programs like CHAP. tele that aren’t bound to a hospital bed. Local families are “We aren’t therapists… we aren’t doctors,” McGovern encouraged to bring children who are facing mental illness, says. “We just give children and their families the tools they physical disability, chronic illness, or long-term recovery to need to heal, grow, and learn together.” their cozy studio—no questions asked. CHAP even invites
HOW IT WORKS STEP 1:
Take a look at the next page for a small sampling of the great cover art we’re offering in the Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction. Say to yourself, “Hmm. I am impressed. And I want to help. GIMMEE THAT ART!!” Go to portlandmercury.com and click on the Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction banner. That will take you to our auction site, where you can view ALL of the original pieces of art in their awesome glory! Find the art piece you’d like to bid on, and click the link below it. This will take you to the item’s home on eBay. Bid on the pieces of art you love best (all items have a starting bid of just $15) and check in regularly to make sure you still have the highest bid. Please be generous! It’s all for a really great charity!
STEP 3: STEP 4:
starts at 3 pm on Wed, November 28, at portlandmercury.com and ends at 3 pm on Friday, December 7. The winners will be notified immediately, and you will have plenty of time to pick up your art! SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? BID NOW AND BID BIG FOR GREAT ART THAT SUPPORTS A GREAT CHARITY! Bid now with your smart phone!
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 11
THIS SATURDAY & SUNDAY ONLY Get up to 85% oﬀ reg. prices at our mega outlet sale! We have gift sets, perfumes, candles, & so much more! Saturday 12/1/12, 10-6 pm & Sunday 12/2/12, 10-6 pm. 3135 NW Industrial St. Portland 97210 PaciﬁcaPerfume.com All sales ﬁnal.
12 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
ARE JUST A FEW OF THE GREAT WORKS OF ART FEATURED IN THE MERCURY COVER ART CHARITY AUCTION!
Artist: Martin Ontiveros (Portland) martinhead.com
ere’s the art that graced the very first cover of the first Mercury ever (Vol. 1, No. 1, June 1, 2000), which set the tone for our next two billion issues. It’s cute! And creepy. Creepy cute! Starting bid: Only $15! BID NOW!
Artist: Jack Pollock (Portland) jackpollock.net
Artist: Bwana Spoons (Portland) grasshutcorp.com/bwana
classic Mercury cover (Vol. 5, No. 47, April 2005) from the much-loved Bwana Spoons: painter, toy maker, skateboard builder, zinester, beardo, and Portland legend. This will look great in your kitchen, bathroom, or a lucky kid’s room! Starting bid: Only $15! BID
his pin-up girl piece of political commentary was originally published in March 2003 (Vol. 3, No. 42) to coincide with President George W. Bush’s declaration of war against Saddam Hussein. (Spoiler alert: It didn’t end so well.) Starting bid: Only $15! BID
Artist: Tony Millionaire (Pasadena, California) maakies.com
ere’s one from the celebrated author and illustrator of the booze-drenched Maakies (seen every week in this paper since the dawn of time). It originally graced the Mercury on September 24, 2009 (Vol. 10, No. 18), and is a great example of the intricate, beautiful (and only slightly disturbing) work of Millionaire in his prime. Starting bid: Only $15! BID NOW!
Plus Cover Art Prints from... Jen Corace, Corey Arnold, Yulia Gorodinski, Evan B. Harris, Jeremy Fish, Jolby, Keith Shore, Lisa Hannawalt, Matt Furie, Ryan Bubnis, Stevie Gee, Ryan Jacob Smith, Seonna Hong, Souther Salazar, Timothy Karpinski, and Driscoll Reid. at portlandmercury.com
Artist: Nikki McClure (Olympia, Washington) nikkimcclure.com
ou’ve seen Nikki’s work everywhere, and for good reason: Her beautiful and intricate paper cuts document a one-of-a-kind artistic vision of motherhood and nature. A great Mercury cover (Vol. 12, No. 25, November 2012) that will look fantastic anywhere you hang it. BID Starting bid: Only $15!
Artist: Luke Ramsey (Pender Island, BC) lukeramseystudio.com
Artist: William Hundley (Austin, Texas) williamhundley.com
riginally appearing on October 1, 2009 (Vol. 10, No. 19), we ended up referring to this one as the “bear-gina” cover. If you’re looking for a conversation starter to put on your wall… we think you’ve found one. Starting bid: Only $15! BID NOW!
Artist: Nicholas Gurewitch (Rochester, New York) pbfcomics.com
est known for his hilarious and popular comic strip The Perry Bible Fellowship, artist Nicholas Gurewitch is a terrific illustrator in his own right, as evidenced in this fun and lovely piece. Originally appeared in the Mercury April 24, 2008 (Vol. 8, No. 48) issue. BID Starting bid: Only $15! NOW!
hotographer William Hundley uses his finely honed picturetaking skills to ask the important questions… such as, “How do you get a Chihuahua to stand still on eight cheeseburgers?” This one will be an awesome gift for the dog (or cheeseburger) lover in your life! First seen in the November 4, 2010, edition of the Mercury (Vol. 11, No. 24). BID Starting bid: Only $15! NOW!
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 13
V i s i t O re g o n H u m a n e . o r g t o f i n d yo u r s . Creative services donated by Leopold Ketel
14 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
Artist: Andrew Zubko (Portland) zubko.com
Artist: Tripper Dungan (Portland) numberstar.com
Artist: Carson Ellis (Portland) carsonellis.com
Artist: Skinner (Oakland, California) theartofskinner.com
rowd sourced by readers of the Mercury’s Blogtown and internetfamous Portland artist Andrew Zubko, we all came up for the idea for this one, appropriately titled, “Betty White with a Flaming Chainsaw, Riding a John Ritter Centaur.” That’s right… DEMOCRACY IN ACTION. Debuted in the Mercury on April 15, 2010 (Vol. 10, No. 47), and talked about on the internet for weeks. BID Starting bid: Only $15! NOW!
n insanely popular local artist, if you don’t already have one of Dungan’s wicked awesome works of art in your house, here’s your chance! “Cowboy Kitty Riding a Hotdog” was featured in the January 13, 2011 issue of the Mercury (Vol. 11, No. 34) and rode directly into our hearts. Starting bid: Only $15! BID NOW!
tinkin’ famous for illustrating all those Decemberists album covers the kids go all crazy for, local artist Ellis created this ode to the dangers of romance for the September 30, 2004 edition of the Mercury (Vol. 5, No. 18). She’s also well regarded for illustrating the children’s adventure series Wildwood Chronicles—written by one Mr. Colin Meloy. BID Starting bid: Only $15!
lectric and haunting, and winkingly fun, the artist known as Skinner produced this eye-grabbing piece that graced the cover of our June 21, 2012 issue (Vol. 13, No. 5). He says he’d love to move to Portland, but it’s “too dark and creepy” for him. Huh? Starting bid: Only $15! BID NOW!
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 15
DADDIES & NeoN Culpa saturday deC 1 daNte’s 1 SW 3rd Ave · PortlAnd, or 8:30Pm ShoW · 21 & over ticketS At SAfeWAy/ticketSWeSt chArge By Phone 503-224-tiXX
Adam Sweeney and the Jamboree Fort Union · Supercrow 9:30 p.m.
KopecKy Family Band
tuesday deC 11 star theater
13 nW 6th Ave PortlAnd, or 97209 9:00Pm ShoW · 21 And over ticketS At SAfeWAy/ ticketSWeSt locAtionS chArge By Phone 503-224-tiXX
Garcia Birthday Band 9:30 p.m.
& heNry at War
saturday deCember 15 mississippi studios 3939 n miSSiSSiPPi Ave · PortlAnd, or 8:30Pm ShoW · 21 & over ticketS At SAfeWAy/ticketSWeSt locAtionS chArge By Phone 503-224-tiXX
Randy Rogers Band and Wade Bowen thursday jaN 17 mississippi studios
thursday, november 29 5:30 p.m. is “EAGLE TimE”
brothers oF the hound
sean WaGner northeast northWest 8:30 p.m.
FrIday, november 30 5:30 p.m. is “EAGLE TimE”
reverb brothers saturday, december 1 4:30 p.m. is “EAGLE TimE”
3939 n miSSiSSiPPi Ave · PortlAnd, or 8:00Pm ShoW · 21 And over ticketS At SAfeWAy/ticketSWeSt chArge By Phone 503-224-tiXX
the student loan sunday, december 2
brad Parsons 7 p.m.
monday, december 3
sIdestreet reny 8:30 p.m.
Wed jaN 23 NeWmark theatre
1111 SW BroAdWAy · PortlAnd, or · 5:30Pm doorS · All AgeS ticketS At SAfeWAy/ticketSWeSt · chArge By Phone 503-224-tiXX online At PcPA.com
saturday february 16 Crystal ballroom 1332 W BurnSide St PortlAnd, or 8:00Pm ShoW · All AgeS ticketS At cAScAde ticketS chArge By Phone 855-cAS-tiXX X2 ticketS AlSo AvAilABle At the cryStAl BAllroom BoX office
upcoming ticketed shows: 12/7
“the gentle giant” 12/14
tuesday april 23 elsiNore theater 170 high St Se · SAlem, or 7:30Pm ShoW · All AgeS ticketS At SAfeWAy/ticketSWeSt chArge By Phone 503-224-tiXX
the neXt BeSt thing to Johnny cASh
friday may 3 mississippi studios
3939 n miSSiSSiPPi Ave PortlAnd, or 8:00Pm ShoW 21 And over ticketS At SAfeWAy/ ticketSWeSt locAtionS chArge By Phone 503-224-tiXX
16 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
the velvet knights andrew paul woodward the Flurries renegade stringband warren g hardings stan mcmahon band counterFeit cash duover basin & range big big love wild bells lone madrone
My, What a Busy Week! OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF NOVEMBER 21-27
Wednesday, November 28
Thursday, November 29
NONE OTHER—Tonight none other than Bruce “The Boss” Springsteen visits Portland, whose long lore as a working-class town ensures a sturdy bedrock of fandom. Up there with the greatest musicians and poets who’ve been able to elevate the dreariness of the everyday, Bruce will put stars (and stripes) in your eyes. MS Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 7:30 pm, $48-98, all ages
MEMOIR + MALKMUS—Michael Heald’s new memoir, Goodbye to the Nervous Apprehension, is honest and biting with absolutely great stories about growing up as the awkwardest kid in the room. Celebrate the release tonight with members of Velella Velella, Point Juncture, WA, and more—who are performing Stephen Malkmus covers all night long. SM Backspace, 115 NW 5th, 7:30 pm, FREE, all ages
Friday, November 30
LEPRECHAUN GOLD—Hot on the heels of the announcement of a new pro women’s soccer team in Portland, the 2012 Olympic champs of the US women’s national soccer team are coming to town to swing their mighty gold medals at the wee sprites of the Republic of Ireland’s footie team. The adage “the luck of the Irish” is on the line. CF Jeld-Wen Field, 1844 SW Morrison, 7 pm, $38 & up WHAT’S IN A NAME?—The rippin’ new 7-inch from And And And is inappropriately named No Party, as tonight’s record release show will certainly be a party to remember. They’ve put together a stacked bill with some of Portland’s fi nest and funnest, including Sun Angle, Minden, and a reunited Shaky Hands. NL Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $6-8
MULANEY—SNL writer, occasional “Weekend Update” guest, and standup comedian John Mulaney is droll, affable, revealing, and—weirdly, for a comedian—incredibly likeable. He resembles a handsome baby, and he will make you laugh and laugh. AH Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, Fri-Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, $15-25
FAREWELL—Eclectic Portland folk band Loch Lomond aren’t breaking up, they’re just only doing European tours from now on. (They prefer to get paid in euros, and who can blame ’em?) Say a proper goodbye at their final hometown show before your only chance to see ’em is a trip to the Old World. NL w/Black Prairie; Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 9 pm, $12-15, 21+
HECKLEVISION—Hecklevision’s back, and we aren’t messing around: This time the movie that’ll be enhanced by your text-messaged wisecracks is nothing less than the 1990 supernatural romance classic Ghost! Swayze! Demi! Whoopi! Sexy, sexy clay! G-g-g-ghosts! EH Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 9:30 pm, $8
Saturday, December 1 SKATE RATS—Blood is thicker than water, especially in roller derby. The sibling rivalry between the Rose City Rollers and the dastardly dames of Seattle’s Rat City Rollergirls is long and storied, so tonight’s four Portland vs. Seattle bouts will be a grudge-filled blitz full of rolling hits. Prepare some heckles! CF Memorial Coliseum, 300 Winning Way, 5:45 pm, $14-24
BRAINSTORMED—Haven’t been getting enough subtle head bopping lately? Brainstorm is here to meet all your electro-pop needs. After returning home from a national tour this fall and receiving a pile of critical accolades, this trio will get your toes tapping and heads swaying gently in that smooth, independent-music manner. RF w/Hosannas, Grandparents; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $10-12
Sunday, December 2
BROOKLYN <3—The Portland Brooklyn Project celebrates common ground between the two coastal epicenters of everything hipster—but it’s not all mustaches and fixies. Tonight they join forces with Tin House for a star-studded reading that raises money for Red Hook’s relief efforts in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. AH w/Jon Raymond, Nancy Rommelmann, Karen Karbo; Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate, 5 pm, $20-35
WHALES WEEP NOT—Atomic Arts takes Trek in the Park inside for Trek in the Dark. Watch live enactments of weird Star Trek scenes! Enjoy a screening of this summer’s boffo production of Journey to Babel! Marvel at a well-curated “Mini-Khan” of memorabilia! And stay for cortandfatboy’s screening of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home! DCT Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 1 pm (all ages), 7 pm (21+), $6
MUSHY—There are wonderful things about this time of year in the Pacifi c Northwest, and most of them are mushrooms. This weekend, Oregon Mushroom Stories celebrates the region’s funnest fungi with the Mush Fair, where you can experience mushroom sculpture and spore prints and sample “mushroom, mold, and yeast treats.” MS The Cleaners, 403 SW 10th, 2-6 pm, FREE, oregonmushroomstories.org
Monday, December 3 HIPHOP BLUES—The country’s best politically savvy, working-class hiphop duo, Blue Scholars, are back in town. The talented pair makes their home base in South Seattle (“the most ethnically diverse zip code in America,” they’re proud to say) and can make even a rap about riding the bus catchy and poignant. SM w/Brothers from Another, the Physics; Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez, 8 pm, $17-20, all ages
METRIC SYSTEM—Synthetica, Metric’s latest album, is a journey through youth and an examination of the gritty, beautiful, and painful experience of living and dying. It was a long road for Metric, but the success of their new release guarantees their shows will sell out for the immediate future (like maybe starting now). CM w/Shadows on Stars; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 9 pm, get your tickets where you can, all ages
Tuesday, December 4 EUROPEAN SUN—The shadow of Welsh musician John Cale looms long, from his days mining raw veins of rock ’n’ roll with the Velvet Underground, to session work with the Stooges and Nick Drake, to a lengthy and adventurous solo career. None other than esteemed songwriter Cass McCombs is opening, indicating Cale’s considerable prestige. NL Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 8 pm, $35-40, 21+
BOGEY—Cinema 21 celebrates one of the greats with You’ll Take It and Like It, featuring three unmissable Humphrey Bogart flicks in 35mm—Casablanca, The Maltese Falcon, and The Big Sleep. Seeing any one of these films on 35mm and in a theater is a rare opportunity—let alone three. Don’t pass it up. EH Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, see Movie Times on pg. 47 for showtimes, $6 for one film, $9 for two films, or $12 for three
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 17
Jigsaw Puzzle Pieces W
UP & COMING
The Ocean Floor’s Unpredictable Picture by Ned Lannamann
This Week’s Music Previews
HEN LANE BARRINGTON started putting together new material for the Ocean Floor two years ago, he wasn’t sure where the songs would end up. “I started these songs saying, ‘This The doesn’t have to be the Ocean Floor,’” Ocean Floor Barrington says. “And eventually the Sun Dec 2 ideas repeated themselves, and I was Velo Cult like, well this is what I kind of want 1969 NE 42nd to do; I don’t want to play acoustic guitar, which is what I had always done in the Ocean Floor—it had been more quiet, acoustic, folk oriented. So I basically presented it to everybody, saying, ‘Do you want this to be something we do?’” Violinist Shannon Rose Steele and clarinetist Holland Andrews were immediately on board. The band—now a five-piece, rounded out by upright bassist William Wienert and new drummer Patrick Barrett—took BarTHE OCEAN FLOOR Pugsley plays tambourine! rington’s new compositions to task, transBRIANNA MILLER forming them into stunningly intricate, unThe album does contain a vague plot, but Andrews plays in AU and Like a Villain. predictable collages of skewed pop. Barrington says, “Every few months, I’m as Barrington says, “It’s not a story that we reBarrington, previously the drummer for Ho- ally want to explain that much, or that we all like, ‘Holland, do you really want to be in this sannas, would begin with a partial drumbeat re- even understand, because it’s better sung than band? I’m giving you the chance to quit. You corded quietly at home. Then he’d make a loop, said. But it does have a character that starts have so many other great things, you’re in process it, and add some electronics or distortion from the beginning and goes to the end.” these two other bands, you’re so busy.’” before coming up with basic chords for the song. “I love this band,” responds Andrews. “I What’s less elusive is the record’s clarHe and his bandmates would devise complex vo- ity and range, from the whirring clatter on remember when I first saw Lane and Shancal harmonies before lyrics were even written. opening song “Big Screen TV,” to the gallop- non play, I was really overwhelmed with how The result is that the Ocean Floor’s new album, ing groove of the title track, to the lush or- creative and talented they were. I was totally Falling Star Castle, is a unique and remarkable chestrics of “The Night You Were Born,” for blown away. I didn’t think that I had the chops listen that’s entirely un-harnessed from folk and which Steele and Barrington contributed an to come up against these guys.” rock conventions. The band’s influences range elaborate string arrangement. “There was a “Which is hilarious,” says Steele. from Dirty Projectors to Debussy, but they’re lot more room for that kind of thing on this “It’s an absurd thought now,” adds Baralmost beside the point; Falling Star Castle is a album than on previous ones,” says Steele. rington. whirligig of an album that contains nearly endAndrews says, “Being in this band has With Barrington the lone constant since beless complexity—pop music as a collection of ginning the Ocean Floor over a decade ago, the really pushed me to become a better player puzzle pieces, in which each strand is wholly re- group has sometimes been slotted in between and to really expand my mind in ways that alized but, when combined, makes up an indel- the other band members’ projects; Steele re- I normally wouldn’t with any other projects ible and unpredictable picture. cently completed a tour with Typhoon, while that I have.”
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND THE E STREET BAND (Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17. GLEN CAMPBELL, VICTORIA GHOST (Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway) You might have visions of rhinestone cowboys dancing in your head, but no joke: Glen Campbell is the most accomplished guy in the room. As part of the legendary Wrecking Crew group of LA studio musicians, Campbell played guitar on countless hits through the ’60s (“Strangers in the Night” and “Mary, Mary,” to name just two). He sang uncredited lead vocal on the Sagittarius obscurity “My World Fell Down,” now a fondly remembered Nuggets chestnut. He was a touring member of the Beach Boys during their heyday, taking over Brian Wilson’s parts for the live show. He hosted his own TV show, The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour, and starred in movies like True Grit. Then there was Campbell’s positively illustrious solo career, which tethered together pop and country for some truly excellent sides: “Gentle on My Mind,” “Galveston,” and “By the Time I Get to Phoenix.” But the biggest gem in the many-jeweled Campbell crown is 1968’s “Wichita Lineman,” simply one of the greatest pop singles ever recorded. Skirting the edges of pathos without quite dipping into schmaltz, the Jimmy Webb-penned tune is a gorgeous, surprisingly complex piece of music that Campbell nails perfectly. Now 76 years old, Campbell has sadly been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and this “Goodbye Tour” is exactly that—one last chance to see the man in one of his final performances ever. The chance to see the man who touched so many incredible, historic records should not be missed lightly. NED LANNAMANN
THE BABIES, HOUNDSTOOTH, CAMPFIRES (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) Recording for the very good Woodsist label, Brooklyn quartet the Babies play spindly lo-fi rock with melodies that nudge you in your tender, vulnerable bits. Singers Cassie Ramone (Vivian Girls) and Kevin Morby (Woods) possess thin yet moving voices that complement their fragilely pretty tunes. The pleasures from recordings like Cry Along with the Babies and House on the Hill are low-key, but it’s really hard to make this type of deliberately threadbare thing sound interesting or enjoyable in 2012, and the Babies surpass most in the fi eld at it. DAVE SEGAL
THE BE HELDS, PRISM TATS, SUN+FUN (Ella Street Social Club, 714 SW 20th Pl) Seattle by way of Durban, South Africa, songwriter Garett van der Crimp cranked out sophisticated psych rock with his wife Laura for years under the unwieldy moniker Koko and the Sweetmeats. It’s terrific stuff, but it came to a halt earlier this year. Van der Crimp didn’t sit still too long, reemerging as Prism Tats, a new solo project that maintains his knack for hooks and otherworldly noise. Over the past six months, Prism Tats has released a paper trail of singles, including a new 7-inch with “Vacant and Impatient,” b/w “Haunt Me.” It’s 1967 meets 2050, and I have no doubt we’ll be hearing a lot from Prism Tats in 2013. MARK LORE
Death Grips’ Loose Grip on Reality by Mark Lore
WASN’T THE least bit surprised when I breached several provisions in their contract. was informed earlier this month that Death Days later Epic was already in the process of Grips vocalist Stefan Burnett (better known dropping Death Grips from the label. To many, the whole exchange was a punkas MC Ride) and drummer Zach Hill “sadly aren’t doing interviews.” Over the past month, as-fuck display of artistic integrity, a middle the Sacramento two-piece has received more finger to major labels that got out of the business of nurturing artists years ago. To attention for their very public squabble others it was seen as a well-executed with their record label than their Death publicity stunt. In actuality, it’s an new record. Considering that the Grips inseparable mix of the two, and it record, No Love Deep Web, includes Sat Dec 1 makes you wonder why the band cover art that features a close-up Star Theater ever got involved with Epic in the photo of an engorged penis, that’s 13 NW 6th first place. quite a feat. Death Grips’ music is difficult to The soap opera began on October 1, when Death Grips released No Love—their categorize—organized chaos carried by the second record of 2012—for free on their web- weight of Hill’s schizoid beats and the milisite without Epic Records’ permission. A tant bark of MC Ride, who spits out lyrics month after the release, Death Grips publicly that are occasionally interesting and at times posted emails sent from Epic expressing their painfully lunkheaded. It’s post-apocalyptic profound disappointment in the band for re- hiphop that’s deliberately, frighteningly inleasing the album without the label’s knowl- tense, particularly live. More bands should edge, also noting that by doing so, they had take note. Needless to say, Death Grips are a
DICK DALE, GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH
DEATH GRIPS Looking for a new label. JONNY MAGOWAN
far cry from former labelmates Avril Lavigne and Sean Kingston. The members have stated that they pushed No Love Deep Web through their label’s force field because the record is a more accurate portrait of where Death Grips are now. Apparently they’ve already outgrown their Epic debut, The Money Store, which was released all the way back in April. Death Grips are burning hot right now, and they have the potential to leave a permanent mark. Seeing as the band evidently tires of its own work pretty quickly, the only hope is that their flame doesn’t burn too fast.
(Star Theater, 13 NW 6th) People occasionally sneer when Dick Dale’s name is mentioned. Maybe it’s just a Portland thing, but there seems to be this common misconception that Dick Dale is an obsolete curio, that his music’s significance is confined to its time. While the notion is somewhat understandable, as surf music certainly doesn’t have much of a contemporary, mainstream presence (unless you count SpongeBob SquarePants), the genre—and Dale’s contributions, particularly—has had a profound impact on a number of guitar heroes far more lauded than Dale himself. I should also mention that he was one of the first artists to popularize the Fender Stratocaster, arguably the most iconic electric guitar of all time. Dick Dale is a rock ’n’ roll progenitor. Go to this show or you’re sort of a bonehead. MORGAN TROPER
Continued on pg. 21
THIS WEEK ON THE MERCURY ’S MUSIC BLOG Free
WIN TICKETS TO DEATH GRIPS AND THE CAVE SINGERS!
18 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
OUR PHOTO REVIEW OF THE BOSS AT THE ROSE GARDEN
MUSIC, NEWS, AND MORE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM/ENDHITS
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 19
Deep Sea Diver’s Deep, Beautiful Pop by Ryan J. Prado
TRADING EXPO THURSDAY, NOV. 29, 2012 – THRU –
SUNDAY, DEC. 2, 2012
BUY, SELL OR TRADE USED AND VINTAGE GEAR GUITAR CENTER WILL EVALUATE YOUR GEAR AND MAKE OFFERS ON QUALIFYING ITEMS
GET PAID CASH ON THE SPOT WITH OUR SAME-DAY, NO-HASSLE PAYMENT GUARANTEE AND
GET 15% OFF
A SINGLE NEW ITEM
WITH QUALIFYING TRADE-INS
1147 Hayden Meadows Dr. 503.286.6327
Wintersun Provides the Soundtrack to Geekdom by Aris Wales
Y WIFE SAYS I’m a huge nerd, but if two-word genre description, it could be “score she’s right, I’m not the stereotypical metal.” A Wintersun record is the musical one you might be thinking of: I don’t play equivalent of the The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Fast-forward to the present, eight LONG Dungeons & Dragons, or collect decorative knives and swords, or attend comic book con- years later, to the release of Wintersun’s followup Time I. For this outing, Mäenpää ventions in costume. As a matter of fact, I remains the master and overseer of think I’m pretty cool—though accordWintersun all the music, but after the release ing to her, being well versed in any of the first record, he enlisted a subject (in my case, music) makes Sat Dec 1 me a “nerd.” Hawthorne Theatre few hired guns to tour and help his concepts come to fruition. Of course, my taste for European 1507 SE Cesar E. Jukka Koskinen joined on bass in symphonic power metal, and all of Chavez late 2005. its melodic cheese and leanings toward “Jari has a clear vision of how fantasy themes, probably doesn’t help. One thing about obsessed, learned folks, Wintersun should sound, but we all work in though, is that we can always sniff out our symbiosis where we share ideas and decide own kind. If I’m a nerd, then I can say with how best to serve the songs,” says Koskinen. Time I ups the ante from the previous complete confidence that Jari Mäenpää, the composer, lyricist, and auteur of Finland’s record. It has the same sweeping, epic feel as Wintersun, but this time it took upward of Wintersun, is a nerd on an epic scale. On Wintersun’s 2004 self-titled record, 1,600 tracks of instrumentation to accomplish Mäenpää sings and plays every instrument it. The depth of each song is difficult to grasp. “That’s where the brilliance is,” explains besides the drums. These aren’t simple guitar- and bass-driven rock songs, Koskinen. “Maybe you might not hear all either. Wintersun’s sweeping, orchestral the little details, but they are there creating compositions contain multiple guitar tracks the feeling and atmosphere, which gives you and layer upon layer of synths and vocals— a more in-depth experience. Simple can be they’re technical on a massive, bombastic beautiful, but multi-dimensional is more so, scale. If you were to give Wintersun a standard when you know how to create it!”
Guitar Center Beaverton 9575 S.W. Cascade Ave. 503.644.9500
Guitar Center Clackamas 13029 Southeast 84th Ave. 503.654.0100
Guitar Center Salem 6325 Ulali Drive NE 503.304.0923
Guitar Center Eugene 1015 Green Acres Road 541.689.1820 for more locations visit guitarcenter.com 15% OFF A SINGLE ITEM PURCHASE (UP TO $500 DISCOUNT) WITH QUALIFYING TRADE-IN ON THE SAME TRANSACTION. SEE STORE ASSOCIATE FOR DETAILS.
GC_1112_USED-GEAR - PORTLAND MERCURY.indd 1
LMOST IMMEDIATELY after Seattle’s lantic Records, writing and recording two alDeep Sea Diver released its debut full- bums under her own name. Disputes over the length, History Speaks, vocalist/guitarist Jes- finished product led Atlantic to shelve both sica Dobson was whisked away on a national albums. The experience was an epiphany for tour as the recently anointed guitarist in the the young Dobson, and opened up a much more independent avenue for her. new build of the Shins. The LP, self-reDeep “That was definitely a weird chapleased in February, was given a someSea Diver ter in my life,” Dobson says. “[Major what reluctant backseat during its labels] were ready to turn in a pretincubation period, aside from Deep Thurs Nov 29 ty penny left and right, and that Doug Fir Sea Diver doing a few opening slots 830 E doesn’t really exist anymore. That’s on the Shins tour. But, as Dobson Burnside why we felt very adamant about not explains, the quiet wellspring of poswaiting on anybody and self-releasing.” itive attention the album earned in the Business aside, the avant-garde quilt of interim ultimately has proven to be a boon. “I had no idea what was gonna hap- pop found on History Speaks benefits greatly pen with it,” says Dobson, who’s also logged from the collaborative efforts of the collective time as guitarist for Beck and as bassist for Deep Sea Diver crew—drummer/husband Pethe Yeah Yeah Yeahs. “It almost came as a big ter Mansen, bassist John Raines, and guitarsurprise when we actually did get it finished ist Michael Duggan. Dobson’s bawling vocals and put it out, and that people connected with pepper the first half of the record, linking arms with intricate, mangled moments of brilthe songs.” History Speaks follows Dobson’s jangly-pop liant outsider pop, as found on opener “Ships.” De facto single “NWO” saunters through EP debut New Caves in 2009, her first release under the Deep Sea Diver moniker, but far your headphones with sedate, sparse piano from her first recorded material. Dobson was before shifting rhythms and gently exploding originally signed at the ripe old age of 19 to AtContinued on pg. 21
Takes One to Know One
Guitar North Portland
20 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
DEEP SEA DIVER They should totally cover “Aqualung.”
11/20/12 11:36 AM
UP & COMING
This Week’s Music Previews
Continued from pg. 18
THURSDAY 11/29 AND AND AND, THE SHAKY HANDS, SUN ANGLE, MINDEN
(Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17.
DEEP SEA DIVER, WILD BELLE, LEMOLO (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See Music, pg. 20.
GOODBYE TO THE NERVOUS APPREHENSION BOOK RELEASE AND STEPHEN MALKMUS COVERS NIGHT (Backspace, 115 NW 5th) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17, and Arts, pg. 37.
NUMBERS STATION, BABYSOFT, NORTHERN (Ella Street Social Club, 714 SW 20th Pl) Numbers Station take their name from a venerable type of shortwave radio station that broadcasts transmissions between governments and overseas spies, usually in the form of nonsensical streams of numbers, letters, or words. I don’t know if Numbers Station are in touch with the Cubans, but it is an appropriate name for a band whose music is just as nerdy as it is mysterious. Meditative and surprisingly melodic, their handful of songs calls to mind Tortoise, the jazz-leaning Chicago post-rock band. The trio of veterans—Andy Fortier and Nutria alums Andrew White and Travis Feldman—have been making wordless music for just about a year now. For guitar music that is simultaneously complex and minimalist, Numbers Station is far less suggestive of algebra than you might expect—which is not to say that there aren’t secret codes embedded in the chord progressions. REBECCA WILSON
THE WINDSOR PLAYER (LaurelThirst Public House, 2958 NE Glisan) Portlander Troy Stewart pays the bills by touring with Snow Patrol, but he also makes his own music under the Windsor Player moniker. The Windsor Player’s self-titled debut is a wide-ranging record with moody songwriting, lots of country-twang fl ourishes, and appearances by Peter Buck, Scott McCaughey, and many others. Released last year, The Windsor Player’s songs haven’t been performed live until recently, with Stewart helming a small run of local shows, including an opening slot for World Party’s recent show and an in-store at Music Millennium on Wednesday, November 28. Tonight’s early-evening show at the LaurelThirst sees the Windsor Player playing the new record in full, transforming from a studio endeavor into an impressive-sounding live band that includes Gregg Williams, Chris Schleyer, Lex Browning, Paul Brainard, Josh Crawley, and Jeff Bond. NL
EATS EVERYTHING, THE PERFECT CYN, BEN TACTIC
FRIDAY 11/30 LOCH LOMOND, BLACK PRAIRIE (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17.
FEDERALE, POINT JUNCTURE WA, THE SHIVAS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Inspired by the slowburning, low-desert imagery of Ennio Morricone’s vast catalog, Portland’s Federale have taken the tenets of the spaghetti-western soundtrack to even more rambling heights. Their brand-new third album, The Blood Flowed Like Wine, slithers like a Mojave rattlesnake through dark, deeply textured cuts of western epics, vaudevillian vignettes, and some eerily Victoriansounding psychedelia. Guest appearances abound, including vocal contributions from Alex Maas of the Black Angels and KP Thomas of Spindrift. In addition, a whole slew of new instrumentation has been added to the already bloated spectacle of the band’s live setup, with French horns, oboe, and flute making time between the lines. Spooky? Yes. Worth being spooked out a little bit by? Definitely. RYAN J. PRADO
CALIFONE, REBECCA GATES AND THE CONSORTIUM (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) Over three years ago, Califone released their ninth album, the nominal soundtrack to a ghost movie written and directed by Tim Rutili. That All My Friends Are Funeral Singers is their most recent album is an indisputable fact; that it is their best album is an opinion (held by me) that can and will be debated by Califone fans continuously until their next album comes out. Hopefully this will happen soon. Until then, it’s a testament to Rutili’s universe—a backwoods cabin crammed full of the anxieties of post-ism and endless percussive elements—that both the album and the fights on message boards feel as fresh and thought-provoking as they did three years ago. To tide us over, meanwhile, Portland label Jealous Butcher has just reissued Califone’s 2002 album Sometimes Good Weather Follows Bad People on vinyl. Rebecca Gates and the Consortium are opening, and they’re fellow devotees of meticulous production and the art of the album. Their latest, The Float, ranges between loungy pop and soulful blues. RW
SUTTON SORENSEN, KIT TAYLOR, MICHELE VAN KLEEF (Jimmy Mak’s, 221 NW 10th) Sutton Sorenson’s debut album Long, Long Time is a collection of originals and inventive covers of well-known songs, highlighted by Sorenson’s cool but involving voice. The arrangements are smooth as silk, designed to leave most feathers unruffled—this is adult-contemporary territory, to be certain—but there’s a confidence and assurance to Sorenson’s delivery that gives the album a winning, personal feel. Some covers fare better than others; U2’s “Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” feels lacking in urgency and Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” is more or less by-the-numbers, but Sorenson’s take on Joni Mitchell’s “Carey” is a bull’s eye, and her version of Blind Faith’s “Can’t Find My Way Home” is delicate and warm. Sorenson celebrates the new album at tonight’s release show. NL
(Refuge, 116 SE Yamhill) This one is for all the house heads. Hailing from the UK, DJ and producer Eats Everything (Dan Pearce) deliciously draws together elements of UK bass, Detroit techno, early rave, jungle, and classic house in a heady recipe for success. He’s already enjoyed a turbo-fired rise to popularity within the world of electronic music as one of the most charted producers of 2011, and with upcoming releases on a slew of iconic labels it seems as though Mr. Pearce is just getting started. Also on board for the evening is veteran Portland DJ the Perfect Cyn, who never fails to entertain us with an impeccable track selection emphasized by her unique talent for combining melody and rhythm into seamless masterpieces. CHRISTINA BROUSSARD
(Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) As someone who loved Brainstorm’s 2009 debut album Battling Giants and the string of gymnastic, tropical dance-pop releases the Portland band’s released since, the excitement over their new album Heat Waves was muted slightly
Deep Sea Diver from pg. 20 a creepily catchy post-chorus refrain, replete with xylophones and excellent drum patterns. “Peter was trying to emulate Aesop Rock,” says Dobson of “NWO.” “These influences were coming out, but they’re so masked because there’s so much collaboration going on.” Those kinds of compositional expansions resulted in uncertainty for Dobson. With everything from Bowie’s Scary Monsters to Robert Fripp, Moondog to Philip Glass infiltrating their microcosmic headspace during writing and recording, the band wasn’t even sure if the record was any good. “I literally had no idea if it was a good re-
cord or not,” says Dobson. “We were trying to find what our sound was, because this was the first collaborative record. We didn’t know what to compare it to when we were done.” Deep Sea Diver finally has the chance to hit the road for a West Coast tour with the great record in tow, and Dobson says the band is in discussions about lots of touring next year, as well as the possibility of future label support. All in all, it’s an exciting time, even if they’re not currently sweating the small stuff. “We don’t have a two-year plan,” says Dobson. “It’s just like, ‘What are we doing today? Let’s play music!’ We’re just gonna roll with it.”
ELUVEITIE, WINTERSUN, VARG (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez) See Music, pg. 20.
DEATH GRIPS (Star Theater, 13 NW 6th) See Music, pg. 18.
BRAINSTORM, HOSANNAS, GRANDPARENTS
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 21
UP & COMING
This Week’s Music Previews
by its inclusion of re-recordings of several of their best songs. Battling Giants and the “Beast in the Sky” and “Flat Earth” singles were each mined for their best tracks, leaving only three new Brainstorm songs to round out Heat Waves: “Maybe a Memory,” “Death Bells,” and “The Crown Caves In.” But the truth is, these updated versions sound terrifi c and the new songs are just as good, and Heat Waves is cogent and coherent, feeling very much like its own album rather than the result of cherry picking. Brainstorm’s playing has never been better—and it was always great—and the newly expanded lineup with bassist Tamara Barnes gives them even greater fl exibility. Brainstorm were out of town when Heat Waves was released by Tender Loving Empire on October 2, but this is the long-overdue hometown record release show. NL Also see My, What a Busy Week! , pg. 17.
THE BE GOOD TANYAS, HUCK NOTARI (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) Back in 1999, when O Brother, Where Art Thou was still in production and before today’s legion of banjo players could drink or vote, the Be Good Tanyas began reviving traditional Americana sounds. Evocative of the Carter Family, the Canadian three-piece are folk purists of the highest order. Like many groundbreakers, their output has been frustratingly sparse, but they have just released their fourth album, A Collection (2000-2012), a 16-song retrospective with two new tracks, including the highlight “Gospel Song.” For trendsetters, Frazey Ford, Samantha Parton, and Trish Klein have avoided the spotlight, though not necessarily the signifi ers of pop-cultural prestige: Their dark cover of Townes Van Zandt’s “Waiting Around to Die” was memorably featured in the second-season episode of Breaking Bad in which Walt wanders naked around a supermarket. Parton was in a scary car accident back in September, and this show is part of a string of make-up dates. RW
NASALROD, HONDURAN, TINY KNIVES
F A IR H O L ID A Y G IF T
(Katie O’Brien’s, 2809 NE Sandy) Pity the record store clerk who is given the job of filing Nasalrod’s new 7-inch Steward into the appropriate section. The record contains four songs that are wholly different from one another, but somehow have cohesion. The first track, “Hype,” has some Talking Heads quirk pushed by a lot of ferocious intensity. Track two, “Hello Ello,” is a smile-inducing anthem that’s capped by an ending fit for an interpretive dance—although what that dancer might be interpreting would be tough to pin down. On side two you’ll find “What D’ya Say” and “Join,” two tracks that also have plenty of danceability to them, in a David-Byrne-in-a-giant-suit kind of way. All together, Steward is a fantastic Nasalrod ride that must be heard to be understood. Well, if not understood, at least enjoyed thoroughly. ARIS WALES
KINSKI, SURVIVAL KNIFE, STLS
THIS SATURDAY AND SUNDAY! 11am-6pm Sandbox Studio - 420 NE 9th Avenue, Portland, OR
(Record Room, 8 NE Killingsworth) I saw Kinski perform earlier this year, opening for White Hills. It had been years, and I was quickly reminded how powerful the band is live, a perfect mix of controlled chaos and off-the-hinges improv. They leave no open space, constructing a massive wall of sound that can lay waste to a city block. That said, the Seattle four-piece has been relatively quiet over the past few years (and it’s been five years since their last full-length Down Below It’s Chaos). That’s all about to change. The band signed with Kill Rock Stars after a decade on Sub Pop, and will release a new batch of material in March 2013. Until then, recall Kinski’s power tonight when they no doubt annihilate the cozy confines of the Record Room. ML
SUNDAY 12/2 THE OCEAN FLOOR, HOT VICTORY, YOUNG HUNTER, GRAPEFRUIT
Find hand-made, locally-produced gifts, bicycle accessories, jewelry, art, fashion, paper goods, and more at this year’s BikeCraft Holiday Gift Fair.
More info at BikeCraftPDX.com
22 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
squeals of 200 screaming women creep through. When Milne veers toward more contemporary muses, as on the excellent “The 03,” his quirky tunes take on new wave whims. “The Bisexual” shivers in a bossa nova boogie with plodding pianos, heavy horns, and a lounge-y vocal delivery narrating the inner monologue of a nightclub denizen struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. It’s in songs like this that the full spectrum of Milne’s storytelling and songwriting abilities are showcased, and the moment when you’re likely be bowled over. RJP
DEATH SONGS, GRAVES (Rontoms, 600 E Burnside) Death Songs’ music is not what you would immediately anticipate based on their name. Nick Delffs (of the Shaky Hands) writes rustic, folky songs that are simultaneously elegant and simple, mellow and upbeat. The balance achieved in these compositions creates a fluid sound that, upon first listen, feels comforting and familiar—maybe because it’s easy to relate to the honesty and yearning in the lyrics. Their music has a raw country western twang, combined with a poppy Paul Simon personality. Pedal steel guitar, compact rhythms, and Delffs’ husky, warbling vocals come together to craft a graceful arrangement of music. Sung Inside a House, Death Songs’ excellent new album, is due out in January on the Post-Consumer label. RACHEL MILBAUER
3 INCHES OF BLOOD, HUNTRESS, THE HOOKERS, ON ENEMY SOIL, WERESQUATCH (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez) And now, the question that has plagued LA’s Huntress and their legitimacy in the metal world since they surfaced: Would the band have gotten anywhere without singer Jill Janus and her enormous store-bought cans prominently displayed in every press photo? The answer: Yeah, maybe, they just would’ve had to work a little harder to get fans’ attention. Their new album Spell Eater isn’t groundbreaking, but it isn’t horrendous, either. The band has decent heavy-metal sensibilities, tough dueling guitar riffs, and solid drums to go along with Janus’ passable range and witch-like rasp. But still, critics and cynics alike can’t get past the shadow that Janus’ “endowments” cast over the band. What if she was a little homelier, maybe with a big hairy mole or two? Would that help push their music into the foreground and get people to stop referring to them as “false metal? ” Who knows. Whatever the case, tonight the band features local boy Anthony Crocamo of DarkBlack fame fi lling in on guitar. So if you can’t support Janus’ assets, at least go and root for the home team. AW
SWEET HONEY IN THE ROCK (Dolores Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway) Did you grow up with hippie parents? Did they have Sweet Honey in the Rock albums? Maybe this is not universal. But I remember poring over the album cover for the Good News album—which was designed to look like the front page of a newspaper—as a kid, and I remember sitting next to our big old record-player cabinet listening to their crazy-good harmonies. And yeah, maybe it’s kinda cheesy, but hey: If you can think of something cooler to do with your Sunday evening than go see a decades-old all-female, all-black a cappella group started by civil-rights activist/scholar/musician Bernice Johnson Reagon, I guess you’re just too cool for me. C’mon—take your mom on a mom date! ANNA MINARD
SIMIAN MOBILE DISCO, FIXED NYC (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) British duo Simian Mobile Disco are great, adventurous DJs willing to drop cuts by Moondog, Conrad Schnitzler, SND, Raymond Scott, and the Walker Brothers into their mixes. They’re also fascinating producers who thrive in a live setting, using mostly analog gear. This is uncommon. SMD’s latest release, the EP A Form of Change, shuffles and pulsates on an understated techno tip and proves that they have maintained their special talent for making dance music that’s unconventional and unconventional music that’s danceable. DS
(Velo Cult, 1969 NE 42nd) See Music, pg. 18.
BLUE SCHOLARS, BROTHERS FROM ANOTHER, THE PHYSICS
THE BE GOOD TANYAS, HUCK NOTARI
(Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17.
(Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) See Saturday’s listing.
LAWRENCE ARABIA, ANDREW KEOGHAN (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) New Zealand’s Lawrence Arabia (AKA James Milne) is one of those chameleonic artists whose optimistic creative bents beg comparisons to visionaries like John Lennon. It’s a tall order, but on Lawrence Arabia’s new album, The Sparrow, Milne’s vaguely orchestral leanings and ululating melodic refrains dribble so much late-’60s mop-pop you half expect to hear the
METRIC, SHADOWS ON STARS (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17.
TUESDAY 12/4 JOHN CALE, CASS MCCOMBS (Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17.
GLEN CAMPBELL Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 11/28
LISTINGS WEDNESDAY 11/28
AL’S DEN—Scott Law, 7 pm, free ★ ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Glen Campbell, Victoria Ghost, 7:30 pm, $31.50-74.50, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—The Lovely Lost, Liquid Light, The Mercury Tree, 9:30 pm, $5 BACKSPACE—Legendary Black Mark & The Savages, 9 pm, $5 BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Henry Hill Kammerer, 9 pm BLUE DIAMOND—The Fenix Project, 9 pm BUFFALO GAP—Andy Stokes, 9 pm CAMELLIA LOUNGE—The Goods Jazz Jam: Errick Lewis & the Regiment House Band, 8:30 pm DANTE’S—Manx, Brain Capital, A Happy Death, 9 pm, free ★ DOUG FIR—Will West & The Friendly Strangers, McDougall, Foreign Talks, 9 pm, $5 DUFF’S GARAGE—High Flyers, 6 pm, $2; Suburban Slim’s Blues Jam: Suburban Slim, John Neish, Jeff Strawbridge, 9 pm EAST BURN—Irish Music Jam, 7 pm ★ EAST END—Moon Debris, Slam Dunk, Stay Calm, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—Radical Revolution, 7 pm, free; Lynn Conover, John Mitchell, 7 pm, free ★ ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—The Be Helds, Prism Tats, Sun+Fun, 9 pm, $5 EUGENIO’S—Open Mic, 6:30 pm FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN—Kory Quinn, 9:30 pm GOOD NEIGHBOR PIZZERIA—Open Mic GOODFOOT—Bottleneck Blues Band, Resolectrics, 9 pm HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Killswitch Engage, Shadows Fall, Acaro, 7 pm, $20-25, all ages ★ HOLOCENE—The Babies, Houndstooth, Campfires, 8:30 pm, $8 ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm IVORIES—The Brazillionaires, 7:30 pm, $7 JADE LOUNGE—Karyn Patridge, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown Quartet, 8 pm, $5 KELLS—Cronin Tierney, 9 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—The Silent Numbers, Sucker for Lights, 9 pm, $5 THE KNOW—Bath Party, Needles & Pizza, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Bob Shoemaker, 6 pm; Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, 9:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Renegade Stringband, 6 pm; Old Flames, 9 pm, free ★ MI MERO MOLE—One-Year Anniversary: Freddy Trujillo, 8 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Hoo, noon, all ages; No Passengers, 9:30 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Lee Dewyze, 8 pm, $15 MUDDY RUDDER—Puddle Town Ramblers, 8 pm ★ MUSIC MILLENNIUM—The Windsor Player, 6 pm, free, all ages O’CONNORS VAULT—Jon Koonce & One More Mile, 8 pm, free RED & BLACK CAFE—Music for the Working Class, 7 pm, free RED ROOM—Bloodoath, Blastfemur, American Roulette, 9 pm, free ★ ROSE GARDEN—Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band, 7:30 pm, $48-98, all ages ★ ROTTURE—Arrington de Dionyso’s Malaikat dan
Singa, Rose Windows, Billions & Billions, R.I.P., 9 pm, $5 SLABTOWN—Doomsower, Black Magic Dragon, Mammoth Salmon, Battle Axe Massacre, 9 pm SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Folding Space, Josh Romo, Micah McNelly, David Solmes, 9 pm, $3 ★ STAR THEATER—Dick Dale, Guantanamo Baywatch, 9 pm, $20 SUNDOWN PUB—The Magic Beets, The Wildish, 9 pm, free TIGER BAR—The Choices, 9 pm, $4 WHITE EAGLE—Early Hours, The Get Ahead, 8:30 pm, free WILF’S—Ron Steen, Cheryl Alex, 7:30 pm WONDER BALLROOM—Walk off the Earth, Selah Sue, The Mowglis, 7:30 pm, $15-17, all ages
THURSDAY 11/29 ALADDIN THEATER—Jennifer Knapp, Margaret Becker, 8 pm, $20-25 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—The Bylines, 8 pm, $15-18 AL’S DEN—Scott Law, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Borikuas, 7 pm ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Acoustic Village, 7 pm, $5 ASH STREET SALOON—Sol Riot, Bright Giant, The Coyotes, 9:30 pm, $5 ★ BACKSPACE—Goodbye to the Nervous Apprehension Book Release & Stephen Malkmus Covers Night, 7:30 pm, free, all ages BERBATI—Jake Powell & the Young Lovers, Key of Solomon, No More Parachutes, Bubble Cats, 9:30 pm BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Josh Bigg’s Jam, 9 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Ben Jones, 9 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Alan Jones Jazz Jam, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—Cody Weathers, Jason & Tiff, 9 pm, free ★ CLUB 21—Boom, White Fang, Youthbitch, 9 pm, free CONGA CLUB—Timbalive CORKSCREW WINE BAR—Big North Duo, 8 pm DANTE’S—Atlas & the Astronaut, Separation of Sanity, The Punctuals, 9 pm, $12 ★ DOUG FIR—Deep Sea Diver, Wild Belle, Lemolo, 9 pm, $12-14 DUFF’S GARAGE—Tough Love Pyle, 6 pm, $2; Snake in a Can, 9 pm EAST END—Sweat It: Tigress, The Cry, Fine Pets, Sean Battles, Noah Sweat, 10 pm, $5 EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Steve Cheseborough, 7 pm EDGEFIELD—Pilar French Intention, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB—We Are Brothers, Those Willows, 7 pm, free, all ages; Johnny D’s Community Jam, 7 pm ★ ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Numbers Station, Babysoft, Northern, 9 pm, $5 GEMINI LOUNGE—Dag Shaw, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—Rose City Thorns, The Hill Dogs, 9 pm GRAND CAFE/ANDREA’S CHA CHA CLUB—Pilon d’Azucar Salsa Band, 9:30 pm HALIBUT’S—Terry Robb, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE—City in the Sea, Kong at the Gates, Guillotine, 7 pm, $8-10, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Ben Rice Band, Kivett Bednar, Chad Rupp, 9 pm, $6 HEATHMAN—Johnny Martin, 7 pm IVORIES—Farnell Newton, 8 pm, $10 JADE LOUNGE—Jason Simpson, Jeff Donovan, Christopher Reyne, 8 pm JAM ON HAWTHORNE—Hot Club of Hawthorne, 6 pm, free, all ages JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown B3 Organ Band, 8 pm, $5 KELLS—Cronin Tierney, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Bleach Blonde Dudes, Palace Fiction, 9 pm, $5 KENNEDY SCHOOL—Brad Creel, 7 pm, free, all ages ★ LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—The Windsor Player, 6 pm, free; Mike Danner, Dan Haley, Tim Acott, Jessie Spero, 9:30 pm
★ Means we recommend it. To list your live music or DJ event, send your information at least nine days in advance to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Sunday, December 2nD @ MiSSiSSippi StudioS $10 advance/$10 Day of Show mississippistudios.com • us.bellaunion.com lawrencearabia.com
Yes Virginia, T here Are Record Stores
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE
Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City
BoB dylAn Tempest
The rolling SToneS MuMford & SonS Grrr!
$11.95-cd/$13.95-dlx $11.95-cd/$17.95-dlx cd All cd versions on sale $14.95-lp $24.95-lp Sale prices good thru 12/9/12 More ThAn A reCord STore! We hAve TurnTABleS, vinyl ACCeSSorieS, poSTerS, MugS, heAdphoneS & More.
sed new & u Vinyl & s d C d s , dV
certificat es available in any amount!
DOWNTOWN • 1313 W. Burnside • 503.274.0961 EASTSIDE • 1931 NE Sandy Blvd. • 503.239.7610 BEAVERTON • 3290 SW Cedar Hills Blvd. • 503.350.0907
for any & all used Cds, dVds & Vinyl OPEN EVERYDAY AT 9 A.m. | www.EVERYDAYmusic.cOm November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 23
Shop in Your Pajamas!
NOW THRU DECEMBER 31 30-40% OFF STORE-WIDE
AT WWW.THEMONKEYKING.COM FREE SHIPPING ON ALL ORDERS WITHIN THE USA!
HA WTHORNE BLVD 3 4 2 6 S E H a w t h o r n e t 5 0 3 2 3 3 747 6 PEARL DISTRICT 93 5 N W E v e r e t t t 5 0 3 5 9 5 49 7 0 S h o p onl i ne a t Imeld a s AndLouies .com
24 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
2215 NW Quimby Street (503) 417-1888
Imago's acclaimed family hit returns with...
Dec 7 Jan 1 to
TICKETS: $16 Kids, $27 Youth/Senior, $31 Adults Imago: 503.231.9581 Or ticketswest.com, 503.224.8499 速
17 SE 8th | 503.231.9581 | imagotheatre.com
visit our studio shop for hand made bags, wallets, textiles, and housewares
Anniversary A nniversaryy 3,000 giveaway
Now thru December 22nd free to enter
N purchase No p necessary. necessaa r y .
queen bee creations 3961 n williams portland, or
4119 SE Ha Haw wthorn ne e P rtland, OR 97214 Po ph hon one: 5 03 -23 5 - PI one P PE ( 7473) visit us on nlin e : w w w . m e l l o w m o o d . c o m
glassblower gllas gl assb as sblowe sb lloower wer owned we o n ow need
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 25
Holiday NOTHING SAYS
MERRY CHRISTMAS QUITE LIKE SPORTING WOOD!
WHEN YOU CARE ENOUGH TO SEND THE VERY WEIRDEST.
LOG PILLOW BY KIKKERLAND LIMITED AVAILABILITY!
26 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
USEFUL GIFTS FOR GOOD PEOPLE
Guide Just in time for the holidays HAND-EYE SUPPLY presents our newest collaboration in partnership with PINO:
PORTLAND CRAFTSMAN BOWTIE 100% COTTON HEAVY WEIGHT DUCK CANVAS HANDMADE IN PORTLAND, OR.
23 NW 4TH AVENUE WWW.HANDEYESUPPLY.COM
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 27
28 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
W / DANTE’S & STAR
MERCURY / DANTE’S & STAR + PIZZA The New ly Res tore d His tori c
The Newly Restored His
LiveMusic, Music, Cabaret,Burlesque Burlesque&&Rock-n-Roll Rock-n-Roll Live Cabaret, WW / DANTE’S & STAR
The New ly Res tore d His tori c
226-6630 • Open Daily 11am-2:30am •
DANTE’S FREE ROCK SHOWCASE!
BRAIN CAPITAL & A HAPPY DEATH
URSDAY SONIC SMACKDOWN
$12 ADV 9PM
ATLAS & THE ASTRONAUT SEPARATION 0F SANITY & THE PUNCTUALS
ERIC MCFADDEN BIRTHDAY SHOW!
$20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY
THE KING OF SURF GUITAR
DICCKK EE DALL
ATCH THE BABIES NAMO BAYWHolocene, 11/28 WITH GUANTA
with special guest
WEDNESDAY NOV 28 WEDNESDAYNOV28
THE FRIDAY NOV 30 FRIDAYNOV BRANX—Morning Glory, Dead City Riot, Burn the Stage, SORRY
$8 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY
Dirty Kid Discount, 8 pm, $10 DEVILS BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Midnight ANDREWS AVE. & MUFFALUFFAGUS Honey, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—Kevin Guitron, 9 pm CAMELLIA LOUNGE—David Watson, 8 pm, $6 “The Best Show Burlesque, Firedancers CANVAS BAR—OpenMIKEMic: Steve Huber, 7 pm, free, $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT ART • 9PM SHOWTIME In Town!” DJs, Magic & Debauchery! DAY MONDAY • ALL AGES + BAR 21+ THRASHER all ages PRESENTS DEC 3 ★ CLUB 21—The Lovesores, The Needful Longings, THE THIRD ANNUAL Bitch School, 10 pm, free DANTE’S—Eric McFadden, Storm Large, 9 pm, $8 So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR ? $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME a b a r e★t LEWIS & CLARK COLLEGE—The KARAOKE WITH AWoolen LIVE BAND Men, So • 21+ ONLY★ DOUG FIR—Federale, Point Juncture WA, The Shivas, 9pm - MICKEY AVALON FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS ! Pitted, FF, Dads, 5 pm 9 pm, $10 STRIP CLUB INDUSTRY AWARDS THE LOVECRAFT—Black Hand Path, Pill Brigade, 8 pm DUFF’S GARAGE—The Hamdogs, 6 pm, $2; Greg MAGNOLIA’S CORNER—John Sutherland, 8 pm, free Georgeson, Thin Man, 9 pm 2 $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME ONLY MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Gaea, 6 pm; Shores of EAST BURN—Boy &• 21+ Bean, 10 pm, free $20 ADV Astor, 9 pm ★ EAST END—Silent Numbers, The Bloody North, Soft 8PM Shadows, 9 pm TS★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—And And And, The Shaky ICKENG Hands, Sun Angle, Minden, 9 pm, $6-8 + DIRTY KID DISCOUNT EDGEFIELD—Henry Hill Kammerer, 7 pm, free; Dickens I O G ! MOCK T CREST TAVERN—Hillfolk Noir, 8:30 pm Carolers, 7 pm, free S PLUS SAUCY YODA & THE SEXBOTS A F PDX’S OWN MUDDY BY RUDDER—Lauren ELLA STREET SOCIALTRADITIONAL CLUB—Lady Elaine, The Floor& FOLLOWED SINFERNO CABARETSheehan, AT 11PM 8 pm ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME FOLK-AMERICANA O’CONNORS VAULT—Kathy James Quintet, 7 pm, $5 •$10 boards, Welfare, Lavaruna, 9 pm, $5 21+ ONLY STRING BAND QUINTET ★ RED & BLACK CAFE—It's Bigger Than Hip Hop Ben★ FIRKIN TAVERN—The We Shared Milk, 9 pm efit Show for the Portland ABC: Mic Crenshaw, Thought FORD FOOD & DRINK—Daniel Meteo, 5 pm, free, 7 Crime Collective, The New Pioneers, Leune, all ages; Katie Roberts, 8 pm, free, all ages 11/28 Manx Das + A Happy Death7 pm 11/29 Sonic Smackdown RED ROOM—Die Like Gentlemen, A Killing Dove, GOODFOOT—DJ Aquaman’s SoulWITH Stew,POLECAT 9 pm 11/30 Eric McFadden & Wormbag, 9 pm, $5 HALIBUT’S—Big Monti Amundson, The Sultans of Storm Large 12/1The Cherry Poppin’Cyn, Daddies ★ REFUGE—Eats Everything, Perfect Ben Slide, 8 pm, free ELLIE DARLING 12/2 Mickey Avalon Tactic, 9 pm, $10 HOTEL FIFTY—Ben Graves, Cary Miga, 8 pm, free ADV & Sinferno Cabaret PRESENTS $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY PM RETRO RHYTHM—Ron Steen, 8 pm, free ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath,FEATURING 4 pm; Joe 12/3 Karaoke From Hell 12/4 Chuck-n-Buck Show GINGER ★ ROTTURE—Technicolor Caterpillar, Fang Moon, Marquand, 4:30 pm 12/5 Free Rock Showcase PIVORIES—Best E E Pof Friends, S H8 pm, O$10W VALENTINE Pinscape, Dropa, 9 pm, $5 12/6 Sonic Smackdown SAVOY—SusQ JADE LOUNGE—The Just Reverie, Little Hexes, Berger12/7 Miss Exotic Finals 12/8 Hillstomp ★ THE SECRET SOCIETY—Hack, Stitch & Buckshot, ette, 8 pm 12/9 Jet Black Pearl $30 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME 6 pm, free, all ages; Redray Frazier, Mike Coykendall, ★ JIMMYSQUARE MAK’S—Sutton Sorensen, Kit Taylor, Michele • 21+ ONLY PEG & Sinferno Cabaret 12/12 Snarl + Random X 9 pm, $6 Van Kleef,CONCERTS 8 pm, $12 PRESENTS 12/13 Corrosion of Conformity SHAKER AND VINE—Trio Flux, 8 pm, $5 KATIE O’BRIEN’S—Vacillators, Secnd Best, Last Shot, 12/14 Nicky Croon & The 8 SLABTOWN—The Hugs, Blue Iris,Swingin’ 9 pm Richards 9 pm, free 12/15&High On Bang, Fire SLIM’S—Country Trash, Bonnie the Bang KELLER AUDITORIUM—Portland’s Singing Christmas $12 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY DV 12/16 Miss Kennedy’s Cabaret PM 9 pm, free Tree 50th Anniversary Gala: Michael W. Smith, 7:30 pm, & Sinferno Cabaret SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Alternative Anti-Folk: Very Little $46-67, all ages 12/18 Wayne Hancock HE 12/19 Atlas +9Astronauts Daylight, Jamie LaRose, Jason Siebert, pm, $5 KELLS—Cronin Tierney, 9 pm ETURN OF 12/21 Monsters Of Rock THE SPARE ROOM—Open12/29 Mic,The 9:30Spazmatics pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Pataha Hiss, Pigeons, Manx, TAPALAYA—Milneburg Jazz Band,& 6The pmAphrodisiacs 9 pm, $5 PLUS NUCULAR Stern, AMINALS 12/318:30 Smoochknob THIRSTY LION—Sami Rouissi, pm, free ★ KENNEDY SCHOOL—Eric 7 pm, $10-12 TIGER BAR—Karaoke from TICKETS Hell, 9:30AVAILABLE pm, free AT KENTON CLUB—The Hoons, Dead Remedy, The Crash DANTE’S, STAR THEATER & CHRISTMAS AND BETWEEN THE LAKES Demik, TONIC LOUNGE—Pan Cryptic Burial, Simon Engine, 9 pm, free WWW.DANTESLIVE.COM $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY & SCRIMSHANDER OR CALL 503-345-7892 Says Die, 9 pm ★ THE KNOW—Sun Angle, SHOW Hurry Up, Hont, 8 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Tony Starlight Vocal Showcase: LANDMARK SALOON—Counterfeit Cash, 9 pm Steve Tubbs, Jaynie Quigley, Conor Davidson, Ruthann LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Dan Haley, Rachel STEAMPUNK de la Vega, Julie Irmer, Jan Koenig, Conor Davidson, Rice, 6 pm; Garcia Birthday Band, 9:30 pm 13 NEW YEAR’S Jaynie Quiglie, Julie Irmer, Cassandra Adams, Susan MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—The Applicants, 6 pm; $30 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME 8 ADV EVE WITH • ALL AGES + BAR 21+ 9PM Jonsson, Jen Tate, Warren Black, Gary Smith, 7:30 pm, Weekend Assembly, 9 pm free ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Califone, Rebecca Gates WHITE EAGLE—The Brothers of the Hound, 5:30 pm, & The Consortium, 9 pm, $13-15 YOB & SAVIOURS WANDERLUST & JENNYAdequates, PENNY 9 pm free, all ages; Sean Wagner, Northeast Northwest, MOCK CRESTCIRCUS TAVERN—The 8:30 pm, free MT. TABOR THEATER—I Digress, Will Coca, Kelsey TICKETS AVAILABLE AT WILF’S—Ellen Whyte Trio, 7:30 pm Lindstrom, 8:30 pm, $5 STAR THEATER, DANTE’S AND 15 www.StarTheaterPortland.com WONDER BALLROOM—Dom Kennedy, Problem, 7 pm, MUDDY RUDDER—Mike Brosnan, 8 pm OR CALL 503-345-7892 NOVNEL 28 -CENTRO—Mike DICK DALE 16 ADV $20-50 Pardew, 9:30 pm 9PM AVE+ MUFFALUFFAGUS NOV 30 - THE SORRY DEVILS+ ANDREWS VAULT—King Beta, Fred Stickley, 8 pm, DECO’CONNORS 1 - DEATH GRIPS WITH GOATWHORE + LO-PAN + APE MACHINE $6 DEC 2 - BARFLY XMAS PARTY DECPONDEROSA 4 - PDX STRIPPIES 2012 (AT JUBITZ)—Hang ’em High, LOUNGE FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY + O’DEATH - WORLD/INFERNO 96pm, $2-5 ★ ALADDIN THEATER—Loch Lomond, Black Prairie, DEC DEC★ 7 -PSU FRUITION & POLECAT LINCOLN PERFORMANCE HALL—Music For9 pm, $12-15 18 DEC 8 - MATINEE SHOW 3PM: SCHOOL OF ROCK HOLIDAY PARTY $12 ADV PSU & Symphony Orchestra, PSU University Choir, DECward: 8 - GIGGLE BLUSH PEEPSHOW 9PMALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—The Coats, 7:30 pm, $25 Wind Symphony, Museau Trio, Oregon Guitar DECPSU 11 - KOPECKY FAMILY BAND AL’S DEN—Scott Law, 7 pm, free THE DECQuartet, 13 - TY SEGALL THE NIGHTRon BEATS Taiko & Ensemble, Babcock, Dave Bamonte, ANDINA—Rueda, 9 pm DECHamilton 15 - ALT-J Cheifetz, *** SORRYGeorge SOLD OUTColligan, *** Valerie Day, DarARTICHOKE MUSIC—Friday Night Coffeehouse, $5, 29 DECrell 16 -Grant, QUEENSCarl OF THE POLE XMAS SHOW Halvorson, Ezra Weiss, Pamela South, all ages $10 ADV DEC 19 JUSTIN VIVIAN BOND: SNOW ANGEL 9:30PM Charles Reneau, 7:30 pm, $25 ASH STREET SALOON—Damn Glad to Meet You, Ill DEC 31 - ABNEY PARK & WANDERLUST CIRCUS ★ RECORD ROOM—Genders, Kevin Rafn, 8:30 pm, Lucid Onset, Krepitus, 9 pm, $5 $3-5 BACKSPACE—Zombie Apocalypse Survival Meeting: RED ROOM—Country Trash, Bonnie & the Bang Bang, Saint Warhead, Quiz Zilla, Knothead, Abadawn, Ripynt, The Kilowatt Hour, Kris Ashby, 9 pm, $5 Kings of Exile, 9 pm, $10, all ages THE SECRET SOCIETY—Trashcan Joe, 6 pm, free, all BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Lynn Conover, 6 pm, all ages; Funk ages; The Stolen Sweets, Waxwings, 9 pm, $10-12 Shui, 9:30 pm ★ SLABTOWN—Guantanamo Baywatch, Chemicals, BLUE DIAMOND—The Undercover Band, 9 pm 9 pm BLUE MONK—Saloon Ensemble, 9 pm SLIM’S—The Three Way, 9 pm, free BOOM BAP!—We Are Like the Spider, Unicorn Domina★ SOMEDAY LOUNGE—TxE, TiRon & Ayomari, 9 pm, $6 tion, 8 pm, all ages
WITH NEON CULPA
SQUARE PEG CONCERTS PRESENTS
LISTINGS Karaoke From Hell NFERNO Karaoke From Hell
WAYNE “THE TRAIN” HANCOCK
ATICS ZMOD SPEAAP HR ISIACS & TH
WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY 28r T TH E aterPortland.c w w wNOV .Sta he w w w . dManX a n t e s l i v e . c o mWEDNESDAYNOV28 503-226-6630 • Open Daily 11am-2:30am •
DANTE’S FREE ROCK SHOWCASE!
& A HAPPY DEATH
K K C I D D ILCCEK K D E A D L D E L A L D E
WEDNESDAY ManX NOV 28 SONIC SMACKDOWN THURSDAY BRAIN CAPITAL FSRHOEWE
A HAPPY DEATH ATLAS &&THE ASTRONAUT
DANTE’S FREE ROCK SHOWCASE!
$12 ADV 9PM
SEPARATION 0F SANITY & THE PUNCTUALS
THURSDAY SONIC SMACKDOWN NOV 29 FRIDAY ERICATLAS & THE ASTRONAUT BIRTHDAY SHOW!
MCFADDEN FRIDAYSTORM ERICLARGE NOV 30 MCFADDEN SATURDAY NOV 30
$12 ADV 9PM
SQUARE PEG CONCERTS PRESENTS
FRIDAY NOV 30 THE FRIDAYNOV MO BAYWATCH H GUANTANA WITSORRY $8 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY
WITH NEON CULPA
ANDREWS AVE. & MUFFALUFFAGUS
FRIDAY NOV 30 THE FRIDAYNOV SORRY SATURDAY DEC 11 DEATH SATURDAYDEC DEVILS $8 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY
SUNDAY DEC 2
$20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY
ATCH NAMO BAYW
with special guest
SATURDAY $15 ADV 9:30PM
$8 ADV 9:30PM
KING AR RF GUIT WEDNESDAYSUNOV 28 THE KING OF SURF GUITAR
SEPARATION 0F SANITY & THE PUNCTUALS
with special guest
$8 ADV 9:30PM
$20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY
SQUARE PEGShow “The Best Burlesque, Firedancers CONCERTS In Town!” DJs, Magic & Debauchery! PRESENTS
$15 ADV 9:30PM
$15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME NEON • ALL AGES + BAR 21+
MIKE ANDREWS AVE. & MUFFALUFFAGUS THRASHER PRESENTS
SATURDAY DEC 11 DEATH SATURDAYDEC TUESDAY DEC 4 PDX TUESDAYDEC4
FromHelHell l Karaoke From SINFERNO Karaoke GRIPS STRIPPIES Karaoke FromHellHell TUESDAYDEC4 Karaoke From SINFERNO TUESDAY DEC 4 SUNDAY PDX THURSDAY DEC 66 WORLD/INFERNO THURSDAYDEC THURSDAY DEC 6 THURSDAYDEC 6 WORLD/INFERNO STRIPPIES MICKEY FRIENDSHIP FRIENDSHIP SUNDAY SOCIETY O’DEATH O’DEATH SOCIETY THURSDAY DEC 6 THURSDAYDEC 6 WORLD/INFERN AVALON MICKEY FRIENDSHIP FRIDAY DEC 7 FRIDAYDEC FRIDAY DEC 7 FRIDAYDEC O’DEATH SOCIETY AVALON FRIDAY miss FRIDAY DEC 7 FRIDAYDEC FRUITION FRUITION FRIDAY miss SATURDAYFRUITION DEC 8 SATURDAYDEC SATURDAY DEC 8 SATURDAYDEC TUESDAY DEC 4 TUESDAYDEC4
TUESDAY DEC 11 KOPECKY TUESDAYDEC11
THE NIGHT BEATS
SUNDAY DEC 16 SUNDAYDEC 16 QUEENS OF THE POLE MONDAY DEC 31 MODAAYDEC
MORE SHOWS SHOWS
THURSDAY DEC 13 THURSDAYDEC 13
SATURDAY DEC 11 DEATH SATURDAYDEC
503-226-6630 • Open Daily 11am-2:30am •
“The Best Show Burlesque, Firedancers In Town!” DJs, Magic & Debauchery!
DEC c a2 b a r e t 9pm - MICKEY AVALON
THE THIRD ANNUAL
So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR?
DECWITH 3 A LIVE BAND KARAOKE FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS !
DEC 2 9pm - MICKEY AVALON
$15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • ALL AGES + BAR 21+
MIKE THRASHER PRESENTS
$10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY
STRIP CLUB INDUSTRY AWARDS
$10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME KARAOKE WITH A LIVE BAND • 21+ ONLY FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS ! $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY
STRIP CLUB INDUSTRY AWARDS
$20 ADV 8PM
ETS DEC TIC2KING O G T! PLUS SAUCY YODA & THE SEXBOTS FAS & FOLLOWED TS BY SINFERNO CABARET AT 11PM E K TIC ING GO T! COMING PLUS SAUCY YODA & THE SEXBOTS FAS
+ DIRTY KID DISCOUNT
$15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY
$20 ADV 8PM
PDX’S OWN TRADITIONAL FOLK-AMERICANA STRING BAND QUINTET
$10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY
THE THIRD ANNUAL
So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR ?
+ DIRTY KID DISCOUNT PDX’S OWN TRADITIONAL
& FOLLOWED BY SINFERNO CABARET AT 11PM
11/28 Manx + A Happy Death $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME FOLK-AMERICANA • 21+ ONLY 11/29 Sonic Smackdown STRING BAND QUINTET WITH POLECAT 11/30 Eric McFadden & Storm Large DEC 7 12/1 Cherry Poppin’ Daddies 11/28Avalon Manx + A Happy Death ELLIE DARLING 12/2 Mickey 11/29 Cabaret Sonic Smackdown $20 ADV & Sinferno PRESENTS $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY WITH POLECAT 9:30PM 11/30 Eric 12/3 Karaoke From HellMcFadden & FEATURING Storm Large 12/4 Chuck-n-Buck Show GINGER 12/1Showcase Cherry Poppin’ Daddies 12/5 Free Rock P E E P S H O W VALENTINE ELLIE DARLING Mickey Avalon 12/6 Sonic12/2 Smackdown $20 ADV & Sinferno Cabaret PRESENTS $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY 12/7 Miss Exotic Finals 9:30PM 12/3 Karaoke From Hell FEATURING 12/8 Hillstomp 12/4 Chuck-n-Buck Show GINGER 12/9 Jet Black Pearl $30 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME 12/5 Free Rock Showcase P E E P S H O W VALENTINE • 21+ ONLY SQUARE PEG & Sinferno Cabaret 12/6 Sonic Smackdown CONCERTS 12/12 Snarl + Random X PRESENTS 12/7 Exotic Finals 12/13 Corrosion of Miss Conformity 12/14 Nicky12/8 CroonHillstomp & The DEC 8 12/9Richards Jet Black Pearl $30 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME Swingin’ • 21+ ONLY SQUARE PEG & Sinferno Cabaret 12/15 High On Fire CONCERTS $12 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY PRESENTS 12/12 Snarl + Random X $8 ADV 12/16 Miss Kennedy’s Cabaret 9:30PM 12/13 Cabaret Corrosion of Conformity & Sinferno 12/14 Nicky Croon & The 12/18 Wayne Hancock DEC THE8 Swingin’ Richards 12/19 Atlas + Astronauts 12/15Of High RETURN OF 12/21 Monsters Rock On Fire $12 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY $8 ADV 12/16 Miss Kennedy’s Cabaret 9:30PM 12/29 The Spazmatics & Sinferno Cabaret & The Aphrodisiacs 12/18 Wayne Hancock THE PLUS NUCULAR AMINALS 12/31 Smoochknob 12/19 Atlas + Astronauts RETURN OF TICKETS AVAILABLE AT 12/21 Monsters Of Rock DANTE’S, STAR THEATER 12/29 The &Spazmatics CHRISTMAS LAND BETWEEN THE LAKES WWW.DANTESLIVE.COM & The Aphrodisiacs SHOWNUCULAR AMINALS $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY & SCRIMSHANDER OR CALL 503-345-7892 PLUS 12/31 Smoochknob TICKETS AVAILABLE AT DANTE’S, STAR THEATER & CHRISTMAS LAND BETWEEN THE LAKES WWW.DANTESLIVE.COM STEAMPUNK SHOW $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • 21+ ONLY DEC 13 & SCRIMSHANDER OR CALL 503-345-7892 NEW YEAR’S $30 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME $18 ADV EVE WITH • ALL AGES + BAR 21+
GIGGLE BLUSH SATURDAY DEC 8 SATURDAYDEC TUESDAY DEC 11 KOPECKY TUESDAYDEC11 GIGGLE BLUSH
FINALS FINALS SATURDAY
TUESDAY DEC 11 KOPECKY TUESDAYDEC11 THURSDAY DEC 13 THURSDAYDEC 13 FAMILY BAND THURSDAY DEC 13 13 TY THURSDAYDEC SEGALL THE NIGHT BEATS TY SEGALL
SUNDAY DEC THE 16 NIGHT BEATS SUNDAYDEC QUEENS OF THE POLE SUNDAY DEC 16 SUNDAYDEC 16 MONDAY DEC 31 MODAAYDEC QUEENS OF THE POLE MONDAY DEC 31 MODAAYDEC
YOB & SAVIOURS
$18 ADV 9PM
SATURDAY DEC 15
STEAMPUNK NEW YEAR’S EVE WITH
WANDERLUST CIRCUS & JENNY PENNY
$30 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT • 9PM SHOWTIME • ALL AGES + BAR 21+
MORE SHOWS www.StarTheaterPortland.com YOB & SAVIOURS WANDERLUST CIRCUS & JENNY PENNY
TICKETS AVAILABLE AT STAR THEATER, DANTE’S AND
OR CALL 503-345-7892 NOV 28 - DICK DALE NOV 30 - THE SORRY DEVILS+ ANDREWS AVE TICKETS AVAILABLE AT SATURDAY DEC 1 - DEATH GRIPS SHOWS STAR THEATER, DANTE’S AND MORE DEC 15WITH GOATWHORE + LO-PAN + APE MACHINE www.StarTheaterPortland.c DEC 2 - BARFLY XMAS PARTY OR CALL 503-345-7892 NOV 28 - 2012 DICK DALE DEC 4 - PDX STRIPPIES NOV 30 - THE SORRY DEVILS+ FRIENDSHIP SOCIETYANDREWS + O’DEATH AVE+ MUFFALUFFA DEC 6 - WORLD/INFERNO TUESDAY DEC& 1POLECAT - DEATH GRIPS DEC 7 - FRUITION DEC 18 WITH GOATWHORE + LO-PAN + APE MACHINE DEC 2 - BARFLY PARTY DEC 8 - MATINEE 3PM: SCHOOLXMAS OF ROCK HOLIDAY PARTY 4 - PDX STRIPPIES 2012 DEC 8 - GIGGLEDEC & BLUSH PEEPSHOW FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY + O’DEATH DECFAMILY 6 - WORLD/INFERNO DEC 11 - KOPECKY BAND TUESDAY THE DEC&7 THE - FRUITION & POLECAT DEC 13 - TY SEGALL NIGHT BEATS DEC 18 SATURDAY 8 - MATINEE SHOW DEC 15 - ALT-J DEC *** SORRY SOLD OUT *** 3PM: SCHOOL OF ROCK HOLIDAY PAR 8 - GIGGLE & BLUSH DEC 29 DEC 16 - QUEENSDEC OF THE POLE XMAS SHOWPEEPSHOW DEC 11 - KOPECKY FAMILY BAND DEC 19 - JUSTIN VIVIAN BOND: SNOW ANGEL THE DEC 13 - TY&SEGALL & THE NIGHT DEC 31 - ABNEY PARK WANDERLUST CIRCUSBEATS SATURDAY DEC 15 - ALT-J *** SORRY SOLD OUT *** DEC 29 DEC 16 - QUEENS OF THE POLE XMAS SHOW DEC 19 - JUSTIN VIVIAN BOND: SNOW ANGEL DEC 31 - ABNEY PARK & WANDERLUST CIRCUS $16 ADV 9PM
$16 ADV 9PM
$12 ADV 9PM
WAYNE “THE TRAIN” HANCOCK WAYNE “THE TRAIN” S MATISIC PAZHR SHANCOCK CS & THE AP OD IA
$12 ADV 9PM
$10 ADV 9:30PM
$10 ADV 9:30PM
S ATIC ZMOD SPEAAP CS IA IS HR & TH
THIS SUNDAY DEC 2 DANTE’S
$20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT 8PM SHOWTIME
SAUCY YODA THE SEXBOTS & FOLLOWED BY SINFERNO CABARET AT 11PM
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 29
503.288.3895 3939 N. Mississippi email@example.com
8pm doors/ 9pm show BarBar all ages until 9pm 21+ unless otherwise noted
A showcase w/American Idol Season 9 Winner, a star on America’s biggest stage
Rock/pop sextet celebrate a record release
AND AND AND
THE SHAKY HANDS SUN ANGLE MINDEN
Wed, Nov 28 · 7pmDoors/8pmShow · $15 Adv Rich and soulful melodies from Chicago based luminaries
Thu, Nov 29
CALIFONE BATTlEME &
FILTER Presents: Post-modern rock and soul
REBECCA GATES THE CONSORTIUM
MY GOODNESS THE AX
Fri, Nov 30
New Zealand artist presents minimalist pop influenced by the symphonic late-sixties of Scott Walker and Serge Gainsbourg
Sat, Dec 1
Sprawling Americana and folk from Seattle mainstays
KEOGHAN Sun, Dec 2
A steel-string guitar master whose bluegrass and blues merge the timeless and the modern
MALDIVES Wed, Dec 5
A musical virtuoso of the eight string guitar
THE CHARLIE HUNTER & SCOTT AMENDOLA duo
FREE CD WITH EACH ADVANCE TICKET
Thu, Dec 6
MAST Presents: Founding member of bluegrass supergroup Nickel Creek presents her second solo album, Sun Midnight Sun
Fri, Dec 7
Sat, Dec 8 6pmDoors/6:30pmShow $20 Adv
Sat, Dec 8 Opbmusic Presents PDX/Rx: Hypnotic and mesmerizing pop
SOCIAL STUDIES HOSANNAS Sun, Dec 9 Coming Soon... 12/12: PINEHURST KIDS 12/13: THE DIMES 12/14: DAVID BAZAN BAND 12/15: COREY SMITH 12/16: EL VEZ MEX-MAS 12/20: FANNIE MAE’S QUEER QUISTMAS 12/21: THE DRUTHERS 12/22: TANGO ALPHA TANGO 12/27: PETUNIA AND THE VIPERS
Grammy-nominated Cajun music from a four-piece of talent
LOST BAYOU RAMBLERS ALBATROSS
Tue, Dec 11 7pmDoors8pmShow $13 Adv
12/29 & 12/30: JERRY JOSEPH & THE JACKMORMONS 12/31: TYPHOON 1/4: DANNY CORN 1/10: MELVILLE 1/11: SIR RICHARD BISHOP 1/12: PAULA BOGGS BAND 1/15: OHIOAN 1/16: BIRDS OF CHICAGO 1/17: RANDY ROGERS BAND
1/18: DENVER 1/19: THEMES 1/20: JENNIFER O’CONNOR 1/23: KEN STRINGFELLOW 1/24: HE’S MY BROTHER SHE’S MY SISTER 1/31: CRUSHED OUT 2/6: AAN 2/7: NICKI BLUHM & THE GRAMBLERS 2/16: KRIS ALLEN 2/23: CAMPER VAN BEETHOVEN
mississippistudios.com 30 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
WILD BELLE Doug Fir, 11/29
LISTINGS STAR THEATER—The Sorry Devils, Andrews Ave, Muffalufagus, 9 pm, $8-10 THE TARDIS ROOM—Arthur Moore, 8 pm THIRSTY LION—Sugarcookie, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR—30 Pound Test, A((Wake)), We Have Guns, 9 pm, $6 TONIC LOUNGE—Faithless Saints, CBK, Skoi, Mormon Trannys, Mr. Plow, 9:30 pm VIE DE BOHEME—Everything’s Jake, 8:30 pm, $5 WHITE EAGLE—The Reverb Brothers, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Supercrow, Adam Sweeney & The Jamboree, Fort Union, 9:30 pm, $8 WILF’S—Greta Matassa Quartet, 7:30 pm WONDER BALLROOM—The Motet, Excellent Gentlemen, 9 pm, $20
SATURDAY 12/1 ★ ALADDIN THEATER—The Be Good Tanyas, Huck Notari, 8 pm, $20-22 AL’S DEN—Scott Law, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Toshi Onizuka, 8 pm ★ ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Shostakovich Violin Concerto No. 2: Oregon Symphony, 7:30 pm, $21-96, all ages ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Jaime Leopold & The Short Stories, 8 pm, $15 ASH STREET SALOON—The Slants, Demain, Splintered in Her Head, Xuosoux, 9 pm, $5 BACKSPACE—Sunderland, The Ecstatics, Noah Tauscher, 9 pm, $6 BERBATI—PDX Fusion: The Human Experience, Melting Pot Soundsystem, Guda, Jacaranda, 9 pm, $7-10 BIDDY MCGRAW’S—The Barkers, 6 pm, all ages; Mexican Gunfight, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Bottleneck Blues Band, 9 pm, free BLUE MONK—Soul Vaccination, 8 pm BRANX—I Reckon, Into the Flood, We Rise the Tides, In Her Memory, Subtle City, 6:30 pm, $8, all ages BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—The Djangophiles, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—David Brothers, 9 pm ★ BUNK BAR—Turbo Fruits, Hurry Up, 9 pm, $10 DANTE’S—Cherry Poppin’ Daddies, 9 pm, $15 ★ DOUG FIR—Brainstorm, Hosannas, Grandparents, 9 pm, $10-12 DUFF’S GARAGE—Too Loose Cajun Band, Atomic Gumbo, 9 pm, $10 ★ EAST END—Ultra Goat, Ride or Die, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—Dickens Carolers, 7 pm, free; Dan Haley, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Reign Cycle, Ramune Rocket 3, Vises, Butt 2 Butt, 9 pm, $5 ★ FIRKIN TAVERN—Pony Village, 9 pm, free FOGGY NOTION—Johnny Credit & the Cash Machine, Susan SurfTone, The Gams, 9 pm, $3 GOODFOOT—Monophonics, Brownish Black, 9 pm, $10 GRAPE VINE—Benefit for Rose Haven Women & Children’s Shelter: Sandy Saunders Band, 8:30 pm HALIBUT’S—A.C. Porter, 8 pm, free ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Eluveitie, Wintersun, Varg, 7 pm, $20-23, all ages ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Quiet After the Storm: Hurricane Sandy Benefit: We’re from Japan, Themes, Andi Camp, 9 pm, $5 JADE LOUNGE—Rachael Rice, Wynter Byrnes, Jennifer Faust, 6 pm ★ KATIE O’BRIEN’S—Nasalrod, Honduran, Tiny Knives, 9 pm, $3 KELLER AUDITORIUM—Portland’s Singing Christmas
Tree: 50th Anniversary, 11:30 pm, $20-69, all ages KELLS—Cronin Tierney, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Rare Monk, Hopeless Jack & The Handsome Devils, Red Ships of Spain, 8 pm, free KENTON CLUB—Snarl, Manx, SShit Wolf, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Eight Bells, Space Bag, IX, DJ Nate C, 7:30 pm, $5 ★ LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—James Low Western Front, 6 pm; Joe McMurrian, 9:30 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Tallulah’s Daddy, 4 pm, all ages; Skerik’s Bandalabra, 9 pm, $10 ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Battleme, My Goodness, The Ax, 9 pm, $10-12 MOCK CREST TAVERN—Donna & The Side Effects, 9 pm MT. TABOR THEATER—Krampus Nacht Ball: The Tiger Lillies, Animalia, DJ Non, J Sin, 9 pm, $10-15 MUDDY RUDDER—Steve Cheseborough, 8 pm NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, Dave Captein, Randy Rollofson, 9:30 pm PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Broken Trail, 9 pm, $2-5 ★ RECORD ROOM—Kinski, Survival Knife, STLS, 9 pm, $7 RED ROOM—Embrace the Kill, Resistant Culture, Verbal Abuse, CBK, 9 pm, $8 ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Corner, 9 pm ★ ROSELAND—Andre Nickatina, Brotha Lynch Hung, Mistah Fab, 8 pm, $22-60, all ages ★ THE SECRET SOCIETY—Dominic Castillo, 6 pm, all ages; The James Low Western Front, Wild Bells, 9 pm, $8 SELLWOOD PUBLIC HOUSE—Trick Sensei, Sorta Ultra, 9 pm SHAKER AND VINE—Russell Nute SLABTOWN—Hexane, 9 pm SLIM’S—The Get Ahead, Gabriel Trees, 9 pm, free ★ STAR THEATER—Death Grips, 9 pm, $15, all ages THIRSTY LION—Dirty Blonde, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR—Collected Souls, 9 pm, $6 TONIC LOUNGE—Lydian Gray, Glassbones, Nice Shootin’ Tex, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—String of Pearls, 8 pm, $12 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Damage Overdose, Succor, Death Agenda, 9 pm, $5 ★ UNIVERSITY OF PORTLAND—That Music Shindig: Aan, Focus Motel, Ninja Turtle Ninja Tiger, 7 pm, free VIE DE BOHEME—Mango Nights, 9 pm, $10 THE WAYPOST—Drunk on Pines, Nervous & The Kid, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Student Loan, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; Garcia Birthday Band, 9:30 pm, $6
SUNDAY 12/2 ★ ALADDIN THEATER—The Be Good Tanyas, Huck Notari, 8 pm, $20-22 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Oregon Bears Holiday Show: The Bearatones, Sneakin’ Out, 5:30 pm, $13-24 ANDINA—Danny Romero, 7 pm ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Shostakovich Violin Concerto No. 2: Oregon Symphony, 2 pm, $21-96, all ages; Winter Fire: Metropolitan Youth Symphony, 8 pm, $14-37, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Ion Storm, Dreizehn, Myselfdestruct, The Brandon Sills Project, 9:30 pm, $5 AUGUSTANA LUTHERAN CHURCH—Augustana Jazz Quartet, 6 pm, free, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Felim Egan, 8 pm BOOM BAP!—Dreamboat Crusaderz, AquaMarinez, Big Bugs, 8 pm, all ages CLYDE’S PRIME RIB—Ron Steen Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm, free ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—The Lumineers, Y la Bamba, 8 pm, $20, all ages DANTE’S—Mickey Avalon, The Sexbots, 9 pm, $20; Sinferno Cabaret, 11 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Reggie Houston’s Box of Chocolates, 11 am
SAT 12/1 THE MONOPHONICS BROWNISH BLACK FRI 11/30 DJ AQUAMAN’S SOUL STEW THURS 11/29 THE ROSE CITY THORNS THE HILL DOGS WED - 11/28 BOTTLENECK BLUES BAND THEE RESOLECTRICS MON SONIC FORUM OPEN MIC TUES 12/4 - FREE!!! THE TRUE SPOKES
special thanks to the
WED 12/5SHAFTY: A PHISH TRIBUTE THURS 12/6 PHILLY’S PHUNKESTRA FRI 12/7 - DJ MAGNETO & FRIENDS SAT 12/8- THE MIKE DILLON BAND, THE UNSINKABLE HEAVIES TUES 12/11- FREE!!! THE ROSELAND HUNTERS, (Damien Erskine, Michael Quimby, Reinhard Melz)
irs upsta aily d open :30 5-2 airs st downn at 9 ope w nights o on sh
2845 SE STARK * WWW.THEGOODFOOT.COM * 503.239.9292 November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 31
32 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
FEDERALE Doug Fir, 11/30
EDGEFIELD—Kendl Winter, 5 pm, free FIRKIN TAVERN—Open Mic, 8 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Tim Roth, Sun, noon, free, all ages ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—3 Inches of Blood, Huntress, The Hookers, On Enemy Soil, Weresquatch, 7 pm, $13-15, all ages KAUL AUDITORIUM, REED COLLEGE—Reed College Winter Concert: Reed Chorus & Orchestra, 7:30 pm, free KELLER AUDITORIUM—Portland’s Singing Christmas Tree: 50th Anniversary, 1:30 pm, $20-69, all ages KELLS—Irish Session, 6 pm; Bill Tollner, 9 pm THE KNOW—Dust Bowl Holler, 8 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Dan Haley, Tim Acott, 9:30 pm, free LV’S—Blues, Brews & BBQ, 6 pm MIGRATION BREWING—Whistlepig, 7 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—The Waking Guild, 6 pm; Loops Summit: Dean, Parquet Deformations, Chris Ingold, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Lawrence Arabia, Andrew Keoghan, 9 pm, $10 ★ MOON & SIXPENCE—Foghorn Stringband, free MUDDY RUDDER—Irish Music, 4 pm NEWMARK THEATRE—Valentina Lisitsa, 4 pm, $14-54 RECORD ROOM—Lauren O’Connell, 8:30 pm RED ROOM—God Bless America, Intentional Harrassment, Snake in a Can, Flying Viminas, Super Desu, Erik Anarchy, Better Days, 8 pm, Free ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Dojo Toolkit, 9 pm ★ RONTOMS—Death Songs, Graves, 9 pm, free SHAKER AND VINE—Ritim Egzotik, 7:30 pm, $5-20 SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Hive: DJ Brian Backlash, DJ Skully, DJ Waisted, 9 pm, free THE SPARE ROOM—Angel Bouchet Band, 8 pm, free STUMPTOWN COFFEE (DIVISION)—Tim Root art opening: MSG, 5 pm ★ VELO CULT—The Ocean Floor, Hot Victory, Young Hunter, Grapefruit, all ages VIE DE BOHEME—Karen Lovely, 7 pm, $10 WHITE EAGLE—Brad Parsons, 7 pm, free WINNINGSTAD THEATRE—Sweet Honey in the Rock, 5 pm, $31.50-$52, all ages ★ WONDER BALLROOM—Simian Mobile Disco, Fixed NYC, 8 pm, $18-20, all ages
MONDAY 12/3 ★ ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Shostakovich Violin Concerto No. 2: Oregon Symphony, 8 pm, $21-96, all ages BLUE DIAMOND—Sumo, 9 pm ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Passion Pit, Onuinu, 8 pm, $30, all ages DANTE’S—Karaoke from Hell, 10 pm DUFF’S GARAGE—Lily Wilde Orchestra, 8 pm, $8 EDGEFIELD—Skip vonKuske, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—Sonic Forum Open Mic, 8 pm, $1 ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Blue Scholars, Brothers from Another, The Physics, 7 pm, $17-20, all ages ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm JADE LOUNGE—Cover Songs Spectacular: Elie Charpentier, 6 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Bryant Allard’s Big Band, 6:30 pm, free; Dan Balmer, 8 pm, free THE KNOW—The Downgoing, Cloud Rat, Black Hole of Calcutta, DJ Just Dave, 8 pm
LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Portland Country Underground, 6 pm, free; Kung Pao Chickens, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Ben, 5 pm, all ages MUDDY RUDDER—Lloyd Jones, 8 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM—Community Day/Songwriters Circle: Scott Gallegos, Ray Beran, Jack McMahon, 10 am, free, all ages PSU LINCOLN PERFORMANCE HALL—Shanghai Quartet, 7:30 pm, $30-45 PUB AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE—Open Mic, 8 pm, free QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Soul Mates, 7 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Mt. Air Studios, 10 pm ★ ROSELAND—Metric, Shadows on Stars, 9 pm, $25, all ages TIGER BAR—AC Lov Ring, 9 pm WHITE EAGLE—Sidestreet Reny, 8:30 pm, free
TUESDAY 12/4 ★ ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Gabriel Kahane, Rob Moose, Elizabeth & The Catapult, 8 pm, $12-15 ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Pacific Lutheran University Christmas Concert: A Child is Born: Pacific Lutheran University’s Choir of the West, Pacific Lutheran University Chorale, Pacific Lutheran University Symphony Orchestra, 7:30 pm, $32.25, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Disenchanter, Die Like Gentlemen, Mammoth Salmon, 9:15 pm, $4 BACKSPACE—The Dangerous Summer, Icarus the Owl, Young London, Stories & Soundtracks, 8 pm, $10, all ages BLUE DIAMOND—La Rhonda Steele, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Pagan Jug Band, 6:30 pm, free ★ DOUG FIR—Whitehorse, Star Anna, 9 pm, $10 DUFF’S GARAGE—Trio Bravo, 6 pm, $2; Dover Weinberg Quartet, 9 pm, $2 EDGEFIELD—Steer Crazy, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB—Johnny D’s Community Jam, 7 pm GOODFOOT—The True Spokes, 9 pm, free; Radula, 9 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—That Much Further West Radio, 4 pm, free THE HUTCH—Open Mic, 8 pm, free IVORIES—Jazz Jam: Carey Campbell, Hank Hirsh Trio, 7:30 pm JADE LOUNGE—Colin Johnson, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mitzi Zilka, 8 pm, $7 KENTON LIBRARY—Keep the Lamps Burnin’: Soulstice Celebration: Lauren Sheehan, 6 pm ★ THE KNOW—Disable, Gag, Organized Sports, White Wards, LifeForm, 8 pm ★ LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Jackstraw, 6 pm, free LV’S—Ron Steen’s Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm ★ MISSION THEATER—John Cale, Cass McCombs, 8 pm, $35-40 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Supadupa Marimba Brothers, 6 pm MOCK CREST TAVERN—Johnnie Ward & The Eagle Ridin’ Papas, 8:30 pm MT. TABOR THEATER—Open Mic Night: Simon Tucker, 8 pm, free PSU LINCOLN PERFORMANCE HALL—Shanghai Quartet, 7:30 pm, $30-45 ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Brothers ’n’ Laws, 9 pm SHAKER AND VINE—Arthur Moore, 7 pm, free SLIM’S—Open Mic, 9 pm, free TASTE ON 23RD—Brandstson Duo, 6:30 pm, free THIRSTY LION—Eric John Kaiser, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Ayars Family Christmas Party: Bo Ayars, Barbara Ayars, 7:30 pm, free TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Open Mic Night: The Roaming, 8 pm VINO VIXENS—Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party, 6 pm THE WAYPOST—Eric Vanderwall, George Coleman, 8 pm
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 33
Take Warning PresenTs WWW.facebook.com/TakeWarningPresenTs TWiTTer @TakeWarningsea
Tue Dec 4 @ Backspace cafe
THE DANGEROUS SUMMER
Young London, icarus The oWL, sTories & soundTracks aLL ages ( bar w/ id) - 7:00 Pm adv. Tickets at strangertickets.com WeD Dec 5 @ Backspace cafe
LiTTLe Lord faunTLeroY, PicToriaLs
aLL ages ( bar w/ id) - 8:00 Pm adv.Tickets at strangertickets.com Up Coming ShowS: 1/5/13 my mantle @ BaCkSpaCe Cafe
34 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
DJ LISTINGS WEDNESDAY 11/28 AALTO LOUNGE—DJ Maxamillion ★ BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Magic Beans CC SLAUGHTERS—Trick: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free THE CONQUISTADOR—Put Your Head Out: DJ 60/40 ★ DIG A PONY—Pussy Control: Nathan Detroit, Black Dog, 9 pm DUKE’S—Rachele Lynae, 4 pm, $10 THE EMBERS AVENUE—Gothic Industrial: DJ Jens, 9 pm FIRKIN TAVERN—VJ Norto, 9 pm JONES—Spin Sugar: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 LADD’S INN—DJ Kutthroat, 9:30 pm, free THE REFECTORY—Wednesday Eastside Karaoke: KJ RC, 8 pm SAUCEBOX—DJ Nealie Neal STAR BAR—DJ Overcol, 10 pm ★ TIGA—DJ Cooky Parker TIGER BAR—Juicy Wednesdays: DJ Detroit Diezel, 9 pm, $2 TUBE—Muscle Milk: Bianca Radd, Ill Camino, 10 pm VALENTINE’S—Stay at Home Mob, DJ Quincy, DJ Lightyear, 9 pm THE WHISKEY BAR—Flinch, AC Slater, Harvard Bass, American Girls, $10
THURSDAY 11/29 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Nate C CC SLAUGHTERS—Hiphop Heaven: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—Counter Culture, 10 pm, free ★ DIG A PONY—DJ Sahelsounds, DJ Cuica, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—Request Night: DJ Jens FEZ—Shadowplay: DJ Horrid, DJ Ghoulunatic, DJ Paradox, 9 pm, free ★ HOLOCENE—Happy Life Solution: J-Pop & K-Pop Dance Party: DJ Hojo, DJ Bishie, DJ Initial P, Sweat Jordan, 9 pm, $3 JONES—New Jack Swing: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Panty Droppa, free MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free NICK’S FAMOUS CONEY ISLAND—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free PALACE OF INDUSTRY—DJ Kerouac, 7 pm SANTA FE TAQUERIA—Salsa Social SOS: DJ Armando, 9 pm SAUCEBOX—Evan Alexander SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Happy Hour: Mr. Romo, DJ Michael Grimes, 4 pm THE SPARE ROOM—Grooveland: DJ Drew Groove, Kendall Holladay STAR BAR—DJ Dirty Red, 10 pm TIGA—DJ Baron TUBE—Big Trouble in Little Chinatown: DJ Zimmie, Dev From Above, 7 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—Tender Love & Care, 9 pm VAULT—Jams: DJ 60/40 THE WAYPOST—DJ Walz, Patient, 7 pm
FRIDAY 11/30 BEECH ST. PARLOR—Count Lips BLITZ 21—DJ Sovern-T, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—Filthy Fridays: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free ★ DIG A PONY—Club Au Pony, 10 pm ELEMENT—Chris Alice, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—On the Avenue: DJ Jens, 9 pm GOLD DUST MERIDIAN—DJ A-Train, 10 pm, free ★ HOLOCENE—DJ Hostile Tapeover, 5 pm, free; Snap! ’90s Dance Party: Doc Adam, Colin Jones, DJ Freaky Outty, 9 pm, $3 JONES—Back to the Future Fridays: DJ Zimmie, 8 pm, $5 LOLA’S ROOM—’80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Joe, free MATADOR—Infamous: DJ Rattooth, DJ Makeout, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu STAR BAR—Blank Fridays: DJ Paultimore, 10 pm; DJ A-Train, 10 pm ★ TIGA—Beacon Sound TRADER VIC’S—DJ Cabana, 6 pm TRIPLE NICKEL—DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm VALENTINE’S—AV Club, 9 pm
SATURDAY 12/1 AURA—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Dad Jeans CC SLAUGHTERS—House of Hollywood: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free THE CONQUISTADOR—DJ Rhienna, DJF CRUZROOM—John-Lewis Lookingglass, Theronious Chunk, 10 pm, free
Dec 15 Dec 14 LAWRENCE ARABIA Mississippi Studios, 12/2 DEVILS POINT—DJ Brooks, 9 pm, free EAGLE PORTLAND—Maricon: Ill Camino, Moisti, 10 pm, $3 EAST BURN—DJ Gray Matter, 10 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE—Portland Tonight: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 GOLD DUST MERIDIAN—Clap Trap: DJ Gregarious, DJ Disorder, 10 pm, free GREELEY AVE. BAR AND GRILL—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free GROOVE SUITE—After Dark GROUND KONTROL—DJ Nate C, 9 pm ★ HOLOCENE—Booty Bassment: Dimitri Dickinson, Maxx Bass, Nathan Detroit, 9 pm, $5 JONES—’80s & ’90s Dance Music, 10 pm, $5 THE LOVECRAFT—DJ Miss Prid, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Kenoy, free MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu ★ ROTTURE—Andaz: DJ Anjali, The Incredible Kid, 9 pm, $3-7 THE SPARE ROOM—Sugar Town: DJ Action Slacks, 9 pm, $5 ★ STAR BAR—Go French Yourself: DJ Cecilia Paris, 10 pm TIGA—DJ Nealie Neal TRIPLE NICKEL—DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm TUBE—DJ Freaky Outty, 7 pm
SUNDAY 12/2 AALTO LOUNGE—Whiskey Bitters, 9 pm, free ALLEYWAY CAFE & BAR—Country Music, 3 pm, free, all ages ★ BEULAHLAND—The Original Eye Candy Video Night: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—Superstar Divas, DJ Robb, 8 pm, free CRUSH—DJ Mikey, 10 am-2 pm DEVILS POINT—Stripparaoke: KJ Zero, 9 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE—Noches Latinas: DJ Marco, 9 pm GOLD DUST MERIDIAN—DJ Tennessee Tim, 10 pm, free LUCKY DEVIL—Ladies Night: DJ Mani, free STAR BAR—DJ Riff Randell, DJ Baby Lemonade, 10 pm
MONDAY 12/3 BLUE MONK—Deep Cuts, 8 pm GROUND KONTROL—Service Industrial: DJ Tibin, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, Phantom Hillbilly, 8 pm, free MATADOR—I Don’t Like Mondays: DJ Rhienna, DJF, 10 pm, free O’MALLEY’S SALOON & GRILL—Heavy Metal Monday: Bozyk, 9 pm STAR BAR—Metal Mondays: DJ Blackhawk, 10 pm, free
TUESDAY 12/4 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Womb Service CC SLAUGHTERS—DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—See You Next Tuesday: Kellan, DJ Avery, 9 pm, free ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE—Recycle: DJ Tibin, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL—Rock Band Tuesdays: MC T. Wrecks, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—Tom Waits Night: DJ Full of Bourbon, 8 pm; Death Club: DJ Entropy, 10 pm MATADOR—DJ Donny Don’t, 10 pm, free STAR BAR—DJ Smooth Hopperator, 10 pm, free ★ SWIFT LOUNGE—Boogie Tuesday: Maxx Bass, Gwizski, Mikie Lixx TIGA—DJ Sandy Candy TUBE—Tubesday, 10 pm
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 35
LOW-COST BANKRUPTCY FREE CONSULTATION
KELLY K. BROWN BANKRUPTCY ATTORNEY
Stop foreclosure and garnishment Evening and weekend appointments We are a debt relief agency. We help people file for bankruptcy under the Bankruptcy Code. 520 SW Yamhill 路 Suite 420 路 Portland 97204
100% CUBAN Thursday, Nov. 29Th
VERY VERY IMPORTANT NEWS About Your Portland Mercury Newspaper
CONgA CLUB 4923 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. WWW.TIMBALIVEONTOUR.COM
BIG ENOUGH TO SHARE. Scorpion Bowl Cocktails
3267 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Open Everyday 2pm-2:30am
36 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
The Running Man
OUR PICKS OF THE WEEK
Sex, Music, and Nervous Apprehension by Erik Henriksen at Wesleyan. The year is equal parts oblivious ily, loneliness, and how to act like Ryan Gosling privilege and hyper-aware confusion: Heald gets around girls, but some are offset by the sense plenty of chances to lose his virginity, but that things aren’t coming across quite consistently sabotages them; Heald as gracefully or profoundly as Heald pushes himself to be a writer, thinks they are. (In that MGMT but realizes too late that other one, it remains frustratingly people have things to say too. unclear why Heald refers to “Nothing happens. Everyhimself using the royal “we.”) thing happens. It’s college,” It’s the second-to-last by Michael Heald Heald writes, but it’s college piece in the book, “It Should (Perfect Day Publishing) with an awareness of all of Be Mathematical,” that kills: Release party w/members of Point one’s fuck-ups. Heald’s deHeald profiles distance runJuncture, WA, Velella Velella, scriptions are fantastic: One ner Ian Dobson, and he apand more at Backspace, 115 girl “has the look of someone proaches his subject with a NW 5th, Thurs Nov 29, who survived high school on a perfect mix of sports nerdery, ex7:30 pm, free diet of mood stabilizers and Tori perience, and a need to figure out Amos,” and, in the midst of a pickup baswhy it matters when people run around ketball game, Heald realizes facing off against in tiny shorts. It’s a powerful, personal look at other men “feels archaic, the way it used to be how statistics and sweat shape lives, and it before drugs and rock ’n’ roll muddied up every- sits right in that sweet spot that’s been coming one’s sense of masculinity.” and going throughout the book. It’s too easy to Rock ’n’ roll features prominently throughout, say that it’s in the running piece that Heald hits actually—the book’s title is a line from Stephen his stride, but there you go: There’s where all Malkmus’ Face the Truth, and one of its high- the good chunks of Goodbye to the Nervous lights is about Heald’s short-lived, fanboyish fas- Apprehension surely and confidently turn into cination with MGMT. Other pieces tackle fam- something great.
ERFECT DAY PUBLISHING veers toward vanity press territory with publisher Michael Heald’s essay collection, Goodbye to the Nervous Apprehension. The 11 essays in Nervous Apprehension are, to various degrees, about Heald, and in the best of them, he dials in the perfect amount of self-awareness—just enough to feel intimate and clear, but not so much that things get navel-gazey or indulgent. Heald doesn’t always hit that sweet spot, but when he does, it sucks you in: I read Nervous Apprehension in two sittings. “This Is Part of Something Bigger Called Small” is the biggest essay in the book, a novella-length piece that follows the 5’4” Heald’s freshman year
Violence and Cleavage The 3rd Floor’s After School Girlfight! Kill! Kill! by Jacob Schraer of Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, with some of the caricatures and spin them out of control—and more ridiculous elements exaggerated beyond it’s pretty funny. Rounding out the show is “Supertrain!”—a their already campy dimensions. A gang of bad campy, The Love Boat-style story staged girls makes their way robbing and partying on a transcontinental train, populated across the desert, eventually stumwith various would-be lovers. The bling upon a big score, and in the array of entertaining characprocess getting more than they ters includes a guffawing yet bargained for. On the whole, morose captain, a bickering it’s held up by keen perforelderly couple, and an exasmances and clever staging perated starlet. It’s a wellgimmicks, but it strides a observed parody with great strange line between homThe 3rd Floor at Miracle comic timing, more solid actage and parody that weakens Theatre, 525 SE Stark, 908ing, and a shockingly charming the piece as a whole. 1141, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, and spot-on musical number. That’s too bad, because through Dec 22, $15-17, The cast’s versatility is the the rest of the show is hilarious the3rdfloor.com show’s major strength—Jordana and enjoyable through and through, Barnes and Andrew Harris in particular marked with energetic character acting and deft parody. A very believable video clip impressed me with their transformations between starring a fake Marlo Thomas introduces “It’s acts. But all the actors are studied and careful, Not Easy Being Teen,” a vignette that clowns af- turning from goons to magicians, from vixens to ter-school-special tropes of the ’70s and ’80s. counselors, altering their voices and body lanA group of square coeds invites the town’s lo- guage. Some of the humor is racy, but it stops cal scuzzbag to their party, and he introduces short of brazen vulgarity—you could potentially them to an escalating pharmacy of good times, bring your children, as long as you don’t mind from Coors to cocaine to horse tranquilizers, some violence and cleavage—and the staging is changing the lives of everyone there. It’s a stan- inventive and charming. It sure beats watching TV dard conceit that allows the troupe to play with on the couch.
After School Girlfight! Kill! Kill!
ESIST THE URGE to stay home and watch SNL the next few Saturdays—down on SE Stark a group of talented comedians is putting on their own night of hilarious sketches. Comedy troupe the 3rd Floor’s After School Girlfight! Kill! Kill! is a night of parodies and homages. The first of the piece’s three short plays, “Deep Inside the Valley of the Girl Whores,” is pretty much a straight adaptation
Sacred Cows Talking SNL and Congo Drums with John Mulaney by Temple Lentz ten and performed for Saturday Night Live; he comedy in high school and college. I started doing stand-up when I was 20 years old. I was a worked on VH1’s Best Week Ever; he wrote junior in college and spent the summer for Important Things with Demetri Marin New York, and started doing open tin; and he has a 2009 album called mics. Then after college I moved to The Top Part and 2012’s New New York City. in Town. Mulaney will be bringing his charming, affable act Where you were an immedito Helium this weekend, and Helium Comedy Club, ate overnight sensation, of we chatted for a bit by phone 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, course! about his work and his act. Fri-Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, Yes! I was one of the big, really $20-25, hot temps who also happened to MERCURY: How did you get heliumcomedy.com do stand-up at night. What it was started? right away was fun. I had a lot of fun JOHN MULANEY: I had wanted to from the very beginning. And a lot of the be a comedian since I was very young. Originally, I wanted to be a nightclub entertainer people who are my best friends now, we started like Ricky Ricardo from I Love Lucy. I took conga out together. drum classes as a kid. For a couple of weeks. That didn’t pan out. Then I did improv and sketch You wrote for Saturday Night Live for a
T 30, comedian John Mulaney has done more with his comedy career than many aspiring comics can even dream of. He’s writ-
Goodbye to the Nervous Apprehension
21 HELMETS BY 21 ARTISTS SEE SEE MOTORCYCLES & COFFEE 1642 NE SANDY • OPENS DEC 1
Movember Date Auction and Comedy Showcase—A special comedy showcase (and man auction!) benefiting Movember, a charity raising money for prostate and testicular cancer research. Nathan Brannon, Shane Torres, and Gabe Dinger are among the mustachioed stand-ups participating. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, Thurs Nov 29, 7:30 pm, $8, brodytheater.com Little Women—Circle Theatre Project presents Kristin Laurence’s stage adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s classic tale, where even the men are played by women. Ethos/IFCC, 5340 N Interstate, 823-4322, opens Thurs Nov 29, runs Thurs-Sun 8 pm, through Dec 9, $18-22.50 da Vinci Arts Fair—The eighth annual showcase of boutique arts and crafts by more than 70 local artists, including jewelry, stoneware, ceramics, sculptures, metal work, paintings, photos, and wearable art. da Vinci Arts Middle School, 2508 NE Everett, 916-5356, Sat Dec 1, 10 am-5 pm, Sun Dec 2, 10 am-4 pm, free Modernist Cuisine at Home—Scott Heimendinger, director of applied research from the brilliant Modernist Cuisine team, presents a new illustrated guide for home cooks, tailored to all skill levels. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Fri Nov 30, 7:30 pm, powells.com Naughty Listed: Stories of Holiday Misadventure—In Planned Parenthood’s annual fundraiser, local celebs like author Lidia Yuknavitch and Portland Mercury Editor in Chief Wm. Steven Humphrey tell stories of holidays gone awry. Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, Tues Dec 4, 7 pm, $18-20
PORTLANDMERCURY.COM HAS A COMPLETE CALENDAR OF ARTS EVENTS
while, and also appeared on a couple of episodes, during “Weekend Update.” Are you still writing for them? Occasionally. I’m working on some other projects and am not writing for them regularly. But I pop in and out as long as they’ll let me. You released your last stand-up special New in Town about a year ago, in January 2012. What are you working on now? A new stand-up special. A one-hour special I’m writing and working on. I haven’t taped it yet so I don’t know when it will come out. I’ll be touring a lot this year, going to a lot of different cities. I haven’t done a lot of roadwork the past few years, so I’m excited to do that. For people who aren’t familiar with your work, what can they expect from your material? Stories about me being kind of a stupid idiot. Really deep, cutting-edge stuff about topics such as Donahue and Peter, Paul, and Mary. I really go after the big sacred cows.
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 37
Agnosticism lacks data?
skeleton key tattoo 1729 se hawthorne blvd. 503-233-4292
safe, sterile, friendly custom tattoos walk-ins and by appointment
13 Stabs at Happiness by Alison Hallett
ORTLAND NOVELIST Todd Grimson has been keeping it weird since long before you moved here. A one-time winner of the Oregon Book Award (in 1988, for Within Normal Limits), Grimson’s novels and stories explore sex, drugs, vampires, and the nebulous logic of dreams. Out of print for years, his work has recently resurfaced, first with a pair of reissues (his 1996 LA vampire novel Stainless and his 1998 supernatural noir Brand New Cherry Flavor) and now with the story collection Stabs at Happiness. Stabs collects 13 stories that alternately spark with keen obserthe book’s sex scenes, though vation, and droop aimlessly. In a a story in which sheltered story about a white man who starlet Jean Harlow goes on strikes up an easy friendship by Todd Grimson an incognito sex-bender is with a black journalist while (Schaffner Press) one of the book’s best: It’s both are tourists in Morocco Release party w/local actors dense and imaginative, full in the 1980s, Grimson writes and artists, Jack London Bar, of details that evoke Prohiabout “all the constraints and 529 SW 4th, Fri Nov 30, bition-era San Francisco, and subtle complications of pondering 7 pm, free Grimson infuses Harlow’s reckone’s own racism, or wondering to lessness and desire with a tense, what degree one was congratulating trainwreck momentum. oneself on one’s lack of racism out of a mere refinement of essentially racist preconceptions.” It’s a smart little insight into a well-meaning white Grimson himself won’t be able to attend guy’s brain, but the story as a whole meanders Friday’s reading—severe MS keeps him freplotlessly (or more charitably, “dreamily”). There’s quently homebound—but local actors, artists, also a disaffected, blowup-doll quality to many of and poets will share stories from the collection.
Stabs at Happiness
WEDNESDAY 11/28 TAMIM ANSARY
Games Without Rules provides a history of modern Afghanistan from the Afghan point of view. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm
ELLEE THALHEIMER, LUCY BURNINGHAM Hop in the Saddle combines two of Portland’s biggest pastimes: riding bikes and drinking craft brews. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm
BRANDON SEIFERT, LUKAS KETNER A release party with the creative team of Witch Doctor: Malpractice #1. Bridge City Comics, 3725 N Mississippi, 282-5484, 6 pm, free
MICHAEL CONNELLY The bestselling author’s newest, The Black Box, is set during the L.A. riots. Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, 228-4651, 7 pm
THE MOTH STORYSLAM An open-mic spinoff of the nationwide storytelling success. The Secret Society, 116 NE Russell, 493-3600, 8 pm, $8
THERE IS A FIRE/QUE HAY UN FUEGO A reading from the students whose work is collected in the 2011-2012 Writers in the Schools anthology. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm
THEATER A BRIGHT ROOM CALLED DAY
An evening of personal stories involving prancers and vixens
Tony Kushner’s political drama, set in 1930s Berlin. Portland Actor’s Conservatory, 1436 SW Montgomery, opens Nov 30, runs Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 16, $10-25
IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE Stumptown Stages presents their original musical adaptation of the holiday classic. Brunish Hall, 1111 SW Broadway, opens Nov 29, runs Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 23, $35.25
Bagdad Theater 3702 SE Hawthorne Boulevard Tuesday, December 4 Doors 6p, Show 7-9p
A VERY JOAN CRAWFORD CHRISTMAS
Tickets are $20 at the door or Bagdad Theater $18 in advance from CascadeTickets.com 3702 SE Hawthorne Boulevard and the Bagdad box office.
38 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
Joan Crawford and her loyal housekeeper Mamacita educate the viewers on how to make it through the holidays. The Sanctuary at Sandy Plaza, 1785 NE Sandy, Starts Nov 29, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm and Sun 2 pm, through Dec 23, $15-35
INVITING DESIRE: THE DAWN OF SEX A mixed bag of awkward and erotic vignettes covering all the topics you’ve pondered in the deepest recesses of your mind, and plenty you probably haven’t. JENNA LECHNER Milepost 5, 900 NE 81st, 724-6933, ThursSat 7 pm, through Dec 1, $25
SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE CASE OF THE CHRISTMAS CAROL Artists Rep remounts last year’s successful mashup of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s classic character and Charles Dickens’ classic Christmas tale. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison, 241-1278, Wed-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 30, $25-50
DANCE BACCHANAL BALLROOM Modern club sensibilities meet the way the Greeks used to do it: showcasing examples of the human physique dancing and posing as statues. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park, 226-2811, Thurs Nov 29, 5:30 pm, $7-10
COMEDY ★ LIVE WIRE RADIO A live taping of Portland’s homegrown variety show, featuring essayist Stacy Bolt, and music from the Young Evils and Pure Bathing Culture. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta, 719-6055, Sat Dec 1, 7:30 pm, $18-20
★ NO PUN INTENDO Ground Kontrol’s monthly comedy showcase features Nathan Brannon, Tynan DeLong, Randy Mendez, and Mandie Allietta. Ground Kontrol, 511 NW Couch, 796-9364, Thurs Nov 29, 9 pm, $3
VISUAL ART THE NEW BROW OF PORTLAND The third annual exhibit of 50 Portland artists, showcasing works that exist outside traditional “fine art” categories. Portland Center for the Performing Arts, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335, through Dec 31
ART OF MUSICAL MAINTENANCE 9 The Goodfoot’s annual celebration of poster art. Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark, 239-9292, Nov 29-Jan 20
MUSH, MUSH, THE SLOPING MIDNIGHT LINE An exhibition of new works on paper by Carson Ellis, influenced by Belgian novelist Sigrid Undset. Nationale, 811 E Burnside, Suite 112, through Dec 9
For a complete calendar of arts events, see portlandmercury.com
by Marjorie Skinner
Xtabay’s Holiday Fashion Show
HIS WEEK venerable Southeast vintage shop Xtabay celebrates the season with a holiday party-themed fashion show. There have been a steady number of well-attended runway shows this fall, but it’s rare that we’re treated to an evening completely in celebration of Portland’s vast vintage offerings, despite the never-ebbing popularity of mixing the old in with the new. Xtabay’s fête will include selected pieces from a recently acquired lot of unworn, tag-on looks from the 1960s—the kind of get vintage dealers live in wait for. Shown in the old tradition of atelier presentations, the show will take place in Xtabay’s new Bridal Salon, a dreamy, tulle- and rose-filled sanctuary of dress-up fantasy and storytelling through adornment. Plus, show proceeds will go to benefit the Cascade AIDS Project. Owner Elizabeth Gross took time to chat with us about the show, the shop, and the state of vintage in Portland. Xtabay Holiday Fashion Show, Xtabay Vintage Bridal Salon, 2536 SE 25th, Ste. E, Sat Dec 1, 7:30 pm, $8
MERCURY: There are a lot of fashion shows in town, but it’s not often that we see a runway show of all vintage pieces. What motivated you to throw one now?
ELIZABETH GROSS: The motivation behind the fashion show was to basically show off some beautiful vintage dresses and to have a party in the new Bridal Salon space. I thought it would be a great opportunity to raise funds for a local charity—one of my former employees and blog contributors works for Cascade AIDS Project and so I thought it would be a good fit.
What are the themes of the show?
Holiday glamour. I’ve always been inspired by the way the couture shows in Paris were done in the 1950s. Rather than having the models on catwalks walking in cavernous tents, the show would be held at the atelier with guests sitting on couches and chairs. The models would walk by at ground level. It was very intimate and elegant. The bridal salon totally has that kind of vibe. I’m primarily focusing on items from the ’50s and ’60s. I have this incredible collection of items that belonged to a woman named Bette that were never worn (long story), and a lot of things are from her collection. How did Xtabay’s bridal salon addition come about?
A couple years ago I started to notice that more and more women were coming in looking for vintage wedding gowns. I tried to accommodate them but the store started getting super cramped. I heard the folks upstairs were moving out so I jumped at the chance to take over the space. For the immediate future I’m really just focused on the holiday season. I am doing three more fashion shows in addition to the one at Xtabay, so my brain is thoroughly fried at this point! I am looking forward to January, though, when I can shift back into full bridal gear.
Which era in women’s clothing do you most admire?
My favorite era has to be… ah… I can’t say! I enjoy the best of every era! Early ’60s? I can’t commit to any one. Have you noticed changes in how Portland women wear and shop for vintage over the years?
When I first opened in 2001 I sold jeans, rock Ts, those tight ’70s T-shirts that said things like “Curl up with a hairdresser”—my prices capped out at around $24. I could find fabulous designer dresses from the ’40s and ’50s all day at places like Value Village and Goodwill. Etsy wasn’t around yet [and] not everyone and their sister were vintage dealers. Competition has gotten stiff and in order to find incredible stuff you have to pay a lot of money for it and fight crowds of crazed Etsy dealers at estate sales. Anyway, a lot of my customers are fashionsavvy women “of a certain age” that want something unique and stylish. They wear ’50s cocktail dresses with Prada heels. A lot of them shop at Nordstrom and Mario’s and have never stepped foot in the Goodwill bins. I am happy to say that a lot of my regular customers have been shopping with me since the day I opened. @MJSkinner800 on Twitter
FINALLY SOMETHING TO HONK ABOUT, IF PORTLANDERS HONKED.
All the news and talk from your neighborhood. Finally in one place. Create a free account today at everyblock.com.
THIS WEEK ON THE MERCURY ’S FASHION BLOG mod.portlandmercury.com Shopping
ONLINE EXCLUSIVE! YOUR DAY-BY-DAY GUIDE TO THIS WEEK’S STYLE EVENTS!
Be a better neighbor.
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 39
ND ORTLA P L A GIN Y STYLE I R O ENCH FR
AU EST • 503.226.1258 R E A
5PM-1:30AM RI/ S AT T• F IGH COCKTAILS N ID ING RV
MON -T H
UR 5P NOW M-M SE
AC REˆ P
AR ND B A T RAN
40 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
Last Supper THIS BIRD CAN SING Q&A with Aviaryâ€™s Kitchen Team by Chris Onstad
Â Â?Â? Â? Â?Â?Â?Â?Â? Â? Â? Â Â Â?Â Â?Â
OU CANâ€™T SLAP a sleeping foodie* in where weâ€™re ready to explore food as a thing in this town without them declaring Aviary itself, and not just a style? the hottest thing since crĂ¨me fraĂŽche on brandied accipiter loinâ€”and for good reason. For Have public attitudes about this kind of those who dine adventurously, Aviary has few small-plates, culturally unrestricted food peers. As a restaurant, itâ€™s an active conversa- become more receptive since youâ€™ve been open? tion at the fringe of the primordial food party JASPER SHEN: I think public opinion and our that is Portland; itâ€™s a supercollider of ideas views have both changed over time. As word where discovery occurs. has gotten out, people have started to I know too many people on the staff trust in the food we do. So, people Aviary to objectively review the place, but have become more open the minute rather than stay silent on the topic 1733 NE Alberta they come in the door, compared with when we first opened and people had of one of the most important res287-2400 taurants in the city, I worked that aviarypdx.com no idea what they were going to get, and were pretty wary of it. Also, we professional handicap into a visit and have increased the size of the portions to lengthy Q&A with the chefs, going behind be a little more user-friendly. We have found that the scenes to get at what makes Aviary tick. people think smaller food portions are smaller Jasper Shen and Sarah Pliner, the boundary- food portions no matter how cheaply you price pushing minds behind fried chicken skin salad it. By increasing the size of the food on the plate, with watermelon and clams with snout bacon, people are happier. took some time out of their 12-hour workdays to talk about their motives, how they create a Do you recall any â€œa-haâ€? moments early dish, and how theyâ€™ve adapted over time. in your career, watching your chefs taste Overachievers by nature, their responses and invent, that strike you as particularly naturally went long. The full set of answers can influential? PLINER: When I was working at Ducasse, one be found online; here are selected highlights. MERCURY: A few local restaurants are offering a new style of small-plate, techniquedriven, category-defying cooking. Itâ€™s hard to make, hard to describe, and it has a firm, often polarizing grasp on the dining publicâ€™s imagination. What role does food like this play in the evolution of how we eat? Why is it important? SARAH PLINER: I think the key element in this type of food is the lack of a specific cultural baseâ€”we donâ€™t care where in the world an ingredient or concept comes from, as long as it tastes good and is interesting. From what I remember from when I started cooking in Portland in the early â€™90s, we were always cooking a specific type of food: Italian, French, American. As I got into more and more progressive restaurants, that started to fall apart. There were Asian ingredients showing up, and when I got to New York, there didnâ€™t seem to be any limits, even at Ducasse, which is so French. I know there are still restaurants out there that adhere to a specific region or cuisine, but to me that just seems arbitrary. People are much more interested in food now than they were 20 years ago, and more knowledgeableâ€”maybe weâ€™ve reached a point
day Tony Esnault, the chef, was working on a lobster dish, and I smelled the sauce from across the kitchenâ€”lobster stock, coconut milk, mangoâ€”and I thought, â€œThat smells delicious, I canâ€™t wait to see what he does with it.â€? Then nothing for a few weeks. Then he was making it again, but a little different, then nothing again for a few weeks. It went on and on, and I started wondering if weâ€™d ever see the dish. Three months later he had something he was happy with and put it on the menu. Iâ€™d never seen anyone work that long or hard on a dishâ€”when I was at the Heathman we changed the menu every day, and weâ€™d just go stand in the walk-in at 2 pm and say, â€œWell, we have a lot of fingerling potatoes, and those mushrooms are going to go bad soon, and what else, spinach? Bacon! Espagnole! Done!â€? The food was okay, but I learned from Tony that if you take food seriously, you can really work at it and actually create something great, not through luck or talent or chance, but by work and perseverance. Read the extended version of this interview at portlandmercury.com/food Aviary is open Monday-Thursday 5-10 pm, Friday-Saturday 5-11 pm.
* Anyone who self-describes as a â€œfoodieâ€? should be slapped.
Find restaurants, bars, and reader reviews at portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 41
Portland’s Historic non-Profit tHeatre
THIS WEEK AT
enter taining Por tl and since 1926
Week of Friday, November 30 through Thursday, December 6 Sleepwalk with Me – PG13 5:30 Fri, Mon, Thurs 4122 NE SaNdy BoulEvard
EVENT HOTLINE: (503) 493-1128
now servInG Beer & wIne. All AGes stIll AdmItted!
GHoST your CoMMENTary & HECklE TExTS appEar oN SCrEEN! friday NovEMBEr 30 · 9:30 pm
Looper – R 7:30 Fri, Mon, Thurs + 6:30 Sun Seven Psychopaths – R 10:00 Fri, Mon, Tues, Thurs + 9:00 Sun Saturday, Dec 1st
Sacred Journeys Film Festival:
Sacred sites of the Dalai Lamas – 2:30 The shaman and Ayahuasca – 5:00 Living with Spirits – 6:45 Talking wth Spirits – 8:30 $5 per film/ $10 day pass Sunday, Dec 2nd Crafty Underdog Arts and Crafts Show 11-5, Free, All Ages
Monday, Dec 3rd History Talk: The Life of Vesper Geer 7pm, Free
Tuesday, Dec 4th John Cale (from Velvet Underground fame) 8pm, 21+
1624 N.W. Glisan Movie line: (503) 249-7474 Movies, music & events info: mcmenamins.com/mission
WiTH adaM BravE Book SiGNiNG! sUndAY AUGUst 19 · 2:00pm
kriSTaN kENNEdy, SaM korMaN, dalaS vErduGo & aNdrEW riTCHEy
THE MISFITS GETTiNG To kNoW you(TuBE)
TIN HOUSE prESENTS ARTHUR MILLER’S
MoNday dECEMBEr 3 · 7:15pm See the Mercury movie section for showtimes, and visit our NEW website
w w w .H o l l y
w o o d T H e a T r e . org
W E N ! DAY
W E N K! LOO )
Shit. d l O e (Sam
Now on Wednesdays! 42 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
Blood, Money, and Killing Them Softly by Erik Henriksen utterly contemporary—largely because writer/director Andrew Dominik, the dude behind Chopper and The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Killing Ford, has picked up Higgins’ story Them Softly and plopped it down a few decades dir. Andrew Dominik later. Now it plays out in the gray Opens Fri Nov 30 ruins of post-Katrina New OrVarious Theaters leans, with a soundtrack of news stories about the 2008 financial crisis leaking from every TV and car radio. Suddenly, that bunch of guys struggling to get by, fighting back despair, and screwing each other over for money is part of a bigger story. If the feel-good Lincoln is about how America likes to think of itself, the brutal, cynical, and hilarious Killing Them Softly is about how America actually is. Brad Pitt, with long, slicked-back hair and an I-don’t-give-a-fuck goatee, plays hitman/problem-solver Jackie Cogan. Smart, tough, and weary, Jackie’s the guy to go to when things go to hell, which is exactly KILLING THEM SOFTLY “Man, I’ve had that Lauryn Hill song in my head for days!” what happens when two small-time jackHE STORY of Killing Them Softly is and screwing each other over for money. asses (Scoot McNairy and Ben Mendelsohn) timeless: Here are a bunch of guys While it’s based on George V. Higgins’ 1974 hold up a backroom card game. Dishwashing struggling to get by, fighting back despair, novel Cogan’s Trade, Killing Them Softly feels gloves on their hands and nylons scrunch-
ing their faces, the profoundly inept duo’s heist is horrifically intense, even if the fall guy is already in place: Markie Trattman (Ray Liotta) is all but guaranteed to take the blame. But there are bigger interests just out of sight, as hinted by the presence of a fussy businessman (Richard Jenkins) tasked with cleaning up the whole mess. Enter Jackie, and, shortly thereafter, enter Mickey (James Gandolfini)—a mopey, faded-from-glory hitman who’s less concerned with his job and more concerned with martinis and hookers. Viciously violent—and viciously funny, with dialogue that’s by turns zipping and deadpan, ridiculous and mournful—Killing Them Softly knows exactly what it wants to say and exactly how it wants to say it. Tricks that would otherwise feel gimmicky—Pitt first appearing onscreen to Johnny Cash’s “The Man Comes Around,” or a panicky thief insisting “it’s only money!” while, in the background, George W. Bush discusses an economy that just had a nuclear bomb dropped on it—are handled by Dominik with confidence and deft humor. It’s hard to think of another movie this year that’ll be more perversely enjoyable than this one. “This country is fucked, I’m tellin’ ya,” Jackie says at one point. “There’s a plague comin’.” And in the meantime, here’s that bunch of guys, laughing and bleeding.
Totally Bogart That
Buoy Meets World
See Bogie in His Natural Habitat: 35mm by Jamie S. Rich
Sorry for the Terrible Headline! by Elinor Jones
BUOY “Well, bored with eating. Hmmm. Maybe I should have an incredibly long phone conversation? ”
UOY IS A Portland-set drama written and ME: This actress was in Prison Break. The directed by Portlander Steven Doughton. dude was on The West Wing. The bulk of the film is a single telephone conver- MY BROTHER: Let’s watch those shows sation between a glum mom, T.C. (Tina Holmes), instead. ME: ... and Danny (Matthew Del Negro), her estranged brother. Borrowing from that Buoy MY BROTHER: This story about the sinking ship is interesting, but usually uncomfortable plot device, my own dir. Steven they make movies about the interbrother and I chatted throughout Doughton esting thing instead of just having a as we watched Buoy. Now Playing conversation about it. Hollywood ME: All their chatter about drugs and Theatre 0MY BROTHER: This movie music suuuuucks, and those things rule! opens with long shots of water and MY BROTHER: Call me when something Portland. There is subtle jazz. happens. ME: This does not bode well. ME: This movie makes me never want to talk MY BROTHER: Is Carrie Brownstein in this? on a phone again. ME: Shut up. MY BROTHER: Whoa! Wait, did she really [For several long minutes, we watch a woman say that?! silently tidy up her house.] ME: Drama at the one-hour mark! Maybe ME: It is VERY. WELL. ESTABLISHED. they aren’t boring? That this woman is picking up her house. MY BROTHER: They’re hanging up! It’s MY BROTHER: It was the second load of over! laundry that convinced me. ME: That wasn’t too horrible. I’m gonna say it ME: It has only been 10 minutes. Feels like was intriguing, albeit hard to watch. longer. Oh look, her phone is ringing! BROTHER: You’re hard to watch. [We eavesdrop on the slow conversation, watching ME: NO, YOU ARE. only from the sister’s side.]
THE MALTESE FALCON Three seconds later, Bogey hit that kid so hard his hair went straight!
lowe in The Big Sleep are all superficially inIKE MANY classic Hollywood stars, terchangeable. The keen observer will note, Humphrey Bogart first became known however, that their existential backbones are to me via Looney Tunes. Remember that one poised at different stoic angles. The private with Bugs Bunny and the penguin and Bogart detectives aren’t mere clones of one another: kept showing up and asking if they’d help a Sam Spade is a self-serving animal who’d steal fellow American down on his luck? that Falcon himself if the crooks would stop While I doubt Eight Ball Bunny will be a being so crooked, whereas Marlowe keeps surprise entry at Cinema 21’s mini-Bogart chasing the truth because he couldn’t film festival, You’ll Take It and Like It, live with himself if he didn’t. the fact the legendary actor was so The subtle differences—the easily caricatured is likely one You’ll Take of the reasons he’s still so faIt and Like It: ways Bogart makes each character distinct, while still remous. The best performers in Three Bogart Hollywood’s Golden Age were Classics in 35mm maining Bogart—is exactly what makes Bogart, well… Boas much a brand as they were dirs. Various gart. He was always a star auartists, acting in projects that Fri Nov 30-Thurs Dec 6 diences paid good money to see, were catered to their particular Cinema 21 yet he was also someone wholly image. Thus, in all three films new. The You’ll Take It and Like It lined up for this weeklong celebraselections may seem a tad obvious, but tion, Bogie plays a guy who can’t help but they’re also Bogart at his best. They call them do the right thing, even when it’s against his classics for a reason, and you can’t get more own self-interests. Rick in Casablanca, Sam classic than Humphrey. Spade in The Maltese Falcon, and Philip Mar-
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 43
44 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
AMONG THE BEST
HORROR MOVIES OF THE YEAR”. - IGN
of fear, y d u t s “A over it.”
mph and- LtOrS iAuNGELES TIMES
ly .” g n i l t et
The Mercury Music Blog citadelmovie.com
HECKLEVISION: GHOST Not pictured: Academy Award winner Whoopi Glodberg.
ADDICTED TO FAME A documentary about the final film project of Anna Nicole Smith. This won’t be depressing at all! Hollywood Theatre.
ANIMATED CHRISTMAS SHORTS
Old Christmas shorts, presented in 16mm. Hollywood Theatre.
★ ANNA KARENINA Prediction: Joe Wright’s Anna Karenina is going to be the Speed Racer of literary adaptations—defended by nerds, derided by other nerds, and baffling to the public at large. It’s an audacious interpretation of Leo Tolstoy that’s overstuffed and overflowing with style. I can’t be sure that it’s a good movie—but I was so overwhelmed by its boldness that I can’t deny I kind of loved it. JAMIE S. RICH Bridgeport Village Stadium 18, Century Clackamas Town Center. ★ ARGO If you snoozed through the Iranian hostage crisis by not being born yet, a refresher: The US and some other imperialists have historically been major assholes to Iran, so in 1979, the Iranian people were like, “Actually, no!” and they rose up and stormed the US embassy, where some 60 Americans were frantically trying to shred stuff and not be murdered. Six Americans escaped through a back door. (Nice embassy-storming, amateurs!) While the world was focused on what was happening to the dozens of hostages inside the embassy, those six were stuck at the Canadian ambassador’s house—with no way to get out. Enter: Ben Affleck as a CIA hostage wrangler with an insane plan to create a fake sci-fi movie called Argo, call the six escaped hostages a film crew, and then GTFO. And you guys: This actually happened. I did a crappy job at explaining all of that, but Argo does not; Affleck’s direction delivers a brilliantly simple telling of a complicated story. Detailed without ever feeling dense, the film should satisfy nearly all classes of nerds (history! Politics! Science fiction! Movies!), as well as normals who just want to watch something entertaining. ELINOR JONES Various Theaters. ★ B-MOVIE BINGO The Hollywood’s series features B-movies, with the audience marking down clichés on a custom-made bingo card. This time around: Vin Diesel’s XXX. Hollywood Theatre.
See review this issue. Hollywood Theatre.
★ CHASING ICE National Geographic photographer James Balog’s Extreme Ice Survey took photos of glaciers as they melted over hours, days, months, and years—and captured remarkable, time-lapse images of climate change in action. Chasing Ice spends too much time on Balog and the challenges he faces in getting his footage, but the footage itself is gorgeous, majestic, and horrific. Spliced with clips of Fox News dipshits insisting global warming isn’t real, Chasing Ice will largely preach to the choir—which is too bad, because as calls to action go, this visually devastating documentary is hard to top. ERIK HENRIKSEN Hollywood Theatre.
David Mitchell’s 2004 novel Cloud Atlas has long been considered unfilmable, and make no mistake: It still is. The new movie by the Wachowskis and Tom Tykwer is very much an adaptation, borrowing the basic outline of Mitchell’s book to create something entirely its own. The film juggles six characters with six distinct storylines, set in time periods ranging from the 1830s to a distant, post-apocalyptic future. Given the audacity of
its undertaking, Cloud Atlas is remarkably cohesive. Some storylines resonate more than others, but they’re all efficiently told. But for all the energy and flair this adaptation possesses, it’s so focused on pulling off the logistics of adapting Mitchell’s novel that there isn’t room for much depth. ALISON HALLETT Century Clackamas Town Center.
OPENS HOLLYWOOD THEATRE NE SANDY BLVD. FRIDAY, 4122 PORTLAND NOV. 30 (503) 281-4215
News. MP3s. sNark. Now Playing at endhits.portlandmercury.com
Portland Mercury 11/28 1x4 (1 col=2.25)
THE COLLECTION Wha? Another crappy-looking horror flick that wasn’t screened for critics? Why, I never.... Various Theaters.
FLIGHT A clumsy, preachy, feature-length infomercial for AA. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.
★ FRESH FRENCH SHORTS Completely unsurprisingly, one of the films in the Northwest Film Center’s Fresh French Shorts program is about a man who has an existential crisis when he realizes his whole life is being captured on camera. FRENCH PEOPLE, am I right??? But this is a rewardingly diverse program that ranges in subject matter from a gritty look at a single mother in Paris desperately trying to make ends meet, to an animated short about a vampire’s coming of age. There’s even a man who thinks he’s a donkey! Because… French people. ALISON HALLETT Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.
GETTING TO KNOW YOUTUBE Local presenters help you to “climb into YouTube’s deepest caverns of collective consciousness and unearth hidden treasures, stretching the boundaries of what tubes and you were meant for.” Okay! Hollywood Theatre.
★ GIRL MODEL Girl Model completely sneaks up on you. It at first seems like a fairly mousy documentary. It builds slowly, like the room is getting colder and colder—this is you, being drawn into the subzero, subhuman world of the movie. All at once, finally, in a single shot where a central deception is revealed, the movie rears up, bites, and is full of venom. It was a thriller. Model is not just about preteen modeling, which would be creepy enough. Instead, it’s about the indentured servitude of Siberian girls at the hands of people who are either self-congratulatory or dead inside—and who are not too ashamed to talk on camera because there’s really no single place to lay blame, anyway. JEN GRAVES Clinton Street Theater. ★ HECKLEVISION: GHOST See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17. Hollywood Theatre. ★ KILLING THEM SOFTLY See review this issue. Various Theaters. ★ LIFE OF PI Ang’s Lee’s overblown but nonetheless quite beautiful adaptation of Yann Martel’s 2001 novel of the same name. Like the novel, it’s a parable disguised as an adventure story; like the novel, some people will think it contains profound truths, and some will find it unbearably overwrought. Others—me!—will appreciate some of the best 3D we’ve seen to date, and enjoy the adventure despite its self-seriousness. ALISON HALLETT Various Theaters.
LINCOLN Oscar bait doesn’t get much more baiting than this: Steven Spielberg directing Daniel Day-Lewis with a Tony Kushner script about the final months of America’s most beloved, tragic president. By and large, Lincoln wanders many of the same paths Spielberg’s other Oscar bait-y films have taken—this one feels particularly like Amistad, though there’s some War Horse in here too. Lincoln
★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY NOVEMBER 30-THURSDAY DECEMBER 6, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM.
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 45
-Dennis Harvey, VARIETY
THE UNBELIEVABLE STORY ABOUT THE MAKING OF ANNA NICOLE SMITH’S FINAL FILM
‘‘YOU’VE NEVER SEEN IMAGES LIKE THIS BEFORE... IT DESERVES TO BE SEEN AND FELT ON THE BIG SCREEN’’
‘‘STUNNING IMAGES” DIRECTOR
– Neil Genzlinger, THE NEW YORK TIMES
“ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FILMS OF THE YEAR” – Regina Weinreich, THE HUFFINGTON POST
“–HHHHH ” Joe Neumaier, NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
Fame ADDItoCTED DISASTER
ARTHOUSE ROADSHOW P I C T U R E S
A FILM BY JEFF ORLOWSKI NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION All we want for Xmas is Community.
www.chasingice.com • www.submarinedeluxe.com
WRITTEN, DIRECTED AND EDITED BY DAVID GIANCOLA
HOLLYWOOD THEATRE 4122 NE Sandy Blvd, Portland (503) 281-4215
ARTHOUSE ROADSHOW P I C T U R E S
COPYRIGHT ©2012 ARTHOUSE ROADSHOW PICTURES INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
STARTS FRI. HOLLYWOOD THEATRE 503-281-4215 NOV. 30 4122 NORTHEAST SANDY • WWW.HOLLYWOODTHEATRE.ORG
PORTLAND MERCURY —
THURS 11/29 2.25”2.25" x 4”X 4" PORTLAND MERCURY DUE MON 6PM
Artist: (circle one:) Heather Staci Freelance 2
CHECK THEATRE DIRECTORIES OR CALL FOR SHOWTIMES
AE: (circle one:) Angela Maria Josh Tim
is a generally well-made film, but it’s also one stitched together from Day-Lewis’ dramatic monologues and cinematographer Janusz Kaminski’s reverential sepia tones: Even when it tries to humanize Lincoln, it’s mostly just here to reaffirm what a Great Man he was and how he made some Very Important History. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.
★ LOOPER Looper is “just” an action movie the same way Brick was “just” a noir, or The Brothers Bloom was “just” a heist flick: All three were written and directed by Rian Johnson, and with each, Johnson appropriates the skeleton of a genre, then fleshes it out in astonishingly clever ways. All you need to know to enjoy Looper is that actions have consequences—and Looper is an action movie. APPROVED ERIK ART HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.
AE APPROVED THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS Somehow RZA managed to make his very own kung CLIENT APPROVED fu movie, and it’s exactly like you’d expect: really, really enthusiastic, and really, really not very good. Weirdly drained of his charisma, RZA stars as “Blacksmith,” a... blacksmith who eventually makes himself some iron fists, which he then uses to punch the fuck out of people. Lucy Liu and Russell Crowe also show up, and there’s a lot of fighting between various clans, and a lot of callbacks to Shaw Brothers classics, and a lot of ridiculous wigs. It’s kind of fun and entirely incomprehensible, and the action is underwhelming. But still, good for RZA. ERIK HENRIKSEN Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater.
★ NATIONAL LAMPOON’S
“When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!” Laurelhurst Theater.
★ OLD GOATS The story of three old guys and their friendship. Britt lives on his tiny boat and is out of touch with modern life, Bob is full of energy and attitude and is a ladies’ man, and Dave is recently retired and spends his time “managing his retirement funds” (looking at internet porn). It’s refreshing to see older characters being active and having their own lives and opinions, and not just playing someone’s grandparent or having dementia. GILLIAN ANDERSON Living Room Theaters.
The besT love sTory seen on film in years! a spectacle that has to be seen to be believed. “
anna Karenina sings, dances and soars.”
K E I R A
K N I G H T L E Y
J U D E
L A W
PLANET OF SNAIL A South Korean documentary about poet Young-Chan, who can neither hear nor see and communicates with his wife by tapping out words on each others hands. Clinton Street Theater.
Like last summer’s completely unnecessary Total Recall remake, the surprising thing about this completely unnecessary remake is that it’s significantly better than it needs to be. It’s as charmingly hammy as its predecessor, but this louder, punchier Red Dawn also makes a few decent stabs at establishing actual characters, not to mention getting some mileage out of good ol’ irony. (Jed’s time in Iraq made him an IED expert? Thanks for the tips, Iraqi insurgents!) But rest assured, National Rifle Associates: This Red Dawn still taps into the delusional, violent, unapologetic jingoism that made the original such a bizarrely fun fantasy. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.
RISE OF THE GUARDIANS
makes one long for the great, gorgeous, thoughtful children’s film that Guardians could’ve been. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY Various Theaters.
★ SEARCHING FOR SUGAR MAN Detroit singer/songwriter Rodriguez released two obscure albums of introspective, Dylanesque agitprop-lite in 1970 and 1971, then promptly vanished. Documentary filmmaker Malik Bendjelloul picks up his thread in South Africa, where Rodriguez’s music has amassed a huge following over the decades—and where nobody knows a thing about the mysterious man behind the records. If this is the first you’ve heard of Rodriguez, you might choose to stop reading here, because the twist that Searching for Sugar Man reveals—while not a surprise to anyone who’s picked up the recent reissues of his albums on the Seattle-based Light in the Attic label—is handled brilliantly in the film. Even if you do know what happened next, Sugar Man is still one of the most intriguing and satisfying music documentaries in a good while. NED LANNAMANN Laurelhurst Theater. ★ SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS Martin McDonagh’s feverish, hilarious story about a drunk screenwriter, Marty (Colin Farrell). And the probably insane Billy (Sam Rockwell). And a charming, doddering dog thief (charming, doddering Christopher Walken), and an Amish sociopath (Harry Dean Stanton), and an exceedingly troubled man with a bunny (Tom Waits), and a trigger-happy crime boss (Woody Harrelson). Things get a bit meta, and they get impressively bloody, and there might be one or two women in it? Briefly? There is definitely a dog in it. This isn’t a movie for everybody, but it’s well aware of that fact, and it’s a hell of a good time. ERIK HENRIKSEN Academy Theater, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater, Liberty Theatre, Mission Theater. ★ SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK As someone who’s skeptical of silver linings being an actual thing, so too was I skeptical of Silver Linings Playbook, the would-be feel-good holiday release from I Heart Huckabees director David O. Russell. Midway through the trailer, I half expected a voiceover to proclaim it was “from the producers of The Blind Side of the Help.” But while the path of this thing seems obvious, the film’s romance sneaks up on you: Russell disguises his love story by shooting Silver Linings Playbook with the same visceral immediacy he brought to The Fighter, cloaking the courtship in the manic energy of mental disorders. JAMIE S. RICH Bridgeport Village Stadium 18, Century Clackamas Town Center. ★ SKYFALL We’re all in love with James Bond again. Maybe it’s because we nearly lost him when MGM virtually went bankrupt in 2010. Or perhaps it’s due to the general global unease of the day, when there’s something pretty appealing about a hero without superpowers. Maybe, and most likely, it’s because Daniel Craig has now fully assumed the mantle, with his grim, tightlipped, almost thuggish 007 a worthy reinvention of Ian Fleming’s character. For whatever reason, Skyfall is the most anticipated Bond movie in decades, and for the most part it doesn’t disappoint. NED LANNAMANN Various Theaters. ★ SMOKE SIGNALS The 1998 indie favorite about two Native American friends who leave their Idaho reservation. They drive a car backwards! Fifth Avenue Cinema.
Based on the beautifully illustrated books of William STARLET Joyce, Rise of the Guardians re-imagines the origins A drama about “the unlikely friendship between 21 of childhood’s greatest heroes (Santa Claus, the year-old aspiring actress Jane and elderly widow Sadie.” Easter Bunny, the Sandman, and the Tooth Fairy) as Featuring 27 straight minutes of ultra-tight poppin’ and PORTLAND_AKA_1128 #5 an Avengers-style team that—in addition to their day lockin’ dance-off action. Living Room Theaters. jobs—protects the innocence of kids around the world. BEAVERTON PORTLAND Century TIGARD Regal Bridgeport VANCOUVER Alas, three quarters of Guardians involve unnecessary, THE TIN DRUM Cinetopia ProgressVANCOUVER Ridge 14 Clackamas Town Center XD Village Stadium 18 & IMAX Cinetopia 23 on the beloved book by Günter dizzying& action sequences, rather than focusing on Vancouver The 1979 Mall film based BEAVERTON PORTLAND Century TIGARD Regal Bridgeport (503) 597-6900 (800) FANDANGO #996 (800) FANDANGO #1728 (360) 448-4100 Cinetopia Progress Ridge 14 Clackamas Town Center & XD Village Stadium 18 & IMAX Cinetopia Vancouver Mall 23 subtextNO of theORstory. “Everybody’s Favorite Nazi™!” Grass. Northwest Film CHECK THEATRE DIRECTORIES OR CALL FOR SOUND INFORMATION ANDbuilding SHOWTIMES characters, plot, and SPECIALthe ENGAGEMENTS PASSES DISCOUNT COUPONS ACCEPTED (503) 597-6900 (800) FANDANGO #996 (800) FANDANGO #1728 (360) 448-4100 While the ending works, it does so just barely—and Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. CHECK THEATRE DIRECTORIES OR CALL FOR SOUND INFORMATION AND SHOWTIMES SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS NO PASSES OR DISCOUNT COUPONS ACCEPTED
S tarts f riday, N ovember 30
w hile c ontinu ing a t
PORTLAND Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10 (800) FANDANGO #327
46 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
THE PORTLAND MERCURY
PORTLAND Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10 (800) FANDANGO #327
★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY NOVEMBER 30-THURSDAY DECEMBER 6, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM.
LISTINGS ARE GOOD FRIDAY-THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 30- DECEMBER 6 UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED.
Lloyd Center 10 Cinema 1510 NE Multnomah, 800-326-3264
Argo Fri 12:30, 3:45, 6:40, 9:35; Sat 3:45, 6:40, 9:35;
Fifth Avenue Cinema 510 SW Hall, 725-3551
Smoke Signals Fri-Sat 7, 9:30; Sun 3
Fox Tower 10
846 SW Park, 800-326-3264
Showtimes unavailable at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times
Living Room Theaters 341 SW 10th, 971-222-2005
Argo Fri-Thurs 12, 1:45, 2:40, 4:15, 6:50, 7:45, 9:20 The Flat Fri-Wed 2:40, 5, 7:15; Thurs 2:40, 5 Killing Them Softly Fri-Thurs 11:40, 12:20, 2:30, 4:45, 5:25, 7, 9:10, 10:10 Old Goats Fri-Thurs 12:10, 2:20, 4:30, 6:40, 8:50 The Other Son Fri-Thurs 11:50, 2:25, 7:30, 9:45 Starlet Fri-Thurs 12:30, 5:10, 9:30
Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium 1219 SW Park, 221-1156
Sun 12:30, 3:45, 6:40, 9:35; Tues-Wed 12:30, 3:45, 6:40, 9:35; Thurs 12:30, 3:45 Killing Them Softly Fri-Thurs 12:05, 2:35, 5:05, 7:35, 10:05 Life of Pi 3D Fri-Thurs 12:25, 3:30, 6:30, 9:45 Lincoln Fri-Thurs 11:55 am, 3:20, 6:50, 10:15 Pulp Fiction Thurs 7 Red Dawn Fri 3, 5:25, 7:50, 10:25; Sat-Mon 12:35, 3, 5:25, 7:50, 10:25; Tues 12:35, 3, 10:25; Wed 12:35, 3, 5:25, 7:50, 10:25; Thurs 12:35, 3 Reservoir Dogs Tues 7 Rise of the Guardians Fri-Thurs 11:50 am, 4:50, 9:50 Rise of the Guardians 3D Fri-Thurs 2:15, 7:20 Skyfall Fri-Thurs 1:20, 4:45, 8:05 Skyfall IMAX Fri-Thurs 12:45, 4, 7:15, 10:30 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Thurs 12:55, 3:55, 7, 9:55 Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Mon 11:45 am, 2:20, 5, 7:40, 10:20; Tues-Wed 11:45 am, 2:20, 10:20; Thurs 11:45 am, 2:20, 5, 7:40, 10:20
Roseway Theater 7229 NE Sandy, 282-2898
Fresh French Shorts Fri 7; Sat 4:30, 7 The Tin Drum Sun 4:30
Pioneer Place Stadium 6 340 SW Morrison, 800-326-3264
Flight Fri-Thurs 12:45, 4:20, 7:45 Life of Pi 3D Fri-Thurs 12:30, 3:45, 7:20, 10:30 Rise of the Guardians Fri-Thurs 4:30, 10:10 Rise of the Guardians 3D Fri-Thurs 1:15, 7:30 Skyfall Fri-Thurs 12, 3:15, 6:45, 10:20 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Thurs 12:15, 3:30, 7, 10
Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Thurs 4:10, 9:50 Wreck-It Ralph 3D Fri-Thurs 1, 7:05
Northeast Hollywood Theatre 4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215
Addicted to Fame Fri 9:10; Sat-Sun 5:30 Animated Christmas Shorts Sat 2 B-Movie Bingo Tues 7:30 Buoy Fri-Mon 7:30 Chasing Ice Fri 7; Sat-Sun 2:30, 5:15, 7, 9; Mon 9:20; Tues-Thurs 7 Citadel Fri-Thurs 9:15 Getting to Know YouTube Mon 7:15 Hecklevision: Ghost Fri 9:30 A Late Quartet Fri 7:15; Sat-Sun 2:15, 7:15; Mon 7:20 Looper Sat-Sun 5, 9:30; Tues-Thurs 9:30
Skyfall Fri 1, 4:30, 8
Southeast Academy Theater 7818 SE Stark, 252-0500
Beasts of the Southern Wild Fri-Sat 6, 8; Sun 6; MonThurs 6, 8 Brave Fri 2:50; Sat-Sun 12:40, 2:50; Mon-Thurs 2:50 Frankenweenie Fri 4; Sat-Sun 12, 4; Mon-Thurs 4 Looper Fri 2:05, 4:30, 7, 9:30; Sat-Sun 11:40, 2:05, 4:30, 7, 9:30; Mon-Wed 2:05, 4:30, 7, 9:30; Thurs 2:05, 4:30, 9:30 The Man With the Iron Fists Fri-Sat 1:55, 10; Sun 1:55, 10:15; Mon-Thurs 1:55, 10 Seven Psychopaths Fri 5, 7:30, 9:45; Sat 5, 9:45; SunWed 5, 7:30, 9:45; Thurs 5, 9:45 A Tale of Delight Thurs 7, 7:30 The Walking Dead Sun 9 (free)
3451 SE Belmont, 238-1617
Frankenweenie Fri-Thurs 12:10, 3:35, 7 Ice Age: Continental Drift Fri-Thurs 1:50 Looper Fri-Thurs 1, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40 ParaNorman Fri 5:15; Sat 11:10 am, 5:15; Sun-Thurs 5:15 Pitch Perfect Fri-Thurs 3:15, 8:45
3702 SE Hawthorne, 225-5555
Kennedy School 5736 NE 33rd, 249-7474
Arbitrage Tues 2:30; Thurs 2:30 Brave Fri-Mon 3 Frankenweenie Fri 5:30; Sat-Sun 12:30, 5:30; Mon-Thurs 5:30 Looper Fri-Thurs 9:45 Seven Psychopaths Fri-Thurs 7:30
Laurelhurst Theater 2735 E Burnside, 232-5511
Beasts of the Southern Wild Fri 7:15; Sat-Sun 1:45, 7:15; Mon-Thurs 7:15 Frankenweenie Sat-Sun 1:30 Looper Fri-Sun 4, 9:10; Mon-Thurs 9:10 The Man With the Iron Fists Fri-Sun 4:15, 9:45; MonThurs 9:45 Moonrise Kingdom Fri 7; Sat-Sun 1:15, 7; Mon-Thurs 7 National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Fri 9; SatSun 2, 9; Mon-Thurs 9 Safety Not Guaranteed Fri-Thurs 7:30 Searching for Sugar Man Fri-Sun 4:40, 6:45; Mon-Thurs 6:45 Seven Psychopaths Fri-Sun 4:30, 9:30; Mon-Thurs 9:30
A Christmas Story Sat 2 Frankenweenie Fri-Sat 5:15; Wed 6 Looper Fri 7:30; Sat 7:30, 10:15; Wed 8:20 Wild and Scenic Film Festival Thurs 7
Century Eastport 16 4040 SE 82nd, 800-326-3264
A Christmas Story Wed 2, 7 The Collection Fri-Thurs 12, 2:15, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45 Flight Fri-Thurs 12:10, 3:25, 6:40, 9:55 Killing Them Softly Fri-Thurs 12:15, 2:45, 5:15, 7:45, 10:15 Life of Pi Fri-Thurs 1:30, 7:35 Life of Pi 3D Fri-Thurs 12, 3, 4:30, 6:05, 9, 10:30 Lincoln Fri-Sun 11 am, 12:05, 2:15, 3:35, 5:30, 7, 9:10, 10:20; Mon-Thurs 12:05, 2:15, 3:35, 5:30, 7, 9:10, 10:20 Red Dawn Fri-Sun 11:15 am, 12:15, 1:35, 2:50, 4:05, 5:20, 6:35, 7:50, 9:05, 10:10; Mon-Thurs 12:15, 1:35, 2:50, 4:05, 5:20, 6:35, 7:50, 9:05, 10:10 Rise of the Guardians Fri-Thurs 12:50, 3:30, 6:10, 8:45 Rise of the Guardians 3D Fri-Sun 11:30 am, 2:05, 4:50, 7:25, 10; Mon-Thurs 2:05, 4:50, 7:25, 10
Skyfall Fri-Sun 11 am, 12:20, 2:10, 3:40, 5:25, 6:55, 8:50, 10:05; Mon-Tues 12:20, 2:10, 3:40, 5:25, 6:55, 8:50, 10:05; Wed 12:20, 3:40, 5:25, 6:55, 8:50, 10:05; Thurs 12:20, 2:10, 3:40, 5:25, 6:55, 8:50, 10:05 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Sun 11 am, 12:25, 1:50, 3:15, 4:40, 6:05, 7:30, 8:55, 10:25; Mon-Tues 12:25, 1:50, 3:15, 4:40, 6:05, 7:30, 8:55, 10:25; Wed 12:25, 1:50, 3:15, 6:05, 8:55, 10:25; Thurs 12:25, 1:50, 3:15, 4:40, 6:05, 7:30, 8:55, 10:25 Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Thurs 1:40, 7:10 Wreck-It Ralph 3D Fri-Sun 11:05 am, 4:25, 9:50; MonThurs 4:25, 9:50
2021 SE Hawthorne, 231-7919
Killing Them Softly
Skyfall Fri 5:30, 8:30; Sat-Sun 2:40, 5:30, 8:30; Mon-
The Maltese Falcon Fri-Sat 4:30; Sun 7; Mon 4:30;
Thurs 5:30, 8:30
Tues 9:15; Wed 7; Thurs 4:30
Clinton Street Theater 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899
Girl Model Fri-Sat 9; Mon-Tues 9 Planet of Snail Fri-Sat 7; Mon-Tues 7 Rocky Horror Picture Show Sat 11:30 pm The Walking Dead (Marathon) Sun 2 The Wall Street Conspiracy Thurs 7
Looper Fri 7:30; Sun 6:30; Wed-Thurs 7:30 Sacred Journeys Film Festival Sat 2, 5, 6:45, 8:30 Seven Psychopaths Fri 10; Sun 9; Mon 9:30; Wed-Thurs 10 Sleepwalk With Me Fri 5:30-Sun 5:30; Wed-Thurs 5:30
1624 NW Glisan, 223-4527
Milwaukie Cinemas 11011 SE Main, 653-2222
Brave 3D Fri-Thurs 4:40 Finding Nemo 3D Fri-Thurs 1 Frankenweenie Fri 3, 6:30; Sat 11:15 am, 3, 6:30; SunThurs 3, 6:30 Looper Fri-Thurs 7:05, 9:15
Elsewhere Bridgeport Village Stadium 18 7329 SW Bridgeport Rd., Tigard, 800-326-3264
Anna Karenina Fri 12, 3:15, 6:45, 10 Argo Fri 11:20 am, 2:50, 6:50, 9:50 The Collection Fri 11:40 am, 2:10, 4:30, 7:15, 10:40 Flight Fri 11:35 am, 3:05, 6:35, 9:45 Killing Them Softly Fri 11:15 am, 1:45, 4:20, 7:25,
The Odd Life of Timothy Green Fri-Thurs 3:05 ParaNorman Fri-Thurs 1:15 Pitch Perfect Fri-Thurs 5, 8:15
6712 SE Milwaukie, 236-5257
Lincoln Fri 5:30, 8:30; Sat-Sun 2:30, 5:30, 8:30; MonThurs 5:30, 8:30
Life of Pi Fri 3, 7 Life of Pi 3D Fri 11 am, 11:50 am, 2, 5, 8, 10:05, 11 Lincoln Fri 11:05 am, 12:05, 2:30, 4:25, 6:50, 8:15, 10:25 Red Dawn Fri 11:25 am, 1:50, 4:25, 7:05, 10:10 Rise of the Guardians Fri 12:10, 2:45, 5:20, 8:10, 10:45
1945 SE Water, 797-4640
Rise of the Guardians 3D Fri 11:30 am, 2:15, 4:50,
Born to Be Wild Fri-Sun 1, 5 The Dark Knight Rises Fri-Sun 8 Deep Sea Fri-Sun 3 Dolphins Sat-Sun 12 Hubble Fri-Sun 4 The Living Sea Fri 12 The Polar Express Fri-Sun 6 To the Arctic Fri-Sun 11 am Tornado Alley Fri-Sun 2
Silver Linings Playbook Fri 11:10 am, 2:05, 5:05, 7:55, 10:50
Skyfall Fri 11:45 am, 12:20, 3:10, 6:30, 7:45, 9:55 Skyfall IMAX Fri 1, 4:15, 7:30, 10:35 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri 12:15, 3:30, 4, 7:10, 10:20, 11
Wreck-It Ralph Fri 11:25 am, 2:05, 4:45, 7:40, 10:30
Cinetopia Mill Plain 8
11700 SE 7th, Vancouver, 360-213-2800
Flight Fri-Thurs 1:10, 4:20, 7:30, 10:35 Killing Them Softly Fri-Thurs 12, 2:30, 5, 7:40, 10:10 Life of Pi 3D Fri-Thurs 12:40, 3:40, 7, 10:20 Lincoln Fri-Thurs 1, 4:30, 8:10 Rise of the Guardians Fri-Thurs 12, 2:25, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50 Skyfall Fri-Thurs 12:30, 3:45, 7:10, 10:40 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Thurs
St. Johns Theater and Pub 8203 N Ivanhoe, 225-5555
Frankenweenie Fri-Sat 6; Tues-Thurs 6 Looper Fri 8:40; Tues 8:40; Wed 1, 8:40; Thurs 8:40 The Walking Dead Sun 7, 9
1:20, 4, 7:10, 10
St. Johns Twin Cinemas
Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Thurs 12:20, 3:10, 5:50, 8:30
Skyfall Fri-Sun 1, 4, 7, 9:50; Mon-Thurs 4, 7, 9:50 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Sun
801 C Street, Vancouver, 800-326-3264
8704 N Lombard, 286-1768
2:15, 5, 7:35, 10:10; Mon-Thurs 5, 7:35, 10:10
City Center 12
Argo Fri-Thurs 11:55 am, 6:15 The Collection Fri-Thurs 12:15, 2:25, 4:35, 6:45, 8:55 Flight Fri-Thurs 11:40 am, 2:40, 6:25, 9:25 Killing Them Softly Fri-Thurs 11:45 am, 2:15, 4:40, 7, 9:30
616 NW 21st, 223-4515
The Big Sleep Fri 9:15; Sat 7; Sun 2, 9:15; Mon 7; Tues 4:30; Wed-Thurs 9:15 Casablanca Fri 7; Sat 2, 9:15; Sun 4:30; Mon 9:15; Tues 7; Wed 4:30; Thurs 7
Life of Pi 3D Fri-Thurs 12, 2:55, 6:10, 9:05 Lincoln Fri-Thurs 11:25 am, 2:45, 6, 9:15 Red Dawn Fri-Thurs 11:30 am, 2:05, 4:25, 6:45, 9:30 Rise of the Guardians Fri 2, 4:25, 6:50, 9:15; Sat 11:30 am, 4:25, 6:50, 9:15; Sun 2, 4:25, 6:50; Mon 2, 4:25, 9:15; Tues 11:30 am, 4:25, 6:50; Wed 2, 4:25, 9:15; Thurs 11:30 am, 4:25, 6:50 Rise of the Guardians 3D Fri-Thurs 12:30, 3, 5:50, 8:30 The Sessions Fri-Thurs 2:45, 9:10 Skyfall Fri-Thurs 11:35 am, 2:50, 6:05, 9:20 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Thurs 11:25 am, 2:10, 5:55, 8:40 Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Thurs 11:50 am, 2:30, 5:20, 8
2126 SW Halsey, 669-8610
Frankenweenie Fri-Sat 6; Sun 2, 6; Mon-Thurs 6 Looper Fri-Thurs 9
LOOK AT THIS!
Film Times are updated daily at
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 47
Savage Love by Dan Savage
Going it Alone
’m a straight man at that age where the general public still considers me young. Although I’ve attended many weddings, I have no interest in marrying or even being in a relationship. I never have. I’m not asexual. I’ve had and enjoyed sex. I just don’t feel the need to be with anyone. As long as I’ve got music and friends, I’m satisfied. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one. My parents want grandkids. My friends want to set me up. My television set only ever shows people in or pursuing relationships. My government wants me to father and raise future dead soldiers. I try not to internalize these views, but sometimes I wonder what’s going to happen if I change my mind somewhere down the road. What the hell’s wrong with me? Or not wrong with me? What do I tell people who insist that something’s wrong or that I’ll change my mind? And what should I do if I actually do change my mind? I Don’t Give a Fuck
onestly, IDGAF, yours is one of those letters that I have a hard time giving much of a fuck about. Don’t get me wrong: You sound like a nice guy, articulate and pithy, and I typically like people who know what they do and don’t want. But cowards annoy me. Forgive me for working my own sexuality into this, but I have to say: When I was at that age the general public unanimously considers young—still a teenager—I walked into my mother’s bedroom and informed her that I was a faggot. (Begging my parents for tickets to the national tour of A Chorus Line for my 13th birthday somehow didn’t do the job; five years later, I had to come out to them all over again.) If I could work up the nerve to come out to my very Catholic parents about putting dicks in my mouth—at the beginning of the AIDS crisis, at that—you can find the courage to come out to your parents and friends as not asexual, not unhappy, and not planning to date, cohabit, wed, or reproduce. But while I’m not sympathetic to your plight, IDGAF, I found someone who is. “Few young adults say they’re not interested in sex or relationships, but IDGAF’s preference for going solo is hardly unique,” says Eric Klinenberg, professor of sociology at New York University and author of Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone. “Today, an unprecedented number of people are opting to live alone. One-person households represent 28 percent of all households in the US, and in cities the numbers are higher.” Your coupled-up friends and grandchildstarved parents might have an easier time accepting your lifestyle choices if they knew just how common they are. “In recent decades,” says Klinenberg, “young adults have been the fastest growing group of American singletons. They’re delaying marriage and spending more years single.” And despite the negative stereotypes that slosh around about single people—they’re antisocial, unhappy, isolated—Klinenberg’s research shows that those who live alone do just fine in the friends and social-life departments. “People who live alone tend to be more social than people who are married,” says Klinenberg. “They’re more likely to spend time with friends and neighbors; more likely to spend time and money in bars, cafés, and restaurants; and even more likely to volunteer in civic organizations. So much for the myth of selfish singles!”
So what should you tell your nagging friends and family? “How about letting them know that going solo is what works best for him right now,” says Klinenberg, “but that he’s hardly made a vow to stay single forever. Or, if he’s feeling feisty, he can remind them that, no matter how they’ve arranged their lives at the moment, someday they might find themselves opting out of sex and relationships, too.” What should you do if you change your mind someday? You should date, IDGAF, you should marry. Don’t describe your current choices as superior and you won’t have to eat crow if you change your mind. “We’ve come a long way in our attitudes about sex and relationships,” says Klinenberg. “Now that living alone is more common than living with a spouse and two children, isn’t it time we learned to respect the choice to go solo, too?” Indeed it is. And the sooner you demand a little respect from your parents and friends for your choices, IDGAF, the sooner you’ll get it.
hat’s the etiquette around (nonpenetrative) sex toys after a breakup? I bought restraints and a blindfold for my ex, and she left them behind. It seems a waste to throw them away. JOE NEWTON Is it a bit squicky for a guy to bust out an arsenal of old toys when a new gal comes along? Alone with Accessories She Had
onathan Schroder, general manager of Mr. S Leather in San Francisco (mr-s-leather.com), suggests that you get rid of your bondage gear. Schroder is in the business of selling sex toys, but his advice isn’t about his desire to move merchandise. It’s about your desire for gals, AWASH. “Personally, I think some of the best gear you can get is hand-me-down gear,” says Schroder. “And there’s a great tradition in the gay leather community about passing gear from older folks to younger folks. But my gut tells me that a new girlfriend might wig out about used bondage gear. We have a lot of customers and couples that have a strong preference for cleanliness. But straight women in particular prefer that things be wiped down, well cleaned, and shiny. So a woman who opens a dresser drawer and finds restraints with signs of wear and tear— and signs of someone else’s sweat or fluids on them—is probably going to be turned off.” So get rid of your old gear, Schroder advises, but don’t throw it away. “Find someone who wants and can’t afford bondage gear, and give it to them,” says Schroder. “Gear is expensive, and there are people out there who can’t afford it. Help ’em out.”
fakedansavage says polyamory is a “choice,” not an “identity.” Where have we heard that argument before? Meet the new bigots, same as the old. @lilyldodge
f all people are naturally nonmonogamous—a point I’ve made about 10 million times—then from my perspective, polyamory and monogamy are relationship models, not sexual orientations. (And if poly and monogamy are sexual orientations, Lily, wouldn’t going solo have to be considered one, too?) That was my point. Poly can be central to someone’s sexual self-conception, and it can be hugely important, but I don’t think it’s an orientation in the same way that gay, straight, or bisexual are orientations. People can and do, of course, identify as poly. But is poly something anyone can do or something some people are? I come down on the “do” side. Lily clearly disagrees. firstname.lastname@example.org @fakedansavage on Twitter
Find the Savage Lovecast at thestranger.com/savage. 48 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey
The Hobbit—According to Me
HERE’S NOTHING GOOD on TV this week—other than the usual awesome stuff! So that’s why I’m going to spend this column recounting the story of The Hobbit—a book I’ve never read and know nothing about. EveryJEREMY EATON body’s super excited about the upcoming Hobbit Gobbler visits the “Shire” yelling, “All right, movie… especially the Denny’s chain of restau- who wants some oral sexing??” Suddenly, rants, who inexplicably created an entire Hobhis magic ring falls off! And the evil Skeletor bit menu. I ate there the other day, and—well, swoops down on his flying dinosaur and steals shit yeah, I’m gonna eat off the Hobbit menu!! the ring! Gandalf Gobbler TOTALLY FREAKS Even though I haven’t read the book, I figOUT, and sends a couple of hobbits ured I’d just read the menu and learn The named Bilbo Berry Smoothie and everything I needed to know. (The Frodo Pot Roast Skillet (thanks Hobbit— “Gandalf Gobbler” was delicious, again, Denny’s) on a quest to reas told by BTW—even if it was a sandwich trieve it. During their journey instead of a wizard with an enthu- someone who’s they meet Radagast’s Red Velvet siastic appreciation for oral sex.) Pancake Puppies (didn’t eat that, never read Anyway, now that I’ve edubut sounds delicious) as well as a the book. cated myself, here’s my plot synopbeautiful princess (She-Ra, Princess sis of the book, based on everything I of Power), a brave knight (Zamfir, maslearned from the Denny’s menu. Enjoy! ter of the pan flute) and a grotesque little green The Hobbit by R.R. Trollken (based on creature that calls the ring “precious” (Yoda). the animated cartoon He-Man and the Masters Danger is around every corner! In one adof the Universe). venture they meet a forest of apple-throwing Long, long ago, before electricity and the trees, and an army of flying monkeys! (Wait… internet, there were short, stubby people who that’s Wizard of Oz.) Then they fight governlived in a place called “Middle-earth.” Okay, I ment agents who are trying to kidnap their need to stop and call “bullshit” on this. How alien friend, so they escape on bicycl… no, can it be in the middle of the earth, and you that’s E.T. Anyway! They eventually reach can still see the sun shining? God, this book Skeletor’s mountain, where the evil villain is so stupid already! cackles wildly and taunts them with the Anyway, these short people were called ring—but decides that Denny’s Ring Burger “midgets”—but they considered the name of(three onion rings topping a pepper jack bafensive, so it was changed to “hobbits.” Terri- con burger) sounds freaking delicious, so they ble with their hands, the hobbits were forced all go there instead. Gandalf Gobbler gets his to live in “hobbit holes” (according to the ring back, and treats everybody to the item Denny’s menu) deep underground. (Under- of their choosing on the Denny’s menu while ground? What do they call that then? “Mid- administering enthusiastic oral sex beneath dle-middle-earth”? Sheesh.) These hobbits the table. were also extremely hairy—so much so that The end. (Sorry if I spoiled it for you.) they would actually eat the hair off their feet for sustenance. (Denny’s wasn’t invented yet.) Gobble me up on Twitter! So one day, a sexy wizard named Gandalf @WmSteveHumphrey
This Week on Television WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28
8:00 ABC A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS Charlie learns the true meaning of Christmas after being crucified for buying a crappy tree. 10:00 FX AMERICAN HORROR STORY Sister Mary Eunice senses an evil presence… ummm… more evil than her? SHE’S SATAN!!
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 29
8:00 NBC 30 ROCK Liz and Criss decide to go into full-humping babymaking mode. 9:30 NBC PARKS AND RECREATION Tom gets help from the office to set up his “Rent-aSwag” business—even though they are the least swaggy people in the world.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 30
9:00 TRU KILLER KARAOKE Contestants try to sing songs while sticking their hands into live rattlesnake cages. This is a good idea for a show. 10:00 E! FASHION POLICE It’s the 100th episode of this delightfully bitchy fashion critique show hosted by Joan Rivers!
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 1
8:00 NBC IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE—Movie (1946) Or it would be, if actual life ended like it does in this totally unrealistic movie. BOOO!!! I HATE EVERYTHING!!!
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 2
9:00 AMC THE WALKING DEAD An accident puts Blondie McGunnerson in charge of Woodbury. Seriously? They couldn’t find anyone else? 9:00 HBO BOARDWALK EMPIRE Season finale! Nucky has a plan to reclaim power in Atlantic City—and yup, blood will be spilled.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 3
9:00 A&E HOARDERS Tonight, a woman who keeps dead cats in her fridge. There is nothing weird about that at all.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 4
8:00 CBS RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER A glowing-nosed mutant reindeer forms a super team (including a gay dentist). 9:00 ABC HAPPY ENDINGS Penny’s romantic date is stymied when she has to wear a rubber concussion helmet. Mmmm… sexy.
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 49
things from another world and the portland mercury present
CORTANDFATBOY is DEAD
FREE to listen & reply to ads! FREE CODE: Portland Mercury For other local numbers call:
24/7 Customer Care 1(888) 634.2628 18+ ©2012 PC LLC 2349
STARRING: Mike Russell, Courtenay Hameister, Big Jim Willig, David Walker, Leia Weathington, Byron Beck, Ryan Fleming, & more December 7th • show starts at 9pm • $6 admission • 21 & over
WHY WAIT – Hookup TONIGHT! FREE TO TRY
BAGDAD THEATER • 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd, Portland OR
UNLIMITED VIP MEMERSHIP $19 FOR 1 WEEK
art by thethomaswilson.com
Always FREE TO CHAT WITH VIP MEMBERS
503-222-CHAT VANCOUVER 360-696-5253 EVERETT 425-405-CHAT TACOMA 253-359-CHAT SEATTLE 206-753-CHAT BOISE 208-350-2500 STRAIGHT/GAY/BI
3 Locations Open 24HRS!!!
Join us for a holiday Trek spectacular! Screenings, live scenes, crafts and more! $6
For ticket info visit
McMenamins Bagdad Theater 3702 SE Hawthorne All Ages: Doors @ 12:00pm, Show @ 1:00pm 21+: Doors @ 6:00pm, Show @ 7:00pm
50 portlandmercury.com November 28th, 2012
IDIOT BOX // MATT BORS
Matt Bors is a Portland-based political cartoonist; view his work at mattbors.com
MAAKIES // TONY MILLIONAIRE
Tony Millionaire’s work is published by Dark Horse Comics and online at maakies.com
DINOSAUR COMICS // RYAN NORTH
by Ian Karmel
VERY YEAR I celebrate • Why are we still allowing people to save Thanksgiving with my fam- seats in movie theaters? If you need to ily and before dinner we’ll save seats, you take your ass to the medigo around the table and ocre seats. If you have five windbreakers say what we’re thankful for. spread out around you in the baller-ass seats, you’re awful. What, you’re I know a bunch of people do etch m as! not gonna get to sit next to this, and of those who do, a v K Craig? Maybe Craig should bunch of people think it’s have left earlier. awkward and uncom• Racists. You’re an albafortable—fuck yeah it tross around the neck of is. It’s your family, it’s fun. There are the obviThanksgiving… does ous reasons, but there’s everything have to be also hidden reasons, cool? What do you want, like I can’t say “Sonic the to have everybody go in a Hedgehog” in a Kenyan accircle and mention stories cent (try it) because I’m a white they read in the Utne Reader, guy and people would think it’s racand then have everyone else in the circle pretend they also read that article, ist—but I can say whatever I want in a Britbut when pressed for further information ish accent and it’s fine. Fuck you, racists. they have to say something like, “Oh, I • The word “adorbs.” Oh, did I say “the read it as I was falling asleep. Kyler and word”? I meant you’re a grownass man, I went apple picking this weekend and Lydia, cut it out. we were just beat, so I don’t remember • When people get the gender of my cat exactly what you’re talking about, but it wrong. You can’t tell my cat is a man? totally sounds familiar...” to cover up their Look at how much scotch he’s drinking. lie? Is that what you want? Probably not, • I ﬁnally peed in a woman’s bathroom it’s a very specific example. Still, I enjoy this year, it was a pretty big letdown. that tradition, it’s good to appreciate and • Mean internet comments. Listen, I know you might not like every single to be appreciated. This year, I’d like to propose the be- thing I write, and that’s fine, but if you ginning of a new tradition. The Thursday give me time, I’ll get better! I’m just after Thanksgiving, you get together with trying to make you laugh, and even at a few people, drink brown liquor, and my best I won’t be able to please evcomplain about things you hate, and you eryone—senses of humor are just too fucking own it. Nobody gets to say “first- subjective. Still, your negative comworld problem”—I don’t care how from ments earnestly hurt my feelings, and… Vermont they are. If you use the word it makes me sad, you know? I just want “privilege” you have to move to Cambo- you to like me, and if you stick with me, dia forever. I call this holiday Kvetchmas. I think you will. PSYCH! FUCK Y’ALL. I If you find yourself to be a gentile, you GET PAID TO DO STAND-UP, WATCH can call it Complainoween. Here is my THE BLAZERS, AND WRITE MY COLUMN. I’M SITTING IN A RECLINvery first Kvetchmas list: • People with gauged ears. Stop. (This ER RIGHT NOW. MY DICK MIGHT could also be a telegram response to BE OUT… YOU DON’T KNOW! BUT the question, “What’s that awful smell IT WOULDN’T BE ILLEGAL ’CUZ I’M AT HOME. on the elevator?”) Ryan North has daily comics available at qwantz.com
YOUR ANONYMOUS RANTS FROM THE MERCURY ’S I, ANONYMOUS BLOG ILLUSTRATED BY KALAH ALLEN
MAKER OF LIES Listen, I appreciate the gesture. I really do. But every year I end up with a ton of “homemade” gifts. And I fucking can’t stand them. Any knitted scarves or hats, I won’t wear. They look dumb; you only wear them because they look dumb and “homey.” Also I would rather not eat jellies and other preserves made in your kitchen. I know you, and you are a slob. And you can keep your infused boozes for yourself. I have enough of a headache pretending to be excited when you give me this crap. Because when you give them to me I have to create this entire story of liking them or why I’m not wearing them. This crap is forcing me to lie. So unless you can whip up a copy of Black Ops or a sweet digital camera or something, go ahead and just wish me a happy holidays. Save us both the trouble.—Anonymous
UNDERWORLD // KAZ
Kaz's work is published by Fantagraphics; view his work at kazunderworld.com
Submit your unsigned confessions and accusations of 300 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to “I, Anonymous,” at email@example.com, or on the I, Anonymous blog at portlandmercury.com.
November 28th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 51
The Portland Mercury BULLETIN BOARD online > > > www.portlandmercury.com/backpage (503) 294-0840
BANKRUPTCY - Stop Creditors
FREE Consultation. PAYMENT PLANS. Scott Hutchinson, Atty. Since 1997. Experienced Debt Relief Agency. CALL (503) 808-9032 www.Hutchinson-Law.com
SALVIA AND KRATOM!
Quick Fix Synthetic Urine now available. Your hookah headquarters. Glass pipes, discount tobacco, detox products & vaporizers.
Still Smokin’ Tobacco For Less 12302 SE Powell 503-762-4219 Professional MANSCAPING 503-841-0385
Bodyhair grooming for guys by guy in NoPo. PDXadult.com
82ND AVE TOBACCO & PIPE LTD
LOCAL HAND BLOWN GLASS PREMIUM CIGARS, SPECIALTY TOBACCOS 82nd & Stark 503-255-9987 82ave.com
THE STASH GIFT & SMOKESHOP
“ONE OF THE ORIGINALS” ALWAYS ON THE CUTTING EDGE NEWLY EXPANDED PIPE/TOBACCO AREA 17411 SE McLOUGHLIN BLVD 503-654-9199 CIGARS, RYO, E CIGS, GLASS, VAPES...
Vasectomy * Essure Lovejoy Surgicenter 503-221-1870 ADOPTION
Abundant love, patience and security are what we offer your baby. Travel, excellent education, arts and adventure await with two committed dads. Please call, TEXT or email anytime about Mark and Jeff; 503-683-2043 or firstname.lastname@example.org
7720 SE 82nd Ave Adult Movies, Video Arcade and PIPES! New Variety of Kratom pills! 503-774-5544
House Of Pipes Glass and Tobacco
925 NE Broadway 1009 Mollalla Ave Portland, OR Oregon City Glass Pipes, Tobacco, Kratom
Junk Cars Wanted
Old Recording to CD/DVD Any Video/Audio/Film Format Limelight 503-242-0506
Oregon Wage Claim Attorneys Helping Oregon employees collect their wages and penalties!
Schuck Law (503) 974-6142 / (360) 566-9243 http://wageclaim.org
1712 E. Burnside Pipes, Detox, Scales, Hookah, Shisha New Kratom New Store Hours Mon - Sat 10 am - 9 pm! 503-206-7731
Poppis pipes NEW LOCATION NOW OPEN 3619 SE Division - 971-229-1760 Come in for a Free gift and Medible for OMMP! Revived Cellular & Technology
SELL US YOUR USED CELL PHONES
Monday-Friday 10:30 - 7:00, Saturday 11:00 - 5:00 7816 N Interstate Ave - near Fred Meyer 503-286-1527
Help Wanted at Revived Cellular 7816 N Interstate Ave
Part-time technician and part-time customer service representative positions available. If interested call the store at 503-286-1527
SMOKE SIGNALS ON SANDY
Vaporizers, hookahs, glass pipes, tobacco, gift items
3554 NE SANDY BLVD. 503-235-0504
CLASSES & EVENTS BRAZILIAN JIU JITSU
Learn ground defense skills under black belt instruction Info @ nwfighting.com. 503-740-2666
HOST YOUR EVENT HERE!! BOSSANOVA BALLROOM 722 E Burnside 503 206 7630 Bossanovaballroom.com Tai Chi Classes
Enhance awareness via moving meditation nwfighing.com or call 503-740-2666
TOBACCO FOR LESS INC
Mississippi Pizza Pub has open dates for holiday parties
Ask for Jake (503) 936-5923 KRATOM, VAPORIZERS, PIPES, HOOKAHS GOOGLE TO SEE INSIDE STORE 4071 NE SANDY BLVD 503-327-8276
Includes Music Room, Stage, Atlantis Lounge bar No rental fee with minimum purchase. To schedule, please call Dan at 503-360-7247.
www.mellowmood.com ll d
4119 SE Hawthorn Hawthorne,, Portland ph: 503-235-PIPE (7473 (7473)
PLAY 639 SE Morrison star-bar-rocks.com
Portland's Most Awesome Weekly Newspaper. Covering Portland news, politics, music, film, and arts; plus movie times, club calendars, restaur...