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FREE EVERY THURSDAY / VOL • 13 NO • 14 / AUGUST 23- 29, 2012 / A Worthy Opponent for Chlamydia

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NOTES

lovenotes@portlandmercury.com LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE

SUZETTE SMITH

PLEASE DON’T STOP THE MUSIC RE: “Singing in a Coffee Shop? That’ll Be $300” [News, Aug 16] about a music licensing battle between BMI and Café au Play. This is definitely not a David vs. Goliath scenario. BMI, ASCAP, SESAC, and their ilk are good people doing good work: collecting royalties for working composers. Companies like Apple, Spotify, and MediaFire are completely killing the working composer, far worse than the major labels ever did. I’m not sure where music licensing by a nonprofit establishment falls within the boundaries of copyright law, but it’s irresponsible that this café did not look into this earlier; it’s also unfortunate that BMI wasted their time and resources on a dead-end source of revenue for their composers. posted by NYC engineer @NYC engineer: I don’t disagree with most of what you say. These are member-driven nonprofits trying to find a way to make sure their members get what they’re owed. But I will disagree with one thing: When a group like BMI lawyers up just to go after Café au Play, it’s very definitely a David vs. Goliath scenario. posted by Euphonius

with these people?! You can’t just make laws and expect people to go against their basic sense of morality because you told them to. posted by do-gooder OH NOS! ANYTHING BUT A FB CAMPAIGN! RE: “Chopra for Kids,” [Film, Aug 16], an unfavorable review of Portland animation firm LAIKA’s latest feature, ParaNorman. DEAR MERCURY—I’m totally bummed about the brutal, unfair review Vince Mancini wrote about ParaNorman. This is a local, homegrown tale of staggering emotional proportions that was just torn apart by this cynical “poopface.” It doesn’t even seem like he watched the entire movie. We’re going to start a Facebook campaign against his nasty review. Gillian Povey WORDS WITH FRIENDS RE: “Girl Gone Wild” [Books, Aug 9], in which author Alison Hallett criticizes local author Lidia Yuknavitch’s latest work, Dora: A Headcase, and Yuknavitch’s defenders do not take it very well. Perhaps this “recontextualization” IS actually addressing Freud. Though you may be paid by the insipid word, you could have just written: “My teen years were uncomfortable, I still cringe at my own insecurity, and I wish I was a writer instead of a pathetic gatekeeper.” posted by Jansco

Dean Obeidallah Melissa Soshani Khaled the Comic

1624 N.W. Glisan St. Portland 503-223-4527

CRYSTAL

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HOTEL & BALLROOM

CRYSTAL BALLROOM

80s VIDEO DANCE ATTACK FRIDAY, AUGUST 24 WITH VJ KITTYROX

LOLA'S ROOM

hOt august NIght 40th aNNIversary

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Wm. Steven Humphrey

INTERNS Nathan Gilles, Zibby Pillote, Nate Miller

MANAGING EDITOR Marjorie Skinner

DIRECTOR OF CIRCULATION Jay Williams

NEWS Denis C. Theriault, Sarah Mirk

SALES DIRECTOR Rob Thompson

SENIOR EDITOR Erik Henriksen MUSIC Ned Lannamann

SALES COORDINATOR Tonya Ray

ARTS/WEB EDITOR Alison Hallett FOOD Chris Onstad

DIGITAL SALES MANAGER James Deeley

COPY CHIEF Courtney Ferguson CALENDAR Bobby Roberts

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Sarah Elliott, Katie Peifer, Marissa Sullivan

PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Davis

ALTPERKS OPERATIONS MANAGER Michelle David

SENIOR DESIGNER Nick Olmstead

OFFICE MANAGER Noah Dunham

AD DESIGNER Nami Bigos

GENERAL MANAGER Katie Lake

ART DIRECTOR Justin “Scrappers” Morrison

PUBLISHER Rob Crocker

94.7 presents

I SAW THEM WHEN

8/24 Husky

OWS LL SHOUT! A 8/27 The Royal SOLD

Concept 8/28 Atlas Genius

8 PM $5 21+OVER

WIth

sat aug 25 21 & over The ultimate Neil Diamond tribute band! Conor Oberst’s 2001 rock project reunites for a limited US run…

sun aug 26 all ages

DesapareciDos Virgin islands

It really irritates me when a valid and wellthought-out response to something like a book review is answered by the author with nothing but a snarky quip. Be a little more mature and I think you will see improved results. posted by margaretg

115 SW Ash St., Suite 600 Portland, OR 97204 • 503-294-0840 • info@portlandmercury.com

saturday, septeMber 8

“dean Obeidallah for vice president tour”

Actually, I’m on salary. posted by Alison Hallett

Tonight: Book reviewer doesn’t really like book; friends of author like book unconditionally, act butthurt on internet beRESCUE REMEDY cause objective review doesn’t agree 100 RE: “Cute Animal Death Watch!” [News, percent with their subjective assessment. Aug 16], regarding efforts to suppress popu- Tomorrow: Today’s headline—Too wordy? lations of invasive species of wildlife. Yaaaaawwwwnnn. posted by Commenty Colin I have two eastern tree squirrels as pets because of this policy. There are many others THANKS AGAIN COMMENTY, for jumpwho have pet opossums, squirrels, etc. Those ing in with some well-timed levity during “big-hearted adults” and “would-be do-good- an awkward conversation. You win this ers” do know the difference between what is week’s letter/comment of the week! You morally right and what is legal. I understand get two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, how damaging invasive exotics can be to our where the headlining features are rarely abecosystem. But “setting an invasive species jectly dull. policy for the whole state” is a poor reason COVER ART: Buff Monster for demanding that we, as individuals, turn buffmonster.com our back on orphaned and injured animals. and I made inquiries about getting a permit Oliver Hibert to keep my squirrels [and] the woman at oliverhibert.com ODFW who answered the phone threatened See this collaborative painting and many more at to send someone out to seize my pets, kill Compound Gallery’s Vivid Visions, NW 5th and them, and issue me a citation. WTF is wrong Couch through Sept 2nd. portlandmercury.com

Mission TheaTer

After Party in Lola’s with Denver Dalley Chilean rapper

Parson Red Heads

The

wed aug 29 all ages

Ana Tijoux Tope sun sept 2 21 & over lola's room

wed sept 12 21 & over McMenamins and KUPL present

YACHT

thur sept 13 all ages

Remember! Tickets are available for online purchase up to one hour after show time. Buy from your mobile and pick up at will call! superfest 4 8/31 yeasayer 9/5-6 MfNW: passION pIt 9/7 MfNW: the helIO sequeNce MfNW: the tallest MaN ON earth 9/14 buckethead 9/15 90s daNce flashback-lOla's 9/20 aNIMal cOllectIve 9/22 MatIsyahu 9/28 jOss stONe 9/30 cItIzeN cOpe 10/2 NIghtWIsh 10/3 shpONgle 10/4 gleN haNsard 10/5 calObO 10/7 alaNIs MOrIssette 10/10 gOssIp 10/11 MackleMOre 10/16 jOshua radIN & a fINe freNzy 10/18 sWItchfOOt 10/21 tWO dOOr cINeMa club 10/23 WOlfgaNg gartNer 10/28 all-aMerIcaN rejects 10/30 tOadIes/helMet 11/1 Orquesta aragON 11/21 Walk the MOON 8/30

9/8

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August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 3


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ONE DAY AT A TIME

THE WEEK IN REVIEW by Ann Romano

KRISTIAN DONALDSON

MONDAY, AUGUST 13

ITEM! The romance of Twilight’s Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart continues to slowly collapse in on itself—however, while RPat seems to be slowly struggling back to his feet (giving humorous/sad puppy dogeyed interviews on The Daily Show and Good Morning America), KStew is still one hot Chunky Monkey-gobbling mess! Conflicting rumors say she’s been unceremon iou sly d u m p e d from the Snow White and the Huntsman sequel (scheduled to be directed by cheating cad /alleged oral sex buddy Rupert NOT THE FAIREST S a n d e r s), t h o u g h other reports claim she was never officially attached to the project in the first place. No matter! Li’l Ms. Stew is too busy stewing in her own angry juices to be concerned about silly career matters. According to TMZ, Kristen is FA-UR-I-OUS that she’s the one being labeled as the cheating tramp by the public, while her cohort in cunninglingus (RuSand) is getting off relatively scot-free! Sources say, that while Kristen acknowledges her role in the affair, she thinks she’s getting a bum rap because Rupert was (a) in a position of power, (b) married with two kids, and (c) 19 years her senior (ew). Luckily Kristen has at least one fan in her corner: actress Jodie Foster, who co-starred with a then 11-yearold KStew in the film Panic Room. (WE DID NOT KNOW THAT!) Jodie wrote a fairly annoying screed for The Daily Beast in the young starlet’s defense, saying, “The public horrors of today eventually blow away… Hopefully in the process you don’t lose your ability to throw your arms in the air again and spin in wild abandon.” Jodie… you’re supposed to be inspiring her to forget the past—not dancing in the front row of a Phish concert. GROSS.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 14

This just in: Gays cheat, too! (Jeez, what’s next? That they like showtunes?) Poor, loveable, and recently out CNN anchor Anderson Cooper received a slap to the ego today when Brit tab The Daily Ma i l p u b l i s h e d photos of his longtime boyfriend Ben Maisani licking the insides of another m a n ’s mouth. ACoop and BMais have been together fo r a w h o p p i n g three years—that’s BANGIN’ WITH roughly 72 years MR. COOPER for straight folks— and were planning on tying the knot by Labor Day. However, according to Life & Style, Andy and Ben were on a yacht in Croatia (poor things) when the news hit (awkward), so their future as a couple is now officially up in the air. “Anderson’s upset,” a snoopy pal says. “Who wouldn’t be?” (How would you Twilight fans feel about an ACoop/RPat romantic team-up? We’ll start writing the fan fiction in three… two… one… NOW.)

THIS WEEK ON

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 15

In legal news, the hair of fading pop hillbilly Miley Cyrus has fi led a restraining order against the singer’s head… either that, or she got the worst… haircut… ever. As reported last week, MiCy took a rusty pair of sewing scissors to her blonde locks (after being mercilessly teased for having a ’do that resembled Rachel from Friends… HA!), which now makes her look like Tinkerbell on chemo. “If you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all,” Miley said to tha haterz on tha Twatter. “My hair is attached to my head no one else’s and it’s going bye-bye.” In response, Miley’s fallen hair created it’s own Twatter account, saying, “Free at last… free at last… thank god almighty, free at last!” MEANWHILE… Nearly bankrupt One Day regular Lindsay Lohan isn’t nearly so bankrupt anymore! In fact, TMZ has discovered she’s on track to make an impressive $2 million this year. Thanks to roles in Liz & Dick, The Canyons, (the upcoming) Scary Movie, and Glee, as well as fashion endorsements and her kinda gross Playboy spread, LiLo seems to be back on the money train. (Whooo! Whooo! Next stop “Cocaine Junction”! Allllll aboard!”)

The Mercury is (Sort Of) Proud to Present…

HECKLEVISION:

Batman & Robin! So far, The Dark Knight Rises has made ly homoerotic Batman & Robin also features nipples on Batsuits and a super phallic $900 million. Good for grumpy ol’ Christian Bale, and good for that fat guy with the gimp Batmobile—alongside enough tone-deaf dialogue, clumsy action, mask and speech impediflashing neon, and, um, ice ment. But let’s never forget Hecklevision: skating to make even the the true face of Gotham… Batman & Robin, Hollywood most devoted Bat-fan want GEORGE CLOONEY. Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Fri to break Batman’s back… Batman & Robin! Aug 24, 7:30 pm, $8 … which makes it the One of the most hilariousperfect film for the Hollyly terrible movies ever, Joel Schumacher’s so-called “film” is the reason wood Theatre and the Portland Mercury’s insanely popular Hecklevision series—in 1997 is referred to by historians as “The Real Dark Ages.” A movie so bad that Schum- which audience members text commenacher apologized, Batman & Robin stars a tary from their seats and see their smarthe-was-still-on-E.R.-and-didn’t-know-any- ass jokes instantly pop up onscreen! Previous Hecklevisions—like Red Dawn and better George Clooney as Batman, a codpiece-clad Chris O’Donnell as Robin, Point Break—have sold out and been some Alicia “Remember Me?” Silverstone of the funniest nights ever in a Portland movie as ditzy Batgirl, a tarted-up Uma Thurman theater… so Batman & Robin? Yeah. It’s as Poison Ivy, and a horrifyingly blue, pun- going to be amazing. As someone once crazed Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. said… “Let’s kick some ICE!” We couldn’t Freeze. (“ICE to see you!” “COOL PARTY!” have said it better ourselves, you ridiculous “All right, everyone… CHILL!”) The intense- bastard. See you there.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 16

For those who are disgusted by today’s gossip, let’s travel back in time to 1994—the year when action star Jean-Claude Van Damme claims he had an affair with Street Fighter co-star/ pop star Kylie Minogue—and of course, he was MARRIED at the time. Van Damme spilled the beans to UK’s Guardian, hilariously stuttering, “I don’t know, maybe. Yes. Okay. Yes, yes, yes. It happened. We had an affair.” And yes, he could’ve stopped there. But did he? ABNORMAL Maybe. No. He did not. No. No. No. “Sweet kiss, beautiful lovemaking,” Van Damme ickily continued. “It would be abnormal not to have had an affair.” Gross? Maybe. Okay. Yes, yes, yes. Absolutely. Stop it. We’re vomiting.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 17

Mitt Romney has “struggled to connect with voters all year and has been battered all summer by attack ads from President Obama’s campaign,” the Washington Post writes. “That has put his approval rating at 40 percent, among the lowest of all time.” As a result, the upcoming GOP convention will be focusing less on Romney as a person—a person who, for example, bullied a gay student in prep school, or has a $55,000 car elevator in his home—and more on Romney as a “uniquely qualified businessman who can fi x the economy.” “It’s a tough [row] to hoe,” a GOP strategist tells the Post. “They tried handing out chili, they tried him without a tie, and I’ve not seen a poll where America says, ‘We love Mitt Romney.’” Um. Yes. And that would be because we don’t. IN OTHER “PASTY OLD WHITE MEN” NEWS… “Elton John and Michael Caine were both on their yachts in St. Tropez yesterday when John saw Caine and mooned him,” writes gossip blog What Would Tyler Durden Do. They then published a photograph of Elton John, pants pulled down to his thighs, wiggling his wobbly ass at the distinguished thespian. We will not be running that photo-

graph, dears, as we suspect you will already have trouble sleeping this evening.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 18

Did Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel get secretly married today in Jackson Hole, Wyoming?! Some sources are saying so, while other sources are claiming that a stage for the nuptials has been built for weeks, and still others insist “celebrity wedding cake designer” Sylvia Weinstock has been sighted around Jackson, and… oof. This is almost as exhausting as a real wedding. Yet no one is asking the one important question: When is Justin finally going to come out with a new album? Justin, FutureSex/ LoveSounds is almost six years old. If you don’t come out with something new soon, we might have to bump it from constant repeat on our Pilates iPod. M E A N W H I L E… While we never, MR. BIEL? ever want another album from Kid Rock, we should note that the perpetrator of many a musical hate crime did something good for once—helping to give a 2,600-square-foot home to Sgt. Davin Dumar and his wife, Dana. Dumar lost part of his right leg in Afghanistan, and Kid Rock teamed up with the well-meaning-if-obnoxiously-capitalized Texas nonprofit Operation FINALLY HOME to give houses to injured troops in the singer’s home state of Michigan. “I don’t know what to say other than shock and amazement,” Dumar said upon entering his new home. Good on you, Kid Rock. This almost gets you out of the karma hole for “Batwitdaba.” Almost.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 19 Rihanna: beautiful, talented, and so, so stupid. “I’m single, but we have maintained a very close friendship since the restraining order has been dropped,” the singer told Oprah today. “It’s awkward because I still love him.” The person in question, of course, is Chris Brown, the man who choked, brutally beat, and threatened to kill Rihanna, resulting in police taking her to the hospital in 2009. “I think he was the love of my life,” the gorgeous, but clearly mentally deficient Rihanna continued. “He was my fi rst love and I see that he loved me the same way. I truly love him. The main thing for me is he’s at peace. I’m not at peace if he’s not happy or if he’s still lonely.” RIHANNA. We don’t… we can’t even… NO, RIHANNA. NO. THIS IS NOT… NO. THIS IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS. MEANWHILE… Director Tony Scott unexpectedly committed suicide this afternoon, parking his Prius on the Vincent Thomas Bridge near Los Angeles before jumping to his death. While early reports suggested Scott—the man behind Top Gun, Crimson Tide, and Man on Fire—had jumped because he learned he had inoperable brain cancer, Scott’s widow later revealed to police that wasn’t the case. “As late as Friday, director Tony Scott was meeting with Tom Cruise to research their planned Top Gun sequel for Paramount,” according to the Hollywood Reporter. “Studios have to compete for directors who are in demand, and Tony was in great demand,” a Hollywood insider told the Reporter. “Hyper-qualified directors are really rare.” This is sad news, and we wish Scott’s family the best. The only thing we can think to add is that ever since he heard the news, Hubby Kip has been watching Top Gun on repeat. If he switches to Crimson Tide soon, we’ll probably join him on the couch.

WIN TIX TO SEE CAT POWER HUMP SUBMISSIONS DUE IN 6 WEEKS! WIN TIX TO HECKLEVISION! THURSDAY! END HITS! PORTLANDMERCURY.COM/HUMP BATMAN & ROBIN ! FRIDAY! BLOGTOWN! Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 5


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NEWS

Portland’s Latest Water War

With Council Vote on Fluoride Set, Foes Prepare for Ballot Fight by Denis C. Theriault BATTLE LINES in the fight to treat Portland’s much-lauded municipal water supply with fluoride—a controversial idea pushed secretly in city hall over the past several months—fell into sharp focus this week. After Commissioner Randy Leonard secured crucial support from two of his colleagues, Commissioner Nick Fish and Mayor Sam Adams, he served notice on Tuesday, August 21, that the city council would move forward with fluoride next month. A hearing is now planned for Thursday, September 6, with a vote the following Wednesday. “It is one of the most positive things I have ever done in office,” Leonard said to the Mercury, calling fluoridation of water an essential antidote to the high rates of tooth decay facing Oregon children, especially in poor and minority families. “I will have done nothing I am more proud of.” But at the same time as Leonard was talking, emails, calls, and petitions by the hundreds kept pouring into city hall offices, urging the council to say no. And down in the city hall plaza on Tuesday, several dozen opponents of fluoride had gathered for an impromptu rally, clutching signs expressing their anger. Some were moms. Some were cleanwater advocates. Others came from Occupy Portland, whose social media pages have emerged as a potent hotbed of outrage over the fluoride push. Together, they stood as a clear warning that this fluoride proposal,

like three others in Portland’s history, will likely end up on the ballot. And given that voters have never said yes

much fluoride, in concentrations above what Portland would be adding to its water, can be harmful: weakening teeth instead of fortifying them against cavities. But fluoride foes also point to more dramatic negative studies—some that purportedly link fluoride with reduced IQs (although those are disputed by nonpartisan scientists and fluoride supporters). “We’re all terrified. It’s toxic waste,” said Neriman Sagar, who stopped by the rally on her lunch break. The current push is backed by a broad range of health care nonprofits and advocates who first approached Leonard for help close to a year ago. Leonard said he told them he’d take it on WILDER SCHMALTZ only if they did all the political before, that makes it anyone’s guess if we’ll work—pressuring city commissioners and actually have fluoride in our water or not. hiring consultant Mark Wiener to help with “Some of these groups have been fight- messaging. But, said Leonard, “They actuing fluoride for decades. We’re all interested ally did all the things I asked them to do.” in the same thing,” said Angel Lambart, a As of press time, the only major Portland concerned mom who described fluoride as a politico who hasn’t signaled his feelings on “toxic” industrial byproduct. fluoride was Dan Saltzman. Commissioner Lambart, like others at the rally, was Amanda Fritz, while still undecided on whethactively soliciting volunteers willing to help er to fluoridate, has said she supports leaving with a ballot push. Once the council ap- the decision not up to council, but to voters. proves fluoridation, opponents will have 30 Leonard scoffed at the notion of a public days to gather nearly 20,000 signatures in a vote—equating fluoridation with schools’ bid to ask voters to overturn it. requirement for immunizations and the But is fluoride really that dangerous—or city’s decision, years ago, to add germ-killis it that opponents are preternaturally un- ing chlorine to water. comfortable with the idea of putting things “We didn’t have the public vote on that,” in the water? he says. “And we don’t give out little chloIt’s well established that getting too rine tablets, either.”

Brussels Sprouts for the Children! Q&A with All-Star Abernethy School Chef Nicole Hoffmann by Sarah Mirk NICOLE HOFFMANN is an unusual school lunch lady. The tattooed chef in Abernethy Elementary’s kitchen sources 40 percent of her menu locally and often dishes up the veggies that Southeast Portland students grow in the school garden. But this month, Portland Public Schools announced that the feds’ new healthy lunch regulations would likely kill Abernethy’s model lunch program because of bureaucracy: The school is facing a tight deadline for getting Hoffmann’s menu certified. Abernethy parents called an emergency meeting last Tuesday, August 14, and are pitching in to save the kitchen-garden program. MERCURY: How did you wind up as a school lunch lady? NICOLE HOFFMANN: Well, I’ve been cooking professionally for nearly 10 years and spent some time in Alaska running a kitchen on a little organic farm. Then I moved to Portland and couldn’t find a job, of course, so I went to culinary school. I started volunteering at Abernethy. I really wanted to make

a better connection between kids and the food they eat. Abernethy’s school kitchen is a model for the rest of the district and apparently the rest of the country. What’s different about it? Some parents come in and think that all the food in the salad bar is from the garden, but then I remind them that the gardeners are 10-year-olds. Our most acclaimed vegetables are brussels sprouts. We grow those in the school garden, so before I serve brussels sprouts in the cafeteria, every single kid has seen brussels sprouts, tried brussels sprouts, in some cases planted, harvested, and written papers about brussels sprouts. Last year, we served 75 pounds of brussels sprouts in two days. The new federal school lunch guidelines roll out this fall. How will the new healthier requirements affect your program? As of two weeks ago, I did not think I had a job in the fall. It’s been a roller coaster. I’m

NEWS

realizing how difficult it is to plug our pieces into this new puzzle. For innovative programs like ours, it’s a challenge to fit everything into the right slot in the right way. There are very specific guidelines for the kind of fruits and vegetables that need to be served. The standards also have minimums and maximums that you need to hit—the old rules just had minimums, so as long as I was serving two ounces of protein every day, I was fine. Now, if you’re serving a whole peanut butter and jelly sandwich every day, you’re out of compliance because that’s too much bread. What does this new process say about the future of healthy school lunches in America? Ultimately it will raise the bar for a lot of folks who are not making the best choices for what kids eat in school. Right now, it’s a hurdle for people who are being innovative. But allocating more money to school lunch programs and rethinking the system for the first time in 30 years, it seems like it’s going to be a net positive.

Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com

NEWS To Be or Not to Be… Silent by Denis C. Theriault IT SEEMED like a promising idea when it was first pitched in March, back when the Portland City Council was agreeing to spend millions of dollars on a new, long-awaited Portland Police Bureau training center. Packaged alongside the bureau’s schematics was a promise to also improve the substance of its training regimen. The cops would create a “Training Advisory Council”—a citizen panel that would have the chief ’s ear and help infuse the bureau’s policies with the community’s values. The bureau—still, notably, under a federal microscope for its use of force—is ready to act on that promise. Which is good. But it’s also about to louse things up. A posting for council candidates sent out by Mayor Sam Adams’ office on Monday, August 20, didn’t say whether the council’s quarterly meetings would be public or private. And, curiously, it said chosen council members would have to sign a nondisclosure agreement (NDA)—a contract that will limit what kinds of things council members can say about their work, and to whom. I asked the police bureau to clarify both points. I also asked to see the NDA. For instance, it’s possible that the NDA would apply only to, say, confidential documents like case files and not the panel’s overall work. These aren’t insignificant questions. If the meetings are private, and if council members can’t discuss their work, then it’s fair to ask whether the council will be a meaningful forum for improving community-police relations or mere window-dressing. It took a while to get firm responses. But when I did finally hear back—Training Division Captain Bryan Parman called me from home just before press time—it was disappointing. Training council meetings wouldn’t be open to the public—even just to sit in and observe. He argues it would be a mistake for “half an idea” to go public before members send their final recommendations to the chief. That also means any NDA, which is still being drafted, may wind up being fairly restrictive. Jason Renaud of the Mental Health Association of Portland, a longtime observer and critic of police training, had lamented the secrecy and warned advocates to stay away even before hearing what Parman had to say. Afterward, he said he hoped the mayor would step in. “They’re not ready to be transparent,” he told me. “They’re not ready for civilian oversight.” I can understand why some things— state secrets, confidential case files—might stay off limits. But getting a glimpse at what this group is doing, and in real time, is too important to sacrifice in the name of efficiency. The meetings should be open. Let’s hope the mayor agrees. August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 7


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We are the 99% eat and drink here 8 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012


Broken Record

Jefferson Smith Shares Dismal Driving History by Denis C. Theriault

JEFFERSON SMITH—getting smacked on the chops by the Oregonian after revealing his driver’s license had been suspended even more than previously acknowledged— decided this week to lay bare the rest of his driving record. And it’s not pretty. At the Mercury’s request, Smith’s mayoral campaign released a list of offenses and infractions stretching back to 1993. The list revealed more license suspensions, showed Smith (especially when he was younger) as an inveterate extreme speeder, and detailed a pattern of failing to pay fines and appear in court. Separately, Smith also answered questions about whether he’d ever let his staterequired insurance lapse and whether he drove during those periods when his license was suspended. The answers: yes and (unknowingly, he offers) yes. “This is one of my flaws and it has been an embarrassing blind spot,” he said in a statement published Sunday, August

NEWS

19, on Blogtown. The question now—in a tight race against former City Commissioner Charlie Hales, where character and intangibles have long dominated alongside policy issues—is whether voters will take notice. Smith, a lawyer now serving his second term in the Oregon House of Representatives, has previously mentioned his ADHD diagnosis when discussing a pattern of other paperwork errors (like lapsed Oregon State Bar dues). But for many observers, that doesn’t come close to explaining the sheer awfulness of his driving record.

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For the full report on this issue, check out blogtown.portlandmercury.com or scan this QR code:

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PORTLAND ROCKERS SOUND OFF ON PUSSY RIOT BY SARAH MIRK

In Other News

Russian, I can recognize that pretty quickly. It has reminded us how to protest—I haven’t seen a band like this in 20 years.” Portland artist Nadia Buyse took a break from teaching vocals at the ladies’ rock camp on Friday to talk about a Pussy Riot-inspired festival called Free the World Fest that she’s helping organize in Russia’s neighboring Georgia this fall. The conviction hit Buyse hard, as she just returned from touring Eastern Europe with her band, Dubai. “We are traveling across the world to say this isn’t right,” says Buyse. “What they’re doing is something we do all the time in Portland—we say whatever we want to, we dress however we want to. I should fight for people who don’t have that protection. Any of us could go to a different place and this exact same thing would happen to us.” That feeling of both gratitude and fury was echoed by Rachel Rhymes, owner of North Killingsworth’s Record Room, which hosted one of Friday’s local Pussy Riot solidarity-protest events. “We feel like our rights are compromised, but there’s so many people to whom even crazier things are happening,” says Rhymes. “In one way for musicians, it goes to show that you can be heard.” But while Pussy Riot’s awesome performance is putting fire in our American bellies, it’s not clear whether the band’s outrage and ours will actually make a difference in Russia. I called up Ukraineborn musician Alina Simone about the issue (she now lives in Brooklyn) and she hopes that the message getting through to Russians may not be the same one we’re taking to heart. “Russians are so unfamiliar with this whole milieu of performance artists and punk rockers, to them it just seems really strange and crazy,” says Simone. “What I do hope is that it will bring attention to the regime’s habit of throwing opposition activists in jail.”

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THE BEST THING about this past week has been everyone saying “pussy” all the time. Everyone, except, of course, the Russian judge who sentenced three members of artmusic group Pussy Riot to prison on Friday, August 17, and managed to avoid the p-word while expounding on “hooliganism,” “homosexual propaganda,” and “feminism” (as in: “The court does find a religious hatred motive in the actions of the defendants by way of them being feminists who consider men and women to be equal”). Various Russian smart people have noted that Pussy Riot’s conviction is not as big a deal in Russia as it is in the West. That’s because their punkrock-girls-to-the-front cause is not very popular in Russia (where only seven percent of women identify as feminists) and also because the boundaries-pushing group draws the foundation of its aesthetics and tactics from American and European movements like Northwest-grown riot grrrl. So part of what’s actually been exciting is how three Russian ladies with short skirts and balaclavas have brought that inspirational power back around to its source—their 40-second antiVladimir Putin performance inside a cathedral sparking pussy-talkin’ conversation worldwide. I talked with several Portland musicians about what the whole spectacle says about rock ’n’ roll. “These are women who are in jail right now for expressing their anger, and we teach girls that if you’re angry, there’s probably a reason,” says Beth Wooten, director of Portland’s Rock ’n’ Roll Camp for Girls. Wooten (who, by the way, was once in an awesome-sounding all-girl band called “Make Me”) notes that Pussy Riot’s name makes the trial a tricky topic to bring up with her camp’s young musicians but that the ladies’ music makes their message universal. “Using pop music is such an easy way to communicate. It’s clear that you’re speaking for yourself and against greater oppression. Even if I don’t speak

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Read more about the following stories at portlandmercury.com/news:

• Portland Settles Camping Lawsuit, Keeps Camping Ban • Parks Bond−No Details Yet−Lined Up for 2013 Ballot • Judge Clears the Way for City's Arts-Education Tax Levy

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 9


10 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012


Illustration by Corey Thompson

Exploring Portland’s Other Bookstores I

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by Alison Hallett and Erik Henriksen

IVEN THAT PORTLAND is home to one of the greatest bookstores in the world, it’s easy to forget that our city is full of bookstores that aren’t named Powell’s. This puts us in a pretty great spot—especially considering that, across the country, booksellers are grudgingly closing their doors, cursing Amazon and Apple. Even Powell’s isn’t immune to the ebook revolution, with decreasing sales leading to rising prices and conflict between management and employees. While that local juggernaut might be the automatic go-to for locals and tourists, visiting—and supporting—Portland’s other bookstores is a fantastic way to spend a few hours. Or a day. Or a week. We checked out as many of Portland’s independent booksellers as we could, plus a few just past city limits. We flipped through a whole lot of pages at a whole lot of stores, but no doubt we missed a few. If we didn’t hit your favorite bookstore, jump into the comments section of this story at portlandmercury.com to let us—and everybody else—know what other bookstores in Portland are worth a visit.

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Annie Bloom’s Books

nnie Bloom’s feels larger than it is—while none of its sections are huge, they’re all remarkably well curated, containing the must- and/ or should-reads of just about every genre and subject, with a particular emphasis on local authors. Employee reviews are tucked inside books’ front covers, and! Bonus points for their store cat! She’s a bit uppity! Her name is Molly! 7834 SW Capitol Highway, 246-0053, Mon-Fri 9 am-10 pm, Sat-Sun 9 am-9 pm, annieblooms.com

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Bingo Used Books

asily one of Portland’s better used bookstores, Bingo Used Books boasts upward of 75,000 books onsite (with that many again available online). The store’s a browser’s paradise—it has everything, including cool old hardcovers and great nonfiction and reference sections—but it’s less ideal if you’re looking for anything specific, since the shelves are organized by section but not necessarily by author. Bonus points for having one of the best sections ever: “Religion, Philosophy, Metaphysics, and Horses.” 3366 SE Powell, 231-4091, Mon-Fri noon-8 pm, Sat 1-7 pm, Sun 1-5 pm, bingousedbooks.com

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Broadway Books

roadway Books largely caters to the Irvington-dwelling, card-carrying members of Oprah’s Book Club—which means you might bump into your mom, but also means if you’re looking for contemporary literary fiction, Broadway has you covered. They’ve also got passable

genre sections, and they devote plenty of space to local authors—if you need a signed copy of Cheryl Strayed’s new book, Broadway’s got it. 1714 NE Broadway, 284-1726, Mon-Sat 10 am-7 pm, Sun noon-5 pm, broadwaybooks.net

Cameron’s Books and Magazines

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h, SW 3rd: Strip clubs! Street kids! Food carts! Voodoo tourists! Cameron’s! Entering the labyrinthine Cameron’s feels like descending into a hoarder’s basement—in a good way, though! A good way! Decorated with old-timey posters and cranky signage (“PLEASE DO NOT SHOVE BOOKS ANY WHICH WAY,” “NO CELL PHONE CACOPHONY ALLOWED”), Cameron’s has a ton of used books, from battered pulps on spinner racks—35 cents!—to literary fiction and nonfiction, along with rows of old, yellowing magazines, piled in teetering stacks. 336 SW 3rd, 228-2391, Mon-Sat 10 am-6 pm, Sun 11 am-4 pm, cameronsbooks.com

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A Children’s Place

he first thing you’ll notice when entering the airy A Children’s Place is their big, diverse, and up-to-date young adult section. (Related: Did you know that even John Grisham has a YA series now? Allow us to introduce you to Theodore Boone: Kid Lawyer.) Once you head further in, you’ll find books for younger readers, along with games and an entire section devoted to dinosaurs. Yes, there’s a “Fairy Princesses” section too, but the dinosaurs one is way cooler. 4807 NE Fremont, 284-8294, Mon-Sat 10 am-6 pm, Sun noon-5 pm, achildrensplacebookstore.com

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CounterMedia

nnnd now for the exact opposite of a children’s bookstore! CounterMedia offers all sorts of counter-culture and art books, along with comics and erotica—the front room is relatively all-ages friendly, but go behind the counter to find the good stuff. The vintage comics are particularly fun to flip through—if you’re looking for back issues of Dan Clowes’ Eightball, this is the store for you. Bonus points for having a store dog. 927 SW Oak, 226-8141, Mon-Sat 11 am-7 pm, Sun noon-6 pm

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Dollar Book Fair

n accidental discovery on a routine trip to the suburbs, the gigantic, weirdly named “Dollar Book Fair” is a treasure trove of used $1 and $2 hardbacks and paperbacks, stacked on shelves that may have been obtained at a Blockbuster going-out-of-business sale. Book donations are accepted in exchange for store credit (a little goes a long way!) and its location next to the Tigard Flea Market makes for a pretty compelling suburban shopping expedition. Plus: We found a 1975 copy of Nora Ephron’s Crazy Salad FOR A DOLLAR! That’s going on eBay. 14285 SW Pacific Hwy, Tigard, 968-2665, Mon-Fri 11 am-4 pm, Sat-Sun 10 am-5 pm, dollarbookfair.com

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Green Bean Books

ntirely delightful, the cozy Green Bean Books carries a wide swath of kids’ lit—everything from sturdy picture books to the latest YA series—and a small but well-stocked “Grown-Up Fiction” shelf for those who couldn’t care less about Katniss. They also have weekly story times, a shaded patio with kid-sized chairs for outdoor reading, and, oh, hey, warning: Even if you don’t think you want kids, you will after being in Green Bean for about five seconds. 1600 NE Alberta, 954-2354, Mon-Sat 11 am-6 pm, Sun 10 am-5 pm, greenbeanbookspdx.com

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Hawthorne Boulevard Books

ts nondescript exterior is all but invisible, but Hawthorne Boulevard Books is 100 percent amazing on the inside: tight floor-to-ceiling shelves are packed with gorgeous and rare hardcovers, with a good assortment of surprising, affordable paperbacks to boot. Here’s the spot to go if you want fancy-pants leather-bound sets to class up your dump of a house, but you’ll likely leave with a few weird oddities too. 3129 SE Hawthorne, 236-3211, Wed-Sat 11 am-5 pm

In Other Words

t’s almost a stretch to characterize In Other Words as a bookstore—it feels more like a community space that happens to have a few shelves of books. Said shelves are full of feminist theory, history, fiction, and genre titles, most—but not all, hello Stephen King—written by women. There’s also a lending library and a magazine rack, plus plenty of space for workshops and readings and Portlandia shoots. 14 NE Killingsworth, 232-6003, Tues-Sat noon-7 pm, inotherwords.org

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Interstellar Overdrive

urns out Nerdvana is in a Vancouver strip mall, hidden behind a Shell station and next to the offices of the Clark County Republicans. Interstellar Overdrive boasts an astounding array of sci-fi and fantasy, from Isaac Asimov to George R.R. Martin to Star Trek novelizations, along with bowed shelves full of pulp anthologies, books on nerdy baby names, and—at least when we visited—several tables of dollar-priced hardcovers. Labeled clocks next to the cash register display the current times on Arrakis, Barsoom, Earth, Perelandra, and Trantor—in other words, genre geeks will find a ton of cheap stuff to geek out over; everybody else will get a kick out of seeing this much goofy, lurid cover art in one place. 7732 NE Hazel Dell, Vancouver, 360-771-7761, Mon-Fri 11 am-7 pm, Sat 10 am-5 pm, Sun 2-5 pm

Longfellows Books

Everyone says the same thing about the little blue bookstore on SE Division: “I’ve always wondered about it, but I’ve never been in.” Here’s a tip: Go in. A family-run shop that’s been in the neighborhood for over 20 years, Longfellows Books is crammed with teetering stacks of old books and magazines in any category you can imagine. The shop does much of its business online, but the shelves are full of embossed hardbacks, sheet music, Modern Classics, and first-edition paperbacks. The clutter can be overwhelming, but a friendly counter-dude is happy to answer questions. 1401 SE Division, 239-5222, Mon-Sat 1-5 pm, longfellowspdx.com

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Monograph Bookwerks

mall, neat, and focused, Monograph Bookwerks is a one-stop shop for the sort of handsome coffee table books you’ll want to leave out to trick people that you want to have sex with into thinking you’re cultured and intelligent. Along with a diverse range of glossy art books, you’ll find books on design and architecture, plus classy knickknacks like wooden letterpress blocks. 5005 NE 27th, 284-5005, Wed-Sun 11 am-7 pm, monographbookwerks.com Continued on pg. 13

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 11


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Continued from pg. 11

Mother Foucault’s Bookshop

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other Foucault’s is a pretentious bookstore in the long tradition of pretentious bookstores—one of the used books we pulled off the shelf bore a Shakespeare and Company stamp. Mother Foucault’s is tiny and relatively new, but somehow feels ancient, like a toddler wearing glasses. The shelves go so high there’s an actual slidey ladder, just like in Beauty and the Beast, and they’re well stocked in Important Books, with an emphasis on fiction and criticism. It is, in short, the kind of bookstore every undergrad intellectual dreams of owning. Pretentious? Sure, but also great. Plus, bonus points for any bookstore this classy that has a name that sounds suspiciously like “Motherfucker’s.” 523 SE Morrison, 236-2665, Mon-Sat 11 am-8 pm, Sun noon-5 pm

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Murder by the Book

he charming Murder by the Book is a store by and for mystery and thriller fans—which perhaps explains why their sections aren’t great for accuracy, but work perfectly for browsing. (Their “On the Homefront” shelves contain books by regional authors and books set in the Northwest, “Shot on Location” boasts mysteries reliant on “ex-

The Books We Bought

by Alison Hallett and Erik Henriksen

otic cultures and settings,” and the sci-fi and fantasy offerings are in “Illegal Aliens.”) Make sure to pick up one of their mystery bundles—each costs a few bucks, and consists of a bundle of paperbacks wrapped in brown paper. But what books are inside, you ask? It’s a mystery! So much mystery! 3210 SE Hawthorne, 232-9995, Mon-Sat 10 am-6:30 pm, Sun 11 am-5 pm, mbtb.com

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Reading Frenzy

ortland’s zine and small-press Mecca. The tough, beloved, and passionate Reading Frenzy’s been around since 1994, and is well worth a stop whenever you’re nearby, thanks to regular releases from local and national writers, zinesters, and cartoonists, along with a solid selection of art books, nonfiction, magazines, and literary fiction. In terms of square footage, it’s one-billionth the size of Powell’s; in terms of its content, it’s just as emblematic of Portland. 921 SW Oak, 274-1449, Mon-Sat 11 am-7 pm, Sun noon-6 pm, readingfrenzy.com

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sic fiction… and a disconcertingly large romance section. (So. Many. Pink. Covers.) Bonus points for their store dog! She’s incredibly sweet! Her name is Maggie! 4500 NE Sandy, 249-0344, Mon-Sat 10 am-6 pm, Sun 11 am-5 pm, secondglancebooks.com

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St. Johns Booksellers

cruffy and low-fi, St. Johns Booksellers feels like the books section of a thrift store that’s been plunked down into a full-size bookstore. Rather than looking for anything in particular, it’s best to wander and see what you find—if you have time, chances are you’ll stumble across some good stuff. Bonus! Out of all the independent bookstores we visited, only St. Johns Booksellers had QR codes next to a few books—an easy way to snag a digital edition of that title, and to do so via a local storefront. 8622 N Lombard, 283-0032, Tues 10 am6 pm, Wed-Sat 10 am-8 pm, Sun noon-5 pm, stjohnsbooks.com

Second Glance Books

n unassuming storefront on busy NE Sandy makes Second Glance Books easy to drive right past—but once you’re inside, you’ll find a deep, broad selection of contemporary and clas-

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The Title Wave Used Bookstore

nsanely cheap copies of books that, for whatever reason, no longer warrant a spot on the Multnomah County Library system’s shelves. Title

UESS WHAT happens when you visit 20 of Portland’s independent bookstores? You buy a bunch of books. Even if you’re broke! You can’t help it! Here are the titles we had no choice but to buy while writing this feature—along with how much they cost and where we got them. For obvious reasons, we aren’t going to tell you the titles or locations of the books we couldn’t afford but will be going back for. Because those will be ours. Back off.

($2.95 at Wallace Books) The Enormous Egg by Oliver Butterworth ($1 at Wallace Books) Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card ($3.95 at Wallace Books) Decoded by Jay-Z ($26 at Monograph Bookwerks)

Getting Even by Woody Allen ($4 at Hawthorne Boulevard Books) Surfacing by Margaret Atwood

Twenty Years of the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction edited by Edward L. Fer-

Modern Library 187: The Sound and the Fury and As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner

($10 at Second Glance Books) The Lathe of Heaven and The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin ($1 each at Interstellar Overdrive)

man and Robert P. Mills

Wave basically feels like a library, except you won’t experience years of crushing guilt if you don’t return a book. The sections are small but ever changing, and most of the books are in great condition, once you peel off the library protective wrap. 216 NE Knott, 988-5021, Mon-Tues 10 am-4 pm, Wed-Thurs 10 am-6 pm, Fri-Sat 10 am-4 pm, multcolib.org/titlewave

O

Wallace Books

ut of these 20 bookstores, Wallace Books might be our favorite: Take a drive or a bike ride out to this old, book-crammed Sellwood house. Once you get past the new titles near the entrance, head into the cluttered, twisting hallways and side rooms, where every square foot is books: books heaped on the floors, books jammed onto teetering shelves, books stacked in bins and balanced on windowsills and jumbled into milk crates. An excellent children’s and YA section, old pulps and comics, a whole lot of fiction, a bunch of stuff you never knew existed, and just about anything else you can think of—provided you’ve got an hour or two to hunt it down. Also, if you pull the wrong book out of Wallace Books’ Jenga-like stacks, the whole place will probably come down around you. There are worse ways to die. 7241 SE Milwaukie, 235-7350, Mon-Sat 10 am-7 pm, Sun 10 am-6 pm

($5 at Hawthorne Boulevard Books) The John McPhee Reader by John McPhee

($4 at Cameron’s Books and Magazines) Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver

($8 at Wallace Books) The Man of My Dreams by Curtis Sittenfeld

($1 at Wallace Books) I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith

($14.90 at Annie Bloom’s Books) Wampeters, Foma & Granfalloons by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. ($3.50 at St. Johns Booksellers) Where Things Come Back by John Corey Whaley ($8.50 at Green Bean Books) The 1980 Annual World’s Best SF edited by Donald A. Wollheim ($1 at Interstellar Overdrive)

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 13

Insertion: 8-23-12

Creative Director: Mark Ray


thursday, august 23 5:30 p.m. is “eagle time”

KOry QuINN

aNNa tIVEL aNd thE uNdErBELLy PEtEr rOdOCKEr aNd sO It Is JaCKaLOPE saINts 8:30 p.m.

FrIday, august 24 5:30 p.m. is “eagle time”

rEVErB BrOthErs WHISTLEPUNK! • BARN BURNERS LONE MadrONE 9:30 p.m.

saturday, august 25 4:30 p.m. is “eagle time”

thE studENt LOaN CLOudy OCtOBEr SHADOWS ON STARS • TOPE 9:30 p.m.

suNday, august 26

OPEN MIC/sINgEr sONgwrItEr shOwCasE

featuring portland’s finest talent 6:30 p.m. sign-up; 7 p.m. music· free

MONday, august 27

EarLy hOurs 8:30 p.m.

tuEsday, august 28

“add LOVE shOwCasE” w/ wILL wEst, thE druthErs, huNtEr PayE & sPECIaL guEsts 8:30 p.m.

wEdNEsday, august 29

sCIENCE! BIttErrOOt 8:30 p.m.

doubletee.com / roselandpdx.com

CLARENCE ‘SAXOPHONE’

SLAUGHTER

wiTH vERy SPECiAL GUESTS • FAREwELL SHOw

free fun!!!

3 days of

Anniversary Ale: "Sweet Briar Golden Ale" from Fulton Brewery

Friday, August 24 Lewi Longmire Calico Rose & The Left Coast Roasters 7 p.m. doors, 8 p.m. showr21 and over

Saturday, August 25 INdoors

Special

“Liars”

Screening of the new video brought to you by “Into the Woods” (7 p.m.) Storytelling segment (8 p.m.)

Back Fence PDX

Fun things for sale from our friends at Crafty Underdog (all day)

"Casablanca" (at dusk)

Outdoors

BBQ tent, kids games, beer and wine *Minors with parent or guardian until 6 p.m.; 21 and over thereafter

Sunday, August 26 fRiDay niTe! Only $5!

fRiDay auGuST 24Th

PeTeR’S ROOM @ROSelanD • 10PM • 21+ (503) 224-TiXX 14 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012

Safeway-MuSic MillenniuM

"Casablanca" (3 p.m.) "Best of Homegrown Docfest" (6 p.m.) "The Big Lebowski" (8 p.m.) INdoors

Fun things for sale from our friends at Crafty Underdog (all day)

BBQ tent, kids games, beer and wine 17th and NW Glisan, Portland OR

Outdoors

*Minors with parent or guardian until 6 p.m.; 21 and over thereafter mcmenamins.com


MY , WHAT A BUSY WEEK! OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF AUGUST 23-29

THURSDAY, AUGUST 23 PERETTI—Chelsea Peretti’s had a hand in some of your favorite TV shows (Parks and Rec, Louie), she’s twice as smart as you are, and her stand-up is full of wicked-sharp observations about what it’s like to be a woman with a “weird attractiveness level.” Ladies, bring your boyfriends—they might learn something. AH Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, Fri-Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, $15-25

CLASSIC JUNKIES—Matt Dillon and Heather Graham’s characters in Drugstore Cowboy would have loved tonight’s screening of the film under the moon on the roof of the Hotel deLuxe. With the crowd enthralled by Gus Van Sant’s classic film of Pacific Northwest junkie life, the pair would have the perfect chance do a little hustling, picking up some purses, Prius keys, and hotel towels. SM w/Brooks Robertson; Hotel deLuxe, 729 SW 15th, music starts at 8 pm, $9

FRIDAY, AUGUST 24

ALICIA J. ROSE

NIPPLES—The Mercury and the Hollywood Theatre’s ridiculously popular Hecklevision series—in which audience members text wisecracks that instantly pop up onscreen—is back! Up this time: Batman & Robin, the execrable Batflick featuring 5,324 ice-related puns from Schwarzenegger’s Mr. Freeze, an embarrassed George Clooney, nipples on the batsuits, and a lot of homoeroticism. EH Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $8

LASER MOMS—Listen to the new Menomena record a month before it comes out, and you won’t have to sit there looking at stupid nothing. No, look at awesomecoolbadass LASERS as the new album, Moms, blares—and so what if they’re just using all the old, stock Pink Floyd lasers? It worked for The Wizard of Oz, and it will totally work for Menomena. NL OMSI, 1945 SE Water, 11 pm, $5

SATURDAY, AUGUST 25 REAL DEAL—Long before Mumfords took over the world, there were the Avett Brothers, playing folk-flecked pop with real heart. The good news is that the Avetts are still setting crowds alight, as they will during this two-night run at Edgefield. The other good news is that an album is right around the corner, so expect lots of new tunes. NL Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey, Troutdale, Sat & Sun 7 pm, $40-45, all ages

ROCK-AWAY BEACH—Sick of driving all the way out to far-flung rivers to do some floating? Join the Big Float organizers to clear out the rocks that line our city’s sandy beach on the Willamette River. After a few hours of calorieburning squats and dead lifts, you can celebrate Stumptown’s new swimming hole with a refreshing dip. CF Tom McCall Waterfront Park (south of Hawthorne Bridge), 9 am-2 pm, bring gloves & work shoes

SUNDAY, AUGUST 26 GO OUTSIDE—Summer, summer, summer forever!! Ice cream! Dogs! Jean shorts! Bicycles! Leafy parks! Sunglasses! Tacos! Young love! Old people love! All these things forever and ever today as Sunday Parkways intersects with the Hawthorne Street Fair, blocking off nine miles of Southeast Portland streets to cars and opening them up to everything wonderful. SM View Parkways route map at portlandoregon.gov, 11 am-4 pm; Hawthorne Street Fair, 10 am-5 pm, hawthornestreetfair.com

LOVE BOAT—The college radio station at PSU needs a FM license. So why not take a benefit cruise on a summery Portland night with the DJs and supporters of KPSU? Pop open some champs and boogie down in your boat shoes to the sultry pop tunes of Unknown Mortal Orchestra and Radiation City. Ahoy! CF Portland Spirit, SW Salmon & Naito, 10:30 pm, $20, all ages

MONDAY, AUGUST 27 ANOTHER 48 HOURS—Every year, daring Portland filmmakers take part in the 48-Hour Film Project—giving themselves only two days to make a complete short film. At tonight’s Best of the Portland 48-Hour Film Project, you can see the 14 best shorts that came from their timecrunched efforts. EH Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $8

EERIE—Mount Eerie has been sitting dormant since 2009, but this year quintessential Northwest musician Phil Elverum is releasing two albums under that moniker: Clear Moon came out in May and Ocean Roar is dropping in September. Like Elverum’s best work, Ocean Roar is atmospheric, emotionally urgent, and slightly stressful—in a good way. AH w/Key Losers; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $10-12

TUESDAY, AUGUST 28 GET MAD—Sure, you can get mad about conservatives trampling women’s rights—or you can have fun and be fashionable at the same time! It’s Planned Parenthood Columbia Willamette’s Mad Mixer Party, in which you dress up in the swanky mid-century style of Mad Men, dance to the music of DJ Gregarious, and maybe even win a costume contest! Benefits rarely look this good! WSH Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th, 7 pm, $5-10 sliding scale

SPAWNAGE—Don’t you hate it when eel-like aliens land on Earth and start squirting out baby alien eels in your basement? Yeah… ew. But trust me, you’ll love the 1983 low-budget cheese-tastic horror flick The Deadly Spawn, in which teens take on these squirmy-ass aliens in order to save the world! Hey, at least it’s not happening in your basement. WSH Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $7

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 29 FUSE—In January, I got a press release that read “REFUSED NOT F***ING DEAD,” and sure enough, the Swedish band resurrected itself to play Coachella. Now Refused is coming to town to blast our ears with raging hardcore that refuses (eh?) to stay within genre boundaries. Sleigh Bells open, whose seismic blasts of pop have more in common with Refused than you might think. NL Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 7:30 pm, $39, all ages

SCIENCE. WHATEVER.—OMSI After Dark is courting “hipster” caricatures this week, with a program heavy on obscure music and futuristic fashion, but that’s no reason to stay away. Drink up while making your very own duct-tape wallet. Sway your NES-toughened thumbs to chiptune music. Or just enjoy live songs courtesy of Lost Lander and Blue Skies for Black Hearts. DCT OMSI, 1945 SE Water, 7 pm, $15, 21+ August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 15


BROODING PSYCHE-ROCK FROM THE EMERALD CITY

AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH CELEBRATED BAY AREA SINGER/SONGWRITER

CHUCK

FRIDAY!

THURSDAY!

PROPHET & THE MISSION EXPRESS

NIGHT BEATS

+REDWOOD SON

THURSDAY AUGUST 23

$13 ADVANCE

FRIDAY AUGUST 24

A MIDSUMMER’S EVE ALBUM RELEASE CELEBRATION

MARV

ELLIS

SATURDAY!

$10 ADVANCE

PORTLAND MERCURY, PBR AND STOLI PRESENT

TONY SMILEY (ALBUM RELEASE) +MOSLEY WOTTA

SATURDAY AUGUST 25

MAKE IT A NIGHT Present that night’s show ticket and get $3 off any menu item Sun - Thur in the dining room

MARTY MARQUIS (of BLITZEN TRAPPER)

& AVIANS ALIGHT BBQ AND DRINK SPECIALS!

SUNDAY AUGUST 26

3-7PM

FREE

ALEX

CLARE GOING FAST

MONDAY AUGUST 27

$15 ADVANCE

EPIC AND ATMOSPHERIC ROCK FROM SOUTH AFRICA

CIVIL TWILIGHT

$8 ADVANCE

INSANELY CATCHY INDIE-ROCK FROM BUZZ-WORTHY UK TRIO

ANIMAL KINGDOM

830 E BURNSIDE • 503-231-WOOD • www.dougfirlounge.com

DOUG FIR RESTAURANT + BAR OPEN 7AM–2:30AM EVERYDAY

SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, LATE-NIGHT. FOOD SPECIALS 3-6 PM EVERYDAY, COVERED SMOKING PATIO, FIREPLACE ROOM, LOTS OF LOG. LIVE SHOWS IN THE LOUNGE...

SUNDAY AUGUST 26

SANDRO

PERRI

$10 ADVANCE

LIVE-WIRED, STRAIGHT-SHOOTIN, DIRTY-MOUTH’D, PELVIS-PUSHING JUKE MUSIC FROM LA

VINTAGE TROUBLE

AMBIENT POST-ROCK FROM TORONTO BASED MULTI-INSTRUMENTALIST

TICKETS

THURSDAY AUGUST 30

$12 ADVANCE

BONA-FIDE, PURE RETRO SOUL FROM

+1939 ENSEMBLE

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 29

$8 ADVANCE

LEE FIELDS

&THE EXPRESSIONS

HIGH ENERGY NEO-SOUL FROM THE UK

MORNING PARADE +VANAPRASTA

FRIDAY AUGUST 31

THE HEAVY MONDAY SEPTEMBER 3

$12 ADVANCE

$13 ADVANCE

MUSICFEST NORTHWEST PRESENTS

SLOAN BOBBY BARE JR.

+MINUS 5

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 5 •

$15 ADVANCE

+THE SILENT COMEDY

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 2

$12 ADVANCE

MOONFACE

PRESENTS

BLACK

MOUNTAIN

PRESENTS

ONUINU

STRATEGY +SWAHILI

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 6 •

$15 AT THE DOOR

OR MFNW WRISTBAND

SAD BABY WOLF KISHI BASHI THE LAST BISON

+THE WE SHARED MILK

JOHN MAUS

PRESENTS

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 8 •

QUEST FOR FIRE

OLD LIGHT +GRANDPARENTS

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 7

$15 AT THE DOOR

OR MFNW WRISTBAND

$13 AT THE DOOR

OR MFNW WRISTBAND

Bad Books 10/7 Thee Oh Sees 10/8 - All Ages Matinee! Thee Oh Sees 10/9 - 21+ Radney Foster 10/14 Freelance Whales 10/20 Sea Wolf 11/3 Rachel Yamagata 11/17 Emeli Sande 11/27 All of these shows on sale at Ticketfly.com

GREGORY ALAN ISAKOV 9/10 ETERNAL SUMMERS 9/11 • ANGUS STONE 9/14 • THE AGGROLITES 9/16 • SAUL WILLIAMS 9/18 SONDRE LERCHE 9/19 • SALLIE FORD & THE SOUND OUTSIDE 9/21 • SASSPARILLA 9/22 • K.FLAY 9/26 • DRAGONETTE 9/27 MIKE WATT & THE MISSINGMEN 9/29 • FIREWATER 9/30 • TYCHO 10/2 • SEAN HAYES 10/3 • SIX ORGANS OF ADMITTANCE 10/4 ADVANCE TICKETS AT TICKETFLY - www.tickfly.com and at JACKPOT RECORDS • SUBJECT TO SERVICE CHARGE &/OR USER FEE ALL SHOWS: 8PM DOORS / 9PM SHOW • 21+ UNLESS NOTED • BOX OFFICE OPENS 1/2 HOUR BEFORE DOORS • ROOM PACKAGES AVAILABLE AT www.jupiterhotel.com

16 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012


MUSIC

Roaring through Town

Raymond Byron Re-imagines Familiar Landscapes by Rebecca Wilson As Castanets, Raposa expressed a RAY RAPOSA tries not to sound jaded as he slurps cocktail droplets from his deconstructed, gothic vision of America, impressive moustache. After 10 years of which he evidently sees as a deeply weird, making music—and a few weeks shy of often disturbing place, as well as a source his sixth album, Little Death Shaker— of limitless creativity. And the vision has always been all his own: Rathis record-promoting rigmarole is old hat. Any fan- Raymond Byron and posa is the only consistent the White Freighter Castanet, directing the entasy that music is different Fri Aug 24 tire process and bringing from any other business is Mississippi Studios in a rotating cast of accomlong gone. He’s in it because 3939 N Mississippi plished musicians, a process it’s his calling, what he has to do. Raposa is only 31, but on the sunny that led to beautifully inventive albums, back patio of a bar in his North Portland but ones that Raposa now calls “artificial, neighborhood, he carries the world wea- piecemeal constructs.” Ray mond By ron and the W hite riness of a man who has been put through Freighter have replaced Castanets for the the wringer. Which is not to say that he’s bummed time being, but Raposa doesn’t rule out out, just grown up. “I’m happier at home the possibility of the two coexisting. For now,” he says. “And that’s obviously not a now, he seems relieved to be sharing some negative.” He has a night job, working at of the burden. “These folks got more clearance and Valentine’s downtown, which he says he likes for its low-key atmosphere, and he leeway than in the past, to the album’s likes having time to read books. But the benefit,” he explains. “People chipped in best thing going is his new band, Ray- on parts, expanding into areas I wouldn’t have explored. It turned into a more immond Byron and the White Freighter. Raposa is best known as Castanets, his mediate, visceral thing... it’s more honest critically praised psych-folk band. But, as this way.” Little Death Shaker is Raposa’s most so often happens in art, acclaim has never really translated to popular success. His energetic (“optimistic” is too strong a fi rst album, Cathedral, achieved a coveted word) album, steeped in the twang of Best New Music stamp from Pitchfork in Southern roots and the truck-stop imag2004. Four more albums followed over the ery that he has always drawn upon. But next five years, a prolific output for a guy this is an album that somebody’s dad could get into, the same guy who would in his 20s who toured constantly.

The Happiest Place on Earth

MUSIC

Desaparecidos’ Revolution That Almost Was by Ryan J. Prado

The schedules have finally aligned, and IT’S NOT HARD to recall the American landscape in the months following the Desaparecidos right-time-right-place aura September 11 terrorist attacks. Stars finds itself firmly embedded in a short-run reunion tour along the West and stripes regalia became omnipresent. Any lingering anti- Desaparecidos Coast, 10 years removed from Sun Aug 26 the album that made them country sentiment was hushed Crystal Ballroom shoulda-beens. On the heels of instead of hollered. A lot of 1332 W Burnside their reunion tour announcepeople approved of George W. Bush. It was a weird time to hear five Mid- ment, the band also released two brandwestern kids bark tuneless post-hardcore new songs—“MariKKKopa” and “Backscorchers about corporate greed, the so- sell”—written and recorded during one of cio-economic horrors of suburban sprawl, their first few practices back together. Dalley insists he was most excited simand the death of the American dream. But when Desaparecidos’ debut Read ply for band practice again, to revisit the Music/Speak Spanish was released in energy Desaparecidos generated so many February 2002, a brooding, swoopy-haired years back. He was pretty shocked to fi nd guy named Conor Oberst unintention- that they’d essentially jumped back in ally ignited a sub-movement of floundering where they left off. “It felt totally natural,” says Dalley. emos to rally against blind patriotism. Ten years later, he’s prolonged those ideas with “I don’t think we’ve matured. I think another, less-aggressive project. They’re we’re the same mentality. We haven’t progressed… in a good way.” called Bright Eyes. Ever hear of them? The release of “MariKKKopa” has al“It just wasn’t right back then,” explains Desaparecidos guitarist Denver ready helped Desaparecidos achieve the Dalley, “not only scheduling wise, but it kind of controversial political skewering felt like we’d gotten away from the soul of that Oberst is now universally known for. the band of having fun and playing. There Taking aim at Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Mariwere expectations and it started to feel copa County in Arizona—who proudly rellike a business. We’d kind of always been ished being compared to the KKK for his rampant enforcement of Arizona’s antithe anti band; this kind of defiant band.”

have shaken his head in mystification at most Castanets songs. At times, there’s still a whiff of Castanets-style weirdness—“Stateline” is nearly 10 minutes of fuzzed-out, slow-tempo anguish. This is immediately followed by the tender roadhouse nostalgia of “Meridian, MS,” backup vocals courtesy of Matthew Houck (otherwise known as Phosphorescent), a

song Raposa describes as “a sock-hop 6/8 cruiser.” “There’s gators in the water and snakes in the sand,” he sings, tenderly. The thread that connects the White Freighter to Castanets is the overwhelming sense of place, of actual locations. “Geographically informed writing happens on the road, because of the places we’ve passed through,” he says. This is Raposa underestimating his own worldview. Most musicians pass through a lot of places on tour, and most of them never manage to evoke such a bleakly fascinating picture of their country and the people who live there.

KAT GARDINER

RAYMOND BYRON AND THE WHITE FREIGHTER He repeatedly fails at crossing the street.

immigration laws—the track is a scathing, screeching punk ode written from the perspective of a not-so-farfetched alien lynching posse run by Arpaio. “Backsell,” on the other hand, focuses on the ridiculousness of major label swarming and radio backselling to Desaparecidos’ door. “When we put out that fi rst album, there was a lot of that,” says Dalley. “We’d been talking about doing that song and had that title like seven years ago. It does still hold true. We’ve always been more kind of the DIY mentality.” All five members of the band, according to Dalley, entertained preserving the

one-album-and-out mystique, allowing an untarnished legacy to defi ne the band. Ultimately, though, Desaparecidos wanted to give back to those who’d quietly made them contemporary underground legends. “I feel like a lot of people are really connected with that record and listened to it for a long time,” says Dalley. “I want to be able to do that live and have them be able to see it if they want to. “We’re all having fun and we want to do more. There’s a very good chance we could record more,” he continues. “We’re all just kind of waiting to see what happens like everyone else.”

DESAPARECIDOS The shortest, happiest suspects in the history of police lineups.

ZACH HOLLOWELL

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 17


18 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012


We Need New Noise

How Refused Reshaped Punk by Maranda Bish

MUSIC

Since the band famously refuses to REFUSED did not want to be canonized or mythologized. So they stated in their be interviewed, we’re left to speculate on their reasons for reuniting. farewell missive, upon initially Refused The prolific online postings of dissolving in 1998 at the peak of Wed Aug 29 Lyxzén—who has stayed terrifitheir potency. Expressing disgust Roseland cally active in underground music, with the increasingly capitalistic 8 NW 6th as a performer and as proprietor music industry, the group—celebrated for blowing the lid off whatever of the Ny Våg record label—provide some punk was supposed to be—declared they clues. He expresses gratitude for the continuing support for Refused, but also genwere abandoning it. They formed amid a creatively fertile tly suggests that fans listen to his new late-’80s/early-’90s scene in the Swed- output, and encourages followers to make ish university city of Umeå, and the band music and art of their own. In the years since pronouncing their coalesced within the then-prevalent parameters of classic hardcore. But Refused own death sentence, Lyxzén & Co. witturned the scene on its head through a se- nessed the mythmaking of their music as ries of dizzying releases, culminating in the well as punk itself. Perhaps they realized now-legendary The Shape of Punk to Come. the way to destroy myths is not to bow The title is a nod to a seminal jazz out, but to press on. And although their album, and the music is an unfl inching, music is inevitably revered, their most enmeticulous meditation on the possibili- during legacy is the relentless creativity ties of popular music. Its politically and they spurred and the boundaries they dephilosophically charged songs incorpo- stroyed—showing that doing so is the true rate elements of jazz, techno, classical, way to keep punk alive. and folk music by way of instruments that range from synths to strings, demonstrating punk as an approach and process rather than a static, defi ned genre. Refused mirrored this innovation in live performance, exhibiting more energy than seemed feasible from fi ve human beings—particularly frontman Dennis Lyxzén, who gyrated and agitated onstage as a playful, fierce, and joyous musiDENNIS BLOMBERG cal conduit. REFUSED It’s okay, guys. Smile. We won’t tell anybody.

A Neil Diamond Jubilee

Hot August Night Turns 40 by Ned Lannamann

MUSIC

WHY ARE not one, but two tribute acts the original artist is still touring,” says paying elaborate homage to a concert Neil Starlight. “By the 50th anniversary, Neil Diamond played 40 years ago? Well, it will be 81 and it’s unlikely he’ll be touring wasn’t just any concert—it was the show or have much voice left.” National tribute act Super that became the double live alTony Starlight Diamond, meanwhile, performs bum Hot August Night. The Fri Aug 24 at the Crystal Ballroom the folAugust 24, 1972 recording was Alberta Rose Theatre lowing night. The press release in the middle of a sold-out run 3000 NE Alberta touts that trees and Greek colof 10 shows that Diamond performed at the 5,700-capacity Super Diamond umns will adorn the room, evokSat Aug 25 ing the Greek Theatre of the Greek Theatre in LA’s Griffith Crystal Ballroom original show. It’s a lot of hoopla Park. Album photographer Ed 1332 W Burnside for a seemingly arbitrary event, Caraeff says, “I remember, at the time, it was as close as I ever had to but Hot August Night marks the moment a steady job, since I was hired to attend of Diamond’s transformation from journeyman songwriter to adult contemporary every show and photograph.” Diamond’s recording career was only six superstar—Diamond would tip further years old at that point, and had already been into grandma-friendly glitz in the years to the subject of a live album (1970’s Gold), but come, but the youthful joy of his splendid Hot August Night pinpoints a culmination ’60s singles and his subsequent infatuation for Diamond, both artistically and profes- with gospel (“Holly Holy,” “Soolaimon”) sionally. If it’s not his best album, it’s his Neil are still on full display. “Hot August Night captures Neil at Diamondiest. “Neil told me it was the album just the right time,” says Starlight, “where that ‘made his career,’” says Caraeff. Tony Starlight performs a Neil Dia- he has a writing and performing history mond tribute each month at his Portland that makes him professional, but he is not supper club, but for Hot August Night’s yet an icon caught in the trappings of fame 40th, Starlight’s taking over the substan- and fortune. There’s a hunger and urgency tially bigger Alberta Rose Theatre. “The to the performance that is rare to capture 40th anniversary is significant because on tape.” August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 19


UP&COMING THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PREVIEWS

THURSDAY 8/23 CHUCK PROPHET AND THE MISSION EXPRESS, REDWOOD SON

(Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) You won’t find a more versatile, yet underappreciated, musician and songwriter than Chuck Prophet (although those in the know know). Aside from a career that has seen him dabble in punk, country, and pop (his first band Green on Red was big in the mid-’80s Paisley Underground movement), Prophet is also a gifted storyteller whose solo work is just as enthralling. His latest album, Temple Beautiful, is a love letter of sorts to his longtime San Francisco home, offering up obscure references to Bay Area geography and history as well as dropping more familiar names like Harvey Milk, Bill Graham, and Willie Mays. Simple, workingman’s rock can often go unnoticed, but you’re far too savvy to miss this one. MARK LORE

THE VERY BEST, SEYE, DJ JEFFREY JERUSALEM (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) The transcontinental pop scene has been dominated by the Very Best for a few years now, ever since Esau Mwamwaya, from Malawi, famously sold a bike to Etienne Tron, the French half of the hiphop production team Radioclit. But after one critically adored mixtape and an even more lauded debut LP (Warm Heart of Africa), Etienne had enough, leaving Johan Hugo Karlberg and Mwamwaya to forge on without him. MTMTMK, their second album, was recorded in Lilongwe, Malawi. Expectedly pleasurable, the album features lots of predictable guest stars— Baaba Maal, Amadou and Mariam—as well as bilingual vocals. The generous spirit that made the album possible seems to have spilled over into many of the songs, an impressive feat given that the production ranges from shiny to the slickly commercial. Fortunately, the Very Best radiate a warmth and authenticity that could find its way out of even the most elaborately designed packaging. REBECCA WILSON

DAVID ALLAN COE, HONKY TONK UNION, MICHAEL DEAN DAMRON (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th) David Allan Coe is a mixed bag. On the one hand, he’s responsible for penning the maudlin country classic “Would You Lay with Me (In a Field of Stone)” and “Take This Job and Shove It,” which has Superchunk’s “Slack Motherfucker” beat as the ultimate anti-employment anthem. But these accomplishments don’t absolve him of subsequent foolishness, which there is quite a bit of. Much of Coe’s recent work borders on self-parody (admittedly, it’s sort of a disproportionate comparison, but think a hillbilly Weird Al). Even worse is the stuff that’s unintentionally ridiculous, like Coe’s collaboration with the late Dimebag Darrell, Rebel Meets Rebel, which remains perhaps my favorite party record of all time (why does everyone hate my parties?). I have no idea what he’s playing tonight, but most of it is bound to be agonizing. MORGAN TROPER

TEISHA HELGERSON TRIBUTE (Kruger’s Farm, 17100 NW Sauvie Island) Teisha Helgerson, the singer for Amelia, died last year from chronic lymphocytic leukemia. Her friends took her unfinished recordings and made Carry On, an album that intermingles Helgerson’s sketches and lyrics with fleshed-out songs from all the contributors. It was a tricky operation, but the assorted Portland musicians on Carry On have not only made a tasteful, moving tribute to Helgerson, they’ve made a unified album that finds the joy in Helgerson’s life story rather than getting bogged down in her illness and too-soon death. Tonight’s release show benefits Teisha’s Place and the Jeremy Wilson Foundation charities. Performers will include Jim Brunberg, Michael Jodell, Matt Brown, James Low, Mark Orton, Wendy Pate, Aaron Walker, Miss Tulie, Susannah Weaver, Scott Weddle, Rachel Taylor Brown, and Stephanie Schneiderman. Poet Scott Poole, and dancer Margarita Barragan will also be there, with Live Wire! ’s Courtenay Hameister hosting. NED LANNAMANN

KRISTIN HERSH, MBILLY (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) I’ve loved Kristin Hersh ever since I heard Throwing Muses’ “Call Me” on a mixtape. Hersh was a 20-year-old baby then, with a distinctive, angry bray like some sort of punkrock lamb. With that staccato “Summer’s gone/summer’s over/somebody here’s too smart,” Hersh foretold her musical output a remarkable 26 years later. She’s now a solo artist (and wrapping up new work from Throwing Muses), writer, mother, and co-founder of the nonprofit musician-aiding project CASH Music. Her latest album, 2010’s Crooked, is a collaboration for which 20 demos were remixed by fans and polished up by Hersh into 10 album tracks and two auxiliary EPs. It’s very much an autumn record—too heavy and introspective for these hot August days—but it’ll feel as good as your favorite wool shirt once the days darken. Hersh’s bruised-peach voice still sounds as fantastic and rich

20 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012

as ever on Crooked’s folky, grown-up collection. Let her be the lovely voiced harbinger of the upcoming leaf change. COURTNEY FERGUSON

PARENTHETICAL GIRLS, WAX FINGERS, HOSANNAS, PALMAS, AAN (Rontoms, 600 E Burnside) Tender, the new EP from Portland prog trio Wax Fingers, burns brightly in all the right places, plotting smart, subdued weirdness that’s swayable and deliciously psychedelic. Their follow-up to 2010’s self-titled debut finds the band reeling in their considerable technical prowess, relying not on flashy time signatures or swelling symphonics alone. Tender guts the core of the group’s mad science on the septic-dark opening track “Bauhaus” and the ebbingflowing title track. But it’s not all insular restraint; “I’m So Limber” allows a late-breaking volume-spike, while EP closer “Almost Always Sailing” pairs heavy synth soundscapes with frantic drumming and score-worthy instrumentation—provided the film chronicles the slow demise of a psychotropic-popping druggie. Beauty and brawn work in tandem here, producing a wonderfully diverse slice of outsider pop. This show is the official release for Tender, so bring money. RYAN J. PRADO

CANNIBAL CORPSE, PERIPHERY, VEILOT MAYA, JOB FOR A COWBOY, GOATWHORE, EXHUMED & MORE (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) Cannibal Corpse is kinda like the Metallica of death metal. At their inceptions, both were special, groundbreaking bands that changed the game, widening a few eyes in the process. Just like Metallica, Corpse had four perfect records before it all started going to pot. For Metallica, the initial slip into blaring mediocrity and failed experimentation can be traced to the moment they lopped off their luscious locks. For Cannibal Corpse, the entrance of George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher replacing Chris Barnes on vocals was the beginning of the slide. In the subsequent years, original members Alex Webster (bass) and Paul Mazurkiewicz (drums) have done a good job of keeping the gore-drenched, chummified riffs and album covers alive, but good ol’ Fishgrinder has done nothing except make all the new records boring. Death metal vocalists don’t necessarily have range, but they should have flair, and personal style that stands apart from the countless other gurgling frontmen in the sub-genre. Unfortunately, Fishgrinder’s got nothing. Thanks for dragging a good band down, dick. ARIS WALES

THE BUGS, LAME DRIVERS, WOOLEN MEN (Record Room, 8 NE Killingsworth) Portland weather is on the fritz, which means summer-fun music is about to head into hibernation, making room for serious things. But these three bands are serious about keeping music fun. Portland garage-punk two-piece the Bugs keep a pretty low profile for being a band that’s been playing in Portland for 14 years. Their uptempo, catchy hooks like “Maybe you and I should just get stupid” are probably smart satire, but since the songs only last a minute and a half, it’s hard to figure out before you’re already stomping your feet to something like “Fuckin’ A Right” on the next song. Portland favorites the Woolen Men and Brooklyn’s 10-year-young band Lame Drivers make a stop on the West Coast segment of their two-part summer tour to make this lineup super nice. ROCHELLE HUNTER

NASHVILLE PUSSY (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) Yes, you read correctly: Nashville Pussy is still around. With their fire-breathing stage antics and sexed-up lyrics about Southern livin’, these Georgians are KISS-meets-Skynyrd. This will probably sound awful to many, but over the past 15 years or so, Nashville Pussy have amassed a (largely European) cult following, which is the best kind of following. Husband-wife duo Blaine Cartwright and Ruyter Suys are the only mainstays from the early days, but the new material is almost indistinguishable from their debut, Let Them Eat Pussy. Evolution in rock ’n’ roll is overrated anyway. Nashville Pussy are the embodiment of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fi x it.” ML

PINK SLIP, OBJECTS IN SPACE, THE GOOD SONS (Plan B, 1305 SE 8th) Sometimes even the most wellbalanced pessimists become enraged and need to blow off steam. For that, we have Pink Slip. They like to keep things very loud and very raw, a charming contrast to their apparently jolly personalities. The three members share vocals, but you’re going to want to keep an eye on Claire Daemon (actually Nelson), the guitar player. She’s an outstanding singer, with a voice that chimes from deep within, like she learned to sing in a church choir of mohawks and leather vests. With Mike Blackburn on drums and Kim Rowan on bass, they have nailed the the thing that made Bikini Kill and the Gits (Pink Slip’s favorite band) so compelling back when the radio was saturated with the Spice Girls. Now Pink Slip have taken up the DIY mantle, bringing punk to the cheerfully incensed masses. RW


UP&COMING THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PREVIEWS

FRIDAY 8/24

SUNDAY 8/26

LASER MENOMENA!

KPSU KRUISE: UNKNOWN MORTAL ORCHESTRA, RADIATION CITY

(OMSI, 1945 SE Water) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

(Portland Spirit, SW Naito & Salmon) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

RAYMOND BYRON AND THE WHITE FREIGHTER, HOUNDSTOOTH, AL JAMES

THE AVETT BROTHERS

(Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See Music, pg. 17.

(Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey, Troutdale) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

NEIL DIAMOND’S HOT AUGUST NIGHT 40TH ANNIVERSARY: TONY STARLIGHT

DESAPARECIDOS, VIRGIN ISLANDS

(Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta) See Music, pg. 19.

BENEFIT FOR HARRY STRONG: THE LOVESORES, WIZARD RIFLE, & MORE (Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy) On July 19, Harry Strong (age: five) and his sister (age: 18 months) were playing on the sidewalk at SE 72nd and Flavel when a car came up on the curb and hit them. Harry suffered a very serious brain injury, but the good news is that he is out of ICU and now at Randall Children’s Hospital in the process of making a slow recovery. A number of local bands have joined together to play a benefit show to help Harry’s family with his substantial medical expenses; stand-up comedy and a silent auction are also scheduled. With punk revivalists the Lovesores, howling firebrand psych from Wizard Rifle, and a stacked bill of other fine acts, this will not only be a terrific evening out—it’s just about as good a cause as exists on Earth. NL

TIME WHARP, M. CONSTANT, RAP CLASS, D. POETICA, GUMAR, BROWN BEAR (Groove Suite, 433 NW 4th) Tonight marks the release of the latest recording from Portland producer Rap Class, eight tracks of original sample-based electronic music created between 2006 and 2009, somewhat deceptively titled Greatest Hits. Anyone expecting a hiphop tutorial, or any rap at all, will be sorely disappointed, but fans of experimental soundscapes will find there’s a lot here to enjoy. Rap Class is the musical pseudonym of John Kammerle, a member of the local Dropping Gems collective, whose work is distinct from a lot of electronic music, in part due to the samplechopping he creates on an all-hardware setup. Time Wharp and M. Constant from Boston’s Jass collective close out the night. RYAN FEIGH

(Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) See Music, pg. 17.

TARA JANE O’NEIL’S SEV ENTRAIN, DRAGGING AN OX THROUGH WATER, LIKE A VILLAIN, DJ YETI (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) I can’t imagine what Tara Jane O’Neil’s new composition, Sev Entrain, sounds like. It’s described as “an interpretation of a graphic score”—meaning that while I think there’s technically sheet music, it eschews formal musical notation in favor of sonically representing a series of O’Neil’s line drawings. She’s not performing it alone; Rachel Carns, Lisa Schonberg, Heather Treadway, and Kanako Wynkoop will also be part of the ensemble for this one-time performance. Judging from O’Neil’s past work, Sev Entrain is bound to be full of subtle, watery beauty, but it won’t make use of O’Neil’s compelling guitar work. Rather, the sounds will come from gongs, tubes, drums, organs, voice, and more. An art book accompanies the piece, which was funded by a RACC grant. NL

HYBRIS, MINDS EYE, RYAN ORGAN, EWOK (Groove Suite, 433 NW 4th) Don’t miss your chance to catch drum and bass of the highest caliber, transmitted via the brain-searing tunes of Hybris (Evan Vischi), now based in Prague (by way of DC). The man’s work can hold up to even the most skeptical of old school drum and bass heads, and keeps tension building adroitly with serpentine bass lines coiling around ruthlessly taut beats. Releases on several heavy-hitter labels including Metalheadz and Invisible Recordings are just another day at the offi ce for this savvy beatsmith, whose refreshing take on drum and bass seems to be gaining steam for a genre kept underground far too long. CHRISTINA BROUSSARD

NIGHT BEATS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) You can take the musicians out of Texas, but good luck trying to wrestle the Lone Star State out of Night Beats. A few years ago, singer Danny “Lee Blackwell” Rajan and drummer James Traeger relocated to Seattle, where they joined forces with Tarek Wegner on bass. They may be named after a Sam Cooke album, but their sound is pure psychedelia—specifi cally, 13th Floor Elevators, who broke sonic ground in Austin in the late ’60s. For such a sprawling, depraved-sounding band, Night Beats are remarkably conscientious about details: From the far-off vocal, the pounding echo of the bass, the distorted surf of the guitar, and the tight songwriting, their self-titled LP sounds remarkably like a 45 with a half century of collected dust. Does this make them a period piece, based on the sonic novel by Roky Erickson? Yes, please. RW

SATURDAY 8/25 THE AVETT BROTHERS (Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey, Troutdale) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

NEIL DIAMOND’S HOT AUGUST NIGHT 40TH ANNIVERSARY: SUPER DIAMOND, FUNK SHUI (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) See Music, pg. 19.

MONDAY 8/27 MOUNT EERIE, KEY LOSERS (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

TUESDAY 8/28 ATLAS GENIUS, TU FAWNING

(Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) It doesn’t matter whether you are a fan of glossy Aussies Atlas Genius (they’re okay, kinda!). The real news is that Tu Fawning is opening, and this show only costs 94 cents. That’s a chance to see one of Portland’s greatest, most artistically visionary acts for less than a dollar. It looks like the show has already sold out, so find a friend with an extra ticket, toss ’em a buck, and tell ’em to keep the change. NL

WEDNESDAY 8/29 OMSI AFTER DARK: LOST LANDER, BLUE SKIES FOR BLACK HEARTS

(OMSI, 1945 SE Water) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

REFUSED, SLEIGH BELLS (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15, and Music, pg. 19.

PAPER BRAIN, SORTA ULTRA, JON TIMM (Kelly’s Olympian, 426 SW Washington) I know I’ll sound like a brat saying this, but bear with me: Anybody with enough money can be in a shoegaze or dream-pop band. It’s amazing how little effort and imagination creating “atmospheric” music requires, but it is the blunt truth of the matter—those effects pedals are doing all the work, folks. Few self-described dream-pop bands (okay, this band describes themselves as “death pop/sunshine fantasy metal,” so I’m paraphrasing here) pull it off with the sort of precision Paper Brain demonstrate on their brandnew EP Begin Again. The already-established group has at last perfected their aesthetic. They’re hazy sounding without being boring or tuneless; the vocal melodies are captivating, and songwriter Mike Wrobelwski has the sort of musical intuition many of his peers clearly lack. The title track reminds me of the self-titled Telescopes album. These guys would have been huge in ’92. MT

GREYLAG, CATHERINE FEENY, SUZANNE TUFAN (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) Greylag had been simmering in a cross-country creative tailspin prior to relocating to Portland a few years back. Their debut EP similarly stewed in a holding pattern as the band found footing, settling into themselves and establishing an almost immediate fanbase. There’s an extremely good reason for that. The Only Way to Kill You plays like a Zane Grey fever dream, with a rich, continental imagery that focuses on the holy trinity of melody, music, and lyricism. “Black Crow” is a great example of this—its underlying tribal thrust belies a terrifically textured, affecting Americana pop that’s heavy with percussion, mandolin, and harmony. Greylag was already part of this year’s Sasquatch festival, so the secret’s certainly out. But it’s exciting to ponder what sort of alchemy could follow from a band as relatively fresh as this. RJP

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 21


The Newly Restored Histori

LiveMusic, Music,Cabaret, Cabaret,Burlesque Burlesque&&Rock-n-Roll Rock-n-Roll Live

LiveMusic, Music,Cabaret, Cabaret,Burlesque Burlesque&&Rock-n-Roll Rock-n-Roll Live

503-226-6630 • Open Daily 11am-2:30am •

503-226-6630 • Open Daily 11am-2:30am •

w w w. da n tes l i ve . c o m

aant te er Psol ri tvl e w w ww . Sw t aw r T. d he a n. c d .oc m om

LIVE MUSIC The Newly Restored Histori

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THURSDAY 8/23

7 pm; wALBERTA w w . S STREET t a r T h PUBLIC e a t e rHOUSE—Ellis, Portland .com Picture the Ocean, Solomon’s Hollow, 9:30 pm

★ AL’S DEN—Yards,AUG 8 pm, free THE FALLMEN FREE WEDNESDAYAUG22 THE WEDNESDAYAUG WEDNESDAY 22 FALLMEN FREE WEDNESDAYAUG22 WEDNESDAY 22 ANDINA—Jason Okamoto, 7 pm, free AUG 22

WEDNESDAY AUG 22

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HORSE BODIES

BODIES SHOW T HETHE THE THE ED EAHORSE H FOT R BLOODTHIRSTY VULTURES & MOOSEJAW ED FOR M MA N N ED FORMAN ED ANOW SRICK HM OR FFORMAN OSH D W E THE DECEMBERIST’S CHRIS FUNK BARTON FROM W SHOW + BOY EATS DRUM MACHINE SHOW HOMURPHYS THURSDAY S DROPKICK

THE HE TTTHE FORMAN ED FORMAN ED AN ED FORM SHOW SHOW HOW S

HETHE Village, 7 pm, $5 ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Acoustic EDED FORFOR MANMAYard, N Set West, 9:30 pm ASH STREET SALOON—Mohawk SH W OW THE DECEMBERIST’SPARK—Lewi CHRIS FUNK OSH RICK BARTON FROM BERRYDALE Longmire Band”, 6:30 pm, + BOY EATS DRUM MACHINE DROPKICK MURPHYS free, all ages AUG 23 AUG 23 BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Vanport Drifters, 9 pm THE PSYCHEDLIC THE PSYCHEDLIC $7 ADV $7 ADV WESTERN BLUE DIAMOND—Ben Jones, 9WESTERN pm 9PM 9PM + HOPELESS JACK & THE HANDSOME DEVIL + HOPELESS JACK & THE HANDSOME DEVIL $8 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT $8 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT SOUNDS OF SOUNDS OF 9PM SHOWTIME 9PM SHOWTIME BLUE MONK—Alan Jones, 8 pm SPECIAL REUNION SHOW! SPECIAL REUNION SHOW! BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—John Butler, Al Criado BUFFALO GAP—Rabid Wombat, Reign Cycle, 9 pm AUG 24 AUG 24 HAWKEYE • THE UPSIDEDOWN • OCHA LA ROCHA HAWKEYE • THE UPSIDEDOWN • OCHA LA ROCHA the Blind”, BUNK BAR—Ivan & Alyosha, Michael $7 ADV $7 ADV 8 pm, $10 9:30PM 9:30PM ++SHOT ++SHOT SHOTOF OFMERCURY MERCURY SHOTOF OFMERCURY MERCURY CAMELLIA LOUNGE—4 Stories High, 8 pm, $10 & & & 21 21 HORSES HORSES & 21 21 HORSES HORSES CLUB 21—Downstrokes, Primitive Idols, free $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME CLYDE’S PRIME RIB—Jim Mesi, Steve Bradley, 7 pm CORKSCREW WINE BAR—Sellwood Jazz Ensemble AUG 25 AUG 25 DANTE’S—Continental, Hopeless Jack & The Handsome $7 ADV $7 ADV Devils, 9 pm, $7 9:30PM 9:30PM ★ DOUG FIR—Chuck Prophet & the Mission Express, + BROTHERS OF THE LAST WATCH + BROTHERS OF THE LAST WATCH & ROOT JACK & ROOT JACK Redwood Son, 9 pm, $13-15 $8 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME $8 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME DUFF’S GARAGE—Tough Love Pyle, 6 pm, $2; Laurie “The Best Show “The Best Show Firedancers Firedancers In Town!” In Town!” Magic & Debauchery! Magic & Debauchery! SUNDAY DJs,Burlesque, SUNDAY DJs,Burlesque, MONDAY MONDAY Morvan, 9 pm AUG 26 AUG 26 AUG 27 AUG 27THE F-HOLES THE F-HOLES ”, Viirl, 9 pm EAST END—Shark Party, A Blinding Silence EASTSIDE SPEED EASTSIDE SPEED EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Steve Cheseborough, 7 pm MACHINE MACHINE EDGEFIELD—Oh My My’s, 7 pm, free, all ages So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR? So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR? THE ELIXIR LAB—Johnny D’s Community Jam, 7 pm cabaret cabaret KARAOKE WITH A LIVE BAND KARAOKE WITH A LIVE BAND 9PM - MISSIONARY POSITION 9PM - MISSIONARY POSITION FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS ! FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS ! ELLA FREE SHOW! - 9PM SHOWTIME FREE SHOW!STREET - 9PM SHOWTIME SOCIAL CLUB—Funeral & Twilight, 9 pm FIRKIN TAVERN—Sam Densmore, 8 pm, free S S THE THE H H GOODFOOT—The Blackberry Bushes, Wendy & The O O the 10pm mercury tree the mercury tree AUG 28 10pm AUG 28 $3 $3 Lost Boys, 9 pm, $6beringia W W beringia 8pm 8pm open mic comedy open mic comedy GRAND CAFE/ANDREA’S CHA CHA CLUB—Pilon Showtime Showtime with hostess dirt starr love with hostess dirt starr love d’Azucar Salsa Band, 9:30 pm THE MUSIC OF THE MUSIC OF HALIBUT’S—Terry Robb, 8 pm, free COMING COMING $15 ADVANCE CASCADE TICKETS & TICKETSWEST $15 ADVANCE CASCADE TICKETS & TICKETSWEST FRANK ZAPPA ZAPPAHonky Tonk SOON SOON HAWTHORNE THEATRE—DavidFRANK Allan Coe, AUG 30 AUG 30 8/22 The Fallmen & Horsebodies 8/22 The Fallmen & Horsebodies Union, Michael Dean Damron, 7 pm, $22-25 8/23 Continental 8/23 Continental HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—A Thief at Heart, 8/24 The Cowtrippers 8/24 The Cowtrippers $7 ADV $7 ADV 9PM 9PM 8/25 I Can Lick Any SOB In The House 8/25 I Can Lick Any SOB In The House FEATURING IKE WILLIS FEATURING IKE WILLIS Feral Pigs; Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, 8:30 pm, free 8/26 Sinferno+Missionary Position 8/26 Sinferno+Missionary Position HEATHMAN—Johnny Martin, 7 pm 8/27 Karaoke From Hell 8/27 Karaoke From Hell 8/28 The Chuck-n-Buck Show 8/28 The Chuck-n-Buck Show ELLIE DARLING ELLIE DARLING ★ HOLOCENE—The Very Best, Seye, DJ Jeffrey Jerusa8/29 Atlas & The Astronaut Atlas & The Astronaut PRESENTS 8/29 PRESENTS lem, 9 pm, $10 8/30 Ape Machine 8/30 Ape Machine $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME 9/1 The Objex 9/1 The Objex IVORIES JAZZ LOUNGE AND RESTAURANT—Laura 9/5 Jackie Alan Denise 9/5 Jackie Alan Denise 9/6 MFNW: King Khan & The Shrines P E E P S H O W 9/6 MFNW: King Khan & The Shrines Cunard, P E5:30 E pm, P free S H OSimpson, W 7 pm JADE LOUNGE—Nexus: JasonPONTANI 9/7 MFNW: Fucked Up FEATURING ANGIE PONTANI9/7 MFNW: Fucked Up FEATURING ANGIE & AN INSATIABLE SHOWCASE OF TANTALIZING LOVELIES & AN INSATIABLE SHOWCASE OF TANTALIZING LOVELIES 9/8 MFNW: Redd Kross 9/8 MFNW: Redd Kross JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown B3 Organ Band, 8 pm, $5 9/13 Lawn Boy 9/13 Lawn Boy KELLS—Pat Buckley, 9 pm 9/14 Steel Horse 9/14 Steel Horse 9/15 Miss Skooled Pageant 9/15 Miss Skooled Pageant KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Animism, Sam Humans, 9 pm, $5 9/19 Scott H. Biram 9/19 Scott H. Biram $5 COVER - 10PM SHOWTIME $5 COVER - 10PM SHOWTIME KENTON CLUB—Urban Wildlife, Paul Notley, The Field 9/21 Zepparella 9/21 Zepparella 9/22 Los Straitjackets 9/22 Los Straitjackets Recordings, 9 pm, free SEPT 1 SEPT 1 9/27 Jucifer 9/27 Jucifer ★TALENT THE KNOW—Rabbits, Drunk Dad, Palo Verde, 8OF pm WINNERS OF WINNERS TALENT AND VARIETY CONTEST AND VARIETY CONTEST 9/28 Local H 9/28 Local H $7 ADV $7 ADV 3 3 BARFLY 9:30PM 9:30PM ★ KRUGER’S FARM—A Tribute to Teisha Helgerson: Jim 9/29 Appetite For Deception 9/29BARFLY Appetite For Deception AWARDS! 10/6 House Of Floyd 10/6AWARDS! House Of Floyd Brunberg, Michael Jodell, Matt Brown, James Low, Mark 10/13 Jeff The Brotherhood 10/13 Jeff The Brotherhood Orton, Wendy Pate, Aaron Walker, Miss Tulie, Susannah 10/17 Rosie Flores & Marti Brom 10/17 Rosie Flores & Marti Brom 10/18 Cheap Time 10/18 Cheap Time Weaver, Scott Weddle, Rachel Taylor Brown, Stephanie 10/19 Three Bad Jacks 10/19 Three Bad Jacks Schneiderman, pm, $10 per carTEMPLE THE MEN - MEAN JEANS - THE PEOPLES TEMPLE THE MEN - MEAN6:30 JEANS - THE PEOPLES 10/20 Hell’s Belles 10/20 Hell’s Belles 10/26 Zombie Rockfest Zombie Rockfest LANDMARK SALOON—The Pick Ups, free THE10/26 PAINS OF BEING THE 8:30 PAINSpm, OF BEING 11/2 Rev. Peyton’s Big Damn Band Peyton’s Big Damn Band PURE11/2 ATRev. HEART PURE ATBarkers, HEART 6 pm; LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—The 11/3 Cash’d Out 11/3 Cash’d Out - DAUGHN GIBSON - MOON - AANGarage - DAUGHN Giraffe Dodgers, 9:30 pm GIBSON - MOON DUO - AAN 11/10 Two Cow Garage 11/10 DUO Two Cow TICKETS AVAILABLE @ DANTE’S, TICKETS AVAILABLE @ DANTE’S, LVS—Soulmates, 9 pm STAR THEATER AND STAR THEATER AND WWW.DANTESLIVE.COM WWW.DANTESLIVE.COM MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Lost 6 pm;PEOPLE Robin HAZEL - DIRTCLODFIGHT - SNO BUD & THE FLOWER PEOPLE HAZEL - DIRTCLODFIGHT - SNO BUDCreek, & THE FLOWER Jackson, Krystyn Pixton, 9 pm, $7-10 ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Kristin Hersh, Mbilly, LEAD SINGER OF LEAD SINGER OF 8 pm, SEPT 6 SEPT 6 THE DRIVE-BY THE DRIVE-BY $18-20 MRS. MAGICIAN MRS. MAGICIAN $20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME $20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT 9PM SHOWTIME TRUCKERS TRUCKERS 8:30 pm APACHE (THE BAND) & PYNNACLES APACHE (THE BAND) & PYNNACLES MOCK CREST TAVERN—Daniel Kwiatkowski, MUDDY RUDDER—Joe McMurrian, 8 pm PERFORMING “DAVID PERFORMING “DAVID OREGON CONVENTION CENTER—Bobby Torres COMES TO LIFE” COMES TO LIFE” POISON IDEA POISON IDEA SEPT 7 SEPT 7 & THE DOWNTOWN DOWNTOWN SONS OF HUNS SONS OF HUNSRAMBLERS Ensemble, 5& THE pm, free, all ages RAMBLERS BISON BISON BISON BISON ★ THE PIANO FORT—Heatwarmer, Ozarks, Particulars, TICKETS AVAILABLE AT STAR THEATER, TICKETS AVAILABLE AT STAR THEATER, DANTE’S AND DANTE’S AND 8 pm, $5, all ages WWW.STARTHEATERPORTLAND.COM WWW.STARTHEATERPORTLAND.COM ★ PLAN B—Pink Slip, Objects AUG 22 - THE ED FORMAN SHOW AUG 22 - THE ED FORMAN SHOW in Space, The Good DANTE VS. ZOMBIES DANTE VS.+ZOMBIES SEPT 8 SEPT AUG 238- SPINDRIFT + HAWKEYE THE UPSIDEDOWN AUG 23 SPINDRIFT + HAWKEYE + THE UPSIDEDOWN Sons, 8 -pm THE SUICIDE NOTES THE SUICIDE AUG 24 - EXOTIC MAGAZINE’S 19THNOTES ANNIVERSARY PARTY AUG 24 - EXOTIC MAGAZINE’S 19TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY THE NEEDFUL LONGINGS NEEDFULBEACH LONGINGS THE PRESS CLUB—The Darlin’BEACH Blackbirds, Tobias AUG 25 - RANGE RATS &THE NAPALM AUG 25 - RANGE RATS & NAPALM AUG 26 - GLADIATORS EAT FIRE + NINJA AUG 26 - GLADIATORS EAT FIRE + NINJA Berblinger, 8 pm PEOPLE AUG 30 - POJAMA PEOPLE WITH IKE WILLIS AUG 30 - POJAMA WITH IKE WILLIS W/ ANGIE AUG 31 - GIGGLE & BLUSH PEEPSHOW W/ ANGIE PONTANI AUG 31 - GIGGLE & BLUSH PEEPSHOW QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Chris Baum Project, 9PONTANI pm, free SEPT 1 - PORTLAND FAMOUS SEPT 1 - PORTLAND FAMOUS SEPT 19 SEPT6 19 ★ RECORD ROOM—The Bugs, Lame Drivers, Woolen SEPT - MUSICFEST: THE MEN SEPT 6 - MUSICFEST: THE MEN SEPT 7 - MUSICFEST: THE PAINS OF BEING PURE AT HEART SEPT 9 7 -pm MUSICFEST: THE PAINS OF BEING PURE AT HEART Men, $10 ADV $10-ADV SEPT 8 MUSICFEST: HAZEL SEPT 8 - MUSICFEST: HAZEL 9PM 9PM SEPT 14 - WORTH CD RELEASE SEPT ROOM—High 14 - WORTH CDDesert RELEASE + RESTAVRANT + RESTAVRANT RED Hooligans, The Confederats, SEPT 15 - AL CAPONE’S BATHTUB GIN SPEAKEASY SEPT 15 - AL CAPONE’S BATHTUB GIN SPEAKEASY Kris Mr.WHITE Plow,BUFFALO 9 pm, $3 SEPT 18 - THE WHITE BUFFALO + ROOT JACK SEPTAshby, 18 - THE + ROOT JACK + THE + THE SEPT 20 - ORGONE & MANIMALHOUSE SEPT 20 - ORGONEBREWERY—The & MANIMALHOUSENovelists, 9:30 pm JIM JIM ROCK BOTTOM JAMS JAMS SEPT 21 - ROSEHIP REVUE SEPT 21 - ROSEHIP REVUE ★ RONTOMS—Aan , Hosannas, Parenthetical Girls, SEPT 22 SEPT2722 & THE DOWNTOWN RAMBLERS SEPT - PATTERSON HOOD & THE DOWNTOWN RAMBLERS SEPT 27 - PATTERSON” HOOD HOOD THE DOWNTOWN RAMBLERS SEPT 28 - PATTERSON SEPTFingers 28 - PATTERSON $15 ADV - 9:30PM $15 ADV - 9:30PMHOOD & THE DOWNTOWN RAMBLERS , Palmas, 9& pm Wax OCT 5 - WAX TAILOR OCT 5 - WAX” TAILOR OCT 17 - NICK WATERHOUSE & THE ALLAH-LAS OCT 17 - NICK WATERHOUSE Corpse, & THE ALLAH-LAS ★ ROSELAND—Cannibal Periphery, Veilot OCT 18 - ROCKY HORROR PASTIE SHOW OCT 18 - ROCKY HORROR PASTIE SHOW Maya, for PORTER’S a Cowboy, Goatwhore, OCT 19 - JOEY PORTER’S FUNK TRIBUTE OCT 19Job - JOEY FUNK TRIBUTE Exhumed, Cerebral OCT 20 - OMAR RODRIGUEZ-LOPEZ GROUP OCT 20 OMAR RODRIGUEZ-LOPEZ GROUP Bore, 2 -pm, $27.50 SEPT 27 SEPT OCT 2627 - RASPUTINA OCT 26 - RASPUTINA OCT 31 - VAGABOND OPERA OCT 31 - VAGABOND OPERA Swahili, Grape God, DJ Ghost ★ ROTTURE—Lumerians, $10 ADV NOV $10 3 -ADVMR. GNOME NOV 3 - MR. GNOME 9PM Capital, pm, $7 FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY + O’DEATH DEC9PM 6 - WORLD/INFERNO FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY + O’DEATH DEC 69- WORLD/INFERNO THE SECRET SOCIETY—Lyrical Strings Duo, Ashia Grzesik, 8 pm, $7-12 SLABTOWN—Leafeater, Seacats, Deaf Pilots, 9 pm SLIM’S—The Getarooms, Panhandle Pete & Cookie, 9 pm SOMEDAY 12 years of serving downtown’s largest, 12 years of serving downtown’s largest, 1 10 LOUNGE—Horus, 9 pm, $6 0 WHO 0% WHO 0% LE LE MIL STAR Hawkeye, The Upsidedown, MOZZAR MILK MOTHEATER—Spindrift, K ZZAREL ELLA LA yummiest, greasiest, cheesiest, yummiest, greasiest, cheesiest, Ocha la Rocha, 9 pm THE H& H&TARDIS ROOM—Davy Jones Locker, 9 pm sauciest, rock-n-roll slices 1CA0LO0RICIE0E!S DOUGsauciest, rock-n-roll slices 1CA0LO0RICIE0E!S DOUG E CE TED’S—Di Di Mau, Nasalrod, Dirty Graves, Five-O, Law UC U PER SL PER SL A SA S Y! Y! DAIL DAIL SH SH MADE FRE 11am till 2:30am every day. MADE FRE 11am till 2:30am every day. of Falling Bodies, 10 pm, $5 THIRD & BURNSIDE DOWNTOWN PORTLAND • 503-226-4666 FOR PICK-UP ORDERS THIRD & BURNSIDE DOWNTOWN PORTLAND • 503-226-4666 FOR PICK-UP ORDERS THIRSTY LION—Sami Rouissi, 9 pm NO COVER

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THURSDAY AUG 23 THURSDAYAUG23

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SATURDAY AUG 25 NAPALM SATURDAYAUG25

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22 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012

TIGER BAR—Karaoke from Hell, 9:30 pm, free TONIC LOUNGE—The Keplers, Doc Brown Experiment TONY STARLIGHT’S—Gary Smith’s Mardi Gras AllStars, 7:30 pm, $8 VALENTINE’S—Pinkslime, G Green, Screature, 9 pm WHITE EAGLE—Kory Quinn, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Peter Rodocker, Anna & the Underbelly, And So It Is, Jackalope Saints, 8:30 pm, free WILF’S—Tara Williamson, 7:30 pm ★ WONDER BALLROOM—Nashville Pussy, 7:30 pm, $5-7

FRIDAY 8/24 ★ ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Neil Diamond’s Hot August Night 40th Anniversary: Tony Starlight, 8 pm, $20-25 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Mikey’s Irish Jam Session, 6:30 pm; Ruby Pines, Anna & the Underbelly, Margaret Wehr, 9:30 pm ★ AL’S DEN—Yards, 8 pm, free ANDINA—Dan Diresta, 8 pm, free ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Fun, 8 pm, $33.25, all ages ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Friday Night Coffeehouse, $5, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Coastlands, The Hoons, Western Family, Charming Birds, 9 pm, free BACKSPACE—Modern Golem, 8 pm, $10, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Lynn Conover, 6 pm, all ages; Bottleneck Blues Band, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Shoehorn Trio, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Saloon Ensemble, 9 pm BOSSANOVA BALLROOM—Live Loud N Local Music Festival: 12 Stones, Brudos, Murk, Open Defiance, Choke the Silence, Still Measure, Crooked Toad, Reanimated, Tetramorphic, 5 pm, $10, all ages BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Gravy, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—Tasha Flynn, 9 pm, free CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Superjazzers, 8 pm, $7 ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Husky, Quiet Life, 9 pm, $0.94, all ages DANTE’S—The Cowtrippers, Shot of Mercury, 21 Horses, 8 pm, $7 ★ DOUG FIR—The Night Beats, 9 pm, $10 DUFF’S GARAGE—The Hamdogs, 6 pm, $2; Sportin’ Lifers, 9 pm EAST BURN—The Student Loan, 10 pm, free ★ EAST END—Youthbitch, Boom, The Urges, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—Benyaro, 7 pm, free ELIZABETH CARUTHERS PARK—Sassparilla, 6:30 pm, free, all ages FIRKIN TAVERN—Saucy Town, Stephanie Scelza, 8 pm, free FOGGY NOTION—Sei Hexe, Valkyrie Rodeo, Rotties, Vanguard, 9 pm, $4 FORD FOOD & DRINK—WC Beck, 5 pm, free, all ages; Vagabond & Tramp, 8 pm, free, all ages ★ GROOVE SUITE—Timewharp, M. Constant, Rap Class, D. Poetica, Gumar, Brown Bear, 10 pm, $5 HALIBUT’S—Lloyd Jones, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—The Punctuals, Wolfpussy, 7 pm, $5 HEATHMAN—Sean + Fred, 8 pm, free ★ HOLOCENE—Ecstasy: MikeQ, The Miracles Club, DJ Beyondadoubt, 9 pm, $5 ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm; Joe Marquand, 4:30 pm JADE LOUNGE—Ama Bentley, Class M Planets, 6 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Andrew Woodworth, Buoy LaRue, Jordan Harris, Tina S. Marie, 8 pm, $12 KATIE O’BRIEN’S—Dinner for Wolves, Holy Grove, Hawthorne, 9 pm KELLS—Grafton Street, 9:30 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Ashia & The Bison Rouge, Gallop, Stirling Myles, 9 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB—Rat Priest, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Footwork, Magic Johnson, Nucular Aminals, Zotz, Virgin Blood, 8 pm LANGANO LOUNGE—Dawn’s Day, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Alice Stuart, 6 pm; Dogtooth, Closely Watched Trains, 9:30 pm LVS—Andy Stokes, 9 pm ★ MISSION THEATER—Lewi Longmire, Left Coast Roasters, Calico Rose, 8 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—The Begonias, 6 pm; Pura Vida Band, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Raymond Byron & The White Freighter, Houndstooth, Al James, 9 pm, free MOCK CREST TAVERN—The Adequates, 9 pm MT. TABOR THEATER—Oreganic, Device Grips, 9 pm, $8 MUDDY RUDDER—Adlai Alexander, 8 pm NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, 9:30 pm NORSE HALL—The Pranksters, 7:30 pm, $5-8 ★ OMSI—Laser Menomena, 11 pm, $5 OREGON ZOO—Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue, Robert Randolph & The Family Band, 6 pm, $26, all ages PLAN B—Spiritual Bat, Deathcharge, Among the Weeds, DJ Owen, 8 pm PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Backstage Pass PORTLAND SPIRIT—Michele Van Kleef, 3 pm, $28 THE PRESS CLUB—Kite Sun Kid, Goose & Fox, 8:30 pm RECORD ROOM—48 Thrills, Fools Rush, 9 pm RED ROOM—Dead Remedy, The Applicants, Holgate, AC Lov Ring, Staller, Ol’ Devols, 8:30 pm, $5


LIVE MUSIC ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Stuck Runnin’, 10 pm ROSELAND—El Tri, 8 pm, $45, all ages ROTTURE—Nicky Da B, Dual Mode, Fatha Green, Tyler Tastemaker, 9 pm, $10 THE SECRET SOCIETY—Pete Krebs & His Portland Playboys, 6 pm, free, all ages; Strangled Darlings, Hurqalya, Mood Area 52, 9 pm, $7 SHAKER AND VINE—Robbie Laws, 8 pm, $5 SLIM’S—Low Haunts, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Jeremy Wilson, The Subterranean Howl, Sam Wegman & the Upper Lower Class, 9 pm, $8 THE SPARE ROOM—Bayou Blast, 9 pm, $5 THIRSTY LION—Erotic City, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR—Set in Stone, Sketch the Rest, Cast Down ★ TONIC LOUNGE—Benefit for Harry Strong: The Lovesores, Wizard Rifle, Land Between the Lakes, The Decliners, Shannon Tower, DJ Hwy 7, Amanda Arnold, 8 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Bureau of Standards Big Band TRADER VIC’S—Tribute to Frank Sinatra: John English, 5 pm TRIPLE NICKEL—Video Night Fever: DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm VIE DE BOHEME—Tommy Hogan Band WHITE EAGLE—The Reverb Brothers”, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Whistlepunk, Barn Burners, Lone Madrone, 9:30 pm, $6 WILF’S—Linda Lee Michelet, Carlton Jackson, Mike Horsfall, Joe Millward, Dennis Calazza, Chris Woitach, 7:30 pm

SATURDAY 8/25 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Okaidja Afroso, Shokoto Music, 7:30 pm, $15-20 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—The Black Feet Brothers, Gregory Rawlins, 3 Bedroom 2 Bath, 9:30 pm ★ AL’S DEN—Yards, 8 pm, free ANDINA—Danny Romero, 8 pm ASH STREET SALOON—Broken, Sintax, A Killing Dove, 9:30 pm, $5 ★ AUDIOCINEMA—Ink Blot, Device Grips, Rare Monk, ilan Laks & Casper Maccabee, Love Bomb Go Go, Themes, Strangeletter, The Lockouts, Pinkzilla”, Whales, 4 pm, free BACKSPACE—Leon the Pro, Librado Biasca, Juma Blaq, halfMANhalf, 9 pm, $5 BIDDY MCGRAW’S—29 Steps, 6 pm; The Underscore Orkestra, 9:30 pm BLUE MONK—The Planet Jackers, 9 pm BOSSANOVA BALLROOM—Live Loud N Local Music Festival: BobaFlex, Earth to Ashes, Paper Train, Boomchick, Fast Fox, Paradox, Fuzzy Thunder, The Adarna, Death By Association, The Unspoken Word, Ozrocket, This Patch of Sky, 3 pm, $10, all ages BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Eddie Parente Trio, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—Dryland Farmers Band, 9 pm, free ★ BUSHWHACKER CIDER—Jarad Miles, St. Even, 8 pm, free CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Hurqalya, 9 pm, $5 ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Neil Diamond’s Hot August Night: Super Diamond, Funk Shui, 9 pm, $20 DANTE’S—I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch In The House”, Brothers of the Last Watch, Root Jack, 9 pm DOUG FIR—Mosley Wotta, Tony Smiley, Marv Ellis, 9 pm, $8 DUFF’S GARAGE—Suburban Slim, Jim Wallace, 9 pm, $8; Papa Dynamite, 10:30 pm EAST BURN—De La Warr, 10 pm, free EAST END—Alabama Black Snake, Ultra Goat, 9 pm ★ EDGEFIELD—Kris Deelane, 7 pm, free; The Avett Brothers, 7 pm, $40, all ages ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—The Sorry Devils, The Wandering Minds, Will Stenberg, Justin Rayfield, 9 pm, $5 GEMINI LOUNGE—Knowledge Lives Forever, 9 pm, free GOODFOOT—Doo Doo Funk All-Stars, Chicharones, 9 pm HALIBUT’S—Kinzel & Hyde, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—The Witches Titties, Little Volcano, My Most Beloved, Babylon Death Party, 9:30 pm, $5 HEATHMAN—Linda Lee Michelet, 8 pm, free IVORIES JAZZ LOUNGE AND RESTAURANT—Laura Cunard, 5:30 pm, free JADE LOUNGE—Ronno Rutter, Padam Padam, 6 pm; Soulful Sundays: Morgan Quinn, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Linda Hornbuckle, 8 pm, $10 KELLS—Grafton Street, 9:30 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Paper Brain, Sorta Ultra, Jon Timm, 9 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB—Wishyunu, Bubble Cats, Flaming Inhalers, 9 pm, free THE KNOW—Drift of a Curse, Lozen, Ephemeros, 8 pm LANGANO LOUNGE—DJ Mister Nick, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Tree Frogs, 6 pm; Sidestreet Reny, The Cardboard Songsters, 9:30 pm MACADAM’S BAR & GRILL—James London, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Luck-One, Tope, noon; Aaron Nigel Smith, 4 pm, all ages; Underskore Orchestra, 6 pm; Begin Oliver, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Band of Heathens, Lera Lynn, 9 pm, $13-15 MOCK CREST TAVERN—Blueprints, 9 pm MUDDY RUDDER—James Clem MUSIC MILLENNIUM—The Quags, 3 pm, free, all ages

NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, Dave Captein, Randy Rollofson, 9:30 pm O’CONNORS VAULT—Ron Stephens & Freak Flag Fly PALACE OF INDUSTRY—Folklore, 7 pm, free PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Michele Drey & the Branded Band, 9 pm, $5 THE PRESS CLUB—Sutton Sorensen, Tim Ellis, 8 pm ★ RECORD ROOM—Orca Team, Boo Frog”, 9 pm, $5 RED ROOM—25-13 Mag, American Roulette”, Battle Axe Massacre, Sabateur, 9 pm, $5 ROTTURE—Blow Pony: Little Miss Hotmess, DJ Airick, DJ Just Dave, Jay Douglas, 9 pm, $5 THE SECRET SOCIETY—The Martens Combination, 6 pm, free, all ages; Midnight Honey, Tommy Simmons, 8:30 pm, $10 SELLWOOD PUBLIC HOUSE—Angie Kopshy, 9 pm, free SLABTOWN—Sharks from Mars, Love Cuts, Consenting Adult, 3 pm; The Hugs”, Ever So Android, Sad Little Men, 9 pm SLIM’S—The Get Ahead, 9 pm, free THE SPARE ROOM—Teri & Larry, 9 pm, free STAR THEATER—Range Rats, Napalm Beach, Eastside Speed Machine, P.R.O.B.L.E.M.S., 9 pm, $8 THE TARDIS ROOM—Arthur Moore, 8 pm; White Chocolate & the Cigarettes, 9 pm ★ TED’S—Rick Bain & The Genius Position, City Squirrel, Sexy Water Spiders, Minden, 9:30 pm, free THIRSTY LION—Boys Next Door, 9:30 pm TONIC LOUNGE—Unicornz, The Band Who Fell to Earth, A Troop of Belly Dancers, 9:30 pm, $5 TONY STARLIGHT’S—The Tony Starlight Show, 8 pm, $15 TRADER VIC’S—Xavier Tavera’s Chamber Orchestra from Cuba, 8 pm TROUT LAKE COUNTRY INN—Sassparilla, 9 pm, $5 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Devil Riding Shotgun, 8 pm VIE DE BOHEME—Blackstone Edge, 8:30 pm THE WAYPOST—Me & Uke & Everyone We Know, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Student Loan, 4:30 pm; Cloudy October, Shadows on Stars, Tope, 9:30 pm, $6 WILF’S—David Friesen, Greg Goebel, Charlie Doggett WILSHIRE TAVERN—Shirefest: LA Lungs, Miss Massive Snowflake”, Datura Blues”, The Hand That Bleeds”, Rllrbll, Nasalrod, 2 pm, free

SUNDAY 8/26 ★ ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Peter Case, Blind Bartimaeus, 8 pm, $18-20 ★ AL’S DEN—Pheasant, Fanno Creek, Jonathan Magdaleno, 8 pm, free ANDINA—Danny Romero, 7 pm ASH STREET SALOON—Carmine, Bling Theatre, J. Star, Milky Justus, 9:30 pm, $5 AUGUSTANA LUTHERAN CHURCH—Augustana Jazz Quartet, 6 pm, free, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Felim Egan, 8 pm BLUE MONK—Quadraphonnes, Tim Paxton Quartet, 9 pm BRANX—Eyes Set to Kill, My Ticket Home, Awaken the Empire, When the Lights Go Out, Above the Broken, 6:30 pm, $10-12, all ages CLYDE’S PRIME RIB—Ron Steen Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm, free ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Desaparecidos, Virgin Islands, 9 pm, $20-30, all ages DANTE’S—The Missionary Position, 9 pm; Sinferno Cabaret, 11 pm DOUG FIR—Pickin’ on Sundays: Marty Marquis, Avians Alight, 3 pm, free; Animal Kingdom, 9 pm, $10 EAST END—Orca Team, Bath Party, The Happening EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Reggie Houston’s Box of Chocolates, 11 am ★ EDGEFIELD—John Shipe, 5 pm, free; The Avett Brothers, 7 pm, $40, all ages FIRKIN TAVERN—Open Mic, 8 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Tim Roth, 2 pm, free, all ages ★ GROOVE SUITE—Hybris, Minds Eye, Ryan Organ, Ewok ★ HOLOCENE—Sev Entrain: Tara Jane O’Neil, Rachel Carns, Lisa Schonberg, Kanako Pooknyw, Heather Treadway, Dragging an Ox Through Water”, Like a Villain, DJ Yeti, 8 pm, $7 JADE LOUNGE—Steve Hetzel, 5:30 pm KELLS—Irish Session, 6 pm; Cronin Tierney, 9 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Prescription Pills, Magic Fades, Yum Yum, 9 pm, $3 KENTON CLUB—WaMu, Grrrl Friend, Rattle Dick, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Lord Dying, Serpent Crown, Spellcaster, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Ian Miller, Jake Ray, 5:30 pm LANGANO LOUNGE—Gwizki, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Freak Mountain Ramblers, 6 pm; Dan Haley, Tim Acott, 9:30 pm, free LOLA’S ROOM—Denver Dalley, free THE LOVECRAFT—The Ghosts Project, Dr. J, 9 pm, $7 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Dismal Niche Orchestra, 6 pm; Airshow, Honky Tonk Prison, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Alan Evans Trio, Excellent Gentlemen, 8 pm, $12 ★ MOON & SIXPENCE—Foghorn Stringband, free MUDDY RUDDER—Irish Music, 4 pm O’CONNORS VAULT—Julie & The Boys, 7:30 pm, $5 OREGON ZOO—Rosanne Cash, Madeleine Peyroux, 6 pm, $26, all ages ★ PORTLAND SPIRIT—KPSU Kruise: Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Radiation City, 10:30 pm, $20, all ages

GET ‘EM ON SALE rY COODer

Election Special

$14.95-cd/$24.95-lp

Just in time for fall, Grammy-Award winner Cooder sings “Mutt Romney Blues” and “Guantanamo.” Vinyl includes bonus cd.

The Darkness Hot Cakes

$11.95-cd English glam-metalheads return with their new release that includes a cover of Radiohead’s “Street Spirit (Fade Out).”

YeasaYer

Fragrant World

$10.95-cd/$15.95-lp

Yeasayer deliver a gorgeous record with clanking keyboards, tiny claps and bumbling drum machines. Sale prices good thru 9/21/12

aLsO OUT ThIs Week:

: Bloc Party • Owl City • Trey Songz • Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti Kelly Joe Phelps • The Heavy • Young Fresh Fellows

used new &s & Vinyl Vd Cds, d for any & all used Cds, dVds & Vinyl

DOWNTOWN • 1313 W. Burnside • 503.274.0961 EASTSIDE • 1931 NE Sandy Blvd. • 503.239.7610 BEAVERTON • 3290 SW Cedar Hills Blvd. • 503.350.0907 OPEN EVERYDAY AT 9 A.m. | www.EVERYDAYmusic.cOm August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 23


24 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012


CHILL OUT! a guide to cool places to eat & Drink

$9.50

Burger & Brew everyday With the AC on itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s almost TOO COOL in here!

102 NE Russell (NEXT TO THE WONDER BALLROOM)

503-719-4890

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 25


Alberta Rose Theatre

samples

Friday, August 24th

(aka Ben saMPles) friday sept 14 crystal ballroom

TONY STARLIGHT

tickets at cascade tickets charge By Phone 855-cas-tixx x2 also at crystal BallrooM Box office

4 BaBes Playing the Music of ZePPelin

SALUTES

NEIL DIAMOND

& Grand royale a triBute to the Beastie Boys friday sept 21 dante’s

tickets at safeway/ ticketswest charge By Phone 503-224-tixx

40TH ANNIVERSARY OF

"HOT AUGUST NIGHT" Saturday, August 25th

OKAIDJA AFROSO

Pink floyd triBute

House of Floyd

saturday october 6 dante’s

tickets at safeway/ticketswest · charge By Phone 503-224-tixx

SHOKOTO -MESSENGERCD RELEASE CONCERT

Sunday, August 26th

PETER CASE

sunday october 7 aladdin theatre tickets at all ticketMaster locations charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000

tuesday october 16 crystal ballroom

Thursday, August 30th SWING TIME

VARIETY SHOW

LAST THURSDAY

tickets at cascade tickets charge By Phone 855-cas-tixx x2 also at crystal BallrooM Box office

TRIBUTE TO

TOM WAITS

the next Best thing to Johnny cash

Friday, August 31st

THE SOUL REBELS & suGarcane

saturday november 3 dante’s

tickets at safeway/ticketswest · charge By Phone 503-224-tixx

Sunday, September 2nd

sunday nov 10 aladdin theatre

tickets at all ticketMaster locations charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000

thursday nov 15 elsinore theater 170 high st se saleM, or 7:30PM show all ages tickets at safeway/ ticketswest locations charge By Phone 503-224-tixx

TYRONE WELLS WITH

JUSTIN KLUMP Tuesday, September 4th an evening with

JOSH GARRELS and

MASON JAR MUSIC Coming Soon

squarepegconcerts.com

Straight No Chaser tuesday november 27 arlene schnitzer concert hall tickets at all ticketMaster locations charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000

26 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012

9.5 - LUCY WAINWRIGHT ROCHE • LINDSAY FULLER 9.6 - SLAID CLEAVES AND ELIZA GILKYSON 9.7 - DUFFY BISHOP AND FRIENDS 9.8 - LIVE WIRE!

(503) 764-4131 3000 NE Alberta AlbertaRoseTheatre.com

SAT 8/25 - THE DOO-DOO FUNK ALL-STARS, THE CHICARONES FRI 8/24 - DJ AQUAMAN’S SOUL STEW THURS 8/23 - BLACKBERRY BUSHES, WENDY and the LOST BOYS WED 8/22 - THE FUNK ARK, DJ SANTO & CHAUNCEY CANFIELD MON - SONIC FORUM - OPEN MIC TUES 8/28 - RADULA - FREE!!! WED 8/29 - TRIO SUBTONIC, CON BRIO THURS 8/30 - SONGWRITERS in the ROUND: ERIC SCHWIETERMAN, MIKE D, BRAD PARSONS FRI 8/31- DJ AQUAMAN’S SOUL STEW SAT 9/1 - BROWNOUT SUN 9/2 JERRY GARCIA CELEBRATION w/ ANDY COE BAND, CATS UNDER THE STARS TUES 9/4 - RADULA - FREE!!!

-

GOODFOOT

ART OPENING THURS 8/30 Kyle Gossman Mario Robert Matt Schlosky Tripper Dungan

irs upsta aily d open :30 5-2 airs st downn at 9 ope w nights o on sh

2845 SE STARK * WWW.THEGOODFOOT.COM * 503.239.9292


LIVE MUSIC ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Dojo Toolkit, 9 pm RONTOMS—Yours, Sexy Water Spiders, 8:30 pm, free SLABTOWN—Neon Piss, Social Graces, The Stops, 9 pm THE SPARE ROOM—Angel Bouchet Band, 8 pm, free STAR THEATER—Gladiators Eat Fire, Ninja, The Mercury Tree”, Beringia, 9 pm, free STARKY’S—Stark Raving Queens, 6:45 pm VALENTINE’S—La Pump, She Keeps Bees, Vices

MONDAY 8/27 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Myshkin, 7 pm; Lucky Jumping Voices, 9:30 pm ★ AL’S DEN—Pheasant, Genders, Father Figure, 8 pm, free ANDINA—Jason Okamoto, 7 pm, free ★ BACK DOOR THEATER—Adrian Orange, 7:30 pm, all ages BLUE DIAMOND—Tom Grant, 9 pm CRYSTAL BALLROOM—The Royal Concept, Shadows on Stars, 9 pm, $0.94, all ages DANTE’S—Karaoke from Hell, 10 pm DOUG FIR—Alex Clare, 9 pm, $15 DUFF’S GARAGE—Blues Train, 8 pm EDGEFIELD—My Fellow Traveler, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—Sonic Forum Open Mic, 8 pm, $1 ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Kat Jones, Emily Wilder, 8:30 pm, $5 ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm JADE LOUNGE—Salon De Musique: Jaime Leopold, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Dan Balmer, 8 pm, free LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Portland Country Underground, 6 pm, free; Kung Pao Chickens, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Ben, 5 pm, all ages ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Mount Eerie, Key Losers, 9 pm, $10-12 MUDDY RUDDER—Lloyd Jones, 8 pm QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Soul Mates, 9 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Mt. Air Studios, 10 pm TED’S—Whethermen, Sami Rouissi, 9:30 pm, free TIGER BAR—Metal Machine, 9 pm, $2 WHITE EAGLE—Early Hours, Belinda Underwood, Ellie Holzemer, 8:30 pm, free

TUESDAY 8/28 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Christine Havrilla, Gypsy Fuzz, 6:30 pm; Inspirational Beets, 9:30 pm ★ AL’S DEN—Pheasant, Log Across the Washer, Animal Eyes, 8 pm, free ANDINA—JB Butler, 7 pm, free ASH STREET SALOON—The Keplers, Kivett Bednar, Bluesbaby, 9:15 pm, $4 ★ BACK DOOR THEATER—Adrian Orange, 7:30 pm, all ages BLUE DIAMOND—Sportin’ Lifers, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Pagan Jug Band, 6:30 pm, free BUFFALO GAP—Shoot to Thrill, Appetite for Deception, Stone in Love, Throwback Suburbia, Steelhorse, Sonic Temple, 7 pm, free ★ BUNK BAR—Souvenir Driver, Just Lions, 9 pm, $3 ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Atlas Genius, Tu Fawning, 9 pm, $0.94, all ages DUFF’S GARAGE—Trio Bravo, 6 pm, $2; Dover Weinberg Quartet, 9 pm, $2 EAST END—Diemonds, Heavy Voodoo, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—State & Standard, 7 pm, free, all ages THE ELIXIR LAB—Johnny D’s Community Jam, 7 pm GOODFOOT—Radula, 9 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE—The Protomen, Asteroid M, Wizard Attack, 7 pm, $12-15, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Wendy & The Lost Boys, 6 pm, free HI PORTLAND NORTHWEST HOSTEL—Robin Greene, Carl Solomon, free, all ages THE HUTCH—Open Mic, 8 pm, free IVORIES JAZZ LOUNGE AND RESTAURANT—Tom D’Antoni, 4:30 pm; Jazz Jam: Carey Campbell, 7 pm JADE LOUNGE—Colin Johnson, 7 pm KENTON CLUB—Whethermen, Krista Herring, The Weather Machine, 9 pm, free THE KNOW—Mugen Huso, Spanish Galleons, Eiger Sanction, 8 pm ★ LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Jackstraw, 6 pm, free LVS—Ron Steen’s Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—McDougall, 6 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Adam Arcuragi & The Lupine Chorale Society, Edmund Wayne, 9 pm, $12 MT. TABOR THEATER—Open Mic Night: Simon Tucker, 8 pm, free PLAN B—Kiss Kill”, Bonneville Power, Unicornz, The Brickers, 8 pm QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Tom Grant, 8:30 pm, free ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Brothers ’n’ Laws, 9 pm ROSELAND—Hank III, 8 pm, $20, all ages SHAKER AND VINE—Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party SLABTOWN—Siren Songs, Muhammad Ali, Dollywood Babylon, 9 pm SLIM’S—Open Mic, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Whiskey Party & Songwriter Showcase, 8 pm, $3 TASTE ON 23RD—Brandstson Duo, 6:30 pm, free

THIRSTY LION—Eric John Kaiser”, 9 pm TIGER BAR—Franco Paletta & the Stingers, 8 pm, $3 TONY STARLIGHT’S—Bo Ayars, 6 pm, free TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Open Mic Night: The Roaming, 8 pm VALENTINE’S—Star Rats, Fluent Sav, Nephx, Abigail Press, 9 pm, $3 VINO VIXENS—Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party, 6 pm WHITE EAGLE—Will West”, The Druthers, Hunter Paye, 8:30 pm, free

WEDNESDAY 8/29 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Storm Large, 9:30 pm, $35-40 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Suck My Open Mic w/Tamara J. Brown, 7:30 pm, free ★ AL’S DEN—Pheasant, The Morals”, Eidolons, 8 pm, free ANDINA—Toshi Onizuka, 7 pm, free ASH STREET SALOON—Manx, Dr. Velvet & the Social Drinkers, Thundering Asteroids, Proof & Proving, 9:30 pm, $5 ★ BACK DOOR THEATER—Daffodils, 7 pm, $8, all ages BACKSPACE—Bomb the Music Industry, Absent Minds”, Shitty Weekend, Lee Corey Oswald, 9 pm, $8-10, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Half-Step Shy Happy Hour: David Gerow, 6 pm, all ages BLUE DIAMOND—The Fenix Project, 9 pm BUFFALO GAP—Brian Harrison, Andrew Paul Woodworth, 7 pm, free CAMELLIA LOUNGE—The Goods Jazz Jam: Errick Lewis & the Regiment House Band, 8:30 pm ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—The Yardbirds, The Parson Red Heads, 9 pm, $25, all ages DEPOKOS PIZZA—Open Mic, 8 pm, all ages ★ DOUG FIR—Sandro Perri, 1939 Ensemble, 9 pm, $8-10 DUFF’S GARAGE—High Flyers, 6 pm, $2; Suburban Slim’s Blues Jam: Suburban Slim, John Neish, Jeff Strawbridge, 9 pm EAST BURN—Irish Music Jam, 7 pm EDGEFIELD—Radical Revolution, Last 7 pm, free; John Bunzow, 7 pm, free EUGENIO’S—Open Mic, 6:30 pm FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN—Kory Quinn, 9:30 pm GOOD NEIGHBOR PIZZERIA—Open Mic GOODFOOT—Trio Subtonic, Con Brio, 9 pm HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Night Surgeon, Loaded for Bear HEATHMAN—Belinda Underwood, 7 pm, free ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm IVORIES JAZZ LOUNGE AND RESTAURANT—Tom D’Antoni, 4:30 pm JADE LOUNGE—Gil Paradise, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown Quartet, 8 pm, $5 ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—TxE, Vinnie Dewayne, Kruse, 9 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB—Tiny Knives, 9 pm, free THE KNOW—Di Di Mau, For the Lash, DJ Ken Dirtnap, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, 9:30 pm LANGANO LOUNGE—DJ Melody Maker, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Quick & Easy Boys, 6 pm; Gravy, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—Psychopomp: Altai, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Hoo, Wed, noon, all ages; Sirloin Sunrise, 9:30 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Catherine Feeny, Suzanne Tufan, Greylag, 8 pm, $6-8 MUSIC MILLENNIUM—21 Horses, 6 pm, free, all ages O’CONNORS VAULT—Jon Koonce & One More Mile, 8 pm, free ★ OMSI—OMSI After Dark: Lost Lander, Blue Skies for Black Hearts”, 9:45 pm, $18 PARKLANE PARK—La Tropikana, 6:30 pm, free PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Randy Houser, 9 pm PORTLAND CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS—Music on Main Street: Jujuba, 5 pm, free, all ages THE PRESS CLUB—Anna & the Underbelly, Jeffrey Martin, 8 pm RED & BLACK CAFE—Music for the Working Class, 7 pm, free RED ROOM—Open Mic, 9 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Jordan Harris, 9 pm ★ ROSELAND—Refused, Sleigh Bells, 7:30 pm, $39, all ages SENGATERA—Tsegue-Mariam Guebrou Project, 8 pm, $1-5 SLABTOWN—The Glowing Stars, Crashfaster, Awkward Terrible, The Bloodtypes, 9 pm SOMEDAY LOUNGE—The Boy Who Fell From a Star, 9 pm SUNDOWN PUB—SongWrecker Cabaret, 9 pm TED’S—The Gnome Sorcery Federation”, Rotten Musicians, Mark Dago, 9:30 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Liz Bacon, 7:30 pm, $10 TRADER VIC’S—Xavier Tavera’s Chamber Orchestra from Cuba, 6 pm WHITE EAGLE—Bitterroot, Science!, 8:30 pm, free WILF’S—Ron Steen Trio, 7:30 pm, $7

Full Bar & Menu Until 2:30am! Happy Hour 2–8pm 7days a week 3267 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

503-239-1143

Happy Hour Specials Everyday Free Pool on Sundays • 92'' t.v • Total Sports Package Serving $2 breakfast from 7am-2pm & 10pm - 2am Kitchen hours (7am-2am) • Bar hours (7am-2:30am)

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 27


28 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012


DJ LISTINGS THURSDAY 8/23 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Humans CC SLAUGHTERS—Hiphop Heaven: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—Counter Culture, 10 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE—Request Night: DJ Jens FEZ—Shadowplay: DJ Horrid, DJ Ghoulunatic, DJ Paradox, 9 pm, free JONES—New Jack Swing: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 THE LOVECRAFT—Mutant Disco, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Panty Droppa, free MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free NICK’S FAMOUS CONEY ISLAND—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free PALACE OF INDUSTRY—2 Year Anniversary: DJ Snacks, Choncy Jones, 7 pm, free SANTA FE TAQUERIA—Salsa Social SOS: DJ Armando, 9 pm SAUCEBOX—Evan Alexander SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Happy Hour: Mr. Romo, DJ Michael Grimes, 4 pm THE SPARE ROOM—DJ AM Gold, 9 pm STAR BAR—DJ Jonny Cakes, Every other 10 pm, free TIGA—Cody Brant TUBE—Sethro Tull, 7 pm VAULT—Jams: DJ 60/40 WORKSHOP PUB—Phonographix Video DJs, 9 pm

FRIDAY 8/24 AL’S DEN—DJ Mikey Mac, 10:30 pm, free BEECH ST. PARLOR—Dweomer BERBATI’S PAN—Davis Cleveland, 10 pm, free BEULAHLAND—Roots Dancehall, 9 pm BLITZ 21—DJ Sovern-T, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—Filthy Fridays: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free ★ EAGLES LODGE—Shout!: DJ Drew Groove, Katrina Martiani, DJ Action Slacks, 9 pm ELEMENT—Chris Alice, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—On the Avenue: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ—Shut Up & Dance: DJ Gregarious, 10 pm, $5 GOODFOOT—Soul Stew: DJ Aquaman”, Every 14 , 9 pm, $5 JONES—Back to the Future Fridays: DJ Zimmie, 8 pm, $5 LOLA’S ROOM—’80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 THE LOVECRAFT—House of Light, DJ Horrid, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Joe, free MATADOR—Infamous: DJ Rattooth, DJ Makeout, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu PALACE OF INDUSTRY—DJ Kerouac, 7 pm, free STAR BAR—Blank Fridays: DJ Paultimore, 10 pm TED’S—DJ Kypros, DJ Boki, 9:30 pm, free TIGA—Cowboys from Sweden TUBE—Neil Blender, 7 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—Marisa Anderson, 9 pm THE WHISKEY BAR—Trance Mission: DJ Zoxy, 10 pm, $5

SATURDAY 8/25 AL’S DEN—DJ AM Gold, 10:30 pm, free AURA—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Debt Ceiling, DJ Booty Futures BERBATI’S PAN—Music for the Masses: King Fader, 10 pm, free BEULAHLAND—Mattie Valentine, 9 pm CC SLAUGHTERS—House of Hollywood: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—Affiliated: Dev From Above, Doc Adam, Ronin Roc, 9 pm, $5 CRUZROOM—Vnylogy DJs DEVILS POINT—DJ Brooks, 9 pm, free DIRTY—Inferno: DJ WildFire, Bomb Shel, 6 pm, $8 THE EMBERS AVENUE—Portland Tonight: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 FOGGY NOTION—DJ Susie Cue, 9 pm, free GOLD DUST MERIDIAN—Clap Trap: DJ Gregarious, and Last 10 pm, free GRAND CAFE/ANDREA’S CHA CHA CLUB—DJ Sonero, 9:30 pm GREELEY AVE. BAR AND GRILL—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free GROOVE SUITE—After Dark GROUND KONTROL—DJ Adam, 9 pm; Roxy’s Ego Hour: Roxy Epoxy, 9 pm, $2 HOLOCENE—Jai Ho!: DJ Prashant, DJ Akbar Sami, 9 pm, $10-15 JACK LONDON BAR AT THE RIALTO—Glam-O-Tron: DJ Aurora, 9 pm, free JONES—80s & 90s Dance Music, 10 pm, $5

LOLA’S ROOM—Clash of the Video Divas: VJ Kittyrox, 9 pm, $5 THE LOVECRAFT—Darkness Descends: DJ Maxamillion, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Kenoy, free MATADOR—DJ Drew Groove MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu TIGA—DJ Avant to Party TUBE—Saturdazed: Josh Booze, 7 pm VALENTINE’S—Lovecamp DJs, 9 pm THE WHISKEY BAR—Lazy Rich, Jamie Meushaw, Evan Alexander, 10 pm

8pm doors/ 9pm show 21+ unless otherwise noted BarBar all ages until 9pm

503.288.3895 3939 N. Mississippi info@mississippistudios.com Thu, Aug 23 7 Doors / 8 Show $18 Adv, Mostly Seated

Musician, author, songwriter & author known for her projects with Throwing Muses and 50 Foot Wave

SUNDAY 8/26 AALTO LOUNGE—Whiskey Bitters, 9 pm, free ★ BEULAHLAND—The Original Eye Candy Video Night: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—Superstar Divas, DJ Robb, 8 pm, free CRUSH—DJ Mikey, 10 am-2 pm DEVILS POINT—Stripparaoke: KJ Zero, 9 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE—Noches Latinas: DJ Marco, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—DJ His N Hers, 2 pm, free LUCKY DEVIL—Ladies Night: DJ Mani, free RADIO ROOM—DJ Nature, DJ Stray, 6 pm TUBE—Dark Sundays: DJ Josh Dark, 10 pm

MONDAY 8/27 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Easy Ian BLUE MONK—Deep Cuts, 8 pm CLUB 21—Witch Throne CROWN ROOM—Project Monday Mayhem: El CuCuy, Chaach, SPF666, Commune, Trim Jones, 700 Klub, 10 pm, free EAST END—Ballzy: VJ Dustin Sparkles, 9 pm GROUND KONTROL—Service Industrial: DJ Tibin, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, Phantom Hillbilly, 8 pm, free MATADOR—I Don’t Like Mondays: DJ Rhienna, DJF, 10 pm, free O’MALLEY’S SALOON & GRILL—Heavy Metal Monday: Bozyk, 9 pm STAR BAR—Metal Mondays: DJ Blackhawk, 10 pm, free ★ TIGA—Sean Spellman TUBE—DJ Matt Scaphism, 7 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—Tender Love and Care, 9 pm

TUESDAY 8/28 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Cuica CC SLAUGHTERS—DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CLUB 21—DJ Dirty Red CROWN ROOM—See You Next Tuesday: Kellan, DJ Avery, 9 pm, free ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE—Recycle: DJ Tibin, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL—Rock Band Tuesdays: MC T. Wrecks, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—Death Club: DJ Entropy, 10 pm; DJ Straylight, 10 pm MATADOR—DJ Donny Don’t, 10 pm, free STAR BAR—DJ Smooth Hopperator, 10 pm, free ★ SWIFT LOUNGE—Boogie Tuesday: Maxx Bass, Gwizski, Mikie Lixx TIGA—I’m Dynamite TUBE—DJ Overcol, 7 pm; Tubesday, 10 pm

WEDNESDAY 8/29 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Hero Worship CC SLAUGHTERS—Trick: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—Proper Movement: Hater Rian & Uncle Sam, Dirtmerchant, Jon AD, Ewok, Senseone, 10 pm, free CRUZROOM—Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio: Pat Kearns, Mark Brachmann THE EMBERS AVENUE—Gothic Industrial: DJ Jens, 9 pm ★ HOLOCENE—13 Months of Sunshine: African Sounds Dance Party: DJ Peace Pipe, DJ Sahelsounds, DJ Cuica, Jason Urick, DJ Spencer D, 9 pm, free JONES—Spin Sugar: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 LADD’S INN—DJ Kutthroat, 9:30 pm, free MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free SAUCEBOX—DJ Nealie Neal ★ TIGA—Zac Pennington TIGER BAR—Juicy Wednesdays: DJ Detroit Diezel, 9 pm, $2 TUBE—Loyd Depriest, 6 pm; DJ Creepy Crawl, 7 pm THE WHISKEY BAR—Whiskey Wednesdays: American Girls, 10 pm, free

Wed, Aug 22

Sold Out

7:30 Doors, 8:30 Show

Mostly Seated

mbilly

Kristin

Hersh

RAYMOND BYRON &

Sat, Aug 25

THE WHITE FREIGHTER

$13 Adv

BAND OF HEATHENS Americana Rock ‘n Roll from Texas

RECORD RELEASE

HOUNDSTOOTH AL JAMES

Fri, Aug 24 FREE SHOW

Mississippi Studios and opbmusic present PDX/Rx

LERA LYNN

MOUNT

EERIE

The

A LAN E VANS T rio

Cult favorite with new, critically acclaimed album, Clear Moon

Excellent Gentlemen

Sun, Aug 26 $12 Adv

KEY LOSERS

An inspiring and fresh organ trio lineup of dark funky rhythms and blues lick solos.

Mon, Aug 27 $10 Adv

ADAM ARCURAGI & THE LUPINE CHORALE SOCIETY EDMUND WAYNE (OF BUFFALO DEATH BEAM)

Wed, Aug 29

7 Doors, 8 Show $6 Adv

PDX based Greylag’s debut EP, The Only Way To Kill You, a gem of gentle, lilting harmonies

Tue, Aug 28 $10 Adv

A powerful, striking voice: songs from his latest Like a Fire That Consumes All Before It

GREYLAG

VekTor

JC BROOKS & THE UPTOWN SOUND

WITCH MOUNTAIN STOVOKOR

Expansive post-punk soul

Fri, Aug 31 $13 Adv

Progressive sci-fi thrash metal from Arizona favorites

rs

M

Sat, Sept 1 10 Doors 10 Show

CATHERINE FEENY SUZANNE TUFAN

KAY KAY & HIS WEATHERED UNDERGROUND

Thu, Aug 30 $8 Adv $5 Adv

BRENT AMAKER & THE RODEO

Sun, Sept 2 $5 Adv

Jack Daniels Presents Mississippin’ with DOLLYWOOD BABYLON Old-school cowpunk and country new wave from Seattle innovators

Coming Soon... 9/3: CHRIS SAND (PATIO) 9/3: CINEBITCH: GIRL MODEL 9/4: THE SALE (RECORD RELEASE) 9/5: MFNW PRESENTS: SUPERHUMANOIDS

9/6: MFNW PRESENTS: POKEY LAFARGE & THE SOUTH CITY THREE 9/7: MFNW PRESENTS: JOE PUG 9/8: PDX/Rx: MENOMENA (Early) 9/8: MFNW PRESENTS:

MILO GREENE 9/9: SCHOOL OF ROCK SUMMER MIX TAPE (Early) 9/9: MFNW PRESENTS: EARLIMART (Late) 9/10: BRIAN BLADE

mississippistudios.com August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 29


CULTURE/ART/PDX AUTHOR Q&A

Veeps: Profiles in Insignificance by Bill Kelter, Wayne Shellabarger (Top Shelf)

V

ICE PRESIDENTS are buffoons. That is the basic thesis put forth—and well supported—by Bill Kelter and Wayne Shellabarger in Veeps: Profiles in Insignificance, an illustrated rogues gallery of American vice presidents and their quirks. (The book was recently made into a documentary, which will screen in Portland this fall.) Given the recent tapping of Paul Ryan as the Republican vice-presidential candidate, it seemed like an opportune moment to check in with Bill Kelter for a look at the current vice-presidential landscape. ALISON HALLETT

MERCURY: Has Joe Biden contributed any book-worthy moments? BILL KELTER: Several. The Republicans are pleading with Obama to keep Joe on the ticket. During the TARP debate in the 2008 campaign, Biden spoke of how, when the stock market crashed in 1929, [Franklin D. Roosevelt] went on television to talk straight to the American people. That would have been accurate, except that [Herbert] Hoover was president when the market crashed, and television was virtually nonexistent as a communication medium. During the swine flu scare of 2009, he wasn’t exactly a calming influence, going on the Today Show and announcing that he didn’t want his family in airplanes or any other confined spaces lest someone’s sneeze be the death of them. There was his very un-FDR moment after the election when his party and his country looked to him and President Obama to fix a damaged nation, and he said, “There’s still a 30 percent chance we’re going to get it wrong.”

In your expert opinion, was Paul Ryan a smart choice for the Republicans to make? This was not the pick that I expected from Mitt Romney. He’s never been one known for bold overtures. Rob Portman would have helped him win Ohio and possibly the election, and he could continue his strategy of playing out the clock and making Obama defend his record. I think his campaign has been in receivership for a few months now, though. If the Koch Brothers’ fortune and Karl Rove’s influence were going to save Romney from himself, there was no way another bland suit was going to suffice. No one wanted a Sarah Palin again, but they did need their own “game change.” The old axiom is that you don’t want a running mate who is going to outshine you. When you are completely bereft of shine, though, that might not be such a bad thing. Given the state of his campaign and an underwhelmed base, it was a pretty smart pick. Where does Ryan land on the spectrum of vice-presidential buffoonery? When he was younger, he had a job driving the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. If the Democrats can get ahold of a picture of that, they might try to use it as a “Michael Dukakis in the tank” photo. Also, since he’s from Wisconsin, the odds are better than ever that a picture exists somewhere of him in a winter hat with earflaps. Otherwise, on a buffoonery scale of 1 to Dan Quayle, he’s down in the low single digits with Levi Parsons Morton. Have you unearthed any fun facts about him? That he listed Rage Against the Machine as his favorite band has been the most entertaining thus far. We’re early in the game, but Paul Ryan could seriously disrupt our entire franchise. Teddy Roosevelt and Walter Mondale were fairly sober and serious men, but there was just enough to glean from their regional affects to support the two centuries-strong thesis of the peculiar nature of the American vice president. Like [Ryan] or not, even many Democrats concede that he’s smart, articulate, and fit. It’s very un-vice presidential. There is something fundamentally bizarre about the whole “noodling” thing, though.

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30 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012

BOOK REVIEW

Lionel Asbo: State of England by Martin Amis (Knopf)

S

OME BOOKS are written to satisfy reader’s expectations, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Tension ratchets up until the murderer is discovered; mid-life crises are weathered, or dissolve into bland epiphany; a love story terminates in death or babies. There’s a comfort in being rocked along by a story’s predictable shape—and, of course, within a familiar structure, endless variations of humor and insight and character can thrive. But Martin Amis’ Lionel Asbo: State of England is a reminder of just how satisfying it can be to have one’s expectations thwarted. It’s an entirely different sort of book, one that inspires genuine curiosity—reading it is like bumping blindfolded through a room you thought you knew. Nothing’s quite where it should be, it’s a little bit stressful— and even as it’s leaving you disoriented and a bit panicky, it’s funny. Title character Lionel Asbo is a council flats thug, a swaggering bully whose only redeeming quality is a barely articulated affection for his or-

phaned nephew, Desmond. As the novel opens, 15-year-old Desmond is composing a letter to his favorite advice columnist: “Dear Jennaveieve, I’m having an affair with an older woman. Shes’ a lady of some sophistication, and makes a refreshing change from the teen agers I know (like Alektra for example, or Chanel.) The sex is fantastic and I think I’m in love. But ther’es one very serious complication and i’ts this; shes’ my Gran!” Yes, poor Desmond is having sex with his grandmother, his uncle’s mother. (He’s also selfeducated, and hasn’t quite gotten to the punctuation portion of his schooling.) Lionel, Desmond rightly intuits, might object to the knowledge of this affair; the secret sits with Desmond throughout the book, adding a tense undercurrent of anxiety to Desmond’s every interaction with Lionel. And there are many interactions with Lionel: A few years later, he wins the lottery. Full of class hatred and violent impulses he’s not accustomed to checking, Lionel crashes the gates of the wealthy, a lifestyle change that doesn’t quite suit him. “The rich world... is heavy,” he explains to a journalist. “Everything weighs. Because it’s here for the duration. It’s here to stay… And my old world… it’s light! Nothing weighs an ounce! People die! It, things—fly away!... So that’s me challenge. To go from the floating world... to the heavy.” Meanwhile, Des is getting on with his life keeping that old sercet guarded close. These two very different characters provide two distinct windows into Amis' exaggeratedly aweful version of Britain. The book is packed with detail, with names and newspaper accounts and poetry and Amis’ showoffy dialogue; this scaffolding of satire props up observations about class, about money, about the way poverty thwarts imagination and intellect, the way unearned wealth does the same. There came a point, toward the end of the novel, where I had to set the book down for a while, because suddenly one of the recurring lines Amis litters through the text revealed its meaning. I can’t think the last time I had to put down a novel because it was stressing me out, but anxiety runs through this book like an electrical current—quietly humming, getting things done, occasionally freaking everyone the fuck out. The anxiety is there on purpose, part and parcel of life: “Des assumed that this feeling would one day subside, this riven feeling, with its equal parts of panic and rapture. Not soon, though. The thing was that he considered it a perfectly logical response to being alive.” ALISON HALLETT

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Curious Comedy Theater, 477-9477, 5225 NE MLK, Fri-Sat 8 pm, through Sept 1, $12-15, curiouscomedy.org

BOOK REVIEW

Winter Journal by Paul Auster (McClelland & Stewart)

NE OF THE KEY differences between improv and stand-up comedy is that the best improv is generated spontaneously, never to be recreated, while the best stand-up is written, tested, and rewritten until it can reliably seem spontaneous. But Curious Comedy Theater’s current show, Instant Comedy, drops that distinction. Five comics get 10 suggestions from the audience, and they are sent off to write 10 brandnew jokes in one hour. While the comics are writing, Curious Comedy’s in-house improv troupe performs. The Curious improv cast rotates a bit every show, which can lead to some inconsistencies, but there are always enough laugh-out-loud moments to make up for any rough spots—especially if the incredibly funny and sharp Katie Behrens and Jed Arkley are anywhere near that stage. After an intermission, the stand-up comedians come back to deliver the goods; the audience votes for the winner, who gets the coveted prize of a bag of groceries. It’s no small task to get up on stage in front of a bunch of strangers and try to make them laugh—and that’s with material you’ve had time to practice. To do it with only an hour to prepare

seems more akin to ritual sacrifice. Saturday’s show (every night’s lineup is different) included Anthony Lopez, Sean Jordan, Phil Schallberger, Andie Main, and Randy Mendez. Every single one of them deserved the riotous applause they received, simply for their willingness to get up there and risk totally bombing. Some connected better than others, but each of them managed to land at least a few jokes. Lopez wrote a lot of the most fully formed material of the night and had the audience on the floor with a bit about how taxidermists really need to get more creative. Schallberger went with a Southern-fried trash character and, impressively, stayed committed to it all the way through. The night’s winner was Jordan, whose easy charm was combined with a well-done bit about getting laid because of mad yo-yo skills. It’s not the most finely honed night of comedy you’ll see around town, but it’s one of the most fun—and that’s the point. There’s something compelling about watching the creative process, especially in an environment like the one Curious has created—where jokes that don’t land are forgiven, and the ones that do are rewarded with laughter and thunderous applause. TEMPLE LENTZ

Y

bleed into each other in a way that should be ramshackle but feels seamless. Strangely absent from Winter Journal, though, is very much about Auster’s kids. With all of the attention that he gives to old movies and baseball, you’d think that he’d have a thing or two to say about spawning other life forms. There’s a certain inevitable narcissism to the book—Auster obviously sees his own private demise as something akin to a personal apocalypse—but Auster’s a skilled enough stylist that he’s able to make his own hand-wringing compelling. The book is self-obsessed, certainly, but Auster is also self-aware, and Winter Journal manages to be a personal meditation that never devolves into full-on navel gazing. The book is plotless without being rambling, basically free of characters without feeling empty, and even though it lacks any kind of narrative it still feels substantive. Auster is very skilled at crafting impressionistic novels and memoirs, and Winter Journal is a fine example of that. After putting it down I was left with a picture of an old man who may or may not be at peace, staring at snow, knowing very well that he is going to die. JOE STRECKERT

OU ARE GOING to die. Barring some capricious catastrophe, you are going to see the inevitable coming from a long way off. People you know will die. Your body will begin to fail. As you settle into old age (assuming you get there), you’ll have plenty of time to think about the things you did and did not do, ruminate on old losses and injuries, and dart from one memory to another. Winter Journal, the new memoir from Paul Auster (best known for The Book of Illusions and The New York Trilogy) is all about death, specifically the author’s own. Well into his 60s, Auster recounts in no particular order incidents from his life that stand out in his memory. Written in the second person, the whole thing has a kind of removed, oracular style to it, and Winter Journal often feels like memories, like a voice bubbling up from the back of the reader’s own head. Like an old man recalling disparate anecdotes, Auster jumps from topic to topic and time frame to time frame. Recollections of old injuries, former houses and apartments, travel, and especially memories of his mother and (still living) wife fill out a litany of memories that

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Shakespeare Party: As You Like It—Surprise Party Theatre blends the theatrical and the social: The play is performed by willing audience members, who are provided scripts and assigned parts at the door. Jack London Bar, 529 SW 4th, Thurs Aug 23, 7:30 pm, $5 donation Colosse West Coast Book Tour—Members of the Montreal independent comic book collective perform multimedia readings of their works. The Waypost, 3120 N Williams, Fri Aug 24, 8 pm; Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch, Sat Aug 25, 6 pm You Won’t—A release party for BMXer and artist Dean Dickinson’s new book You Won’t, which documents his decade-long quest to ride 100 backyard swimming pools. Jack London Bar, 529 SW 4th, Fri Aug 24, 7 pm Comedy Dream Team—A new stand-up showcase that aims to bring the funniest minds in Portland to the Overlook area, featuring Gabe Dinger, Christian Ricketts, Nick Walker, and more. Beaterville Café & Lubritorium Bar, 2201 N Killingsworth, Mon Aug 27, 8 pm, free The ChuckNBuck Show—A late-night talk show featuring guests Cat Daddy and Tres Shannon from Voodoo Doughnut, comedy from Shane Torres, and music by Delaney and Paris. Dante’s, 1 SW 3rd, Tues Aug 28, 10 pm PO RTLAN D M E RCU RY.CO M HAS A COMPLETE CALENDAR OF ARTS EVENTS

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LAST SUPPER

Venetian Blinded

Carpaccio Trattoria: Less Than Meets the Eye by Chris Onstad

EAT IT!

NATE MILLER

CARPACCIO TRATTORIA opened three ported Italian cheese. The entrée of catfish ravioli ($15), months ago at the storied northeast corner of NE MLK and Fremont, and in not-so- stuffed with large morsels of flavorful fish, hushed tones it was wondered if the bold Taleggio† cheese, and arugula, is a signaand flashy launch could exorcise the ghosts ture item. They are ravioloni, giant things of former inhabitants Belly and Terroir. the size of sliced bread, two to a plate and smothered in a simple, garlicky Italian-born chef Francesco Solda Carpaccio sauce of whole and crushed cherhad arrived from Venice by way Trattoria ry tomatoes. Undressed they of a celebrity-tinged tour of duty 3500 NE MLK would be pleasing to any catfish in Los Angeles—yet Carpaccio 972-4252 Trattoria rented no Klieg lights, carpacciotrattoria.com lover: The firm, earthy meat is a good match for the similarly disbecause his charm and enthusiasm were of superior wattage. He was here tinctive cheese. However, the big acidity of to add to our city’s showcase of regional Ital- the sauce masks this clever combination. Solda’s pride and joy is clearly his riian specialists—peddling Venetian risotto, catfish, and squid—and if there were any lin- sottos; there are five on the menu (all are gering ghosts, they would quickly be fried by $14). They are prepared in the Venetian style of all’onda—“on the wave”—meanthe whites of his dazzling teeth. Or so it was hoped. This comfortable and ing they are loose, like a thick soup. The inviting space has hit its stride and found its squid ink and herb version is delicious and audience*, but the food lacks refinement. fragrant, al dente, and not at all chalky or With nearly every dish, it felt like the emperor fishy. Sadly, a version with zucchini, fried had been ill informed of the state of his attire. sage, and sweetbreads arrived without the The fried calamari appetizer ($15) at sage, and the chopped zucchini did not jusfirst appears to be a generous and imagi- tify its bulk with noticeable flavor. The two native thing, with the interesting additions large sweetbreads were well trimmed and of fried dates, lemon, zucchini, smelt, eel, fried, though, with a creamy texture and eggplant, kingly shrimp, and plump sea satisfying offal richness. At the close of the meal, another issue scallops. Unfortunately, these things do not cook at similar times and temperatures, and stood out: the payment system. Carpaccio’s the namesake item does not crisp well. I waiters run your credit card tableside with dread sending dishes back—I won’t unless an iPad—which they hold for you while you they are actively on fire and threatening to sign with your finger—meaning it is imposspread—but when the waitress noticed me sible to tap the screen and add a tip without sadly examining a floppy and sodden disc of the waiter immediately seeing the amount. eggplant, and said they’d happily drop an- This breaches a relatively sacred privacy, other basket, I acquiesced. I listened to the and uncomfortably encourages over-tipping. Many things are done well, despite that next batch fry away, this time simply longer than the last, and could not refuse the raking. Solda’s handmade pasta has excelkindly proffered yet overcooked and (still) lent chew and texture. The staff are professional and friendly, children are treated under-crisped replacement. The Tuscan fava beans salad ($7), with well, and Solda himself is a beacon of hospear, fennel, and pecorino, was another pitality in the space’s abundant positive enovercompensation of size for quality and ergy. An acoustic intimacy surrounds the taconcept. A massive ring of unflavored, dried bles even when the restaurant is full, which fava beans sat atop a similarly bland bed of seems to be often. But the menu meanders shaved fennel, and someone with a flair for insecurely from its Venetian inspiration to color had put some sliced pear next to it. a please-everybody patchwork of safe plays The dish was leaden, daunting, and perhaps and arugula, and the diner senses no leader best summed up by my date, who simply to believe in. To keep the ghosts at bay, Carsaid, “No woman can feel sexy eating this.” paccio must be more of where it came from, The burrata ($16), with tender roasted pan- and less of where it wound up. cetta, arugula (the menu says basil), and tomatoes, is much better, but the menu Dinner Sun-Thurs 4-10 pm, Fri-Sat 4-11 pm. should note that it serves three or four, as it Full bar. Happy hour is daily 4-8 pm with 14 contains about a pound of slightly sour im- $6 (or less) menu items and $3-5 drinks. * White people who are 55. † Taleggio is a ripened cheese with a lot of personality—think of a brie that needs a blast of Tinactin, and you are close to the mark. FIND RESTAURANTS, BARS, AND READER REVIEWS AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 33


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34 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012

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FILM

Fast Cars and Veronica Mars

Talking Hit and Run with Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell by Alison Hallett

fident that his heart is in the right place. At one point, Bell’s character chastises Shepard’s for saying “fag.” In a worse movie, this would be an example of a naggy girlfriend being naggy; here, it’s a gentle correction to a thoughtless turn of phrase. “I think a guy who’s in the Witness Protection Program still says ‘fag’ when he means ‘lame,’” Shepard explains. “I’m from Detroit. I was into drag racing my whole life. That’s what people say, like it or not. And I think a lot of people say it without any meaning behind it, and that’s what I wanted to explore.” That Bell’s character can explain to Shepard’s why “fag” is a hurtful word, and that Shepard’s character can accept it, gets to the heart of what Hit and Run is really about: Two people who love each other deciding what they can and can’t accept in a partner. Well, that, and buttfucking jokes.

Shepard wrote Hit and Run specifi- are less spectacular, yet there’s far more “ON PAPER, it’s like: car chases, buttfucking jokes, naked old people… this is cally for the actors who are in it—in ad- of an emotional connection to what’s hapdition to Bell, that includes pening.” The fi lm’s best example of that not a ladies fi lm,” says KrisHit and Run Bradley Cooper, Tom Arnold, emotional connection comes during one of ten Bell. I’ve just told her, dirs. David Palmer, and Kristin Chenoweth. He the lengthier chase sequences: As Shepasomewhat tactlessly, that I Dax Shepard also took a cue from old Steve rd spins the car through a series of sharp liked her new fi lm, Hit and Now Playing McQueen movies and did the turns, Bell’s character unceremoniously Run, a lot more than I exVarious Theaters driving himself in the action pukes. (“That’s a reality for us!” Bell expected to—I don’t normally go in for buttfucking jokes. But in cheer- scenes, with Bell right next to him in the claimed. “Sometimes he makes me naufully splicing together crude humor, rom- passenger seat. “Car chases in the last seous when he drives.”) Hit and Run’s comedic sensibility is com smushiness, and old-school car chas- 10 years have become largely computer es, Hit and Run gets smart, surprisingly generated,” says Shepard. “Once that hap- reminiscent of Eastbound & Down writer/ pens you can sense that you’re basically director Jody Hill—and Shepard doesn’t sophisticated results. Bell’s fiancé, Dax Shepard, wrote watching a videogame. Our car chases shirk from tasteless jokes, seeming conand co-directed the film; the couple swung by Portland a few months ago for a round of press interviews. Interviewing Bell and Shepard is like talking to very erudite golden retriever puppies, or slightly better versions of people I already know: They’re smart and highspirited and pleasantly self-deprecating, and very, very goofy. (At one point, Bell pretended to stab Shepard in the chest with a swizzle stick; he obligingly died for a moment, then popped up to make sure I’d gotten everything I needed from the interview.) In Hit and Run, Shepard plays Charlie Bronson, a car-loving one time bank robber who got to pick his own new name after he wound up in the Witness Protection Program. At the film’s outset, Charlie’s been tracked down by the gang he betrayed, and he’s suddenly tasked with avoiding his vengeance-set former friends while getting his girlfriend—played by Bell—to LA for a job interview. And of course, there’s a catch: Bell’s character is largely clueless about HIT AND RUN Dax Shepard and the most beautiful and charming woman in the whole wide world. Charlie’s criminal past.

RPat vs. Genius

FILM

The Vampire from Twilight Is in over His Head by Paul Constant

FAITHFULLY ADAPTING a Don De- wears the expensive suit well, but just Lillo novel to fi lm is the same kind of about every line defeats him. An early exchange with anchallenge as adapting ShakeCosmopolis other boy genius in the back of speare. The dialogue is beautidir. David Cronenberg the high-tech limo overwhelms ful, precise, and utterly unlike Opens Fri Aug 24 Pattinson. “There’s a poem I anything spoken by any human Various Theaters read in which a rat becomes being alive: At the beginning of Cosmopolis, a security guard (Kevin the unit of currency… yes,” Pattinson says. Durand, at his most appealingly Christo- “The rat closed lower today against the pher Walkenesque) tells his ridiculously euro… yes. Major sell-off of pregnant Ruswealthy employer, Eric Packer (Robert sian rats… yes. Stockpiling of dead rats Pattinson), that he cannot cross New called global health menace.” There’s supYork City in his shiny white limo to get a posed to be a wryness there, but Pattinson haircut because the president is in town simply cannot get it across—it’s like watchand “You will hit traffic that speaks in ing an uneasy intellect turning an idea quarter inches.” “Entire streets deleted upside down and around for a few seconds from the map,” he adds, in a picturesque before draining it of its life and discarding it. He just can’t manage. sentence fragment. That’s a huge problem, because this Durand chews on DeLillo’s language, rolls it around his mouth, seems sur- whole movie is about Packer trying to prised at the cadences and imagery. But get across town to get a haircut. Along Pattinson is simply in over his head. He the way, he eats, fucks, squanders the looks like a dotcom billionaire—young, vast majority of his fortune in a futile bored, impressed with himself—and he battle against the yuan, and talks. A

whole lot, he talks. In the book, Packer symbolizes America at the dawn of the 21st century (the novel was published in 2003, but it’s only become more honest in the last decade). Pattinson’s tics symbolize nothing, except maybe a statement about the vapidity of celebrity. It’s a shame, too, because David Cronenberg’s screenplay gets the

spirit of DeLillo’s book—about 70 percent of the novel winds up on screen, which is a tremendous feat—and his direction creates a fascinating blend of artifice and intimacy the whole way through. But without Packer’s intellect, wit, and drive at the center of it all, the whole movie is an interesting failure at best, and crashingly dull at worst.

COSMOPOLIS “So, Robert... how’s Kristen?”

Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 35


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The Fast and the Furious

Premium Rush Is Stupid. And Great! by Erik Henriksen

FILM

A FILM BASED on the wet dreams of Wilee’s got other worries, too—his girlbike couriers everywhere, Premium friend (Dania Ramirez) is angry! He has Rush is one of the stupidest movies ever, a rivalry with a bike courier (Wolé Parks) who does believe in gears and which is to say it’s both rePremium Rush brakes! And Bike Cop! (Bike markably silly and surprisingdir. David Koepp Cop—that’s his name, on IMDb ly fun. A thriller set in the exOpens Fri Aug 24 and everything—is played by hilarating world of… uh… bike Various Theaters Christopher Place. He shakes couriering, it stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt—the guy your girlfriend his fist at Wilee a lot, because Wilee has no likes more than she likes you—as Wilee, a respect for New York’s bicycle laws.) If you’re willing to roll with Premium character whose name is (A) pronounced like the coyote’s, and (B) nearly as dumb Rush’s goofy charms—during one of the as the phrase “premium rush.” Bike cou- fi lm’s 4,352 not-so-thrilling sequences rier Wilee, like most people with fi xies, in which Wilee uses Google Maps to plot never shuts the fuck up about his fixie, his course, My Chemical Romance’s “Na and he also says things like “Brakes are Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)” death!” and “Runnin’ reds, killin’ peds.” blasts over the soundtrack to keep everyHe’d be insufferable if JoGoLev, who is body’s energy up—you’ll likely have a way more handsome and likeable than pretty great time. Wilee does zany bike tricks, and there’s a lot of fast-paced you, didn’t play him. Naturally, Wilee gets A Very Impor- speeding through Manhattan, and Shantant Envelope to deliver, and fast—no non whoops and squints, and romance is prob, ’cause brakes are death or whatever. found at a Sleigh Bells show, and there’s But then a violent, racist cop with a bad pai even a strategically deployed flash mob. gow habit (Michael Shannon, glaring an- All of it is insane and ridiculous, and all grily and/or laughing maniacally) decides of it proves why there aren’t more movies he’ll stop at nothing to get that envelope! about people with fi xies.

PREMIUM RUSH “Hey girl, want to talk about my fixie?”

Manic Pixie Cautionary Tale

Julie Delpy’s Unfun 2 Days in New York by Alison Hallett

FILM

Delpy openly courts Woody Allen IN 2007, Julie Delpy wrote, directed, produced, and starred in the generally comparisons here, but—more so than in charming 2 Days in Paris, a whirlwind Paris—her limiting factor is humor. New York just isn’t funny, though look at the clashing cultural values of Paris-born photog- 2 Days in New York it strains to be; Delpy’s famdir. Julie Delpy ily members are high-volume rapher Marion (Delpy) and Opens Fri Aug 24 caricatures, and her own her husband Jack (Adam Living Room Theaters, character’s intensity is hard Goldberg). Jack’s nowhere to On Demand, and iTunes to take after about 15 minbe found in Delpy’s newest, 2 Days in New York; these days, Marion is utes. She’s not interestingly neurotic— married to Mingus (Chris Rock), a Village she’s just batshit. For much of the film, Voice writer turned radio host (he’s cor- Delpy is preparing for a gallery exhibit nered the New York market on jobs that of her photographs, where she also plans pretty much no longer exist). The couple to sell her soul to the highest bidder; the share custody of two children from pre- fi lm seems blithely unaware that stunt is vious marriages, living quite happily in pulled on eBay every few years. Most of the fi lm’s jokes resemble outtheir tiny apartment—until Delpy’s famtakes from a high school French class ily descends for a visit. Her family is a crass assortment of skit-writing assignment: Le pére de French stereotypes, sleazy and slutty and Marion cachait une saucisse dans son a little bit racist; like 2 Days in Paris, 2 pantalon! (Yes, Marion’s dad does inDays in New York makes its hay in play- deed hide a sausage in his pants.) What’s ing up cultural differences, the thrust of meant as a wacky family comedy about which seems to be that the French are cultural difference just translates as lowhanging fruit. very, very hard to deal with. August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 37


Truth Trumps Funny

The Reality of Celeste and Jesse Forever by Marjorie Skinner

You and a guest are invited to attend a special advance screening of

The screening will Take place on Tues, 8/28 aT regal Fox Tower (846 sw park ave, porTland).

Text the word ‘TEXAS’ to 43549 to enter-to-win a pair of screening passes!

TEXA S

There is no charge to text 43KIX. Message and data rates from your wireless carrier may apply. Winners will be chosen at random and notified by Mon, 8/27 at 5 PM. THIS FILM IS RATED NC-17 for graphic disturbing content involving violence and sexuality, and a scene of brutality. No one under 17 admitted. Please note: Passes are limited and will be distributed on a first come, first served basis while supplies last. No phone calls, please. Limit two passes per person. Each pass admits one. Seating is not guaranteed. Arrive early. Theatre is not responsible for overbooking. This screening will be monitored for unauthorized recording. By attending, you agree not to bring any audio or video recording device into the theatre (audio recording devices for credentialed press excepted) and consent to a physical search of your belongings and person. Any attempted use of recording devices will result in immediate removal from the theatre, forfeiture, and may subject you to criminal and civil liability. Please allow additional time for heightened security. You can assist us by leaving all nonessential bags at home or in your vehicle.

FILM

CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER is the romantic side of the equation. It’s a well underway before it becomes clear transparently personal fi lm in which the that it begins six months after the breakup screenwriters (Jones, partnered with Will McCormack, who also of its titular characters, Celeste and Jesse Forever manages to breathe life played by Rashida Jones dir. Lee Toland Krieger into the fi lm’s lazily imag(who co-wrote the screenOpens Fri Aug 24 ined pot dealer) truly play) and Andy Samberg. Fox Tower 10 seem to take to heart the After a succinct openingcredit montage of the rise and fall of their advice “write what you know” and Celeste marriage (they married young, and she flexes more genuine emotional muscle dumped him when her professional ambi- than the genre typically gets to see. It tions put too much distance between their may be imperfect, but it’s honest. For romcom fi rst timers, the story’s lifestyles), we’re shunted into Celeste and Jesse’s world of impressively annoy- rambling plot—new romantic prospects ing inside jokes. They make heart shapes for each of its leads, a lot of emotional proat each other with their hands by way of cessing, alternately realistic and cartoongreeting; they speak to each other in fake ish debauchery—is exceptionally good at German accents; they masturbate Chap- balancing the where-is-this-going lurch Stick tubes. It’s only when a close friend of real life with Hollywood-friendly storyexplodes in exasperation that we learn telling. For all of its saccharine stabs at they’ve been separated for six months, humor, Celeste’s ability to relate to a stilleven though Jesse still lives in the studio underserved audience of smart young behind their house. Clearly, things are professional women (this fi lm has been compared, astutely, I think, to a woman’s about to get complicated. Although Celeste is shooting for ro- High Fidelity) ultimately outweighs its mantic comedy, the laughs are inconsis- faults, poising Jones as an actress and a tent—and not nearly as impressive as writer to watch.

In SELECT ThEaTErS auguST 31 KillerJoeTheMovie.com

#KILLErJOE

PORTLAND MERCURY WED: 8/28 4.75” X 3.25” TV ALL.KJO-P.0828.portlmercury

CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER Kind of like Batman Forever, except without Batman.

“hoRRoR/UNDEAD ThE wAY wE LoVE IT!” - Harry Knowles, Ain’t It Cool News

“A bRILLIANT, SophISTICATED hoRRoR CoMEDY!” - Chris Alexander, Editor, Fangoria Magazine

“SMART, SAVAGE AND UNpREDICTAbLE!”

False Contender

The Imposter Swears to Tell the Truth by Jamie S. Rich

THE IMPOSTER is one of those too- in the eyes. He’s funny, and charming, and strange-to-be-true tales that’s like disarmingly honest—you can almost see manna for documentarians. In the early why he fooled an entire family into thinking he was their lost child. 1990s, 13-year-old Nicholas The Imposter In fact, Frédéric’s tale has Barclay disappeared from his dir. Bart Layton enough salacious pulp that it Texas home, only to turn up Opens Fri Aug 24 remains interesting despite four years later in Madrid. Cinema 21 Layton’s heavy-handed filmOr so his family thought. Or so they maybe thought. Because the making. Layton overdoes it with the reen“kid” in Spain claiming to be Nicholas actments, staging whole scenes and getBarclay was really 23-year-old con art- ting clever with the way he syncs Bourdin’s ist Frédéric Bourdin, who just happened real narration with the teenage actor playinto the right story, a US passport, and a ing him in flashbacks—to such a degree I started to fear that maybe I was getting seemingly new identity. Bart Layton’s documentary lays this conned, too. I understand why Layton all out in the first few minutes. There’s no chooses to withhold some information until trick where, midway through the movie, it’s dramatically opportune to reveal it— that particular rug is pulled out from that’s part of the mystery. But it’s hard not under us. (Layton leaves that for other to feel manipulated, especially once the ditwists.) Instead, the bulk of The Imposter rector concocts a bullshit ending to try for is devoted to Bourdin’s methodical tech- one last “Gotcha!” If you can set such nagnique. He’s half student of human nature, ging questions of technique aside, though, half fast-thinking showman. Bourdin tells The Imposter’s a true crime yarn that rehis own story, looking the audience directly ally does have to be seen to be believed.

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EXCLUSIVE ENGAGEMENT PORTLAND Hollywood Theatre STARTS FRIDAY, AUGUST 24 (503) 281-4215 38 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012

FILM


FILM SHORTS HECKLEVISON: BATMAN & ROBIN

2 DAYS IN NEW YORK

See review this issue. Living Room Theaters.

AMNESTY The Albanian film from 2011, screening as part of the Northwest Film Center’s Global Lens series. Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

THE APPARITION What’s this? Oh, right. Another crappy-looking horror flick that wasn’t screened for critics. Various Theaters.

★ THE BEST OF THE 48-HOUR FILM PROJECT

See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15. Hollywood Theatre.

★ CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER See review this issue. Fox Tower 10. ★ COMPUTER ERROR: THE WORST

PARANORMAN Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: There’s this little kid, and he can see dead people. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “This kid, he’s probably well adjusted and super popular with his peers, am I right? A hit with all the ladies?” No! Believe it or not, he’s kind of an outcast! A social pariah, even! Okay, now I don’t want to spoil anything, but the twist? This social handicap of his might turn out to save the day. Sounds crazy, right? I know, but it’s true! That, unfortunately, is the recyclingbin plot the talented animators at LAIKA have saddled themselves with on ParaNorman. It doesn’t get any better in the telling, and probably gets worse, which is a shame, because the animation is so finely crafted and obviously painstaking that not loving it makes you feel like a real poopface. VINCE MANCINI Various Theaters.

PREMIUM RUSH

See review this issue. Various Theaters.

CGI IN MOVIE HISTORY

QARANTINA

“Prepare yourself for a brutal barrage of twisters, scorpion kings, sharktopuses, and farting little buddies” as this program from the Alamo Drafthouse highlights Hollywood’s worst abuses of computer technology. Hollywood Theatre.

Oday Rasheed’s 2010 Iraqi film, and the final selection of the Northwest Film Center’s Global Lens series. Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

COSMOPOLIS

See review this issue. Various Theaters.

★ THE DEADLY SPAWN See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15. Hollywood Theatre.

THE EXPENDABLES 2

The Expendables 2 is the sort of movie that shows you a cityscape with the Eiffel Tower in it and then feels the need to put “PARIS, FRANCE” at the bottom of the screen. It’s the sort of movie where Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger cram themselves into one of those crappy little Car2Go cars, and Arnold rips off the passenger door when he opens it (because he’s strong!) and then Willis kicks off the driver’s side door (because FUCK A DOOR) and then Arnold says something like “This car is as big as my shoe!”, which is a joke. Chuck Norris’ beard looks like it is painted onto his face, which it probably is. Sylvester Stallone has a legitimately difficult time forcing his mouth to make the sounds that are the building blocks of human language. There are a lot of explosions, and there is even more Botox. Jean-Claude Van Damme inexplicably leaves his sunglasses on all the time because when he finally takes them off at the end GAAAHHHHH WHAT HAPPENED TO VAN DAMME’S EYES THEY LOOK LIKE REPTILOID EYES. And about 50 million hardworking Southeastern Europeans who were probably just trying to make a few bucks so they could feed their hungry little families get their goddamn intestines blown out of their stomachs and splattered across the ground by a bunch of old men who like to shoot really big guns at foreigners. The end. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

THE REVENANT A horror comedy that’s neither all that horrific nor all that funny, the overlong The Revenant follows Bart (David Anders), a dead Iraq War vet who comes back to life as a cross between a zombie, a vampire, and an asshole. Teaming up with his buddy Joey (Chris Wylde), the two cause chaos all over Los Angeles—but despite a great ending, there’s nothing here that Shaun of the Dead didn’t do a whole lot better. ERIK HENRIKSEN Hollywood Theatre.

★ THE ROAD WARRIOR “I’m just here for the gasoline.” New 35mm print! Hollywood Theatre.

SPARKLE Set against the racial tensions of Detroit in the late ’60s, Sparkle stars a former American Idol and is about a girl group getting discovered, rising to fame, and falling apart. Is this an untimely review of Dreamgirls, you ask? Man, I wish. I LOVED Dreamgirls. Nope, this is Sparkle. It’s a lot like Dreamgirls in many, many ways. Most ways, actually. But unfortunately, this film’s star and former Idol, Jordin Sparks, is no Jennifer Hudson. This is Sparks’ film debut, and her turn as lead character Sparkle—yeah, that’s the character’s name, it’s weird—is weak, giggly, batty-eyelash-y, and does little more than remind me that it’s time to watch Dreamgirls again. ELINOR JONES Various Theaters.

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS EVER HAD TO BREAK UP WITH THEIR BEST FRIEND “A WISTFUL ROMANTIC COMEDY ABOUT LOVE, MARRIAGE AND NEVER WANTING TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY.” -Manohla Dargis, THE NEW YORK TIMES

“IRRESISTIBLE! A BREATH OF FRESH COMIC AIR!” -Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE

CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER

★ THE T.A.M.I. SHOW “Considered the first rock and roll concert film,” 1964’s Teenage Awards Music International concert features performances from the Rolling Stones, the Beach Boys, Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, Marvin Gaye, and “a bevy of bikini-clad go-go dancers.” SOLD. Hotel deLuxe.

VENGEANCE 2009’s neo-noir thriller from Hong Kong director Johnny To. Fifth Avenue Cinema.

★ FILMUSIK The 1971 Japanese-men-in-rubber-monster-suits-fightingeach-other flick, with a live soundtrack and voiceover. Seawallcrest Park. ★ HECKLEVISION: BATMAN & ROBIN See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15, and that one part of pg. 5 where we go crazy talking about how great this is going to be. Hollywood Theatre. ★ HIT & RUN See Film, this issue. Various Theaters.

LOS ANGELES FILM FESTIVAL 2012

THE IMPOSTER

See review this issue. Cinema 21.

A LOVED STORY

WRITTEN BY RASHIDA JONES & WILL MCCORMACK DIRECTED BY LEE TOLAND KRIEGER

SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL 2012

WWW.SONYCLASSICS.COM

REGAL FOX TOWER STADIUM 10 846 SW Park Avenue, Portland (800) FANDANGO VIEW THE TRAILER AT WWW.CELESTEANDJESSE.COM

STARTS FRIDAY, AUGUST 24 ★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY AUGUST 24-THURSDAY AUGUST 30, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM.

4.75” X 5.25"

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August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 39

PORTLAND MERCURY


SAVAGE LOVE

Broken Up by Dan Savage I am a college-age gay male. Last year, I dated two guys. The first—let’s call him Mitt—I dated for five months. He broke up with me, and it hurt as much as breakups do, but I got over it. A few months later, I dated another guy—let’s call him Paul—for a month. I really liked him, but he broke up with me, too. Then I found out that two days after breaking up with me, Paul started going out with Mitt. They knew I had dated each of them. It was the end of the school year, and I quickly left for vacation. The school year starts back up soon, and I am still pissed and hurt that they are dating. Do I have a right to be? Should I just get over myself? Should I just do my best to avoid them? Exes Became a Couple Avoid them for now, EBAC, and get over yourself. Gays and lesbians are about 2 to 5 percent of the population. I’m afraid that arithmetic precludes us from hewing to the “bro code”— at least where dating friends-ofexes, exes-of-friends, or exes-ofexes are concerned. We simply don’t have the luxury of being as rigid about this shit as straight people do. The pickings for us are just too slim. But you have a right to your feelings, EBAC, and you should go ahead and feel the shit out of your pissedand-hurt feelings. Two guys dated you, both dumped you, and now they’re dating each other. That’s gotta sting. So avoid your exes for now—why salt your wounds by hanging out with them?—but resist the urge to go to war with your exes. Don’t trash them on Facebook, don’t force your friends to choose sides. Smile and nod when you see them on campus, chat politely if you’re thrown together at parties, and just generally accept their relationship with as much good grace as you can muster. Remember: The odds that these guys will be together forever are pretty slim. I’m not suggesting that their more-probable-than-not breakup should delight you, EBAC, only that you might not want to burn bridges because— college being college, gay men being gay men— you could wind up dating one or the other or both of these guys again. Or, more likely, you might want to be friends with one or the other or both of them once your hurt has burned off. And fi nally, EBAC, ask yourself what you want these guys saying to mutual friends— some of whom might be gay, some of whom might be into you—if they’re asked about you. Do you want them to say you revealed yourself to be an angry and vindictive psycho when they got together? Or do you want them to say that, although you were obviously hurt when they got together, you were gracious about it, and that while you weren’t the right guy for either of them, you’re a good guy and the right guy for somebody? I’m a 26-year-old queer woman. I’m about to visit a friend who used to be my boyfriend and who has been my lover when we’ve visited each other since. Sex with him is fun for me, but it’s been life-changing for him. I’m the first person he has ever shared his kinks with: age regression/diapers/submission. He’s been ashamed of his kinks for most of his life, and I’ve been completely accepting and have helped him to get over his sense of shame. Playing this role in my friend’s life is fun, sexy, and meaningful for me. My own tastes, though, are more vanilla. Some of the things that would be most satisfying to me—cunnilingus, him being a little dominant sometimes, and, honestly, French kissing—have been absent from our sex. He says that he wants to do for me whatever I want, and I’ve told him what I want as clearly as I just told you. But he seems to have some kind of a block about actually doing those things. I’ve tried to be very positive about oral sex and not put pressure on my friend,

40 Portland Mercury August 23, 2012

but rather let him know how hot it is for me and how fantastic it makes me feel. But so far, he just won’t do it. I’ve also let him know that I really enjoy kissing with tongue and that it’s pretty much the most arousing thing for me in the world. But he’s done very little of that, too. He’s aware of the inequality in what we’ve done for each other and acknowledges that it’s unfair that he’s “gotten away with it.” Help! She Misses Tongue While I was on vacation last week, sex writer, activist, and feminist pornographer Tristan Taormino fi lled in for me. Writing the Savage Love Letter of the Day in my absence, Tristan gave some advice to a woman in a similar situation (kinky partner being treated to fi rst fantasy-fulfi llment experiences neglecting needs of indulgent vanilla partner): “Your boyfriend has fi nally been able to reveal his desires and fantasies to you,” Tristan wrote. “That’s a big deal, and when it happens, many people can go through a phase of being selfi sh and self-centered.” I agree with Tristan, but I would go a bit further: Your friend—your selfish, thoughtless friend—is taking advantage of you, SMT, and as he N O T NEW JOE knows you well enough to sense that meeting his needs is “fun, sexy, and meaningful” for you, he figures he can keep getting away with it. Right now, your relationship isn’t characterized by a healthy give-and-take of pleasure. You’re servicing your ex—or, to put it more charitably, you’re doing your ex a favor. The question for you, SMT, is how long you intend to go on doing him this particular favor. If the pleasure you’re taking in helping him realize his fantasies is enough, then perhaps you should keep doing him favors. But would you be writing to me about this situation if it were enough? Early in August, a gentleman who signed himself WHACK wrote to you inquiring whether he should clear his browser history to keep his porn viewing from becoming known to his anti-porn wife, as the wife had noticed an empty browser history and gotten suspicious. Browser clearing is an option, of course, but most browsers also have an option that allows users to browse anonymously, Dan, without retaining any history, cookies, passwords, etc. Google Chrome calls it “Incognito,” Safari and Firefox call it “Private Browsing,” Internet Explorer calls it “InPrivate Browsing.” Turn it on before entering NSFW sites and turn if off after leaving such sites and you can build up an innocent-looking browser history without anyone seeing anything that might displease them. Fanatic About Privacy Thank you, FAP, for writing in—and thanks to the millions of other harried husbands who wrote in to share the good news about private browsing features with WHACK. To those who accused me of sex-advice malpractice for failing to mention private browsing features in my response to WHACK: I didn’t know they existed, and for that I blame my husband. If my spouse were a smut-shaming scold who hated porn—if he were more like WHACK’s spouse—I would’ve discovered the private browsing features years ago. TO MY READERS: The deadline for HUMP!— our annual amateur porn contest—is just six weeks away! Details about entering HUMP!, and about the prizes (grand prize is $5,000!), can be found at portlandmercury.com/hump. Find the Savage Lovecast at thestranger.com/savage. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter


I♥TELEVISION

I Love Christian Conservatives! by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey

GREETINGS NEW Christian conservative readers! I welcome you to I Love Television™—the only TV column that believes in the teachings of our Lord Jesus Christ while actively despising Hispanic illegal immigrants. [Confidential to regular readers: Not really! My bosses noticed that my approval ratings have dipped… coincidentally when this newspaper started running my column. So now I’m courting the “Christian conservatives” in a desperate, cynical attempt to boost my numbers and keep my job. Hey, it worked for Republicans, right? Shhhhh! Mum’s the word.] Let’s talk about television… right after this quick word of prayer. “Oh sweet glorious Jesus! Thank you for smiting the world’s wicked-doers, who include, but are not limited to: hell-bound atheists, liquor enthusiasts, internet porn sites, rap music, President Obama, the previously mentioned Hispanic immigrants, and sexy gay people with six-pack abs and tight butts that look like two French bulldogs fighting in a sack. In Chick-fil-A we pray… amen.” Now that we have the Lord’s blessing, let’s begin! As we know, television is a stinking cesspool of sinful donkey excrement, enjoyed by those who will ultimately fi nd their bottoms on the business end of Satan’s pitchfork, while dogpaddling Hell’s deepest lake of fi re. HOWEVER! Even in the deepest, darkest crevices of the devil’s anal canal, there are shining squirts of hope. For example: • The American Bible Challenge (Game Show Network, Thurs Aug 23, 8 pm). Finally, a game show that doesn’t focus on stupid facts! Comedian (?) Jeff Foxworthy is the host of this competition, in which teams of amateur biblical scholars find out who knows the most about the holiest of scriptures. (Yeah! Suck it, Koran! You don’t have a game show, do ya? In your ugly foreign FACE!) Contestants answer such tricky questions as, “Should women shut up?” (Answer: YES, according to 1 Timothy 2:12, which does not permit women to have authority over men, but does allow them to “be quiet.”)

JEREMY EATON

Or, “What emotion should one feel while smashing an infant on some rocks?” (Answer: HAPPINESS… at least according to Psalm 137. Can’t wait to hear Jeff Foxworthy’s hilarious joke for that one. Oh, sides! Please don’t split!) • The Republican National Convention (PBS, Mon Aug 27, 8 pm). Hooray! Finally, a three-day event solely devoted to poop-talking President Obama. (Like Fox News, except with confetti, balloons, and an overwhelming number of white people!) Expect boisterous, tearful speeches about how Obama has turned this glorious, moralistic country into the Satanic butthole of a goat, from such conservative heavy hitters as New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, Florida Senator Marco Rubio, fat person Jeb Bush, Jesus Christ II (Rick Santorum), and… wait. Where’s Sarah Palin? Huh. That’s weird. Well, they’re probably saving her for the end, right? OH, and I’m sure we’ll hear a word or two from GOP nominee Mittens Romney, who will arrive on a gold-plated yacht showering the crowd with Chick-fil-A sandwiches and tax cuts for the rich. Rest assured, fellow Christian conservatives, I’ll be watching every minute of these two shows right beside you—in spirit! (That is, when I’m not smashing illegal Hispanic infants on rocks.) HALLELUJAH!

This Week on Television THURSDAY, AUGUST 23

10:30 FX LOUIE While searching for an old ex-girlfriend, Louie loses his daughter. Priorities, please! Midnight TOON CHILDRENS HOSPITAL Chief (Megan Mullally) recounts her origins—even though no one gives a poop.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 24

8:00 CW AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL Season premiere! This season is a “college edition” in which 13 college girls drop out of school to ruin their lives in a thankless, poverty-stricken profession.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 25

9:00 NBC WRESTLEMANIA 28 Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in a heavyweight bout that hopefully pays better than his movie roles. 9:00 SYFY HAUNTED HIGH—Movie (2012) A demonic headmaster hassles a high school in this low-budget horror flick featuring Buffy’s Charisma Carpenter and Danny Trejo. :(

SUNDAY, AUGUST 26

9:00 HBO TRUE BLOOD Season finale! Eric makes one last-ditch attempt to screw over the Authority and save Bill!

10:00 AMC BREAKING BAD Here’s something you don’t hear often: Mike screws up, and has to make things right.

MONDAY, AUGUST 27

8:00 PBS REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION The GOP kicks off their convention with a “Salute to America and the Foreigners and Gays We Hate.” 8:00 ABC BACHELOR PAD The horny singles face off in a spelling bee. First word: chlamydia.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 28

10:00 TLC ABBY & BRITTANY Debut! A new reality series about… CONJOINED TWINS. Oh, TLC! You’re “learning” me so good.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 29

8:00 PBS REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION Today’s topic: “Is Losing American Jobs Enough? How Can We Ruin Everything for Everybody?” 10:00 TLC HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO You know… this show would be so much more awesomer if Honey Boo Boo had a conjoined twin. Work on that, TLC!

Praise Jesus and pass the Twitter! @WmSteveHumphrey

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 41


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MAAKIES // TONY MILLIONAIRE

Ryan North has daily comics available at qwantz.com

DINOSAUR COMICS // RYAN NORTH ILLUSTRATION BY KALAH ALLEN

PARENTS + NON-PARENTS = ASSHOLES PARENTS, SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO ONE CARES ABOUT HOW PUT UPON YOU ARE. NON-PARENTS, SHUT THE FUCK UP. EVERYONE KNOWS KIDS CAN BE ANNOYING. SERIOUSLY, BOTH OF YOU just fucking cool it. The incessant whining about how awful parents are isn’t edgy, it just makes you look like a misanthropic child-free 16-yearold. Maybe when you’re old enough to have friends with kids, you’ll (1) be able to nut up and confront asshole parents. And (2) be able to get past your ego to understand the world isn’t actually all about you. PARENTS, HOLY FUCKING GOD YOUR KID IS PROBABLY ANNOYING. And equally goddamned adorable. If your kid is screaming in a restaurant, or darting into crosswalks, people aren’t going to like your kid. And seeing as you’re the caretaker, you’ll also be blamed. Suck it the fuck up. This is part of having kids. Some people are going to find you/your kid annoying. BOTH OF YOU, stop putting so much value into what other people think and do. Here’s a thing: People are assholes, be they child-free or child-full. Even children are assholes. Submit your unsigned confessions and accusations of 300 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to “I, Anonymous,” at anonymous@portlandmercury.com, or on the new I, Anonymous blog at portlandmercury.com. UNDERWORLD // KAZ

Kaz's work is published by Fantagraphics; view his work at kazunderworld.com

Submit your photos & art online at flickr.com/groups/portlandmercury

Cagey Swan

IDIOT BOX // MATT BORS

Matt Bors is a Portland-based political cartoonist; view his work at mattbors.com

Mattsdrawings

Oddio

August 23, 2012 Portland Mercury 43


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The Portland Mercury, August 23, 2012 (Vol. 13, No. 14)  

Portland's Most Awesome Weekly Newspaper. Covering Portland news, politics, music, film, and arts; plus movie times, club calendars, restaur...

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