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POWAY NEWS CHIEFTAIN RANCHO BERNARDO NEWS JOURNAL

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FEBRUARY 9, 2012

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love stories Inside

...Local couples share their stories of how they met

Poway Fine Jewelers . . . See story inside


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wedding guide • FEBRUARY 9, 2012

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Poway Fine Jewelers

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here is a new jewelry store in Poway! I (Tim Dooley) worked with Philips Jewelers for nine years and have opened Poway Fine Jewelers in that same location. Will it be the same inventory? I hear that a lot. Yes, for the most part it will be similar. The goal is affordable fine jewelry. When you want something nice with fine quality, but still affordable, drop by and see what we have. Prices range from the low hundreds to thousands; probably not tens of thousands (never will be). Master goldsmith services offered from no charge repairs to extensive custom masterpieces, all under one roof. Cad-cam work as well as an in-house laser welder for those “impossible” repairs. Look forward to Poway Fine Jewelers building a hand-selected inventory over the coming months. There will be a grand opening in the coming weeks. For a beautiful jewelry gift, bridal set, pearls, and diamond jewelry, see us first or last! By the way, come by and see the art!

Tim Dooley

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engagement photo

Engagement photos don’t have to be posed portraits. Experiment with looks that fit your personalities for memorable photos.

TIPS

(MCC) - Newly engaged couples choose to capture the occasion in photos that they can cherish. Often, one of these photos is used as an announcement to family and friends and might even be published in the newspaper. Engagement photos may be pan of a package negotiated with the photographer who will be covering the wedding day. Some couples enlist the help of a friend or a budding photographer to capture an engagement shot. The average cost of engagement photos can range from $200 to $500. Some couples opt to use a photographer who might specialize in other areas (i.e. fashion models) but may want to break into the wedding biz because of how lucrative it can be. Costs may be negotiated as a result. When shopping around for a photographer, there are certain things couples should keep in mind. The first and most important is selecting a photographer you can relate to. If you don’t feel a connection with the photographer, he or she will have trouble coaxing the shots that will produce the best results. He or she should also be a professional and have some experience working with posing couples. This way the photos don’t look stiff or contrived. Here are some other tips that can lead to great photos. • Find a photographer who fits your style. If you’re a quirky couple, go with a quirky photographer. If you’re reserved and a follow-the-book type of couple, then select a more traditional photographer. Some photographers out there forget that this is your moment and want to impart their idea of what you want. Make sure he or she takes your ideas into consideration. • Select one who is open to different shoot locations and brainstorming. Some of the best photos occur in natural settings, where things aren’t entirely planned. If a photographer simply works out of a studio, you may

want to select one who has more free reign with different locales. • Choose your location wisely. Certain locations will stand out in your minds because they are visually stunning or are special places where you have spent moments as a couple. By choosing a place that offers a personal connection, there’s a good chance you’ll appreciate the photos in the long run. Also, be open to the fact that unplanned stops may offer a great background for the image. Be open to the unexpected. • Try random poses and some candid shots. Although you might have a vision of the perfect photo in your mind, experimenting with different ideas can sometimes lead to a great photo you really love. Expect to take your share of kissing, nose-touching and portrait shots. But some fun poses, such as running or jumping (or rolling around on a beach full of waves) can produce candid shots that are truly masterpieces. Remember, sometimes photographers will pose you in positions that seem a bit awkward, but this is to get the best lines of the body and flattering images. • Choose clothing that fits the mood. If time and budget allows, have several different wardrobe changes so that you can see which outfits work and which ones don’t. A formal outfit, comfortable street clothes, something beachy or clothing that fits with your interests (such as polo or baseball) can make for interesting engagement photos. Avoid clothing that is too trendy or busy, which may take away from the actual images in the long run. Plus, you don’t want to look back at these photos in the future and say, “What was I thinking?” Avoid matchymatchy, though. If you are dressed alike, you may appear to be trying too hard. It’s the individual personalities you want to shine through.


saying ‘I Do’

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FEBRUARY 9, 2012 • (NewsUSA) - For many brides, the

quest to plan the perfect day can quickly turn into a nightmare trip down the aisle. Here are a few tips to keep your wedding day bliss from turning into the honeymoon blues. • Marriage Planning 101: Once the ring goes on, the race to plan the perfect wedding begins, giving couples little time to think about the marriage itself or how their wedding spending decisions could affect their future. But smart couples are now setting aside time to address pre-wedding issues such as what they will do when it comes to financial planning, spending money, raising children and family politics. With nearly half of all newlyweds taking on debt to finance their “big day,” couples should take every opportunity to make their wedding-related and everyday spending count toward their future. One unique new rewards program, uTANGO.com, offers couples $10,000, $100,000 and even $1 million in cash rewards to stay married and shop with uTANGO’s 250-plus merchants such as Expedia, Target.com, Nordstrom. com and BlueNile. In addition to helping couples save for their future, uTANGO.com offers free advice from wedding, financial and relationship experts. By taking a proactive approach, couples can leverage their wedding spending to ease financial worries and start building

toward their future. • Destination USA: While destination weddings, especially to international locales, continue to be one of the hottest wedding trends in recent years, they can also present challenges such as increased costs, security concerns, language barriers and unreliable vendors. A less expensive alternative is to pick a centrally located U.S. city like Chicago, known for fantastic wedding and party venues, choice accommodations and activities to suit any taste and budget. It may not be as exotic as Tahiti, but couples often find that more family and friends can attend and planning challenges are drastically reduced when the nuptials stay stateside. • Managing wedding expectations: For many brides, planning the perfect wedding is a major life event decades in the making. With this in mind, it’s easy to see how wedding expectations can get out of hand in a hurry. With wedding euphoria taking over, busy brides and grooms can quickly lose sight of spending, causing the perfect wedding to turn into fights over money. By managing expectations of what a “dream” wedding should be, it is still possible to have a lovely and elegant wedding without breaking the bank. • Bridezilla-free zone: The term “Bridezilla” has been used to describe a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride

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whose obsession with planning the perfect wedding day leaves frustrated family, friends, bridal vendors and even her groom distraught in her wake. Belligerent Bridezillas beware: Horror stories of fist fights, hair pulling, kicking and screaming from out-ofcontrol brides-to-be have put wedding planners, vendors and bridesmaids on the offensive. Some wedding vendors now go as far as to include language in their contracts reserving the right to cancel if the bride’s behavior is determined to be “out of control or abusive.” So, whether you hit the gym or hit the spa, have a plan in place to handle wedding-related stress and keep Bridezilla at bay. • Just say “no”: Brides place such demands on their bridesmaids these days that it is not uncommon for them to decline, even when it’s one of their best friends. Not only is the financial responsibility of being a bridesmaid staggering, but the time commitment demanded by some brides is also daunting. The massive to-do lists handed out by brides, coupled with the obligatory appearances for shopping, parties and showers, can leave bridesmaids feeling underappreciated, overworked and broke after the wedding is over. Brides should be upfront about both time and financial expectations with their friends when asking them to join their wedding party and understand if the answer is no.

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wedding guide • FEBRUARY 9, 2012

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(MCC) Engaged couples about to take a trip down the aisle are increasingly choosing to pay for the wedding themselves. Where it used to be tradition for the bride’s parents to handle the bill for the occasion, today the responsibility for funding has largely fallen into the hands of the prospective bride and groom. To meet the financial demands of the modern wedding, some individuals turn to loans for financing a portion or all of the wedding. You may question whether this is a good idea. As with any situation, there are pros and cons. The same can be said about a wedding loan. The following are some factors you will need to consider before taking out a loan. One of the most important things to realize is that a wedding loan, like any loan, will need to be paid back and interest fees will be included. What that means is that, by the end of the payback period, you will have spent several thousand dollars more on the loans than the original principal amount when interest is added in. If you’re taking out a loan because you’ve already gone above budget on wedding expenses, a loan may push that budget even further into the red. That being said, there are some instances where a loan may be an option that works for a couple. For example, couples who anticipate considerable monetary gifts from guests attending the wedding can offset the cost of the loan with those gifts. Some couples might begin their professional careers after their wedding, which will increase their salary enough to repay the loan quickly. Others may actually have the money for the wedding, but want to use a loan as a way to establish strong joint credit as a new couple. However, many couples take out loans because they simply cannot afford their dream wedding. In a world where many

people already live beyond their means financing cars, homes, retail purchases – a wedding loan may just be another shovelful of soil on a financial grave. The consensus among financial experts is that it is better to scale back the wedding or postpone it until you can save money the old-fashioned way instead of taking out a loan. But if a loan seems the only option, here are some tips. Shop around on a wedding loan, just as with any other loan. Find the best rates and terms before settling on a lender. Decide how much you can afford to pay back within 2 to 3 years and how much the monthly payment will be. Then take out the loan only in that amount. Figure out which portions of the wedding can be scaled back to make the finances work. See if options like refinancing a home or borrowing from family would be better than taking out a loan. Look at banks, credit unions and even programs sponsored through your employer to compare rates on loans. Wedding loans may be secured or unsecured. A home or car can serve as a form of security in a secured loan. Unsecured wedding loans do not require a form of security. Personal loans, like wedding loans, generally have low annual percentage rates. It may be worth it to take out the loan rather than using a credit card for financing because the card’s rates could be double. Keep in mind that a wedding loan – even if it comes with a low interest rate – means you’re starting out your new life together with a large amount of debt for an event that lasts one day. Think about whether the wedding of your dreams is worth using that joint checking account to payoff months of wedding debt.


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make your own

WEDDING INVITATIONS

Cost-conscious couples today seek different ways they can reduce expenses on their weddings. Do-it-yourself weddings have grown in popularity, and creating personalized wedding invitations is one way to save money and dream up something special.

Origins of bridal customs (MCC) Chances are those who

have attended a wedding have witnessed some popular traditions take place. The bride wears a veil, a court of wedding attendants accompanies the bride and groom, and birdseed, rice or flower petals are tossed. But have you ever wondered why? The wedding customs are ripe with tradition and harken back to days when superstition and myth often ruled the day. • Throwing rice: Today it has become de rigueur to blow bubbles, toss birdseed or release doves when the bride and groom leave the house of worship newly betrothed. That’s because savvy individuals found that raw rice can pose a hazard to birds pecking in the area. However, rice throwing is an old custom that dates back to the Middle Ages, when wheat or rice where thrown to symbolize fertility for the couple. • Bouquet: Nowadays, the bride carries a beautiful bouquet of flowers. But the purpose of the bouquet held different meanings in the past. Saracen brides carried orange blossoms for fertility. Others carried a combination of herbs and flowers to ward off evil spirits with their aroma. Bouquets of dill were often carried, again for fertility reasons, and after the ceremony, the dill was eaten to encourage lust. • Bridesmaids: There may be arguments over dresses and how many bridesmaids to have in a

February 9, 2012 • (MCC) Wedding invitations can

range in prices depending on the service used. Many brick-andmortar printing companies have gone by the wayside, and online printing sources have replaced them. The reduced overhead means that many online retailers can produce wedding invitations at a lower cost than in years past. That doesn’t mean they are cheap, however. Couples can expect to pay anywhere from $150 to $500 on invitations depending on style and quantity, according to estimates from many printing company websites. Expect to pay around $90 (U.S.) for postage if mailing 100 standard invitations that do not require extra postage and include stamped response cards. In order to avoid overpaying for wedding invitations, or simply to create a personalized invitation, many couples are opting to go the do-it-yourself route. DIY invitations are even more common thanks to the popularity of scrapbooking and papercrafting. Although people may have different standards in terms of quality for their invitations, it’s important to realize the invitation is the first thing guests often see concerning the wedding, and they will help set the tone of the upcoming nuptials.

wedding party now, but in ancient times it was “the more the merrier.” That’s because bridesmaids were another measure to keep the bride safe against evil spirits. Essentially the bridesmaids were decoys for the spirits – dressing like the bride to confuse the spirits or maybe help deter them to leave the bride be. • Wedding rings: Wearing of wedding rings dates back to ancient Egypt. The round shape of a ring symbolizes eternal love. The ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand because it is believed this finger has a blood vessel that goes directly to the heart. • Wedding cake: The traditional wedding cake evolved from Roman times when the cake was originally made from wheat. It was broken over the bride’s head to ensure fertility. All of the guests eat a piece for good luck. Single women used to place a piece of wedding cake under their pillows in the hopes of finding their own husbands. • Father accompanying the bride: This tradition symbolizes that the bride’s father endorses the choice in husbands and is presenting his daughter as a pure bride to that man. • Kissing the bride: In older times, a kiss symbolized a legal bond. Therefore, the bride and groom kissed to seal the deal on their betrothal. There are many traditions surrounding a wedding that people simply accept. But understanding their origins can make the ceremony more meaningful.

Today there are many options when it comes to making invitations oneself. Couples can be as hands-on or hands-off as they like. Here are some choices to consider. • Design it yourself, but hire a printer. Couples can visit websites that enable them to choose paper type, ink color, a certain template, wording, color scheme, embellishments, die-cutting, and many other different options. Then the couple sits back and waits for the invites to come in the mail where they are put together before being sent out. These may be the most expensive of the DIY invites because a printer is still doing much of the work. • Use wedding invitation kits. Many stationery shops, craft stores and office supply retailers offer all-in-one kits that can be purchased. These feature a standard design with the accoutrements of that particular design. Most will come with envelopes and small response cards. The couple simply uses the template provided to create text on a personal computer and then the invite can be run through a home printer. • Mix and match components. Couples who want to be a little

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more hands-on can purchase card stock and envelopes separately and design their own invitations according to color scheme. Clip art included with some word processing or design software can embellish invites that are then printed on a home printer. Ribbon can be added by punching holes into the invite and threading the ribbon through. • Do it all yourself. The truly crafty couple can make their invitations from scratch. This involves drawing out a template, cutting the card stock to fit, selecting envelopes, creating and executing response cards, and decorating the invitations as they see fit. This will require some tools, including scrapbooking or papercrafting supplies. A paper trimmer will help ensure straight cuts, and decorative-edged scissors can help hide any small mistakes in the edges. While this may be a cheaper option if couples get good prices on all the paper components, it also entails the most work and the greatest margin of error. Saving money on wedding components has become essential for many couples in this economy. Choosing to take on some aspects of invitation creation can help reduce costs and personalize the event even more. is T Va ue len sd tin ay, e’s Feb Da rua y ry 14

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wedding guide • February 9, 2012 

Special Section

do-it-yourself

work in advance preparing the venue

WEDDING

According to CostofWedding. com, on average, U.S. couples spend $26,542 for their weddings.

(MCC) Those thinking about tying the knot in the months to come may be discouraged by how expensive weddings can be. But with a little ingenuity and a hands-on approach, couples can have a wedding that is inexpensive and memorable at the same time. The wedding cost amount listed above does not include the cost for an engagement ring or wedding bands. With such a high price tag, some couples may wonder if they can afford their dream wedding or if there are ways to cut costs. Having a backyard, DIY wedding can be the answer. Although some may envision a backyard wedding with picnic benches and Dad at the grill, it can be a much classier affair than that. Smart couples are realizing that the money they would normally spend on a big wedding at an outside venue can be put to better use, either through buying a new home or fixing up one they may already own.

getting started A DIY wedding is one that will take much more work than simply hiring vendors and leaving the details to them. But the money saved with sweat equity can be substantial. A well-planned wedding is the best start. Grab a notebook and start making lists of all the things you will need: • location • tables and chairs • linens • food • silverware and glassware • Invitations • photography • music • officiant • centerpieces and other decor • cake or dessert • lighting • attire • flowers

Many items necessary for a wedding can be bought in advance. Some couples find that purchasing low-cost items at discount stores turns out to be less expensive than renting. For example, inexpensive glasses and silverware can be bought at dollar stores or chains like Ikea. Later on these items can be kept, sold or even donated to shelters. Tablecloths don’t have to be the traditional kind. It may be less expensive to purchase pieces of fabric from a fabric store and dressing them up oneself. Candles can be stockpiled relatively easy and provide a very affordable means of ambient light. Plan out centerpiece ideas and figure out which components can be bought and stored. Then items can be assembled at leisure. Wedding stationery is one thing that will have to be bought well in advance so there will be time enough to printout save-the-dates, invitations and response cards, as well as mail them. An informal wedding may mean couples can get simple attire. Buying off the rack may mean a smaller price tag for gowns. Gentleman may be able to fare with sportcoats and slacks. Purchase wardrobe essentials several months in advance to be sure there will be time for alterations, if necessary. Enlist the help of family and friends to get many of the tasks completed. Upon asking, many couples find there are members of the family who have skills in certain areas, which can be tapped for the wedding. There may be a gourmet chef, a disc jockey, a photographer or even someone who can officiate the vows. Having these people on board means a great reduction in costs.

Because couples will be doing the work themselves, it’s best to start several days in advance of the wedding (weather permitting). Be sure the grounds are well groomed and landscaped. Ensure there are no tripping hazards and that there is a sturdy surface for placing tables or creating a dance floor. It may pay to ask an electrician or someone who dabbles in electric work to help string some lights to better illuminate the area, especially for when the sun goes down. Set up the tables and chairs to finalize placement the day before. Figure out where the ceremony will take place. A small arbor can mark the area and make a nice photo backdrop. Dress the tables with linens and settings the morning of the wedding. One splurge couples may want to make is hiring a waitstaff to help set up food service areas, serve as bartenders and clear away dishes and other messes. This way the bride and groom can mingle with guests.

other tips & tricks

Here are some other ways to save money on DIY weddings. • Fruit is less expensive than flowers for centerpieces. • Include postcard response cards in wedding invites. The postage is less, and you don’t have to spend money on an extra envelope. • Many different foods can be cooked in advance and frozen instead of hiring a catering service. • Consider favors that also double as table centerpieces. • Bouquets can easily be made with storebought flowers, some floral tape and decorative ribbon. • Restrict the bar to wine and beer, and you’ll save money on expensive liquors.

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love stories

Pomerado Newspapers

Editor’s Note: Several weeks ago we asked readers to send us stories on how they met the love of their lives. Here are their stories...

‘It’s been a fun trip’ By Ken Ware & Hilary Glenn-Ware

We both relocated to Southern California in our mid-40s as single parents. Both believing in the marriage relationship, we took a few deliberate activities to locating one of those right persons who could complement our life interest, style of living and daily experiences; including classified ads, blind-dates and staying involved outside the house. The best advice Ken received came from a friend who suggested he attend a particular church in an upscale community that would have many well-bred single women. It turns out that Hilary received similar advice a couple of years later. We both got involved in the singles

group with the church and built an “awareness” of each other over a two- to threeyear period. Our first date was on Cinco de Mayo, the year we both turned 50. We have now been together for over 22 years, half during working years and half in retirement. It has been a fun trip with many fond memories of travels together over much of the world; a lot of it on the water. Sure, we have the occasional hurt-feeling experiences over misunderstandings and needs to “win,” but the recovery is usually quick and, more important, “complete.” Continuously recognizing and reminding ourselves that this is the person we love, enjoy being with and having the added pleasure of being ourselves.

‘We knew we should be together’ By Jerry Ringer

The train whistle was blowing as we boarded the train for our first trip together. Our destination was Chicago and New Orleans in the summer of 2011. We discovered we were comfortable and very compatible in our 14 days together. The entire trip was exciting and memorable. Katrina relocated from Massachusetts to Rancho Bernardo in the year 2000. She was an outdoor person, enjoying fishing, boating, hunting, riding a snow mobile and biking.

I am a California native and very much a city person. I majored in sports and participated in many events at USC. After several more trips together by car, we knew we should be together as a couple for the rest of our lives. On Dec. 29, 2011 we were married. The wedding took place at the fabulous Venetian in Las Vegas. The romantic ceremony took place as the gondola carried us through the beautiful hotel. The wedding ceremony was very special. We will always have beautiful memories of our wedding day!

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February 9, 2012 •

Love still flourishes for a ’city gal’ and a farm boy

My love of my life: And how we survived

By Lee and Marlene Okeson

He was the biggest love of my life. And I really wanted to be his wife.

She was a demure high school teacher in a small town in northern Minnesota, a graduate of North Dakota State University, a Kappa Delta, and from a small German-Russian town, (a city gal), in south-central North Dakota. He was a farm boy from a Swedish community in northeastern North Dakota, an Army veteran and a senior at University of North Dakota. No fraternity, no detectable social skills. They met at a UND hockey game. He was there with a group of student friends. She, with other teacher roommates who lived together in the Bates-like motel in the no-stoplight town of Warren, Minn. After one year, she moved on to Tucson. He went on to graduate

school in Illinois. She accepted a position in Lemon Grove, Calif. After a graduate degree, he obtained a position as a city planner for the City of San Diego. He learned a girl from a nearby town to his home in North Dakota was teaching in Lemon Grove. He called that girl to chat, and was informed that she was also teaching at that same school. He called her. They were married Sept. 3, 1960 at College Lutheran Church, San Diego. No family, no honeymoon. They have three children and five grandchildren. There have been 51 successive Happy Valentine Days — testimony, indeed, that even those, each from a parallel universe, but with a similarity of values and aspirations, plus love and devotion, can prevail and flourish.

Three months of dating led to 66 years of wedded bliss By Carl Cole

In December 1945 I had just finished four years in the Army Air Corps and had returned to Baylor University to complete my education. Our church was having a dinner for the veterans. There was a beautiful young lady who lived down the street that I had seen a couple of times around the campus so I called her and ask her to be my guest. She accepted. This was on December 13, 1945. From there things moved pretty fast. I was working in the carpenter shop, and in the middle of January I came by her house and took a small box out of my carpenter overalls nail pocket and

ask her to be my wife. She accepted and we were married on March 8, 1946, less than three months from our first date. Many of our friends said it would not last as I was 27 and Betty was 20. We now have three successful sons, three beautiful daughtersin law, eight grandchildren and three great-grandchildren (fourth soon). We will be celebrating our 66th wedding anniversary on March 8. I am 93 now and Betty is taking excellent care of me. God has truly blessed us, our family and our 65-plus years together, and we never go to sleep at night until we say “I LOVE YOU.”

By Rosalie Kramer

But for our children we had to survive, While trying to keep our dreams alive. And now that just our daughter is left, We are not adrift, we are not bereft.

A crooked smile marched up his face, Just seeing him made my heart race.

We have her and we have her girls, More valued to us then a string of pearls.

We were such kids, and I wonder now How we managed to exist somehow.

But we loved each other through it all. The doctors, the hospitals the waits in the hall.

‘We still share a wonderful life together’ By Vera Mundt

Our story started before I was able to spell love as I met my future husband when I was in second grade and he was in third. We lived in Estes Park, Colo. This was in 1930, and since our school was small, I have gone through grade and high school with him. We found out that dancing, jitterbugging no less, was what we both loved so we started dating and dancing with great joy. Then he enlisted in the Navy in 1942 and was overseas until 1945. He came home on leave and we were married in October. He returned to duty, but then the war was over and he came home for good. We

Anatomy of love By Stephen Tregoning

It all started 23 years ago at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo when we were randomly assigned by Dr. Brown as partners in anatomy lab. Apparently love can blossom even while studying over the stench of formaldehyde and cadavers. Our love grew for two years, but only as close friends, as we made our way through college. It wasn’t until Sarah transferred to UCLA to pursue her nursing degree when I realized the love of my life was

started a wonderful life and were blessed with two sons. We have lived and worked in different countries, which was a good experience for us and the children. Then we moved to Poway, and we knew we had found the right place to raise our children. After 66 years we still have our love for each other and do need it as, unfortunately, my wonderful husband is a victim of Alzheimer’s. But I am his caregiver and we still share a wonderful life together. my best friend. We are now heading toward our 20-year anniversary filled with great memories of traveling the world, raising two wonderful children, and sharing our blessed lives with incredible family and friends. The secret to marriage success is simple when you marry your best friend who treats you like a king and shares the same hopes and aspirations. Thank you, Sarah, for all you do in yet our latest chapter of life, raising our wonderful children Bryce and Kali. I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together and sharing many more memories.

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7

Always fearing what they would say, Constantly hoping for another way.

He was six feet tall with eyes bright green, The handsomest guy I’d ever seen.

The mangled dreams our two sons’ disease, Could have made our young love cease.

wedding guide

We look ahead and we don’t look back. Our sons would not have wanted that. After sixty years we still have each other, And those green eyes still make my heart flutter. For Marc and Daniel Kramer and their sister, Iris.

o D s m a Dre Come True

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love stories continued from page 7

Now married and still madly in love By Kati DeBolt and Lori Brickley

We met over 17 years ago at a school inservice. We are both teachers in Poway Unified School District and we were paired up during the course of the three-day training. We clicked! We spent a year building our friendship before we started dating. We were both scared of how our community would accept us and how our children (a son in second and a daughter in fifth grade) would do. Our relationship grew and we finally were “domestic partnered” in 1999. Living and teaching in Poway can sometimes feel like we are fish out of water, but with our wonderful neighbors now, we feel totally included and welcomed. In 2004, when San Francisco started performing gay marriages, we hit the road and drove up there to be married. We were married and then it was voided six months later by the state. It was devastating. In 2008 we got yet another opportunity to get married

and this time was able to plan it and have 120 of our closest friends and family attend. This time it is still sticking and we are one of 18,000 couples in California to have this “special” status. So, we have officially been together for over 16 years, recognized in “marriage” by our state three times and always and consistently madly in love. Our secret to a lasting relationship — generosity! And I’m not talkin’ with money. Being generous can mean a cup of tea being made for the other, or the bed turned down at night, and continuing to listen and talk everything out! Our children are now both college graduates — UCSD and UCSB — and our daughter is in a Ph.D. program in New York. We are very proud of how we have raised them and the wonderful city and schools they got to attend in PUSD who combined to make them both phenomenal people and wonderful contributors to our world.

The Internet led them to a life outdoors By Jennifer Telford

My husband, an Illinois native, lived in Rancho Bernardo four years and I, a Florida native, lived in Hillcrest nine years before we met in 2008. How do you think two singles living 27 miles apart met — the Internet of course! At the age of 38, I joined eHarmony after years of frustration with the San Diego dating scene. Brian joined eHarmony at the age of 42 and was only online one month before “meeting” me. My interest was piqued when I saw Brian’s photo atop Sentinel Dome in Yosemite. I was so excited that not only was he good looking he obviously loved the outdoors — bingo! Appropriately, our second date was to Anza Borrego for a day of wildflower observing and our fourth date to Cuyamaca State Park for hiking. After one year of dating which included many hours spent in nature, Brian proposed

on a hike to the majestic Grand View Point in the Grand Tetons. We married six months later, on April 10, 2010, outdoors, of course, at Orfila Winery in Escondido. Now almost two years later we continue to enjoy weekends spent tent camping, hiking the trails near our home in Westwood, and on the tennis courts at the Westwood Club. We thank Pastor Ray Sparling from Rancho Bernardo Community Presbyterian Church for his wise pre-marital counseling that taught us the importance of open, patient communication. We thank our parents, Joanne and Keith Telford, for showing us that laughter goes a long way in marriage; they celebrated 50 years of marriage this year! While we do not have any relatives living on the West Coast, we count our many San Diego friends as family and are thankful every day that we live in such a beautiful city surrounded by loving friends.

I slept in my future wife’s bed before I met her By James Heaton

I was born and grew up in West Virginia. After college, I joined the Navy as a supply officer and spent three years in Key West, Fla. I fell in love with warm weather and decided I wanted to live in a warm climate. My parents had, meantime, moved to Los Angeles. I drove there from Key West and stayed at my parents one-bedroom apartment while looking for a job. I was sleeping on the couch and it was not very comfortable. One weekend, my parents were sitting around the pool and began talking with a fellow apartment dweller (who they did not know). After mentioning about the sleeping arrangements, the “acquaintance” (a young 27-year-old registered nurse) offered to lend a roll-away to my parents. After finding a job and moving to my

own apartment, my parents wanted to take the young girl to dinner to thank her for lending the bed. They asked me to go along and I, very reluctantly, agreed (I had yet to meet her.) We went to dinner; I fell in love with the girl. We dated for 89 straight days; I proposed to her; we were married three months later. We have two grown boys and have been married for 42 years. So, I was introduced to my future bride by my parents and double-dated with them on my first date with my future wife. We have stayed together through loving each other, respecting each other, compromising by always keeping in mind our ultimate goals, always finding time to talk and visit, caring more about our spouse than ourselves.

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WEDDING

themes CAN ADD UP TO EXTRA FUN

(MCC) Every couple wants their wedding to be memorable. The goal of planning a wedding is to create an experience that everyone will remember for years to come. For some couples, a theme wedding is the best way to accomplish just that. Themed weddings have grown in popularity – as couples want to do what they can to set their event apart from the scores of other weddings guests have attended. • Decide on your theme: Develop a clear idea of what you’d like the theme to be. Themes can range from tie-ins to seasons to specific interests, such as sports or hobbies, to a particular color scheme. Once you have a firm concept of your theme, you can plan and shop around it. For the purpose of illustration, let’s use a winter theme as an example. • Introduce your theme with stationery: Your save-the-date cards or wedding invitations will present the theme to your guests, and could be the building block for the entire wedding. A winter-themed wedding may feature a whimsical font of swirly patterned type evoking the feel of winter wind. Delicate polka-dots could hint at falling snow. Avoid snowmen and ski boots. • Keep it simple: A winter theme may be achieved simply with color. Draperies, flowers, seat covers, table linens, etc. in a frosty blue, silver or white will touch upon the feel of winter. There’s no need to clutter up the space with nicknacks that make the theme overwhelming. Remember, you want the event to still be traditional, with touches of the theme throughout. • Choose an accent: There may be one concept of your theme that you’d like to build upon, such as snowflakes. However, instead of paper snowflakes hanging from the ceiling, which would be more reminiscent of a classroom instead of a reception room, think about other subtle ways to incorporate the accent. Delicate doilies under the china could hint at snowflakes. Italian pizzelle cookies dusted with powdered sugar look like snowflakes and are very tasty. Instead of Jordan almonds in favors, use large nonpareils. Ask the venue to create a signature cocktail that’s white and frosty. • Rely on flowers and lighting: Flow-

February 9, 2012 •

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and a popular time for socializing, couples who want to tie the knot during this time of year should send savethe-date cards well in advance. Another option is to have a “Christmas in July” wedding, featuring the same holiday themes but without the hectic nature of the holiday season. • Vegas: Couples who want to tie the knot in Las Vegas but want to ensure all their loved ones can attend can recreate the magic of Vegas wherever they may be. Casinoinspired games and big buffet meals can make guests feel like they have stepped into a casino on the famed Vegas strip. In addition, an Elvis impersonator is essential to a Vegas wedding. • TV show: Some couples elevate certain television shows to cult status. Whether it’s “Friends” or “Star Trek,” popular television shows have been transformed into festive wedding themes. Whether the idea is to go daring and exchange vows in costume or simply name reception tables according to characters or show locations, couples can include a little television fun into the event. Old Hollywood glamour might be an entertaining theme for a • Fairytale: Many men and women envision a fairytale couple’s nuptials. wedding complete with horse-drawn carriage and the “happily ever after.” This is what makes Disney properties as well as the various castles around the world popular ers, foliage and other natural accents can tables after classic Holbackdrops for wedding events. Those planning a fairytale add a special touch to your wedding. Nalywood stars, or romantic wedding need only look to favorite stories or movies for ture provides so many different hued and movies. their inspiration. shaped flowers that can work effortlessly • Holiday: The Christ• Interest or passion: Love to climb mountains? Avid into your theme. Hydrangea or snowball mas season lends itself well about scuba diving? Couples who share a particular interplants (also called Guelder rose) form to wedding planning. The est can include elements of this sport or hobby into their large puffs of flowers that resemble snow- colors (red, green, gold) balls and are aptly named. Delicate alysare already established, and wedding. Invitations and decor can hint at the theme, and then special activities can further enhance it. Fish bowls sum and even the common baby’s breath most churches and buildcan be tucked into floral arrangements to ings are already decked out as centerpieces may call to mind underwater adventures, while surfboard-shaped invites may set the scene for a add a snowflake appeal. in holiday finery, cutting beachside party. Lighting is something couples often down on the amount of Theme weddings can add an extra spice to the festivioverlook. Famed party planner David Tu- flowers and embellishments ties and incorporate couples’ interests into the event – tera often uses lighting to set the mood at couples need. Because the making it even more special. the events he plans. Changing the color holiday season is so busy or the scope of the lighting for different parts of your reception can create different moods. • Choose festive foods: Foods don’t necessarily need to look like themed elements (mashed potato ski slopes). However, you can touch on the theme by using seasonal foods such as winter squashes, hearty foods or seasonal fruits. Creating a theme doesn’t have to be ostentatious or evoke feelings of a kids’ birthday party. Subtle touches that are cohesive will provide the desired mood. The key to themed weddings is to create a balance between tradition and elements that tie into the theme. This way the wedding is classy instead of over-the-top ... unless, however, over-the-top is what’s desired. When it comes time to select a more over-the-top theme, the day the wedding takes place may dictate the theme. For example, if the wedding takes place on Halloween, the ideas for the theme are easy. Many other couples choose a theme that highlights a specific interest or hobby or something that is dear to them. Here are some popular wedding themes. • Hollywood glamour: What person doesn’t want to feel like a movie star? Think about old-fashioned Hollywood, and the excitement of the red carpet. After all, if there’s any day you should act like a star, it’s your wedding day! An old art deco movie theater, particularly if it has a large lobby, is a perfect setting or an old-fashioned grand ballroom at a hotel accented in silver, white, black, and blush pink. A swing band might be a perfect touch for this type of wedding. Name your


guide • February 9, 2012 10 wedding 

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WEDDING DRESS

USE CUISINE TO CREATE

(MCC) For most brides-to-be, the choice of a dress is among the first and most important decisions in planning a wedding. With thousands of choices in every price range, finding the perfect wedding dress can be a difficult and time-consuming process. But by making some decisions before setting foot in a store, the search will be both easier and a whole lot more enjoyable. First things first Start by knowing your limits. To avoid disappointment down the line, determine the maximum amount that you can spend on a dress – and don’t forget to include all the little extras, such as undergarments, shoes, jewelry, veil, and/or hair ornaments. Next, take an inventory of your personal style. If you know that you’re not comfortable in strapless or sleeveless dresses, for example, you can immediately eliminate these options. The trick is to rule out a few style options before hitting the magazines or stores and then be open to all other options. Firm yet flexible There will be no shortage of opinions – from mothers, sisters, friends, and store personnel – about your choice of a wedding dress, but the decision, ultimately, is the bride’s alone. A great strategy is to be open to suggestions about dresses to try on, but reserve the right to choose the look

(MCC) Despite the months of planning and poring over every minute detail of a wedding, it has often been said that what people remember most about wedding receptions is the food and if they had fun. Although certain foods are wedding staples, it could pay for couples to think with their stomachs instead of their heads when selecting wedding day fare. Having a selection of foods that taste as good as they look is a wise idea over having certain foods simply because they are trendy.

stay true to your style that feels right to you. With so many potential options, you might want to consider bringing along a camera and taking photos of yourself in the dresses that could be “contenders.” Go for a flattering fit Remember: Your goal is to find a dress that flatters your body and expresses your personal style – not to fit into a particular size. If you look ghostly in white, feel free to choose a creamier shade or a dress that has decorative accents of a different color near your neck, shoulders and face. Similarly, there’s no rule that a wedding dress has to be floor-length. If you’re planning a daytime or more casual wedding, you might want to consider a tea-length dress (one that falls a few inches above the ankle) or go even shorter. Comfort is key Style and fit may be the two most important factors in choosing a wedding dress, but comfort should be a close third. Ask yourself if you will be comfortable in a particular dress given the setting in which your wedding will take place. For instance, if you’ve always dreamed of an outdoor wedding, you may want forego a dress with a long, trailing train that could trip you up on your walk to or down the aisle. Even if you’re planning an indoor event, having a dress and shoes that are as comfortable as they are beautiful will greatly increase your odds of enjoying your special day to the fullest.

a wedding to remember wedding

Whether you are cooking yourself, having a family member serve as chef or relying on the menu of the reception hall, think about foods that will please guests and select those items, regardless of them being fancy. Here are some other tips. • You want foods to be filling but not so much so that guests have to waddle to the dance floor. If you’re planning on several courses, keep portion sizes small to offer a taste of the different items offered. • Classic foods can work well as wedding fare. Roasts, barbecued meats and favorite pasta dishes can make guests feel like they’re dining at someone’s home and not at a wedding. • Choose items people have heard of. Instead of tornadoes of beef, select a hearty prime rib. Just because a dish sounds fancy doesn’t make it taste better. If a guest doesn’t know what he or she is eating, it can be uncomfortable. Now is not the time to experiment with exotic foods, either. Otherwise, some picky eaters may be left hungry. • Think about the foods you love and see if they can be incorporated at the wedding. Although a breakfast bar at an evening event may seem funny, waffles and omelets may appeal to a greater number of guests than a gourmet fish creation. • Don’t make vegetarians an afterthought. Too often, vegetarians must eat whatever the kitchen can pull together, which is usually a compilation of the vegetable garnishes from the meat dishes. Make an effort to have a true vegetarian dish that is intricate and delicious. • Mashed potatoes are a crowd pleaser. Serve little portions of mashed potatoes in cocktail glasses and enable guests to top as they see fit with bacon bits, cheese or chives. • No idea is silly, and serving any type of food in a hors d’oeuvre style can make it acceptable at a formal affair, whether that food is pizza or caviar-topped crackers. • If you have a favorite restaurant that serves delicious food, find out if they will cater your wedding. • Just because it isn’t on the menu doesn’t mean it cannot be prepared. Talk to the catering manager and let him or her know your preferences. Provided you’re willing to pay a little more, there’s a good chance you can have items that aren’t on the standard catering menu. • Think outside the box for your cocktail hour “bars.” A bread bar, a dipping station, milk and cookies service, or vegetable bar are options that go against the standard cheese and pasta stations. Although it’s your wedding, ultimately the goal is to please the guests. By choosing foods they will love and rave about, you’re guaranteed positive remarks on your wedding.

favor ideas

(MCC) Do you have a shelf or cabinet that’s filled to the brim with wedding favors such as engraved ice cream scoopers, cake servers, cheese spreaders or tea light candle holders? If you do, you’re not alone. As couples pore over guest favor options, many select trinkets or knickknacks that, while thoughtful, end up collecting dust in someone’s home. Edible gifts also can be thoughtful – and flavorful! Guests may look forward to an edible favor because it’s a memento of the special occasion and it won’t become a permanent fixture in their homes. There are many edible favors from which to choose. They can also be customized according to the theme of the wedding. Chocolate It’s difficult to find an edible favor more universally beloved than chocolate. Rich and inviting, chocolate has long been given as a symbol of love and devotion. Chocolate candies and baked goods can work well for wedding favors, provided the favors are refrigerated to avoid melting. Ideas for chocolate favors include individually packaged truffles, gourmet brownie bites, candy-covered chocolates with an inscription, chocolate covered apples, chocolate coins, and other similar creations. Chocolate molded designs (much like those chocolate Easter bunnies) are another idea. Cookies Sweet cookies also make good edible favors. Butter cookies are a favorite because they are sturdy enough to cut into different shapes. Professionally iced, these cookies can be a masterpiece to behold. Some couples opt for customized fortune cookies that express personalized sentiments to guests. Make-your-own Sometimes it’s less expensive to give guests kits that they can take home to create their own edible treasures. Options abound and can include everything from personalized packets of hot chocolate to tea bags. Other couples choose among mixes for making cookies or cakes. Other edibles From cupcakes to maple syrup to personalized bottles of barbecue sauce, couples have so many options for guest favors at their disposal.


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intimate wedding ADVANTAGES (MCC) A wedding doesn’t have to be a mammoth event with 300 guests and a

costly price tag. Many couples choose to walk down the aisle and then celebrate on a smaller scale with much success. Millions of weddings take place across the globe every year. According to the Association for Bridal Consultants, the average American wedding includes 175

BUDGET TIPS

for brides

February 9, 2012 • guests, and the average size of the wedding party is 12 people. Many couples may view these averages and feel pressured to throw a big wedding. But smaller events can be just as much fun and easier on the pocketbook as well. One of the more obvious advantages to a small wedding is the cost. Many large weddings cost between $20,000 and $30,000. A small wedding will be significantly less simply because there are fewer people to feed. Catering costs account for a large chunk of wedding budgets. A reception with only 50 to 60 people may run $1,000 or less. Another benefit to a smaller wedding is a couple may be able to afford a higher-priced venue. Maybe there’s that historic castle or highpriced mansion that would be over budget if 200 guests were coming. With a much smaller guest list, the venue might now be affordable. Or, couples can look outside of wedding halls to restaurants for a nice dinner. Small weddings tend to be more intimate. Couples can spend more individual time with guests instead of having to spread their time thinly around a large reception hall. Special moments, such as speeches or words of wisdom, may bear more significance when the group is intimate. Destination weddings have be-

wedding guide

11

come quite popular and are most successful with a small group. Keeping a large guest list in order can prove challenging when traveling, which makes destination weddings ideal for small guest lists. Also, costs will be kept down if the couple is paying the travel fees for invitees. It’s important for couples to keep in mind that a small wedding is not without certain challenges. Family members and friends may have their own perceptions of what a wedding should be. Once the idea of a small wedding is mentioned, it may be met with some opposition, particularly from parents who want to invite an extended list of friends and distant family members. This can make it difficult to pick and choose who to invite. Another disadvantage is that large weddings evoke the energy of a big party and can make people less inhibited to celebrate and dance. An empty dance floor at a smaller wedding may be intimidating to guests who will choose to sit and not fully enjoy themselves. Ultimately, the decision to have a small-, medium- or large-size wedding is entirely up to the couple or the person who will be financing the event. Wedding planning is largely the personal choice of the couple who will be saying their “I dos.”

WHAT COULD BE MORE TOUCHING FOR YOUR WEDDING DAY THAN

wine, not red, and the evening should (NewsUSA) Between the thrilling proposal progress with fewer mishaps at a lower cost. and the pre-wedding whirlwind — setting For dinner, couples should think outside the date, finding the perfect wedding dress, AS SEEN IN: the catering-company box. Local restauplanning the honeymoon — weddings rants might make better deals. Classy catershould feel joyous and romantic. ing can come from unexpected places. But after the wedding, couples should SILKY SMOOTH SKIN? Boston Market restaurants provide fullenjoy their newly wedded bliss, not panic service catering options about digging themwith elegant entrées like selves out of debt. ENCINITAS BRESSI RANCH 4S RANCHand touchable Enjoy elegant eyebrows skin. 272 N.or El Camino Real 272B 2669 Gateway Road 10445 Craftsman Way roasted sirloin, turkey According to the AsWaxCA Center the CA 92009 Encinitas, CA Only 92024 European 4S RANCH Carlsbad, San Diego, 92127 offers rotisserie chicken, and 877.298.1846 sociation for Wedding 760.931.8200 858.487.4200 10445 Craftsman Way Ultimate Wax Experience. And as a first-time a selection of gourmet Professionals InterSan Diego, CA 92127 guest, you can enjoy it for free.* sides. The cost? From national, the average 858.487.4200 $14.99 to $21.99 a wedding costs between head. $18,000 and $21,000. After the reception, In these difficult ecoBRESSI RANCH photography and vidnomic times, couples 2669 Gateway Road eography are the second might need to minimize Carlsbad, CA 92009 largest budget-breakers. the cost of their wedwaxcenter.com AS SEEN IN: 760.931.8200 Couples can hire a phoding. But brides on tographer and videograbudgets do not need to pher for the ceremony, whittle their guest list “The waxing procedure itself is incredibly painless...” – ELLE MAGAZINE then leave reception photographs to friends, from 200 to 10. family and digital cameras. Here are some affordable and tasteful ✁ ENCINITAS BRESSI RANCH RANCH To avoid the cost10445 of4SaCraftsman live band, brides measures couples can take to stay within 272 N. El Camino Real 272B 2669 Gateway Road Way Encinitas, CA 92024 and grooms can optSan forDiego, MP3 playlists, their budget. Carlsbad, CA 92009 CA 92127 TAKE THE COMFORT WAX™ CHALLENGE 877.298.1846 760.931.8200 858.487.4200 customized CDs and speaker rentals over What eats up wedding cash? Wedding AND TRY A COMFORT WAX™ BIKINI LINE, EYEBROW receptions usually account for half of a wed- pricey bands. OR UNDERARM ABSOLUTELY FREE. Finally, hiring a wedding coordinator ding’s cost. Dinner and drinks add up, espeNo restrictions. No catches. Must be state resident. can save time, manage stress and get better cially if couples pay for a full or open bar. ENCINITAS BRESSI RANCH 4S RANCH deals. To save money on the bubbly, couples 272 N. El Camino Real 272B 2669 Gateway Road 10445 Craftsman Way So, here’s a toast to tweaking old tradishould nix the mixed drinks. Soon-to-beVISIT US ONLINE AT Encinitas, CA 92024 Carlsbad, CA 92009 San Diego, CA 92127 tions to make a dream wedding financially marrieds can serve champagne during the WAXCENTER.COM 877.298.1846 760.931.8200 858.487.4200 attainable and to save enough money for a toast, then offer beer and wine for the rest AS SEEN IN: long, relaxing honeymoon. Cheers! of the evening. Give clumsier guests white

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wedding guide • FEBRUARY 9, 2012

SPECIAL SECTION

RECEPTION TOUCHES (MCC) Over the course of their lifetimes, many people will be wedding guests on several occasions. During the height of wedding season, weddings can run into one another, as the format and the festivities are similar at various ceremonies. Couples interested in setting their nuptials apart may want to enhance the wedding reception with a few unique ideas. Who hasn’t attended a wedding that seems formulaic? The couple enters, they do their spotlight dance, there’s food, a bouquet toss and then the cake cutting. Guests may actually be able to predict what’s coming next. While it is often customary and easy to follow tradition, that doesn’t mean you cannot buck with tradition and offer a few creative ideas to make your event stand out. Here are several ideas you can introduce into your wedding to add something special to the reception. • Skip the big entrance. Those who were kind enough to attend the ceremony have already been introduced to the newly minted happy couple. Instead of spending the cocktail hour in the isolation of the wedding suite, mingle with your guests from start to finish. So much time is spent posing for pictures or being out of touch with guests, the cocktail hour can be a great time to sit and chat. Being with guests during the cocktail hour means you don’t have to make that big entrance from behind closed doors. Guests will have all eyes on you when you step on the dance floor for your first dance

together. • Dance to an upbeat number. Guests are expecting a slow, sappy tune. What they may not expect is an upbeat song that shows you are willing to have a little fun. If you haven’t mastered the waltz but enjoy a little quick step now and again, feel free to choose a tune that shows your excitement and love for each other. • Encourage couples to dance together. It’s often customary for the bridal party to join the bride and groom on the dance floor midway through the first dance. However, that leaves spouses or significant others waiting in the wings while their dates tango with groomsmen or bridesmaids. Instead, don’t have assigned partners. Rather, encourage your bridal party members to dance with whomever they choose. • Swap the garter/bouquet toss for something more meaningful. If you’re part of a couple who feels the garter and bouquet toss has become trite, there are other ways to create special moments in your celebration – ones that don’t single out the singletons who haven’t yet found their special someones. Use this time to present a small gift or token of your affection to someone on the guest list who has served as a mentor or source of inspiration.

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• Choose one special component as an extra goodie for guests. Some couples feel the more they offer the better guests will view their wedding. Spending more money doesn’t necessarily mean guests will have a better time. If you want to go above and beyond the ordinary, find one thing that you absolutely love and offer that at the party. It could be a flambe presentation, a chocolate or candy bar, a carving station with your all-time favorite food (even if that’s PB&J), or a carnival-inspired automatic photo booth. • Hire a live performer. Although it’s hard to beat the performance quality of your wedding song being performed by the original artist, unless you’re cousins with Celine Dion, chances are she won’t be available to sing “My Heart Will Go On” at your reception. However, a live band adds a certain level of excitement that a disk jockey may not be able to provide. Those who are adding a cultural or ethnic component to their wedding may want to hire a dance troupe or another type of performer, like a bagpiper, as an added measure of entertainment for guests. • Let them eat ... cookies? Some people just don’t like cake. Therefore, why should a couple have to cut a seven-tiered white confection? Towers of different types of treats can be created from just about anything and serve as the perfect backdrop for that classic cake-cutting photo. A pyramid of cream puffs, stacks of brownies, a cookie castle, or cereal-cake concoctions can work. Some bakeries will decorate a “dummy” styrofoam cake, and then you can serve apple pie a la mode, if you desire. • Stage a costume switch. Let’s face it, dancing all night in a long gown takes some stamina. As the bride, have a more comfortable cocktail dress available to switch into for the latter part of the reception. It will also add some variety to your wedding photos.

wedding musician POINTERS

(MCC) Brides and grooms have a few options when it comes to the music played at their ceremony and reception. Live musicians or deejays are often the entertainment of choice. Musicians will often work in conjunction with a maitre d’ to be sure the reception moves along smoothly and sticks to the schedule. Music will be played while guests are dining and when there are opportunities for dancing. It’s essential to listen to musicians or deejays before hiring anyone to ensure what they’re offering will fit in with the wedding. Also, it’s helpful to confirm the person or people being auditioned will be the exact individuals at the wedding. Some entertainment companies hire out contract musicians, meaning the preview musicians may not be the same person who will perform at the ceremony. That can potentially prove disasterous. If a certain musician or deejay is requested, be sure it is put down in writing in the contract. Provide the musical entertainment with some information to further help the wedding go off without a hitch.

This may include but not be limited to the following: • Names of all wedding party participants so they can be properly introduced. • Name of the married couple, including pronunciation of the last name, if necessary. • The title of the couple’s song. • The titles of songs to be danced with mother/son or father/daughter. • A listing of any preferred songs. • The title of a “spotlight dance” song. • Any music that is offlimits at the reception. • Special announcements that should be made, such as mentioning a guest’s birthday or another special event involving guests. • Whether a bouquet and garter toss will take place, and which songs should be played during these traditions. In most cases, wedding musicians are professionals who have handled many weddings and are very accustomed to what should be done to make the night a memorable one. Trust in the expertise of the musicians, and provide guidance where necessary.

fi rst dance

SONG IDEAS If Michael Buble or Nat King Cole aren’t on your playlists, chances are you may be looking for a first-dance song that’s a little less traditional for your wedding reception. Couples considering a song that’s a little different and speaks to them but won’t necessarily offend the wedding purists in attendance, might want to consider the following tunes: “All I Want is You” (U2) “Amazing” (Aerosmith) “You & Me” (Dave Matthews Band) “Crazy for You” (Adele) “Faster” (Matt Nathanson) “For You I Will” (Monica) “I’ll Stand by You” (The Pretenders) “Just the Way You Are” (Bruno Mars) “Love Song” (The Cure) “Marry Me” (Train) “No One” (Alicia Keys) “You Want to Make a Memory” (Bon Jovi)


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February 9, 2012 •

love stories continued from page 8 ‘I made the choice to take charge of my life’ By René Briskin

I was widowed in June of 2000. I had a wonderful marriage to a wonderful man and I wasn’t interested in meeting anyone else, ever! No one’s feet were big enough to fill my husband’s shoes. I settled into a very nice “existence” going out with other ladies and enjoying life as it was. It was eight years later that I was asked out on a date. I decided to accept and surprisingly had a very nice time. After that I made the choice to take charge of my life and start meeting men whom I could possibly share fun times with. I don’t bar-hop, nor do I belong to any groups, so I thought I’d check out online dating. That seemed to be the safest way to meet people. It was a great experience. I met a lot of nice men who I found enjoyable but didn’t want to see again. I also met some “not-so-nice” men who I

would never see again. On Feb. 15, 2010 I met Jerry Bryant at a bagel shop that was central to both of us. I was immediately drawn to his personality. He, too, was a widower who had a wonderful marriage to a wonderful woman. We both wanted the same thing, which was just enjoying another person’s company. We found that we were so much like each other and got along very well. Our relationship was totally different from what we had with our spouses but works just as well. We fell madly in love with each other. To make a long story short, he rented out his condo in South Park and moved into my condo with me in Bernardo Heights. We’ve been together for two years and intend on living happily every after!

‘He looked at me with such compassion and sweetness in his eyes’ By Joanna Eveland

Joe Ramos and I first met as next door neighbors in Poway, almost nine years ago, when I stood outside my house in tears after the unexpected death of my father. He looked at me with such compassion and sweetness in his eyes and we didn’t even know each other. I had just moved in two weeks earlier with a failing marriage and a 17-month-old daughter, and Joe had already raised three beautiful daughters from a previous marriage. We quickly became each other’s shoulder to lean on as we navigated through the heartbreaks of our previous marriages and for me, the loss of my father. Joe was an amazing friend and helped me tremendously with

‘The most beautiful lady I had every seen in my life’ By Sam Hallmark

In the fall of 1975 I was playing bass guitar with a local rock band, “Side Street.” We used to play often in Carmel Valley at a place known as the “Slab,” a concrete foundation that remained from a longdemolished homestead. After finishing our last song we were starting to pack up the equipment when out of the fog and cold I saw someone walking toward me. She was the most beautiful lady I had ever seen in my life. She had long straight blond hair parted in the middle and amazing blue eyes. That was the night I first met my future wife, Debbie. She needed a ride home after locking her keys in her car. Could I help her out? Where do you live? Up the road a little bit in Rancho Santa Fe. Well, what are we waiting for? We have been together ever since. We married in 1979 and bought a house in Poway in 1981. Our daughters came along

soon to complete our family. Rachel in 1986, and Stephanie in 1988. Debbie has been my best friend, my biggest supporter, my lover, and companion through our triumphs and struggles. Our secret to maintaining a successful relationship has been to allow each other the space to grow as individuals and to follow our dreams. After joining the Community Church of Poway in 1984, Debbie’s interest in religion led her to become a Commissioned Minister in the United Church of Christ in 2002. Debbie has been in charge of Youth Ministries at Community Church since 1992. I’ve been playing music with the praise bands at Community Church for the last 15 years while pursuing a career in graphic design. We have both been truly blessed. I love you, Sweetheart.

my daughter. Slowly our lives began to turn back to a positive, happy, and prosperous direction. We shared two years as best friends and next door neighbors and then on New Year’s Eve several years ago, we realized that our amazing friendship had taken another direction and that we were more than each other’s best friend, but that we were in love with each other as well. We have spent the years since, adding on to his home while living in mine, renting my house out and moving into his with my daughter and our almost 2-year-old son. The life that we have created together is the best gift of all this Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day, baby!

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‘Never forget to laugh’ By Teresa Felica

On Aug. 4, 1962 we were married in St. Stephen’s Catholic Church in Geneva, N.Y. This August we will celebrate 50 years of marriage. We were born and raised in Geneva, a town on Lake Seneca in western New York. Francis, or “Chick” as his childhood pals called him, was the youngest boy in a large Italian family. I was the oldest girl in an Irish family. Francis was two years older than me, and we dated when he came home from college during the summer. After serving in the Army on the West Coast it was decided we would marry and head west. After settling in West Los Angeles we built a life with friends and three children ( Jim, Mike and Julie). We have been each other’s best friend and have shared many travel adventures with our children. We

always laughed together, even in the worst of times. We are proud of our 50 years and the progress of our family. Our two oldest children graduated from Loyola Marymount University and our youngest is a true Aztec, having earned his degree from San Diego State. In 1987 we moved from Los Angeles to San Diego where we have enjoyed life with friends at the Poway Senior Center and the joy of becoming grandparents. We now share our life with two granddaughters, Danielle and Monique and a grandson, Vincent. We go to soccer games, softball games and school events. We both love watching a new generation thrive and grow. We always advise our married children to always support and love each other and never forget to laugh, have fun and make their family the top priority in their lives.

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guide • February 9, 2012 14 wedding 

ADVANTAGES TO A (MCC) In a financial climate where most people are pinching pennies, it comes as no surprise that many engaged couples seek ways to cut costs with regard to their weddings. Some couples are undecided whether certain components of their wedding are necessary. The decision to hire a videographer is one such area couples fret over. After all, with a photographer snapping hundreds of pictures, having a video may seem like an unnecessary luxury. However, people often find that having a wedding video to cherish long after the day has passed is well worth the price. There are several advantages to hiring a professional videographer to capture the day. A professionally produced wedding video is not the same as Uncle Fred carrying around his archaic camcorder and catching a few embarrassing dance moves during the reception. A professional video will showcase all moments of the wedding from perspectives not easily captured by photography. In addition to showcasing the images of the wedding, the video will also share the sounds and emotions of the day. Here are some things to think about. • Choose a videographer who will work in conjunction with the wedding mood and parameters. You probably don’t want a videographer who uses bright lights that can be distracting. Nor do you want a videographer who pushes the camera in guests’ faces for a less-than-candid interview. Today’s professionals are inconspicuous and simply record the events as they unfold. • The videographer often works in tandem with the photographer. Some photographers have a videographer on staff. But it is fine to bring in your own if you like the quality of the photographer’s photos but not the videographer’s work. • A videographer will capture the things you may have missed during the busy day. He or she can serve as the eyes and ears for the things you’re

WEDDINGS

(MCC) Every year millions of people walk down the aisle and begin the start of their new lives together as couples. December is one of the more popular months in which to get engaged, but other months of the year are more popular for weddings. The decision on when to get married depends on a host of factors. Some couples choose the date based on availability with a church or reception hall, while others might prefer to walk down the aisle during a specific season. Some couples choose to coordinate their wedding with a special event, such as a birthday or another day of note. Most couples decide on a wedding month primarily for the weather. That’s why the spring and summer are the most popular times of the year in which to tie the knot. Here is a list of the most popular months to tie the knot.

June August May July September October

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not seeing and hearing. • Although ours is an increasingly digital world where people capture photos and videos on their smartphones and other devices on a regular basis, a wedding video can serve as a family memento. What other time, apart from the holidays, do you have all of your friends and loved ones together in one place? • Although no one wants to think of a friend or relative passing away while planning their wedding, the fact remains that after a few years some of the people who attended your wedding may no longer be around. Having a wedding video may be the only last moving image and sound of a special person who is no longer in your life. • Sound is a portion of the wedding that photos simply cannot capture. To relive the music and the words of the day, a videographer is a necessity. Professionals who use wireless microphones will produce a video with the best sound quality. • You can work with a good videographer so it’s not simply a video with close-up shots of your face or unflattering perspectives. Talk about your preferences and even fears about being filmed (some people just don’t like watching themselves on TV), and the videographer can no doubt find solutions that will accommodate your needs. • There are many things that you will not see at the wedding but may have liked to, such as the first gasps of wonder upon guests walking into the reception room, or the tears on the face of an aunt who was sitting too far back in the church pews. This is where a wedding video can prove invaluable. • Modern videographers offer high-resolution, edited movies. These can be delivered via Blu Ray DVD and ensure the best quality for your package. Although brides and grooms may be cutting costs with regard to their wedding, they may not want to pass on the wedding video.

most popular months for

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

wedding video Special Section

7. December 8. November 9. April 10. February 11. March 12. January

Less popular months for weddings may be easier to book in terms of availability, and certain vendors may discount items because of a slower season. Having a wedding during this time can be advantageous if money is tight.

wedding WEBSITE

(NewsUSA) Whether you’re preparing for your wedding, chronicling your travels or running a small business, a website or blog is the easiest way to share information with family, friends, professional contacts or customers. With advances in technology making it easier to build websites, millions of Americans are figuring out the basics of Web design. Others are turning to professional designers for help. What makes a website’s design successful? According to design experts, there are five keys to effective website design. These tips will help ensure that your website attracts visitors, encourages them to browse and — if you’re selling — entices customers to buy. 1. Minimalist design. Your website should look clean and uncluttered. Minimalist design makes it easy for visitors to concentrate on the content. If a page has too many elements, visitors may become confused. This doesn’t mean the design has to be boring — a simple approach, focusing on a few key details, will make it look modern and stylish. 2. Fabulous photos. Avoid cliché or un-

professional photography and find images that say something genuine about you or your business. For affordable, reliable photography that makes it easier to be creative, try stock photography websites like Veer (www. veer.com), which has images for as little as $1, or for exceptional images, try Corbis Images (www.corbisimages.com), which has Web-resolution images starting at $5. 3. Encourage action. Whether you want people to note your wedding details, view your travel photos or make a purchase, make sure that your “call to action” is clear and concise. Use short and snappy language, and large, boldly colored, clickable buttons that are in the top or middle of the page. 4. Focus on fonts. Bold fonts help visitors recognize the important messages and call-to-action on a page, while more common fonts are perfect for explaining the details. 5. Color counts. Color conveys meaning and encourages different reactions by visitors. Don’t forget to make good use of white space — the space between different elements of a design. Used well, it allows for easier scanning of your site.


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honeymoon

(MCC) After the thrill of wedding festivities dies down, couples often jet off to a honeymoon retreat and begin an entirely different adventure. The honeymoon may create mixed feelings, some concerning the chance to spend time alone after months of planning and a few feelings of anxiety over spending the first night together as a married couple. For many couples, the honeymoon wedding night is the first time they are intimate together or it holds a special meaning of being intimate for the first time after being married. Such significance can put pressure on a happy and natural experience. Wedding jitters are normal, as are honeymoon and wedding night jitters. But just as wedding trends have changed through the years, so, too, have beliefs about the wedding night. Knowing about shifting trends can alleviate some of the nervousness. According to a recent survey from Brides magazine, one in three brides plan to get into bed on the wedding

HOW-TO

night and...sleep. After all of the hoopla of planning and enjoying the wedding, most people are exhausted. Others say they plan to stay up and relive moments of the day. Only about half of all couples think they will consummate the marriage on their wedding night. Taking the pressure off of the wedding night means that the rest of the honeymoon may be filled with opportunities to be amorous. But couples may still be filled with expectations for the perfect romantic retreat. Here are some things to think about. • Accept the fact that some wedding nights and honeymoons aren’t exactly what’s pictured in the movies. Don’t try to live up to a Hollywood-inspired ideal or you may be let down when things don’t go your way. In other words, it may rain on your beachside liaison. • A wedding requires a lot of work. Many people find themselves to be physically exhausted afterward. Others find they are so wound up that they cannot relax. When the mind or body is on adrenaline overload or completely wiped out, it’s not the ideal situation for romantic endeavors. • Try to make the honeymoon stand apart from other nights by packing nice lingerie or nighttime attire so that the memories will be special. There will be plenty of other times down the road when you’re an old, married couple to hop between the sheets in a ratty college T-shirt. • Pack some candles and mood music, or ask the resort to handle these details for you. These items can help set the scene. • Make sure your packing list includes special toiletries and birth control methods if you’re not ready to start a family so soon after being married. The brands you prefer may be hard to acquire while at some honeymoon locations.

Origins of the term ”honeymoon”

(MCC) It has become tradition for married couples to jet off on a post-wedding vacation. This honeymoon is a way for the bride and groom to enjoy quiet time together and start off their married life together on an intimate level. Although the word “honeymoon” has happy connotations today, the original meanings of the word may not be so blissful. There are varying accounts of the evolution of the word “honeymoon,” but many believe it to be a Norse tradition deriving from the word “hjunottsmanathr.” Northern European history describes women being abducted from their families and forced into marriage with a man from a neighboring village. This

husband would take his new bride into hiding and stay there for a while until it was certain the bride’s family had given up the hunt and retreated. It was also tradition for Scandinavian couples to drink a sweet, honey-infused wine known as mead for a month after getting married. This may be where the “honey,” for the sweet drink, and the “moon,” for the one-month period of time, originated. Others say “honeymoon” refers to a sarcastic quip that a marriage starts out sweet as honey, but then wanes much as the moon will each cycle.

honeymoon cos -cutting February 9, 2012 •

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IDEAS

(MCC) After all of the stress that comes with planning and preparing a wedding, most couples head off to a resort for some much-needed R&R. The locales couples choose to spend their honeymoon are as varied as the couples themselves. While many couples head for a seaside resort, others choose adventurous getaways to such places as the Alaskan wilderness. Whichever destination couples choose to spend their first vacation as husband and wife, one thing all couples can count is the cost. More specifically, the high cost of the honeymoon is something to count on. However, not all honeymoons need to break the bank. In fact, there are several ways couples can save substantial amounts of money while still enjoying their first getaway as a married couple. • Research where you’ll be staying. Oftentimes, hotels offer luxury at a very high price. Particularly in locales where many couples spend their honeymoon, such accommodations can be quite costly. However, savvy couples might be able to circumvent costly hotel accommodations if they do their research early. Bed and breakfasts (B&B), for example, often range from practical to ultra-luxurious, and tend to cost a fraction of what luxury hotels charge. Many couples actually prefer B&Bs, feeling they’re more charming and cozy. One thing to be diligent about with respect to B&Bs is the size of the accommodations, most notably the bed-

ding. Not all B&Bs provide king or even queen-size bedding, and some might not provide private bathrooms. Be sure to confirm with the B&B as to each room’s accommodations before making a reservation. • Consider traveling during the “off ” season. Whereas spring and summer were once the most popular seasons to tie the knot, nowadays many couples are looking to the fall to get married. While the months of June and July remain the most popular, September and October weddings have grown in popularity for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the aesthetic appeal of the fall seasons. Another advantage to a fall wedding is the opportunity for couples to save money on their honeymoon by traveling during the “off ” season. Peak season at beachside resorts is typically the summer months, and rates are therefore higher. However, traveling to a resort during the “off ” season can save substantial amounts of money, and the weather will no doubt still be beautiful. What’s more, local business will most likely boast better deals as well, and the resort will not be as crowded as it typically is during peak season. • Consider a cruise. Cruises might seem more expensive at first glance, but many cruises offer all-inclusive deals, wherein food and beverages are all paid for, and entertainment is provided. In addition, couples who take a cruise will get the chance to see a variety of seaside locales. And since the cruise already has an itinerary planned, it’s a nice break from all the planning that went into the wedding.

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Wedding Guide 2012