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The Journal of a Connecticut Yankee Ch. 02 NonHuman Now there's probably a squeamish few out there that are mumbling something about me killing a bunch of people. The things coming out of his mouth, I won't repeat being the sensitive soul I am. Tea time seemed more like Cold War time, with the fact that there's was some obvious, held on bitterness with Romie and mom. A group of 4 Order Knights, some asshat that thought he was Robin Hood by firing flaming arrows and some Daniel Radcliffe lookalike wizard, were fucking the place up pretty badly. Seems they think there's something out there that might be used as a powerful weapon against you guys." "Traitor! What kind of magic did you use on me, you worthless hedge mage!" He spat at me as he struggled to regain use of his body. "Hey," I said as I gently cradled her, "Let me introduce you to a little something from back home." Slowly they filled the void around me, until I was left floating in space, alone and unable to move. I was in a hospital, lying on a bed. By hooking up with Romie, did I end up choosing a side? Will I eventually do the whole Darth Vader bit and make this a regular occurrence while working for Emperor Palpatine AKA the Great Maou? "You were in a car accident, Son," Dad explained, "It was bad, you've been in a coma for over a month. You're home now..." Reaching into my pocket, I took out my phone and earbuds. Don't ask me how it does it, I just know the shit works, hence the 6 fully alive bodies around me. I was home. This is all fake isn't it? It's just a dream like before..." I said looking around. When she got within arms length, she finally spoke. My spidey sense told me the person in front of me wasn't quite the same Cheshire that I knew. In a clearing, by a large tree, there lay a single headstone surrounded by blue wild flowers. "I didn't know you could use magic..." "I'd really like that," She smiled. Good ol' 21st century tech, meet crazy Cheshire. Whatever, I thought as I holstered Winona. "Three... I argued that it was the fucking Wild West out there and I needed something to defend myself as I really sucked using at swords, bows and pretty much everything else she had on hand. We both stood up, as the moment passed. "You've been busy, Donnie." It was all a lie. "I didn't know you could use magic..." "Please, becareful," She begged as she http://trannycam.me grabbed me in a tight hug and kissed me soundly.


"Son... Entering, I sped walked past a few escaping March Hares, and made my way to the center of the chaos. No matter how long had passed, I could understand that she was still in pain from his death. "Ladies!" I called to them with an evil smile as I disengaged myself from a bewildered Romie. Racing through the woods, we came upon a clearing that lead to a small villiage some ways away. Her face scruntched up in confusion, trying to make sense of what I just said, then she started to blink rapidly as her eyes changed back to purple. From past experiences, the Dolls have always been a good choice for when I was down. She spared a glance over to Romie then to the knights corpse, behind. Sure, she looked amazing but I was also pretty sure that everyone in a 5 mile radius could smell us, which is what I knew she wanted. "Son... girlfriend, whatever, as she was adjusting the necklace that I gave her for Christmas, while smugly looking in the mirror. "I was on Earth! In a hospital, I saw my parents! They said I was in a coma. They all paused and turned towards me, confused as to why there was some random guy standing in the middle of a god damn war zone. "Thank you," She said sniffling back the remaining tears, as she returned the phone and buds. We comprised on me getting Winona and Victoria modifying most of the ammo given to me. I didn't think she knew, and I didn't have the heart to tell her she just murdered someone... "WAIT!" He cried, "West! They are due west, setting up camp!" All of their hands shot up as I looked around. Had I set my watch alarm? No... The very one that I had been on for the past few years. "Aww... Had I set my watch alarm? No... I didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know some shit was going down. At first she was shocked to hear music coming from the small things that I put in her ears, but being a Cheshire, I knew she could roll with strange. Both of them fell to the ground crying in pain as they bled from their wounds. Whispering in my ear, she said, "Just being a Good Samaritan, your Majesty," I said sarcastically. She turned her head to look at me, her eyes still glowing. All of them were pretty useless right now, seeing as how all the action was over, but maybe there was a way I could make use of them... I made my way to the Queen of Hearts, I wanted, no, I demanded answers. "It sure as hell aient magic, more like Steve Jobs gift to the world... I call her my girlfriend but she dosent look at me in the same way. Hell, what I wouldn't give for Dr. All of them were pretty useless right now, seeing as how all the action was over, but maybe there was a way I could make use of them... I didn't know how many bad guys where down there, and more then likely I was in over my head on this one, but I had to do something. Reaching into my pocket, I took out my phone and earbuds. Damn she was hot... Rule 2: Hit up the archers next. Tea time seemed more like Cold War time, with the fact that there's was some obvious, held on bitterness with Romie and mom. I briefly wondered if this was how a hot, hard to get, high


school cheer leader felt after a night with the captain of the football team. The doctors... I wasn't sure when I would be able to get the damn thing recharged, but seeing her smile once again made it all worth while. That evening we ate, bathed, made love in the bath chamber, had to bathe again, then she dragged me back to her room for more sex. it was all made up? "Mom...Dad...?" When we got there, the Queen had her servants set up a small table with tea and biscuits for us. Eventually my eyes focused and I saw the two people that I had been waiting to see the most, for a long time... "W-what happened?" I asked. "It sure as hell aient magic, more like Steve Jobs gift to the world... no thousands of them, until I landed upon one. Potter, what have you and your friends been up to?" I said doing my best Severus Snape voice. **************************************** A manic smile spread across his face as a shadow darkened us both. Seems they think there's something out there that might be used as a powerful weapon against you guys." I turned to ask the Queen a question but found she had vanished. girlfriend, whatever, as she was adjusting the necklace that I gave her for Christmas, while smugly looking in the mirror. Kicking in the door to her chambers, I was instantly flanked by 2 Trumparts. She said nothing as I'm pretty sure she was able to put 2 and 2 together. I didn't do anything." I said, embarrassed. I looked around. I wished I felt the same confidence inside as I showed to Romie... I gave her some space, let her cry it out for a time. She was just defending what was hers. "Don't worry, I got this," I cocked a grin as I watched her teleport out. They seemed to know who I was, or at least saw that their Princess was all over me so at least I was cool. Opening Winona's chamber, I quickly replaced her bullets as I sped onwards, praying I wasn't too late. Sure, we were in that magical, cupcake stage where banging each other's brains out was at the top of the list, but there were a lot of unanswered questions that quite honestly scared the shit out of me. Everyone was staring at me, but it had been a long day and I wanted to have some fun after all the fucked up shit that just happened. If not then I use my magic gun here to make sure you'll never be able to move again." Way back, when I was explaining to Victoria about guns and bullets, she was very against the idea of creating something that could kill like that. sorry, Harry..." I grabbed Winona, and from my bag I filled her chamber with bullets... The whole fucking family seemed to make Keeping up with the Kardashians look like the Berenstain Bears. "Donnie! What are you doing?! Please stop!" She begged.


"You said you would let me go if I told you!" He cried as he faced the curious and horny crowed of card girls. **************************************** "Is that so? We will have to address that." She said stiffly. I wanted to yell out, but I couldn't do anything as colors and lights shifted before me. The whole room began to swing and spin around me. She looked at me in recognition, then threw her arms around my neck in a hug. As I finished with the last knight, something occurred to me. But what about back there? "Next," I said cheerfully as I grabbed the archer up. Sure, we were in that magical, cupcake stage where banging each other's brains out was at the top of the list, but there were a lot of unanswered questions that quite honestly scared the shit out of me. Walking over to the wizard, I knelt down and grabbed his face so we could look at each other. Yeah so anyways... After Queenie and the army left to take care of the Order's Expeditionary Force, Romie came up to me and hugged me again. I put a bullet in the first ones leg, the other, in her shoulder. This... Rule 2: Hit up the archers next. The Tumpart in front grabbed Harry and pulled him screaming into her card. Except I didn't. Reloading as I walked towards the stunned monarch, I heard a pop and saw Romie running towards me. Turning, I saw another armor clad knight, raising his sword over his head to land a killing blow on me. She said nothing as I'm pretty sure she was able to put 2 and 2 together. Reloading as I walked towards the stunned monarch, I heard a pop and saw Romie running towards me. "Thank Maou you're safe!" She cried as she kissed my cheek multiple times, then firmly on the lips. Who here can heal his broken heart... The beats were both soulful and relaxing. I worked, fought and bled for this moment, I had finally done it. Throwing on my 2-day old clothes, I casted a glare over at my now girl... Rising off the dead knight, she walked towards us slowly, her face and clothing spattered with blood. They all paused and turned towards me, confused as to why there was some random guy standing in the middle of a god damn war zone. "Thank Maou you're safe!" She cried as she kissed my cheek multiple times, then firmly on the lips. Placing the phone in her paws, I pushed the play button and watched as the fun began. A manic smile spread across his face as a shadow darkened us both. Would that be 'Hormusement'? No, that sounds God awful, let's just say she thought the whole thing was funny and was getting turned on by it. He's also had a very recent break up with a Maid Marian. Remember when I said I replaced Winona's bullets? A part of me numbly realized that I had just watched my girlfriend savagely kill a man. I call her my girlfriend but she dosent look at me in the same way. Real full metal jacket bullets. I wasn't sure when I would be able to get the damn thing recharged, but seeing her smile once again made it all worth while.


Yeah, for some reason I didn't want to thank grandma for all this. I tried my best not to be grossed out by her getting blood all over me. One asshole down... "Aww... Whole Planets, Suns and Moons flew by me, hundreds... it sounded different. Real full metal jacket bullets. Rising off the dead knight, she walked towards us slowly, her face and clothing spattered with blood. Would that be 'Hormusement'? No, that sounds God awful, let's just say she thought the whole thing was funny and was getting turned on by it. Would that be 'Hormusement'? No, that sounds God awful, let's just say she thought the whole thing was funny and was getting turned on by it. Good ol' 21st century tech, meet crazy Cheshire. Thank God, you've come back to us." My father breathed, fighting to keep back his own tears. Kicking in the door to her chambers, I was instantly flanked by 2 Trumparts. I tried my best not to be grossed out by her getting blood all over me. The whole fucking family seemed to make Keeping up with the Kardashians look like the Berenstain Bears. Kicking in the door to her chambers, I was instantly flanked by 2 Trumparts. Once he brought that sucker down, it would be the end. Small specks of light appeared... There were IVs hooked up to me, heart rate monitors and some other things I couldn't make out. The beats were both soulful and relaxing. You- you know we'll probably have to make a run to Walmart for some Oxiclean to get all that blood outta of your dress." I stuttered while smiling nervously. We comprised on me getting Winona and Victoria modifying most of the ammo given to me. I sighed, there was way too much crap going on to think about... Turning, I saw another armor clad knight, raising his sword over his head to land a killing blow on me. Dad, you're really here?" I asked, my voice strained with emotion. She opted for a purple on black dress with a purple bow in her hair and of course no bra or panties. Hefting up the wizard, I showed him to the slew of cards as they surrounded us. "Just being a Good Samaritan, your Majesty," I said sarcastically. "Welcome to the Dating Game! I'm your host Donnie, and we have quite a show for you all today!" *********************************** "Robin of Loxley here, despite his colorful words, loves to rob from the rich and give to the poor. The stuff somehow passes through people, which instead of physically harming someone, it messes up their energy, making them drop like a sack of potatoes. But it's okay now, you've come back to us. Romie grabbed onto my arm and kissed me on the cheek as we headed out of her room on our way to meet momma in the courtyard. "...Does anybody have any Grey Poupon?" I asked as I aimed and fired a bullet straight into Harry Potter's chest. Winona was out of ammo, and even if she wasn't, I don't think I could bring myself to raise a gun to Romie. A series of steady beeps woke me up. cat... Anger welled in me as I saw them setting fires, shooting bolts of magic, trashing homes, trying to kill innocent women and children. Winona was out of ammo, and even if she wasn't, I don't think I could bring myself to raise a gun to Romie. "What are you talking about?" The Queen demanded as she stood frozen in front of her throne.


"Well, I guess I'll have to go get my own damn mustard then." I said to the bodies around me as I kissed Winona's empty chamber. I calmly stood, keeping my eyes locked on hers, as Harry whimpered at her approach. Eventually my eyes focused and I saw the two people that I had been waiting to see the most, for a long time... More Trumparts arrived with mini Queen Taylor Swift in tow. My heart ached to see her like that. If not then I use my magic gun here to make sure you'll never be able to move again." Everyone was staring at me, but it had been a long day and I wanted to have some fun after all the fucked up shit that just happened. Rule 1: Always go for the magic users first. We'll grab a bath, some food, just relax and take care of the rest tomorrow?" Reaching into my pocket, I took out my phone and earbuds. Hefting up the wizard, I showed him to the slew of cards as they surrounded us. "Down tiger, there's still a lot we need to do today without you getting all frisky again." I laughed, pulling away. I then proceeded to pick off the other 4 retards as they ran towards me, swords swinging. His eyes crossed as he stared down Winona's barrel and he started to sweat and shiver with his choices. You're home now..." Turning to the village, I broke into a run. Let's just say he knew a lot of cuss words. "I've got all day, Harry, but you have til the count of three," I said calmly. A part of me numbly realized that I had just watched my girlfriend savagely kill a man. Eventually a smile grew on her face as the music rocked and flowed. Damn she was hot... Entering, I sped walked past a few escaping March Hares, and made my way to the center of the chaos. Taking survey of the premises, she regarded me. His eyes crossed as he stared down Winona's barrel and he started to sweat and shiver with his choices. Peg it on a split personality or the fact that as a granddaughter of the Maou herself, she probably had a shit ton of power and no clue how to channel it. I tried my best not to be grossed out by her getting blood all over me. I had to smile as Romie looked at the device in both awe and suspicion. The whole room began to swing and spin around me. Romie and I looked at each other in the eye for an instant before we both started running towards the noise. Regardless of everything that happened, her smiles still made me happy... "Times up, Harry," I said as I moved to pull the trigger. He hesitated. "Just being a Good Samaritan, your Majesty," I said sarcastically. We could see smoke and fire from the buildings and could hear more and more screams as we saw Mamono running, carrying their valuables and even loved ones. I'm an idiot but I knew enough about Mamono to know that in her eyes, I was her husband, her property, lock, stock and barrel. Eventually, after that little nightmare, she lead us to Eric's grave, some distance away. Everything was fuzzy, it was cold, everything smelled like a chemical sterile, it was hard to see. They tried everything, in the end, they said it was up to you. He'd spout some psychobable and all this crap


would be taken care of, right as rain. Holy shit, that guy's really good with a gun! Yep, and you can thank all the time and millions of quarters I spent at the arcade for that one. She looked at me in recognition, then threw her arms around my neck in a hug. I was home. One asshole down... Romie slowly walked up to the grave and collapsed upon it crying. A group of 4 Order Knights, some asshat that thought he was Robin Hood by firing flaming arrows and some Daniel Radcliffe lookalike wizard, were fucking the place up pretty badly. There was nothing I could do if she wanted to kill either of us. The Order? Wonderland... Well, they could at least help me get rid of the trash. I grabbed Winona, and from my bag I filled her chamber with bullets... She spared a glance over to Romie then to the knights corpse, behind. I worked, fought and bled for this moment, I had finally done it. All of their hands shot up as I looked around. Suddenly, a purple and black blur appeared out of the corner of my eye. Rule 1: Always go for the magic users first. Peg it on a split personality or the fact that as a granddaughter of the Maou herself, she probably had a shit ton of power and no clue how to channel it. It was a fucked up way to meet your dad for the first time... "Welcome to the Dating Game! I'm your host Donnie, and we have quite a show for you all today!" "W-what happened?" I asked. "Are you alright, my love?" She asked, her voice once again hollow and filled with a frighting amount of power. "Don't worry, I got this," I cocked a grin as I watched her teleport out. Eventually a smile grew on her face as the music rocked and flowed. I then proceeded to pick off the other 4 retards as they ran towards me, swords swinging. "Well now, Mr. it was all made up? "You were in a car accident, Son," Dad explained, "It was bad, you've been in a coma for over a month. Regardless of everything that happened, her smiles still made me happy... "I was on Earth! In a hospital, I saw my parents! They said I was in a coma. Except I didn't. Don't ask me how it does it, I just know the shit works, hence the 6 fully alive bodies around me. "WAIT!" He cried, "West! They are due west, setting up camp!" "WAIT!" He cried, "West! They are due west, setting up camp!" Slowly they filled the void around me, until I was left floating in space, alone and unable to move. The Order? Wonderland... From past experiences, the Dolls have always been a good choice for when I was down. I shoved the cookies down my throat and gulped down the tea in an effort to move things along as quickly as possible. Seems like they were having quite the party. It was then the calvary arrived with 20 spear armed Spade Trumparts. The things coming out of his


mouth, I won't repeat being the sensitive soul I am. There were IVs hooked up to me, heart rate monitors and some other things I couldn't make out. Eventually my eyes focused and I saw the two people that I had been waiting to see the most, for a long time... "Donnie! What are you doing?! Please stop!" She begged. "There's evidently an army, west of here, you might want to check out. You- you know we'll probably have to make a run to Walmart for some Oxiclean to get all that blood outta of your dress." I stuttered while smiling nervously. Don't ask me how it does it, I just know the shit works, hence the 6 fully alive bodies around me. The place I couldn't stop thinking about for 3 years. Everything seemed to slip into a painful slow motion, there was nothing I could do to stop him. I wanted to yell out, but I couldn't do anything as colors and lights shifted before me. In my best game show host voice, I yelled, I looked around. Romie and I looked at each other in the eye for an instant before we both started running towards the noise. Looking over I saw Romie atop the prone knight, slashing her claws into him over and over again, while bloodied screams turned into faint gurgles, then, finally, silence. Everything became black, then one by one... Please for the love of whoever's out there, let my bullshit snap her out of it, I prayed. It was all a lie. My spidey sense told me the person in front of me wasn't quite the same Cheshire that I knew. Small specks of light appeared... Her kitty ears were a bit of a challenge to pop the buds into but I managed as I unlocked the device and called up some Goo Goo Dolls for her to listen to. For a split second I was confused by what was going on, then it dawned on me. Once he brought that sucker down, it would be the end. We'll grab a bath, some food, just relax and take care of the rest tomorrow?" "I'm gonna buy some time," I replied as I pulled out Winona. Please for the love of whoever's out there, let my bullshit snap her out of it, I prayed. "There's evidently an army, west of here, you might want to check out. Thank God, you've come back to us." My father breathed, fighting to keep back his own tears. "Our first contestant is a wizard from England, he's on team Dumbledore, and enjoys moonlit walks on the beach while trying to stop Lord Voldemort." Holy shit, that guy's really good with a gun! Yep, and you can thank all the time and millions of quarters I spent at the arcade for that one. The stars warped and trailed around me as I traveled down a tunnel made of their light for what seemed like a very long time. In a few days they would all be Incubi and no longer an issue, but how was what I was doing different then grandma Maou? I could say that I was doing it to save lives, keeping them from harming anyone else, but it still left a sour taste in my mouth. I argued that it was the fucking Wild West out there and I needed something to defend myself as I really sucked using at swords, bows and pretty much everything else she had on hand. I wished I felt the same confidence inside as I showed to Romie... "Robin of Loxley here, despite his colorful words, loves to rob from the rich and give to the poor. Whispering in my ear, she said,


I looked down to the paralyzed bodies around me, then over to Harry Potter. The doctors... My heart ached to see her like that. Stars... Romie slowly walked up to the grave and collapsed upon it crying. The whole room began to swing and spin around me. This is all fake isn't it? It's just a dream like before..." I said looking around. "Robin of Loxley here, despite his colorful words, loves to rob from the rich and give to the poor. it was all made up? She turned her head to look at me, her eyes still glowing. Her kitty ears were a bit of a challenge to pop the buds into but I managed as I unlocked the device and called up some Goo Goo Dolls for her to listen to. no thousands of them, until I landed upon one. The stars warped and trailed around me as I traveled down a tunnel made of their light for what seemed like a very long time. and I meant that literally, because after 6 shots, she gets a little toasty. I glanced over to Romie, who was regarding the whole scene with what I could only describe as horny amusement. Our Commander said there was a powerful relic in this land, if we could locate it, then there would a chance to turn the war!" The place I couldn't stop thinking about for 3 years. She said nothing as I'm pretty sure she was able to put 2 and 2 together. I then proceeded to pick off the other 4 retards as they ran towards me, swords swinging. *********************************** I knew she was feeling pretty proud of herself for finally nailing me. Entering, I sped walked past a few escaping March Hares, and made my way to the center of the chaos. In my best game show host voice, I yelled, "I'd really like that," She smiled. I put a bullet in the first ones leg, the other, in her shoulder. or possibly just be the rebound chick?" "Mom... I shoved the cookies down my throat and gulped down the tea in an effort to move things along as quickly as possible. We both stood up, as the moment passed. "Down tiger, there's still a lot we need to do today without you getting all frisky again." I laughed, pulling away. Regardless of everything that happened, her smiles still made me happy... "Aww... But what about back there? "I was on Earth! In a hospital, I saw my parents! They said I was in a coma. They were really here, and I was really back on Earth, I was home... "Go, grab the Spades and get back here as fast as you can." I said to Romie as we both looked on in dread. "...Does anybody have any Grey Poupon?" I asked as I aimed and fired a bullet straight into Harry Potter's chest. We comprised on me getting Winona and Victoria modifying most of the ammo given to me. It pissed me off she probably knew about Romie's condition long ago and decided to do nothing. I put a bullet in the first ones leg, the other, in her shoulder. Like I said before, cupcake stage. I didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know some shit was going down.


"Our first contestant is a wizard from England, he's on team Dumbledore, and enjoys moonlit walks on the beach while trying to stop Lord Voldemort." Suddenly I became very dizzy and my stomach felt like it was trying to escape through my throat. For some reason, I was pleased to see Romie was no different. Please for the love of whoever's out there, let my bullshit snap her out of it, I prayed. "Tell me what the fuck is going on here? Why am I here? What is this place? " "Wait! W-We were part of a larger expeditionary force. Stars... When she got within arms length, she finally spoke. "Well now, Mr. sorry, Harry..." Suddenly I became very dizzy and my stomach felt like it was trying to escape through my throat. Eventually, I walked over, knelt down and took her in my arms. We could see smoke and fire from the buildings and could hear more and more screams as we saw Mamono running, carrying their valuables and even loved ones. The whole fucking family seemed to make Keeping up with the Kardashians look like the Berenstain Bears. His eyes crossed as he stared down Winona's barrel and he started to sweat and shiver with his choices. I'm an idiot but I knew enough about Mamono to know that in her eyes, I was her husband, her property, lock, stock and barrel. At that point it stopped being The Dating Game and more like the time when my folks took me to Sea World and I got to feed the dolphins. I was home. I let her listen for a while, until what little remained of the battery finally died. "Is that so? We will have to address that." She said stiffly. Phil to be here right now. Reloading as I walked towards the stunned monarch, I heard a pop and saw Romie running towards me. A scream in the distance interrupted my musing. I spun around and did a head shot to Robin Hood. They seemed to know who I was, or at least saw that their Princess was all over me so at least I was cool. Rule 3: Handle the rest of the trash after. It pissed me off she probably knew about Romie's condition long ago and decided to do nothing. Anger welled in me as I saw them setting fires, shooting bolts of magic, trashing homes, trying to kill innocent women and children. Hefting up the wizard, I showed him to the slew of cards as they surrounded us. "You've been busy, Donnie." It was embarrassing but I decided to put up with it for the day- being the perfect boyfriend and all. Not that I was comparing myself to a chick in any means, but just for the record, if I was, then I'd be a damn hot cheerleader... "I lied," I whispered into his ear as I threw him at them. Whatever, I thought as I holstered Winona. "Don't worry, I got this," I cocked a grin as I watched her teleport out. Seems they think there's something out there that might be used as a powerful weapon against you guys." "Shut up! Stay back Romie, I don't want to hurt you..." I yelled at her, swinging Winona wildly back


and forth between her and the Queen. "You said you would let me go if I told you!" He cried as he faced the curious and horny crowed of card girls. Way back, when I was explaining to Victoria about guns and bullets, she was very against the idea of creating something that could kill like that. Shrugging to myself, I just said fuck it and threw the poor bastard to them. It was a fucked up way to meet your dad for the first time... I blinked, and time was running the way it should again. I really suck at counting bad guys... A series of steady beeps woke me up. I let her listen for a while, until what little remained of the battery finally died. I didn't know how many bad guys where down there, and more then likely I was in over my head on this one, but I had to do something. The place I couldn't stop thinking about for 3 years. A group of 4 Order Knights, some asshat that thought he was Robin Hood by firing flaming arrows and some Daniel Radcliffe lookalike wizard, were fucking the place up pretty badly. Looking out the window I could see it was nighttime... "You sure now?" I asked as I tightened my grip on Winona. Holy shit, that guy's really good with a gun! Yep, and you can thank all the time and millions of quarters I spent at the arcade for that one. Rule 3: Handle the rest of the trash after. Everything was fuzzy, it was cold, everything smelled like a chemical sterile, it was hard to see. Our Commander said there was a powerful relic in this land, if we could locate it, then there would a chance to turn the war!" "You said you would let me go if I told you!" He cried as he faced the curious and horny crowed of card girls. "Mom... Betray his comrades and live or... When she got within arms length, she finally spoke. "Three... There were IVs hooked up to me, heart rate monitors and some other things I couldn't make out. The doctors... I watched as it slammed into the knight with such force, they both flew from my vision. More Trumparts arrived with mini Queen Taylor Swift in tow. You- you know we'll probably have to make a run to Walmart for some Oxiclean to get all that blood outta of your dress." I stuttered while smiling nervously. I'm an idiot but I knew enough about Mamono to know that in her eyes, I was her husband, her property, lock, stock and barrel. at a cost of $200 plus the two year contract." I grinned, thinking back to the 4 hours I stood in line just to get a hold of the damn thing. "Go, grab the Spades and get back here as fast as you can." I said to Romie as we both looked on in dread. Throwing on my 2-day old clothes, I casted a glare over at my now girl... Everything became black, then one by one... Looking over I saw Romie atop the prone knight, slashing her claws into him over and over again, while bloodied screams turned into faint gurgles, then, finally, silence. no thousands of them, until I landed upon one. The very one that I had been on for the past few years.


"Oh, my baby!" Mom cried as she rushed over to me and took me in her arms. "Oh, my baby!" Mom cried as she rushed over to me and took me in her arms. "Interesting, and where is the main force now?" It was embarrassing but I decided to put up with it for the day- being the perfect boyfriend and all. The Tumpart in front grabbed Harry and pulled him screaming into her card. It pissed me off she probably knew about Romie's condition long ago and decided to do nothing. Both of them fell to the ground crying in pain as they bled from their wounds. Another part of me reminded the same part, that he would have killed me if she didn't. Once he brought that sucker down, it would be the end. Who here can heal his broken heart... He's also had a very recent break up with a Maid Marian. From past experiences, the Dolls have always been a good choice for when I was down. At that point it stopped being The Dating Game and more like the time when my folks took me to Sea World and I got to feed the dolphins. "One." December 28th Romie slowly walked up to the grave and collapsed upon it crying. I had to smile as Romie looked at the device in both awe and suspicion. Hell, what I wouldn't give for Dr. Whole Planets, Suns and Moons flew by me, hundreds... The stuff somehow passes through people, which instead of physically harming someone, it messes up their energy, making them drop like a sack of potatoes. Eventually, I walked over, knelt down and took her in my arms. I gave her some space, let her cry it out for a time. You saved the lives of the villiagers here, that makes you, my hero." "What did I say about you talking like that?" She growled as she pulled me in for a deep 'thank you' kiss. "It sure as hell aient magic, more like Steve Jobs gift to the world... They were really here, and I was really back on Earth, I was home... "Now, now, lets not get personal," I said as I pointed Winona between his eyes, "I'll make you a deal, you tell me what you and your little buddies were doing here and I'll let you go, free and clear. Suddenly, a purple and black blur appeared out of the corner of my eye. I really suck at counting bad guys... ********************************** "Two." When we got there, the Queen had her servants set up a small table with tea and biscuits for us. Potter, what have you and your friends been up to?" I said doing my best Severus Snape voice. My spidey sense told me the person in front of me wasn't quite the same Cheshire that I knew. Her kitty ears were a bit of a challenge to pop the buds into but I managed as I unlocked the device and called up some Goo Goo Dolls for her to listen to. I briefly wondered if this was how a hot, hard to get, high school cheer leader felt after a night with the captain of the football team. Let's just say he


knew a lot of cuss words. ********************************** Time to crash this bitch... "What are you going to do?!" She asked fearfully. Her face scruntched up in confusion, trying to make sense of what I just said, then she started to blink rapidly as her eyes changed back to purple. No matter how long had passed, I could understand that she was still in pain from his death. Yeah, for some reason I didn't want to thank grandma for all this. One asshole down... Everyone was staring at me, but it had been a long day and I wanted to have some fun after all the fucked up shit that just happened. Not that I was comparing myself to a chick in any means, but just for the record, if I was, then I'd be a damn hot cheerleader... She opted for a purple on black dress with a purple bow in her hair and of course no bra or panties. I watched as it slammed into the knight with such force, they both flew from my vision. "You were in a car accident, Son," Dad explained, "It was bad, you've been in a coma for over a month. Eventually, I walked over, knelt down and took her in my arms. "There's evidently an army, west of here, you might want to check out. Who here can heal his broken heart... Seems like they were having quite the party. **************************************** "Tell me what the fuck is going on here? Why am I here? What is this place? " "Times up, Harry," I said as I moved to pull the trigger. "YES, for the love of the Chief God, YES!" He cried. "What are you talking about?" The Queen demanded as she stood frozen in front of her throne.

"Ladies!" I called to them with an evil smile as I disengaged myself from a bewildered Romie. I made my way to the Queen of Hearts, I wanted, no, I demanded answers. December 28th "I've got all day, Harry, but you have til the count of three," I said calmly. "Pardon me!" I yelled to them at the top of my lungs. girlfriend, whatever, as she was adjusting the necklace that I gave her for Christmas, while smugly looking in the mirror. He hesitated.


He hesitated. When we got there, the Queen had her servants set up a small table with tea and biscuits for us. Sure, she looked amazing but I was also pretty sure that everyone in a 5 mile radius could smell us, which is what I knew she wanted. As I finished with the last knight, something occurred to me. I wanted to yell out, but I couldn't do anything as colors and lights shifted before me. In my best game show host voice, I yelled, Turning to the village, I broke into a run. I sighed, there was way too much crap going on to think about... "You're a hero, even if she didn't say it. Rule 2: Hit up the archers next. They tried everything, in the end, they said it was up to you. Exhausted, I drifted off to sleep with her in my arms. That evening we ate, bathed, made love in the bath chamber, had to bathe again, then she dragged me back to her room for more sex. Well, they could at least help me get rid of the trash. "What are you talking about?" The Queen demanded as she stood frozen in front of her throne. "You're a hero, even if she didn't say it. I shoved the cookies down my throat and gulped down the tea in an effort to move things along as quickly as possible. But it's okay now, you've come back to us. Her eyes had the same red glow as I had seen before when she lost it. "Hey," I said as I gently cradled her, "Let me introduce you to a little something from back home." "Please, becareful," She begged as she grabbed me in a tight hug and kissed me soundly. "Our first contestant is a wizard from England, he's on team Dumbledore, and enjoys moonlit walks on the beach while trying to stop Lord Voldemort." It was all a lie. I gave her some space, let her cry it out for a time. Looking out the window I could see it was nighttime... "Well, I guess I'll have to go get my own damn mustard then." I said to the bodies around me as I kissed Winona's empty chamber. She looked at me in recognition, then threw her arms around my neck in a hug. After Queenie and the army left to take care of the Order's Expeditionary Force, Romie came up to me and hugged me again. Sure, we were in that magical, cupcake stage where banging each other's brains out was at the top of the list, but there were a lot of unanswered questions that quite honestly scared the shit out of me. "Y-yeah, just peachy. I briefly wondered if this was how a hot, hard to get, high school cheer leader felt after a night with the captain of the football team. "Thank Maou you're safe!" She cried as she kissed my cheek multiple times, then firmly on the lips. cat... Eventually, after that little nightmare, she lead us to Eric's grave, some distance away. They were really here, and I was really back on Earth, I was home...


Walking over to the wizard, I knelt down and grabbed his face so we could look at each other. "Are you alright, my love?" She asked, her voice once again hollow and filled with a frighting amount of power. At first she was shocked to hear music coming from the small things that I put in her ears, but being a Cheshire, I knew she could roll with strange. it sounded different. Everything seemed to slip into a painful slow motion, there was nothing I could do to stop him. Had I set my watch alarm? No... I made my way to the Queen of Hearts, I wanted, no, I demanded answers. Turning, I saw another armor clad knight, raising his sword over his head to land a killing blow on me. Whole Planets, Suns and Moons flew by me, hundreds... By hooking up with Romie, did I end up choosing a side? Will I eventually do the whole Darth Vader bit and make this a regular occurrence while working for Emperor Palpatine AKA the Great Maou? It was all a dream? Being on a different world? Victoria? Romie? All the Mamono... She was just defending what was hers. Report Story byBonodonoŠ 5 comments/ 2137 views/ 5 favorites Report Story Report Story "Two." "Son... Not that I was comparing myself to a chick in any means, but just for the record, if I was, then I'd be a damn hot cheerleader... Yeah so anyways... I grabbed Winona, and from my bag I filled her chamber with bullets... Seems like they were having quite the party. "Shut up! Stay back Romie, I don't want to hurt you..." I yelled at her, swinging Winona wildly back and forth between her and the Queen. She turned her head to look at me, her eyes still glowing. They tried everything, in the end, they said it was up to you. Peg it on a split personality or the fact that as a granddaughter of the Maou herself, she probably had a shit ton of power and no clue how to channel it. He'd spout some psychobable and all this crap would be taken care of, right as rain. ********************************** We could see smoke and fire from the buildings and could hear more and more screams as we saw Mamono running, carrying their valuables and even loved ones. Suddenly, a purple and black blur appeared out of the corner of my eye. I could hear my mom calling my name and my dad shouting for a doctor. Dad, you're really here?" I asked, my voice strained with emotion.


Turning to the village, I broke into a run. and I meant that literally, because after 6 shots, she gets a little toasty. "Pardon me!" I yelled to them at the top of my lungs. Placing the phone in her paws, I pushed the play button and watched as the fun began. "Thank you," She said sniffling back the remaining tears, as she returned the phone and buds. Exhausted, I drifted off to sleep with her in my arms. December 28th "Is that so? We will have to address that." She said stiffly. I sighed, there was way too much crap going on to think about... "I'm gonna buy some time," I replied as I pulled out Winona. Rule 1: Always go for the magic users first. This... For a split second I was confused by what was going on, then it dawned on me. We both stood up, as the moment passed. She opted for a purple on black dress with a purple bow in her hair and of course no bra or panties. For a split second I was confused by what was going on, then it dawned on me. Another part of me reminded the same part, that he would have killed me if she didn't. Potter, what have you and your friends been up to?" I said doing my best Severus Snape voice. "What did I say about you talking like that?" She growled as she pulled me in for a deep 'thank you' kiss. "Please, becareful," She begged as she grabbed me in a tight hug and kissed me soundly. "Interesting, and where is the main force now?" "Donnie! What are you doing?! Please stop!" She begged. "Y-yeah, just peachy. Romie and I looked at each other in the eye for an instant before we both started running towards the noise. Maybe this was it manifesting itself. I let her listen for a while, until what little remained of the battery finally died. Anger welled in me as I saw them setting fires, shooting bolts of magic, trashing homes, trying to kill innocent women and children. I didn't think she knew, and I didn't have the heart to tell her she just murdered someone... *********************************** Way back, when I was explaining to Victoria about guns and bullets, she was very against the idea of creating something that could kill like that. By hooking up with Romie, did I end up choosing a side? Will I eventually do the whole Darth Vader bit and make this a regular occurrence while working for Emperor Palpatine AKA the Great Maou? "Wait! W-We were part of a larger expeditionary force. In a few days they would all be Incubi and no longer an issue, but how was what I was doing different then grandma Maou? I could say that I was doing it to save lives, keeping them from harming anyone else, but it still left a sour taste in my mouth. The stars warped and trailed around me as I traveled down a tunnel made of their light for what seemed like a very long time. Like I said before, cupcake stage. Her eyes had the same red glow as I had seen before when she lost it.


It was embarrassing but I decided to put up with it for the day- being the perfect boyfriend and all. He'd spout some psychobable and all this crap would be taken care of, right as rain. "Two." I turned to ask the Queen a question but found she had vanished. I didn't think she knew, and I didn't have the heart to tell her she just murdered someone... "Welcome to the Dating Game! I'm your host Donnie, and we have quite a show for you all today!" "I've got all day, Harry, but you have til the count of three," I said calmly. I glanced over to Romie, who was regarding the whole scene with what I could only describe as horny amusement. it sounded different. This... Betray his comrades and live or... "Hey," I said as I gently cradled her, "Let me introduce you to a little something from back home." I looked around. There was nothing I could do if she wanted to kill either of us. Phil to be here right now. Real full metal jacket bullets. In a few days they would all be Incubi and no longer an issue, but how was what I was doing different then grandma Maou? I could say that I was doing it to save lives, keeping them from harming anyone else, but it still left a sour taste in my mouth. You're home now..." "YES, for the love of the Chief God, YES!" He cried. All of their hands shot up as I looked around. At that point it stopped being The Dating Game and more like the time when my folks took me to Sea World and I got to feed the dolphins. It was all a dream? Being on a different world? Victoria? Romie? All the Mamono... I argued that it was the fucking Wild West out there and I needed something to defend myself as I really sucked using at swords, bows and pretty much everything else she had on hand. Taking survey of the premises, she regarded me. It was then the calvary arrived with 20 spear armed Spade Trumparts. or possibly just be the rebound chick?" "Down tiger, there's still a lot we need to do today without you getting all frisky again." I laughed, pulling away. My heart ached to see her like that. or possibly just be the rebound chick?" "I lied," I whispered into his ear as I threw him at them. Everything seemed to slip into a painful slow motion, there was nothing I could do to stop him. All of them were pretty useless right now, seeing as how all the action was over, but maybe there was a way I could make use of them... The stuff somehow passes through people, which instead of physically harming someone, it messes up their energy, making them drop like a sack of potatoes. In a clearing, by a large tree, there lay a single headstone surrounded by blue wild flowers. "Hey though, let's just head home. Whatever, I thought as I holstered Winona.. I wished I felt the same confidence inside as I showed to Romie... Now, I know what you're thinking...


"Well now, Mr. It's been a day. Looking over I saw Romie atop the prone knight, slashing her claws into him over and over again, while bloodied screams turned into faint gurgles, then, finally, silence. Sure, she looked amazing but I was also pretty sure that everyone in a 5 mile radius could smell us, which is what I knew she wanted. "Three... The Order? Wonderland... I didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know some shit was going down. A part of me numbly realized that I had just watched my girlfriend savagely kill a man. For some reason, I was pleased to see Romie was no different. No matter how long had passed, I could understand that she was still in pain from his death. "Ladies!" I called to them with an evil smile as I disengaged myself from a bewildered Romie. Both of them fell to the ground crying in pain as they bled from their wounds. Damn she was hot... Another part of me reminded the same part, that he would have killed me if she didn't. Let's just say he knew a lot of cuss words. "What did I say about you talking like that?" She growled as she pulled me in for a deep 'thank you' kiss. I turned to ask the Queen a question but found she had vanished. He's also had a very recent break up with a Maid Marian. Instead of traditional metal for the slug, she used Demon Realm Silver. I spun around and did a head shot to Robin Hood. I call her my girlfriend but she dosent look at me in the same way. Rule 3: Handle the rest of the trash after. I calmly stood, keeping my eyes locked on hers, as Harry whimpered at her approach. Whispering in my ear, she said, That evening we ate, bathed, made love in the bath chamber, had to bathe again, then she dragged me back to her room for more sex. Everything became black, then one by one... Like I said before, cupcake stage. For some reason, I was pleased to see Romie was no different. "One." "YES, for the love of the Chief God, YES!" He cried. Throwing on my 2-day old clothes, I casted a glare over at my now girl... Taking survey of the premises, she regarded me. I glanced over to Romie, who was regarding the whole scene with what I could only describe as horny amusement. Now there's probably a squeamish few out there that are mumbling something about me killing a bunch of people. Remember when I said I replaced Winona's bullets? "You've been busy, Donnie." "Are you alright, my love?" She asked, her voice once again hollow and filled with a frighting amount of power. "You sure now?" I asked as I tightened my grip on Winona. "Pardon me!" I yelled to them at the top of my lungs. It's been a day. I calmly stood, keeping my eyes locked on hers, as Harry whimpered at her approach. She was just defending what was hers.


"Interesting, and where is the main force now?" "Oh, my baby!" Mom cried as she rushed over to me and took me in her arms. I blinked, and time was running the way it should again. Hell, what I wouldn't give for Dr. I worked, fought and bled for this moment, I had finally done it. Walking over to the wizard, I knelt down and grabbed his face so we could look at each other. Time to crash this bitch... "Hey though, let's just head home. Remember when I said I replaced Winona's bullets? "Shut up! Stay back Romie, I don't want to hurt you..." I yelled at her, swinging Winona wildly back and forth between her and the Queen. "Traitor! What kind of magic did you use on me, you worthless hedge mage!" He spat at me as he struggled to regain use of his body. A series of steady beeps woke me up. I didn't know how many bad guys where down there, and more then likely I was in over my head on this one, but I had to do something. At first she was shocked to hear music coming from the small things that I put in her ears, but being a Cheshire, I knew she could roll with strange. Small specks of light appeared... Well, they could at least help me get rid of the trash. "You sure now?" I asked as I tightened my grip on Winona. He started to cry alongside mom. sorry, Harry..." Suddenly I became very dizzy and my stomach felt like it was trying to escape through my throat. Instead of traditional metal for the slug, she used Demon Realm Silver. Maybe this was it manifesting itself. The things coming out of his mouth, I won't repeat being the sensitive soul I am. They seemed to know who I was, or at least saw that their Princess was all over me so at least I was cool. If not then I use my magic gun here to make sure you'll never be able to move again." After Queenie and the army left to take care of the Order's Expeditionary Force, Romie came up to me and hugged me again. at a cost of $200 plus the two year contract." I grinned, thinking back to the 4 hours I stood in line just to get a hold of the damn thing. "Mom...Dad...?" It was then the calvary arrived with 20 spear armed Spade Trumparts. Good ol' 21st century tech, meet crazy Cheshire. Thank God, you've come back to us." My father breathed, fighting to keep back his own tears. "You're a hero, even if she didn't say it. Eventually, after that little nightmare, she lead us to Eric's grave, some distance away. and I meant that literally, because after 6 shots, she gets a little toasty. Yeah so anyways...


Her face scruntched up in confusion, trying to make sense of what I just said, then she started to blink rapidly as her eyes changed back to purple. The very one that I had been on for the past few years. "Now, now, lets not get personal," I said as I pointed Winona between his eyes, "I'll make you a deal, you tell me what you and your little buddies were doing here and I'll let you go, free and clear. This is all fake isn't it? It's just a dream like before..." I said looking around. "I'm gonna buy some time," I replied as I pulled out Winona. They all paused and turned towards me, confused as to why there was some random guy standing in the middle of a god damn war zone. "Times up, Harry," I said as I moved to pull the trigger. He started to cry alongside mom. Racing through the woods, we came upon a clearing that lead to a small villiage some ways away. I looked down to the paralyzed bodies around me, then over to Harry Potter. Winona was out of ammo, and even if she wasn't, I don't think I could bring myself to raise a gun to Romie. "What are you going to do?!" She asked fearfully. "Mom...Dad...?" I looked down to the paralyzed bodies around me, then over to Harry Potter. Romie grabbed onto my arm and kissed me on the cheek as we headed out of her room on our way to meet momma in the courtyard. More Trumparts arrived with mini Queen Taylor Swift in tow. Dad, you're really here?" I asked, my voice strained with emotion. I blinked, and time was running the way it should again. I could hear my mom calling my name and my dad shouting for a doctor. Maybe this was it manifesting itself. I had to smile as Romie looked at the device in both awe and suspicion. Phil to be here right now. Tea time seemed more like Cold War time, with the fact that there's was some obvious, held on bitterness with Romie and mom. It's been a day. Placing the phone in her paws, I pushed the play button and watched as the fun began. Now, I know what you're thinking... He started to cry alongside mom. It was all a dream? Being on a different world? Victoria? Romie? All the Mamono... But what about back there? "Well, I guess I'll have to go get my own damn mustard then." I said to the bodies around me as I kissed Winona's empty chamber. I really suck at counting bad guys... "Traitor! What kind of magic did you use on me, you worthless hedge mage!" He spat at me as he struggled to regain use of his body. Time to crash this bitch...


A manic smile spread across his face as a shadow darkened us both. You saved the lives of the villiagers here, that makes you, my hero." "Next," I said cheerfully as I grabbed the archer up. Instead of traditional metal for the slug, she used Demon Realm Silver. cat... There was nothing I could do if she wanted to kill either of us. Opening Winona's chamber, I quickly replaced her bullets as I sped onwards, praying I wasn't too late. Looking out the window I could see it was nighttime... A scream in the distance interrupted my musing. I was in a hospital, lying on a bed. The Tumpart in front grabbed Harry and pulled him screaming into her card. Her eyes had the same red glow as I had seen before when she lost it. "Wait! W-We were part of a larger expeditionary force. Shrugging to myself, I just said fuck it and threw the poor bastard to them. Racing through the woods, we came upon a clearing that lead to a small villiage some ways away. "Tell me what the fuck is going on here? Why am I here? What is this place? " "I'd really like that," She smiled. I was in a hospital, lying on a bed. The beats were both soulful and relaxing. I could hear my mom calling my name and my dad shouting for a doctor. We'll grab a bath, some food, just relax and take care of the rest tomorrow?" "W-what happened?" I asked. "I lied," I whispered into his ear as I threw him at them. In a clearing, by a large tree, there lay a single headstone surrounded by blue wild flowers. "Y-yeah, just peachy. Shrugging to myself, I just said fuck it and threw the poor bastard to them. It was a fucked up way to meet your dad for the first time... "What are you going to do?!" She asked fearfully. Slowly they filled the void around me, until I was left floating in space, alone and unable to move. Our Commander said there was a powerful relic in this land, if we could locate it, then there would a chance to turn the war!" "Next," I said cheerfully as I grabbed the archer up. Now there's probably a squeamish few out there that are mumbling something about me killing a bunch of people. I wasn't sure when I would be able to get the damn thing recharged, but seeing her smile once again made it all worth while. "Mom... Opening Winona's chamber, I quickly replaced her bullets as I sped onwards, praying I wasn't too late. Except I didn't. I didn't do anything." I said, embarrassed. I knew she was feeling pretty proud of herself for finally nailing me. I watched as it slammed into the knight with such force, they both flew from my vision. "Now, now, lets not get personal," I said as I pointed Winona between his eyes, "I'll make you a deal, you tell me what you and your little buddies were doing here and I'll let you go, free and clear. Stars... As I finished with the last knight, something occurred to me. at a cost of $200 plus the two year


contract." I grinned, thinking back to the 4 hours I stood in line just to get a hold of the damn thing. "I didn't know you could use magic..." "Go, grab the Spades and get back here as fast as you can." I said to Romie as we both looked on in dread. Yeah, for some reason I didn't want to thank grandma for all this. But it's okay now, you've come back to us. You saved the lives of the villiagers here, that makes you, my hero." "One." "...Does anybody have any Grey Poupon?" I asked as I aimed and fired a bullet straight into Harry Potter's chest. Eventually a smile grew on her face as the music rocked and flowed. She spared a glance over to Romie then to the knights corpse, behind. Rising off the dead knight, she walked towards us slowly, her face and clothing spattered with blood. Exhausted, I drifted off to sleep with her in my arms. Now, I know what you're thinking... A scream in the distance interrupted my musing. Romie grabbed onto my arm and kissed me on the cheek as we headed out of her room on our way to meet momma in the courtyard. "Thank you," She said sniffling back the remaining tears, as she returned the phone and buds. Betray his comrades and live or... "Hey though, let's just head home. Everything was fuzzy, it was cold, everything smelled like a chemical sterile, it was hard to see. I spun around and did a head shot to Robin Hood. I didn't do anything." I said, embarrassed. I knew she was feeling pretty proud of herself for finally nailing me

The Journal of a Connecticut Yankee Ch. 02 NonHuman  

Now there's probably a squeamish few out there that are mumbling something about me killing a bunch of people. The things coming out of his...

The Journal of a Connecticut Yankee Ch. 02 NonHuman  

Now there's probably a squeamish few out there that are mumbling something about me killing a bunch of people. The things coming out of his...

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