ISSUE 5: sonder

sonder sonder sonder

contents page

editor's note

views from the second-floor cafe by maggie tse to infinity and beyond (although not too far beyond) by kendall wack moments of being, with you by louise kim

breakfast buffet by snigdha dhameja

mother’s anthem / two years by anna hillary

shoe stories by sage pantony

blues by jessika fancy

elegy for the boltzmann brain by beatriz seelaender

the city’s ennui by willow kang

drunk hearts, deranged human by subhashree pattnaik

crises

coffee house by adriana beltrano

to the man in the bus depot & why i’m glad i gave you my number by jen schneider if we were an orchestra by priyanuj of different lives by theo dallas sestina for twin cities and a dying mother by claire grace

editor's editor's editor's note note note

dearest friends, readers and writers alike we are incredibly proud dearest friends, readers and writers alike we are incredibly proud dearest friends, readers and writers alike we are incredibly proud to present to you the fifth release of poetically to present to you the fifth release of poetically. to present to you the fifth release of poetically tthemed hemed themed “SONDER” “SONDER” based on the neologism from johnn koenig's 'the based on the neologism from johnn koenig's based on the neologism from johnn koenig's 'the dictionary of obscure sorrows ' , this issue is a collection of dictionary of obscure sorrows ' this issue is a collection of dictionary of obscure sorrows ' , this issue is a collection of sentiments; poetically penned poetry & prose touching on the sentiments; poetically penned poetry & prose touching on the sentiments; poetically penned poetry & prose touching on the intricacies of our lives and the knowing realisation that other intricacies of our lives and the knowing realisation that other intricacies of our lives the knowing realisation other people are living the same existence. people are living the same existence people are living the same existence.

capturing the essence of lives filled with 'ambitions, friends, capturing the essence of lives filled with 'ambitions, friends, capturing the essence of lives filled with 'ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness', it is an exploration of routines, worries and inherited craziness', it is an exploration of routines, worries and inherited craziness', it is an exploration of both the simple and complex lives of twenty of our talented both the simple and complex lives of twenty of our talented both the simple and complex lives of twenty of our talented writers writers writers

the poetically team and i are so grateful to have created such a the poetically team and i are so grateful to have created such a the poetically team and i are so grateful to have created such a fantastic issue and we hope that you enjoy reading it as much as fantastic issue and we hope that you enjoy reading it as much as fantastic issue and we hope that you reading it as much as we enjoyed creating it for you. we enjoyed creating it for you we enjoyed creating it for you.

views from the views from the second-floor cafe second-floor cafe

the sky is undecided and so am i sunlight spills out and clears the way for a wash the sky is undecided and so am i. sunlight spills out and clears the way for a wash the sky is undecided and so am i. sunlight spills out and clears the way for a wash of light blues and grays, of light blues and grays, of light blues and grays, all mixed up this is the backdrop of skyscrapers and all mixed up. this is the backdrop of skyscrapers and all mixed up this is the backdrop of skyscrapers and cranes, the Panera by Yonge and Dundas, the BMV behind it. the heavens reflect cranes, the Panera by Yonge and Dundas, the BMV behind it. the heavens reflect cranes, the Panera by Yonge and Dundas, the BMV behind it the heavens reflect off the glass windows and the people keep on walking. off the glass windows and the people keep on walking. off the glass windows and the people keep on walking

he said it softly, like ma ’ am did: it must be so lonely. he said it softly, like ma ’ am did: it must be so lonely he said it softly, like ma ’ am did: it must be so lonely.

taxi cabs drive by i wonder which ones are heading to the hospital the backlights

taxi cabs drive by. i wonder which ones are heading to the hospital. the backlights

taxi cabs drive by. i wonder which ones are heading to the hospital. the backlights and headlights of cars keep on flashing red and yellow, red and yellow beanies and headlights of cars keep on flashing red and yellow, red and yellow. beanies and headlights of cars keep on flashing red and yellow, red and yellow. beanies and coats, poppies in between paces slow as acquaintances and friends say their and coats, poppies in between. paces slow as acquaintances and friends say their and coats, poppies in between paces slow as acquaintances and friends say their farewells and maintain the moment, step back and forward and back again and farewells and maintain the moment, step back and forward and back again and farewells and maintain the moment, step back and forward and back again and then in a blink i don’t know where they’ve gone. arm in arm without the haunted then in a blink i don’t know where they’ve gone. arm in arm without the haunted then in a blink i don’t know where they’ve gone arm in arm without the haunted house to instigate it. baby strollers, brand name shoes, hoodies under jackets and house to instigate it baby strollers, brand name shoes, hoodies under jackets and house to instigate it. baby strollers, brand name shoes, hoodies under jackets and wool coats after knees. wool coats after knees wool coats after knees.

i answered the same way i did to her: with a small smile, a shake of the head no, i answered the same way i did to her: with a small smile, a shake of the head. no, i answered the same way i did to her: with a small smile, a shake of the head. no, not really loneliness doesn’t have the same bite as being alone and i'd rather that, not really. loneliness doesn’t have the same bite as being alone and i'd rather that, not really. loneliness doesn’t have the same bite as being alone and i'd rather that, is all i'd rather this, is all is all. i'd rather this, is all. is all i'd rather this, is all

a quizzical look: but i'm here. a quizzical look: but i'm here. a quizzical look: but i'm here

it’s true, he is. i’m not. a grimace. i’m trying to be. electric billboards flash with car it’s true, he is i’m not a grimace i’m trying to be electric billboards flash with car it’s true, he is. i’m not. a grimace. i’m trying to be. billboards flash with car ads, clothing ads. the people slip through hidden doors and buy food for ads, clothing ads the people slip through hidden doors and buy food for ads, clothing ads. the people slip through hidden doors and buy food for strangers a pause, a glance at the phone for directions, a resuming of steps strangers. a pause, a glance at the phone for directions, a resuming of steps. strangers. a pause, a glance at the phone for directions, a resuming of steps.

the sun comes, the sun goes, and the city keeps on going the sun comes, the sun goes, and the city keeps on going. the sun comes, the sun goes, and the city keeps on going

my neurodivergence makes me an astronaut, my neurodivergence makes me an astronaut, my neurodivergence makes me an astronaut, inhabiting my personal spaceship inhabiting my personal spaceship inhabiting my personal spaceship with the shutters always drawn with the shutters always drawn with the shutters always drawn to control the stimulation to control the stimulation to control the stimulation occasionally allowing visitors to temporarily broaden occasionally allowing visitors to temporarily broaden occasionally allowing visitors to temporarily broaden the depth of my universe before shutting the depth of my universe before shutting the depth of my universe before shutting them out once more. my brain them out once more my brain them out once more. my brain

is a thick, metal helmet, is a thick, metal helmet, is a thick, metal helmet, and when I venture outside my sweet, beloved ship, and when I venture outside my sweet, beloved ship, and when I venture outside my sweet, beloved ship, when I brave the overwhelming, never-ending unknown, when I brave the overwhelming, never-ending unknown, when I brave the overwhelming, never-ending unknown, it is hard to look past that which exists it is hard to look past that which exists it is hard to look past that which exists directly in my line of sight directly in my line of sight directly in my line of sight and my cherished life of habit. and my cherished life of habit. and my cherished life of habit

therefore, when I get a glimpse of another spaceship, therefore, when I get a glimpse of spaceship, therefore, when I get a glimpse of another spaceship, or of a nomad fearlessly floating free, or of a nomad fearlessly floating free, or of a nomad fearlessly floating free, iii am taken by surprise at the life that thrives am taken by surprise at the life that thrives am taken by surprise at the life that thrives outside the confines of my own, outside the confines my own, outside the confines of my own, and at how life, as I know it, quickly and at how life, as I know it, quickly and at how life, as I know it, quickly extends beyond the limits extends beyond the limits extends beyond the limits of my personal imagination of my personal imagination of my personal imagination and wildly, strikingly grows. and wildly, strikingly grows and wildly, strikingly grows

to infinity and to infinity and beyond (although, beyond (although, not too far beyond) not too far beyond)

kendall wack kendall wack kendall wack

i was never been good at i was never been good at i was never been good at strategy games strategy games strategy games before i met you now, before i you. now, before i met you. now, our backgammon wins are tied. our backgammon wins are tied. our backgammon wins are tied

in the kitchen, we blend in the kitchen, we blend in the kitchen, we blend frozen açaí purée packs frozen açaí purée packs frozen açaí purée packs with banana, with apple, with with banana, with apple, with with banana, with apple, with strawberry and mango and passionfruit strawberry and mango and passionfruit strawberry and mango and passionfruit from the freezer. from the freezer. from the freezer

moments of being, moments of being,with you. with you.

louise kim louise kim louise kim

everything is spotless, and you can thank everything is spotless, and you can thank everything is spotless, and you can thank my compulsive cleaning habits my compulsive cleaning habits my compulsive cleaning habits. everything, save for everything, save for everything, save for a small stain of your blood a small stain of your blood a small stain of your blood absorbed into the hardwood absorbed into the hardwood absorbed into the hardwood from when you laughed from when you laughed from when you laughed at my joke and at my joke and at my joke and cut your finger cut your finger cut your finger with a santoku knife with a santoku knife with a santoku knife while dicing an onion. while dicing an onion while dicing an onion.

but i’m still terrified of the vacuum ’ s roar but i’m still terrified of the vacuum ’ s roar but i’m still terrified of the vacuum ’ s roar and you know this. and you know this and you know this. every other day, you tell me, every other day, you tell me, every other day, you tell me, go into the room and listen to go into the room and listen to go into the room and listen to some chopin on your headphones some chopin on your headphones some chopin on your headphones for awhile i’ll be back in a few for awhile. i’ll be back in a few. for awhile i’ll be back in a few

during the advent season during the advent season during the advent season we nibble our way through we nibble our way through we nibble our way through individually-wrapped dark chocolates. individually-wrapped dark chocolates individually-wrapped dark chocolates. on the night you get off from work for the month, on the night you get off from work for the month, on the night you get off from work for the month, i prepare for you i prepare for you i for you a cup of thick hot chocolate, and a cup of thick hot chocolate, and a cup of thick chocolate, and chantilly cream and a spoon on the side chantilly cream and a spoon on the side. chantilly cream and a spoon on the side.

on our outing to central park, on our outing to central park, on our outing to central park, belvedere castle and turtle pond, belvedere castle and turtle pond, belvedere castle and turtle pond,

tourists and flâneurs amble along.

tourists and flâneurs amble along.

as a worm i counter we laugh

tourists and flâneurs amble along we lean, slanted, on the granite wall. we lean, slanted, on the granite wall we lean, slanted, on the granite wall. you point you point you point out the cloud that unmistakably out the cloud that unmistakably out the cloud that unmistakably looks like a duck and identify it looks like a duck and identify it looks like a duck and identify it as a worm i counter we laugh as a worm. i counter. we laugh.

your laughter is your laughter is your laughter is like being wrapped with warm towels like being wrapped with warm towels like being wrapped with warm towels fresh out of the dryer. fresh out of the dryer fresh out of the dryer.

breakfast buffet breakfast buffet

ssnigdha nigdha snigdha

the morning sends me a the morning sends me a the morning sends me a poached egg sun and poached egg sun and poached egg sun and meringue clouds, but you sit meringue clouds, but you sit meringue clouds, but you sit with an orange in your sky with an orange in your sky with an orange in your sky that turns to mango once it's noon. that turns to mango once it's noon that turns to mango once it's noon.

iii want to see the world from your eyes; want to see the world from your eyes; want to see the world from your eyes; feasting on the fact that you feasting on the fact that you feasting on the fact that you like your toast burnt and I am like your toast burnt and I am like your toast burnt and I am partial to my sourdough but partial to my sourdough but partial to my sourdough but

iii know we both know we both know we both end up with butter on our top lips end up with butter on our top lips end up with butter on our top lips anyways. anyways. anyways

mother's anthem/ mother's anthem/ two years two years

anna hillary anna hillary anna hillary

my baby’s dancing and what am i if not watching through amber honey tired my baby’s dancing and what am i if not watching through amber honey tired my baby’s dancing and what am i if not watching through amber honey tired happy and worried always relaxing into her love it’s so thick my stomach hurts now happy and worried always relaxing into her love it’s so thick my stomach hurts now happy and worried always relaxing into her love it’s so thick my stomach hurts now she’s talking to her bear she hugs him and kisses his nose my whole body screams she’s talking to her bear she hugs him and kisses his nose my whole body screams she’s talking to her bear she hugs him and kisses nose my whole body screams soft melting butter while the two cats watch the rain in sync with the grey and i soft melting butter while the two cats watch the rain in sync with the grey and i soft melting butter while the two cats watch the rain in sync with the grey and i know they’re not anxious until the dog barks the doorbell rings the truck honks and know they’re not anxious until the dog barks the doorbell rings the truck honks and know they’re not anxious until the dog barks the doorbell rings the truck honks and they remember they’re not ancient they’re cats of today even though the a/c they remember they’re not ancient they’re cats of today even though the a/c they remember they’re not ancient they’re cats of today even though the a/c doesn’t work and it feels like 1963 the hot streets of NYC with kids in the water doesn’t work and it feels like 1963 the hot streets of NYC with kids in the water doesn’t work and it feels like 1963 the hot streets of NYC with kids in the water hydrants not the river but from here i see the delta green and boggy shine bright hydrants not the river but from here i see the delta green and boggy shine bright hydrants not the river but from here i see the delta green and boggy shine bright the toothy trail of marsh i’m also a puddle and sometimes i flood so go easy on the the toothy trail of marsh i’m also a puddle and sometimes i flood so go easy on the the toothy trail of marsh i’m also a puddle and sometimes i so go easy on the brine my bloody mary ’ s salty enough the spice is me fire alive and i just want to brine my bloody mary ’ s salty enough the spice is me fire alive and i just want to brine my bloody mary ’ s salty enough the spice is me fire alive and i just want to fall from my fellow stars, fade, flower, grow again and side by side we rise through fall from my fellow stars, fade, flower, grow again and side by side we rise through fall from my fellow stars, fade, flower, grow again and side by side we rise through life as you get bigger I burst in bliss, drown my nostalgia, slump into the gutter of life as you get bigger I burst in bliss, drown my nostalgia, slump into the gutter of life as you get bigger I burst in bliss, drown my nostalgia, slump into the gutter of learning to let go of the grip so birds fly and fish swim rather than dimly caging learning to let go of the grip so birds fly and fish swim rather than dimly caging learning to let go of the grip so birds fly and fish swim rather than dimly caging tthem. them. hem

Pointy black flats with pencil-patterned socks Shiny and sharp Cartoon pencils wrapping around Pointy black flats with pencil-patterned socks. Shiny and sharp. Cartoon pencils wrapping around Pointy black flats with pencil-patterned socks Shiny and sharp Cartoon pencils wrapping around ankles. A statement piece, to be certain. Statement of what? ankles A statement piece, to be certain Statement of what? ankles. A statement piece, to be certain. Statement of what?

Grey runners with thin white laces Sporty black socks Grey runners with thin white laces. Sporty black socks Grey runners with thin white laces. Sporty black socks sprouting out the top Little brown handles at sprouting out the top. Little brown handles at sprouting out the top. Little brown handles at the back and front with which to pick you up. the back and front with which to pick you up the back and front with which to pick you up.

I do not have definitive proof that there are consciousnesses beyond my own, but other people’s I do not have definitive proof that there are consciousnesses beyond my own, but other people’s I do not have definitive that there are consciousnesses beyond own, but other people’s shoes are as close to proof as I will ever get If other people weren’t living lives as rich and complex shoes are as close to proof as I will ever get. If other people weren’t living lives as rich and complex shoes are as close to proof as I will ever get If other people weren’t living lives as rich and complex as mine, I believe their shoes would not have as much to say. Within each person ’ s pair of shoes is a as mine, I believe their shoes would not have as much to say Within each person ’ s pair of shoes is a as mine, I believe their shoes would not have much to say. Within each person ’ s pair of shoes is a crucial part of their story, the piece that is carrying them through the world. If reality is an illusion, crucial part of their story, the piece that is carrying them through the world. If reality is an illusion, crucial part of their story, the piece that is carrying them through the world If reality is an illusion, then I must ask, how did the shoes get so detailed? then I must ask, how did the shoes get so detailed? then I must did the shoes get so detailed?

Black sneakers, white socks Standing legs crossed Left toes pointing at the ground in an Black sneakers, white socks. Standing legs crossed. Left toes pointing at the ground in an Black sneakers, white socks Standing legs crossed Left toes pointing at the ground in an unintentional ballerina stance. Laces left undone. A more casual look I have not seen. unintentional ballerina stance Laces left undone A more casual look I have not seen unintentional ballerina stance. Laces left undone. A more casual look I have not seen.

Brown leather from another generation Ankles close together, toes pointing out Rounded and low Brown leather from another generation Ankles close together, toes pointing out Rounded and low Brown from another generation. Ankles close together, toes pointing out. Rounded and low to the ground. Black wedge heels. Worn around the toe seal. Laces neatly done up, bow hidden to the ground Black wedge heels Worn around the toe seal Laces neatly done up, bow hidden to the ground Black wedge heels Worn around the toe seal Laces neatly done up, bow hidden under trousers Secrets not to be revealed under trousers. Secrets not to be revealed. under trousers. Secrets not to be revealed.

I ride the metro with my shoes on I search other people’s shoes for their stories I’m sure there are I ride the metro with my shoes on. I search other people’s shoes for their stories. I’m sure there are

I ride the metro with my shoes on I search other people’s shoes for their stories I’m sure there are those who search my shoes as well. I can’t be the only shoe-watcher out there. There must be others those who search my shoes as well I can’t be the only shoe-watcher out there There must be others those who search shoes as well. I can’t be the only shoe-watcher out there. There must be others who find them just as interesting as I do Maybe there are others who have even written meandering who find them just as interesting as I do. Maybe there are others who have even written meandering who find them just as interesting as I do Maybe there are others who have even written meandering little essays about them too little essays about them too little essays about them too.

Black boots with yellow stitching around the soles Grey fluff floofing out the top Little scuffs, little Black boots with yellow stitching around the soles. Grey fluff floofing out the top. Little scuffs, little

Black boots with yellow stitching around the soles Grey fluff floofing out the top Little scuffs, little scuffs. Pants tucked into long white socks with blue stripes. A wild choice. scuffs Pants tucked into long white socks with blue stripes A wild choice scuffs. Pants tucked into long white socks with blue stripes. A wild choice.

Only children are permitted bright colours Red runners with penguin socks hanging above the floor

Only children are permitted bright colours. Red runners with penguin socks hanging above the floor

Only children are permitted bright colours. Red runners with penguin socks hanging above the floor on short little legs Red streaking patterns to make them look fast Slip-on or velcro, I cannot tell No on short little legs. Red streaking patterns to make them look fast. Slip-on or velcro, I cannot tell. No on short little legs Red streaking patterns to make them look fast Slip-on or velcro, I cannot tell No laces, not ready for that yet laces, not ready for that yet laces, not ready for that yet.

The shoe story tell about myself will be different from the shoe story someone else will tell about me. My own shoes hold meanings that others cannot possibly comprehend, but others may see things me My own shoes hold meanings that others cannot possibly comprehend, but others may see things me. My own shoes hold meanings that others cannot possibly comprehend, but others may see things in them that I’ve missed For every pair of shoes on the metro, thousands of eyes will glance upon in them that I’ve missed. For every pair of shoes on the metro, thousands of eyes will glance upon in them that I’ve missed For every pair of shoes on the metro, thousands of eyes will glance upon them, and thousands of stories will be told. I ride the train and carry a thousand stories within me, as them, and thousands of stories will be told I ride the train and carry a thousand stories within me, as them, and thousands of stories will be told. ride the and carry a thousand stories within me, as do all others Our shoes carry our stories and act as vehicles to help us gather more, just like the do all others. Our shoes carry our stories and act as vehicles to help us gather more, just like the do all others Our shoes carry our stories and act as vehicles to help us gather more, just like the trains we ride While we may be disconnected by our lack of eye contact, we are connected by our trains we ride While we may be disconnected by our lack of eye contact, we are connected by our trains we ride. While we may be disconnected by our lack of eye contact, we are connected by our shared journey and shared glances upon our shoes. We are here with our shoes and shoe stories, all shared journey and shared glances upon our shoes We are here with our shoes and shoe stories, all shared journey and shared glances upon our shoes We are here with our shoes and shoe stories, all of us riding the train of us riding the train. of us riding the train END

The shoe story I tell about myself will be different from the shoe story someone else will tell about

The shoe story I tell about myself will be different from the shoe story someone else will tell about

tender is my heart tender is my heart tender is my heart on this plate of silver linings on this plate of silver linings on this plate of silver linings

do you believe in us like you believe in the stories of the sky? do you believe in us like you believe in the stories of the sky? do you believe in us like you believe in the stories of the sky?

we float in bodies of water, hung in space we float in bodies of water, hung in space we float in bodies of water, hung in space eaten whole by milky way drama eaten whole by milky way drama eaten whole by milky way drama

my my my salted skin salted skin salted skin ,,, yyou you ou looking away looking away looking away dry days with no end dry days with no end. dry days with no end.

this grief that finds me half undressed this grief that finds me half undressed this grief that finds me undressed behind this towel with a fist full of blueberries in hand behind this towel with a fist full of blueberries in hand behind this towel with a fist full of blueberries in hand

left wondering left wondering left wondering

where does it all go at the end of each day? where does it all go at the end of each day? where does it all go at the end of each day?

blues blues

jessika fancy jessika fancy jessika fancy

elegy for the elegy for the boltzmann brain boltzmann brain

beatriz seelaender beatriz seelaender beatriz seelaender

if inevitably there are two types of people – inevitably because there might be more if inevitably there are two types of people – inevitably because there might be more if inevitably there are two types of people – inevitably because there might be more than two, so i am not being illogical, in fact in my travels i have calculated a number as than two, so i am not being illogical, in fact in my travels i have calculated a number as than two, so i not being illogical, in fact in my travels i have calculated a number as high as seventeen – can one type be boltzmann brains? high as seventeen – can one type be boltzmann brains? high as seventeen – can one type be boltzmann brains?

b

ecause it really is much easier to build a world a brain / than build a brain with a

b because it really is much easier to build a world with a brain / than build a brain with a

ecause it really is much easier to build a world with a brain / than build a brain with a world / it’s easier to build a sentence from words / than words from a sentence / a god world / it’s easier to build a sentence from words / than words from a sentence / a god world / it’s easier to build a sentence from words / than words from a sentence / a god from a prayer / a mother from a daughter / boltzmann from an idea rather than an idea from a prayer / a mother from a daughter / boltzmann from an idea rather than an idea from a prayer / a mother from a daughter / boltzmann from an idea rather than an idea from boltzmann / at least that’s the idea from boltzmann / at least that’s the idea from boltzmann / at least that’s the idea

b b but I got bad grades in physics / still get dreams I’m flunking out / so maybe i’m not

ut I got bad grades in physics / still get dreams I’m flunking out / so maybe i’m not

flying colours / which are really rays of light bent a certain way? / i don’t remember /

ut I got bad grades in physics / still get dreams I’m flunking out / so maybe i’m not getting the full picture / although optics was the only subject in which i passed with getting the full picture / although optics was the only subject in which i passed with getting the full picture / although optics was the only subject in which i passed with flying colours / which are really rays of light bent a certain way? / i don’t remember / flying colours / which are really rays of light bent a certain way? / i don’t remember /

b b but maybe i’m making this up / ut maybe i’m making this up /

ut maybe i’m making this up /

I myself a boltzmann brain / ready and packed like lunch / oh well a moment is past /

I myself a boltzmann brain / ready and packed like lunch / oh well a moment is past /

I myself a boltzmann brain / ready and packed like lunch / oh well a moment is past /

iii did not explode / guess I’m not one after all did not explode / guess I’m not one after all did not explode / guess I’m not one after all

w w wait, but in this scenario there are both real humans and boltzmann brains / so the ait, but in this scenario there are both real humans and boltzmann brains / so the ait, but this there are real humans and boltzmann brains / so universe exists / but some extras are decoys imposing their imaginary existence on the universe exists / but some extras are decoys imposing their imaginary existence on the universe exists / but some extras are decoys imposing their imaginary existence on the rest of us / still, it’s nice to rewrite and edit / in some deeply troublesome sense / just the rest of us / still, it’s nice to rewrite and edit / in some deeply troublesome sense / just the rest of us / still, it’s nice to rewrite edit / in some deeply troublesome sense / just the quiet history, reviewing a draft / a retcon / con of the retinae quiet history, reviewing a draft / a retcon / con of the retinae quiet history, reviewing a draft / a retcon / con of the retinae

a a a cure for empathy overload / because hell really is other people / taken out of context / cure for empathy overload / because hell really is other people / taken out of context / cure for empathy overload / because hell really is other people / taken out of context / but if they’re sprouting out without history / no need to leave the comfort of the but if they’re sprouting out without history / no to leave the comfort of but if they’re sprouting out without history / no need to leave the comfort of the armchair / how much more sense it would make / that hell be other people / too easily armchair / how much more sense it would make / that hell be other people / too easily armchair / how much more sense it would make / that hell be other people / too easily figured out / their words are unconscious plagiarism / their brains popping up in figured out / their words are unconscious plagiarism / their brains popping up in figured out / their words are unconscious plagiarism / their brains popping up in spontaneity like water and salt and crackers / nothing i’m missing spontaneity like water and salt and crackers / nothing i’m missing spontaneity like water and salt and crackers / nothing i’m missing

b b because it really is much easier to build a world with a brain / than build a brain with a

ecause it really is much easier to build a world with a brain / than build a brain with a

ecause it really is much easier to build a world with a brain / than build a brain with a world / but we all live in parallel universes we have built for ourselves in any case / world / but we all live in parallel universes we have built for ourselves in any case / world / but we all live in parallel universes we have built for ourselves in any case / perhaps there’s a galaxy a trillionsome light-years away where brains spontaneously perhaps there’s a galaxy a trillionsome light-years away where brains spontaneously perhaps there’s a galaxy a trillionsome light-years away where brains spontaneously form from vacuum decay / Is that where we go when we die? form from vacuum decay / Is that where we go when we die? form from vacuum decay / Is that where we go when we die?

b b boltzmann’s brain now a boltzmann brain? / RIP him BTW/ he was right all along /

oltzmann’s brain now a boltzmann brain? / RIP him BTW/ he was right all along /

oltzmann’s brain now a boltzmann brain? / RIP him BTW/ he was right all along /

a a about other things others didn’t think true / he hanged himself while on vacation / in bout other things others didn’t think true / he hanged himself while on vacation / in bout other things others think true / he hanged himself while on vacation / his hotel room / idea for a short story / in which the narrator / some random guy whose his hotel room / idea for a short story / which the narrator / some random guy whose his hotel room / idea for a short story / in which the narrator / some random guy whose holiday has been ruined by the suicide in the dwelling / wonders if the man who took holiday has ruined by suicide in the dwelling / wonders if the man who took holiday has been ruined by the suicide in the dwelling / wonders if the man who took his own life was real, even / because maybe he was just an involuntary brain / too self- his own life was real, even / because maybe he was just an involuntary brain / too self- his own life was real, even / because maybe he was just an involuntary brain / too selfaware for life on earth / too inevitable after it’s gone aware for life on earth / too inevitable after it’s gone aware for life on earth / too inevitable after it’s gone

the city's ennui the city's ennui

willow kang willow kang willow kang

today the streets are tiny divinities of their own, today the streets are tiny divinities of their own, today the streets are tiny divinities of their own, breathing mounds of sunlight through lunar slats, breathing mounds of sunlight through lunar slats, breathing mounds of sunlight through lunar slats, into the blue hooves of the pedestrians, into the blue hooves of the pedestrians, into the blue hooves of the pedestrians, their eyes ajar as if bloodless, their eyes ajar as if bloodless, their eyes ajar as if bloodless, sneaking about on reptilian eggs sneaking about on reptilian eggs sneaking about on reptilian eggs

ssshh, shh, not a word that disrupts this symmetry hh, shh, not a word that disrupts this symmetry hh, shh, not a word that disrupts this symmetry between bruising wrath and doleful overdoses between bruising wrath and doleful overdoses between bruising wrath and doleful overdoses

o o outside the marble window of the treehouse, utside the marble window of the treehouse, utside the marble window of the treehouse, look how the bus carries models to the lethe, look how the bus carries models to the lethe, look how the bus carries models to the lethe, how the meditating skyscrapers keep peace, how the meditating skyscrapers keep peace, how the meditating skyscrapers keep peace, but barely, that the slum dwellers can still but barely, that the slum dwellers can still but barely, that the slum dwellers can still proffer rubies to all those beautiful people proffer rubies to all those beautiful people proffer rubies to all those beautiful people

drunk hearts, drunk hearts, deranged human deranged human

subhashree pattnaik subhashree pattnaik subhashree pattnaik

we stumble on each other's heart we stumble on each other's heart we stumble on each other's heart

w w wrapped in silver foils of rapped in silver foils of rapped in silver foils of

a a abandonment and left-over love. bandonment and left-over love. bandonment and left-over love

w w we pick it up, unwrap it, dissect it e pick it up, unwrap it, dissect it e pick it up, unwrap it, dissect it

iiit's either too dark or too bright of all the flames that weren't extinguished

t's either too dark or too bright of all the flames that weren't extinguished.

t's either too dark or too bright of all the flames that weren't extinguished

w w we see if we fit in those chardonnay reeking chambers, e see if we fit in those chardonnay reeking chambers, e see if we fit in those chardonnay reeking chambers,

a a and then we walk over it like nd then we walk over it like nd then we walk over it like

d d drunkards who forget their way back home runkards who forget their way back home. runkards who forget their way back home

b b but then we pretend to get drunk ut then we pretend to get drunk ut then we pretend to get drunk

n vermouth and soda on nights that seem long

o o on vermouth and soda on nights that seem long n vermouth and soda on nights that seem long

a a and we forget our way home again- nd we forget our way home again- nd we forget our way home again-

llletting our desires and yearnings guide us etting our desires and yearnings guide us. etting our desires and yearnings guide us.

w w we stumble on each other's heart again e stumble on each other's heart again e stumble on each other's heart again

b b biting it like we bite on forbidden fruits iting it like we bite on forbidden fruits iting it like we bite on forbidden fruits

a a and our mouths burn as we let out sighs nd our mouths burn as we let out sighs

nd our mouths burn as we let out sighs

o forget the day's agony.

ttto forget the day's agony.

o forget the day's agony

w w we crumple each other with rough good night kisses e crumple each other with rough good night kisses e crumple each other with rough good night kisses

ttto wake up to headache and a heartache

o wake up to headache and a heartache.

o wake up to headache and a heartache.

" w " w "what happens when people stumble on each other's hearts?" hat happens when people stumble on each other's hearts?" hat happens when people stumble on each other's hearts?"

““t “tthey see there the eternal brightness of an escape ” hey see there the eternal brightness of an escape ” hey see there the eternal brightness of an escape ”

existential crises at existential crises at the coffee house the coffee house

adriana beltrano adriana beltrano adriana beltrano

i ask you what’s good here i ask you what’s good here i ask you what’s good here and you tell me to get the espresso and you tell me to get the espresso and you tell me to get the espresso i sit at a table opposite from you and i drink i sit at a table opposite from you and i drink i sit at a table opposite from you and i drink we could be at the same table together we could be at the same table together we could be at the same table together if one of us shifted if one of us shifted if one of us shifted if one of the tables broke matter and warped into the other if one of the tables broke matter and warped into the other if one of the tables broke matter and warped into the other but instead we study in silence apart but instead we study in silence apart but instead we study in silence apart two pieces of an uneven puzzle two pieces of an uneven puzzle two pieces of an uneven puzzle your circle of influence barely overlaps with mine your circle of influence barely overlaps with mine your circle of influence barely overlaps with mine just at the edges just at the edges just at the edges it forms two crescent moons looking at each other it forms two crescent moons looking at each other it forms two crescent moons looking at each other i do not want your life i do not want your life i do want your life but what is it to have it? but what is it to have it? but what is it to have it?

what would it be to jump from person to person what would it be to jump from person to person what would it be to jump from person to person from life to life from life to life from life to life to know your people as i know my people to know your people as i know my people to know your people as i know my people to write your essays as i procrastinate on mine to write your essays as i procrastinate on mine to write your essays as i procrastinate on mine what is it to be born as someone else what is it to be born as someone else what is it to be born as someone else

why was i placed in me and why were you placed in you why was i placed in me and why were you placed in you why was i placed in me and why were you placed in you did we fall into our mothers like stars did we fall into our mothers like stars did we fall into our mothers like stars maybe our souls bounced off of each other and mismatched maybe our souls bounced off of each other and mismatched maybe our souls bounced off of each other and mismatched and now we sit diagonal at our tables and now we sit diagonal at our tables and now we sit diagonal at our tables sipping our disgusting coffees that, apparently, if i were you, i would like sipping our disgusting coffees that, apparently, if i were you, i would like sipping our disgusting coffees that, apparently, if i were you, i would like

only

one of many, i am the least alive. one of many, i am the least alive one of many, i am the least alive. h h half a heartbeat, half a mind alf a heartbeat, half a mind. alf a heartbeat, half a mind.

u u unfinished, my own cecluse, a person, not a poem. nfinished, my own cecluse, a person, not a poem. nfinished, my own cecluse, a person, not a poem

o o oh, to be full! to be cherished! h, to be full! to be cherished! h, to be full! to be cherished!

iii wish my life to be half as rich as a pomegranate wish my life to be half as rich as a pomegranate. wish my life to be half as rich as a pomegranate

iii was pink once, and fresh, was pink once, and fresh, was pink once, and fresh, but my seeds were spilled open, but my seeds were spilled open, but my seeds were spilled open, skin smashed apart for its juice – skin smashed apart for its juice – skin smashed apart for its juice –

iii see the fruit left on the tree, see the fruit left on the tree, see the fruit left on the tree, and weep for what i could have been. and weep for what i could have been. and weep for what i could have been

p p picked before i ripened, i soured my scavenger ’ s tongue; icked before i ripened, i soured my scavenger ’ s tongue; icked before i ripened, i soured my scavenger ’ s tongue;

iiit wasn’t enough, now i poison,

t wasn’t enough, now i poison,

t wasn’t enough, now i poison, rotten enough to scare, bleeding in the grass, rotten enough to scare, bleeding in the grass, rotten enough to scare, bleeding in the grass,

iii am a shell of a woman, a clam torn in half am a shell of a woman, a clam torn in half am a shell of a woman, a clam torn in half to rip out its pearl. he took the world from me. to rip out its pearl. he took the world from me. to rip out its pearl he took the world from me

iii live so much less than strangers live so much less than strangers. live so much less than strangers.

iii dream of all the things i was supposed to be. dream of all the things i was supposed to be. dream of all the things i was supposed to be

b b but time passes, seasons change – maybe i will grow, ut time passes, seasons change – maybe i will grow, ut time passes, seasons change – maybe i will grow, still, into someone real rib to rib cage, bone into flesh still, into someone real. rib to rib cage, bone into flesh. still, into someone real rib to rib cage, bone into flesh

a a a heart is a heart, is it not? No matter the breast it lies beneath. heart is a heart, is it not? No matter the breast it lies beneath heart is a heart, is it not? No matter the breast it lies beneath

a rib, after all only a rib, after all

starlings starlings

olivia heggarty olivia heggarty olivia heggarty

i don't wake up to alarm clocks

i don't wake up to alarm clocks

i don't wake up to alarm clocks these mornings my blue blazer sits these mornings. my blue blazer sits these mornings. my blue blazer sits stagnant in a plastic bag stagnant in a plastic bag stagnant in a plastic bag by the piano. there are thirty by the piano there are thirty by the piano. there are thirty white shirts in another bag - it is white shirts in another bag - it is white shirts in another bag - it is a blackened stomach. mine a blackened stomach. mine a blackened stomach mine is ill, turning like crocheting fingers. is ill, turning like crocheting fingers is ill, turning like crocheting fingers.

a a and i can hear a nest of babies, nd i can hear a nest of babies, nd i can hear a nest of babies, suffering into suffering into suffering into their mother, wet screams their mother, wet screams their mother, wet screams a command to a command to a command to open my eyes open my eyes. open my eyes.

ttthey cry for the sun, for the pain hey cry for the sun, for the pain hey cry for the sun, for the pain of being born too young of being born too young of being born too young in a space too small, in a space too small, in a space too small, rocking in the crib of a mossy tile. rocking in the crib of a mossy tile. rocking in the crib of a mossy tile p p protected, smothered. rotected, smothered rotected, smothered.

iiin three weeks they will be

n three weeks they will be

n three weeks they will be gone without a kiss to mother, gone without a kiss to mother, gone without a kiss to mother, their bric-à-brac beds will fall their bric-à-brac will fall their bric-à-brac beds will fall and break on my driveway. and break on my driveway. and break on my driveway

m m mother will die. other will die other will die.

iii will not waken to will not waken to will not waken to their high vibrato opera, dolci bambini. their high vibrato opera, dolci bambini. their high vibrato opera, dolci bambini

n n now I realise that i am old enough to ow I realise that i am old enough to

ow I realise that i am old enough to call them so to starlings, flight is call them so. to starlings, flight is call them so to starlings, flight is a life ahead. a life ahead a life ahead.

the walk home the walk home

megan gong megan gong megan gong

in halcyon days in halcyon days in halcyon days

staccatos of clouds dotting ultramarine skies staccatos of clouds dotting ultramarine skies staccatos of clouds dotting ultramarine skies when train horns carried on the not-yet summer breeze when train horns carried on the not-yet summer breeze when train horns carried on the not-yet summer breeze you mulled over the final day of your life you mulled over the final day of your life you mulled over the final day of your life

your steps were the swish of down feathers your steps were the swish of down feathers your steps were the swish of down feathers gaze the downcast shadow of sunset gaze the downcast shadow of sunset gaze the downcast shadow of sunset

mister grim reaper failed to frighten mister grim reaper failed to frighten

mister grim reaper failed to frighten

a soul shaken off wobbling mast a soul shaken off wobbling mast a soul shaken off wobbling mast thrust into forlorn seas thrust into forlorn seas thrust into forlorn seas

counted on your fingers counted on your fingers counted on your fingers the ones who would cry “ man overboard” the ones who would cry “ man overboard” the ones who would cry “ man overboard”

one: mom one: mom one: mom

two: dad two: dad two: dad

at three strikes, ideas ran thin at three strikes, ideas ran thin at three strikes, ideas ran thin

heatwaves distorted railroad tracks heatwaves distorted railroad tracks

heatwaves distorted railroad tracks

glinting kindly glinting kindly glinting kindly

a scythe’s metallic scent overwhelmed by gentle spring musk

a scythe’s metallic scent overwhelmed by gentle spring musk

a scythe’s metallic scent overwhelmed by gentle spring musk small kindnesses you yearned for small kindnesses you yearned for small kindnesses you yearned for

cronus pitied cronus pitied cronus pitied

taking your hand taking your hand taking your hand leading you across a bustling intersection leading you across a bustling intersection leading you across a bustling intersection back home where back home where back home where in the distance, in the distance, in the distance, you could faintly hear you could faintly hear you could faintly hear the final day of your life pass the final day of your life pass the final day of your life pass

to pray is to touch you to pray is to touch you to pray is to touch you and i feel heaven and i feel heaven and i feel heaven running my left hand running my left hand running my left hand through your hair through your hair through hair

and like a devotee and like a devotee and like a devotee clutching to rosary beads clutching to rosary beads clutching to rosary beads iii am holding you am holding you am holding you like i may lose you like i may lose you like i may lose you

like sunlight like sunlight like sunlight

threatening to absolve you threatening to absolve you threatening to absolve you like it threatens like it threatens like it threatens to take you from my impure hands to take you from my impure hands to take you my impure

and the only grasp of sacred and the only grasp of sacred and the only grasp of sacred iii have have have is that look in your eyes is that look in your eyes is that look in your eyes and like absalom, and like Isaiah, and like absalom, and like Isaiah, and like absalom, and like Isaiah,

iii am begging am begging am begging and i am unclean and i am unclean and i am unclean and my soul reeks of want and my soul reeks of want and my soul reeks of want of you, you, you of you, you, you of you, you, you and i am holding you and i am holding you and i am holding you like i could lose you like i could lose you like i could lose you but in the morning light, but in the morning light, but in the morning light, this want turns to need this want turns need this want turns to need and you don’t slip through my fingers and you don’t slip through my fingers and you don’t slip through my fingers like i think you will like i think you will like i think you will maybe god, maybe the prophets maybe god, maybe the prophets maybe god, maybe the prophets keep you still keep you still keep you still

and it is morning and it is morning and it is morning and my slate is clean and my slate is clean and my slate is clean and you ’ re looking at me like I’m new and you ’ re looking at me like I’m new and you ’ re looking at me like I’m new and my left hand runs through your hair and my left hand runs through your hair and my left hand runs through your hair and my right hand runs down your face and my right hand runs down your face and my right hand runs down your face and all is aglow, all is pure and all is aglow, all is pure and all is aglow, all is pure and you kiss me like it’s the first time and you kiss me like it’s the first time and you kiss me like it’s the first time and i breathe like i’ve been born anew and i breathe like i’ve been born anew and i like i’ve been born anew

bible study bible study

cora hyatt cora hyatt cora hyatt

porch ponderings porch ponderings

abigail leigh abigail leigh abigail leigh

chin to chest, chest to cement chin chest, chest to cement chin to chest, chest to cement

a a a stranger walking by stranger walking by stranger walking by

e e each stride a thought, each ach stride a thought, each ach stride a thought, each

ttthought a stride hought a stride hought a stride

h h his life moves under his feet is life moves under his feet is life moves under his feet

llleft he feels forgotten

eft he feels forgotten eft he feels forgotten

rrright he believes he must be ight he believes he must be ight he believes he must be

ffforgettable orgettable orgettable

w w what secrets must the sidewalk hold. hat secrets must the sidewalk hold hat secrets must the sidewalk hold.

ffforward back, forward back orward back, forward back orward back, forward back

m m me (alone) in chair, rocking e (alone) in chair, rocking e (alone) in chair, rocking

c c casually in rhyme with his feet asually in rhyme with his feet asually in rhyme with his feet

lllikewise seldom seen ikewise seldom seen ikewise seldom seen

ssseemingly unliked eemingly unliked eemingly unliked

a a a story shared, but unshared story shared, but unshared story shared, but unshared

o o our legs connect, yet never ur legs connect, yet never ur legs connect, yet never tttouch. ouch ouch.

a a a creak, a snap creak, a snap creak, a snap h h he glances my way, away, never again e glances my way, away, never e glances my way, away, never again

ttthinks of me hinks of me hinks of me

jjjust another face to not remember ust another face to not remember ust another face to not remember

a a a moment over moment over moment over lllooked ooked ooked

a a an encounter side-stepped n encounter side-stepped n encounter side-stepped

p p perhaps we ’ ve all been self-erased? erhaps we ’ ve all been self-erased? erhaps we ’ ve all been self-erased?

ttthe sky falls over me he sky falls over me he falls over me

a a as all that will be forgotten s all that will be forgotten s all that will be forgotten

iii, just a speck , a speck , just a speck

fffrom a plane, one of countless rom a plane, one of countless a plane, one of countless tttrees too small to discern, passed without rees too small to discern, passed without rees too small to discern, passed without

c c concern oncern oncern

a a an echo of a memory you can’t quite recall

n echo of a memory you can’t quite recall

n echo of a memory you can’t quite recall

d d did it even happen? id it even happen? id it even happen?

o o only the sidewalk knows nly the sidewalk knows nly the sidewalk knows.

iii cease rocking cease rocking cease rocking

an an and his life strides forward without me d his life strides forward without me. d his life strides forward without me

schneider jen schneider jen schneider

1 :: my ticket was for the no 2, expected to depart at two minutes before the top of the hour. i’ve hour i’ve hour. i’ve always been superstitious & you sat next to the only open seat (a pair of vertical always been superstitious & you sat next to the only open seat (a pair of vertical always been superstitious & you sat next to the only open seat (a pair of vertical hard backs with worn faux leather seats) in the overly crowded & overtly hostile (most hard backs with worn faux leather seats) in the overly crowded & overtly hostile (most hard backs with worn faux leather seats) in the overly crowded & overtly hostile (most routes delayed) terminal. routes delayed) terminal routes delayed) terminal.

1 :: my ticket was for the no. 2, expected to depart at two minutes before the top of the 1 :: my ticket was for the no. 2, expected to depart at two minutes before the top of the

2 :: the room of four corners streamed soap operas. days of our lives & guiding light(s) on

2 :: the room of four corners streamed soap operas days of our lives & guiding light(s) on

2 :: the room of four corners streamed soap operas. of our lives & guiding light(s) on grainy black & white screens in seats at counters on the televisions four squares one in grainy black & white screens. in seats. at counters. on the televisions. four squares. one in grainy black & white screens in seats at counters on the televisions four squares one in each corner. both a distraction & a mirror. life (along with one life to live) – stained each corner both a distraction & a mirror life (along with one life to live) – stained each corner. both a distraction & a mirror. life (along with one life to live) – stained fabrics (& fibers) / sprained (& strained) sockets -- on full display fabrics (& fibers) / sprained (& strained) sockets -- on full display. fabrics (& fibers) / sprained (& strained) sockets -- on full display

3 :: you shifted then resituated your satchel – an undersized canvas, heavy with oversized

3 :: you shifted then resituated your satchel – an undersized canvas, heavy with oversized

3 :: you shifted then resituated your satchel – an undersized canvas, heavy with oversized books – as i turned from the counter & scanned the room. my oversized laced combat books – as i turned from the counter & scanned the room. my oversized laced combat books – as i turned from the counter & scanned the room my oversized laced combat boots less combative than my mood of gray the air (& my hair) heavy of smoke my back boots less combative than my mood of gray the air (& my hair) heavy of smoke my back boots less combative than my mood of gray. the air (& my hair) heavy of smoke. my back heavy of despair depots mostly terminal an endpoint not a destination heavy of despair. depots mostly terminal. an endpoint. not a destination. heavy of despair depots mostly terminal an endpoint not a destination

4 :: is this seat free? i asked as whitney streamed on the overhead speaker “isn’t freedom

4 :: is this seat free? i as whitney streamed on the overhead speaker. “isn’t freedom

4 :: is this seat free? i asked as whitney streamed on the overhead speaker “isn’t freedom relative” you replied & recrossed your legs. i shrugged & sat. you smiled. relative” you replied & recrossed your legs i shrugged & sat you smiled relative” you replied & recrossed your legs. i shrugged & sat. you smiled.

5 :: the television dials rotated. unique stations with uniform messages. abc’s.

5 :: the television dials rotated unique stations with uniform messages abc’s

5 :: the television dials rotated. unique stations with uniform messages. abc’s. assume buy consume aired to an audience of many nations you read hemingway took assume.buy.consume. aired to audience of many nations. you read hemingway. assume buy consume aired to an audience of many nations you read hemingway took notes on yellow stickies. my eyes stuck on the screen. your eyes stuck on me. notes on yellow stickies my eyes stuck on the screen your eyes stuck on me notes on yellow stickies my eyes stuck on the screen your eyes stuck on me

to the man in the to the man in the bus depot & why i’m bus depot & why i’m glad i gave you my glad i gave you my number number jen

i swear the sky turned gloomy the day you left me. i swear the sky turned gloomy the day you left me. i swear the sky turned gloomy the day you left me at 6.33, heard the piano in the living room. wasn’t wrong, at 6 33, heard the piano in the living room wasn’t wrong, at 6.33, heard the piano in the living room. wasn’t wrong, you were playing chopin’s waltz it wasn’t in the same key you were playing chopin’s waltz it wasn’t in the same key. you were playing chopin’s waltz it wasn’t in the same key.

we did our dance routine to presley, pretending to be we did our dance routine to presley, pretending to be we did our dance routine to presley, pretending to be lovers you held me like one does when they don’t belong lovers. you held me like one does when they don’t belong lovers you held me like one does when they don’t belong with you anymore. you were there, but you had left me. with you anymore you were there, but you had left me with you anymore you were there, but you had left me

i still tuned your guitar strings the strings were a bit rusty change them like you changed me change them like you changed me change them like you changed me. you played our you played our . you played our ssunset sunset unset ssong song ong for distraction i ain’t tone deaf honey it wasn’t in the same key for distraction. i ain’t tone deaf honey it wasn’t in the same key. for distraction. i ain’t tone deaf honey it wasn’t in the same key.

i still tuned your guitar strings the strings were a bit rusty

i still tuned your guitar strings the strings were a bit rusty.

never liked blowing my trumpet, but being a psychology never liked blowing my trumpet, but being a psychology never liked blowing my trumpet, but being a psychology major, i read the signs early but foolishly, i dived headlong major, i read the signs early. but foolishly, i dived headlong major, i read the signs early. but foolishly, i dived headlong risking decimation from the hour you’d leave me- risking decimation from the hour you’d leave me- risking decimation from the hour you’d leave me-

to be the air to someone else’s wind chimes it was danny, to be the air to someone else’s wind chimes. it was danny, to be the air to someone else’s wind chimes. it was danny, wasn’t it? aha, no wonder we hadn’t made love in so long. wasn’t it? aha, no wonder we hadn’t made love in so long. wasn’t it? aha, no wonder we hadn’t made love in so long we weren’t in the same key far from a classic, at best a top forty. we weren’t in the same key far from a classic, at best a top forty we weren’t in the same key far from a classic, at best a top forty.

on the 633rd day of playing second fiddle to your affection, on the 633rd day of playing second fiddle to your affection, on the 633rd day of playing second fiddle to your affection, my father said i needed therapy. “ son, to be strong my father said i needed therapy “ son, to be strong my father said i needed therapy. “ son, to be strong is to know when to be weak ” the sky is still gloomy as you (finally) leave me is to know when to be weak.” the sky is still gloomy as you (finally) leave me. is to know when to be weak ” the sky is still gloomy as you (finally) leave me even if we were an orchestra, we wouldn’t be in the same key. even if we were an orchestra, we wouldn’t be in the same key even if we were an orchestra, we wouldn’t be in the same key.

if we were an if we were an orchestra orchestra

priyanuj priyanuj priyanuj

of different lives of different lives

theo dallas theo dallas theo dallas

in this lifetime, in this lifetime, in this lifetime,

i am alive. i am alive i am alive

i'm okay. i i'm okay. i i'm okay i get by fine. get by fine. get by fine (or so i tell myself) (or so i tell myself) (or so i tell myself)

iii busy myself with busy myself with busy myself with work on weekdays. work on weekdays work on weekdays.

i meet up with friends i meet up with friends i meet up with friends during weekends. during weekends. during weekends

iii pick up new habits pick up new habits pick up new habits like waking up at 6am like waking up at 6am like waking up at 6am and leave old ones behind and leave old ones behind and leave old ones behind like waiting for phone calls and texts. like waiting for phone calls and texts. like waiting for phone calls and texts

iii write sad poems write sad poems write sad poems in the time in between in the time in between in the time in between a a and sing sadder songs nd sing sadder songs nd sing sadder songs in the moments after. in the moments after in the moments after.

in another universe in another universe in another universe alternate, parallel, alternate, parallel, alternate, parallel, inverted or opposite inverted or opposite inverted or opposite

iii am happier. am happier am happier.

iii wake up to your voice, wake up to your voice, wake up to your voice, your sing song of your sing song of your sing song of good mornings/afternoons/evenings good mornings/afternoons/evenings. good mornings/afternoons/evenings.

iii stay in bed till 12pm stay in bed till 12pm stay in bed till 12pm (but it’s fine since i’m with you) (but it’s fine since i’m with you) (but it’s fine since i’m with you)

iii write love poems, write love poems, write love poems, sickeningly sweet, sickeningly sweet, sickeningly sweet, and have breakfast at 6pm and have breakfast at 6pm. and have breakfast at 6pm. i still attend ceramics classes i still attend ceramics classes i still attend ceramics classes and make pottery and make pottery and make pottery (((instead of breaking them) instead of breaking them) instead of breaking them)

i tell myself i tell myself i tell myself

this love is more than just existing. this love is more than just existing this love is more than just existing.

sestina for twin sestina for twin cities and a dying cities and a dying mother mother

claire grace claire grace claire grace

in a photograph taken during my first week in this city in a photograph taken during my first week in this city in a photograph taken during my first week in this city

iii hold the train’s metal railing too tight hold the train’s metal railing too tight hold the train’s metal railing too tight to avoid falling into men i already feel watching me. to avoid falling into men i already feel watching me. to avoid falling into men i already feel watching me

iiin a poem i wrote in my first month here,

n a poem i wrote in my first month here,

n a poem i wrote in my first month here,

iii imagine my mother in the same place, imagine my mother in the same place, imagine my mother in the same place, on this train, imagine the way men stare at her on this train, imagine the way men stare at her on this train, imagine the way men stare at her

too i cannot remember when I first tried to become her too. i cannot remember when I first tried to become her. too i cannot remember when I first tried to become her before I moved away, i told people I’d seen cities before I moved away, i told people I’d seen cities before I moved away, i told people I’d seen cities i’ve never visited because i had seen these places i’ve never visited because i had seen these places i’ve never visited because i had seen these places sprawled behind her in photos, before nashville held her tight sprawled behind her in photos, before nashville held her tight sprawled behind her in photos, before nashville held her tight until she’d forgotten everywhere but here. until she’d forgotten everywhere but here until she’d forgotten everywhere but here. i favored her childhood toys to the new ones my father gave me, i favored her childhood toys to the new ones my father gave me, i favored her childhood toys to the new ones my father gave me, and even now i look in the mirror some days and urge me and even now i look in the mirror some days and urge me and even now i look in the mirror some days and urge me away, because, maybe it would help her away, because, maybe it would help her away, because, maybe it would help her remember if she saw more of herself here remember if she saw more of herself here remember if she saw more of herself here in my face, my body, my photography, my writing, in the cities in my face, my body, my photography, my writing, in the cities in my face, my body, my photography, my writing, in the cities I choose for myself sometimes i fear i’m holding tighter I choose for myself. sometimes i fear i’m holding tighter I choose for myself. sometimes i fear i’m holding tighter to her memories than mine, sometimes i fear there’s no place to her memories than mine, sometimes i fear there’s no place to her memories than mine, sometimes i fear there’s no place left in this body for me i am not girl, i am place, or placeholder left in this body for me. i am girl, i am place, or placeholder left in this body for me i am not girl, i am place, or placeholder for girl losing to disease. when i’m done writing her, will there be enough of me for girl losing to disease. when i’m done writing her, will there be enough of me for girl losing to disease when i’m done writing her, will there be enough of me to write? there’s no answers so i grip her hands too tight to write? there’s no answers so i grip her hands too tight to write? there’s no answers so i grip her hands too tight the way i still grip the rail of the train did she find herself the way i still grip the rail of the train. did she find herself the way i still grip the rail of the train did she find herself at twenty better than i am finding myself, find her city at twenty better than i am finding myself, find her city at twenty better than i am finding myself, find her city while running away from her mother’s city, the way i found here? while running away from her mother’s city, the way i found here? while running away from her mother’s city, the way i found here?

iiis there something in myself i should be finding here? s there something in myself i should be finding here? s there something in myself i should be finding here?

iii do not know how to find me or home in a place, do not know how to find me or home in a place, do not know how to find me or home in a place, or, I am scared of finding me, or, I moved from home to find a city or, I am scared of finding me, or, I moved from home to find a city or, I am scared of finding me, or, I moved from home to find a city far from the woman i am becoming so how could i possibly find me far from the woman i am becoming so how could i possibly find me far from the woman i am becoming so how could i possibly find me when i’ve spent this year trying my best to remember her when i’ve spent this year trying my best to remember her when i’ve spent this year trying my best to remember her for us both. on friday, i screamed. my fingers wrung tight for us both. on friday, i screamed. my fingers wrung tight for us both on friday, i screamed my fingers wrung tight around my phone, i screamed at her or her disease because i hold tighter around my phone, i screamed at her or her disease because i hold tighter around my phone, i screamed at her or her disease because i hold tighter to her memories than she does. i try to remember for her from here, to her memories than she does. i try to remember for her from here, to her memories than she does i try to remember for her from here, because i have no idea what it’s like to be her, because i have no idea what it’s like to be her, because i have no idea what it’s like to be her, as much as i write it It’s a lie when people say they would take the place as much as i write it. It’s a lie when people say they would take the place as much as i write it It’s a lie when people say they would take the place of a loved one in pain, or maybe pain isn’t as bad as forgetting to me. of a loved one in pain, or maybe pain isn’t as bad as forgetting to me. of a loved one in pain, or maybe pain isn’t as bad as forgetting to me

iii don’t know if that’s my voice or hers, even with all the cities don’t know if that’s my voice or hers, even with all the cities don’t know if that’s my voice or hers, even with all the cities

and states i put in between us. her voice still finds me here, in this city and states i put in between us her voice still finds me here, in this city and states i put in between us. her voice still finds me here, in this city

she’s never seen her memory echoes here, echoes through me she’s never seen. her memory echoes here, echoes through me. she’s never seen. her memory echoes here, echoes through me.

’ m spreading her stories around like ashes so she never loses her place

iii’m spreading her stories around like ashes so she never loses her place

’ m spreading her stories around like ashes so she never loses her place.

contributors list contributors list contributors list

ISSUE FIVE: SONDER ISSUE FIVE: SONDER ISSUE FIVE: SONDER

s u b h a s h r e e p a t t n a i k s u b h a s h r e e p a t t n a i k s u b h a s h r e e p a t t n a i k

c o r a h y a t t c o r a h y a t t c o r a h y a t t

c l a i r e g r a c e c l a i r e g r a c e c l a i r e g r a c e

o l i v i a h e g g a r t y o l i v i a h e g g a r t y o l i v i a h e g g a r t y

a b i g a i l l e i g h a b i g a i l l e i g h a b i g a i l l e i g h

m e g a n g o n g m e g a n g o n g m e g a n g o n g

p r i y a n u j p r i y a n u j p r i y a n u j

l o u i s e k i m l o u i s e k i m l o u i s e k i m

j e s s i k a f a n c y j e s s i k a f a n c y j e s s i k a f a n c y j e n s c h n e i d e r j e n s c h n e i d e r j e n s c h n e i d e r w i l l o w k a n g w i l l o w k a n g w i l l o w k a n g

b e a t r i z s e e l a e n d e r b e a t r i z s e e l a e n d e r b e a t r i z s e e l a e n d e r l i l y o r r l i l y o r r l i l y o r r t h e o d a l l a s t h e o d a l l a s t h e o d a l l a s s a g e p a n t o n y s a g e p a n t o n y s a g e p a n t o n y s n i g d h a s n i g d h a s n i g d h a

m a g g i e t s e m a g g i e t s e m a g g i e t s e

a d r i a n a b e l t r a n o a d r i a n a b e l t r a n o a d r i a n a b e l t r a n o

k e n d a l l w a c k k e n d a l l w a c k k e n d a l l w a c k

a n n a h i l l a r y a n n a h i l l a r y a n n a h i l l a r y

ffor for or wordsmiths, wordsmiths, wordsmiths, sstorytellers storytellers torytellers & the & the & the poetically poetically poetically iinclined. inclined. nclined.

and the poetically inclined.