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November 2013 RSA

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P

Playbill

This month’s highlights

A

s the end of the year approaches, it is tempting to start reflecting back on the year and compiling those inevitable New Year’s resolutions. Perhaps you have some regrets; perhaps you have some great expectations. At PLAYBOY, though, we like to live life to the fullest, and that often means a mix of indulgence, defiance and decadence. If you need some pointers, start by checking out our Fuck It List and add some new items to your must-do-before-I-die catalogue: buy a cow, take a train ride, hire a butler. Molly, the new designer drug on the party scene, however is not on that list, given what Frank Owen and Lera Gavin discover in their search for a pure version of the newest form of ecstasy. And neither is getting thrown in a Venezuelan jail, like what happened to filmmaker Tim Tracy as the result of that wicked combination of a beautiful woman and a passion for politics. Boxer Héctor Macho Camacho also seems to have taken a wrong turn in his life, ending up dead next to a coke dealer on the streets of Puerto Rico. As his son, Héctor Jr, and his many lovers attest, though, Macho lived larger than life as long as he could. And living life to the extreme is what we’re all about, so we’d put a trip to the Florida Keys and the Greek island of Santorini pretty high on our to-do list, especially if it is in the company of Playmate Shawn Dillon or cover model Katarina Benček. However, if you prefer a more gritty escape, but with rosy tint to it, we recommend our pictorial with Thaís Bianca. Should your tastes veer even closer to the dark side, we have a True Blood inspired shoot from our brothers at PLAYBOY Poland. For more in the line of decadence, we’ve got some pointers on traveling to New Orleans, mixing cocktails with Mezcal, and how to make boring ramen noodles taste divine. Then, for pure indulgence, you need to take a look at the new Rolls-Royce Wraith – she purrs – and the luxury charter yacht, Belle Aimée – totally kitted out for adventure on the high seas. If your idea of the good life is a bit more mellow, we’ve got everything you need to know about suiting up with the right gear for flyfishing. Nothing wrong with a little of that kind of peaceful indulgence either. As usual, we’ve got films, games, music and fashion. So kick back, and enjoy the read.

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NOEMBER 2013


This is the Table of Contents for our Premium digital magazine.

To get the full, premium mag, go to www.mysubs.co.za/magazine/playboy-premium

CONTENTS

november 2013

34

FEATURES 34 Inside El Rodeo

Tim Tracy was shooting a documentary in Caracas when he was arrested on spying charges and thrown in Venezuela’s most violent prison. The harrowing, exclusive story of an innocent abroad by Matthew Ross.

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The Fuck-It List

Who needs a bucket list of things to do before you die when the point is to live life to its fullest right now? The editors of PLAYBOY compiled the ultimate list of the most over the top, indulgent, life-affirming things you need to do right now.

70

Chasing Molly

A new brand of “pure” ecstasy called molly has taken the party scene by storm. What imbibers don’t know is that they are not taking ecstasy at all. Frank Owen and Lera Gavin give us a chemical and cultural analysis of America’s new drug.

78

Macho vs Camacho

Boxer Héctor “Macho” Camacho dominated the ring in the late 1980s. Fans loved the former car thief from Spanish Harlem. But in November 2012, police found Macho shot to death in a car in Puerto Rico with 10 bags of cocaine. Bob Drury tries to find out what happened to the champ.

114

20 Things I Learned in Sex Class

78

How do you tell if a woman is turned on? Just what should you do with nipples? Is one position better than another? Sex expert and author Lou Paget draws on years of experience hosting sexuality seminars around the world to bring you 20 of the most important things you should know in the bedroom.

REGULARS 10

Audience Connection

28

Classic Interview: Jack Nicholson

44

20Q: James Deen

69

PLAYBOY’s Party Jokes

120 Sex Advice: The Advisor 122 Fiction: Sparring Partners by Stu Dearnley

122

146 Women’s Forum: Ménage à Trois


PICTORIALS 18 Cover Model: Katarina Benček by Aleš Bravničar 56

Playmate: Miss November Shawn Dillon

102 Thaís Bianca by Mauricio Nahas 134 True Blood Imagined by Szymon Brodziak 152 Wink: Sofia Clerici by Diego Carballo

134

56

102 LIFESTYLE

84

13 Gentlemen’s Corner: Go Fish 14 Food: Pimp My Ramen 15

sip: Mezcal Magnifico

16 Fashion: Boardshorts 84 Motoring: Rolls-Royce Wraith 88

Playboat: Belle Aimée Charter

94 Travel: Uptown New Orleans 100 Grooming: Movember

PLAYLIST 12

It’s a Mans World: Attack of the Drones

95

Music: RnR at the Assembly and SA Jazz

96

Films: The Butler, Thor; Johnny Knoxville and more

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Games & TV: Batman & Battlefield 4, TV: Almost Human

118

Talk: Devils Playground

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Audience

connection

mansion news

THE STARS CAME OUT

OF MICE AND HEF

Hanging with hef

Crystal Hefner traded Bunny ears for Mickey Mouse ears when Hef took her to ­Disneyland on a double date with Keith and Caya Hefner. “It was a magical time,” Crystal said, “spending the day with my favorite person at my favorite place on earth.”

Stars, jocks and girls in lingerie turned out for the All-Star Celebrity Kickoff Party at the Playboy Mansion. The pre-ESPY Award celebration, thrown by record label Bear Trap Entertainment, drew athletes including John Wall, Hank Baskett and Von Miller; actors Bai Ling and Jamie Foxx; rapper Snoop Lion and, of course, a bevy of beautiful Bunnies. The highlight reel included DJ Don Cannon’s tribute to recently retired Super Bowl champion Ray Lewis and a silent auction of sports memorabilia that benefited the Artists and Athletes Alliance, a nonprofit organization that connects the entertainment and political communities.

RISQUÉ BUSINESS

Remember Joel Goodson (played by Tom Cruise) taking his father’s Porsche for a joyride in Risky Business? The carmaker dropped off a Cayman for a Mansion screening of the classic 1983 flick. In attendance were actor Adrian Grenier and Playmates Michelle McLaughlin and Kara Monaco. Cooper did not peel off afterward in a purloined Porsche.

COOPER IN WONDERLAND

Follow Cooper Hefner down the rabbit hole at the Playboy Club London’s Midsummer Night’s Dream Party. While attending the affair – modeled after the Mad Hatter’s tea party – Hefner spread the gospel: “PLAYBOY has provided a lifestyle that goes beyond sex. People remain fascinated with the brand and continue to engage with it on a global level.”

460, 00+

www.playboy.co.za

We love our fans, and word keeps spreading that our Facebook page is the place to be: 460,000 people like us, and more and more are sharing the fun each day. Join us online and get sneak peeks behind the scenes, find out what’s happening with our local Playmates and Playmates from around the world, and live the PLAYBOY10 lifestyle. https://www.facebook.com/playboysouthafrica

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PARTY WITH PLAYBOY

EVENTS

We are delighted to launch summer on 2 November with sushi, sexy beats, and a chi-chi vibe at Johannesburg’s newest classy venue: OCD. Keep looking for more info on where you can meet local Playmates and the iconic Bunnies. Check our calendar on Facebook Events or follow us on Twitter @PlayboyMagSA to find out where and when the next party will be. https://www.facebook.com/playboysouthafrica/events

PLAYBOY AROUND THE WORLD

In October, PMOY 2013 Alexis Fox attended the Playmate of the Year Philippines Gala 2013 to represent South Africa. Frolicking at the pool, press conferences, photoshoots, fashion shows, and meeting other Playmates from around the world was just part of the fun. Alexis stole the show when she took the Grand Winner: Playmate of the Year 2013 award and Miss Congeniality. Our lovely Miss October 2011, Kandra van der Bank, was also invited to return this year after she wowed them on the catwalk in 2012.

MISS OCTOBER EMILY ROSALYN's NUDE PICTORIAL

Our #1 selling rabbit vibrator...

If you’ve signed on as a free member on our www.playboy.co.za website, you’ll get sneak peeks at the full nude pictorial of our Playmates. This month, the sultry Miss October, Emily Rosalyn, gets her chance to shine in the spotlight.

The Fifi is one of Matildas.co.za wide range of better-sex goodies delivered to you overnight! So... what are you doing tomorrow night? FIFI | THE NEW RABBIT VIBE FROM WWW.MATILDAS.CO.ZA

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Man's World

tech

ATTACK OF THE DRONES Who watches the watchmen? You do, with the latest remote-­ controlled drones. They fly, hover and stream high-definition video footage straight to your smartphone.

1 WATCH THIS  Meet the cameraman for your next snowboard adventure. Pilot the AR Drone 2.0 by Parrot from up to 50m away via a sleek smartphone app while a built-in HD camera sends footage straight to your device. www.ardrone2.com

2 FAR OUT  A drone is only as good as the distance it can travel. The Phantom by DJI Innovations can journey up to 299m from the remote control at speeds of up to 10m per second. Gone too far? A GPS module inside helps the Phantom hold position at your command or automatically return to you in case of communication loss or low power. Strap a GoPro camera (sold separately) to the mount and take off. www.dji-innovations.com

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3 HEAVY METAL  Want a drone with more muscle? The P ­ egasus by Mavrx can be upgraded with up to eight rotors and can haul a 9kg camera. Send it exploring while you pilot it on your phone and watch streaming video. www.mavrx.co


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sip

Lifestyle

Mezcal MagnIfico Tequila’s smokin’ hot sister Everything tastes better smoked. Liquor is no exception, which is why mezcal – the Mexican spirit made from agave plants roasted in earthen ovens – is taking over the top shelves of some of the best bars. Spicy, smooth and robustly flavored, it’s superb for sipping or for mixing in deeply layered

cocktails. We tapped Philip Ward of New York’s Mexican ­mixology bar Mayahuel to harness mezcal’s power for a refreshing cocktail: Ron’s Dodge Charger. An homage to Ron Cooper (car buff and founder of Del Maguey mezcal), the drink is p ­ erfect for toasting with on a starry autumn night.­ ingredients

- Master glass -

Ron’s Dodge Charger • smoked salt • 44ml Del Maguey Vida mezcal infused with chiles de árbol • 30ml fresh ­pineapple juice • 22ml freshly squeezed lime juice

drink styling by victoria granof

• 7ml agave nectar

Stay fresh

Get salty

Bring the heat

Skip the cans and bottles. Taking the time to make fresh pineapple and lime juice is key to mixing a vibrantly ­flavored cocktail.

One part La Boîte á Epice smoked salt to two parts kosher salt, pulsed for one second in a coffee grinder, will add depth to your rim.

To amp up the spice and add more flavor, let six chiles de árbol soak overnight in your mezcal. Strain them out to stop the burn from building.

MEX appeal Three kings of mezcal that will set your ­cocktails afire

Rim a chilled cocktail glass with smoked salt. Pour all ingredients into a ­cocktail shaker filled with ice and shake for a good five ­seconds. Strain into glass and enjoy.

• del maguey chichicapa. The Del Maguey brand is mezcal’s matador; Chichicapa’s earthy pepper and spice make for profound cocktails. • Wahaka Joven TobalÁ. Tangy citrus lies beneath a slow, satisfying charcoal burn, ideal in intricate, savory concoctions. • ilegal reposado. Caramel and vanilla balance the smoldering wood taste of this reposado (lightly aged) mezcal. Rich enough to be sipped neat or on the rocks.

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by tyler trykowski

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photography by satoshi


Styling: Inja Savski Make-Up: Max Factor Hair: Kristjan Skamljic Brows: Beauty studio Prive Assistants: Michal Szelest, L Ramachandran Acknowledgments: Hotel Alexander’s Boutique (www.alexandershotel.com), Mystique resort (www.mystique.gr), Swinging Sunset Villas (www.swingingsunsetvilla.com) Production: STC 2013 (shootthecenterfold.com)

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Photography by Aleš Bravničar www.bravnicar.com

Katarina Benček

The Pearl of the Aegean

Katarina Benček first graced the pages of PLAYBOY Slovenia in April 2012 as their “Dream Girl,” but she was so compelling that they called on one of our favorite photographers, Aleš Bravničar, to shoot her on the clasically beautiful island of Santorini as part of a Shoot the Centrefold project. Santorini is part of an ancient archipelago in the southern Aegean Sea, and it is a dream location for photographers and islandhopping sun worshipers alike. And now, we get to share in the admiration of Katarina’s dramatically good looks, albeit from a distance, too.

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The interview

Jack Nicholson

c i s s a Cl playboy interview by david sheff

Jack Nicholson He’s known as both a rebellious free spirit and one of the greatest American actors ever. Here, at the age of 34, he shows why he was destined to fill both roles. Jack Nicholson is on every credible reviewer’s short list of the greatest actors of all time. Over the past half century he has played some of the most memorable characters ever seen on screen – characters that “stand for freedom, anarchy, self-gratification and bucking the system, and often they also stand for generous friendship and a kind of careworn nobility,” as film critic Roger Ebert has written. Many of the 75 films he has appeared in are among the best ever made, an astonishing list that includes Chinatown, The Last Detail, Carnal Knowledge, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, The Passenger, Hoffa, The Shining, The Postman Always Rings Twice, Prizzi’s Honor, Batman, A Few Good Men and About Schmidt. He has been nominated for 12 Academy Awards (he’s won three) and is a recipient of a lifetime achievement award from the American Film Institute. Nicholson’s personal life has also been celebrated – including his off-screen relationships with actresses Anjelica Huston and Michelle Phillips, among others, his unapologetic drug use and his sexual

PLAYBOY: Have there been any significant changes in your lifestyle in the three years since you hit it big with Easy Rider? NICHOLSON: I’m not looking for work anymore. Work is looking for me. Since my overnight stardom, if you can call it that, I can’t go around picking up stray pussy anymore. PLAYBOY: Is it true, as one interviewer reported, that you smoked 155 joints during Easy Rider’s campfire sequence? NICHOLSON: That’s a little exaggerated. But each time I did a take or an angle, it involved smoking almost an entire joint. We were smoking regular dope, pretty good Mexican grass from the state of Michoacán. Now, the main portion of this sequence is the transition from not being stoned to being stoned. So that after the first take or two, the acting job becomes reversed. Instead of being straight and having to act stoned at the end, I’m now stoned at the beginning and have to act straight and then gradually let myself return to where I was – which was very stoned. And Dennis [Hopper] was hysterical off-camera most of the time this was happening. In fact, some of the things you see in the film – like my looking away and trying to keep myself from breaking up – were caused by my looking at Dennis offcamera over in the bushes, totally freaked out of his bird, laughing his head off while I’m

escapades. A noted sports fan, he is often seen ringside at boxing matches and courtside at Los Angeles Lakers basketball games. It was at a Lakers game that he celebrated his 75th birthday last year. The crowd gave him a standing ovation. Nicholson’s big break came in 1969 when he starred with Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda in the now-classic Easy Rider. Three years later he gave the first of two remarkably candid Playboy Interviews, in the April 1972 and January 2004 issues. It was 40 years ago, just before Nicholson turned 35, that Contributing Editor Richard Warren Lewis sat down with the actor for a conversation that covered everything from censorship (how in Hollywood “if you suck a tit, you’re an X, but if you cut it off with a sword, you’re a PG”) to his experimentation with LSD, while he smoked Montecristo cigars and petted his cat. In the introduction Lewis noted that Nicholson’s eyes were somehow “as inscrutable as the cat’s.” It was an interview worthy of the actor known to be similar to a character he played who says of himself, “I’m just your average horny little devil.”

in there trying to do my Lyndon Johnson and keep everything together. PLAYBOY: You once told a reporter you had smoked grass every day for 15 years. Do you still? NICHOLSON: To a certain degree. I’m a social smoker. But I can go for months at a time without even thinking about it. PLAYBOY: How do you feel about the antimarijuana laws? NICHOLSON: It’s insane to have laws that are making criminals out of a huge percentage of our population, particularly when it’s something that involves morality. I’m old-fashioned in that I don’t want to see the entire world addicted to drugs – like the synthetic existence described in Brave New World – but I think it’s an enormous leap from a little grass to that grim picture. I don’t think there’s anything to prove that marijuana leads to the use of harder drugs. It hasn’t been true in my case, although probably I never would have encountered any other drug if I hadn’t gotten involved in smoking marijuana. But I’m not addicted to any of it. I know when to say, “No more of this.” PLAYBOY: Isn’t cocaine the currently fashionable drug in Hollywood? NICHOLSON: I see it around. PLAYBOY: Have you tried it? NICHOLSON: Yeah, it’s basically an upper, but it doesn’t do too much to me. I don’t 18

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think it’ll be fashionable for long, because it’s expensive and we’re in a depression; whether the world chooses to call it a depression or not, there’s no money around. Cocaine is “in” now because chicks dig it sexually. The property of the drug is that, while it numbs some areas, it inflames the mucous membranes such as those in a lady’s genital region. That’s the real attraction of it. In his book, My Wicked, Wicked Ways, Errol Flynn talks about putting a little cocaine on the tip of your dick as an aphrodisiac. But his conclusion is that there really isn’t any such thing as an aphrodisiac. I sort of agree with him, though if you do put a numbing tip of cocaine on the end of your cock because you’re quick on the trigger and need to cut down on the sensation, I guess it could be considered a sexual aid. And it’s an upper, so you’ve got added energy. PLAYBOY: Five or six years ago, the popular sexual upper was amyl nitrite. Have you had any experiences with that drug? NICHOLSON: I’ve never taken any poppers; I’m afraid of them. Whenever I say that to friends of mine, they look at me like I must be insane, so I guess it’s big in the sexual area. It ups the respiratory system to a tremendous degree, from what I understand, and makes the heart pound. I just don’t like fast rushes. I really know very little about drugs except how they individually affect me.


Turning 35 is a major milestone. It’s probably the last time you can consider abandoning what you’ve started and getting into something totally new.

photography by carl iri

I’m attuned to that because of my training as because you have castration fears. help you understand yourself. Also, maybe an actor, to know how I feel and why I feel PLAYBOY: Can you describe what the there’s the element of challenge. You get into and where the feelings are emanating from. In castration fears felt like? it because you don’t want to feel something is that regard, I’ve had a lot of experiences with NICHOLSON: At first, I just didn’t feel too frightening to deal with. If properly used, acid. too hot. I said to the therapist, “I feel a kind acid can also mean a lot of kicks. During the PLAYBOY: When did you first try it? of fluttering in my genital area.” It was sort shooting of Easy Rider in Taos, New Mexico, NICHOLSON: I was one of the first of like a queasy stomach. At that level, it’s for example, Hopper and I dropped a little people in the country to take acid. It was in alarming, but it’s not terrorizing. Then I of the drug and a couple of guys drove us up laboratory experiments on the West Coast began to get more uncomfortable and cold to DH Lawrence’s tomb. It’s on the side of a about nine or 10 years ago. At that time, I in that area. At one point, I came back to mountain and there’s this great huge granite was a totally adventurous actor looking for consciousness screaming at the top of my tomb where his wife is buried. Lawrence experience to put in his mental filing cabinet lungs till I had no more breath to exhale. I is indoors in a kind of crypt. When we got for later contributions to art. I was very thought I’d have to try to remedy this genital up there, we were just starting to come on. curious about LSD. Some of the people I knew discomfort myself by cutting my cock off. I got The sun was going down. Dennis and I get were in therapy with it. I went to downtown into interpreting that psychologically with the very sentimental about each other at these LA and took it one afternoon. I spent five therapist, what it meant, and he said it related moments; we love to cry about old times and hours with a therapist and about five more at to homosexual fears. It was really a kind of talk about how it’s gonna be. So we were up home in the later stages of it. I hallucinated a paranoia. The drug just aggravated it. Taught there rapping about DH Lawrence and how lot, primarily because of the way the therapist me a lot about myself. beautiful it was. We decided we were going structured it. He put a blindfold on me, PLAYBOY: Have you dropped much acid to sit on the tomb with DH. From then on, which makes you much more introspective, since then? this was where we were going to make our gives you more dreamlike stand in life, and if imagery. Imagine what they wanted to go on Some of the things you see in [the fire scene in Easy acid is like when you with the movie, they’d Rider] – like my looking away and trying to keep know nothing about it. You have to come here myself from breaking up – were caused by my looking think it’s going to be like and get us, ’cause this at Dennis [Hopper] off-camera over in the bushes, getting stoned on grass, was where we were totally freaked out of his bird, laughing his head off which I had done. But all and this was where while I’m in there trying to do my Lyndon Johnson of your conceptual reality we’d be. We looked at and keep everything together. gets jerked away and there trees and talked about are things in your mind art and the nature that have in no way been of genius and asked suggested to you: such as you’re going to NICHOLSON: Some, but not as much ourselves why people couldn’t be more open. see God; or watch sap streaming through as most of the people I know. I still take it After a while, the guys in the van came back the leaves of trees; or you’re going to feel occasionally, but I have a certain awe of it. to get us. the dissolving of certain bodily parts; you’re PLAYBOY: What makes you persist? PLAYBOY: We heard you were equally going to re-experience your own birth, which NICHOLSON: Once you’ve related to acid, into the part for the scene in Five Easy Pieces I did on my first acid trip; you’re going to be there are certain things you perceive that in which you’re confronted with a sullen frightened that your prick might be cut off, would be impossible otherwise – things that waitress.

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Feature inside el rodeo

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inside e l rodeo

On 24 April 2013, Venezuelan president Nicolรกs Maduro ordered the arrest of American filmmaker Tim Tracy in Caracas on terrorism and spying charges. Tracy was sent to one of the most violent prisons on earth. Was he a spy? Would he get out alive?

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s e m a J een D makes o h w r r n sta oon an d o p e h h e’s t wom en sw s u you ng of u s j ealo t s th e r e

Q1

Playboy: From the outside, being a porn actor seems like a dream job. Scare us straight. Tell us why it’s not as awesome as we think it is. DEEN: Sorry, it really is the most awesome job ever. I guess if you hate sex and don’t want a nice laid-back career that lets you make your own rules and you need that corporate structure, it could be a drag. But I enjoy my job and I enjoy the sex part of my job, and I enjoy being able to work as much or as little as I want. It’s kind of amazing.

q2 Playboy: You don’t have one horror story? Even a painful groin pull from having too much sex? DEEN: I never understood the complaint “Porn isn’t as easy as it looks. It’s really physically taxing.” What’s so wrong with doing some physical activity? Is that a problem? Sure, the hours can be long, and like any job it can be grueling at times. But you’re getting paid to have sex. That’s cool any way you slice it. I imagine if Michael Phelps hated swimming he probably wouldn’t be an Olympic champion. If you don’t like having sex every day, all the time, porn is probably the wrong career path for you.

by eric spitznagel photography by f scott schafer

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Feature FUCK IT

The

FUCK IT List

Ditch the bucket list of things you want to do before you die. Our guide to 19 achievable 足aspirations will make you feel gloriously alive by the editors of playboy illustrations by zach meyer

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Drive a Ferrari Like an Italian ____________________________________________ Spending six figures on a Ferrari is a distant dream for most guys; the reality of a 400-horsepower beauty idling in rush-hour traffic is a distinct bummer. To affordably and unforgettably experience the automotive quintessence of la dolce vita, spend your next vacation in northern Italy, where at Push Start Maranello you can drive a Ferrari the way it was meant to be driven. For R4,500 you get a Ferrari F430 Spider and 60 minutes of drive time in the Italian countryside. www.pushstart.it

Train to Be an Astronaut

Book a R50,000 flight on Zero Gravity Corporation’s modified Boeing 727 to experience the closest thing to weightlessness without a rocket. This is the same company NASA uses to train spaceflight crews, so you know it’s the real deal. www.gozerog.com

Here’s one story you won’t want to stay in Vegas: You deejayed TAO nightclub at the Venetian, the same venue that globe-­trotting artists Steve Aoki and DJ Vice have played. It’s a brag-­worthy experience you can claim as your own – no experience necessary. For R250,000 (plus a private-event rental fee), a resident DJ will give you a lesson in how to work the decks and build a perfect set list. When you take the stage, your set will be accompanied by a synchronized audiovisual production complete with lights and lasers. www.taolasvegas.com

Adopt a Kobe Cow

3. Make

Your Own Wine

You don’t need to be Francis Ford Coppola to realize the gentlemanly dream of p ­ roducing your own wine. For as little as R50,000 you could oversee the making and bottling of a barrel of wine (that’s 300 bottles) through the Sonoma-based Wine Foundry. Consult with staff winemakers and designers on everything from ­selecting a vineyard and a varietal to creating a label and marketing your creation. With the trained pros at your back, the hardest part will be coming up with a name for your wine. www.thewinefoundry.com

DEEJAY a Vegas NightClub

The big-shot move of ordering a massive T-bone at a steakhouse is nothing compared with owning the whole damned cow. If you lived in the US, True Grass Farms in n ­ orthern California raises organic grass-fed wagyu cattle and will sell you all 160kg of the finely marbled beef broken down into steaks, roasts and h ­ umble cuts for R38,000. If you don’t have a walk-in meat locker or enough friends to divvy up the spoils, opt for the more apartment-dweller-friendly 10kg “urban share” for R3,150. www.truegrassfarms.com

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Shawn Dillon

Miss November

PHOTOGRAPHY BY TONY KELLY

Grab your rod and reel and climb aboard. You’re gonna fall for Miss November – hook, line and sinker. That time of year is approaching – the time for tropical islands, surfing, cold beer, beautiful women and adventure on the high seas. For a dynamite first mate with curves like the hull of a racing yacht (as Hemingway would put it), look no further than our Miss November Shawn Dillon. “I’m a mermaid who loves being by the water more than anything,” says the searingly hot 27-year-old from Florida. Shawn is a surfer, a certified scuba diver and an avid wakeboarder. Naturally she loved shooting this pictorial in the Florida Keys; however, she had one tiny worry: “Being naked feels completely natural to me, but I kept looking around and thinking, Um, is somebody gonna call the Coast Guard on us?”

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molly test number one

by frank owen, with lera gavin illustration by satoshi

Chasing Molly The capsules appear so enticing, filled with the promise of thrills, joy, human enlightenment. So what exactly is inside? The dark truth behind today’s drug du jour, molly.

The mystery powder in the clear capsule cost $10, a dead giveaway it wasn’t the substance the dope peddler was claiming it was. Nobody sells the real deal for that price. Examining it under the light, one could see yellowish rice-shaped crystals shifting around inside the halffilled capsule. It didn’t even look like the genuine article. “How many do you want?” asked Fernando, a stubby drug dealer with chubby hamster cheeks and a neatly trimmed goatee. “Just one. Are you sure this is real?” “Don’t worry, this shit is fire,” he said. On a drug-fogged night in late August, I found myself surrounded by a young crowd at a party in South Beach. While New Order’s “Blue Monday” played in the background, I was trying to ignore the loud conversation going on around me so I could focus on my mission: the hunt for the magic molecule called molly – the supposedly purer, allegedly more potent crystalline form of a drug that used to be called ecstasy (or MDMA). Just as methamphetamine was nicknamed “tina” to appeal to a more upmarket crowd, molly is simply ecstasy rebranded with a cute girl’s name, the better to sell it to a new generation. Contrary to what many users believe, molly is not a new drug (night crawlers were snorting powdered MDMA as far back as the early 1980s), and the form the drug takes (pills, powder, capsules) has little bearing on its purity, as I was about to find out.

Why molly now? Why all the fuss about a drug that under different names has been a dance club staple for three decades? Not that I intended to consume the product. The last time I took what I was told was pure MDMA, the active ingredient in molly, it turned out to be methamphetamine, and I spent an uncomfortable New Year’s Eve grinding my teeth and twitching like Captain Jack Sparrow. What I intended to do was gather samples and test them with an over-thecounter drug-screening kit to see what was

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Feature it's macho time

MACHO by bob drury

VS

CAMACHO

Héctor “Macho” Camacho slugged his way to fame but couldn’t shake the life that led to his murder.

“Always like this?”

where the Bruckner Expressway runs up to the Throgs Neck. Shake their heads and laugh at the madness. She snaps half a dozen shots of the Beemer, says, “No cortege like I’ve ever been in.” Last night she’d staked out St Cecilia’s for the public viewing. Bitter November wind whipping off the East River as Macho’s body rolled down 106th Street in a glass carriage pulled by two white stallions. Showman to the end. Coffin draped in the Puerto Rican flag, his three championship belts polished for the occasion. Four, five deep on the sidewalks, the roses of Spanish Harlem all weeping. Jennifer, all the cameras, hoping for a scene like the one a few days earlier at the wake in Puerto Rico. Open casket, the mortician having spackled over the bullet hole in Macho’s head. One of Macho’s girlfriends on the receiving line bent and kissed the waxy corpse on the lips. That set off another girlfriend, and they got into a brawl right there in the chapel. In New York they knew enough to keep all the girlfriends separated. Back on the Hutch a dozen or so Harleys blow past me,

photos by afp

“Dunno,” I say. “He only died once.” I downshift from sixth, fishtailing at 60 into the turn off First Avenue onto the Willis Avenue Bridge. A black Ford SUV blaring salsa almost clips me as it screams past in the bus lane. Teenager, white Kangol pulled tight, leans out the back window and pumps his fists to the bomba beat. Screams, “It’s Macho time.” She says, “I mean the… whatchacallit?” “Cortege.” I count at least 100 vehicles. “Yeah. Funeral cortege.” Jennifer is her name. Young, cute. Photographer for one of the tabloids. Asked for a lift from the church in Spanish Harlem to the graveyard in the Bronx, Héctor “Macho” Camacho’s final resting place. The record of his life gilded in fable and sentiment. “What time is it?” he’d ask. “Macho time!” his Greek chorus would answer. Sure is now. Jennifer lifts her Leica, dented lens, points at a rustorange BMW doing 70 as it noses between me and the Ford. Puerto Rican flags fly from all four windows. Uniformed NYPD cops hold cross traffic at the light

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B

HUGH HEFNER’S PL AYBOY YOU CAN READ THE INSIDE STORY OF A DREAM THAT CAME TRUE AND A TRUTH THAT ALTERED THE COURSE OF AMERICAN LIFE. HUGH HEFNER’S PLAYBOY IS A SIXVOLUME, 3,506-PAGE MAGNUM OPUS EXQUISITELY BOUND AND COLLECTED IN A BRILLIANT PLEXIGLAS CASE.

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Follow Hugh Hefner’s legacy from his schooldays on the Northwest Side of Chicago to the salad days of Holmby Hills. Featuring hundreds of never-before-seen photos, personal artworks and drawings, this is the most comprehensive Playboy book ever assembled. Edited and with an intro by Hugh M. Hefner. Also included is a facsimile of the first issue. Available only in a limited signed edition of 1,500, this is the ultimate Playboy book. Published by Taschen. French, German and Spanish translations included. ISBN: 978-3-8228-2613-3. 31 Contact playboystore.com to order your hardcover, in a box. 3,506 pages. 8.8" x 12.3". November NOEMBER 2013 2013

3


Lifestyle

MOTORING

Wraith Of Ecstasy The Most Powerful Rolls-Royce Ever by michael lockhart

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W

hile a recent trip to China highlighted the next generation of British luxury in the Bentley, there is no question that the UK is now home to yet another credible scene-stealer from the House of Rolls-Royce: introducing the Wraith, the most powerful Rolls-Royce in company history. Unveiled in March at the Geneva Motor Show, the Wraith is classic Rolls design, with a dedicated mission to capture the dark

imagination of those who dare to get behind the wheel. “Hauntingly beautiful” was the initial reaction upon seeing this vehicle up close; visceral, sensual and most definitely a powerful presence. Christened in the likeness of Charles Stewart Rolls, the namesake purveyor of the company’s hallmark Spirit of Ecstasy, the Wraith embodies refinement, luxury, and class while providing a dramatic injection of mysterious au noir that engages the

audience with an aura of somber ancient ascendancy. While essentially a coupe version of the Ghost – though Rolls has discreetly not promoted this fact – this gran turismo contains a massive 12-cylinder engine in “V” configuration mated to an 8-speed automatic ZF transmission producing an extremely powerful 624hp, a noticeable 60 plus additional horses than seen on the current Ghost model.

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Lifestyle

playboat

Depth Charter Not all yachting fantasies are made up of pale-blue waters, bronzed and leggy models, white-wine spritzers, and making port in Monte Carlo. There are seven oceans to explore – with far off atolls, caverns and bays that beckon as does the wide horizon before the stern. And waters that are as deep as they are wide offer more than just a pretty façade. With the right vessel, no place is hidden – every cove and reef, as above then so below. The Belle Aimée floats off the New Zealand coast, awaiting such an opportunity to venture out.

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Built in 2010, and refitted in 2013, by Dutch shipyard Amels, the Belle Aimée is a charter motor yacht specified for dive, adventure, and educationally-focused expeditions. The recent upgrade equipped the 52m yacht with a state-of-the-art dive centre, wet lab, and an impressive selection of diving gear and water toys for aquatic exploration and tomfoolery alike. More than that, the Belle Aimée is a bone fide voyager and has an experienced crew of 13 who can provide customized itineraries for off-shore exploration, including New Zealand’s protected waterways. Make no mistake, though, while Amels have upgraded the Belle Aimée with all the tech and amenities needed for diving and discovery, she is still a luxury motor yacht. The 2013 upgrade included a new and exquisite interior and A/V system, complete with all the electronic entertainment one could want at the bottom of the South Pacific, such as the 3,000 films available on the media system. On the surface, the Belle Aimée comes with an expansive sun deck, one that would not look out of place on a much larger yacht, a games table and a spa pool.

Belle Aimée

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NOEMBER 2013


sin cit y

UPTOWN NEW ORLEANS

T

here comes a time in a man’s life when he puts away childish things. In New Orleans that means no more hurricanes at Pat O’Brien’s and no more drunken Lucky Dogs at the break of dawn. New Orleans is best enjoyed as a place for refined hedonism. Forgo the usual French Quarter tourist spots and explore less-travelled destinations. The best time to visit the Crescent City is in January/ February: The weather is mild and the crowds are scarce, which means you can get a table at such extraordinary restaurants as August, Brigtsen’s and

You think you only want to visit New Orleans for Mardi Gras or Jazz Fest? Think again and consider doing America’s most decadent city like a gentleman: go early, go elegant. GW Fins – or enjoy a quiet pint uptown at the Columns Hotel. For the first time since Hurricane Katrina, Louisiana oysters are returning to form. Enjoy half shell while standing at the bar at Felix’s. In the city that invented the cocktail, there is no excuse for not enjoying a sazarac or two, our favourite place to do so is Sylvain (above), but don’t overlook chef Alex Harrell’s food, which artfully blends Southern and Mediterranean influences. It’s worth a cab ride uptown to have an aperitif at Cure, one of the city’s more stylish lounges. Thanks to post-Katrina rebuilding, the city now has more new hotel rooms than ever before. The way to go is elegant. Stay at the Maison Orleans, a luxurious boutique hotel housed within the RitzCarlton. If you’re looking for a more romantic and intimate setting, check out Audubon Cottages (below). With seven secluded cottages and an on-site butler, this historic property offers the ultimate in service (and discretion). What better way to enjoy yourself in the city that care forgot?

illustration by michael frith

travel

THE NEW PO’BOY Three places to eat the new and improved sandwich.

Cochon Butcher Make sure to visit Donald Link’s Warehouse District sandwich shop (far left). The muffuletta with housecured meats is essential. Go late to avoid lines. Killer Poboys You’ll find the world’s best (and perhaps only) lamb sausage po’boy in the back room of the Erin Rose Bar at 881 Conti Street. Grand Isle The duck debris po’boy is a satisfying homage to a classic.

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PLAYLIST

films

Must-See Movie

THE BUTLER

Set against the tumultuous political backdrop of the 20th century America, Academy Award nominated director Lee Daniels’ (Precious) epic drama tells the story of fictional White House butler Cecil Gaines (Forest Whitaker), who serves during seven presidential administrations between 1957 and 1987. The film is inspired by Wil Haygood’s 2008 Washington Post article “A Butler Well Served by This Election” which chronicled the real life of former White House butler Eugene Allen. The film begins in 1926 and follows a young Cecil as he escapes the tyranny of the fiercely segregated South in search of a better life. Along his arduous journey to manhood, Cecil learns invaluable skills that ultimately lead to an opportunity of a lifetime; a job as a butler at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. There, Cecil becomes a first-hand witness to history and the inner workings of the Oval Office as the civil rights movement unfolds. At home, his loving wife Gloria (Oprah Winfrey) raises their two sons, and the family benefits from a comfortable middle-class existence enabled by Cecil’s White House position. But Cecil’s commitment to his “First Family” fosters tensions at home, alienating Gloria and creating conflict with his anti-establishment son (David Oyelowo). Through the eyes and emotions of the Gaines family, Daniels’ film follows the changing tides of American politics and race relations; from the assassinations of John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King, to the Freedom Riders and Black Panther movements, to the war in Vietnam and the Watergate scandal, Cecil experiences the effects of these events as both insider and a family man. With an incredible supporting cast that includes Yaya Alafia, Mariah Carey, John Cusack, Jane Fonda, Cuba Gooding Jr, Terrence Howard, Elijah Kelley, Minka Kelly, Lenny Kravitz, James Marsden, Alex Pettyfer, Vanessa Redgrave, Alan Rickman, Liev Schreiber and Robin Williams, Lee Daniels’ The Butler is a story about the resilience of one man, the growth of a nation, and the power of family. The Butler opens 8 November.

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www.facebook.com/CoronaSouthAfrica

www.cksa.co.za

CHICA HORIZONTAL.indd 1

NOEMBER 2013

14/03/12 10:47


grooming

mo st yle

Leave your lady tickled pink.

The greater the curl, the greater her pleasure.

On your marks. Get set. Mo!

Styled for good clean fun.

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Wine her, dine her, make her feel finer.

If Mos could talk, this one would speak in tongues.

Fly first class with ext

Who’s been a n


Getting Fugly for a Good Cause

Through the power of the moustache, Movember has become a global month-long awareness campaign to alert men to the issue of prostate cancer and prevention. It is literally changing the face of men's health. Last year, PLAYBOY South Africa along with Y&R Cape Town launched a campaign – “It’s not the size that matters, it’s the motion of the mo” – offering men some ideas on stylish (or notso-stylish) mo’s to aspire to, and the benefits each one might offer their partner. Have a look-see at some of our favorites then get involved, grow a mo, have some fun and help raise funds. Go to za.movember.com Thanks to Y&R Cape Town Chief Creative Officer: Graham Lang Copywriters: Werner Marais / Tyler Botha Art Director: Brinke van Zyl Designer: Rowan Foxcroft

tra thrills and frills.

naughty girl?

if YOU DON’T LiKE OUR MOUSTACHES WE DON’T LiKE YOUR LAWS

Give your lady some of that Eastern

There’s no beating around the bush with this Mo.

magic.

A true player always lets the lady come first.

Hang on

baby, it’s going

to be a bumpy ride.

All the better to eat her with.

Set a course for pleasure island.


Thaís Bianca photography by mauricio nahas

Thaís Bianca isn’t afraid of much. And she certainly isn’t afraid of scorpions, some of the most feared creatures that feature in a number of myths across time and culture and the star sign of the zodiac for most of November. Thaís Bianca is a Brazilian model and celebrity, best known for being a “Panicat” – a stage dancer on a Brazilian comedy TV show. And, with her hair (yes, all of it) dyed hot pink, her flawless curves and the relaxed way she responds to the camera amidst what looks like a post-apocalyptic setting, you can see this woman is on fire. As she sets the pages of PLAYBOY alight with her rendition of la vie en rose, we suggest you prepare for some heart palpitations. Check out behind the scenes video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hf8a1Wu7a8

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NOEMBER 2013


FEATURE

sex ed

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20 by lou paget illustration by istvan banyai

Things I Learned

in Sex Class ( T h e

O n e

I

T e ach )

For the past seven years, I have hosted sold-out sexuality seminars in cities around the world. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a woman (less-threatening?), because I have written two best-selling sex manuals (one for men, one for women) or because I arrive with a Tumi bag filled with sex toys, but everyone seems eager to share their experiences. PLAYBOY asked me to document what I’ve learned from my thousands of students.

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e d

-

g

-

r

t

h -

e s e

e

t

ADVISOR ADVISOR

TOMER HANUKA

r

PLAYBOY

I weighed 300 pounds my doctor told me I wa step away from a heart a changed what I eat. Eve out working out, I have lost 60 pounds and one three chins. How do I when to stop? I’m five-f Is there a technical asse of my ideal weight, or do Sendgoing your questions until I’m satisfie to advisor@playboy. what I see in the mirror co.za. We’ll getimagining the would I be th mostl bestI inthought the fieldcertain, to weregreat making eye givewomen you some lately? I have a tendenc advice... signs that aren’t there. It bugs me that my wife Charlotte, North Carolin doesn’t help with the chores. Don’t all. Congratula I like to cook, so Iwe do the cooking. I also like a clean the weight loss; that’s grea house, so I do the cleaning. You tocan get anlazier. idea of whe She seems be getting What should I do? at with the fat by calculati We assume you’ve taken this gripe to your wife and she has body-mass index. In your a different assessment. One five-11 and 240 pounds, y sociologist who studies how couples suggests You need a adivide BMIchores of 33.5. men and women naturally balance 29 (208 pounds) or less to the hours they spend working inside ger and outside the home. If be considered obese and that’s true, we wonder if you give of due lesscredit. than (178 pound your wife Who25 handles the finances? The laundry? The longer be overweight. You c grocery shopping? Does she set the a BMI table and clean upcalculator after dinner? at a site d You could help with Halls that by ask Dr.forSteven at halls or with meal prep, which is a also includes another int good way to spend time together. As for cleaning, hire someone for measure known as the idea a twice-monthly visit, which is formula. Based a relatively inexpensive way to on studies avoid arguments. On the bright your age, weight and height side, studies have found that men who do202 the most houseworkas report pounds their ideal having better sex lives – on clean which is too heavy. (Men sheets. do that, while women usua numbers that are too low.) continue to diet, but to shed more quickly, start exercisi II tbroke bugs my wife help with the married chores. up me with athat woman three yearsdoesn’t ago, but we I’ve been for 10 years but have always had never quit talking. She says she still loves me. When lovers. I’m seeing several women, including a 22-yeardon’t have to run a marath II say like to cook, so I do the cooking. I also like a clean anything about getting married, she just says old who lets me do anything. I crave sex, but how do I with a few hours week house, do the cleaning. She to be something so likeI“That’ll be nice.” When I ask her seemsknow if I’mgetting a sex addict? I love my wife and we have each a about getting back together, she says she has lots great sex life, but I can’t stop pursuing other women. walking or bicycling. As fo lazier. What should I do?—B.M., Portland, Oregon going on and enjoys being single. Is she stringing The more sex you have, the more sex you want. That’s true of noticed, assume you’ve taken this gripe to your wifeYou’re and meWe along? everyone. not she a sex addict; that’s a cop-out –we and asuspect diagnosis your g She’s content to keep you around until she gets a better offer, that didn’t exist until someone invented it. As the comedian Gregg confidence has gotten you has a different assessment. One sociologist who studies how so the only time you’re wasting is your own. Rogell has observed, Tiger Woods claimed to be addicted to sex looking up and around. If y couples divide chores suggests men and women naturally 46 losing a third chin did wond balance the hours they spend working inside and outside playboy.co.za until you lose the next one the home. If that’s true, we wonder if you give your wife illustration by temor hanuka


because he had sex with lots of models. “If he was having sex with a dead chicken, I’d say, ‘Wow, that guy is addicted to sex.’ ” In your case, you love adulterous sex because it’s exciting and available. The risk is that, assuming your wife is majestically oblivious, you are handing the reins of your marriage to a 22-year-old. You’re not a chimpanzee. You can say no. If you decide to continue, at least inform your wife so she can decide if she’s wasting her time.

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When is it okay to remove your jacket and tie at a wedding? I usually keep them on until after the first few songs and formal dances have wrapped up, but I would appreciate your thoughts. We always loosen our tie 10 seconds after we walk into the reception but don’t remove it until the adults have left. The coat can come off once you find a chair. It’s a party. Just about every night I wake up with an erection. After I go back to sleep and wake up a few hours later, it’s still there. I’ve heard those ads on TV about the dangers of having an erection that lasts more than five hours. Is this bad? Don’t worry – it’s not the same erection. During deep sleep, a man gets hard every 90 minutes or so, regardless of what he’s dreaming about. Scientists aren’t sure why, but it’s probably a systems check.

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I like this girl, but she drinks and parties a lot and I’m more of a chill kind of guy. I’m not sure it’s the right fit. What should I do? You won’t find out if it’s a good fit by contemplating if it’s a good fit. My husband takes Viagra to treat his erectile dysfunction, so our sex life is no longer spontaneous. I also want sex more than he does. He still watches porn daily but claims it does nothing for him. Does he think I’m stupid? Every magazine he reads is a men’s magazine, and he constantly checks out other women. I know I’m attractive, but my self-esteem around him is shot to hell. I no longer let him see me naked because I’m not perfect like the women in the magazines. Am I being too sensitive? Even if his erections were at 100 percent, your husband would still watch porn and check out other women, because his libido is intact. (ED can be an early sign of heart problems, so he should not take it lightly or consider Viagra a cure.) It isn’t that you don’t turn him on, but like any man, he’s a sucker for variety. He recognizes the women in movies and magazines are fantasies, and believe it or not, he’s not comparing you with them. Men are not devoid of that intimate emotional attachment scientists call “love,” and none of those women is his wife. He’s especially not comparing you when you hide in the dark. Come into the light! Tell your husband you’re unhappy with your sex life, regardless of the ED issue, and that you need him to take charge. There are any number of ways to get a woman off besides an erection, which can be unreliable even with men who aren’t struggling with ED. A vibrator is a wonderful place to start...

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Feature Nice girls

Main illustration by the 2013 PLAYBOY College Fiction Illustrator Contest Winner

Cun Shi

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Fiction by Stu Dearnley

University of Arkansas 2013 PLAYBOY College Fiction Contest Winner

SPARRING PARTNERS Enus had to learn the ropes the hard way.

C

ounty jail’s not like TV would have you think. The cells have doors instead of bars, then there’s a sink, a toilet and twin bunks with four to a room. A row of cells line the second floor, overlooking the rec room – called the pod – where 48 inmates share picnic tables, plastic chairs, a microwave and a TV that’s usually on Springer or Dr Phil. It’s pretty cush. My first day in, an older inmate called off the social worker so he could ride out the winter with free heat and square meals. That was Kenneth. He’s one of three white guys in A-pod, myself included. Most socialization is segregated by ethnicity. This being Washington County, about two thirds of the population is Hispanic. These are small-timers – vandals or aliens whose offence was not knowing English when a cop asked them something. From what I’ve seen, the white boys are the least savory of the lot. I’m the only one with a formal education. Kenneth had been living on the streets. He talks about his illiteracy as if it took him a lifetime to perfect. The guy called Noise is a druggie who yells after lights-out. He’s not much for conversation because he steers whatever you’re talking about back to the Arkansas decision to be methadone-free. This doesn’t leave me with a pile of options. I joined the contraband weight-lifting circuit, but boredom’s far and away my biggest gripe. My third day in, they post a sign-up sheet for the gym and I’m one of only a handful of guys to sign up. Even folks who spent the morning running laps around the pod don’t sign. Turns out the gym’s just a basketball court with some benches bolted into the floor along the sidelines. No weights. No speed bag. Not even a jump rope. They put two pods on

a court with a ball and some officers to ensure everyone plays nice. I don’t do basketball, so instead I’m calling score from the sideline, which brings me to the attention of Tucker, my old sparring partner. “Enus!” Tucker says my name like he’s won something, then turns to the benches and continues the thought, “This is Enus Lockhart, y’all! Jasper Lockhart’s old man!” Tucker pulls me in for a hug, showing his friends how tight we are as everyone gathers around. “Last time I saw you, you was a middleweight.” He shadowboxes with wide elbows. “So, tell me about your son and how much pussy he’s getting.” I give the crowd what they want, laying it on thick, embellishing on my imagination’s ideal for the sex life of a 20-year-old football star. Pussy’s a hot topic, and the crowd eats it up. When they ask how many and how often, I’ve got answers at the ready. Then I shake a bunch of hands – the gym’s new mayor. When the pack disperses and I get to talking with Tucker, I ask him, “What are you in for?” And he says, “You’re not supposed to ask that.” “Why the hell not?” “Just the way it is. Everyone likes keeping up the mystery. So, you still boxing?” I say, “Not in 10 years.” “Has it been that long?” I nod. Close enough. “Shit. We’re old.” “You were always old,” I remind him. He’s got eight years on me. Always has. “So, tell me about this place, man.” “What do you want to know? The food’s awful.” I say, “I got that far.” “Try to get a job. In the library or kitchen or outside – doesn’t matter. Fills

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NOEMBER 2013


True Blood

What is it about the undead that sets the heartstrings stirring? In all of Western culture, no creature of the night possesses the allure of the vampire. In films and literature the victims cannot resist the stalker’s raw, sexual magnetism, and often succumb. Here, the roles are played by the hauntingly gorgeous Weronika Zurkowska and Katarzyna Danysz – one the succubus, the other the maiden – from a special tribute to the vampire

Photography by Szymon Brodziak

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NOEMBER 2013

Models Weronika Zurkowska Katarzyna Danysz Dawid Placzek


forum

Ménage a trois

by lisa lampanelli photo by hacob photography inc.

So you think you want to have a threesome?

Think again. And again

I

, Lisa Lampanelli, am nothing if not an honest beyotch. So during my first telephone conversation with the man who would eventually become my husband – the infamous Jimmy Big Balls – I told him what he could expect from a relationship with me. Or rather what he could never expect: a threesome. Well, we’ve been together for nearly four years now, and Jimmy shows no signs of revisiting the subject. Either he respects my decision or he doesn’t want to risk having two women chuckle about his gargantuan nutsack. Ah yes, the threesome – the holy grail of sexual encounters. Some men dream of playing in the Super Bowl, others dream of being rock stars and still others want to paint the next Mona Lisa. But every man dreams of having a threesome. The only thing men dream of more than a threesome is a foursome – and I don’t mean on the golf course. But wait! Before you do it, take a breath. Double-teaming is a double-edged sword. Like hiring Randy Travis to drive you to the airport, it’s a potentially good idea that could go terribly wrong. In fact, other than not being groped while massaging John Travolta, the threesome is one of the trickiest maneuvers to pull off in the bedroom. The first thing you need to do is establish that your significant other is into the idea. This probably won’t be a problem if you’re dating a girl whose stage name is Tiffany Ta-Tas or if she has all six seasons of The L Word on DVD. But if your lady is a bit more mainstream, it could be a challenge. The problem with most women is that, at the mere mention of a three-way, they think, Aren’t I enough for him? What these women don’t realize is that men think about sex the way dogs think about food: Enough is never enough.

If your girl can get over the jealousy issue, she may be willing to bring another woman into the boudoir. But who to choose? First off, under no circumstances should you choose one of her friends. The last thing you want is the two of them comparing notes the morning after over caramel macchiatos. The “trois” of your ménage à trois should be the sexual equivalent of Navy Seal Team Six: Come in, get the job done and disappear into the night without a trace.

What these women don’t realize is that men think about sex the way dogs think about food: Enough is never enough. In fact, to avoid trouble altogether, make the task of choosing the other woman your girl’s job. If you pick someone who’s better looking, in better shape or has bigger breasts, your woman will end up crying like Octomom doing Christmas shopping and your night will be over faster than the latest new talk show. Or maybe just pay for a hooker. The pro will make sure everyone’s comfortable, and on the off chance it doesn’t work out, you blew a few hundred bucks and you never have to see her again. Okay, so you’ve found a girl willing to be the Curly to your Moe and Larry, and it’s showtime. But are you prepared for what, and who, is going to go down tonight? The average woman takes 14 minutes to 52

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have an orgasm. The average man takes three minutes. So when you double that Big O take-off time from 14 to 28 minutes and leave yours at three minutes, you run into a huge mathematical problem. A lot of work will need to be done even after your five o’clock whistle blows. If you think disappointing one woman is rough, try disappointing two! And that’s not all. Threesomes involve a whole new set of rules. Guys, I know you want to be a little crazy and adventurous, but do not do anything to your new friend with benefits that you wouldn’t do to your wonderfully betrothed. If you go way outside the box – no pun intended – with girl number two, your regular gal will start whining like the Nanny, and after that, no amount of Cialis will reenergize that boner. Having a threesome is much like a political debate, except not quite as sleazy or seedy. But unlike in politics, both sides may not get equal time. You could, on the one hand, pay more attention to the less attractive one, the one I call “the Khloe.” That way the hotter one (aka “the Kim”) will work harder. There is, however, another way to go. You could err attention-wise on your steady gal. Remember, she’s the one who cooks you dinner and washes the skid marks out of your underwear. She’s the gal you need to impress. When it’s all said and done, the two of you can decide if you want to do it again. Maybe your threesome will be like a tasty, fattening dessert you’ll treat yourself to every so often. Or maybe it will be a one-time-only thing, like watching Glee or listening to Nickelback. As for Jimmy and me, the only threesome we ever have is when our dog, Parker, jumps into bed with us each morning. I know – it’s not particularly erotic, but at least I have someone else to blame when I fart.


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PLAYBOY South Africa November 2013 -----------------------------------

Publisher CHAPEL LANE MEDIA Editor-in-chief Charl du Plessis | charl@playboy.co.za. +27 82 452 8110 managing editor Tanya Goodman | tanya@playboy.co.za. +27 82 671 2762 art director paUL cRAFFORD | paul@playboy.co.za. +27 82 959 3263 ˇ | luka@playboy.co.za. +27 72 612 2747 features editor Luka Vracar multimedia editor George van der Riet | george@playboy.co.za. +27 82 488 8113 official photographer Leah Hawker | leah@playboy.co.za. +27 83 340 7872 -----------------------------------

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distribution mysubs & zinio ----------------------------------PLAYBOY South Africa is published monthly by Chapel Lane Media, in conjunction with Playboy Enterprises Inc. Opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of Chapel Lane Media, PLAYBOY or any of its clients. Information has been included in good faith by the Publisher and Editor, and is believed to be correct at the time of going to print. No responsibility can be accepted for errors and omissions. No material (articles or photographs) in the publication may be reproduced, in whole or in part, without specific written permission from the Editor. Submissions of articles and photographs for the publication are to be arranged in advance and will be published at the discretion of the Editor. The Publisher, while exercising all reasonable care, cannot be held responsible for any loss or damage. Please ensure that all enquiries for material submission are mailed to charl@playboy.co.za Copyright © 2013. All copyright for material appearing in this magazine belongs to chapel lane media , in conjunction with Playboy Enterprises Inc and/or contributors. All rights reserved.

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How to read QR-codes

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First, you need a QR-code app and a smartphone or tablet equiped with a camera. Then, go to the App store and search for a free QR-code app. Here are some examples of free QR-code apps: RedLaser for iOS; RedLaser or QR Droid for Android; QR Code Scanner Pro for BlackBerry. When you launch your app, you'll see that your phone's camera is activated, you'll then need to line up the camera on your

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Wink

till next time

Sofia Clerici by diego carballo

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“Being a Playmate has nothing to do with a certain look or modelling experience – it’s about stepping up to that long-awaited platform to show off your natural confidence and beauty. PLAYBOY South Africa is looking for the girl-next-door who’s ready to wow the nation.”

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November 2013 - PLAYBOY SA