You look in the distance and notice a wry smile. You smile back, seductively, because, of course, you’re wearing your new pants. Then you look closer and realize, “I know her. And her. And her. What the?! — I dated them all. Why are they hanging out? When did they all meet?” And then your friend says, “Is that the girl she left you for?” You can’t even distinguish the “she” she’s referring to because there’s so many, and they’ve all formed a posse and are now blocking the entrance to the french fry stand you want to hide under. That’s when it hits you that they’ve all moved on. (And now all you have is your new pants.)
City PaPer p i t t s b u r g h ’ s o n l y a lt e r n a t i v e n e w s w e e k l y
Play it cool. You have a few options here. This could be your cue to bend down, “tie” your sandal, and head toward the exit. But I’m not one to back down from confrontation, so I’d suggest something a little more mature — like kissing the first person who walks by. With any luck, it could be the mayor. (Or me.) If you’re feeling more confident you could go for the assertive approach: Walk up to all of them and greet them with a handshake and a penis-shaped cookie. I urge you to make sure your assertiveness is succeeded with sincerity and a smile. And on an even lesser “evolved” note, make sure you look better than the person they’re now dating. Each and every one of them. Break-ups are hard. (I hear the first eight minutes after a breakup are the hardest.) And the only thing harder than a break-up is when you’re dumped for someone else. So, toughen up because your exes are probably watching you read this right now, wishing they had another chance. — Or they’re all smiling because you never understood them anyway, and now they have someone who does (eye roll). So, forget about them. Keep your chin up, and relish in the fact that you’ll never have to deal with all of their annoying habits, smells, or lack of attention to certain, um, areas anymore either. Focus on the few you haven’t yet dated. Your next ex is just around the corner. Literally.
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The source for information about LGBT 2010 Pride in Pittsburgh, PA.