Famous Pittsburghers. A “selective” list.
F. Murray Abraham – actor who played the guy who wasn’t Mozart in AMADEUS. Won the Oscar and disappeared from sight. Christina Aguilera – and you thought she was from Miami. Muddy Ali Gheny – champion mud and sauerkraut wrestler, retired in Las Vegas. Carl Betz – DILF on the old Donna Reed Show. Charles Bronson – cold-blooded killer of hundreds of teenagers in DEATH WISH I-XXXIII. Iwana Ballya – very demanding neighbor lady with armpit hair. Lou Christie – high-pitched singer who got that way because his nuts were being held by Iwana Ballya. Perry Como – laid-back singer who once fell asleep while performing AVE MARIA on an Easter special. Ethel Cloride – invented the kerchief-to-rent. John Davidson – singer whose hair has just returned from visiting relatives on Taiwan. Bindi Dundat – the woman who answers the phone in New Delhi when you call US Airways in Squirrel Hill. Billy Eckstine – forgot so many lyrics that he invented scat singing. Barbara Feldon – 99 Anita Felch – 69 Stephen Foster – much beloved writer of songs that black folk refuse to sing. Jeff Goldblum – latest movie star to become the lead on a LAW & ORDER show. Agnes Gooch – Auntie Mame’s secretary. Martha Graham – legendary choreographer, now 112, whose leg got stuck around her head in the late 40s, curtailing a brilliant career. Earl “Fatha” Hines – great jazz musician. Mary “Motha” Phuqua-Heinz – the reason Earl changed the spelling of his last name. Gaby Hoffman – daughter of Viva. An actual product of The Factory. Holly Hunter – actress everyone loved when she didn’t speak Pittsburgh PittsburghPrideMag PrideMag| |PittsburghPride.org PittsburghPride.org
in THE PIANO. Now she’s on some cable show with angels, for Christ’s sake. Shirley Jones – actress who actually diapered David, Sean, and Patrick Cassidy. Married to Marty Ingels, who still tries to diaper them every chance he gets. Gene Kelly – the butchest dancer on the planet. Still makes Baryshnikov look swish. Halter Kronkite – long-time anchor of the CBS Evening Drag News Rush Limbaugh – oxycontinmoron Dean Martin – at least he only drank, not like the guy we just mentioned Dennis Miller – RightWingNutJobILF Joe Namath – stocking model David Newell – Mr. McFeely on Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Iona Nutsack – Mr. McFeely’s social worker. Beth Ostrosky – woman who enjoys Howard Stern’s tiny penis. Zachary Quinto – don’t point those ears at me. George A. Romero – Pennsylvania’s greatest living filmmaker. Take that, M. Night. Lillian Russell – the first blonde bombshell. Look her up. David O. Selznick – produced GONE WITH THE WIND and spent the rest of his life compulsively making gowns out of the drapes. Gertrude Stein – poet, feminist, expatriate and later model for Jabba the Hutt Billy Strayhorn – wonderful jazz musician with a fondness for reed instruments. Regis Toomey – actor with one of the funniest names in Academy history. Bobby Vinton – they actually wanted us to believe Ann-Margret was humping him in BYE BYE BIRDIE Andy Warhol – man who said we’d all be famous for fifteen minutes, which has made him famous for fifty years. Oh yeah, and there’s the soup cans. But what did you expect? He’s from Pittsburgh. We got 57 varieties of those! 60 60
The source for information about LGBT 2010 Pride in Pittsburgh, PA.