TRUST WORTH Y: N E W A NGL ES ON TR UST S FRO M B E NE FI CI ARI ES A ND TR UST E ES
He convenes a family meeting and invites me to attend. I agree — notwithstanding the fact that the meeting is going to take place on the day before Christmas (which is the only time that will work for the various family members). Charlie Collier, Harvard’s Senior Philanthropic Advisor at this time, is invited as well. We fly out on the prior evening. The patriarch, matriarch, six adult children and their spouses, Charlie and I meet at the family’s vacation home in the mountains. We enjoy a long dinner and have a lovely time. The next day is reserved for the serious topics. On the morning of the 24th, with the breakfast dishes cleared, we’re sitting around their large dining-room table. Charlie turns to the patriarch and says: “Jack, tell me about your grandparents.” Jack starts with the usual things — where they were born, where they grew up, and so on. My role is to draw the family tree and write down themes. After about 15 minutes of listening to Jack speak, everyone is rapt. So Jack is telling stories as Charlie guides him through the family tree. We get about 90 minutes into this — working down from his grandparents' generation — and this family is transfixed. Now we’re hearing about Jack’s generation. We get to a story about his sister, who had a very difficult life. Jack’s telling a story about her and — in the midst of telling how she had overcome some very difficult challenges — he breaks down in tears. Charlie very graciously says: “You know, I just realized we’ve been at this for an hour and a half — and this is a very good time for a break. We can reconvene in about 15 minutes.” I leave the room so the family can be by themselves. The matriarch follows me out into the hall. Tears are streaming down her cheeks. She grabs both my hands — just grasps them firmly — and she looks me straight in the eye and says: “I have never heard these stories.” Then she says something even more powerful: “I’ve never even seen this side of him.”
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