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December 2013  |  Your community humour magazine  | Issue 159

Through the Eyes of Evelyn Benson Story and photos by Gabor Gasztonyi See feature on P4

Helping you make healthier choices for you and your family

421 - 6th Street, New Westminster 604-553-3421

info@newwestorganic.ca www.newwestorganic.ca

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WE ARE OPEN Mon to Thur 9am – 7pm Fri 9am – 6pm Sat 9am – 4pm Sun 9am – 3pm

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December 2013

Fin Donnelly, MP New Westminster – Coquitlam & Port Moody

Serving Our Community

Happy Holidays!

Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Fin Donnelly’s Community office for assistance.

Fin Donnelly’s Community Office: 1116 Austin Ave, Coquitlam, BC V3K 3P5

Phone: 604-664-9229 l Email: fin.donnelly@parl.gc.ca l www.FinDonnelly.ca

Funny Bones by Jones Locally Owned & Published! Fourth floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5

Chris Sargent 604-525-9027 Owner & Publisher Email: publisher@piffle.ca Sales Email: sales@piffle.ca

Verne Siebert 604-763-6304

Randy Chaster 604-351-2529

Vic Leach

778-237-0052 Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca Photography: Gabor Gasztonyi

Glenn Jones would like to hear from his fans. E-mail him at funnybones.by.jones@gmail.com.

Peter Julian, MP Burnaby – New Westminster Serving Our Community

piffle.ca

Peace on Earth

Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance.

Peter Julian’s Community Office: 7615 Sixth St, Burnaby, BC V3N 3M6

Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!


December 2013

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Fe at u r e story

December 2013

Through the Eyes of Evelyn Benson by Gabor Gasztonyi I

am sure some of you have always wondered how living in the city who were profoundly affected by Billy Miner the famous bank robber, depicted the fire. Her grandfather Alexander Sangster was in the Hollywood film “The Grey Fox”, escaped a foreman at the Brackman-Ker Milling Company from the BC Penitentiary. According to one of the where the fire began. She writes of their son George stories in Evelyn Benson’s new book, “A Century in Sangster, “The youngest child, George, was only a Small Town: One Family’s Stories”, Billy made a four, yet at his 100th birthday party, he recalled the quick move when one of the impressions that were etched guards was lighting a cigainto his memory that night, of a The result is this rette and climbed over the steady stream of families strugincredible and terribly fence with fellow inmate Alex gling past the Sangster house sensitive, down to earth McCluskey. The two convicts carrying, pushing, pulling and series of stories, which ran across the field, climbed wheeling buggies, barrows or will remain, one of the down into Glen Creek and wagons loaded high with chermainstays of the history ran into a few young boys ished household effects they of New Westminster. skinny dipping in the water. had managed to save from the Billy told them to make sure encroaching flames.” they kept quiet as they ran off to the Sixth Avenue Having celebrated her 60th wedding anniversary Bridge and continued their escape. The boys kept to childhood sweetheart and Poet Emeritus, Don their promise because they should not have been Benson and approaching her eightieth year Evthere in the first place and were afraid of being elyn, a former high school teacher and newspaper caught. They never forgot meeting the famous Billy columnist, thought it was time to write about all Miner a notorious outlaw now on the run. Just a the intriguing stories from her life in New Westlittle while earlier they saw him for the first time minster. The result is this incredible and terribly in handcuffs, coming off the train on Columbia sensitive, down to earth series of stories, which will Street. Evelyn calls him the “Jesse James of Canada”. remain, one of the mainstays of the history of New Evelyn’s book, a treasure trove of New West- Westminster. In another story titled, “Christmas minster history and anecdotes were inspired by 1902”, Evelyn relates another story told by her the storytelling of her father, James Lewis “Lewie” dad’s youngest brother George. “Howard Schaake Sangster. Many of the titles of her stories such as was my best friend. His family was better off than “The Great Fire of 1898: One Families Story” are ours because his father owned Schaake Machine intriguing and tell the stories of everyday people Works on Front Street. So Howard had asked Santa FEATURE STORY 

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December 2013


December 2013

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Ken McIntosh Rod Drown

Claus for a pony and cart. He was confident his wish would be granted. On Christmas morning, his parents told him his gift was out in the barn. He raced out to the barn and there, in the middle of the barn on the floor was a toy horse and cart, about a foot long. He cried all day. No one could stop him crying, not even me. I always thought it was a cruel joke.” Well after having spent a fair while chatting with Evelyn, I am convinced she still believes in Santa Claus. Judging by her smile on this month’s front cover I can not be too far off the mark. For that special gift at this time of year you can not go wrong with her new book, “A Century in a Small Town: One Family’s Stories”. It is available at Renaissance Books on 6th Street, and Amazon.com. On Facebook have a look at Westminster Publishing, or drop her a line: evbenson@telus.net, She might just sign a special book just for you. end

FEATURE STORY 

Researchers

604.619.8455 Dr Robert Henry MacLauchlan & Margaret MacLauchlan 1966 Murders Do you remember Lorraine Cunningham, a 1959 Lester Pearson Grad? If so contact us.

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 9:30AM – 6:30PM

OPEN MIC SUNDAY, DEC 8, 1-3 PM Featuring DANIELA ELZA Author of Milk Tooth Bane Bone

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OPEN MIC SUNDAY, DEC 15, 1-3 PM Featuring EVELYN SANGSTER BENSON Author of A Century In a Small Town: One Family’s Stories TUESDAY, DEC 17, 7-9 PM Acoustic Jamming Hosted by LAVANA 43 6th Street, New Westminster | 604.525.4566 renbooks@telus.net • renaissancebookstore.com

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December 2013


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December 2013

Serving New Westminster since 2003. We thank all of you for your continued support of the last nine years!

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December 2013

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SOON TO RETIRE?

HOLIDAY ARTISANS FAIR AT RIVER MARKET

Are you 50+, retired or soon to retire? Looking to use your skills and experience in new ways? Interested in a creative connection to your community and meaningful volunteer experience?

December 14, 12:00 PM - December 15, 5:00 PM River Market, 810 Quayside Dr, New Westminster

LEADS (Learning, Educating and Developing Seniors) Supports your interest in lifelong learning, starting with a series of workshops exploring Leadership, Communication and Development topics. LEADS gives you a supportive environment to develop the skills and confidence to take on leadership roles in your community. LEADS gives you the opportunity to practice those skills by co-presenting a public workshop at Century House. Call to setup interview: 604-519-1061 or email sschnee@newwestcity.ca, Training starts in January 2014, Cost: Free (Century House Membership is a requirement) Century House, 620 8th St, New Westminster www.newwestpcr.ca

NEW WESTMINSTER SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA PRESENTS 14TH ANNUAL CHRISTMAS DANCE CONCERT December 6, 7:30 PM - 10:00 PM Massey Theatre, 735 Eighth Ave New Westminster, A new family tradition where the students of Richmond Academy of Dance performs to the pleasing selections of holiday favourites, as well as with music from The Nutcracker, accompanied by the New Westminster Symphony Orchestra. Admission by donation.

SANTA CLAUS PARADE December 7, 11:00 AM 1:00 PM, Downtown New Westminster Kick off the holiday season with the Santa Claus Parade in Downtown New Westminster. The parade is followed by Christmas-themed interactive activities at the River Market, Shops at New West Station and the Fraser River Discovery Centre.

Come join us for our Big Holiday Artisan’s Fair at the River Market. Over 30 artisans from New Westminster and beyond will be showcasing their wares including jewellery, quilting, books, beadwork, knitwear, painting, stone carving and more. There is truly something for everyone Shop local, ship unique, shop wonderful. All at River Market with its incredible food and breathtaking surroundings. This holiday fair is not to be missed.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING UNCLE ROSCOE December 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 18, 19, 21 at 8:00 PM, Bernie Legge Theatre, Queen’s Park A warm and delightful Christmas comedy presented by the Vagabond Players Tickets: $15, Seniors/Students: $13, 2-for-1 previews on December 4-6, Reservations: 604-521-0412 or reservations@vagabondplayers.ca

NEW WESTMINSTER SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA’S 14TH ANNUAL CHRISTMAS DANCE CONCERT December 6, 7:30 PM Massey Theatre, 735 Eighth Ave A new family tradition where the students of Richmond Academy of Dance per forms to the pleasing selections of holiday favourites, as well as with music from The Nutcracker, accompanied by the New Westminster Symphony Orchestra. Admission by donation 735 8th Ave, New Westminster 604-521-5050 www.masseytheatre.com

MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM

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December 2013

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December 2013

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SIGNS YOU ARE SICK OF the HOLIDAYS 1. You’ve got red and green bags under your eyes. 2. You’re serving reindeer pot pie. 3. When you hear, “Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin’?,” you scream, “No! I’m not listening!” 4. You climb on your roof and start mooning carolers.

POET’S CORNER

with Poet Laureate New We

CANDICE JAMES

stminster

December Wishes Susan McLeod ©2013

5. You think you hear your Christmas tree taunting you. 6. Instead of spending time with family, you’re watching some guy make photo copies. 7. You’ve got eggnog coming out of your ears 8. Two words: tinsel rash.

WHAT IS A STABLE? Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the nativity story out of the big family bible. When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was. I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him, “It’s something like your sister’s room,

May the air stay crisp and clear. May we find our mittens near. May the roads be safe and dry And the pantry filled with pie. May our rooms be warmly heated And our chores be soon completed. May we always know a place Where to find a warm embrace. May our glasses fill with wine And our kitchens smell divine.

but without a computer.”

EARLY SHOPPING It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,”What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant. “That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened.”

SINGING REINDEER Q: What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? A: Freeze a jolly good fellow!

May we keep our spirits strong When the things we plan go wrong. May we find December ends In the company of friends. I have lived in New Westminster for over 20 years. I have written poems forever, mostly for birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, bon voyages, etc. for family and friends. For the past few years I have enjoyed writing poems about New Westminster; its history, people, places and events. My special interest is writing about, and for Honour House, the house in New Westminster that provides a temporary home for our Canadian forces personnel, veterans and first responders and their families while they are receiving medical care in the lower mainland. – Susan McLeod

New West Poets: please submit your “New West” poems for this column to candicejames@shaw.ca or call 778-322-1131 for info.

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December 2013

Piffle’s MATH MADNESS

SANTA CLAPS Q: What is a man who claps at Christmas called? A: Santapplause!

SANTA LIKES GARDENING Q: Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden? A: Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

CATS AND CHRISTMAS Q: Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas? A: Because they both have “Sandy claws”!

RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!

when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m sure it was just rain, he said.” Well, as these things go, they were about to have

Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS

a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. “Let’s not fight about it,” the man said, “let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether it’s officially raining or snowing.” As the official approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?” “It’s raining, of course,” he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: “I know that felt like snow!” To which the man quietly replied: “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!”

MUSICAL CHRISTMAS ADVICE Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!

gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you don’t want.

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December 2013

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USING CANDLES DURING THE WINTER AND CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS Candles provide great warmth and ambiance to any home. It is easy to forget that it is an open flame that can reach 1,400˚C. Most candle fires begin in the bedroom — with a mattress or bedding cited as the first item to ignite — except during the holidays, when more people use candles precariously too close to decorations. STATISTICS REVEAL THAT THE MOST COMMON CAUSES OF FIRE BY CANDLES ARE:

Merry Christmas Chuck Puchmayr CIT Y OF N E W WESTM I NSTER CO U NCI LLOR

• Leaving candles unattended. • Falling asleep while a candle is lit. • Using candles for light. • Candles located too close to burnable objects. • Candles knocked over by children, pets or sudden drafts.

SAFETY TIPS • Extinguish candles when leaving the room or going to sleep.

• Never leave children or pets alone in a room with lit candles.

• Keep lit candles away from items that can catch fire such as clothing, books, curtains, Christmas trees and paper decorations.

• During power outages, exercise caution when using candles as a light source.

• Place candles in sturdy, burnresistant containers that won’t tip over and are big enough to collect dripping wax.

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• Don’t place lit candles near windows; blinds or curtains may close or blow over them. • Don’t use candles in high traffic areas where children or pets could knock them over. • Extinguish candles when they get to within two inches of the holder.

• Never use a candle for light when fuelling equipment such as a camp fuel heater or lantern. • Keep candle wicks short at all times. Trim the wick to onequarter inch (6.4 mm). • Avoid novelty candles surrounded by flammable paint, paper, or dried flowers. • Use extreme caution when carrying a lit candle, holding it well away from your clothes and any combustibles that may be along your path.

Your New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services cares about you and your safety! If you require further information, please visit our website at: www.newwestcity.ca or call the Fire Prevention Division at 604-519-1004.

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December 2013 THE WORST CHRISTMAS By Jeff Foxworthy

The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn’t argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried. When out in the yard the dog started barkin’, I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. He yelled, “Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus.” I said, “Claus, I don’t know nobody named Claus, and you ain’t taking me in without probable cause.” Then the Sheriff he said, “The man was shot at last night.” I said, “That

“Have a Safe and Healthy Holiday Season.” - Dr David Noshad

might have been me, just what’s he look like.” The Sheriff replied, “Well he’s a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry.” I said, “Sheriff that sounds like my wife’s sister Sherri.” “It’s no time for jokes Roy” the Sheriff he said. “The man I’m describing in dressed all in red. I’m here for the truth now, it’s time to come clean. Tell me what you’ve done, tell me what you’ve seen.” Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell, it wouldn’t have been the first time that I’ve spent New Years in jail. I said, “Sheriff it happened last night about ten, and I thought that my wife had been drinking again.”

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December 2013

13

When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO’s. But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red. Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red’s gutter. Well my hands were a shakin’ as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red’s chimney this feller did run. And slung on his back was this bag over flowin’. I thought he stolen Red’s stuff while old Red was out bowling’. So I yelled, “Drop fat boy, hands in the air!” But he went about his business like he hadn’t a care. So I popped a warning shot over his head. Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled. And as he flew off I heard him extort, “That’s assault with intent Roy, I’ll see ya in court.”

Merry Christmas to all & a Happy 2014 Betty McIntosh CIT Y OF N E W WESTM I NSTER CO U NCI LLOR

Over 35 Years of Experience PRINTING • PHOTOCOPYING • NAMEBADGES SIGNAGE • VEHICLE DECALS • GRAPHIC DESIGN T-SHIRTS • TEAM UNIFORMS and more...

Judy Darcy, MLA New Westminster

Warmest Wishes for a Happy Holiday Season! Judy Darcy’s Community Office: 737 Sixth St, New Westminster, BC V3L 3C6

Phone: 604-775-2101 l Email: judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca l www.JudyDarcy.ca Get your Piffle delivered early to your inbox! Visit piffle.ca


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December 2013

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to All from Lorrie

Open Mon–Sat • Closed Sun

Williams and Chimo

CIT Y OF N E W WESTM I NSTER CO U NCI LLOR

Fraternal Order of Eagles New Westminster Aerie #20 est. May 1898

All Proceeds Raised come “directly back” to our Local New Westminster Community EVERYONE WELCOME!

MEN • WOMEN • GIRLS • BOYS

WINTER SPECIAL 10% OFF Located at Dunwood Place 909 Colborne St, New Westminster (near 8th Avenue & McBride)

Come & enjoy the relaxed atmosphere!

FOR APPOINTMENTS CALL 604-521-5655

• Fireside Meat Draws • Community Festival Hot Dog Kiosk • Dances • Fundraisers • Salvation Army Volunteers • Monthly Eagle Family Dinners

• • • •

Blind Beginnings Summer Visitation Picnic Lupus Society Camp Goodtimes Canadian Cancer Society • Royal Columbian Hospital Cardiac Ward • Queen’s Park Health Care

We are Looking for a Few Good Men & Women A New Vision… A New Direction… A New Membership…

People Helping People, Contact Us Today! Randall Didiuk – Aerie #20 Secretary 604-377-7765 | didiuk@telus.net

To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!


December 2013

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Sargent’s City Scene WINTER HARP 20TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR ne of Western Canada’s most beloved holiday concerts, the magic that is Winter Harp, celebrates its 20th anniversary with five performances in the Lower Mainland this December. More than a concert, Winter Harp is a sensory experience renowned for awe-inspiring performances, sold-out houses, standing ovations and rave reviews. Over the past 20 years, Winter Harp has become famous for its soul-stirring rendition of carols and its unique combination of harps, flutes, rare medieval instruments, percussion, poetry and song. The musicians are dressed in gorgeous medieval attire and the stage is set with breathtakingly-beautiful backdrops of cathedral and snow. Add in the beautifully-carved instruments and the show takes on the look of a luminous pre-Raphaelite painting. “Winter Harp is different from any Christmas show you will ever see,” said Director Lori Pappajohn. “It wraps you in pure magic.” Winter Harp had its start in New Westminster Public Library with then-chief librarian Alan Woodland who teamed up with Pappajohn (Royal City Record reporter at the time) for annual readings of A Child’s Christmas in Wales. Since then the concert has grown to include 6 performers — and a dozen cities in its annual December tours of western Canada. Over the years, tens of thousands of people have made attending Winter Harp their annual tradition. With concerts on radio and TV, and with 12 CDs to its name, this world-class ensemble continues in its tradition of excellence. Experience the magic of Winter Harp at these concerts: Sunday, Dec. 1 at Massey Theatre with the Vancouver Welsh Men’s Choir; Dec. 18 & 19 at BlueShore Financial Centre at Capilano University; Dec. 21 at St. Andrew’s-Wesley United Church in

O

Vancouver; Dec. 22 at The ACT in Maple Ridge. Details at www.winterharp.com. B2B NOW (Network of Women) ew Westminster has organized a city wide fundraiser for the Fire Relief Fund. Included in the 23 small businesses destroyed in the downtown fire was The FAT Paint Company, one of our members, as well as many other friends and colleagues being affected in one way or another. The Yellow Pages Group has generously sponsored funds in securing and designing collectable limited edition shopping bags that includes a vintage image of the block that was affected by the fire. This project has the support of — City of New West, Chamber of Commerce, Tourism New West and the Downtown, Uptown, Sapperton and West End Business Associations. The bags will be sold in December throughout the city’s shopping districts. 100% of the proceeds will be donated to the Downtown New Westminster Fire Relief Fund. Selling cost: Minimum $5.00 donation. Only 1000 bags available! To see a list of locations to buy the bags go to www.b2bnownewwest.com or www.facebook.com/b2bnownw. end

N

When is the best time to retire?

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16

December 2013

MEET THE JONES’ By Glenn Jones

#26-8720 Forest Grove Drive, Burnaby BC V5A 4C9  |  604-433-3986  |  E-mail: glenn-jones@shaw.ca

E W Y L C G B A W M A H N P U

W O T R R Y R H S N E H S N W

N O S R E D N E H H F Z N U I

O D D Y E C X O I T K K A C T

T L B R U I J U S V C O G H I

S A O R L A T A B T I Y X I R

N N M E P U P E P L R L X A Y

H D G P Q Y F D L F F E O S B

O M A C L A C A X L L A B S C

J P P W F O K N Y Y E N O O M

I G Y E R S J S U A H P G N R

N S M H P J T L M S L P S B K

R B F A Y E Y D N G R A I L Z

U F Y Y R I U M R L Z L M G N

“Winter Harp” Ayala Chiasson DrLu Harder Helfrick Henderson Johnston Kallio Lyster Mooney Muir Nadeau Olivier Pappajohn

A G NT

X Q S M L T J O H A M T K M Y

CHRIS

WORD

SEARCH Pelletier Perry Robertson Woodland

THE VISITOR By Glenn Jones

#26-8720 Forest Grove Drive, Burnaby BC V5A 4C9  |  604-433-3986  |  E-mail: glenn-jones@shaw.ca

To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!


December 2013

17

Seasons Greetings! Richard Dolmat, CEO

604-297-0722

Have a Safe & Happy Holiday Season

212-2465 Beta Ave, Burnaby

Jaimie McEvoy

www.digitalsoundmagic.com

CIT Y OF N E W WESTM I NSTER CO U NCI LLOR

We Make Great Wines, Affordable! 649 Front St (Corner of McKenzie St) New Westminster, BC

Phone 604-540-8907

www.winefactory.ca

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Place

Dunwood

The Presbyterian Senior Citizens’ Housing Society

Beautiful park like setting

Seasons

Greetings!

Have a Safe and Happy Holiday!

Fully equipped woodwork shop, cafe, hair salon, large covered patio and gazebo in a lush garden setting. Too many amenities to list. Conveniently located to shopping. Come and tour this exceptional one of a kind facility. Very reasonable rents.

604-644-0141

901 Colborne Street, New Westminster Seniors Independent Living 604-521-8636 dunwoodplace@telus.net

Specializing in “Furniture that Fits” and unique items to showcase your home. Enjoy a great selection of conversation pieces to share with your guests forever. Located on 6th Street, you’ll find decorative pieces for any home. Drop by for a peek, you will leave satisfied.

616 6th St New Westminster

604.520.0202

Furnit ure • Ho m e Décor • Gif ts uptown.furnish@gmail.com

2626 Shaughnessy St Port Coquitlam

604.552.0400


December 2013

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Order your fresh free run turkey for the holiday season!

INTERNATIONAL VILLAGE • African Fashion MALL IN TINSELTOWN • Africaq Shea Butter

1117-88 W Pender St, Vancouver • African Black Soaps Next to the Stadium/Chinatown • Musical Instruments SkyTrain Station and more!

Helping you make healthier choices for you and your family

MONDAY-SATURDAY NOON TO 8:00PM SUNDAY NOON to 7:00PM Anytime by appointment • Two hours free parking

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421 - 6th Street, New Westminster 604-553-3421

info@newwestorganic.ca www.newwestorganic.ca

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December 2013

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Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A: A Clausterphobic Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? A: Nobody nose. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: Because it had a virus! Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them Q: Why are pirates called pirates? A: Cause they arrrrr. Q: What’s the fi rst bet that most people make in their lives? A: the alpha bet Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers! Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet!

Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner? A: Man, that hit the “spot.” Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer! Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor? A: Because it was not peeling well Q: What belongs to you but others use more? A: Your name Q: Why do fish live in salt water? A: Because pepper makes them sneeze! Q: What is the best day to go to the beach? A: Sunday, of course! Q: Which of the building is the largest? A: The library because it has the most stories.

To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!


December 2013

21

THE PEARLY GATES Three men die in a car accident Christmas

NOW OFFERING PERSONAL ASTROLOGICAL READINGS! For more information, visit www.Lizakolbuck.com

Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?” Answer… “They’re Carol’s.”

DECEMBER 2013

Santa Q&A Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.

Piffle’s MATH MADNESS Solution from THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE

Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS Solution from THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE

ARIES: Authority figures see you in a good light during this time. If your thinking about that raise, now is the time to ask for it. Favorable aspects in that area. TAURUS: If travel is in your plans, all should go well. Higher education benefits you during this time. However travel always brings fantastic learning experiences. GEMINI: Any love relationship started during this time will have intensifying effects. Think deep and hard before setting the stage for love. CANCER: Business and marital relationships go smoothly during this time. Expressing your affections comes easily in December. LEO: Authority figures and co-workers see you in a good light. This is a good time to start that health regime you have been thinking about. VIRGO: Friends and social gatherings are the name of the game this month. Much interning taking place. Love is on the rise. LIBRA: If thinking of doing those home renovations now is a good time. You want to make your home a more cozy place to be. Insight comes through your dreams. SCORPIO: All communications take on a lighter note during this time. Friends and neighbors lend a helping hand. You realize just how much love you have in your life. SAGITTARIUS: Travel is on your mind during this month. Just remember to keep those credit cards in check. You feel like spending and those you love. CAPRICORN: Your looking good this month dear Capricorn and others are attracted to your good nature. Just be sure not to let others take advantage. Love is in the stars. AQUARIUS: Dreams and insights are the theme for this month. Write down some of those dreams as they may come to fruition in the near future. PISCES: Many social activities take up your time in December. This is a good time to make that wish as it just may come true in the New Year.

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22

December 2013

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s

A: Snowflakes.

really angry. “Hey, Green,” he says, “You’re selling me

FISH HEADS

fish heads for $5 apiece when I can buy the

A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and

whole fish for $3. You’re ripping me off!” “You see,” says Green. “You’re smarter already.”

intelligence. “Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?” “I wouldn’t share my secret with just

SOMETHING REALLY CHEAP After being away on business for a week

anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so

before Christmas, Tom thought it would be

the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since

nice to bring his wife a little gift.

you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you

“How about some perfume,” he asked the

in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them,

cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle

you’ll be positively brilliant.”

costing $50. “That’s a bit much,” said Tom,

“You sell them here,” the customer asks.

so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

“Only $5 each,” says Green.

“That’s still quite a bit,” Tom groused.

The customer buys three. A week later, he’s

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a

back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter. “You didn’t eat enough,” says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads.

tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, “What I mean,” he said, “is I’d like to see something real cheap.” So the clerk handed him a mirror.

FREE

PICTOGRAPH BY ROSS HOOD

Puz zle #3

The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

THIS ISSUE’S HINT: “Need some shoes?”

SCRAP CAR REMOVAL

FILTHY PHIL & HIS DUMMER BROTHERS AUTO HAULING SURREY, BC

Call 604-603-9004 Solution to November 2013  |  P u z z l e # 2

PICTOGRAPH

BY ROSS HOOD

Find the solution in the next issue of Piffle. To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!


December 2013

23

studio portraits • event photography • photo restoration • commercial • custom picture framing

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©

Portraits

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Piffle Magazine 2013-12