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THE PIECE OF SHEET - More presence on campus than Juanito Camilleri - guaranteed.

Issue #3

SCHADENFREUDE? I was recently passing the hours by watching Efukt’s “The Meanest Breakdowns” video. It comprises several uncut clips of female pornstars having bad days at work. You should take a look too – have a box of Kleenex at the ready (or whatever you’re into). I’m a heterosexual porn user and I admit, sometimes I do feel a slight buzz of dissonance regarding my habit. It isn’t an addiction. I don’t need to use porn. I’m not such a bad guy, am I? I bought a cupcake for charity in quad. The pornstar’s crying because she doesn’t want to suck his prick any more. This is part of the job darling, a little shampoo will clean the cum from your hair. She signed a contract. She’s got lawyers, everything’s all very professional. Don’t be fooled. She knew they were going to piss on her head. To get cold feet at this point in the production is impertinent at best. I want to be successful when I’m older. I choose this path. Never settle for mediocrity. You can get it if you really want it. Take that frown and turn it upside down. Who says we’re a product of our circumstances? You make your own luck. New clip: attractive blonde slut (is that an oxymoron?) getting banged

from behind. She’s faking pain (they tell them to do that). The guy says “your daddy’s proud of you I bet”. I think he might be related to Oscar Wilde or something. I feel the genesis of an erection. What’s wrong with you, BS? To be fair, this whole thing is quite erotic. Don’t make this about you, you self-centred prick. She’s being paid for this - all’s fair in love and war. She fights him off. Oh look, she’s hyperventilating. That’s not acting. I know for a fact that’s not acting. Are you not entertained? Oh stop sobbing – it’s a sign of insecurity. FFS. Are you serious? Quite erotic? Pull yourself together. Think about what you’re saying man. She’s still sobbing. This is actually quite funny – though not in the same way Joe Demicoli is. She said she wants to help people, she wants to become a doctor (or so she says). Ah everybody says they want to help people. She’s got free will hasn’t she? Nobody told her to shoot this scene. Wait a minute. Not so fast. Haven’t I just chronicled a rape story? She says she just wants to do the scene. Did this text offend you? Schadenfreude. -BS-

CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF… ...Sugar does not cause hyperactivity in toddlers. However, cocaine might. ...the word ‘fajjar’ is not derived from Arabic. Its origins date back to WWII when Maltese civilians heard English soldiers yelling ‘Fire!’ before firing at German planes. ...breast cancer screening has, in fact, no effect on mortality ...the phrase ‘contrary to popular belief’ is in fact often used before phrases that, contrary to popular belief, are not, in fact, contrary to popular belief. - X -


“Riegħed, poplu, u la titrigħedx.” - Manwel Dimech

Ġieni l-aptit li nħarbixilkom kelmtejn fuq Manwel Dimech. Moħħkom af mar fuq xi toroq li għandna madwar dawn l-għeżież gżejjer l'għandna. Però, Manwel Dimech kien filosfu, edukatur, awtur, patrijott u riformatur soċjalist. Kien ukoll ħalliel, qattiel u razzist. Twieled fl-1860 u trabba fl-għaks. Tul żgħożitu Dimech kien magħruf sew millpulizija u ta’ 17-il sena, weħel għoxrin sena ħabs fuq serq u qtil. Iżda minn dejjem kellu għatx għat-tagħlim u interessa ruħu f’bosta oqsma ta’ għerf speċjalment fil-politika, firreliġjon u fl-ekonomija; spikka wkoll f’diversi lingwi. Ta’ 36 sena, inħeles għall -aħħar darba u minnufih beda l- ħ ajja pubblika tieg ħ u.

Waqqaf gazzetta jisimha IlBandiera tal-Maltin fejn seta’ jleħħen l-fehmiet pjuttost radikali tiegħu. Uża l-ilsien Malti, li, għal dak iż-żmien, kien ilsien inferjuri; meqjus bħala l-lingwa tal-kċina. Kiteb li ried jeqred “id-drawwiet qodma li ma jiswewx iżjed”, u ħeġġeġ lil poplu Malti biex iqum fuq saqajh u ma jibqax passiv quddiem il-ħakkiema tiegħu. Saħaq illi l-kleru u lIngliżi kienu qed japprofittaw ruħhom mill-apatija u linjoranza tal-klassi t’isfel, klassi li għamel parti minnha hu stess. Fl-1911 waqqaf Ix-Xirka tal-Imdawlin - skola għalladulti u partit politiku li ssieltet għad-drittijiet talħaddiema. Żgħażagħ idealistiċi minn kull klassi so ċjali

Every so often – just once in a while I find myself stirring, waking with a smile. It’s brief, it’s succinct, and it can’t match a mile, But it’s cunning, and sweet, and it’s riddled with guile Blue moons s’all it’s known, this happenstance high The Sun greets ‘Good morning!’ By breakfast, ‘Bye-bye!’ It’s easy to miss, and to think a tad shy I’ve come to know, though, that it’s bolder than I For just when the tides turn and ripple my way The versatile smile swims out to the bay Where boat and I lay, cold, anchors aweigh No paddle in sight; a sombre soirée By when I thought I’d’ve been washed out at sea, With naught but salt water to writhe within me, I come-to, agasp, bewildered to see, I’m drenched, and I’m shudd’ring, and docked at the quay I slowly arise, wipe the salt out my eyes, And, a distance away, I humbly surmise That the Sun is the Smile, all along in disguise So I clamber on up and meet dawn in the skies With the skin on my face all but raw and awrinkle, I harness the wind and set sail, eyes atwinkle - BL -

ħerqana għall-bidla ngħaqqdu miegħu. Tixwix il-knisja fost

il-poplu wasal sa ma Dimech ġie ferut serjament meta xi nies assedjaw bil-ġebel lilu u 'l dawk li kienu miegħu. Kompla jiġġieled ghaddrittijiet soċjali tan-nisa', kif ukoll għal bosta prinċipji Marxisti o ħrajn. Il-knisja kkundannatho m b ħala “kontr a t -tag ħ lim talIskrittura Mqaddsa”. Saħansitra baqgħu sakemm skumnikawh minħabba 'lqerq' li xerred. Minkejja dawn l-ideat progressivi, Dimech kellu n-nuqqasijiet tiegħu. Kien preġudikat kontra ssuwed, il-Lhud u l-Għarab; ried jidentifika 'l Malta biss mal-Ewropa. Qal ukoll, “kemm l-Għarbi jiċċivilizza ruħu jista’ jissejjah Malti”. Dimech baqa’ ma ċediex sakemm il-gvern kolonjal eżiljah. Kien miżmum f’kampijiet ta’ konċentrament fl-Eġittu fejn il-puplesija ħallietu nofsu paralizzat. Ħalla ħajtu l-Eġittu stess, u ġismu ġie mgeżwer qalb ir-ramel. Snin wara mewtu, lideoloġija tiegħu tirrifletti fidduttrina tas-Soċjaliżmu Internazzjonli u fil-ħidma talPartit Laburista taħt Dom Mintoff, paragun li żgur ma kienx jinżillu sew. Dimech jibqa’ mfakkar bħala persuna li ħabirket għall-ġid ta’ Malta u li tat sehemha fil-bini ta’ soċjetà ħielsa u ġusta. Kieku Dimech kien jgħix fostna llum, konna nħarsuh l-istess, jew nikkundannawh bħal ma nikkundannaw 'il dawk li jiddiskriminaw bl-a ħ rax? Wara kollox, ir-razziżmu mhuwiex biss frott il-kuntest storiku li ngħixu fih. -X-

‘THE PIECE OF SHEET’ produced by BS, FF, X, & BL. Illustrator: X We hope you liked it. But we don’t really care if you didn’t. Contact: thepieceofsheet@gmail.com; Facebook Page: The Piece of Sheet - TPOS


The Piece of Sheet - Issue #3