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June 6, 2014 - June 20, 2014 Vol. 2 No. 18
Lifestyle
THE TOWNSHIP GIRL Diary of a PH Chick A vibrating buzz from his IPhone had me looking at his screen, and there it was – the most spine chilling message was disp la yed , my ra ving appetite was gone, my throat was altogether parched and dry , my entire body went limp .
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till stupefied by this strange dreadful shock, I didn't notice the ice-cream bowl was steadily tilting out of my hands onto my beddings and the contents also spilling out. A million voices were frantically screaming in my head yearning for answers What had he tested positive to? Just then, he walked in and seeing the look on my face, his pleasant disposition was instantly gone. “ Babes what's the matter? Did you see a celestial being? Why is your ice cream spilling all over the bed right in front of you?” All I did was gape at him, tongue tied and heartbroken. Unrelenting, he kept probing, nudging me for answers on my sharp mood shift. “You should check your phone, I'm sure you have some unfinished business” I finally blurted out dryly, waving my hand to the phone lying few inches away from me on the bed and fixing my gaze on some invisible sight I alone could see. He picked it up and one glance at the screen told him all he needed to know, he smiled a knowing smile “Madmoiselle I do not have some dreaded virus or something sinister in my system, I might be ill quite alright but calm down please, it's not what you think. I just tested positive for diabetes: he replied in a sad dejected tone. All the feelings of hatred, betrayal and anger just ebbed out in split seconds and were replaced wiith deep compassion for this vibrant, young, lively chap, who might just be stuck with the needle all his life in the name of insulin. “I'm so sorry for jumping into conclusions honey, I shouldn't have such one way traffic mind” I replied bowing my head in shame. “ I keep telling you woman, life isn't just black and white, you should see things in technicolors” he playfully chided
“But wait oh! So if I was actually HIV positive, na so you for react? Women! Chai!! I fear una oooh, fair weather beings indeed” he continued “ You are not serious! What do you mean by that? I snarled at him “ Put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel ? Tell me! Finding out that the love of your life has some dark shady secret!” My eyes were getting watery by now. “ So in essence are you by any chance trying to imply I'm the love of your life?” he questioned in a stern voice. The blow was just beginning to set it in, when he chipped in “ So where does that place Jesus”. I swiftly caught his gaze, just in time to catch the spark of mischief in his eyes and we both burst out in laughter. I rushed into his warm embrace and hugged him so tight “ I'm sorry for being so irrational. I'm sorry too for not filling you in on my plans, he replied. It won't happen again. I truly just didn't want to get you worked up. You know how you women get now?” rolling his eyes at me teasingly. “Shey you can hear yourself, young man” I was hands akimbo by now, “so I shouldn't worry abi? This is your own way of being protective? Making my blood pressure skyrocket unnecessarily!! No be your fault, I blame myself for..” And my ringtone was blaring Tuface's African Queen; I angrily snatched it to see who it was, “Oh God! This woman again! Haba? What is it now? Did I tell her I'd forgotten the night vigil ehn? Kai!! Na wetin ?” I grudgingly picked. “Auntie, I haven't forgotten now? I'll still come…I know, I know, no trousers..yes I wont forget my head tie…yes ma! Bible, notebook and Bic are intact… I have heard ma, yes ma, I have stopped listening to worldly music ma. Nothing is biting me. i 'm perfectly fine ma, maybe I'm just hungry. ok bye”. I hung up as I rolled my eyes with such dark rage. Just what I needed me to infuriate me further, Chinda's stunt I'd yet to recover from. If at that point anyone had ventured utter the phrase 'family is everything', I would have beaten the person black and blue in maddening
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Eze's Middle Name Was Controversy – “Chief Hon. (Dr.) Tony A. Chuku”
B-WEST (abwspectrum@gmail.com) Excerpts from last edition
anger. Chinda knew better than dare utter a word to me in this situation. I buried my he ad in my palm s, already close to tears when I felt this soothing, gentle, cozy, warm embrace. “I know the feeling hun, momsi is like that too at times-very pushy and overbearing, just chill biko, I'm here for you okay?” He cooed into my ears. That exactly was what I needed. “You should lie down a bit to cool off”, still wrapped in his arms, he proceeded to gently prod me towards the bed, “and we will continue our bickering later.” “Ouchh!!! “I screamed as my body made contact with some cold slippery substance on the bed, it was the ice cream that had spilled earlier,well no longer ice cream, s it was now in it's liquid state completely. “ Which kain double wahala be this one now? Ehn? So who will now wash this bed sheet? Did my village witches remember me or what?” I asked frustratingly, arms akimbo, my forehead ripped into many sections from my frown. “I'll wash it okay? I really don't like seeing you this worked up” he answered “ You have an all-night to attend, try and rest now? Dearie please, may be I should just go. I need to discuss my test's results with my mom” he added tiredly. It took all the restraint in me to curb the screaming plea in me to beg him to stay but of course I had to keep my pride intact. “It's fine by me, you should run along now, mommy's boy before you get smacked” I retorted. To my surprise, he burst out in laughter “ All women are truly the same! My dad was right!! Is that jealousy I sensed few seconds back?” He said as he made to give me a bear hug, biting my ears at the same time. I don't mind sharing myself in two for you both, because this battle ehn from the way I'm seeing it. Odikwa easy o!” “Abeg go! Who is jealous? Me ke? I don't have your time oh! You can do as you like, after all she is your Mom oh ,I cant come between you both” I said rolling my eyes at him. My mouth said one thing and my heart another. Oh! How much I loved him…
lost. Sometimes this opportunity to contribute is abused, however, we still carry them along. Some of the meetings held at the council level still saw some of them – the youth president, CDC chairman and exco to join us in taking some certain decisions. As for the women, unfortunately, you and I know in this part of the world, we still are very backward in carrying women along – we still see them as playing that Martha's role in the bible. Q: Serving with the Eze for over 10 years, could you tell us what his pet peeves were? A: 1. Lies –if you lie to Eze, he would be highly offended. 2. Inconsistency – if your handling of issues turned out to be an unreliable one, it pisses him off. if he gives you a piece of assignment and you are unable to deliver, he writes you off. Eze was a very humorous person but if he discovers you are unreliable, inconsistent and
you lie so much – he won't be happy with you. Q: Special likes? A: I'm not saying Eze chased everything in skirts but he enjoyed female company– just having them around, seeing their happy, bubbly faces made him very glad , he'll go ;“ oh! very beautiful girl, you are from where ? ..ohh! Your father used to be this and that” and just smile away his sorrows and he also, particularly liked young enterprising men. Q: What character trait did you greatly admire in the late Eze and put into practice? A: Although I haven't lived up to it but I greatly admired it in him- he was a dogged fighter. In fact one of the sustenance of his life was his Spartan like lifestyle. He would tell you “look oh! You better follow me, I don't believe in majority, you don't need them to succeed, be yourself, have confidence in yourself and have faith in God ” that was Eze for you. Unfortunately I'm not
dogged neither I'm I so much Spartan. He was also a very thorough man and even at an age well over 80, he would always come out looking very decent and well dressed. I must give it to him. Q: What legacy did he leave behind after over 25 years on the stool of power for Woji? A: He was a bridge builder. He helped us love and c e l e b r a t e t h e consciousness and awareness of the ancient nature of Woji – the traditional headquarters of Ikwerre Ethnic Nationality. Driving it home always to us, the need to tenaciously hold on to that positions of our fathers bequeathed to us. He never compromised anything. Defend your community; uphold your integrity and the pride of Woji.