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contents Schools for scandal

The Naked City .........................................................................7 Arts & Entertainment.........................................................22 Movies.........................................................................................26 The Agenda ..............................................................................28 Food & Drink ...........................................................................34 COVER COLLAGE AND DESIGN BY BRENNA ADAMS

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CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ +2 ]

Franklin Fountain in Old City comes in first on the Daily Meal’s list of the top milkshake makers in the country. “That’s because they’re made ol’-timey-style,” explains spokesman. “By slaves.”


A fan gives Dave Matthews a ride to his own concert in Hershey after the singer’s bike gets a flat on a pre-show ride.“I tried,” says bike tire.

[ -2 ]

Thieves steal Betty, a Chinese crested powder puff/terrier mix, while robbing a Rittenhouse Square apartment. Weird thing is, the thieves didn’t show up in the security footage and the apartment door appears to have been busted open from the inside.

[ +2 ]

Betty the stolen dog returns home on her own. “Yay, the, uh, bad guys let me go. Now everybody shut up. Mama needs to sleep this off.”


FBI divers search the Schuylkill near the Falls Bridge, but won’t say why. And Betty thinks you ask too many questions.

RIDGE TO NOWHERE: The city’s largest men’s shelter, the 280-bed Ridge Center, was closed last July to make way for a Stephen Starr commissary. A year later, only 100 of those beds have been replaced. NEAL SANTOS

[ homelessness ]


[ +1 ]

The Eagles rank 15th and the Phillies 41st on Forbes magazine’s list of the most valuable sports teams. The Sixers would like to borrow your copy when you’re done.


A computer error leads to PayPal informing a Delaware County man that he has $92 quadrillion in his account. “Know what? I am going to Kickstart the living shit out of everything.”

[ -3 ]

Coatesville is overwhelmed by a feral cat population in excess of 2,000 felines. Experts blame the town’s litter problem.

[ +1 ]

The city is looking to renovate LOVE Park and sell the 820-space garage underneath.“You can have it,” says the Rat Lord. “For tonight we march on Coatesville to meet our destiny.”

ne year ago, the city quietly closed the Ridge Center, its largest homeless shelter and the central intake point for homeless men in Philadelphia. Today, only 100 of Ridge’s 280 beds have been replaced. That’s the same 100 beds the city already had in place when Ridge closed last year. “The city has encountered persistent difficulty securing new sites for single homeless males,” Office of Supportive Housing director Dainette Mintz explains in an email. “Since 2010, 12 sites were removed from consideration due to private owners’ unwillingness to lease to the city or their anticipation of community opposition.” Community opposition also sank two other proposed sites at the last minute: a 150-bed shelter in West Philly in May 2012, and a 75-bed proposed site in South Philly this spring, Mintz says. But, she points out, with extra emergency beds in place, the city has maintained a 14-percent vacancy rate, 10-percent during the winter. The city, which delayed closing Ridge for six months while seeking out additional beds, plans to reuse another existing emergency-housing facility to add 75 beds by September in North Philly, and hopes to add another 50-bed site by December. The 100 beds already added were also in North Philadelphia. No sites near Center City appear to be in the running. That

This week’s total: 0 | Last week’s total: -7

A year after closing its largest men’s shelter, the city’s still scrambling to replace the lost beds. By Samantha Melamed


— paired with the mayor’s since-overturned ban on serving meals to the homeless outdoors, including on the museum-lined Ben Franklin Parkway — has left some with the sense that the homeless are being intentionally swept out of Center City and away from the gaze of tourists and commuters. The privately run Sunday Breakfast Rescue Mission at 13th and Vine, not far from the old Ridge site, added about 20 beds after Ridge closed. “Those have been filling up,” says Nick Lordi, director of the men’s ministry there. “We’re also serving a lot more meals.” Last Monday afternoon on the Parkway, lots of men said they’d stayed at Ridge in the past. No one really missed the place. “It was junkie- and drug-infested,” said a man who didn’t want to give his name. “You couldn’t really get yourself together there, because there always was someone in there to keep you down. I’m sorry it closed, but it didn’t do nobody no good.” But, he admitted, he had no place to stay that night. He had been sleeping at Sunday Breakfast Rescue Mission recently, but had lost his bed after missing a night. Another man, Benny Smith, said he was hoping to get into the North Philly replacement shelter. He’d heard the new shelter had smaller rooms, more like “a nursing home.” He’d stayed in Ridge once, in 2008, after a fire in his house. “Ridge was the pits,” he said. But one man who’d recently gotten long-term housing said he thought Ridge would be missed — just not in July: “It’s summertime now. These guys don’t care. Try them when the winter hits.” (

Community opposition sank 14 proposed sites.

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Some South Philly residents mistake raindelayed fireworks at a Phillies game for a celebration of the George Zimmerman “not guilty” verdict. “We’re so racist, we can’t even have a single coherent thought,” they explain.

[ -1 ]

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There’s funding aplenty to feed poor kids in the summer. Getting them those meals is the hard part. By Laura Petro

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[ hunger ]



he 400 block of Watkins Street in South Philly is swarming with two dozen children, ages 2 to 18, hanging out, playing in the street and splashing around in Maryellen Palermo’s backyard pool. Contrary to appearances, Palermo doesn’t run a summer camp or a day care. She operates a distribution site for the Summer Meals Program, a U.S. Department of Agriculture program administered variously by the city Department of Parks and Recreation and by the local nonprofit Nutritional Development Services (NDS). “All the kids on the block know they can come over and Miss Maryellen will have meals,” says Palermo, 56. “They call me the lunch lady.” She’s far more than that, though. The responsibility can often be overwhelming, she confides. “My kids are 22 and 23, and sometimes I think, ‘What am I doing, watching these little kids?’ But it’s better than having them out on the street. For a lot of these kids, this may be the only meal they get in a day in the summer.” Palermo’s is one of a network of more than 1,000 meal sites run by churches, community centers, schools and independent volunteers. Over the summers, they dish out thousands of meals to kids in communities where more than half the students qualify for free or reduced-price lunches during the school year. But even with so many cooks in the kitchen, Philly is still not meeting the need. The problem is one of logistics. There’s federal funding enough to provide meals for all the kids who need them — and nearly a

quarter of Philly children are considered “food insecure.” But connecting those meals with those kids is the annual challenge, says anti-hunger advocate Joe Tierney, coordinator at Fox Leadership, a service program at the University of Pennsylvania. Part of that is simply locating the kids. “During the school year, providers of meals for low-income children know where they are: They’re in school,” Tierney says. But unless kids are already attending a church or camp that is an established Summer Meals Program site, families often don’t know about the program or how to access it. Even once the word is out, operating a meal site can require finding supplemental funds. “The funding stream is for the food,” Tierney explains. “If you and I are running a program for 500 children a day, we can get 500 meals for those students — there is funding for that.” The problem is that there is no funding for operations. “You can get food for 500 children, but what is going to attract them to that central feeding site, and who is going to pay the cost of running that site?” April Thomas-Jones, executive director of Old Pine Community Center at 401 Lombard St., deals firsthand with that issue. Old Pine runs a day camp that supplies free lunches and snacks through NDS; 20 students attending the $225-per-week camp get “significant” financial aid. “If we could give full financial services to every student, we could easily have 30 more children attending camp, and that would be 30 more students being fed,” Thomas-Jones says. Anne Ayella, assistant director of NDS, says that as fewer parents can afford to send their kids to camps, the organization has had to get creative. In the past, NDS tried to avoid serving meals through informal meal sites like the one Palermo runs, but in the past five or so summers they’ve come to see such volunteers as a way to “meet

The system works, but it’s also fragile.

[ the naked city ]

an unmet need.” The Department of Parks and Recreation has embraced the model, running 650 such sites, called Play Streets. Terri Kerwawich, a Parks and Recreation program director, says people like Palermo apply to oversee Play Streets; their blocks are closed to traffic for certain hours and kids can come for free lunch, snacks and playtime. “Most of those are located at sites that aren’t near a rec center or where people can’t afford camps,” Kerwawich says. The system — which relies on volunteers willing to dedicate their summers to supervising other people’s children — works. But it’s also incredibly fragile. Consider Palermo’s meal site: It used to be run by a neighbor. When that neighbor fell ill with breast cancer a few years ago, she thought the site would disappear for good. It might have, if Palermo hadn’t stepped in. But she did. Sadly, the neighbor passed away a few months ago, but she did so knowing the children were being fed. ( ✚ To locate a meal site near you, call 855-252MEAL or text “MEALPA” to 87787.

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around the world words by Emily Guendelsberger // illustration by Evan M. Lopez

a while to suss out where to get kimchi, diamond sweets, mofongo or pierogies like grandma used to make — a lot of the time, the really authentic food is clustered in a small area with a large immigrant population, and these clusters can be a long subway trip or even drive from Center City.

You’ll have to find specific restaurants on your own, but this map is a great starting point for where to start looking.


The availability of really good food from other cultures depends mostly on a city’s immigration demographics — for example, it’s tough to find good, cheap Thai in Philly, but good, cheap Ethiopian is available in every third bar in West Philly. You just need to know where to look. It takes

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chinatown/spring garden

“I enjoying hanging out at Sang Kee Peking Duck House for flavorful food at a great price and for the relaxed, friendly service.” — Walt, 28, environmental engineer

CITYGUIDE 2012 - 2013

photos by Neal Santos


chinatown/spring garden

you should know … The Philadelphia Chinatown Development Corp. ( provides resources; First District Councilman is Mark Squilla (215-686-3458).

forget it, jake... it’s the eraserhood.

explore …


GOGGLING TOURISTS, branded conventioneers, questing foodies, suicide taxis and fuming delivery trucks make tiny Chinatown feel like a buzzing hive. Across the expressway to the north, Spring Garden — where David Lynch got his inspiration for Eraserhead and Diplo used to have his home base — can feel like a wasteland in comparison, but it’s starting to stir. Eat everything in the former — try noodles at Pho 75 or the thousand-layer bread at Rangoon — and watch as the latter becomes the next big neighborhood, mark our words. And don’t forget: Chinese New Year happens in the spring.


while you’re here …


• Soften tomorrow’s hangover with a 3 a.m. feast at Tai Lake (the seafood rolls are swimming when you arrive) • Reading Terminal Market deals in fast lunches and diverse groceries • Space 1026 houses artists’ studios and is always good for a gallery show 42

1029 Race St.,

There’s a lot of rules to getting buzzed in to the outwardly unassuming Hop Sing — owner Lêe turns away anyone in shorts, flip-flops, sneakers or a hat. Or in a party of more than four. Or on a phone. But inside, the $12 cocktails are excellent, the décor is gorgeous and nobody’s wearing flip-flops.

549 N. 12th St., 267-318-7772,


501 N. 13th St., 215-238-1818,

CITYGUIDE 2012 - 2013


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3<B3@B= E7<B7193BA



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Enter to Win Tickets at

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icepack By A.D. Amorosi

³ WITHIN THE LAST 14 months, Icepack has

spit lots of verse about the South Philly wrestling venue known as the New Alhambra,the New New Alhambra, ECW Arena, Viking Hall and Asylum Arena.I hung with Mickey RourkeandDarren Aronofsky on the set of The Wrestler there, watched my share of rockabilly shows there and spied The Joey Eye Show hard at work there. The Troc’s Joanna Pang, with and without AEG Live, leased the space and left the space before they could turn it into a concert venue. Now, a juicy rumor has several of the property’s owners (names you’ll recognize) trying to make the still-unnamed new arena (yes, they’re looking to clean it and keep it wrassslin’) part of a sports-centric complex that could involve some ofForman Mills with the Comcastbrand atop the enterprise. Presently, everyone’s just tawkin’ here, but seriously talking. ³ Do you still buy DVDs? Maybe telling you these releases have local ties will spur you on: Former Eagle Hank Baskett and former Playboy mate Kendra Wilkinson Baskett drop an entire season (really?) of Kendra on Top a couple weeks before filthy ex-Philly comedian Bob Saget unleashes That’s What I’m Talkin’ About. ³ Michelle Zauner and Kevin O’Halloran ain’t in Post Post anymore. Deven Craige is no longer a tree in the Strand of Oaks.Ian Dykstra stopped drumming for Titus Andronicus.The four of them are Little Big League,whose debut album of ’90s guitar-scrawl, These Are Good People,drops Aug. 6, with an LP-release jam happening July 25 at The Fire. ³ Also on the local CD tip, one-time Philly baritone Daughn Gibson (now in Carlisle, Pa.) just released his huckle-bucking Sub Pop debut, Me Moan. Look for an August show date through R5. ³ Wait six years, Paula Deen.All will be forgiven. I’m guessing that’s the moratorium now that Don Imus is back on Philly radio at WWIQ 106.9 FM. He lost all kinds of markets (Philly included) in 2007 when he made racist comments about the Rutgers University women’s basketball team. ³ Found out three things talking to guitarist Mike Tyler (LL Cool J,Goats) the other day. One: He’s a colonel in the state of Kentucky. Two: He’s recording a blues album at an off-South-Street studio. Three: The legendary jazz-soul-blues space, Robert’s Twi-Lite Lounge on 20th and Bainbridge, now has DJ nights as well as select live-and-loud Wednesdays with Mr. Tyler himself. ³ With the sorrowful passing of Glee actor Cory Monteith, questions arise: What becomes of the still-in-post-production film he shot here in 2012, McCanick, co-starring area actors David Morse and Mike Vogel? Condolences also go to the family of Abington-born Amar Bose, the CEO/founder of Bose Corp.³More Icepack through research at (

FAUX, ADRIAN!: Laurel Hill Cemetery’s “Famous People Not Buried at Laurel Hill” tour includes the granite headstone of Adrian Balboa. NEAL SANTOS

[ film/death ]

PLOT TWIST Why does Rocky’s wife have a tombstone at Laurel Hill? It’s part of the cemetery’s survival plan. By Dotun Akintoye.


ere lies ... Adrian Balboa. Well, not really. Laurel Hill Cemetery’s headstone for the fictional wife of the fictional Philly boxer is a leftover from the Rocky Balboa film shoot a few years ago. As Terri Greenberg, one of the cemetery’s tour guides, tells it, Stallone arrived to shoot his scene at Adrian’s grave, took one look at the Styrofoam prop headstone and said, “Tacky.” The current granite version was made, and now is one of the stops on the “Famous People Not Buried at Laurel Hill” tour, being given this Thursday evening. Adrian’s headstone was relocated to its current cramped locale after the shoot, though. Had to make room. Though there’s enough markers for people not actually buried here to make a tour out of it — George and Martha Washington, Robert E. Lee, Indiana Jones, Harry Potter — it’s crowded underground at Laurel Hill. That’s true for most of Philly, though. “If you are walking anywhere in Old City Philadelphia, you are probably walking on somebody’s grave,” says Greenberg. The city’s population nearly doubled in size to over 80,000 over the first three decades of the 19th century, leading to massive overcrowding of both the living and the dead. The situation prompted John Jay Smith, with a few others, to establish Laurel Hill as a non-sectarian garden cemetery

in 1836. It thrived for nearly a century, becoming a center of communal social life, architecture and horticulture. “But by the early 1930s, it was out of the profit business,” says David Horwitz, one of the earliest tour guides and a history professor at CCP. As a 501(c)(13), The Laurel Hill Cemetery Company is not allowed to fundraise. Sales of burial lots had dwindled to a near stop, and interest on the small 19th-century endowments for upkeep was negligible. Recreational culture had also changed; everyone had cars or radios. People stopped coming. The cemetery fell into disrepair. Horwitz first stumbled into Laurel Hill in June, 1972. Hurricane Agnes had just torn up the Atlantic seaboard and was carrying “entire villages down the Schuylkill.” Looking for a good vantage point to photograph the flooded, debris-strewn river, he found himself high on the eastern bank in the neglected burial ground that nature had nearly reclaimed. Some of it was impassible; many flat headstones were covered with grass and weeds, and groundhogs (still active) were sinking monuments. The situation couldn’t be solved by traditional methods — only about 1 percent of Laurel Hill’s 78 acres is still available for burial plots, and the cemetery does a meager 25-30 burials a year, many of which are in old ancestral plots. There are some new-looking markers — like the granite, man-sized microphone flanked by two pairs of stadium chairs that marks the grave of Harry Kalas, buried here in 2009 — but they’re few and far between. Getting one of

Robert E. Lee, Indiana Jones and Harry Potter.

>>> continued on page 24

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[ dramatically soulful and strangulated ] ³ soul

A lifelong wrestling devotee, Andy Kaufman was the first heel comedian, who thrived on enraging his audience. He also never completely broke character, as evidenced on Andy and His Grandmother (Drag City/Process Media), the first release culled from more than 80 hours of recordings made between 1977 and 1979. Kaufman carried his recorder everywhere, giddily capturing post-coitus conversation, instigating feuds between his lovers or frightening his grandmother with reckless driving and then taunting the cops who pull him over. The tapes are intimate, revealing and discomfiting field recordings from a constructed persona. —Shaun Brady

No singer defines Southern soul — hell, soul music, period — like Otis Redding. His ecstatic scream is iconic, but he was also a prodigious songwriter and arranger, singing charts to the horn section in lieu of writing them down. Shout! Factory’s Complete Stax/Volt Singles is hardly the late great’s first compilation, but it’s an exceptionally fine one. Presenting every A- and B-side in its original mono, many for the first time on CD, its 70 tracks are a treasure trove for any —Sam Adams serious, or even curious, aficionado.

³ americana/experimental Songs Cycled (Bella Union), Van Dyke Parks’ first (more or less) proper full-length outing in a quarter-century, is a triumphant return for the legendary, lately resurgent arranger/composer and inveterate musical fantasist/archivist. Rummaging through a gleeful grab-bag of new originals, far-ranging covers and rerecorded selections from across his catalog, it’s an excellent (re)introduction to his quaint, quirky, polymathic style, full of characteristically lavish and rickety shoe-string symphonies. —K. Ross Hoffman


By K. Ross Hoffman

³ electronic/experimental Floating in a parallel new-age/sci-fi netherworld, the debut LP from recombinant Chicago production duo The-Drum has the forbidding look and feel of a recondite critical-theory treatise. But it doesn’t feel that way: Abstract, elusive and unpredictable as it is, Contact (Audraglint) is also consistently, curiously alluring on a sensual level, playfully sifting through several decades of digital audio detritus (chintzy synth presets, liquid percussion shards, splutters of metal-coil slap bass) while splicing footwork and dub techno. —K. Ross Hoffman

[ movie review ]

FRUITVALE STATION [ B- ] IT’S WITH UNCANNY timing that Fruitvale Station opens just days after the

³ RIGHT OFF THE BAT, Jamaican Queens’ debut album Wormfood (Notown) looks like a downer, from the bloody cover model to its mordant moniker. The Detroit-based trio — a new project from former members of the bands Prussia and Our Delay — isn’t quite so straightforward. Yes, they’ve professed a strong affinity for the grisly Southern rap of Gucci Mane and Three Six Mafia, to the point of labeling their music “trap-pop.” (And that’s certainly one ingredient in the group’s erratic post-industrial beatscape.) But while mortality and violence are frequent concerns here, along with frank sexuality, the overall effect is less of a morbid wallow than a sort of emo-glam confessional, a sometimes tortured, decidedly cynical, yet still ultimately affecting set of observations on modern love and friendship: “I’ve begun to think of love as an impossibility/ I’ve begun to think of sex the way I do money.” Musically, that leads to delightful cognitive disconnects like the standout “Kids Get Away,” whose peppy sunshine strums and eruptive electro-bubblegum breakbeats intercept a quizzical lyric seemingly following the aftermath of a violent assault — which somehow leads to the come-on,“I wanna get in your shower.” The band’s open-eared experimental-pop playground incorporates subtly deployed samples from an astonishingly broad array of sources: Odetta, Roy Orbison, ELO, D’Angelo, Portishead, Matthew Dear. Still, it’d be hard to peg any direct influences save for the undeniable echoes of Bowie’s Thin White Duke in Ryan Spencer’s vocals, particularly at their most dramatically soulful and strangulated. The other glaring stylistic reference: Islands, Phèdre, Black Moth Super Rainbow, maybe Yeasayer at their screwiest. It’s a scraggly heap of misfits, but the Queens are laying a strong claim to the crown. (


✚ Fri., July 19, 8 p.m., $8-$10, with Norwegian Arms and Sean Nicholas Savage, PhilaMOCA, 531 N. 12th St., 267-519-9651,

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George Zimmerman verdict was handed down. With the sting of Trayvon Martin’s death still lingering, another story of a young African-American man’s life cut short by a bullet is retold. In the early hours of New Year’s Day 2009, Oscar Grant was killed by a transit cop on an Oakland subway platform, unarmed and lying face down. Whoever Oscar Grant was, his killing was tragic and unacceptable. But Ryan Coogler’s film is less concerned with the larger questions raised by the incident itself than with demonstrating what a good guy Grant was. Fruitvale Station opens with actual cell-phone footage of Grant’s shooting, then uses the audience’s knowledge of his fate to load his final day with cruel ironies. We see Grant, affectingly played by Michael B. Jordan, repeatedly taking steps to turn his life around, whether vowing a renewed commitment to his girlfriend (Melonie Diaz), flushing his stash or spending time with his adorable daughter (Ariana Neal), whose last line is one of the film’s most heart-wrenching moments. There are plenty of other moving sequences, though, from the overwrought shot of Grant cradling a dying dog to a scene in which he calls his grandmother to have her instruct a clueless white grocery-store customer on frying fish. Coogler does tentatively reveal less savory aspects of Grant’s personality, briefly showing Grant’s temper flaring during the day and flashing back to a prison stint, but the director’s restraint is palpable, a cautious insistence on not blaming the victim. The senselessness of Grant’s death is thoroughly captured in the tense, charged scene on the subway platform, however, making Coogler’s glowing appraisal of his subject unnecessary, if not quite disingenuous. It’s not hard to imagine a nearly identical film with Trayvon Martin as its subject, but the tragedy in either case doesn’t require a saint to point out its horrifying finality. —Shaun Brady

His killing was tragic and unacceptable.

LAST WORDS: Oscar Grant (Michael B. Jordan) says goodbye to his daughter (Ariana Neal) before heading to the subway station where he will be killed by a transit cop.


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³ comedy



[ disc-o-scope ]

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✚ Plot Twist

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“Changing people’s mindsets about cemeteries.”




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All PAWS animals are spayed/neutered, vaccinated, and microchipped before adoption. For more information, call 215-238-9901 ext. 30 or email

those few remaining slices of earth is expensive: Single plots start at $2,500 and larger ones can go as high as $10,000. The benefits? You’ll never be alone. Not if Alexis Jeffcoat, development and programs coordinator of The Friends of Laurel Hill Cemetery, the nonprofit that was founded in 1978 and revitalized the cemetery, has anything to say about it. Since there’s a finite capacity for interring the dead, Laurel Hill’s had to re-establish itself as a destination for the living, with regular events like themed tours (like the one of the faux graves), concerts and movie screenings, as well as allowing Stallone and Michael Bay to shoot films here. And the efforts seem to be working: In 1998, Laurel Hill was deemed a National Historical Landmark, the first cemetery to receive the distinction. And on one sunny day, people are walking through the grounds — some kneeling at headstones, but some picnicking. There’s even two men from Colorado who began visiting famous cemeteries around the world, like Père Lachaise in Paris, about 10 years ago. They stopped in Philly to see Laurel Hill before heading south to Arlington. For Jeffcoat, the big struggle is “changing people’s mindsets about cemeteries.” When Horwitz

[ arts & entertainment ]

started bringing his history students out for visits, a few complained, and he notices that it still “unnerves” some of them. Not Horwitz, though. The 72-year-old is fine visiting his own grave. “Not a bad view for eternity,” he jokes, surveying the red granite obelisk overlooking the Schuylkill that will serve as his headstone when he is dead. Isn’t it a little eerie? “We’re just doing what they did. Which is to visit their own monuments,” he says, nodding at the grand mausoleums and pale towers and obelisks of Millionaire’s Row, rescued from the past and restored to their proper continuity with today’s Philadelphia. “Look around you. Isn’t it obvious they wanted to be seen?” ( ✚ “Famous People Not Buried at Laurel

Hill” tour, Thu., July 18, 6 p.m., $20, Laurel Hill Cemetery Gatehouse, 3822 Ridge Ave., 215-228-8200, Reservations suggested.

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arts, music, movies, mayhem

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CENTER CITY Landmark’s Ritz Five (215) 440-1184 AMBLER Ambler Theater (215) 345-7855

BENSALEM AMC Neshaminy 24 (888) AMC-4FUN DOYLESTOWN County Theater (215) 345-6789

JENKINTOWN HiWay Theatre (215) 886-9800 KING OF PRUSSIA UA King Of Prussia 16 & IMAX (800) FANDANGO #644

PRINCETON Princeton Garden Theatre (609) 683-7595 VOORHEES Rave Ritz Center 16 (856) 770-9065


DREXEL PARK 32nd Street and Powelton Avenue, Peewee’s Big Adventure (1985, U.S., 90 min.): “I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.” Thu., July 18, 9 p.m., free.

EAKINS OVAL 26th Street and Ben Franklin Parkway, Ferris

✚ REPERTORY FILM AMBLER THEATER 108 E. Butler Ave., Ambler, 215-3457855, Vertigo (1958, U.S., 128 min.): Hitchcock makes acrophobics out of us all. Thu., July 18, 7 p.m., $9.75. Anchorman:

ror Double Feature: Hidden in the Woods (2012, Chile, 98 min.): Based on a true story, three siblings dodge their drug-dealing father and an army of assassins. Memory of the Dead (2012, Argentina, 100 min.): A sinister widow tries bringing her beloved back from the grave. Thu., July 28, 7:30 p.m., $8-$12.

com. Ain’t In It For My Health: A Film About Levon Helm (2010, U.S.,

83 min.): A personal portrait of one of The Band’s legendary founding members. Sun., July 21, 3 p.m., $8.

RITZ AT THE BOURSE 400 Ranstead St., 215-440-1181, The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975, U.K., 100 min.): If you don’t want to dance to “The Time Warp” after this, there’s something wrong with you. Fri., July 19, midnight, $10.

More on:

The Legend of Ron Burgundy

(2004, U.S., 94 min.): Starring men infatuated with luminescent objects and alcoholic beverages. Wed., July 24, 7 p.m., $9.75.

BRYN MAWR FILM INSTITUTE 824 W. Lancaster Ave., Bryn Mawr, 610527-9898, Psycho (1960, U.S., 109 min.): The first American film to picture a flushing toilet. Oh, and something happens with a shower. Wed., July 24, 7 p.m., $10.50.




1003 Arch St., 215-922-6888, thetroc.

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T / R E P F I L M .

ss “


“Kristen Wiig

is a comic powerhouse. Annette Bening is wonderful, simply brilliant.” Indiewire

COLONIAL THEATRE 227 Bridge St., Phoenixville, 610-9171228, How to Stuff a Wild Bikini (1965, U.S., 93 min.): ... with everything but tissues. Sun., July 21, 2 p.m., $9.

COUNTY THEATER 20 E. State St., Doylestown, 215-3456789, Die Hard (1988, U.S., 131 min.): Yippee-ki-yay ... Tue., July 23, 7 p.m., $9.75. Touch of Evil (1958, U.S., 95 min.): “They want Charlton Heston to play a Mexican.” Wed., July 24, 7 p.m., $9.75.

THE WAY, WAY BACK | B+ While most coming-of-age vehicles waste time spackling narrative cracks with dull sentiment, Nat Faxon and Jim Rash’s The Way, Way Back stands out for its frank, personal performances and microcosmic framing of adolescence, awful aches and all. So uncomfortable in his own skin that you

531 N. 12th St., 215-387-5125, Spanish-Language Hor-

INTERNATIONAL HOUSE Bueller’s Day Off (1986, U.S., 103

min.): Run, Ferris, run! Ska revival band The English Beat, whose music accompanied the film’s climatic chase scene, play a concert before the screening. Fri., July 19, 7 p.m., free. Shaun of the Dead (2004, U.K., 99 min.): Contains perhaps the only I’m-bleeding-and-about-to-die fart joke, like ... ever. Wed., July 24, 9 p.m., free.


Themes: Art & Industry, Militarism & Feminism (The Female Gaze)/ The Travel Diary. Fri., July 19, 7 p.m. $9. ’60s New York. Sat., July 20, 5 p.m. $9. Silent Rhythms/Sound Symphonies. Sat., July 20, 7 p.m. $9. Nothing Like Chocolate (2012, U.S., 63 min.): How one anarchist established a socially conscious chocolate cooperative in Grenada. Wed., July 24, 8 p.m., $9.



Picnic Grove, 2999 Street Rd., Bensalem, 888-588-7279, Ghostbusters (1984, U.S., 105 min.): “Let’s show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.” Sat., July 20, 9 p.m., free.

3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, Warren Sonbert Retrospective: Celebrating the experimental filmmaker’s legacy by screening a series of thematically related shorts. Queer Identity/From Mise-en-Scène to Montage: Thu., July 18, 7 p.m. $9. Overarching

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Achieving a balance of utter ridiculousness and pure glee not seen since Real Steel, Guillermo del Toro’s bathtub fantasy pits giant monsters from another dimension against enormous robots built to save humankind from utter destruction.That the movie features characters named Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba) and Hercules Hansen (Max Martini) should be clue enough that del Toro and screenwriter Travis Beacham are not after fine-grained subtlety. Pacific Rim’s most poetic conceit is the notion that the Jaegers, as the robots are called, have to be controlled by two humans in perfect sync, their minds linked in a psychic netherworld. Most successful pairs are related by blood, or at least nationality. But Jaeger meister Charlie Hunnam has been solo since the death of his brother, and is only coaxed back into the service by the fact that the monsters seem to be building toward a world-ending assault. The battle scenes are thrilling and the CG creations have weight and mass. (When a Jaeger pulls back its fist for a haymaker, you can almost feel the breeze.) What about that is not awesome? —Sam Adams (Wide release)

1003 Arch St., 215-922-6888, They Live (1988, U.S., 93 min.): 25 years later, John Carpenter’s aliens-disguised-as-Republicans film is as lurid as ever. Q&A with Roddy Piper post-screening. Sun., July 21, 8 p.m., $13. UHF (1989, U.S., 97 min.): A look into what it would be like if Weird Al ran a TV station. Mon., July 22, 8 p.m., free.


125 S. 2nd St., 215-925-4535, This double feature includes The Spectacular Now (2013, U.S., 100 min.), a story of unlikely love by the writers of (500) Days of Summer, and Can’t Buy Me Love (1987, U.S., 94 min.), a teen comedy in which Patrick Dempsey puts a price on desperation. Wed., July 24, 7:30 p.m, $10-$12.

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[ movie shorts ]



can nearly feel his slouched shoulders pressing through the screen, Duncan (Liam James) is a 14-year-old with a terrible problem: He’s 14. Forced along on a beach vacation with his emotionally frail mother Pam (Toni Collette) and her dickhead boyfriend Trent (Steve Carell), Duncan feels trapped inside “spring break for adults” — until he meets fast-talking Owen (Sam Rockwell), the super-slacker manager of a rickety water park who gives the kid a job and a reason to be. —DL (Ritz Five)

the naked city | feature

Gore Verbinski establishes eventual Ranger John Reid (Armie Hammer) as a silver-tongued dandy inept in matters of the gun and saddle. When the lawmen led by his stoic brother Dan (James Badge Dale) are ambushed, John knots on the famous mask, determined to bring Dan’s killer to justice. Cannibalism, macabre hallucinations, dark bouts with PTSD, greed-fueled genocide, whorehouse proprietors with shotguns as legs (Helena Bonham Carter) — all that plays a part in the bizarre route Verbinski follows to his otherwise coherent and traditional climax. It’s several unrelated movies in one, and none of them is good. —DL (Wide release)

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the agenda

[ time to sing down the dusk ]

PRETEND I JUST SAID SOMETHING FUNNY: Drye & Drye plays Chris’ Jazz Café on Wednesday. MICHELLE ARCILA

The Agenda is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit

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Submit information by email ( to Caroline Russock or enter it yourself at with the following details: date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.


7.18 [ theater ]

✚ NOISES OFF Michael Frayn’s entertaining farce is also a valentine to all who’ve ever been involved in a terrible theater production. That said, its playbook should come with a disclaimer for the uninitiated: Not all plays are this comically chaotic behind

the scenes. Leonard Haas plays a flustered director trying to whip together the needy cast of Nothing On, a formulaic British sex farce full of coincidental collisions and frustrated libidos mirrored by his actors’ petty squabbles. They’re a humorous handful: Dotty (Marcia Saunders) dallies with Garry (Christopher Kelly), Frederick (David Ingram) questions his character’s motivation, robotic Brooke (Jessica Bedford) loses her contact lenses, and beleaguered Belinda (Liz Filios) plays mother hen while spreading gossip. Backstage, harried stage manager Poppy (Leah Walton) and tech Tim (Andrew Kane) try to hold everything together, and everyone worries about doddering actor Selsdon (David Howey) sneaking off for a drink. The play’s big conceit — handsomely realized by set designer Tony Straiges — is that we watch the action unfold on an eight-door set in Act I, then the whole thing rotates and we watch the same scene from backstage, where the action is even more zany. When

the set turns around again, we watch the same “on-stage” action knowing what mayhem is occurring behind the set. Director Pete Pryor sustains the nearly impossible pace the play requires, and the capable veteran cast brings surprising insight, clarity and humanity to their characters, going far beyond the merely fast and funny that most productions deliver. —Mark Cofta Through Aug. 4, $25-$45, The People’s Light & Theatre, 39 Conestoga Rd., Malvern, 610-644-3500,

The Joe Rogan Experience and his own Beauty and Da Beast. Instead, Diaz must’ve called it a success when comedy saved his life. The Jersey-raised Cuban émigré got into the funny business while spending time behind bars, and says he stayed alive thanks to a caustic wit that served especially well when the projector malfunctioned on movie night. He carries these experiences as a foster child and petty criminal into a searing comedy routine that projects as much earnestness and humility as bravado. —Sameer Rao

[ stand-up comedy ]

✚ JOEY DIAZ How does a comedian measure his or her own success? For Joey “CoCo” Diaz, it has little to do with his scene-stealing turns on NBC’s My Name is Earl or roles in otherwise-forgettable movies like The Longest Yard and Taxi. It probably has even less to do with his candid and profanity-saturated appearances on popular podcasts like

Thu., July 18, 8 p.m.; Fri.-Sat., July 19-20, 7:30 and 10 p.m.; $16-$33, with Mike Rainey and John McKeever, Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St., 215-496-9001,

[ theater ]

✚ RUN FOR YOUR WIFE! Hedgerow Theatre’s tradition of Ray Cooney farces gets a reboot with his most popular play, which launched the series

12 years ago. Director Penelope Reed’s sparkling production features Joel Guerrero as hapless John Smith, whose idyllic but busy life with two wives in separate houses is fractured by an accident that disrupts his carefully planned double-domestic schedule. Imagine Ralph Kramden married to both Alice and Trixie, with only his wacky sidekick Norton — here, Andrew Parcell’s hyperactive Stanley — helping him escape discovery. Amy Frear and Alexis Newbauer shape the flabbergasted spouses into distinctive characters, and Rebecca Cureton and Zoran Kovcic play drolly, curious detectives. Run for Your Wife!, like all Cooney farces, builds hilarity through increasingly desperate lies and cover-ups, which propel doorslamming, clothes-shedding hilarity. For the 13th consecutive summer, Hedgerow’s Cooney farce is a treat. —Mark Cofta Through Aug. 18, $10-$32, Hedgerow Theatre, 64 Rose Valley Rd., Rose Valley, 610-565-4211,

[ dance/electronic ]

✚ APT ONE Philly DJ/producer/Young Robots label owner Apt One is on a mission with his new digital compilation Philadelphia Maneto:“I want to cross-pollinate scenes — Philly, New Jersey — and expose each act’s audience to the others on the release.” This means opening up the dance floor to electrofocused friends such as Pink Skull, Shawn Ryan and Todd Edwards (of Lux & Edwards fame) and letting them do their thing on Maneto.When it comes to bands such as Nico’s Gun, Instamatic and Downtown Club, Apt One remixes the live tunes and gets saxophonist Sammy Bananas from Fool’s Gold to jazz up the proceedings. These remixes appear on a limited-edition vinyl release. Most of Maneto’s acts will hit Race Street Pier for tonight’s album party. “Philly and Jersey have great talents but they’re operating in their own little spheres,” says Apt One. “There’s

invite you to a special advance screening of

Limit one (1) admit-two (2) pass per person. Sponsorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s employees and their dependents are ineligible. Please refer to passes for any other possible restrictions. No purchase necessary. Screening will be overbooked to ensure capacity and seating is on a first-come, first-served basis. While supplies last. Rated R for pervasive strong crude and sexual content including graphic dialogue, drug and alcohol use and language â&#x20AC;&#x201C; all involving teens.

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NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Admit two passes will be available while supplies last. Note that passes received through this promotion do not guarantee you a seat at the theatre. Seating is on a ďŹ rst-come, ďŹ rst-served basis, except for members of the reviewing press. Theatre is overbooked to ensure a full house. No admittance once screening has begun. All federal, state and local regulations apply. Recipient of tickets assumes any and all risks related to use of ticket and accepts any restrictions required by ticket provider 20th Century Fox and their afďŹ liates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a prize. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible if, for any reason, winner is unable to use his/her ticket in whole or in part. Void where prohibited by law. Participating sponsors, their employees and family members and their agencies are not eligible. No phone calls. The Wolverine is rated PG-13 for sequences of intense sci-ďŹ action and violence, some sexuality and language.


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thegrumpylibrarian Two loves and a hate with Caitlin Goodman


Fri, August 2nd 7pm Free First Friday Sk8Lamps by Victor Perez Sat, August 3rd 8pm Donations @ door David E. Williams, Tony Violence w/ DJ’s CB & Pickle

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Sat, July 27th 10pm Raunchy DJ Party – Free

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Sat, July 20th, 9pm donations @ door Sun Cinema’s Summer Residency continues with special guests Sunshine Acid Tabs

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[ the agenda ]

Sat, August 10th 9pm donations @ door The Slotcars, The Spastic Hearts & The Willies LE BUS Sandwiches & MOSHE’S Vegan Burritos,Wraps and Salads Delivered Fresh Daily!

s LOVED: Sheila Heti, How Should a Person Be?

Happy Hour Mon-Fri 5-7pm

s LOVED: George Saunders, Tenth of December  HATED: Claire Messud, The Emperor’s Children

Open Mic Every Wednesday @ 8:30pm

³ Recommendation: The Grumpy Librarian imagines the submitter of these three books having a bathroom full of carefully alphabetized pill bottles, the collected works of Lydia Davis and old issues of N+1. It sounds like a pretty fun place to hide during parties. Next time, bring a copy of Knut Hamsun’s Hunger in there. (If you don’t know Norwegian and are persnickety about translators, folks seem to prefer the Sverre Lyngstad.) The 1890 novel is exhausting and neurotic and also pretty funny, in an exhausting and neurotic kind of way. There isn’t really a plot and nothing happens (well, the narrator gets pretty hungry at times), but that should be like a nice cup of tea to a fan of Heti’s sweeping self-involvement. A biography of Hamsun would probably be equally engaging: Book jackets offer that he influenced Hemingway and Kafka and won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1920. They tend to leave off the bit about how he gifted that Nobel medal to Joseph Goebbels and spent his final years on trial for treason, shunned and in poverty. You might need some Zoloft after, but, hey — that’s why you’re in the bathroom. (

Beer of the Month Shiner Ruby Redbird




booking: contact jasper

OPEN EVERY DAY – 11 AM 1356 NORTH FRONT ST. 215-634-6430



----------------------------------------FRIDAY 7.19

WORKOUT! BO BLIZ & LOW BUDGET enough good music around here to do a second compilation and still have stuff left over.” —A.D. Amorosi Thu., July 18, 7 p.m., free, Race Street Pier, N. Columbus Blvd. at Race Street, 215-629-3200,


7.19 [ pop/rock ]


----------------------------------------SATURDAY 7.20 DJ DEEJAY

----------------------------------------SUNDAY 7.21


----------------------------------------MONDAY 7.22


----------------------------------------TUESDAY 7.23



----------------------------------------WEDNESDAY 7.24 DJSC DJs JOHN D & PAUL T 5th & Spring Garden


Selling out and snarking out go hand in hand for the members of Omaha Diner, a

new quartet whose repertoire consists entirely of songs that reached No. 1 on the Billboard pop charts. Trumpeter Steven Bernstein, guitarist Charlie Hunter, saxophonist Skerik and drummer Bobby Previte have all long bridged jazz, rock and jam-band approaches in bands like Sex Mob, T.J. Kirk and Garage a Trois, but this latest project skips the bridge and simply crams all those styles together. Named for the legendary Nebraska eatery where radio station owner Todd Storz noticed a waitress playing the same songs over and over on the jukebox, leading to the creation of Top 40 radio, the band’s book includes everything from “Sixteen

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Send the Grumpy Librarian two books you like and one you hate and she’ll tell you what to read.



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Tons” to “Moves Like Jagger,” with hits by Adele, Van Halen, Hall and Oates, and Beyoncé thrown into the mix. —Shaun Brady Fri., July 19, 9 p.m., $14-$18, with Jason Fraticelli and the Wet Dreams, The Blockley, 3801 Chestnut St., 215-222-1234,

first show. Here in the future, we know they’ve got a ’60s-ish freak-folk thing going: spooky lyrics, acid-garage guitars and Chadwick’s lava-lamp-lovely vocals. Raised on a commune and educated at Yale, Larkin Grimm is singularly, unstoppably, proudly weird. She makes earthy, tarotic psych-folk-

[ folk/rock/pop ]

You might not know it, but what you need right now is a BYO-blankets-and-booze concert under the stars. Fronted by Gillian Chadwick (pictured), a refugee from Espers’ cult compound, Ex Reverie claims they make “glam rock from the year 1066,” but there’s a good chance they’d have been swimming with the witches after their

Fri., July 19, 8 p.m., $7, Rigby Mansion, 523 E. Church Lane.


[ power pop ]

✚ MASKED INTRUDER country music. She bloodies up her sweetly sung lyrics with blunt, biological imagery. She wears chicken feathers and a confident smile. And you won’t want to miss Ember Schrag, an underworldly chanteuse whose twisted roots music is some-



Seven Days a Week. ½ OFF ALL DRAFTS! Kitchen open till 1am every night. Open 5pm-2am 7days a week. CHECK OUT OUR UPSTAIRS: Pool Table, Darts, Video Games! Corner of 10th and Watkins . 1712 South 10th 215-339-0175 .

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—Patrick Rapa




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how peculiar and comforting at the same time. Exactly who you want on stage when it’s time to sing down the dusk.

The lovesick petty criminals of Masked Intruder just want to kiss some pretty girls and rob them at knifepoint. Is that so wrong? These Wisconsin dudes lay the shtick on pretty heavily, between the colorcoordinated ski masks and

[ the agenda ]

the Saccharine-sweet Jersey Boys melodies behind songs with equally cheeseball titles (“I Don’t Wanna Be Alone Tonight,” “Why Don’t You Love Me in Real Life”). Singer/guitarist Intruder Blue (yeah, he’s the one in the blue mask) croons in such a sweetly sincere register that you almost forget about the psychopathy that goes along with breaking into women’s homes at night and singing to them. The band members are often incarcerated but, according to their Facebook page, have been permitted to tour as a reward for good behavior. —Marc Snitzer Sun., July 21, 7 p.m., $10, with Elway and Sam Russo, The Fire, 412 W. Girard Ave., 267-671-9298,


World Café Live floor — at least it’s (partially) carpeted. —K. Ross Hoffman Mon., July 22, 8 p.m., $14, with Satellite, World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400,

[ pop ]

[ rock/pop ]

✚ PARQUET COURTS/WOODS The members of Parquet Courts survived American childhood in the ’90s, and came out the other end pondering its listlessness. Light Up Gold, their 2012 release, is less of a musical reaction to the sounds of the past than a rumination of what it all meant. Last May, they delivered on the hype at PhilaMOCA, performing a setlist split between Light Up tracks and some newer, heavier material. This Wednesday at Morgan’s Pier, they open for Brooklyn’s thoughtful psychfolk quartet Woods.

—Shaun Brady Wed., July 24, 8 p.m., $10, Chris’ Jazz Café, 1421 Sansom St., 215-568-3131,

—Matt Schickling Wed., July 24, 9 p.m., free, Morgan’s Pier, 221 N. Columbus Blvd., 215-279-7134,

[ jazz ]

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✚ DRYE & DRYE Like father, like son. That’s the basic idea behind Drye & Drye, the sextet co-led by trombon- ✚ FOR COMPREHENSIVE EVENT LISTINGS, VISIT C I T Y PA P E R . N E T / L I S T I N G S .




No purchase necessary. While supplies last. Winners will be notified by email. Passes are valid Monday-Thursday, excluding holidays, through the run of the engagement at the Ritz at the Bourse only. This pass is not for resale!



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Indeed, despite its title, Shadows (Skipalong) turns out to be her most good-natured, sentimental outing yet. Inspired in part by her newborn son, Quinn (whose in utero heartbeat thumps softly under one track), it’s an album of lullabies, sweetly swaddled in a mixture of orchestration and gentle electronics: elegantly crafted but nevertheless resoundingly soporific. Consider bringing a pillow and curling up on the


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After the effervescent, pianoled chamber-pop confections of Lenka’s self-titled debut — with its cutie-pie breakout hit/licensing goldmine “The Show” — and the zingy, electronic leanings of 2011’s more eclectic but equally winsome Two, the odds were stacked pretty high against the breathy-voiced Australian pop-sprite suddenly turning to dark, moody art-rock, or even mildly miserable balladeering.


ist Brian Drye and his father, baritone saxophonist Howard Drye. The band was formed at the urging of the younger Drye, a member of such genre-blurring Brooklyn ensembles as The Four Bags, Bizinga and Slavic Soul Party. While Drye the elder is a Berklee grad, he’d largely shelved his horn and focused his musical attention on his Connecticut church. But on Open Letter (NCM East), their new CD, the two generations each contribute a disc’s worth of original compositions written in homage to influences both personal and musical, from Horace Silver and Harry Carney to each other. Despite the parceling of responsibilities onto separate programs, the family resemblance is obvious from one disc to the next, showcasing a strong sense of musical tradition passed along from mentor to student as well as father to son.

the agenda


[ the agenda ]

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feedingfrenzy By Carly Szkaradnik




³ NOW SEATING | In addition to the full-service restaurant, the AKA hotel on Rittenhouse Square has expanded its amenities to include a super-sleek bar in the former Kiehl’s space. With no hot kitchen on premises, the menu centers around small plates and is decidedly seafood-heavy, with the main attraction being a well-appointed raw bar. The wine list, courtesy of sommelier Tim Kweeder (also the architect of’s stellar roster), focuses on artisanal natural wines — and immediately ranks as one of the best in the city. Open daily, 3 p.m.-midnight, 135 S. 18th St., 215-825-7000,

ROUNDABOUT: Beef jerky and jasmine-rice sausages are wrapped with romaine, chile and lime in Ratchada’s Thai sampler.

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Garage | The latest opening from Jason Evenchik (Growlers, Vintage) celebrates beer in cans and boardwalk vibes in the shell of a former body shop. The space has been kitted out with skeeball, pinball and pool tables (yes, the games spit out redeemable tickets) and an indoor lunch cart that will host a rotating cast of cooks from some of the city’s best-known food trucks. There’s also a generous “BYO cheesesteak” food policy, and if the list of cans numbering in the hundreds doesn’t do it for you, the bar offers a few drafts and a minimalist approach to wine — you want red or white? Open daily, 5 p.m.-2 a.m., 1231 E. Passyunk Ave., 215-278-2429. Serpico | Any time a decorated New York chef moves to Philly, you can expect a good dose of breathless anticipation. When word got out that the newest arrival was the chef who opened Momofuku Ko with David Chang, the Philly food scene was left gasping for air. After months spent ducking most of the hype, Peter Serpico opened the doors last month. Though undoubtedly stylish, the neighborhood-joint vibe comes through with chalkboard menus and bar seating overlooking an open kitchen. The opening menu includes plenty of approachable tastes like hand-torn pastas and lamb ribs, though not without some twists (try not to look surprised when your foie hits the table in powder form). Open Sun.-Thu., 5-11 p.m., Fri.-Sat., 5 p.m.-midnight, 604 South St., 215-925-3001, Got A Tip? Please send restaurant news to restaurants@ or call 215-735-8444, ext. 207.

[ review ]

HIERARCHY OF HOT Ratchada brings together the big flavors of Thailand and Laos. By Adam Erace RATCHADA | 1117 S. 11th St., 215-467-1546, Hours: Mon.-Thu., 11:30 a.m.-10 p.m.; Fri.-Sat., 11:30 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sun., 2-9:30 p.m. Appetizers, $4.95-$13.95; entrees, $9.95-$22.95; desserts, $5.95-$6.95.


parade of carved elephants still marches trunk-to-tail inside the front door. Traditional dance headdresses, gilded and jeweled and glittering in their multitude of spires, still appoint the dark wooden walls. The square, open dining room still looks like the habitat of some colonial art collector. The Thai sampler is still on the menu and served in the same elegant blue-and-white More on: platter with different compartments cupping crispy spring rolls the size of Kit Kats, two types of dumplings, a chicken-peanut mix rolled like saltwater taffy in clear rice-paper crepes, and luminous papaya salad shot through with just the right amount of fish sauce. Except for the new name, illuminated in a red halo above the door, little seems to have changed at 1117 S. 11th Street. One day in December, what was once Cafe de Laos, a long-running outpost of Thai and Lao cooking on Vietnamese-dense Washington Avenue, became Ratchada when two former servers, Tom Suparsi and Jib

Jongboon, took over. The staff is much the same at Ratchada, which is named for a Bangkok neighborhood, and they’ll still nod along to your “hot” requests but order you what they think is best anyway, like a bunch of overprotective moms. “I think I remember you from Cafe de Laos,” one particularly pleasant server said to me as he punched “medium” on the computer for the heat level of my take-out curry. Apparently not well enough. You’ve still got to press these well-intentioned profilers a bit, to assuage their fears that you’re not going to ship your Massaman or jungle curry back to the kitchen because you can’t handle its faceincinerating spice. I can’t blame them for being overcautious. I’m sure in the past they’ve been plenty burned by returns. “Hot” is still a three-tiered hierarchy: There’s hot, very hot and Thai hot. One time during the Cafe de Laos era, I insisted on Thaihot red curry, and to this day, it’s the spiciest bowl of food I’ve ever consumed, even hotter than anything I ate MORE FOOD AND in Thailand. Halfway through the dish, DRINK COVERAGE I’d taken on the look of a rubella victim: AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / sweaty, ashen and halfway delirious. M E A LT I C K E T. So now I stick to “very hot,” and that worked just fine in the som tom centerpiece of the Thai sampler, the heat of the crushed red chilies colliding with the sweet of palm sugar, sour of lime juice and salty of fish sauce and peanuts in the chaotic harmony that underscores Thai cooking. They flamed the tom zap, the lemony soup from the north poured over chopped spare ribs that separated from their bones like bananas from their peels, and the tom kha, the quenching coconut soup >>> continued on page 36

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P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J U L Y 1 8 - J U L Y 2 4 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | 35

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â&#x153;&#x161; Hierarchy of Hot <<< continued from page 34

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J U L Y 1 8 - J U L Y 2 4 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

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36 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

[ food & drink ]

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hotâ&#x20AC;? is still a threetiered hierarchy at Ratchada: Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hot, very hot and Thai hot. from the south best provisioned with tender curls of pink shrimp. They electrified the laab duck, finely minced bits of tender meat, unctuous fat and candyshell skin greened with cilantro and scallion, blended with bell pepper, red onion, pineapple, lime, fish sauce and roasted sticky rice â&#x20AC;&#x201D; an uncommon ingredient made from roasting raw grains with lemongrass, kaffir-lime leaves and galangal and grinding the mix into a toasty herbal gunpowder. The flavorful, dynamic mix was piled over lettuce, though to call it a salad would be like calling a T. rex a lizard. As Ratchadaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s chef, Suparsi proved confident in manipulating these big-personality ingredients and translating the recipes of his homeland for a clientele with varying levels of comfort and familiarity with bird chilies, fish sauce and lotus rootlets. The Lao dishes are even more intriguing. Was that ... dill? ... scenting my beef om Laos, a vegetable-dense, tapioca-thickened curry built on a paste of lemongrass, galangal, kaffir lime, shallot and that roasted rice powder? Sure was. Apparently the frilly, piquant herb is as popular in Thailandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s northern neighbor as it is in Scandinavia. Meanwhile, a tropical perfume pervaded the hor mok Laos, a version of the above mummified in banana leaves and steamed; get it with chicken. Fermented shrimp paste, which makes fish sauce smell like a meadow of roses, stained threads of papaya an inky charcoal color in the Lao-style version of the som tom. As with its Thai counterpart, the salad is orbited by other snacks in the Laos sampler, among them chewy, aromatic beef jerky and nubby jasmine-riceand-pork sausages, both made in-house and powered by lemongrass and kaffir lime. Romaine leaves, slivers of fresh ginger, crushed chile and brilliant bits of chopped lime filled one compartment of the dimpled platter, awaiting DIY wraps that amounted to my favorite bites at Ratchada (also my favorite bites at Cafe de Laos, for what itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s worth). Rich and fragrant with coconut milk, the red curry called Samui for the coastal Thai island is one of the new additions; a catch of calamari, scallops, shrimp and plump New Zealand mussels in shells with iridescent turquoise rims and a bit of grit. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s crab meat, too, but Suparsi was out of it the night I ordered; I tried to switch to the Andaman curry, featuring lobster tail, but he was out of that, too. The takeaway: Tuesday is probably not the best day to order seafood at Ratchada. Another newcomer brought Thai iced tea recast in a luscious house-made cheesecake, but I found it hard to resist a dome of glistening mango, sweet and floral, paired with a trapezoid of coconut sticky rice dyed green with pandan leaf. Some things, thankfully, never change. At Ratchada, most things havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. And Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m OK with that. (

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food classifieds

everything pets pets/livestock Please be aware Possession of exotic/wild animals may be restricted in some areas.

Ragdoll Kittens: Beautiful, Melt in your arms, home raised. 1st Shots Priced to sell, Summer Specials!. 610.731.0907

Siamese Kittens m/f applehead, purebred, Health Guar. Call 610-692-6408

BICHON FRISE: AKC, 10 week Male, vet checked, fam raised, $475. 717-451-4862

Bull Terrier PUPPIES FOR SALE $400 2F Shots, Wormed, Vet Ckd 267.303.4989

GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPS - AKC, have both parents, shots, wormed, training started, $400-$800. Call 856-455-6984

Irish Setter Puppies, Top quality, Vet checked, parents on premises, Males $450 Females $585 717-438-3121

LHASA APSO, only 1 left, Male, $625, 215787-7565 MALTESE PUPS, Ready to go. Call 856562-3220 MALTIPOOS Comes w/ shots, grooming services, puppy pkg. $600. 2 M/3Females. 267-474-1031

Olde English Bulldog Pups - Fam. raised $1,000. Ready 7/24. Call 610-751-5718.

merchandise market BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.75 sf (215) 365-5826 CABINETS KITCHEN SOLID WOOD Brand new soft close/dovetail drawers, Full Overlay, Incl. Crown, Never Installed! Cost $5,300. Sell $1,590. 610-952-0033 CHURCH PEWS- Used. All wood pews with kneelers for sale located in Jenkintown PA. Call 717.540.1747 Diabetic Test Strips Needed pay up to $30/box. Most brands. 610-453-2525

BD a Memory Foam Mattress/Bx spring Brand New Queen cost $1400, sell $299; King cost $1700 sell $399 610-952-0033 Love seat & Chair Set W/Rocker, 4 Dining Chairs no table, Dresser W/ 4 Drawers, Armoire, Set of Dishes, Outdoor Glass table, Plus more! Make offer 610.717.8216 by appointment only Sofa -Antique Chip & Dale recently upholstered also antique frames, Tables, Mirrors. Also Band saw, air compressors & Singer sewing machine. 215.880.6264

Old English Bulldogge puppies for sale IOEBA Registered, born 5/11/13, 4 males & 2 females, vet checked (717) 629-9226

FILA BRASILEIRO PUPS - Dad 220 LBS, Mom 170 LBS. Call 267-275-5888

French Bulldog- AKC, 3 Year old Female Cream, Very friendly, Great With Children, Great house dog, $1350 With 2 week Tri al, OBO, Good Health 717.627.5464

Pit Bull XL Blue, $2000 717.715.6981

SCOTTIES OF PRINCETON Announces rare White & Wheaton Scottish Terriers. Great bloodline, AKC, veterinarian certified, Ready now. Phone 609-882-0183 details.

SHIH TZU pups ACA, 18 Wks, $750 Solid/Tan/white. Call 215.752.1393 German Shepherd Puppies - AKC Regis tered 8 weeks Males & Females, outstanding Ch. Bloodline, Vet Health Checked, If your looking for a special German Shepard. See us 610-682-6171 German Shepherd Pups AKC Ch Bred: Shots, Wormed, OFA, Hips, Health Gauranteee $650, 484-802-0069

SHIH TZU pups ACA, 19 Wks, $725 Solid/Tan/white. Call 215.752.1393 STANDARD POODLES - Black, 2mo. old, $300. Call 215-820-9066 Whippet Pups AKC Reg. CH Bloodline, Sweet personalities, M/F 609.882.0436 YORKIE MIX PUPS: 2 M & 1 F, Vet Chked, H Guar, S & W, $300, 856-563-0351 Yorkies, Teacup - Males, $700 AKC, Shots, Wormed, 215-970-8268 YORKIES: TEA CUP & STANDARD. Small, ready to go, 717-278-0932.

1900 S. 65th St. 2BR & 3BR Apt Newly renov, Lic #400451, 215.525.5800 6017 Balitmore Ave. Studio $390 Furnished, utils. seperate. 6078 Allman 3BR house $600 utils. seperate. Call 267-738-4777

60th & Washington Ave. 1br $500+utils nr transp., nwly renov. Call 215-748-1383

57th & Thomas 1BR $575 + Elec Furn. Avail. immed. Call 267-266-3661

5818 Vine St. Studio $520+util spacious, elec heat, (215)688-1363 2013 Hot Tub/Spa. Brand New! 6 person w/lounger, color lights, waterfall, Cover, 110V or 220V, Never installed. Cost $7K Ask $2990. Can deliver 610-952-0033

EAGLES SEASON TICKETS: 7 Games, 4 Seats, Sect 625 (Isle). 610-399-5088

33&45 RECORDS HIGHER $ Really Paid


33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $


I Buy Anything Old...Except People! Military, toys, dolls etc Al 215.698.0787 I Buy Guitars & All Musical Instruments-609-457-5501 Rob JUNK CARS WANTED We buy Junk Cars. Up to $300 215-888-8662

60xx Vine St Lrg Eff. $625 inc utils & cable. $1150 move in, Gee 267-767-4496 West Phila Studio Please call 215-219-9552 W. Phila. Apts for 62 & older, brand new eff, 1 & 2BR units. Call 215.386.4791

31st & Clifford 1BR $550+utils. Sec 8 Ok, Sunny & Spacious Eat-In Kit, Newly Renovated, 267.407.9926

5220 Wayne Ave Studio & 1BR on site lndry, 215-525-5800 Lic# 507568

33RD ST. 1-2BR $625 & up newly renov, near Univ 215.227.0700, 9-5

607 E. Church Ln. 2BR near LaSalle Univ. 215.525.5800 Lic. # 494338

36xx N. 15th St. 1BR, $465 + elec. &gas 1 mo rent, 1 mo sec. 215-681-6967

N. Phila. Effic. for rent $600/mo. Leave a message or text, 267-475-3140

732 E. Chelten 1BR/1BA $550 & $600 + utils. Call 267-978-5982 GREENE & HARVEY-Summer Special LUXURY GARDEN TYPE 1BR’S Newly decor’d, w/w, g/d, a/c, laundry & cable on premises, off st prkg. Nr transp. 215-275-1457/233-3322

1, 2, 3, 4 BEDROOM

W. Logan St 1Br $499 + UTILS 3rd Flr, Carpet, Pets, 2+1 to move in 215.471.1742

12xx W Alleghany 1BR $450+Elec/Gas 2nd Fl, Near Trans, 1+1, 610.324.2141

63xx Germantown Ave. 2br $750 Lg, low utils, w/w cpt, yrd, 215-848-2220

FURNISHED APTS Laundry-Parking 215-223-7000

33xx N Park Ave Studio Apt $525/mo. water & heat included, 610-277-9191 1501 Orthodox 1BR & 3BR apts. Newly renov. 215-525-5800 Lic#309723 11XX Wingohocking lrg. 1br $625+ Utils. 1st, last, sec. 267-784-9284 49xx N. 8th St. 2br, 1ba, $575 + elect. last/sec. 1/2 off 1st mo rent 267.872.6217 Rockland St. Lg. 1BR $595 Effic. $475. Avail Now. 215-329-3013

1st month rent for free . We have studios, 1BRs, & 2BRs at multiple locations. Rental rates starting at $550/mo. Call today to schedule a tour 215-276-5600 200 blk of Furley St. 1br apt. $575 + 1st, last & Sec. 267-249-9432

1368 PAXON 3BR/1BA $850/mo plus dep. Fin. bsmt, 267.912.5942

5853 N Camac 1BR $660 +utils. Renov. 267-271-6601 / 215-416-2757

53xx Spruce St. 2BR $725 Spacious, 2nd flr, updated (215)668-4531

60XX Warnock 1 BR $625+ nr Fernrock Train Station,215-276-8534

Apartment Homes $650-$995 215.740.4900

36xx N. 21st St. 2BR/1BA $700+utils. w/w carpets, garbage disposal, newly renovated. 1mo. sec. dep. 267-872-2472

24XX N 33rd 1BR/1BA $675 + Utils 30XX Ridge Effic $525 + Elec New Reno, 2+1 Move in, 215-252-4763

1 BR & 2 BR Apts $735-$835 spacious, great loc., upgraded, heat incl, PHA vouchers accepted 215-966-9371

1707 HARRISON ST. 1br Efficiency 267-257-0144

42xx Frankfort Ave. Studio $490 2nd flr, prvt kit. Call 215-289-2973 4645 Penn St. Lg 1BR $595. gas/wtr inc. Priv deck 718-938-4590

3XX Godfrey Ave 2Br/1.5Ba $695 + utils, w/w carpet 267-251-5675 53xx Akron 1 BR $625+ elec 2nd flr, 1st & last to move in, 215.651.1140 6133 Edmund 1BR/1BA $550 credit check, no pets. 215-498-1807 65XX Souder St. 3br/1ba, $895/mo. +utils. new carpet/paint, call for details 215-459-6819 or 215-783-0175

LEVITTOWN, PA - Off Marion Ave. 1BR/1BA $695. Efficiency $615. Call 609-288-2910 and leave a message.

11xx N. 55TH ST. BRAND NEW BLDG Single rms $400, double rooms $600. Rms w/ba $500, Rms w/ba & kit $600. Fully furn w/ full size beds, fridge, & dresser. Couples welcome! SSI/SSD/VA, Payee services, Public assistance ok. Also SW, S., W., N. 267.707.6129


German Shorthair Pointers - AKC, Excellent dogs! Call (856) 261-8922

Steinway Grand Pianos 3 refurbished grands, Taylors Music Store, West Chester:from $17K to $22K (610) 696-1812

Rottweiler Pups, 9 weeks old, M & F, $600. AKC. Call 484-523-4421

1100 S 58th St. 2BR apt. heat/hw incl., lic #362013 215-525-5800

29XX Westmont 2BR House $750 Newly renovated. (215)688-1363

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J U L Y 1 8 - J U L Y 2 4 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

English Bulldog Pups AKC, 3 Left $2000, Health Gaur, Vet Chkd, 267.664.1841,

apartment marketplace

17XX N 42nd Effic $400+Utils New Reno, W/W, 267-235-2879

Pitbull, 8 weeks,

XXL, Blue, Royal Bloodline, totally stunning! $1,500 (717)715-6981

apartment marketplace

Housekeeper. Live-in for single woman. Must drive & cook. Exp’d. Very hi salary. Media. 732-530-4941

72xx Lindbergh Blvd. 2BR $900 + utils newly renov, sec 8 ok. 215-651-0057

OLD ENGLISH BULLDOG PUPS - Vet checked & shots, 8 wks old, $850. Lancaster County area. 717-529-6992 ext. 4

Cane Corso Pups, 8 weeks, 2M, 3F, purebred $300. Call 267-980-7626


food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds J U L Y 1 8 - J U L Y 2 4 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

38 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

apartment marketplace

homes for rent 22xx Hemberger 3BR/1.5BA Credit check reqâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d. Call 610-659-2452

15th & Federal, 51st & Chester, 61st & Arch, 52nd & Girard. Rooms for rent. Share kitch. & bath, $375 & up. SSI ok. Call 267-888-1754 27th & Lehigh - Bed, fridge, micro., $105/wk. $225 move in. 215-765-5578

3754 N. 15th St. Lg furn. rm, $100/wk + sec, no drugs, near trans 215-209-9046 38xx N. 15th - Lg furn room, $105/wk, Plus $300 sec. Call 267-809-7866 55/Thompson deluxe quiet furn $130 week priv ent $200 sec 215-572- 8833 Allegheny $90/wk. $270 sec dep. Near EL train, furn, quiet. Call 609-703-4266 Bridge & Pratt neat, clean rooms $455/mo Sec. dep req. 215-432-5637 Broad/Olney furn refrig micro priv ent $115/$145wk sec $200 215.572.8833 BROAD St: Move in Special $190, Lrg clean furn rms, w/w. 215-681-3896 Broad & Wyoming $85-$135/Wk, $200 Sec, Furn, Pvt Ent, SSI/VA 267.784.9284 Frankford, nice rm in apt, near bus & El, $300 sec, $90/wk & up. 215-526-1455 Germantown Area: NICE, Cozy Rooms Private entry, no drugs (267)988-5890 G-town Area, 1xx Hansberry St., furn, nice block, SS and Disability are welcome. $100-$125/wk. Call 215-667-3801 Hunting Park: Furn. Luxury Rooms. Free utils, cable, A/C. Call 267-331-5382 LANSDOWNE AVENUE $450/mo. cable/util. incl. no smoking 484.494.0753 Logan: All new New furn rm, $110/wk, 1st fl, $330 sec, No drugs. 215.313.9462 N. 57th St. - Rooms $125/wk. Very lrg, newly renov., furn. Call 267-581-1933 N. Phila. $75 & up. SSI & Vets + ok, drug free. Avail immed. 215-763-5565 N. Phila Furn Rms SS & vets welcome. No drugs, $100 & up. Call 267.357.5148 NP/Logan/WP pvt entry, also effic avail $110 - $135/wk. Call 609-526-5411 Overbrook- Large rooms for rent share Kitchen & bath, Unfurnished, New reno, No Drugs/Pets, $450/mo, $650 Move in Pay Weekly or Monthly, 267.756.0688 S 59th St. near El, furn, a/c, fridge, $90/wk + $90 sec. 215-472-8119 SOUTHWEST Newly renovâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d , nicely furnished, A/C, W/D, cable, clean, safe & secure. Call (267) 253-7764 Southwest / West Philly $100 & up, deluxe rooms. Call 267-997-5181 SW Phila 6529 Linmore: Rms, incl cable & a/c, use entire house, kitch, LR, DR, absolutely No drugs/alcohol (267)228-4538 W Phila & G-town: Newly ren, Spacious clean & peaceful, SSI ok, 267.255.8665 Wynnefield - Room for rent, no drugs, with cable. Call 215-877-0150

THE NEWS IS BACK! PickupDaily News WeekendeverySaturday atanewsstandnearyou

24XX S. Millick St 2br/1ba $650/mo, 25XX Gross St 2Br/1 Ba, $650/mo 610534-4521 26XX Hobson St 2br $800 + utils newly renov, sec 8 ok. 215-651-0057

13XX N. Wanamaker 3br/1ba/home $820/mo. 1st/last/1mo. sec. reg. 267255-1895 2xx N. Avondale St. 2BR $725 w/w, close to transp, 215-280-9200 2XX Wallace St 3br/1ba Newly renov, within walking distance of Penn & Drexel. Call 267-528-4121 335 N 55th 3br $800 Newly renoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d, 215-327-1030 10a-5p only. Open House Sun 7/14 2-3, Wed 7/17 1-2 5xx N. 58th St. 4BR/2BA Large. Call for details 610-626-7002

7XX N Dekalb 3br, 1Ba $775 + utils renovated credit ck 215-464-9371

6405 Carlton St 3Br/1Ba $950+utils Newly Reno, Avail Now. 610-649-4981 6606 Haddington Lane 3br/1ba $995 215.740.4900

28xx N. Vanpelt St. 3br/1.5ba $850 Incl. brand new crpt, fridge, stove & W/D. Lg bkyrd & frnt porch 267.596.2016

Temp Hosp area 3/4Br sngl fam Avail Now, Move in Special 215-386-4792 18xx W. Albanus 3BR/1BA $700+ Util $2100. move in 570-234-6728

52XX Pennway 3BR $900+ Utils 60XX Phillip 3BR $900 + Utils 2 mos sec req, Garage, 267-287-3175 7XX Nedro 3br/1ba $950/mo + utils Section 8 OK. Call 215-740-4629

NICE TOWN 2br $700 + 1st mo. & sec. 215-219-9257

3xx W. Zeralda 3BR/1BA $850+Utils Great Shape, Gar, Bsmt 610-834-9978 60xx Magnolia St. 3BR/1.5BA $925 New, rehabbed, hdwd flrs. 215-280-9200 66xx N. Uber 3BR/1BA 1st, last, security deposit. Call 267-3355950 or 215-839-2283 GERMANTOWN 3BR/1BA $850 Nice location, nice house. 215-779-0352 Slocum St. 3BR/1.5BA $850 1st & last mo. sec. dep. 267-975-6091

Wilmont & Ditman 3BR/1BA W/D, fridge, Sec. 8 ok. 215.632.5763

13XX Mckinley St 3Br/1Ba $895 + utils, new paint/carpet. Call for details, 215-459-6819 or 215-783-0175

4320 Shelmire 3BR/1BA $900 credit check, no pets. 215-498-1807 9xx Granite 4BR New Reno, Sec 8 ok 267-587-7290 9XX Scattergood St 2Br/1Ba $795 + utils. Move in Special. Call for details, 215-459-6819 or 215-783-0175

OXFORD CIRCLE 887 Marcella St. 3br 1ba $850 plus. Call 267-632-4580

BENSALEM 4BR/2.5 BA $1200 w/w carpets, w/d, large rear yard, no pets, 1mo. rent, 1 mo. sec. 443-786-2762


3BR RANCH HOUSE within 10 miles of Jenkintown w/fenced yard (well-behaved dog). Professional couple. Excellent credit. Need by Oct. 1st. 732-542-2559

Willingboro, NJ 4BR/2BA $1,100/mo. Yard, gar., new paint. Call 215-752-5317

A1 PRICES FOR JUNK CARS FREE TOW ING , Call (215) 726-9053

low cost cars & trucks Acura Legend 1993 $1500 Strong engine economical 856-296-4484 Buick LeSabre 2002 $3900 11k MI, Clean, Loaded, 215.850.5702 Chevy Impala LS 2005 $3,500/OBO Runs great, 82K, insp. Call 267-441-4612 Chrysler Concord LXI 2002 $2,195 3.5, leather, roof, cold A/C 267.592.0448 Chrysler Grand Carivan 1998 3 seats 8 passenger Mini-Van, full pwrs, A/C, garage kept. $3,475. Call 215-922-2165 Ford 2000 F-150 deluxe pickup truck, 4Dr, A/C, extended cab w/fiberglass cover $4,985. Light comm. 215-922-5342 Ford Explorer XLT 2000 $1450 All Pwrs, Clean, Runs Exc, 215.620.9383 FORD F-150 XLT 1996 $1450 5 spd, cold A/C, runs new, 215.620.9383 GMC Envoy SLT 2004 $4,250 v6, lthr, sun roof, chrome, 267-592-0448 Mercedes Benz 320E 1995 $2,795 134K Mi, Loaded Classic, 215-389-2450

Mercedes Benz S500 1993 $4,975 4 dr w/ sun roof, positively flawless, senior citizen, sac substantially less than book Haddon Heights 2BR/1BA $1550+utils. value, deluxe sound syst. 215-922-5342 hdwd flrs., avail. 7/15. Call 856-340-6476 Mercury Sable 1994 $950 Auto, AC, 73K, insp. 215-620-9383


Nissan Maxima 1995 $1750 All Pwrs, 7/14 insp, 215-620-9383 OLDSMOBILE Delta 88 1985 $1700 Settling estate (610) 667-4829.

Brigantine 2BR house, close to beach, avail. July: $1,150/wk. 856-397-0616

Plymouth Grand Voyager SE 1996 $1650 auto, cold A/C, 96k, insp. 215.620.9383 Saab SE 1996 $2,200 4 Door, New Inspection, New perelli Tires, A/C, All Powers, Sun roof, Heated Seats, 215-200-6943.

OC, NJ Beachfront 5BR/4BA $3,900 Weekly in July. Call 609-425-0176

automotive Audi A5 Convertible 2005 $8,700 Exec Cond in & out, 110K Miles, Turbo, 2nd owner, Well maintained 773.299.4637 CORVETTE COUPE 1993 $15,000/OBO 29,818 miles, 2 tops, new tires and battery. Call Tony C. at 267-566-9560

Volkswagen Jetta GLX 2001 $4,700 Great condition. Call 215-642-0076

Business Services



UNPLANNED PREGNANCY? THINKING OF ADOPTION? Open or closed adoption.YOU choose the family. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Abbyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s One True Gift Adoptions. Call 24/7. 866-413-6293. ADOPTION

We are praying for a newborn to love. Open hearted, loving couple wishing you would call...Authorized Medical & Legal Expenses Paid. Call us toll free 1855-ADOPT-123 UNPLANNED PREGNANCY? THINKING OF ADOPTION?

Open or closed adoption.YOU choose the family. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Abbyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s One True Gift Adoptions. Call 24/7. 866-413-6293. Void in Illinois/ New Mexico/Indiana.

DODGE CHALLENGER SRT 2009 $27,000 5k miles, hemi, loaded. 215-233-5145 HYUNDAI ELANTRA GT 2006 $5,100 4 door, auto., leather. Call 610-506-5759 Lexus ES350 2007 $19,500 15K miles, like new. 717-304-2986 Mazda Speed 6 2006 Best Offer Rare turbo all wheel drive, leather interior, body in good shape, not running. Not a flood car! Call 609-404-0805

58xx Stockton Rd. 3br/1ba $800 Garage, sec. 8 ok. Call 215-805-2821

Mercedes Benz S-500 4Matic 2005 $15,400. Blue ext, Black int, 77K mi, Navigation/6 disk CD, 302-494-3309 Mercury Grand Marquis 2004, Luxury 4 door, new body style, few original miles, like new $5,985. Mary 215-922-6113

VW JETTA 2003 $5,400 Auto, 77k, Very Clean, New Insp 610-506-5759 VW JETTA 2003 $5,700 Auto, 77k, very clean, insp. 610-506-5759

Turned down for a commercial mortgage? Call MCG 1-888258-0658. Visit


2013-2014 VANCANCIES: Physics (9-12), Biology (9-12), Biology/Physics (9-12), Earth Science (9-12), Mathematics (812), Physical Science (5-8), Signing Bonus $2,000-Prince Edward County Public Schools, Farmville, VA- (434) 315-2100. Closing Date: Until filled. EOE

Public Notices 20 ACRES FREE


Buy 40-Get 60 acres. $0 Down, $168/month. Money back guarantee. NO CREDIT CHECKS. Beautiful views. Roads/surveyed. Near El Paso, Texas. 1-800-843-7537. AIRLINE CAREERS

Become an Aviation Maintenance Tech. FAA approved training. Financial aid if qualified-Housing available. Job placement assistance. CALL Aviation Institute of Maintenance 888-834-9715. FREE MONEY!

New Medical Marijuana Guide. Yes, Easy, Fast, Legal, Very Profitable. Hurry Start Making Money Now! Go to- PSYCHICS

Emily Watts, God-Gifted Love Psychologist. Reunites Lovers. Stops Unwanted Divorce. Helps all problems. 2 Free Questions by Phone. 1-630835-7256. SAWMILLS

SAWMILLS from only $4897MAKE MONEY & SAVE MONEY with your own bandmillCut lumber any dimension. In stock ready to ship. FREE Info & DVD: 1-800-5781363 Ext. 300N.

Automotive Marketplace CASH FOR CARS

ANY CAR/Truck. Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid. We Come to You! Call for Instant Offer. 1-888-420-3808 www. Any Car/Truck. Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid. We Come To You! Call For Instant Offer. 1-888-420-3808.

Agents Needed;Leads, No Cold Calls; Commissions Paid Daily; Lifetime Renewals; Complete Training; Health & Dental Insurance; Life License Required. Call: 1-888-713-6020. $$$HELP WANTED$$$

Extra Income! Assembling CD cases from Home! No Experience Necessary! Call our Live Operator Now! 1-800-4057619 Ext. 2450 http://www. PAID IN ADVANCE

Paid in Advance! MAKE up to $1000 A WEEK mailing brochures from home! Helping Home Workers since 2001! Genuine Oppor tunity! No Experience required. Start Immediately!


â&#x20AC;&#x153;Can you dig it?â&#x20AC;? Heavy equipment School. 3 wk Training program. Backhoes, Bulldozers, Excavators. Lifetime Job Placement Asst w/National Certs.. VA Benefits Eligible. 866-362-6497.


Montana and Grmtwn 3br/1ba $875+ Section 8 ok. Call 215-839-6468

183 W. Master 4BR/1BA $1,675 Beautiful, utils. seperate. 215-681-3124 xx Thayer 3br/1ba $700 plus utils. LR, DR, EIK, back yrd. 215-292-2988

DUTCHMAN 2001 20 ft. $7,500 Sleeps 4, very clean. 717-768-0745


A. Duie Pyle Needs: Owner Operators for Regional Truckload Operations. HOME EVERY WEEKEND!!! O/O AVE. $1.85/ Mile. NO-TOUCH FREIGHT. REQUIRES 2-YRS. EXP. CALL DAN or Jon @ 888-477-0020 xt7 OR APPLY @ HELP WANTED DRIVER

EARNING BETTER PAY IS ONE STEP AWAY! Averitt offers Experienced CDL-A Drivers Excellent Benefits and Weekly Hometime. 888-3628608. Recent Grads w/a CDLA 1-5/wks Paid Training. Apply online at Equal Opportunity Employer HELP WANTED DRIVER

Exp. Reefer Drivers: GREAT PAY/Freight lanes from Presque, Isle, ME, Boston-Lehigh, PA. 800-277-0212 or HELP WANTED DRIVER

GORDON TRUCKING, INC.. CDL-A Drivers Needed! Up to $3,000 SIGN ON BONUS... Starting Pay UP to .46 cpm. Refrigerated Fleet, Great Miles, Full Benefits, Great Incentives! No Northeast Runs! Call 7 days/wk! 866-554-7856. HELP WANTED INSURANCE

Combined Insurance is looking for licensed agent and sales management candidates. New Agent Training Subsidy Bonus Program, training, benefits, leads. Contact Rebecca at 412-443-8376. EOE HELP WANTED!

Make extra money in our free ever popular homailer program, includes valuable guidebook! Start immediately! Genuine! 1-888-292-1120 HELP WANTED/SALES

EARN $500 A DAY: Insurance


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Business Opportunity for Licensed Barber/Cosmetologist/Hairstylist. If interested, please call (215) 300-5911

Home Services ELDER CARE

Senior caregiver needed for my mom.. pay is good and I hope I can depend on your work and experiences. email

Resort/ Vacation Property for Sale VACATION RENTALS

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND. Best selection of affordable rentals. Full/partial weeks. Call for FREE brochure. Open daily. Holiday Real Estate. 1-800638-2102 Online reservations:


Spacious 2bdrm Bi-level Duplex washer/dryer, central air. located 3 blocks from south street. $1200 a month. Available August 1. contact sheila 267-784-6480 FISHTOWN

1600 Frankford Ave 1 and 2 bedroom apartments, newly rehabbed building, h/w floors, central air, all stainless steel appliances including dishwasher, washer and dryer in each unit. $800 - $1500 Available July 1st $35 non refundable credit check. 215-834-7832 FISHTOWN

1600 Frankford Ave 1 and 2 bedroom apartments, newly rehabbed building, h/w floors, central air, all stainless steel appliances including dishwasher, washer and dryer in each unit. $800 - $1500 Available July 1st $35 non refundable credit check 215-834-7832 SOUTH PHILADELPHIA TOWNHOUSE FOR RENT

South Philadelphia. All new. Three bedrooms, beautiful hardwood floors, granite kitchen and bath. $850/month. 215-292-2176


Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http://

To place your FREE ad (100 word limit) ³ email FUCK MUFFIN

GYPSY-PRINCESS KATERINA This Grey Knight has taken his Castle, Where is my Damsel-In-Distress? When U were here my days sing, I’ve been under your spell for years. I can understand some of your fears after U spoke a little of what U had been through, can’t U see I would NEVER be like that? Was I nuts to tell U I still believe in ‘Happily Ever After’? Yeah, nuts about U! I know U R not perfect, and neither am I, but getting to know and (maybe)cherish those differences are a start. If you can get past your pain&fear in time for us to spend the holidays 2gether 2013 might be the best year in a long time. If you dont want to talk to RJ, U can get my number at StFrans, but PLEASE let me know that U R safe, OK? “If you love something, set it free...” }Andy{

your heart, as I yell, or whimper, I still love you. And beyond sense, containing neither rhyme nor reason my heart still beats when you’re near. When I saw you last, you hid your eyes from me and caused me to cry...again. Caused my heart to ache even more, caused my mind to continue to search for the time I went wrong with you. I replay scenes in my mind, when I allow myself to dwell in the love of you: I sit alone at dinner and see you smile sitting across from me. I lie alone in my bed and turn over, nestling my face in the curve of your neck, feeling your hands cup the small of my back. I part my lips in anticipation of your kiss, feeling that space where we wait, inches apart, inhaling one another’s exhale before we bless

she sees your dreams and helps you live them. I hope that in our next meeting, instead of averting your gaze, we can part our separate ways with a simple, “Hello.” -January

PANTIES IN YOUR FACE To my good friend S. and my ex A.,Wow- you are both dumb sluts that can spend the summer in crazytown. How dare you disrespect me in my own house, at my party, on the bed I shared with A. for so long in front of all my friends. You dumb mother fucker, I busted through a door and all you two could do was give blank/terrified stares. The only reason A. did that was to try and get back at me, so consider

This is to my girl Cherie! Thank you so much for telling me about the hair products that you did research on! I must say that they have been doing my hair much justice and everything is going the way that I want it to be! My hair is finally growing back nicely and full and much healthier! You a good person and I hope that you find what you are looking for in life! Have a wonderful and prosperous next couple of months, until I see you again! I am so glad you’re in my life!

WHAT ARE FRIENDS? I think that a friend is there when you need them to be! I think a friend stands there when their friend is in trouble and defends them! How dare you take off and now want to speak to me! Why do you think that I get rid of you so quickly. Is because I really don’t want to be bothered with you anymore! I think you are a weak person, and if you are reading this and think it is about you then your a weak person! I hate you and I can’t describe the fact how I feel about you! Let’s stop playing faked concerned and shit go enjoy your life!

Andre, what is your problem I haven’t seen you in almost 20 something years and you tell me happy birthday on fucking facebook, what kind of impersoanal bullshit is that...tell you the truth I don’t fuckin like it at all you can take you ugly ass wife and stay the fuck down south for all I care! Don’t contact me alright and I will email you that shit later on!!


I don’t like what you did. You brought the manager to me to ask me a dumb question. You stupid-ass bitch you made yourself look really dumb, stupid and confused. I don’t like the games that you are playing. You are old why don’t you face it you can’t play the young people games because you aren’t cleaver at it! I am going to keep you at arms length and not talk or play with you too much! I don’t know what your aim is but I know that I don’t want anything to do with it! Please stay away from me because I know that shady comes in all shades and genders!


the other with the fullness of our lips and my mind yells STOp! Yes, I know, I know this is torture, but call me a masochist because it’s only in painful reverie where WE can BE. Where memory of you forces more jagged lines in the endo of my cardium, but I endure the self-inflicted misery only to be with you. And If be the M, be my S in return. So please, consider this my apology for showing you the worst of me - the spoiled, the selfish, the hurting person that walks around and disguises herself as me. I know you need more, more than the little I have to offer right now and I hope that she embodies all that I am not: maturity and stability. I hope that

yourself not just a backstabbing slut, but a used one. Let me save you some time, next time you two find yourself on a bed in a dark room: she likes it inside for a while and then move your fingers to her clit when she’s ready to explode. Also doggy style is a new thing for A., so definitely flip her onto all fours and give it to her hard. She’s a Main Line girl that likes to slum it sometimes, so looks like you were good for that. OH and another thing- nice work trying to drive back to S. Philly completely wasted after I kicked you to the curb, you have so many endearing qualities I’m stunned that you’re single. Not really.

Dam, I was looking at you doing your work with those jeans on and I said to myself, dam he has a fat ass! Cute as shit, you know that I am starting to look at you totally different! I like your sense of humor and it seems to match mine perfectly! Dam, I could see you and I in the bed together making some good sex turn into wonderful, spontaneous sex! What kind of person wouldn’t make love to that sexy self that you are! I can’t wait until one day that I can be bold enough to step to you and say join me for lunch!

✚ ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.


Hey Jude, though these words I know you’ll never read, and I continue to waste my breath, still I want to shout to the heavens and maybe God may hear me this time and hearken your ear, possibly soften


P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | J U L Y 1 8 - J U L Y 2 4 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |


If there are enough stalls in the fucking ladies room then why the hell do you use the one closer to the one that I am in...I think that is the most stupidest thing in the world to do...give me some fucking space...I hate the fact that I open the door and you and I are coming out at the same fucking time...doesn’t that seem a little odd to you? Because it seems odd to me, give me some fucking space...then the fucked up part is that the smell coming out of the stall smells like you have been eating some kind of green bullshit.. you fucking stink and your pussy smells even worse when I walk by the stall I can smell suck!



I find it hard to believe that after six years you still drool over my man. You are so pathetic. You tried so hard to win his heart but in the end not even getting pregnant worked. Why can’t you move on? Why can’t you understand that whatever you had is over? Stop calling him to leave dumb messages. So what if he ignores you...take the damn hint and stop crying about it. You fuckin’ loser. Stop using your son to manipulate him and communicate with him. You should only call him to talk about your son. Realize that you are a SINGLE mother and that you are never going to have a picture perfect family. You deserve what you get for having ulterior motives. You might fool everyone else, but I know you are slimy. You better start respecting my relationship with him and stop letting him know that you love him. It’s not going to change his mind. If it didn’t then, it won’t now. You disgust me. You have low self-esteem and no self-value. For goodness sakes, you are a 38-year-old woman and you act like a teenager. You need to stop with the text messages, the letters, the e-mails, the cards! My man is NOT your friend and he’s shown you plenty of times that he’s not. I wish I could slap some self-worth into you. One day I hope you just move far away like you keep “threatening” to do.



To the fuck muffin that swiped my mailbox: what the hell is wrong with you! Don’t think I don’t know who you are because I know. Do you hear that? I just want you to know you owe me thirty five dollars and if i see around my property you are about to have the shit beat out of you. You’re seriously such a stupid dipshit and you’re probably sucking a penis right now.

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

[ i love you, i hate you ]

Your premier magazine featuring everything Philly! 30 YEARS OF INDEPENDENT J O U R N A L I S M | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T


cityguide C I T Y PA P E R â&#x20AC;&#x2122; S G U I D E T O P H I L A D E L P H I A

2012 - 2013

around the world words by Emily Guendelsberger // illustration by Evan M. Lopez The availability of really good food from other cultures depends mostly on a cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s immigration demographics â&#x20AC;&#x201D; for example, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s tough to find good, cheap Thai in Philly, but good, cheap Ethiopian is available in every third bar in West Philly. You just need to know where to look. It takes


a while to suss out where to get kimchi, diamond sweets, mofongo or pierogies like grandma used to make â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a lot of the time, the really authentic food is clustered in a small area with a large immigrant population, and these clusters can be a long subway trip or even drive from Center City.

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have to find specific restaurants on your own, but this map is a great starting point for where to start looking.

CITYGUIDE 2012 - 2013



Show Us Your Philly. Submit snapshots of the City of Brotherly Love, however you see it, at:

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Philadelphia City Paper, July 18th, 2013  

Philadelphia's Trusted News and Entertainment Source

Philadelphia City Paper, July 18th, 2013  

Philadelphia's Trusted News and Entertainment Source