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Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Theresa Everline Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Samantha Melamed Arts Editor/Copy Chief Emily Guendelsberger Digital Media Editor/Movies Editor Paulina Reso Food Editor/Listings Editor Caroline Russock Staff Writers Ryan Briggs, Daniel Denvir Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Associate Web Producer Carly Szkaradnik Contributors Sam Adams, A.D. Amorosi, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Justin Bauer, Bryan Bierman, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Mark Cofta, Alison Dell, Adam Erace, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, K. Ross Hoffman, Brian Howard, Deni Kasrel, Alli Katz, Gary M. Kramer, Drew Lazor, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Annette Monnier, Michael Pelusi, Elliott Sharp, Tom Tomorrow, John Vettese, Nikki Volpicelli, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns Naveed Ahsan, Dotun Akintoye, Jessica Bergman, Michael Buozis, Lalita Clozel, Joseph Poteracki, Sameer Rao, Marc Snitzer, Lara Witt Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Editorial Designers Brenna Adams, Matt Egger Staff Photographer Neal Santos Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Senior Account Managers Colette Alexandre (ext. 250), Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Jonathan Morein (ext. 249) Marketing/Online Coordinator Jennifer Francano (ext. 252) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel

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contents The master switch

The Naked City .........................................................................6 Arts & Entertainment.........................................................20 Movies.........................................................................................25 The Agenda ..............................................................................28 Food & Drink ...........................................................................35 COVER ILLUSTRATION BY EVAN M. LOPEZ DESIGN BY RESECA PESKIN

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the thebellcurve


CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ + 1 ] One Liberty Place files a lawsuit to keep

anti-gay/anti-women/anti-white group the Israelite School of Universal Practical Knowledge from demonstrating at its 16th and Chestnut entrance. First they came for the loitering racist, misogynist homophobes …

[ -1 ]

Residents in suburban Pennsylvania and New Jersey report seeing black bears. The next day a polar bear comes lumbering right through the center of town, and nobody reports a damn thing.

[ + 1 ] Several residents report seeing a meteorite

over the city on Memorial Day. “Aw, that’s just me, Sparky, your friendly tri-state-area giant floating space ember.”

[ -4 ]

Several cars are set on fire by an unknown assailant outside a church in Glenside. “Whoops!” says Sparky.

EXTRA CREDIT: The Truebright Science Academy is housed in a building owned by Sedgley Avenue Properties LP, which owes the city $92,874.

[ + 1 ] The owners of the Philadelphia Soul are

looking to launch an arena-football league in China. Yeah! It’s about time they imported some of our cheap crap for a change!

[ + 1 ] A suburban Pennsylvania woman starts a

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“flush out cancer” fundraising campaign that involves leaving toilets on people’s lawns and removing them once a donation is made. Heh. “Donation.”

[ + 1 ] Kanye West has his face projected on

Eastern State Penitentiary and other landmarks to promote his new single. And it’s the least vain thing he’s ever done.

[ -2 ]

Two elevator cars at Revel casino get stuck, forcing 50 people to climb a 35-foot ladder inside the elevator shaft. All the Yelp reviews agree that while it’s an exquisitely classy elevator shaft, really top notch, you should be allowed to smoke in it.


Experts say rain and unexpectedly cool weather have delayed the arrival of the Brood II cicada invasion. FYI: This was written on Tuesday. By now it’s probably 90 degrees and we’re all snow-shoveling McNugget-size bugs off the sidewalks just to get to our sun-baked cars. Hang in there, future us.

This week’s total: -2 | Last week’s total: -4


[ deadbeats ]

TESTING OUR PATIENCE Charter schools and their landlords owe $762,000 in back taxes. Why can’t Philly collect? By Ryan Briggs


his February, before turning its attention to begging the city and state to plug a $300 million budget deficit for the Philly School District, the School Reform Commission (SRC) announced a gesture of its own toward combating the city’s gaping tax-delinquency problem. The SRC ruled that tax deadbeats could no longer hold lucrative school contracts. “If you’re contracting with us, you must be up to date on your taxes,” says School District spokesperson Fernando Gallard, adding that the new regulations require vendors to obtain tax certification from the city’s Revenue Department. That mandate, however, doesn’t extend to charter or alternative schools or the companies they contract with, despite the explosive growth of such institutions in recent years. The reason? The district just didn’t want the chore of checking up on contracts handled by the 109 different charter and alternative schools scattered throughout the city. “These are separate, privately held companies. …You’re saying that not only the companies we do business with, but the companies [those companies] do business with should also be checked on,” Gallard tells City Paper.“You’re getting into a conversation where we have to tell our providers who to rent from.” It turns out that’s a conversation the SRC may want to have soon-

er rather than later. A cursory examination of tax records revealed that out of 80 private properties occupied by charter and alternative schools, 13 were tax delinquent. Together, charters and their landlords owed the city and the School District that pays their rent a combined $762,000, about the equivalent of 17 first-year teachers’ salaries. And that’s just the back taxes on properties directly leased by school operators, not the myriad other city taxes the district ensures its own vendors pay. There could be millions more owed by subcontractors, by way of unpaid business taxes, use and occupancy taxes, or real-estate tax owed on the owners’ other properties. It’s a serious oversight for a district where nonpayment is a gnawing fiscal problem, given that more than one-third of the School District’s $2.3 billion operating revenue in 2013 was drawn from city taxes. Informed of the outstanding tax bills, Gallard admits the numbers “gave us pause.” “They certainly call for us to take a closer look at [the regulations],” he adds. But he is quick to blame the property owners. “They should be ashamed of themselves, if they’re not paying their taxes while taxpayer dollars are paying their rent.” But the story goes further than just negligent property owners, and heads into the opaque, tangled mess that is Philly bureaucracy. The trouble is, three of the delinquent accounts are associated with buildings that appear to be owned by nonprofit charter operators themselves, meaning they ought to be, theoretically, tax

The district didn’t want to check up on charters.

>>> continued on page 8

the naked city

[ a million stories ]

InStant ProPhet

Zero-Sum Game

It’s 9 a.m. on a Saturday, and 40 or so aspiring prophets are starting things off with a prayer. They raise their arms and begin speaking in tongues — rapid muttering only a fellow prophet (not, say, a lowly reporter) can interpret. Then, “apostle” Richard a. Kent jr. boots up a PowerPoint and tests his mic. This is the School of the Prophets, an eight-hour seminar for burgeoning seers held at Holy Temple Church, near 17th and Fairmount. Kent, who considers himself a prophet — one so gifted, apparently, that his insights have the secondary effect of annoying his children (“all we wanted to do is go see Pirates of the Caribbean, and Dad comes out of the theater saying he’s seen a vision!”) — says his goal is to help others hone that same gift. Kent offers the course, at $30 a head, as part of his momentum International ministries. The session covers the theology of prophecy, the importance of the ephod (the ornate prophet uniform), the role of technology in bringing about the end times — and just what Kent thinks of his clerical competitors. “Broad is the way to destruction,” Kent shouts, pointing eastward toward Broad Street and the “goofballs” who run churches there. There are also light moments: after Kent says prophets are born, not made, his impeccably dressed and extensively perfumed wife, “Lady” Sherri Kent, asks, “Can I just graduate and skip the class, then?” Lady and apostle Kent may be a rather unusual pair, but Kent’s message isn’t a cultish one. He wants parishioners to think for themselves, not blindly follow faith leaders. yet as the session concludes, Kent — who has earlier insisted, “i’m not going to lay hands on anyone today” — proceeds to do just that. a swelling babble fills the room as Kent palms a young woman’s head. His sound man hustles up the aisle, to catch her if she falls. —Michael Buozis

In last week’s article on the Philadelphia School District’s financial crisis [“State of emergency,” may 23, 2013], there was a tiny typo with sweeping implications: We wrote that the district will pay $28 million in debt service this fiscal year. In fact, the number is $280 million, or 12 percent of its total budget. What an important zero. The sheer size of that number is a symptom of the problems facing poor school districts — which, in order to survive, plunge themselves into more and more debt. In that way, they’re a lot like poor people. The School District, long underfunded, is a particularly egregious case. Its annual debt-service obligation is up 32 percent from five years ago. and more than half its debt load, or $157.9 million, goes to interest. according to 2011 Census data, districts nationwide paid an average of $155 per non-charter pupil on debt service. Philly spends $1,684 per non-charter student. “Philly has the extreme disadvantage of operating within one of the nation’s least equitable state school-finance systems — which really screws Philly’s operating revenue, likely causing ripple effects,” says Bruce Baker, a Rutgers school-funding expert who included Philly on his annual list of “most screwed” school districts. Wall Street banks, however, profit handsomely from Philly’s suffering. Over the past decade the district has lost $161 million from interest-rate swaps to morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs and Wells Fargo, according to the Pennsylvania Budget and Policy Center. The deals were supposed to protect the district from rising borrowing costs, but went sour after interest rates plummeted following the financial crisis. That crisis also led to declining tax revenues for cities and school districts — requiring them to borrow more money from, well, the banks. —daniel denvir

hitandrun ➤ news in brief

➤ SEAN MILLER REMEMBERS sitting in the grass with his father on the grounds of what’s now called the Horsham air national Guard Station, watching planes take off. miller, 29, a graphic designer from Hatboro, was alarmed to learn that the base will be retrofitted as a drone command center by October. “I’ve never been involved in activism before,” says miller, who created the website and led a protest Saturday. But the idea of Reapers — drones that can be armed with four Hellfire missiles and a 500-pound bomb — being piloted from his backyard stirred him to action. Harold Penner, a mennonite from Lancaster County, was at the protest. He worries about the “moral injury” drone pilots will suffer. “How can you bomb someone to smithereens in the day and go home and tuck your kids into bed at night?” The Pentagon says the command center will bring 250 new jobs to the base. Bill Perry, a Vietnam veteran, says it’s not worth it. He knows firsthand the damage a 500-pound bomb can inflict. He describes the craters he saw in the war, 40 feet wide and littered with dead bodies. Passersby greeted the protesters with horns honked in solidarity — and a bit of heckling. a man in a white SuV shouted out his window, “Protest something important! Stop abortion!” miller says he thinks people will come around. “First you appeal to [their] morality. Then to their economic concerns. and finally, if those don’t work, you appeal to their concerns about safety.” activists think the command center could make their community a target. as traffic sped by on Route 611, Perry shouted against the —Michael Buozis noise, “Horsham, are you ready for a dirty bomb?”

By Daniel Denvir

lIGhtS out ➤ ELECTRICITY SHUT-OFFS in Pennsylvania

nearly doubled from 2004 to 2011 — and it’s not just the economic downturn that’s to blame. Experts say a 2004 law makes it too easy for electric and gas utilities to leave poor people in the dark and cold. Fortunately, that law — Act 201 of 2004 — has a sunset clause, set for Dec. 31, 2014. Unfortunately, House Consumer Affairs Committee chairman Robert Godshall (R-Montgomery County) is now rushing to make it permanent, at industry request. What exactly did Act 201 do? It gave utilities the authority to shut off heat and electricity during the dead of winter for all but the poorest customers, sharply limited the Public Utility Commission’s (PUC) authority to assist delinquent consumers in negotiating payment plans and allowed utilities to require hefty deposits and reconnection fees as a condition of re-establishing service. Partly as a result, the number of Pennsylvania homes without a central heating source during winter rose to 17,475 by 2011, a 34 percent increase since 2004. Yet the Energy Association of Pennsylvania praises Act 201 for helping “end an era where customers who didn’t want to pay their utility bills were able to manipulate” the system. But Philadelphia Gas Works, which once struggled with collections, also suffered from poor and criminally corrupt management. And many of its nonpaying customers, it turns out, were just plain poor. Pennsylvania utilities can require poor people participating in subsidized energy-assistance programs to pay up to 17 percent of their household income for gas and electric, nearly three times as much as their counterparts in neighboring states. Partly as a result, utility debt in Philly can be hard to climb out of. Community Legal Services told the House Consumer Affairs Committee it’s seen a “deluge” of clients with utility issues, 10 percent of which “could only be resolved through bankruptcy.” The PUC has proposed amendments to Godshall’s bill, including mandating advance notice of terminations and allowing consumers in financial distress to negotiate second payment plans. “It’s all about money,” says state Rep. Curtis Thomas, who is battling the renewal of Act 201 on behalf of his lowincome North Philly constituents — who, he says, “are not even in a position to fight back.” Godshall, who counts utilities among his top donors, should listen to experts like the state’s acting Consumer Advocate,Tanya McCloskey, who recently said Act 201 “may have swung the pendulum too far in favor of the utilities’ collection efforts.”  Send feedback to

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PIlot ProJeCt


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<<< continued from page 6

exempt. Two of those schools were recently granted exemptions. The largest single delinquency, at $252,273.89, came from the West Philadelphia achievement Charter elementary School at 6701 Callowhill St., an operator-owned school building. The school applied for an exemption, but never received approval, instead racking up taxes and liens over several years. a fourth charter school, the mathematics, Civics & Sciences Charter School, had been exempt but mysteriously lost its nonprofit status — at least as far as the Revenue Department was concerned. Whether the schools actually owed the money or were being billed in error, the city struggled to explain what was occurring. “It may have been a simple mistake,” says administration spokesperson mark mcDonald, after the Revenue Department took weeks trying to formulate an explanation in vain. “But how it ended up with Revenue posting that amount of money, I just don’t know.” mcDonald suggests the affected schools could appeal to the city’s tax board to have their back taxes cleared. He says preparing for the actual Value Initiative had consumed many of the department’s resources, but, starting this summer, officials would begin regularly inspecting tax-exemption claims on a case-by-case basis, something that had apparently not been occurring routinely before. The city, in fact, took one of the schools, which owed more than $100,000 in real-estate taxes, to court in march in order to bring its building to sheriff’s sale. So if the city or School District wanted to take delinquent charters to task, it seems that it could. as for the rest of the charters whose addresses are in arrears, their cases are more clear-cut. after all, their owners aren’t nonprofits, but plain old scofflaw landlords. For example, Truebright Science academy rents its building from Sedgley avenue Properties LP, which owes $92,874.21 on that property, even with a 10-year tax abatement. The school, part of a network of schools that have been under federal investigation, is now fighting to keep its charter — but due to academic performance, not tax delinquency. CP contacted all of the schools that owed $10,000 or more; none responded. Going forward, there appears to be little to deter more deadbeats from joining the party — even high-profile ones. Take mark Sherman, a developer with a real-estate empire in east Falls. He is known for the immense and eponymous Sherman mills apartment complex and his collection of prominent commercial storefronts along Ridge avenue. But Sherman is also known as one of the city’s biggest tax-delinquent property owners, owing roughly $1 million, according to Revenue Department records. Sherman accrued the debt over the last few years, while he was also leasing one of his properties to the Delaware Valley High School, a privately run disciplinary school for troubled students from the district. The school elicited outrage from neighbors when it opened in 2009, and closed last year amid a flurry of financial problems and connections to an FBI probe involving the school’s chief executive, David T. Shulick, and subcontractor Chip Fattah, son

of u.S. Rep Chaka Fattah. The DVHS property was tax delinquent while the school was operating, and today Sherman still owes the city $77,000 on it. But he’s not letting that get in the way of seeking out a new school operator for the site. He has publicly stated that he would like to lease the building to another school. Sherman refused multiple requests to be interviewed for this article, but a source indicated that Sherman was in active talks to lease the property to Success Schools, yet another disciplinary academy operator that currently runs four “alternative” schools for the district. a Success Schools spokesperson would neither confirm nor deny the rumor, but said the company was “prepared for expansion.” and why would Sherman

It’s an unthinkable oversight. turn them down? Thanks to the district’s half-baked “crackdown” on tax cheats and a Revenue Department that’s apparently too busy to say who owes what, let alone collect from major property owners who do business with the city, there’s nothing to stand in his way. It took a reporter a single afternoon to identify the delinquents among charter operators and landlords. It seems unthinkable that such oversight would intentionally be omitted by the School District — or that the Revenue Department would fail to establish its own clear guidelines for such property owners. What’s even more vexing is that school officials have long been well aware of the severity of the vendor delinquency problem: It’s why they enacted the new regulations in the first place. a sweep of vendors, conducted by district officials last December, found that 13 out of 26 business seeking to begin or renew contracts with the district that month were delinquent. (

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Bridesmaid Collection Jay West

#9W\Ua6eg3Â&#x2019;6ORR]\TWSZR<8&!! &#$%'#" " eee8OgESab0`WROZQ][

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icepack By A.D. Amorosi

³ THE ROOTS ARE everywhere in the next 40

days: June 1’s Picnic at Festival Pier, supping at ?uestlove’s Hybrid chicken shack, working on a new LP, working on a totally different LP with Elvis Costello,playing the Borgata’s July 1 anniversary show with Aziz Ansari and doing the free July 4 celebration on the Parkway. Why not just throw the unveiling of that Mural Arts tribute to Philly’s hip-hop heroes onto the schedule: May 31, 11:30 a.m. at 512 S. Broad St. Having your own mural is one cool honor. That’s what Julius Erving told me during our chat at last week’s Wall Ball fundraiser for Jane Golden’s Mural Arts Program at Vie. “My favorite thing was to take players from other teams by [the mural at 1219 Ridge Ave.] without telling them,” says Dr. J. “They’d look up and say, ‘Wow, that’s you.’ I had to laugh. ‘Why did you think I drove you here, fool?’” I asked the good doctor what advice he had for The Roots. “Hopefully, they took their time going through the photos that the mural artists used, to take care as to how they wanted to be presented. I chose a suit and tie to show off my transition from the basketball to the business world. I’m curious to see what they’re wearing and whether they’ll focus on a band’s anonymity or highlight its individuals.” Thanks, Doc. ³ We’ve been icepicking the progress of ye olde Pub n’ Grub at 20th and Hamilton, how the décor was getting swankier, the vibe getting younger and the menu changing to full-out high-end New York deli fare with breakfast and dinner part of the schedule. Well, the new name is up-and-running — Lox, Stock & Barrel — the pool table is in and I dare you to find another billiard/sports bar/deli in this city. ³ After having competed in Pittsburgh’s Professional & Amateur Pinball Association’s 2013 MatchPlay Championship (against onetime Sixer Todd MacCulloch, yet), Philly’s Dave Hartley is home with his mood-swinging Nightlands music project. The War on Drugs’ bassist continues to hawk Nightlands’ Oak Island and brings a large gospel choir to Johnny Brenda’s on May 31 to make the live experience fresh for local, longtime fans. Hartley is also responsible for shooting the VHS camcorder footage found in his new “Born to Love” video, directed by She Policeman. ³While you have two days to take advantage of the $17.95 lunch deal at the Sena family’s La Famiglia (8 S. Front St.), Carlo Sena takes over as the new GM at Le Castagne (19th and Chestnut). He’s taking the reins from longtime boss Anthony Masapollo,who (according to publicist Joanne Jordan) “decided to explore alternative, currently confidential, opportunities.” Carlo Sena opened Le Castagne in the first place, so he knows his way around that kitchen. ³ More ice at (

STRANGERS WITH CANDY: (L-R) Phillip James Brannon, Ross Beschler and Lance Coadie Williams in the Wilma’s production of Robert O’Hara’s Bootycandy. ALEXANDER IZILIAEV

curtaincall CP theater reviews

³ WILMA THEATER Perhaps you’re wondering what the title of Bootycandy means, so let’s start there. In Robert O’Hara’s play, “bootycandy” refers to a penis — specifically, it’s a term coined by the grandmother of an AfricanAmerican family that has now passed down to the next generation. We hear it almost immediately in the first scene, as a mother instructs her young son (named Sutter) not to play with his bootycandy. It’s clear from the context and several other references that the little boy is gay, and will have a challenging time finding his identity. This moment sets the stage for things to come, so fair warning — Bootcandy is ribald, deliberately shocking, and clearly meant for adults only. Some will be offended by it, but for me, the best of it is marvelous — provocative, hilarious and touching. I say “the best of it” because the format involves 11 short scenes that function almost as mini-plays. (O’Hara describes Bootycandy as a vaudeville entertainment, which captures some of the sense of playful disconnectedness.) For the most part, these playlets are self-contained and unrelated to one another, though several characters appear in more than one of them. That includes Sutter, whose presence establishes a theme — this a world observed by a gay black man, a life defined by a sense of being an outsider. Bootycandy seems like an homage to George Wolfe’s 1986 play The Colored Museum, which similarly was a collection of vignettes about African-American stereotypes. But Bootycandy takes things several

steps further. Now, we’re not only considering race, we’re also exploring sexual identity (and, more tellingly, the problematic intersection of the two). Colored Museum was mildly scandalous — maybe a three on the Richter scale. Bootycandy scores at least a nine. The two plays also share some unevenness. Bootycandy includes several playlets that are pitch-perfect and truly brilliant. “The Happy Meal,” a mini family drama set around a kitchen table that opens the second act, is a devastating parody of pretty much the entire history of modern American drama, even as it suggests that the slippery slope of Sutter’s life is now a precipitous downward spiral. The writing will leave you reeling — laugh-out-loud funny, but also painfully true. On a rather different note, “Dreamin’ in Church” is a superb send-up of the hypocrisy of evangelical churches and their congregations (and features a sensational performance by Lance Coadie Williams as the silver-tongued preacher). Both of these sequences are heightened depictions of stereotyped characters, and in that sense might qualify as vaudeville turns. But O’Hara also shifts gears from time to time. A couple of scenes set in a gay bar where Sutter is involved in flirtations both covert and overt are disquieting for their small-scale realism amidst so much broad comedy. Still, it’s the humor that registers most vividly, at least with me. (In one scene, the preacher opens his book and announces with great, grandiose seriousness, “In the Bible, Cicely Tyson wrote …” Well, I laughed so hard that I missed the next several minutes.)

Bootycandy is ribald and deliberately shocking.

>>> continued on page 22

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[ out of step with the rougher sounds ] ³ ambient

Some cuts on Eric Brace and Peter Cooper’s The Comeback Album (Red Beet) seem built for commercial success, while others reside outside country’s definition of “radio ready.” “Ancient History” is all driving beat and Wurlizter. It’s also a sneaky song of encouragement: “It is what it is, not how it’s gotta be … / Every passing moment is ancient history.” But which Clear Channel station will run the song with Frederick Douglass in the lyrics? Or the one with shout-outs to Wittgenstein and Bobby Bare? —Mary Armstrong

Each of ambient composer Matthew Cooper’s Eluvium recordings has found new tools to generate his dependable blanketing warmth and meditative calm, but the 84 minutes of Nightmare Ending (Temporary Residence) survey nearly the entire breadth of his soft arsenal: amorphous orchestral swells, texturally distressed drones, gently chiming processed guitars and, most crucially, his patient, Satie-inflected piano playing, either starkly unadorned or enrobed in thick (and occasionally engulfing) clouds of static. —K. Ross Hoffman

³ dvd/blu-ray When it was released in 1969, Haskell Wexler’s documentaryfiction hybrid Medium Cool was rated X, not for sex or violence — it has little of either — but because its protester’s-eye view of the 1968 Democratic Convention in Chicago was presumably too much for young minds. (According to Wexler, Paramount Pictures actually requested the rating.) Although its Godardian self-criticism can be facile at times, the combination of formal and societal breakdowns is a powerful one. —Sam Adams


³ techno/idm Among the few producers still active from the “Intelligence Dance Music” salad days of the early ’90s, Sheffield trio The Black Dog are well past the point of futzing with newfangled or ostentatious genre machinations: The music on their awesomely named 11th album, Tranklements (Dust Science), is techno, both pure and simple. Sometimes noisy, often bleepy, occasionally near-ambient, but always delivered with an industrial precision that belies its amply human musicality (bodybating machine-funk grooves, surprisingly lush melodicism) and, per long-standing tradition, neatly stitched together with quirky, interludic “Bolts.” —K. Ross Hoffman

[ movie review ]


Natural Born Killers for the teacozy-andanorak set.

UNDER THE BLUE ³ FOR A BAND that was never a household name, with no gold records, a peak only in the bottom quarter of the Billboard 200 and just a handful of alt-rock hits, The Ocean Bluehas found itself in a pretty good place. Now on tour to promote Ultramarine (Korda), its first full-length in 14 years and its first release of any kind since 2004’s Waterworks EP, the group plays a sold-out show at World Café Live on Friday, three weeks after headlining Union Transfer. Though Ultramarine is highly unlikely to match the sales of the band’s major-label records, it’s a decent addendum to the discography. Old fans who thought The Ocean Blue was Hershey, Pa.’s answer to The Smiths or The Housemartins should be pleased with the jangly guitars of “If You Don’t Know Why” and the soft synths of “Fast Forward Reverse,” while younger listeners who cut their teeth on Death Cab for Cutie might warm to “New York 6AM.” If anything, the songs rock a bit harder and singer-guitarist Dave Schelzel sounds wiser and more confident — not surprising, considering he’s a partner in a big-city law firm now, and not a dreamy kid making records straight out of high school. The Ocean Blue released its second and biggest album, Cerulean (Sire), in February 1991, when 120 Minutes host Dave Kendall and a fleet of soft-spoken Brits set the tone for MTV’s weehours alternative-rock ghetto in the months before Nirvana and Pearl Jam released the genre-redefining breakthroughs that made the music mainstream. With Bobby Mittan’s melodic bass, Rob Minnig’s crisp drums, Steve Lau’s restrained keyboards and Schelzel’s wistful guitar and slightly affected accent, The Ocean Blue could have been the last cultishly adored 1980s British export — if only the guys hadn’t been Pennsylvania Dutch and a couple of years too late. The songs are certainly pretty enough. “Ballerina Out of Control,” a bouncy ode to a manic pixie dream girl, is the most memorable, and tracks like “Questions of Travel” are as radio-ready as anything that, say, Toad the Wet Sprocket was making at the time. But while Schelzel doesn’t sound nearly as weary as “I’ve Sung One Too Many Songs for a Crowd That Didn’t Want to Hear” might suggest, he was onto something. The band would release three more albums in the ’90s, but its gentle pop was increasingly out of step with the rougher sounds that dominated the decade. The pop landscape in 2013 is no more in tune with The Ocean Blue, but given the ever-increasing number of streams for discovering buried treasures, Cerulean’s gems are ripe for the soft-classic-alt-pop resurrection. (


MURDEROUS AT HEART: While on vacation, Chris (Steve Oram) and Tina (Alice Lowe), a seemingly ho-hum couple, embark on a killing spree.

M.J. Fine does it again

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[ B+ ] EQUAL PARTS MORDANT satire and straight-up misanthropy, the third feature from Ben Wheatley (Down Terrace, Kill List) is a bloody, skin-deep delight. Co-written by stars Alice Lowe and Steve Oram, Sightseers follows an emphatically deglamorized couple on a vacation in the British countryside that quickly turns homicidal, with our hitherto unremarkable couple doing the killing. At first, it’s by accident, but once the blood starts flowing, it’s hammer time. A sort of Natural Born Killers for the tea-cozy-and-anorak set, Sightseers is deliberately homespun as gore-soaked rampages go. Chris (Oram) and Tina (Lowe) aren’t especially clever killers, just resourceful ones — they use whatever tools happen to be at hand, even if they’re centuries-old stone monuments. (Sadly, the giant novelty pencil didn’t make the final cut.) At first, Chris is the more gung-ho of the two, with Tina merely acting as his obedient accomplice. But she turns out to have as murderous a heart as her partner in crime, even if she’s a more complicated monster. Sightseers is essentially one long gross-out joke: Everything and everyone in it is some sort of grotesque, while every word and action is calculated for maximum repulsiveness. Wheatley plays up the brutality of the couple’s bloody deeds, but their victims are hardly innocent. Although they may not deserve death, some serious unpleasantness wouldn’t be amiss. On the other hand, we’re not in Chris and Tina’s corner, either. He’s a psychopath and she’s a doormat, and their frequent bouts of fervent lovemaking conjure images as discomfiting as any split skull. Wheatley swings at a lot of low-hanging, overripe fruit, but he swings hard, and when he connects, it explodes like a rancid firework. It’s a memorable sight, but you probably don’t want to stand too close. —Sam Adams


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✚ Curtain Call <<< continued from page 20

This is Bootycandy at its best. I’d also have to say that not all the scenes are on this level — a few don’t work at all, and even some of the better ones go on too long. There is a meta-theatrical conceit (I don’t want to say more, because Bootycandy is all about surprise) that doesn’t add up to much. More generally, it would be mistake to look to this play to provide serious commentary about race. There are some thought-provoking moments, but mostly Bootycandy works best as a tour de force of pure theatricality. But it demands to be seen, not least for the Wilma’s brilliant production, directed by the author, which on every level — especially its ensemble of five superb actors — could hardly be better. Bootycandy may be uneven, but in the aggregate, it’s bootylicious. Through June 16, Wilma Theater, 265 S. Broad St., 215-546-7824, —David Anthony Fox

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³ LANTERN THEATER COMPANY Sometimes a play that gradually grows on us can be very satisfying, if the characters feel genuine and gain our affection. As much as fast is fun, especially these days, the more contemplative play offers much. Heroes, the Tom Stoppard adaptation of Gérald Sibleyras’ French hit Le Vent des Peupliers presented by the Lantern Theater Company, works well this way. Fans of Stoppard’s high-speed, intellectually bursting comedies like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, Travesties, The Real Inspector Hound, The Invention of Love and Rock ’n’ Roll (all produced by area theaters in recent seasons) and his film script for Shakespeare in Love may feel a little restless watching director M. Craig Getting’s production of Heroes, which moves at a different pace. Patience pays off, however. Three aged World War I veterans while away the bucolic days on the side terrace — beautifully realized by scenic designer Nick Embree — of a country veterans’ home in France in 1959. All three have their quirks: dapper Henri (Peter DeLaurier) has a hopeless crush on a young schoolteacher in the nearby town; Gustave (Dan Kern) won’t leave the grounds, and ghostwrites a pal’s correspondence with his family; Philippe (Mal Whyte) has fainting fits caused by shrapnel in his head. All three have surprisingly complicated relationships with the terrace’s dog statue: Philippe fears it because, he says, it moves; Gustave includes it in their group; Henri wanly protests that it’s made of stone. These veteran actors’ sincere and incisive performances create characters far more complete and ambitious than the sum of their quirks. Heroes hints at the lingering effects of PTSD, quaintly called “shell shock” in World War I. Gustave has lost simple social skills like saying hello to strangers; Henri is “frightened of moss” and struggles believably with a knee brace from an unexplained battle wound; Philippe yells, “Take them from the rear, Captain!” when recovering from his faints, though for unexpected reasons. All three are cowed by

five-foot-tall Sister Madeleine, an unseen but vivid nemesis whom Philippe fears disposes of residents to avoid hosting multiple birthday parties on the same day. The plot, such as it is, involves the trio’s desire for escape. Can they reach the alluring poplars in the distance, and from there romp to French Indochina? Can they even organize enough to embark on a picnic? The destination isn’t as important as the camaraderie that grows through the planning. “Everything is complicated to us now,” Gustave admits, an observation both very funny and rather sad, as he plans how to overcome Philippe’s fainting spells and how to bring the stone dog along. Stoppard’s adaptation gives Sibleyras’ script his trademark wit and irony along with English

The production is exquisite. rhythms and Anglicized language — starting with the title, which more closely translates to The Wind in the Poplars, which Stoppard feared sounded too much like Kenneth Grahame’s children’s classic The Wind in the Willows.Are these men heroes, though, in their war or after? Some lines ring with Stoppardian wit: “One of these days,” Henri says dryly of fainter Philippe, “he’ll leave us in the middle of a sentence. He’ll go off in a comma.” The production around them is exquisite, from Natalia de la Torre’s convincing costumes and Janet Embree’s delicate lighting to Christopher Colucci’s jaunty music. The final moments of Heroes coalesce beautifully, neatly blending the trio’s melancholia and humor with visionary transcendence and a delightful surprise. Through June 9, $30-$38, St. Stephen’s Theater, 923 Ludlow St., 215-829-0395, —Mark Cofta

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around the world The availability of really good food from other cultures depends mostly on a city’s immigration demographics — for example, it’s tough to find good, cheap Thai in Philly, but good, cheap Ethiopian is available in every third bar in West Philly. You just need to know where to look. It takes


a while to suss out where to get kimchi, diamond sweets, mofongo or pierogies like grandma used to make — a lot of the time, the really authentic food is clustered in a small area with a large immigrant population, and these clusters can be a long subway trip or even drive from Center City.

You’ll have to find specific restaurants on your own, but this map is a great starting point for where to start looking.

Your premier magazine featuring everything Philly! CITY GUIDE highlights Philly’s

unique neighborhoods showcasing restaurants, galleries, bars, clubs, boutiques, retail shops, markets, music venues and more!

chinatown/spring garden

“I enjoying hanging out at Sang Kee Peking Duck House for flavorful food at a great price and for the relaxed, friendly service.” — Walt, 28, environmental engineer


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chinatown/spring garden

you should know … The Philadelphia Chinatown Development Corp. ( provides resources; First District Councilman is Mark Squilla (215-686-3458).

forget it, jake... it’s the eraserhood.

explore …

GOGGLING TOURISTS, branded conventioneers, questing foodies, suicide taxis and fuming delivery trucks make tiny Chinatown feel like a buzzing hive. Across the expressway to the north, Spring Garden — where David Lynch got his inspiration for Eraserhead and Diplo used to have his home base — can feel like a wasteland in comparison, but it’s starting to stir. Eat everything in the former — try noodles at Pho 75 or the thousand-layer bread at Rangoon — and watch as the latter becomes the next big neighborhood, mark our words. And don’t forget: Chinese New Year happens in the spring.

while you’re here … • Soften tomorrow’s hangover with a 3 a.m. feast at Tai Lake (the seafood rolls are swimming when you arrive) • Reading Terminal Market deals in fast lunches and diverse groceries • Space 1026 houses artists’ studios and is always good for a gallery show 42


1029 Race St.,

There’s a lot of rules to getting buzzed in to the outwardly unassuming Hop Sing — owner Lêe turns away anyone in shorts, flip-flops, sneakers or a hat. Or in a party of more than four. Or on a phone. But inside, the $12 cocktails are excellent, the décor is gorgeous and nobody’s wearing flip-flops. THE INSTITUTE 549 N. 12th St., 267-318-7772,


501 N. 13th St., 215-238-1818,

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Center City 215-925-7900

Now You See Me

✚ NEW AFTER EARTH Read Paulina Reso’s review at (Wide release)

NOW YOU SEE ME Read Drew Lazor’s review at (Wide release)

See Sam Adams’ review on p. 21. (Ritz at the Bourse)

STORIES WE TELL | AActress/director Sarah Polley begins her first documentary by revealing the self-consciousness and discomfort of her subjects — who also happen to be her family. Stories We Tell is, on one level, a family memoir focused on the revelations of Polley’s biological paternity and her mother’s infidelity. But, as confessional as it may be, the film is less interested in telling all than in examining why we tell what we do. By having even those peripherally involved recount their version of the story, Polley reveals the ways in which everyone self-mythologizes or selectively remembers events in order to fit their own subjective narrative. Polley herself, the central figure, doesn’t appear in the interview footage, but it becomes clear over the course of the film that, through the act of editing, she too is engaging in the same process by constructing her own story from others’ memories. Largely due to her family’s openness, the film also becomes a frank and unsentimental, though touching, study of adult relationships and the compromises that come with being a parent. For those

✚ CONTINUING AT ANY PRICE | C+ As bold an attempt at rewriting American myth as The Place Beyond the Pines, Ramin Bahrani’s broadly drawn fable is also a substantially more foolhardy one. Bahrani’s departure from the neorealist style of Man Push Cart, Chop Shop and Goodbye Solo is emphatic, even audacious, replacing his customary nonactors with Dennis Quaid and Zac Efron, whose father-son conflict plays out against the shifting landscape of the Plains states. Henry Whipple (Quaid) is a farmer and seed salesman struggling to get ahead in agribusiness and Dean (Efron) is his prodigal son, intent on abandoning the family business for a shot at NASCAR. They’re cocky and ruthless, willing to do anything for their piece of the dream, but their ambition isn’t matched by their cunning, and the odds are against them. As sketched by Bahrani and co-writer Hallie Elizabeth Newton, this is a world where striving is not enough; everyone takes shortcuts, but only some are clever enough not to get caught, or have the power to avoid the consequences when they do. Bahrani manages the story’s epic sweep and primary colors reasonably well, but his inexperience with professional actors shows in the scattershot performances. —Sam Adams (Ritz at the Bourse)

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familiar with Polley’s earlier work, Stories We Tell also forces a retroactive re-evaluation of her last film, Take This Waltz, which echoes her mother’s dilemma in its examination of a woman torn between a contented marriage and a passionate affair. It’s a fascinating commingling of life and art that reveals something much deeper than one family’s secrets. —Shaun Brady (Ritz Five)

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DECEPTIVE PRACTICE | B+ A proud throwback to the days when a vaudeville magician could earn a living with a few superlatively crafted minutes, Ricky Jay is the master of a discipline he created: trickster, archivist, showman and raconteur rolled into one. The grandson of an accomplished amateur magician, Jay was doing tricks at 4, performing in public by 7 and on national TV by 15, thriving as a practitioner of an art that rarely enters the culture except as the butt of a joke. Jay waxes eloquent on his chosen role models, all-but-forgotten legends with names like Cardini and Slydini and Al Flosso; he’s a joy to listen to as well as watch, as if a screenwriter just off-camera is perpetually feeding him tasty lines on the fly. Directors Molly Bernstein and Alan Edelstein respect Jay’s circumspection on such touchy subjects as his relationship with his parents — he has none by choice — but then they doubtless had no other option. Part of the magician’s art, and there is none finer at it, is getting you to look where he wants, and not where he doesn’t. —SA (Ritz at the Bourse)

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FAST & FURIOUS 6 | B The rare blockbuster franchise to actually pay attention to what interests its audience, the Fast & Furious movies have sustained their popularity with an easy-breezy mix of simple, familiar characters, gleefully over-the-top action and a crowd-pleasing team dynamic. For the series’ sixth installment, Justin Lin has successfully taken the brand from its import-tuner roots to the realm of light international espionage, resulting in two hours of good, clean, kernel-crunching fun. Retired to an extradition-free seaside villa and living off the spoils of Fast Five’s Brazilian job, Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker)

have become reluctant family men, but neither racer feels quite right about the quiet life. Soon, scenery-gnawing DSS agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) shows up with a proposition — full pardons for the entire group if they assist in taking down Owen Shaw (Luke Evans), a mercenary who’s knocking off military convoys to build a powerful doomsday device. Plenty of high-end rubber’s burned across Europe en route to the showdown with Shaw, but it’s the corny-but-enjoyable interplay of the crew that makes this summertime junk food go down easy. —Drew Lazor (Wide release)

FRANCES HA | B+ An intentionally directionless exploration of post-collegiate ennui, especially one set in New York City and shot in soaked-thru Manhattan blackand-white, sounds like the worst environment for harvesting wild charm. And yet that’s the strongest suit of Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig’s Frances Ha.In between sipping tea, breezing through parties and drunkenly snuggling with roommate Sophie (Mickey Sumner), Frances (Gerwig) is an apprentice at a dance company. Unwilling to abandon her bubble, she dumps boyfriend Dan (Michael Esper) after he asks her to move in with him — not counting on Sophie surprising her with news that she’s leaving their roost for Tribeca. Aside from the immediate strain on the relationship, the change kicks off a feature-length poke-around for Frances as she tries to figure out what, and who, the hell she’s supposed to be. Gerwig deserves credit for making Frances relatable to anyone who suddenly realizes they’re being forced to grow up. She’s witty but naive, comfortable in her own skin but flummoxed by the prospect of living in it. The aimless rush to become

an adult, and all the accidental discoveries that happen along the way, is at the heart of Frances Ha, and it’s the most hopeful Baumbach has seemed in years. —DL (Ritz Five)

THE GREAT GATSBY | B If you’re one to chide Baz Luhrmann for overkill, then you probably also finger-wag frogs for being amphibious. Excess is simply hard-coded into the remarkably unsubtle Aussie’s DNA. The Great Gatsby is not his best, but it’s difficult to imagine a contemporary director better suited to take on such a volatile challenge. Tobey Maguire, as F. Scott Fitzgerald stand-in Nick Carraway, brings a clean-shaven calm to his narrator role. Then there’s Mr. Jay Gatsby himself (Leonardo

DiCaprio), introduced at one of his famous blowouts with fireworks bursting on every side of his gleaming, tuxedo-framed grin. The more Nick gets to know Gatsby, the more he realizes his limitless West Egg neighbor is stuck on one thing his new money can’t buy: the unhappily married Daisy (Carey Mulligan). The movie’s long and sometimes long-winded, and its glitz has obvious effects on the novel’s allegorical value. But anyone upset with Gatsby over its lavish come-ons should remember that Gatsby himself relates to the world the same way. —DL (Wide release)

INVITE YOU AND A GUEST TO AN ADVANCE SCREENING FOR PASSES, LOG ONTO WWW.GOFOBO.COM AND ENTER THE CODE: CITYF199 NO CELLULAR PHONES OR ELECTRONIC DEVICES WILL BE ALLOWED IN THE SCREENING. THE INTERNSHIP HAS BEEN RATED PG-13 FOR SEXUALITY, SOME CRUDE HUMOR, PARTYING AND LANGUAGE. Please Note: Passes received through this promotion do not guarantee you a seat at the theater. Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis, except for the members of the reviewing press. Theater is overbooked to ensure a full house. No admittance once screening has begun. All federal, state and local regulations apply. A recipient of tickets assumes any and all risks related to use of ticket, and accepts any restrictions required by ticket provider. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible if, for any reason, recipient is unable to use his/her ticket in whole or in part. All federal and local taxes are the responsibility of the winner. Void where prohibited by law. No purchase necessary. Participating sponsors, their temployees and family members and their agencies are not eligible. NO PHONE CALLS!


THE HANGOVER PART III | D Most sequels repeat their predecessors with diminishing returns, but The Hangover 3 tries a different tack, dumping the fill-in-the-blanks structure for straightforward comic action. Unfortunately, the impetus behind the change has less to do with a push for novelty than simple franchise fatigue. The onscreen disaffection of Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms reeks of paychecks already spent, leaving Zack Galifianakis to fill the void with schtick that works better around the margins. Ken Jeong reprises his role as a lunatic criminal with the bare minimum of effort; even his accent seems halfhearted. Director Todd Philips would plainly rather be making a straight-up action movie, shooting the wolf pack’s foray into Tijuana as if he’s William Friedkin and going long stretches without so much as attempting a joke — which, given how flatly the ones he tries land, is just as well. On the one hand, it’s sad to see erstwhile ’packer Justin Bartha taken out of the mix (and, presumably, profit participation) early in the film, held hostage by John Goodman’s gangster to force the movie’s stars to do his dirty work. But Bartha turns out to have a pretty sweet deal: At least he gets to skip most of this joyless, pointless movie. —SA (Wide release)

IRON MAN 3 | C An action-flick outlier with a knack for smartassery, Shane Black seems like an ideal successor to Iron Man constant Jon Favreau, but the proceedings are excessive. Sure, it’s a little shortsighted to chide an Iron Man movie for bombast, but Black, working off a script he also co-wrote, detonates so many unbelieva-bombs that any semblance of decorum is shredded. While most of our heroes suffer from some form of PTSD, Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) might be the

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only one who gets legit panic attacks — he’s knotted up from The Avengers, of course, and it’s affecting his relationship with the exasperated Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow). Things take a crappier turn once cunning Mandarin (Ben Kingsley), Stark’s greatest nemesis in the comics, begins broadcasting terroristic messages on national TV. There are some striking SFX at work here, and Black does well keeping Stark’s motives congruous with past installments. It’s just that this is the super-sequel equivalent of ordering a single shot and receiving a quintuple. —DL (Wide release)

KON-TIKI | C+ Thor Heyerdahl’s 1947 expedition across the Pacific on a balsa-wood raft never quite settled the point he set out to make — that South American voyagers settled the Polynesian islands — but it did motivate a generation of young dreamers to embark on improbable adventures. Having already told the story of WWII resistance fighter Max Manus, directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg turn their attention to this most famous of Norwegian heroes. Pål Sverre Hagen plays Heyerdahl with blond, hands-on-hips determination, but the filmmakers are as impatient to get to sea as any young boy with a toy raft.The logs of the handmade craft threaten to pull apart, sharks circle, fear causes the crew to make some risky errors. But none of it ever carries any real feeling of danger. The filmmakers seem as calmed by the lapping waves as Heyerdahl himself, and even they appear unconvinced by the obligatory presence of the clumsy coward or the reckless cameraman.


PAIN & GAIN | CWide release THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES | B Ritz at the Bourse RENOIR | C+ Ritz at the Bourse

INTERNATIONAL HOUSE 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, Portrait of Jason (1967, U.S., 105 min.) Jason Holliday, aka Aaron Payne, recounts with frankness the struggles of being a gay, black hustler in Shirley Clarke’s celebrated film. Fri., May 31, 7 p.m., $9.

PHILLY BEER WEEK For full movie reviews and showtimes, go to

Malt House Ltd., 7101 Emlen St., 215242-1700, Strange Brew (1983, U.S./Canada, 90 min.):

400 Ranstead St., 215-440-1181, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991, U.S./Hong

Kong, 88 min.): The turtles discover the origin of that mysterious green goo that made them into mutants. Fri., May 31, midnight, $10.

TROCADERO THEATER 1003 Arch St., 215-922-6888, thetroc. com. Kick-Ass (2010, U.S./U.K., 117 min.): McLovin’ as a supervillain? And Nicolas Cage on fire? SIGN. US. UP. Mon., June 3, 8 p.m., $3.

SCRIBE VIDEO CENTER 4212 Chestnut St. 3rd Floor, 215-2224201, Her Spirit Was for Dancing (2013, 60 min.): A 92-yearold woman performs death rituals in Jamaica, mixing Christian funeral processions with ancient Yoruba celebrations. Screening followed by Q&A with the filmmaker. Fri., May 31, 7 p.m., $5.

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of witty banter, which Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto do an admirable job of batting back and forth as Captain Kirk and Spock. The film’s supporting cast are good for a few laughs too, although Dr. McCoy (Karl Urban) descends into cringe-worthy cheesiness more often than not. But Into Darkness relies too heavily on slick action sequences and not enough on its excellent actors, including Benedict Cumberbatch, who just glowers his way through the film. As the lead bad guy, he simply isn’t given enough to do, nor any space to demonstrate his considerable charisma. And because Cumberbatch’s few lines have largely been included in the trailers, they feel stale. Cumberbatch’s Khan could have been a great villain, but the film wastes the actor’s talent. —Jake Blumgart (Wide release)

✚ REPERTORY FILM AMBLER THEATER 108 E. Butler Ave., Ambler, 215-3457855, Jaws (1975, U.S., 124 min.): Richard Dreyfuss’ Hooper could win an award for “Handsomest 1970s Oceanographer.” Look at that beard. Wed., June 5, 7 p.m., $9.75.

BRYN MAWR FILM INSTITUTE 824 W. Lancaster Ave., Bryn Mawr, 610-527-9898, King Kong (1933, U.S., 100 min.): Remember that one time Jack Black was in a serious movie? Yeah, this isn’t it. Tue., June 4, 7 p.m., $10.50.

COUNTY THEATER 20 E. State St., Doylestown, 215-3456789, Jaws: See Ambler listing. Tue., June 4, 7 p.m., $9.75.


STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS | BStar Trek Into Darkness is a disappointment, but not an unwatchable one. The movie contains a few shout-outs to longtime fans — look, a Tribble! — and the requisite quantity

MUD | BRitz Five


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A suburban high school student who dutifully hawks copies of Communist newspapers as his classmates file out for the day, Gilles (Clement Metayer) is only a few years too young to have been part of the student revolts of 1968, which were so world-shaking they became known as simply “the Events.” But the knowledge that he just missed the defining act of a generation hangs over him always. Director Olivier Assayas is plainly drawing on his own experience, dwelling on redolent details like the contents of his protagonist’s record collection; the camera peers over his shoulder as he flips through his LPs like a nosy younger sibling. In a sense, little happens to him, but you can feel the novel experiences being filed away for future reference: his first heartbreak, courtesy of girlfriend Lola Créton, or his recurring encounters with a free-spirited American (India Salvor Menuez) who schools him in protest songs. The film likewise works with a light touch, but it leaves a surprisingly lasting mark. —SA (Ritz at the Bourse)

THE CROODS | B Wide release

Free Library, Philadelphia City Institute Branch, 1905 Locust St., 215-685-6621, Coco Chanel and Igor Stravinsky (2009, France, 119 min.): A young woman is captivated by the controversial first performance of “The Rite of Spring.” Wed., June 5, 2 p.m., free.

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Taking a deep plunge into the middlebrow, Danish director Susanne Bier’s Love Is All You Need is an unashamedly predictable variation on the hoary trope of a middle-aged woman finding love in the sun-drenched Italian countryside. The basic arc is set in stone from the introduction of the two leads: Ida (Trine Dyrholm) blithely dismisses her doctor’s suggestion that her husband may be conflicted about her recent mastectomy, while Philip (Pierce Brosnan) eats breakfast alone in his sterile, severely modern condo. Revealing that he’ll expose her to life’s possibilities while she unfreezes his cold heart is hardly worthy of a spoiler alert. Still, while the story heads directly to its obvious destination, Bier and longtime co-screenwriter Anders Thomas Jensen take numerous detours, diverted by the cloud of mortality hanging over Ida’s breast-cancer diagnosis or the messy complications of family relations. The film’s darker tendencies never manage to conceal its contrivances, but they do add an interestingly bitter tinge to the saccharine flavor. —SB (Ritz Five)

42 | BWide release

What happens when Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas get jobs at a brewery? Fri., May 31, 8 p.m., free.





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That these stock caricatures apparently bear little relation to the real-life characters is hardly as troubling as the fact that the actors’ less-than-exhilarating actions lend nothing to the leisurely pace. —SB (Ritz Five)

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[ expect the bioluminescent dinoflagellate ]

THE-HAT: The-Dream plays the TLA on Friday. The more you look at that giant, blank hat, the weirder it gets, right?

The Agenda is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit

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Submit information by email ( to Caroline Russock or enter it yourself at with the following details: date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.


5.30 [ theater ]

✚ BARCELONA This world premiere at People’s Light & Theatre Company in Malvern presents a risky encounter in Spain between a young American woman (Julianna Zinkel) and a mysterious older Spanish man (Robert Montano), di-

rected by UArts grad Jackson Gay. What seems an impetuous one-night stand becomes a funny, sexy, thought-provoking exploration of our assumptions and prejudices about foreigners and vice versa. Playwright Bess Wohl wanted to probe how Americans are perceived abroad post-Iraq War. “I hope this play explores this phenomenon — the American tourist — on both a personal and political level,” she says. “What does it mean to impose one’s fantasies and values on another country, on another person?” This intimate adventure considers not only how the rest of the world sees us, but how we see ourselves. —Mark Cofta Through June 23, $25-$45, People’s Light & Theatre Co., 39 Conestoga Rd., Malvern, 610-644-3500,

[ ambient/electronic ]

✚ BURUNDI DREAMS The name suggests an Afropop dance party, but Burundi

Dreams is actually a lot dreamier. The music Tim Motzer (guitar and electronics) and Jim Hamilton (percussion) make is more like a soundtrack for the long-after party. It’s just the two of them, with a bit of layered looping, evoking not just dreaming, but lucid dreaming. Live projection from Dejha Ti and Erik Silverson enhances the effect. Hamilton explains, “We are trying to recreate what a concert experience used to be like: a happening, a complete sensory immersion. It’s about possibilities, creating an open environment for the people to have their own experience, multicultural and multidimensional.” Hamilton says their real virtuosity is in communicating with the audience. “Tim and I are already visual [in performance], but putting videos with it allows people to have something to hang the music on.” The goal is simple: “We want to bring back to the folk tradition, but multicultural, all mixed and spontaneous, not rehearsed as if there were

some exam to pass.” —Mary Armstrong Thu., May 30, 8:30 p.m., $15, Underground Arts, 1200 Callowhill St.,

[ rock/pop ]

✚ THE MONOCHROME SET/FARQUAR MUCKENFUSS The Monochrome Set has the same 1978 art-school Brit-punk pedigree as Adam & the Ants. Yet with the hasty, nasal vocals and cosmopolitan goofiness of singularly named singer/songwriter Bid — think Muswell Hillbillies-era Ray Davies meets Arctic Monkeys — speedy rhythms, loopy melodies and weirdly jangling guitars, there was no easy niche for the Set. They made brilliant albums but few inroads beyond cult status, broke up, lost guitarist Lester Square, re-formed and now are playing the States for the first time in 30-plus years. Philly’s Farquar Muckenfuss open for

Bid and co. The guitar-heavy Farquar trio’s album, They Grow Their Own Meat (Grade E, But Edible), is a dead ringer for the Monochrome Set but with a (mostly) instrumental, surf-rock sound to differentiate the two. Oh, and Muckenfuss is fond of silly costumes and lab equipment. —A.D. Amorosi Thu., May 30, 9 p.m., $14.03, PhilaMOCA, 531 N. 12th St., 267-519-9651,


5.31 [ r&b ]

✚ THE-DREAM It’s no coincidence that, for once, the word “love” appears nowhere in the title of Terius “The-Dream” Nash’s longdelayed, guest-stuffed fifth

artist album. Even the actual title — IV Play (Def Jam) — is a slight misdirection, as made clear in a title track which, somewhat hilariously, equates foreplay with “procrastination.” Sure, bluntly unabashed bedroom talk has always been central to the chart-dominating hitmaker’s rakish charm, but his R. Kelly-ish mitigating wit wears awfully thin here: “Equestrian” never bothers to flesh out its hackneyed central conceit, would-be MJ homage “Michael” hardly even invokes its ostensible subject, and the titular metaphor of the intriguing (albeit b-bomb-littered) “New Orleans” is simply left unexplained. Here’s sex made just as empty, joyless and mutually degrading as the red-eyed, remorse-strewn variety assayed by Drake or The Weeknd; more upbeat if only for being less self-aware. Of course, The-Dream being The-Dream, he’ll win you right back again with the very sound of the album: plush, woozy, detail-studded, lavishly

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synthetic slo-mo R&B that’s pretty undeniably perfect for … well, foreplay, for a start.

[ the agenda ]

—K. Ross Hoffman Fri., May 31, 9 p.m., $35-$47, with Kelly Rowland, TLA, 334 South St., 215-922-1011,

[ art/burlesque ]

✚ ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT TBA CON We all know the story: Some seven years after Fox buried Arrested Development, the Bluths have found new life thanks to Netflix and a rabid online fan base. And those diehards — the ones who dreamed up

to blue themselves about at TBA Con, probably the first Arrested Development-themed art-and-burlesque combo show. Organizer Brett Hopkins, who has been brewing plans for TBA Con since the seriesrevival rumors started in 2010, compares the comedy’s detail-retentive fandom to Star Trek’s. He also recognizes the web’s role in keeping the show alive, “but we wanted the human connection” that conventions afford. TBA Con promises a $2 discount if you show up in costume, plus plenty of frozen bananas and Hot Ham Water to go around. —Marc Snitzer Fri., May 31, art show 7 p.m., burlesque show 11 p.m., $12, PhilaMOCA, 531 N. 12th St.,

[ electronic ]

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chicken-dance infographics, Mayonegg recipes and Tumblr mashup blogs like “Arrested Westeros” and “Lucille and Mitt” — should find plenty

✚ MT. KIMBIE/ HOLY OTHER Mt. Kimbie came up within the hazy, niche-filled “post-dub-


—K. Ross Hoffman Fri., May 31, 8:30 p.m., $15, with Vinyl Williams, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., 215-232-2100,

[ pop/electronic ]

✚ CHARLI XCX/ LITTLE DAYLIGHT “Nuclear Seasons,” Charlotte Aitchison’s (pictured) broodingly anthemic breakout

and where that ambition feels fully substantiated, is as a performer; flashing her infectious grin, stage-owning spunk and nonstop dance moves, and rocking a noisy, neon Hot Topic fashion sense that feels like a throwback we haven’t quite seen yet. Also: Don’t miss openers Little Daylight, whose single “Overdose” may be this year’s purest, sweetest synthpop thrill ride. —K. Ross Hoffman Sat., June 1, 8:30 p.m., $15, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., 215-232-2100,



[ the agenda ]

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2011 single, cast her in an intriguing, darkly twinkly electro-Goth light — co-signified by the song’s ominous title and, perhaps, her nonsensical Roman numerals. But the unexpectedly glittery, swooning chorus of last year’s magnificent “You’re the One” complicated that picture. Full-length bow True Romance (IAMSOUND) finds her enviably poised between tastemaker cachet and big-budget pop ambition, playing a bit of

the agenda

titled second LP Cold Spring Fault Less Youth (Warp) retains that effervescence and a modicum of dappled intimacy while also following their pal James Blake’s lead into notably more extroverted territory, exploring meatier instrumentation, edgier textures and dance-leaning beats, and regularly sporting proper vocals — i.e., voices that haven’t been delicately sampled and spliced beyond coherence — including

a pair of spots from punk- and rap-informed singer-songwriter King Krule. If you do want blurry, manipulated, subaqueous vocals and deep, immersive sub-bass, Manchester’s Holy Other — whose Held (Tri Angle), all ghostly, R&B-refracting vocal splinters and swampy dub’n’click atmospherics, was probably the most satisfying album to descend from the dark, slippery witch-house trendlet — is probably your guy.

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step” milieu, but the London duo’s early output had as much to do with the wistful, muted pastoralia of Boards of Canada and early Four Tet as their bass-dropping Hotflush/Hyperdub peers — to riff off key track “Carbonated,” it felt fizzy, light and understated as seltzer, with a similarly mellowing, refreshing effect. Queerly

[ rock/pop/reunion ] a magpie — sampling Todd Rundgren; appropriating Gold Panda’s beatific “You”; paraphrasing Blu Cantrell’s timeless “Hit ’Em Upstyle” — on a solid set of oblique-angle electro-pop allsorts. But unlike some would-be neo-divas (Little Boots, I’m looking at you), where Charli really shines,

✚ THIS RADIANT BOY During the great psych-rock recession of the early 2000s, a gritty strain of power pop bubbled up from the basements and practice spaces of our fair city. Among the most alluring and obfuscating was This Radiant Boy, whose mad-scientist frontman Mike Guggino liked

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to match resiliently catchy melodies with nutball lyrics. Why was a line like “and I once felt broken eyeballs” so damn sing-along-able? TRB called it quits in 2006, but promised one last album, a parting postscript called Feelin’ It: On the Motorcycle that somehow never saw the light of day. according to Guggino, it’s This Radiant Boy’s best. “It’s the culmination of years of playing together and by that point, 2005, we had settled on the perfect lineup,” he says. These days, Guggino lives in Brooklyn and plays with psych rock band The Space merchants, but he’s rounding up that perfect lineup this Saturday for a reunion that doubles as Feelin’ It’s long-belated release show. —Patrick rapa Sat., June 1, 8 p.m., $10, with JJL and Dragon City, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684,

[ science/biology ]

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Glow: livinG liGhts a quick fact about bioluminescent creatures: Different animals produce light for different purposes. Fireflies scuttling in the midsummer dusk glow to attract potential mates, while the Lovecraftian deep-sea anglerfish lures its prey with a piece of dorsal spine that protrudes from its head and emits a hypnotic beacon, like a fishing rod. Whether it’s for communication or for camouflage, bioluminescence is an evolutionary — and

[ the agenda ]

to be underrepresented. —Marc Snitzer June 1-Sep. 29, free with $15 admission, Academy of Natural Sciences, 1900 Ben Franklin Pkwy., 215-299-1000,


6.2 [ jazz/benefit ]

Bruce KlauBer Philadelphia drummer, journalist and bon vivant Bruce Klauber has spent the last 12 months busying himself with all things jazz. He started a jazz column in Philly’s monthly ICON magazine, made his mark as the official spokesman for the local Jazz Bridge charity that gives to area players in need and launched the hardbop all-Star Jazz Quartet with pianist andy Kahn, bassist Bruce Kaminsky and saxophonist asher Stein. Klauber will not be stopped. This week, he continues his reign of jazz terror and tenderness with “an afternoon of Jazz and Classical music: a Benefit for musicopia” hosted by WRTI’s Bob Perkins and Klauber’s friends at ICON, the Chamber Orchestra of Philly and Jacobs music. along with the all-Stars, the daytime soiree will feature chanteuse Paula Johns and her flexible trio and Philly’s most magical classical pianist Hanchien Lee, all playing for the love of musicopia’s educational outreach programs throughout the Delaware Valley. —a.d. amorosi Sun., June 2, 3 p.m., $20, Philadelphia Ethical Society, 1906 Rittenhouse Square, 215-730-1789,

widely misunderstood — marvel. “Glow: Living Lights” is taking up residence in Drexel’s academy of natural Sciences all summer to illuminate these creatures with photo displays, film footage, hands-on activities and live specimens, like the single-celled dinoflagellate. If that’s not enough, the museum is encouraging kids to sport costumes based on their favorite bioluminescent animal. expect the dinoflagellate


6.4 [ rock ]

tomahawK after releasing its first album in five years, Tomahawk — the



We want to hear about it!

A TRIBE CALLED RED DJ MANDIP DJ M-SKI ----------------------------------------SATURDAY 6.1 DJ DEEJAY ----------------------------------------SUNDAY 6.2 DJ BLIZZY MOS DJ SMOOVE DJ ARGO & DJ LEX ----------------------------------------MONDAY 6.3






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Eat or drink anything good this weekend?


the agenda


THURSDAY 5.30 STUNTLOCO DJ SYLO COOL HAND LUKE MC MATT FORD ----------------------------------------FRIDAY 5.31

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DJ THEORY & ACTION JACKSON ----------------------------------------FRIDAY 6.7 HOT MESS SKINNY FRIEDMAN DJ APT ONE & DJ DAV 5th & Spring Garden

Sat, June 1st 9pm donations @ door The Binary Sea, The Delaware Riviera, 2blk2wht

Fri, June 7th, 7:30pm, donations @ door Special First Friday Show w/ Zach & The Outside Eyes, Dave Fell Band, Murderboats, Gabriel Slavitt Sat, June 8th 9pm, donations @ door Aristokoks, Make You Suffer, Tine Tine Sat, June 15th, 9pm, donations @ door Rigor Mortis Revue w/ High Five LE BUS Sandwiches & MOSHE’S Vegan Burritos, Wraps and Salads Delivered Fresh Daily! Happy Hour Mon-Fri 5-7pm Open Mic Every Wednesday @ 8:30pm Beer of the Month Angry Orchard Ginger Cider booking: contact jasper

OPEN EVERY DAY – 11 AM 1356 NORTH FRONT ST. 215-634-6430

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Mon, June 3rd 8:30pm PBR Rock Paper Scissors Tournament




Seven Days a Week. ½ OFF ALL DRAFTS! Kitchen open till 1am every night. Open 5pm-2am 7days a week. CHECK OUT OUR UPSTAIRS: Pool Table, Darts, Video Games! Corner of 10th and Watkins . 1712 South 10th 215-339-0175 .

rgaicr Let the feeding frenzy begin. Food news, recipes, menu exclusives

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inseason By Adam Erace



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Each month, Adam Erace picks a crop that’s in season locally rightthisveryminute and asks some of the city’s best chefs how they’re preparing it.

Rhubarb’s skindeep virtues are harder-won. ³ WHAT’S GREEN AND white and red all over?

TAP THAT: Jon Medlinsky gears up for Beer Week at Khyber Pass Pub. JESSICA KOURKOUNIS

[ tapped in ]

BEER WEEK PRO TIPS Ten solid days of Beer Week is serious business. We asked the pros for advice on optimal enjoyment (and how to stave off those inevitable hangovers). By Caroline Russock


f your regular beer rotation includes an occasional fizzy yellow American lager or perhaps a mass-marketed light import from, say, the Netherlands, you might not fully grasp the beautiful and dangerous thing that is Philly Beer Week. First things first: Beer Week isn’t a week at all. It’s 10 solid days of early-morning-to-late-night events (a record 1,000-plus this time around) booked in bars and restaurants all over the city. It’s also a chance to meet brewers, sample once-in-a-lifetime beers, have a rollickMore on: ing good time and experience some soul-crushing mornings after. To ensure that all the hops snobs out there get to sample all the rare pulls and collabo-brews possible, we tapped some of our best beer-drinking buds (brewers, distributors and reps) and asked for their Philly Beer Week pro tips, plus this year’s can’t-miss events. Casey Parker, co-owner of Jose Pistola’s, would like to remind everyone that it’s Philly Beer Week, not Philly Whiskey Week: “Lay off the shots. There’s too much good beer.” Naturally, Parker’s

eagerly anticipating two events at Pistola’s: the Fresh Squeezed IPA Brunch with Oregon’s Deschutes Brewery (10:30 a.m., Sunday, June 2) and the welcoming back of former Nodding Head Brewer Mike Fava to Philly with the Oxbow Homecoming Dance (9 p.m., Wednesday, June 5). Andy Farrell, general manager of City Tap House, has a four-part plan for Beer Week survival. First is a humble, positive attitude: “Philly is in a unique position to have such amazing beers in town and love for breweries,” says Farrell. The next three are equally vital: Advil, water and an order of late-night salt-and-pepper chicken wings from David’s Mai Lai Wah. Matt Satten of Shangy’s — Emmaus, Pa.’s beer superstore — thinks that flights and half-pours are the way to go: “With so many new and rare beers to try, the best way to do that is in smaller portions. Don’t forget to order a tall glass of water with your first beer.” He’s also a fan of proper packing: “For the more serious beer folks who are planning full days (you can’t drink MORE FOOD AND all day if you don’t start in the morning!), it DRINK COVERAGE might be worth bringing a messenger bag. AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / This gives you a place to put swag, snacks M E A LT I C K E T. (think KIND or Clif bars), a bottle of water, a phone charger, business cards, drugs, maybe an extra T-shirt (it’s hot and people spill beer) and any bottles you might pick up throughout the day.” When it comes to dealing with the effects of the previous evening and powering through for more, Dogfish Head’s Wendy Domurat’s cure is a little less hair of the dog (fish?) than one might expect. Her go-to? “Slam a can of Coke when you wake up >>> continued on page 36

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Rhubarb, shooting its first leggy stalks forth from the sun-warmed soil right this moment. The arrival of Rheum rhabarbarum can mean only one thing: Its frequent bedmate, strawberries, are not far behind. (By the time this page goes to print, they’ll be popping, too.) It’s easy to fawn over the fat, wet, red berries, but we shouldn’t discount their herald. Cranky by nature and lethal in large doses, rhubarb’s skin-deep virtues are harder-won. A culinary nonfactor for centuries, the Asian plant was grown exclusively for its medicinal properties and achieved status akin to rubies and pearls on the Silk Road. But once sugar went from a luxury of the 1 percent to widely available in the 17th century, the fruit took off among home cooks and chefs. “Rhubarb is a really unique ingredient,” says Vernick pastry chef Jennifer Sokoloff. “It’s similar to celery but texturally softer, less stringy but still crisp, earthy and tart.” That sharp acidity makes it a champ in all manner of desserts, whether wrapped in a flaky pie crust, folded into a fool or simmered, like at Vernick, with vanilla bean and cracked pepper into a compote Sokoloff spoons over pavlova and pairs with basil gelato. You’d be hard-pressed to find any reasonably ingredient-conscious restaurant in town not featuring rhubarb right now. Rhubarb granita with sesame cookies by Brad Spence at Amis, rhubarb-galia melon sorbet with white-chocolate malabi pudding by Mike Solomonov at Zahav. The list goes on. But its sourness also lends itself to savory cooking. “Rhubarb is one my favorite things to pair pork with, especially ham, because it’s salty and sweet and rhubarb is tart, so it’s a great balance,” says Erin O’Shea, whose country ham at Percy Street Barbecue comes with rhubarb chutney. O’Shea also recommends eating the stalks raw, “with a little salt sprinkled on it like people do with watermelon.” No too much, though; eating large quantities of raw rhubarb can set off tummy distress. And stay away from the toxic leaves; you’d have to eat 11 pounds of them to kick the bucket, but better safe than sorry, especially since cherries are less than a month away. (

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[ food & drink ]

✚ Beer Week Pro Tips <<< continued from page 35

Even though the majority of beer is water, remember to actually drink a glass of it here and there. and go right back to bed for a bit! Works every time.” One of the events that Domurat is most looking forward to is a four-way collaboration dinner at the South Philly Tap Room (6:30 p.m., Tuesday, June 4) featuring an English-inspired menu from chefs Scott Schroeder and Jonathan Adam paired with Bedford-meetsDelaware beers from Dogfish and British brewery Wells & Young’s. Plus Dogfish honcho Sam Calagione will be on hand for beer talk, tasting and the promise of rude jokes. When asked about how to get the most out of Beer Week, Khyber Pass Pub bartender and beer scholar Jon Medlinsky thinks it’s all about education: “My ‘humble advice’ would probably be something like, ‘Try to learn something while you are getting drunk.’ There are so many special beers and special people in town during Beer Week that one would be wise to focus on education and enlightenment — or whatevs.” And in that same educational vein, Medlinsky is looking forward to The Art of Brewing at Khyber (5 p.m., Friday, June 7), a home-brewing happy hour with George Hummel, owner of Home Sweet Homebrew, and Sean Mellody of Mellody Brewing. The duo will be brewing an all-grain batch from start to finish and sampling homemade brews. Cristina Tessaro, general manager of the highly anticipated Royal Izakaya and Sushi, is a Beer Week vet, having hosted the infamous London Grill dunk tank for more than a few years. Tessaro’s No. 1 piece of advice for making it through alive? “DON’T go to every Late Night with Joe Gunn.” This after-hours live-action beer talk show is always a blast. But the morning after? Not so much. Fortunately, this year they’ve scaled it back to only two nights. Tessaro’s additional words of wisdom echo other Beer Week pros’ survival tips: “NO WHISKEY! I love a shot alongside a great beer, but this is not the week for that.” Tessaro also suggests watching out for the end-of-theweek events like Khyber’s Sampler Sunday (11 a.m.-2 a.m., Sunday, June 9), where “You’ll get to try flights and smaller portions of a number of beers you might have missed throughout the week. Obviously, not everything from the week will still be around, but those lists will be full of fantastic beers that are not readily available. Oh, and drink plenty of water.” To reinforce all the of talk about hydration during this epic run of beer drinking, Tria Fermentation School director Sande Friedman makes an excellent point: “Even though the majority of beer is water, remember to actually drink a glass of it here and there. You’ll thank yourself in the morning when you can actually swallow an Advil.” And one last word: “Pretzels aren’t dinner.” (

To place your FREE ad (100 word limit) ³ email DREAMING ABOUT YOU

You were my Angel long ago with your arrows and bow, bringing light and love you radiated sunshine upon the whole world especially mine. You were the only one who understood the only other Libra in the world. You had Two Cats that always seemed to be everywhere. I won’t lie and say all the memories were good not for either of us and I won’t say we should start over and see how much we’ve grown, I’m not going to try to convince you that I’ve become a whole new person. Maybe it’s because I never really say what I mean, or because once again I think that you’ll be there one day and I’ll tell you then coz you are still after all the best friend this beast’s ever had. I still love you. .

From the get go, I wanted you to join me in the fanstastic playroom. I can give you what you want, I can make your heart beat short, I could make you ice cream, we could be a sweet team, melting in your vice dreams, sport.—NYPC

FOOD DUMP! I recently was at this well-known bar. It’s been around for 30 years and I can’t understand why. This place sucks. The food is so over priced and the creepy manager followed me around stalking me for my number. The bathroom was small as

know that when you party on your back porch at 3am on a Monday the whole block can hear you and your tramps laughing and smoking dope. Some of us have families and jobs and don’t want to hear your bad music and cackling whores till 4:30am. Party inside asshole . I remember my first beer. The next time I think I’ll invite the cops to join your little get-together.

LOVE YOU Michell, what the fuck is wrong with you don’t you know when someone loves you with every bit of their heart, its like you don’t care at all about life, you don’t know how bad I felt that night when

NO BOND All of a sudden you tell me that you love me and I told you before that there was no bond between you and I! How many other ways am I going to say doesn’t make any sense to me how you are just over and over with saying the same thing. I can’t keep telling you and your mom to clean up after yourselves. If anything you both should already know to do that. This is getting really fucked up that I have to retrain both of you! Tell your mom to stay away from my boyfriend, he told me that she showed him her breasts she better be glad that I didn’t catch her stupid ass, because if I do her ass is grass!


Doc, you know how to fix me up real good. I love our lil’ check ups, hand down my shirt, heavy panting, heart racing when your hands move south to check my other vital signs of arousal. Who was that pretty little nurse with you the other day? Throw her into the mix, she can keep my lips hydrated while you’re feeling my pulse at the other end. It makes me sick just thinking about it... I need your medical attention stat!

That crank call Tuesday afternoon was so mature, boo-getting some male friend to call from your blocked number with you snickering in the background and to ask me for you if I would suck your balls again. You didn’t even have the guts to talk yourself-some things never change. Your 17-yearold son is more mature than you. I changed my number since Tuesday. I’m not even sure how you even got that one nor do I want to know because it’s pretty creepy to think about-it’s been almost 3 years and a different number and cell phone company since then. Peace go with you, bro.



Still heartbroken…. Feeling the exquisite pain from knowing that I had loved but still lost. Days seem like an eternity, but somehow they still fly by…. Knowing that you have already moved on to another has me questioning if you ever really loved me. I think you felt that you did, but maybe you haven’t yet grasped what love really is: being consumed with the absence of oneself; and your selfish immature love is obsessed with the feeling and not the person who is then absently discarded. You are truly fire and I am earth. Without limits and boundaries, without having been cautious myself, the fire burned through the grass quickly leaving the field and effortlessly moving on to the woods. All that is left is smoke and ash. Despite all this, and although now those blissful weeks seem like ages ago, I felt loved- whether it was real or not. Soon the wind will blow away the ash, new grass will grow, and the smoldering flames will be forgotten.

You really thought you had him after that day at the park,but you were dead wrong! Don’t waste your time waiting for something thats not gonna happen,our marriage is stronger than ever now.So move on cause this is getting very pathetic.You can forget it, he just got us that BIG house and ZGW jr will be born next year.We are starting the buisness and loving our life.You were a mistake & he tells me this all the time.Stop trying to buy love, it wont work as you can see.Home is were the heart is and thats why he’s home with me! BYE GIRL..LMAO



UM.....LOVELY hell and wait staff was trashy and nasty people. I just want to tell everyone who works there to go fuck yourselves. You’re all assholes who should just kill yourselves. I hate this place and its staff. I cant believe they dare to call someone who cooks chicken wings and mac and cheese a “Chef”. I saw mice just running around and everyone acted like it was normal. I hope your restaurant closes down for good.


✚ ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.


To the douchbag who lives on E. Passyunk across from Paradiso. Are you 12 years old? don’t you

i told you to leave i cryed all night and then you called me two hours later and it was like putting a dagger in my heart, all I ever wanted was for us to work this thing out together and to get the fuck out of this shit hole, we were supposed to be a team. And them two beautiful girls you have should make you want to work even harder at life they love you so much anyone can see that, I just want you to know that I still love you very much but its out of my hands its up to you now if you ever wanted me back it would take a hole hell of alot and I don’t know if you are ready. Please get help! cause I wanna see you live. I love you were ever you are love, Tommy.

Oh my gawd! these past few months have been utterly amazing. you have such an outstanding personalitly, a genuine sense of humor and a tremendous smile (this is really me getting lucky.) i truly enjoy every minute we have spent together, not only alone, but with your friends who are also some of the coolest people i have ever met. here’s to you having a happy birthday! i hope we can spend many more together...

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | M A Y 3 0 - J U N E 5 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

This is to the dumb ass neighbor, you stupid ass bitch, you keep slamming the door like you are crazy or something honestly I am not understanding what the fuck is the problem. Why did you move to the block? Why did you decide to paint your house that color, now everyone knows where the fuck I live at thanks to your stupid ass! I hate you to the fullest power. My boyfriend asked me before what your problem was and I told him that it would only be one solution. Get some dick already!

DOES IT MATTER? You know how we pretend to be friends early in the morning you stop by and talk shit and then we laugh! At one point I thought that was real laughter and then I had to think about it. Like this dude isn’t on my side, instead of him, trying to reach his potential, he is all in my potential! Please people worry about yourselves at work, why the fuck do people keep worrying about what someone else is doing! I don’t like that phony shit and I am not playing that game with you anymore! You’re either my friend and we give each other the fancy handshake or you’re not my friend and we just do our work! That sounds really good to me! Let’s just do our work, you stay away from me and I will stay away from you! I really was a fool to think that I could trust you!! They really need a person with drive and ambition for your job and that you lack very much!



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merchandise market

CARPET Authentic Karastan.100%hand made. 10x14 w/fringe. mint condition.Tag and serial #avail. app. $7000. $3900.OBO (610)935-8673

Laptops Net Ready, Wireless From $129 Tablets from $149. Call 610.453.2525 BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.75 sf (215) 365-5826

CABINETS KITCHEN SOLID WOOD Brand new soft close/dovetail drawers, Full Overlay, Incl. Crown, Never Installed! Cost $5,300. Sell $1,590. 610-952-0033

BD a Memory Foam Mattress/Bx spring Brand New Queen cost $1400, sell $299; King cost $1700 sell $399 610-952-0033 BED: Brand New Queen Pillowtop Set $145; 5pc Bedrm Set $325 215-355-3878 FRIDGE- Whirlpool, 28in. wide, clean, white finish, 3 years old, works great, $245. SW Phila. Call Bill 215-266-7273

HEALTH & MEDICAL PRODUCTS/SERVICES Handicap Scooter - 4 wheeled golden avenger. 400lb. wait cap. 215-757-1747

everything pets

Generator, Compressor, Pressure Washer, Ladders, Plus more! 215.324.2202

PIANO - Kimball Spinet 38in. high, natural wood & bench $625bo 215.266.7273 2013 Hot Tub/Spa. Brand New! 6 person w/lounger, color lights, waterfall, Cover, 110V or 220V, Never installed. Cost $7K Ask $2990. Can deliver 610-952-0033

3 Phila Eagles SBL lower level seats Sec 116, Row 24, Seats 1,2,3 10 yrd line, $6,950 Ea, Great Seats, 570.954.1257 US OPEN Trophy Club Badges 2 ea., Sat. 6/15 and Sun. 6/16. Call 215-850-8858

33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $


33&45 RECORDS HIGHER $ Really Paid


42 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

M A Y 3 0 - J U N E 5 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

Please be aware Possession of exotic/wild animals may be restricted in some areas.

English Bombay Females, $150. Various Dom. Kittens, $50. Best offer to resp. persons. Please lv msg w/Ann 315-378-5312

Siamese Kittens m/f applehead, purebred, Health Guar. $400 610-692-6408

Bernese Mountain AKC Home raised, health guaranteed. Penn Hip cert. $1300.00. 484-631-5129 Bernese Mountain Pups $1300. AKC registered, health guarenteed vaccinated, raised in family setting. 484-629-0841

BOXER PUPPIES AKC $700 dew claws and tails removed. Eddie 856-534-9010 CANE CORSO PUPS - Blues, wks, Papers, 2F/2M, 215.758.5598


Cavalier Spaniel Pups Purebred, M/F raised in private home, shots, vet checked $600 Northern DE. 703-431-1284

Dachshund Pups 3 mos, m/f, blk & brown, 1st shots, $400 & $450. 267-238-7327 English Bulldog Male Puppy 9 weeks old. Asking For $700 - Fully Akc Registered, 1st Shots, Health Guarantee. Email: (215)324-5863 English Bulldog Pups - 2 and 4 months. pedigree, reg., dewormed. Vet checked. Call 215-696-5832

ENGLISH BULL TERRIER PUPS 7 wks, 4M, shots, pprs 215-518-0045

English Springer Spainels pups 4M/3F 9 wks, $500, 1st shots, 856.624.4307 Email:

German Shepherd Dog Puppies Parents on premises with papers. 267-977-3491 German Shepherd Puppy - AKC, sable long coat male. $1300. 856-299-3809 GERMAN SHEPHERD PUPS 8 wks, 5 M, Large Boned, AKC reg, OFA & DNA cert., exc disposition & nerves, temperament tested, 7 generation champs, german blood lines, superior quality, health cert/shots/wormed. 609.351.3205


Books -Trains -Magazines -Toys Dolls - Model Kits 610-639-0563 I Buy Anything Old...Except People! Military, toys, dolls etc Al 215.698.0787 I Buy Guitars & All Musical Instruments-609-457-5501 Rob JUNK CARS WANTED We buy Junk Cars. Up to $300 215-888-8662


German Shepherd Pups 8 wks w/ docs $500 each. 302-465-3672 German Short Hair Pointer pups AKC, world class bloodlines, M $600, F $700 shots, wormed, 717.964.3843

2300 S. 11th St. 1BR $750 + utils 2nd floor, rear, 1st, last & sec. dep., W/D, no pets. Call 215-739-6634

28xx Snyder 1BR $625+ Utils Avail 8/1, $1,875 Move in, 215.365.4567

57th & Pine Sts, Phila PA $650. 302-437-6485


54xx Jefferson St. 3BR/1BA $850 incl. heat. Spacious W/enclosed Backyard $1,700 move-in. 215.806.9584

6144 Ludlow 2Br/1Ba Apts 1, 2, Sec 8 ok, Call : 267.701.7845 PARKSIDE 1br./1ba $750 + utilities. furn., Reno. Historic row house, kit. w/ island, orig. beams, exposed brick, plank flrs, BBQ deck, W/D, free pkng, near trans., owner direct 917-445-4149. Must see! Rare classic!

Apartment Homes $650-$995 215.740.4900 City Line Area 2br Apts beautiful, Spring Special 215.681.1723

1740 Georges Lane 2BR $725+ utils pvt entry, Deck, credit chk. 610.659.7177

Colony 1br, apt. $600 + sec. elect/gas not. incl. 215-480-6460 HOUSEKEEPER to Live-in 5 days very high salary ref & exp. Wynnewood 732.530.4941

Havanese Pups AKC, home raised. 262.993.0460, PIT BULL PUPPIES - $375 Red/Blue Nose full bred, W/Blue eyes 4F/3M, shots record, Dewormed, 215.391.2090 No TXT

apartment marketplace

Exp’d Caregiver seeks Weekend pos, Own car. References 484-250-9987

1, 2, 3, 4 BEDROOM

FURNISHED APTS Laundry-Parking 215-223-7000 12xx W. Allegheny Ave. Efficiency $425. New Reno, 2+1 Move in, Call 215.221.6542 1742 N. 16th St. Unit A 3BR $1,600 Units B & C 2BR $1,100 Affordable student housing at it’s best! 609-922-2716

SHIH TZU pups ACA, 11 Wks, $925 Solid/Tan/white. Call 215.752.1393

15XX West Venango St 2br bi-level $710 + utilities. Call 215-223-7181 1xx Tioga Efficiency $470 incl water/gas. $940 mv in, 609.703.4266

Wyncote Ave. 2BR $750 2mo. sec. dep. Call (267) 746-8418

1 BR & 2 BR Apts $735-$835 spacious, great loc., upgraded, heat incl, PHA vouchers accepted 215-966-9371 239 W. Seymour 1BR/1BA $700 Efficiency $460. Call 610-287-9857 5209 McKean Ave 1br new ren avail ASAP $500 & up 215-768-8410

5321 Wayne Ave. Effic $550, 1Br $625, Studio $575, Avail Now, 215.776.6277 GERMANTOWN 3br 4941 Rubicam St. $900 + util. Call 215-833-4297

1208 E Washinton Ln 1Br $650 Peaceful Block, Near trans, Driveway & Lg Yard, Cozy Beautiful Apt tasteful Renov, High Cieling w/Fans, New W/W, Modern Kit w/oak Cabs, Laundry on premesis, 215.242.1204 or 267.250.9822 16xx E. Duval between Lowber & Rodney Lg. quiet 1BR $725, with washer $750. Seperate utils. Call 215-300-4541 7500 GTN AVE Garden type 1BR! Spring Special ! Newly dec, d/w, g/d w/w, a/c, laundry/cable, off st prkg. Pets OK! 215-275-1457/233-3322

Yorkshire Terrier & Schnauzer (designer pup) Non-alergic shots 500. 717.271.1894

To learn more or to find the right person for your job, visit your local partner at

48xx Broad St. 2 & 3 BR $700 + Utils Sec 8 OK, 2nd Flr, 2+1, 610.623.0497

60XX Warnock 1 BR $625+ nr Fernrock Train Station,215-276-8534

3419 G St 2BR/1 BA - All New, Sec 8 Ok, Apt.2, Call: 267.701.7845 49 Oxford Ave. 1br $575 duplex on 1st flr. Free W/D 215-744-8990 64xx Marsdon St. 2BR/1BA $700 North East Philly Call: 856-313-3460 ACADEMY & KNIGHTS 2BR $900 2nd flr., garage, bsmt., air. 267-342-1993 Cottman Ave Vic 2br/1Ba $695+utils w/w carp. 2 XL Br Call 267-251-5675 Clifton Heights beautiful 1 & 2 BR Spring Special, 215-681-1723 Lansdowne 2BR $775 paint, c/a, ht, W/D hookup 610-626-2208 YEADON Area Beaut/Upgraded 1 & 2 BR W/D, Spring Special 215-681-1723

Abington 2br Duplex $950 plus utilities. Near trans. 215-657-1065.

420 Lippincott, Riverton 1Br $1095 +Utils, 20 mins to CC, Sm office, New Reno, 1st Fl, Deck, Yard, 609.304.3621

12xx Somerset $100 - $125/Wk fully furn W/Bed & Dresser 215.880.0173

82xx Mansfield Ave. 2br $850/mo. 1st flr, gar, W/W carp, Call 215.275.3774

1414 W. 71st 1br $625/2 Br $800 incl utils. Near trans & shops 215.574.2111 66TH ST-STUDIOS, 1&2BR start’g @ $575. Handicap access, heat /wtr/gas incl! Sec 8ok! 215-768-8243 Broad Oaks 1BR & 2BR Lndry rm. Special Discount! 215-681-1723

Yorkie Puppies - A KC reg. vet checked home raised. $550. Call 215-490-2243 YORKIE Pups, Vet Checked, dew claws removed. Shots, 8 weeks, $600-$800. 609-377-7815

2217 E. Cumberland Studio Newly renov. 215-525-5800 lic# 356258

4670 Griscom St. Studio Newly renov, Lic#397063, 215-525-5800 5000 Penn St. Studio & 3BR newly renov, lic #584090, 215-525-5800 OXFORD & LEIPER 1br $590 Nice and clean. No pets 215-289-2973

1727 N 27th St. 3 Rooms for Rent $90 $110/week. All utilities included. Call Tee @ 267-575-4088 18th & Tioga $125/wk shr BA & kit. $235 move in. 215-868-0853 2213 W. Huntington, Studio, pvt BA, Ent & Kit $135/wk, $405 mv in, 267-250-0761 3430 N 22nd St priv ent paint use of kit ww $120wk $290move in 267-997-5212 47xx Salem St. & 28xx N. 24th St. 3 rooms $425 -$350. Shared Kit/Ba, Near Trans 267-581-1331 4th & Diamond $90/wk, $225 to move in, ref/micro. 215-416-6538 61st & Chester. Newly Renov. Room, $250 dep. $125/wk, 267-456-2808

623 N 54th St. Rooms for Rent $100/wk, $400/mo. SSI Welcome. 215-205-3261 Bridge & Pratt rooms & effic. $110/wk & up. Sec. dep req. 215-432-5637

homes for rent 2437 S Beulah St 2br/1Ba Finished Bsmnt, Sec 8 267.701.7845



28XX Snyder 2Br $750 + Utils Avail 7/1, $2,250 Move in 215.365.4567 28xx Snyder Ave. 2BR $750+utils. Avail. 7/1. $2160 move-in. 215-365-4567

1218 S 52nd 5Br/2Ba HDWD flrs, Sec 8 Ok, Call: 267.701.1845

12xx W Alleghany 1Br $550 + Elec/Gas 1st Fl, Near Trans, 1+1, Call 610.324.2141 4805 North 13th St 4br/1ba $800 mo. + util 215-424-0765 25xx Gordon St. 3br/1ba Newly renov. Ready now 267.303.0634 71XX North 18th St 3br 1ba $900 plus utilities Sect 8 ok. 215-740-4629 Russell 3BR $750+utils. Renovated, Large. Call 201-321-0543

51xx Ludlow 3BR $750 water incl. newly renovated, carpet, paint, nice small backyard, good block. 267-249-6645

5641 Arch St. 3BR/1BA $750+utils. Newly renov., hdwd flrs. (215) 459-1699

W. & SW Phila 2br-3br Houses $700-$900. 1st/last/sec. 215-878-2857

LINCOLN ’97 LUXURY 4 DR TOWNCAR, MINT COND, CHAUFFER DRIVEN, FEW ORIGINAL MILES, SPECIAL CAR FOR A PARTICULAR YEAR. RELUCTANT SACRIFICE. $4795. LYNN 215.922.6113 Mercedes 300 SEL 1988 $3200/obo May trade, 209K Mi All orig, In/Out, S/R Insp 1/14, Exec Cond 267.975.4483

Subaru 2000 luxury Forester 4 dr Station Wagon, full pwr, A/C, Mint Cond, 5 spd, Quick private sale, $3,985. 215.922.5342

18XX Harrison 3Br $750 + Utils New Reno, $2250 Move in, 215.470.4918

CH/Penns-Iron Rock 2BR/ 1 1/2Ba $1150 plus Util. Rental Condo clean, quiet, fresh paint, storage, W/D. No smoking /pets. 1.5 mo. security, bckgd. & credit check req’d. Call Kathy, 856-665-5650. Oaklyn NJ 2br 1B row 5 mins Ferry Av Speedln. Sec8ok $950+. 609-417-4650

automotive Ford Explorer 2003 $29,000 Clean, fully loaded. Call 814-515-9153 Infinity I30 2002 Luxury 4 dr, w/sunroof, Like new , Gar Kept, $6,950. 215.922.6113 Mercury Marquis 2007 $6000 under 100k MI, Clean, 513.300.9954

Toyota Rav 4 2012 $22,000 Less than 5K mi, Relocating, Full warranty, Silver, A/c, Sunroof, Cruise, Alloys ++, Call 267.251.8893

Cash for Comics: 1940-1970’s Collectors Welcome. (267) 858-5025

Ford F150 2008 STX 4x2, 6.5 Bed, V8. Auto, 1 owner, 93k mi. Never in accident or used for construction. $12,000 obo 484-716-9186.

HARLEY 07 sport 1200, 4800 mi. $7,500 full chrome 215-947-6129 Harley Davidson Softtail 2010 $14,000 Lots of extras, 1500 Mi, 215.518.0045

VOLVO 740 SW 1991 $950 Auto, All Pwrs, Runs Excellent 215-620-9383

Public Notices

Health Services



Stop paying outrageous pr ices! Best pr ices...VIAGRA 100MG, 40 pills+ 4/ free, only $99.00. Discreet shipping. Call Power Pill. 1800-374-2619.


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Help Wanted – General HELP WANTED

Heavy Equipment Operator Career! 3 Weeks Hands On Training School. Bulldozers, Backhoes, Excavators. National Cer tifications. Lifetime Job Placement Assistance. VA Benefits Eligible! 1-866-362-6497. HELP WANTED DRIVER

Driver: One Cent Raise after 6 and 12 months. $0.03 Enhanced Quar ter ly Bonus. Daily or Weekly Pay, Hometime Options. CDLA, 3 months OTR exp. 800414-9569 www.driveknight. com HELP WANTED DRIVER

Drivers-CDL-A DRIVERS NEEDED! Solos up to $.38/ mile. $.50/mile for Hazmat Teams. New Trucks Arriving Daily! 800-942-2104 E x t . 7 3 0 8 o r 7 3 0 7 w w w. HELP WANTED DRIVER

Automotive Marketplace CASH FOR CARS

ANY CAR/Truck. Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid. We Come to You! Call for Instant Offer. 1-888-420-3808 www.


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real estate



Waterfront Lots-Virginia’s Eastern Shore. Was $300k, Now From $55K. Large Lots, Community Pool, Pier and Recreational Center. Great for boating, fishing & kayaking. 757-824-0808.

Resort/ Vacation Property for Sale VACATION RENTALS

Land/ Lots for Sale LAND FOR SALE

Lake Sale, NY; 5 acres Bass Lake $29,900. 7 acres 400’ waterfront $29,900. 6 lake proper ties. Were $39,900 now $29,900. Ends May 31st. 1-888-683-2626.

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND. Best selection of affordable rentals. Full/partial weeks. Call for FREE brochure. Open daily. Holiday Real Estate. 1-800638-2102 Online reservations:




UP STATE NY COUNTRYSIDE SPRING LAND SALE. $5,000 Off Each Lot. 6 AC w/Trout Stream $29,995. 3 AC/ So. Tier: $15,995. 5.7 AC On the River: $39,995. Beautiful & All Guaranteed Buildable. Financing Available...Offers End 5/31/13... Call Now: 1-800-229-7843


Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http://

3/#)%49(),, 6).4!'% &,%! -!2+%4



8AM til 5PM Along Pine & Lombard From 3rd to 5th Streets

More Than 100 Vendors! Free Parking In The School Yard at 3rd & Lombard

Use 301 Lombard Street For GPS More Info:

215 - 625 - FLEA (3532)


West Phila 1br- 6br $800+ Sec. 8 housing. w/w, h/w, w/d. Call 267-773-8265

Infinity M30 Convertible 1991 $1,900/obo, runs good, Call 267.808.0771

Toyota Tercel 1995 $1,200 A/C, clean car, very reliable, good condition. Call 215-232-2562

24XX S. 57th St. 2br House. Sec 8 OK. $725 +utils, Renovated, 215.688.3689

43rd & Wallace 3br pch, yd, laundry $850mo $2550 to move 267-357-5216

Ford Taurus S/W 1993 $995 All Pwrs, Clean, Runs Exc, 215.620.9383

Saab 900 1996 $2800 Leather Seats, Gas Saver, 856.296.4484

13xx S 51st 4Br $900+ Utils $2700 move in, 610.453.0066 20xx 60th Lg. 1BR apt. $600+utils 25xx Hobson 3BR/1BA $850+utils "The landlord that cares" Brandy 609-598-2299 Mark 610-764-9739

Cadillac Coupe De Ville 1979 $4,500 Prof restored, Sacrifice. 610.667.4829 Chevy Venture LS 2004 $3,450 Dual A/C, pwr drs., loaded. 215.840.4860 Chrysler LeBaron Convertible 1995 $1450 Auto, 87K, new top. Call 215-620-9383 Dodge Grand Caravan 1997 $1550 4Dr, All pwrs, Runs new, 215.620.9383 Ford 2003 F-150 deluxe pickup truck, extended cab $4,975. A/C, light commercial, Garage Kept, Call Fran 215-922-5342 Ford E-350 1993 $1,250/OBO BUS, diesel, 67K mi. Call 267-825-2315 Ford Econoline 150 Van 1992 $1550 Auto, A/C, 107k Mi, Nu Insp, 215.620.9383 Ford Explorer Luxury 4 Dr 2002 Fully equipped, A/C, too nice to trade in Senior Citizen will sac less than book value $3675, not a misprint, 215.922.2165 Ford Explorer XLT 1994 $995 Auto, 4x4, insp, runs exc. 215-620-9383 Ford Taurus SE 2006 $2450 4 door, loaded, clean, CD, 215.280.4825

market place


Lake Sale, NY; 5 acres Bass Lake $29,900. 7 acres 400’ waterfront $29,900. 6 lake proper ties. Were $39,900 now $29,900. Ends May 31st. 1-888-683-2626.

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | M A Y 3 0 - J U N E 5 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

26XX S Fairhill 3Br $875 + Utils Avail 8/1, $2,625 Move in, 215.365.4567

22nd/Sedgley. 2br/1ba House $700. c/a, Temple students welc 215-833-3698 25xx Taylor St. 2BR $650+ utils Newly renov, new kitch. 267-471-8171 25xx W Montgomery 4Br/2Ba $725+ 1+1, pvt yard, Pets ok, 215.765.4429 29xx W. Norris St. 3br/1ba $719 Rehabbed, free HDTV. Call: 215.354.0404 or Text "Virtual tour" to 609.234.0079 3053 Lee St 2br $600 + Utils HDWD Flrs, Jacuzzi Tub, everything new, Beautiful Home, 267.972.7787 Temple Univ. area 3BR $1,100+utils. Beautiful, completely renovated, new appliances. Call 215-820-2219

low cost cars & trucks



Broad & Hunting Park - Furnished room, all utils. incl., $450/mo. 267-226-9377 Broad/Olney furn refrig micro priv ent $115/$145wk sec $200 215.572.8833 Frankford, nice rm in apt, near bus & El, $300 sec, $90/wk & up. 215-526-1455 Germantown Area: NICE, Cozy Rooms Private entry, no drugs (267)988-5890 Hunting Park: Furn. Luxury Rooms. Free utils, cable, A/C. Call 267-331-5382 LANSDOWNE AVENUE. 484-494-0753 $350/mo. cable/util. incl. no smoking. Logan: All new New furn rm, $110/wk, 1st fl, $330 sec, No drugs. 215.313.9462 N. Phila: clean, modern rms, use of kit, no drugs,reasonable rent. 215-232-2268 NP/Logan/WP pvt entry, also effic avail $110 - $135/wk. Call 609-526-5411 OVERBROOK $450/mo Must see, immediate move in 267-721-7345 SOUTHWEST Newly renov’d , nicely furnished, A/C, W/D, cable, clean, safe & secure. Call (267) 253-7764 SW, N, W Movein Special! $90-$125/wk Clean furn rms SSI ok 215.220.8877 SW Philadelphia $250 to move in. Share kitchen & bath. 267-251-2749 WEST MOUNT AIRY $100 and up special. In private home. 215-224-3737 W. Germantown rooms for rent starting at $450/mo., $100 security fee, easy move-in. Theresa at (215) 740-0554 W Phila - $65 - $85/wk Incl Utils Furn, Near trans, 215.738.1306 W.Philia 9 Rms starting at $125$150/Wk, HDWD FLRS, Stainless steel Jacuzzi tub/Appliances, 3 Full Ba, Nice size rooms, Everything new 267.972.7787

63xx Girard Ave. 3BR/1BA $800 Move-in cond. 2+1 Move in, 215.879.5834 7554 Overbrook Ave, Philadelphia in Overbrook Park Beautiful 3 BR house for rent w/central air, refrigerator, dish washer, patio & deck. $1300 per mo. gas & elec. Owner pays water. 3 mos required to move in. $60. application fee for each person over 18 years. Call 267-664-0234.

Call our Live Operator Now! 1-800-405-7619 Ext. 2450

the naked city | feature | a&e | the agenda | food

apartment marketplace

first aid/CPR/ non smoker/ drug free/drive. Phone 267257-9528.


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Philadelphia City Paper, May 30th, 2013  
Philadelphia City Paper, May 30th, 2013  

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