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cpstaff We made this

Publisher Paul Curci Associate Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Brian Howard Senior Editor Patrick Rapa News Editor Jeffrey C. Billman Senior Writer Isaiah Thompson Staff Writer Holly Otterbein Associate Editor and Web Editor Drew Lazor Arts Editor and Copy Chief Carolyn Huckabay Deputy Arts and Entertainment Editor Molly Eichel Assistant Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Contributing Editors Sam Adams, E. James Beale (sports) Contributors A.D. Amorosi, Janet Anderson, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Nancy Armstrong, Debra Auspitz-Galler, Justin Bauer, Dwayne Booth, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Charles Cieri, Mark Cofta, Will Dean, Jesse Delaney, Jakob Dorof, Deesha Dyer, David Faris, M.J. Fine, David Anthony Fox, Lauren F. Friedman, Cindy Fuchs, Ptah Gabrie, Julia Harte, Dan Hirschhorn, K. Ross Hoffman, Deni Kasrel, Gary M. Kramer, Gair Marking, Natalie Hope McDonald, Josh Middleton, Andrew Milner, Michael Pelusi, Nathaniel Popkin, Trey Popp, Robin Rice, James Saul, Daniel Schwartz, David Snyder, Jon Solomon, Amy Strauss, Andrew Thompson, Tom Tomorrow, Sam Tremble, Char Vandermeer, John Vettese, Julia West, Kelly White, Lewis Whittington, Christopher Wink Editorial Interns Julia Askenase, Katy Bergen, Matthew Cahn, Nyidera Edwards, Victor Gamez, Eric Henney, Lauren Macaluso, Marielle Mondon, Jen Rini, Stephen Rose, Valerie Rubinsky, Yowei Shaw, Harrison Simms, Will Stone, Amanda Wochele Webmaster Dafan Zhang Associate Web Editor/Staff Photographer Neal Santos Systems Administrator John Tarng Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Editorial Designer Allie Rossignol Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Designer Alyssa Grenning Contributing Photographers Michael M. Koehler, Jessica Kourkounis, Michael T. Regan, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Dwayne Booth, Jeffrey Bouchard, Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Accounts Receivable Coordinator Tricia Bradley (ext. 232) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Senior Account Managers Robb Allison (ext. 252), Yasser Hussain (ext. 215), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Account Managers Sara Carano (ext. 228), Robert Crain (ext. 250), Natalie Diener (ext. 257), William Newns (ext. 237), Donald Snyder (ext. 213) Adult Advertising Sales Rick Hicks (ext. 236) Office Coordinator Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel

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contents No noose is good noose

Naked City ...................................................................................6 Cover Story ..............................................................................12 Arts & Entertainment.........................................................22 Discount and insurance offered only with select companies and subject to availability and qualifications. Discount amount may be lower. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Property and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, IL. © 2009 Allstate Insurance Company.

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AMILLIONSTORIES

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Now to the left of The Bell Curve

S

o, let’s say that you’re a conservative political movement — after years of record-breaking deficit spending under a conservative president and Congress — formed shortly after the inauguration of the country’s first black president to, um, fight deficit spending, and things have been real tough lately. Somehow, everyone’s been getting the idea that you’re racist. Preposterous, right? Well, sure, there are all those racist-ish signs that keep popping up at your rallies. And yeah, there was that time some of your members reportedly yelled the N-word at a black congressman during the health care fracas. And the response of one More on: of your highest-profile leaders, Mark Williams, to the NAACP’s request that you weed out racist elements — writing a “satirical” letter to Abraham Lincoln that reads, “We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!” — probably didn’t help, either. This racism charge has become fairly pernicious, and you need to counter it before it gets out of control. There’s only one thing to do: Pack the shiniest “I’m with Arizona” buttons you have (for sale, of course) and bring them to last Saturday’s “Uni-Tea”(get it?) rally in Independence

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Park, where — and this is very important — your organizers have rounded up every single non-white right-winger they could find and put them on stage, in front of God and everyone, to prove, once and for all, that the Tea Party and racism are not synonymous. After all, some of your best friends are black. Of the 13 speakers at Uni-Tea, co-hosted by the local Independence Hall Tea Party Association and explicitly designed to highlight the Tea Party’s diversity, eight were black and one was Hispanic. Everyone talked about how the only colors that matter are red, white and blue, and how liberals who peddle socialwelfare and affirmative-action policies are the true bigots, and they should really give us our country back. Uni-Tea was about more than just speakers, though: You may not know this, but Tea Partiers (note: This is the GET YOUR FIX OF preferred term, as “tea baggers” has an NEWS, SPORTS unwelcomed sexual connotation, as in, the A N D C O M M E N TA R Y AT T H E C L O G , C I T YPA P E R . N E T / C L O G .

dipping of a man’s testicles into his

partner’s mouth) love hip-hop. Indeed, if you haven’t seen a group of slightly older, overweight Tea Partiers rise out of their folding chairs with their hands up as conservative white-boy rap duo Hi-Caliber busts such rhymes as “no taxation without representation” or “U.S.A., everybody get ready, T-E-A is sweeping the nation,”well, you haven’t really lived, have you? In attendance were roughly 500 real Americans — organizers predicted at least three times that number — many carrying Gadsden flags or brandishing such delightful cardboard phrases as “Socialism Kills” and “Talk Radio is TRUTH.” Of these, about 25 were non-Caucasian. But really, who’s counting? Color is an anachronism here. They say so themselves.

city

(Of course, they did invite Andrew Breitbart — the race-baiting blogger who took

after black Department of Agriculture employee Shirley Sherrod on manufactured reversae-racism charges a few weeks ago — to be a keynote speaker.) Also: Did you know that Tea Partiers are so friggin’ colorblind that not only do they not see black and brown, but purple and pink, too? That’s right: They love the gays — so long, that is, as the gays pass on equal rights. For instance, locals Brendan Kissam and Matt Hissey got lots of attention carrying “Proud Gay Conservative” signs. They feel not antagonized at all by the Tea Party’s conservative leanings. And why would they? They both oppose gay marriage; they don’t feel they need it. “I don’t know what rights I don’t have now as a gay citizen,” Kissam tells us. Not to pick nits or anything, but what about the 1,138 benefits, rights and privileges granted to straight couples that, because of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act, gays and lesbians can’t claim? Things like Social Security and Medicare benefits? Or, you know, tax-free inheritance? Just saying. >>> continued on adjacent page


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thebellcurve

<<< continued from previous page

 ABOUT GODDAMN TIME

 SAFETY FIRST

enemy — you’ve spent the last few weeks in tingling anticipation of

✚ A Million Stories

As if the widespread mouth-breathing, creaky carnival-ride noises, out-of-nowhere stops and occasional blackouts weren’t enough to work your cortisol levels into a frenzy every time you so much as tweet about a SEPTA train, here’s another reason to pop a Valium before taking the El: Alstom Signaling Inc., the company that made the faulty track circuit blamed for a collision last year on Washington, D.C.’s Metro line, which killed nine people and injured dozens more, also sells track circuits to SEPTA. Comforting, huh? Last week, the National Transportation Safety Board recommended that all of the transit systems using Alstom’s equipment — Metro, SEPTA, Chicago Transit Authority and many more — work with the company “to establish periodic inspection and maintenance procedures to examine all GRS audio frequency track circuit modules to identify and remove from service” any that exhibited the same problems as D.C.’s. “We’ve always done that,” responds Richard Maloney, SEPTA’s director of public affairs. Maloney also says that Washington, D.C.’s track circuits were 30 years old, and ours are, um, only 10 years old. The defect that led to the Metro accident — a track-circuit signal jumped from a transmitter to a receiver, causing one train to not detect the stopped train it crashed into — is unique to the 30-year-old model, he adds:“That problem is not possible in our model.” But didn’t Metro probably think the same thing before last year’s crash? “We’ve done tests … and ours just can’t do that.” Doesn’t that make you feel as secure as a millionaire’s newborn?

CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

If you’re like us — and we wouldn’t wish that upon our worst the months-late, $80,000, city-commissioned Boston College study on the city’s Deferred Retirement Option Plan (DROP), which City Paper contributor Ralph Cipriano eviscerated in his recent investigation [Cover Story, “The Billion Dollar Boondoggle,” April 22]. Well, holy fucking shit: It’s here! And what’s more, now that an official document has stated the obvious — that DROP is an epic money-suck, costing us at least $258 million over the last decade; that’s considerably less than the $1 billion-plus impact actuary Joe Boyle calculated the program had on Philly taxpayers for our investigation, but hey, it’s something — Mayor Michael Nutter has channeled his inner populist and demanded that City Council eliminate the program once and for all. Hot damn. But before we take a victory lap — and really, without Cipriano’s dogged pursuit of this story, would DROP be on anybody’s radar? Unlikely — let’s pause to remember that six City Council members, including Council President Anna Verna, are enrolled in the program, and set to cash in six-figure DROP bonuses in 2011 or 2012. And even though any legislation that makes it through Council won’t affect them, we somehow doubt Verna and Co. will effectively pronounce themselves the world’s biggest hypocrites by denying the same right to thousands of other city workers. In other words, this thing isn’t done yet. As always, we’ll keep you posted. ✚This week’s report by Jeffrey C. Billman, Victor Gamez and Holly Otterbein.

“No one is being placed in jeopardy,” says Mayor Nutter about shutting down city fire companies on a rotating basis to save money. “If anything, this is more like Wheel of Fortune or Press Your Luck.”

[0]

The Gaming Control Board gives Foxwoods a two-week extension to prepare for a fight to hold onto its gambling license. And throws in a free hand job, just to keep things loose.

[0]

Gov. Rendell and state legislators hope that Congress will approve $850 million in Medicaid funds to the state this week. Aw, remember hope?

[ -1 ]

Philadelphia Orchestra players fear that new management will turn it into a dreaded “regional” orchestra. “We have our reputation to think of. Ah, I see Regis Philbin has arrived for rehearsal.”

[0]

Sam Rohrer supporters organize a write-in effort for the gubernatorial candidate who lost to Tom Corbett in this year’s primary. “Also, we think they should bring back Firefly. Will you sign our petition?”

[ -1 ]

Lawyers for the two victims in last month’s Ride the Ducks accident argue that the fleet should be permanently grounded. At least until they’re upgraded to be able to withstand being hit by a ginormous barge steered by a tugboat that can’t see where it’s going.

[0]

Wendy Rosen, president of the Friends of Rittenhouse Square, steps down after 16 years. And now, if you tilt an ear toward the storm drain in front of Rouge in the dead of night, that cackle you hear is the Enemy of Rittenhouse Square, ready to wage war on the block she once called friend.

[0]

State Rep. Seth Grove proposes a bill that would outlaw teenage “sexting.” “And no facialbooking either! It’s gross. Same with pornsquaring and queeting.”

E-mail us at amillionstories@citypaper.net.

theotherwhitemeat ³ clowncrack.com

[ + 3 ] The construction of a $70 million Mormon

temple will make Ben Franklin Parkway “one of the most incredible boulevards anywhere in the world,” says Mayor Nutter. “Those are the chicks that are half-fish, right?”

MR. FISH

This week’s total: 1 | Last week’s total: -4

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[0]

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[ is secure as a millionaire’s newborn ]

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soapboxer Jeffrey C. Billman tells you what to think

WAKE UP ³ SOMETIMES, THE TRICK is asking the right question. Credit

where credit is due to Jay Bookman of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, who on July 27 wrote this on the paper’s blog: “Let me see if I’ve got this straight: Here we are in the smoldering ruins of an economy recently wrecked by Wall Street greed, in a country where for 30 years almost all income growth has been concentrated among the richest 1 percent of Americans. … Meanwhile, the Republican Party defends massive tax breaks for the wealthy while blocking aid to the unemployed, fights bitterly against regulations designed to prevent a repeat of the Wall Street meltdown, blocks legislation that would at least require corporate and special interests to identify themselves when they invest in elections and does all that while proclaiming itself to be the party of the little people. Do I have that right?” Unfortunately, yes. And if the polls bear out, the Party of Hell No You Can’t stands to be rewarded for its intransigence and corporate servitude with big electoral gains in November, as its politicians rail against the deficits they created and the high unemployment numbers their obstinacy prevents Democrats from counteracting. All the while, they deny the quantitatively obvious: The stimulus and other efforts to avert economic collapse last year worked. Last week, for instance, The New York Times reported on a paper by a Princeton professor and the chief economist at Moody’s Analytics

that adds to a mounting volume of evidence that the Keynesians were right: Without government intervention, the analysts asserted, the nation’s GDP would be about 6.5 percent lower than it is. That would have meant the loss of an additional 8.5 million jobs, on top of the 8 million already lost to the Great Recession. “[T]here is little doubt that in total, the policy response was highly effective,” the authors wrote. Though politically unpopular, the policies of the Democratic Congress and Bush and Obama administrations in late 2008 and early 2009 prevented catastrophe. That the economy is still struggling doesn’t prove otherwise; instead, it highlights that, if anything, we should have gone bigger. But the point remains: It worked. If the neoreactionary Republicans had had their way, we’d be stuck in 1932. (And yet, the Republicans and their Tea Party acolytes think they deserve another shot at power. Pardon me while I roll my eyes.) This isn’t to say that Barack Obama and his Democratic allies are flawless. They’ve disappointed on a great many issues: Wall Street reform and the health care bill were watered down; climate-change legislation never got off the ground; progress has been infuriatingly incremental on gay rights; Afghanistan is still a mess; Guantanamo Bay is still open; and so on. On the toughest fights, there’s a good case to be made that the president hasn’t shown enough backbone. (On the other hand, much of the mediocrity can be laid at the feet of an insane Senate system that enables obstinacy by requiring 60 votes to do anything.) But the Democrats’ case this fall needn’t be merely pointing out the GOP’s increasingly tenuous relationship with sanity, or the fact that the party of Lincoln has devolved into a Reagan-worshipping self-parody. The fact is, the White House and the 111th Congress

Pardon me while I roll my eyes.

[ the naked city ]

can also boast as impressive a resume as anything this side of the Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society, imperfect though it may be: The stimulus, health care reform, Wall Street regulations, tougher environmental protections and the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act are all landmark achievements. The agenda was ambitious, even if the execution wasn’t always so. Still, elections tend to be decided on the state of the economy, which, needless to say, isn’t good. This simple rule helped Barack Obama in 2008; it will hurt him in 2010. To make matters worse, the progressive base is demoralized, too often caterwauling about what should’ve/would’ve/ could’ve been to recognize the actual and considerable progress this country has made over the last 18 months. Wake the fuck up, people. This is real life, and midterms are base elections. Sure, you didn’t get everything you wanted, but living in a fantasyland of ideological purity will get you Speaker John Boehner. At the end of the day, the reality is simple: The verdict is in, and we were right. Own that, and go spread the word. (jeffrey.billman@citypaper.net)

CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MAN & DEAL WITH THE ORIGINAL (DIRECTLY WITH THE REFINERY) (Broken & unwanted jewelry)

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[ the naked city ]

manoverboard! By Isaiah Thompson

BAD COPS! ³ TUT, TUT, TUT. Tsk, tsk. Bad cops, bad cops!

Anyone else want in? Because it’s a rare occurrence — an opportunity not to be squandered — when the chief of police, the mayor, the District Attorney and even — can it be? — the Fraternal Order of Police (FOP) president give us all the go-ahead to let it rip on any members of Philadelphia’s police force. Indeed, the opportunity has presented itself, after a Philly cop was charged last week with robbing the safe of Pat’s Cafe, a bar in the Northeast — just a few weeks, of course, after three other Philadelphia police officers were charged with stealing and dealing heroin. “I’m personally pissed off,” Mayor Michael Nutter boldly told reporters and TV cameras after that heroin-dealing snafu. And after Officer Kenneth Crockett was charged in the Pat’s robbery, an “angry” Police Chief Charles Ramsey promised to root out corruption in his force. Even FOP President John McNesby chimed in: “You can’t be a policeman and … a burglar… [or] a drug dealer,” he pronounced. The anger has been officially sanctioned: So go ahead and say it. Ready now? Bad cops! Bad, bad, bad. Officials, after all, prefer these kinds of cases: They’re easy, clear-cut and they let them channel the public’s wrath on a few bad apples, then go quietly back to the business of quietly backing the cops in the cases that aren’t so tidy — especially when it comes to use of deadly force. Like in April, when police sprayed a playground with bullets — killing fugitive Vincent Parsons, oh yes, but also terrifying the dozenplus children present, according to witnesses, who also told reporters that Parsons was killed trying to surrender. Or, for example, the disturbing number of cases in which police have killed homeless and mentally ill individuals. That describes at least three of the eight fatal police shootings in 2009. In April of that year, 27-year-old Anthony Temple — whose family says he was schizophrenic — was shot and killed by police when he allegedly tried to take a veteran officer’s gun. That July, police shot and killed an unknown homeless man who had been pressing the emergency call button in a downtown SEPTA concourse, after he brandished a box cutter at the officers. Two weeks later, 22-year-old Baron Adams — also homeless — was killed on the front steps of his parents’ house after allegedly taking an officer’s weapon. A few months later, police fired at, but did not kill, a “cinder block-wielding” man who was subsequently committed to a mental health facility. None of these instances, unlike the current scandals, indicate malicious intent on the part of the officers — but they deeply trouble advocates for the mentally ill. And they troubled Ramsey enough to vow to provide better training to the Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) police officers tasked with dealing with the mentally ill — as well as 1,000 new Tasers, preferable to guns in such cases. Things seemed to cool down — until last Friday, that is, when police were dispatched to a run-down block in North Philly where 53-year-old Harry Bennett was behaving erratically and wielding a knife. As is supposed to happen, CIT was called out. As isn’t, Bennett was Tasered — then shot. An investigation — as always — is under way. But you won’t get the results in a press conference.

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Anger is officially sanctioned.

✚ Get personally pissed off, via e-mail. Hit up your Man Overboard!

at isaiah.thompson@citypaper.net.

feedback From our readers

L&I’S SHORTCOMINGS I empathize with the residents of the 700 block of Earp Street [A Million Stories, July 22]. When I reported a housing code violation, the 311 operator questioned the validity of my complaint about the use of a single-family house as a rooming house. After I cited the precise code section violated by the owner of an adjacent house, the operator accepted the complaint. An investigator did not contact me until five months had elapsed since my call. I had to persuade an investigator to accept a document from the real estate manager clearly identifying six unrelated people living in the single-family house. At first the investigator told me that he could not accept a letter unless it was addressed to him! Finally, he relented. In January, the city filed a code violation complaint against the absentee landlord. In the meantime, the neighbors suffered through another year of noise and trash at the unlicensed rooming house. I hope that complaints about shortcomings of the Department of Licenses and Inspections (L&I) translate into improvements at the agency. Doris J. Dabrowski VIA E-MAIL

THE WORST THING How can you be serious [Soapboxer, “Ruin to All,” Jeffrey C. Billman, July 22]? Are you aware of the current economic climate in this country? What do you think will happen if our energy bill doubles and the price of gasoline jumps to $4.50? My guess is social unrest. Capand-trade is worst thing that could happen to this country. Skip V I A C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

PROVING THE POINT Skip, you’re only proving [Billman’s] point. By demanding cheap gas now (yes, gas is artificially cheap due to subsidies), we hasten its depletion and shift the environmental and economic burden onto the next generation. We’d all be far better off if we were paying more now, which would reduce demand, buying us more time to transition to renewables while mitigating the impact on future generations. AR V I A C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

✚ Send all letters to Feedback, City Paper, 123 Chestnut St., 3rd Floor,

Phila. PA 19106; fax us at 215-599-0634; or e-mail editorial@citypaper.net. Submissions may be edited for clarity and space and must include an address and daytime phone number.


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advertising supplement

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educationGUIDE

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‹ROSIE’S YARN CELLAR

R

osie’s Yarn Cellar offers a variety of classes for knitters and crocheters of all levels. We have 6-week beginner’s classes, as well as intermediate/advanced design workshops. Can’t make a scheduled class? We offer private lessons during business hours for $20 per hour. Please call ahead to arrange a time which is convenient for you and the instructor. We also have Sunday workshops that are based on learning new techniques through small projects, such as socks, hats or mittens. If you want to learn, we’re ready to teach! 2017 Locust Street, Philadelphia, 215-977-9276, www.rosiesyarncellar.com

R

ecognizing the need for focused professional training for adults seeking preparation for career advancement, practical job skills and an opportunity to achieve their creative potential, the Division of Continuing Studies at the University of the Arts is hosting a Career ReDesign Fair + Open House on Wednesday, September 15, 2010 at 5:30 pm. The event will take place on the 9th Floor of Terra Hall at 211 S. Broad Street. “Attending our fall open house event introduces prospective students to the Continuing Education courses and certificate programs that will expand their career options and expose them to opportunities they may never have considered,” said Robert Craig, Continuing Education Coordinator at the University of the Arts. In addition to certificates in Print Design, Web Design, Dual Print + Web Design, Web Development, Dual Web Design + Development, Digital Photography, and Portfolio Development, this fall will be the second cohort of Teaching Artist Certificate students. This certificate is the first of its kind in the nation and it provides a foundation for artists to share their craft in the classroom. At 6:00 pm, a special information session will be conducted for artists interested in taking this next step and becoming members of a professional cohort at the forefront of educational reform through the arts. Individuals interested in this exciting certificate are encouraged to attend this information session with an open question and answer forum. Whether the goal is to change careers, upgrade skills or pursue a passion, the Continuing Education Certificate Programs provide students with the tools they need to fulfill professional and creative goals. For more information about the Career ReDesign Fair + CS Open House, the Continuing Education Certificate Programs, or other CE courses, please visit ce@uarts.edu or call 215.717.6095.

J

oin a Continuing Education (CE) class at the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts (PAFA) and become part of a two-century-old tradition of teaching excellence in the fine arts. Whether you’re venturing into art for the first time, returning after a long absence or mastering your craft PAFA is the place for you. PAFA CE offers evening, weekday and weekend classes in drawing, painting, sculpture, and printmaking for all ages and levels of ability. Short workshops are held every weekend on a variety of interesting topics including Watercolor Fundamentals, Photoshop for Artists and Masters of Color. Highlights this fall include a visit to the PAFA vaults to view rarely exhibited artworks, the art appreciation class “Informed Perception: An Objective Approach to Aesthetic Appreciation” held in the PAFA museum with William Perthes, Assistant Director of Education at the Violette de Mazia Foundation, Saturday classes for high school students, an art tour of Istanbul, Turkey in November, and Master Classes with renowned painters Stuart Shils and Odd Nerdrum. PAFA CE is an authorized provider of Act 48 and Professional Development credit for PA and NJ educators. For more information: www.pafa.org/CE, continuinged@pafa.edu or 215-972-7632. ‹“DON’T MAKE EXCUSES, MAKE IT HAPPEN”

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rofessional Touch Fitness offers a variety of training options, nutritional guidance, educational information, and inspirational support to help make your health and fitness dreams a reality. Founded by former U.S. Army Sergeant Nate Griffin, Professional Touch Fitness aims to not only train the body, but to educate the mind and empower each client to take charge of their health and total well being. He accomplishes this by informing each client of the latest information coming to the forefront in health and fitness. He also dispells the myths surrounding many of the nutritional supplements and exercise equipment that promises results, but leave many more confused than informed. There are a variety of private and group training programs, including resistance, pre and post natal, rehabilitation, body building, sports specific, self defense, weight management, tai chi and more. After a session with Sgt. Nate Griffin, you’ll come to understand the meaning of his creed…“DON’T MAKE EXCUSES, MAKE IT HAPPEN.” Get more information at www.sgtnate.com. ° CONTINUED ON PAGE 20

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shelflife Justin Bauer, under the covers

SUCH GREAT HEIGHTS

³ DENNIS TAFOYA DIDN’T plan on being a crime novelist. So it’s a bit funny that The Wolves of Fairmount Park (Minotaur, June 22) carries the subtitle it does, emblazoned right there on the cover: “A Crime Novel.” Earlier this year, in an interview with former CP Editor in Chief Duane Swierczynski, Tafoya admitted that the genre label snuck up on him with his first novel. “When I wrote Dope Thief I thought I was writing a literary novel with criminals in it,” he’d said. “But my agent was the one who said, ‘Oh, no, this is a crime novel.’” Tafoya’s second book shows his comfort with the label. It opens with a (literal) bang and a quick shuffle of perspectives, and where Dope Thief arranged itself into a shaggy character study, Wolves displays the muscles of a tight plot and careful construction. It’s also a much better novel. This is, in part, because Tafoya embraces the mechanics of his genre, but more importantly, he has figured out how to command and sustain attention and atmosphere — which has little to do with subject matter and everything to do with the ability to create a world and implicate his readers inside it. Wolves’ world is a recognizable Philadelphia, not copied from a skyline postcard but sculpted out of neighborhoods from which you can see the skyline: Roxborough, Kensington, Spring Garden. Orlando, a junkie and the uncle of a drive-by victim, slips through the fringes of the city as he tries to figure out his nephew’s story. Orlando’s detailed street-level view takes in a proudly struggling city, from strange landmarks like the Divine Lorraine to an unnamed but very present Port Richmond Books. It’s a city that’s ragged around the edges, but clearly, identifiably, here. Realism, of course, isn’t the thing that makes a novel great, or even engaging. On the surface, Adam Langer’s The Thieves of Manhattan (Spiegel & Grau, July 13) is a lighthearted heist caper played by the rules of a confidence game that rides the fence between realism and bald-faced fiction. In >>> continued on page 24

Burt Phase II #7, Scott Chasse, acrylic on panel, 2010

[ first friday focus ]

’STACHE FROM THE PAST Visual artist Scott Chasse hops on the handlebars to ride a trend to its pre-ironic roots. By Carolyn Huckabay

L

ike flannel shirts and Wayfarers, the moustache has risen triumphantly, inexplicably, from the dead. It’s out there right now, sprouting handlebar-style from bike couriers’ upper lips. It’s screenprinted on T-shirts and tea towels sold for cheap on Etsy; it’s the center of attention at theme parties and facial-hair competitions. But New York-based artist Scott Chasse is not simply capitalizing on an oversaturated trend with “Moustache Bar.” The traveling exhibit, which makes its debut Friday at Old City production studio/gallery space Stupid Easy, is inspired by a time when moustaches exuded machismo, not hipster repurposing. Accompanying his meticulous dot-paintings of quintessential ’stache-man Burt Reynolds is a threedimensional, 1970s-era “basement bar” installation which comes complete with lounge chair, vintage stereo equipment and bar paraphernalia — a setup designed to remind us of old-school masculinity or, at the very least, our dads when we were young. We caught up with Chasse via e-mail to get to the bottom of the upper-lip phenomenon. City Paper: You’ve painstakingly dot-painted Burt Reynolds what seems like dozens of times. Why focus on him and the ’70s

(as opposed to, say, Tom Selleck and the ’80s)? Scott Chasse: First, I wanted to work with a celebrity image that hadn’t already been played out in a Chuck Norris sort of way. I’d like my artwork to connect with people as art, not as kitsch. I feel the longevity of Burt Reynolds’ career is a big reason why his likeness is so universally recognized, so he seemed to be a good choice for an image that would grab a large audience — an audience that often wonders, “Why is he painting Burt Reynolds so much?” Second is a more personal connection. I guess to put it bluntly, Burt reminds of what my dad looked like when I was a kid (I was born in ’74). This nostalgic association has pushed me to revisit and reinvestigate childhood memories, and that process has been the driving force behind the installation aspect of “Moustache Bar.”

“The look on Burt’s face exemplifies an overly confident machismo.”

CP: Is this collection — and its accompanying basement bar — a comment on stereotypical masculinity, or is it just a bachelor-pad moment frozen in time? SC: Absolutely there is a commentary on masculinity, both past and present. To me, the look on Burt’s face exemplifies an overly confident machismo circa late ’70s and early ’80s, a time when there was an accepted percentage of chauvinism much higher than today. His moustache is a connection between then and now, a fashion statement that has recently resurfaced after a long >>> continued on page 24


the naked city | feature

[ longing for a more munificent era ] ³ podcast

Anonymous Theatre sounds like a Russian sleeper agent’s theatrical wet dream: A play is written in secret. Actors never meet each other, working solo with the director, and never even tell anyone that they’re participating. On performance night (Mon., Aug. 9, pdc1.org), they blend in with the audience until cues bring them to life. The Philadelphia Dramatists Center adds even more interesting twists, including characters from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night and Chekhov’s Uncle Vanya in an absurdist conflagration. —Mark Cofta

“Hotly anticipated podcast” isn’t a phrase you hear often, but I gotta say I’d been looking forward to The Pod F. Tompkast for a while. Famous comedian/Philly expat/ former employee of Hats in the Belfry Paul F. Tompkins has been popping up on the pods of his fellow comedians for years, and was always the funniest guy in the room. The totally free and smartly produced Tompkast — episode one features Tim Meadows, Jen Kirkman and some classic and classy PFT tangents — does not disappoint. (More info at twitter.com/Pod_F_Tompkast.) —Patrick Rapa

³ sculpture Quirky Philly hairstylist Julius Scissor brings his over-the-top personality to everything he touches — including his “soft sculptures,” created out of hair taken from his salon floor. “He has 30 bags of hair stored in his basement,” says Bambi Gallery owner Candace Karch. “His art is wacky, very different and crazy — that’s why I gave him the whole front room, so he can take advantage of the high ceilings.” Scissor’s exhibit “Converted” opens at Bambi Friday (Aug. 6, bambiproject.com). —Stephen Rose

flickpick

Peter Burwasser on classical

³ DVD/TV Max Headroom — ABC-TV’s ’87-’88 sci-fi comedy series about ace reporter Edison Carter (Matt Frewer) and his jittery computer-generated alter ego — had more on its mind than quick quips and cyberpunk dazzle. It was also a fascinating comment on TV, news and media conglomeration. The pilot centers on blipverts, compressed ads that prevent viewers from changing the channel but can also cause fat people to blow up. Think about that next time an ad pops up at the bottom of your screen. Max Headroom: The Complete Series (Shout! Factory) series make its DVD debut Tuesday. —Molly Eichel

[ movie review ]

ORLANDO

Orlando’s politics are subdued.

GENDER BENDER: Tilda Swinton leads Sally Potter’s 1992 film as the sexually fluid immortal.

³ BELOVED AMERICAN SOPRANO Eileen

Farrell put out an album many years ago with the self-proclaiming title I’ve Got a Right to Sing the Blues. Who’s to argue? For that matter, Aretha Franklin has the right to sing opera, as she did in her gloriously note-twisting way last week at the Mann, in no less than three arias by Handel, Gluck and Puccini (of course, we also heard “Respect” and other favorites). The famous pipes are still in pretty darn good shape. Music-biz people used to call this kind of stuff “crossover.” That concept has produced so much embarrassing crap that most self-respecting music lovers run the other way when hear the term. The difference in the cases of Farrell and Franklin is that they are stretching their repertoire not because some publicist convinced them that it would be good for their careers, but because they love the music and want to express their enthusiasm to their audiences. That is a huge distinction. Classical composers have incorporated other idioms into their material for centuries, with tons of folk music folded into Beethoven, Dvorak, Bartok, Shostakovich, Copland, and on and on. Jazz has had an influence in this world almost from its inception. Stravinsky latched on by the early 1920s. A pair of recent CDs showcase two different, but equally daring, meldings of vernacular and academic musical styles. For “The Old Burying Ground,” Evan Chambers gives a potentially hokey, but ultimately powerful, setting of epitaphs from 19th-century New England gravestones.The mixing of folk singers and operatic voices is surprisingly effective in this evocative, theatrical work. Nader Mashayekhi is a contemporary Iranian-born composer. His “fié ma fié II” opens with the hypnotic, rhapsodic traditional Persian singing of Salar Aghili followed by a starkly minimalist orchestral part — big oozing clouds of brass and percussion mutating with a Morton Feldman-like deliberateness. Mashayekhi’s attempt to bring the two contrasting elements together does show its seams, but this is startling music-making nonetheless. Duke Ellington — who, along with his great colleague Billy Strayhorn, had their own encounters with the classics, including a boffo jazz Nutcracker Suite — put it so well. There are, he said, only two kinds of music: good and bad. (p_burwasser@citypaper.net)

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SONY PICTURES CLASSICS

Aretha Franklin has the right to sing opera.

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[ A- ] TO WATCH SALLY POTTER’S Orlando is to be transported back to another time — not the 17th century, where the film begins, or any of the 300-odd years that follow, but 1992, when an art-house movie with a virtual unknown cast could still muster the resources to stage Elizabethan pageantry and cross continents in pursuit of a director’s singular vision. As you watch boats filled with flickering candles scud across the water, or a detachment of icebound Russians slide through the snow, it’s hard not to feel a sense of longing for a more munificent era. Tilda Swinton’s quasi-immortal, genderbending noble — a man first, and then, after a brush with the horrors of the battlefield, a woman — may be a figure out of time, but Orlando is heavily indebted to the movies of Derek Jarman and Peter Greenaway, directors who played — more inventively, it must be said, than Potter does here — with the hidebound conventions of the period piece. Sandy Powell, who would win the first of several Oscars for Shakespeare in Love, tweaks the breeches and hoop skirts just enough to instill a sense of self-awareness — a glittering, chitinous gown adds an almost futuristic flavor — while still giving audiences their pomp and circumstance. Loosely adapting Virginia Woolf’s novel, Potter splits her story, a tad too neatly, into sections, captioned “Politics,” “Society” and so forth. Although Potter taps queer icons to fill key roles — Quentin Crisp as Queen Bess, Bronski Beat’s Jimmy Somerville as a falsetto angel — Orlando’s politics are fairly subdued, deferring to the sublime opacity of Swinton’s performance. In her alabaster androgyny, she personifies the film’s bluntly stated thesis: “Same person … just a different sex.” Although Orlando flirts with Billy Zane’s ripe-lipped American, who may himself be a sexual flip-flopper, Potter cheekily rewrites the end of Woolf’s book so that Orlando ends up alone, with only her writing to sustain her. With anatomy up for grabs, art is the one thing that lasts forever. —Sam Adams

CROSSING OVER

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The following properties will be considered by the Pennsylvania Historic Preservation Review Board for nomination to the National Register of Historic Places at its meeting on October 5, 2010: 1)

Rittenhouse Historic District Boundary Increase, roughly bounded by Chestnut Street, 17th Street, Walnut Street, and S. 21st Street. Or you could say roughly bounded by the Rittenhouse Historic District and the Center City West Commercial Historic District, Philadelphia County.

2)

Girard Avenue West Historic District includes both sides of Girard Avenue between West College Avenue at the east end, and North 30th Street at the west end, Philadelphia County.

Listing in the National Register, the Federal governmentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s official list of historic properties worthy of preservation, results in the following for historic properties: 1.

Consideration in planning for Federal, federally licensed, and federally assisted projects. Section 106 of the National Historic Preservation Act of 1966 states that the Advisory Council on Historic Preservation must be given an opportunity to comment on all federally related projects affecting listed properties. For further information see 36CFR800.

2.

Eligibility for Federal tax provisions: If a property is listed in the National Register, certain Federal tax provisions may apply. The Tax Reform Act of 1987 revises the historic preservation tax incentives authorized by Congress in the Tax Reform Act of 1976, the Revenue Act of 1978, the Tax Treatment Extension Act of 1980, the Economic Recovery Tax Act of 1981, and the Tax Reform Act of 1984, and as of January 1, 1987, provides for a 20 percent investment tax credit with a full adjustment to basis for rehabilitating historic commercial, industrial, and rental residential buildings. The former 15 percent and 20 percent Investment Tax Credits (ITCs) for rehabilitation of older commercial buildings are combined into a single 10 percent ITC for commercial or industrial buildings built before 1936. The Tax Treatment Extension Act of 1980 provides Federal tax deductions for charitable contributions for conservation purposes of partial interests in historically important land areas or structures. Whether these revisions are advantageous to a property owner is dependent upon the particular circumstances of the property and the owner. Because tax aspects outlined above are complex, individuals should consult legal counsel or the appropriate local Internal Revenue Service Office for assistance in determining the tax consequences of the above provisions. For further information on certification requirements, please refer to 36CFR67.

3.

Consideration of historic values in the decisions by the State or Federal government to issue a surface coal mining permit where coal is located. For further information see 30CFR70 et seq.

4.

Eligibility for Federal grants-in-aid, whenever funds are appropriated by Congress. No funds are available at this time.

Owners of private properties nominated to the National Register have an opportunity to concur with or object to listing in accord with the National Historic Preservation Act and 36CFR60. Any owner or partial owner of private property who chooses to object to listing may submit to the State historic Preservation Officer a notarized statement certifying that the party is the sole or partial owner of private property and objects to the listing. Each owner or partial owner of private property has one vote regardless of the portion of the property that the party owns. If a majority of private property owners object, a property will not be listed. However, the State Historic Preservation Officer shall submit the nomination to the Keeper of the National Register of Historic Places for determination of eligibility of the property for listing in the National Register. If the property is then determined eligible for listing, although not formally listed, Federal agencies will be required to allow for the Advisory Council on Historic Preservation to have an opportunity to comment before the agency may fund, license, or assist a project which will affect the property. If you choose to object to the listing of your property, the notarized objection must be submitted to Jean H. Cutler, Deputy State Historic Preservation Officer, Pennsylvania Historical and Museum Commission, 400 North Street, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17120, by October 4, 2010. If you wish to comment on the nomination of the properties to the National Register, please send your comments to the State Historic Preservation Office before the Pennsylvania Historic Preservation Board considers this nomination on October 5, 2010. A copy of the nomination and information on the National Register and the Federal tax provisions are available from the above address upon request. Please contact the Bureau for Historic Preservation Office (717-783-9933) for directions to the meeting location. If you are an individual with a disability and you wish to attend this meeting, and you require an auxiliary aid, service, or other accommodation to participate, please contact the Pennsylvania AT&T Relay Service at 1-800-654-5984(TDD) to discuss how the agency can accommodate your needs.

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WESTWARD HO!

There’s always been a prairie-size difference between how the West was won and how we told ourselves we won it. Of course, like any good mythology, the epic romance of the frontier was largely painted at a safe remove — note that its most famous call to arms, to “go West,” was made by Horace Greeley while comfortably ensconced in his New York office. But as the Rosenbach’s new exhibit makes clear, those who actually made the arduous trek were as responsible for its invention as those who spun exaggerated yarns about it in dime novels. “The American West was an idea as much as a place,” says Karen Schoenewaldt, who co-curated with Katherine Haas — an idea crafted on those flimsy paperbacks with covers depicting fierce Injuns towering over flinching but strong-hearted white women, or Buffalo Bill (himself a combo platter of legend and reality) proudly brandishing a scalp. —Shaun Brady Through Nov. 28, $10, Rosenbach Museum and Library, 2008-2010 Delancey Place, 215-732-1600, rosenbach.org.

GOING GREEN

The Asian Art Alliance and the Schuylkill Center for Environmental Education have brought to our shores an exhibition of photography, drawings and other video media from 16 green-minded, contemporary Taiwanese artists. Two internationally recognized artists, Chao-chang Lee and Pin-yu Pan, have been poking around the Schuylkill Center’s acres of farmland and foliage in search of — among other loamy muses — Buddha. Their on-site installations display a nuanced Eastern approach to environmental art, deriving its equanimity from the minimalist, technical style of traditional bamboo craftsmanship and calligraphy. Underneath a cathedral of Pennsylvania pines, Lee’s giant earth garden, arranged from cones, rocks and twigs, sketches out his holiness. Following this found-art, spiritual sensibility, Pan’s Ark for Plants translates a Taiwanese ark story into a bower, built from fallen branches to shield not the humans, but the trees. —Will Stone

27

Opening reception and panel discussion, Fri., Aug. 6, 5:30-7:30 p.m., free, Asian Arts Initiative, 1219 Vine St., 215-557-0455, asianartsinitiative.org; exhibit runs through Aug. 20, Schuylkill Center for Environmental Education, 8480 Hagy’s Mill Road, 215-482-7300, schuylkillcenter.org.

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³ environmental art


djnights

get a life..... www.citypaper.net/djnights

³ rock/pop ³ folk/world

NEAL SANTOS

✚ SUSANA BACA Before Susana Baca drew attention to African musical traditions in Peru, they were little acknowledged inside the country, let alone beyond. Baca’s most recent CD, Seis Poemas (Luaka Bop), is a tribute collection of songs by late Peruvian nueva cancion singer/songwriter Chabuca Granda, Baca’s colleague from the early days. Fragile but insistent, peaceful and hypnotic, her voice makes you understand the songs whether or not you speak Spanish. —Mary Armstrong Mon., Aug. 9, 7:30 p.m., $24-$37, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400, worldcafelive.com.

³ rock/pop

✚ HERE WE GO MAGIC

It would be overstating it to say Here We Go Magic’s new album has a “sedative” or “hypnotic” quality, but I’d put it on a road-music mix only under controlled circumstances. Pigeons (Secretly Canadian) is some of the gentlest, dreamiest boy-based indie pop out there. Even when the snare drum’s chugging along at breakTwix speed, Luke Temple’s moussey voice and those chiming synths keep your pulse slow and steady.

POST POST

—Patrick Rapa

Don’t let the friendly faces fool you, these Bryn Mawr kids are sly and hot-blooded. Their first studio recording, the brand-new Residents EP, is a little angsty, a lot fiery, and somehow totally wide-eyed and haunted at the same time. The heartache and desperation (“How’d I get so good at losing?” repeated for emphasis) are so snugly wrapped in jangly guitar and dreamy keys you might dance the pain away. And lines like “Sometimes I try to light a fire just to see how you’d react” — well, they’re just psychotic. In a really charming way. Driven by Michelle Zauner’s breathy-then-belting vocals, Residents continues Post Post’s impressive skyward trajectory. Four songs of coy, catchy indie-pop. —Patrick Rapa Sat., Aug. 7, 9 p.m., $3, with Pet Milk, Kung Fu Necktie, 1250 N. Front St., 215-291-4919, kungfunecktie.com.

FOL CHEN

³ art/dance/pop/rock JULIANA PACIULLI

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The Residents had some good ideas, but I wouldn’t call them “fun.” Los Angeles band Fol Chen seems like the next evolutionary step, an art-pop project you can groove to. They’re coy with their faces and identities. (There’s at least one lady and one dude, and they wear Chucks.) The music is shrewdly odd, but catchy, maybe even dancey. Their lyrics stitch the pretty to the apocalyptic. This is exactly what I thought we’d be listening to in 2010: trancey, clangy, absurd, half-hopeful, over-processed pop for the bombed-out/beat-up/4channing/music-stealing post-Lost endless-war generation. I miss Lost. —Patrick Rapa Thu., Aug. 5, 9 p.m., $10, with Baths and Virtual Virgin, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 877435-9849, johnnybrendas.com.

Mon., Aug. 9, 9 p.m., $10, with The Powder Kegs, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 877-435-9849, johnnybrendas.com.

✚ ONE TRACK MIND ³ TURNING VIOLET VIOLET “You Have Fashioned” The trick to making chamber-pop work is amping up the pop. Philly quintet Turning Violet Violet seems to know this. Their debut EP, Fierce Remains (CheapO), offsets the dreamy swoons of its viola with some peppy handclaps, a couple guitar hooks and some strong, lovely harmonizing. “Gang vocals,” they call it. “You Have Fashioned” is a sneaky little asymmetrical power-pop tune; an unironic cowbell and a dah-duh-duh dah-dah chorus spring up between dense, head-scratching lyrics. “My brain’s as big as your brain, but if you keep turning this vice you have fashioned, my will grows either way,” sings Sarah Gulish, somehow blunt but sprightly. “My heart’s as strong as your heart, but if you keep tramping, bruising and stamping, I won’t tell footprints from veins.” It’s weird, but it sounds so sweet. Repeat listens are demanded and rewarded. —Patrick Rapa Fri., Aug. 6, 9 p.m., $10, with The Vanguard and Gemini Wolf, hosted by Meg and Rob, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 877-435-9849, johnnybrendas.com.


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The Other Guys

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ORLANDO|ASee Sam Adams’ review on p. 23 (Ritz at the Bourse)

A haiku: Poppin’, lockin’ and class tensions are just better in three dimensions. (Go to citypaper.net/movies to read Molly Eichel’s review.) (Pearl; Rave; UA Grant; UA Riverview; UA 69th St.)

TWELVE A haiku: Gossip Girl’s Nate plays a rich playboy. Isn’t that Chuck Bass’ domain? (Not reviewed) (UA Riverview)

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THE OTHER GUYS|BAdam McKay, grand duke of Will Ferrell’s one-man Theater of the Absurd/Naked, is mostly on target with this overly long, yet still pretty damn funny, spin on the buddy cop comedy. Maybe “spin” is not the right term

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THE CONCERT|C+ Considering that it builds to a pounding Tchaikovsky climax, Radu Mihaileanu’s The Concert is almost preposterously mild. Alexei Guskov plays a disenfranchised Russian maestro who Party politics has reduced from orchestra conductor to Bolshoi janitor. While mopping up after the Bolshoi’s tyrannical manager, he intercepts a fax from a French concert hall requesting the orchestra’s presence two weeks hence and decides to assemble a shadow ensemble composed of fellow outcasts and apostates. After a few stumbles, and the necessary addition of a fumble-fingered oligarch (4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days’ Vlad Ivanov) to the cello section, they’re off to France to rendezvous with violin soloist Mélanie Laurent, whom Guskov is inexplicably fixated on procuring. Inexplicably, that is, until the inevitable last-reel flashback, which manages to be both utterly predictable and a letdown. Despite its setting, Mihaileanu’s movie has little interest in postperestroika politics, or indeed anything beyond its trite combination of prefab narratives: downtrodden man gets one more shot; the gang gets back together, etc. It’s an amiable enough Europudding, but one without much flavor. —Sam Adams (Ritz Five)

— there’s nothing seriously innovative about pairing a quote dispenser like Ferrell with a faux-irascible foil like Mark Wahlberg, but the team-up pops thanks to some dedicated idiocy and catchphrase-ready one-liners galore. Ferrell is Allen Gamble, a gullible, timid desk jockey who is trampled by brash superstar gumshoes like Danson (Dwayne Johnson) and Highsmith (Samuel L. Jackson). Wahlberg is Terry Hoitz, a former rising-star cop who is shamed into irrelevance after accidentally shooting Derek Jeter before Game 7 of the World Series (nickname: “The Yankee Clipper”). When a mundane paperwork arrest involving Madoff-like David Ershon (Steve Coogan) uncovers the bones of a multinational conspiracy, the partners see an opportunity to improve their standing on the dark-blue depth chart. The if-itain’t-broke Line-O-Rama approach that defines McKay hits like Anchorman and Talladega Nights is at full steam here, with the strangely lovable Captain Mauch (Michael Keaton, of all people) stealing more scenes than you’d think. Of course, there’s only so much of this formula most of us can keep down, and Wahlberg in particular drags his feet more than he needs to. —Drew Lazor (Pearl; Rave; UA Grant; UA Riverview; UA 69th St.)


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COCO CHANEL & IGOR STRAVINSKY|C-

AGORA|C Alejandro Amenábar’s Agora is visually sublime. Breathtaking CGI setpieces transform modern-day Malta into fourth century Alexandria, complete with soaring columns and immense statues of the gods. If only Amenábar’s films (The Others, Abre Los Ojos) felt as epic as they look. Here it’s no fault of Rachel Weisz, who takes on astronomer Hypatia with equal wonder and strength; the film flounders whenever she’s not front and center. —Molly Eichel (Ritz Five)

Jan Kounen’s double-barreled biopic Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky doesn’t start well. For one thing, there’s its book-report title, which seems to promise a rote rehash of its protagonists’ lives without shape or insight. The movie’s saving grace is its performances but Coco & Igor offers inconsequential insight into its titular titans of modernism. —S.A. (Ritz at the Bourse)

COUNTDOWN TO ZERO|BThose of a certain age may remember the day after The Day After, when classrooms were suddenly full of

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children sitting in goggle-eyed horror that, with the inevitable push of a button, we were all about to suffer our homes crumbling around us while our faces melted off of our skulls. Nearly three decades later, that nightmare scenario seems as nostalgic a remnant of the ’80s as Cabbage Patch Kids or Bugle Boy jeans. That’s precisely the problem, according to Lucy Walker’s doc, which argues that it’s time for the fears of nuclear holocaust, like legwarmers before them, to make an inexplicable and horrific comeback. Walker uses JFK’s speech regarding a “nuclear sword of Damocles” that could be triggered by “accident, miscalculation or madness,” and outlines how any one of those three potentialities could still occur today. She has heavy-hitter talking heads to back her up, but for the most part she turns in yet another in a series of indistinguishable advocacy

docs. Unsurprisingly, it works best at its most human, as in the story of Oleg Khintsagov, a Russian uranium smuggler who seems too inept to keep a meth lab from exploding. —Shaun Brady (Ritz at the Bourse)

CYRUS|C+ Despite the presence of name actors and a relatively inflated budget, Cyrus is of a piece with the Duplass brothers’ two earlier films. John C. Reilly plays John, a divorced schlub who meets the charming Molly (Marisa Tomei). Their relationship blossoms, despite a hint of secrecy on her part — which turns out to be her son, Cyrus (Jonah Hill), with whom she shares a slightly too-close relationship. The stage is thus set for an escalating battle between lover and “child,” but aggression is alien to the Duplass worldview, so a few early bouts of passive-aggressive sparring

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eventually flatline until everyone just shrugs and decides to be nicer to one another. —S.B. (Ritz Five)

DESPICABLE ME|A Gru (Steve Carell) is a supervillain settled into the doldrums of suburbia. When he’s denied a loan necessary to finance his theft of the moon he hatches an elaborate revenge plan to adopt three children. Despicable has the rare distinction of being defined by its inclusive storyline and good, clean laughs instead of its all-star cast, all of whom seem more interested in shaping funny characters than merely building up their respective vocal brands. —D.L. (Pearl; UA Grant; UA Riverview) DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS|C Jay Roach’s remake of Francis Veber’s inane 1998 farce The Dinner Game keeps the premise — a rising exec’s choice of guest for a dinner party in which attendees compete to bring the biggest idiot intrudes upon and complicates his life — but almost instantly distances itself from its inherent mean-spiritedness, insistent on preserving the likability of its stars. Paul Rudd is Tim, an ambitious financial analyst who could clinch a coveted promotion by playing along with boss Bruce Greenwood’s cruel games. But no sooner is the subject broached than he begins to feel guilty about it, agreeing only when he literally — and vehicularly — runs into Barry (Steve Carell), whose hobby is creating elaborate dioramas with taxidermied mice. Naturally, as soon as Barry enters Tim’s life, he begins to ruin it, via an avalanching series of miscommunications and slapstick mishaps that reach an almost overwhelmingly obnoxious pitch before Roach mercifully opens up the story beyond Veber’s one-set original. Roach tries to have it both ways, asking his audience to both laugh at Barry and to care for him, until it seems that every pratfall is immediately followed by a swell of sentimental strings. Used to dealing with broadly sketched cartoon characters (whether Austin Powers or the Fockers), Roach has a hard time transforming the buck-toothed, shaggy-coiffed Barry into a human being. —S.B. (Pearl; Rave; UA Grant; UA Riverview)

THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN|B Grégoire (Louis-Do de Lencquesaing) is all business at the start of Mia Hansen-Løve’s film. That’s not to say he’s not devoted to his wife, Sylvia (Chiara Caselli), and three daughters,


THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE|B Ritz Five

For movie full reviews and showtimes, go to citypaper.net/movies.

only that he’s frequently distracted by increasingly panicky calls and mounting debts. His confused and sometimes sulky eldest, Clémence (Alice de Lencquesaing), resents his lack of attention, but can’t begin to fathom the extent of his pressures or, at least at first, the unexpected past he’s kept hidden. Reportedly inspired by the life of producer Humbert Balsan, the film changes focus partway through, as the family must cope with tragedy. —C.F. (Ritz at the Bourse)

WINNEBAGO MAN|BA rule of thumb for prospective documentary makers: If you’re going to make yourself the center of the movie, you’d better be more interesting than

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THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT|B+ Jules (Julianne Moore) is married to Nic (Annette Bening), a doctor, and they have two teenage children, Joni (Mia Wasikowska) and Laser (Josh Hutcherson), conceived with the help of a sperm donor. As Joni gears up for her first year of college, her brother presses his newly adult sibling to find out the identity of their father (or, as their moms would put it, their donor). After a few demurrals, Joni gives in, and they set up a lunch date with Paul (Mark Ruffalo), an organic restaurateur who in some ways is living the life Jules could have had. So it’s not a surprise when he hires Jules and her nascent gardening business to redo his terraced backyard, or when the two of them fall into bed together. If The Kids

When 17-year-old Ree’s (Jennifer Lawrence) dad is arrested and then goes missing, she’s in danger of losing their ramshackle house. Debra Granik’s movie — winner of the Sundance Grand

Jury Prize — makes for a complicated viewing experience, taut and rambling, bleak and hopeful. Even as she solves one mystery, Ree is left with a raft of unanswerable questions. —C.F (Ritz Five)

Mark S. Allen, CBS/CW STATIONS

INCEPTION|B+ Dom Cobb (Leonard DiCaprio) infiltrates minds for a living. He uses dreams as a gateway, conducting industrial espionage in the target’s subconscious. Trouble is, high-powered businessman Ken Watanabe doesn’t want them to steal information; he wants them to leave it. Director Christopher Nolan handles the mechanics of his Russian-doll worlds expertly, and with far more clarity than the jumbled set-tos of The Dark Knight. But it’s not clear after a single viewing whether Nolan has taken his own advice and put a single, simple idea at the center of his elaborate labyrinth. —S.A. (Pearl; Rave; UA Grant; UA Riverview)

WINTER’S BONE|B+

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JOAN RIVERS: A PIECE OF WORK |BRitz at the Bourse

Angelina Jolie is the titular CIA agent, suddenly accused of being a spy by an old Russian dude who just walks in off the street to say so. Even after the Russki turns around and kills two feds, the good guys still believe him, so the impossibly resourceful Salty’s gotta hit the road. Salt is a nice-looking spy thriller, with elegant brutality and visceral action sequences worthy of the Bourne series. —Patrick Rapa (Pearl; Rave; UA Grant; UA Riverview; UA 69th St.)

often Steinbauer brings himself into the story for no reason other than to provide what his subject won’t, a lowgrade shortcut that substitutes for real understanding. In a sense, Steinbauer ought to be the subject of a documentary, only instead of Rebney, its focus ought to be self-aggrandizing young filmmakers whose drive to make films overwhelms their moral judgement. —S.A. (Ritz at the Bourse)

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your subject. Considering that the subject of Ben Steinbauer’s doc is Jack Rebney, the hot-tempered RV pitchman whose volcanic infomercial outtakes were compiled into a legendary underground video that later made its way to YouTube, Steinbauer doesn’t stand a chance. Rebney, now the caretaker at a tiny mountaintop resort in central California, is a fascinating and elusive figure, and the filmmaker’s transparently self-interested attempts to draw him out only underscore the wisdom of Rebney’s solitude. The movie’s most unambiguous fascinations come as Steinbauer digs into the tape’s (and later viral video’s) origins; turns out it was put together by Rebney’s aggrieved crew and submitted to Winnebago’s management in an attempt to get him fired. (Take that into account next time you’re tempted to enjoy an uncomplicated chuckle at some sap’s caught-on-camera misfortune.) But too

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Are All Right has a fatal flaw, it’s that Nic and Jules’ marriage is almost too ordinary. —S.A. (Ritz East)


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Comic Genius!!”

Still (1951, U.S., 92 min.): Klaatu and

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his robot, Gort, land their spaceship on Earth with a proposition: “Join us and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration.” Thu., Aug. 5, 7 p.m., $6.75-$9. The Graduate (1967, U.S., 105 min.): Plastics. Mon., Aug. 9, 7 p.m., $6.75-$9.

227 Bridge St., Phoenixville, 610917-1228, thecolonialtheatre.com. Monterey Pop (1968, U.S., 78 min.): This documentary by D.A. Pennebaker archives the legendary festival in 1967 that launched Jimmi Hendrix’s career. Sun., Aug. 8, 2 p.m., $5-$8.

ANDREW’S VIDEO VAULT 4014 Walnut St., 215-573-3234, therotunda.org. Mandingo (1975, U.S., 127 min.): The son of a plantation owner trains his slave, Mede, to be a fighter. Tarantino once compared this film to Showgirls. Whity (1971, West Germany, 95 min.): Subservient Whity works for a crazy family in the Southwest. Thu., Aug. 12, 8 p.m., free.

THE BALCONY 1003 Arch St., 215-922-5483, thetroc. com. Kick-Ass (2010, U.K./U.S., 117 min.): Dave proves you don’t need powers to be a superhero. You just need to know how to kick some ass. Mon., Aug. 9, 8 p.m., $3.

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INDEPENDENT REGAL CINEMAS RAVE MOTION PICTURES NEW JERSEY BRYN MAWR FILM INSTITUTE MARKETPLACE STADIUM 24 RITZ CENTER 16 AMC HAMILTON 24 824 W Lancaster Ave 900 Haddonfield @ Oaks 800/FANDANGO 341# 325 Sloan Avenue 888/AMC-4FUN Berlin Rd 610/527-9898 REGAL CINEMAS 856/770-9065 AMC LOEWS CHERRY HILL 24 INDEPENDENT PLYMOUTH MEETING 10 Cherry Hill 888/AMC-4FUN PENNSYLVANIA COUNTY THEATRE Conshohocken UNITED ARTISTS Doylestown 215/345-6789 800/FANDANGO 335# AMC NESHAMINY 24 CREATIVE ENTERTAINMENT WASHINGTON Bensalem 888/AMC-4FUN PRINCETON GARDEN THEATERS TOWNSHIP 14 REGAL CINEMAS REGAL CINEMAS 160 Nassau St 609/683-7595 Sewell WARRINGTON CROSSING 22 CLEARVIEW CINEMAS BALA THEATRE DOWNINGTOWN STADIUM 800/FANDANGO 602# 16 Downingtown Warrington 800/FANDANGO 343# NATIONAL AMUSEMENTS 157 Bala Ave 888/CLVW TIX 800/FANDANGO 336# UNITED ARTISTS KING OF TOWN CENTER FRANK THEATRES PRUSSIA STADIUM 16 & IMAX PLAZA CINEMAS REGAL CINEMAS MONTGOMERYVILLE STADIUM 12 EDGMONT SQUARE 10 300 Goddard Blvd 319 Route 130 N Montgomeryville 215/815-1312 Edgmont 800/FANDANGO 339# 800/FANDANGO 644# 609/371-8472 INDEPENDENT AMBLER THEATER SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS NO PASSES CHECK THEATRE DIRECTORIES OR CALL FOR OR DISCOUNT COUPONS ACCEPTED 108 E Butler Ave 215/345-7855 SOUND INFORMATION AND SHOWTIMES MOBILE USERS: For Showtimes – Text KIDS with your ZIP CODE to 43KIX (43549) EVERYWHERE SEPTEMBER 1ST CENTER CITY LANDMARK THEATRES RITZ EAST 2nd St btwn Chestnut & Walnut Sts 215/925-7900

623 S. Sixth St., 215-925-8000, bistrotlaminette.com. Happily Ever After (2005, France, 100 min.): Yvan Attal’s film explores the marriages of two men and the doubts they have along the way. Thu., Aug. 5, 8 p.m., free. The Crimson Rivers (2000, France, 106 min.): Detective movie featuring Jean Reno as a determined commissioner investigating the murder of a 32-year-old woman. Mon. & Thu., Aug. 9 & 12, 8 p.m., free.

BRYN MAWR FILM INSTITUTE 824 W. Lancaster Ave., Bryn Mawr, 610-527-9898, brynmawrfilm. org. Rashomon (1950, Japan, 88 min.): Kurosawa’s adaptation of the short story “In a Grove.” After a violent murder is committed in the Japanese countryside, four different points of view must re-create the scene of the crime. Tue., Aug. 10, 7 p.m., $5-$10. Sabrina (1954, U.S., 113 min.) Two brothers fall in love with the chauffeur’s daughter (Audrey Hepburn). Wed., Aug. 11, 7 p.m., $5-$10.

CINEMA 16:9 35 N. Lansdowne Ave., Lansdowne, 484-469-0169, cinema169.com. Bicycle Bride (2010, U.S., 114 min.): An American Indian girl objects to arranged marriage and pursues a hot boy named James Dean. Director Hassan Zee available for Q&A on first two nights. Fri., Aug. 6, 7, 8 & 9 p.m.; Sat., Aug. 7, 5 & 9 p.m.; Sun.Thu., Aug. 8-12, 5:30 & 9:30 p.m., $8.50-$20.

COUNTY THEATER 20 E. State St., Doylestown, 215-3456789, countytheater.org. The Graduate (1967, U.S., 105 min.): Plastics. Wed., Aug. 11, 7 p.m., $6.75-$9.

HIGHWIRE GALLERY 2040 Frankford Ave., 215-426-2685, kenbmiller.com/highwire. Burmese Daze (2010) Footage from creator Mats Stromberg’s trip to Burma. He traveled by boat, train and bus to capture everyday Burmese life. Fri., Aug. 6, 9 p.m., free.

INTERNATIONAL HOUSE 3701 Chestnut St., 215-895-6543, ihousephilly.org. Favela on Blast (2008, Brazil, 80 min.): Produced by hometown hero Diplo, Wesley Pentz’s doc explores the musical subculture of baile funk in Brazil. Fri., Aug. 6, 7 p.m., $5-$8. Thunder Soul (2010, U.S., 83 min.): Scribe Video Center presents this tribute doc celebrates 92-year-old Conrad “Prof” Johnson, the teacher who transformed an everyday high school jazz band in Houston into an inspiring funk legend. Tue., Aug. 10, 7 p.m., $5-$10. Animal Crackers (1930, U.S., 97 min.): The Marx Brothers try to foil an art thief in their second talkie. Wed., Aug. 11, 8:30 p.m., free.

LAWN CHAIR DRIVE IN N. Third and W. Wildey streets, 215627-6562, lawnchairdrivein.com. Skatetown, U.S.A. (1979, U.S., 98 min.): The tagline of this Patrick Swayze/Scott Baio vehicle is “The Rock and Roller Disco Movie of the Year!” No arguing with that. Wed., Aug. 11, dusk, free.

LIBERTY LANDS N. Third and W. Wildey streets, 215627-6562, nlna.org. Clueless (1995, U.S., 97 min.): Cher is like totally the most popular girl in school and, like, secretly loves Josh. Tue., Aug. 10, 8:30 p.m., free.

[ movie shorts ]

erevents.com. Twilight: New Moon (2009, U.S., 130 min.): Edward the vampire abandons Bella in Forks. Out of spite she hangs out with her best friend, Jacob, who happens to be a werewolf, and they fall in love. Thu., Aug. 5, 8 p.m., free.

SCHUYLKILL BANKS 25th and Walnut streets, schuylkillbanks.org. Groundhog Day (1993, U.S., 101 min.): Phil (Bill Murray) wakes up every day in Punxsutawney, Pa. It’s always February 2 and there’s nothing he can do about it. Thu., Aug. 5, 8:15 p.m., free.

THE PEACE CENTER OF DELAWARE COUNTY 1001 Old Sproul Road, Springfield. White Light/Black Rain: The Destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki (2007, U.S., 86 min.):

Through interviews with survivors and Americans involved, this doc is an account of the beginning of the nuclear age 65 years after the bombing. Fri., Aug. 6, 7 p.m., free.

UNITED ARTISTS MAIN STREET 6 3720-40 Main St., Manayunk, 215-482-6138. Muppets Take Manhattan (1984, U.S., 94 min.): The Muppets graduate college and, to celebrate, they travel to the Big Apple in hopes that their musical will be produced on Broadway. Tue., Aug. 10, 10 a.m., free. Open Season (2006, U.S., 83 min.): Boog is a 900-pound bear. After finding himself in the woods during prime hunting season, he turns to a mule deer named Elliot for help. Wed., Aug. 11, 10 a.m., free.

WOODEN SHOE BOOKS 704 South St., 215-413-0999, woodenshoebooks.com. Consume this Movie (2008, U.S., 80 min.): This doc explores our material world and desire for simpler lives while investigating peak oil and resource depletion. Sun., Aug. 8, 7:30 p.m., free.

PUFF Second Street and Germantown Avenue, 215-467-4603, atthepiazza. com. This is United An extreme biking doc in Philly for the first time. There will be blood. Thu., Aug. 5, 8:30 p.m., free.

RIVERSTAGE AT PENN’S LANDING Columbus Boulevard and Chestnut street, 215-928-8801, delawareriv-

More on:

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LISTINGS@CITYPAPER.NET | AUG. 5 - AUG. 12

[ Your to-do list, no matter what you’re doing ]

By A.D. Amorosi

A WRINKLE IN TIME: Harmony Korine’s Trash Humpers doesn’t have a point. But if you ask if there is one, you’ve missed it entirely.

[ in harmony ]

GREAT TRASH Harmony Korine’s Trash Humpers hits I-House for a one-night-only weirdfest. By Sam Adams

[ B+ ] TRASH HUMPERS | Sat., Aug. 7, 7 p.m., $8, Ibrahim Theater at

International House, 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, ihousephilly.org

M

It does best without explanation.

33

oments after the lights came up on the première of Harmony Korine’s Trash Humpers at the Toronto International Film Festival last fall, a twentysomething in a jaunty chapeau jumped to his feet and asked, “So, like, what was the point of the movie?” Without missing a beat, Korine shot back, “What’s the point of your hat?” In practice, Korine vacillates between letting his art speak for itself and explaining it ad nauseam — not only the point of his hat, but why it represents a new frontier in hat-making and renders all previous hats obsolete. Trash Humpers does best without explanation. Shot on smeared, lo-fi VHS tape, the film (so to speak) is styled as a faux found object, the kind of thing that might be discovered in a pile of junk stacked by the curb. As if its smudged, underlit images weren’t enough of an affront, it was edited on a pair of daisy-chained VCRs, adding layers of degradation to its already unsightly tableaux. The image wobbles and the sound warps as the decks whir up to speed, marred by blue-

screen static and the telltale “auto-tracking” indicator. The movie plunges us into the world of three misshapen malcontents — four if you count the largely unseen figure wielding the camera — drifting across a desolate urban landscape, sowing destruction as they go. They get it on with what one calls “that sweet trash pussy,” thrusting away at garbage cans and fellating dead tree branches. They smash televisions and fluorescent lightbulbs, shoot hoops and sing songs in a screechy Southern twang. Shards of structure bob to the surface like the aftermath of a shipwreck, but only enough to keep us from going under. Recurring actions or snatches of dialogue give us a sense of the passage of time, as one nattering mantra gives way to the next. The lyrics of the Carter Family’s mournful “Single Girl, Married Girl” are taken up for several scenes, replaced by the nonsense refrain, “Make it make it don’t take it! Make it make it don’t fake it!” The repetition drills the words into your brain, whether or not you care to have them there. Toward the end, Korine finally lets down his guard, appearing onscreen as the fourth Humper to lay out a sociopath’s manifesto: “What people don’t understand is we choose to live, like, free … We choose to live like a people should live.” Chaotic, liberating, excessive and sometimes just plain dumb, Trash Humpers takes that sentiment and runs with it. You’re free to think Korine’s a pretentious asshole — you’ll have plenty of company. But he’s working in areas where no one else dares to tread. Whether that’s brave or foolhardy, it’s worth deciding for yourself. (s_adams@citypaper.net)

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | A U G U S T 5 - A U G U S T 1 2 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

be with nothing but lousy movies and my birthday to celebrate. These days there’s the Speck Food+Wine opening, the Material Girl launch, The Armchairs CD party and my birthday. Still, I expect y’all to be in Live Arts/Fringe Fest mode, waiting for last-minute changes and saving ducats for Sept. 15’s Feastival, which Audrey Claire Taichman, Stephen Starr and Michael Solomonov co-host at Fifth and Fairmount’s Festival Hub. That event may be the only night you’ll be able to get booze at The Hub. Rumor has it the neighbors don’t like-a-daliquor. The stage space’ll remain with showcases from Pig Iron and such. But what about the cabaret, old chum? That’s where the best rumor comes into play. Looks like LA/FF and the Late Night Cabaret (Scott Johnston & Co.) that Nick Stuccio exiled two years ago — after which Johnston’s unofficial LNC held nights concurrent with the Hub’s parties, therefore dividing the take — might be making peace. If so, there’ll be several evenings of live cabaret at the new Festival Bar at the old Club Egypt on Delaware and Spring Garden where huge stages and bars loom large. An anonymous source says “this’ll bring artists and drinkers who value the cabaret together.” Have a drink. Let the healing begin. ³ DJ secrets: While Isaac Jordan was telling me not to tell anyone he was leaving Philly, Silk City andNational Mechanics for Barcelona, he was telling everyone else, as well. That handsome man’ll be missed, even though we got another lovely DJ-related boy on deck. Dozia Blakey and his lady just had a son, Ajani.Serendipitously I was walking by Jefferson as Doz was coming out, dazed, with the great news. “I’m the godfather,” wrote King Britt, Doz’s old pal, from a tour stop in La Coruna, Spain. Congrats. ³Philly’s advertently funniest songwriter, raunchy Mikey Galactic,holds his eponymous CD release gig Aug. 6 at the Balcony at the Troc with Funkharp and Dani Mari. ³ Is Sulimay’s Diner on Berks Street becoming a Sabrina’s, therefore completing some sorta helllish triangle for the South Philly brunch devil? ³ When a mutual friend told me Karen Gross of Sex & the Single Singer (a luscious cabaret act celebrating its fifth anniversary) was leaving publishing for music, all I thought was: There’s two careers where money’s no object. Nah. Karen’s a bright girl. Yes she’s leaving her gig as editor of Morris Visitor Publications in Philly (Where mag, to youse) on Aug. 16, after signing off on the September ish. “I’m spending more time nurturing and growing my career as a singer-songwriter and cabaret artist,” says Gross, whom you can see here (youtube.com/karengrossmusic). Karen’s also got a new PR/sales/marketing gig with City Food Tours. Whee. ³ More ice at citypaper.net/icepack. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

food | classifieds

³ AUGUST ISN’T THE slow month it used to

the agenda

icepack

the naked city | feature | a&e

agenda

the


a&e | feature | the naked city

TOMORROW NIGHT!

THIS SATURDAY!

THIS SUNDAY!

classifieds | food

the agenda

search for the best comedian in Philadelphia. Each night, about 15 different comedians perform — then its up to you to choose which were the best. Every Sun, 7pm, $10$15, Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St., 215-496-9001.

IF YOU WANT TO BE LISTED:

Submit information by mail (City Paper Listings, 123 Chestnut St., Third Floor, Philadelphia, PA 19106), e-mail (listings@citypaper. net) or fax (215-599-0634) to Molly Eichel. Include details of the event, dates, times, address of venue, telephone number and admission price, if any. Listings must be received at least 10 days in advance of publication. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

✚ EVENTS/ FESTIVALS Q ACANA AFRICAN FESTIVAL

This festival, part of the PECO Multicultural Series, includes live performances and food. Sat, Aug. 7, 2-8pm, FREE, Great Plaza, Penn’s Landing, 301 S. Columbus Blvd., 215-629-3200.

✚ COMEDY

AUGUST 6

AUGUST 7

AUGUST 8

Q THE CREATIVE COLLECTIVE

Q CAGEMATCH Two independent comedy shows, m@& and The Ones Your Mothers Warned You About, battle it out in a fight to the death. Well, at least a fight for the time slot. Thu, Aug. 5, 9:30pm, $10, Shubin Theatre, 407 Bainbridge St., 267-233-1556.

CRAFT AND FINE ARTS FAIR Local artisans share their crafts and pieces in an open-air environment. Every Sat, 10am-9pm, FREE, The Historic Headhouse Shambles, 2nd & Pine St., 215-790-0782.

Q CHRISTOPHER TITUS The

LIBERTY LANDS Vendors galore at

Q UHURU FLEA MARKET AT

Liberty Lands this Saturday. Sat, Aug. 7, 9am-5pm, FREE, Liberty Lands, N. 3rd and W. Wildley sts., 215-387-0919.

standup regular from the hit show “Titus.” Thu, Aug. 5, 8pm, $22-$27; Fri, Aug. 6, 8 & 10:30pm, $25-$30; Sat, Aug. 7, 8 & 10:30pm, $28-$33, Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St., 215-496-9001.

✚ GALLERIES

Q KEVIN NEALON The one-time

“Saturday Night Live” star has appeared in many movies and plays Doug Wilson on the HBO hit series “Weeds.” Thu, Aug. 12, 8pm, $25$30; Fri-Sat, 13-14, 8 & 10:30pm, $30-$35, Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St., 215-496-9001. Q PHILLY’S PHUNNIEST PERSON CONTEST ROUND ONE A

AUGUST 14

AUGUST 19

AUGUST 20

On Sale This Saturday at 12pm!

On Sale This Saturday at 12pm!

W

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NO

Galleries are usually open Tuesdays through Saturdays; please call the gallery for exact days and hours. Receptions are denoted by a *. Q AXD GALLERY, 265 S. 10th St., 215-627-6250. QUEERART?, Features work from LGBTQ-identified artists in conjunction with QFest 2010. Runs through Aug. 7.

[ the agenda ]

Q DELAWARE CENTER FOR THE CONTEMPORARY ARTS, 200

S. Madison St., Wilmington, Del., 302-656-6466. TRANQUILITY, Features varied images by James Brantley. The colorful paintings express urban and rural life. Runs through Oct. 24. Q FLEISHER/OLLMAN GALLERY, 1616 Walnut St., 215-545-7562. JOHN J. O’CONNOR AND KATE ABERCROMBIE, Features the artists’ separate works, both of which are united through their experimentation with mixed mediums. Runs through Aug. 20. Q GROUNDS FOR SCULPTURE,

18 Fairgrounds Rd., Hamilton, NJ, 609-586-0616. GALLERY WALK: KEITH HARING EXHIBITION, Get an inside look of artist Keith Haring’s sculpture for this summer’s exhibit. Runs through Aug. 12. Q HUDSON BEACH GLASS, 26 S. Strawberry St., 267-319-1887. STEM VS. STEMLESS EXPERIMENT, Drink for science! Hudson Beach will run an experiment to determine whether stemless glasses really affect the taste of wine. You’ll drink from two glasses during the evening, one stemmed and one stemless. Someone will check your wine’s temperature periodically and publish the results every week. While you’re there, feel free to walk through their Emerging Artists Series in the glass studio. Runs through Aug. 30.

EN

OP

“ B E F O R E T H E SHOW, AFTER THE SHOW, ANYTIME!!! P e o p l e i n t h e know always go to Le Cochon Noir”

AUGUST 27

SEPTEMBER 16

8.13 DARK FALL Movie Showing 8.28 NO LAUGHING MATTER Feat. Bob Levy, Nick DiPaolo, Jim Florentine, Don Jamieson, and Otto & George 9.2 THE SPECIALS 9.3 AUGUSTANA 9.4 THIRTY SECONDS

TO MARS

Showboat Casino 801 Boardwalk, Atlantic City, NJ 609.236.BLUE

9.5 9.11 9.17 9.18

OCTOBER 21

ALICE COOPER BLONDIE BILLY IDOL BADFISH:

A Tribute To Sublime 9.24 LUDACRIS 9.25 TOMMY JAMES & The Shondells

For Complete Concert Listings Log On To

HOBATSHOWBOAT.COM

FRIDAY, AUGUST 6TH

The Julie Charnet Blues and Swingin’ Trio

SATURDAY, AUGUST 7TH

Jazz Drum Prodigy Justin Faulkner Straight from the cover of Citypaper (Aug 5th,2009) to our stage

EVERY SUNDAY

The LXG (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) w/ spec. guests feat. Jonathan Michel, Adam Faulk, Khary Shaheed, Rick Tate & Charles Washington Upcoming performances: 8/13 Paul Jost and The Antfarm Quartet, 8/14 Karen Wilhelm w/ The Budesa Bros., 8/20 The Kelly Meashey Quartet, 8/27 The Tom Adams Trio, 8/28 Lydia Rene w/ Dahi Divine

FREE GATED PARKING AVAILABLE 800.745.3000

Show and buffet packages available! Stay the night in VIP-style in one of our chic and exclusive House Of Blues Studio Suites. HOB Suite packages available on Ticketmaster.com.

Management reserves the right to change or cancel this event at any time without notice. Must be 21 or older to gamble, enter and remain in a New Jersey casino or participate in any Showboat promotion. Know When To Stop Before You Start.® Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. ©2010, Harrah’s License Company, LLC.

5070 Parkside Ave

(on Parkside btwn 50th and 51st down the street from the Mann Center)

(215) 879-1011, www.lecochonnoir.com Wed-Sun open for Dinner beginning at 5pm CHECK US OUT ON FACEBOOK


Joe Osborne geeks out

³ ACADEMY OF NATURAL SCIENCES BUGFEST 2010: BEES EDITION

gomery Ave., 610-308-0579. LITTLE WARSAW, Features artwork celebrating Polish heritage, created by native Poles and Philadelphians of Polish ancestry. Runs through Aug. 29. Fri, Aug. 6, 5pm, FREE, *. Q MARGINAL UTILITY, 319 North

11th, 917-355-4487. ABIGAIL D. DEVILLE GOLD MOUNTAIN, Features work inspired by the “Universe of Discourse,” ranging from African sculpture, textiles, biology, popular culture, the artist’s grandmother and American social structures. Runs through Sept. 25. Q PHILADELPHIA PHOTO ARTS CENTER, 1400 N. American St.,

215-232-5678. DAYDREAM NATION, Features the 1st Annual Contemporary Photography Exhibition. Runs through Aug. 21. Q PTERODACTYL, 3237 Amber

& Ily Aimy, 8-11pm, $8-$10, MilkBoy Coffee Ardmore, 2 E. Lancaster Ave., Ardmore, 610-645-5269. Q CUDDLE MAGIC with A Lull,

7:30-9:30pm, $5, Green Line Café, 4426 Locust St., 215-222-3431. Q DEVON ALLMAN’S HONEYTRIBE with Kickin’ Bear, 8pm, $15,

North Star Bar, 2639 Poplar St., 215-684-0808. Q FOL CHEN with Baths & Virtual

Virgin, 9pm, $10, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 877-4359849. Q KINGS OF LEON with Built to

Spill & The Stills, 7:30pm, $36.50$61.50, Susquehanna Bank Center, 1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, NJ, 856-365-1300. Q LAST CHANCE TO REASON

with Monolith, Iron Thrones & Willing Swords, 9pm, $8, M Room, 15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577.

St., 215-501-7158. MYSTIC MONSTERS, Features comics, paintings, collaborations, appropriated advertising and an in-gallery installation. Runs through Aug. 13.

Q LAST CHANCE TO REASON

Q SERAPHIN GALLERY, 1108

Edwards, Dave Falcone & Rusty & Jan, 8:30pm, $8, Tin Angel, 20 S. 2nd St., 215-928-0770.

Pine St., 215-923-7000. FROM ALL COMPASS POINTS, Featuring recent works by Delaware artist Ken Mabrey. Runs through Sept. 7. Q WEXLER GALLERY, 201 N. 3rd

St., 215-923-7030. NEW ACQUISITIONS IN GLASS, Features both emerging and classical pieces incorporating glass. Runs through Aug. 28.

✚ MUSIC ³ rock/pop THURSDAY 8/5 Q BRYAN RUSSO with Seth Horan

food | classifieds

Joe Osborne is a freelance journalist who also contributes to Geekadelphia (geekadelphia.com).

Q LITTLE BERLIN, 119 W. Mont-

the agenda

Bees should hold a dearer place in our hearts than the suave, digital Hispanic honeybee found narrating the Nasonex commercials. Since the late ’60s, bees and their hives have been disappearing at an alarming rate, according to Bath, Pa., resident and 32-year beekeeping expert Cliff Sunflower He says we’ve lost 32 percent of the bees that were around when he started keeping. In addition to being the 200th birthday of famed Philly beekeeper Lorenzo Langstroth, it’s this decrease in honey-bunnies that prompted the Academy of Natural Sciences to make bees the theme of their third annual Bugfest. The creepy-crawly festivities will bring back staples such as the Roach Race 500 — a cockroach derby designed to teach visitors what makes the little buggers run — and some bee-centric events such as Sunflower’s “Dancing with the Honeybees,” an interactive educational workshop that presents complex ideas concerning ecology through dance, participatory theater and storytelling. “I wanted to teach children about life cycles and the environment. I saw bees as a natural method for that,” Sunflower explains. Even if you can’t stand ’em, bees are vital to our ecosystem, Sunflower says. “We’re not getting as good pollination of our fruits and vegetables as we did 30 years ago, which raises prices and increases scarcity,” Sunflower warns. Sunflower is referring to the tragic phenomenon known as Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD). According to the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, CCD is a result of both natural and unnatural causes including mite infestation, pesticide poisoning and stress-induced immunodeficiency. Considering bee pollination is responsible for $15 billion in added crop value annually, a 30 percent loss is dire. Sat.-Sun., Aug. 14-15, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., free with regular museum admission of $12 ($10 for kids), Academy of Natural Sciences, 1900 Ben Franklin Parkway, 215-299-1000, ansp.org/bugfest. (editorial@citpaper.net)

2548. PUTTING-OUT!, Features silk-screen textiles, prints and decorative home-good products created by cottage-style home studios displays. Runs through Sept. 10.

[ the agenda ]

the naked city | feature | a&e

peertopeer

Q LEONARD PEARLSTEIN GALLERY, 3215 Market St., 215-895-

with Monolith, Iron Thrones & Willing Swords, 9pm, $8, M Room, 15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577. Q MICHAEL ASKIN with Russ

Q NOISE BY NUMBERS with

Aspiga & Risus Sardonicus, 7pm, $6, Fire, 412 W. Girard Ave., 267671-9298. Q RECONSTRUCTION OF THE FABLES: A TRIBUTE TO 30 YEARS OF R.E.M. with Chris

Schultz, The Jellybricks, Joshua Park, Transistor Rodeo, The Rigbees, Braxton Parker and more. 8pm, $13-$20, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-2221400. Q THE MAINE, 7pm, $15, TLA, 334

South St., 215-922-1011.

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a&e | feature | the naked city the agenda classifieds | food

Versus, 7pm, $7, Fire, 412 W. Girard Ave., 267-671-9298. Q MUMIY TROLL with Run Run

56 South 2nd St.

Run, 8pm, $25-$38, World CafĂŠ Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215-222-1400.

extravaganza featuring traditional dancing from Cambodia, Mexico and Africa. Tue, Aug. 10, 11am12:15pm, FREE, Mann Center for the Performing Arts, 5201 Parkside Ave., 215-893-1999.

Q PED FEST with Super Mash

UPSTAIRS DJS THE KHYBER IS OPEN UPSTAIRS EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK AND FREE. $1 PBR & $1 High Life every night until 11pm upstairs. Sundays has $10 open bar.

NOW SERVING FOOD NOON TILL 7PM $1 DOMESTIC BOTTLES HAPPY HOUR

215.238.5888 WWW.THEKHYBER.COM

Bros. 8pm, $30, TLA, 334 South St., 215-922-1011. Q THE POISON ARROWS with

Âł opera Q ORPHEE AND EURYDICE See

Chick, The Original Marta & Teruh, 9pm, $7, Fire, 412 W. Girard Ave., 267-671-9298.

if Orphee can keep his eyes on the prize in Christoph Willibald Gluckâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s French adaptation of the ancient Greek mythology, in which a man ventures into the underworld to bring back his beloved. 7:30pm, $40-$130, Kimmel Center, 300 S. Broad St., 215-893-3600.

Q TJ KONG & THE ATOMIC BOMB with The Yes Way, Hollis

Âł theater

Odessa Stair, This Temper & Life in Antarctica, 9pm, $8, M Room, 15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577. Q THE RED ROCKETS with Boom

Brown & Penrose, 8pm, $8, North Star Bar, 2639 Poplar St., 215684-0808.

â&#x153;&#x161; PERFORMING ARTS Please call the phone number listed with the venue for specific dates, times and ticket information.

Âł cabaret Q PIANO BAR @ THE DRAWING ROOM Live sing-along piano bar

entertainment every weekend Every Fri & Sat, 8-11pm, Generations Restaurant, Featuring The Drawing Room, 9 State Road, Media, 610-565-8212.

Âł dance Q DANCE VOYAGE A global dance

Q CITY OF NUMBERS This one-

man show explores Phillyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s crime problems, artists, Mayor Michael Nutter and other local topics. Directed by Matt Slaybaugh. Every Tue & Wed, 7pm; every Thu, Fri & Sat, 8pm, $25-$29, Adrienne Theater, 2030 Sansom St., 215123-4567.

[ the agenda ]

coming-of-age tale, showing how even kings struggle to grapple with adolescence in a world of influences. Directed by Aaron Cromie. Runs through Aug. 15, FREE, Philadelphia Shakespeare Theatre, 2111 Sansom St., 215496-9722. Q JUST SAY LOVE Serendipity

tries it lucks with a young gay man and a straight construction worker. Their relationship unfolds as the questions of sexuality diminish. Runs through Aug. 29, $20-$25, Shubin Theatre, 407 Bainbridge St., 215-413-1318. Q SAFETY STREET An important

safety first lesson with a healthy helping of a hip-hop flair Runs through Aug. 6, $15, Freedom Theatre, 1346 N. Broad St., 215765-2793.

Q FAMILY THEATRE SERIES

Professional actors will present a weekly theme, which children are encouraged to participate in by acting out characters. Every First Sat, 11am, $1-$10, Walking Fish Theatre, 2509 Frankford Ave., 215427-2822.

More on:

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Q HENRY V â&#x20AC;&#x153;A kingdom for

a stage, princes to act / And monarchs to behold the swelling scene.â&#x20AC;? Presented by the Classical Acting Academy, this Shakespeare history personifies the classic

â&#x153;&#x161; MORE LISTINGS, AND THEY SCROLL!

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BVc`aROg?cWhh] SILKCITYPHILLY.COM 5TH & SPRING GARDEN

THURSDAY 8/5

MO $$ NO PROBLEMS DJ SAMMY SLICE DJ COOL HAND LUKE HOST TU PHACE FRIDAY 8/6

PHILADELPHYINZ PRESENTS:

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SUNDAY 8/8

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DJs LEE JONES & DIRTY MONDAY 8/9

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BACK 2 BASICS BAND TUESDAY 8/10

THE FAR TRIO CHARLES ELLERBEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MATRIX 12:38 CHICOâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S GROUP WEDNESDAY 8/11 LEANA SONG

ILLREALITY DANCE SQUAD

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Thursdays New Wave Goth Party Robert Drake, Dave Ghoul, John Spaceboy . No Cover

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Club Anthems & Bangers Emynd & Bo Bliz W/ Scottie B. $5

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TEN COMMANDMENTS

Reggae & Soul on 45s Kyle (M), Lord Action Wood. $5

=_XNKc "" KARAOKE NIGHT

Kevin C and Eddie Austin Dollar Drinks Till 11 50 Dollar Cash Prize

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Indie Dance Party No Cover

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Designer Drugs Presents

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UP THERAPY BAR

HAPPY HOUR (S) Mon-Fri, 5-7 $2 Bloody Marys & Mimosas (every 11am-3pm) $1 Pabst, Sundays, open-close Monday- Free Pool (open to close) Tuesday-Karaoke, 9-2 Wednesday-Quizzo, 7:30-9:00 Art Openings on the First Friday of every month, 7-9 *ticket outlet for the Philly Roller Girls

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Dark Electro Party Designer Drugs, Aaron LA Carte, JHN RDN. $5

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Friday, August 6 Griz: The Human Jukebox 6pm The New Philadelphia Poets Presents: Carlos Soto Roman, Julie Doxsee, Frank Sherlock, & David Wolach 8pm Saturday, August 7 Traditional Irish Music Session 4pm 722 with Good Boy Elroy 10pm Wednesday, August 11 Resurrection Night: An All-Star Tribute To The Music Of The Grateful Dead! 10pm Monday Nights Best Open Mic in Town 9:30pm Tuesdays & Thursdays Quizo: Pub Quiz 9:00pm

No Cover Downstairs! FREE, 21+ www.Fergies.com

www.myspace.com/fergies booking@fergies.com

1214 Sansom St. 215-928-8118

Open everyday 5p-2a Kitchen Open All Night Happy Hour Everyday 5p-7p

THURSDAY

Wired 96.5 on the Main Floor House Music on The Roof Thursday Birthday - bottle of champagne and cake on the house!

FRIDAY

Hip Hop on the Main Floor House Music on The Roof

SATURDAY

House Music on the Main Floor Hip Hop on The Roof

Girard Sun. August 15th, 8pm $5 Dave Roller Presents… The Slotcars, Johnie 3, Dee Cracks, The Sheckies, Red Rockets Sat. August 21st, 9pm $5 Dave Simons presents… Adam Rivera, Greg Sover Band, and Paper Lanterns Monday Night Jazz Every First Monday NO COVER This Month’s Guest Baffle The Cat

SUNDAY

Wed Nite Open Mic ‘Original Music’ 9pm w/ Dave Robins or Abe the Rockstarr

MONDAY

Happy Hour Mondays-Fridays 5-7pm $2.50 Kenzinger Pints & More!

House Music on the Main Floor Q102 on The Roof Latin Night/Free Lessons On the Main Floor Mixed Music on The Roof

TUESDAY

Hip Hop on the Main Floor w/Strength Dance Competition/ Pole Dancing Oldies Music on The Roof

WEDNESDAY

Continuation of Center City Sips 5p-7p Hip Hop on the Roof & Main Floor 116 S.18 th Street 215-568-1020 www.vangoloungeandskybar.com

Enjoy the great outdoors in our Beer Grotto! Fish from Loafass now serving drinks Fridays til 7pm New anniversary T-shirts now available - 40 years under the El! ...and Ms. PacMan is here! August Beer of the Month Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA


the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city food classifieds

f&d

foodanddrink

portioncontrol By Drew Lazor

IT’S A MOO-VEMENT

40 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

A U G U S T 5 - A U G U S T 1 2 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

³SHARES IN SEASONAL Community Supported

Agriculture programs, or CSAs, have long been commodities with Philly’s buy-fresh, buy-local crowd — folks drop a lump sum for shipments of in-season goodness from area farms, then spend a week bolstering their vitamin intake and fretting over what to do with 4 pounds of Jerusalem artichokes. The CSA model is a brilliant option for city dwellers who want to get their hands on the best green stuff, but many programs offer little to no love when it comes to meat. Wouldn’t it be sweet to have access to a thick, juicy CSP — Community Supported Porterhouse? That’s precisely what Jessica Moore is doing with Philadelphia Cow Share (PCS). Launched in March, PCS narrows the disconnect separating cattle from urban carnivores by providing the bulkpurchasing option logistically unattainable via farmers market, co-op or grocery store visit. Moore grew up in Indiana, where she says her family engaged in a similar, if more informal, practice with herd tenders. She selects farms in surrounding counties (Chester, Delaware, Lancaster, Mercer) that raise cows the right way — grassfed, hormone- and antibiotic-free. Some of these clients are not even in the beef business — Moore says she gravitates toward farmsteads that rely on a bovine population “as part of the general health of their farm and their agricultural businesses,” citing a Lancaster-based fruit orchard that raises cows on its hilly topography as an example. From here, Moore oversees the butchering, processing, packaging and delivery of each PCS order, which can be placed for a quarter, half or whole cow — each order comes strictly from one individual animal. (Prices vary depending on the size of the cow, but $995 is provided as a ballpark quarter price.) Quarters range anywhere from 85 to 130 pounds of meat and feature a wide variety of cuts, from flank steak and filet to top round and cubed meat for stews in the winter. Moore estimates that a quarter share requires 5.5 cubic feet of freezer space, and will last a family that eats red meat once a week for about a year. “I’m buying from a farmer, I’m paying a butcher and a processing company, all of whom are family-owned and local,” says Moore of PCS’ appeal to the meat-eating, geo-conscious populace. “The money that [customers] are paying stays right in this region. People care about that.” (drew.lazor@citypaper.net) ✚ For more info, visit phillycowshare.com.

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: Kraftwork chef Michael Thomas’ vegetable board features super-fresh seasonal preparations, plus playful vegan takes on charcuterie, like a chickpea-based “faux gras.” NEAL SANTOS

[ review ]

ARTS AND KRAFT Built by artisan hands, Fishtown’s new bar is as good as it is good-looking. By Adam Erace KRAFTWORK | 541 E. Girard Ave., 215-739-1700, kraftworkbar.com.

Mon.-Fri., noon-2 a.m. (happy hour noon-6 p.m.); Sat.-Sun., 10:30 a.m.-2 a.m. (brunch 10:30 a.m.- 3 p.m.). Appetizers, $7-$15; sandwiches, $9-$12; sides, $3-$5.

H

aters say bars in Fishtown are full of trash, and in the case of newcomer Kraftwork, they couldn’t be more accurate. Over the past year, the corner of Montgomery and Girard has become a spectacular dump, an enchanted cemetery where spare More on: parts make fair art at the hands of local sculptor Andrew Jevremovic. Discarded driver’s-side truck mirrors have become bathroom vanities. Old cymbal-shaped aluminum disks have become light fixtures that hover around the ceiling like a flotilla of toy-shop UFOs. Fazzio Machine & Steel owns Kraftwork’s picturesquely crumbling bricks. The firm tapped Jevremovic, a haunter of their Glassboro steelyards, to redesign and fabricate a space for a thenundetermined bar concept; he then tapped his neighbor Adam Ritter, owner of G-Ho’s Sidecar, to manage the project. Ritter signed on halfway into the renovation, well before Jevremovic installed the room’s piece de resistance above the Ushaped bar: a giant steel-and-wood saw that looks like a prop from

citypaper.net

the movie of the same name. But instead of bound-and-gagged sinners, beer heads gather beneath to geek out over 23 traditional taps, one nitro and a hand-pump. Color-changing panels, built into the bar’s base, cast a neon glow onto bare, bike-tanned legs. On tap: cultish suds like Russian River Registration, Avery Collaboration Not Litigation and Southern Tier Oak-Aged Unearthly Imperial IPA, boosting a roster flush with local brews. All are organized on blueprint placemat menus, columns for details like style, ABV, glass size and price. One grid tells what’s on tap, while a mirror lists the planned replacement for each. When Pikeland Pils kicked, my server brandished his ballpoint, scratched it out and drew a line across the menu to the keg on deck: Dogfish Head Sah’tea. This happened twice during one dinner at Kraftwork, a great sign — quick keg turnover means fresh beer. Brews gets top billing, but you shouldn’t MORE FOOD AND miss bartender-about-town Christian DRINK COVERAGE Gaal’s cocktails. Appropriately, they’re AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / named for famous architects like Walter M E A LT I C K E T. Gropius (El Jimador reposado, Lillet and apple-caraway shrub, a colonial soda prototype) and Gio Ponti (Campari, honey, orange, Pabst Blue Ribbon), and are as excellent as they are unexpected. So is Kraftwork’s staff, subscribers to the nonchalant excellence school of service. My everydude waiter did everything a fine-dining waiter would do, except be a dick. There was passion in his voice when he described the farm-fresh pedigree of the green tomatoes in one golden-fried starter — locavore lip-service perhaps, but delivered with sincerity that suggested otherwise. Either way, the pastoral reflection was laid on as >>> continued on adjacent page


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food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

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lulueightball

21 22 23

By Emily Flake

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Serpico author Peter San Francisco water Later, on a clock Tubular pasta It may be more than enough Swashbuckler who left his mark How things are often trampled Ankarans, for example They’re not very useful for cutting steak That thing, in Spanish Some Greek consonants It happened back in cold-en days ___ Friday’s ___ thai Thousand, slangily They’re not that good for cutting cloth Facing the pitcher Cracklin’ ___ Bran Gag reflex spot They won’t cut through your opponent, like in the movie Restricted hosp. areas ___ 4 update (recent Apple release) Amtrak stop: abbr. “This Is ___” (1934 hymn) “Want ___ Be” (2005 song by Ginuwine) Sharon Jones & The ___-Kings They’re good for their own job, but lousy for cutting thicker stuff Doll line that features Yasmin,

Cloe and Jade 59 Destitute 60 “Vive ___!” (“Long live the king!”) 61 “…can ___ long way” 62 It’s seen near the 6 63 Packs (down) 64 Pitiable fool 65 Super Mario World console

✚ DOWN 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 17 20 24 25 26 27 28 29 31

They may be pulled down “…___ the republic for which it stands” Work without ___ (take risks) Ecosystem with world’s largest land migration Gives a card to, in soccer Bartlett’s attrib. The Abominable Snowman Quetzalcoatl worshiper Grouchy TV doctor Make a mistake Boat with bears Advisable tactics Stray hair found at crime scenes, perhaps A couple of dates, say Veni-vici link Love, in Lille When tripled, a Motley Crue hit Fashion journalist Klensch Non-stick cookware company Tests for high school jrs. Play divisions Tale

✚ ©2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

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LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION


C A L L 2 1 5 - 7 3 5 - 8 4 4 4 F O R A D V E R T I S I N G I N F O R M AT I O N PLACE YOUR FREE ONLINE CLASSIFIED AD ATCITYPAPER.NET/CLASSIFIEDS

C L A S S I F I E D S D E A D L I N E S Billboard Friday, 5 PM | Adult Friday, 12 PM All Other Classified Categories Monday, 4 PM POLICIES: It is the responsibility of the Advertiser to check his or her ad the first time it runs. This newspaper can assume no

responsibility for errors beyond the first printing of the incorrect ad. City Paper will not be responsible for failure to insert an advertisement. City Paper reserves the right to edit advertising copy, graphics and photos.

market place

³

Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families nationwide. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions 866-413-6293.

SALE REPRESENTATIVES

NFL BEACH TOWELS

WE ARE LOOKING FOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE OR RESELLERS FOR OUR SERVICES. IF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCE IN SALES PLEASE GIVE US A CALL (267)997-2554. SOFTWARE AND WEBSITE DEVELO

Automotive Marketplace

contact for all type of software solutions and web des igning.(sarkarss001002

2000 BUICK CENTURY

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jobs

Help Wanted – Regional NANNY WANTED:

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Help Wanted – General AIRLINES ARE HIRING:

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real estate

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LAND FOR SALE

ART MUSEUM 2 bedroom No credit check renovated parking air hardwood floor pets considered! LOCATORS 215 922 3400

Potter County - 12 Acres bordering thousands of acres of state forest near Keating Summit. Perc approved, surveyed, electric, access to snowmobile trails. $39,900. 800-668-8679.

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rentals

Apartments for Rent 2 BR APARTMENT ~TEMPLE AREA

Newly Renovated Buildings Featur ing 2 Apar tments $1,100.00 per a month This unit feature spacious bathrooms, kitchens, 12 foot high ceilings, washer and dryer within each unit, alarm systems, central air, pest control ser vice, cable ready and around the clock maintenance service.These apartments are located within a building occupied by TU students. Apartment located at 15th & Giraud and are on the Owl Link and one block to subway and bus routes. Main Campus is less than 10 minutes by foot. 2324 S BROAD STREET 2BR APT

Condos for Sale

Drivers-Hiring Regional Van Drivers. 41.5 cpm with 2 years experience. Great Benefits. Home EVERY week. 1 year tractor-trailer experience required. Call 888-967-5487, or apply online at www.averittcareers.com Equal Opportunity Employer.

BEAUTIFUL CONDO!

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public transit To schedule a viewing, please call 1-877848-8874

Bustleton Regency 1 Condo, Pool, Club House, Beautiful Grounds!1st Floor, Corner Location. Salkin Realty 215338-8800, $169,900

Land/ Lots for Sale Can’t Wait Until Fall! New York Land for Sale! Our Best Deer Tract: 97 acres Surrounded by Stateland- $119,995. Our #1 Camp Deal: 40 acres w/ Camp & Stream- $59,995. Our Best All-time Deal: 5 acres w/ Wilderness Cabin- $19,995!

Call: 1 (877) 848 8874 - This 2BR Penthouse on the 3rd floor is newly renovated and ready to rent! It is located on the Avenue of the Arts (Broad Street) in South Central Philadelphia. Conveniently located steps away from 7/11, and and 2 blocks away from excellent italian bakeries, restaurants, and pizza shops! Quiet, safe neighborhood, fantastic city location, and right across the street from Methodist Hospital! Including Modern Amenities, such as: Large kitchen with granite, stainless appliances Hardwood Floors throughout marble bathroom with jacuzzi walk-out deck W/D inside unit Central Air, Gas Heat Wall-towall closets Pets ok Close to

ART MUSEUM TWO BEDROOM

LOVELY 2 BEDROOM APARTMENT

Temple University No credit check lovely 2 bedroom apartment fenced yard lease negotiable bring pets $600 LOCATORS 215 922 3400 MANAYUNK

2 BR, 1 BA Rent $1300 + utilities. Has a washer and dryer, small deck. Located in the heart of Manayunk on Grape and Main Streets. Call Heather at 610-647-1776 or email heather@eadeh.com. Also check out other locations at eadeh.com. MT. AIRY LARGE 2 BDRM APT.

Mt.Airy 7337 Limekiln Pike 2 BEDROOM APARTMENT 2 large bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen,dining room and living room.call 215.668.5810 NO CREDIT CHECK APARTMENT

CENTER CITY No credit check 4 room apartment with private entrance basement LOCATORS 215 922 3400 TEMPLE U. / CENTER CITY

Broad & Parrish. Great 2 bedroom apartment to rent close to where you need to be. Walk, Bike or Bus to center city or Temple U. To make appointment Call Max 215 518 0153 TEMPLE UNIVERSITY DUPLEX

All New. Fenced yard,Laundry Room, Full Bath, All Electric, Brand New Appliances. $950. per month Call for Appointment...(267) 253-1508

Studio/ Efficiency NICE ROOMS FOR RENT

Rooms for Rent in Nor th Philly Newly renov-rooms w/ Cental Air & New carpet. Freshly painted. Utilities incl. No pets. $110.00 Weekly Very clean and cable TV /phone ready rooms. Contact No# 215.882.0791 Any time

MAINTENANCE TECHNICIAN Center City Property Management Company seeks a well-rounded maintenance technician for full-time work (benefits available after probationary period). REQUIRED • Two years of apartment maintenance experience including general carpentry, painting, HVAC, plumbing, electrical maintenance and repair, apartment turnover • Reliable transportation (car) • Availability for rotating on-call shifts • References from previous employers (no personal references please) PREFERRED •Certifications in carpentry, HVAC, plumbing and/or electric •Cleaning experience

Ideal candidate will work as part of a maintenance team filling orders for residential and commercial tenants in first class metropolitan properties. Duties will include apartment turnovers, general apartment maintenance (bulb changes, unclogging toilets, appliance repair, etc.) and preventative maintenance. If you meet the above requirements, please fax your resume to 215-568-0505, Attention: Office Manager.

53

215.670.9535

NANNY WANTED

$$$ HELP WANTED $$$

HELP WANTED DRIVER

Call TODAY and receive FREE CLOSING COSTS! Private financing offered. 800-2297843 www.LandandCamps. com.

P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | A U G U S T 5 - A U G U S T 1 2 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T |

Business Services

DRUM LESSONS

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EBOOK FOR SALE

August 1, Devine Destinies. com will epublish “mpStation-4,” a sci fi novel by Thadd Evans, a story about a detective in homicide. My guess is that it will cost $4.99.... Right now, my sci fi novella, Shock The Watcher, a story about America as a fascist state, a title that is less than $5, is available online at eXtasy Books.com.

Business Opportunity

Adoptions

For Sale

SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST: The Scranton School for Deaf and Hard of Hearing Children is seeking a School Psychologist. Advanced ASL skills preferred. Act 34, Act 151, FBI Clearances and PA Certification req’d. Excellent Salary and Benefits. For a complete job description, visit our website: www.wpsd. org *Send resume to: WPSD Human Resources, 300 E Swissvale Ave., Pittsburgh, PA 15218. Fax: 412-244-4211. hshirey@wpsd.org EOE

Reefer Drivers Needed! Experienced drivers and Class A commercial students welcome! Assistance obtaining your Class A license through Prime’s Training program. 1800-277-0212 www.primeinc. com.

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funk rock.$15 half hr. $25hr. consultations are free. call 215 877 4627. serious responses only-

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food | the agenda | a&e | feature | the naked city classifieds

One Bedroom 15TH/SPRUCE

Beautiful Art Deco High-rise 1Bdrm Apt, Desk Attendant, HW Flrs, Updated Kitch, Onsite Laundry, Intercom Entry, Amazing Location! Avail Oct. From $1080/Mo. 215-7358030. Lic #219789.

Two Bedrooms

h t t p : / / w w w. re n z i p ro p e r t i e s . c o m /

OLD CITY FRONT & MARKET- Office 1st floor Bi-Level. Private entrance, C/A. 700 SQ. Feet- $850.00

1173 SOUTH 10TH STREET

CHESTNUT HILL WILLOW GROVE AVE-1BD, 1BA H/W, laundry, Included heat, hot water and cooking gas- $790.00

WA S H I N G T O N SQ WEST 1BD JR. W/W, Laundry, Included heat, hot water, cooking gas$725.00- $740.00

9TH & PINE- Studio, H/W, includes electric and gas, Elevator, ELKIINS PARK Laundry- $850.00 1BD, New Kitchen, Bath, $900.00

GREAT 2BED CONDO HAVERTOWN!

beautiful updated Condo (2 bed/2 Bath +Den, quiet bldg in Haverford Hill Condo. Furnished ($1300) or unfurnished ($1200). Call Pani: 610 212 8349

Three+ Bedrooms 1637 EDGLEY ST. $1500

415 E. CHURCH ROAD- 1BD, 1 BA, H/W, Laundry, Included heat and Hot Water- $750.00

12TH & SPRUCE- Studio, H/W, C/A, Laundry, Utilities included, Courtyard- $775- $815.00

AUCTION AUCTION

$1350 a Month. Central Air, Washer, Dryer, Dishwasher Included! *Great Neighborhood! MUST SEE!* CALL: (215) 922-3910. mcolaizzo@ comcast.net

1637 Edgley St. This is 2 blocks from Temples main campus. It is a (3) three bedroom house with a big living room, eat-in kitchen, washer and dryer, backyard, and lots of closet space.You must see it to understand. This house is located on a student friendly street. Interested people contact Rell @ 267-767-8972 1733 N. LAMBERT ST 1225.00

1733 N. Lambert St. This is a very nice house walking distance from Temple Univer-

AUCTION AUCTION

stiy. This house has an eat-in kitchen (2) Full bathrooms, (3) bedrooms, and a washer and dryer. This house is located on a Student friendly Street. Interested people contact: Rell @ 267-7678972 1802 N. WILLINGTON ST $1500

This is a ver y nice house located (2) blocks from Temple University. This house has an eat-in kitchen washer and dryer, backyard, (3) bedrooms with closet space. Interested people contact Rell @ 267-767-8972 5 BEDROOM ROOFTOP DECK

unreal rooftop deck , 5 bedroom 2 bathroom home. c l o s e t o t ra n s p o r t a t i o n . 0.4 miles from art museum at 26th and girard. great for students. new everything. call marty 215-778-0322 or ken 215-805-6110 5BR TEMPLE U. ROWHOME

Avail 9/01. 15th and Girard. 5BR, 2 Bath, Wood Floors, FREE W/D, A/C, Back Patio. 1.5 Blocks to Subway. $2000/Month. Call Stacey 215-757-6100. AVENUE OF THE ARTS

PENTHOUSE Avail! One of a kind spacious bi-level penthouse in historic Ar t Deco High-Rise, 3bdrms/ 3 Full Baths/ 2 half baths, 4 Lrg Terraces w/Amazing City Views, Entertainment Rm w/ Wet Bar, New Kitch w/ Granite Counter tops, W / D, C A , Va u l t e d C e i l ings, HW Flrs. Avail Sept. $4300/Mo. 215-735-8030. Lic #219789.

RITTENHOUSE SQUARE

Enormous 3bdrm w/ 2 Full Baths in Beautiful Historic Brownstone, Full Size Washer/ Dryer in Apt, HW Flrs, 2 Decorative Fireplaces, Hi Ceilings, Newly Remodeled Kitchen w/ Granite Countertop, Separate Dining Rm, Living Rm, & Family Rm, A/C, Spacious Rooms, Terrific Location! $2850/Mo. 215-735-8030. #216850 TEMPLE UNIVERSITY HOUSING

AVAILABLE FOR FALL 2010 3 BEDROOM TOWNHOUSE CLEAN AND SECURE FOR F U L L D E TA I L S E M A I L : de21061@VERIZON.NET

HOUSES FOR RENT

Browse thousands of rental listings with photos and maps. Advertise your rental home for FREE! Visit: http://www. RealRentals.com. SOUH PHILLY HOUSE FOR RENT

3br 1& a half bath newly renovated home with Finished basement just a few blocks from a Major shopping center and septa lines . For more info contact Nick at 267-7605530

Commerical/ Warehouse OFFICE SPACE $350 AND UP

Homes 4BR 3BATH TOWNHOUSE

TOWNHOUSE - GREAT FOR SHARING. HARDWOOD FLOORS, CENTRAL AIR, FIREPLACE, REAR YARD, LARGE DECK OVERLOOKS BEN FRANKLIN PARKWAY WITH VIEWS OF CITY HALL AND ART MUSEUM. QUICK OCCUPANCY $3000 PER MONTH FOR DETAILS, CALL 610-695-9516 ALL AREAS-HOUSES FOR RENT

Browse thousands of rental listings with photos and maps. Advertise your rental home for FREE! Visit: http:/www. RealRentals.com. EAST FALLS HOUSE FOR RENT

Phila. U./ Drexel Med. Students. 2Bdrm/1Bth. C/A, Hardwood Floors, New Kitchen w/stainless steel appliances, deck, and parking. available Aug. 1st-$1350. Call Paul 1609-468-3328

Elite Virtual Group, have 2 office spaces fully furnished includes unlimited local and long distance calling, internet. Use of the copier and postage machine. 24\7 access. For more information call (267) 997-2554.

Roommates ROOMATES.COM

Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of a mouse! Visit: http:/ www.Roommates.com.

Vacation/ Seasonal Rental VACATION RENTALS

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND. Best selection of affordable rentals. Full/partial weeks. Call for FREE brochure. Open daily. Holiday Real Estate. 1-800638-2102 Online reservations www.holidayoc.com.

FORRESTER REAL ESTATE

1608 E. Passyunk Ave SALES-RENTALS-APPRAISALS-INVESTMENTS 215-334-3333

Paul Borriello, Broker/Owner Michael Giordano, Associate Broker/Owner

54 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

A U G U S T 5 - A U G U S T 1 2 , 2 0 1 0 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

www.geyerauctions.com 647 Congo Road . Gilbertsville, PA 19525

TOLL FREE (800) 554-50005 AUCTION FAX (610) 754-9480 . PHONE( 610)754-9450

22 Prime Building Lots!! 3 NEW HOMES, 3 FARM HOMES and MORE!! SEE OUR WEBSITE!

Saturday, August 7 ~ 10 AM School House Farms 8 Building Lots & 1 Model Home Stouts School Rd Williams Township Northampton County PA Preview- Sunday July 25th from 12-2 PM

Thursday, August 12 ~ 7 PM 84 Acres with Farm House and 2 Car Garage 265 Middlecreek Rd. Gilberstville, PA 19525 Douglass Township, Montgomery County, Previews- July 29th 6-8 PM August 5th 6-8 PM

Saturday, August 7 ~ 2 PM Locust Manor 7 Building Lots and 1 New Home Locust Vally Rd. Coopersburg, PA 18036 Upper Saucon Township Leigh County PA Preview Sunday, July 25th from 3-5 PM

Saturday, August 14 ~ 11 AM 77 Acre Farm with Large Building 2310 Allentown Rd Quakertown, PA 18951 Milford Township, Bucks County, Previews- Sunday August 1st from 6-8 PM

Tuesday, August 10 ~ 7 PM Ranch Home On 11.64 Acres With Garage Plus Selling 2 Unit Home With 2 Car Garage On 3/4 Acre 2627 Big Road (Rte 73) Perkiomenville, PA 18074 New Hanover Township, Montgomery County Previews- July 27th 6-8 PM- August 3rd 6-8 PM Wednesday, August 11 ~ 7 PM Marcel Manor 7 Building Lots & One Model Home Meadow View Rd. Bern Township Berks County PA Previews- Wednesday, July 28th from 6-8 PM

Tuesday, August 17 ~ 7 PM 11 Acres on East Bound Rte. 422 and George Street Amity Township, Berks County, PA, Previews- Sunday, August 8th from 4-6 PM Saturday, August 21 ~ 2 PM Multi-Unit Commercial Building 244-248 King Street Pottstown, PA 19464 Montgomery County, Previews- August 8, 1-3 PM, August 16, 6-8 PM Saturday, October 2 Clarence Schaeffer Plumbing and Heating 314 main Street Oley, PA 19547

OPEN HOUSES - SUNDAY, AUGUST 8TH, 2010 - 12 NOON TO 2 PM HOUSES OF THE WEEK 1436 SO. 9TH ST. - NEWLY-REHABBED 3-BDRM. 2.5 BATH TOWNHOME, GORGEOUS KITCHEN $284,900 12XX LATONA ST.- MODERN PASSYUNK SQUARE 2-BDRM, 1.5 BATH ROWHOME - $219,900 1040 TASKER ST. - WONDERFUL 3-STY. 3-BDRM. TOWNHOME WITH FIN.BSMT. AND 2 PLUS BATHS - $349,900 COME AND SEE AND A FREE2.5 CUPCAKE! 14XX SO.9TH ST- GIGANTIC REHABBED GET 3-BDRM BATH TOWNHOME WITH UPGRADES GALORE- $299,900 26XX REED ST. $49,900

20XX SO. OPAL ST. $94,900

20XX SO. CHADWICK ST.

$135,900

20XX SO. 19TH ST. $175,000

19XXPacker SO. 12TH ST. 17xx Ave. $219,900 SOLD $279,900

14XX 9TH St. ST. 11xx SO. Gerritt $299,900 $243,500

15XX S. MYRTLEWOOD ST.

$53,500

26XX SO. 7TH ST. $99,500

23XX SO. 24TH ST. $140,000

1XX So. SIGEL 14xx 9thST.St. $179,500 $284,900

8XX CROSS ST. 7xx Fitzwater St. $309,900 $219,600

16XX SO. 13TH ST. $299,900

4XX EMILY ST. $54,500

19XX SO. 19TH ST. $109,000

14XX ST. 10xxDICKINSON Tasker St. $149,900 $349,900

13XX SO. TAYLOR ST. $54,900

18XX HICKS ST. $115,000

8XXSo. JACKSON 15xx CapitolST.St. 15XX SO. CAMAC ST. $149,900 $114,700 $179,900

16XX S. MARSTON ST. $56,500

11XX DALY ST. $119,900

15XX SO. ISEMINGER ST 21xx St. 29XXSo. S0. 23rd 16TH ST. $975,000 $149,900 $184,900

18XX SO. MOLE ST. $56,900

18XX SO. HICKS ST. $120,000

SOLD

MARSHALL 10xxS. So. 6th St.ST. 23XX SO. BUCKNELL ST. 24XX $127,000 $274,900 $73,900

SOLD

SOLD SOLD

SOLD

10XX TASKER ST. $339,000

23XX SO. LAMBERT ST. 16XX SO. BROAD ST. $347,500 REDUCED TO $229,900

11XX SO. 9TH ST. $184,900

4xx11XX Greenwich LINN ST.St. 19XX E. PASSYUNK AVE. $129,900 $259,000 $379,000

18XX TREE ST. $160,000

12xx 13XX Latona SO. 9TH St. ST. SOLD $189,900 $215,000

13XX WHARTON ST. $269,900

SOLD

2XX SO. 4TH ST. $489,000

7XX DICKINSON ST. $274,900

21XX S. BROAD ST REDUCED TO $549,900

SOLD

16xx S. So. 16th St. 15XX CAPITAL ST. $189,900 $127,000

9XX JACKSON ST. $169,900

2XX FERNON ST. $199,900

17XX SO. HICKS ST. $79,900

REDUCED TO $129,900

13XX SO. 19TH ST.

21XX S0. CHADWICK ST. $172,000

4XX WOLF ST. $209,900

COMMERCIAL/INVESTMENT

16XX S. NEWKIRK ST. - CORNER LOT $29,900 16XX PT. BREEZE AVE. - MODERN STORE AND 1-BDRM. APT. $64,900 7XX MANTON ST. - LARGE GARAGE $106,900 19XX SO. 19TH ST. - CORNER MIXED-USE PROPERTY $109,000 20XX S. CHADWICK ST. - STORE & 1-FAMILY DWELLING W/ GARAGE $135,900 20XX SO. 19TH ST. - EXCELLENT CORNER COMMERCIAL PROPERTY WITH 2 STORES AND BSMT. $175,000 11XX SO. 9TH ST. -STORE AND BI-LEVEL 2-BDRM. APT. $184,900 23RD AND JACKSON LARGE COMMERCIAL PROPERTY OFF-STREET PKG. $250,000 $975,000 11XX SIGEL ST. - STS. LARGE GARAGE WITH 2ND FL.WITH OFFICES/APT. $274,900 10XX S. 6TH ST. - NICE BELLA VISTA DUPLEX $279,000 15TH AND JACKSON STS. VIC. - MODERN 4-UNIT APT. BLDG. $329,900 10XX TASKER ST. - 3-STORY PASSYUNK SQUARE TRIPLEX $339,000 16XX SO. BROAD ST. - PROF. OFFICES AND 2 APTS. $347,500 19XX E. PASSYUNK AVE. - WELL MAINTAINED STORE AND 2 APTS. $419,000 18XX SO. BROAD ST. - MULTI-UNIT APT. BUILDING $499,000 21XX SO. BROAD ST. - LARGE STORE AND 2 MODERN APTS. $549,900 15XX E. PASSYUNK AVE.- DOUBLE PROPERTY NEWLY-REHABBED OFFICE AND 2 APTS $950,000

SOLD

11xx Tasker ST. St. 9XX ERNEST $299,000 $229,000

19XX MIFFLIN ST. $159,900

11XXSO.Linn St. 17XX MOLE ST. $259,900 $75,900

SOLD

SOLD

21xxSo.BeechwoodSt. So.LATONA Marshall 17XX SO. 12TH ST. 24xx 12XX ST.St. 22XX SO. HICKS ST. SOLD $68,900 $122,700 $329,900 $219,900 $179,900

14xx St. 15XX E. PASSYUNK AVE. 10XXSo. SO. 20th 6TH ST. $130,000 $279,900 $950,000

RENTALS + RENTALS

HOMES

18XX SO. HICKS ST. - MODERN 3-BDRM. HOME

$875 MONTH

20XX S. 22ND ST. - NICE 3-BDRM HOME

$900 MONTH

1XX SIGEL ST. - BEAUTIFULLY REHABBED 3 BDRM HOME

$1050 MONTH

APTS. 15XX JACKSON ST. STUDIO 1ST FLOOR 1-BDRM. APT.

$500 MONTH

23XX SO. 15TH ST. NICE 1-BDRM APT.

$650 MONTH

13XX EAST PASSYUNK AVE. - 2ND FLOOR

$925 MONTH

8XX SO. 10TH ST. - LOVELY BI-LEVEL 2-BDRM. APT.

$1,200 MONTH

18XX E. PASSYUNK AVE. - LOVELY BI-LEVEL 3-BDRM. APT.

$1,250 MONTH

COMMERCIAL PASSYUNK AND REED ST. - 1,300 SF OF RETAIL/OFFICE SPACE WITH BASEMENT $2,000MONTH 26TH AND WASHINGTON AVE. - 3,000 SF WAREHOUSE SPACE

$2,500 MONTH

COMMITTED TO QUALITY SERVICE FOR OVER 75 YEARS


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55


billboard

WEEKDAY SPECIAL

[ C I T Y PA P E R ]

AUGUST 5 - AUGUST 12, 2010 CALL 215-735-8444

KHS BICYCLES ARE HERE!!!

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can help you make decisions with more clarity, achieve your goals more quickly, and do so with less stress. Free half-hour consultation â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 215 806 8319

THE RUMORS ARE TRUE!

The ORIGINAL TACO TUESDAY is back! EVERY TUESDAY! Only at the Las Vegas Lounge 704 Chestnut Street 215-592-9533 TOP PRICES PAID. No collection too small or large! We buy everything! Call Jon at 215-805-8001 or e-mail dingo15@hotmail.com

Calling all nutritionally conscious people!

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Make your own Bloody Mary Brunch every Sat & Sun www.londongrill.com 215.978.4545

SILK CITY DINER â&#x20AC;˘ LOUNGE

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THIS WEEKEND 8.6-8.8.10 FRIDAY:

BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN PAGEANT Looking for Contestants Size 14 and Above Also Accepting Vendor Applications Enter Now: 215-222-7127 www.wilkesproductions.com

DJs LEE JONES & DIRTY GUEST DJ COSMO BAKER Open every day 4pm - 2am Sat & Sun Brunch 10am - 4pm 5th & Spring Garden www.silkcityphilly.com

DANCERS

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Mouth Watering Thai Tapas and Signature Cocktails mymangomoon.com 215.487.1230

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re Not A Tech Head....

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Jamie Moffett Media Design & Production Motion picture, promotionals, music videos http://jamiemoffett.com

STUDY GUITAR W/ THE BEST All Styles All Levels. Former Berklee faculty member. Masters Degree with 23 yrs. teaching experience. 215.831.8640 www.davidjoel.net

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5070 Parkside Ave

â&#x20AC;&#x153;..#&&3-*45)"4(308/ 50&1*$1301035*0/4 ,*5$)&/)"4"%%&% "/&953"#&-- 8*5)1&3)"145)& $*5:Âľ4#&45'3*5&4  40.&45&--"3#&&3 #"55&3&%'*4)"/% 7&3:(00%.644&-4Âł

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Craig LeBan, Philadelphia Inquirer,

(on Parkside btwn 50th and 51st down the street from the Mann Center)

Wed-Fri open for Lunch and Dinner, Sat-Sun open for Dinner. For upcoming events, see our ad on page 34! CHECK US OUT ON FACEBOOK

Revisited April 2007

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IS YOUR PET MISBEHAVING?

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Ideal for beginners looking for individual attention email for more information sascat3@gmail.com Flexible hours, will train, no experience necessary, excellent pay, safe/secure environment. Call (609) 707-6075

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not alone. Five out of every Six Philadelphians claim that they have gone on a rotten date. There are many causes of rotten dates. Inadequate funds, laziness, lack of creativity, awkward conversation and even bad breath can all result in a rotten date. If this sounds like you, then we suggest renting a scooter. To help fight this terrible occurrence, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll even give you a free rental when you rent one on a weekday. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s two rentals for the price of one. You can even book ahead of time so they wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how cheap you are. Now all you have to do is remember to brush your teeth before you come. *See ad above*

but youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to make life easier with the help of technology. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know where to start? Whether you own a small business, or just need some advice for home, Guidewire can help. Let Guidewire assist you in finding the perfect technology oriented solution you need today. wayne@guidewireservices.com

DJ APT ONE & SKINNY FRIEDMAN

267-41-MOPED (66733) 231 North 2nd Street phillymopedrentals.com

DO YOU SUFFER FROM LOUSY DATES?

HOT MESS DJ DEEJAY

Work for the only Upscale Gentlemenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Club in Atlantic City. We cater to the Casinoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and Convention Center visitors. Earn up to $2,500 weekly. Website: www.allureatlanticcity.com For an interview: 484-239-6666

Private Yoga Sessions

PHILADELPHIAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ONLY SCOOTER RENTAL COMPANY

More often than you may realize, this behavior is caused by past life events intruding on the present day subconscious. Get your pet the help he or she needs. Call CORKY the Pet Psychic. (215) 555-1490

SATURDAY:

Healthcare professionals, health club owners, nutrition stores, pharmaceutical sales. Are you in the profession of making patients/ customers healthier? Would you like to use your relationships to create an annuity type of income with a company Forbes has rated one of its top 5 most trustworthy? Call 201-644-8154 or 609-268-3535

2 RENTALS FOR THE PRICE OF 1

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2740 S Front St . Philadelphia    215-467-1980


Philadelphia City Paper, August 5th, 2010