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~The Janus Edition~


The Two-Faced God

NUCLEUS Vol. 1, No. 9, December 2013

EDITORS: Sarita Perston and Stewart Horsfield

ASSISTANT EDITORS: Bridgette Glover, Alana Young & Jessica Kelley

Cover Design, Layout and Miracles by Jesus Arts Pages Cover Photo by Stu Horsfield

Contact Us:

facebook: email: website: post: P.O. Box U1, UNE Armidale NSW 2351

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- Editorial - UNESA President’s report - NEWS! Really important stuff you should read - In Conversation: James Arvanitakis - More from Hoi Sin: The Truthes of Mayonnaise - On the Use of Language in Kenya - Boko Moko Tesch Haram - The Protest Perspective Andrew Bolt Was Lacking - Environment: Green Gully Track - Why Study Philosophy? - Rupert Murdoch vs. J. Jonah Jameson - Wanted: Alcohol - Student Profile - College Recipe - Arts Pages - Nucleus, Vol. 1, No. 1, 2013


Nucleus: funded by SSAF


The opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of Nucleus or UNESA. If you have an issue with an item published in the paper, write a letter and we will be glad to print it. All contributions must include name and contact details. Ensure that all contributions contain nothing that may be considered sexist, racist, discriminatory, violence provoking, or plagiarised. We assume our readers can tolerate a degree of satire and the odd swear word, but anything containing unnecessary profanity will not be published. Publication is always at the discretion of the editors. All content is published under the Creative Commons By 3.0 license. Refer to website for license information.



Janus is the Roman god of time; of beginnings and endings, of gates and doors. He looks both forward and back: to what will be, and to what has been.

munication and the elasticity of language in this issue have been put into play at UNE, it seems, by Professor Eddie Blass; indicative of a wider yet subtle movement to corporate language in what is first and foremost, surely, an academic environment.

What is Nucleus now? It conveys information, ideas and opinion – a privileged role. We search, disclose, record, question, entertain, suggest, remember; and scrutinise power. We are founded on the UNESA principle of representing students ‘without fear or favour’ and on our own core principles of accountability, interconnectedness, culture, engagement and history.

I’d also like to draw attention to Boko Moko Tesch Haram (page 19). This article is here because when I read it, it shook something deep down in the way that I think. It is here because ultimately, you can go through your life believing that you see the world the right way.

We exist for students, for all students, and will do so until the death and demise of student culture, should that ever happen at UNE.

It is no great secret, yet needs to be said, that it is the responsibility of universities to vigorously challenge that assumption.

We have been forged in the past year – the long, brief, eternal year – by the variety and calibre of those who have dipped their toe into the pool and given it a go: all kinds, a full spectra of quality, with many facts and whatever opinion. The results have at times been eccentric, at times daring (and at times dull) – but from my perspective as editor not nearly eccentric or daring enough. Of anywhere in a university, the student newspaper is a place to do and be those things; to raise the challenge to your fellow university students to think as they have not thought before.


And if there is one thing this issue wants to do, it is for you to make a crack in the veneer of how you usually think. You should ask questions. In challenging your first response, you gain a deeper insight, whether it be in affirmation or in contradiction of the original. See what you think: then take that, break it apart, and look again more deeply. In James Arvanitakis’s interview, we note that the environment in which you surround yourself determines to a great extent the person that you are. There are many of us who need to question what environment we are in, who determines it, and whether their actions, and ours, are the appropriate ones. We may be adjusted to a particular culture – a boardroom? a group of radical thinkers? a position that is overridden by attitude rather than authority? We may feel comfortable doing what we are doing, but often this is just the surface, and a sense of comfort too often arises from the satisfaction of narcissism. So take a step back and challenge your comfort. Katy Carlan is one of the people who noticed Nucleus and simply got involved; she has written wonderfully several times from where she works and studies in Kenya. Her insightful comments on com-

In The Australian (9/12/13) our Vice-Chancellor said that “The absolute minimum service that a student requires is assessment, end of story. When you think about it, what we sell is credentials – everything else is ancillary.” The article went on to say, ‘Not only the familiar amenities, such as student clubs, but also academic services such as tutorials could be “unbundled” so that students paid only for what they wanted, [Jim Barber] said. And he asked why the growing number of students who could master the content without coming to lectures should have to pay for capital investment in lecture halls.’ -----|----In this issue we have an article on the multi-million dollar Integrated Agricultural Education Project, a monumental investment representing building for the long term; infrastructure and serious provision of facilities in one of UNE’s core strengths. As is the New College; as is, to some extent, the Parramatta Campus in Western Sydney. The trend to an online university has been cited and championed ceaselessly by the Vice-Chancellor. 3

But what are the consequences when the model for monetising Massive Open Online Courses (MOOCs) is extended to tutorials, to lecture halls and the like? It is surely this ideology that leads to the incentives behind Eddie Blass’s document: a move away from expensive physical exams towards online marking, online interaction, digital assessment, digital minds. Eddie Blass is following a particular kind of worship. Perhaps one face speaks of pedagogical motivations; but another speaks of the motivations of the markets. And should we as students not question this? But do students know what is best for the University? Is it not the role of academics to assess academic matters; Council to assess the direction the University should go in; Vice-Chancellors to implement that; students to think and sit and talk and learn and be and question? What happens if the vision of one person is out of keeping with the core of the University? There are some very serious questions that need to be asked and clarified regarding the decision not to charge SSAF of external students. If the services provided to externals from SSAF are to continue, will they be funded from the University itself? There have been some indications that this is the case. But if so, how is this justified if internal students are still paying it themselves? And will the students’ association, barely four months old, really be made to “take a haircut”? -----|-----

It has been a momentous year. A year of ups and downs; extreme highs and very extreme lows. From nonexistence and inexperience, to a struggle through a lack of recognition, and on at last to the milestones by which our contributors, our content, our readership and our lovely new editors are all indicative. Many, many thanks to Bridgette and Alana for their help and work with this edition. The ship is still being built, but not without direction – I personally have always been cheered on by the undeniable, unquenchable and unholy vision and spirit inherent in the student paper. And so very much has been learnt. I feel as Mrs Dalloway felt: very young; at the same time unspeakably aged. I think the same could be said of Nucleus itself. The vision, though, did not begin with myself & Stu. For wisdom, for advice and for simply being there when I needed someone – Josh, David and Alex, I love you all. I cannot thank you enough, at least not here… I have limited space, I’ve already had to add an extra four pages, and the deadline was a week and a half ago!

Sweet regards,


Co-Editor, 2013


A Full Year Back with Nucleus Firstly I want to acknowledge the importance of this issue of Nucleus. This is the last issue for 2013 and the culmination for Stewart and Sarita in what has been an amazing journey of ups and downs. It has been a huge mountain to climb on the way to relaunching a student newspaper at UNE. This is the restoration of a legacy of the student newspaper at UNE i.e. as the first student newspaper in the country. They have set a standard for the phoenix Nucleus that will hold future years of the newspaper in good stead. They have managed to pay homage to past editors in the best way possible, with dedication and integrity. I would like to thank them and congratulate them for their contribution to the student experience and their enduring faith and dedication in restoring a student voice at UNE. It has been a few hectic weeks for UNESA; the end of Trimester 2 has seen your board become mostly external and that has been challenging to deal with, with a suite of changes to UNE student amenity. UNESA is now invited to participate in providing part of the tertiary student experience. The responsibility for independent advocacy, TuneFM, and the secondhand bookshop are additional roles for 2014. UNESA has set about creating relationships that are built on respect and partnership. It will be an exciting time to be part of the student association, contributing in an active meaningful way to a UNE student tertiary experience. There is still a lot of work to do in instilling a culture of respect for the three important facets of how a university functions (staff, students, and admin). The signs are emerging that the monolith is adjusting to the emergence of the student voice: hopefully we can cement some of the goalposts so the communication strategy can catch up. We are still waiting to see UNE administration unveil the full service and amenity strategy for UNE students. As I reflect on the last six months, it is hard to know where the time has flown. We are already at week six in Trimester 3 and eleven weeks out from O-Week. Time is still short, so can I now at least have the extra day a week? The farmer in me I will stop asking for rain as it has started to fall and may it continue on to make up for the last nine months. The federal government and the federal education minister


continue to demonstrate an uncommon capacity for ‘brain farts’. The latest in the ‘brain fart’ series is where Gonski, a bi-partisan policy for education developed prior to the election, was thrown on the well-used scrap heap of political expedience by Christopher Pyne. This is becoming a habit in the education ministry, with the PM dragging the smouldering remains from an unholy fire to be allowed to gasp on to the next ministry brain bubble. For education it is going to be a long federal election cycle if Mr Pyne is the education minister in three years’ time, noting we are just twelve weeks in. This reminded me of a quote from Henry Louis Mencken: “The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.” It seemed fitting. I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday period, and good luck in the New Year.

- David Mailler, UNESA President 4th December 2013


LetterS to the Editors I just want to express my concern, as an External student, at the University’s decision to cut the SSAF for External Students. I have studied both Internally and Externally, and I am concerned that those students celebrating the fee cut are not considering what their SSAF fee actually pays for. The Vice Chancellor has expressed concern that External students pay for services that are primarily accessed by Internals. If this is the case, then I agree that we should not have to pay for them, but how exactly does the university propose to separate services to ensure that everybody is paying only for what they use? Should the Nucleus Editors demand to see Internal Student credentials before they hand over a copy of the student newspaper? Must we give Internal Students password access to the TuneFM webstream? If we require a second Independent Student Advocate (only one is mandated by legislation), will that ISA simply refuse to deal with any External student requiring assistance? Professor Barber says that this is just the first step in an “unbundling” of fees for online students. (The Australian, December 9th 2013 “Uni axes services fee for onliners”) Professor Barber also says that this change of fee structure could also include a fee reduction for Externals so that they stop paying for capital works on lecture theatres they aren’t using. When External students travel to Armidale for Intensive Schools, will they study in their own buildings? Because surely under this system they cannot study in any building which has been maintained or built thanks to fees paid only by Internal students. Although this is not a SSAF issue, it does lead me to wonder where it all ends. I doubt any of the measures I’ve described could be implemented, because they are ridiculous. So, what are we looking as an alternative to 18 000 Externals paying for 2000 Internals? 2000 Internals will pay for those other 18 000! Previously, we Externals have paid a reduced SSAF fee and, in my opinion, received an excellent return on it. For a start, we don’t even need to pay upfront. It can be covered in a system similar to HECS. Student Support organise BBQs during Intensive School. The library sends out books free of charge to External students, including return postage. UNESA runs a shuttle to and from the airport and train station for students arriving for their Intensive Schools. Every effort has been made to use SSAF money to improve the experience of students studying here during Intensives. As a volunteer with Student Support’s Blue Shirts, I have received so much positive feedback from Externals telling me how much they enjoy coming onto campus and experiencing campus life. The Nucleus recently hired an External Editor, specifically to represent the particular concerns of External students. All of these initiatives will be gone under the new system. I’m also worried about how this decision divides Internals and Externals. There is already some degree of dissatisfaction between these two groups. How will that increase now that some of us are paying fees and others aren’t? We are all students; we all enjoy enrolment at an amazing University. I want us to be friends, not rivals for services and the attention of the administration. As an unwilling External student (my degree is not offered internally), I will not be required to pay my SSAF fee next year. Where can I send my $187 to contribute to the supply of services for both Internal and External students? Just some thoughts for everyone to consider, Kate Wood President, UNE Women’s Society 6

Dear Editors, I have a complaint to file! Last week I went to the library to get some things done on the computer - that was, until I was refused access to the internet! I went to IT and according to them, since I am not enrolled in any Tri 3 units I cannot access the internet on campus. Well that’s bullshit, and let me just tell you, it is a scary moment when you realise you’re suddenly completely dependent on the 8GB/month deal you have with Telstra. Oh and also, when I went and saw IT about the problem, they filed it under their “problems to fix” list and I got an email about it yesterday. I was stoked! “Yay,” I thought, “and just in time - my 8GBs are almost up.” But then I read the email which basically said “The problem is resolved. You have access to your account and emails. But your internet has been removed. This means you won’t be able to access your account on campus because you don’t have the internet.” Um, WHAT? Sincerely, Issue Unresolved.

‘Some general thoughts and observations’ Originally posted on the UNESA Moodle discussion board on Wednesday 11 December 2013. The Editor apologises for the lack of context but this was part of quite a lengthy discussion. Hi All, I have a few observations to make. I only speak for myself, not UNESA or any other student body, and I am happy to be corrected if I have any of it wrong, there are many complexities here and perhaps I am simplifying too much, or making some assumptions that don’t reflect the reality. First of all in relation to the SSAF funding being removed for external students. I think this is an excellent outcome. As some have pointed out there is not much benefit to external students. I understand that, having been an external student for a couple of years previously; I think it is a common sense decision. My issue has been with discussions around SSAF in that some have suggested that there is no place for the SSAF fund at all. I tend to disagree from my perspective currently as an internal student. I think there is a place for it generally. I can only speak for myself. I’m happy that as it currently stands it will continue in some form. The second thing I wanted to mention is in relation to the stated aim [of UNESA]. The constitution certainly sets that out. I was fortunate enough to attend a meeting mid way through this year held by the former representative bodies where it was voted to reconstitute the student associations into one body. What I took from that meeting was that there were a number of reasons. First, SSAF was being collected and the relevant legislation required consultation with the student body, and having two student associations wasn’t particularly conducive to that; a united body was required. Additionally, there were issues with

the previous constitutions which made it very difficult (I think it was even suggested impossible) to be able to participate in that consultation, and to be responsible with respect to expenditure. Another reason put forth, was that in the event that SSAF funding ceased, it was important that implemented initiatives could continue. A way that could be ensured was by having the student representative bodies have control of the student assets held on trust. This included, to my knowledge, Tune, Nucleus and the Cinema in town. Those assets do after all belong to the students, and the income generated could be used to continue activities should the SSAF funding no longer be available. There’s been some excellent commentary about the need to ensure that advocates and representatives aren’t employees of the university so some level of independence is maintained. I thought these were very good arguments, and I can’t add to them. I think independence is important and that should continue regardless of whether the SSAF funding remains available. It’s for this reason that I find it a little odd that people are commenting around why UNESA should take control of Tune, or Nucleus. I thought it was common knowledge that had been communicated through that meeting. I also find it odd that people are commenting about the governance training; clearly it’s important given the additional responsibilities the board has. In relation to comments around Fiduciary Duties at the expense of representation, I see the two as linked. To ensure that going forward any employees are independent then operation of those assets I have mentioned could be vital. It is my understanding previously that there were some difficulties with respect to people not complying with those fiduciary duties and that is why the student body did not have control of those assets for a considerable period. It is right for them to seek appropriate training in this respect. There has been some commentary around

the fact that there is some leadership on the board with past experience. Absolutely this is the case, but the composition of the board and activities are in some circumstances very similar, and as I have suggested above, quite different. The way I see it, given that there are some fundamental differences, then it is a bit premature to suggest that the board is somehow incompetent or is not fulfilling its duties. I also think it’s unreasonable to expect that some matters will be resolved in an instant. Trimesters are a perfect example. Assuming that the general student body is unhappy with the situation, and I for one am not and I know there are other students who see this system as a benefit, the process of implementing trimesterisation took some time. If it were to be unwound (and as I said I don’t think it should be, which speaks to another point I will get to below about personal agendas rather than the student body as a whole) I really don’t think that is something that is going to be resolved and have an impact on next year’s timetabling. I think it’s just too late in the day for that and to suggest otherwise is, in my view, foolhardy. But as I noted at the beginning, I’m happy to be proven wrong. With respect to my comments about representation. What I was suggesting I think was alluded to in the President’s report. I am not saying David endorses my comments, to be honest I’m not sure he’d touch them with a ten foot pole. But he expressed that the organisation represents a large cohort of students with differing circumstances and needs. I am concerned that we have some dominant personalities on this [Moodle] forum, who are quite forward in communicating their expectations. This is a good thing, there’s been plenty of commentary about transparency and there are some valid points made. My concern arises for a couple of reasons. First, those that are quite forthright have shown themselves to be very capable at representing their own interests. More power to

them. Certainly, as any other student they are entitled to representation by the student association, but I question whether that dominance and conviction with respect to a certain matter will lead to those that are less forthright not being represented adequately, and that the organisation and this forum might be used in such a way as to drive a personal view point or agenda, rather than considering the wider student body. I’ve seen one example where an opinion or view was sought from the general board, and it was written off as not being relevant or valid. This might not have been quite as direct in other posts, but it does seem to be a recurring theme to me. The student body is much bigger than half a dozen people. The other point I was making, is that if you are very capable or representing your own interests, and you have expressed a continual dissatisfaction with the association to the point where you are continually pointing out sections of the constitution (again, I’m not diminishing the validity of these arguments, simply the way they are put forward), might I suggest that they read further, to clause 7.1. Membership is not compulsory and a member may resign. Those who are unhappy - rather than continually posting in a manner which to me reads as quite inflammatory and disrespectful, not to mention unprofessional and are in a position to advocate themselves might consider that the association is not of benefit to them. I think it is so important that we have voices of as many students as possible. Having said that, while some voices certainly have some valid points to make, in my view any value in those comments is lost as the tone is unnecessarily shrill, alarmist and in some cases downright rude. I’m not sure that’s of any benefit to anybody. That’s my two cents. Mark

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Nucleus would like to thank Evans Printing and Sunne Printing for their great service throughout the year.


LIH: Look, I’m Here! (maybe include subtitle here) Sarita Perston


small inner department of UNE has undertaken what can only be interpreted as a publicity stunt through the release of a controversial document, successfully resulting in a whole lot of talk about the previously obscure department.

UNE Waives SSAF for Online Students: A Gift To You? Sarita Perston


he UNE Council has decided not to charge the Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF) to external students as of Trimester 1, 2014. The SSAF was introduced in 2012 following federal legislation permitting universities to choose to charge the fee, providing that it was spent within a specified framework of services and amenities beneficial to students and student life. Over 18,000 students will now longer pay the fee. To date, a full-time external has paid a $187 yearly fee (in 2013) and an equivalent internal has paid $267.

The UNESA President also highlighted the divide that has been created between internal and external students. “A two-tier student experience, external and internal, is a blow to the collegiality that the Student Association has been working to rebuild… There may now be much fewer resources to fund those amenities.” One example of SSAF-funded service is the independent student advocate, who provides advice and assistance and currently represents all students.

“There may now be much fewer resources to fund those amenities.”

Vice-Chancellor Jim Barber justifies the decision as meaning off-campus students are not paying for “services they neither want nor need”. However UNESA President David Mailler says that the move jeopardises what the student community has been building towards. “SSAF was helping the rebuild of student fraternity on which the UNE brand is based… The trust that the UNE administration had developed with UNESA is now on shaky ground and some projects that UNESA was working on are in jeopardy over the decision,” Mr Mailler explained. The announcement was made three days after confirmation that key student services, including Tune!FM, independent student advocacy, and the Secondhand Bookshop, are to be the responsibility of UNESA. However, Prof. Barber has admitted to The Australian that the decision not to charge externals the fee meant that ‘the budget of the students’ association would “take a haircut”’ and that ‘it would be up 8

to the students’ association to decide what services it dropped.’

But in an email to all staff Jim Barber has stated that “We expect that any revenue lost to core services subsidized by SSAF will be offset by growth in UNE’s market share. Moreover, the University has committed to reinstating funding for those services that it provided prior to the imposition of SSAF.” Internal students may well question if this means whether they will continue to pay SSAF for services that the University will be covering for external students.

students could be awarded marks for their ‘resourcefulness’. But that’s alright because clearly what’s needed for graduates to compete in a ‘global market’ is for them to be the nimblest to jump on Facebook, message as many Friends as possible and come up with the happiest, healthiest reference list a professional academic could be hoping for. And god forbid a student include a citation of the traditional and far too credible Wikipedia.

The ‘Learning Innovations Hub’, or LIH, came into the spotlight when the document, titled Impact of Workplace Change on Schools - Consul“…If the students tation Document, authored and auspend the hour or 2 In its response the School of Science and Technology tacitly noted thorised by Executive Director of the Learning Innovations Hub, Pro- hours… phoning a friend, the effect on graduates. “If we give everyone the idea that no one fessor Eddie Blass, was emailed to to achieve at least the basic level of competency... because looking things up on the needs unit coordinators on 15th November. they can rely on someone else to tell them, then the only people left It notifies of the closure of the Des- internet, etc then so be it...” in the world, on whom the rest of us rely, will be people who got patch unit, previously responsible for their degrees before 2013.” printing out assignments and returning marked assignments to students. It then goes on to canvass a moveIt appears the current trend amongst customers – sorry, students – of ment away from exams as a form of assessment, citing ‘administrative wanting a slip of paper that says ‘I have a university degree’ is unforcosts and difficulties’ as one reason. tunately founded on a historical reputation that universities provide good, higher-level educations and actually increase employment opA bevy of confused academics have queried what the two announceportunities. ments had to do with one another, as well as reacting furiously to moves that are seen as compromising academic quality. The NTEU is taking no chances that the farcical document was intended as a joke, probably because four people in Despatch have already lost Eddie Blass has also come under fire for the tone used, which has been their present positions. An NTEU branch meeting in early December described as patronising and abhorrent. Her motives have been quespassed motions strongly objecting to the document and its implicationed, as has her authority to make such decisions in the first place. tions, including insufficient consultation. When asked what the role of the LIH department actually was, one lecturer responded, “Well that’s the question, isn’t it?” The document has also obviously missed a proofread, being scattered with grammatical errors, logical fallacies, and unsupported arguments. “If I ask academics why they opt for exams, the number one reason given is that it is the best way to avoid plagiarism,” Prof. Blass notes. “Can we, as a university, say that we are 100% sure that every student in every exam centre around the world is exactly the person they say they are?” Prof. Blass grasps at straws so often in the document that she could very nearly go about building a straw house; though not one that couldn’t be blown over by a riled academic. “It is the view of this School that video presentations are not a feasible tool to assess students’ technical competence,” the School of Science and Technology included in its response, referring to the document’s suggestion that video presentations provide one alternative to exams. “The ability to produce a video is a useful skill, but a minor one compared with the need for scientists, mathematicians and engineers to get the ‘right’ answer.”

More information on the SSAF at UNE can be found at

Other suggested alternatives to examinations are student peer reviewed assessment tasks, time-constrained assessment, and the rather peculiar ‘assessment rubrics’.

and a list of proposed and confirmed expenditure at

Whether students are expected to undertake rubric-writing as a form of assessment has not been verified.

Also see the article in Nucleus Issue 7

The ‘time-constrained assessment’ suggestion stated that “…If the students spend the hour or 2 hours… phoning a friend, looking things up on the internet, etc then so be it. That is what would normally occur in real life so it is a real life assessment task,” and went so far as to suggest

True to form, many academics have also responded to the November 15th document by returning it to Professor Eddie Blass with comments and corrections. Prof. Blass responded to the criticism on December 6th. Her response included the following paragraph (copied verbatim):

“…The document states (maybe paste direct line here) that it asking people to consider the use of exams …”

At least Eddie Blass is making a name for herself and for the enigmatic Learning Innovations Hub – and all publicity is good publicity, right?

*Editing Services Available* Do you have problems with spelling and punctuation?



Do you find your writing slipping into first person even in important documents? I know I do. Do you need a clearer grasp of logical argument to avoid obvious fallacies when writing in an academic context? Have you found yourself working in a university environment where making these mistakes damages the reputation of your institution, and by extension undermines the reputability of its tertiary graduates? We can help! Just contact us on



Structural Changes to Services Bridgette Glover


administration will hand over the responsibility of management of Tune!FM, the Secondhand Bookshop, and the independent student advocates to UNESA at the commencement of 2014. This transition will see Services UNE and Sport UNE move under a single management structure.

Mr Mailler explained that the student association has “endeavoured to build various partnerships and trusts within the University,” making this directorial development both an achievement and an opportunity. UNESA was officially formed from the undergraduate and postgraduate associations in the middle of this year.

“...both an achievement and an opportunity.”

Services UNE was established in 2005, following the effect of Voluntary Student Unionism (VSU) on student amenity, to administer services to students. UNESA President David Mailler is certain that the services that UNESA now has responsibility for, which cover student wellbeing and engagement, will “continue to support the student experience and build amenity and fraternity.” UNESA will continue its managerial responsibility of Nucleus, as it has since the paper started in January.

The new entity will take responsibility for the services provided by SportUNE, Campus Essentials, Belgrave Cinema, Grind & Squeeze Café, the Booloominbah Collection, Sleek Hair Studio and Academic Hire under interim CEO David Schmude. As the new entity forms, Nucleus will endeavour to keep you up to date with developments.

UNE Pulls Pin on Wooden Spooners Alana Young


has cancelled its sponsorship of the Parramatta Eels Rugby League team, following the club’s decision to accept sponsorship from online sports betting company UniBet. Chief Operating Officer of UNE David Cushway explained that the “conflict and confusion that may exist in the brand and identity of a sports gambling organisation and UNE was a concern for UNE.” Cushway stated that these concerns were due to the fact that the UniBet logo colour and design are similar to those of UNE. UNE’s sponsorship of the Eels was established to support a range of UNE strategies, Mr Cushway stated, listing the “link with Western Sydney, the UNE Future Campus on Parramatta and UNE’s invest-


ment in sports science” as key focuses. However, many UNE students have questioned the appropriateness of an investment in a rugby league. Although the sponsorship has been terminated, Mr Cushway has stated that UNE is investigating whether there are other ways to maintain the link between the Future Campus and the people of Western Sydney.

So on the 6th of November, seven intrepid Tune!FM Volunteers boarded a train, then a plane, and found themselves in Melbourne. It was at that point that I found them. Ashton, Rae, Kate, Emma, Elizabeth, Olivia, Zoe and I (Claire) were on our way to the Progress 2013 conference, a two day hotbed of social justice activism, inspirational workshops, and good old fashioned fun. Our task at this conference was to connect and network whilst we worked on our specialist radio documentary projects. With both international and local speakers on a range of topics, we certainly had a broad base from which we could choose. Incredible ideas from people like Tim Costello (World Vision), Jeremy Bird (Obama-Biden Campaign 2008 and 2012), Sam McLean (GetUp!), Sally McManus (Destroy the Joint), Chris Tanti (Headspace), and Missy Higgins were hurriedly written down as we raced between workshops and panels to chat with these notable individuals and hand out contact details. Thankfully, with eight of us, we managed to catch a fairly broad spread of the first day’s events, before heading out to catch Adam Bandt address the conference over drinks. Later that night, we exchanged notes, ideas, and interesting points back at the hostel.

The decision has been cited on the grounds of the values of an online betting company not fitting with those of UNE. If this decision can be seen as a sign of the University’s ethical stance on investment, then it may be hoped that all of UNE’s investments will be assessed with an equal emphasis on ethical standards.

The second day was just as jam-packed. Jane Caro yet again opened proceedings with Scott Ludlum (The Greens), Mark Davis (SBS), Anita Tang (Cancer Council of NSW), Matthew Bowden (People With Disabilities Australia), Anne Hollonds (The Benevolent Society), and Richard Wilkinson (University of Nottingham) all wowing us with their wit, intellect and compassion. Before the closing of the conference, we were all handed a piece of paper folded into an arrow. On them were the wishes and hopes of school children that we were given to fulfil to the world – an exalting and daunting task; thankfully, the kid who had written mine had said that chocolate and love was what the world needed. With this task in mind, we were then in Dr. Tim Flannery’s hands as he sent us out into the world with our missions, reminding us that despite the odds, we could achieve so much in our time if we had just a little courage. On behalf of all of the Tunies who attended Progress 2013, we would like to thank Tania Court, Sam Carter, the SSAF committee, and ServicesUNE for giving us the opportunity to have this amazing experience. I know we all learnt something that will stay with us for life. - Claire Connors


The Catchglance

Reclaim the Night Bridgette Glover


n the 15th of November 2013, men and women of Armidale marched the streets as a stand against all forms of violence within our society. Reclaim the Night is a global women’s protest against sexual assault, and since Australia’s first participation in 1978 it has only grown, now with smaller communities all over the country getting involved. Beardy Street Mall was filled with market stalls, free food, music and guest speakers, sparking a “great community feeling” within Armidale according to Helen Taylor, a member of the University of New England Women’s Society (UNEWS).

UNEWS successfully participated in the event by having their own stall through which people were able to sign up and network, as well as contribute to a communal quilt. “It was a fun event for UNEWS to get involved with in the greater Armidale community…and for us to be present for conversations, no matter how small,” said Taylor.


Where am I?

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when we do stuff on gender: getting people to think about their own relationships with people, their relationship with their girlfriend or boyfriend, with their parents, with their sisters, their brothers, and think about what that tells us about our relationships and how they operate. ‘Thirdly I try and make my lectures use a whole bunch of different strategies to make it really experiential. The lectures become real events; people actually do all these different exercises inside the lectures. And then hopefully people can take that and say “Oh my god, we did such-and-such today…” and that raises a whole bunch of questions and issues as well. Unless you do that, people don’t experience it in a way that they can go out and discuss.’

In Conversation: James Arvanitakis

Photo: Iain MacKay

UWS socoiology lecturer What does it mean to be an academic activist? With a background in banking and finance, Professor James Arvanitakis, a lecturer at the University of Western Sydney, is not your average human rights activist. He aims to ‘teach beyond the classroom’, a powerful idea achieved through innovative and experiential methods. Nucleus had the chance to chat to James when he came to UNE in November to give a handful of lectures and presentations.

That’s a very real, in-the-flesh experience – do you think that’s what it would take, for a lot of people, to reach that point? ‘That’s obviously one thing but at the same time, you gotta go looking for it; I went to those mines. So it’s not an easy thing to do. And a lot of people have their daily lives and they have their daily work and they have their own problems, their own mortgages and stuff like that. So I think one of the really easy things to do is to just sit there and say, these people are so naïve, they should get into it and become activists and why are they so frustrating like that … but it’s people’s lives.’

Going from finance and banking to human rights activist is a big change – how did that change come about for you?

Like you were saying before, it’s about the environment and culture that directly surrounds you?

‘So two things happened. You get caught up in that environment and yeah, you become that person. So it’s a very competitive, brutal environment, and I became a competitive, brutal guy… It means that you’re not doing anything illegal but, ethically, it’s all very grey, and you begin to justify your actions in that way. And so the first thing that happened to me was that I looked in the mirror one day and I literally didn’t like who I had become. I took a year off to travel. I witnessed child labour in mines in Bolivia and seeing kids working in mines, eight year olds carrying rocks, breaking rocks up with their bare hands, for eight hours a day and then sort of knowing that the economic policies I had promoted and supported and thought were the solutions to the world’s problems, that they actually were responsible for that.

‘That’s exactly right. And so the question is what interventions can we make, what can we ask of those people?

‘It’s a bit self-referential but when it happened I was driving a German sports car, right? And when I saw the child labour I asked the folk, what comes out of those mines? And they said, oh all sorts of metal. And I said, where do they go and they said all over the world. (I was) chatting away with the mine manager, the mine guys, and one of them said “Oh you know, it goes to Germany for car manufacturing and stuff like that…” I had this realisation that actually the real cost of the car was not the fifty grand or whatever that I paid for it but actually the lives. That’s when it actually kind of dawned on me… The same thing about the five dollar t-shirts that come out of those horrible factories in Bangladesh. We all want a bargain, but what’s the consequence, what’s the cost? And that’s when I kind of went, actually, you know, there has to be a better way to do things.’

‘I’m lucky enough that I use my class as a way to connect with students, I say “This is what I’ve seen, this is what’s happening, this is what you can do, this is what we can do as a group.” That’s why as a lecturer I believe that I lecture beyond the classroom. Because the lecture that I have, if done well enough, if appropriately delivered, can be discussed at the kitchen table, at the dinner table, or in the café, or in the pub, or in the car.’

James Arvanitakis received the Prime Minister’s University Teacher of the Year Award in 2012. His lectures can include dancing, music and flashmobs, and he explained that this helps make the impact necessary to ensure the discussions flow on. How do you try and teach effectively so that that does happen? ‘For me teaching things effectively includes three principles. One is to make things relevant; the consequence can’t be ‘over there’. So things like globalisation: explain them in a way that shows that they’re alive and around us. Class is not about a dead white guy that talked about it in 1880, it’s about a life experience today.

James teaches in the Humanities department of UWS, a university at which some 60% of students are the first in their family to attend university. He explained that he has come to focus on working closely with first-year students, and finds exposing students to new ideas hugely exciting. What kind of challenges do you face then, teaching them? ‘Challenges are – the fact that a lot of the students are balancing multiple commitments, so a lot of the students will work a job or be the primary carer for their family… they’re trying to balance all that stuff. ‘Another real challenge is colleagues, who I think are cynical and bitter and twisted…

do a lot of community engagement, so it’s kind of trying to find the right balance that suits you, and I think a lot of academics only specialise in one area or the other, whereas I’m trying to do all three, and I find that really hard.’ Lastly I want to get your opinion on what you think the role of student media is, and what we can do and how? ‘I think student media is incredibly important. I’d say there’s a few things. One is to definitely be a voice for students, with a focus on what students are experiencing, going through, concerns, challenges, things that are pissing them off and so on. ‘Two, to push the boundaries. To really push the boundaries. To talk about a whole bunch of stuff that doesn’t get talked about – and you can do that without being crass. But to do that and to also be prepared for a bit of blowback for putting it out there. ‘And three is to provide a venue for debate – and here I’m thinking about reasoned debate; not just petty arguments, but reasoned debate. Sourcing people’s different perspectives on things, and sort of saying... do you have a different point of view, would you like to write a response? Saying that you need a reasoned debate - and providing that, sometimes on the same page, if you can source that, but other times just getting people to respond.’ James Arvanitakis will (hopefully) be returning for another visit to UNE in 2014.

‘I think the third one is just that I like teaching, I love research and I also

It’s new book time at the Refraction Book Club! Magic to the Bone by Devon Monk Reading begins on 5th December for six weeks Join in the discussion @ and listen in on Thursday nights from 8pm @ or 106.9FM in Armidale Everything has a cost. And every act of magic exacts a price from its user - maybe a two-day migraine, or losing the memory of your first kiss. But some people want to use magic without paying, and they Offload the cost onto innocents. When that happens, it falls to a Hound to identify the spell’s caster and Allison Beckstrom’s the best there is. Daughter of a prominent Portland businessman, Allie would rather moonlight as a Hound than accept the family fortune - and the strings that come with it. But when she discovers a little boy dying from a magic Offload that has her father’s signature all over it, Allie is thrown into the high-stakes world of corporate espionage and black magic. Now Allie’s out for the truth - and must call upon forces that will challenge everything she knows, change her in ways she could never imagine...and make her capable of things that powerful people will do anything to control. “Allie’s internal and external struggles are brilliantly and tighly written, creating a multifaceted character who will surprise, amuse, amaze and absorb readers.” - Publishers Weekly Starred Review

‘The second thing is to get people to not only make things relevant but also be able to apply them and analyse them from their worldview. So 12


TRUTHES OF MAYONNAISE There are many mysterious truthes in this world. Almost anyone can tell you a couple, whether they’re a student, a lecturer, the owner of a business or something else completely. An economist will talk about how the hidden hand of the market manipulates prices without any conscious human input. A chemist might say that one of the smallest building blocks of matter can change the most volatile element into a harmless gas. A psychologist could tell you that a physicist would say the same thing as a chemist. Mathematicians are an exception to this, given that they know literally everything. And we, dear reader, are tell-

ing you that for every three hundred and fifty people on this earth there is one twenty-litre mayonnaise bucket filled with something that is not mayonnaise. Now, granted, that may not seem like very many, but even having one raises far, far too many questions. To find some answers we enlisted the help of one of our local college kitchens. When we say “enlisted”, we, of course, mean we put aside our crippling fear of public conversation and briefly and awkwardly spoke to one of the chefs who works there. They quickly admitted that they indeed did have a twenty-litre mayonnaise bucket filled with something that was not mayonnaise. When questioned about it they simply said that it was cheaper to buy twenty litres of mayonnaise than it is to buy a two-litre bucket, presumably not originally filled with mayonnaise. Unfortunately, at that point we remembered that speaking to people is an experience on par with looking at spiders and using public transportation, so we made our excuses and ran away screaming to breathe heavily under a bridge for an hour. This means we did not have time to hear why it was mayonnaise specifically and not, say, salt, or asparagus, nor what exactly is in the twenty-litre mayonnaise bucket that is not mayonnaise, so we

will assume that they simply refused to answer. Perhaps, you, dear reader, might think that this blatant dodging of questions could be an isolated incident; however, you would be mistaken. Why, just a few weeks ago we were getting free pancakes at the courtyard when we noticed two twenty-litre mayonnaise buckets filled with something that was not mayonnaise. Now, you may fault us for not asking the free pancake makers about these twenty-litre mayonnaise buckets, but we would fault them for not straight up telling us about the mysterious contents and questionable origins of the buckets. Truly, who are the victims here? The only thing we can discern about these buckets is that they always seem to be involved with food of some sort, though not necessarily for humans. You see, years ago, before we discovered rap and developed irrational fears, we visited a wildlife park. In it there was a man holding, yes, a twenty-litre mayonnaise bucket, and he was throwing raw meat out of it to the crocodiles. We asked him what happened to the mayonnaise inside the buckets, to which he ominously replied “the kitchen”, before signalling to the other workers that we had

asked about the buckets. The rest of the day consisted of walking around the park while being followed by the eyes of men wearing tiny, olive shorts. After all this we still only know of one thing ever put into a twenty-litre mayonnaise bucket and we know next to nothing about them. Perhaps all kitchens secretly make sacrifices to some crocodile god, though even that doesn’t answer all of our questions. We probably will never know all we feel we need to, but that alone gives us hope. To feel that there are mysteries out there, mysteries irrefutable and mysterious, mysteries that are nigh impossible and will likely never be solved. Hunting for the answer of something like that would be called, by some, a waste of time. But to us, it has meaning. Even if we cannot find every piece of the puzzle, we might get an idea of what it might eventually reveal. But we cannot be satisfied by just that. We may never find the answer; but a step taken forward is a step not taken back.

Until next time, Hoi Sin

Have you heard about the Integrated Agricultural Education Project? The Integrated Agricultural Education Project (IAEP) is building on UNE’s significant reputation for delivering quality graduates in the fields of agricultural and animal sciences. With a critical shortage of skilled professionals in the sector, new degrees being introduced and increasing enrolments the need for improved infrastructure is crucial. IAEP is one of the largest projects ever undertaken at UNE and consists of five components: 1. Construction of the Agricultural Education Building (AEB) 2. Development of the Animal Husbandry Precinct 3. Refurbishment and upgrade of Lecture Theatres in the Natural Resources Building, Armidale Campus 4. Development of a SMART Farm at Kirby 5. Upgrade of UNE Tamworth Centre Funding of $29 million for the Agricultural Educational Program was provided under the Federal Government’s Education Infrastructure Fund – Regional Priorities Round, with UNE to contribute $8 million, CSIRO $3.5 million and Tamworth Regional Council $2.4 million in-kind. There will be some exciting changes happening on campus, starting with the demolition the Drosophila building and Animal Science Post Graduate Annexe in early 2014 to make way for the new Agricultural Education Building. In preparation, Higher Degree Research students previously located in the Animal Science Post Graduate Annexe have started moving into newly refurbished office space in the JFS Barker and Booth buildings.

The UNE International Student Writing Prize There are 3 categories in the competition: 1. Fiction = Short Stories (500 - 1000 words) 2. Social Commentary = News Articles/Social Issues (200 - 750 words) 3. Poetry = Poems or song lyrics (no word limit) Each winner (one from each category) will recieve 3 hours of FREE English tutoring from an experienced ESL teacher.   Entries close: Friday 10th January, 2014 Winners will be announced no later than Friday 17th January, 2014 For more details (including word limits and rules of entry), come and see us at UNE International Reception OR Email: 14

Buildings for demolition 11

An American friend reacted in stunned, condescending horror when he edited an article in which I had included the perfectly reasonable word ‘uniquity’. His physical reaction was quite something. His main issue was how the intended reader, who he saw as the most important person in the interaction, would not understand the word — therefore rendering the article meaningless: “You can’t make up a word and just expect the reader to understand it. I didn’t even know how to pronounce it.” It’s about context, I argued. You can see the root of the word — it’s a variation of ‘unique’. His argument was that if I formulated my sentences correctly, I wouldn’t need to invent a new word. This was about an inadequate grasp of grammar, not about a creative reimagining of an existing word. But why does that grammatical structure remain so important for English, when it can be translated into different language structures and the sender and receiver can still come up with same meaning?

On the use of Language By Katy Carlan in Kenya Me: How do I say ‘very’? ‘Sana.’ Me: I thought ‘sana’ meant ‘many’? ‘Very, many, lots, more, all of the time . . . What was your question again?’

The essence of language is its elasticity. The English language is mutable; it is evolving, a living river that is constantly refuelled by streams that have their source in a vast array of places. There was no definitive point at which someone said — “Now here is English”. It’s not like a dinner, which when it’s done is done. It’s useful because every word was created at some stage, by someone, used until it was either thoroughly incorporated into lexicon, replaced by something better, or forgotten to all but purveyors of ancient historical texts.

And this is what makes communications work in Kenya — editing reports, writing articles, developing project work plans, producing information material – intriguing. And problematic for those with a different idea of how to use language.

And I think Kenyans and other East Africans would agree with me about accepting the mutability of language. As they wryly say, Kiswahili was born in Zanzibar, grew up in Tanzania, fell sick in Kenya, died in Uganda and was buried in Congo. I like this saying from the British Library Language & Literature series: ‘The English language is a vast flea market of words, handed down, borrowed or created over more than 2000 years.’ And it is still expanding, changing and trading. Protecting the grammatical structure is important, but creating exciting new words to slot into a tempting space in that structure is part of the fun of communication. Wrapping your head around a new structure that suits the unique expressions of a different culture is equally mind-broadening. Just pray your editor is open minded… Katy Carlan is a UNE student currently working as a Gender Research and Communications Officer with a Kenyan women’s rights NGO.

English is one of the national languages of Kenya, but it’s not English quite as you and I know it. Rather, it is an intriguing mix of formal language, conservative words and phrases, Kenyan idioms, phrases translated through the sentence structure of Kiswahili or Kenyan mother tongue, and plain old English-as-a-second-language errors. Whilst writing you need to reflect the knowledge of your audience. Whilst editing you need to respect the author’s style whilst ensuring the document is easily understandable to your audience, who will range from a rural Kenyan woman to a UK-based development partner. Editing must also strike a respectful balance between ensuring the information adequately conveys its meaning, and smoothing out the contextual creases whilst keeping the unique writing qualities of the author. This is not to say anything of the subtleties of respect, formality and emphasis that can potentially be mistaken for errors. There’s no room for inflexibility with cross-cultural communications work. In writing, the creation of phrases that fit within this communications context is a much more accepted practice than in Australia, where the advent of phrases is derided as mere publicity or politicking tools, and the invention of new words as questionable attempts by the youth to subvert Our Hallowed Language. For example, how do you feel about making up a word? I’ve made up a few in my time, if I can’t find one that quite fits, and tweaking something a little clarifies the definition.


My attitude with learning new languages it to throw all the words at it. Forget grammar, use everything in your lexicon, throw some mime in there too. As long as you’re not doing it over the phone you’re fine. An Argentinean once said to me: “You speak terrible Spanish. But you speak really really good Spanish body language.”

Addy’s On Marsh Addy’s on Marsh is one of the most successful little Restaurant/Takeaway businesses in the region. Offering fresh homemade Pizzas, Pastas & Risottos at very affordable prices people can afford to dine out or have yummy takeaways. Located across from The Whitebull on the main Highway, they provide dine in (BYO), takeaway and cater for special events. Addy, (Adam Moore) and crew have been serving Armidale’s discerning pizza lovers for nearly 3 years from their Gourmet pizza and Pasta Restaurant. As a young man himself he caters for the student population with his special deals & functions that he has provided over the years & is open to any new ideas from the student population & public. Check out our website to view the menu & what Addy’s is all about.

Call us for College, Societies and club function quotes. 6772 2300 17

Boko Moko Tesch Haram So you’re sitting in the coffee shop sipping your latte and staring at your iPad and you think you know what’s going on eh? You flip through some images and read the latest news about some disgruntled guys in some far away place who are wearing face coverings and brandishing AK-47s and RPGs. They are the enemies, the story says. Luckily you’re reading some “liberal” journalism so you’re getting some good in-depth analysis and not just a knee-jerk disregard of whatever these people stand for. They’ve got a few legitimate grievances you find, but mostly they’re fanatics. So now you’re informed about some of those pockets of ultra-Islamist barbarism springing up in parts of the world. You think you might have even connected some of the dots on your own about why this phenomenon is happening. Then you scroll down some more and it gets all fucked up again. You check out those crazy people in Nigeria who call themselves Boko Haram. They want a complete overthrow of Western cultural and economic values (Boko Haram literally means “Western education is sinful”) and they are so fanatical about their cause that they vow to kill anybody who criticizes them. How is this possible? Even your liberal arts degree knows you can’t excuse this type of cultural relativism. Our governments, our NGOs, our peacekeepers, our business leaders are enlightened, right, building schools for these peoples girls and handing out candy and toothbrushes to their shoeless kids? You tap your finger on the screen which starts a video where one of these Boko Haram guys says “democracy is not a decree of God” and “I rejoice in the killing the way I rejoice in cutting chicken.” What the hell is with these people? Where does their terrifyingly dystopic logic come from? What is it they want and why do they think they can get it by bombing government buildings, public squares and even churches? We in the West are wiser now from our failed soirées into Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq. We’ve learned to not sow the seeds of this kind of blowback. Right? So now you’re left with only one conclusion: “My god they must be bloodthirsty barbarians, evil creatures who need to be droned into submission.” But something in you is still not satisfied. And each time you probe a little deeper you realize that there are billions of people

out there living in a dog-eats-dog state of poverty that we in the West would find inhuman and unimaginable … you understand that we have no idea about what it takes to maintain some modicum of social cohesion in these desperate places … and when you delve a tad deeper you may even start to think that these rebels may actually be at the cutting edge of a multi-faceted global revolt against Western-style capitalism: usury, petrol-states, Lady Gaga, Coca Cola, the IMF, World Bank, that whole decadent, self-serving kaboodle … Then you click to a mini documentary which shows an African man who hasn’t eaten for days carrying his half dead goat to market in a last desperate attempt to buy some food for his starving family … to sell off the last remaining goat that this year’s drought has not killed yet … there he sits, on the screen of your tablet, in the hot sun all afternoon and nobody wants to buy his goat because who wants to buy an emaciated dying goat? Suddenly you realize the same world that lets a man starve to death in some no-name place clutching a shitty old goat is the same world that sells Hummers and air conditioners and $1000 stilettos and Super Big Gulps less than 24 hours away in any direction from that very same dying man; the same world that at this very moment offers you travel deals on the corner of your screen because Google knows based on how long you’ve been lingering on this page that you are interested in Africa and maybe want to go there. You take your hands off the tablet and warm your cold fingertips against the cardboard to-go cup of your latte. You get a bit angry at the injustice. You get a bit shameful. You go back to scrolling again … There is horrific pain, suffering and death happening right now in Nigeria, Niger, Burkina Faso and across Africa and the Middle East and other parts of the world. You might think that for us in the West things look bleak: you may lose your job and your house, tuition might go up and you may not be able to afford your morning lattes much longer, but in places like Northern Nigeria, climate change induced drought – largely caused by us in the West – is decimating people by the millions … And you know it is only going to get worse. If you’re living, like that guy with his goat, in a world where death is always lurking just around the corner, then maybe it isn’t so inconceivable that it would one day dawn on you that you too may want to join Boko Haram? If so, God save us all...


This piece was originally published in Adbusters, Vol. 20 No.5, Sept/Oct 2012 and is republished with permission.


Photo source: photos/akrockefeller/7219441626/ Boko Haram 19


The Green Gully Track by Bugs Bunny

Editor’s Note The Coalition government’s suggestions to cut SSAF and privatise HECS sparked large protests in September, the most noted of which were those in Melbourne which resulted in violent clashes between protestors and police. Matthew Campbell, an editor of the Monash University paper Lot’s Wife, was at the protest that sparked into violence. He wrote a firsthand account for the USyd paper Honi Soit, published November 7th, and previously published on the Lot’s Wife website,, which is reprinted here with Matthew’s permission. Photo source: HeraldSun

The protest perspective Andrew Bolt was lacking By Matthew Campbell


ainstream media attention surrounding the October 30 student demonstration in Melbourne has tended to downplay the heavy-handed tactics employed by Victoria Police in arresting demonstrators and attempting to disperse the crowd. I was part of the demonstration, which saw 100 protestors march from Parliament House down Bourke Street in protest against the Liberal Government’s inquiry into higher education, which could see Higher Education Loan Program (HELP) debt privatised and university places capped. At the intersection of Bourke Street and Exhibition Street, students burnt two effigies – one of Prime Minister Tony Abbott and one of Education Minister Chris Pyne – before making their way down Exhibition Street to the Liberal Party Headquarters. Shoes were thrown at the building as a symbolic gesture against oppression – adopted from the incident where an Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at George Bush during a 2008 press conference. None of these events, according to rally organiser Sarah Garnham, should have come as a surprise to the police officers who, by this point, had us outnumbered roughly 2:1. Garnham, who is a member of the Victorian Education Action Network said that the network had contacted Victoria Police and made them aware the effigy burning and shoe throwing was to occur. I personally saw a small number of shoes hit police officers, but I cannot comment on whether this was intentional or the result of bad aim. Seconds after the last shoe was thrown, police swarmed in to make seemingly arbitrary arrests and disperse the crowd. One woman passed out from the force used to arrest her before being carried to a nearby police van. Police officers are said to have rejected protestors’ concern that she be seen to by paramedics.


Barely five metres away from me, a woman fell down during a scuffle and was trampled on by a crowd of police officers as they attempted to arrest someone. Half a minute later, a friend of mine was thrown to the ground near the gutter by two or three police officers. I remember thinking that if he’d fallen a couple of inches to the right and hit his head on the curb, he could have been seriously injured. The police reaction was met with resistance. Protestors stood their ground and screamed at police officers to get off their friends. One protestor is alleged to have punched a police officer in the face: something that featured heavily in mainstream media reporting. A spokeswoman for Victoria Police said that police were in attendance to ensure the safety of all involved. The force employed by police officers did not suggest this. Protest leaders decided to direct the rally to the East Melbourne police station via Bourke Street to make a formal complaint. This didn’t eventuate, presumably because no one was sure

made, though accounts vary from two to four. One of them was Jay Wymarra, Indigenous activist and 2014 First Nations Officer at the La Trobe student union. According to a note he added to his Facebook page that evening, he was arrested for lighting the effigies and is currently waiting to find out if he will be formally charged. Protestors argued that this was racially motivated, changing their chant to “always was, always will be Aboriginal land”. Later, walking up Swanston Street, another person was arrested in a nasty snatch-and-grab move by what looked like eight police officers, as a wall of police cordoned off perceived resistors. The demonstration ended in the RMIT university cafeteria where protestors debriefed. Perhaps the most lamentable aspect of this demonstration is that student action against education cuts and other issues can only be seen as violent, misguided lunacy when viewed from the lens of the mainstream media. Students’ ability to artic-

The headline of the Herald Sun’s editorial where arrestees had been taken. The destination was changed to the Victorian Trades Hall. We linked arms and chanted “this is not a police state, we have the right to demonstrate” and “this is a peaceful protest, that is police brutality” as we moved down Bourke Street, police boxing us in from all sides. At one point we were stopped near an intersection and forced to continue our protest on the pedestrian walkway. I remember two more arrests being

ulate their struggle has been consistently ignored. But for many activists, the events of this demonstration has only strengthened their resolve to fight what they see as an inevitable decimation of our higher education system by the Liberal Government’s proposed inquiry. That’s the conversation we should be having right now.

WHERE: Oxley Wild Rivers National Park, NSW; turn off an hour east of Walcha, or 130km west of Port Macquarie. WHAT: The Green Gully Track, as it is sometimes or probably always called, is a spectacular 4-day hike that traverses Green Gully, with simple huts at the end of each day’s wanderings. The loop track starts on an escarpment but plunges some 900m down into the gully, following Green Gully Creek during Day 3 before climbing back to the starting point on the final day, where a trusty cottage awaits. GROUP SIZE: You undertake the walk with a maximum of six people, booking it for your own group with the benefit of ensuring you have the huts and the track to yourselves for the duration. COST: $80 per person, with a recommendable second night’s stay at the main cottage for an additional $40. Remember that you may decide to organise equipment such as a satellite phone or emergency beacon, so consider factoring these costs in as well. LENGTH: 65km total, taking 4 days of walking (with some rest either side!). TERRAIN: There are hills. There are very long hills and there are very steep hills. There are also a few bits without hills and these are nice but they are kind of nestled in between the hills. (Hence, ‘gully’). FITNESS REQUIRED: Whatever it takes you personally to deal with hills. Also maybe toughen your feet up a bit beforehand; try walking on rough gravel or broken glass or, hey, why not hot coals several times a day for a month or six. Tough feet help prevent an otherwise impressive blister count. WEATHER: Winter can be challenging, with the multiple creek crossings on Day 3 meaning frosty legs are inevitable, but each hut has a fireplace and dry firewood ensuring a cosy night. In summer the steep climbs can presumably be sweltering (I wasn’t there in summer) and the rustic huts and solar-powered electricity don’t extend quite as far as air-con. The start and the end of the walk offer a slightly cooler setting, whilst Days 2 and 3 are in the more sheltered gully, without the cool breezes. THE DOWN SIDE: Day 2’s walk; after the ‘undulating’ struggle of Day 1, the steep angle becomes quite alarming as you are almost tumbled towards the underworld. THE UP SIDE: Day 4’s walk; because having gone into the gully you have to get out again, and that means going up! SURPRISES: The hot shower at the second hut. The team bonding that occurs. The wild pig that came through at night squealing and screaming (though failing to wake half the crew). HOW TO DO IT: Book through the National Parks and Wildlife Service (NPWS). I imagine they have a website or some such useful resource. It’s a reasonably popular walk so you may not get your first preference for dates but keep trying; not everyone gets what they want, yeah? THE EXPERIENCE: Going around in circles might not be everyone’s cup of tea but it sure is mine. The Green Gully Track will take your breath away (literally, them’s some damn steep hills) but will also give you a breather, in perfect glamping (glamorous camping) style: a rare detox that hits the ideal medium between a challenging walk, a healthy duration away, and the amenities provided. Mice included. Photos: Emma Verhey


Why Study Philosophy?


By Rory Mayberry

he arguably infinite list of reasons why a person

to and developed these disciplines. Even in mathematics, some of

should study philosophy can never be named in

the greatest advances have been made by philosophers. Philosophy

a short article like this. It may be so that only those

picks out aspects of these systems and goes “Okay, this isn’t work-

freely drawn to philosophy should pursue it. If you

ing, and here’s why.” The philosopher sounds out systems of thought

are new to philosophy, the best entry point I can sug-

to test their validity, giving much needed criticism; poking holes in

gest is the following exercise, which I encourage you to complete at

fallacies, driving disciplines forward, often to the chagrin of lead-

least once before continuing on to rest of the article. Step one: make

ers in the field. Hence, good philosophy is about making trouble.

a hook shape with your index finger, and curl the rest of your fingers into a loose fist. Step two: position your index finger on the outer-

In a similar vein Socrates’ contemporaries forced a painful death upon

most section of your chin, and comfortably rest your thumb on the

him for imploring the youth to choose resistance over comfort, inde-

side of your jaw. Step three: move your eyes to the upper left quad-

pendent thought over inherited tradition. It was also up to the Greeks

rant in your field of vision and frown, and announce in a low and se-

to first invent a word for describing those who were inclined to stay

rious tone - “Life”. Step four: hold the position but close your eyes and

at home, comfortable, distanced from politics and unconcerned with

begin nodding slowly, murmuring solemnly - ”Mmm”. If you dig the

self improvement: that word is idiot. You should study philosophy be-

feeling you get from doing this, then you should study philosophy.

cause it’s an excellent way of involving yourself with things that matter.

One reason to study philosophy is that you can start from anywhere. It

One reason pertinent to UNE is that you should study philosophy

has no necessary presuppositions. You can say crazy things: the Greek

because they need the numbers. Thanks to the introduction of a ne-

Parmenides denied the reality of change; David Hume attempted to re-

oliberal economic model into the operation of the Australian educa-

fute the necessity of causality; Leibniz, creator of the calculus, believed

tion system, the difference between universities businesses is becom-

that everything in the universe is composed of a single irreducible kind

ing less and less. The unfortunate reality is that, at UNE, Philosophy

of element that’s so tiny that it has no parts. Thanks to a pre-established

is simply not one of the big sellers, and as a result less and less lec-

harmony instituted at the beginning of the universe, these elements

turers are being employed. Its members are internationally renowned

never interact, and only seem to because in each individual one we

and highly accomplished, yet the entire on-campus teaching faculty

find a reflection of all others. Descartes said there is good reason to

now consists of just three people. The triumph in numbers of those

believe that minds can live on without bodies; David Chalmers, a still

who view education as a tool for getting a highly paid job, over oth-

living Australian specialising in cognitive science, Believes your mind

ers who value education for its transformative power, is quite sad.

extends beyond your cranium out into the world. The list is basically

You should study philosophy because a university should be more

endless, depending on who you take to be a philosopher: the Ameri-

than just a factory for churning out a generation’s middle class.

Rupert Murdoch VERSUS

By Lauren Harrington

J JONAH JAMESON Media mogul and phone-hacker extraordinaire, Australian-born Rupert Murdoch is no stranger to greedy opportunism. In 2012, Forbes ranked him as the 26th most powerful person in the world; not surprising, seeing as he was head of the second largest media institution in the world, News Corporation (‘was’ only because in 2013 News Corporation was split into two separate companies: News Corp and 21st Century Fox). Unfortunately, our dear friend Murdoch doesn’t know that with great power comes great responsibility. In 2011, News Corporation’s UK paper, News of the World, was caught up in

a phone-hacking scandal, as it was revealed employees had tapped phones of celebrities, members of the British royal family, as well as victims of the London bombings, all in pursuit of publishing stories. More recently, Murdoch—who owns 70 percent of all Australian newspapers—was accused of using his newspapers’ interests to influence the public into voting Liberal in Australia’s September election. Rupert Murdoch is, as my mother would say, a “real piece of work”.


But is he the worst?

Editor-in-chief of fictional New York newspaper The Daily Bugle, the Marvel Comics character is most often seen yelling at Peter Parker, a photojournalist who just so happens to be the only photographer in New York able to snap pictures of your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman.

can tripper Terrence McKenna believed that psilocybe mushrooms are doors to other dimensions, and the goal of taking them is to colonise

Much of the usual spiel around why people should study philosophy

the hidden landscapes of these realms by telepathically planting your

involves lauding the skills of critical thinking, logical rigour, formulat-

own hallucinatory mind-spores in their ground. Terrence theorises that

ing convincing arguments, uncovering tacit presumptions, etc. These in

other-dimensional tripper-beings have done precisely this on our plan-

themselves are invaluable, however they relate to the form of philosophy,

et, leaving their mind spores in our earth in the form of shrooms. Kind

not its content. It doesn’t matter that you probably won’t get a paid job as

of like that TV show Sliders. But these are just a few examples. The basic

a philosopher, or that you’ll, in all likelihood, never actually become one.

point is that because philosophers get to investigate things which aren’t

Regardless of where you go, the skills you acquire will inevitably be put to

always testable, the reference point is not always - is it true? Rather,

use in whatever you choose to do. They’re almost ubiquitously applica-

is it interesting? Significant? Remarkable? Does it enhance your life?

ble, and employers do value them. To finish with a quote, Marcel Proust

Like Murdoch, Jameson is also a greedy opportunist, determined to use his position as editor to fuel his smear campaign against Spiderman, and will stop at nothing to reveal the no-good vigilante for the public menace that he is (the fact that news about Spidey sells an awesome amount of papers is beside the point, of course).

said that “the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landReally you should study philosophy because through it you can

scapes, but in having new eyes.” The most important reason is that if it’s

speak truth to power. Part of the job of philosophy is to criticize

approached in the right way, philosophy will make you a better person.

powerful systems of influence like science, politics, and law, with the 22 16


to advance them. Indeed it was philosophers who put names

Photo source: Thinking at Hell’s gate

So both media tycoons deal in slander and trickery—but which is worse? The answer in my mind is clear. Rupert Murdoch owned 20th Century Fox and they cancelled Firefly. I’m never getting over that.

Jameson even uses pictures Parker has taken of Spiderman out of context, in order to paint him as the villain (Rupert Murdoch did something similar this year when Photoshopped images of Labor ministers in Nazi uniforms appeared on the front page of his newspapers).


Christmas is fast approaching and with this comes the awkward end-of-year work functions, the beloved-yet-dreaded family gatherings and . . . well, you name it, the excuses to be merry can go on. Now, the one thing these ‘dos’ have in common is alcohol. This golden ‘moonshine’ has been a part of human’s lives for centuries. However, while we may have the drinking part mastered, there may be many of you out there – such as myself –who have no idea what we’re actually pouring down our thirsty hatch! Now, if you payed attention in middle school science you would be aware that alcohol is formed by the simple process of ‘fermentation’: the conversion of sugars (carbs) to ethanol and carbon dioxide via a catalyst (yeast). Therefore, all alcoholic beverages- port, whisky, rum, wine, beer… should be the same right? That could not be a more incorrect statement; in fact, WINE there are so many different types of alcohol and processes of production Who hasn’t spent longer than they planned choosing a bottle that I’d have to write a thesis to jot them all down! But I can at least enof wine? I mean all those different names, flavours, food lighten you on some of the basic profiles so you know a little about what it pairings… is you are drinking at your upcoming Christmas festivities. You’ll find that wines are generally classed by colour: red, white, or for the slightly learned out there, Rosѐ. Well done, BEER you are successfully on the road to being fluent in wine-talk! This popular little drop is brewed mainly from a mixture of You see, if the skins remain with the juices during fermenmalted barley (‘malted’ meaning to soften the grain and to allow it to tation then a red wine will be produced (due to pigment germinate, making the grain sugars and enzymes available for brewreleased by the skin). But it is also possible to make a white ing), hops, yeast and water. Other sources of fermentable carbs (e.g. wine out of red grapes, as long as the skins are removed. maize, wheat and rice) and other natural ingredients can be Traditionally, wines were classified by their origin, and added to give other flavours and styles. this is still the case in Europe. For example, Chianti and Although it may seem simple, don’t let it fool you: Bordeaux reflect regions in Italy and France respectively. beer can be just as complex as wine! It is initially classified In countries outside Europe, wines are more likely to be under two types, depending on the yeast used during the classified by varietals: that is, the main grape used to make brewing process; ale, which requires warm temperatures and the wine, such as Chardonnay, Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz or Merlot. quickly ferments, and larger, which is fermented for longer To add to the confusion, if the main grape accounts for less than 80% utilising cold conditions. Brown ales and stout are examples of the wine, it becomes a blended wine, for example, Chardonnay-Viof ales, whereas pilsners and bock are lagers. ognier. Sparkling wines are those that contain carbon dioxide (CO2) PERRY that is naturally occurring due to the fermentation process (these are CIDER The fermentation of pear juice the expensive ones) or has been force-injected later on (such as the The fermentation of apple juice well-acquainted Passion Pop). You may also have heard and perhaps used the terms ‘Dry’ MEAD and ‘Sweet’. These describe wine based on the amount of residual sugar Also known as ‘honey wine’. The present in the wine after fermentation. This is relative to the acidity fermentation of honey and water of the wine which is dependent (mostly) upon the type of grape used. combined with a grain mash. After SAKE Thus, only certain white grape varieties are usually used to make desthe initial fermentation, the mash Rice-based fermented drink (but sert wines, as they contain a lot more sugar and lower levels of acidity. is strained and flavouring is often the word ‘sake’ in Japanese actu Port, Sherry, Madeira, Marsala, Vermouth and Muscat are added (spices, fruit or hops, the ally refers to alcoholic drinks in latter giving a bitter, beer-type what’s known as ‘fortified wines’. These have a higher sugar and alcohol flavour). general - we have simply adapted content via the addition of a spirit such as brandy during fermentation. the word to refer to this particuSPIRITS lar drink). A distilled beverage that contains no added sugar and at least 20% alcohol by volume.

WHISKY: distilled from fermented grain mash. Different grains account for the different varieties of whisky (barley, malted barley, rye, wheat, etc). It is typically aged in wooden casks made of charred white oak. BRANDY: distilled from fermented grain mash. Different grains account for the different varieties of whisky (barley, malted barley, rye, wheat, etc). It is typically aged in wooden casks made of charred white oak. RUM: the distillation of sugarcane juice or by-products such as molasses which is then aged in oak barrels


distilled beverage made from the blue agave plant (found in the surrounding areas of the Mexican town of Tequila). 24

Jade Hamilton

Bachelor of Education (Primary)

I always felt that university was going to be out of reach. I didn’t finish high school—I had both of my babies in my teens. But a friend encouraged me to apply to UNE for its Primary Education degree. That would have been seven years ago now; my youngest was just a newborn. Now I’m in my sixth year of study: I’ve had time off, changed degrees, even tried on-campus with a different university, but I came back after just a semester. In my spare time I love to crochet, but I don’t get to do it anywhere near as much as I’d like! Study to me means coffee. Lots of coffee. Late nights. Early mornings. It means sitting at swimming lessons or at the park with the kids with a textbook or notes to read over. Or when my kids were younger, I’d read them my textbooks in silly voices – they thought it was hilarious! I’ve studied in emergency departments, and paediatric wards while the kids slept, in the audience at school assemblies while waiting for performance items. I find that more organisation and motivation is needed for off campus study. Having things ready to go at the drop of a hat is essential. It is so easy to get caught up with life, and to let study go by the wayside. But when things can be easily picked up for unexpected doctor visits, or extended time spent waiting in the car, it makes spending time on my studies so much easier. One thing I love about distance education is that I can do things in my own time, when it suits me. I try to get ahead where possible, but that’s not always the case! Facebook can be a great procrastination tool; however, it’s also been a pillar of support throughout my degree. I’ve made many lifelong friends through social media and university. I rely on Facebook groups for individual units where we can discuss the content in an informal setting. I’m also a member of a group for local students of UNE, which is great: we meet up frequently, and it makes distance study not so isolating. It’s also great when we meet up to study while our kids play together—though it can be debatable how much study gets done. Another group that I’m a part of on Facebook is Mums@UNE, which is a group of mums, all studying with UNE, all different disciplines, but all tied together by the common factor of trying to juggle kids, home life and study. I’ve seen a lot of changes during my time at UNE, from predominantly print-based mediums and Blackboard, to Moodle and entire course content being delivered online. I’ve spent time at the university for residential schools—which were so much fun, even though I missed the kids heaps. The next time I’ll be on campus is when I graduate in 2015! I dare say I’ll be back to UNE for postgrad studies, probably in IT, another passion of mine, but for now, I can’t wait to get out there and teach!


A distilled alcohol that has been flavoured with fruit, cream, herbs, spices, flowers or nuts and bottled with added sugar. It is thus sweet and not aged for long (Kahlua, Tia Maria, Crème de Cacao, Jagermeister,etc).

Dramaturgy Christmas Special Hello Listeners! As you probably know, Dramaturgy is currently on hiatus but, because we firmly believe in the silly season being . . . well . . . silly, we’re attacking the airwaves on Christmas Eve, with a repeat performance on Christmas day itself, to bring you the Dramaturgy Christmas Special! Join Digger Gillespie, Smythe and Oddlington, Pirate Man, and the crew from Guest Small Concavity for festive tom-foolery on TuneFM!

GIN: this spirit began in the middle ages as a herbal medicine, and its distinct flavour is derived predominantly from juniper berries VODKA: the distillation of anything fermented (sugar, fruit, potatoes). To earn their name, they traditionally should have an alcohol content of at least 40% (but we Aussies are apparently too irresponsible to be trusted with such high alcohol contents!)

Student Profile


By Monica Fortunaso

24th and 25th December! 6pm

TUNE!FM - 106.9 in Armidale or stream online at 25

(college) Recipe

Chocolate Caramel Slice By Ashley Pianca

Ingredients - 250g Packet Plain Biscuits (I used Nice)

It was the author Peter Williams who advised us that “It is a risk to love. What if it doesn’t work out? Ah, but what if it does.” It is this attitude that I apply to all my cooking endeavours, whether I am making up a new creation or throwing together an old favourite. Regardless of whether I have made the same recipe hundreds of times or am working out a new one, there is (as with everything) always room for error, the opportunity for mistake and the possibility of it not working out - yet I never let that stop me. With this month’s recipe, like all my culinary exploits, I was once again confronted with the idea of creating a mess without an edible product to show for it as I wanted to adapt an old favourite recipe into a version that is easy and uses minimal cooking facilities to cater to college life. Fortunately I was successful the first time as I never let the possibility of failure interact with my efforts. Chocolate caramel slice and oh so yummy – not fact that it is perfect for or, for all those braving a wonderful study snack,

is fun, gooey to mention the a holiday treat trimester three, or study break.

- 245g Butter - 800g Condensed Milk - 2/3 cup Brown Sugar - 1 Block of your choice of chocolate (I used Cadbury Milk) Base 1) Finely crush biscuits (this is best achieved by placing the packet of biscuits in layers of freezer bags and crushing with a rolling pin or something heavy). Then place them in a bowl. 2) Melt 125g of butter in a microwave and mix into the crushed biscuit. 3) Grease and line a tray or container and press the mixture evenly into the base. 4) Place in the fridge. Caramel 1) Pour condensed milk, 120g butter, and brown sugar into a large jug or microwave-safe bowl and roughly combine. 2) Cook in microwave for approximately ten minutes or until mixture boils and thickens; however, take it out every minute or so and stir thoroughly. 3) Remove base from fridge and pour caramel over it. 4) Place back in the fridge until it cools and sets. Then make topping. Topping 1) Break chocolate into small pieces and place in a microwave safe bowl. 2) Melt in the microwave. Note: It does not take long for chocolate to melt in the microwave, so make sure you stop it every ten seconds or less and stir to prevent burning. 3) Remove set caramel and base from fridge and pour the melted chocolate over it. 4) Refrigerate slice for approximately 3 hours before cutting and serving.


Photo: Stu Horsfield

Editor’s note: The picture used is of the slice that Alana made - a baker she is not. Despite how . . . wonky it looks, we can assure you that it tastes delicious, and reassure you that Ashley’s recipe is wonderful and works perfectly.


The Grasp

Bridgette Glover

By Julian Georges

Mold the symbols, hang the signs, Monster in face, monster in soul, Behold the man who takes control, His disdain makes him blind to art His power makes his heart grow cold, To know the truth, he must let go, Of all possessions new and old, Although his ego’s brave and bold, To understand humanity,

In present purpose climb the vines, Praise ancestors of noble race, They gave us gifts of golden shrines. In memory promote those times, Our hunger dances to their rhymes, As they sought through forests of pine, So we too must entwine the Earth, Absorb through truth its inner light.

Cowards murder, saviours cry, A man in robe stands in their sight, The monster comes in curious wake, He can’t see past an aged disguise. The holy man forbids their crime, Tells of karma’s dance with time, But monster’s sword has left his side, To pierce his brother’s beating heart, And realise who has really died.

He must release his inner hold. They gallop for death, with chains and knives, Dreamer by night, lover by day, The monster’s brother gone astray, Tired of them denying his dreams, His passion disowned by their claim. So in the fields he ran away, Discarded all possessions made, Discovered love through nature’s aid, He taught to all who’d hear his call, That beauty stands in love’s true frame.

The monster’s war is on the rise, Equipped to conquer all the land, In the name of God or pride? His men follow in eager stride, Reach a city calmed by the tide, With fire in heart and evil mind, They pillage those who block their path, With no guilt there to leave behind. Opaque sunset, gold sunrise,


Sound the bell, for whom it tolls, It’s chambers chain our buried souls, It’s driver grips man by the throat, For what is fear without a god?

For withered hands of screaming poor, We must ascend our ship afloat, And spirit’s seas sail once more.

But perception hides in your mind,

PRIDE In search of the door covered in white, You stain it with your brother’s blood, In selfish thought of your own plight.

So what is it even about? Ok, so Mrs Dalloway is a story about Mrs Dalloway. Shocker. First name Clarissa, she is a 51 year old London socialite who spends the day wandering about the city and preparing for a party she is hosting that June nigh t in 1923. Clarissa does a hell of a lot of soul searching on this particular Wednesday, which is probably because of that bloody Peter Walsh. He’s just a dude

After a couple of reads you wor k out that this grey ghost of a man was kind of like Clariss a’s double in a way, and if he didn’t pack his bags and leav e the island then she would’ve. You could say that this sacrifici ng of the male to further develop the character of the female is Woolf ’s clever feminist ploy. Or you could say that someone who comes to that kind of conclusion has atte nded one-too-many English Lit clas ses. Curse you Tom Bristow! You will love it if: You’re unsure about your sexuality ; you’re agei ng gracefully and you hate it; you feel invisible. You will despise it if: You can’t get past long sentences; you’re mentally unstable. Difficulty level: It’s just over a hun dred pages - you can do it! Other titles you might enjoy: The Bell

Jar by Sylvia Plath

Best line: “She felt very young; at the same time unspeakably aged.”

Our search for meaning can’t decline,

Look for your eyes, cry for your sight,

You battle those of your own kind,

Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf (1925) So you may or may not have hea rd of Virginia Woolf, but she’s kind of a big deal. In a nut shell, she was an English writer born in 1882 who was pretty much crazy from the get-go. She’d had seve ral nervous breakdowns in her sho rt life but was content for a mom ent after marrying a man who, alth ough penniless, was incredible in bed; oh and she also had a flin g with a chick. Each of these defi ning moments clearly served as insp irations for her writing (especia lly Dalloway). Anyway, she lived unt il 1941 when she became depress ed again; she put some stones in her coat pockets and drowned hers elf in a river... So now you understand the auth or, you might get this book a little more. Maybe. Probably not.

Life’s struggle seems a sunken boat,

Without darkness there is no light,

Have you realised who you fight?

There are countless novels that, as university students, we are “sup posed” to have read. We are in a hub of higher thinking and the classics are apparently our go-to educato rs on the ways of life and love. Wel l shit, who’s got the time? In betw een our exams and assignments and required reading, are we really expected to schedule in a one-onone with the world’s classic canons? I don’t think so. So here it is, the answer to your time-pressed pray ers: life’s essential reading in one convenient column. You’re welcome.

who proposed marriage to Cla rissa when they were younger and she rejected him for the more reliable Richard Dalloway. How ever, the reader eventually comes to learn that there was someone else in Dalloway’s life – Miss Sally Seto n. But alas, she had a vagina so that was doomed from the start. So basically Clarissa went on to hav e a family with safe Rich and regr et it forever. It’s difficult when so many people love you. However , while Clarissa’s little soap ope ra continues for the rest of the day , veteran Septimus Warren Smi th (great name right?) is basically losing his mind. Only five years after WWI ended, he’s basi cally hit breaking point and after being committed involuntarily to the psych ward he decides to jump out a window. Despite Clarissa and Septimus never kno wing each other, his passing totally puts a downer on her party.

Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special: ‘The Day of the Doctor’

Firstly, as a fan, let me say: “IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!” Next, as a more objective party, let me say the following: great fun, brilliantly paced; although it was an extended feature, it did not feel like one at all. We begin with a revisit, of sorts, to the First Doctor and the first episode of the show (I phrase it thus because, resultant of the 2005 reboot, the season numbers have gone all wibbly-wobbly season-weasony), at Coal Hill School where we first met Susan Foreman – the First Doctor’s granddaughter – 50 years ago, and where current companion Clara is now teaching. Jump forward, and UNIT have carried the Doctor and Clara away to investigate some strange goings-on regarding paintings whose subjects have escaped. Jump back in time to the legendary Time War, where we meet the much questioned War Doctor, and see the TARDIS used as never before in the fall of Arcadia! Jump forward again to present day England and we discover the relationship between the Tenth Doctor and Queen Elizabeth 1. Then jump back to 16th Century England and the development of this royal relationship, and we meet the Zygons!

By Millie Graham

Then, in classic Doctor Who style, the First Doctor, the Eleventh Doctor, and the Twelfth Doctor are thrust together. And then the fun begins. Let me say this: David Tennant in a fez. The dynamic between these three reads like poetry... by Lewis Carol. Mad, nonsensical, but perfectly harmonised and beautiful. Questions are answered, questions are left unanswered, new questions are asked. The double plot of the Time War and the invasion of the Zygons at first seems disjointed and like a poor attempt to draw on the classic storylines to feed the new, but they actually work like a pair of shoes: separate, but unified. The destruction of Gallifrey brought about mixed emotions, but the execution was magnificent and the incorporation of the Bad Wolf Girl was delightfully clever. All Whovians will lose their nut watching this, and I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, but non-fans and even casual viewers will find it difficult to follow. This really is a flick for the loyal. Overall, it was fantastic! Oh, and if this review seems vague or disjointed, then . . . well, when has Doctor Who ever been clearly defined? Also . . . Spoilers!

creative writing & thought

The Adventures of Arabella Henderson UNE Time Detective Episode 2: A Stained Reputation

ment,’ he replied. ‘There are no corpses here.

ing entirely. It sat as a small pile of ash on

Unless I find out who’s been spilling chemi-

the well-polished laboratory floor. Professor

cals on my beautiful yellow lockers.’

Hardnose pointed a shaking finger at it.

tery!’ proclaimed The General, with en-

‘Mess!’ he screeched. ‘Mess in my

‘This is the Chemistry Depart-

‘Why, That Sounds Like A Mys-

laboratory! I’ll fine you for this!’

thusiasm (as denoted by the exclamation


Having extracted himself from the

forwards and got down to examine the ashy

‘May I have your assistance?’

both interlopers and vehicle became gradually more

mess in question. He began with an ocular

the Chemistry Department. Students were shoving one

corporeal, before finally becoming so real that every-

assessment, first unaided and then again

rying a bubbling test tube. He was a short,

another, pushing through the narrow doors in a frenzy,

one could hear the sound of the pedals moving incred-

with his pocket magnifying glass. With a

moustachioed gent, of indeterminate age

such was their enthusiasm for education. It was June

ibly fast, though the bicycle did not move at all.

magnification of six thousand, this magni-

and resplendent in his white lab coat, a gen-

1950 and gee whizz! Learning was just about as hip as

‘I say!’ said the fellow astride the rear seat.

fying glass had a diameter of three metres,

uine, bona fide, honest-to-goodness replica

poodle-skirts and the blues, Daddy-o!

‘Arabella! I do believe we have reached our destination.’

but The General had very large pockets. He

of the one worn by Pierre Curie on his wed-

Arabella Henderson stopped pedalling in

continued by dusting the ash with a finger-

ding day.

cal laboratory, fighting for the best seats near the front,

alarm. A Time Detective from the year 2013, she had

print brush before finally dipping his finger

Professor Hardnose watched them carefully, examining

travelled back to 1950 on her Time Bicycle, in order

into the ash and tasting it - after sending a

Butler to show Arabella and The General

them with the kind of suspicious confusion that most

to solve a modern mystery involving a skeleton bur-

bystander out to fetch him the appropriate

the chemical stains on the lockers. Students

people save for unexplained clothing stains or new and

ied under the new college. Accompanying her was The

wine, of course. Having concluded that the

crowded around, thrilled to watch detectives

exotic foods. He clapped his hands once and the as-

General, a career student with a wide general knowl-

ashes were indeed complemented by a 1947

at work. Arabella noted the stains, looking

sembled students immediately fell silent, gazing upon

edge base and an enthusiasm for Mystery. Due to his

Sauvignon Blanc, he announced the results

above and around the lockers, searching for

their Professor with the kind of reverence a modern

ergophobia, however, Arabella tended to do most of the

of his detective work.

leaks and suspicious clues. The General did

educator can only dream of.

Mystery Solving.

‘I believe this mess was left by a

his usual ocular assessment, before sniffing

Not being accustomed to either time travel

man in his late thirties. He is around five

one of the stains and then calling for a pinot

or hard cardio, The General had found that his legs

foot eleven inches, plays the cello and walks


a lack of respect for our facilities.’

were not ready for the sudden sensation of being made

with a slight limp. He is a professional wres-

of custard. He collapsed to the floor.

tler, he likes piña coladas and getting caught

grabbing his arm.

white, well starched button up shirt and horn-rimmed

in the rain.’

glasses. That’s what they wear in all those black and

with the sweat making his shirt cling to his chest, The

‘Actually that was my business

rimmed glasses attracted the attention of

white movies, anyway, so we can assume that’s what

General was immediately helped to his feet by five

card,’ Arabella told him. ‘I gave it to this

the detectives, because it doesn’t do to ar-

he was wearing. He raised his hand and waited until

young women. As they lifted him by his arms, he eyed

gentleman earlier, while you were flirting

bitrarily introduce a minor character and

called upon before he spoke. ‘Do you mean the chemi-

them with suspicion.

with those women.’

then forget about them altogether.

cal stains on the lockers, Professor?’

There were as many as five automobiles parked outside

As the enthused students entered the practi-

‘It has come to my attention,’ said Professor

Hardnose, ‘That a number of students continue to show

A young man down the front wore a plain

‘I do indeed,’ said Hardnose. ‘There are yet

more brown stains ruining the extremely attractive yel-

As he was a tall, handsome chap and what

‘They’ve captured me!’ he yelled. ‘Run, My

‘What women?’ asked The Gen-

‘Detectives!’ he called, because

‘Look at this!’

Ignoring The General’s cries of alarm, she addressed

Hardnose. ‘We are looking for a dead body,’

young man. ‘It looks like vomit.’

the entire laboratory in her the poshest voice she could

she said.


nose told him. ‘I am ahead of my time. Now, as I was

saying, a number of students continue to cause dam-

Arabella Henderson, Time Detective and I require your

age to the laboratory by spilling volatile chemicals and


failing to clean up after themselves. Also, there are two

transparent people riding a bicycle at the back of the

ominous greeting.’


‘Salutations to you, Students of the Past. I am

‘Gosh,’ said Professor Hardnose. ‘That’s an Reaching for her business card, Arabella ap-

The entire class turned to look at the back

proached the Professor. He looked her up and down,

wall. Sure enough, the Professor was correct. Normally,

taking in her modern-day ensemble with his conserva-

that wall would contain nothing but a poster depicting

tive 50s eyes. Handing him the business card, she took

the four known chemical elements, Nitrogen, Urani-

three steps backward.

um, Helium and the Element of Surprise. The poster

was still there, but in front of it stood a most peculiar

‘Vice-Assistant-Junior-Administrative-President, UNE

sight. A coruscant pink tandem bicycle sat stationary in

Mystery Solver’s Club. For every Mystery, throughout

the middle of the room. It was partially transparent, as

History. This business card will self-destruct in thirty

were the two figures riding it.


As the students and their lecturer watched,

The young man in the horn-

back in time?’

‘In the 70s, this will be very de rigeur,’ Hard-

‘Don’t taste that,’ said Arabella,

er, Arabella was easily able to alight from the bicycle.






As he threw the business card away in alarm,


Dear GNSAD, In light of the policy of the incoming Government, I have decided, as a woman, to quit my degree and focus on settling down and having babies. Leaving education is the easy part, but I have been brainwashed by feminists, and now I don’t know how to find a husband. Where should I go to meet one? I am not good at cooking, but I like to keep the house tidy and look good in 50s fashion. Perhaps I could go to finishing school? Am I too old for a debutante ball?

Professor Hardnose directed Mr.

Faithful Servant! Save Yourself!’ An experienced time traveller and bike rid-


The lab assistant entered, still car-

that’s how you attract someone’s attention.

low décor.’ ‘This décor is not that attractive,’ said the

‘Mr. Butler!’ the Professor called.

eral, looking around him. ‘I say! Did we go


If you like her writing check out The Man In Room 13: http://themaninroom13.

green for a few moments before disintegrat-

helpful young ladies, The General stepped

It was a typical Monday morning at the New England University College.

Neucleus, June 28, 1950.

by Kate Wood

Kate has a blog! A blog? Yes a blog!

it spontaneously combusted, burning bright

To be continued...


Hmmm, interesting, NOT! I’m sick of you totally gross humans and your groin grinding, but I guess here I am answering another question about it. You are in fact too young for a debutante ball - anyone born after 1936 is too young for a debutante. I can’t even believe that’s still a thing. Since you seem happy to focus on the kind of outcomes you want and not the kind of person you want to let stick their uncovered genitals inside you, why don’t you just make up a to-the-point personals add - try: “Hello I need a person with viable sperms to impregnate me.” Stick it up everywhere that people with sperm hang out (supermarkets, bus stops, sperm banks). Before you know it, you’ll have your pick of the fertile crop! Good-luck and remember to check it for spots! - GNSAD,

Arabella turned back to Professor

A Word with Judd

Yours Femininely, Miss O. Gyny

Editor’s note: We apologise for the GNSAD’s somewhat crude tone. We’re still rebuilding himher, and those pesky Cleo and Cosmopolitan files are still causing trouble; apparently they don’t mix well with the ‘Cynicism.exe’ file we added the other day.

Some things sparkle. Yes, I know, hard to believe. This, however, poses a problem; what should we call said sparkly object? We could say ‘sparkly’ – but that is not really a word, and is quite droll. As with so many things English offers us an abundance of choices – glistening, gleaming, shining, twinkling, etcetera and etcetera, but one word you may never have thought of is ‘coruscant’. It means the same thing as all the other words mentioned before, haha, but sounds like it sparkles with a sinister undertone (that or the trapped voices of the local choir... which may be a good thing). So if you want to impress your friends and terrify your enemies or just give a new name to that thing Twilight vampires do in sunlight, then ‘coruscant’ is the word for you.

Ergophobia Bureaucracy, bureaucracy, bureaucracy – this is the word embedded into the life of every Australian in the 21st century. If I was feeling particularly spiteful, I would say that this Word with Judd applies to bureaucrats – but that shall remain to be seen. The word in question is quite a fun one, ‘ergophobia’, which means to have an aversion to, or a fear of... work. The reason this has anything to do with bureaucracy is just how much bureaucracy allows people to avoid doing work. If somebody cuts their finger, thanks to the marvels of bureaucracy, a twenty-page report must be filled in. If you earn any sort of income and need to report that to Centrelink, it provides the perfect excuse not to work on that assignment which is two days overdue. You could of course use this word to mock a person who is quite lazy, but why not poke fun at the system if you can? 31

Nucleus vol 1, no 9  
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