PENINSULA DAILY NEWS
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2013
Caregiving about more than just survival haps have) on hiring caregivers. After her lifetime of 95 years, 22 as a widow, they think they Way back Mark know how to care for her better last August, I than I do. Harvey did a column Everything in her home has a about those of sensible reason, even the clutter of us who have SOMETIMES I ASK myself, magazines she hasn’t gotten walked (or are “Should I do another column on around to reading yet, or the totrudging) the caregiving?” give-away pile. (She lived through Happy Trail of the Depression, of course, so nothThen, while I wait for myself Caregiving and ing is garbage.) to answer, I ask myself, “And why does this keep coming up so the dirty little I am finding it much more much?” secret that frustrating to train four very nice The second one is easier than most of us are women than any baby sitter I the first one. making it up as ever used. I think caregiving keeps comwe go along: They tell me she will continue ing up so much is because, for all faking it. to go downhill and her dementia our wailing, moaning and gnashTrying, learning, thinking, will get worse, so they must do ing of teeth about health insurreading, asking, watching but . . . her chores for her and follow her ance and unsustainable health faking it. walker around to “protect” her. care and processed foods and And the most amazing part of Well, guess what? She is not in whatnot, the fact is that we’re that (for the most part, most of pain from the fall anymore and is living longer. the time) is that we do amazingly back dressing herself, doing puzSo if a lot of us live longer, well, considering we don’t know zles, rinsing dishes, feeding her then a lot of us (as we’re living what we’re doing. dog and making the bed, etc. longer) are going to get involved So here’s how you answered “Living” — I know it won’t last in caring for somebody who’s the question, “Should I do forever, but since she is not ill or lived longer. It’s just how the another column on caregiving?”: diseased except for glaucoma, I math works. want her to enjoy the best quality I can’t thank you enough for of life she is capable of and not Waiting for an answer today’s column. I actually cried become a vegetable by being contears of relief that I am doing the stantly waited on. Well, that and the fact that best I can for my Mom, nearly 95 I tell her how lucky she is to be we’ve learned to value helping and still at home alone. able to see, hear, talk, read and people stay home, and the fact After more than nine years, I walk. that it’s usually a hell of a lot finally had to hire caregivers four What a relief to learn from you cheaper, and the fact that love hours a day after a fall. today that I was doing the best I and loyalty move us, but that I too, tell my kids, “Whatever can and improvising to get her was the easy one. interested in life again and not So, while I was waiting for an happens, don’t let me do this to your lives.” nearly as depressed and forgetful. answer from myself about the I was second-guessing myself You could do a column (or perfirst one, you answered it for me.
Charge should find living better than a death before death
about pushing her too hard and being unreasonable like the caregivers think I am. Sorry for making this so long. I had only intended to thank you and got a bit carried away. That’s what ya get for understanding all this stuff. No, that’s what you get for understanding all this stuff because love and loyalty move us. I, for one, am inclined to think that death shouldn’t precede death and that “safe” (within the bounds of reason) can sometimes just be another word for death — for giving up — because when we give up, we stop. It’s another one of those funny “caregiver things”: when to provide, when to protect, when to “do for” and when to say, “You do it” — and often, the last is hardest. We’re the “well ones” (more or less).
Well Ones We’re the active ones and the competent ones and the “on-topof-it” ones, so it’s often easier (as in “less work”) to “do for”: “I can do it in half the time and better with a lot less grief and effort, so just let me do it.” Then we watch whomever we’re caring for wither away. It can be a lot harder to say (sometimes demand), “You do it.” “Yes, you can.” “Hey, it’s your job.” Or whatever.
To watch and worry and support and remind and coach — a lot harder. Aren’t we supposed to be giving care? No, we’re supposed to be giving life because in my opinion, death shouldn’t precede death. But what if dementia is an issue? Well, what if it is?
Get them involved I’ll bet there’s something — something! — that you, Well One, can involve that person in, that you can have them do, that they can contribute. I didn’t say it was easy, but you don’t need me to because you already know it isn’t. None of this is easy. “Easy” is asking yourself stupid questions about the subject of a column. The hard part is admitting that the answer is right in front of you . . . And remembering to be grateful for that.
_________ Mark Harvey is director of Clallam/Jefferson Information & Assistance, which operates through the Olympic Area Agency on Aging. He can be reached at 360-452-3221 (Port Angeles-Sequim), 360-385-2552 (Jefferson County) or 360374-9496 (West End); or by emailing email@example.com. The agency can be found on Facebook at Olympic Area Agency on Aging-Information & Assistance.
Briefly . . . Volunteers being sought for deer project on lands PORT ANGELES — The state Department of Fish and Wildlife is seeking volunteers to assist on a black-tailed deer project on Department of Natural Resources lands between Port Angeles and Sequim. The goal of this multiyear study is to assess the effects of forest management (timber harvest and herbicide use) on blacktailed deer reproduction, in particular fawn survivability.
Volunteers will help Fish and Wildlife staff monitor radio-collared deer on Natural Resourcesmanaged lands. Those who can be “on-call” (contacted at any time of day) and are able to get into the field on short notice are especially needed. Volunteers will need to provide their own equipment such as hiking boots, raingear and daypacks. They must be willing to help carry minimal but necessary gear into a site. Volunteers may be required to drive on logging roads and must be able to hike off-trail, including bush-whacking through dense
growth and forests. Volunteers are needed through the coming winter months when deer mortality is likely to increase due to the cold weather. Radio telemetry will be taught and used to track a deer’s location in order to retrieve the radio collar and determine cause of predation. The bulk of the work will be in late May through July during fawning season, when volunteers are most needed to help with fawn searches and attachment of radio collars on fawns. Those interested should email their name, address and phone number to state wildlife biologist
Kim Loafman at Kim.Loafman@ dfw.wa.gov.
Christmas Angel PORT ANGELES — The Crossing Church will hold its annual Christmas Angel gift-giving program from 9 a.m. until toys run out Saturday. The event will be held at The Crossing Church, which meets at Deer Park Cinema, 96 Deer Park Road. Geared for children, the program allows attendees to pick gifts supplied by the Clallam County Toys for Tots program. For more information, phone 360-452-9936.
Christmas dinner SEQUIM — Sequim Prairie Grange, 290 Macleay Road, will hold a Family Christmas Dinner at 2 p.m. Sunday. The public is invited. Turkey with all the trimmings and ham will be provided for the potluck dinner. Buck Ellard will lead Christmas carols, and Santa Claus is expected to pay a visit. The Granger and NonGranger of the Year awards also will be announced. Donations will be collected for the Sequim Food Bank. For more information, phone 360-683-5456. Peninsula Daily News
The New York Times Crossword Puzzle 1
TWO OUTS 60 Counter formations 62 Mix in a tank 64 Overextend oneself? 68 Classical guitarist Segovia 70 Adds to the batter, say 72 In a kooky manner 73 Buttonholed 75 Given a home 77 Triumphant song 78 “This isn’t making sense” 80 Whom John Bull symbolizes 82 Have an objection 83 Minor league championship flag?
113 “Charge!,” to Duracells? 117 Satisfying finale coming to pass? 119 Labeled idiotic? 120 First name in photography 121 Nickname for Palmer 122 “Don’t be a spoilsport!” 123 Savory condiment 124 Variety show fodder 125 Trader
BY PATRICK BERRY / EDITED BY WILL SHORTZ ACROSS 1 Palindromic band name 5 Tosca’s feeling for Cavaradossi 10 Spring for a vacation 13 Hawaiian tourist purchases 17 “ yourself” 19 Cow catcher 20 Red wine drinker’s paradise? 22 Employee at the Ron Paul Archive? 24 Pitch that fixes everything? 25 “Strange Magic” band, briefly 26 Dollar bill featuring a portrait of Duran Duran’s lead singer? 28 IRS Form 5498 subject 29 Street caution 31 Ball with a yellow stripe 32 Shiner? 33 Willowy 37 Like a robot’s voice 39 Still 41 Architect Saarinen 42 Blue expanse 43 Follow closely 44 Hair raising shout 46 “ te absolvo” (priest’s phrase) 47 The one puppy that can read? 53 Creator of perfect whirlpools? 56 Baath Party member 57 Uncommunicative 59 Political title of the 1930s ’40s
21 “Days of Heaven” co star 23 Would be singers’ liabilities 27 Little town 30 Site of a 1963 J.F.K. speech 33 Chargers and coursers 34 Forest game 35 “By that logic …” 36 Boarder’s domain 38 Director Daniels of “The Butler”
56 60 68 73
59 64 71
39 Of the lymph glands 78 79 80 81 DOWN 40 Signet ring feature 1 Most qualified 83 84 85 86 45 Dropper? 2 Relative of S.O.S 47 Steven Bochco series 88 89 90 91 92 86 Alienate a New 3 Galoot 48 Youngest of Jersey city? 93 94 95 96 97 98 4 One hit wonder? Chekhov’s 88 Biblical priest of “Three Sisters” 5 Friend of d’Artagnan Shiloh 102 103 104 105 106 49 Eldest Best Actress 6 Thick bunch? 89 Blue expanse winner 108 109 110 7 Venture a thought 90 “Man of Steel” 50 Acronymic aircraft actress Adams 8 Unfeigned 113 114 115 116 117 name 92 Sully 9 Miranda of the 51 Wistful remark Miranda warning 93 Go on strike 119 120 52 With a will 10 Avoid 95 Film crowd 123 124 53 It’s “well regulated” 122 97 CBS spinoff that ran 11 Course listing in the Constitution for 10 seasons 12 Percussion 54 Quarrel instrument in 102 How sports cars are 71 N.B.A. team 84 Airline that doesn’t 98 Soothsayers of old “Maxwell’s Silver 55 “Lovergirl” singer contoured originally called fly on religious 99 Person prone to Hammer” the Americans holidays 58 Pulsation 105 “Cover Face” sunburn (P. D. James’s first 13 Sophisticated 85 Khartoum’s river 61 Morally degraded 100 Last Hitchcock 74 Elephant’s opposite, novel) 14 Automaker that film with symbolically 87 Run headlong into 63 Fish hawks started as a 106 Distress Tippi Hedren 90 Datum in a 65 Cross promotion bicycle company 76 URL component 107 Actor Jack of 101 Some Google house listing 15 Bent pipe 66 Streetcar sound oaters search results 79 Zeus swore 91 Vineyard 16 “She’s a good old 108 Cousin of a 103 Hot pot locale oaths upon it 67 Chrissie in 94 Confined worker and a good crumble the Rock and Roll 104 English film 81 Excited Oscars old pal,” in song 96 “I thought Hall of Fame 109 Begat a soft place festival city attendee never leave!” 18 Med. workplaces to sleep? 69 Start of a George 106 It “hits the spot,” 112 Burlesque garment 20 Tea go with Eliot title 83 Nave furniture 97 Pile on the floor per old radio ads
SOLUTION ON PAGE B12
77 82 87
109 Begin to show wear 110 Yarn quantity 111 Hair strands? 113 “EastEnders” network 114 Shot spot 115 Metaphysical concept 116 Fortune cover subj. 118 Longtime Sixers nickname
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2013
Frank & Ernest
DEAR ABBY: As the education director of the East Bay Bicycle Coalition, I work hard to encourage safe and courteous cycling for everyday transportation in Northern California. There are a number of points I would like to address to “Caring Reader, Sacramento, Calif.” “Caring” described seeing bicyclists run stop signs, not wear protective gear and texting/talking on cellphones, and suggested a greater enforcement of the law. Rolling through stop signs is, indeed, just as illegal as it is while driving a vehicle, except in Idaho, where cyclists may treat stop signs as yields. I encourage all cyclists and drivers to come to a complete stop at signs and signals, even when turning right, and especially when pedestrians are present. Talking or texting on a cellphone while biking isn’t currently illegal in the state of California. I feel that using cellphones while biking is an unsafe practice, and I encourage cyclists (or drivers) to simply pull over before making or taking a call. Helmets are required gear only for bicyclists younger than 18 in California. As an adult, I choose to wear one when I’m biking. However, it is not illegal for an adult to bike without a helmet. You said in your response that people who cycle at night should avoid wearing dark clothes to increase their visibility, but clothes color alone has been shown to have little to no effect on visibility in dark conditions. During low-light times of day like dawn or dusk, wearing bright or fluorescent clothes is a good strategy, but at night, bicyclists should rely on lights and reflectors to be seen. The law in California stipulates that bicyclists must have a white headlight, a red rear reflector and yellow or white reflectors on their wheels or spokes as well as on their pedals, shoes or ankles. However, I also recommend adding to these required items: a red rear light and additional lights and reflectors at the front, rear and sides of the bike, or on one’s clothing or helmet.
by Lynn Johnston
by Garry Trudeau
by Bob and Tom Thaves
by Jim Davis
by Mell Lazarus
Rose is Rose
ZITS ❘ by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman
by Hank Ketcham
DEAR ABBY Abigail Van Buren
by Brian Crane
Dear Abby: Last year, my 40-year-old stepson, “Rod,” gave his father a beautiful robe for Christmas. The problem is, we had given the robe to Rod for Christmas several years ago. I didn’t say anything at the time, but, of course, I recognized it because I was the one who had bought it for him. Should I have said anything? Or was I right to have played dumb (which is what I did)? Rod has “saved” other presents we have given him and regifted them to us years later. This man has a high-paying job and isn’t hurting for money. I think what he’s doing is insulting. I have suggested not exchanging gifts, but he ignores me. What can I do about this in the future? “Recyclee” in the South Dear “Recyclee”: Rod may have forgotten that he got the robe from you. As I see it, you have two choices: You can be offended, or you can turn it into a joke. For this Christmas, give him the robe back.
_________ Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, the late Pauline Phillips. Letters can be mailed to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or via email by logging onto www.dearabby.com.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Stay alert and be ready to make last-minute changes if necessary. Good fortune will be yours if you are astute, articulate and on top of your game. Keep your spending low and your intake high. Follow your head, not your heart. 3 stars
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t give in or give up. Spend what you can afford, nothing more. Take a break from people pressuring you or asking for too much. Good friends and a little entertainment will help turn a demanding day into an eventful evening. 2 stars
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Get started early and don’t stop until you have completed everything on your work list. A chance to look for something that will boost your confidence or update your look will bring about a welcome surprise. Love is in the stars. 3 stars
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Get out and about. You will find great bargains if you shop and interesting information if you research or take part in industry events. Romance is on the rise. Socializing with people who share commonalities will lead to good times. 5 stars
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Go where the action is and welcome any challenge that comes your way. Your persistence and bravado will help you connect with people who can change your future. The signal you send should be accurate and intentional. 4 stars
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Travel plans or engaging in social events will give you a chance to interact with people from unique backgrounds. Avoid a feud by staying out of a debate that develops between peers or friends. Physical activity will bring about positive changes. 3 stars
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t leave work unfinished. Consistency will help secure your position. Now is not the time to slow down, but instead is the moment of truth as to what you have and are willing to offer. Romance will lead to an enchanting evening. 4 stars
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Fix up your place. Comfort and practicality will make you feel at home and encourage you to entertain more. Your relationship with friends, relatives and neighbors will improve if you offer hospitality and cheer. Love is on the rise. 3 stars
The Family Circus
Highlighting one’s silhouette with lights and reflectors, and applying them to moving parts of one’s bike or body, will increase visibility substantially after dark. Abby, thanks for your attention to these issues. Robert Prinz, Oakland, Calif.
Dear Mr. Prinz: You’re welcome. And thank you for kindly sharing your expertise with my readers.
The Last Word in Astrology ❘
by Pat Brady and Don Wimmer
Dennis the Menace
PENINSULA DAILY NEWS
Bicyclists should stay safe, visible
by Scott Adams
For Better or For Worse
Fun ’n’ Advice
by Eugenia Last
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Make a quick decision and a fast move. Idle time will be what leads to trouble. Figure out your strategy and don’t waste time pursuing your goal. A change at home or work appears to be beneficial. Talks will be successful. 5 stars CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Good times are in order. Hospitality will show your heart is in the right place. Don’t feel you have to make a change because of what others do. Be true to yourself and you will not be lead astray. Protect what’s yours. 2 stars AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don’t let money slip through your fingers. Impulse purchases will lead to the poorhouse. Concentrate on ways you can put your talents and skills to better use and earn more in return. Set up a budget and stick to it. 4 stars PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Act on instinct and judge others by how consistent and reliable they are. You can expand your plans and explore new endeavors, but you are best not to get involved in a joint venture. Don’t mix business with pleasure. 3 stars
by Bil and Jeff Keane