Sunday, November 7, 2010
Peninsula Daily News
Husband disappointed Woman pays by new role in marriage for inattention DEAR JOHN: MY wife thinks I’m the go-to guy for everything that needs to be done around the house. Frankly, I resent this, but I don’t know how to tell her. About 18 months ago, my position as a technology team leader for a midsize company got eliminated, and I haven’t had a steady job since. My wife, on the other hand, has held on to her job. Our two kids are grown and out of the house. I guess what makes me most uncomfortable is that she’s become the breadwinner and I have become the househusband. What can I do to get my
I suspect the resentment you feel is more rooted in a sense of overall frustration about your current situation than in anything your wife did or did not do. The world has changed John Gray greatly during our lifetimes. When you and I were kids, it was rare to mojo back? see women in a full-time — Shaky Grounds job, and even more unusual in Columbus, Ohio to see them as the family breadwinner. But that was then and Dear Shaky Grounds: this is now. Today, the situFirst, recognize that these uncomfortable feelings are ation you describe is becoming quite common. totally natural and not That, of course, does not unusual for a man of your mean that it is any easier age and position. for you to make the adjustment. But here are a couple of suggestions that might help you along the way. arrive 10 days before publicaPeninsula Woman, which Remember that long before tion. appears Sundays in the Peninwe worked in jobs outside ■ Hand-deliver it to any of sula Daily News, welcomes the home, men generally items about coming North Olym- our news offices at 305 W. First raised crops or hunted to pic Peninsula events of women’s St., Port Angeles; 1939 E. Sims Way, Port Townsend; or 150 S. support and feed their faminterest. Sending information is easy: Fifth Ave., No. 2, Sequim, by 10 ilies. days before publication. ■ E-mail it to news@ Taking care of a home, Photos are always welcome. peninsuladailynews.com in time seeing that the budget balIf you’re e-mailing a photo, be to arrive 10 days before Friday sure it is at least 150 dots per ances, that the roof isn’t publication. inch resolution. leaking and that every■ Fax it to 360-417-3521
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no later than 10 days before publication. ■ Mail it to Peninsula Woman, P.O. Box 1330, Port Angeles, WA 98362 in time to
Questions? Features Editor Diane Urbani de la Paz, who is editor of Peninsula Woman, can be reached at 360-417-3550 weekdays or at diane.urbani@ peninsuladailynews.com.
Details of the wedding, engagement or anniversary can be listed on a form available in person at any of the Peninsula Daily News offices (see above), or by calling 360-417-3527 or 800-826-7714, ext. 527, in Jefferson County and the West End.
John Gray is the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: comments@ marsvenusliving.com.
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dad’s backyard,” she said. “He said it enabled him to keep his overhead low and do what he wanted.” Meanwhile, he started moving his clothing and stuff into Carla’s house. “One day I said, ‘Are we living together?’ We laughed, and he started contributing to the household,” Carla said. The trouble started just before the holidays. Dan told Carla he had always spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with his exwife, father and adult children. They compromised. Thanksgiving with her family, Christmas at his ex’s house for dinner. “I knew he was very good friends with her, and she was nice to my son and me, but I felt uncomfortable about just how close they were,” she said. Turn
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CARLA’S STORY STARTS three years ago. She’d been divorced six years and had dated a man she met on match.com who turned out to be a crossdresser. She joined a local singles group and went to a party. “One tall, nicely dressed man stood out,” she said. “Dan came over, introduced himself, and we had a wonderful conversation.” They continued to run into each other. They talked, but he never flirted. He told Carla he’d been divorced for 15 years and was on a dating sabbatical. He’d made poor choices in the past and was taking a break. On Valentine’s Day, Carla received an e-mail from Dan. “He said he was officially flirting with me,” Carla said. “How romantic was that! “After that, it was a whirlwind relationship. We spent every weekend together. He took me on romantic trips. We went to church every Sunday. We fed the homeless. “There was one red flag, which I chose to ignore: He lived in a trailer in his
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to red flags
thing is in good working order is not anymore or less masculine than it was for the generations of men who came before us. Only after the Industrial Revolution, men started to define themselves by the paycheck they brought home. Your mojo should be turned on by knowing that you make an important contribution to your home life. In truth, you still do that. Without doing what you do, there’s a good chance that your wife could not do what she does. So fulfill your role proudly. What you do is needed, essential and appreciated.
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