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ARIES (MAR. 21 - APR. 19)

LIBRA (SEP. 23 - OCT. 22)

You’ll brag to others today about all the action you’ve been getting lately. You’ll go into gory detail and leave nothing to the imagination. But they’ll look at you in skepticism, and wonder why your nose keeps getting longer and longer.

You’ll get good responses to ideas you pitch to your boss this week. So hit the social scene filled with the confidence of having such a positive week. But don’t expect to get a similar reaction from the guys you hit on around town, and be prepared to have more than one drink thrown in your face.

TAURUS (APR. 20 - MAY 20)

SCORPIO (OCT. 23 - NOV. 21)

You may find yourself attracted to a sexy new neighbor this week. That tingling sensation in your loins may be telling you that a romance could be in the offing. But asking him out could be risky, especially if you’re not sure which team he plays for.

Beware of persuasive people this week. They may strike when your will is weak and talk you into performing some unsavory acts. Unless, of course, you’re into role-playing where he’s the naughty king and you’re the naked serf. Then you’re on your own.

GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUN. 20)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 - DEC. 21)

Preaching about people’s fashion choices this week won’t get you anywhere. They’ll be loath to take your advice and you won’t understand why. But one glance in the mirror will tell you everything. So lose the pocket protector and suspenders before pointing out the fashion flaws of those around you.

Expect the unexpected. This week it could come in both positive and negative forms. You could win the lottery, get fired from your job or meet the man of your dreams. The latter will sound promising until you realize that he doesn’t speak your language and he’s wearing adult diapers.

CANCER (JUN. 21 - JUL. 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 - JAN. 19)

Your energy flow will be reduced to a dribble at some time this week. A lack of sleep could be the culprit. So do your best to get through the week and stay off the Internet when you get home tonight. Staying in the gay chat rooms until the sun comes up could be the indicator of a deeper problem.

Like the twin giants Jupiter and Saturn, most of the men you’ll meet this week will be bloated and gassy. There won’t be anything wrong with that; they’re just not your type. But hang in there. There’s sure to be a Venus or Mars willing to orbit your sun, although at this point you’ll settle for Uranus.

LEO (JUL. 23 - AUG. 22)

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 - FEB. 18)

You seem to have boundless energy this week. Or do you? Pass on that fourth cup of coffee -- it may loosen your tongue enough to tell your coworkers all the sexy details about your latest conquest. That’ll be too much information for some of them, but others will want to hear even more ... and that’s just plain creepy.

A glimpse of heaven may lure you into a descent into hell. Looks can be deceiving; an angel may be the devil in disguise. So keep your eyes wide open all week. There won’t be a ladder in the world tall enough to lead you out of the abyss you’ll so willingly fall into.

VIRGO (AUG. 23 - SEP. 22)

PISCES (FEB. 19 - MAR. 20)

You may have to dive headfirst into the abyss if you want to find romance this week. Risks can be a good thing, but you’ll never know unless you try. So give your phone number to the cute guy at the coffee shop. And try not to look surprised when he asks what took you so long.

Luck will be on your side when you find yourself sitting on the bus next to the hottie you’ve been pining for. But luck can only go so far, and it’ll be up to you to take the next step. Will you say hello or sit there tongue-tied and stammering? Better decide soon because the next stop is his.

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