Page 1

Costa lInk


Covering Costa del Sol and Inland Win â‚Ź200 with

April 2008 No.13

See Page 58

Jokes Puzzles Local Info Golf Tips Kids Page Survival Guide Business Directory

F Glass Curtains S.L.



 With over 15 years experience in the UK, we at Alhaurin Autos know how to look after our customers.  We will take part exchanges of either English or Spanish vehicles. We even give you cash back if you wish to trade down to a smaller car.  We have a fully qualified gestor and will take care of all the legalities for you.



FORD FIESTA 1.3, 1996, PAS, A/C, New ITV, €1,995 CHEVROLET MATIZ. 2005, PAS, A/C, FSH €4,995 ESCORT 1.8 TD 1997, PAS, A/C €2.995 ESCORT 1.8 Petrol 1998, PAS, RHD. Spanish plates €2,295 RENAULT KANGOO 1.9, DCi 65, 2 seater, panel van, 2001, A/C. €4,995 FORD FOCUS C-MAX 2.0L TDCi, 2005, PAS. A/C. CD, Immaculate €13,995 VW POLO 3 door, coupe, 1994, new engine €1,995


SUZUKI GRAND VITARA, Soft Top, 1999, T reg, PAS, immaculate inside and out €4,295 FORD ESCORT ESTATE, 1.8 Petrol, 1999, RHD, PAS, A/C, CD, 50,000 miles, FSH, 1 owner, immaculate, €3,995 CITROEN BERLINGO, 2003, 1.9D, Forte Ltd. Edition, RHD, 5 doors and seats, PAS, 48,000 miles, FSH, €7,995 VW SHARAN, 1.9 TDi, 7 seater, 1997, PAS, A/C €3,995 ROVER 218 Diesel, RHD, Spanish plates €2,995 FIAT ULYSEE, 8 seater, diesel, 2000, €8,495 FORD TRANSIT Choice of two €1,895 SUZUKI ALTO GL, 1.1, 2003, 65,000 miles, FSH, M.O.T. July 08, E/W, €2,995 RENAULT MEGAN 1.9 DCi, 5 door, 2002, PAS, A/C, RHD but on Spanish plates. €5,995

SEAT LEON 1.9 TDI. 5 door. PAS, A/C, Alloys 2004 €10,995

ROVER 75 ESTATE, 2002, 2 lt, Turbo Diesel, PAS, A/C, CD, Alloys, Immaculate €9,995

RENAULT MEGANE SCENIC. 2.0L, Auto, PAS, A/C, Sat Nav, 1/2 leather, etc. Immaculate €14,995


HYUNDAI TERRACAN. 2.9 CRDi, Dec. 2006, PAS, A/C, CD, Sat Nav, leather, As new, €23,995

FIAT BARCHETTA 1.6, 16v, 1998, FSH, LHD, UK reg, Bargain €4,995

MERCEDES E320 CDI 2003, PAS, A/C, CD, Sat Nav, Elec. seats, etc. etc. FSH, Immaculate €27,995

MITSUBUSHI L200 Double cab, 4x4, 2003, PAS, A/C, FSH, €14,995

NISSAN X TRAIL, 2.2L DCi Elegance. 2004, PAS, A/C, CD, leather upholstery, one owner, €19,995

FORD EXPLORER. AUTO. 4.0L, 1998, PAS, A/C, Immaculate inside and out, tow bar, €8,995

Only 70,000km. €11,995



MITSUBUSHI SHOGUN 1998, 7 seater, Diamond pack, TV/DVD. Sat Nav, leather, RHD, etc. etc €8,995 RENAULT KANGOO, 4X4, 5 seater, PAS, A/C, FSH, unmarked €10,995 SUZUKI VITARA 1.6 JLX, SWB, PAS, 1994 €4,995 FORD EXPLORER 4.0 auto, 1991, PAS, A/C, 7 seater, LHD on UK plates €3,495 DAIHATSU ROCKY 2.8 TD, 1993, PAS, A/C, LHD €4,995 LAND ROVER DISCOVERY 3.9 manual petrol/LPG LHD, UK plates, €7,995

We have more stock available, please see our website for a wide selection of LHD, RHD, Commercial, 4x4 and Cabriolets. Cars bought and sold, cash waiting, immediate decision. Free collection service, best prices paid, call now!

661 964 014 690 006 175 Email: Poligono Industrial La Rosa, Alhaurin el Grande


Well here we are in April and The Costa Link Magazine is celebrating its 1st Year Anniversary! Yes, we have survived the ups and downs, highs Contact Us and lows, not to mention blood, sweat, tears and Tel: hysterical laughter of our first year and the 663 061 669 Costa Link Magazine is thriving, no mean Email: feat for a small business on the Costa del Sol. April also brings ‘Fools Day’ so if you’re anything like me, you will already be planning your hysterDeposito Legal: MA-228-2007 ical gags to play on family and friends (well I think they are funny anyway!!) If you can’t think of any Advertising Sales: of your own, check out some ideas in this months 663 061 669 issue. Just make sure they are all carried out Deadline Date: 15th of before 12.00pm as otherwise the only fool will be each month. you! It is also the English Patron Saints Day this No part of this publication, month. The 23rd of April is St Georges Day, so including pictures may be why not drop your traditional English reserve and copied, used or reproduced party with style and vigor like our Irish cousins without our prior written did on St Patrick's Day in March. consent. Costa Link Magazine So here we go into the second year for our little accepts no responsibility for mag, a little older, a little wiser and certainly a litalterations to events listed, tler greyer, I only wish I could say slimmer!! claims made by our advertisers Enjoy the issue and a sincere thank you to you or information provided all for your continued support. by our contributors.

A Little Look At What ’s Inside This Month’s Issue

ge Kids Pa 1 5 Page

Bar and Restaurant Guide Page 26

Pets Corner Page 54


anks ools Pr April F 2 Page 4

The Jokes Page 52

ips Golf T 6 4 e g Pa Puzzles Page 36

to advertise in costa link magazine please call 663 061 669

Studio 66 55 4 33 99

A W o m a n’s W o r l d The differences between Men and Women... Names If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. Eating Out When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a €20, even though it's only for €32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come

the pocket calculators. Money A man will pay €2 for a €1 item he needs. A woman will pay €1 for a €2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale. Future A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. Success A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

London's Premier Personal TrainerLifestyle Coach With Over 15 Years Experience You Are Never Alone In Your Quest For Improved Health And Fitness. Specializing In Weight Loss, Muscle Gain, Body Toning And General Fitness. Also Offers Free Advice On Diet And Nutrition. Summers On The Way, So Get Fit!

Call Lenny for a free consultation on:

Now In Spain

628 684 212 Email:

UK Shopping In Spain Tel: 951 273 218 20% Discount For Senior Citizens (Wed & Sat ) 20% Discount On Appointments after 2pm (not valid with other offers) Urb. Calypso. Mon-Fri 10-7 Thur 10-9 Sat 10-4


ARGOS, COMET, BOOTS, MFI, DEBENHAMS, FURNITURE VILLAGE, NEXT, SCREWFIX DIRECT And many more UK shops. Fast delivery to your door anywhere in Spain Tel: 950 473 224 or 662 288 146 Email:

to advertise please call 663 061 669

The only limit to the design of your new pool...Is your Imagination...

Pool Design Concept Email: Tel: +34 639 62 84 68

What’s The Goss Cheryl Returns Home. Cheryl Cole has moved back into her marital home with Ashley Cole. Speculation has been rife about the couple’s future since it was alleged that Ashley had been unfaithful with three women. However it has been reported that despite Cheryl’s recent move, the couple are not back together and that Cheryl is merely protecting her assets. Apparently Cheryl has also moved her Mum into the house with her for company and support - a woman scorned is bad enough but a Mother in Law scorned - oh dear oh dear, you could almost feel sorry for the bloke!! Posh And Becks To Return Home? Posh and Becks are apparently considering moving back to Britain and Posh is also hoping she will be pregnant. Although Victoria is considered to be the main driving force behind the move to

Los Angeles, it is said that she now shares David’s feelings and wants to go home. David is said to have been depressed since early injury has prevented him from competing fully for LA Galaxy and his homesickness has grown worse following his Dad’s heart attack. Now that he appears to have Victorias support, David would like to be back in the UK by the end of the year. He has allegedly said he would play footie there for free, just as long as he can play!! The Real Cause Of Britney’s Woe? It has been reported recently that Britney Spears downward spiral into depressive meltdown is due to a termination she had following her split with Justin Timberlake. A friend has been reported as saying that Britney revealed the secret to K-Fed after telling him that she wanted his baby. The friend says that K-Fed believes that Britneys drug taking, drinking and bi-polar disorder all stem from the guilt of not having the baby.

Aerobic A b s , B u m s & Tu m s Below the ‘Movie Zone’ Urb El Campanario Calahonda Located In The Square next to Supersol & Restauante ‘Miel y Nata’

Karate Pilates Step Salsa/Latino Ta i C h i Yo g a Body Conditioning Pe r s o n a l Tr a i n i n g C h i l d r e n ’ s A e r o b i c / Re l a x a t i o n




! e l b a l i a v a w o n s e s i h c n a r F

Calle Rio Guadalmedina, Poligono La Rosa, Alhaurin El Grande, 29120 Malaga COME IN AND SEE US OR CONTACT: 952 59 70 70 or 666 90 02 57

T r y S a y i n g T h e s e W h e n Yo u ’v e H a d A F e w . . . Things That Are Difficult To Say When You’re Drunk 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate Things That Are Downright Impossible To Say When You’re Drunk 1.Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex. 2.Nope, no more booze for me! 3.Sorry, but you’re not really my type. 4. Kebab? No thanks, I’m not hungry. 5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight? 6. Oh, I couldn’t! No one wants to hear

me sing karaoke. 7. I’m really not interested in fighting you. 8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I’d hate to look like a fool! 9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this car park or on the road side. 10. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.

Looking for A business? Try our business Directory page 56




SKY DIGITAL Installation within 24 hours

Call Us Today 658 084 802 658 084 806 WE COVER ALL AREAS From the coast to the campo Fuengirola, Marbella, San Pedro, Estepona and in between.


please mention costa link when responding to adverts - thank you



Trade and Public Welcome

 Teak & Softwood Decking  Cuprinol Woodcare Products  Creosote  Wall Ties & Wall Starters  Marshalltown Brick & Plaster Trowels  Coving  Joist Hangers  Power Tools  Fence Panels  Patio Seal  Kids Playhouses Made To Measure

 Roofing Felt  Feather Edge Fencing  Door Liners  Brick Reinforcement  Bitumen D P C  Ready Mixed Tile Adhesive  Dust Sheets  Rubble Sacks  Sheds  Thistle Multi-Finish

Delivery to all areas Open 8 - 5.30 Monday to Friday. Las Chapas Poligono, Elviria, Marbella Tel: 952 835 172 Mobile: 676 797 162

REAL COMMENTS MADE ON LIVE TELEVISION Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: “They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.”

Davis's misses every chance he gets.”

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie, Fanny Sunneson, lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: “Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.”

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: “She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night.”

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: “Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve

MATRESSES AND BED BASES. All Sizes Trade Prices Free Same Day Delivery Tel: 665 256 266

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards’ tyre choice on World Superbike racing: “Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now.”

Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: “Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees.” cont...

Patio doors secured, Safes opened and fitted, Locks upgraded, Changed key holding. Fully registered.

GAME ROOM MARBELLA Tel: 952 806 178 Calle Juan de Mena 18. Pol. Ind. Estepona 12

to advertise please call: 663 061 669


REAL COMMENTS MADE ON LIVE TELEVISION Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: “With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off.” Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: “There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.” James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: “What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?” Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: “Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69.”


Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: “They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions.” A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: “So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?” The new stand at Doncaster racecourse took Brough Scott's breath away... “My word,” he said. “Look at that magnificent erection.”

view the magazine online.



W h a t ’s N e w Nikki Beach The glitzy, glamorous and down right gorgeous fans of Nikki Beach Marbella are in for a treat this summer, as the hip beach club gears up to make 2008 their best year yet. With a fantastic programme of summer events, and an exciting new menu, guests to the exclusive, stylish venue are guaranteed to enjoy its legendary ambience way into the night. Set for a soft opening in April 2008, Nikki guests will get the chance to grab some sun-drenched days on the beach and long leisurely lunches before the official Grand Opening White Party on 29 May. Leslies Bar Coin Ian and Jessica will be taking over as


Landlord and Landlady of Leslie’s Bar in Coin from the 15th March. Both have much experience and many new ideas to continue with Leslie’s reputation of good food, wine and company. New menus, events and a new look and feel, will all go to making Leslie’s the place to be in Coin. For further information please contact the restaurant on: 952 11 21 23 or Ian Wooldridge on Henry’s Bar 1st Anniversary Party Henry’s bar in Jardin Botanico, La Cala, will be celebrating their first anniversary on the Monday 7th April with a party that everyone is invited to. Live music, karaoke and more.

to advertise please call: 663 061 669




Paint Massive range of tiles in stock for immediate delivery

5 litres colour from €17 20 litres: White from €40 Colours from €50

Calle Bilbao No. 4. San Pedro de Alcantara Email:

Office: 951 275 257 Ralph: 619 412 288 Gill: 667 513 977

in translation Some funny examples of signs in various countries where words simply get lost in translation...

road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi. ‘Take notice: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.’

Cocktail lounge, Norway: ‘Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”

On a poster at Kencom: ‘Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.’

Doctors office, Rome: ‘Specialist in women and other diseases.’

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: ‘Do not activate with wet hands.’

Dry cleaners, Bangkok: ‘Drop your trousers here for the best results.’

In a Bangkok Temple: ‘It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as man.’

In a Nairobi restaurant: ‘Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.’

In a cemetery: ‘Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.’

On an Athi River highway - the main

Cont. overleaf...

Fancy Dress Hire For all Ages Quality Costumes @ Resonable Rates Fancypants are now

better than ever in their new premises in Riviera del Sol. Quality costumes, mostly handmade. We cater for every type of costume party from theme to era. (discounts given)

Telephone: 664 318 069

Behind Opencor in Riviera del Sol 18

please mention costa link magazine when responding to adverts


in translation Tokyo hotels’ rules and regulations: ‘Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.’ In a Tokyo bar: ‘Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.’ Hotel, Yugoslavia: ‘The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.’

composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.’ Hotel, Zurich: ‘Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.’ In a Swiss mountain inn: ‘Special today - No ice-cream.’

Hotel, Japan: ‘You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.’

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: ‘We take your bags and send them in all directions.’

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: ‘You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet

A laundry in Rome: ‘Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.’

British Estate Agent in Spain


If you are thinking of selling, look no further:

1 Local office, above the World shop 2 Experienced professional and proactive staff 3 International web portals 4 In-house free mortgage advice 5 English-speaking property Lawyers 6 Member of the Federation of British Estate Agents in Spain Albany General Insurances •Home insurance for residential and holiday lets •Motor insurance •Medical insurance •Travel insurance •Pet insurance Situated above the World shop in El Pilar / Benavista Telephone: 902 654 818 Email:


to advertise please call 663 061 669

952 46 80 49 / 46 14 73

FORD FOCUS, 1.6 Trend, Auto, 2006, 13,500Km, petrol, A/C, CD, €13,800

FORD TRANSIT connect, T200, 1.8 TDCi, A/C, E/W, 27,000Km, 2006, €11,800

FORD KA 1.3i petrol, 2005, manual, 38,500Km, A/C. CD, E/W, €6,800

KIA CARNIVAL 2.9 CRDi, 2004, diesel, 74,775Km, CD, ABS, €13,800

BMW 320, Auto, 1999, 2.0L, 55,900Km, petrol, A/C, CD, ABS, €9,500

FORD FIESTA, 1.4 TDCi Trend, 2005, diesel, 90,254Km, A/C, CD, €8,000

FIAT PUNTO 1.2, 16v ELX, Auto, 2001, 86,300Km, A/C E/W, €5,800


MERCEDES VITO, 2.1 Diesel, 1999, 127,000km, A/C, Full extras, €8,000. Camino de Coin. Km 3.5, Fuengirola, Mijas Costa.

952 46 80 49 / 952 46 14 73

ANGLO CONTINENTAL PROPERTIES S.L. Rentals Contact Suzanne Kershaw Tel: 0034 952 934 527 Mob: 0034 607 851 367 RENTALS

We have clients waiting for rentals.

2 bedroom & 3 bedroom apartments in the popular complex of Colinas de Calahonda. Mature gardens, outdoor pool and heated indoor pool. Spectacular sea views. Popular for rentals. From 300€ per week.

A very nice ground floor 2 bedroom apartment on Calahonda Golf. Beautiful gardens and pool area, frontline golf. Located in the popular urbanisation of Calahonda. Low Season from 300€ per week.

Frontline ground floor beach apartment. beautiful new complex with spectacular sea views, walking distance to all the shops, bars and restaurants of Calahonda. Low Season from 300€ per week.

Nice 1st floor 2 bed/2 bath apartment in the popular Calahonda Park complex. Walking distance to beach, shops, etc. Sky TV. Secure complex with ample parking. Low Season from 300€ per week.

One bedroom first floor apartment on popular Calahonda Royale complex, walking distance to beach, local shops, bars etc. Hot/cold Air-con. Electronic gate into parking area. Low Season from 250€ per week.

2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment just over the road from the beaches of Calahonda. Walking distance to shops, restaurants. Air-conditioned, all mod cons. Low Season from 300€ per week.

PROGRESS PROMOTION MOROCCO Spanish Contact: Suzanne Kershaw Mob: 0034 607 851 367 Tel: 0034 952 934 527 Morocco Contact: Antonio Flores. Tel: 00212 13 48 07 40 Mob: 0034 620 696 897 Email:

Properties starting from just €60,000

ANGLO CONTINENTAL PROPERTIES S.L. Sales Contact Gwen Ikin Tel: 0034 952 939 428 Mob: 0034 639 857 310 Low Prices, Excellent Opportunities


We have buyers waiting. €245,000

€170,000 Apartment in Calypso with views overlooking the sea and mountains, 2 bedrooms, bathroom, very close to restaurants, bars and cafes.

Beautiful and modern 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment in Calahonda with stunning panoramic views. Quiet and private location with lovely gardens and communal pool and children's pool.

€230,000 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom duplex apartment on the Beachside of Calahonda. Only 2 minute walk to the beach. Near to all amenities. Lovely gardens and sea views. Communal pool Absolute bargain and priced for quick sale.



€367,500 Beautiful 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment on the Beachfront in Riviera Del Sol. Extended dining area and bedroom. Stunning views over the beach and sea. Private terrace, communal pool and BBQ area. Good price for beachfront.

2 bedroom, 2 bathroom garden apartment in Cabopino, close to all amenities and golf course. Walking distance to the beach, beautiful views. Communal Pool with children's pool area. Mature tropical gardens.

Beachside Apartment in Calahonda, 2 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom. Lounge and Dining area with terrace looking over a well maintained garden. Fitted kitchen. Communal Gardens and swimming pool.


Free Mortgage Advice 80% Loan to value of property (non-residents) Cash back on re-mortgages  100% Financing Calahonda: Steve Ikin. Mob: 0034 651 318 133 Tel: 952 938 428 Apartments  Villas  Townhouses  Commercial  Rustic  Land

A M a n’s W o r l d The new ‘drive thru’ cash machine instructions... Procedure For Male Customers: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Wind down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Wind up window. 7. Drive off. Procedure For Female Customers: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window with cash machine. 3. Re-start the stalled engine. 4. Wind down the window. 5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to its excessive distance

Interior/Exterior Decorators Pre Summer Refurbs Professional Service Reasonable Rates Fast Turnaround Only Top Quality Paints Used Free Estimates All Areas Covered 24

from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Remove cash point card and re-insert the right way up. 10. Find diary with PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check make-up in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside. 17. Place receipt in back of cheque book. 18. Re-check make-up. 19. Drive forward two meters. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 24. Drive for two to three miles. 25. Release handbrake.

Mango 2

Homemade pies and cornish pasties. English breakfasts. Lunchtime specials. Open 8am until 5pm seven days a week. Buti Playa, La Cala. Tel: 678 630 478

Bar/Takeaway. Indian kebabs, pizza. International and local beers. Sky sports. Open 5pm until 11pm everday (except Tuesday) Buti Playa, La Cala. Tel: 678 630 478


The Sussex Bar

Newly Opened Takeaway. Baguettes, Paninis, Burgers, Pizzas and Pastries. Mon - Sat. 12.00 - 9.00pm. C/Torremolinos, La Cala. Tel: 618 181 507

Under new management. Food served 10am 10pm Mon - Sat and 1pm - 7pm Sundays. Quiz night Wednesdays, Darts league Fridays, Karaoke Saturdays. La Cortijera. La Cala.

Paramount Bar

Cala Bella

Sports bar. All events shown. Open 7 days a week from 2pm till 2am. Calle de Estepona, La Cala. Tel: 680 569 922

All English and Dutch football and main sporting events shown. Open Mon - Fri 5pm till late. Sat - Sun 2pm till late. Tel: 952 494 550. Calle Torremolinos, La Cala.

FILL UP THOSE EMPTY TABLES Advertise in the C osta l ink Bar and Restaurant Guide from as little as â‚Ź20 a month. Tel: 663 061 669

bars and restaurant guide

Great places to eat and drink in La Cala

Mango Tree

Now Open

Fish & Chips Doner Kebabs Chicken Kebabs Burgers Open 5pm till late. Telephone orders welcome Tel: 952 494 087 Local 34 Jardin Botanico Near La Cala, Mijas Costa


Henry’s Bar


Live Music Karaoke All Live Sports Events Shown Inside And Outside On The Terrace. Open from 4pm till Late Monday - Friday Sat - 1pm till late. Sun - 2pm till late Local 33, Jardin Botanico, Near La Cala de Mijas, Mijas Costa

Great places to eat and drink in La Cala

bars and restaurant guide

H’s Takeaway


FOR BOOKINGS CALL: 952 935 568 C.C Los Jarales, Mijas Costa Sit ‘n’ Go

Harrys Sports Bar

Sit ‘n’ Go sports lounge broadcasting all the weekly action in comfortable, friendly surroundings. Open daily from 1pm until midnight. Wi-fi internet access. Frontline C.C.Calypso.

All live sports shown and premiere league football. Five TV’s and big screen. Full menu and Sunday roast. Open 10am until late seven days a week. Upstairs Los Jarales.




The Take Out SA

Los Jarales/Calypso

Sports - Cafe Bar

Play World famous Texas Hold’em poker. From beginners to pros, we have games to suit everyone. Open daily for major sporting events. Fully licensed bar. Tel: 952 932 519

Serious ill health forces quick sale. Reduced price €95,000 now €80,000 leasehold. Well established Take Away and Home Delivery service of Indian food and pizzas. Tel: 679 359 356

great places to eat and drink


Trafalgar Cocktail Bar

Indian Restaurant. Take Away and Delivery. Only natural herbs and spices, no additives, no colour. Open 7pm until late Mon-Sat. El Zoco. Tel: 952 934 909. Free bottle of wine with this ad.

For before and after dinner drinks. Live music Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Open every evening until late. El Zoco First floor, Sito de Calahonda. Mijas Costa.

The Boat House

Fools Bar

Excellent quality fish and chips. Large portions. Large selection of desserts. Eat ‘al fresco’ or in the large restaurant. Wi-Fi. El Zoco. Open Mon-Sat 6.00-10.00. Tel: 952 930 148

Small friendly bar. Daily sport. Karaoke on Tues and Thursday. All football matches shown. First floor El Zoco (corner) Tel: 952 935 340

Bar Fools And Horses

Sisters Bar

Fully air conditioned, Sports, Full menu with daily specials. Open all day, seven days a week. Los Boliches. Tel: 952 196 335

Friendly family bar with good food, tapas, live entertainment, karaoke and sports. Open seven days a week. The Strip, Calahonda Tel: 952 939 579











El Zoco, Calahonda

Curry Crazy


Italian restaurant. Taste the genuine Italian food in attractive decor. Open seven days a week, 1pm till late. C.C. El Zoco, first floor, Sitio de Calahonda. Tel: 952 932 042


Chill out lounge/bar. Good Atmosphere, Good Music, Good Times. Tel: 666 834 616. Open everyday. Top floor El Zoco


Villa Paradiso - Open since 1989 Italian Restaurant


Los Boliches great places to eat and drink

Lil Rob’s

Come and enjoy the delightful ambience of this fine Indian restaurant situated in the Torrenueva Urbanisation, Near La Cala. With our premier Indian chef preparing cuisine from all different regions of India whilst also cooking his own specialties. For example: Kadhai Goshi Bussainy - Pieces of lamb in a mild sauce Handi - Meat or fish with onion, tomato, peppers and a special spicy sauce Chicken Pasanda - Marinated chicken fillets in mild sauce stuffed with spices. Restaurant and Take Away

Open 7 nights a week 6.00 - 12.00

Tel: 902 463 426 IND IAN

Come And Enjoy The Relaxing Atmosphere Of Browns BBQ And Grill Over Looking The Mediterranean On The Main Roundabout At Riviera Nr. Calahonda. Sunday Carvery Starter Roast Meat Main Course Dessert 1 Course €11.95 3 Courses €18.95

Open 7 Days A Week Restaurant And Take Away Mon - Sat 5.30 - 10.30 Sunday Carvery and Take Away 1.00 - 8.00 Tel: 902 276 967 902 BRO WNS

Succulent Ribs Spit Roast Chicken Prime Steaks Pork Chops Lamb Cutlets Grilled Fish Or Delve Into Pie Corner

Top of Riviera del Sol, Las Terrazas de Miraflores. (round the corner from Miraflores supermarket.)

bars and restaurant guide

Great places to eat and drink in Rivera del Sol & Miraflores

FUN POKER NIGHTS Every Tuesday at 8pm. All welcome regardless of ability. Small stakes. HAPPY 2â‚Ź HOUR 7pm-8pm Monday - Friday. Bottled beer, Wines and Spirits. Offex pick up point  Mobile phone top ups.  Internet cafe. Open from 10am - 10pm Mon - Fri 12pm - 7pm Sat and Sun Tel: 952 930 844

Golden Sun

Bunkers Bar Bistro

Traditional Chinese Food. Takeaway menu. Open 12.00-16.00 and 18.30-24.00 everyday. Riviera Commercial. Tel: 952 931 737

Breakfast, brunches and evening dinner. Open 7 days a week from 10am. Internet connection. Terrace available for private functions. Miraflores Driving Range. Tel: 952 939 381

En Un Rincon De La Boca

Specialists in Argentinian grilled meat. Take away. Open all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Las Terrazas de Miraflores Tel: 952 930 649

Advertise Your Bar Or Restaurant Here For Just â‚Ź20 A Month. Tel: 663 061 669

bars and restaurant guide

Great places to eat and drink in Rivera del Sol & Miraflores

Family Bar Internet Quizzes and Karaoke Live Entertainment Pool Tables Games Machines Open for Food Closed Tuesdays Beachside, Riviera del Sol Tel: 952 935 676

RIVIERA DEL SOL Home cooked food, friendly atmosphere. Open 6 -11 everyday. Riviera del Sol. Tel: 902 276 967 902 BROWNS

Papa Luigi

Traditional Italian food. Fresh pasta, wood burning pizza oven, Open every day 12 - 11. Riviera Commercial, Tel: 952 934 496


Great places to eat and drink in Rivera del Sol & Miraflores

JJ’s Bar

Browns BBQ and Grill

Avenida del Golf

bars and restaurant guide

Beautiful Panoramic Sea and Beach Views From The Terrace Freshly Cooked Versatile Menu. Warm Friendly Atmosphere. Recently Refurbished. Open for Lunch. Above Shenanigans, Beachside, Riviera del Sol Tel: 952 935 039. Closed Tuesdays.

Puz zle It Out Quick Crossword

Word Link


22. Compare (5)

1. Comical (5) 4. One of the senses (5) 7. Freedom (7) 8. Regret (3) 9. Woodwind instrument (4) 11. Ire (5) 14. Valuable item (5) 15. Singing voice (4) 18. Large antelope (3) 19. Greed (7) 21. Force out (5)

Down 1. Bird of prey (6) 2. Seize suddenly (3) 3. Tall story (4) 4. Attempting (6) 5. Dreamlike (7) 6. Level (4) 10. Vague (7) 12. Leave (6) 13. Forward-looking (6) 16. Monster (4) 17. Shopping precinct (4) 20. Writing fluid (3)


Here is a map of the newly discovered cities and waterways on Mars. Start at the city marked with T, at the south pole, and see if you can spell a complete English sentence by making a tour of all the cities, visiting each city only once, and returning to the starting point.


Solutions on page 58

to sponsor this page please call: 663 061 669

BAR CONTINENTAL Bar Continental has a friendly atmosphere. Open in Calahonda next to Lidl. Mad Mondays Sky Sports Live Music Friday Poets Day Jackie Sundays


parties catered for. Karaoke anytime someone wants to sing all week. COME AND ENJOY YOURSELVES! If you've got any queries, give John a ring on 636 318 052.

Great Truths Learnt By Children No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats. When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person. Never ask your three year old brother to hold a tomato. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

The Golden Rules Of Business

Early to bed, Early to rise, Work like hell and

ADVERTISE this size advert for just € 50 a month Call: 663 061 669



Sausage Rolls, Scotch Eggs, Pasties, Pies, Crumbles, Quiches, Fruit Pies, Wraps and Hot and Cold Rolls made to order with Fresh Beef or Roast Ham, Vegetarian Pies. In fact we will bake ANY PIE with ANY FILLING, any way you want it (to order). We also bake for Bars and Restaurants and other trade enquiries. OPENING TIMES MONDAY - FRIDAY 10.00 - 16.00 SATURDAY 10.00 - 14.00

Local 16B C.C. Calypso Calahonda Tel: 619 522 331 38

C.C. Mustang El Pilar Estepona Tel: 663 330 057

please mention costa link when responding to adverts - thank you

Top quality baby equipment for hire on the Costa del Sol. Everything you need on one site, delivered to your accommodation at a time convenient to you. All our equipment is of high standard and comply to EU standards Equipment available: Z Beds, Travel Cots, Wooden Cots, Highchairs, Buggies/Prams, Baby/Stair Gates, Baby Baths, Baby Monitors, Car Seats, Booster Seats, Baby Walkers And Much, Much More Plus free delivery on all orders over â‚Ź50 For more information and Prices why not check out our web site or give us a call:

TEL: 699 539 180

Wheelchairs Mobility Scooters Walking Frames Shower Chairs Commodes Bath Lifts

Things That Make You Go Mmmm Supplied by Bladerunnerchef. S.L. Sea Bass Baked in Foil with Pesto, Courgette and Carrots Servings: 4 Ingredients 4 sea bass fillets, about 1 inch thick 3/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper 1/4 cup pesto  3 carrots, grated 1 courgette, grated 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/4 cup dry white wine Method 1.Heat the oven to 450oF. Put four 12-inch squares of aluminum foil on a work surface and brush lightly with cooking oil. 2.Put a fish fillet in the center of each square of foil. Sprinkle the fillets with 1/4 teaspoon of the salt and 1/4 teaspoon of

Chef Clothing Here on The Coast del Sol

New for Spring 2008 1000’s of Restaurants have already listed their menus from around the World. We are now looking for you to list your menu Free of charge. Brand new recruitment & vacancies section bringing both chefs and restaurants together.

Supplier of Choice for the Catering Professionals Bladerunnerchef.S.L. Website: E-Mail

951 165 045 Bladerunner is sponsored by


the pepper. Spread the fish with the pesto. Cover the pesto with the carrots and top with the courgette. Sprinkle with the remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Gather the foil around the fish and drizzle the fish with the oil and wine. Fold the edges of the foil to make a sealed package. Put the foil packages on a baking sheet. 3.Bake the fish until just done, about twelve minutes. Open the foil packages and transfer the fillets with their vegetable topping to plates. Pour the juices over the top. Serve with either a crisp salad or hot buttered asparagus and new potatoes. Bladerunnerchef.S.L has been established on the Costa del Sol since 2006 and is the only dedicated online Catering web site providing a range of services to the restaurant trade. We are the sole supplier of Le Chef and Dennys chef ware together with other leading brand names such as Global, Birkenstock and many more, all available via our online store and mobile delivery service. New for Spring 2008 we have launched the only online menu selector allowing restaurants to list their menu and contact details free of charge on our sister site If you want to recommend a restaurant let us know! We have also launched a new recruitment and vacancies section that brings together both Chefs and Employers on the Costa del Sol. If you are looking for work or have a vacancy to fill visit and click on the recruitment section.

MELROSE PROPERTIES S.L. Established in Estepona Port 1984

952 802 912 €358,000




2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apart ment. Fabulous views across port.

2 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 2 ter races. Spacious apartment which includes a tras tero and under ground garage.



5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms villa. 214 m2 build and 3000 m2 plot. Private pool, Orchard, 2 Stables and tack room.



Unique frontline semi detached Villa. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathroom Private garden. Only 50m from beach.

Sales - We have a large portfolio of selected properties and offer a one stop property service, from your first general enquiry through to completion.

Property Required - All types, clients waiting Holiday Rentals and Long Term Lets - We cater for all your needs for the perfect holiday. We have a selection of 1, 2 and 3 bedroom apartments all in the marina area. All are fully equipped with sea views.

Management and Maintenance - Whether you wish to rent your property or keep it as a holiday home we can offer you a Management service to care for your interest. Post Boxes

Andalucian Tours

Fax and Photocopying service.

Car Hire  Car Insurance  House Insurance (with Ibex and Ocaso no agency fees.) Rentals and Insurance Tel: 952 80 29 12 / 952 80 33 12 Sales Tel: 952 80 77 80 Fax: 952 79 17 99

April F

ls Pranks

Here are some great April Fools pranks for you to try out... At Home Early Bird Set the victim’s alarm clock for the middle of the night and hide it somewhere in the room where they will have to get up and scramble around to turn it off. This works even better if you sneak in after they go to sleep and unscrew the light bulb in their lamp. Then they’ll have to search for the clock in the dark! Unexpected Take all the cereal in the house, remove the plastic bags from the boxes, and switch them around. When the victim tries to eat breakfast they will do a double-take when the wrong

cereal pours out. At The Office Invisible Ink Go into the victim’s office and locate every pencil and pen in their desk. Paint the tips with clear nail polish. When they try to write, none of them will work. (After the prank is revealed, the nail polish can be removed by dipping the pens and pencils in polish remover.) Incorrect If the victim uses Microsoft Word, go into the victim’s computer and change the auto-correct feature so it mis-spells common words. Just open Word, from the Tools menu, and have it replace cont. overleaf...

Hot Tubs & Jacuzzi Spas

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A spa for every size and budget Juan de Mena 24 Estepona Poligono Next to Furniture World 902 88 11 02 952 79 75 70 617 63 92 15 email:


Fully insured call now for availability +44 (0) 7966 136 333 Email:

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Tel: 952 49 93 05 Mob: 653 10 71 86

Pol. Ind. ‘La Rosa’ Calle Rio Guadalmedina, Nave 120 Alhaurin el Grande Email:

April F cont from previous page... common words like ‘the’ and ‘and’ with silly words like ‘bottom burp’ or ‘Uranus.’ Be creative. Hurry Up Change the cursor on the victim’s computer. Go to Start >Settings >Control Panel >Mouse, and select the ‘Pointers’ tab. Then change the cursor to the hourglass image. Now the victim will think their computer is stuck on a task endlessly. Crawling Mouse Go to Start > Settings > Control Panel > Mouse > Pointer Options, and change the mouse pointer to the slowest speed. If your victim isn’t very computer-savvy, and doesn’t know about

ls Pranks this setting, they won’t understand why their cursor is suddenly moving slower than a snail! At The Pub Don't Cry Over Spilled Beer Tell a friend that you know a great trick. Put your hand palm-down on the table and balance a full glass of beer (or any liquid) on the back of your hand. Bet your friend that they can’t balance a glass on both hands at once (with your help to put them in place). As soon as you have the glasses balanced, stand up and walk out. They will be trapped and will have to spill the beers to escape.




Wood-block and Laminate ‘Click’ systems Guaranteed Quality Flooring – Fits over existing floors Many designs and Textures to suit your personal Décor Professional Fitting Service For Free estimate and Site Measure: Tel: 637 107 419 E-mail: 44

CLEARsurrounds VIEW

Pool Enclosures and Balustrades

Add a touch of glass to your surroundings.

We specialize in luxury glass pool surrounds and balcony balustrades. With the new Spanish regulations stating that all communal pools must be fully fenced coming into effect in the New Year, there is no classier way to acheive this. For a free no obligation quotation Tel: 678 43 00 92 or email:

Golf Tips And Tricks The Ball Above and Below Your Feet by Mark Sibley of Miraflores Golf Academy On the courses in Spain you will often find the ball above or below your feet. If you don’t set-up to allow for this before you swing it will result in a bad shot. Here are some tips that will improve the shots you play from these uneven lies. Above Your Feet 1.Sole the club to establish your posture and the plane of your swing. 2.Grip down on the club. 3.Move the ball back in your stance from where you would normally position it for a level lie. 4.Stand more upright with your knees flexed into the hill. 5.Don’t make anymore than a threequarter swing concentrating on keeping your balance throughout the swing. Below Your Feet 1.Sole the club to establish both your swing plane and posture 2.Stand closer to the ball. 3.Move the ball forward in your stance from where you would normally position it for a level lie. 4.Widen your stance, pigeon toe your feet and flex your knees into the hill. 5.Make no more than a three-quarter swing concentrating on keeping your balance throughout the swing. Try this out on the practice ground and then take it onto the course. Uneven lies will be easy to deal with.





Golf Academy Golfing about A nun went to her Mother Superior to confess. “I used some horrible language this week and feel terrible about it.” “Why? What happened?” asked the elder. “Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive! It looked like it was going to sail over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line and the ball fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.” “Is that when you swore?” asked Mother Superior. “No, Mother,” says the nun. “After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball and began to run away.” “Is that when you swore?” asks the Mother Superior again. “Oh no.” says the nun. “You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle flew down, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!” “Is THAT when you swore?” asks the amazed elder nun. “No, Mother. Not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.” “Did you swear THEN?” asked Mother Superior. “No Mother not then. My ball fell on a rock, bounced over the bunker, rolled onto the green and stopped about six inches from the hole.” The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said, “You missed the f*****g putt, didn't you?”

Avenida del Sol, 29630, Benalmรกdena Costa

Star Signs A look at what's in store for you over the next month...








The beginning of the month is a great time to make small changes in your daily routine. On the 14th, prepare yourself for a tricky day but the clearer you are about how you feel, the easier it will be for you. You start out the month full of an extreme brilliance. Your ideas are brilliant, your smile and love life is brilliant and your future is brilliant. Use this to influence the way things go all month long. This month don't let somebody who's jealous of your lifestyle bring you down. It's their choice not to give living their dreams a shot, so don't you go shouldering the blame for their weakness. Stay focused this month. Keep your nose to the grindstone and don't forget to maneuver correctly, because working hard and heading in the right direction pays off before you know it. Business persons may get a big opportunity in the last week of the month so make sure not to waste it. Jobs offers could also be on the cards for the currently unemployed during this period. Though there will be less forced work pressure during the first half of the month, you’ll find yourself willingly working hard. This is a peak time in your career and there is a lot to gain from hard work.







You’ll be very energetic, and impulsive this month due to the positive impact of planets on you. Career advancements will be quicker to gain, finances will be great and romance will be hot!!! Past experience of living on a budget will come in very handy for a while. Your professional life may seem a bit flat so try to open yourself up to other ideas and possibilities of work. April will be a month of love, for Virgos. New relationships, growing intimacy, marriage... Everything related is possible this month. Wherever you go, romance will follow you. Watch the cash from1st-7th.

A dispute or worry will come to an end this month and your general health will improve. Your professional life will remain stable but you may have to deal with a person close to you going abroad. Success in many projects are likely this month. Salary increase, promotion etc. are possible. Things aren’t however so smooth on the romance front so watch out for causing unecessary rows. It looks like plain sailing for most things this month. Work is fine as long as you stick to deadlines and relationships may well move onto the next level. Watch out for a short bout of illness though.

In Sickness and in Health Wendy Codd arrived in Spain in 2005 bringing with her over 25 years of experience in the Insurance industry. Since her humble beginnings her portfolio of products have expanded as has her client base. From Car and Home insurance (including subsidence and all risks) to Travel (up to 84 years), Liability, Bars, Health, Pensions, advice on Inheritance Tax, the list goes on. Almost everything she sells is in English and she is always at the end of the phone to give advice and offer competitive premiums. Just some of the products she offers are:Health Insurance to Cover PreExisting Conditions.  New Scheme - Private Health Group Scheme - min of 10 members, max of 50. Premium €39 a month, irrelevant of age or gender. Savings Plans - Guarantees of 5% interest.

Repatriation Cover For Ex-Pats -

covers you in the event of death, guaranteeing a transfer from Spain to your country of origin, together with another passenger, including a capital payment of €6000. All for €70 Euros P.A. Life /Critical Illness/Accident Cover - Hugely competitive premiums on all forms of protection cover, can also be used to cover Inheritance Tax liability. Income Protection Plan for Self Employed - Protection in the event of sickness/disability for the self employed. As residents in a foreign country, our lives are full of surprises and the unexpected is far more likely to occur than not. So for peace of mind contact Wendy Codd for informal advice on 952 83 08 43 or mobile 676 098 464. EU Insurance has

offices in Elviria, Framire Residencial, Local 6, Elviria. Office hours are 10.00 - 5.30 pm Monday – Friday.

 Cheapest and best cover for Cars (UK and Spanish), Travel, House, Bikes, Bars, Offices, Life, Health.  Unique Health Plan exclusive to EU INSURANCE DIRECT covers pre-existing conditions. Protection Plans for the Self Employed, Sickness, Accident, Disability.


Pools Perfecto How often should I be running my swimming pool pump? By David Moore, Perfectos Pools

The optimum time to run your swimming pool pump would be that which keeps your pool blue, clean, and sanitized. This can be as little as one or two hours a day to as much as 24 hours per day. Unfortunately, there is no other way to determine the optimum time to operate your swim pool pump other than by trial and error. You could start by asking your neighbours how much they run their pool pump and start at that. The filter system should be run during the day because that is when the most demand is put on the pool. Typically, the daytime is when the most swimming occurs and also when the most debris is blown in by the wind. By running during the daytime, your system will be pulling the debris into the skimmers before it has a chance to sink. Also, you are circulating the chemicals to keep the water sanitized when it is most needed.

952 450 487

CALL: 663 061 669 50

Within two or three days, you should be able to tell if your filter system is doing the job. By ‘doing the job’ we mean that the pool is blue and clear, your sanitizer level is maintained throughout the day, and the majority of debris is pulled into the skimmer and is not floating around or sunk to the bottom. If your system is not doing the job, increase the pump run-time by one to two hours. If it is, then decrease the pump run-time by one to two hours. Note: If you don't have a timer on your pump, you will soon learn how valuble it is to have one. Some timers will allow you to set the pump to go on and off several times a day. You may find it better to do this than to have it on and off only once during a 24 hour period.

Kids Stuff

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Creative crafts for kids

Tel: 952 880 652 Centro Commercial Guadalmina. (Next to Supersol)

Gymnastics and Trampolining for Girls and Boys at CASA LOCA, LA CALA. Saturdays - Under 5's 10:00am - 10:45am. â‚Ź8 per session Saturdays Over 5's 11:00am - 12:30 pm â‚Ź12 per session Call Charlotte on 693 270 553 / 952 493 820 or email: to book your session.

Help the candle find its way to the Birthday cake in time for the party

Can you unscramble the following words to make ten Birthday related words? 1. drybaiht 2. snrestpe 3. kcea 4. agsem 5. eat 6. rpaty 7. alosbonl 8. nsecdal 9. adcsr Find the Birthday party words below in the wordsearch. birthday candles cake clown

presents party tea games

balloons cards

Want to get your kids business seen by the ones that matter?


The Jokes Page An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice In reviving her husband’s libido. “What about trying Viagra?” asked the doctor. “Not a chance”, she said. “He won't even take an aspirin.” “Not a problem,” replied the doctor. “Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.” A week later she called the doctor, who asked about her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, faith, bejaysus! T'was just terrible, doctor!” “Really? What happened?” asked the doctor. “Well, I did as you said and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants abulging fiercely! With a swoop of his arm, he sent me cups flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!” “Why so terrible?” asked the doctor, “Was the sex your husband provided not good?” “Jaysus, ‘twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin’ here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”


He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his private parts into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. “What's wrong, Bill?” she asked. “Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my private parts into the pickle slicer?” “Oh, Bill , you didn't” she exclaimed. “Yes, I did.” he replied. “Oh dear, Bill, what happened?” “I got fired.” “No Bill, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?” “Oh...she got fired too.” A motorcyclist was driving along on a dark, cold, wet and windy evening when he spotted a hitch hiker. He stopped to pick him up and advised him to turn his coat around in order to reduce the effect of the wind and the rain down his front. The passenger did this and they set off. After a while the motorcyclist was horrified to notice that his passenger was no longer on board. He turned the bike around and began retracing his path. Spotting a crowd in the street surrounding a prone body, he parked up, walked over and with dread asked “Is he OK?” “He was 100% okay when we found him,” replied a blonde from the crowd. “But he has relapsed somewhat since I got his head around the right way!”

to advertise please call 663 061 669

SEGWAY R DES When we were invited for a tour of Malaga with a difference on a Segway, two thoughts sprang to mind... ‘What’s a Segway?’ and ‘Why Malaga?’ Intrigued to learn more, we made the drive to Malaga to find out. The offices of Segway Rides were easily found and parking was close by. Before we started the tour, Anna our guide gave us a brief training session; which is all that is needed as these nifty little two-wheeled devices do it all for you! Using gyroscopes and microprocessors, readjusting about 100 times a second they perfectly balance the rider. Very Clever! To move forward or backward on the Segway, you simply lean slightly for-

wards or backwards. It all feels natural, safe, and instinctive after just a few minutes and you are then ready for your tour of the beautiful city of Malaga. Segways are suitable for any one of any age, (the group before us were all in their sixties and whilst on our tour a group of teenagers showed their approval!) the only restriction being that you must weigh more than 40 kilos (about six stone). If like me you’ve only ventured to Malaga for the airport, then you have been missing out on a city full of architecture and culture. I feel quite ashamed that I have not visited before and will certainly be going back there again...on a Segway of course!

s r t e n PCeor Nervous Cats When taken home as a pet, a cat or kitten may be quiet and wary for the first few days, or even weeks, whilst getting used to you and the new environment. However, some cats remain fearful despite a gentle welcome and time to settle in. Reasons for nervousness in cats • Genetics - as with people, some cats seem to be more nervous than others. • Bad experiences - the cat may previously have had a frightening experience and survival mechanisms make the animal generally fearful in anticipation of it happening again. • Lack of experience at a crucial time in development - kittens that meet people and other animals and are exposed to the general hubbub of life by the time they are eight weeks old will take almost anything in their stride. This is the making of a confident cat. If the cat has missed out on these early experiences, life with humans can be difficult to cope with. To try and tackle theses problems takes time and patience. The cat must learn that there is nothing threatening in the situation that they are running or hiding from. It can be useful to obtain an indoor crate or kittening pen for the cat's re-education. Place it in the corner of the room and cover with a blanket so that the cat can see out of the front but as the sides remain covered the cat feels protected. To start with place the cat in the pen during a quiet period so that the cat can get used to it and relax. The cat will probably like the feeling of protection the pen provides. Feed your cat favourite treats in the pen and provide a litter tray. Let the cat view all normal household goings-on from this safe haven and gradually add more ‘action’. When the cat seems relaxed, ask a friend to visit. Normally the cat would run away when the doorbell rings, but now the cat has to watch and listen, albeit from the safety of the pen. Ask your guest to feed the cat through the cage with a special tit-bit and talk soothingly. You can then graduate to having the cat in the room without the pen and inviting visitors in. As the cat learns that everything is not a threat, they also discover that the rewards of staying around are worth overcoming the fear. Never lose your temper DESIGNER PETS BOUTIQUE or become impatient with your cat - this NOW OPEN IN RIVIERA DEL SOL will just reinforce the cat's previous fears. (Behind Georges Bar) Remember, cats feel safe in high places, For all your gifts, toys, beds and therefore when you progress to letting the accessories for dogs and cats. cat out of the pen, provide a high perch Open 10-2 and 4-7 Monday to Friday 10-2 Saturday for your cat to sit in safely. Tel: 606 519 701.


to advertise your business to pet lovers please call 663 061 669

ocal Info Emergency Numbers


(Marina) Cinemas

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica Medical

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Cañada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Health Centres Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Fire Brigade Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046 952 952 952 952 952 952 952

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro


Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89


Consulates British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

Town Halls

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande (La Fama) Friday - Alhaurin el Grande (Bar Aquamania) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona

Taxis Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates 1st April - April Fools Day 23rd April - St. Georges Day

Look out for our new ‘What’s On’ guide coming soon. If you have a special event that you would like to advertise for free, please call: 663 061 669

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669


The Business Directory The Reviews Advertise Your business here for just â‚Ź65 for 12 issues or have it framed for only â‚Ź80! Baby Boutique>> Builders M & MH Builders 30 years experience, reforms, new builds, kitchens, hard landscaping & pools. Tel: 952 457 977 or 615 309 446 JCB Builders Property Maintenance Multi Services, All jobs considered Repairs and Improvements Pool Cleaning Service Free Estimates and Advice All Areas Covered. Fully Legal Tel Jonno: 677 079 704(Day) 952 882 305(Eve)

Mintmicro S.L. Computer Shop Alhaurin el Grande, for Inks, Sales - Repairs & Upgrades.Virus & Spyware Removal Open 10 - 6 Mon - Friday No Siesta. Saturday 10 - 2 Tel: 951 160 411 or Skype: Email:

Estate and Rental Agents Kingfisher Club

Las Chapas Poligono, Elviria, Marbella. Tel: 952 835 172 or 676 797 162.

Holiday rentals. Self catering holiday rentals suitable for families. Kingfisher Club, Edificio Benal Beach, Ctra. de Cadiz km 221, 29630, Benalmadena Costa. Tel: (0034) 952 440 659 Email:

Car Traders

MPA Homes

Building Supplies Aim Building Supplies

Alhaurin Autos Cars bought and sold. Large selection for sale LHD and RHD. Alhaurin el Grande. Tel: 661 964 014

Manilva Autos Buyers and suppliers of previously loved cars. New showroom at Estepona Poligono. Tel: 952 806 732


Computer Repairs and Sales

Edif. Euromarket, Local 4, Urb Calypso, 29649, Mijas Costa, Malaga. Tel: 952 933 534

Anglo Continental Properties Property sales, long and short term rentals. Cento Commercial Lidl, Sitio de Calahonda. Tel: Sales: 952 939 428 Rentals: 952 934 527

Fancy Dress Hire Fancy Pants Behind Opencor in Riviera del Sol Tel: 664 318 069

Furniture Designs of Asia Indian and Asian furniture. Wholesale and retail. Tel: 952 59 70 70

Wetherlys Indoor and outdoor furniture, and furnishings. Tel: 952 808 774

Game Room Supplies Game Room Marbella Tel: 952 806 178

Glass Curtains Elite Glass Curtains. Poligono Elviria 26 Elviria, 29600. Tel: 952 830 503

Hairdressers Inspirations Urb. Calypso. Tel: 951 273 218

Kitchens Kitchens & Beyond Kitchens, bedrooms and studies. Free design and consultation. Tel: 952 88 65 55 Advertise your business here for only 65 for 12 issues. Call: 663 061 669

please mention the costa link magazine when responding to adverts

The Business Directory Mortgage Advisors

Removals Companies

Progress Mortgages

The Depot

80% mortgages to non residents, 40 year interest only and self certs up to 60% LTV, no proof of income required. Tel: 662 488 163

International and local removal specialists. Pol. Ind San Pedro, Marbella. Tel: 952 450 487

Motorbikes Sp Moto New and used motorbikes. Workshop, tyres, etc. Tel: 952 88 22 94

Painters Staybright Exterior painting, sandblasting and damp proofing specialists. Tel: 678 321 433

Property Management JMC Property Services Management services, Property rentals, Home furnishings. C/Gustavo Adolfo, Becquer No 4 Tel: 952 811 41 or Fax: 952 811 302

Satellite TV GB TV Sky Digital installation within 24 hours. Sky cards, re-alignments and activations Tel: 658 084 802 or 658 084 806.

Soft Furnishings

Poolworld Pools, spas, saunas and steam rooms. C.C "Las Petunias", Bloque 2, Local 3, San Pedro de Alcantara, 29670 Malaga. Tel: 951 275 648.

Wedding Photography Alex Olson Photography Wedding photography across the Costa del Sol. Tel: 628 077 459

A.C.E Cortinas Made to measure curtains Unit 5, C.C Las Terrazas de Miraflores Golf. Calle Acuario, Riviera Del Sol. Tel: 951 273 242 or Mob: 645 082 560

Swimming Pools Perfectos Pools Spas, pools, chemicals, poolside furniture and pool games. Tel: 952 417 562

advertise in the business directory for only €65 a year (12 issues) or frame it for only €80. please call: 663 061 669

‘CALLING ALL BOAT OWNERS’ Do you require Telephone and Internet Access? Units available for all boats and yachts. With a GPS receiver connected you can also keep a check on where your vessel is. For details Telephone: 628 628 686 57

CAR STICKER WINNER On DVD American Gangster. Cert. 18 Nobody notices Frank Lucas (Denzel Washington), the quiet driver to one of the inner city's leading black crime bosses. But when his boss suddenly dies, Frank exploits the opportunity to build his own empire. Through a strict business ethic, he comes to rule the inner-city drug trade. Richie Roberts (Russel Crowe) an outcast cop believes someone is climbing the rungs above the known Mafia families and starts to suspect that a black power player has come from nowhere to dominate the scene. Both Lucas and Roberts share a rigorous ethical code that sets them apart from their own colleagues, making them lone figures on opposite sides of the law. The destinies of these two men will become intertwined as they approach a confrontation where only one of them can come out on top. Books The aim of this book by bestselling author Martin Lewis is to provide a step-by-step guide to getting out of debt. ‘Debt-Free Wannabe’ will provide essential debt advice in Martin's straightforward style, including: case studies, clever consuming and handling credit cards. Order this book through our website and have it delivered directly to your door in Spain.




Solutions From Page 36 Just Say What You See Long time no see. Mars Word Maze There is no possible way.

to advertise please call 663 061 669



M P A Homes Edif. Euromarket, Local 4 Urb. Calypso, 29649 Mijas Costa, Malaga, Spain. Tel: 952 933 534. Fax: 952 932 809 Email: €150,000

EE ! Y ST S MU CED B U RED 9,500 1




R OVE 00 ,0 0 9 € ION UCT RED





MPA/A1006 Located in a very popular quiet Urbanization, this one double bedroom apartment consists of en suite bathroom, fully fitted kitchen, lounge with fireplace and a small covered terrace with uninterrupted sea views.

MPA/A1019 Excellent value one double bedroom garden apartment. Ideal starter property or excellent rental opportunity. Just a short walk to the beach, shops and all amenities. Community swimming pool and well kept gardens.

MPA/TH1009 Very well presented, modern townhouse. Set over four storeys, with four bedrooms, two bathrooms and w/c. Fitted kitchen, large terrace and a huge solarium with sea views. Two car garage. Close to beach and all amenities.









MPA-CDS8 High quality development near Estepona consisting of spacious two and three bed roomed apartments and penthouses. Situated close to the cleanest unspoilt beaches, quality golfing and picturesque ports of Duquesa, Estepona, and Puerto Banus.

MPA/V1045 3 bedroom 3 bathroom semi detached villas. High quality marble floors, fully fitted kitchen, own private parking, community swimming pool. Choice of 2 designs. These villas blend perfectly with their natural surroundings. Quiet and tranquil location..

V1041 Beautiful villa in desirable area. 4 beds, 2 baths, spacious lounge dining area, large kitchen and two separate apartments with 1 bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and living room. Landscaped tropical gardens, private swimming pool, double garage and terraces.







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Calypso Marbella



Tel: 952 933 534

Costa Link Magazine- April 08  

Costa del Sol magazine for expats living and working in Southern Spain.