The Continuing Adventures of Specialgirl and Superboy Introducing Madame Trouble
Introduction For those of you that may have missed the previous installments of Specialgirl and Superboy you may be unfamiliar with tale of the feisty Scando heroine and her occasionally sober sidekick. Specialgirl is going to change the world. Itʼs a simple as that. Change it how? Thatʼs a good question. For the better of course. Well, ʻbetterʼ in a definition of ʻbetterʼ as described by Specialgirl, and this description has been know to vary from day to day. But the essential ʻbetterʼ-ness of the whole thing canʼt be denied. Why? Thatʼs another good question. And thatʼs another simple answer: Because it makes her angry. Not like turning green and wearing purple hot pants angry, but because things that donʼt work the way that she thinks they should work, make her angry. And if she makes things work the way she thinks they should work, that wonʼt make her angry and that will be ʻbetterʼ. See? Simple. And Superboy? Letʼs put it this way, if there was an award for Keeping Your Head Down and Trying Hard Not to Get Involved. Heʼd win it. Every year.
Superboyʼs job is to actually work out how the latest not-at-all harebrained scheme is actually going to work. Or in other terms, heʼs the Chief Pisser on Chips.
Chapter 1 Clean
You know how someone says something like “why donʼt we just give all our money to the poor starving one legged monkey orphans, that will save them!”, heʼs the poor sod that has to weakly raise his hand and try to explain why it wonʼt work.
“Do what you can with what you have”
Itʼs also the reason he is no longer welcome at Monkey World.
Specialgirl had decided to change the world and was looking for a shortcut. Never one to take the hard way to do this, she had a habit of looking for the easy way, which invariably turned into an even harder way.
And where did they come from? Ah, the secret origin story. All good heroes have them. Some get bitten by radioactive bugs, some come from far off distant doomed lands, some even have a pant wetting experience with a bat and few mummy issues. Yet only two in the entire multiverse have a moment with a pool table, get hit in the clockweights and forget where they live.
Those were fateful words uttered by Superboy that terrible night of the loofah.
And so began her quest to follow Way of The Exploding Lentil. She was going to do the best she could with what she had, herself. “Iʼm going to give up meat” “Uh huh?” “Iʼm going to give up spicy food” “Uh huh...?” “Iʼm going to give up drinking” “Uh...?” “Iʼm going to give up drugs” “...?”
It should be mentioned at this point, halfway through the conversation, that it seems a little one sided. Specialgirl and Superboy had recently moved into a new top secret HQ, Hasidic Tower, and while it wasnʼt quite a hollowed out volcano with jumpsuited minions, it was still a great place to recharge the powers and wash the interesting stains out of your cape. It was also Specialgirls base of operations for project Tonica. Noone knew what this was, and Specialgirl herself seemed to be at a loss to actually explain it. All anyone knew was that it took up all her time and the meagre resources of Team Special, but it was going to be great once anyone actually figured out what was going on.
Chapter 2 Lentils It was with great gusto that Specialgirl entered into the Way of the Exploding Lentil. Gone were the drinks after work, gone was bringing the good word and swift acts of retaliation to the drinkers of Soho. Gone were the nights of heroism in a Gothtown toilet (unfairly misconstrued by the bouncers), and finally living on the richest seam of junk food in the city, gone were the all important power giving take aways. It was a dark time for the city.
The Tower was also perfect for Superboy, deep is in secret identity alter-ego as Cartoon Geek he was maintaining his cover by popping out for ʻone quick drinkʼ with his colleagues. Which is why at this point in the conversation he was three hours late, and lot more pissed than he was trying to let on, and his brain was catching up with his ears. “Hang on, youʼre going to do what with the what now?” “Iʼm giving up all of that. Oh, and Iʼm giving up booze as well” “Fair enough. Itʼs going to be a dull week mind you.”
The dynamic mojo of Team Special was out of kilter and that was good for no man, woman or beast. It is true that Specialgirl was in the best form of her life, but what good was that without the edge given by riding the dark side of life? Superboy fared no better. Without the stabilising influence of Specialboy his patrols round the dark side were messy. His powers came from being with Specialgirl, and without her his battles werenʼt being won, no matter how much whiskey he drank in the Phoenix Down and out Heroes Club. And this would be a good time for a cliffhanger. Our heroes are separated, the city is in peril, what will they do?
“Itʼs not going to be for a week, Iʼm doing it for a year” DUM DUM DUUUUUM “Whaaaa...?”
“So why donʼt we go out and get stinky and have some then?” Chapter 3 Tequila! Fortunately for our heroes the world was once again going to be saved. Saved from them, but saved nonetheless. “We need to do something” “Whaaaa?” And thus it began it like it had started. “We need to do something” Superboy raised an inquisitive eyebrow - a talent Specialgirl often tried to mimic but ended up waking herself look even more special. “What do you mean”
in the history of plans it was possibly one of the best ever. There was Mexican food, there was beer, there was beer with things in it and there may well have been some margaritas involved as well in what became know as the Case of the Mind Blowing Mexican Multiplication. They were wending their way up the street in the personal ballet they had developed over the years. Superboy would scan the roads ahead, looking for danger, trouble and anything Specialgirl might not expect. Like cars. And as she stepped out in front of them he would delicately steer her clear, all the time chanting a simple power giving mantra. “For fucks sake, I just donʼt understand how you donʼt see these things: There were getting near the cosy confines of the Hasidic Tower when Specialgirl dropped her bombshell.
“You know. we havenʼt had any ʻteam up timeʼ for ages” “I think we need someone else on the team” “This is true” “Oh yes?” “Weʼre not on the same wavelength anymore” Superboy replied with a her a saucy look. “This is also true” “Sounds good to me!” “I mean, you stink of fags and booze and god knows what...” “...and you donʼt want to come out and have any fun”
The world suddenly blurred. Superboy immediately thought it was an earthquake until he realised heʼd just been given a firm clout round the head.
“No you idiot” Chapter 5 Glowing
“Another one of us” And as was rapidly becoming his new catchphrase.
It was two days after Case of the Mind Blowing Mexican Multiplication.
“Whaaa?” “I fell funny” “I think we should have a baby” “Well that would be a first tim....” “A mini me? Awesome” The subject of a junior member of the team had come up before and whilst he liked the theory in principle Superboy wasnʼt entirely sure about the whole thing. It wasnʼt that he wanted to piss on the proverbial babyʼs chips, it was just that sidekicks were the one thing he had absolutely no idea about. In fact his knowledge only went as far as the practical part of making one. And it was as ruminating on the joys of that that he found himself back at the tower, strangely naked and in the bedroom. Stella had always been Superboyʼs kryptonite, and tequila was like red kryptonite to him. Combined with Specialgirlʼs dastardly feminine wiles he was powerless. Powerless, naked, on his back in bed with only one part of him standing to any kind of attention.
Superboy shut up. He knew Specialgirl well and he knew when to shut up. Some of the time. He looked at her, finely honed senses kicking in. “Youʼre pregnant” “No Iʼm not, donʼt be daft. Do you know what the odds are of me getting pregnant are after just that one time?!” “Thereʼs about a 10% chance of one of my 20 million sperm getting to your egg, provided there is an egg present, and managing to break the cell membrane before your natural defenses break it down” He replied, hastily closing the google window behind his back.
Specialgirl was bearing in. “Anyway, the odds donʼt matter. Youʼre pregnant” “Well I feel bloody awful” “Well you look bloody lovely”
Thus was set the pattern for the next eight and three quarter months. Some women glow during pregnancy, and Specialgirl was one of them. The only problem was what she was glowing with. Pregnancy was not working the way she thought it should and it was making her angry.