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hand unraveling us. It was evident that the visit to His Samadhi had sped things up, an acceleration that wasn't easy to endure. In the midst ofall the chaos in the years to follow, it often felt like Baba stood back or even awayfrom us, but never gone. Always there, watching and smiling at our "suffering" - His children being born anew. Almost six years after we returned from Baba's Samadhi, I painted a picture. First I have to explain that I am not what you would call a painter. I am a dabbler. I enjoy painting when I am moved to, but I can go years without even thinking about it. I was in one of these artistic moods back in 2007, so I pulled out paint and canvas. The result is the painting shown here, and I haven't painted a thing since. On this occasion I didn't even know what I was trying to paint. I just had a feeling and I saw the colors in my periphery like shadows that move when you look directly at them. I spent two days putting paint on canvas and scraping it off. Always feeling the shadows slip out of sight. I even got frustrated a couple of times because nothing seemed to be coming together and I wanted to give up. That is when I started to see the faces. I had never intended to paint faces in the sky, but there they were. I could go in no other direction. I accentuated and enhanced them and watched them emerge. In the end I was left with a picture that I didn't fully appreciate or understand, and after it dried it ended up in the closet with a couple of other old paintings. That is where it has sat until a couple of months ago. My beloved was visiting one afternoon when I spontaneously thought of the painting and I took it out to show him. He looked at it and said "Oh, you painted Baba". Without even glancing at the painting I told him that I had not painted Baba and that I think I would have known if I had painted Baba! When I finally looked over at the canvas, there He was before my eyes, complete with His beautiful mustache and Mehera by His side. I was absolutely speechless. I know that I never intentionally painted a mustache and I know I had not intentionally painted Baba. If someone had asked me to paint a picture ofBaba in Samadhi, floating in the sky with Mehera, never in a million years could I have produced this so perfectly. I know myself as an artist, and I am telling you all that this could not have happened if! had intentionally set out to paint such a picture. I didn't even know that this is

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what I painted when I first put it in my closet. I hung it on the wall immediately after realizing who it was in the painting and have been staring at it ever since. It has continued to reveal itself to me and it has taken on new depth and intensity. Including a winged heart in flight that emerges the longer you look. The clouds have parted and that which is always there is seen. I am reminded of the sun behind grey clouds on a chilly afternoon, and how easy it is to forget the ever present, atomic force always shining upon us. In such a quiet, yet unmistakable way, Baba shows me His face as it is now.Deep in Samadhi. I can hear Him saying to me "I am always here. ALWAYS HERE. And I love you." I shall look at this painting for the rest of my life and know that I am loved and am never alone. Now, I didn't think that this story had a second halfuntil a few weeks after the picture came out of the closet. However, for me to tell the rest of the story I have to tell you something that I never had any intention of telling anyone. In 2007, the second quarter issue, The Love Street Lamp Post printed an article thanking a person you called "Anonymous" for sending you S100 dollar bills for a period of a few months. I am the person you wrote about. I don't really know why I started sending you the money, I just knew that sending it to Baba was the best thing that I could have done with it. I also knew that for it to be genuine it had to be a secret,with no desire for recognition. After every shift I worked I quietly put money aside and when it reached $100 I would send it without delay, and I burned with this. I sent the money until the pull to continue started to wane in the same way it had begun. It was then that I received the issue of The Love Street Lamp Post and I saw the image of the $100 bill and the article below it. My heart started to race and I immediately started crying. I knew it was about what I had done and I was filled with gratitude. Recently I was with my beloved admiring the painting and Mehera's beautiful face. I pulled out a book with some of her photos in it to compare the painting with. When I returned the book to the shelf I was inexplicably moved to find the article. I couldn't imagine why after so long I was being prodded to share that which I had kept secret and had lost any desire to share. The buzz in my ear wouldn't go away so I took the chance and shared

it with the one person I trust more than anyone else. I told him the story and he just nodded through it, unsurprised. He took the issue from my hands and turned it over. He then laughed and handed it back to me and said "Look at the date", and then he pointed to the painting. The issue date is the same date as the painting. I was painting the picture when the article came out. I would have never put the two events together back then, but Baba wants the two to be seen side by side. Baba gave me a gift that had to ripen first. The painting, the article, and the deep experience of the unraveling of my life all had to happen simultaneously. Baba says that there is no such thing as coincidence and now there is no doubt for me that this is true. I know that He loves me and that I am His child, and like a child I can go forward in my life with trust and enthusiasm, as I believewe all can. Baba is everywhere all the time. He is alwaysradiating upon us His brilliance and love. All I have to do is look at this painting and I know that although it may have been my hand that held the paint brush, it was Baba who made each brush stroke. I really can't wait to see what He creates next. I am forever at His feet. Jai Baba!

Painting by Katie Rose

Love Street Lamp Post 1st Qtr 2010  

AMBCSC ARCHIVES Rare Print Literature Publication

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