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SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS

AUGUST 2016 – SEPTEMBER 2016

273

The big love Digging deep to be a great Dad

Mmmm… pickles Pregnancy cravings and good nutrition

Am I

good enough? Avoid parenting overanalysis paralysis

Best friends forever

Fostering sibling relationships

The new normal

Social media is here to stay!

ALSO INSIDE:

The magazine of Parents Centres New Zealand Inc

Parenting tips • Childbirth • Dad's Blog • Breastfeeding • Lifestyle • Family health


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Great parents grow

great children Arm yourself with knowledge as you grow as a parent by taking part in one of the Parents Centres programmes that run nationwide. These fun and informative programmes aim to assist  parents with the various ages and stages of their children, giving them the knowledge and skill sets to be effective. The programmes are well supported by volunteers within each Centre as well as invited speakers who are knowledgeable about a wide variety of topics. As well as providing antenatal classes, Parents Centres also offers core parent education classes which include:

Conscious Parenting – Parenting with Purpose

This programme encourages parents and caregivers to consciously look at parenting styles and to consider how some are more effective than others.

Conscious Parenting – Magic Moments

Moving and Munching This wide-ranging programme explores diverse topics like safety-proofing in the home, intellectual and social development, solids, healthy attitudes to food, and much more.

Music and Movement A fun, interactive, and developmentally stimulating programme for little ones and their parent or caregiver.

Tinies to Tots Discover more about your child as they transition to independent toddler – the course covers the introduction of play and how it stimulates learning, a focus on keeping your baby safe, introduction of new foods, prevention of tooth decay, and a whole lot more. To find out more about the classes on offer in your area visit: www.parentscentre.org.nz

Learn how to use effective non-physical methods of discipline, and encourage parents and caregivers to build strong and caring relationships with their children, while still giving clear boundaries.

Baby and You Learn all about the exciting yet challenging early months of parenthood; feeding and sleeping, infant care and challenges, baby massage, and plenty more.

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Photo Credit: Henry Vivian with baby Ethan. Anna Munro, annamunrophotography.com

Special Features

Features

Fatherhood is like becoming Iron Man

Practical parenting........................................................................... 1

Ben Tafau........................................................................................... 8–11

Understanding the big love

Letters to the Editor....................................................................4–5

Dads share their thoughts on fatherhood.............................12–15

Mmmmmm… pickles Pregnancy cravings and nutrition ............................................16–20

Appgrade your photos

Product page...................................................................................6–7 More au pairs for Kiwi homes................................................21

Tanja Dove......................................................................................20–25

Breastfeeding – a global issue

Skin sense

Lisa Manning..................................................................................30–33

Leigh Bredenkamp........................................................................26–28

A common problem Wetting the bed ...........................................................................36–38

Am I good enough?

An easy weeknight meal My Foodbag kitchen.....................................................................34–35

Parents Centre Pages.............................................................39–43

Miriam McCaleb.............................................................................46–49

The new normal

Find a Centre....................................................................................44

Jess Bovey.......................................................................................50–53

Empowering families in our region Lorna-Marie Hobo.........................................................................56–59

Best of friends Kerstin Kramar...............................................................................60–64

The return of the Hoppleplop..........................................54–55 Winners................................................................................................73 Partners supporting Kiwi parents..................................74–75

Totally tongue-tied Helen Pulford..................................................................................66–67

Shopping cart.............................................................................76–79

Facing the challenge – placenta praevia Emily Leggett.................................................................................68–71

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Giveaways .........................................................................................80


SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS

AUGUST 2016 – SEPTEMBER 2016

273

In praise of fathers It seems you only hear about fathers when something appalling happens. Usually when a child is abused or neglected – even killed – by the person they should rely on for unconditional love and protection. When we read yet another dreadful headline about a dad who failed, it can be easy to overlook the vast majority of fathers who nurture and protect and laugh and cry as they raise their families day by day.

The big love There are many different fathering styles and many different types of families, so, to celebrate Fathers Day, we asked some everyday Kiwi dads to share their thoughts about their own parenting journeys. Pages 8–15.

Am I good enough? Are you in danger of suffering from over-analysis paralysis? Miriam McCaleb writes about the benefits of being a Good Enough parent – one who recognises that the world is imperfect, that we are all imperfect, and that sometimes laughter is the best defense against all these raging imperfections. Pages 46–49.

Best friends forever The sibling relationship is often the longest, and certainly one of the most important, relationships a person will have in life. Kerstin Kramer suggests some key things that will help to set siblings on the right path to develop a loving relationship that is likely to last a lifetime. Pages 60–63.

My own father died last September, less than a week after Father’s Day and only a few weeks after he had visited us for a holiday. I was surprised by how sad I was – after all, it is forty years since I left my childhood home. Many of my memories have become blurred and imprecise over the years – they are more retrospective impressions than factual recollections. As an adult, I recognise my dad wasn’t perfect, he made many mistakes over the years, probably most of them on me as I was the eldest! But throughout my childhood, I knew without any doubt that my father loved me and was doing his best. He was proud of me and did everything he could to be the best father he could to me and to my siblings. So, when I remember my dad, it will not be for the times when he fell short, but rather for all the times when he was there, and for the absolute love I know he had for me.

Kiwiparent – Since 1954 the magazine of Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Editor

Leigh Bredenkamp Ph (04) 472 1193 Fax (04) 938 6242 Mobile (0274) 572 821 leighb@e–borne.co.nz PO Box 28 115, Kelburn, 6150

Editorial Enquiries Ph (04) 233 2022 or (04) 472 1193 info@e–borne.co.nz

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Taslim Parsons Ph (04) 233 2022 x8804 Mobile 021 1860 323 t.parsons@parentscentre.org.nz

Design

Eden Design

Proofing

Megan Kelly

Printer

Image Centre Group

Publisher

Viv Gurrey, Chief Executive Officer, Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Ph (04) 233 2022 Opinions expressed in the magazine do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher. Advertising in this magazine does not imply endorsement by Parents Centres. Generally material in this publication may be reproduced provided it is used for non-commercial purposes and the source is acknowledged. However, written permission must be sought from the editor. Kiwiparent is proud to support the WHO/UNICEF International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes adopted by the World Health Assembly in 1981.

ISSN 1173–7638 www.kiwiparent.co.nz

Caption: A picture of me with my Dad and sister on a beach holiday in 1963.

If you look around, you will find great dads everywhere. They are dropping their children at daycare or kindy, or trying to work out how to braid flyaway preschool hair, or pretending to miss the vital shot the three-year-old is kicking. They are reading stories, wiping eyes and noses, trying to remember the names of the Wiggles or who sings in One Direction. Richard Aston, co-founder of the Big Buddy programme, calls it ‘the big love’. He reckons that, until you have children, you know nothing about real love. This is not the romantic love of moonlight and roses and stolen kisses. Rather, it is the gritty kind of love that sustains you even when you are sleep deprived and covered in baby dribble, yet still dig deep to find the patience to read ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’ with special vocal effects. Again. To paraphrase – almost anyone can father a child, but it takes someone special to be a Dad. So to all those men who get up every day to be the best flawed superhero dad they can be, keep at it – you are doing an amazing job! Leigh Bredenkamp

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letters to the editor Congratulations to the top letter winner Miranda McLaughlin who wins an Alpha Keri Anti-Cellulite prize pack.

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Top letter

36 weeks. I was induced, and gave birth to both girls – Hannah came first, then Isobel. Isobel went straight into NICU after a quick cuddle and then we got to see and hold Hannah. It was an extremely emotional day. I was incredibly relieved to see Isobel safe and healthy, but seeing Hannah was very hard. We got to have Hannah with us overnight then we said goodbye and she was cremated. We spent 22 days in NICU after which we were overjoyed to bring Isobel home. She turned one in May and, while it’s been a crazy emotional year, it was a big happy day, remembering our Hannah too. I read your magazine whenever possible and wonder if you'd consider a story about a rare condition that affects identical twins – Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). In late 2014, I found out at our 12 week scan that I was carrying identical twins (my third pregnancy). Things were going well until we had our routine anatomy scan at 18.5 weeks and discovered that we had Stage 3 TTTS. We were flown to Auckland that night, and had laser surgery to separate the girls' blood vessels. All looked good for the following 48hrs. I was flown home, but at a follow-up at Wellington Hospital we found out our first twin (Hannah), had passed away. Thankfully, our second twin (Isobel) looked better than prior to surgery, but we continued to be monitored closely until we managed to get to

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

One of the best things to come out of this experience, was meeting a woman through a Facebook international support group ('Survivors with guardian angels') who happens to live in the next suburb! Kristina’s story was so similar to mine that we instantly bonded and she helped me through so much. She lost her angel, Lucy, at 21 weeks after laser surgery. Her survivor, Megan, is a happy healthy kid. We want to raise funds and awareness of TTTS – even if it means just one family has early scanning for this disease we will have done our job.

Miranda McLaughlin, Wellington We published a birth story in the June/July issue of Kiwiparent about twins that were safely delivered who had TTTS, but it's great to keep spreading the word so that more families know about this condition.


o ur ow Y Circle r G Join us

&

Kiwiparent Facebook feedback We told our Facebook friends that we were covering pregnancy nutrition in the next issue and asked what cravings they had during pregnancy with the weirdest one winning a prize.

fts e n e b of h t l a e rs a w h othe

Congratulations to our winner Ros – we had never heard of an air freshener craving before! Read more about pregnancy cravings on pages 16–19.

Ros: The air freshner they used in my work toilets!! I contacted the cleaning company and the CEO kindly sent me my very own skooshy air freshner to sniff whenever.

w it

Like · Reply · Emma: Cucumbers. 15+ a week. And kilos of strawberries a week.

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Connect

Like · Reply ·

with parents at your stage, discuss with others, find local babysitting and coffee groups!

Jessica: I craved the colour green! Seriously, weird I know, but everything I had to eat was green and everything I got for my baby was green!

a wealth of helpful resources – TIPS, INFO, PRODUCT REVIEWS, CONTACTS, NEWS & more

.

Interact

Like · Reply · Victoria: LOVED the smell of peppermint with both pregnancies! I used to rub Anti-Flamme on my hands because it smelled so good (never had any desire to eat it though). Like · Reply ·

Access

and ask questions, give answers, share your story or knowledge with forums.

Recieve entry to prize draws, free product samples, plus relevant info emails through each stage.

Laurina: The juice out of the jar of pickled onions. Not the pickled onions, just the liquid. Like · Reply · Hazlee: marinated mussels. I could literally drive to the supermarket and sit in the car park and eat a punnet full. Weird thing is I would never ever touch them before I was pregnant. Like · Reply ·

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Amy Louise: With my eldest son I craved mint jelly on toast. Makes me cringe now, but I can still remember the feeling of having found just the right thing the first time I tried it.

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Julie: Washing powder. It got so bad that I had to taste it – yuck! Would sniff it most of the day. Like · Reply · Keely: Horseradish sauce on toast followed by banana instant pudding for daughter #1, for daughter #2 it was ice!

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product information page Kleenex Tissues create cute cubes especially for kids Nobody likes catching a cold, but here are three beautiful new designs to help your little ones brighten up their sniffly days. New in supermarkets and pharmacies at RRP $2.49, each box contains 56 tissues made with the Kleenex® Brand quality that Kiwi mums trust.

Our Boys – Raising strong, happy sons from boyhood to manhood By Ruth Kerr and Richard Aston, published by Allen & Unwin What sort of man will my boy become? This is the question the New Zealand developers of Big Buddy, Richard Aston and Ruth Kerr, hear the most. As Richard says, “Raising boys is no great mystery – after all, we have been doing it for hundreds of thousands of years – but raising well-rounded, healthy men with strong foundations is a whole other story. This is not a manual telling you what to do – it’s more advice on how to be around them and, more importantly, alongside them. Because you are the biggest single teacher your children will have.” Our Boys is a positive, practical, down-to-earth guide that outlines what makes boys tick, describes their development from babyhood to childhood to manhood, and is full of great ideas to raise your boy into a goodhearted, well-adjusted, happy man. Each chapter focuses on a different age group, detailing how boys grow physically, emotionally and developmentally. This is a helpful, easy-to-read book full of advice for parents wanting to raise their boys into the best men they can be. RRP$36.99. Out in June 2016.

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


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Fatherhood is like becoming

Iron Man Or did becoming a dad change you?

When I became a father for the first time, a lot of people (who didn’t have kids) asked me things like “What’s it like being a father?” and “Did becoming a dad change you?”

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


In response to the first question, “What’s it like being a father?”, I found it hard to answer as I had no point of reference to compare the experience to. I always knew that I’d become a dad at some point – I wanted to have children and raise a family in the future, but I never really built it up in my head beyond that. The only thing I thought about was that I wanted to be a kick-ass dad (which I’d work out when the time came), but other than that I didn’t really have anything to compare it to, experience- or expectation-wise. In trying to come up with a response to the question, I tried to imagine explaining what becoming a dad was like to my younger self. Pre-fatherhood Ben had no reference point for the joy, the emotion, the wonder and amazement, and the unconditional love that I felt when holding my daughter for the first time. He hadn’t experienced anything like the vulnerability and responsibility for something so fragile, the sudden urge to protect your child at all costs, the worry and anxiety of providing for her and learning how to parent on the fly, and trying to work out how to set an example while walking beside her as she grows. How could I explain to him that, yeah, the spare time you used to have to do all those things you used to do like training and gaming pretty much goes down the drain, and even when you do get time to do those things you’re operating in zombie mode, running on bugger all sleep… but that every smile, hug and cuddle, new word, shared experience with your daughter, makes it all worth it and then some? Sure, I just used a bunch of words that I could have used to describe becoming a dad to my younger self, but while he could try to comprehend them conceptually, I just couldn’t see how he’d truly understand how it felt. So after reflecting on the ‘before and after’ experience of becoming a father, the best way I can sum it up is to paraphrase Morpheus as he describes The Matrix to Neo:

“Unfortunately, no one can be told what being a father is like… you have to experience it for yourself.” Yep, that’s my lame cop-out – but to be honest, I can’t truly give an answer that I feel would do the experience justice. When you become a parent, you’ll get it better than I could ever explain.

The spare time you used to have to do all those things you used to do like training, gaming etc. pretty much goes down the drain, and even when you do get time to do those things you’re operating in zombie mode, running on bugger all sleep… but that every smile, hug and cuddle, new word, shared experience with your daughter, makes it all worth it and then some. Ben Tafau

So, did becoming a father change you? I always felt this was a bit of a weird question. How was it supposed to change me? Yes, the birth of my daughter was definitely a life-changing event, as well as adding father to all the other aspects of my identity. But did it change me as a person? Did it change the core of who I am? Did it affect every aspect of me as a person, or were there certain things that changed while other aspects of me didn’t? Clearly it didn’t affect my tendency to over-think things, but as I thought about how I had changed and how I hadn’t, I realised that I was still basically the same person – I still had my weird sense of humour, still retained my interest in things like video games and comics, I still loved breaking and hip hop culture (although my ability to spend time on things like this was greatly reduced), and I still had a chocolate obsession that was threatening to push me past the 90 kg weight class for the first time in my life (edit: it did :-/). So pre-dad-Ben was still present and accounted for in new-dad-Ben. At the same time, there were definitely additions  to who I was in becoming a father. It wasn’t so much changing who I was at the core of my being, but more like adding another dimension to myself that strengthened and improved on my being as a whole.

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Becoming a father didn’t so much change me as augment me, kind of like… …well, kind of like putting on some sort of powerful exoskeleton. That’s right. Becoming a Dad for me was like becoming Iron Man. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Marvel Comics character (or at least the Marvel Cinematic Universe version, and if so stop reading this and go watch it right now), billionaire genius playboy (and not quite yet philanthropist) weapons manufacturer Tony Stark constructs a weaponised robotic suit of armour to help him escape capture by terrorists after they seriously wound and kidnap him so he can build weapons of mass destruction for them. After escaping their clutches, he refines his armour and uses constantly upgrading versions of it to fight evil-doers as Iron Man. So here’s how I saw my journey becoming a father, through the process of Tony Stark developing his Iron Man armour:

Iron Man Armour MK I – Enter the Dad Becoming a dad for the first time reminds me of Tony Stark’s very first armour, the Mark I. It’s new, experimental, hastily cobbled together on the spot with whatever was available at the time, based on your prior knowledge but doesn’t necessarily mean it’s fit for purpose for this new role you’re stepping into. It’s a lot of trial and error, and half the time you don’t know what the heck you’re doing, but you stumble on, doing the best you can, and often surprising yourself with what you’re able to do given you’ve been on the job such a short time. It’s nowhere near perfect, but you can somehow make it work and get the job done.

Iron Man Armour MK II – Getting the hang of it… Soon, you start finding your feet – or, to use the analogy of building the

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refined MK II armour, finding your robotic jet thruster boots. You begin to look more comfortable in your role as a dad, more ‘streamlined’, and you lose the clumsy lost look you had in the early stages of MK I. Things are getting a bit easier: you work out the routines, start to understand your child a bit better, and realise “hey, I can actually do this!” However, as you’ll soon find out through your years as a father (saying this from my vast experience with a three-year-old!), the skills and knowledge you’ve gained will quickly become insufficient as your child evolves and adapts, and enters new phases of abilities and challenges to test your newfound confidence.

Iron Man Armour MK III – You think you can change it up on me? I got this! The only way to combat your child’s constantly changing needs, abilities and challenges is to adapt and learn new skills and abilities in response. Much like Tony Stark’s constant progression in developing different suits of armour to adapt to various threats and environments, as you grow as a father you will need to learn new skills and abilities, and develop new knowledge to provide a guiding hand to your ever-evolving child (and that Iron Man MK XL armour will come in handy when Esme starts dating…).

Time out from the Fatherhood Armour However, as amazing as being a father is, sometimes you do need to take time out of the role and

reconnect with the other aspects of your life that make you ‘you’. The balancing act is no easy task, especially as you’re constantly upgrading your parenting skills along with trying to keep all your other responsibilities in play. In Iron Man 2, Tony showed that when you spent too much time in the ‘suit’, things can get a bit crazy… So… did you actually change? After a long and winding analogy to indulge my comic book obsession, we come back to the original question, “Did becoming a father change you?” Yes, being a dad certainly changed the amount of time and focus I spent on other aspects of my life, but I still retained my interest and passion in these areas. My personality and values were largely unchanged, yet entering fatherhood added another dimension to my reality that I couldn’t perceive before. In the immortal Simpsons Episode Treehouse of Horror VI, 3D Homer gained depth and volume to his being, yet he was still at his core the donut-loving man we know and love. To answer the question: yes, I did change. I ‘changed’ in the sense that I added another element to who I was, another aspect that fit over the top of who I was before. I adapted a suit of ‘fatherhood’ armour that didn’t come with instructions but was forgiving enough to work with an inexperienced driver. An armour that (eventually) gave me impressive new parenting abilities but made me work, sweat and shed the odd tear for them. And an armour that would allow me a new way of seeing the world and experiencing things through the life of my daughter. That’s a change that makes me feel like an Iron Dad. 

Ben Tafau Ben is the author of The 1 Player Dad Strategy Guide and 1PlayerDad.com. He’s a single dad with shared care of an amazing 3-year-old daughter, and writes about his journey playing the parenting game in ‘1 Player Mode’ in Wellington.

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Understanding

the big love There are many different fathering styles and many different types of families, so to celebrate Fathers Day, we thought we would ask some everyday Kiwi dads about their parenting journeys. Sometimes fathers attract negative publicity, especially when horror stories of child abuse make prominent headlines. While these awful occurrences rightly attract outrage, it is easy to forget that the vast majority of dads do a fantastic job by simply doing the very best they can – day after day.

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Paul Flatt

Paul Flatt General Manager, Recall NZ I have four kids – three girls, 12, 10 and eight, and a boy who is six. I was at the birth of all my children and they were all very different. The first was at a birthing centre. The second I delivered (well, just caught really as my wife did all the hard work) at home (unexpectedly). The third was born in hospital as she had to be induced and our boy was a planned home birth, in front of the fire at home with three midwives attending. All were quite different but all amazing, a little scary, and events where time and the rest of the world seem to get shut out for just a little while as you see your child enter the world. Then after it's done you can't help but have a grin on your face and you just want to stare at your new baby. It is a great feeling as they get older, to be able to look them in the eye and tell them their birth story – which you never forget. As a parent, I guess I'm reasonably strict in the sense that I want to teach my children to be respectful of others and to learn the basics of good manners, but I also try to have fun with them. I want them to never question our love and that we only want the best for them – that they are unique and special and different. And sometimes they are the funniest creatures around. Being a dad is wonderful when it's all going well! Bedtimes are generally a time to connect and, as they get older, one-on-one time is fun. It is important to recognise and understand that they are all so very different and individual – sure there are things that "run in the family" but they are growing into unique people. It is also great watching them develop talents and achieve at things – school, sports, wherever their interests lie. Some aspects of fathering are challenging for me. I travel for work and being away from the family can be hard. The repetitive bits are also difficult, the times where no one seems to listen – getting ready for school, getting them to remember to pack everything they need, "have you done your homework? Then scrambling as they say: "just remembered I haven't finished this” (usually at 8pm on a Sunday evening). It can seem a bit like Groundhog Day at times. And then there are bits where you think back on how you reacted to certain events and feel pretty average about how you handled a situation. I keep working at being a good dad – I try to be present for them, teach them things in a fun way, make time

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to play with them, tell them I love them... as much as I can. And let myself try to be a better dad tomorrow. If I could travel back in time and sit down for a chat with my pre-child self, I would point out that it’s hard work and it will be a very rare day when you sit down at day's end and smile, thinking, "Man, I nailed that parenting thing today." So, be patient (not a natural state for me) and accept they will all be different – just keep going. Realise that you wouldn't have it any other way and sometimes it's so much fun.

Henry Vivian Forklift Driver, TSL The birth of our baby last year was a very, very long day for both Stephanie and me. I just wanted to meet my baby and bring my family home. As a dad I aim to be firm but also fun with lots of cuddles. Actually, that is the part of fathering I enjoy the most – cuddles, definitely the cuddles! At times, parenting can be challenging. Every day there is something new and something different – I find it is hard coping with the lack of routine and having the baby rule the roost. Probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned since becoming a dad is to go bed early and enjoy the little sleep you do get! If I could sit down for a chat with my pre-child self, I would just say take one day at a time and don't sweat the little stuff, what seems like a big deal today wont seem a problem tomorrow because children are always changing/growing. As well as being dad to Ethan, I also have a 15-year-old daughter – believe me, every child is a blessing and I love being a dad.

Richard Aston

Richard Aston Chief Executive, Big Buddy I attended the births of three of my four children. It was life-changing to be sure. To witness my wife deliver forth an actual human being was a humbling and profound experience. I suddenly understood why the ancients worshipped woman and the great mother. It was such a profoundly creative act to be witness to, I felt privileged. My parenting style is a mix – engaged, playful, liberal at times – but bossy at others. I try to be mindful of what is my stuff (my projections etc) and what is actually needed by me as a dad. I love playing in the field of the imagination with my kids! The part of fathering that I enjoy the most is watching them grow up into adults I would never have imagined. I love being surprised by what my kids have become. Some aspects of parenting are challenging for me – discipline, and holding back on giving advice when I know children have to make the mistakes themselves and learn from them. Becoming a dad made a man of me. It taught me patience and tolerance but, above all, it taught me the Big Love. So big it’s almost painful to hold.

Henry Vivian

If I could say one thing to my pre-dad self I would say get ready for the big love – you know nothing about real love yet. Lean in to every part of it – it’s tough, it’s beautiful, and it will grow you in many ways. Get ready to be profoundly changed for the better. Being a dad will make a real man out of you. Embrace the journey with all your heart. 

Thanks to all the awesome Kiwi dads! Happy Fathers Day!

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Because children matter ®

Open your child’s

imagination, open a book

What was one of your

funniest

Dad moments?

Ethan was only a few days old and Stephanie and I were trying to get the knack of things. We were in Kenepuru Hospital and it was about 2am when he woke up and wanted feeding (again). We were trying to be quiet thinking of the other patients and Ethan did the biggest poo! It went everywhere and the more we tried to clean it up the more came out. It got us, the floor, the bed and we couldn't clean up because we were laughing so much – probably due to lack of sleep making us delirious! We couldn’t believe our tiny new bundle of joy could make that much mess. Henry Vivian I remember my young daughter coming into the room when I was naked with her mum in a sexual embrace. “What are you doing?“ My reply? “Naked wrestling!” Richard Aston My boy once (and may still) held the Karori Plunket record for the longest consecutive number of days without a poo... 36 days – I'll never forget when the drought ended. Paul Flatt

At Kindercare, we make time to snuggle up with your baby, toddler or preschooler to create our own magical world of wonder, as we open a book and read together… Using different voices and facial expressions, each page brings a new surprise, as we explore and make connections between reading and real life. It’s a story-telling journey that will foster your child’s love of reading, develop oral language, impart knowledge and nurture their emergent literacy skills. Come and chat to us about how we can share this incredible journey with your child.

Locations in Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington & Christchurch

Safe Loved Learning

0508 546 3372 or visit www.kindercare.co.nz subscribe online at www.kiwiparent.co.nz –

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Mmmm… pickles

Pregnancy food cravings Ask a group of pregnant women if they crave any foods and you may get some surprising answers – pizza, pickles, chocolate, potato chips, and ice are just some of the most commonly craved foods during pregnancy. So what’s behind these cravings and do all women get them? Although it is difficult to get exact figures, it is estimated that between 50 and 90 percent of all pregnant women will experience some sort of craving, although there is little evidence for why this happens.

16 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

While there are several theories as to why some women get these cravings, the most common assumption is that they are a physical sign that the body is lacking certain nutrients. However, this doesn’t explain cravings for junk foods with little nutritional value. While certain cravings may indicate a nutritional need, many can be chalked up to all those hormones coursing through your body. It is likely that fluctuations in oestrogen, progesterone and HCG hormone levels during pregnancy lead to an increased sense of taste, which in turn needs to be satisfied with certain types of food.


Cravings are not always a sign that your body needs that food so you shouldn’t necessarily eat it. Women who have cravings for non-foods should seek advice from a health practitioner as it could be dangerous to the health of mother and baby. – Ministry of Health

So, when that overwhelming desire for fish and chips hits, it may be your need for more protein, sodium, or potassium. Or the deep yearning for a double helping of hokey pokey ice cream may be your body signalling a need for more calcium or fat. It's not necessarily that the body actually needs the specific food you are craving, but it may be lacking something contained in that food. And your taste buds just interpret it as a craving for something specific. Many experts believe our taste buds play a role in how we interpret our body’s needs.

It is important to talk to your midwife or Lead Maternity Carer about your cravings, even if you think they fall into the scope of ‘normal’ While some pregnancy cravings or combinations can seem a little peculiar (pickles with ice cream?), in most instances, they don’t represent a real threat to mother or baby. This, however, can change dramatically when the craving is for a non-food item. The condition, known as pica, can lead to an overwhelming desire to consume any number of substances, some of which can pose a risk to both mother and baby. It is important to talk to your midwife or Lead Maternity Carer about your cravings, even if you think they fall into the scope of ‘normal’. Last year, Whanganui mum Michaela Martin, gained media coverage both here and overseas when she developed an intense craving for washing powder. Michaela told Stuff that the craving began as she entered her third trimester when she found herself starting to enjoy the pleasant fragrance as she did her washing. “Before I knew it, I had my nose down a box of Surf washing powder and I would be sitting there just trying to inhale it. I was eating it – it was so shameful. I couldn’t help myself. I would dab my finger

into the washing powder and grind it between my teeth so I could get the texture and graininess of it.” After mentioned her hankering for washing powder to her midwife, they found the problem was down to a lack of iron. And when Michaela shared her story on a Whanganui Facebook group for mothers, she found other women shared similar experiences. Studies show that the high hormone levels present during pregnancy can alter both a woman’s sense of taste and smell. So, while certain foods and smells can be captivatingly enticing, in some cases they can be downright offensive. Instead of a craving you get a pregnancy food aversion. Food aversions are most often associated with early pregnancy – when they are likely to touch off a dreaded bout of morning sickness. Your diet is the main source of nutrients for your body. All the food groups are important when you’re pregnant – especially vegetables, fruit and wholegrains. You are likely to need to take folic acid and iodine supplements (which can be prescribed by your LMC) and be extra careful to avoid unsafe food. Research has shown a wellbalanced diet contributes to:

Some of the most common foods women crave during pregnancy include: „„ Spicy food

„„ Chocolate

„„ Pickles

„„ Lemons

„„ Fries & potato chips

„„ Ice cream

„„ Ice

„„ Cheese

„„ Meat

„„ Coffee

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Your midwife will happily talk to you about the detail you may need to think about when establishing the best diet for you and your family.

Eat a variety of healthy foods every day from the four main food groups: „„ Vegetables and fruit. „„ Breads and cereals (wholegrain is best). „„ Milk and milk products (reduced- or low-fat milk is best). „„ Lean meat, chicken, seafood, eggs, legumes, nuts and seeds.

Try to avoid or cut down on the following: „„ Limit your intake of foods and drinks that are high in fat (especially saturated fat), salt and/or sugar. „„ If using salt, choose iodised salt. „„ Take care when buying, preparing, cooking and storing food so that the food is as safe as possible to eat. „„ Avoid alcohol during pregnancy. „„ Drink plenty of fluids each day, especially water and reduced- or low-fat milk. You need a variety of healthy foods from the four food groups every day to provide for your growing baby as well as to maintain your own health.

„„ a healthy birth weight for babies

Vegetables and fruit

„„ improved fetal brain development

Vegetables and fruit provide carbohydrates (sugar and starch), fibre, vitamins and minerals, and are low in fat.

„„ reduced chance of complications such as morning sickness, fatigue, mood swings, and anaemia

„„ Eat plenty of vegetables and fruit.

„„ a speedy recovery after delivery. A healthy weight gain is normal when you're pregnant - it goes with the territory. Nutritional needs are higher when you are pregnant but this doesn't mean that you need to "eat for two". Instead, focus on eating wholesome foods that are rich in nutrients to meet these increased needs. Steering clear of junk food during pregnancy will help keep your weight gain within a healthy range, making it easier to shed any unwanted extra pounds after your baby is born. It is normal for your body to lay down additional fat stores during pregnancy so that your body can later use these stores whilst breastfeeding. Aim to eat a healthy diet and be physically active each day (unless advised not to be physically active). Your midwife can provide you with information about a healthy weight gain during pregnancy. Your food choices need to suit you and your circumstances, including your budget, culture, and family circumstances.

18 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

„„ Enjoy fresh, well-washed vegetables and fruit, or frozen or canned varieties. Steaming or microwaving vegetables is best. Go easy on butter or margarine. „„ Include vegetables and fruit in a variety of colours. „„ Limit juice and dried fruit intake because these foods have a high sugar content.

Eat at least six servings per day of vegetables and fruit – at least four servings of vegetables and two servings of fruit. If you do choose juice or dried fruit, have no more than one serving per day.

Breads and cereals These provide carbohydrates (sugar and starch), fibre, and nutrients such as B vitamins and minerals. „„ Eat plenty of breads and cereals, including rice, pasta, breakfast cereals, and other grain products.


„„ Choose wholegrain varieties because they provide extra nutrients and fibre. They also help prevent constipation.

Choose at least six servings of breads and cereals each day.

Milk and milk products Pregnant women need milk and milk products as sources of protein, and vitamins and minerals, especially calcium and iodine. „„ Choose reduced- or low-fat milk, yoghurt with no added sugar, and hard cheese. „„ Milk and milk products provide New Zealanders with most of their calcium. If you do not eat these foods or eat very little of them, ask your LMC about other calcium sources. „„ Calcium is also found, in lower amounts, in foods such as wholegrain bread, broccoli, canned salmon, sardines, spinach, baked beans, and tofu. „„ If you are drinking soy milk, choose one that is calcium-fortified (check the label). „„ If you are vegan, check that your soy milk contains vitamin B12.

Have at least three servings each day of milk or milk products, preferably reduced- or low-fat products.

Continued overleaf...

During pregnancy

YO U N E E D 2 - 3 T I M E S

M O R E I R O N T H A N N O R M A L TO S U P P O R T YO U A N D YO U R G R OW I N G B A BY

“During pregnancy, especially throughout the third trimester, women need to make sure they are getting enough iron in their diet. Lean beef and lamb provide a rich source of easily absorbable iron and contribute toward a healthy, well-balanced diet.” Beef + Lamb New Zealand Nutritionist, Emily Parks

BEEF + LAMB NEW ZEALAND

For delicious iron-rich recipe ideas using lean beef and lamb, visit recipes.co.nz or for further information email emily@beeflambnz.co.nz


Use your thirst as a guide Aim for nine cups of fluid each day. Extra fluid may be needed during hot weather, after activity, or if you are vomiting or constipated. Water or reduced- or low-fat milk are the best choices. There is evidence that caffeine consumption may affect your baby’s growth during pregnancy. Caffeine occurs naturally in tea, coffee and chocolate, and is present in many cola-type drinks. Limit your consumption of caffeinated drinks while pregnant. Be cautious about drinking herbal teas. Discuss this with your LMC. Avoid drinking tea with meals. The tannins in tea mean you will not absorb the iron in the meal as well as you could. Limit soft drinks, flavoured waters, fruit drinks, cordials and diet drinks because these are low in nutrients and may be high in sugar. Energy drinks and energy shots are not recommended.

Always opt for foods low in fat, salt and sugar

Lean meats, chicken, seafood, eggs, cooked dried beans, peas and lentils, and nuts and seeds These foods give you much needed protein, iron, zinc, and other nutrients. Your body needs more iron and zinc during pregnancy. Iron is important for healthy blood and for the development of your baby. During pregnancy, it is important to have a good iron intake to help prevent iron deficiency. Iron, which is found in lean meats, chicken and seafood, is absorbed well by the body. Eggs, cooked dried beans, peas and lentils, and nuts and seeds also contain iron, but the iron is not as easily absorbed. Liver is a good source of iron, but eat no more than a small piece (100 g) once a week. Include foods rich in vitamin C with your meals to help absorb iron. Fresh vegetables and fruit, especially taro leaves (cooked), broccoli, tomatoes, oranges, kiwifruit, mangoes, and pineapple, are rich sources of vitamin C. This is especially important for vegetarian and vegan women, who may find it hard to get enough iron. Make sure that vegetables, fruit, meat, chicken, and seafood are fresh and that cooked food is cooked well, served hot and eaten immediately after cooking. Fish is recommended, because it is an important source of long-chain polyunsaturated fatty acids. Seafood and eggs are also useful sources of iodine.

Choose at least two servings from this group each day.

20 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

A healthy weight gain during pregnancy is best for you and baby There is a recommended range of weight gain, which is based on your pre-pregnancy height and weight. Your midwife can discuss this with you. Talk to your midwife if you are concerned about your weight gain. The weight you gain during pregnancy results from: „„ the growing baby „„ the growth of the placenta and the uterus „„ fluid around the baby „„ breasts getting bigger for breastfeeding „„ more blood being made „„ fat stores, which will be needed as energy for breastfeeding. In early pregnancy, your energy (kilojoule or calorie) needs to increase by a small amount. You can expect to eat more food as the pregnancy progresses, but this does not mean you need to ‘eat for two’. A good appetite and a steady weight gain, especially after the first three months, will usually mean you are eating enough. Dieting to lose weight during pregnancy is not recommended because it may result in a smaller and less healthy baby, and it could also affect your health.  Prepared with information from the Ministry of Health and the New Zealand College of Midwives.


More au pairs for Kiwi homes In-home childcare provider, Porse, has teamed up with Au Pair Link to bring more au pairs into Kiwi households. Porse General Manager Kerry Henderson says a partnership with Au Pair Link gives more families access to au pairs throughout New Zealand. “We are very excited about the partnership and being able to offer families more choice in the home-based childcare sector.” Au Pair Link General Manager Casey Muraahi says Porse has 62 more licences so families across the country will have wider access to au pairs. “We can now reach out to families nationwide and in some of the more remote areas. We receive

weekly enquiries from families outside of our licensed areas. It is exciting that we are now able to meet these demands, especially at a time where hundreds of au pairs are looking for host families.” Through the partnership, all au pairs will take part in a threeday orientation, including first aid training, an ECE curriculum workshop, positive child guidance, and a driving in New Zealand course.

as a community midwife and needed flexible childcare for son Jethro, three, and daughter Frankie, five. Au Pair Link worked closely with her to find the right au pair, Justine Couillandre.

The partnership also has benefits for existing families and au pairs, with the opportunity to share Porse’s services such as playgroups, events, resources, and professional development.

“As a midwife I work irregular hours, so I need someone who can live with us and be there for the children when I race off at short notice,” explained Rhonda. “Justine is amazing and fits perfectly with our family. I’m confident she’s able to step into my shoes and take charge whenever I’m on call. She’s part of our family – when I head out the door to work the kids just say ‘See you, Mum’.”

Wellington single mum Rhonda Moore recently returned to work

“Au Pair Link are super helpful and great at smoothing out any little details.” 

THE HEART OF YOUR FAMILY JUST GOT BIGGER. If you’re looking for quality, affordable, in-home early childhood care and education across New Zealand, we’d love to hear from you. With hundreds of au pairs to browse through and speak with using our online matching system, it’s never been faster, or easier, to find the perfect au pair for your most precious little person!

Join the Au Pair Link family and make sure your little ones get the love and attention they deserve, including full support from our team of qualified early childhood teachers, who visit your home each month, organise weekly playgroups, monthly activities and events, and provide around-the-clock support when you need it!

Join our family. Visit

www.aupairlink.co.nz

or call us

0800 AU PAIR (287 247)

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Appgrade your photos

Exploring apps for phone photos

Instagram

After last issue’s article offering hints for creating better photos on your phone, let’s look at what apps you could use to add even more impact to your images. There is a whole world of apps out there, some free, some quite pricey, some great, some so difficult to use you’ll delete them ten minutes after you’ve downloaded them. I’ve reviewed some of the most popular free photo apps around, just to give you some ideas to get you started.

22 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Instagram My go-to, very easy to use photo app. It is simple to add filters, change the colour, brightness, or crop your photo. An easy way to add impact to your image is to use the ‘vignette’, which will make the edges and corners of your image darker and will draw the attention to the centre of your photo even more. The other favourite is ‘tilt shift’, which lets you play with the amount of focus and blur in your photo. Instagram will force you to post your image to social media as soon as you’ve finished working on it, otherwise it will not save to your camera roll.


Lens distortions

Pixlr This one is new to me but I’m already liking it for its ease of use and look. It has tools to alter crop, adjust colour and brightness, and more. It also includes a healing tool which will let you fix small blemishes in your photo. There are borders and even text to add to your photos, as well as giving the option to create collages.

Lens Distortions A perfect way to add some sparkle to your photos! This app overlays a filter onto your image, so – if you need to make any adjustments to the photos, use an editing app first, then import the image to Lens Distortions. The filters

in this app are all created from actual photos of the same elements, sunlight, fog, shimmer, and so on. This makes them very realistic.

Qwik This app uses art, stamps, wordart, borders and effects to provide an opportunity for you to break out your creativity. So once again, make sure you’re happy with the colour, brightness, contrast etc of the photo before you add cool embellishments.

Colour Effects Create dramatic effects by removing colours or changing them entirely. Using this app takes some patience, as

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Fantasy FX you’re going to be working in detail mode to change the colour of any part of your image you might want. Quite fun to use!

Facetune This is a Portrait Photo Editor, specifically designed to make us look our glamour-best. It will let you smooth out wrinkles and blemishes, allow you to whiten your teeth, it can even change the shape of your face. The free version only lets you use limited actions, but still enough to make you look like you just walked out of the beauty parlour.

24 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Another easy to use app for adding some art to your image is Fantasy FX (I used it on my own portrait). This app will let you overlay pre-designed graphics and art onto your image, as well as adjust the size, position and intensity of these graphics. There are limited options (but very cool ones) in the free version, or you can buy the full version for $0.99.

Look Birdy One for the littlest people, who we always want to have in our photos but who never seem to look at the camera. Use this simple app and they’ll try and find the birdy for sure. Little Birdy attracts children’s attention by using bird sounds and your camera’s flash. 


Colour effects

Tanja Dove From a small town in rural Holland, to an equally small town in coastal New Zealand, it’s been an amazing journey for Tanja. She studied photography, then worked to create images for magazines of food, cafés, restaurants, and interiors, as well as shooting weddings and portraiture. After the birth of her daughter Liana, Tanja was drawn more and more to children’s portraiture, and with the arrival of her boys Loki and then Cam, she fell even more in love with creating beautiful images of kids. www.littledoves.co.nz

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It is hard to think of anything more perfect than a child’s skin. It is delicate and fragile and beautiful, but it also has an important practical role to play. Human skin acts as a vital protective barrier and is the first line of defence against the dangers of the outside world – organisms, toxins, irritants and allergens.

Skin sense

A baby or young child’s skin, which continues to develop through the first year of life, is far more vulnerable than an adult. This makes it essential to protect your child’s skin from irritants and a harsh environment. Young skin is very different to adult skin so their needs are particular. Their skin is thinner, it absorbs and loses water more quickly, it has less natural moisturising properties and the all-important immune system is still in the process of developing. This makes their skin more vulnerable and many babies and children are troubled by eczema which can cause real distress to them and their families.

Developing eczema Atopic dermatitis is a chronic, itchy skin condition that is common in children. It is also known as eczema, atopic dermatitis, and neurodermatitis. It is the most common form of dermatitis. Eczema usually occurs in people who have an ‘atopic tendency’. This means they may develop any or all of three closely linked conditions – atopic eczema, asthma and hay fever (allergic rhinitis). Often these conditions run within families where a parent, child or sibling are also affected. A family history of asthma, eczema or hay fever is particularly useful in diagnosing atopic eczema in young children. Infants less than one year of age will often have widely distributed eczema. The skin appears dry, scaly and red with tiny scratch marks made by sharp baby nails. The cheeks of babies are often the first places to be affected by eczema. Interestingly, the nappy area is frequently spared due to the moisture retention of nappies. But all babies can develop irritant dermatitis if wet or soiled nappies are left on for too long.

Halting the atopic march The atopic march, which is also called the allergic march, refers to the natural history or typical progression of allergic diseases that often begin early in life. These include eczema in babies, which can be the precursor to food allergy, then hay fever and even asthma. Michael J. Cork, Professor and Head, Academic Unit of Dermatology Research, University of Sheffield Medical School and Consultant Dermatologist Sheffield Children’s in the UK, has completed research that leads him to believe there is a window of opportunity in the first few months after birth to change the environment


to prevent the development of atopic dermatitis. ‘Everything we put on a baby’s skin from birth should be designed to enhance the skin barrier rather than damage it. If we can prevent the onset of atopic dermatitis in infants, we may be able to halt the atopic march and prevent the onset of allergies and even asthma in later life.’ Cleaning a baby is fundamental to well-being. You need to remove unwanted material for good hygiene – irritants like saliva, urine, faeces, mucous, dirt and sweat – as well as keep unwanted germs and bacteria at bay. Protecting the infant skin barrier protection is essential in the two first months of life, so make sure to always use a mild cleanser that will have the least impact on the barrier function of the skin, and won’t cause drying or irritation. It should also lower allergy potential. Surely then, simple water would be the best thing to use on a baby’s delicate skin? Michael disagrees. ‘It is difficult to know what exactly is in the water you use. Depending on your water source, it could be hard or soft, additives could be present... calcium carbonate and chlorine are common additives. Even though they are present in minute quantities, they can still have a pH level of over 7.’ The mineral content of water may irritate delicate skin, and water alone is simply not as effective at cleaning. Many impurities are oil and not water-soluble, and some substances like faecal enzymes (found in poos)

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sure the product is safety tested. Ideally products have additional safety assessments, especially if they are designed for infant skin. And remember to look for 'clinically proven' on the label, not just 'clinically tested.'

How long does eczema last? Eczema can be controlled with treatment and by avoiding things that can trigger your child’s eczema. There is a good chance that your child’s eczema will improve or disappear as they get older.

Will my child develop eczema? Eczema occurs in about 15 to 20 percent of children and those with eczema are more likely to develop allergies. It runs in families and often goes hand in hand with asthma and hay fever. When a child has eczema, their skin feels dry and rough to touch, and it is itchy. The skin can become inflamed (look red), and may even get infected (get weepy), particularly with scratching.

Understanding eczema Eczema is a dry skin condition that causes the skin to become inflamed (red) and itchy which usually begins early in childhood. The skin of people with eczema is more sensitive to irritants (such as soap) and more at risk of infection. A child is more likely to develop eczema if there is a family history of eczema, asthma or hayfever.

are better removed with cleansers as they can irritate the skin if they are not cleaned away. 'The hardness of water is directly correlated to prevalence of atopic dermatitis – with increasing hardness of water, there were increased rates of atopic dermatitis.' Mike’s team tested tap water which had a pH of 7.2 which, when an optimal cleanser was added, dropped to a pH of only 5.5, leading them to conclude that the water with the correct product added was better and more effective for cleaning baby. Surfactants (surface active agents) reduce the surface tension of water and help to release skin impurities like oily or fatty substances and are key ingredients in cleansers. So, while surfactants undoubtedly help clean fragile newborns, they can also disrupt the complex structure of the skin. There are numerous types of surfactants, with a range of size and properties, but different surfactants can be blended to make a mild cleanser. Always select skincare products that are specifically developed for young children and never use adult products on your baby, they are simply formulated for skin of a different type. Read the label and make

28 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

In babies, the rash often involves the face but in older children, the skin in the creases behind the knees and elbows, around the neck, and on the hands is often affected. At times your child’s skin will look good and at other times it gets worse; but parents should not feel as thought they are at fault – this is simply part of eczema and not caused by bad care.

How can I manage my child’s eczema? Most eczema can be easily managed at home. Talk to your healthcare professional about what options will work best for your family. It is crucial to keep the skin moisturised, so put on moisturisers several times a day all over the body and face – moisturisers can help keep eczema away. While removing foods from your child’s diet does not usually help eczema, this is something you should discuss with your doctor who will advise you about the best way to go about eliminating foods. And if the eczema rash ever becomes infected, treat the infection as soon as possible – your pharmacist will recommend a treatment appropriate for your child’s age. Try to avoid triggers wherever possible. While these vary from one child to the next, common triggers are: „„ Irritants – soaps and detergents, disinfectants, acidic juices, etc. „„ Allergens – dust mites, pets, pollens, moulds, etc. „„ Microbes – bacteria, viruses, some fungi, etc. „„ Hot or cold temperatures – high or low humidity, hot weather causing perspiration, etc.  www.kidshealth.org.nz


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A global perspective 30 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


N EW

My husband and I have spent quite a bit of time talking about breastfeeding over the years. Our days of snuggling up in bed with Maia at my breast may be well and truly over but rarely does a day go by when we aren’t reading a new study or report and asking ourselves why governments around the world do not put breastfeeding high on the agenda. Why, given all the evidence of the importance of breastfeeding to the health of both mother and child, have global breastfeeding rates failed to rise significantly in the last two or more decades?

The Guardian’s online ran an article which caught my eye. Entitled ‘Is $17.5bn incentive enough for more mothers to breastfeed?’ it asked that very question. In December 2013 the International Baby Food Action Network (Ibfan) released a global report calling for a $US17bn annual investment to preserve and raise the bar on breastfeeding practice. A colossal amount, you might think. But with research suggesting more than 800,000 infants die annually from insufficient breastfeeding, isn’t it a small price to pay? The intention is that such investment would reduce the potential health problems faced by babies who are not breastfed (eg gastrointestinal illnesses, obesity, and diabetes) and draw attention to potential health risks to women who don’t breastfeed such as breast and ovarian cancers. “Despite all the evidence for the benefits of breastfeeding, of the 135 million babies born each year, 83 million are not breastfed as much as the World Health Organisation recommends. Global rates of optimal infant and young child feeding practices continue to stagnate and have not shown improvement over the past two decades,” writes Dr Kailash Chand OBE, deputy chair of the British Medical Council. Dr Chand explains the many reasons for this, including a broad lack of awareness of the importance of breastfeeding, that breastfeeding can be difficult particularly if the culture of the mother's community is opposed to it and If bottle-feeding is a societal norm. If bottle-feeding

is considered equal to breastfeeding, it may become difficult for the mother to stick to breastfeeding and have confidence in her milk supply. I was particularly pleased to read: “Mothers may need encouragement and personal support to start and continue breastfeeding, and this is something that wider society can support them to do.”

BECAUSE EVERY DROP OF BREAST MILK COUNTS

But it was this next section that I thought really deserved public debate:

“The underlying fact is that when it comes to infants, there has been no sustained outcry at the millions who die due to inappropriate feeding. If the issue is so relevant to public health, why is it missing from the policy agenda? Is it that the comforting messages of the baby food industry have deafened us to hearing the facts, and softened the urge to act?” Dr Chand goes on to make recommendations to governments and policy analysts as well as international organisations calling on them to:

Introducing making life simple for mums who express Our Express and Go range makes everything easier. By using a single pouch to EXPRESS, STORE, WARM and FEED, there’s no need to transfer breastmilk between bottles so you’ll never lose a precious drop!

„„ plan and budget to implement the World Health Organisation’s Global Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding

Continued overleaf...

tommeetippee.co.nz


„„ based on the policy gaps found, develop national and subnational action plans for one to five years with clear budgets to bridge them „„ promote the benefits of breastfeeding to citizens, in terms of disease reduction and long-term health, as well as cost savings. And he concludes: “Appropriate nutrition in the first 1,000 days is vital for a child’s development. As the global health burden from child malnutrition shows no signs of waning, neither should our commitment to action.” It’s significant food for thought, if you’ll pardon the pun. Another news item caught my eye because one nation it seems has put breastfeeding very much at the top of its political agenda. In 2014 the powers that be in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) mandated breastfeeding until the age of two – by law!

Ridiculous, yes. But it does pose some interesting questions, doesn’t it? If you know something to be good for your baby and indeed society in general, should it be compulsory? You may want to shout it from the rooftops, to encourage others to give it a go. But should you force them? The law, enacted by the UAE’s Federal National Council (FNC) and dubbed the Child Rights Law, is “the country’s first comprehensive child protection and rights legislation,” according to news reports. FNC members argued that breastfeeding was a “duty” and every infant should be entitled to be nursed as it was important for health and built a strong bond between mother and child.

Indeed. But quite how you legislate something so personal and complicated I do not know. New mums struggling with breastfeeding need support – not threats. As one blogger remarked: “There is clearly a difference between advocating for the importance of parent-baby bonding and nutrition and taking away a woman’s choice in the matter”. There’s no denying that breastfeeding often sparks controversy. It gets people going more than most topics. And if it’s the societal issues that interest you, try Gabriel Palmer’s book The Politics of Breastfeeding. It’s thought-provoking, to say the least. 

Lisa Manning Lisa is a former TV journalist and presenter. She is married to the British actor John Rhys-Davies with whom she has an eleven-yearold daughter Maia. Lisa is an at home mum and La Leche League Leader in Pukekohe.

32 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


Happy baby, happy mum Breast milk is vitally important for the healthy development of newborn babies. Our range of breast pumps are designed to help you in your breastfeeding journey, making it easier and as comfortable as possible to give your baby all the goodness of your breast milk, giving them the best start in life.

www.facebook.com/Philips.Avent.NewZealand www.philips.co.nz/AVENT

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An easy

weeknight meal

Meatballs are a delicious and easy weeknight meal option. Combine your mince mix and roll into balls ahead of time, then simply store in the fridge to make this recipe even speedier on the night. Adding grated carrot and courgette into the mix is a great way to increase the recipe’s vegetable content. And fresh thyme leaves in traditional potato mash is a tasty addition. Enjoy!

34 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


Cheesy Meatballs with Thyme Potato Mash and Cherry Tomato Spinach Salad Ready in: 30 min Prep time: 20 min Cook time: 25 min

Thyme potato mash 600g potatoes, peeled and diced 2cm 1 tablespoon butter 3–4 tablespoons milk 2–3 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme leaves

Cheesy meatballs 450g beef mince ½ cup dried wholemeal breadcrumbs 1 carrot, grated 1 courgette, grated 1 egg 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce 1 tablespoon tomato sauce ½ teaspoon salt 1 cup grated colby cheese

Cherry tomato spinach salad 2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard ½ teaspoon runny honey 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 punnet cherry tomatoes 1 apple 2–3 handfuls baby spinach leaves

PREHEAT oven to 220°C. Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil. Line an oven tray with baking paper.

1 2

Cook potatoes in pot of boiling water for 12–15 minutes until soft. Drain, return to pot with butter, milk and thyme, and mash until smooth. lace all cheesy meatball ingredients except P cheese in a large bowl, season with pepper, and mix well to combine. Use a heaped tablespoon measure and damp hands to roll into golf ballsized balls.

3 4 5

lace on prepared tray and gently press the top P of each ball to flatten slightly. Sprinkle cheese over each ball. ake for 10 minutes. Turn grill to high and grill for B about 2 minutes until cheese is golden brown, checking regularly to avoid burning. hile meatballs are cooking, prepare the salad. W Whisk vinegar, mustard, honey and olive oil together in a bowl; cut cherry tomatoes in half; dice apple 1cm; place all in bowl with dressing and spinach leaves and toss to coat.

TO SERVE: Divide thyme potato mash and cherry tomato spinach salad between plates and serve cheesy meatballs on the side. 

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A common problem Bed-wetting can be a difficult time for both parents and children. The key to helping your child through this difficult stage is understanding bed-wetting. During this time, your child may experience a loss of confidence, anxiety, or feelings of shame, embarrassment and confusion. Providing love and support, combined with knowledge and helpful solutions, will be invaluable to your child on their path to dry nights. Bed-wetting occurs because a child’s bladder hasn’t yet learnt to really stretch enough to hold big wees during the day. So at night their bladder can’t stretch enough to hold all the wee it needs to. For other children, their kidneys make too much wee at night, as their brain hasn’t learnt to slow down. Bed-wetting is not a behavioural problem and is common amongst children. There are over 150,000 children in Australia and New Zealand who suffer from bed-wetting. If you put them all together they would make up over 13,000 soccer teams!

„„ Age is the best cure, with 15% of children per year stopping bed-wetting without treatment.

Helping your child to understand it's not their fault: „„ ‘Your brain and body are not communicating properly. ‘ „„ ‘It happens in your sleep and you are not awake to control it.‘ „„ ‘Your Mum or Dad may also have wet the bed and this means that you are more likely to wet the bed.’ Often the best cure for bed-wetting is simply time. Hang in there, we know how frustrating that can be, so we have developed a website that will help you to learn some tips on how to cope with bed-wetting until your child’s body and brain are ready to respond. Please visit www.drynites.co.nz.

So how common is bed-wetting? „„ Primary nocturnal enuresis is the most common type of bed-wetting. „„ The majority of children stop wetting the bed by the time they start school, however, up to 15% of fiveyear-old children wet the bed. „„ Of children aged four to seven who are completely dry during the day, 67% wear nappies or training pants at night. „„ Up to 10% of seven-year-olds and 5% of ten-yearolds experience bed-wetting. „„ By age 12, 97% of children have stopped wetting the bed. „„ Most children will naturally grow out of the bedwetting phase; it is rarely due to a medical condition.

DryNites® Pyjama Pants can help you and your child manage bed-wetting during this time. DryNites® Pyjama Pants are disposable, absorbent pants, which absorb night-time accidents, should they occur. They can be worn under pyjamas or a nighty and have a slimline design so they look and feel just like underwear. DryNites® Pyjama Pants come in a variety of designs, sizes, and absorbency levels and are suitable for children aged 2 to 15 years. Visit www.drynites.co.nz for more information and to order your free sample today.

Continued overleaf...

36 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


® Registered Trademark Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. © KCWW. © Disney. †Terms and conditions apply.

HUGGIES® Nappy-Pants now come with new MOTIONFLEX® - improved soft, stretchy side panels and flexible leg elastics that move with your wriggly baby, maintaining a snug, comfy fi t day and night. Together with wipes, they’re endorsed by Plunket, so you know they work best together for a happy, comfy groover. And they’ll love the fun, new Mickey and Minnie designs.

Join the HUGGIES® Baby club and go into the draw to WIN a 6 month supply subscribe online at www.kiwiparent.co.nz – kiwiparent of HUGGIES® products† at huggies.co.nz

37


Take control While most children make the transition from nappies to using the toilet and finally to being dry at night, for some children bed wetting is a habit that is very hard to break – despite their best intentions. This can be very distressing for the child and make for a lot of additional work and worry for the family.

Unfortunately, the link between bed-wetting and low self-esteem has been firmly established. Unfortunately, the link between bed-wetting and low self-esteem has been firmly established. Bed-wetting is different for every child, depending on its frequency, duration, and the coping skills each child is equipped with. Self-esteem issues stemming from bed wetting can not only affect your child at home but they can also go on to have a negative impact on their school and social life. The stigma associated with wetting the bed can be difficult to shake. There are many social situations where feelings of shame will be compounded. Sleepovers, for example, will very likely become something to be dreaded. Wetting the bed at home is one thing – having an accident and having friends find out is quite another. The fear of ‘the whole school finding out‘ is one that can cause a lot of anxiety and can echo across so many aspects of your child’s life.

Getting cross will make your child tense and stressed. Keep them relaxed by staying calm. If your child constantly, or even sporadically, wets the bed, here are a few tips and tricks that can assist in having a dry night and reducing the anxiety for everyone.

because even little angels have wee accidents NO MORE STRIPPING THE BED AT 2AM!

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Get into good habits „„ Remind your child to go to the bathroom right before bedtime. Every night. „„ Reduce the amount of fluids your child drinks after 4pm. Drink more earlier in the day if possible. „„ Avoid fizzy drink and any drinks containing caffeine. „„ Use bed-wetting products. They are especially great for sleepovers. This combination of steps will show your child that they can take control of the situation, making them more confident at home and away. 


In this section Celebrating in South Taranaki

Supporting parents through the early years because great parents grow great children.

Around the Centres

Support networks and advice

Spotlight on ‘Conscious Parenting Programmes’

Parents Centres are renowned for their parent education programmes. What is not always so wellknown are the huge range of support networks and advice available to parents.

Supporting parents – Huggies and Parents Centres work together

Find a Centre

One of the most important sources of support can be your original antenatal group. These often stay together and form ‘coffee groups’ – better described as ‘counselling groups’ at times! We all go through enormous life adjustments with the birth of our first babies, and the support and advice from other parents can be invaluable. Time and again we hear that these support networks have been a ‘lifesaver’ for many parents at what is a time of huge adjustment and uncertainty. These groups of parents often form firm friendships which can carry on for years – even decades! See page 45 for details of our ‘Conscious Parenting Programmes’ which follow on from antenatal classes and ‘Baby and You’, and is a part of the mix of the most incredible, life-changing support network for parents. Strong support networks have helped the go-ahead team from South Taranaki Parents Centre reach their goal of opening their new building and it is quickly becoming a hub of support for families in their region. On a national scale, Parents Centre relies on partners to support initiatives throughout the country. Huggies is one corporate partner that has worked with Parents Centres since 1999 and has recently committed to raising the profile of Parents Centres through a national television advertising campaign. You can read more about this on page 42.

Go to www.parentscentre.org.nz today to contact your local Centre and to find out more about support and volunteering opportunities offered in your area.

www.parentscentre.org.nz

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Celebrating in South Taranaki We are delighted to report that we have just had the official opening of South Taranaki Parents Centre’s brand new building! Since the feature in the February/March 2016 of Kiwiparent we have been very busy and completed the building – both on time and within budget. We held a very successful Official Opening on Sunday 12 June which was well attended by past, present and potentially future members. We welcomed Ross Dunlop, Mayor of Hawera to the occasion and he officially opened our new home. We were also thrilled that a representative of the TSB Community Trust, Te Aroha Hohaia, joined us as they have been so supportive of our building project. The building was completed a month ago and, since then there has been a lot of interest in hiring. We have already hosted half a dozen birthday parties and Porse is using it on a twice-weekly basis both for a playgroup and as an office space. Home Grown Kids also use it monthly and there has been interest in running a support group from Neonatal Support Trust. Our new Parents Centre building is fast becoming an integral part of our community and a centre to support South Taranaki families in many different ways. We wish to sincerely thank the TSB Community Trust, Pelorus Trust and The Lion Foundation for the generous grants that made the building possible. But life doesn’t stand still for the committee! We are now drawing up plans for a revamp of our outdoor area and playground – watch this space. We look forward with confidence and optimism to South Taranaki Parents Centre being a strong and supportive place for parents for many years to come. Michele Verry and Lisa Tippett Past President and President South Taranaki Parents Centre

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Michelle Hunt, President of Nelson District Parents Centre, delivered an awesome gift basket to midwife Jean Horn at Nelson Hospital to present to the family of the first baby born in the hospital on Sunday the 19th June to celebrate National Parents Centre week the 19-26th June 2016. They also took the opportunity to promote their free Baby and You classes which are funded by a grant from the Nelson Bays Community Foundation and The Tindall foundation.

A fantastic team effort We are thrilled to announce that, after successful completing our DHB (District Health Board) contract to deliver childbirth education classes, a number of DHBs have offered us rollover contracts to continue delivering classes in the following regions – Motueka, Taranaki and South Canterbury. This is a reflection of the healthy relationship Parents Centre have with the DHB’s and the consistent

high quality output that Parents Centre achieves in delivering these programmes. Well done to all the outstanding childbirth educators and the amazing teams of volunteers who support them in their work. Liz Pearce Childbirth Education Manager Parents Centres New Zealand Inc

Facilitation workshop a success What a great couple of days we had with the impressive women who attended our inaugural 'new look' facilitation workshop in June. Awesome work, Hayley of Central Hawke's Bay, Gina of Wellington North, Jenner of Tauranga and Stacey of Onewa! Thanks for co-facilitating with me, Debbie Kell. And of course, huge thanks to the Centres who supported their volunteers who attended. The skills they learned will go far in launching parent education programmes in their Centres and will enable them to build profile, strength and membership, and build valuable skills with parents in their communities. The facilitation training is run over two days at the national Support Centre in Wellington. The workshop

consists of one full day of facilitation training, followed by a half-day review of the national suite of parent education programmes. We will continue to exchange ideas and success stories from our facilitators. Look out for more facilitation training in your region. Liz Pearce Childbirth Education Manager Parents Centres

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A happy group of mums from West Auckland childbirth education class with their Huggies gift packs.

HUGGIES® Nappies and Parents Centre providing practical support to parents Becoming a parent is an exciting time filled with many questions and sometimes with a little anxiety. HUGGIES® Nappies partners with Parents Centres New Zealand, the primary providers of Parent Education in New Zealand. Parent Centres run a range of programmes and classes that promote responsive parenting and assist parents in navigating in the various ages and stages of their child’s development, giving them the knowledge and skill sets to be the best parents that they can be. This reassures future mums and dads they are not alone in this journey. We support them to prepare mentally, emotionally and physically. HUGGIES® Nappies and Parents Centre have worked together since 1999 to deliver practical support to families throughout the country. As a not-for-profit, Parents Centre relies on partnerships and is glad to extend its relationship with HUGGIES® Nappies for a further three years to deliver products and resources through a number of classes when mums and dads need it most. This includes: „„ For our Child Birth Education classes, for first time pregnant parents, a gift box containing everything they need for "change time". „„ As part of our Baby and You Classes, designed for parents with newborns, they receive nappies and wipes kit for either a boy or girl.

Partnership review

„„ Toilet training classes include a kit containing tools to help mums, dads and their kids through another learning transition. This includes HUGGIES® Pull-Ups® Toilet Training Pants for day time and HUGGIES® DryNites® Pyjama Pants for night-time, plus a guide with useful tips and coupons. „„ With our water safety lessons we provide samples of HUGGIES® Little Swimmers® Swim Pants. To help parents begin their journey, everyone who attends a Parents Centre Childbirth Education class receives a gift pack from HUGGIES® Nappies which includes newborn nappies, wipes and a change mat. Brook Fryer, President of Mana Parents Centre, knows first-hand how well this is received. “It is always enjoyable providing expectant parent members with their ‘HUGGIES® Nappies packs’ on night one of their class,” she says. “There is something about receiving the first packet of newborn nappies and starting a Child Birth Education course that just makes it all very real. It’s really special for our members.” Brooke says that other packs are given out at Baby and You and Water Babies courses once babies are a bit older and also aid what is being taught. “Being able to supply these quality products to our members is really lovely. And at the time when they are needed most, or most relevant to what we are teaching,” says Brooke. “And the feedback we receive about them is always positive.” Parents Centres and HUGGIES® Nappies believe in supporting mum and dad by providing the best changetime solutions to keep little ones’ skin as healthy as possible. To find out more about the classes that Parents Centre provides and how they can help, you can visit http://www.parentscentre.org.nz/ to find your closest centre.

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® Registered Trademark Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. © KCWW. †Terms and conditions apply.

The first hug they ever feel is from you. Make sure the second hug feels just as good.

HUGGIES® Nappies understands the power of a hug. That’s why we’ve designed our nappies to hug your baby gently with the Triple Protection of our unique GENTLE ABSORB® layer, stretchy, Pocketed Waistband and soft, Breathable Cover to help keep precious skin perfect. They are clinically proven to help prevent nappy rash, and together with HUGGIES® Fragrance Free Wipes, are endorsed by Plunket. Nothing’s better than a hug.

subscribechance online at www.kiwiparent.co.nz kiwiparent Join the HUGGIES® Baby club for your to WIN a 6–month supply ® † of HUGGIES products at huggies.co.nz

43 Partners in Childbirth Education


Find a Centre near you Parents Centres span the entire country with 48 locations around New Zealand. Contact your local Centre for details of programmes and support available in your area, or go to:

www.parentscentre.org.nz

North Island Auckland Region 1

Bay of Plenty

Whangarei

Tauranga

Waitemata

Whakatane

Bays North Harbour

Rotorua

Hibiscus Coast

Taupo

Onewa

Taranaki

Auckland Region 2

New Plymouth

Auckland East

Stratford

Papakura

South Taranaki

Manukau

East Coast North Island

Franklin

Central Hawke's Bay

Auckland Region 3

Hawke's Bay

West Auckland

Central Districts

Central Auckland

Palmerston North

East & Bays

Wairarapa

Waikato

Wellington

Hamilton

Kapiti

Cambridge

Lower Hutt

Putaruru

Mana

Otorohanga

Upper Hutt

Morrinsville

Wellington North Wellington South

South Island Northern South Island Nelson Marlborough Greymouth Canterbury Region Ashburton Christchurch Christchurch South Timaru Oamaru Southern Region Alexandra Balclutha Dunedin Gore Invercargill Taieri

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Each edition of Kiwiparent profiles one of Parents Centre's renowned parent education programmes.

This month the spotlight is on:

‘Conscious Parenting Programmes’ How we approach parenting may very well determine how our children ‘turn out’.

Magic Moments

We all consider at times how we would like our children to be as adults. It takes a bit of thinking and action on our part. As parents we must give some conscious thought to how we react in certain situations, how our behaviour impacts on our little ones, and how we can effectively communicate with our children in a way that doesn’t result in negative behaviour.

„„ Communication with children.

Parents Centre runs two Conscious Parenting Programmes – Parenting With Purpose and Magic Moments. These parent education programmes are designed to give Kiwi parents techniques and insights on how to parent in a conscious way.

“Parenting with Purpose has been invaluable as it makes us think about how and why we parent. There are many new things to learn and new ways to approach different situations.” – Christchurch parent

Parenting With Purpose A 12-hour programme designed to give parents an understanding of some of the following: „„ Understanding the causes of stress in adults and children, and identifying useful strategies for reducing these.

A three-week programme focusing on:

„„ Engaging and co-operation with children. „„ Disciplinary techniques. „„ Routine and structure. „„ Understanding children’s expressions of feelings.

“Group discussions and sharing is such a valuable part of this course.” – Auckland parent Might you want to become a facilitator of Parents Centre’s Conscious Parenting Programmes? Visit our website to find out more about facilitation training and opportunities through Parents Centre. 

„„ Strategies to engage children’s participation. „„ The differences between positive discipline and punishment. „„ Encouraging self esteem.

www.parentscentre.org.nz

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Good enough parenting

…or avoiding over-analysis paralysis I have found parenting in an age of brain scans to be both a blessing and a curse.

I hadn’t added, “While you, sir, are in neurological decline.” Oh, SNAP!

Certainly, the irrefutable evidence regarding the power of appropriate care and nurture has provided a pithy response to those who would undervalue infants, toddlers, or their caregivers.

Meanwhile, the overthink-y among us can be tempted to dwell on the imperfections of our parenting practice and superimpose upon these imperfections a translucent MRI of an underdeveloped brain (complete with dramatic cello soundtrack).

For example, I remember the delight I felt in rebutting the ignorant insults of a neighbour who told me that talking to my newborn daughter was a waste of time as “it doesn’t know what’s happening and it can’t hear you anyway”. It! Seriously? It? Hell hath no fury like a mama enraged.

The value of early nurture and attuned mothering upon the trajectory-setting lifespan of our young is well documented, and an awareness of this can lead to temptation in striving for nothing short of magnificence in our parenting. Every moment offers an opportunity to get it right (or wrong!) for the very future of our children. Such high stakes!

I fixed him with a haughty stare and declared, “Au contraire, she can hear me just fine. She’s been hearing me since she was in utero. She’s in a state of exuberant synaptogenesis.” Which would have been fine if

It has been my anecdotal observation that there are a great many families suffering from some version of this ‘over-analysis paralysis’, where the truckloads of reading and mama blogs and often contradictory,

46 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


well-meaning advice swirl around the heads of exhausted parents, robbing them of ever being truly, blissfully, goofily in the moment. Ironic, because children tend to excel at this.

is preferable for pre-locomotor physical development...” or what to feed a baby: “Mashed avocado would provide valuable fats but they’ve been imported and I don’t want my baby to bear the burden of the food miles...”.

The energy we spend chasing our imaginary vision of the “perfect mother” would be energy much better spent chasing our kids around the lawn. Barefoot, weather permitting.

But these decisions are minor compared to the knots parents can tie themselves in when trying to create an optimal (and yet authentic!) relational climate.

Overthinking might reveal itself in the practical aspects of parenting, like what accessories to purchase: “This pushchair faces forward, which might be less than ideal for social development, but it lays flat, which

Seriously. Every tiny moment can be a head game. A second-guessing, self-doubting, sidelong-glancing quagmire. This is not a joyful place in which to parent. And the deep irony is that the constant quest to be an imagined “perfect” version of a parent only makes for a less effective parent. A mother whose head holds a vision of what “perfect” looks like cannot help but be disappointed when she

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(and her children) inevitably fall short. As I’ve written elsewhere, the energy we spend chasing our imaginary vision of the “perfect mother” would be energy much better spent chasing our kids around the lawn. Barefoot, weather permitting. Jean Brautigam Mills is a family therapist in the USA. She has described the dangers of modeling that “perfection is the goal, and imperfection is intolerable”. Worse, says Jean, parents obsessing about perfection become emotionally unavailable, and fail to demonstrate what it is to be a “good, imperfect person”. A mind busy with the guilt of “doing it wrong” is a mind that’s not truly in the present moment.

Attunement begins with being present. Responsive care begins with observation. Knowing how to pause in our adult busy-ness and breathe slow in baby’s time is a skill worth cultivating. Just sometimes. Accepting imperfection here too! For flip’s sake, we can’t use our hands to cuddle our kids if they’re busy wringing in a worried frenzy. To put it another way, Brainwave uses the language of Risk Factors and Protective Factors to talk about the influences in children’s lives. Imagine life as a game of snakes and ladders, and children are advancing along an imaginary board toward a final square of Success (however you may define it... Love! Fulfilment! Fiscal flourishing!).

Imagine life as a game of snakes and ladders, and children are advancing along an imaginary board toward a final square of Success The Risk Factors are like the snakes, sliding children away from the Success Square and necessitating a longer path and a need for even more lucky rolls of the dice. Examples of risk factors include parental depression, poverty, toxic parental stress, family conflict or violence, emotional neglect, and alcohol and other drug use in pregnancy. On the other hand are Protective Factors, which serve like ladders to launch our imaginary child closer to their Success Square. Examples of protective factors include being breastfed, loving touch, play, and shared reading. These factors are all more likely to be present if a child has the most giant ladder of all: a secure attachment relationship. And in snakes and ladders, just as in life, sometimes we slide down through hard times despite amazing rides up ladders. At other times a slide down is followed by the roll of a six, another turn, and a zippy ride up a long ladder till our goal is in sight. We win some, we lose some. Nobody gets to win all the time, and pretending that it’s possible serves no one.

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Like trees, children need strong foundations. A tiny kauri seed floats on the wind and then settles. It has the genetic potential to become a mighty sheltering giant of the forest, but it needs warmth, moisture, light and space in order to thrive. Strong kauri trees put down deep roots that anchor them firmly in the soil and prevent them blowing over in storms. This is why the messages around Good Enough parenting are so important. The phrase was coined by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst DW Winnicott, and he summarised a baby’s fundamental need as being devotion of the “ordinary good mother”. This Good Enough parent recognises that the world is imperfect, that we are all imperfect, and that sometimes laughter is the best defence from all these raging imperfections.

We win some, we lose some. Nobody gets to win all the time, and pretending that it’s possible serves nobody. Good Enough parenting acknowledges that an emphasis on providing protective factors means we can let some other stuff slide. Wherever possible, we prioritise relationship. With integrity, we unplug the many devices competing for our attention and we give our young the gift of our time and focus. Could you leave the dishes, just for now? You have our permission. 

Miriam McCaleb Miriam was part of a group that established the Brainwave Trust Aotearoa in Christchurch in 2005. As well as having presented the Brainwave message more times than she can remember, she’s worked as a university lecturer, an early childhood teacher and a parenting educator. These days she spends more time writing and parenting than teaching; check out her blog at www.baby.geek.nz

In the same way, a human baby has the potential to be many things. Loving, responsive care when they are very young provides a strong basis for children to grow and flourish. Soothing, secure relationships encourage a child to be resilient and strong in the face of difficulties. The people close to them make up their world. You can make a real difference. Brainwave Trust operates throughout New Zealand and provide educational presentations in both the North and South Islands. Brainwave was formed in 1998 as a response to new scientific evidence on the impact that experiences in the early years have on the brain development of a child. We know consistent, responsive, loving care in the earliest years of a child’s life grows great brains (and great individuals). We even have the science to prove it. Brainwave exists to find out how early experiences impact on a child’s life, and speak up about what we can do about them. Everyone involved in a child’s life can have a positive (or negative) impact on that child’s development. After all, no brain can flourish alone; these relationships are vital. To arm parents and professionals alike with the information they need to support children’s brain development, our team has put together engaging, informative seminars based on the latest science and research around the early years. What you do makes a real difference. Find out more at: www.brainwave.org.nz

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Social media the new normal

50 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years


In this digital age it’s easy to take advantage of the social sharing abilities that surround us. Whilst there are many positives, there’s an equally long list of negatives. It’s a topic my partner and I have had many discussions about and we share as much as we’re comfortable with – which is quite a lot. Both of us are actively involved in social media, which may have influenced our decision, but, as Baxter’s parents, we know it was our decision to make. Social media is a powerful social and business tool which, in recent years, has grown at a rapid rate. I predict that it is only going to keep growing. For a large majority of people, social media is a huge part of their daily lives from the moment they wake up in the morning to when they go to bed. I recently saw some results from a British study which were rather alarming. The study found that the average person spends more time on their electronic devices than sleeping, and I would suspect that social media plays a big part in these results. In New Zealand around 2.5 million Kiwis use Facebook every month. 1.9 million of those use it every day, with an average of about 15 times a day, I might add. A whopping 79% of Kiwis use it to stay connected to friends and family. According to Facebook for Business, 82% of mums access Facebook. An extremely large percent of our media consumption is Facebook, so you can see why it is so powerful. From my experience and perception, the older demographic (Generation X) is not always so welcoming of this new online world we live in but are slowly warming to the idea once they learn more and see its benefits. I think more people are starting to come to terms with the fact that this is not a phase, and it’s here to stay. For me, social media is a huge part of my world. I manage a social media agency full-time and have

The “stickiest” pages on Facebook are: „„ Entertainment (71 percent of page discoverers stay to learn more).

The top five topics shared both offline and online are about: „„ Causes and crises (47 percent share).

„„ New food and recipes (65 percent stay).

„„ Cars (43 percent share).

„„ Breaking news (64 percent stay).

„„ Entertainment (42 percent share).

„„ Causes and crises (62 percent stay).

„„ Restaurants and bars (41 percent share).

„„ Beauty and fashion (60 percent stay).

„„ Beauty and fashion (39 percent share).

„„ Travel and movies (in both categories, 52 percent stay). „„ Cars (51 percent stay).

Stats from ‘Facebook for Business’, a StopPress article

„„ Restaurants and bars (45 percent stay). „„ Financial services (32 percent stay).

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Some Social Media Dos and Don’ts „„ Do remember that potential employers can see your social profiles and what you post online (privacy settings dependent). „„ Don’t post any personal information, phone number or addresses. „„ Do be weary about who you accept as friends and followers. Identity thieves often create fake accounts in order to obtain personal information that would otherwise have been private. „„ Don’t click on dodgy looking links and fall for ‘too good to be true’ competitions on Facebook. You will not win a Range Rover.

„„ Do check your privacy settings every couple of months to ensure everything is how you want it and there haven’t been any changes. „„ Don’t post public updates about being on holiday etc – thieves look out for this type of information. „„ Do remember that what you post IS permanent. Whilst you’re able to delete it, people can print and/or take screen captures. „„ Don’t post anything you wouldn’t say in person – once it’s out there, there’s no taking it back. „„ Do enjoy it. Whilst there are many downsides, there are also many positives if you post with care and have your privacy settings secure.

recently (August 2015) become a mum. When I was pregnant I decided to keep a blog to talk about my pregnancy so I could better remember it. I kept this blog private for a long time but made the decision to publicise it once Baxter entered the world. I had no idea just how many people my blog would reach and touch. For the past nine months I have been documenting my journey of the ups and the downs of becoming a new mum because, let's be realistic, the bad parts are often not spoken about – and social media carries a lot of blame for this.

we are comfortable with being seen online. I personally would never post anything negative or inappropriate. While I blog about the harder aspects of parenthood, I would never say or do anything that would have a negative impact on my child’s life later down the track.

It is so easy to be consumed by everything we see online. That ‘Instagram Mum’ who has her shit together and has all the nice things. While she may appear to have the best of everything, that doesn’t mean she’s necessarily happy or doesn’t have her own problems. Remember, they’re only showing you what they want you to see. Very few people will share the true realities of their life.

The feature allows parents to tag their children in photos and link into a scrapbook for your child, which you can then share. You can opt to co-own the Scrapbook with a partner who you’re in a relationship with on Facebook. You decide the tag – could be your child’s name or even just the initials. Only you and your partner have the ability to tag your child in photos and you can delete the Scrapbook if you change your mind.

For me, social media really helped me in the early days of becoming a mum.

Once it’s out there it stays forever

For me, social media really helped me in the early days of becoming a mum. It was a virtual support network that I could access 24/7. There is a huge mummy community within Facebook and Instagram in particular, and these conversations and new friends were what often got me through the 3am feeds. The number of new friends I have made through social media since becoming a mum has been astonishing, and I love seeing photos and updates on their wee babes as a few of them live overseas. I also have family who are not local and Facebook has been a great tool to allow them to keep in touch with my child’s progress and growth. It’s almost like they’ve seen him in real life. The argument is often put forward that our children are unaware of the imprint all this sharing creates for them down the track and are unable to make the decision for themselves. This is why we as parents make the informed decision on their behalf and only share things

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In April 2015, Facebook introduced a feature aimed at new parents called Scrapbook, presumably directed at those new parents who annoy the heck out of their friends by posting an unending stream of baby photos. C’mon, we’re all guilty of it…

What we need to always remember is that what goes out there stays there forever. Once uploaded, it’s in the public domain and that’s when you run the risk of Identity theft, copyright infringement and other similar issues. Be aware of how much you share and the potential risks. Never give out personal information such as your address, phone number, or other data you don’t want people knowing. It's a risk we take when choosing to share private parts of our lives online. Knowing the risks is a huge part of safeguarding our future generations and ourselves. Ensure your privacy settings are set correctly to guard against just anybody seeing your photos and personal information. Without users social media wouldn’t be what it is today so, while there are lots of negatives, companies like Facebook and Instagram do their best to protect your information. You can choose who can see your posts, whether it's the general public, just your friends, or a more specific group of people. You have full control over who can see what’s on your profile and timeline.


The ‘Privacy Checkup’ is a tool within Facebook that enables you to see and review these settings as well as manage what apps have access and who can see your personal information, such as your phone number and address. Sadly, even with tight security settings, your personal information may leak and nothing is ever really safe from hackers. This is why we need to be smart about what we share, and not share anything we’re not comfortable with or anything that would pose a potential threat. I’ve always gone with the rule, if I don’t want people seeing it or knowing it then don’t post it. It’s quite simple.

Useful links: Facebook Scrapbook www.facebook.com/help/1530275617253660/ Facebook Privacy Settings www.facebook.com/help/325807937506242/ Internet security/safety www.dia.govt.nz/Identity---Are-you-a-victim-ofidentity-theft www.police.govt.nz/advice/email-and-internetsafety/online-identity-theft Cyber Security/Netsafe https://www.netsafe.org.nz/

If you don’t want people seeing it or knowing it then don’t post it. It’s quite simple. The ease of social media has made it inviting to so many, especially new parents. It so easily enables us to make contact and share real-time updates, now even having the ability to go live. Society has changed and for many this is the new normal. Will it be the same when my 9-month-old son is a teenager? Maybe, maybe not. 

Jess Bovey Jess is a 29-year-old mother of one based in Wellington. She manages a social media agency by day, blogs by night, and is also a professional photographer. Jess says she is addicted to Maltesers and enjoys the odd Pinot Noir. A self-proclaimed serial oversharer, Jess will always say it how it is. www.newmumclub.com


The return of the

Hoppleplop If you have a preschool-aged child, the chances are you will have one of Kyle Mewburn’s picture books in your home. And you will probably have been asked (demanded) to read it many, many times. Kyle is one of New Zealand’s best known picture book authors and has been delighting children with his imaginative tales for many years.

One of Kyle’s iconic favourites – The Hoppleplop – has just been republished. Brought to life by Deborah Hinde’s vibrant illustrations, the reader is invited into the house to search for the elusive hoppleplop. Each door opens to reveal a strange new creature – but nothing is quite what it seems. The relationship between image and words comes to the fore as normal and outlandish coexist comfortably. Kyle’s titles have been published in a dozen countries and have won numerous awards including Children’s Book of the Year for Old Hu-hu, while Kiss!Kiss! Yuck!Yuck! was awarded Picture Book of the

Year and picked up a Children’s Choice award together with Melu. At the time of writing this article, The House On The Hill has been shortlisted for three categories in the Book Awards. His stories are noted for being multi-layered, funny and linguistically creative.

finally given the opportunity to illustrate children’s picture books. The Hoppleplop was the second book Deborah illustrated – her first, A Kiwi Night Before Christmas was published in 2003, and has now become a New Zealand classic.

Picture books rely on a close relationship between writer and illustrator, and Debroah Hinde perfectly interprets Kyle’s vivid imagination. Based in rural Waikato, Deborah worked as a graphic designer before turning her hand to illustration. After years of working with advertising agencies, publishers and manufacturers, she was

Deborah has illustrated 28 books including the award-winning Te Reo Singalong series and a range of popular and fun counting books. She still considers the illustrations for The Hoppleplop some of her best work and is delighted that it has been republished. 

I try, it always looks like a cockroach has stepped in some ink and crawled across the page.

I’ve always loved writing. Whenever my teachers asked me to write a story, I’d write and write until my pen ran out of ink. Unfortunately my handwriting has always been horrendous. No matter how hard

My English teacher used to get quite frustrated with me sometimes. She was always writing sarcastic comments at the bottom of my essays. Things like – “What language is this?” or “Isn’t it about time you stopped writing with your feet?” Lucky for me, some smartypants came along and invented the typewriter. There was no stopping me after that! I live in a house with a grass roof in the middle of nowhere in the far south of the South Island. If it was any closer to the South

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Pole, my neighbours would be penguins. I built my house all by myself, too, which proves my woodwork teacher was wrong when he said I would never be able to nail two pieces of wood together. (Though he was right about me never cutting a straight line!) When I’m not writing I’m either in my garden singing to my veggies, in the creek swimming, or exploring the strange land I discovered at the back of my wardrobe (OK, that last bit may not be completely true). Kyle Mewburn


Good hygiene, good health Sterilising is all about protecting your baby from harmful bacteria. Research has shown that it can take your baby up to a year to develop the same kind of immune system as adults. Steam sterilisation is quick and effective.

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Empowering families in our region I have been asked to write about what our Pregnancy Help branch is doing here in Taranaki. There are so many good things to share that I find I have little idea of where to start. As my anxiety builds, I worry that I’m no writer, I can’t write something entertaining, let alone informative, that Kiwiparent readers will want to read! I stress that I will not do justice to the organisation, our progress or our great services. I like to think that a lot of ‘Mums-to-be’ that we talk to, know plenty more about these types of feelings. Many come to us feeling anxious, worried, stressed, possibly judged, overwhelmed, and not sure where to start. This is a good perspective check! When I remember my own journey into parenthood and that very personal journey of each and every one of our clients I wonder what I have to complain about! These are just words, however I hope they will convey what we try to do

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at our branch to make the beginning of the parenting journey less stressful and more empowering for families in need around the region. With over 7,000 square kilometres to service, Taranaki branch always has many challenges in ensuring we best service those who approach us for help. Around 35% of families helped in the last year came from North Taranaki, 30% South, and the remainder from around the central region. Our branch is based centrally in Stratford. Logistically this works and has the added benefit of not being in the city, allowing for a suitably sized, economically viable location for the processing, cleaning and sorting of the huge number of donations received to support families practically. Families can be referred by other agencies or are welcome to come to us directly. They often have similar stories of worry and stress, whether it be about finding a midwife, the impending birth or arrival of baby, the money to provide essentials, or struggles with breastfeeding. Some even worry about having


a safe place for baby to sleep. These concerns are very real, the feelings too, but we have the ability here at Pregnancy Help Taranaki branch to help families with all of these things.

So what do we do and how do we do it? Primarily we are dependent on, and very thankful for, a generous community who willingly donate many items of baby and children’s clothing, bedding, and maternity wear, and thankful for a number of organisations and businesses who help us co-ordinate this regionally by acting as collection points.

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Then there are the community volunteers who choose to come and knit, launder donations, sort and fold for us to get items ready to be allocated into beautiful care parcels for families in need. Over 5,000 hours of volunteer time have been donated in just the last six months, with over 5,000 items of baby clothing, bedding, equipment, and maternity wear, along with information, advice and details for other agencies who can help families on their parenting journey as needed over the same period. Our paid staff are responsible for providing client services, management and administration of the day-to-day running of our services, as well as managing of our volunteers. They are key to providing continuity, and go above and beyond to ensure the smooth running of all areas of our services. Enhancing and complimenting these core services, Taranaki branch work hard to provide other add-on services including a Nappy Bank, allowing free access to reusable nappies. A lactation consultant is available every Thursday morning on-site – no appointment necessary. Access to maternity wear is available in North Taranaki (without needing to travel centrally). We continue to provide on-site pregnancy tests, information, advice, referrals, and run our antenatal birthing and parenting programme bi-monthly. It is wonderful that our branch is able to continue providing all of these services to families FREE of charge.

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Lastly, we wish to sincerely thank all of our supporters. They take many forms including organisations such as Rural Women who chose Pregnancy Help as their charity of choice and donate large quantities of knitting to us, trusts and organisations that grant or donate us money and of course The Ministry of Social Development and local health board who continue to support us to help families in need around the region and believe in what we do.  If you would like to talk to Pregnancy Help about any of their services or would like to help them please contact: www.pregnancyhelp.org.nz

Lorna-Marie Hobo Lorna-Marie is a mother of two and has worked part-time for the last 6 years at Pregnancy Help Taranaki Branch as their branch administrator. Lorna also works for S.P.A.C.E Taranaki facilitating group programmes aimed at mainly first time parents (SPACE = Supporting Parents Alongside Children’s Education). Lorna is passionate about encouraging mothers’ confidence as the first and best educators of their babies and the importance of community and support in parenting.


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Cots are available in leading retail furniture and baby stores nationwide. Children’s bedroom furniture can be purchased online or at our showroom at 98 Main Road, Tawa.

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Best of friends Fostering loving sibling relationships

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Our family has gone through an interesting transition in the last four years: We have gone from two adults and a ten-year-old son to two adults, a now 14-year-old, a three-year-old and an eighteen-month-old. Yes, there have been many challenges and joys, but I remember one particular moment after our daughter was born that elicited both of those feelings. I saw our ten-year-old son in a joint moment babbling to his baby sister and I suddenly thought, “Wow, no matter what happens to us big people, they will always have each other.” I felt a sense of relief but also pressure, thinking, “We better make sure they are really good with each other; no use having siblings that cannot stand each other.” Since that moment we have made a conscious effort to nurture the development of close and loving relationships between them. From our own experiences growing up, and by observing the many families I have seen through my work, I know one thing – strong and loving sibling relationships do not happen in a vacuum and without being looked after like a precious little plant. But once they come to bloom, it’s indeed a real treasure.

The research says… The importance of doing this is now also backed up by research. Of course it is probably every parent’s dream to have their children get along, love each other, and be there for each other. Sometimes that dream seems unattainable, especially as you watch your children fight, push each other’s buttons and seemingly look for opportunities to go out of their way to be mean. However, this is what we as parents need to help them through and it is so worth it.

The sibling relationship is often the longest, and certainly one of the most important, relationships a person will have in life. According to research, these sibling relationships, especially in early teen years, can impact their later teen and adult lives. In a nutshell, the research concludes that siblings with positive relationships show fewer risky behaviours, whereas siblings with negative relationships engaged in more risky behaviours. Older siblings who had positive relationships with their younger siblings had the fewest depressive symptoms and engaged in the lowest levels of risky behaviours. Younger siblings who had a negative relationship with an older, opposite-sex sibling had increased sexual risk behaviours. The sibling relationship is often the longest, and certainly one of the most important, relationships a person will have in life. While no one can foresee the future, there are some key things that will help to set siblings on the right path to develop a loving relationship that is likely to last a lifetime.

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Some of it will depend on the temperament the children are born with. As many of us know, we might say we “naturally” got on better with some of our siblings than with others. Sometimes, it can be the age difference, the birth order, or the gender of the siblings. Well, I guess there’s not a lot we can do about these things, they are what I call static factors. We better focus on the dynamic factors, that is, those that we have an influence on.

What can we do? So what can we do as parents to ensure that it will be a positive relationship? To me a lot of it comes down to modelling, yes, again and again, it is about what we DO as parents and a lot less about what we SAY. So here are a few dos and don’ts, a few key ingredients, but by no means is it a complete list.

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Do as you want them to do and don’t do as you don’t want them to do If you don’t want your children to hit (eg, use gentle hands with your brother), if you don’t want them to scream at each other (eg, use an inside voice when talking to your sister), if you don’t want them to snatch things off each other (eg, do not take things off your brother without asking), then your best teaching strategy is to not do it yourself. Easier said than done, hmmm…

When you say one thing but do another thing it gives children mixed messages.


Or if one is about to hit the other or has just done so, we talk about using gentle hands and we practise an alternative action in the moment while we find alternatives to what led to the hitting in the first place. So if my 18-month-old, hits his sister with the baby rattle because he likes banging anything that gives a sound or a reaction, then I will stop him, show him to stroke his sister, say sorry, bring her an ice pack and bang on an ice cream container instead. If you use gentle hands, a calm voice, good conflict resolution skills, and show how you get your needs met appropriately, you will soon feel that what your child does or says sounds as though it is coming right from you.

Don’t compare or label, but appreciate uniqueness Many people believe that comparing children can lead to motivation to do better. However, this strategy can backfire and leave one child resenting the other. It is one of the most common poisons to positive sibling relationships. We all want to feel unique and appreciated for who we are. Knowing what we are good at and our good qualities in our own account rather than in comparison to our siblings means that we have a strong sense of our own identity, which translates into good selfesteem. If you feel you are in competition with your sibling they are likely perceived as a threat or even an enemy and someone like that is hard to love. Labelling our children in front of others, or even going overboard with praise overtly, can lead to resentment because as you comment about the one child, the other children might take that as “I am not that…”.

Just think about this: how often do you see an adult raising their voice out of frustration, talking down at the child for doing something wrong or being disobedient? Or snatching something out of a child’s hands and giving it to a crying child? When you say one thing but do another thing it gives children mixed messages. So when my 18-month-old snatches something from his older sister, we teach her not to snatch it back – since we have a no snatching rule – but ask her to think about “clever” ways to get it back, like by offering him something else that will tempt him. If she is not into that, I will talk to him and ask him to look at how his sister is feeling about it and ask him to return it and thank him for that, while maybe offering him a “clever and very tempting” alternative. This works more often than not and when his sister sees this working then she is more likely to resolve similar future situations in the same way.

So trying to keep an even count is important. As your children grow up, it’s useful to have a weekly or daily round taking turns in telling each person what they are good at or what you appreciate about them, and they can do the same for themselves at the end of that round. And be mindful not to talk to others by labelling your children (eg, our firstborn is like…., our second is…., and the baby is just outright cute).

Don’t give the same, rather give what each one needs Teach your children early that fair does not always mean the same. This way you will avoid many arguments as time goes by along the lines of “but he got two of those last time and I only got one”. Reality is that children from the same parents have different needs and as good enough parents we do our best to meet these needs. Sometimes differences are due to age or ability level or just plain emotional needs. After all, I do allow my 14-year-old to drink coke at a party, but I would not do that with our three-year-old or the toddler. And I do expect our three-year-old to put away her books and her shoes independently but I would not do that with the 18-month-old.

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Teach your children early that fair does not always mean the same. Don’t expect only responsibility but also respect This is one of the most neglected areas in sibling relationships and leads to a lot of resentment, especially from older siblings in my experience. As we prepare for the arrival of the new baby, we want our older child to take responsibility, make them feel valued and involved… and this is really important and gives older siblings a lot of pride and self-worth. However, we ask a lot of them – especially a lot of giving – and this level of generosity often wanes when the older sibling does not feel they reap the rewards from all that giving. It is really important to make the older child feel special by giving back to them, and have the baby give back to them. It can be helpful for them to see and hear that the baby has to give, wait, do things for them too. This might sound strange but is not that hard to do and works at any age. For example, when your older child demands your attention, you might turn towards the baby lying happily on the mat and say, “Helen, please wait here for mummy and play with this rattle because your brother Paul needs my help to put his Lego tower together; thank you for waiting patiently.” Or you might decorate a muffin with your older child’s favourite lollies, put it on their favourite plate, and hand it to them saying, “Guess what, Helen helped me make this muffin and she chose these lollies to put on top because you said you really liked them.”

Teach them to take care of each other Finally, raise their awareness about what their sibling needs and help them to respond to these

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needs according to their ability. Like in the examples above, overtly talk to your children about how their sibling is feeling and model a response of how to appropriately look after them, or even get them involved in making their sibling feel better together. So when our 14-year-old has had a strenuous week of sports and has a sleep-in on the weekend, we might make him breakfast in bed. One adult will carry the plate, the three-year-old can take him take him his favourite book to read for a while longer in bed, and the one-year-old might toddle along and bring him a soft toy. I expect that our littlest one will have not much of an idea yet what is going on but he will learn by his oldest brother’s excitement and gratitude (I hope that will be his reaction) that this is a great thing to do and he will definitely enjoy the attention he gets from him. So a win-win situation all round. 

Kerstin Kramar PGDipClinPsych, NZCCP Kerstin is a clinical psychologist. She lives in Wellington with her husband and three children aged one, three and thirteen whom she adores. They get her thinking about parenting babies and teen at the end of every day. She has worked as a psychologist with kids, teenagers, and families; special interest: general parenting, moral/empathy development of children/teens in foster care, attachment parenting, and autism.


Protecting baby starts in pregnancy Get immunised while pregnant. It helps protect baby from the serious effects of whooping cough and influenza. It’s free, recommended, and has a proven safety record.

Talk to your midwife, nurse or doctor today. More info at immunise.govt.nz and 0800 IMMUNE (466 863).

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Totally tongue-tied We get told that it is rude to poke out our tongues, but it is an important thing to be able to do. Tongue-tie, or ankyloglossia, is a condition where the thin piece of membrane under the baby’s tongue is shorter than normal. This membrane is called the lingual frenulum and affects the tongue's mobility. We’ve all heard the term 'tonguetied' meaning you are speechless

from shyness, embarrassment, or astonishment. But when you look at what a tongue-tie is from a medical point of view, it means something quite different. As with many medical conditions, they can range from mild to severe, just like in eyesight or hearing impairment. The human body is a standard design but it has many variations. Variations are only an issue if they cause a problem, then the problem has to be severe enough to justify treatment. With babies, tongue-tie

Research has shown that one in ten babies have some form of tongue-tie. It is more common in boys (about 60%) and there may be a family history of tongue-tie. In many cases, this may not cause any problems, however it may interfere with the baby’s ability to breastfeed and occasionally with bottle-feeding. www.healthpoint.co.nz

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is a problem if the tongue has limited mobility that affects their feeding ability. Many things can affect infant feeding, and even if a baby has tongue-tie, it can’t be always concluded that it is the cause of the feeding issue. It is best to have someone who has specialist training in tongue-ties do an assessment. International Board Certified Lactation Consultants are professional breastfeeding specialists trained to support breastfeeding mothers and babies. They often get involved with babies with tongue-ties to assess if the condition is causing feeding issues or not, but that qualification alone does not enable them to cut tongueties. That takes further training. Other health professionals interested in tongue-ties can be a paediatrician, dentist (pedodonist), oral surgeon, or even speech language therapist. This is because the tongue is not only involved in tasting food and feeding but also in keeping our teeth clean and in speech. It is unknown to what extent speech may be affected, if at all, as this is an area of evolving research. There is no research that conclusively links tongue-tie with speech difficulties.


Feeding difficulties caused by tongue-tie „„ Cannot initiate tongue grooving, cupping or depression. „„ Interferes with frontto-back peristalsis in breastfeeding. „„ May also affect bottlefeeding though uncommon.

The tongue is muscular, which enables it to move and manipulate food and fluids to aid in swallowing. There are different degrees of tongue-tie and its position could be anterior (front) or posterior (back) to the tongue. The assessment will need to see what movement the baby has with the tongue, including checking if the baby can poke out its tongue. The tongue tip should be able to extend to lick the lips, lift the front half of the tongue to the roof of the mouth, and sweep along the gums. A tongue-tie can mean that during breastfeeding the baby is unable to get a good latch on the nipple and has frequent loss of suction, comes on and off the nipple, and may make a clicking sound. If a baby is not able to feed well it is not going to get enough milk, so may take longer to finish a feed or want to feed more often than is expected. Milk supply from the mother is controlled by demand and supply, meaning that the amount of milk the baby takes off, the mother gets back. If the baby is not taking enough milk off the breast, the supply of milk can reduce. Also, if a baby is coming on and off the nipple during each feed the nipples can become sore. Most assessments are based on a combination of appearance and function and are classified in the following ways:

„„ Type 1: Frenulum attaches to tip of tongue in front of alveolar ridge in low lip sulcus. „„ Type 2: Attaches 2–4mm behind tongue tip and attaches on alveolar ridge. „„ Type 3: Attaches to mid-tongue and middle of floor of the mouth, usually tighter and less elastic, and the tip of the tongue may appear 'heart-shaped.' „„ Type 4: Attaches against base of tongue, is shiny, and is very inelastic. In many cases, tongue-tie can be managed – things such as breastfeeding assistance, support and education may be all that is needed. In other cases, a tongue-tie release (frenotomy) is recommended. This is when the membrane under the baby’s tongue is either cut with scissors or lasered. With a frenotomy there can be risks, including excessive bleeding, infection and scarring, so it needs to be a consented decision from parents. A frenotomy would not be done if there is a family history of a bleeding disorder, if the baby hasn’t had Vitamin K, if the mother has a nipple infection, or if there is no breastfeeding issue.

To find out more about tongue-tie www.healthpoint.co.nz/public/

There still needs to be ongoing research about the risks and benefits of a frenotomy, as there remains debate around this procedure. Current controversy relates to overdiagnosing of tongue-ties that truly affect breastfeeding, management and inconsistent opinions and research on this topic.

obstetric-and-gynaecology/

If you are having issues with breastfeeding there is support available in your community. Midwives, Plunket Nurses, Lactation Consultants and La Leche League LLL can provide support about feeding issues. 

Plunket line 0800 933 922.

capital-coast-dhb-womens-healthobstetrics/tongue-tie/ www.lalecheleague.org Visit your local Breastfeeding Centres or Plunket Family Centres www.plunket.org.nz

Your local maternity unit may have Lactation Consultants or find a private consultant www.nzlca.org.nz.

Helen Pulford Helen is a mother of two children, she is a registered nurse and midwife and she set up babywebnz.org as a project while doing a Certificate in Childbirth Education. Helen works as the Antenatal Information Co-ordinator at a base unit hospital.

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Facing up to the challenge Living with placenta praevia

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I met my husband Nick two years after he was elected Porirua Mayor so I officially assumed the Mayoress role when I became his wife in July 2014. We married on a Friday, judged a cat show on the Saturday and headed to the local government conference on the Sunday. Not your average honeymoon build-up. Our first baby is due on our second wedding anniversary in July, right in the middle of Nick’s campaign for Wellington’s mayoralty. We are both a lot younger than your average Mayor and Mayoress – I’m 31 and Nick is 36 so it’s not too common for childbirth to be part of local government politics. Nick is the youngest mayor elected in New Zealand’s history, but I think that’s positive. We are probably more relaxed and less formal, which we believe makes us more approachable. We also have a young family so, while that can be a strain at times with a busy role, it’s important to add a different dynamic and perspective. I was a little skeptical about Nick’s decision to run for Mayor of Wellington once we had found out we were pregnant, as campaigning is very full-on and throwing a new baby into the mix is double the trouble. But we sat down together and weighed it up. Nick felt he had contributed what he could in Porirua and we knew it was time to move on. The timing isn’t great with baby coming along but when is it in life? I’ve realised that bringing a child into the world was just another facet to our ‘new season’.

A struggle to stay positive But then my doctor diagnosed me with placenta praevia at 17 weeks when I started bleeding a little. The term means ‘placenta first’ and that’s because the placenta is in the lower part of a woman’s uterus, which can partly or totally block the birth canal. It occurs in about 0.5 percent of pregnancies. I’ve got to admit it was a real struggle for me to stay positive because the midwife and specialist both warned us that I might need to be admitted to hospital at 32 weeks. I thought that it was just not going to be possible because of all our commitments. I did find I had to make some lifestyle changes once I was diagnosed. I needed to be on bed rest, take it easy, and not do any exercise, including walking the dog. I still attended events with Nick but just had to make sure I was close to a seat at all times. At our scan at 32 weeks, we were amazed to see that my placenta had moved up higher. Even the sonographer was surprised. For us, that was a massive weight lifted off our shoulders as it meant I didn’t need to go into hospital, which was a miracle because that was the week we were moving house! At the time of writing this article, I’m at 36 weeks and still have a low-lying placenta. At this stage, our baby is lying transverse so we will have another scan next week to check if anything has changed. After that, our specialist will advise on what we need to do and whether we need to book for a caesarean section.

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It was great to have the midwives and nurses on call as I was a young, vulnerable mother. My mother and sister were also an incredible source of strength during this time. I was in my first year of studying a Bachelor of Design (Interior Architecture) when I fell pregnant at 19, but I continued part-time to finish my degree. It took an extra two years to complete and I remember I often took Madi with me to lectures. She would just sleep in the pram while I studied. My family often looked after her when I studied crazy hours – creative degrees require tortured all-nighters! Madi is now 11 going on 18. She’s quick, funny and everything in between, and lives with us full-time. It took Madi a while to get her head around not being the only child in the house, but she is very excited to meet her new brother!

Combining roles I think the role of Mayoress is a lot less formal than in days gone by, and it’s a huge privilege to be a face for and represent a community. It’s a special role because you get to go to a lot of events and meet a wide range of people. Regardless of being pregnant, I still enjoy going out to functions, and get to pick and choose what I want to attend. Dressing up is good for the soul and sometimes you need to do that, but sometimes you just want to lie on the couch and watch mindless TV.

A waiting game I would say to women out there who are diagnosed with placenta praevia – be aware that it really is a waiting game to see if it’ll move by 36 weeks, so there isn’t much you can do but try and be positive until then, rest up and surround yourself with supportive people. I didn’t know anything about placenta praevia until I was diagnosed, but our midwife and specialist provided lots of information, links to look at, and support and I felt I was in capable hands if anything was to happen that wasn’t ideal. Shifting our home from Porirua to Wellington only eight weeks before my due date has been quite a challenge, but I am glad we get to settle somewhere before baby arrives. Within days of deciding to move, we had a tenant and a moving out date. What we didn’t have was a place to live. We finally found a place four days before shifting and ironically, it’s in the same suburb as fellow mayoral candidate Justin Lester. It has taken me a couple of weeks to catch up on sleep and get back into work mode before my maternity leave starts. My first child, Madi, was born in 2005 at Wellington Hospital and raised in Porirua. She was two weeks overdue and I had to be induced twice because she was so comfortable and wasn’t ready to come into the world. After a night in Wellington Hospital due to a small haemorrhage, I was transferred out to Kenepuru where I spent four amazing days bonding with her and learning some of the ins and outs of early motherhood.

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So far, I have been able to wear some of my nonpregnancy clothes, which is encouraging, but I have bought a few new pregnancy clothes to wear for events. Thankfully, plenty of friends have been lending me pregnancy clothes too. As my pregnancy progressed, I found I couldn’t wear heels for too long and when I’m ready to go home, I am ready. Tiredness hits me quickly and can be quite a surprise. I am lucky I work from home for that very reason. When I need to sleep, I just take a nap. That was great in the early months when I was very sick. We are very excited to welcome baby boy Leggett into the world. Compared to my first pregnancy, it has been strangely familiar and yet quite different. This is Nick’s first child, so as you can imagine, he is very excited and nervous about what to expect. Despite his work commitments, he’ll still be up doing late-night shifts to help me out. We have wonderful support from family and friends, plus we have Madi and my father, who has lived with us since my mum passed away two years ago, to pick up the load if needed. By election day in October, our baby son will be about three months old. Along with his mum and big sister, he will be at the polling booth supporting his dad, even though he won’t remember it! 

Emily Leggett Emily lives in Wellington and runs her own interior design business, E.L Interiors. She is married to Nick and has an 11-year-old daughter. Her first baby with Nick is due in July.


The bleeding comes from your uterus, not the baby. You may be asked to have more frequent visits to the hospital for monitoring, and in some instances, you may be required to stay in hospital until your baby is born so you can be closely monitored and get plenty of rest. This is a precaution, just in case you start bleeding and require urgent attention. When you give birth, whether vaginal or caesarean section, there is an increased risk of bleeding and you may need to have a blood transfusion. Your midwife or Lead Maternity Carer will discuss this with you.

What is placenta praevia? The placenta normally implants itself in the upper portion of the uterus. Placenta praevia is when the placenta attaches itself to the lower portion of the uterus, close to or over the cervix. If the placenta covers the cervical opening, you will need admission to hospital. You may not be able to birth vaginally and will probably need a caesarean section. You may experience painless vaginal bleeding, particularly in the later months of pregnancy when the uterus enlarges and stretches. This bleeding could be a light to a very heavy loss.

While the cause is unknown, there is an increased chance of this condition occurring with women who have had a previous caesarean section, or previous placenta praevia. If you have any questions or concerns, please discuss this with your midwife or doctor. Having placenta praevia can be a frustrating time for you and your family. You feel well, but because of the risk of serious bleeding, you need to be under specialist care. If you have any vaginal bleeding you must contact your midwife or the hospital immediately. If this bleeding is very heavy, call an ambulance. www.midcentraldhb.govt.nz

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Bite

ME! Thankfully biting is usually only a phase, but there are some things you can try if your child bites someone. „„ Be specific when it happens. “Stop biting – it hurts.”

out about the world. Biting, climbing, poking, jumping, touching and questioning helps them to find out about the world and learn where their boundaries are. You can help them by keeping them safe and giving them new things to learn and explore. This helps them develop the skills and knowledge they will need as adults.

„„ W atch for signs of frustration and have distractions ready, like singing or going outside.

„„ Give lots of love, warmth and praise.

„„ W atch for signs that things aren’t going well when your child is with other children.

„„ T ell your child what they are doing well, so they develop the confidence to learn new things.

„„ Don’t bite back. That teaches that biting is ok.

„„ B e clear about what you want your child to do and what you don’t want them to do.

„„ Praise your children when they play well with others. „„ Focus on the child who was bitten, not the biter. „„ Think about using time out for children over two. Biting is common, so make sure to have lots of safe objects for biting, for example, teething rings. Children might be biting because they’re: „„ Exploring things and people. „„ Wanting to control a situation. „„ Teething. „„ F rustrated, excited or angry and don’t have words to express themselves. „„ Wanting attention. „„ Responding to another child’s aggressive behaviour. „„ Copying others. „„ Reacting to sudden change or stress. „„ Unaware of the pain it causes. „„ Interested in the effect it has. Guidance or discipline is most effective in a warm and loving relationship where your child feels supported and secure. Children explore and experiment to find

72 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

„„ T alk to them when things go wrong. They might need help to work things out. „„ T hink about what happened and why. They might be tired, hungry or frustrated and not be able to tell you. „„ T hink about why they’re refusing to do something. Do they want attention? Are they frustrated? They might just need a hug and some encouragement. „„ T alk about consequences. For example, tell them that if they throw a toy it might break. „„ I f you ask them not to do something and they do, follow through. Ask them to say sorry if they hit someone, or to clean up if they make a mess. „„ Say sorry yourself. Act as you want your child to act. „„ B e patient – it takes time for children to develop self-discipline. „„ P lan ahead. Put precious things out of reach and don’t take your child to busy places if they’re tired. 


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partners Thinking strategically As a not-for-profit organisation, strategic partnerships and alliances are essential to enable us to fund the work we do as well as provide resources and benefits to our Centres, and most importantly our membership. When entering partnerships we ensure there is a philosophical alignment between our organisation and the company – we look at the benefit to ALL Centres in the form of products, resources, education and fundraising opportunities.

deliver our services and be commercially viable. We continue to refine and collaborate on aspects of partnerships, such as roadshows and ongoing education for our members and committees. I’m very proud to work with such great partners as Johnson & Johnson. They support us nationally and also ensure that we can give our centres and members a range of quality information and skincare products. Taslim Parsons

Social Enterprise Manager Parents Centres New Zealand

We seek to develop partnerships with credible organisations in order to continue to attract members,

A word from Johnson & Johnson New Zealand In today’s multimedia world there is no shortage of information available to parents on infant care. When becoming a parent for the first time, finding the right information that you can trust is vital and can also be extremely difficult. With over 100 years of research, JOHNSON’S® Baby has been a leader in sharing scientific findings through professional education and partnerships with key organisations. We are committed to supporting the development of Parents Centre educators through attendance at conferences and educational research updates to ensure that they share with parents the most current scientific discoveries on infant skincare. SUPPORTING HEALTHY BABY DEVELOPMENT

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Huggies online pregnancy and parenting The HUGGIES® website is about pregnancy and parenting. Check out features such as special offers, info on sleeping and settling plus hundreds of recipes and kids activity ideas! And it’s all free to HUGGIES® Baby Club members. Phone: 0800 733 703 www.huggies.co.nz


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Au Pair Link New Zealand Since 2006 we've been flying loving au pairs from all corners of the globe to join busy Kiwi host families, providing quality in-home care and education for their little ones. Today we have hundreds of families enrolled in early learning programmes and staff Across NZ. This means our customers benefit from a personal, safe and reliable service throughout New Zealand. www.aupairlink.co.nz

PORSE Our babies are born with the need to connect. PORSE in-home educators, nannies and au pairs provide a calm and stable home environment to nurture close connected relationships, setting the foundation for lifelong learning. Phone: 0800 023 456 www.porse.co.nz

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Kai Carrier Reusable food pouches that can be filled with homemade food so you know exactly what you and your children are eating whilst minimising the mess. They allow you to make nutritious food free of additives, preservatives and excess sugar and serve it in a convenient way, anywhere, anytime. www.kaicarrier.co.nz

Bio-Oil® specialist skincare This specialist skincare product helps improve the appearance of scars, stretch marks and uneven skin tone. It contains PurCellin Oil™, and is it highly effective for other skin concerns, including aging skin and dehydrated skin. Phone: 0800 804 711 www.bio-oil.com

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Parents Centres develops strategic partnerships that offer a direct benefit to our membership. Partnerships give organisations access to over 20,000 members, 48 Centres and our community reach of over 100,000 families. Our partners profile products and services through our childbirth education classes, parent education programmes and a whole host of other activities.

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win great giveaways

Enter online at kiwiparent.co.nz and follow the instructions. Entries must be received by 5pm September 2, 2016. Winners will be published in issue 274.

Win a Safety 1st Wanderer X from the Baby Factory worth $599 Suitable from birth to 17kg, the Safety 1st Wanderer X is the ultimate all terrain three wheel stroller. Enjoy three recline positions, a five point safety harness and height adjustable handle, grouped with maintenance free, never-flat tyres, rear wheel suspension and all NEW natural antibacterial protection. We believe all this makes the Wanderer X PERFECT for tackling all surfaces from city streets to bush tracks, with ease! www.babyfactory.co.nz

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Introducing your baby to a variety of fresh foods from an early age sets the stage for a lifetime of healthy habits.

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The Philips Avent Combined Steamer and Blender is ideal for preparing healthy, homemade baby meals. First steam fruit, vegetables, fish or meat and then simply lift and flip the jar over to blend it. Prize pack contains a Philips Avent Combined Steamer and Blender and 20 pack Food Storage Cup Set to give away worth over $300.

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4 Anniversary prize packs from Roundabout to be won We have 4 of these wonderful Roundabout 30th Anniversary Blocks and Walk along Puppy to giveaway. Both decorated the Anniversary colours of red and gold. The puppy will sit, stand, and roll! This interactive pull-along toy doesn’t just trail behind: when led, his head nods and his tail wags. Want to purchase a set of blocks? When you purchase a these special 30th Anniversary Blocks, Hape will donate a set of blocks with the corresponding number to underprivileged children. Visit http://dev.hapetoys.com/uk/en/we-care-we-share www.rdl.co.nz

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“The one thing my pregnant friends and I discussed at length was stretch marks – once you’ve got them, they’re there for good! I used Bio-Oil throughout, morning, noon and night... in fact, I haven’t stopped using it since Liam’s birth. Now that I’m pregnant with twins, I’m going to be using it more than ever! What’s also nice is that it’s not oily – you can put it on and then get dressed immediately and it doesn’t stain your clothes. You’ve no idea how many friends and family I’ve told about Bio-Oil!” Tracy with Liam

Bio-Oil® helps reduce the possibility of pregnancy stretch marks forming by increasing the skin’s elasticity. It should be applied twice daily from the start of the second trimester. For comprehensive product information, and details of clinical trials, please visit bio-oil.com. Bio-Oil is available at pharmacies and selected retailers at the recommended selling price of $20.45 (60ml). Individual results will vary.


Kiwiparent August / September 2016 Issue #273  

Magazine from Parents Center New Zealand

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