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i’m a dad i’m scared John Kirwan has spent the past ten years raising the profile of depression and anxiety amongst men in New Zealand. Following on from his best selling book All Blacks Don’t Cry John has travelled the country talking to men – and women – about mental health issues in an effort to remove the stigma that can too easily become a barrier to seeking help. Recently, John released a follow on book called Stand By Me – helping your teen through tough times. This extends his personal journey, but also shares his experiences as a dad looking for guidance. It mirrors his concern for his own children as well as all young people growing up in our rapidly evolving world. The opening words of the book say it all: “I’m a Dad and I’m scared.” Having spent a lifetime battling his own demons, John worries about his three teenage children. He wants to know what is really going on inside their heads, how to reach them and how to support them. “The groundwork for parenting teenagers starts much earlier,” John says. “When I was only a boy I showed signs of acute anxiety, being homesick, worrying about the unknown, feeling helpless and afraid. I reckon those were the first signs of depression. If your child hurts themselves you have a first aid kit full of solutions. But what tools do we have to help a child that needs emotional first aid?”
Stand By Me is written with Wellington parents and Clinical Psychologists Dr Elliot Bell and Kirsty LoudenBell. They provide a professional perspective to the copy that is sprinkled with anecdotes, interviews and helpful suggestions. “I wanted this book to read like a series of conversations – with children, parents and health professionals – so that we can explore what it’s like to be a kid today” John explains. “And the world is a radically different place to that I grew up in.”
“It is estimated about one in five Kiwi kids will suffer from a depressive disorder by the time they are eighteen” – John Kirwan
52 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years
Anxiety can cause people to avoid things and miss opportunities. Fear is a big part of the experience of both anxiety and depression. In John Kirwan’s experience, which is a common one, pretending the fear wasn’t there was disastrous. It’s much better to acknowledge the fear and name it - this helps to overcome it. - Extract from Stand By Me