RRP $7.50 (incl GST)
SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS
APRIL 2018 – MAY 2018
You can’t do it alone
MP Willow-Jean Prime talks parenting and parliament
Making it work
Articles for families returning to work
It takes a village Understanding infant mental health
From the heart
Learn how to parent consciously
Running on empty
Do you have postnatal depletion
The magazine of Parents Centre New Zealand Inc
Whatever touches their skin, should feel as gentle as your hugs.
Every baby is different, but there’s one thing they all have in common. Their skin is up to 10x thinner than adults. That’s why we’ve designed HUGGIES ULTIMATE® Nappies. HUGGIES ULTIMATE® Infant Nappies are our softest ever and most breathable, to provide our best care for your baby’s delicate skin. It’s the hug that looks after their skin while they wear it. HUGGIES ULTIMATE® Nappies are clinically proven to help prevent nappy rash, are endorsed by Plunket and have the same trusted absorbency and protection that you expect from all HUGGIES® Nappies.
There’s nothing like a hug ® Registered Trademark Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. © KCWW.
Coverstar competition Tips for taking the perfect cover shot
Following the great success of last year’s event, we are delighted to confirm that we will be running the Kiwiparent Coverstar 2018 photo competition supported by Huggies Nappies. Once again, we will be searching for a perfect cover model – the winning entry receiving a full photo shoot, nappies and heaps of other prizes… PLUS you also get to see yourself and baby on the cover of Kiwiparent! Make sure you check out the June/July issue for all the entry details. To get you started, here are a few tips from the experts to help you capture that perfect shot.
Timing is everything This is probably the most important tip of all. You know what times would work best for your kids. Are they rested? Have they been fed? If you are planning a little photography time, plan the time around their schedule to get the best results.
Get down to their level
Fill the frame Fill the frame with your subject. If the subject is your child, make sure they are the focal point.
Remove distractions Remove any distracting items from the shot that will take away from your subject – and remember to cut down on the clutter in the background.
Capture the moment When photographing babies and children, you’ll be getting the workout of your life while trying to keep up with them, but it is worth it to capture the natural expressions of wonder. Eye contact is a great asset, so try to get your little one looking directly at you.
Snap to your heart’s content Digital cameras can shoot a million pictures that you can delete later at no cost! Nice! So, snap away … then snap some more. Look through the images and pick out the best – the best expressions, the best moments, the best light… then let the rest go.
If you want to capture the world from their perspective, be prepared to get down and dirty. You will absolutely love the shots you can capture from this angle.
Prepare to play When are most children at their happiest and most relaxed? When they are playing. This will give you the best opportunity to capture your child’s natural joyful expressions.
The magazine of Parents Centre
Back to work features:
Letters to the Editor........................................................................ 4
You just can’t do it alone Willow-Jean Prime.......................................................................8–9
What the law says about parental leave.....................10 Making it work PORSE.........................................................................................12–14
The way we were.............................................................................. 5 Product page....................................................................................... 6 Watch what you eat Pinky McKay ..................................................................................34–37
Avoid the pitfalls
Water safety resources......................................................................38
Brush up your CV...................................................................20
Parents Centre Pages.............................................................39–43
Dress the part......................................................................22–23
Find a centre.....................................................................................44
Traditions Paul Dickson....................................................................................24–27
Put on the apron Ben Tafau.........................................................................................28–30
Growing great kids........................................................................45 Running on empty Ben Warren.....................................................................................54–58
It takes a village
A lifesaving gift
Immunisation Advisory Centre.........................................................68
From the heart
Car seat woes
Kylie Johnston ...............................................................................50–53
Family meals from the Pacific
Would next Wednesday suit?
A lifetime of living Jessica Dove-London....................................................................64–67
Tackling a toddler party Leila Malthus..................................................................................70–73
Our Partners...............................................................................76–77 Winners from the last two issues...................................78–79 Giveaways...........................................................................................80
SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS
APRIL 2018 – MAY 2018
Not so different from other kiwi families We started this year with the welcome news that our Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern and her partner Clarke Gayford were expecting their first child in the middle of the year. They, like countless other parents around the country, are working out what it means to juggle work and family commitments.
Making it work As parents we all want the best for our children. We want them to be loved and cared for, and we want to give them the greatest start we can. If you’re going to be a working mum you’ll need to be thinking about how your mum-life and work-life will meet and who you will rely on to help raise your most precious taonga. Change can be hard on both parents and children, so it’s best to look for childcare that will be a natural fit for your family. Read on pages 12–14.
Running on empty Learn more about postnatal depletion – a term that explains the sheer amount of nutrients required from a woman's body to grow a baby and the resulting depletion of these key nutrients after birth. A mother can experience postnatal depletion following the birth of her child and sometimes into the early years of the child’s life. Read on pages 54–58.
Kiwiparent. Since 1954. The magazine of Parents Centre New Zealand Inc
Leigh Bredenkamp Ph (04) 472 1193 Mobile (0274) 572 821 leighb@e–borne.co.nz PO Box 28 115, Kelburn, 6150
Editorial Enquiries Ph (04) 233 2022 or (04) 472 1193 info@e–borne.co.nz
Taslim Parsons Ph (04) 233 2022 x8804 Mobile 021 1860 323 firstname.lastname@example.org
Hannah Faulke, edendesign.nz
Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Ph (04) 233 2022 Opinions expressed in the magazine do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher. Advertising in this magazine does not imply endorsement by Parents Centres. Generally material in this publication may be reproduced provided it is used for non-commercial purposes and the source is acknowledged. However, written permission must be sought from the editor. Kiwiparent is proud to support the WHO/UNICEF International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes adopted by the World Health Assembly in 1981.
Whilst there was a tidal wave of support from near and far for the expectant parents, there were some inevitable rumbles of disapproval – although relatively few it is good to say. What about baby blues, breastfeeding, sleepless nights… and the dreaded baby brain? Can we really trust the running of the country to a new mother who will have other priorities? Actually, yes, we can. Having a baby does not mean that a woman’s brain shuts down and that she suddenly becomes incapable of fulfilling the role she ably managed before the birth. The law in New Zealand protects the rights of pregnant women and new parents in the workplace and many, many women return to work after having a baby. And yes, they can continue to breastfeed after they return to work. Labour MP WillowJean Prime is doing so right now – you can read about her experience as a mum and parliamentarian on page 8. Jacinda and Clarke will build their network of support (I am sure there will be no shortage of people willing and eager to lend a hand). They will plan, compromise and juggle things to make the best life they can for their new pepe whilst still keeping up with their many obligations. They will find a way – and so will every other working parent. I was part of the feminist movement through the late seventies and eighties. For me, feminism never meant that every woman had to leave her children to enter paid employment in order to feel fulfilled – it was never a black and white issue, stay home or go to work. But I did march and lobby for women and men to have options and to be supported in whatever choices they made for their families. In this issue we have a number of articles relating to parents who are returning to work after maternity leave, as this is the reality for most Kiwi families. Some families are lucky and can choose to either return to work or stay home with their babies. Others do not have the luxury of choice and are forced back to work out of economic necessity. Still others manage to find flexible working conditions that allow them to combine parenthood and a career. There are lots of variations and lots of parents doing very well. In New Zealand we have excellent role models for our children. Our first family comprises Dad who has made the decision to stay home to raise his child. Tick. Mum is planning to return to work six weeks after her baby is born – to a job that carries enormous responsibility and profile. Tick. Together, they are committed to making their family unit resilient to cope with the challenges and stresses that will inevitably arise. Tick. In this they are not so different from any other family working hard to balance competing demands for their time and attention. Will it always be easy? Nope. Will it be worth it? Absolutely! Leigh Bredenkamp
Image Centre Group
The magazine of Parents Centre
Top letter prize
to the editor
The winning letter receives the complete Natural Instinct face care range, truly natural skincare products with active anti-ageing plant-based ingredients and 100% free from over 400 potentially harmful ingredients to you and the environment. Available from leading pharmacies. RRP $102.
Congratulations to top letter winner Aleisha Jellyman from Greymouth who will win a prize pack from Natural Instinct.
A celebration of colour in Greymouth We did it again! With the help of Rotary, Greymouth Parents Centre managed to pull off another successful Coast Colour Rush event in February. Our partnership with Rotary worked really well. We teamed up with them for the whole thing â€“ organising, making the powder and generally putting on all aspects of the day. I think they had a lot of fun throwing powder and letting loose with water guns! The general feedback from the event was incredibly positive. And it was really cool to see so many people with huge smiles on their faces and also to see whole families having fun together. A fantastic effort from the Greymouth community!
Aleisha Jellyman, President Greymouth Parents Centre
The way we were An extract from 'The Trouble With Women' The Story of Parents Centre New Zealand By Mary Dobbie Published by Cape Catley Limited. In New Zealand [in the early 1950s] the New Education Fellowship and the Association for the Study of Early Childhood were sponsoring a new approach to education. Dr Bevan Brown was addressing crowded meetings on the relationship between early mothering and later mental health – breast versus bottle. And in at least one country centre, Dr Phyllis Stockdill was quietly helping mothers to deliver their babies with a minimum of sedation in a public hospital maternity annex where mothers roomed-in with their babies and demand feeding was the accepted follow-up to birth. Rooming-in was high on the list of changes sought by mothers unhappy with the maternity services, especially those who had experienced a natural, unsedated birth. For them, separation from the baby was a keenly felt deprivation. It was nursing routine, in accordance with the handbook H-Mt 20, to wash and whisk away the newborn to the nursery, enjoining the mother “to have a good sleep now, dear”. They were lucky if they were allowed to touch their baby. Mothers who had been anaesthetised for the final stage of labour were in any case too groggy to do more than cast a confused look in the direction of the nurse and ask, “Is it all right?” They might not get a chance to hold their babies for another twelve hours. It must be said that most mothers did not question the system. The age of questioning authority and of consumers’ rights was only just beginning. Perhaps women were so used to suppressing their feelings, fitting in with authority and accepting that others knew what was best for them, that they were no longer sure what they felt or why. The let-down feeling that set in three days after the birth, the ‘baby blues’, was variously ascribed to the milk coming in or the body adjusting, or simply being silly.
s Join u and
e r a h S f
lth o rs a e w in a othe h t i w ts benefi e Fre
Connect with parents at your stage, discuss with others, find local babysitting and coffee groups!
Access a wealth of helpful resources – TIPS, INFO, PRODUCT REVIEWS, CONTACTS, NEWS & more
Interact and ask questions, give answers, share your story or knowledge with forums.
Receive entry to prize draws, free product samples, plus relevant info emails through each stage.
But women who had read Grantly Dick-Read’s Revelation of Childbirth, listened to Dr Bevan-Brown and Dr Cook, or had seen some of the articles in Collier’s Magazine and the Maternity Centre Association’s Briefs had a different idea. They wanted the baby right there beside the bed, where they could feast their eyes on it. They wanted to put him or her to the breast as soon as they could, as the baby needed it, and not be disciplined by the four-hourly hospital feeding routine. This was heresy, of course, to nurses trained according to H-Mt 20 and supported by the four-hourly rule of the Plunket Society. They regarded such mothers as foolish or hysterical, and discouraged them for their own good. (Much was done to mothers for their own good.) When Sister Burdett of Alexandra Maternity Hospital agreed to set aside one room for rooming-in, it was a breakthrough.
Win $2500 over
ducts of pro
E n e r o n li n
Simply go online
www.bounty.co.nz RATING EB
Look for a short extract from this iconic book in each issue of Kiwiparent. It details the struggle women and men had to persuade hearts and minds to adopt a less medicalised approach to childbirth and child-rearing in the 1950s.
Y EA R S
The magazine of Parents Centre
Duvet-weight Woolbabe from The Sleep Store The Woolbabe duvet-weight sleeping bag is one of the warmest and snuggliest winter sleeping bags! Using a quilted wool filling for additional warmth and temperature regulation rather than synthetic polyester or cotton wadding, it can be used from approximately 14 to 22 degrees by varying the clothing inside the bag. This makes it ideal from autumn through till spring, and on the cooler nights in summer. Lined with 100% organic cotton, the outside layer is gorgeous merino and soft organic cotton blend fabric knitted specially for Woolbabe.
New FeverSmart continuous temperature monitor from Nurofen In good hands when fever strikes The FeverSmart app is downloaded to a smart device like a smartphone, then the app connects the monitor with a phone. An adhesive strip is applied to the monitor which is then placed under your child’s arm. The monitor reads the temperature continuously and displays it on the phone. FeverSmart clearly indicates whether temperature is normal, moderate or high, and sends notifications if the fever is in the high range. It also stores temperature data for sharing with a healthcare professional and can track medicine given and symptoms other than temperature. www.nurofen.co.nz
Discover all you need to know from bump, to birth and beyond Covering Christchurch, Waikato and Wellington, the Baby Expo is a show not to be missed. A huge range of products and services will be on show, along with seminars, demos and workshops and of course a FREE onsite “crèche” service. Register online now for your Free Ticket. www.BabyExpos.co.nz
*Accurate within ±0.2°C with correct usage. Environmental factors & child’s position may result in greater variance. Always read the label. Use only as directed. Incorrect use could be harmful. If symptoms persist consult your healthcare Professional. Reckitt Benckiser, Auckland. 0800 40 30 30. TAPS DA1704JD.
"There is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one." – Anonymous – Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful Kiwi mums. From the Kiwiparent team
BECAUSE EVERY DROP OF BREAST MILK COUNTS
Introducing making life simple for mums who express Our Express and Go range makes everything easier. By using a single pouch to EXPRESS, STORE, WARM and FEED, there’s no need to transfer breastmilk between bottles so you’ll never lose a precious drop!
You just can't
do it alone I was elected to Parliament as a Labour Party List Member at the last election. I come from beautiful Northland and have served as a Far North District Councillor. I am wife to Dion and mum to our two girls, Hihana and little Heeni. Being pregnant during the election was a challenge but I had great support from my wha-nau and fantastic midwife, Sue Bree. Sue was also my midwife when I was pregnant with my older girl and campaigning for the district council. I have had five campaigns in five years and have either been pregnant or had a baby during each campaign! Our second daughter, Heeni Hirere-June Te Kare o Nga Wai Prime, was born in August 2017, just seven weeks out from the general election. My first day on the new job was September 25. Our first flight to Wellington included my mum (known as super mum because of how amazing she is), Heeni, push chair, car seat, baby bag, other baby bag, suitcases and wahakura (sleeping pod). It was a quite nerve-wracking. It took a bit of courage to walk up to Parliament carrying Heeni, with cameras and microphones on us, but I have always taken my babies with me to work and meetings while I was breastfeeding, so it felt like the right thing to do. Having Mum with me in Wellington means Heeni and I can be together while she is young.
Parliamentary Services and my colleagues from across the house have been genuinely supportive. I only have to show up with the pram and people will hold the door or lift open. People always offer to hold Heeni because they really want it to work. I really appreciate and respect their help. The Speaker of the House, Trevor Mallard, has gone out of his way to make it easier for Heeni and I to be together and still carry out my duties as an MP. Mum is able to move freely through Parliament with her. He has even gone so far as to share his exalted seat with Heeni when he held her for me while the House debated extending Paid Parental Leave legislation. It is a symbolic demonstration that Parliament is going to put families first in the way that we operate and serve our country. Trevor has also spoken publicly about how he believes Parliament should be more open and inclusive and he is doing everything he can to make this happen.
The way things were
After National's Ruth Richardson gave birth in the 1980s a room near the chamber was established for her to breastfeed, and in the 1990s a Parliamentary childcare facility was established.
Recently I mentioned that there were no high chairs anywhere in Parliament, and a short while later Trevor sent me a note saying that one had been bought for the cafeteria. This is great as our number of babies in Parliament is rapidly growing! My fellow MP Kiri Allan has brought her beautiful daughter Hiwa-i-te-rangi to Parliament as well, and we all know that the Prime Minister is expecting her first child later this year. We have also just heard that Green MP Julie Anne Genter is pregnant so that high chair will be getting well used!
Moving with the times Up until this year MPs have gone out of the chambers to breastfeed, and the only standing order around breastfeeding in Parliament was from 2014 which established that the Speaker may use "discretion" to "allow a member to be absent for all or part of a day to breastfeed or care for an infant or child". Trevor Mallard amended the standing orders to allow me to bring Heeni into the House. This is great – at this important time in her life it means I can be there for her, to provide her with what she needs. Being a working mum can be hard. For me, family is everything and without their support I would not be able to be an MP and a mum. It is hard on my family at times because it is always very full on. We just figure it out as a wha-nau and I rely heavily on the support of others. So far things are working out and we are constantly finding new systems. It’s all about the systems! Of course there are occasions when things don’t go according to plan. There’s the time when my husband Dion drove off with the car seat or when we lost Mum when we were out and about. But together, as a family, we all make compromises and we make sure Hihana, who stays home with Dion and my Dad in Northland, and Heeni know they are surrounded by the love and stability they need. Communication is key and we are not always good at it! As an MP I have to be available from 7:30am until 10 at night, so getting easy access to Heeni means less disruption for baby. This, in turn, means that I am less stressed and can be more effective at my job. Being a breastfeeding mum in Parliament has worked out well for me. I find it easier to breastfeed than to express when I am at work. To express you need to have some privacy and access to storage facilities which is not always easy in Parliament. Practically, I am all about learning ‘mama hacks’, those little things that make everyday life easier. Recently, a friend sent me a link to a YouTube clip on how to hold a baby capsule comfortably. Life changing! It has made a big difference to me as I spend a lot of time carrying capsules in and out of airports! Mum also showed me how to stay calm for Heeni, especially when she is fussy. Just breathe deeply, and slow your heart rate before you pick up baby. Sort things out in your head and you won’t transfer your stress to your child. Again, life changing!
You don’t have to be superwoman I know that for many going back to work is not a choice, but a necessity. Going back to work can be really hard on families, especially if they do not have a strong support structure behind them. Grandparents are not always available to take on the child-minding role so you need to build your support team. There is more that we can do as a Government to support working families. I believe we need to have more conversations about diversity and set in place processes that support families in the work place. Extending Paid Parental Leave is a good first step but there is still more we can do. We need more flexible work arrangements, more support for early childhood care and education – and we also need to address gender pay equity. If we can get these things right, then I think more women will not feel as though they had to choose to have either career or family. We need to keep talking about how we can work through the challenges that are facing families. Together we can make things work!
Willow-Jean Prime Willow-Jean is a Labour List MP and a lawyer. She has a strong interest in advocacy, community development and in making sure that families get the support they need to give their children the best start possible.
The magazine of Parents Centre
What the law says about
In New Zealand, if an employee or their partner is having a baby or taking permanent responsibility for the care of a child under six, they might be entitled to parental leave.
If you’ve worked for your employer for at least an average of ten hours a week for twelve months or more just before the expected birth of your child, or the date you’ll take over the care of a child, you are entitled to: 52 weeks of unpaid parental leave 1 8 weeks of government-funded parental leave payments if you will be the primary carer. If you’ve worked for your employer for at least an average 10 hours a week for six months or more just before the expected birth of your baby, or date they’ll take over the care of a child, you are entitled to: 2 6 weeks of unpaid parental leave 1 8 weeks of government-funded parental leave payments if you will be the primary carer. Parents who want to get parental leave payments can choose to first use other types of paid leave they're entitled to, eg:
What if you aren’t eligible? If you don’t meet the criteria for parental leave, eg you’ve worked for your employer for less than six months or haven't done an average of ten hours a week, you are not entitled to any parental leave. But if you meet the parental leave payment threshold test and will be the primary carer of your child, you might apply for negotiated carer leave so you can receive parental leave payments.
Paid Parental Leave to extend to 22 weeks At the end of last year, the Parental Leave and Employment Protection Amendment Bill passed its third reading in parliament. The new law will increase the duration of parental leave payments over three years and two stages: an increase from 18 to 22 weeks from 1 July 2018 a further increase to 26 weeks from 1 July 2020.
Any eligible working parent can get parental leave payments if they are the permanent primary carer of a child under six. This applies to employees, including those with other working arrangements such as casual, seasonal, temporary and fixed-term employees, as well as the self-employed. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern says the extension aims to support working families with newborns and young children and help to reduce financial stress. “It will allow more time for bonding with their children for those carers who are not in a position to take additional unpaid leave. It will also help facilitate exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months, as recommended by the World Health Organisation.”
annual leave alternative days special leave time off in lieu. They can choose to start their 18-week parental leave payment period once they have taken other types of paid leave – even is this is after the baby's arrival.
Find out more Find out more by using the parental leave eligibility tool on the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment website: www.employment.govt.nz/leave-and-holidays/parental-leave/ eligibility/#parentalleavecalc
The magazine of Parents Centre
As parents we all want the best for our children. We want them to be loved and cared for, and we want to give them the greatest start we can.
The natural environment to foster this in is the home and the natural person for children to seek this connection from is their mum or dad. However, the world is changing, and many mums and dads need to work. If you’re going to be a working mum you’ll need to be thinking about how your mum-life and work-life will meet and who you will rely on to help raise your most precious taonga. Change can be hard on both parents and children, so it’s best to look for childcare that will be a natural fit for your family.
What to look for when selecting childcare You need to determine what is right for your child and what you want for your child. Children need routines and reassurance to help them cope with change. Will your child have a go-to person? One of the greatest strengths of quality home-based ECE, are Educators, who are able to form a secure attachment with a young child in a calm and settled home environment. In the first 1,000 days of a child’s life, parents really want to provide – or have someone provide on their behalf – attuned, sensitive and consistent interactions with their baby. When this way of interacting is repeated over and over again, children grow up with the confidence and reassurance that someone will be there when they need them – and that they are loved and lovable.
Prepare you and your child for the transition No matter how welcoming the childcare setting is, it is natural that you and your child will experience separation anxiety to some extent, as you’re both learning to be apart. All children react differently to separation – some may adjust easily while others may cry and cling to you as you turn to leave. Explain the new routine to your little one. Make sure they know who their go-to person will be, arrange a few play-
dates with them and in advance start mentioning their name at home so they become comfortable with this new person in their life.
Give your child time to settle in Get everything organised the night before so you have more time in the morning. Ask if they would like to take a favourite toy along with them on their new adventure – having something from home often provides some extra comfort. Spend a few minutes settling your little one in to their new environment by looking at a book or playing a game together. Reassure them that their go-to person will take extra-special care of them on their first day and that you will be back to get them at the end of the day.
Always say goodbye Although it might be tempting to sneak out while they are happily playing, it is best to say goodbye – even if this leads to tears. It is important that your child knows that you’re leaving, as a shock disappearance will likely upset them more and could even increase their separation anxiety. Start a goodbye ritual, such as a quick hug and saying “I love you”. Children need routines and reassurance to help them cope with change.
Photos: Simone Barr
Shrug off the mummy-guilt It can feel like you’re being torn in two when your child is crying but you have to leave. The ‘mummy-guilt’ can feel unbearable. The decision to put your child into care is often not an easy one but it is usually in the best interests of your family. Updates throughout the day via online journals such as Storypark will ease some of the mummy-guilt when you see how much fun your child is having, and will help you stay connected and involved in their day.
‘unplugged’ while your child is up, so that they don’t feel they are competing for your attention. Being a mum is a privileged role so make the most of your time together. As Dr Suess said, “To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.”
A natural solution
Make the most of your time together
At PORSE, we have created a natural childcare solution, providing children with authentic relationships, environments and experiences — parenting as nature intended.
Try not to take work home in the evenings. If you do need to work in the evenings, try to remain
ENTER THE DRAW TO WIN one of two outfits from EGG Maternity EGG has stylish and comfortable clothes for, during and after your pregnancy. EGG is the only maternity brand in New Zealand with a retail store full of fabulous maternity and nursing styles – or you can buy online with confidence as we offer easy no fuss returns and refunds. EGG is here to help you love your body as much as your baby does! Bianca Breastfeeding Dress $139.90 Eva Maternity Dress $129.90
Enter online Visit kiwiparent.co.nz and follow the instructions. Entries must be received by 5 pm, 7 May 2018. Winners will be published in issue 284. The magazine of Parents Centre
Questions to ask the Childcare Director/Supervisor How many children are enrolled and what is the teacher:child ratio? How do teachers manage conflict between children and guide the children’s behaviour? Will any staff member have primary responsibility for my child? What are the qualifications and experience of the staff? Have they been police vetted? How is the centre operated and organised? Are parents included in the governance?
Natural Childcare is built on authentic relationships Natural Childcare comes from one-on-one, responsive relationships that provide children with consistency and a go-to person. These relationships are built on providing emotional availability, attentiveness and time to each individual child. Science shows that for children’s brains to make the positive connections that build social skills and resilience, these relationships are essential.
Natural Childcare is about being in an authentic environment Natural Childcare replicates the comfort and security of home, as well as the routines and values that are built there. These environments allow children space and time to be themselves, rather than forcing them to fit in. Providing these environments is especially important during the first 1,000 days of a child’s life, as young brains need calm and familiar surroundings to learn and grow. It also allows parents to be involved in their child’s learning and development in a meaningful way, providing an extension of what happens at home.
Natural Childcare gives your child authentic experiences Natural Childcare provides real-world interaction and public outings, in a safe and supportive environment, with a person they trust. These experiences are learning opportunities, catered to each child’s interests, giving them the chance to try new things. It is through experiences like these that children grow their social skills and relationships with others in their community. PORSE offer both In-home Educators and Nannies, so when you’re ready and your child is ready, we can provide another pair of helping hands working in partnership with you.
What is the daily schedule? Is it flexible or rigid? Is the timetable able to be altered to allow more time for interesting happenings? What happens if a child becomes ill during the day? Are there facilities for the isolation of a sick child? What medical or first aid training do staff members have? What are the arrangements in case of an accident or medical emergency? What are the rest and sleep provisions? Does each child have a bed or bedding? What are the arrangements for children who wake early or do not need a sleep? What types of meals and snacks are provided? What is the fee structure? Is there a fee if a child is absent due to parents’ holidays or a child’s illness? How are children introduced to the centre? Can you stay with your child for a while? Is the centre a member of Te Tari Puna Ora o Aotearoa / NZ Childcare Association? What information can the centre provide that will help with the enrolment decision?
Find out more For more information visit the New Zealand Childcare Association: www.nzca.ac.nz
5 reasons why you need an au pair in your life. With so many choices of childcare, it can be difficult for parents to make such a big decision for their child and family. An au pair is a young person from abroad employed by a “host family” to provide live-in home-based, childcare. Au pair education and care is focussed on providing a stable and secure environment for children in their own home, ensuring each child gets the full attention and support they need in their early years of life. 1. Dedicated care in a safe and secure environment – your family home. The recommended adult to child ratio from the Ministry of Education for early childhood education (ECE) centres is one adult to five children (under two years old) or one adult to a maximum of eight children (over two years old). An au pair, who’s already developed a close relationship with your child by living together, provides dedicated one-on-one care. This means your child feels safe in their familiar environment, surrounded by familiar people and he or she is being watched all the time and every stage of their development is being supported.
2. Learning through play. Au pairs from Au Pair Link teach the children through an ECE programme supported and guided by Au Pair Link’s qualified ECE teachers who are on-call for support and arrange monthly visits to check the progress and placement. With Au Pair Link’s ECE programme, children are exposed to different experiences through playgroups, child outings and events. Au Pair Link also provides a personalised resource kit every month to support your child’s current interests.
3. It’s more affordable than you think. Hiring an au pair is more affordable than you think. It works especially well for families with multiple children because the au pair cost-model is per hour and not per child. In addition to this, the au pair wage starts from $195 per week and is offset by board and lodgings, meaning you pay less for what it might normally cost because you’re providing them with accommodation and necessities. With Au Pair Link, you can also gain access to WINZ subsidies or 20 Hours ECE for 3 and 4 year olds.
4. Flexibility. Before an au pair joins your family, you negotiate your working hours with them. This can meet the needs of busy families who might work shifts or need care outside of normal daycare hours. What this means is that you don’t have to worry about getting them ready for preschool while you need to get ready for work. You don’t even need to worry about getting stuck in traffic in those peak hours as your au pair can have pickups and feeding sorted. No rush. No stress.
5. You learn about another culture. It’s a globalised world, that means it’s a great time to expose your children to different cultures and develop understanding and experiences. Most of our au pairs are from overseas and inviting them into your home means you and your family get to learn about a new culture and different customs. All in all, it will be a life changing experience for not only your children but for the whole family.
Au pairs from Au Pair Link are between the ages of 18-30 and are a mixture of female and male. They have at least 200 hours of documented childcare experience (on average our au pairs have 1300 hours of documented childcare experience)! Our au pairs go through a rigorous screening process - including police and medical record checks, childcare and character references and a personal interview to assess their English speaking ability and suitability caring for young children.
For more information about getting an au pair, contact the friendly team at Au Pair Link on 0800 AU PAIR (287 247) or visit www.aupairlink.co.nz.
Apply with the code PARENTSC25 to receive 25% off the Au Pair 123 or Au Pair Whiz placement fee! Terms and conditions apply.
The magazine of Parents Centre
I have a bright, sassy, loving five-year-old daughter named Libby. She challenges me. She teaches me. She grounds me. She provides life’s happiest and most rewarding moments but the toughest and most heartbreaking as well. But you know all this already because you’re a mum, too.
And while I love my daughter deeply, I also felt a desire to return to some kind of professional work after my maternity leave – for me, for my sanity, and to make me a better mum in the long-term. But whoa – getting back into work was hard! I never expected the loss of confidence. I never expected the tiredness. I never expected that searching for the right childcare solution would make me feel so anxious. I never expected to feel so conflicted about my choices or care what others thought about
them. I never expected to have to deal with mother’s guilt or for the need to learn to negotiate and delegate like I did. I never expected to feel so overwhelmed about trying to do something that I’d done so easily before! Thankfully, over time, I found my way. I grew my self-awareness so that I made my decisions in line with my values and felt at peace with them as a consequence. I learned how to ask for help and negotiate to get people onside. I discovered how to talk to myself so that I could take the necessary steps with confidence.
I identified my priorities so that I focused my time in the right places. I made decisions that supported my long-terms goal of how I wanted to experience my life. I found some answers and I want to share them with you. In my work as a life coach, I love helping support mums to successfully navigate their transitions back to work after maternity leave or a period of time out of the workplace raising kids. I see some pretty clear trends. These are the most common mistakes I see mums making when they head back to work, along with
Remember, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel and you don’t have to do this all on your own.
some of my best pieces of advice to help you navigate your own transition with more confidence, ease and joy. (Doesn’t that sound wonderful?) Remember, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel and you don’t have to do this all on your own.
Doing it all alone Be prepared to give autonomy to others and share the load. Most mums have been the main caregiver to their children and often this trend continues when they go back to work. Just because you’ve
been the one to take responsibility for everything child-related (and in many cases, house-related) in the past, doesn’t mean that others (partners, extended family, older siblings) can’t start sharing this ‘second shift’.
their own ‘to-do’ list. Domestic ‘todo’ lists never end, so unless you’re prepared to let something go, you’ll never free yourself of the “life-go-round”.
Step back and take a look at all of the tasks that need to be done in your home and discuss ownership for these with your partner, kids, and family.
Put your hand up if you work faster, smarter and more efficiently now than you did pre-kids?
Wanting everything done your way Know where you want to spend your time and prioritise those things, delegate the rest and trust they’ll get done. A lot of the mums I meet would like their partners and children to help out more around the house YET don’t trust them to do the jobs ‘right’ so fail to delegate. Because mums often feel they can do things better and faster than anyone else, they end up with everything on
You’re not alone. There’s nothing like having focused windows of opportunity to get an outcome. Yet so many mums fail to recognise their value in the job market. Time and again, mums fail to appreciate the skills they’ve developed as a consequence of becoming a mum and don’t aim high enough with respect to the roles and responsibilities they’re capable of doing. Quite simply, you won’t get what you don’t ask for. Ask for a pay rise, flexible hours, remote working, a promotion, performance incentives… Aim higher, ask for what you really want and what you deserve.
Continued overleaf... The magazine of Parents Centre
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Feeling guilty The majority of mums report feeling ‘Mummy Guilt’ and the reasons for feeling guilty as a mother seem to be infinite. Mums who stay home to care for their children often report they feel guilty about not pursuing their professional goals. Mums who go back to work full-time often report feeling guilty about missing out on time with their kids. Mums who work part-time often feel guilt as a consequence of ‘not doing either job to the best of their ability’. Many times this guilt is a result of mums feeling judged and dictated to by family, cultural and societal expectations. Clarify what your family values are and stand firm in your decisions.
Expecting to see the world in the same way you did before For some women having a baby appears easy, but for most of us, welcoming a child into your life brings with it a massive amount of adjustment and change. For many mums, values, priorities and feelings change along with their new status. What felt important before can seem much less important after. Additionally, things that you took for granted before (for example, the freedom to determine how you used your time) may be mourned for now. Stop comparing yourself to the past, take the time to understand and accept where you are now.
The Back To Work Coach Advert.qxp_Layout 1 2/03/18 12:01 PM Page 1
Not looking after yourself There is a saying that “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. It is not selfish to look after yourself and make sure you are in good shape to be able to give back to your family, your friends, your job. It is essential! All too often mums get stuck in the habit of prioritising everybody else’s needs ahead of their own and run themselves ragged. Take the time to think about what you like doing with your precious ‘spare’ time. Identify the things that ‘fill up your cup’ and energise you. These are the things that will increase your resilience and allow you to offer your best self to your family, friends and your job, and are often the things that bring joy and satisfaction to life.
Returning to the paid workforce?
The Return to Work programme offers practicalities, information and tips to prepare for returning to the paid workforce. Early Childhood Education choices Remember that me-time is essential. Schedule time to do things that energise you.
sickness contingencies, meal options, breastfeeding, work-wardrobe updating, professional upskilling, etc.
Expecting a quick transition
Identifying the challenges you will face and working out a plan earlier rather than later will help you understand what is involved in the transition and allow you to plan for it to happen as smoothly as possible.
Finishing maternity leave and/or starting a new job after becoming a parent often brings with it feelings of anxiety and stress. “How will I manage everything?” “How will I cope?”
Make sure you have a plan and work it.
There are many things to think about when you are making the transition back to paid work. Among these are understanding your work conditions, selecting childcare options, travel strategies, new household routines,
Parental guilt & seperation anxiety Negotiating flexible working house Contact your local Parents Centre for more information on the Return to Work sessions scheduled for the year.
Rebekah Fraser Rebekah is the founder of The Back to Work Coach. She is passionate about supporting mums to successfully navigate their transitions back to work after maternity leave or a period of time out of the workplace raising kids. IN PARTNERSHIP WITH
The magazine of Parents Centre
Top tips for creating your CV Be clear and structured Avoid embellishments Be concise Make sure you can be easily contacted Remove unnecessary information Emphasise your experience Only mention relevant training Work in chronological order Be precise
Tips for reworking your CV to help you get the job you always wanted
Personalise your document
Get it checked It is oh-so-easy for spelling and grammar mistakes to creep in, so it is a good idea to get someone else to check your CV before you send it out – a fresh pair of eyes can pick up errors that you simply don’t see if you have been working on a document. If English is not your first language, ask a native speaker of English to read your CV and check it for errors.
Promote yourself The most effective CVs are usually only two to three pages long. Employers mainly want to know if you can do the job for which you are applying, so if your CV includes information about every job or course you've ever done, cut it back to reflect the skills and experience relevant to the position for which you are applying. Keep it simple, clear and to the point.
Include referee contact details
your skills that are relevant to the job.
Most employers will ask for two referees they can contact to ask about your work. Make sure that the contact details for your referees are current, and check this by contacting them yourself so they have time to think about the things they will share about you. Tell them about your plans and ask them to read your CV – you may get some good advice from them.
Give examples of your skills
Write a cover letter
When writing about your skills, don't just list them – make sure that you give examples of how you've used each skill. Identify what you did, the setting in which the activity was carried out and what happened as a result.
When you send your CV to an employer, make sure you include a cover letter which will:
Your CV should include: your contact details work experience that is relevant to the job you want
Make sure your CV is up to date If you want an employer to contact you, you need to keep your CV up to date with your latest address and telephone number. Include the phone number that you are most easily contacted on, whether it's a landline or mobile number, and always include an email address on your CV. Also make sure that you have a suitable answerphone message recorded, and check your messages and reply as soon as you can.
Don't be afraid to write about your strengths – use your CV to tell an employer why they should employ you and don’t sell yourself short.
explain why you want the job outline what you can offer the employer h ighlight skills, qualifications and experience that you have that match the job.
Find out more www.careers.govt.nz
The magazine of Parents Centre
Whatever you wear, the main aim is to feel confident. In reality, the clothes you wear do have an impact – but remember when you arrive at work you will be bringing with you all the newly acquired skills that motherhood requires. In fact, you will be a new and improved version of your old self. No matter how long and hard you’ve thought about your decision to return to work, be prepared for conflicting emotions. One minute you might feel excited about your new freedom and the next minute you’re in tears wondering how you could possibly abandon your baby. Often mums need to return to work sooner than they would have preferred, with the cost of living higher than ever. We hope these few tips will make heading back to work a little less stressful.
Prepare everything you need the night before
It’s much easier to get things done at night rather than early in the morning. The rush in the morning always seems so much worse after you have already had a bad night’s sleep. Add in a 5:00am feeding session, a 6:00am nappy change and you will appreciate any spare second you can find. Lay out your work outfit the night before, shower at night if you can, then prepare your lunch and pack the nappy bag so it’s all ready to go in the morning.
Things that fit and flatter Getting ready for the first day back in paid employment and wondering what to wear? Knowing how to dress for work when you go back after maternity leave can be really hard. You’ve physically changed. You’ve emotionally changed. In fact, you’re a whole new you. Going back to work after maternity leave will be different for everyone – you may still be carrying a little extra baby weight, you may still be breastfeeding or you may be experiencing a dip in confidence at the thought of stepping back into the workforce.
Shed your maternity-leave sweat pants and treat yourself to a haircut and a few new work pieces and shoes to boost your confidence. All you need is couple of new pieces to update your wardrobe, and it will really elevate you mentally to face the first day back at work feeling the part. Choose clothes that fit and flatter your new body. Trying to squeeze back into your pre-baby clothes might be a bit impractical – it takes the body a decent amount of time to return to ‘pre-baby’ shape. After
all, it took nine months for your body to grow a new human being, so be patient while it finds its way back. Work clothes shouldn’t be uncomfortable, there are plenty of options for flattering tops and elastic waistbands that’ll be kind to your figure. Dresses are easier for busy mums to wear when they need to rush out the door in the morning. With exactly five minutes to do hair and make-up for the day, a dress that drapes can easily be cinched at the waist with a fashionable belt for a pulled-together look that will take no time to assemble. If you are breastfeeding and intend pumping at the office, make sure you choose dresses that unbutton or can be pulled down from the top. Flowing dresses with gathering also lend themselves well to flattering a figure, as do billowy tops paired with leggings or slim-fit pants. Fashion advisors say boot-cut jeans, A-line dresses and three-quarter length sleeves also work well for most body types. And always opt for easy-to-wash clothes – it’s no fun fitting trips to the dry-cleaner into your crowded schedule.
Keep up with the times While your work wardrobe should contain quality classic pieces you can reach for again and again, it is good to have a few up-to-date items for a modern look. Incorporating new trends to update your work wardrobe isn’t difficult – browse through different stores and check out magazines to see what’s in season. You can also consult Google, Pinterest, Instagram or a fashion blog for inspiration.
Patterns hide a multitude of sins Whether you’re breastfeeding or just having to juggle a baby or toddler in the mornings, patterns can be a lifesaver. From leaky breasts, milky
sick or a runny nose wipe just as you have a goodbye cuddle, there are days that you don’t get out of the house without a few stains, and patterned fabric will hide the evidence.
Easy access to breasts If you’re pumping or doing a lunchtime feed, you need to think about access when you’re putting your work outfits together. During the initial return-to-work period, many mums arrange to meet with their carer to give baby a feed. If you’re pumping during the day, a v-neck or wraparound dress gives perfect access without needing to totally strip.
Accessorise One of the easiest ways to update a simple wardrobe is to refresh it with accessories. Earrings that dangle will highlight your face, long necklaces are elongating and offer a simple slimming effect, and scarves can bring a bit of colour to a top, a simple dress, or cozy sweater. When you find an outfit that works, you may want to stick with it, but accessories add sophistication that will freshen up your outfit. Swap and change your accessories and shoes to the same dress and you’ll be surprised how different you look and feel.
Mentioning the unmentionables A good bra, especially if you’re still nursing, is essential. If you’re not nursing, go buy a new bra – you want the fit to be amazing. If you are still nursing, differentiate a “house bra” from a “work bra”. Regardless of what you decide to wear, if you dress like “you” in clothes that both fit and flatter, you’ll feel better about yourself and going back to work.
Prepared by the Kiwiparent team with lots of advice from mums who have gone back to work after maternity leave.
Why do families choose au pairs? As a caregiver or parent of young children, the topic of childcare has most certainly crossed your mind. There are many options to choose from, such as day care, kindergarten, home-based care and au pairs. In 2017 alone, Au Pair Link had hundreds of au pairs join Kiwi families in just the Auckland region. So why are families choosing an au pair as a childcare option? An au pair is a young person from abroad employed by a 'host family' to care for their children. Au pairs provide a live-in form of childcare and provide a unique cultural and learning experience. An au pair joins your family to bond with the children and provide one-on-one care, love and stability in the place which matters most – your child's home. Au Pair Link Operations Manager, Morgan Holyoake says, “When you compare having an au pair to the cost of sending your child to a day care centre, au pairs are truly an affordable option, as well as being very flexible. Typical weekly costs start from $260 per week and can go up to $470 per week, depending on hours of childcare or type of programme. This weekly cost does not increase with more children, which makes having an au pair different to all other forms of childcare.” With the ability to choose and negotiate your hours with your au pair, it’s a great option for busy working families, that don’t always work a 9–5 job. Au Pair Link is New Zealand’s largest au pair agency, flying au pairs from all over the world into New Zealand homes. Through their service, families are able to connect with pre-screened au pairs, read their profiles and arrange video meetings to make sure they’re the perfect match. Families also have access to 20 hours ECE and WINZ subsidies, local playgroups, events and on-call teacher support.
The magazine of Parents Centre
one, hiding leftover food in some way, or two, declaring the food left over was unfit for consumption. The first option often involved pockets. Ideally there would be some kind of paper to wrap said leftovers to put into a pocket, but if it came down to it, that mashed potato would just get stuffed straight into an empty pocket to discard down the toilet at some convenient time. The other, less messy option, would be to turn on the toddler charm and say you were full. This option very rarely worked, as Mum would have carefully served up an edible portion size, so she knew full well you weren’t full and had another agenda. This in turn would require the “I don’t like this food” card to be played. There was one such occasion where I was just having no luck, my eagle-eyed Mum was watching for disappearing food, the above card had been played and rejected and the dinner put before me was now getting cold.
Now that I am running my own Daddy Daycare with one full time attendee – Taylor – I often think about family traditions. One item of furniture was a stable of my own childhood – an old white table. My first memory of the dining table was cycling around the kitchen on my tiny tricycle as a two-year-old and smacking my head on the old table, as I had yet to develop spatial awareness. This old white dining table was where our family first dined together. My Mum, Dad, sister, brother and I would sit around the table and eat together as one big happy family. Well, until my parents divorced. Every evening dinner (or “tea” as called in Birmingham) would be prepared and we would all sit down together and discuss the day’s affairs. Well, when I say discuss, it wasn’t really much of a conversation, Mum and Dad would generally ask how the day was, whilst my sister and I would be amused watching our baby brother constantly try to put/and miss food into his mouth. On occasion the dinner served up was either not to my liking or there would be something far more important to be doing than eating, such as building a den in my bedroom or hiding my sister’s things. However, when these occasions arose, the option of jumping down from the table to pursue the fun activities was strictly forbidden, the rule was that you didn’t leave the table until your plate was clean.
Bending the rules The majority of the time I would stick to this rule, but alas, as with all rules, they were made to be broken and I would think of many ways to try to convince Mum I had finished. It ultimately came down to two options;
After an hour I was still sitting at the table, my Mum determined that I would finish the food. There was nothing left to do, I reached over for the pepper pot and whilst Mum’s head was turned, I slightly loosened the cap and put the pot back next to the salt. I then asked if I could put salt and pepper on my food and with approval, I reached over for the salt and pepper. Salt was applied vigorously and Mum smiled at the sight of this stubborn child taking out his frustrations. The smile didn’t last for long as I released just as much frustration on to the pepper pot, with white pepper dousing both the dinner plate and most of yours truly. You would think at this point, a little pity would be shown and my escape from the dining table successful. As with the majority of escape plans, this one failed and Mum insisted I scrape off the pepper and eat what was remaining. Let’s just say I didn’t try that trick again. Following the divorce of my parents, the old white dining table (who had begun to teach me its rules), moved with my Mum, sister, brother and I into a council flat, whilst my Dad moved on with a couple of bags. Almost everything was different following the divorce; new home, new location, new visiting schedules, new schools etc. However there was one thing that didn’t change and that was dinner around the old white table. It’s quite strange how an inanimate object could have such a profound effect on my life and the values I still hold dear, now that I am a Dad with a kid who will no doubt try to play the same tricks.
Passing on green fingers to the next generation You may or may not know, but I run a little charity called OKE which helps to implement fruit and vegetable gardens into schools. When I tell people this is what I do when not getting stuck into Daddy Daycare, I get asked if I have my own garden. Well I can safely
Continued overleaf... The magazine of Parents Centre
say that I practise what I preach and it’s not only school kids I’m hoping to teach – we are also getting Taylor stuck in to the garden. Some people might think that it’s a hipster or trendy thing to do and that I’m just trying to keep up with some modern trend. Not so – my own gardening adventures started some thirty years ago, when we would go visit my Granddad George at his allotment. He also often visited us when we were at my Dad’s for the weekend, where he would bring veggies straight from the ground, all covered in dirt. This just seemed so strange to us, why wouldn’t he just get veggies out of the freezer? I have to admit there was a pretty big gap between seeing my Gramps grow his veggies until I started growing my own. In fact, I didn’t really get stuck into building my own veggie plot until I’d moved to New Zealand (my life was taken up with other priorities before heading to this part of the world). I managed to convert a piece of wasted space into a ten metre long garden bed and over the last couple of years I’ve managed to grow everything from swedes to pumpkins.
My duty as a dad Now that the little man has come along, I see it as my duty as a dad to get our little man interested in the garden. We’ve not quite got into planting anything yet,
but we do have a little wander around the garden a few times a week and I tell him what is growing at any one time. Not only is it a way of teaching some new words, but there are so many different textures, smells and creepy-crawlies for Taylor to experience. It’s a pretty cool way for a dad and son to bond, especially when the hose is involved and watering dehydrated plants turns into a mini water fight.
Paul Dickson Paul is originally from Birmingham, England and now calls New Zealand home. He met Anj in 2011, they married in 2013 and their son came along in 2015. Paul started working life at Jaguar Cars and went on to a career which took him around the globe as a project manager. These days, when he is not running around after Taylor as a stay-at-home dad, he is the Chief Go Getter (Founder) of OKE Charity.
Growing Mighty Kids OKE provide Kiwi kids the opportunity to learn life and social skills by introducing productive gardens into schools. By giving the kids the tools to learn, OKE is empowering schools and communities to grow essential skills, ultimately providing a better place for everyone. OKE is implementing our “Growing A Future” initiative into primary schools across South Auckland over the next few years. Our starting point is Papatoetoe, with ten primary/intermediate schools identified to get growing by 2018. Through Growing A Future, OKE deliver a garden to each school, enabling the kids, teachers and local community to get growing. The garden includes all that is required to make it sustainable; raised beds, greenhouse, composting solutions, kids’ tools, teacher tools, irrigation etc. Each Growing a Future project for a school costs $10,000 to put together from start to finish…at no cost to the school!
The Benefits of Growing a Future Kids learn the mighty chip comes from a potato K ids become the teachers and show parents how to grow and use veggies at home B y encouraging communities to come together and share skills, the community as a whole benefits P roviding a social platform where kids can just be kids and learn by getting down and dirty I ncrease life skills, increase levels of self-esteem /worth G ive kids hands-on skills that they might potentially be interested in pursuing later in life G ive kids the opportunity to get outside and interact with each other F amilies learning/understanding how to provide/look after their own C hildren growing up healthy and strong with positive outlook/future P rovide financial skills by turning produce from the garden into profitable sales, which fund a sustainable garden. www.oke.org.nz
The magazine of Parents Centre
A few years ago, I met a friend after work for drinks and she brought me over to a table where she and her girlfriends were sitting. We did a quick round of introductions and they resumed their conversation about baking blogs and their favourite recipes. When the conversation swung round to me, I added my two cents to the discussion about my peanut butter cheesecake recipe and who has the best cheese scones in Wellington. Pre-single-parent Ben would have looked at me and wondered what the heck I was doing out of the kitchen without my apron, when there were clearly more cupcakes to be baked. Cooking and baking had never been a strong point of mine, until it had to be, once I became responsible for someone else’s eating needs. I had taken ‘home economics’ classes at
intermediate and high school where I learned basic kitchen skills and recipes, but growing up in a household where my mother was a great cook/baker (and Dad wasn’t too bad either), those skills were rarely used and left undeveloped. After I left home, I still had no desire to learn beyond the basics. This was mainly due a prolonged period of university study where my student budget required a focus on cheap, simple meals, and preferring to spend the least amount of time preparing meals so I could get back to other more interesting activities like destroying my flatmates at Tekken, training, or surfing the internet. I also went through a pretty significant Bruce Lee phase during high school which left an impact on various areas of my life, and Lee’s approach to nutrition also influenced my Spartan-esque approach to cooking: “When you are a martial artist, you only eat what you require and don’t get carried away with foods that don’t benefit you as a martial artist.”
Of course, anyone who’s seen me inhale chocolate knows that this was more of a general guide for me than a hard-and-fast rule! Ever since then, I took a largely utilitarian approach to my everyday meals – as long as it had a decent amount of protein and flavour, and was reasonably healthy, I was sorted. My usual bachelor-style meals for dinners revolved around stir-fries, fried rice, or a simple meal of steak or lamb chops with broccoli and oven fries. Variety wasn’t an issue for me – as long as I was fed, I was happy. When I became a dad, Esme’s mum was already a great cook and baker, so I let her handle the majority of the more varied cooking, which she enjoyed. However, once the relationship ended and I was responsible for feeding a one-yearold child nutritious, well-balanced meals, I quickly realised that I was going to have to up my game in the cooking department. So along with all the other things I had to learn to do on my own as a single dad
while working full-time, I started exploring the art of cooking and learning new recipes to feed Esme and myself. It was a time-consuming process of researching, trying new recipes, burning things, finding out which ones worked, which ones Esme actually liked, and which ones were the easiest/quickest to make. But through that process, my attitude towards cooking slowly but surely changed, so much that I actually found it to be an enjoyable creative outlet for my energies – which was also a significant benefit to my mental well-being at a time when I was still making sense of the whole separation/single-parenting process. Positive feedback from my friends, and of course my daughter, encouraged me to find new recipes and expand my recipe range to a point far beyond where I started (at least over 9,000 per cent, if my calculations are correct). So if you’re starting from zero to bugger-all in the recipe department, where do you begin? Here are some of the methods I used when I began my culinary quest:
Start with what you (and your children) like! This one is a bit of a no-brainer – start by learning how to make dishes that you enjoy. This provides motivation to create something that you like to eat (and hopefully your kids will like too), and should hopefully make the learning process enjoyable, as you are looking forward to the outcome (as opposed to trying a new recipe you haven’t tasted before). One of my favourite takeaway dishes is a Penang curry, and so this was one of the first dishes I tried to make. It turned out to be relatively quick and easy to make with the help of a Penang curry paste that I got from the supermarket (one of my best friends, Sanit, tells me that most Thais don’t make their curry powders/pastes from scratch, which made me feel less guilty for using the jar!). Luckily it was mild enough for my daughter, who loved it, so that was one of the first recipes
I added to my list. Being able to cook your favourite dishes is a great skill to have and a great place to start.
because home-made is best for your baby
Learning favourite family dishes and meals is a great way to continue traditions and keep them going for the next generation. It’s also a good way to connect with your family in a spiritual sense at a time where you’ll need all the connection you can get, especially if you’re going through the transition into being a single parent in a situation where you are physically apart from your family. So hit up your parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles for those favourite recipes from your childhood – if they’ll part with them! Just make sure you can get some decent instructions, as sometimes these dishes are so familiar to the cook that they don’t provide the finer details of the recipes, like exact measurements for ingredients because they do it all by instinct! I learned this the hard way when my dad tried to teach me how to make sapasui (Samoan chop suey) over the phone – I ended up with this soupy mess that I had to throw out due to dad’s “eyeballing” method of working out the correct amount of ingredients that didn’t translate well over the phone!
Cultural kai Similar to family dishes, learning recipes that are part of your culture provides you with an opportunity to explore and strengthen your connections with your heritage, which is another great way to solidify your identity in a time where you will be looking to re-establish yourself in a positive way. And of course, it’s a great opportunity to learn how to make some of those ‘soul food’ type dishes unique to your culture that satisfy like no other food can. Being of Samoan heritage, it was imperative that I learned how to make sapasui (Samoan chop suey) and taro in coconut cream properly. I purchased the book “Mea’a Kai – The Food and Flavours of the South Pacific” – apart from being an amazing book that contained an array of traditional and modern
2 compact baby food freezing trays with lids. 1.2L capacity for maximum storage recipe e-guide with 27 recipes for starting solids and beyond
Pacific recipes, it gave me the opportunity to learn more about my Samoan culture through food.
Friends’ dishes Another easy source of inspiration for new dishes (if you’ve got friends that can cook!) and motivation for furthering your culinary skills (if you’re competitive, or just like to learn more), with the added bonus that they may even be able
Continued overleaf... The magazine of Parents Centre
involving physical information depositories called ‘libraries’. While not as accessible as the interwebs (you actually need to get out of your house and physically relocate yourself to the library to find the books), libraries offer a slightly more focused method of recipe hunting. You can find a range of books on a number of cooking styles and topics (such as cooking for children), which you can flick through faster than the back-andforth dance between your search engine and cooking websites. Plus, most of them are free to loan, which is great when you’re on a budget! Just try and read as much of the books that you’re going to check out as you can, so you don’t end up lugging home books you end up not using.
to teach you how to make the dish themselves and give you some inside tips for getting it right. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! I’m sure your more cookingly-skilled companions will be happy to help you add to your recipe repertoire.
So in comparing different recipes for the same dish, how do you know which ones are the best? This is usually what I look for in a good recipe:
comments (either on the reviews, or on the post if the recipe is on a blog/FB post)
After exhausting the low-hanging fruit of recipe research options above, I started to peruse the wild frontier of the www by searchengining for ideas for new dishes. While there are a huge number of websites devoted to cooking, it can be a daunting task to work out where to begin. One of the first recipes that I tried was spaghetti and meatballs. So I did a Google search on spaghetti and meatball recipes, and started comparing various recipes on different sites, making note of the ingredients that were similar and what ingredients were unique to each recipe, and which recipes looked the simplest to cook (both for minimal time in the kitchen and affordability of ingredients). I ended up cobbling together a spaghetti and meatballs dish based on two separate recipes (I can hear chefs cringing around the world as I type), but the end result turned out pretty well, and was given the seal of approval by Esme. Success!
review ratings, and number of ratings
simplicity of the recipe whether it uses staple items that I buy regularly or that are similar to other recipes I cook any new ingredients that are either inexpensive or can be frozen/kept for later.
Look it up in the library
Before you start your culinary journey, a word of warning: learning to cook can be addictive. Once you gain confidence in the kitchen, you may find it hard to stop exploring new recipes and cooking methods. Of course, you’ll likely have some constraints, such as your budget, time, and the preferences of your children, but I’m sure your creativity will begin to kick in to find ways around those too. One thing that encourages my constant search for new recipes is that for some reason I often find myself getting bored with my cooking so I’m always on the lookout for a new idea for a recipe, or for a way to recreate some of my favourite foods. So there you have it – my tips for increasing your recipe repertoire if you’ve found yourself in solo parent mode, or you’re just wanting to learn a few new dishes but don’t know where to start.
I also combined my interweb search with an ancient research method
Ben Tafau Ben is the author of The 1 Player Dad Strategy Guide and 1PlayerDad.com. He’s a single dad with shared care of an amazing daughter, and writes about his journey playing the parenting game in ‘1 Player Mode’ in Wellington.
More comfort, more milk When you are comfortable and relaxed, your milk flows more easily. That is why we created our most comfortable breast pump yet; sit comfortably with no need to lean forward and let our soft massage cushion gently stimulate your milk flow.
Comfort breast pumps
The magazine of Parents Centre
If it's getting too stressful to buckle the kids in then stop, take a breather and try again. We all know that leaving kids unbuckled is simply not an option.
Fake it until you make it Not using a car seat is not an option. Be consistent, be calm. Smile and sing through the frustration of getting them safely strapped in. Explain why they have to wear their seat belt every time – and that you love them and don’t want to see them hurt.
Reward good behaviour
Having a daily struggle to get your little one strapped into their car seat is no fun at all. Here are some ideas from SKIP to help you cope with car seat battles.
Take a walk instead Give yourselves a break, if it’s only a short drive, you could avoid taking the car – sometimes a walk is good for everyone. Or see if you can borrow or buy a secondhand front pack or backpack if your child is still young – kids often enjoy the elevated view and you have your hands free.
Take your time If you’re not pressed for time, delay the journey for a bit. Give them something to eat or do a fun activity. Explain, ‘If we wait another ten minutes, you’ll need to be super-fast at getting in your car seat!”
Set an example Make sure everyone in your family uses safety belts every time they’re in the car. Teach siblings to buckle themselves in – you’re building their confidence and setting good habits. When you put your seat belt on say things like, “Okay, now it’s my turn to buckle up and be safe.”
Active toddlers don’t always like being ‘clipped’ in – think about how much time in a day they spend being safely ‘restrained’? Thank them each time they stay safely buckled up in the car seat. Make up a silly celebration song for the car – “You are a car seat champion!”
Sing to distract them Use a silly voice to try to distract them while you’re buckling them up. A song about going in the car (like the car seat song) can work magic! Repeating positive experiences, like you singing with them, establishes pathways in their brains so they’ll associate the car seat with good times.
Act quickly if there's an escape If your child undoes the straps, pull over as soon as it’s safe. Explain that you’re not going to start the car again until the buckle is done up. Take a deep breath and help them do it up again. If where you're heading is a place they enjoy, remind them the longer you spend stopped, the less time you’ll have there.
Make the car seat a fun place Have a car bag with favourite toys they only get when they’re done up. Make the car seat itself interesting. Decorate it with stickers together. Make sure it’s comfortable – if you need help adjusting the straps, call into your local Well Child/Tamariki Ora provider and ask for a hand.
is now available from your Pharmacist*
Run out of your Pill & can’t make an appointment?
Away for the weekend & left your Pill at home?
Ask your Pharmacist how to access your Pill without a prescription. We care about your health & well-being. Before providing you with your Pill, your specially trained Pharmacist will need to check a few things: • You have been prescribed the Pill by your Doctor in the last 3 years • You are aged 16 years and older • A few health checks & questions to make sure your Pharmacist can safely provide the Pill to you. A service charge applies. Special conditions apply. In some cases your Pharmacist may need to refer you to your Doctor.
The magazine of Parents Centre
Together we're New Zealand's Pharmacy. Members of the Green Cross Health Group.
Your diet could be affecting your baby’s sleep
Could your diet be contributing to sleepless nights for your baby – and you? The chances are, if you or your partner suffer from allergies such as eczema, asthma or hay fever, or if there is a family history of allergies, there is a stronger possibility that your baby’s restlessness and poor sleep could be due to food sensitivity or allergies. Your baby could be reacting to foods passing through your breast milk. Remember, your baby is never allergic to your milk but they may react to something that you have eaten or drunk. Food allergies in exclusively breastfed babies are caused by foods that pass into your breast milk, not to your breast milk itself. Allergies in infants may cause symptoms including colic, nausea, vomiting and reflux, wheezing and respiratory congestion, dermatitis, eczema, and various rashes – although other medical causes should first be checked and ruled out for these symptoms. Always talk to your midwife, Plunket nurse or doctor if you are worried about any aspect of your baby’s health. Because babies may be sensitised to foods in utero, it is wise to avoid non-essential foods that are common allergens and eat others in moderation during pregnancy and for the first year after birth if you are breastfeeding. The most common culprit is cow’s milk protein which is commonly found in dairy products such as milk, cheese, yoghurt. In one study at a UK sleep clinic, 12 per cent of thirteen-monthold infants who presented with
Nappy Disposal System
persistent night-waking for which no other causes were found, were taken off all milk products when cow’s milk intolerance was suspected. In most of these children, sleep normalised within five weeks, with night-time awakenings falling to nil or once per night. A subsequent milk challenge (double blind) induced the reappearance of insomnia and, after a year, when the challenge was repeated, all but one child reacted as before. Other foods that may cause allergies are peanuts, eggs, soya products, fish, wheat, citrus and chocolate. However, reactions to foods seem to vary widely among individuals. Some sensitive babies react even to small amounts of certain foods in their mother’s diet, so allergy symptoms (including frequent night waking), can be alleviated by the elimination of offending foods from the mother’s diet.
Salicylates are chemicals found in plants and are a major ingredient in aspirin and other painrelieving medications. They’re also naturally in many fruits and vegetables, as well as in many common health and beauty products.
Proven protection from germs & odours ^
100 times more effective at odour prevention than nappy sacks Unique twist and lock system wraps each nappy in a fresh portion of film Multi-layer film provides an exceptional barrier to lock away odour Anti-bacterial protection is present in the film and not the other components of this product.
The best way to protect your baby from allergies is to breastfeed exclusively for the first six months. If you are bottle-feeding and suspect allergies to cow’s milk, consult your doctor about trying a hypoallergenic formula (these are available on prescription).
Commercial size also available For your nearest stockist visit
0800 726 436
The magazine of Parents Centre
Additives and salicylates Food additives are present in everincreasing numbers in almost all processed foods, and these can dramatically affect sleep patterns and behaviour. Some babies and children can also become restless after eating foods containing salicylates. These are naturally occurring chemicals which are found in otherwise healthy foods such as broccoli, grapes, apples, oranges and tomatoes, as well as in some processed foods. I have seen remarkable changes in babies’ sleep patterns with simple tweaks to either mum’s or baby’s diet. For instance, a very unsettled four-week-old baby whose mother cut out orange juice, became calm and slept soundly within just 48 hours. And an eight-month-old who loved broccoli but was waking up to ten times a night settled and woke at around 10pm and at 5am (but resettled after a breastfeed), when broccoli was eliminated from her diet. Other babies have slept well after removing grapes and berries (also high salicylate foods) from their own and mum’s diets. Tracking down offending foods in your child’s or your own diet may take some effort, especially for already exhausted parents, but in the long run it could gain you more sleep.
Elimination option If you think that sleeplessness may be related to foods in your diet passing through your breast milk, keep a notepad handy and
“Suddenly I am absolutely loving motherhood. Thank you so much for opening my eyes to this magical journey – there are no words to thank you enough.” - Emily
• Best Selling Baby Care Author • Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) • Certiﬁed Baby Massage Instructor • Keynote Speaker
A good guide to sensible eating is to include a wide variety of foods in as close to their natural state as possible. This means eating fresh vegetables, whole grains, fish, meats and free-range eggs, and drinking plain milk or water. jot down your baby’s crying times and what you eat to see if they are linked. If there appears to be a ‘cause and effect’ between foods in your diet and your baby’s crying, an inexpensive and simple solution is to eliminate the suspect food for at least a week, preferably two weeks.
re-occur, you can be pretty certain you have ‘nailed’ the culprit.
Get your own copy of NZ’s best-selling guide to childbirth and newborns - now completely revised and updated.
The elimination of foods may take anywhere from a few days to several weeks to make a difference to your baby’s behaviour so allergies are difficult to prove or disprove, but if it calms your baby (and you), modifying your diet is a small sacrifice. Sometimes, sleep will be elusive without major dietary changes but in other cases it will just be a matter of balance, perhaps taking care not to overload on certain foods that seem to affect your child. A good guide to sensible eating is to include a wide variety of foods in as close to their natural state as possible. This means that eating fresh vegetables, whole grains, fish, meats and free-range eggs, and drinking plain milk or water instead of filling your supermarket trolley with frozen chicken nuggets, snack bars, coloured yoghurts and juice boxes, could see you and your little ones all sleeping more soundly. If you find the thought of changing your diet overwhelming, seek help from an appropriate professional such as a dietician.
If your baby’s sleep patterns improve, you can either be thankful and avoid the suspect food, or you can reintroduce a small amount of the food into your diet – if the night-waking or allergy symptoms
Do you have a 1-12 year old? Get your own copy of Kathy’s internationally popular ‘triadic & wholistic’ revolutionary guide to parenting.
Co-created by Kathy, this utterly unique and well-proven attached sleep-bag is designed for 3-30 month olds ... teaching great sleep habits, and keeping them cosily secure in their cot, then transitioning to a bed. You’ll wonder how you ever did without one! BUY NOW VIA www.kathyfray.com
Pinky McKay An International Board certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and ex-Parents Centre mum, with a busy private practice in Melbourne, Pinky is a best-selling author with four titles published by Penguin Random House. She is a sought-after media commentator as well as a guest and keynote speaker at seminars for health professionals and parents in Australia and internationally. Pinky writes for a number of publications around the world.
The magazine of Parents Centre
Keeping Kiwi kids
safe around water Philip and Richard Waggott believe that they have found the answer to reducing the horrific drowning rate in New Zealand. Too many Kiwis drown, and last year alone, seven under-fives lost their lives to the water.
While supervision cannot be replaced, there are some very simple things you can do to teach your child the basics that would lower the chances of them becoming another one of the shocking statistics. Teaching your child to swim is not only a rewarding experience for you and them, it also allows quality time with your child at a time that is convenient for you, as well as teaching them a skill that will stay with them for the rest of their lives. “We are passionate about getting parents involved in their own children learning to swim and we have developed a simple-to-use parent pack to give them all the tools they would need to increase their child’s water confidence and swimming skills,” says Phil. “Too many Kiwis die through drowning and these deaths can be avoided by learning some very basic skills, such as floating on your back” Many parents find that their own ability may stop them from taking their child to the pool or to the water, so when they made the parent pack, all activities were designed to be able to be done in waist-deep water. What is considered deep water for your child will still be shallow for you, meaning that you do not actually need to be able to swim yourself to teach the basics of swimming and water safety. You never know, you may pick up some tips yourself to increase your own confidence and ability in the water. “We are all about reducing the barriers for parents teaching these skills to their children to increase the skill level of the next generation. Water is New Zealand’s playground and we believe that all Kiwis should get the opportunity to learn this basic life skill, allowing everyone to enjoy the water for generations to come,” says Richard.
The SplashSave parent pack takes you from the very first bath right through to more complex survival skills and everything in-between, and at quarter of the price of one term of swimming lessons, it is a great alternative for parents to get involved in their child’s aquatic education. If you want to get involved and start teaching your child the basics, just visit the Splashsave Facebook page or visit www.splashsave.co.nz to get your pack today.
Simple tips for parents T ake your time and enjoy the experience. This process can take some time and it is important not to rush your child, as they will learn at their own pace. U se the resources and tailor them to your own child’s interests. U se play to teach your child. Make fun games and use these to structure your time in the pool to get the most out of it. R emember, you don’t need to be able to swim yourself to teach your child – all activities can be done in waist-deep water. What is shallow for you will be deep for your child. C onstant supervision around water – this cannot be stressed enough. Whenever your child is playing around water, always keep a close watch on them. Nothing can replace parent supervision.
Remember as a Parent Centre Member you receive a 30% discount on your parents pack. Simply use the code PCNZ.
In this section Centre of the month award
Diverse Centres meeting the needs of local communities nationwide
Established in 1952, today Parents Centres has the largest network of parent-based education in the country. From Whangarei to Invercargill, our 48 Centres nationwide are as widespread in their geographical location as they are diverse in their approaches to meeting the needs of their local communities.
Spotlight on Return to Work programmes
Parents Centres are renowned for their parent education programmes. What is not always so well-known are the huge range of support networks and advice available to parents. One of the most important sources of support can be your original antenatal group. These often stay together and form ‘coffee groups’ – better described as ‘counselling groups’ at times! We all go through enormous life adjustments with the births of our babies, and support and advice from other parents can be invaluable.
Meet the Kiwiparent team
Go to www.parentscentre.org.nz today to contact your local Centre and to find out more about support and volunteering opportunities offered in your area.
Time and again we hear that these support networks have been a ‘lifesaver’ for many parents at what is a time of huge adjustment and uncertainty. These groups of parents often form firm friendships which can carry on for years – even decades! Strong support networks have helped the energetic teams from Stratford Parents Centre and Alexandra Parents Centre to appoint enthusiastic new committees who have started 2018 full of optimism and great ideas. You can also read about the colourful antics of Greymouth Parents Centre on page 4! The Kiwiparent production team has also changed over the past year and we thought it was time we put some faces to the names. By combining innovation and experience, this awesome group work hard to nurture each issue of Kiwiparent from design concept to reality. Parent education is at the core of Parents Centres, philosophy as we support parents through the early years. See page 43 for details of our ‘Return to Work Programme’ which specifically addresses the many issues that confront families when they re-enter the workforce after welcoming a new baby.
The magazine of Parents Centre
RRP $7.50 (incl GST)
(incl GST) RRP $7.50
SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS
RRP $7.50 (incl GST)
2018 – MARC
You are not alone Get help – you matter struggle too Beat theDads back Adjustingtotowork change blues
Play it coo For the first
digital na tives
day of school
It’s not what
Touch guage – the lan lovefor beginners of massage
is worth looking
Babywearing – a modern twist on an old practice
The magazine of Parents Centre New Zealand Inc
Zeala nd Inc Cent re New of Paren ts
how we do
play is much Imaginative a game just more than
we do, it's
Get childhood asthma under control
zine The maga
Meet the Kiwiparent team
Mublues baby mmy
e children’s digestiv
Meet the winners of the Huggies cover star competition Helping mums breastfeed for longer
Tiny es tummi Taking care
2017 – SEPTE
Cover star Expr ess
t Don’t bea bush around the enjoy nature’s
Meet the Huggies
Get out and
OCTOBER 2017 – NOVEMBER 2017 FEBRUARY
ALSO INSI DE:
Parenting tips • Childbirth • Dad's Blog • Breastfeeding • Lifestyle • Family health Paren ting tips • Child
birth • Dad's Blog • Breast feedin
The magazi ne of Parents Centre New Zealand Inc
g • Lifest yle • Famil y health
Strategic Partnerships and Kiwiparent Manager
I stepped into the role of Editor of Kiwiparent in1996 – if my calculations are correct, this is my 135th issue! I’ve been married for nearly forty years and am a doting mum and grandma. I believe that pregnancy and early childhood is a precious time, and that the health and wellbeing of wha-nau of all compositions is crucial for society to thrive. In order for families to be the best they can be, they need access to great information so they can make decisions that suit them. At Kiwiparent we try to provide readers with articles that will inform, challenge and entertain. Just to keep me on my toes, I am also the communications adviser to the Midwifery Council and sit on the board of Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Aotearoa. I absolutely love working on Kiwiparent and know that production would grind to a halt if I did not have such an awesome team working with me.
Hannah Faulke Graphic Designer I am a mum and business owner – creating brand, web and graphic design solutions for clients for over 10 years. Having a home-based studio has been amazing while bringing up our delightful boy, now 18-months-old. As a new parent, and designer of Kiwiparent, I have found it hugely valuable working on this magazine whilst also being able to glean knowledge, free tips, and advice for our own children. I love being part of the team to help get this advice out across New Zealand to other mums and dads.
I’m from the UK and have been in New Zealand for 15 years. Parents Centre was an amazing part of my pregnancy and early parenting journey with my two children. With no family here in NZ, the support of my coffee group and Parents Centre programme were integral to our family’s well-being. I joined the team at National Support Centre five years ago. As partnerships manager, I develop partnerships with organisations that want to engage with Kiwi families, and work with Parents Centres on a national basis. As Kiwiparent Manager, I work with the team to develop content, promotion and advertising sales. I love our magazine and feel it gives our members and readers valuable information, education and insights into parenting. I enjoy working with our partners to bring engaging material, and cool new products, to Kiwiparent readers and Parent Centre Members.
Catherine Short Advertising Assistant I have been working at Parents Centre for three years, supporting our partners and advertisers by sharing their message to our members and Kiwiparent readers. I also support our Centre volunteers in their relationships with our strategic partners to help fund the amazing work our volunteers do to keep Parents Centre active in local communities. I have three children who are growing up way too fast and ensure life is always busy.
Renee Degerholm Marketing Campaign Specialist I am wife, and also Mum to two young daughters – three years and two years. My girls are close in age (16 months apart) which means life is busy with the work/family juggle, but I love it. As the Marketing Campaign Specialist, I develop campaigns for Parents Centre NZ and Kiwiparent to create strong awareness of the great things we do for parents in NZ. Being part of both Parents Centre and Kiwiparent has allowed me to gain a huge amount of knowledge as a parent and I enjoy being part of the team helping new parents and parents-to-be on their journey through parenthood.
Liz Pearce Pregnancy, Childbirth and Parent Education Manager I began my Parents Centre journey in 1998 when I attended antenatal classes and joined the local committee. Soon after, I decided to train to be a Childbirth Educator and have facilitated antenatal classes in the evenings for 17 years. My ‘daytime’ management role encompasses many things including recruitment, retention and support to our amazing group of facilitators. I also work with our incredible volunteer team who work in our 46 Centres and are the life-force of our organisation. I have a genuine passion for supporting and educating parents to be the very best they can for their children and their community.
Megan Kelly Proofreader I proofread Kiwiparent just before it goes to print. I love being able to make a great magazine just a little bit better. And as a mum of two kids, I get to pick up a few tips while I'm doing my job.
Gore – small community with a big heart I would like to share with you all the good news that we have completed a joint project with our local Toy Library and Playcentre. The Kids Hub is where our Parents Centre is based and our Play Hub (public playground) was completed in February 2018. We have gifted this to our wider community for all families to enjoy. The Kids Hub was officially opened by Gore District Mayor, Tracy Hicks, in January 2016. It is a multi-use facility created for the benefit of families in the wider Eastern Southland Region. The building is home to Gore's Toy Library, Parents Centre and Playcentre. In addition to these, there is a clinical consultation room, an office, and a meeting room available to hire, all with a communal waiting area, bathroom and handwashing area. Last year, 21 different organisations used the facility. This included everything from parenting classes to Stop Smoking drop-in clinics. On average, a total of 150 families are at the Kids Hub on a weekly basis, many of them using more than one service – with the total combined memberships of Toy Library, Parents Centre and Playcentre now at around 250 families. We are pretty proud of what our amazing team and small community has achieved! Casey Eason Gore Parents Centre
The magazine of Parents Centre
Congratulations to the Centre of the Month Award winners He aha te mea nui o te ao. He ta-ngata, he ta-ngata, he ta-ngata. What is the most important thing in the world? It is people, it is people, it is people. (Ma-ori proverb)
Teddy bears and trains in Alexandra Alexandra Parents Centre has had a big change around of committee after their AGM, with a few long-standing members leaving or taking on smaller roles, and they are delighted to welcome a new President and Secretary. They also held their annual teddy bears picnic and train ride in January, which was a huge success, even in over 30 degrees heat. They had more families attending than in the past few years and made nearly four times as much as last year, as they decided to charge nonmembers an entry fee. They even ran out of sausages for their barbecue! It was a great day for all the community, young and old. Fantastic work Alexandra Parents Centre!
January winner Stratford Parents Centre Stratford Parents Centre recently underwent a lot of changes to their committee. With a few long-timers leaving and some newbies joining the committee, this Centre is really showing its strength. They have a fresh and exciting vision and show huge commitment in their support for parents in their community. They have undertaken to give their rooms a facelift, with a lick of paint and some good oldfashioned ‘sorting out old stuff’. Bringing the rooms up to date has made them more inviting, safer for families, and reflects a well-organised, slick committee. They are now focusing on what else they can do for families by introducing more parent education programmes and hot topics to complement the antenatal classes and play groups that they already run fabulously. We love hearing the amazing thing Centres are all doing and the contributions they make to their communities – well done, Stratford!
Each edition of Kiwiparent will profile one of Parents Centre's renowned parent education programmes.
This month the spotlight is on:
‘Return to Work programmes’ Parents Centres are delighted to be partnering with Au Pair Link and PORSE in our programme ‘Return to Work’. This programme encompasses a number of modules that are relevant for parents who might have been at home caring for family and are now considering re-entering the paid workforce. Just as many parents attend prior to their baby's arrival, as they start considering ahead of time how this process works and what childcare options will best suit their needs. The topics are delivered in two-hour modules and can include a mixture of:
All of these modules are delivered and supported by well-researched resources. The content has been designed to give ideas and inspiration for discussing and considering the important issues around returning to work for parents. This programme will be of benefit to parents negotiating the often uncertain and uncharted waters of returning to the paid workforce after starting a family. Go to www.parentscentre.org.nz to find out where and when a Return to Work programme will be running in your area. Return to Work classes are supported by PORSE and Au Pair Link New Zealand.
early childhood education options guilt and anxiety transition to the workforce negotiating flexible working hours financial aspects such as insurance writing a C.V. and interview skills p arent Panel – to share experiences, tips and practical strategies.
The magazine of Parents Centre
Find a Centre near you Parents Centres span the entire country with 47 locations around New Zealand. Contact your local Centre for details of programmes and support available in your area, or go to:
North Island Auckland Region 1
Bay of Plenty
Bays North Harbour
Auckland Region 2
East Coast North Island
Central Hawke's Bay
Auckland Region 3
East & Bays
South Island Northern South Island Nelson Marlborough Greymouth Canterbury Region Ashburton Christchurch Timaru Oamaru Southern Region Alexandra Balclutha Dunedin Gore Taieri
grow great kids Arm yourself with knowledge as you grow as a parent alongside your child, by taking part in one of the Parents Centre programmes that run nationwide. Having a new baby is a time of significant change – your brain is working overtime with questions and your body is going through amazing changes. It's quite a journey. Parents Centre has been supporting parents for 65 years. Become a member of Parents Centre and we can support you too! You’ll get access to quality pregnancy, childbirth and parent education that will help you gain invaluable knowledge on your pregnancy, childbirth and early parenting journey. It’s a great way to meet other new parents who are on the same journey as you. They often become lifelong friends. You get support through coffee groups that meet on a regular basis, and ongoing education programmes to help you navigate the stages of pregnancy and parenthood. With 47 Centres nationwide, we provide many opportunities for social engagement for both parents and children. Many of our Centres offer playgroups and music classes, and these are a great way to learn with your children while you get to socialise with other parents at the same time.
You also gain skills and experience that will be a real asset when you decide to rejoin the workforce. We look forward to having you join our Parents Centre family and supporting you on your parenting journey! Early Pregnancy – a special programme tailored for your 12th to 24th week of pregnancy. Pregnancy, Childbirth and Parent Education (Antenatal) – essential information to prepare you for childbirth and early parenting. Baby and You – practical and sensible tips and advice for enjoying and making the most of those first months with your newborn. Parenting with Purpose – consciously focusing on how you want to parent and how your child ticks. Return to Work – advice for preparing and returning to the paid workforce. Magic Moments – strategies for positive communication and discipline with your child. Moving and Munching – exploring baby's first foods and developmental stages.
As a Parents Centre member you will receive loads of free giveaways and samples, as well as special discount shopping days, and discounted products and services exclusive to Parents Centre members. Who doesn’t love freebies and discounts!
Music and Movement – stimulating music activities for your baby and toddler.
Many of our members gain so much from being a Parents Centre member that they want to ‘give back’ and become volunteers for their local Centre, ensuring that new parents can continue to benefit from the skills, knowledge, friendships and support they’ve received.
Tinies to Tots – positively encouraging your emerging adventurous toddler.
The magazine of Parents Centre
It takes a
“It takes a village to raise a child,” is an expression commonly attributed to African origins. It holds so much truth for times when parents share the responsibility for childcare with others. This quote is still true even for the today’s changing infant environments. When we try to apply developmental theories to the changing urban environments we may struggle. Children with different caregivers – mother, father, grandparent, Early Childhood Education teacher, inhome carers, nannies, au pairs – can show different attachment styles depending on the caregiver. This makes it difficult to put each child into one category of attachment style. The behavioural researcher and anthropologist Sarah Blaffer Hardy suggested that the attachment quality between mother and baby may not be important solely for the development of the child, but, rather, the overall quality of the relationships with all caregivers.
Adapting to the modern world Through human history, children were often minded by caregivers other than their mothers – usually their close social network (their family and neighbours) helped take care of the children. These attachment figures remained part of the child’s social network for a long time, so stable bonds were formed. Today, childcare often takes place outside the close social network in a more professional setting like crèches or early childhood centres. These can be a part of the social network if the quality of care is good. Studies describe high quality care as: a reliable caregiver, who is sensitive and competent and meets the needs of the child.
A problem arises if the caregivers in childcare institutions are not consistently present and often change. This is a challenge around the world. Many countries have tried to improve care concepts in order to react to the changing infant environments and higher rates of children in childcare. Parents with small children may choose a nanny, au pair or in-home educator who takes care of a few children rather than a day care centre where there are many children to care for. Some nurseries and kindergartens adjusted and updated their caregiving concepts as well. They provide familylike groups, where children from different ages are mixed together and the groups remain stable until a child leaves the group at school age. If the quality of day care is high, childcare can provide the child with good experiences. In former times, agemixed groups of children were an important part of a child’s social network. Today, their close social network may not include a range of ages. If the little one stays at home with their parents most of the time, childcare in age-mixed groups can provide the child with opportunities to interact with other children and to improve their social skills. It would nevertheless be ideal if children could still spend a substantial part of their time with their parents. But if the parents keep a close relationship with their child and find a balance between time in childcare and time with mum and dad, the child-parent relationship remains stable. But stressful and uncertain living conditions at home, long hours in day care, and low care quality all hold risks for the children’s development. Unfortunately, public discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of childcare often seems emotional and lacks scientific support. However, we can draw one conclusion from research: the quality of care matters more than the setting.
Globalisation and changing environments As the quote “It takes a village to raise a child” is often attributed to having origins in African cultures, it makes me think about developing countries in two ways. First, theories, like Bowlby’s original Attachment Theory, are often developed based mainly on the western middle-class family. Applying theories like these to more collectivist communities and care networks has limitations. So globalisation also challenges our western theories. We need to think again and readjust them in response to infants and families around the world. Second, also in developing countries, care responsibilities can shift. For example, in Tanzania, parents are often not aware of the importance of quality childcare although they know education is important. While providing children with the best education they can afford, they often neglect their emotional and psychological needs. Children as young as three are sometimes placed in boarding schools. In order to be successful, parents can work long hours and may live far from their relatives due to the location of their work. They pay schools to take care of the children and hand responsibility over to teachers. Parents expect that schools take care not only of their education but also their moral and social development. Children in Tanzanian boarding schools often live in hostels where the caregiver child ratio is worse than in orphanages, yet they are not seen to be at risk, because their parents are still alive and they are not suffering from poverty. Parents are not yet aware of how important they are for their children’s healthy development.
In a globalised world it is even more important to test scientific findings on their global validity and to make them accessible for all.
Opportunities in changing environments Besides the challenges that urbanisation holds for infant development, I think it is important to acknowledge the new opportunities that emerge. Networking between parents is much easier, by accessing information and sharing via internet and digital media. Young parents can use the available information and decide how to raise their children. They do not have to do it the way their parents or grand parents did. Young parents from families where corporal punishment was common can find a new way to raise their children. They can use the Internet to gain knowledge and learn alternative parenting strategies. I think this is easier now, with digital access to information from all over the world. The wide variety of different childcare models can allow parents more influence on their child’s care. Ideally, parents could choose who takes care of their child. It does not have to be the mother-in-law or the aunt who may have a different opinion about child rearing. Globalisation can also help to spread knowledge and raise awareness of the needs of children. In developing countries like Tanzania, psychology is slowly getting
greater public awareness. Thanks to the Internet we are able to support talented and creative psychologists by exchanging knowledge and supporting research. We are able to email information to young parents in Tanzania; and we can supervise school counselors via video chat or voice call. This is also part of change. Coming back to quality childcare, the Internet and social media provide us with a great opportunity to spread evidence-based interventions to improve the living conditions of many children. With programmes like fairstartglobal, it is possible to spread knowledge, enable caregivers and improve the life of many children in a globalised world. More than 100 million children and young people have no contact with parents, and receive no daily care from them. Their caregivers are often underpaid, not supported much by government, and have no access to quality care education. A major reason for the poor outcome of this care is the lack of transforming research into local child policies and professional training of caregiver systems. Fairstart offers global research-based, online training for all
Continued overleaf... The magazine of Parents Centre
Understanding Infant Mental Health Young children are often among the most helpless, neglected subgroups of society. In the past 50 years, researchers have found that attending to young children promotes more fully functioning older children, teens and adults. As a body of professionals studying, researching and helping families with very young children, the Infant Mental Health field is holistic, familyoriented, and multidisciplinary, involving social services, mental health and health professionals, educators and policymakers.
What is Infant Mental Health? The foundations of all domains of human development are laid in the first several years of life. Basic to healthy development are the capacities to love, to feel, to develop a sense of self, and to adapt to one’s environment. Infant mental health is the social and emotional well-being of the very young child in the context of family relationships, beginning at birth and extending through the preschool years. The goals of Infant Mental Health are to promote emotional well-being in young children and their families, to reduce risk factors, and to prevent and/or ameliorate emotional problems.
those working with children at risk. It helps caregivers to acquire quality skills and organise daily life based on attachment and neurology research results. In essence, beside all the challenges that urbanisation and globalisation hold for infant development, they also bring new chances for change and improvement. It is a very interesting time for research! Let’s not miss this opportunity to keep up with the changes in infant environments.
Katharin Hermenau Katharin is a clinical psychologist and postdoctoral research fellow at the Department of Psychology, University of Konstanz, Germany. Her work focuses on consequences and prevention of child maltreatment in families, foster families and institutional care. She supports the implementation of evidence-based interventions in countries with limited access to mental health care.
How can babies have emotional problems? Depression can be observed in the first two to three months of life, as can attachment disorders, problems with regulation of behaviour and emotions, and other developmental difficulties. Risk factors have been identified, developmental pathways are much better understood, and methods to identify children at risk are continually being improved.
Is there treatment for very young children who experience emotional problems? Yes. Treatment most often involves working with parents and babies together, emphasising relationships, interaction, emotions and knowledge of babies’ needs. Home-visiting programs, attachment-focused approaches, infant–parent psychotherapy, psychoeducational and family support services are among the well-researched and effective treatments.
Can emotional problems be prevented? Often, prevention efforts are successful and cost effective, especially in a service context that is multidisciplinary, flexible, coordinated and supported by strong, child-oriented policies.
What is unique about Infant Mental Health as opposed to Family Therapy and other adult services? Infants, toddlers and preschoolers certainly need their parents more than anyone else. However, every baby and very young child is unique, and specialised knowledge is frequently lacking in services that are primarily adult-centred. Dyadic treatment (a treatment for families that have children with symptoms of emotional disorders), with a focus on the unique, specially tailored services to a child, requires specialised training along with an understanding of parenting and adult behaviour.
What can I do if I am worried about a young child? First of all, get in contact with appropriate services if you are concerned about a very young child; timing makes all the difference. Second, become better educated about risk and preventive factors for infants and young children. Third, support parents of very young children ¬ they are often isolated and may be unaware of when there might be a problem and that something can be done about it. From the World Association for Infant Mental Health www.waimh.org
What do Infant Mental Health professionals do?
Find out more
They have specific training in all lines of human development in the first five years of life, with particular knowledge about attachment, risk factors, parenting and treatment approaches.
Infant Mental Health Association of New Zealand
Weekly Local Classes
Fun and skills that could save your child’s life
Across Wellington and Aukland
We feel incredibly proud that we’ve helped save a number of very young children’s lives after they’ve fallen into water and survived – thanks to the skills they learned with us. Our world-class teachers could have trained as private pilots – five times over – in the time it takes to fully qualify with us. You can trust us to take the very best care of you and your little one.
Let’s teach your baby to swim!
To give your baby a splashing start call
0800 2 WATER www.waterbabies.co.nz The magazine of Parents Centre
A few years ago I discovered conscious parenting. Before then I thought I was parenting in a fairly conscious way, however on the day that I yelled so much at my son, that I was shaking, my throat hurt, and my son had fear in his eyes – that’s when I realised that there has to be another way, I didn’t want to have my son see me as that scary person. I knew I had to make a change in the way that I was parenting my children. That rock-bottom moment led me on a journey of self discovery and awareness and a massive paradigm shift in the way I see parenting. I discovered Dr Shefali Tsabary and trained as a Parent Coach through the Jai Institute for Parenting. This led to a passion for supporting all parents to gain a deeper connection with their children. I moved from parenting over our children, to parenting with them. From control and frustration to nurturing and thriving. So let me start with saying that a ‘Perfect Parent’ does not exist… there is no perfect parent, no perfect child, we all parent from the awareness and knowledge that we have at the time of becoming a parent. Our children are here to teach us, as much as we teach them, they awaken us to deep-seeded hurts that we weren’t aware of and haven't had the skill set to deal with. I ask that you begin to see your imperfections as a valuable tool for change, that you use them as a transformation. In this article I will give you tips on how to embrace your imperfection.
“If you find it hard to hold on, do it anyway. You may look down and see someone holding on simply because you are.” – Rachel Macy Stafford, Only Love Today
Role of parent What is the true role of a parent? T o provide safety (keep them safe and teach them how to be safe) T o provide life-enhancing basics of survival (hygiene, food, water, education, sleep, shelter) A nd most importantly, to understand that your child has come to teach you as much as you need to teach them. The essential role of a parent is to see your child as they are, remove your emotional baggage and remove the idea of who they ‘should’ be. We see, in our children,
a desire for our own wholeness, who we ‘should’ve’ been, were discouraged from being or weren’t allowed to be. Instead we can connect to them as they truly are, and accept them in their uniqueness.
“Our children deserve to be nurtured by parents who are journeying toward wholeness and discovering their worth, for it's from this that their own wholeness and sense of worth will be managed. This is their right – and our calling in the sacred task of parenting.” – Dr Shefali Tsabary
A conscious parent stays in a calm state no matter what is happening with the child; if the child rages and screams at the parent, the parent stays calm, loving and compassionate, they recognise that it’s not personal. The more conscious we are, the more unflappable and non-reactive – the deeper the parent/child relationship is strengthened. And it takes a deep internal journey to be able to do this with our children, especially if they have special needs or learning differences.
Take care of yourself So how do we get to the point of becoming nonreactive? As parents we put impossible standards of perfection onto ourselves, and if you are also parenting a child with extra needs you will understand when I say staying conscious is extra challenging! For our family, turning towards conscious parenting has meant that we have had to let go of many social norms and tune into our children’s needs – we have to see them for who they truly are, not who we think they ‘should’ be. And in order to best meet their needs, I have had to learn to meet my own needs first. Self-care is such an important part of parenting mindfully. I’m not talking a facial, pedicure type of self care, I’m talking turning inward, meditation, connecting with nature, reading books that nurture your soul.
“Chances are you, could take a little pressure off yourself and things would still be ok” – Rachel Macy Stafford, Only Love Today
I’m talking taking a few minutes or more a day to reconnect with your breath and with yourself.
A parent’s agenda As adults we get so caught up in our own views and agendas. We can have quite rigid ideas, and for many families the parent/child relationship has been ‘do it because I say so’ – a top-down approach. What if instead of yelling, slamming doors, or storming out, you could instead switch straight into: Why am I being triggered? Why am I so unhappy with my child? W hat is my child exposing within myself that is triggering me? It is not my child who needs help right now, it is me... I need to focus on my self-care...
“No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” – Brene Brown
If you are able to parent from a place of wholeness (instead of from your wounds), once you realise that everything that is happening in your life is a mirror of your awareness, ‘everything happens for me, not to me’, life becomes more peaceful and you experience internal joy. We often think in order to survive parenthood we need to squash our own needs – and don’t realise that in order to meet the needs of our loved ones, we first need to meet our needs. If these needs aren’t met then in times of challenge with our children, our ego can roar – so loudly – and we tend to squash down our true feelings and emotions with things like yelling, slamming doors or even lashing out at our loved ones, or in subtle ways like bingewatching TV, gossiping, drinking, eating, drugs, shopping. All these acts lead to guilt, blame, self-shame, and to break this cycle we must learn to listen to what our inner child is saying to us, listen to our essence (inner voice) that speaks up. Because shame leads to fear, blame and disconnection – and it is deeply aligned later in life with things like addiction and violence – in childhood it can lead to aggression and bullying.
Continued overleaf... The magazine of Parents Centre
“Only to the degree we are emotionally connected with ourselves are we able to be present with another in their experience without the need to have it be anything other than what it is.” – Dr Shefali Tsabary
Shame is the root cause of these behaviours – so delivering more shame to a person only leads to more of the same behaviour rather than stopping it, and a cycle begins.
– Rachel Macy Stafford, Only Love Today
Still your mind To remain calm under pressure we must first still our mind, there is no place to be except where we are right now. If we are feeling anxious and rushed, the best thing we can do is to stop and take a moment to calm ourselves down. In the same sense we want to ‘fix’ our children or a situation with them, the whole purpose of parenting consciously is that we support our children with their big feelings. We learn to guide them through feeling their feelings, we don’t stop them feeling what they are feeling, or this will lead them to their own ways of squashing their inner essence as they get older. Role modelling this ourselves is important – “I’m feeling very frustrated right now and I just need a moment to calm my body down by taking a few breaths.” Learning how to accept feelings when they are young means that as a child reaches the pre-teen years, the
Become a winner at conscious parenting with Shefali’s technique: Witness: Pay attention to what is actually happening in this moment, step out of your ‘parent’ role and observe what is playing out here, now. Investigate: Inquire – we will never really know the other person, we can assume to know what might be going on, however unless we stop and show curiosity towards them, we won’t truly know… what might’ve led to this moment? Hungry? Tired? Over-stimulated? If you are able to step into a state
“Today there is a good chance I will experience pain, struggle, challenge, sadness, frustration, or uncertainty. This does not mean I am failing. It does not mean I am going about things all wrong; it means I am alive. I refuse to numb myself, to deny, or dwell on this unpleasant feeling or experience when it comes. I will acknowledge it and remind myself it won’t last forever. I refuse to merely exist. This means I will accept the pain that comes with a Feeling Life and grasp joy every chance I get.”
“Many people think that discipline is the essence of parenting. But that isn’t parenting. Parenting is not telling your child what to do when he or she misbehaves. Parenting is providing the conditions in which a child can realise his or her full human potential.” – Dr Gordon Neufeld
teenage years, or as adults, they will be less likely to numb their own pain with overindulgence in eating, drinking, shopping, binge-watching TV, Facebook or gossiping.
of curiosity, this will lead to connection and willingness for them to open up to you a little. Neutrality: We bring our own emotions into any situation. If we are able to stop and breathe before launching into our request of them, if we can first deal with our emotional state, and then ask for what we require, it comes across in a more accepting way. Negotiate: In matters of lifesustaining issues like safety and well-being, there is little negotiation, however if it's another boundary, like more time on the iPad, then we can negotiate the solution. Empathise: This doesn't mean we feel exactly what they are feeling
or that we can presume to know how they are feeling. It means we are able to be present with people in what they are feeling, without thinking we have to fix things. We can ‘allow’ each person to be wherever they find themselves. Resolve: Repeat, rehearse, resolve – the purpose of repeating and rehearsing is to resolve issues. In order to resolve conflict, we need the resolve… we don’t always have to be right. We can learn to let go. You can use role-playing as an effective repeat/rehearse tool. I thank Dr Shefali Tsabary, Suzi Lula, Renee Jain, Daniel Siegel, Jolette Jai – to name a few – for my inspiration on my own parenting journey.
As a society we look at the outer to gain approval, to ‘feel’ good about ourselves. We take to heart the positive things said to us about how successful we are or take to heart the negative remarks. If we can turn inward and sit with our pain, or joy, without a reaction, and can sort through our emotions, the more peace and joy we experience, the calmer our mind and body becomes.
Tools to use to take the path towards conscious parenting Pause throughout the day to focus on your breath. Check in with your feelings frequently. Ask your child questions like: –– “ What are you worried about?” Hear them, without interrupting. –– “What’s the reality here?” Discuss deeper. Note – you may want a change for your child, but they have to want it for themselves. C onsequences – You will either have quite strong boundaries or are you’ll be a bit wishy-washy with them. From now you can be clear about your boundaries. L ife-enhancing boundaries – safety, hygiene, eating, drinking, education. These are the ‘have-to-do’ things, but you can be flexible about when and where they happen – eg a child needs to eat within a day, however when and where they eat can be flexible. Ego-driven boundaries – these have nothing to do with safety and need to be negotiable, eg when you need to leave a venue, give a warning before leaving. M ake sure your child is in a state of calm and balance before you teach or address something with them following a storm. Make sure before you discuss the incident, you help your children to feel:
Kylie Johnston Kylie is a Parent Coach who lives in Auckland with her husband Rhys and their three children (two of whom have learning differences – one with Asperger’s and one with dyslexia). A long time parents centre volunteer, She helps parents all over the world to gain a deep connection with the children in their lives. Kylie is compassionate and empathetic, and has a deep understanding of the struggles some parents face. She has a natural ability to truly hear the needs of a child, helping parents to support their children and their own resilience. Through her coaching programme, parents gain an understanding of their children and how to nurture them to thrive. Contact Kylie to learn more about how she can help you: email@example.com www.heartcentredparenting.com
–– safe –– seen –– soothed –– secure. Shift your perspective and help them to shift their perspective so you/they are not a ‘victim’ to emotions and circumstances. Communicate effectively –– listen intently (show interest) –– refrain from interrupting (very hard to do) –– r efrain from judgement (it can show on your face, or be heard in your voice)
Find out more The Conscious Parent, Dr Shefali Tsabary Out of Control, Dr Shefali Tsabary The Awakened Family, Dr Shefali Tsabary The Motherhood Evolution, Suzi Lula The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle Judgement Detox, Gabrielle Bernstein
–– refrain from comparing yourself to others.
The magazine of Parents Centre
The female body is incredible in what it can do. It can grow and sustain another life. However, it’s important to acknowledge what this process does to a woman’s nutritional status, so that we give thanks to the amazing mums in our lives, while also providing the support they need to feel vibrant and healthy.
Postnatal depletion You might be thinking, “what is it?” Great, I'm glad you asked. Postnatal depletion is a term that explains the sheer amount of nutrients required from a woman's body to grow a baby and the resulting depletion of these key nutrients after birth. A mother can experience postnatal depletion following the birth of her child and even into the early years of the child’s life. This is not to be confused with postnatal depression, however, it can be a contributing factor in a new mum’s emotional and mental health following birth. In the nicest way possible, when you are pregnant, you basically have a parasite living inside you with no regard for its host! The baby will strip out any of the nutrients from the mother that it needs to grow. However, in this process the mother is massively depleted. This is why, for the most part, despite the intricate process of growing a human and the many different approaches pregnant women around the world have to nutrition and lifestyle, most babies turn out perfectly healthy. The outcome of this process is associated with new mothers being massively depleted of key nutrients. This includes many essential micronutrients such as zinc, vitamin D, iron, magnesium, B12 and many others needed for all the systems in her body to work optimally.
Signs of postnatal depletion Most commonly we see imbalances in the normal hormonal system of the mother. Not only does the baby need the mother’s nutrients to thrive, it also requires high levels of female sex hormones to sustain the placenta for nine months.
Continued overleaf... The magazine of Parents Centre
Following birth, these levels – particularly progesterone – rapidly drop off and the sudden change can result in oestrogen dominance. Coupled with modern, toxic environmental factors and our high-stress lifestyles, this can correlate with mums being unable to clear this oestrogen through the liver. Oestrogen dominance can lead to experiences such as bloating, breast tenderness and, when they return, irregular menstrual cycles. Low levels of micronutrients such as iron, B12 and zinc can also result in fatigue – exacerbated by the disrupted sleep patterns of having small children. In extreme cases, postnatal depletion can be a contributing factor in low mood or mental health issues, as low levels of serotonin can result in neurotransmitter issues. The link between nutrient deficiencies and mental health is a field that is ever-evolving. I am currently studying the role of nutrients in mental health for my PhD at the University of Canterbury.
What can mums do?
in the three to six months before conception is incredibly helpful (where possible!).
During pregnancy Always consult your Lead Maternity Carer about any changes in diet you are considering. You will need to speak to your midwife or GP about additional support for iodine, folate and iron. There are a range of supplements available that are safe to take during pregnancy – but check with your pharmacist before you buy. I recommend taking BePure One, BePure Three and BePure Gut Renew Probiotic to support your nutrient stores.
After baby is born The first thing to note is that the postnatal period can last a long time. In some cases, it can take years to recover from growing and feeding an infant. Given women tend to have more than one child in relatively quick succession, the issue of postnatal depletion can often be compounded.
Before becoming pregnant
My first advice is to be really gentle on yourself and acknowledge the amazing feat you have gone through.
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” This saying is incredibly true for postnatal depletion. Ensuring good nutrient status, gut health and liver health
There is a huge pressure on women to do everything perfectly – from keeping their houses immaculate for guests, to exercising away their ‘baby body’.
Continued overleaf... 56
HEALTHY KIDS, HAPPY PARENTS Any parent with young children knows a healthy immune system is important at all times, but particularly at daycare, school and at the local playground. Luckily, we know a healthy digestive system plays a fundamental role in supporting good immunity and general well-being.
Introducing Nutra-Life Probiotic Supplements specifically designed for children to support a Healthy Immune and Digestive System.
PROBIOTICA BABY, TODDLER & CHILD
14 X 1.5G SACHETS
One-a-day probiotic in an age appropriate formula suitable for babies (over 6 months), toddlers and children. Assists with the absorption of nutrients, supports the health and function of the immune system and general health and wellbeing. Shelf stable, no refrigeration required. Convenient sachet format.
PROBIOTICA FOR KIDS 30 & 60 CHEWABLE TABLETS
Nutra-Life provides premium health products that are manufactured to strict quality standards using formulations based on 50 years of experience. It also offers free access to qualified naturopaths through the Naturopathic Advice Line: 0800 268 872. Always read the label. Use only as directed. If symptoms persist of consult your healthcare The magazine Parents Centre 57 professional. Vitaco Health (NZ) Ltd., Auckland. DA1717AS313
Helps support healthy gut microflora and a strong immune system in children. This formula contains a proprietary blend of scientifically researched strains of non-dairy, good bacteria in a Vanilla flavoured chewable tablet, in an age appropriate dose. Shelf stable, no refrigeration required.
In addition to the new responsibility for your child's well-being, the list below is really enough to focus on: P rioritise your sleep. Getting enough sleep will help your body recover and repair. Aim for eight hours per night. N ourish your body with good nutrition. Avoid gluten and refined grains. This is key for several reasons, including its role in gut health. Gluten is also shown to block the absorption of key nutrients such as zinc, calcium and iron. So even if you do include foods rich in these nutrients in your diet, if you are consuming them alongside gluten you may not absorb them as effectively. C onsume probiotic-rich foods or a quality probiotic support. R educe liver-loaders such as caffeine and alcohol to help clear excess oestrogen through your liver to support healthy hormones. T est for and address key nutrient deficiencies such as zinc, iron and vitamin C and work with a health practitioner to restore these levels. D o your best to get outside for at least ten minutes a day. Not only is the fresh air good for you and your kids, you will be helping to boost your vitamin D stores. Vitamin D controls the DNA of your cells, it helps control belly fat through the role of insulin, it plays a key role in the production of pancreatic enzymes, and it controls the level of calcium in the blood and bone, just to name a few. It also contributes greatly to mood through its role in the production of serotonin.
Ben Warren Ben is a leading clinical nutritionist, founder and Clinical Director of BePure. With 15 years’ experience, Ben has made it his mission to educate New Zealanders on the importance of nutrition and living a healthy lifestyle.
Subscribe now Subscribe to Kiwiparent, and go in the draw to win a Philips AVENT Combined Steamer & Blender valued at RRP $289.99! 1 years subscription to Kiwiparent (6 issues) only $45 delivered to your door.
Visit kiwiparent.co.nz to subscribe
Steam, blend and serve tasty and nutritious baby meals in easy, low-fuss steps with the Philips AVENT Combined Steamer & Blender. Terms & conditions Subscribers must be New Zealand Residents. Offer ends midnight 28 May 2018. Only one entry to prize draw per subscriber. Gift not redeemable for cash. Random winner drawn and contacted by Parents Centre NZ Inc. Kiwiparent is the magazine of Parents Centre New Zealand Inc.
Let your ideas loose all over your walls with Resene Write-on Wall Paint.
! g n i t i r w
Simply apply over your existing light coloured wall paint. Then once dry and cured you can use whiteboard markers to write all over the wall without damaging the surface. And when itâ€™s time to delete an idea just grab a soft cloth or whiteboard eraser, rub out the marker and start again. With Resene Write-on Wall Paint thereâ€™s no limit to your ideas.
The magazine of Parents Centre
0800 RESENE (737 363)
Meals from the
heart of the Pacific
Robert Oliver is a Kiwi chef who grew up in Fiji and Samoa. His wide-ranging career has seen him develop restaurants in the USA and Australia as well as in Auckland, where he co-owns and directs Kai Pasifika. He is also behind “farm to table” resorts in the Caribbean and food programmes feeding homeless people and African immigrants with AIDS in New York City.
Robert returned to the South Pacific to write his first book, Me’a Kai: The Food and Flavours of the South Pacific with Dr Tracy Berno and Fijian photographer Shiri Ram. Written with a mission to connect Pacific agriculture to the region’s tourism industry, Me’a Kai took out the “Best Cookbook in the World 2010,” at the Gourmand World Cookbook Awards in Paris. Building on this success, Robert released Mea’ai Samoa: Recipes and Stories from the Heart of Polynesia and it won the “Best TV Chef Cookbook in the World 2013” at the Gourmand World Cookbook
Awards in Beijing – an impressive feat in the crowded cookbook market. Not content with cooking and writing, Robert is also Chef Ambassador for Le Cordon Bleu, New Zealand and the Pacific Islands, and presents Real Pasifik, a TV series based on the food culture of the South Pacific. He has appeared as one of the tasting panel judges in “My Kitchen Rules New Zealand” and co-hosted “Marae Kai Masters” with actor Te Kohe Tuhaka on Maori TV. Robert shares three of his favourite family-friendly recipes from Me’a Kai with us.
Award-winning wool & cotton bedding Winter sleeping bags, cots & nursery essentials
Humidifiers for colds, congestion & dry coughs
Exclusive merino sleepwear & essentials
Fancy Sapasui Serves 6
Huge range of quality baby carriers
Fitted swaddles white noise & comforters
2 cups cooked chopped lobster meat (substitute: prawns) 4–5 tomatoes, cored and halved
Ingredients 250g bean-thread noodles (glass noodles) 3 tablespoons vegetable oil 2 tablespoons minced ginger 2 tablespoons minced garlic
2/3 cup soy sauce
1 tablespoon sugar
facebook.com/SleepStore | @thesleepstore
Get your EXCLUSIVE code & save on selected styles by The Sleep Store! Go to thesleepstore.co.nz/content/parentscentre to sign-up for yours & for further details.
2 cups cooked chopped snake beans and yellow butter beans (7 cm lengths)
Sapasui is Samoan for chop suey. This is a staple at any feast and is highly favoured as easy snack food. It is an everyday and ‘anything goes’ dish, often made quickly with frozen vegetables. But there are plenty of good fresh vegetables in the Apia organic market to jazz it up, such as snake beans, capsicums, aubergines, bean sprouts and spring onions. For this recipe we are using lobster – instead of the typical shredded beef, chicken or chopped prawns – to make an up-market sapasui main course.
2 cups fresh bean sprouts 1 cup finely chopped spring onions
For further details & conditions go to thesleepstore.co.nz/content/parentscentre
browned, add the lobster and for about four minutes, stirring constantly.
kiwiparent_march_2018_ad.indd tomatoes, and1 cook
Place the noodles in a bowl and pour plenty of boiling water over them to soften. When they are soft and clear (approximately 15 minutes), drain them, reserving a little of the soaking water. Cut the noodles into smaller pieces with scissors. Heat the oil in a wok and add the ginger and garlic. When lightly
9/03/2018 10:43:37 a.
Add the noodles and stir-fry quickly, then add the soy sauce, sugar and white pepper. Add all the prepared vegetables and toss again very quickly to heat. Tip in a little of the soaking liquid if the sapasui is too dry. Serve immediately.
Continued overleaf... The magazine of Parents Centre
Meanwhile, rinse the chicken breasts in cold water and pat dry. Cut into 3cm cubes. Remove the taro leaves from the heat. Drain and mash.
Poulet Fafa (Chicken with Taro Leaves and Coconut) Serves 6
The green leaves of the taro plant are beloved across the Pacific, where a traditional meal without fafa is unthinkable: they are probably the most popular green vegetable in a region that boasts an abundance of leafy greens. They break down easily while cooking, which makes for a smooth texture that is well suited to soups and stews. It is important to cook fafa well, as they contain a small amount of oxalate, which can cause an itchy mouth and throat if the leaves are undercooked. Taro leaves are sold in bunches in many ethnic markets, but if you cannot find them, you can use spinach instead and the dish will still be delicious.
important to mash the taro or breadfruit with a good strong arm and not machine-work it: the food processor will make it tough. My friend Votausi mashed her nalot with a hard green pawpaw!
Heat the oil in a heavy pot and add the ginger, garlic and onion. Cook until lightly browned.
Add the cubed chicken and sauté, turning as needed, until browned.
3 cups coconut cream
Add the mashed taro leaves and the coconut milk and simmer, stirring, for about 20 minutes, until the mixture is well combined and creamy. Finally, add the tomatoes and heat through for about three minutes. Serve in a bowl with roasted taro or breadfruit, and sprinkle with lightly toasted coconut if desired.
6 cups peeled and diced taro
A little virgin coconut oil (if needed) Grated fresh coconut, toasted (optional)
Method Boil the taro until it is very soft (25 to 30 minutes). Meanwhile, heat the coconut cream. Boil it briskly. As soon as it separates, pour the oil off the top of the cream and set aside. Scrape the curds that remain into a small jug. Drain the taro, mash it with a mortar and pestle and slowly drizzle in the coconut oil, continuing to mash until the mixture is smooth and shiny and emulsified. (You may need more or less coconut oil. It depends on the water content of the taro, which is affected by the season.) Spread onto a serving platter and smooth the coconut curds on top. Top with toasted fresh coconut, if using. Serve cold.
Ingredients A bunch of taro leaves, stalks and leaf-tips removed (about 5 cups cooked; substitute: spinach) 6 chicken breasts 1 tablespoon vegetable oil 3 tablespoons grated ginger 2 cloves garlic, minced
Nalot of Island Taro Makes about 6 cups
2 cups finely diced onion 4 cups coconut milk 12 very small or cherry tomatoes, halved
Method Cook the taro leaves in plenty of salted water for about 30 minutes, until they start to break down.
Anna Pakoa of Port Vila made us nalot, a traditional ni Vanuatu dish made with either taro or breadfruit. Similar to Hawaiian poi (a fermented mashed taro) and almost like a hummus, nalot would be great served with taro chips or thinly fried green plantain. In Vanuatu, it is eaten as a staple, comprising the starch part of a complete meal. It is
Recipes are extracted from Me’a Kai by Robert Oliver with Dr Tracy Berno, published by Random House NZ, RRP: $75.00. Photography by Shiri Ram.
The magazine of Parents Centre
At the end of 2017 I let out a big sigh. We made it through – another year was done. Each year, since we had our beautiful boys has felt like a whole lifetime of living. Life has been a rollercoaster since we found our twins had so many medical complications and needed surgeries. We have learned to live with disability, and cope with the sheer physical weight of daily managing non-mobile children. So what has happened for us in the last year? Well for starters, our deaf son learnt to hear and speak, and is now frequently saying two words at a time. Thanks to the miracle of the cochlear implant, it all started working last March while I was preparing dinner. I heard a simple ‘ahh ohh’ – a deliberate and clear sound that pierced my heart. With tears in my eyes I yelled to my husband, “He is hearing, he is speaking!” And since then we have seen an avalanche of new noises, words, and more and more instances of him responding to sound.
And what else? Our boys had two surgeries, instead of ten like the year before; one brief hospital stay, instead of four and a half months like the year before; one serious overdose from our local pharmacy; a new lifelong disability diagnosis; no cancer scares, compared with two the previous year; dozens of specialist appointments; and over a hundred therapy sessions. We had a real holiday in the country with our closest friends, where we rode bikes and climbed mountains with the boys on our backs. This was something we hadn’t even dreamed of doing back at the start of last year. There were numerous park trips, tunnel rides, and both boys are now able to use non-supported walkers – another thing I didn’t even think possible for either of them a few months ago.
Nothing is lost on us, everything is celebrated. Continued overleaf... The magazine of Parents Centre
It feels like 2017 took all we had, and incredibly, gave back more than we could imagine. We continued with broken sleeps, and dozens of steroids and countless nebulisers. A few doses of antibiotics completely cleared up River’s airway and probably saved his life – thanks modern medicine, again! A new language is starting to become part of our lives as we try to bring in more and more sign. I love this visual and creative way of communication we are discovering. Together, we have developed a greater understanding and awakening to the disability world, as we begin to understand that this is a lifelong journey both our boys are on. Things like evaluating space and accessibility is changing the way I see the world, and determining how I negotiate each day. Nothing is lost on us, everything is celebrated. We have witnessed incredible sentences, questions and humour from our little Zach.
And amazing climbing, standing and exploring from our adventurous River. And amongst the big days, and continued bad nights, I often feel like the luckiest mother in the world. So much joy each day, and a deep gratefulness for what we have. It feels like 2017 took all we had, and incredibly, gave back more than we could imagine.
A feature of the rest of our lives Before the birth of my beautiful twin boys, I had never related or understood much of what cerebral palsy was. Cerebral palsy, more affectionately known as CP to those in the know, had been mostly a distant concept to me. One marred in vagueness, somehow relating to traumatic births and physical differences. I first heard this word related to my children when I was 28 weeks pregnant. We knew one of our boys had health challenges, ‘Righty’ as we affectionately called him. Yet it was at this 28 week scan when our fetal medicine team began to be worried about our other twin ‘Lefty’, who seemed to be having some irregular heart functions. At first there was no mention of CP as everyone was focused on the heart, and as we were sitting in the waiting room after two hours of scanning and incredibly stressful
consultations with many different doctors we were finally given the all clear to head home. As we got up to leave the waiting room, our lead specialist said, almost as if in passing, “Well if this heart function does deteriorate your one child will die and you will have an almost guaranteed chance of the other having cerebral palsy.” I remember this moment like it was yesterday. Feeling like I had taken a blow, and being left void of my senses and separated from the world around me, I felt as though I was in a bubble for days. Later I have come to know these feelings were grief and trauma. After the boys were born, issues around CP faded into the background as both boys went into neonatal intensive care. ‘Righty’ went on to have a very rough and perilous journey, with survival becoming our all-consuming mantra for his life. Whereas ‘Lefty’ had a very smooth journey and thrived so much we got to take him home early (well, to Ronald McDonald house, which was still a huge upgrade). Fast forward eleven months, and we emerged after months of hospital admissions and six surgeries for our ‘Righty’. Our attentions were suddenly and unexpectedly drawn to our other healthy boy, ‘Lefty’,
who seemed to be very stiff and still unable to meet the typical milestone of sitting. Suddenly, CP was back on the radar, and months later another blow fell with the diagnosis of two different types of CP for this son. Fast forward to two years later and another blow – our other son was also diagnosed with CP, so now both our boys hold this label and diagnosis.
A part of our daily routines This condition, incredibly broad in spectrum, complex in cause, causes so many people to face daily struggles in this largely non-accessible world we live in. CP is the most common childhood disability in New Zealand and across the world. Defined as a group of permanent disorders that affect body movement, muscle coordination, muscle tone, reflex, posture and balance, for us this is now completely personal and an intrinsic part of our everyday routines. For our boys, CP will be a feature of the rest of their lives. Things like independent mobility, or even sitting on their own, is not due course, and we are not sure if they will be things they can do.
challenges, and yet the way they have risen to these challenges is nothing short of inspirational. My boys’ determination and zest for life leaves me in tears most days. I have learnt how to fully live in each moment, and delight so fully in my children, regardless of what they can do. In our house, nothing is taken for granted, and every small thing is huge. A friend of ours who recently spent time with us said, after seeing how much effort my boys put into everything they do, it had made her decide to go for a run as she felt so inspired by their determination. This is not only true for my boys, but for many people with CP. I heard someone once say that for some
people with CP, going for a walk can be the equivalent of a typical person walking in knee-deep snow – the exertion and energy required is enormous. I hope you can glimpse for a moment the richness and diversity so many in our society bring to life, and know that we all come at things from very different places.
Jessica Dove-London Jessica is mother to two beautiful twin toddler boys, who are on a health and disability journey. This journey has been a bumpy one, with over eight months in intensive care and 15 surgeries to date. Jess has a background in communications in public health and aid, and regularly writes a blog about her incredible boys: certaintysuspended.com
CP has given my boys incredible
The magazine of Parents Centre
A lifesaving gift
from you to your baby Immunisation in pregnancy When you’re pregnant, your body adapts to make an ideal environment to nurture your unborn baby. Some of these changes, including the way your immune system responds, mean pregnant mums are much more at risk of serious health complications if they catch influenza (flu). That’s why the flu vaccine is free and recommended at any stage of a pregnancy. But it not only protects mum; the outcomes for baby are better too, with much lower risks of a stressful birth (if mum got the flu) and of getting the flu themselves as a newborn. A whooping cough booster is another vaccine that is free and recommended during pregnancy. This vaccine is important for different reasons – it’s all about protecting your baby when they first come into the world. Catching whooping cough as a newborn baby is extremely serious – of every ten that catch it, five will end up in hospital. Many will end up very sick, some even die. It is really important to prevent whooping cough, and the most effective way to help protect your baby is to have the booster vaccine in the last trimester of pregnancy. The types of vaccines used in pregnancy contain tiny pieces of inactive virus or bacteria. These can’t multiply, so you can’t get the actual disease from the vaccine. When you have the vaccine, your immune system responds to these inactive bits in the same natural way it would if you caught the real disease, by producing special cells and antibodies that recognise and destroy the virus or bacteria. If you come into contact with the real disease later on, your immune system has that memory created by the vaccine and the disease is stopped in its tracks – before you get sick.
Everything your baby needs comes through the placenta and it is very specific about what it will let through to your growing baby. For example, your baby receives a constant flow of antibodies from you through the pregnancy, especially in the last trimester. When you’re vaccinated, antibody levels stimulated by the vaccine increase and these antibodies (not the vaccine) are transferred through the placenta to help protect your baby. When a mother is immunised during pregnancy, her baby is born with high levels of antibodies to fight flu and whooping cough. It is so effective that nine out of ten babies whose mothers had the vaccine are protected against whooping cough for the first few months of their life. By that stage their own immunisations are well underway, and they’re able to create their own immune memories to fight these and other serious diseases. Health data systems around the world collect information on adverse events that happen after immunisation. These events are carefully grouped and analysed to see if the vaccine may have caused it, or if it was more likely to be something else. In this way, the world has collected data for decades from millions of pregnant women who have had vaccines. This data provides very strong evidence that there are no safety concerns for a pregnant mother or their unborn baby. If you’re pregnant, have a talk with your GP, nurse or midwife about getting immunised against influenza and whooping cough. Supplied by the Immunisation Advisory Centre www.immune.org.nz
Protecting your baby starts before birth When you’re pregnant, free vaccines can help protect you and your new baby before they are fully immunised.
IMMUNISATION DURING PREGNANCY Inﬂuenza and whooping cough (pertussis) immunisations are recommended and free for all pregnant women in New Zealand. These types of vaccines are used internationally during pregnancy and are a very safe way to protect both mother and baby. Immunisation during pregnancy causes the mother’s immune system to make antibodies. The antibodies circulate in her blood stream to help protect her from getting sick. They also travel across the placenta into her baby’s blood stream and help protect the baby after birth, before baby has completed their ﬁrst three immunisations. WHOOPING COUGH Babies, particularly those younger than 6 months of age, can get very sick or even die from whooping cough. Immunisation between 28 and 38 weeks of pregnancy can help protect your baby for up to 3 months after they are born. Babies then develop their own protection through immunisations at 6 weeks, 3 months and 5 months of age.
INFLUENZA (FLU) Pregnant women who get inﬂuenza have a much higher risk of developing complications like pneumonia, being admitted to intensive care, experiencing premature labour, and/or delivery problems. They also have a higher risk of dying from inﬂuenza than women who are not pregnant. Their unborn baby is more likely to be born small for age, become distressed in labour, and/or be delivered by caesarean. You can have the vaccine anytime during pregnancy, which will help protect your baby for up to 6 months after birth. The vaccine is free during the inﬂuenza season (usually early March to end of December). IMMUNISATION AND BREASTFEEDING Mothers pass some antibodies to baby in their breast milk - these don’t interfere with baby’s own immunisations and in fact may help them work better. You can continue your usual breastfeeding after baby receives immunisations, including the rotavirus vaccine. Mothers can be immunised themselves while still breastfeeding.
visit immune.org.nz or speak to your doctor or practice nurse for more advice. TAPS approval number: NA 8613
The magazine of Parents Centre
toddler . party
Toddlers are full of energy, no doubt about it, but that doesn't mean your toddlerâ€™s birthday party has to be loud and exhausting. It can be a beautiful, relaxing and fun affair for both the kids and parents, which is precisely what a celebration should be. Here are some tips on how to effectively tackle the toddler party.
The essentials I have found that limiting the number of children invited to a birthday party to four keeps things manageable and gives you the opportunity to make the day special for all the children, not just your own. As the children are still quite young, you may want to invite one parent along too. Mentioning that the invite is only for the specified child and not other siblings is helpful as well. Generally toddlers still have an afternoon nap, so, to avoid meltdowns I set the time to be from 10am-12pm.
Deciding on decorations Paper is a 'go-to' of mine. It just has so many uses and is inexpensive. For this party I cut out and folded cardstock into different leaf and vine shapes before gluing them to an old sheet, ready to be hung on the morning of the party. Iâ€™ve found Kmart's party section to be fantastic, but explore what your local craft shop, two dollar store or stationers has to offer. Novelty cups can be filled with juice and the children can also take them home for something a little special. I cut and sewed streamers into jungle vines. Dessert bowls can be pre-filled with
Choosing a theme My little man loves Raa Raa the Noisy Lion so I decided to have a Jungle Party. I prefer to avoid using the merchandise from a film or television show and keep the theme more generic, to make accessorising easy as well as keep the budget down. You could choose a key colour to go along with your theme, maybe your child's favourite colour. This can be used for balloons, the cake, as well as a paper wall mural or bunting. I chose cyan as our accent colour.
Continued overleaf... The magazine of Parents Centre
snacks, giving you more time with the kids during the party. Seating can be expensive and impractical for toddlers so I used pillows with matching cases instead of children's chairs.
Food for thought Popcorn (depending on the children's age/ability), chips, cocktail weenies and tomato sauce, crackers, strawberries, apple slices, fairy bread, store-bought individual jelly. Easy. You will need to check that there are no allergy issues for any of the children that you invite.
Let them eat cake The cake is my personal favourite. I like to make my own cakes, but novelty cakes are expensive regardless of whether you buy them or make them yourself. There are a few cheats that I can share with you, however. Rather than bake a cake, you can pick up a sponge cake at your local supermarket for less than $5 or get a ready-tomake box cake (also found at the supermarket) for the same price and whip it in the oven. Buttercream frosting can be tricky to make and get right, but ready-made frosting is easy to use and tastes great. It can also be purchased at your local supermarket or party supply store. You can also purchase ready-made fondant embellishments online if you want to avoid purchasing silicon moulds, fondant and gel food colouring.
Keep them active Structured games can be more stress than they are worth when toddlers are involved, but having a few activities for them to take part in when they feel like it works well. Bubbles are great, especially if you can get your hands on a cheap bubble machine! Face painting is also a fantastic activity. Ask a family friend to help by painting the kidsâ€™ faces; you don't necessarily need to go to the expense of hiring someone. In fact, the kids may also just enjoy painting each other. Simply having a few toys out too will keep the kids happy.
Goody bags Goody bags are a great option to thank the little ones, but it can get expensive. A toy that matches the theme of your party can be just as effective, joined with a balloon and novelty cup. Enjoy yourself, take it easy, and don't let yourself stress over the little things. Your toddler will love whatever you prepare! ď Ž
Leila Malthus Leila Malthus is a wife and a mum of two who works part time in Interior Design Consultation and CG Lighting and Texture on film and television. You can follow Leila on instagram @leilamalthuscreative and at mummamalthusonabudget.blogspot.co.nz
The magazine of Parents Centre
Help fight Flu this winter.
Get your Flu Shot. Influenza Vaccine is a prescription medicine. Ask your Pharmacist for benefits and possible risks. Flu Shots available for those aged 13 years and older.
If you are 65 and older, or pregnant you can get a FREE Flu Shot at selected Unichem and Life Pharmacies.
Together we're New Zealand's Pharmacy. Members of the Green Cross Health Group.
Wednesday suit you? When my little Miss H was about two years of age, she managed to pick up several ear infections over a cold Canterbury winter. She was constantly miserable, grumpy, not sleeping very well and seemed to forever be at the doctor. When she didn’t sleep well, neither did her mother or I, as we were constantly trying to soothe her. Eventually we were referred by our GP, through the public health system, to see an Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist (ENT) at the public hospital. It was a Thursday afternoon when we had our appointment. Upon examination he noted that our daughter had very “gunky” ears and these were the likely cause for the constant ear infections. He recommended a relatively minor procedure whereby he would insert grommets (ventilation tubes) in the middle ear canal. The ENT advised an opening in the public system would probably come up in “about six months” for him to be able to perform this procedure. Initially we shrugged our shoulders and assumed this was the only
solution available for our daughter. Almost as an afterthought as we were about to leave, we said, “We do have medical insurance, would that make a difference?” The doctor proceeded to look in his private practice diary, and said “I have an opening next week, would Wednesday afternoon suit you?” That suited us just fine. This was nearly eleven years ago, but I still remember those words as we accepted his offer to treat our daughter privately. Following surgery, she was back to her usual bright and bubbly self almost instantly and slept so much better. I slept better from that point on as well. Miss H had to have another two sets of grommets inserted before she was six (which was apparently quite common as they fall out as a child grows). Her little sister also had two sets inserted before she turned five, for the same reasons. Each operation cost about $5,000. Medical insurance covered the costs of all these procedures, gave us more options and allowed us to go direct to the ENT when we thought our daughters needed treatment. Little Miss H was about four years old when I became an insurance
adviser. I retell this story to many clients, especially to those families who are expecting or have young children. As an adviser, I discuss insurance solutions families may wish to consider, so they are informed of their options, and can decide which benefits are most important for their family. Babies make ideal candidates for insurance as usually they don’t come much healthier than when they are first born.
Fergus Smith SHARE Adviser
Here to help you protect what matters most – your family. SHARE’s specialist advisers are experts at finding the right insurance solution that fits within your budget. That’s why Parents Centre chose SHARE to look after you and your family!
TALK TO US TODAY 0800 02 00 55 www.groupoffers.co.nz firstname.lastname@example.org The magazine of Parents Centre
Our Partners Collaborating to bring down the drowning rate We don’t enter into collaborative partnerships lightly. So much work goes into developing the partnership, ensuring that both organisations are aligned philosophically and that we can add genuine value to each other’s organisation. Partnerships enable us to financially support our programmes and Centres as well as give our members additional benefits that will help them in their parenting journey. All our partners gain valuable access to a highly targeted group of consumers that enable them to promote, develop and refine the products and services that are valuable to families and new parents. Likewise, our membership enjoys superb value and member benefits as a result. We're proud to work with companies that
really go the extra mile in ensuring that we can generate a huge amount of value for our Centres and Kiwi families. I’m very excited about our partnership with SplashSave. Every year, too many Kiwi children under five drown, and we need to reverse the trend. We are proud to be working collaboratively with the team at SplashSave and Water Safety New Zealand to get tools into the hands of Parents Centre members so they can teach their children essential water safety skills. Taslim Parsons Strategic Partnerships Manager, Parents Centre New Zealand
A word from SplashSave SplashSave is really excited to be partnering with Parents Centre and Water Safety New Zealand to get parents involved in tackling the terrible water safety record in New Zealand in the under-five age group. SplashSave is not a swim school; we believe parents make the very best teachers of water safety for their children, they just need the tools and support to do it themselves. We're offering all these tools at a great discount to Parents Centre Members, to make this as accessible as possible for as many parents as possible. Join SplashSave, Parents Centre and Water Safety New Zealand in the campaign to help parents lead water safety in New Zealand for our little ones. Philip Waggott SplashSave
SUPPORTING HEALTHY BABY DEVELOPMENT
Johnson & Johnson For over 100 years, JOHNSON'S® baby has been dedicated to designing gentle and mild products, especially for baby. We continuously apply our knowledge and research to create innovative products with safety at their core. That's why parents and healthcare professionals around the world have trusted JOHNSON'S® baby to nurture the little ones in their care.
Philips Avent Choosing Philips AVENT means you have the assurance of superior quality products, designed with you and baby’s needs in mind. Interchangeable design features mean products can be adapted to meet baby’s developing needs. Phone: 0800 104 401 www.philips.co.nz/AVENT
Huggies online pregnancy and parenting The HUGGIES® website is about pregnancy and parenting. Check out features such as special offers, info on sleeping and settling, plus hundreds of recipes and kids’ activity ideas! And it’s all free to HUGGIES® Baby Club members. Phone: 0800 733 703 www.huggies.co.nz
Supporting Kiwi parents
Life Pharmacy & Unichem Every day Life and Unichem pharmacists provide their communities with friendly professional health care and advice. With over 300 pharmacies throughout NZ, there's one of us in your community.
Reckitt Benckiser Group RB (Reckitt Benckiser Group) is dedicated to creating happier homes and healthier families. We understand that a childâ€™s illness can be a very stressful and emotional time for parents, which is why we are passionate in supporting Parents Centre to provide tools and advice to Kiwi parents to relieve some of this stress.
SHARE SHARE is New Zealand's leading network of experienced financial advisers, providing specialist insurance, investment, KiwiSaver and mortgage advice to all New Zealanders. SHARE has advisers around the country. For more information please call:
www.rb.com/offices/new-zealand 09 839 0200
0800 02 00 55 or email email@example.com
Au Pair Link New Zealand Since 2006 we've been flying loving au pairs from all corners of the globe to join busy Kiwi host families, providing quality in-home care and education for their little ones. Today we have hundreds of families enrolled in early learning programmes, and staff across New Zealand. This means our customers benefit from a personal, safe and reliable service throughout New Zealand. www.aupairlink.co.nz
Beef + Lamb Beef + Lamb New Zealand is responsible for the promotion of beef and lamb in New Zealand. The organisation is voluntarily funded by Kiwi farmers, retailers and processors, and focuses on promoting the nutritional aspects of lean red meat, including the importance of iron during pregnancy and for infants and young children. For healthy recipe ideas using lean beef and lamb, visit: recipes.co.nz
0800 222 966 / www.babyonthemove.co.nz
PORSE Our babies are born with the need to connect. PORSE in-home educators, nannies and au pairs provide a calm and stable home environment to nurture close connected relationships, setting the foundation for lifelong learning.
Baby On The Move Specialists in quality, affordable baby products that you can hire or purchase new. Our qualified team can help you select the correct restraint. Plus if you hire or buy from us we will install your car seat for FREE! Stores nationwide.
Phone: 0800 023 456 www.porse.co.nz
Phone: 0800 222 966 www.babyonthemove.co.nz
The Sleep Store Since 2006 The Sleep Store has been helping babies sleep with FREE expert sleep advice and a huge range of hand-picked baby, toddler and preschooler essentials. All with excellent customer service and prompt nationwide delivery. Recently voted the best online baby store. For details on the exclusive Parents Centre offers visit: www.thesleepstore.co.nz/ content/parentscentre
SplashSave All the tools you need to teach young ones how to remain confident, comfortable and calm around water. The pack is aimed at children from birth to six years and costs a fraction of formal swim lessons. www.splashsave.co.nz
The magazine of Parents Centre
Winners Bunch O Balloon pack Matt Howard Palmerston North
Congratulations to the lucky winners from issue 281 Swimsuit from Trinity’s Swimwear Rebecca Wilson Upper Hutt
Sleep Store Classic Cot Sarah Cameron New Plymouth
Zuru tangle prize packs Annette Hynes Christchurch Sophie Wynne Auckland Hollie Hallsworth Upper Hutt
OH Grow Up… Toddlers to PreTeens Decoded Charnese Wilson Auckland Tanya Eade Gore Erin Hindler Pokeno
P R O D U C T S
Congratulations to the lucky winners from issue 282
A Bunch O Balloon Packs from Zuru
Toddler Safety Fun Stool from Arc Baby
Annette Hynes Christchurch
Sarah McGovern Rotorua
Bronwyn Cook Christchurch
Ten Bottles of Magnesium+ Gentle from Nutralife Krista Kelland Mosgiel
Lia McCoubrey Christchurch
Michelle Gaskell Papamoa
Sian Jarrett Kapiti Coast
Kelly Harvey Whangarei
Maria Yark Tauranga
Ben Mountfort Auckland
Sela Napflin Palmerston North
Laura Davis Auckland
Isabella Janet Auckland
Five stay-put sunglasses from Banz Carewear
Beco Gemini Cool Mesh Baby Carrier from the Sleep Store
Kirsty Wright Christchurch
Cara Mitchell Mosgiel
Lisa Hughes West Melton Josie Timmins Porirua Fiona Martin Porirua Rebekah Anderton Hastings
The magazine of Parents Centre
Win great giveaways Enter to win a Philips Avent electric breast pump The Philips Avent Comfort single electric breast pump allows you to sit comfortably when expressing while the unique soft massage cushion gently stimulates your milk flow. We have this great breast pump and a 10 pack of 180ml milk storage cups to be won. RRP $348.
Enter online at kiwiparent.co.nz and follow the instructions. Entries must be received by 5pm, 7 May 2018. Winners will be published in issue 284.
Win an Arc Assist Original Learning Tower Enjoy stress-free meal preparation with toddlers. The Arc Assistant Original boosts little ones to stand at bench height, enabling safe interactive play and learning while you work in the kitchen. Children are no longer under feet or getting into things. Research shows connecting and engaging with toddlers is crucial for their brain development. The Arc Assistant facilitates this connection morning, noon and night. Imagine receiving the Arc Assistant this Mother’s Day. RRP $229 www.arcnzbaby.com
Win one of three Feast highchairs from The Sleep Store The Feast is quick and easy to keep clean and has a tray which clips on securely. You can get baby in and out without taking the tray off and keep them seated securely with the five-point safety harness. Easy to assemble and small enough to take on holiday. The legs can be used at full height or as a half-height travel chair – ideal for picnics, camping or ECE settings where children are sitting up at a low table with other children. Stack two or move with the tray removed. RRP $49.95 www.thesleepstore.co.nz
Six Splash Mirrors from Water Babies to be won
Be in the draw to win a Nutra-Life probiotic prize pack worth $100
Winner of ‘What's On 4 Little Ones – Best Product Supporting Children’s Activities at Home 2017’. Perfect for bath time and water play, the Splash Mirror is an ideal way to create fun and enjoyment while helping little ones build confidence. Made from high-density foam, the mirror and separate float are both soft enough to be safely used in the pool or bath. Parental guidance required. 3mths+ RRP $25.
Nutra-Life probiotic supplements are designed for children to support the health and function of the immune and digestive systems. Probiotica Baby, Toddler and Child is suitable for babies from six months onwards as well as for breastfeeding mums. Probiotica for Kids is a yummy vanilla-flavoured chewable tablet formulated for kids aged one year old and up. Prize pack includes 2 x Nutra-Life Probiotica for kids, 1 x Probiotica for Baby, Toddler and Child and a gorgeous Niko & Co hooded bath towel.
ER WIT RTN H PA
F E E L I N C O N T R O L A S YO U M O N I TO R YO U R C H I L D ’ S F E V E R The magazine of Parents Centre
*±0.2°C WITH CORRECT USAGE. ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS AND CHILD’S POSITION MAY RESULT IN GREATER VARIANCE. ALWAYS READ THE LABEL. USE ONLY AS DIRECTED. INCORRECT USE MAY BE HARMFUL. DO NOT USE ON BABIES WHO ARE PREMATURE, OF LOW BIRTH WEIGHT OR SMALL FOR GESTATIONAL AGE. IF SYMPTOMS PERSIST SEE YOUR HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL. ALWAYS CONTINUE TO MONITOR YOUR CHILD’S WELLBEING. RECKITT BENCKISER, AUCKLAND. 0800 40 30 30. TAPS NA9518
The product most recommended by doctors for pregnancy stretch marks. Colmar Brunton, 2016
“From very early in my pregnancy (about 5 weeks) I started using Bio-Oil twice a day. I loved the way it made my skin feel. Emily is 5 months old already and I’m still using it! As for stretch marks I’m happy to report that I didn’t see a single one. Bio-Oil was amazing! I was the first of my friends to fall pregnant, so now I’m telling them all about it.”
Abby with Emily
Bio-Oil® helps reduce the possibility of pregnancy stretch marks forming by increasing the skin’s elasticity. It should be applied twice daily from the start of the second trimester. For comprehensive product information, and details of clinical trials, please visit bio-oil.com. Bio-Oil is available at pharmacies and selected retailers. Individual results will vary. Bio-Oil is distributed in New Zealand by Douglas Pharmaceuticals Ltd, Auckland.
New Packaging. Same Formulation.
From Parents Centre New Zealand