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ISSUE 20 | PARAGONROAD.COM

Hindsight & Foresight

Legacy Assessment

+ WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU? TAKING A LEGACY ASSESSMENT CAN REVEAL HOW MEANING IS EXPRESSED TO YOU AND PROPEL YOU TO TAKE ACTION TO HELP YOUR LEGACY LIVE ON

From Prisoner to Millionaire + EXPLORE JENNIFER LANZETTI’S REMARKABLE JOURNEY FROM CANCER PATIENT, DRUG ADDICT, AND FELON TO SUCCESSFUL MILLIONAIRE

Healing Families + LEARN HOW NANCY GANNON HORNBERGER HELPS HIGH-RISK CHILDREN LIVE THEIR BEST LIVES


Contents

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Note from the Editor Improving Quality of Life

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Jennifer Lanzetti’s Refiner’s Fire Jennifer Lanzetti’s Journey From Cancer to Drug Addiction to $3 Million Company

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Moving Towards Tomorrow

Bryan Devore, Realtor/Senior Real Estate Specialist Helps Senior Rightsize Their Lives

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Get Real

Joy Loverde Helps Answer Questions About Planning for Senior Care

To Name a Thing

Timothy Hutchinson’s Poetry Inspires Us to Praise the Good

Before Giving a Dime

Michael M. Sonduck Gives the 7 Questions You Should Answer Before Donating Money or Time


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Legacy Assessment

Laura A. Roser Shows How Meaning Is Expressed Differently

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Healing The Family Ecosystem How Nancy Gannon Hornberger Helps High-Risk Children Live Their Best Lives

Get Back Control of Your Life

Marc Koehler Reveals How a One Page Family Plan Can Help Your Family Achieve More Harmony and Balance

Ordnance Survey Online Art Gallery Opens

First Exhibition Is a Modern Take on One of the World’s Oldest Art Forms

Impactful Talks on Impact Investing Stephanie Cook Helps You Plan an Impactful Conversation with Your Heirs

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Estate Planning

Rod Hatley Gives Real World Advice From An Estate Planning Practitioner

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The Lasting Impact of a Godly Grandmother

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Timeless Wisdom: Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Jeff Rogers Shares the Influence of His Grandmother on His Faith

Laura A. Roser Explores What the Bhagavad Gita Teaches About Moral Dilemmas


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Issue 20 | October 2019

Paragon Road PUBLISHER Laura A. Roser EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Jennifer Lanzetti Nancy Gannon Hornberger

Marko Nedeljkovic DESIGN William Jenkins CONTENT DIRECTOR

Charity Navigator Your Meaning Legacy by Laura A. Roser Paragon Road

Stephanie Cook Bryan Devore Rod Hatley Timothy Hutchinson Marc Koehler

Check out our new video interviews with our contributors! Where you see this icon, click to check out the video.

Joy Loverde Ordnance Survey Jeff Rogers Laura A. Roser

Click to view an interview with the author!

Michael M. Sonduck

Share your product or service with thousands of financial professionals around the world through our digital magazine and main website. Email: advertising@paragonroad.com

Have a good idea for an article, feedback or suggestions for our magazine? Email the editor directly: william@paragonroad.com


What is Legacy Arts Magazine?

Legacy Arts is dedicated to the journey of developing a great legacy and passing on non-financial assets (such as beliefs, values & wisdom).  It is produced by Paragon Road, the leader in meaning legacy planning. 6 LEGACY ARTS Issue 20 www.paragonroad.com


Note from the Editor

Improving Quality of Life

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ot all life experiences are created equal. Some childhood experiences are abysmal—filled with hurtful words from abusive parents or hardships that make you want to curl up and cry—while others are magical, full of inspiring mentors and profound lessons. Some marriages are awful, others are joyful. Some tasks make you want to poke your own eye out from boredom, while others keep you up all hours of the night with electric passion. What’s the difference? The difference is intention. It’s the way we process the events of our lives, how we respond and the actions we take. Many of the articles in this issue focus on turning your life journey into an optimal one through consciously making decisions rather than absently going with the flow. (For more about how going with the flow can lead to problems, reference my article about the Bhagavad Gita.) We can’t always control the circumstances of our lives, but we can control our response. In this issue, Survivor star Jennifer Lanzetti shares how she went from being a drug-addicted felon to building a multimillion-dollar company. Bryan Devore and Joy Loverde share how you can arrange your life to sail into your retirement years with grace and vitality. Michael Sonduck explains the questions you should ask yourself before donating a dime to charity. Some of the best—yet most challenging—years are when your children are young and parenting right makes all the difference. Creator of the One Page Family Plan Marc Koehler tells about how his focus on business led to him becoming a less-than-ideal father and how he got his family back on track. Nancy Gannon Hornberger has spent her career in the trenches helping at-risk children and their families turn over a new leaf and become productive members of their communities. Learn what inspires her and how she and her team are working to create “villages” to raise children well. Have you ever wondered how to purposefully craft a meaningful legacy of your own? Check out my article about Paragon Road’s Legacy Assessment and what we’ve learned about what matters to most people. Just as we all have wrinkles and scratches and scars from a life well-lived, so do planets in our solar system. The Ordinance Survey Online Art Gallery documents the cartography and geodata of planets—showing craters, valleys, caves, and peaks that give each planet its unique surface.

Estate planning is one of those things that’s easy to push off to another day, but Rod Hatley shares how delaying the creation of an estate plan can hurt your family and cost inordinate amounts of time and money down the road. Wealth manager Stephanie Cook gives practical steps you can take to talk with your heirs about impactful investing so that your financial decisions align with your values. Timothy Hutchinson’s poem highlights the value of unsung heroes who stand up for what’s right just because it’s “the right thing to do.” Author and family legacy coach Jeff Rogers shares how his grandmother’s influence led him down a path of faith and a focus on family stewardship. I love the articles in this issue and had such a wonderful time interviewing the contributors as well as Jennifer Lanzetti and Nancy Gannon Hornberger for the articles I wrote about them. Make sure to check out the video interviews associated with each article; they add a whole new level of insight into our contributors and their passions. As always, we couldn’t do it without our wonderful contributors, Head Designer Marko, and Content Director William. Each step along your life journey takes you toward or away from the kind of legacy you’d like to create. We can’t always control the cards we’re dealt, but we can play them to the best of our ability. In this phase of your life, that could mean being a good parent, mentoring those around you, planning your estate to take care of your loved ones, or pursuing a new goal in your golden years. Whatever it is, I hope it invigorates you! All the best, Laura A. Roser Editor-in-Chief of Legacy Arts and CEO of Paragon Road

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Jennifer Lanzetti’s REFINER’S FIRE

From Cancer to Drug Addiction to $3 Million Company By Laura A. Roser

“I

was born with a wooden spoon in my mouth,” Jennifer Lanzetti told me in a recent interview. “My parents didn’t have a lot of money, but boy did we have a lot of love.” In her teens, Jennifer was diagnosed with severe endometriosis. Over eight years and fifteen surgeries, she developed an addiction to pain pills. And then the unthinkable happened: she got cancer. “When I found out I had cancer, I gave up,” she says. “I really didn’t want to live. I couldn’t handle the thought of chemotherapy or going through even more treatments.” So, Jennifer started self-medicating with meth and heroine. “I figured they were just as poisonous as chemo, and I might as well go out with a bang.” Life took a significant dive from there, resulting in prison time, drug rehab, and a hysterectomy to get rid of the cancer. Jennifer was released from prison after only 6 months for good behavior and spent the rest of her five-year sentence on probation. “I just woke up one day and decided things needed to change,” she says. “I weighed about a hundred pounds. The size of my biceps were the size of my wrists now. It was just horrifying to see how far I let my victimhood lead me down a really bad path. And, so, I fought tooth and nail to rescue myself. I got myself a really good job, which was difficult. It’s really hard to get a job when you’re a felon because you have to mark the box, and it took a very long time. But I eventually got myself a fantastic job and just kept working hard and working my way up to where I knew I was meant to be. “And here I am, you know, gosh, it’s been 17 years later. I own multiple LLCs. I’m a self-made millionaire. [Voice breaks up with emotion.] Sorry, I talk about my background sometimes, and it makes me cry because it’s so incredible to know just how far I’ve come.” Jennifer pulled herself up from rock bottom. She started a business with just $8,000 and turned it into a $3 million company in only four years. She was selected for the CBS show Survivor, earned a degree in Construction Management in 2009, has been featured at prestigious conferences, and is married to a man she adores. She sold her company last year and is now working on her

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next enterprise. “I’m not fearless,” she says, “I definitely have fear, but it doesn’t stop me anymore.” When you’ve lost as much as Jennifer has, you realize every situation is temporary and you can make it through anything.

Miraculous Baby, Plus a Husband

When Jennifer had her hysterectomy at 25 years old, she was devasted. It was always a dream to have children. “I remember being 11 years old,” Jennifer says, “and telling my mom and dad, oh, I can’t wait to have what you guys have. So, after the hysterectomy, I figured I’d adopt. But the years kept going by and I didn’t, didn’t, didn’t. “I was 39, and one day I said, ‘Well shit, things are only going to change if I change.’ So that day I called my girlfriend and said, ‘I need an adoption attorney.’ Long story short, I had a hard time getting approved by the state. Of course, with my background, I had to appeal their decision and go through all this proof that I’m a different person than I was twenty years ago. But I finally got approval from the state. “I turned in my application, and an hour later they called me and said, we have a match. But that happens all the time, right? I thought, it would be good practice. You know, nobody gets her baby the first time. On the first shot, she picked me and I had a daughter three weeks later. Three weeks!” Two months after Jennifer got her newborn baby daughter, she met the man who would become her husband. He has a son. So, she’s a mother of two now and married to a man she loves and helps her run their seven LLCs. Jennifer calls her daughter “the greatest thing that ever happened to her.”

Abundance Is Your Birthright

Jennifer deeply believes that we were meant to receive abundance and that abundance comes when we are open, grateful, giving, and willing to grow. She practices the go-giver philosophy. Professionally, she’s focused on changing the perception of the construction industry to one that is appealing for young, brilliant minds who want to enter a field that has so much potential to do good in the world. Her hope is to make a lot of money, employ a lot of people, and give all her money away by the end of her life. It’s this generosity that keeps abundance flowing back to you, she says.

A Warning Against Poor Choices

When I asked Jennifer if she has any regrets, she paused for a moment and then said, “The refiner’s fire is how you get gold, and I get that, but I don’t think the depth of hell that I went into was necessary. I just kept making poor choices, and I wish I had known there were other options. I learned the very hard way two fundamental truths: 1) Don’t do drugs, 2) Don’t be a victim.

Jennifer is the principal of 3D-PhD, EZ-3Details, and Velocient Properties — all of which assist the AECO industry in various capacities. Her passion is to disentangle problems and help archaic companies do a 180 degree turn and be an industry innovation leader. She dedicates her success to a secret ingredient that the built industry appetite is starving for, emotional intelligence. In her experience, the acceptance of this notion has initially started out like oil and water coming together; but in time and with practice, she has proven that technology adoption without EQi is unsuccessful. Her days are dedicated to filling the gap between knowledge and understanding. Her career in construction began as a laborer in high school and has progressed to overseeing all phases of residential and commercial construction. With an ardor for Virtual Design and Construction (VDC), Building Information Modeling (BIM), and entrepreneurship, she understands the need for a different approach to how we provide shelter. She is a prominent voice supporting the industry shift away from the hard-bid delivery method to an Integrated Project Delivery (IPD) process. Her energy is dedicated to the evolution of building, and living, in a united world; given the immense and noble responsibility we have of providing people with life-saving needs.

“I could have gotten to where I am now sooner— maybe not sooner—but with less pain, with less bad memories. And that’s what hurts. It’s the memories of the heroin and the meth and the cocaine and the drugs. I have memories of that haunt me, and they break me down sometimes cause they’re so vivid and so horrible. I never killed anyone. I never physically hurt or robbed anyone. It’s just the physical things I did to my own body were devastating. Just devastating that I can’t forget. I just rather they didn’t happen at all.”

Powerful Beyond Measure

I’d like to thank Jennifer for her willingness to be so open about her struggles and how she turned them around. Her story serves as an inspiration of just how resilient the human spirit can be. To quote one of Jennifer’s favorite authors, Marianne Williamson, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” n

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Moving Towards Tomorrow A Guide to Rightsizing Your Life By Bryan Devore, Realtor/Senior Real Estate Specialist DRE #01397835

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s my parents told me at an early age, change is the only constant in life. Over the past 15 plus years, I have been fortunate to guide my clients through important life changes by helping them achieve their real estate goals. Whether the client was a first-time buyer who took his first step down the road of home ownership or an investor who was changing his financial future, all changed their lives by buying or selling a home. Perhaps the most life-altering transitions have occurred for my older clients. Faced with the changes that come with aging, many of these clients have sold the place they’ve called home for 40 or more years. They raised children in those homes, created

Click to view an interview with the author!

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lasting memories, and collected a lot of stuff. But they reached a point when that home was no longer appropriate for the current chapter of their lives. The stairs, the maintenance, the yard, and yes, the stuff – it was time to simplify. While some have had the home decision forced upon them due to financial or medical issues, several have been proactive in their approach to rightsizing their lives. They knew that something needed to change, but they weren’t sure what options were available or how to go about the process. Most of our first conversations began with a simple question: “Now what?”


Fortunately, there are several options for these clients. Because each person has a unique situation, the most critical first step is to understand their current and future needs. Only then can I present the choices that make the most sense for them. Sometimes this means bringing in other professionals — financial, legal, emotional, etc. — to help them assess their lives. This provides my clients with invaluable input into the process. After this assessment, I generally guide my clients down one of three paths.

Modify the Current Home

Maybe the current home suits their needs well in many ways – it is in good condition, it is not too big to take care of, etc. – and just a few modifications would make it perfect for the foreseeable future. If we determine that this is a viable option, a care manager will tour the home with them and help them evaluate what needs to be done. From there we will work with specialists in the field of aging in place who will create and install the necessary modifications, from hand rails and grab bars to ramps and stair lifts. At the same time, my partners at Silver Linings Transitions, a senior move management company that specializes in helping seniors, will work with our clients to help them sort, organize, and pare down their belongings in order to create a more simplified living environment.

Move to a Different Home

If my clients’ current home cannot be modified appropriately, but they want to still have their own home, the next step would be to determine if they should buy a home or rent one. There are several factors (including legal, financial, and tax) that come into play, and appropriate professionals should be consulted to help make this decision. In these situations, I will help my client sell a current home and either purchase a new home or help them rent one. With some, I will bring in the appropriate professionals who will make modifications so that they can enjoy their new home safely for years to come. Silver Linings Transitions will make the transition easier by doing the sorting, packing, and unpacking for them.

Move to a Senior Community

It is still a common conception – or misconception – that senior living communities are like the one we remember from years ago. In fact, the communities of today are more like cruise ships on land. They offer incredible food, social activities and interaction, beautiful buildings and amenities, and much more. Still, most of my clients are hesitant to move into a senior community because they don’t want to “lose their independence” (their words, not mine). In fact, the opposite has been true for my clients who have moved into a senior community. No longer tied down by cooking, cleaning, and maintaining the home, they can come and go as they please and enjoy new experiences. They have actually gained independence.

Bryan Devore is a San Diego Realtor who holds the Senior Real Estate Specialist designation. He lives in Carlsbad, CA, with his two teenage sons. Together with his partner Jami Shapiro they created and host Senior Savers, a reality TV show that entertains and educates seniors on the resources available to them. You can learn more about all of the resources available as well as watch both episodes of the show at www.SeniorSavers.tv. community and will tour the best choices with them. Because the community pays the placement professional my client ultimately chooses, their services are free. Again, regardless of which community they call home, my client’s move is made easier by the services provided by Silver Linings Transitions.

Top 5 Questions to Ask

Most seniors, regardless of their age, feel they are not ready to move into a senior community. My response has always been, “Not ready for what?” I ask this question to find out if they truly understand today’s senior living. Once they discover what senior communities can offer, the most common question becomes, “When is the right time?” My response is simple: if you’re asking the question, it may be now. I then delve further to help them come to the decision themselves. Here are the top 5 questions to ask when making the decision to move into a senior community: 1) Do you still enjoy preparing your own meals? Some communities have full kitchens in the apartments, so cooking is still an option. But do you want to have to do it? 2) Do you prefer social interaction with others versus being mostly alone? This may be possible for some who remain in their home, but it gets increasingly difficult as the ability to drive goes away. 3) Do you like to participate in activities? Communities have a wide variety of activities to help stimulate the mind, exercise the body, and provide total enrichment. 4) Would you rather not clean your home? Most communities provide cleaning services, so you won’t have to ever buy a vacuum again. 5) Are you young enough and healthy enough to enjoy this lifestyle now?

Senior communities offer three main levels of care – independent living, assisted living, and memory care. Some communities offer one or two levels while others offer all three. Communities have slight variations within those three levels, and they can help you determine which one is most appropriate.

This last question is the most important. By saying they’re not ready, many wait until the decision is no longer in their hands. A fall, a broken hip, or the inability to perform the acts of daily living are the typical reasons why seniors who are reactive rather than proactive eventually move from their home and into a senior community. Unfortunately, they are often not able to enjoy many of the benefits of senior community living.

With so many senior living choices out there, how does someone begin to understand what’s best for them? This is when I will introduce my client to a placement professional. A placement professional will learn what my client needs and wants in a

My purpose in what I do is to help my clients make informed decisions for their futures and provide the resources they need to take action. By being proactive, they can make the changes they need to make in order to live their brightest tomorrows. n

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GET REAL By Joy Loverde

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lmost every day — barring overextended itineraries (mine) and medical emergencies (his) — I log into my computer to video chat with Martin K. Bayne, my dear and longtime friend. He is an MIT graduate, journalist, and former Buddhist monk. He is also unmarried and childless. At the peak of his career, Marty was diagnosed with earlyonset Parkinson’s disease. He was fifty-three. With no other choice but to move into an assisted living community, he knew that this housing decision would challenge him every waking moment to stay alive, let alone remain vital. For the past sixteen years, he has been at the mercy of a call button that is answered by complete strangers. His fellow residents are on average aged eighty-five years and older, the majority of whom are living with the symptoms of dementia. As his chronic conditions worsen, so goes the freedom to come and go where he wants when he wants. As a resident of assisted living, what he hadn’t calculated is the depth of the daily, relentless exposure to despair, disease, dementia, dying, and death. That’s where I come in. Marty tells me that he would have given up long ago if it were not for our friendship. When we are not talking about what is happening in his world, I do my best to balance the relationship by bringing what is happening on the “outside” to him. By way of my smartphone, Marty and I often take virtual walking excursions to my favorite local attractions like Chicago’s Lincoln Park Zoo. When I see people walking in the park, I stop and ask them to say hi to Marty. They love it, and of course, their enthusiastic, “Hi, Marty!” greetings make his day. I depend on Marty every bit as much as he depends on me. While I offer him companionship and insights into my world, he is my teacher and voice of reality when it comes to aging alone. “You can’t possibly understand, Joy, what my life is like.” He says these words to me frequently. He’s right: I can’t possibly understand. I have never been that sick and that alone. “I have no voice,” Marty said to me one morning. I asked him to explain. The night before, he and the administrator of the assistedliving community had an argument about a resident policy. Marty challenged him, saying, “That’s not fair. You get to go home every day at five o’clock, but this is my home.” The administrator stood up, pointed his finger at him, and roared, “This is not your home. You lease an apartment here like everybody else.” At that moment, Marty realized he was alone, ill, and without the comfort of an on-site advocate. His spirit was broken. Marty never fails to keep me grounded in the realities of aging alone. The essence of each conversation is not the subject

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Click to view an interview with the author!


matter, but rather the sharing of experiences with someone who genuinely cares about the big and little things in life that you wouldn’t share with just anyone. I know now that if I have a friend like Marty in my life when I am old and alone, I will be able to get through anything that life dishes out.

Why This Book? Perhaps, like Marty, you don’t have children to call upon for help; perhaps you’re like me, married now, and also wondering who will be available, able, or even willing to step in when necessary. Are you ready for what the upcoming years have in store? If you are living solo, you are not alone. One in three baby boomers falls into the category of separated, divorced, widowed, or never married. As the numbers continue to escalate, millions of people over the age of sixty-five will require greater assistance because they are aging alone with no known family member or surrogate to act on their behalf. Also, being a parent is no guarantee that adult children will care for you as you age. Let me be clear from the get-go—marriage is not the goal of this book by any means. Aging solo is the conscious choice of many and deserves its rightful status in society. If marriage or partnering is not, and has never been, a desire of yours, this is a good time to update your language when referring to your preferred living situation. The use of the word single implies the state of not being married. To proclaim you live solo is more straightforward and powerful. Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old? will change the course of your life. You need not be alone in old age unless you want to be. I learned the ropes of planning for old age by spending almost every waking moment of my life surrounded by old people. Witnessing the aging of thousands of older adults, I have heard their incredible stories—the good, bad, and sad. I have spent many hours with the dying. The memory of these encounters is what led me to write this book and fill it with the old people’s advice. I have been a family caregiver most of my adult life, and in 1993 published my first book, The Complete Eldercare Planner, now in its sixth edition. Thousands of readers have told me that my practical tips on looking ahead while managing complex relationships changed the course of their caregiving experience for the better. Since publishing that book, my writing has evolved beyond caregiving to focus on how people can prepare to care for themselves as they age. I participate in as many webinars, workshops, studies, and conferences as time allows. I am embedded in a social web that connects me with an expansive and diverse network of industry thought-leaders and maturemarket business owners. Extensive travel allows me to compare experiences as I observe the cultures of old people worldwide. Above all, I am curious and inquisitive, and have a reputation for seeking ways of pushing the envelope. People of all ages express to me how worried and afraid they are about aging alone in old age. I am in the same boat; but when I think about the old people in my life who are aging alone, and

Joy Loverde has a reputation for being a path carver and visionary. Joy is the author of Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old? and the best-seller, The Complete Eldercare Planner. The American Medical Association says, “It’s the best book we’ve seen.” Joy is frequently in the news. You may have seen her on the TODAY Show and Good Morning America or heard her interviews on National Public Radio. During her career, she has been quoted in the Wall Street Journal, TIME, Money, New York Times, USA Today, and Good Housekeeping, among many others. Joy’s work has taken her to every corner of the world where she has personally interacted with thousands of family members and professionals in the field of aging. Connect with Joy on social media. Her books are available wherever books are sold or visit Joy’s website at www.elderindustry.com. how they know themselves inside and out, and how they flaunt their unshakable confidence when making important decisions, I believe that in my old age, I will have what they have—but it is up to me to put in the effort now. And I believe the same is true for you. You may not have chosen to age solo, but you must own it to succeed at planning for a quality old age.

The Deal-Breaker You must promise that from this moment on you will be completely honest with yourself about the fact that you are getting older. Sixty is not the new thirty. Sixty is sixty. Every time you make light of or even deny aging, you create an alternate reality; and subsequently, you are forced to live a life in two different worlds: the one you are fantasizing about and the actual one in which you are living. Acceptance of your own aging paves the way for breakthroughs of all kinds—lying and deceiving yourself about growing old leads to the exact opposite. Instead of feeling powerless and a victim of circumstance, choose to face old age with self-respect and dignity. Plan ahead. Doing so will serve you in gaining better control of the situation at hand. You are the one and only person you can forever count on. The old people in my life often tell me how peaceful they feel in the moment. They tell me their work is done. They have accomplished what hopefully you are about to do: remain true to the realities of old age. They ask for and accept help. They know what is important and what is a waste of time. Everything I have learned from my wise elder friends is what I wish for you today—that ailments do not depress you, that you are quick to laugh and even quicker to forgive, and that you are happiest of all when you are on the receiving end of tokens of love and kindness from others who genuinely care about you. Excerpt from Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old? (Da Capo 2017) by Joy Loverde. Reprinted with permission. n

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To Name a Thing By Timothy Hutchinson

We need a new word. A word for the quiet people, the unsung people, that do the right thing, the difficult thing, the in the muck and abhorrent thing, the stand up thing, 14 LEGACY ARTS Issue 20 www.paragonroad.com

Click to view an interview with the author!


the thing that makes society better, the I love this much thing, the selfless thing, the kind thing, the reach up and grab the long arc of history thing and bend it even slightly towards justice. n

Timothy Hutchinson is a retired middle school teacher, and IT manager. He is married to Valerie, his wife of 42 years, and has two adult children and two grandchildren. He and his wife live in Hilo, Hawaii where he paints, writes poems, short stories and currently is working on a novel.Â

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BEFORE GIVING A DIME 7 Questions To Answer By Michael M. Sonduck

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hen I was growing up in suburban Chicago, my parents were active in our congregation and in our town. Dad, a small business owner, was president of the congregation. Our stay-athome Mom helped establish one of the first juvenile justice programs in the county courts (a precursor of today’s child advocacy programs). I never saw my parents’ names on a donor plaque or listed as sponsors of fundraising events. Their donations were almost always made to organizations they were already supporting in other ways. Time, Talent, and Treasure is a common three-pronged approach, framing ways to get engaged with nonprofits. Time is the metaphor for volunteering, talent means getting involved in a leadership capacity, and treasure refers to monetary donations. In that parlance, my parents were time and talent donors, primarily offering their energy and experience to help others. From them, and subsequently from my experience as a nonprofit executive, I’ve learned that before giving any of your resources to a charity, it’s important to apply a “Heart, Head & Hands” approach to your charitable work. Knowing how you feel about the work of the charity, its effectiveness and management, and how your time, talent, and treasure are being used will help lead to a rewarding relationship. Give to organizations that you believe in and that work for causes that matter to you. But temper your choices by learning everything you can about the organizations. Finally, be ready to work on behalf of an organization to which you give, whether that work comes in the form of your time as a volunteer, your talent as a leader or your treasure as a donor.

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You can apply the Heart, Head & Hands approach by answering these seven questions: 1. What matters the most to you and why? Begin with this question and make sure everyone who is going to be part of the decision agrees to the answers. Talk to each other, or if the decision is yours alone, talk to a friend, colleague, or trusted advisor to help clarify your thinking. Be sure to include geography in your discussion. Many families want to help address global issues, but focus on their local community, while others want to make a difference in outcomes worldwide. Once you’re clear about what matters most, you’re ready to proceed. 2. Which tax-exempt charities work in the areas of interest to you? There are lots of well-intentioned people and organizations trying to help others. Many of these make appeals to help a specific person address a unique challenge, for example raising funds to pay someone’s rent, or help with a medical procedure. You can contact the person who organized the campaign to assure yourself that it’s legitimate. That’s harder to do when an organization is raising funds for a regional, national, or global humanitarian, educational, religious, or societal purpose. Begin locally and small by asking folks you trust about which organizations, of which they’re aware, work in the areas of your interests. Next, learn to use Charity Navigator or Guidestar, the two largest sources of data and valuable information about USbased charities. Each has online tutorials and both are free. 3. What does the charity care about and is that important to you? Begin by looking at a charity’s web site, but don’t stop


Click to view an interview with the author!

there! Call them, tell them you’re a prospective donor, and that you want to speak with someone about their work and results. If they’re local, set up a face-to-face meeting to ask about ways you can be involved. Specifically, ask about their mission, goals, and history of success. lWhat is your organization’s mission? Healthy organizations know exactly who they are, what they do, and why they are needed. l What are their goals and what progress are they making towards their goals? Effective organizations communicate their goals clearly and have means of demonstrating their progress. Ask the organization what it has done to make the issue it confronts better. Can the organization demonstrate how their actions have impacted their progress? lH  ow will you know that your resources will be well used? Responsible, honest, and well-managed charities demonstrate transparency. 4. How will the charity use the funds that you plan to give? Whether you’re a modest or major donor, you should ask for detailed program-by-program reports that compare goals, budgets, and results over time. You may want to ask your philanthropic, financial or tax advisor to review the organization’s annual report, IRS Form 990, and audited financials to make sure they are spending your dollars as you intend. Are they sufficiently funded to actually address the issues named in their mission? If they have very large reserves, why? Who manages them? 5. How does the charity collaborate with researchers, other charities, foundations, or experts to set goals, utilize resources more effectively, or share costs? The

Michael Sonduck provides private, customized Philanthropic Advice for individuals and families who want to make more impact with their giving. He has been a volunteer and professional leader of charitable organizations for more than 40 years, most recently as President & CEO of the Jewish Federation of San Diego County, a multi-million-dollar charity. His experience stewarding major, multi-year gifts, working with multi-generational families and creating new, community-wide programs backed by large donors makes him uniquely qualified to address the current needs of today’s philanthropists. Email Michael for more information at michael@michaelsonduck.com

most intractable issues we face in our society (poverty, health, security, mental health, etc.) are unlikely to be solved by any one organization. The trend in philanthropy is toward collaborations. Even among smaller, local charities collaboration is a hallmark of success. You can use the Foundation Center’s database to search for funder and organizations by field of interest, then contact those organizations in your area and ask if they are working with charities in your geography and/or your fields of interest. 6. Is there a place for you, or just for your money? Even if you’re not looking for a Board seat, or another volunteer activity, knowing how an organization engages its supporters is an important window on its philosophy. If you’re always welcome at donor events, but your phone calls about new ideas are seldom returned, then you need to ask yourself whether it’s the kind of organization that works for you. Effective use of volunteers is an indication that the charity understands the value of this critical resource and has planned effectively. 7. What is your charitable plan for the future? Families for whom charity is more than a “tax effectiveness” tactic will find benefit in having a multi-year plan, just as they do for other important parts of their life. Time, Talent, and Treasure are your stock in trade as a charitable supporter. Knowing how you want to use each comes from applying a consistent strategy based on your heart, head and hands. What are your goals? How well are you using your philanthropic resources to accomplish those goals? Is it time for a mid-course correction? All these questions, and more, form the basis for a rich discussion, successful planning, and rewarding results. n

LEGACY ARTS Issue 20 www.paragonroad.com 17


How Will You Change Th Make The Most Impact With Charity

Animals

l Animal Rights, Welfare, and Services l Wildlife Conservation l Zoos and Aquariums

Education

l Early Childhood Programs and Services l Youth Education Programs and Services l Adult Education Programs and Services l Special Education l Education Policy and Reform Scholarship and Financial Support

Community Development l l l l

United Ways Jewish Federations Community Foundations Housing and Neighborhood Development

Arts, Culture, Humanities l Libraries, Historical Societies and Landmark Preservation l Museum l Performing Arts l Public Broadcasting and Media

Resources for Intelligent Giving: www.charitynavigat


he World?

International

Navigator

l Development and Relief Services l International Peace, Security, and Affairs l Humanitarian Relief Supplies

Environment

l Environmental Protection and Conservation l Botanical Gardens, Parks, and Nature Centers

Health

l Diseases, Disorders, and Disciplines l Patient and Family Support l Treatment and Prevention Services l Medical Research

Research and Public Policy

l Non-Medical Science & Technology Research l Social and Public Policy Research

tor.org

Human and Civil Rights l Advocacy and Education

Religion

l Religious Activities l Religious Media and Broadcasting

Human Services

l Children’s and Family Services l Youth Development, Shelter, and Crisis Services l Food Banks, Food Pantries, and Food Distribution l Multipurpose Human Service Organizations l Homeless Services l Social Services


LEGACY ASSESSMENT:

What’s Important to You? How Meaning Is Expressed by Different People By Laura A. Roser

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hen I released my book, Your Meaning Legacy, last year, I directed readers to an online Meaning Legacy Assessment. In just 13 questions, you can determine what’s important to you and what isn’t. It also helps you determine which non-financial components of your legacy you’ve already handled and which ones need some work. The assessment includes questions like, “How important is a sense of purpose or meaning to you?” and “How important is it to have a shared family philosophy?” Assessment takers answer with: 1) Not important, 2) Somewhat important, or 3) Extremely important.

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Of the people who took the assessment, 4% were ages 21-30, 7% were ages 31-40, 22% were ages 41-50, 30% were ages 51-65, and 37% were ages 66+. This response indicates that legacy becomes more important as you age and have children. 85% of the assessment takers had children (and many had grandchildren), leaving only 15% that didn’t have children. A full 100% said that having a sense of meaning or purpose was extremely important to them. But not everyone agreed that every aspect of legacy matters to their lives.


Which Legacy Issues Are Most-Important?

These are the top five issues that people rated as “Extremely important”: People who rated as “Extremely important” How important is a sense of purpose or meaning to you? 100% How important is it to invest in education, personal 85% development, and continual learning? How important is it that you create meaningful memories, express love, and emotionally bond with 85% your family, friends, and loved ones? How important is it to understand the gifts, talents, 81% personalities, and passions of all family members? How important is it to have a plan to ensure your 65% family’s financial success now and in the future?

Ranking very last on the list was this question: “How important is it that your family participates in a faithbased organization that reflects your beliefs?” Only 31% of people indicated that this was extremely important to them.

Which Elements Have You Incorporated into Your Life and Estate Plan?

Laura A. Roser is the founder and CEO of Paragon Road, the #1 authority in meaning legacy planning. For more information about meaning legacy planning services, visit www.paragonroad.com.

Take the Meaning Legacy Assessment to start thinking about what matters to you: https://paragonroad.com/ meaning-legacy-assessment/ n

Some people indicated that they had done a lot of work on their legacies, while others were just getting started. Here’s what they answered when asked which of the following elements they had incorporated into their life and estate plan:

A personal legacy statement that defines your values and how you’d like to personally impact your family and the world

15%

A family bank (to lend money to family members)

8%

A family brain trust (to store important information and family wisdom)

4%

A family mission statement, mantra, and principles

12%

A coat of arms or logo to represent your family’s values

8%

When you think about your own legacy, what elements are most-important to you?

A plan for charitable giving

19%

Legacy letters or personal notes written to family members

19%

A memoir or biography about your life

27%

A compilation of your family’s history

23%

Regular family traditions and events

65%

Family stories (documented in writing, as videos or as audio files)

23%

A plan that establishes how your non-financial assets will be captured and distributed

12%

LEGACY ARTS Issue 20 www.paragonroad.com 21


“If you care about your impact on the world and your family, read Your Meaning Legacy. It will teach you how to pass on what’s most important.” —Kevin Cashman, Global Head of CEO & Executive Development, Korn Ferry and Bestselling Author of Leadership from the Inside Out Download FREE Chapter

You Are Worth More Than Your Stuff Leave a Legacy That Matters Estate planning traditionally focuses on your financial assets—your stuff. But what about your other assets? Such as your wisdom, values, beliefs, and experiences. These are essential to pass on as well. In Your Meaning Legacy, legacy planning expert Laura Roser reveals a step-by-step approach to cultivating, capturing and passing on what matters most.


HEALING THE Family Ecosystem How Nancy Gannon Hornberger Helps High-Risk Children Live Their Best Lives By Laura A. Roser

S

AY San Diego CEO Nancy Gannon Hornberger has spent her career providing support to families of struggling children and to youth directly. “Growing up, my youngest brother was a child with lots of energy and emotion and creativity, and it was very hard for his teachers to entice him into conforming to the typical student sitting behind a desk,” Nancy says. Her parents had their own conflicts, so Nancy became somewhat of a parent to him. By the time he was in older elementary school, it was determined that he had psychiatric problems, and he was shuffled away to an institution.

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“When he returned home, he was never the same,” Nancy recalls. She doesn’t believe he was properly diagnosed and feels like the systems that were meant to heal his life, in fact, did a great deal of harm. She also notes that there wasn’t much support for her parents or family to help cope with the challenges they were facing.

Creating a New Paradigm for Families

Nancy believes that given the financial and creative wealth of the United States, we can do much better for children and families. So, whether working in special education counseling, gun violence prevention, juvenile justice policy, and now at SAY San Diego, all of Nancy’s work has been tied to that core belief. “I really still hold hope that every child can be safe, healthy,


Nancy Gannon Hornberger is President & CEO of Social Advocates for Youth (SAY) San Diego. SAY San Diego provides multiservice solutions that strengthen youth, families, and communities with a vision of opportunity, equity, and well-being. Nancy is nationally recognized for more than three decades of experience in social justice, public policy, system reform, and human service and received a commendation from President Bill Clinton in 1996. Prior to joining SAY San Diego, she was executive director of the Coalition for Juvenile Justice (1999–2013) and held leadership positions with the National Crime Prevention Council and the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence. Nancy also serves the community as a member of the Advisory Board for San Diego State University (SDSU) School of Social Work, a Lecturer in SDSU’s Weber Honors College, and member of the Citizen Review Panel and PreventionEarly Intervention Committee of the California State Child Welfare Council.

well cared for,” she says. “We’re getting closer, but we still have a long way to go.” In order to make an impact, you must consider the ecosystem that young people live in. Of course, we have our family of origin. For some people that’s a safe, healthy and nurturing environment and, for others, it’s not. Nancy and SAY San Diego’s work revolves around seeing children in the context of their family life and to work with the whole family so that they can live their best lives. Community support is another major factor impacting the lives of children (it takes a village). This is why Nancy and her team place a lot of emphasis on conditions in communities, systems, and policies that can either support or compromise positive outcomes for children. Community development can take many

forms, from reducing violence and drugs to economic empowerment and family resource centers.

A Great Talker

When I asked Nancy if she had any great mentors or heroes, she immediately named her third-grade teacher. “This was in a town in the Midwest,” she says. “There was a lot of racial tension and social strife in the community. But, against the odds, my teacher created a safe haven in our classroom.” The school administrators used corporal punishment, which was considered more acceptable in the 1960s. “And so I was one of those kids who would get essentially slapped on the side of the head with a paddle for talking to the person next to me at lunch because we had silent lunches.

LEGACY ARTS Issue 20 www.paragonroad.com 25


“She would help me manage the situation, kind of bucking the system. She tried to protect me and spare me harm. I think she knew that my home life wasn’t fully settled. So, she made my experiences in her classroom really special, and she helped me to really find my own strengths and talents. I can actually remember her saying to me, ‘You’re a great talker, and that will be a really good thing for you someday, but you have to be quiet at lunch. But it’s great that you can communicate so well.’ And then she would give me opportunities to make a presentation or sing in front of the high school audience.”

In the Trenches

Now much of Nancy’s work focuses on broader social and systemic changes and working with communities and government, but it wasn’t always that way. Much of her experience came from helping one child at a time. When she was teaching in Boston, she saw many students carrying illegal guns—feeling like that was a source of personal power for them.

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“One of my students killed himself in front of all of us on the school playground,” she says. “Another student shot his best friend on a weekend, and I was just like, oh gosh, these are incredibly overwhelming, incredibly painful situations. I was right there on the front lines.” And then Nancy’s aspirations began to bloom. If she could help people on an individual level, how could she help whole neighborhoods or communities, or even the nation as a whole?

Making a Difference

Nancy advises that if you’re interested in making a difference, start where you are. Often people— especially at the beginning of their careers—feel like they can’t do much to affect bigger change. But they cannot yet see their entire career arc and just how important their experience in the trenches can be. Whether you’re a therapist, a teacher, or have any role working with others, we all play a part in creating a safe community for families. “Keep pushing for the changes you envision,” she suggests. n


Enriching Youth. Empowering Families. Engaging Communities.

About Diego AboutSAY SAY San San Diego

SAY San Diego advances the vision of opportunity, equity, and well-being for all San Diegans. We SAY San Diego advances the vision of opportunity, equity, and well-being for all San Diegans. partner with youth, adults, families, and communities to reach their full potential, by focusing in three We partner with youth, adults, families, and communities to reach their full potential, by key areas:

focusing in three key areas:

Child and youth development, including before- and afterAbout SAY San Diego school for grades K–8 asincluding well as early childhood Child programs and youth and and SAY development, San Diego advances the visionbeforeof opportunity, equity, and well-being for all San Diegans. We preschool services, across than 40families, sites. partner with youth, adults, and to reach their full potential, by focusing in three after-school programs formore grades K–8 as well ascommunities early key areas: services, across more than 40 childhood andand preschool Youth, adult, family wellness, including child abuse sites. prevention, foster care and kinship parenting support,

Child and youth development, including before- and afterjuvenile delinquency youth school prevention programs for and grades K–8 asdevelopment, well as early childhood and Youth, adult,preschool and and family wellness, including child services, across more 40as sites. family strengthening self-sufficiency, asthan well mental

abuse prevention,case foster care and kinship parenting health counseling, management, and related services Youth, adult, and family wellness, including child abuse support, juvenile delinquency prevention and youth for youth and adults. prevention, foster care and kinship parenting support, development, family strengthening and self-sufficiency, juvenile delinquency prevention and youth development, as well as mental health counseling, management, Community engagement, including community family strengthening andcase self-sufficiency, as well as mental and relatedcoalition services for youth and adults. organizing, building, and collective health counseling, case management, and related services for youth and adults. impact that increases resident and youth Community engagement, includingsafety community involvement in Community improving neighborhood engagement, including community organizing, coalition and collective impact and well-being, as wellbuilding, as coalition operating multiservice organizing, building, and collective that resident and youth involvement in familyincreases resourceimpact centers toincreases provide vital support to that resident and youth improving neighborhood safety and well-being, as involvement in improving neighborhood safety military, refugee, and economically insecure andmultiservice well-being, as well as operating multiservice well as operating family resource centers families.

YOUTH, ADULT & FAMILY WELLNESS

CHILD & YOUTH DEVELOPMENT

family resourceto centers to provide vital support to provide vital support military, refugee, andto SAY San Diego | 4775 Viewridge Ave. | San Diego, CA 92123insecure | 858-565-4148 | saysandiego.org military, refugee, and economically economically insecure families. info@saysandiego.org | SAY San Diego is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization | Tax ID: 23-7107958 families.

SAY San Diego | 4775SAY Viewridge | Viewridge San Diego, CA| San 92123 | 858-565-4148 | saysandiego.org San DiegoAve. | 4775 Ave. Diego, CA 92123 | 858-565-4148 | saysandiego.org info@saysandiego.org | SAY San Diego is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization | Tax ID: 23-7107958 info@saysandiego.org | SAY San Diego is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization | Tax ID: 23-7107958

COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT


22 LEGACY ARTS July 2016 www.paragonroad.com


ENDURING There are families of enduring greatness. They have achieved excellence in times past, yet continue to pursue what made them great. They have stories to tell. They embody high character, are celebrated throughout history and loved by all who know them.

What’s your legacy?

www.paragonroad.com LEGACY ARTS July 2016 www.paragonroad.com 23


Get Back Control of YOUR LIFE How a One Page Family Plan Helped My Family Achieve More Harmony and Balance (and How it Can Help You Too) By Marc Koehler

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here were you again?” my ten-year-old daughter asked me as I slipped into the house late that evening.

I utter, “I am sorry I missed your soccer game. Mom said you scored a goal. Great job! Tell me about it.” She is not buying it this time. “I shouldn’t have to tell you about it. You were supposed to be there, Dad. You promised me you would be there.” I respond by saying, “I know, but...” She has heard, “I know, but...” from me so many times that she sarcastically finishes my sentence “a very important customer called and needed to talk about our proposal. Was that it, Dad?” Tears stream from her eyes as she scurried upstairs to her room. I removed the aluminum foil from the cold dinner plate and sat alone eating while reviewing my day. At 5:20 a.m. I started sifting through a mountain of emails while adding tasks to a list of eighteen left over from yesterday. My three children woke up, and I helped my wife ready them for school. Driving to work, I learned that my biggest customer was going bankrupt and my top manager had another job offer. The Internet was down. I was ten minutes late to my dentist appointment. My dad’s cancer was back. I had to call the bank and dip into line of credit to make payroll. The stress of the day was real.

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I’ve been married ten years and have three daughters ages eight, six, and four. It is 2005, and I am an interim CEO helping turn around three struggling businesses. I have a crammed schedule and mounting obligations. While I verbally state that family is most important, my actions clearly tell a different story – work comes first. I have no boundaries on personal and family time and take phone calls while at a youth volleyball game or back to school night. I am 35 pounds overweight, work 14-hour days, and haven’t been to church in seven months. I remember sitting there that evening, wondering … How did life get so chaotic and stressful? Is this the life I was meant to live? Why does “having it all” feel exhausting? How will I keep this up? I snap back into “push through” mode. I finish eating alone (again) and reheat a fifth cup of coffee, which powers me late into the evening attached to my laptop. Does this sound like you? Are you feeling overwhelmed trying to manage everything on your plate? Do you end your day completely exhausted? Is work always cutting into your personal and family time? Well, you are not alone. According to a study published by the American Sociological Review, 70% of people are struggling to find any type of work-life balance.


Marc Koehler is the President & CEO of Lead With Purpose, a company dedicated to helping people lead more purposeful and inspiring lives. The company provides leaders with simple and powerful tools and best practices that help get everyone on the same page and rowing in the same direction. Lead With Purpose was forged out of Marc’s experience as an Officer in the US Nuclear Submarine Force & time as an Interim CEO/COO. Over the ten years he was an Interim CEO/COO, Marc personally experienced the leadership challenges business owners face. Marc is the author of Leading With Purpose, an award winning book which steps leaders and their team through the creation of a single page business success plan and then shows them how to execute their plan to collectively drive success, solve problems, and manage change. Marc has four-year degrees in Physics and Mechanical Engineering and is a Lean Six Sigma Black Belt. Marc and Heidi, his wife of 20 years, live in San Diego, California with their daughters Anja (21), Liesel (19), and Sophie (17). Marc enjoys spending time with his family at the beach and on the soccer field.

You might be wondering, “Does work/life balance exist or is it like looking for a unicorn?” I am here to tell you it does, but it isn’t going to happen by accident. You have to take control and orchestrate harmony and balance in your life by working at it every … single ... day. With change being the dominant fact of life, when we do achieve any type of harmony and balance, it typically doesn’t last long. Being constantly connected to the dynamically changing world has made it nearly impossible to have harmony and balance for any extended period of time. Often, I hear people say that we just need to get better at time management. Frankly, a new approach and perspective is needed. It is not about time management anymore. We are all gifted the same 24 hours every day that we can’t store or refuse to use. Today, the discussion needs to change from time management to choice management. What choices are we intentionally making every day of where and how do we allocate our time? Most of us pack our days full of activities that have us moving full speed ahead with our hair on fire. We overcommit ourselves with a never-ending task list and mistakenly equate a productive day with the quantity of boxes checked or incoming emails, texts, and friend requests answered. So, it isn’t about how many things we do. It is about how much progress we make on things that matter the most. By understanding that not all uses of time are equal, we can

choose to be intentional and allocate more time to what is most important and have an overall bigger impact.

Challenges We Face

There are three big challenges that we all face. Knowing these will help us to take the first steps to achieving more harmony and balance in our lives. First, technology has us connected to a sea of infinity that we have to navigate every day. A UCSD Study revealed that daily the average person consumes 34GB of data and spends more than six hours looking at screens. Second is the Amazon’ization of our world. Everyone is having experiences where whatever we want is always in stock, it comes overnight, and someone else pays for the return shipping if we don’t like what we ordered. This increased expectation and shortened service timeframe is causing havoc for businesses as they try to keep up. Third is the changing leadership roles that come up in life. Let me share with you my experiences. For a ten-year period after college, it didn’t matter how many hours I worked because I had no competing responsibilities. Then in 1995 and 1997, I had two very important leadership roles added to my life (husband and father). Looking back now, I see how ill prepared I really was to be the best I could be. I also see how not being more intentional with my time and actions and setting up healthy work life boundaries put undue stress on my family and me.

LEGACY ARTS Issue 20 www.paragonroad.com 31


The one page solution

The day after missing the soccer game I decided that if I didn’t do something different that I was going to be consumed by these three life challenges and continue to get the same frustrating results. I started analyzing the business tools that helped me be a successful turnaround CEO and create strong teams. The first was a One Page Alignment Plan which showed every employee how what they were doing was connected to something bigger than themselves. I also saw how there was a defined set of best practices that helped us to execute with discipline. It became clear that while I used specific tools and best practices to create success in business, for my family I was almost “winging it” and leaving my family dynamics to simply unfold on their own. With nothing to lose, I decided to create with my family a One Page Family Plan. It turned out that the family mission and set of family values we crafted together were key in helping us to get really clear about what was most important in our family.

My wife and I then researched and found a set of personal, marriage, and parenting best practices that helped us to manage the ever-increasing speed of life and execute it with more discipline and intention at home. After one year, I came to the conclusion that the business tools and best practices that helped me reach my full potential as a business leader also helped me create a stronger marriage and become a better parent. This shouldn’t have been a surprise to me, but putting structure in place and following a process helped me to take back control of my family life to create more sustainable and predictable results. It is the same for you. As the CEO of your family, you shouldn’t leave the success of your family to chance. A One Page Family Plan will help you put your own structure in place and provide the leadership and direction your family needs to thrive. The choice is yours. You can continue to feel overwhelmed trying to juggle all of your life’s responsibilities or you can tap into a One Page Family Plan to help you get clear about what it means to be a member of your family, uphold your family name, and form the best habits. By building intention into your family’s interactions and shared vision for the future, you bring every member onto the same page and give them the tools they need to make better choices to stay focused on what matters most and strengthen your family bonds.

Click to view an interview with the author!

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Please visit family.leadwithpurpose.com to create your own One Page Family Plan. To join our Facebook Group, go to www. facebook.com/bondyourfamily. To bring a One Page Family Plan to your employees as part of an Employee Wellbeing Program, contact Marc at marc@leadwithpurpose.com. n


Koehler Family Plan 

Family Mission

Make It A Great Day!

Family Values

Family First

Golden Rule

Have Faith

One Day Makes a Difference

Optimistic

Family Rituals

Mom Birthday

21 Nov

Weekly Family Dinners (4x/week)

Dad Birthday

30 Nov

Date Night (2x/month)

Anja Birthday

7 Feb

Attend Church Weekly

Liesel Birthday

22 Mar

Four Volunteer Events Per Year

Sophie Birthday

30 Apr

Attend 10 Cal Soccer Games

Wedding Anniversary

10 Sep

Beach Soccer Tournament (May 19-21)

Sepp and Claire Wedding (August 23 - 27)

Visit Anja Twice Visit Liesel Twice

Dad's Goals

Strive for Excellence

Mom's Goals

One act of kindness daily

One act of kindness daily

Workout 5 x per week

Fitness 5 x per week

Read Bible 7 x per week

Stay + Booking as many parties as possible

LWP > $25k per month

Church every Week

Marc Koehler 54 years old

Anja's Goals

Liesel Goals

One act of kindness daily

3.0 GPA

3.0 College GPA One act of kindness daily

Job In Summer

Workout 5 x per week

Accepted into Haas

Keep Job at Rockin Baja

Declare Major

$15K before college

Start Rest of Spring and Fall

Liesel Koehler

Sophie Goals

Sophie Koehler

One act of kindness daily

4.0 In School

Beach Volleyball 5x/week (2 on own)

1 Beach Volleyball Tournament

Pass AP Euro Test

Pass Driving Test

Find a job

17 years old

Marc Koehler 1/14/2018

Helping People Lead a More Purposeful Life © 2013-2018, Lead With Purpose. All Rights Reserved.

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Ordnance Survey Online ART GALLERY OPENS First Exhibition Is a Modern Take on One of the World’s Oldest Art Forms

F

or the first time ever, Ordnance Survey’s (OS) recent experimental and custom cartography and geodata visualisations have been brought together in a freeto-access-online-virtual-art-gallery. The GeoDataViz (GDV) exhibition can be explored on laptops and PCs and presents visitors with a perfect blend of OS’s art and Science. From giant maps of Mars and the recent anniversary map of the Moon landing, each done in OS’s iconic mapping style, to two OS collaborations with composer Ewan Campbell, which plays his original compositions as you approach them, the exhibition has the potential to delight and surprise. The virtual gallery also contains other rooms that are currently closed off, but the plan is for these rooms host guest cartographic and data viz exhibitions. The exhibition has been organized by Cartographic Design Consultants Charley Glynn and Paul Naylor. Charley says: “Whether it’s maps in caves depicting hunting grounds or the stars, humans have been creating maps and data visualizations since at least prehistoric times. It is an ancient art form that continues to

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develop. We would like this gallery to become a central place for celebrating the beauty and creativity found in the extraordinary world of cartography and data viz. “We wanted to replicate the look and feel of an art gallery, so visitors can enjoy everything at their own pace. Over time we will be adding new artwork to the gallery and opening up the other rooms to exhibit the work of other artists. We are also looking to incorporate real-time, animated, 3D, interactive content. We hope people enjoy the experience and let us know what they think using #GDVGallery.” The GDV gallery was built by the OS Labs team, combining cartographic design expertise with 3D development capabilities. Guy Heathcote, Product Development Consultant at OS, who oversaw the gallery’s construction, says: “The initial concept emerged in 2018, as a potential off-shoot from exploratory work we were doing with VR headsets, but it was put on hold

as we created a virtual museum for the collaborative Smart City CityVerve project. The idea was not forgotten, though, and we’ve since made time to further expand on our ideas and build our first release. “The gallery was built using the Unity game engine, with the 3D models and 2D assets created in Blender and GIMP respectively. To maximize accessibility, we chose to release the gallery as a browser based WebGL application. I hope we have made a platform that’s well suited to combining diverse media in an intuitive and memorable way.” Guy is currently creating a 3D model containing 32km of Oxfordshire roads for the OmniCAV project, the world’s first Artificial Intelligence-based simulation for testing self-driving vehicles. n Take a tour of the gallery: https://labs.os.uk/public/geodataviz-gallery/

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Ordnance Survey (OS) is Great Britain’s mapping service for government, business, and citizens. Its geospatial data serves the national interest by enabling a safe, healthy, and prosperous society. Everything happens somewhere, and every day OS supports the delivery of efficient public services, support land management and planning, help protect the environment, and underpin national security, infrastructure, and emergency services. OS provides expertise and accurate location data and services to help create a resilient nation, ready for nextgeneration technology.

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Impactful Talks on Impact Investing

Planning a Conversation with Your Heirs By Stephanie Cook

Click to view an interview with the author!

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one are the days when many financial advisors cautioned people about weaving humanitarian and environmental values into investing. Today, many investors consider the social impact of their portfolio construction. Options abound for seeking financial return while avoiding negative effects in areas of concern, as well as for investing for positive impact on the world. The public and advisors have access to mutual funds that exclude various individual areas of concern (for instance, fossil fuels, human rights abuses, and weapons involvement). ETFs track associated indexes. Public and private equity opportunities offer positive impact investing for critical change in areas such as renewable energy, women in the corporate structure, and community development. An impact-oriented portfolio leaves a legacy of social impact to your heirs that might not be apparent to them when they receive their financial inheritance. Be proud of the effort you’ve made to leave them a portfolio with values behind it and let them know. Communicating the values embedded in financial assets strengthens the tie with any age heir, even the very young. The effects will extend beyond your lifespan. Because money and ethics are challenging topics, this significant conversation often does not occur naturally. If it does, you might not convey the ethical heart behind your portfolio choices the way you intend, without significant preparation. Use this guide to plan and execute an impactful conversation with your heirs about the value legacy inherent in your portfolio. You won’t regret it!

Step 1. Know Yourself

Self-discovery paves the road to communication. Ideally, as an investor, you should examine your whole life before crafting a portfolio. Critical to proper financial planning and portfolio design, a review of dormant non-financial goals, projects, and dreams sets the stage for seamless integration of personal and economic priorities. Devote time to this endeavor on your own or with a life coach. For now, use this quick-start to prepare for your conversation with your heirs. 1. Write down your best understanding of your current life plan in 100 words or less. Challenge yourself to get it on paper in ten minutes. 2. List the values that a disinterested person would surmise are yours from reading your life plan statement. Health and wellness? Autonomy? Fairness? Respect for others? The environment? Again, aim for ten minutes. 3. Note which of these values your investments reflect. Add any additional concerns addressed in your portfolio design. 4. Pray for five minutes regarding your unique life purpose. Whether you think you received an answer or not, spend five minutes or less writing down your best understanding of your mission.

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Now you have a life plan outline, a record of your investmentrelated ethical considerations, and a mission statement. When you know your purpose, your message to the next generation becomes clearer.

Step 2. Clarify Your Message

Reflect on these questions, write about them, and discuss them with each other or with friends. • What impact do I seek? • How did I come to this decision? • How do the values reflected in my investments reflect concern for my family, my heirs, and the next generation? • If I had one message for the beneficiaries of my estate assets about the importance of values-based investing, what would it be? A school shooting prompted one of my clients to divest from gunrelated holdings. Previously, she hesitated to reallocate according to her values, fearing a reduction in return while saving for college education. Her family discussion could combine school safety with the importance of a college education in her family.

Step 3. Tone and Schedule

Next, choose your time and location. For a more formal tone, ask your financial advisor to host the conversation (an added benefit — your advisor can address the mechanics of estate administration). Despite the topic’s weight, keep the tone lighter if that fits your situation. If dealing with the young or distractible, plan a break or split into multiple conversations. If an opportune moment is likely to arise in the course of your usual interactions, then an impromptu talk might work (still develop the structure via Step 4). If so, make a deadline. Remember to minimize distractions. Consider your energy level at various times of the day. Maybe the conversation will take place via phone or video call or at a mutually convenient location like a restaurant (consider the restaurant’s volume level). Set the stage for the conversation’s tenor in how you broach your topic. To accommodate shorter attention spans, I requested just twenty minutes with my sons. I highlighted the brief appointment’s importance by saying I would be ready to schedule after I had prepared my thoughts.

Step 4. Structure the Conversation

Particularly crucial for less formal conversations, memorize three bullet points. That way, you won’t come away wondering whether you delivered your message. List the values incorporated in your portfolio as one of your bullet points. Outline the conversation with a few words to remind you of your introduction, bullet points, and a planned transition out of the conversation. You may wish to state your main point in one sentence right off the bat. For instance, “I want to share the principles of environmental protection and gender equality incorporated into my investment portfolio.” Alternatively, you may prefer a lead-in such as, “I’ve been thinking about how my values relate to investing.” Focus on yourself and articulation of your planned message, not on instructing your audience or trying to influence their views. Leave space for questions and remember to ask some yourself. Be open to surprises. You might ask:

Stephanie Cook, Certified Financial Planner® and Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, offers socially and spiritually responsible investments and comprehensive financial planning through Stephanie Cook Financial, a registered investment advisor. The God-Centered Financial Plan system powers your life purpose with sound financial strategies that impact your life, your community, and the world. Stephanie is a food, fitness, and fashion enthusiast who is semi-proficient in Spanish and likes to crochet granny squares, play the flute, and attend the theater and movies. She is the proud mother of two young adult sons and grandma to a cat named Puma. Happiest when cycling, Stephanie celebrates life by seeking peak moments in resplendent natural locations around the world. Most important to Stephanie in her volunteer activities and impact investment portfolio are women’s safety, advancement, and equality; environmental concerns (in particular, fossil fuel-free investing and improving people’s relationship to the natural environment); and access to health-care. Stephanie Cook, CFP®, CPCC holds a bachelor’s degree in mathematics from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, with a minor in women’s studies, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology. To download a handy worksheet for planning your impactful conversation with your heirs, visit www.stephaniecook.com. • How does this fit with your values? • Do you want to research together how to incorporate issues vital to you as well? • What do you want to learn about investing? Keep your expectations modest, creating a low-pressure environment for you and your heirs. More than likely, your heirs won’t have the response you envision, but you can be confident that they will remember when you are gone. Be flexible about time. The conversation may be much shorter than you anticipated. If attention spans are short or time runs out, continue the conversation another time. On the other hand, leave time for an extended discussion to develop. If meeting away from home, then schedule a low-stress outing afterward. If at home, plan a favorite downtime activity.

What’s Next?

After the conversation, acknowledge yourself and celebrate. You tackled a challenging topic. Before starting your planned fun activity, take five minutes to celebrate yourself with a mental pat on the back. You are on the path to clear communication with your heirs on the impact you intend on the world. Congratulations! And remember: keep discussing your style of impact investment with your heirs. n

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Estate Planning Real World Advice From An Estate Planning Practitioner By Rod Hatley, J.D. LL.M.

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hen I meet with prospective clients, I invariably tell them that my path to becoming a tax and estate planning attorney began with a 7-year probate.

My father, who had been a successful business owner, had been ill with leukemia for a few years. At the time, I was on active duty in the U.S. Navy Judge Advocate General’s (JAG) Corps. As a criminal defense attorney representing the accused at courtsmartial, I knew enough about estate planning to be dangerous, but I at least knew that my father needed to undertake to do more planning since all he had was a simple will. As my sister and I later painfully learned, wills guarantee probate. When my father passed, I took two weeks emergency leave and went back to my hometown of Memphis, TN. During week number one, my sister and I arranged for his funeral and got him buried. During week number two, we met with our father’s business attorney, who opened up a probate of the will. What we didn’t know, and hadn’t the slightest inkling about, was that the probate would last over 7 years. In the midst of the probate, I knew that there had to be a better, smarter way to structure an estate so that a family wouldn’t have to endure a public, expensive, and multi-year probate. After I came off of active duty, I pursued a master’s (LL.M.) degree in

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tax law from the University of San Diego and shifted into tax and estate planning. While I had enjoyed trial work in the JAG Corps, as a criminal defense counsel I was always operating in a reactive mode, attempting to limit the amount of punishment that a servicemember would receive. While I became adept at criminal defense, I was invariably starting off behind the eight ball. With tax and estate planning, I am almost always able to be proactive, which I like eminently better. As I meet and counsel with clients, I draw upon my experience with my father’s probate to educate them about the pitfalls of either no planning (also known as dying intestate, or without a will) or poor planning (just a will and nothing else). My goal is to educate them to take action now to avoid compounding the pain of loss later. Along those lines, I thought it would be valuable for the readers to share my insights about what constitutes a good estate plan and how it can make a difference for the family that’s left behind. Also, we’ll take a look at actual case studies that illustrate examples of a great planning result, a good planning result, one that’s not so much, and the lessons derived from each of them. Disclaimer: If I have any bias, then it’s toward a trust-based estate plan. As I now live and practice law in San Diego, CA, my comments are geared to California residents. If you live in another state, then I encourage you, after reading this article, to consult with an estate planning attorney in your city for guidance


as to the best estate plan for your particular circumstances. If I’ve learned nothing else over the course of my legal career, then it’s that one size does not fit all when it comes to estate plans. Your estate plan needs to be tailored to fit you and your family. Before I dive into what makes a good estate plan, it will be helpful for the reader to understand what estate planning is. I will define it below. I can’t take credit for this definition; it was created by a national estate planning group to which I belong. Nonetheless, I think it is a good synopsis of what estate planning is and why my clients undertake to do it.

Definition of Estate Planning:

l I want to control my property while I’m alive and well; l I want to provide for myself and my loved ones if I become mentally disabled; l when I die, I want to leave what I have to whom I want, it gets to them when I want and, more important, the way that I want; l and I want to be able to do all of these things with fully disclosed and controlled settlement costs. I don’t think estate planning as a concept can be better defined or explained. Let’s take a look at what a good estate plan for a typical client would include.

Documents: Revocable Living Trust (RLT)

An RLT is referred to as the foundational estate plan. During clients’ lifetimes, they are the Trustmakers (i.e., the ones who made the Trust), the Trustees, and the Beneficiaries. The clients have the power to amend or revoke the RLT at any time. One of the most significant reasons for creating an RLT is to have it own the client’s property (real, tangible, and intangible). The RLT then directs how that property will be managed during the client’s lifetime. The client has nominated successor Trustees to manage the assets owned by the trust, should the client no longer wish, or be able, to serve as Trustee. Essentially, the client’s assets will never be subject to a conservatorship (essentially, a guardianship for a grown person) or probate as long as they are owned by or made payable to the RLT. I can also add provisions for loved ones so that when the Trustmakers have passed on, the assets will be protected from creditors and predators (i.e., lawsuits and divorcing spouses).

Pour-Over Will

A Pour-Over Will acts as a safety net for a client’s personal belongings and assets. After death, the Pour-Over Will directs

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that they visit on a regular basis, as well. As with the AHCD, even if the client doesn’t provide the HIPAA to his or her doctor or hospital, the document can be faxed to the doctor or hospital via DocuBank.

Personal Property Memorandum

I provide all clients with a Personal Property Memorandum. If they have items that they would like distributed to certain individuals upon their deaths, then they simply provide a brief description of the tangible personal property and state to whom that property is to be distributed.

Revocable Living Trust Funding Instructions

Within my clients’ Estate Planning Portfolio they will find Funding Instructions that they signed along with their RLT and ancillary documents. This document provides directions as to how they should fund their RLT with their various assets. Should they have any questions about how to take title to an asset or how beneficiaries are to be listed, I encourage them to call me. Because I charge a fixed fee for my services, clients will never get a bill from me for a phone call, fax, email, or text message.

any property or assets owned in the client’s individual name to the RLT.

As clients transfer their assets into their RLT, I ask that they please provide me with written confirmation. I will review these confirmations to ensure that everything has been done correctly. Remember: Assets will avoid going through probate only if they are either owned by or made payable to the RLT.

General Durable Power of Attorney

Revocable Living Trust Maintenance

A General Durable Power of Attorney (GDPOA) is provided in case a client becomes incapacitated and needs an agent to act on his or her behalf regarding financial matters. A GDPOA agent will only deal with property and assets that are not owned by the RLT.

Advance Health Care Directive

An Advance Health Care Directive (AHCD) is a California-specific document through which clients have nominated agents to make minor medical decisions during their incapacity. Additionally, clients may elect to donate their organs and not to have their lives prolonged by artificial means through this document. I recommend that clients have copies of this document on file with their personal physicians and any medical institutions that they visit on a regular basis. That way it will be available if and when needed. In my practice, every client receives a complimentary three-year membership in a service called DocuBank, so even if the client doesn’t provide the AHCD to his or her doctor or hospital, the document can be faxed to the doctor or hospital via DocuBank.

HIPAA Authorization

Federal law requires that a medical provider have authorization from a patient before releasing any of his or her medical information to another person. A HIPAA release authorizes clients’ medical providers to release medical information to the agents nominated in their AHCDs, GDPOAs, and their successor Trustees. I recommend that clients also have copies of this document on file with their personal physicians and any medical institutions

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An RLT requires little maintenance. However, if clients should ever want to change their successor Trustees, for example, then a trust amendment will be required. I also recommend that clients review their assets annually to be certain that everything is titled properly and their beneficiary designations are current.

Tax Deductions

A percentage of my clients’ estate planning legal fees may be deductible for the tax year in which they were incurred. I recommend that clients consult with their tax professionals to determine the proper amount to deduct.

Working with a Professional:

At one time, if a client wanted to get a will or trust, the client would normally have to work with an attorney. Later, they would work with Legal Document Assistants, who are non-lawyers authorized to prepare legal documents for people representing themselves.


With the arrival of the Internet of Things, it became even easier for clients to get legal documents from various document preparation services. While these services offered convenience, seeming simplicity, and savings, the reality is that clients don’t know what they don’t know about the law, meaning that they don’t know how to fill out the will or trust kit or execute it with the necessary formalities (witnesses for the will, a notary public for the trust). As such, these online services disclaim liability if a client purchases a will kit or trust kit and fails to fill it out correctly or execute it properly, or both. When prospective clients ask me why they can’t just do the planning on their own, I respond that they certainly can. I tell them that I hope that they know what they’re doing because doing it badly can result in unnecessary attorney’s fees later as well as compounding the loss for the family by being tied up in an avoidable conservatorship or probate. If you wouldn’t perform home surgery on yourself, then why would you attempt to do your own estate planning? Like doctors, attorneys go through rigorous professional training in school and must pass a qualifying examination to be admitted to practice. In my experience, clients are poorly served to use online services in place of consulting with a qualified attorney to advise them on their estate planning. In this regard, I’ve reviewed plans generated by these online services. At best, the clients get a bare-bones will or trust with no protections for the family from creditors or predators; at worst, the clients get a worthless document that won’t protect them from conservatorship or probate. How do you select a good estate planning attorney? A good starting point is your County Bar Association’s Lawyer Referral Service. Also, there are national groups of estate planning attorneys (e.g., American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys; National Network of Estate Planning Attorneys; and WealthCounsel, LLC) that usually have attorneys in your local area whom you can contact for a complimentary consultation. I would avoid attorneys who handle a variety of different practice areas, like bankruptcy, criminal defense, personal injury, etc. Rather, work with an attorney who devotes the majority of his or her practice to estate planning. That way, you can be assured that the attorney is up to speed on estate planning strategies and nuances and relevant changes in the law. Otherwise, you’re taking a chance that the estate plan you get will do the job for which it was designed. In my humble opinion, your family is worth every penny of the investment that you will make in an estate plan prepared by an attorney who focuses on estate planning.

Rod Hatley is the founder of Hatley Law Group APC. He began his journey to becoming an estate planning attorney with a devastating, drawn out seven-year probate. Rod began his legal career working in personal injury litigation and then for the U.S. Navy Judge Advocate General’s (JAG) Corps, first as a Criminal Defense Counsel and Legal Assistance Attorney and then as a Staff Judge Advocate and Special Assistant U.S. Attorney. During this time, he received the Navy and Marine Corp Commendation Medal two times. In 1995, based on his experience with his father’s seven-year probate, Rod decided he wanted to learn more about tax law and to find out the best way to ensure that family wealth wouldn’t be devastated by confiscatory estate taxes and the costs and delays of probate. Rod pursued a Master of Laws from the University of San Diego School of Law’s acclaimed graduate tax program and shifted into estate planning, trust, and probate law. He is licensed to practice in California and his home state of Tennessee. Rod is an award-winning attorney. He was featured in the January 2019 San Diego Magazine as a San Diego Top Wealth Manager / Five Star Investment Professional Award Winner. And he was recognized as one of San Diego’s Best Attorneys, Estate Planning in the 2018 SD METRO Magazine. As well as a finalist, BNY Mellon Advisor of the Year, Best Estate Planning for Pre-Merger & Acquisition in 2015. When he isn’t busy with his practice, Rod enjoys scuba diving (he is open water certified), snorkeling, and surfing in San Diego. He is a fan of Mid-Century Modern architecture and volunteers his time to the American Cancer Society Community Leadership Council and the Nice Guys San Diego charity. Email Rod at rod@hatleylawgroup.com or visit online at https://www.hatleylawgroup.com

Key Takeaways

1: Great planning doesn’t happen by accident; it’s a deliberate decision. 2: The earlier you plan, the better it is for everyone. 3: Keep your estate planning attorney apprised of major life events!

It is my hope that, by sharing my story and my passion for advising clients on how to plan their estates so that, regardless of disability or death, my clients are able to avoid conservatorship and probate and their families are the happy beneficiaries of the planning that we did together. I hope you’ll be inspired to contact an estate planning attorney or review your existing plan to make sure it is current. I know it will be the wisest investment you can make for your and your family’s future. n

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The Lasting Impact Of A Godly Grandmother By Jeff Rogers

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Click to view an interview with the author!

he seeds of the gospel were planted in my life by a godly grandmother. From as early as I can remember my Gram Rogers was always witnessing to us, through her life, actions, and words.

I did not have the privilege, as some do, of growing up in a Christian family. Both of my parents had bad experiences with “religion” in their lives while growing up. They didn’t want to have anything to do with it. Other than that, my family was a pretty typical American family. My Dad taught us honesty, good study skills, a good work ethic, and to have a vision for self-employment. But my parents didn’t teach me about Christ — because they didn’t know Him. Nevertheless, they were great parents.

A Legacy of Stewardship and Generosity

Gram Rogers had to raise her children in a very difficult situation with an abusive husband and father-in-law who beat her children and beat her when she tried to stop them. My dad left home at 12 to get away from the abuse, and he worked for a dollar a day and room and board. He ultimately went on to work 2-3 jobs while putting himself through school to make a better life for us than what he and my Mom had growing up. My grandmother worked hard to provide for her family as a single parent when single parents weren’t that common. Gram Rogers was a very successful Avon lady and real estate agent. People loved her and loved doing business with her. However, in spite of her success, she never had much to show for it. She was a good steward and tried to live frugally as many people who lived through the Great Depression did. She would take us for rides where she would bring food or other necessities to those in need, always sharing the joy of Christ with them. With her sales ability, she probably could have been rich in this world’s goods, but she chose to be poor in order to give to meet the needs of others — in Jesus’ name!

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I remember one June she gave my brother and me our first Bibles — on her birthday! In that Bible she wrote, “Read Psalm 46:1.” It said, “God is our Refuge & Strength, a very present help in trouble.” I was 13 years old at the time. Before I even knew Christ as my Lord and Savior, I had learned stewardship and generosity because it was modeled for me by my Gram Rogers, and I learned that God was generous to all of us!

A Legacy of Faith

Because of Gram Rogers, I had an intimate knowledge that God is who He said He is; that Jesus is the Son of God, that the Bible is the Word of God; and that all the things taught in it were true. Even when I started hanging around the wrong crowd, became a leader in that crowd, and got involved in all sorts of evil and juvenile delinquency, God, in His divine grace and mercy decided to draw me to Himself. My best friend’s mother started a youth group at a small church in the town we lived in. Since it was his mother, he had to go. He invited me, and since they did a lot of fun activities, I went. I knew that I could fool my parents, lie to my teachers or the police, and get out of trouble. But for the first time in my life, I knew that I would, one day, face God almighty and that I couldn’t fool Him or lie my way out of His judgment. That night, I trusted Jesus Christ as my Savior. The seeds of the Gospel that my Gram had lovingly planted over the years sprung forth into the fruit of eternal life. I immediately saw the promise of 2 Corinthians 5:17 begin to come true. Old things passed away, and all things started becoming new. My brother trusted Christ at my baptism. A year later, my Dad received Christ at an evangelistic service at our church. About a year and a half after, my Mom got saved at another evangelistic service at our church.


One Christmas, we decided to buy a new Bible for my other grandmother. The family chose me to write a personal note to Gram Humphrey in the Bible, sharing our love and our heart for her and the plan of salvation. Within months, my other grandmother surrendered her life to the Savior! After going to a number of Christian camps and working at them during the summers, I graduated from high school and went to Word of Life Bible Institute. After graduating from Word of Life, I had planned to go on to Liberty University and then to Dallas Theological Seminary. As graduation approached, though my father counseled me that he felt I should come home to New Hampshire. Since he felt very strongly about it, I felt that I needed to submit to his authority and leadership in my life. So, I went home, got a job, started going to college nights at a local business college, and got involved in serving the Lord in youth, college, and career ministries. Four months later, I found out one of the reasons why the Lord had directed me home through the counsel of my dad. My mom, who had been a Christian for only a few years, died suddenly. My dad, brother, and I were there. I firmly believe that God wanted me home to be there on that day and the days ahead to support my dad and the rest of the family and to provide comfort and leadership to them. Although they had started growing in Christ, I was still the spiritual leader of the family. I had the privilege of preaching at my Mom’s funeral. In that service, I had the wonderful privilege of seeing my older sister (who had been married and out of the home while the Lord was reaching the rest of us) come to know Christ! I would later see my dad marry the widow, Sandy, who had started the youth group where I got saved. In God’s divine sense of humor, my spiritual mom became my stepmom and my best friend became my stepbrother as well! In May of 1999, I had the privilege of preaching the funeral for Gram Rogers. It was a glorious tribute to the life she lived and the Savior she loved. In that service, I had the privilege of sharing the gospel and seeing one of my aunts led to Christ by Sandy. It is critically important in today’s world that we address the importance of creating a strong and lasting family legacy. People need to help instill within their children and grandchildren a sense of their identity and destiny. Parents need to start being intentional and proactive if they want to prepare their heirs to be wise stewards of their time, talents, treasures, and their family’s leadership and influence. More families need to be intentional about passing on their virtues, values, ministry vision and even their faith to their children and grandchildren! What about your legacy? Are you a grandparent (or parent) who needs to be intentional and proactive in sharing your faith with your children and grandchildren like my Gram Rogers did for my family and me? Are you modeling good stewardship and a life of generosity to your grandchildren and children? Are you investing in eternity and laying up your treasures in heaven? What other virtues (character qualities) would you like to see modeled in the lives of your grandchildren and children and future generations? Have you shared with your family the story

Jeff Rogers, CKA, CEP, is a highly sought after Family Legacy Coach and a thought leader in the areas of Stewarding your Family Legacy and Business Legacy. In addition to being a co-author of unprepared Heirs at Risk: 14 Elements for Successful Wealth Transfer, Jeff is also a ForbesBooks featured author of Create a Thriving Family Legacy: How to Share Wealth and Wisdom with Your Children and Grandchildren. Jeff is the Founder and Chairman of Stewardship Legacy Coaching and Stewardship Advisory Group (www.StewardshipLegacy. com). He has over 35 years of experience in helping clients create a Thriving Family Legacy. For many business owners, the sale or transition of their business will be the largest single financial transaction of their lives; so it must be stewarded well! Jeff also assists them in creating “Kingdom Capital™” by redirecting tax dollars to their favorite ministries. Jeff has been actively involved with numerous ministries and charities, both local and national for over 35 years. Jeff is a Charter Member of Kingdom Advisors and has earned the Certified Kingdom Advisor® designation.

of your life and the testimony of God’s grace on your life? If not, you should! It’s part of your legacy as a grandparent or parent! If you would like to know ways that you can be more intentional and proactive in living out a legacy as a grandparent or parent, please contact me and I’ll be happy to share some ideas with you.

The Rest of the Story

In November 2005, Sandy went home to be with her Lord after an extended illness. She had lived a life of faithfulness, led many Bible studies, sung hymns, and discipled many people. At her funeral, her son Butch, one of my best friends and now my stepbrother had the privilege of singing, and I had the privilege of sharing a testimony of the many lives that were touched, directly and indirectly through her life. I am one of those lives she touched! Like the shoe repairman who led D.L. Moody to Christ, her legacy will ripple throughout eternity, not only through the lives she touched directly, but through the lives of those others, including mine who are impacting the cause of Christ around the world! Two ladies who left a godly legacy, my grandmother and my stepmother! I am writing the story of my life, and I want to write it well, to live it well, and to leave a legacy that will ripple throughout Eternity! Soli Deo Gloria! How will you write the story of your life? What kind of legacy will you leave in eternity? What will your family legacy look like? Have you properly planned your business legacy? If any of those are no, please give me a call. We should talk. n

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Timeless Wisdom: Between a Rock and a Hard Place What the Bhagavad Gita Teaches About Moral Dilemmas By Laura A. Roser

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he Bhagavad Gita is a 700-verse Sanskrit scripture that is part of the Hindu epic Mahabharata. It tells the story of a warrior—prince Arjuna—who must decide whether or not to go to war with his cousins to gain rulership over the kingdom. His cause is just, but Isn’t it a sin to wage war upon your honorable, good-hearted relatives? he wonders. Not to mention the disruption and violence war would bring to the people in the kingdom. Maybe he should just step back and let peace prevail. Is that what the gods would want? He has no idea. So, he seeks the counsel of Krishna, his charioteer and the god of compassion, tenderness, and love. Krishna advises Arjuna that he should “fulfill his Kshatriya (warrior) duty to uphold the Dharma.” Dharma (in Indian religion) is the eternal and inherent nature of reality, regarded in Hinduism as a cosmic law underlying right behavior and social order. Dharma can mean following the laws of the universe, social or religious rules, or one’s own purpose in a certain role. In Arjuna’s case, that role is to be a warrior who fights for what is right and just. The reason I love the Bhagavad Gita so much is that it explores a very real dilemma that all of us face at many junctures in our lives: how do you make the right decision when your alternatives have moral conflicts?

In Arjuna’s case, much of it comes down to motivations. He has to truly ask himself if he is motivated by justice? — doing what’s right. Or is he motivated by greed? — gaining control of the kingdom through force to attain power and riches. Is he motivated by honor or is he motivated by fear of the battle? Of course, fear and greed are not the right path, but justice and honor are. Most of our important choices are just like that. They are internal conflicts, not apparent ones. They are conflicts between important values — even if we don’t realize our choices involve conflicts like these. The Bhagavad Gita teaches that we have control of our choices, but given the difficulty we have of understanding our own motivations, we often make deep existential choices thoughtlessly. Arjun, however, is not turning a blind eye and making a snap decision without much thought. He takes the conflict very seriously. That’s why he’s a model for us. The Bhagavad Gita is about us. Arjun’s choice is our choice. His terror isn’t the fear of battle; it’s the fear of doing what’s wrong, the unwillingness to commit sin. It’s a noble sort of terror. This paralysis, it turns out, arises from Arjun taking too personal of a view. Here’s what Krishna advises: “When senses contact sense objects, a person experiences cold or heat, pleasure of pain. These experiences are fleeting; they come and go. Bear them patiently, Arjuna. Those who are not affected by these changes, who are the same in pleasure and pain, are truly wise and fit for immortality. “The impermanent has no reality; reality lies in the eternal …The body is mortal, but that which dwells in the body isimmortal and immeasurable. Therefore, Arjuna, fight in this battle.” In other words, if you want to choose a meaningful path — the right path — choose what endures. Fleeting emotions, temporary conditions, hot and cold, and even death are inconsequential. What matters is following eternal values and honorably fulfilling your role. Often acting honorably requires detaching from the ego-centric view so that we can gain perspective of the larger picture. He advises Arjun not to despair over the deaths this battle would cause. Afterall, everyone dies at some point. The higher moral choice is fighting for the eternal value of justice. n

LEGACY ARTS Issue 20 www.paragonroad.com 47


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Legacy Arts | Issue 20 | October 2019  

Hindsight & Foresight: Legacy Assessment; From Prisoner to Millionaire; Healing Families

Legacy Arts | Issue 20 | October 2019  

Hindsight & Foresight: Legacy Assessment; From Prisoner to Millionaire; Healing Families

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