››SiNGLE iN THE SUBURBS
Rejection the old-fashioned way Even before online dating, it was wise to curb your ‘expectations’... by Nik k i Silve r stein
by Howard Rachelson
1. What local bridge was completed in 1956 after only three years of construction? 2. With your fingers in standard position on a normal typewriter keyboard, your two middle fingers, one on each hand, lie on what letters? 3. The country of India lies on what ocean?
E-mail: nikki_silverstein@yahoo.com.
4. A member of the woodwind family, the sound of this 4-foot long musical instrument has been compared to a male baritone voice.
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5. The dense, luxurious winter coats of what three animals are frequently worn by humans as winter coats, stoles and trim? 6. How many miles make up one astronomical unit? 7. Nobel Laureate John Nash, an economist who suffered from paranoid schizophrenia, is the main character of this 2001 film, which won four Academy Awards, and what actor played the lead role?
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8. Europe’s largest and wealthiest city throughout most of the Middle Ages was what capital of the Byzantine or Eastern Roman Empire? 9. Born in Toronto with the name Gladys Smith, she became a child actress, appearing in films with D.W. Griffith at the age of 16. By 1909 she became the first movie star to make $10,000 per week. Who was she? 10. In 1929 Charles Grigg introduced “Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda”, a hangover cure containing lithium, a mood-stabilizing drug. Today it’s a common beverage known as what?
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BONUS QUESTION: There have been accusations that migrant laborers from Nepal have been mistreated in constructing the venues for the 2022 World Cup of Soccer, scheduled for what tiny Middle East country? Howard Rachelson invites you to upcoming team trivia contests in San Rafael: Terrapin Crossroads on Tuesday, Oct. 8 at 6:30pm and Broken Drum every other Wednesday at 7:30pm. Have a great question? Send it in to howard1@triviacafe.com and maybe we’ll use it! www.triviacafe.com.
V Boz Skaggs, Nick Lowe, Buddy Miller and other great musicians will be Raisin’ the Roof for Richie on Sunday, Oct. 6, at Bimbo’s 365 Club in San Francisco. The seventh annual benefit concert is for the Richard de Lone Special Housing Project, a nonprofit agency dedicated to creating a residential community for people with Prader-Willi Syndrome. Lesley and Austin de Lone, longtime Mill Valley residents (Austin is one of the county’s finest keyboardists), founded the agency after their son Richie was diagnosed with PWS, a rare genetic disease that has no known cause or cure. Catch some of the best bluegrass, Americana and rockabilly musicians and help the Richard de Lone Special Housing Project achieve its goals. Tickets, just $50, are available at bimbos365club.com.
Answers on page 23
W Though we’re stating the obvious, the Zero award goes to the House Republicans who shut down the federal government merely to undermine the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare). While they behave like spoiled children and unnecessarily tie the approval of the federal budget to a one-year delay of Obamacare, they are also playing a dangerous game with our economy. In Marin, Muir Woods and Point Reyes National Seashore are closed and that hurts local businesses. The damage will add up quickly. According to the Wall Street Journal, more than 800,000 federal workers are furloughed due to this shutdown. House Republicans, you got beat on Obamacare. Take the loss like the privileged white men that you are and quit messing with the lives of working folks. — Nikki Silverstein
ZERO
ship fee was over $1,000. That was a lot of money in 1988. “I’m a quality guy; I should get a discount,” Ken said. A good man and an excellent hondler, Ken convinced the manager that he should pay just $500 to join. He filled out his profile and scheduled his video and photo shoot. As the art director of Gumby’s stop-motion animation, he had big plans for that three to five minute video. “Initially, I thought I would do the video in my Clem hillbilly persona,” Ken explained. “I popped in my fake teeth, but decided at the last minute not to use it.” He shot a normal video with a creative backdrop designed by the Gumby art staff. Captain Ken’s Fun & Puzzle Page, complete with the Meet Your Mate Maze. The maze had the silhouette of a woman crashing through walls to get to the wonderful Ken. No doubt, the entire female membership would be clamoring for a date with this clever man. Susan received her membership as a present from an ex-boyfriend. “We had remained friends, he had a lot of money and he thought it would be a way to expand my dating pool.” Although her dance card was already full, she accepted the gift and joined the service. Susan was younger than most of the other women at Great Expectations, not to mention a beautiful blonde, which resulted in dozens of men selecting her each month. She dutifully went into the office every 30 days and responded with “no” to the long list of men. Ken, on the other hand, was busy picking women and would go into Great Expectations every day after work to see who wanted him. Each visit brought the same ego bash. No one said yes to his inquiry and no one initiated contact. It got so bad that he would only go to Great Expectations when he had a date lined up for later in the evening and he knew he would be having sex. It dulled the pain of the repeated rejections. After weeks of this routine, Ken was told that Susan had said yes. “Who is this Susan?” Ken asked. He had asked out so many women that he couldn’t remember. A quick look at her photo reminded him. Susan was the beautiful, blonde nurse. Oh my goodness, we’re out of time. Tune in two weeks from now to learn why Susan dared to tread where no other women would and how Ken charmed her into not one, but two dates. Until then, watch Breaking Bad reruns and stay away from Tinder. <
HERO
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s my gal pals continue their search for someone suitable, the methods of meeting available men have become truly absurd. Take for instance Tinder, a dating app for mobile phones. No complicated algorithms going on here. Your profile consists of your Facebook photo and age, which Tinder serves to other users nearby. How does the app know your location? It stalks you through the GPS on your phone. Turn on Tinder in Safeway and you may find your true love squeezing avocados in the next aisle. Ain’t technology grand? Tinder started on college campuses, but I have friends in their 50s that are members. Brave souls, since this app is based entirely on looks and location. I’d rather be locked in a cell with John Boehner and Eric Cantor than join Tinder. My fear of rejection is reason enough. Besides, my Facebook photo is a shot of my dog and I’m too insecure to change it. I was at a small dinner party last night and my girlfriend was telling us about her hook-up with an obnoxious guy from Tinder. The date was bad and his nonstop texting of insults afterward was worse. That’s when my favorite couple, Susan and Ken Pontac, waxed nostalgic about their days as members of Great Expectations, a dating service that predated the Internet. Travel back 25 years to Sausalito, to a place dubbed by Ken as the Triangle of Love. Great Expectations was located in the space now occupied by Kinko’s/Fed Ex. Ken worked on the Gumby TV show at a studio a block down on Bridgeway, where Cartelligent stands today. Susan’s parents lived in a condo at the Whiskey Springs complex, which is still located caddy corner from Great Expectations’ former home. The dating service marketed heavily through direct mail and included heart stickers in the envelope. Ken liked the cute stickers and kept them, so Great Expectations was top of mind when he was between relationships. On his lunch hour, Ken moseyed down Bridgeway and went inside Great Expectations to get more information. They showed him a wall of binders filled with member photos and profiles. A staffer walked Ken through the process of finding true love. You flip through the books, find someone that interests you and then watch a video interview of your potential mate. If you want to meet the person, you fill out a card. The chosen one was required to respond yay or nay within 30 days. Ken was sold, until he learned the lifetime member-
››TRiViA CAFÉ
Got a Hero or a Zero? Please send submissions to e-mail nikki_silverstein@yahoo.com. Toss roses, hurl stones with more Heroes and Zeros at ›› pacificsun.com OCTOBER 4 - OCTOBER 10, 2013 PACIFIC SUN 7