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PEOPLE POWER

›› ADViCE GODDESS® by Amy Alko n

Get Involved An Orientation to Service and Volunteerism

August 4, 6-7pm

This session will include a guide on how to use our personalized matching services to find the volunteer opportunity that fits your schedule and passion. Volunteer opportunities include flexible one-day projects, skilled-based and nonprofit board service, disaster preparedness, and ongoing opportunities with over partner organizations. Come learn, share your experiences and meet your community!

Register now on volunteermarin.org or call 415/479-5710.

Read To Kids Freedom School Summer Enrichment Program The Hannah Project

The Freedom School Summer Enrichment Program is looking for a few volunteers with a passion for children’s tales to come in during their two week summer program and read to underserved children on July 22, 25, 26, and 28. The Hannah Project for Academic Achievement is a community-based college and career preparatory program that engages a variety of youth serving organizations.

Contact Marsha Bonner at 415/902-0502, www.thehannaproject.org.

Salmon Habitat Restoration in West Marin! Salmon Protection And Watershed Network (SPAWN)

Come out for a day on the creek to help restore habitat for the endangered coho salmon! One of the best things we can do for the salmon is provide them with a healthy habitat. This means removing harmful invasive non-native species and planting native plants that will provide shade for cool water, food for the salmon and promote healthy soil filtration. Tools and training are provided. Bring layered clothing, sturdy shoes, water, and a lunch or snacks. Project occurs every Saturday at Lagunitas Creek from 10am-2pm.

Contact Emi Bauman, AmeriCorps Intern, emi@tirn.net 415/663-8590 ext. 102, www.spawnusa.org. The Center for Volunteer & Nonprofit Leadership 555 Northgate Drive San Rafael, CA 94903 415/479-5710 FAX 415/479-9722 Connect to more volunteer opportunities by visiting

www.cvnl.org

Hundreds of nonprofit organizations work hard to make our community a healthier, happier place. But they can’t do it without you. They need willing volunteers and donations of money or usable goods to fuel their efforts. The Pacific Sun publicizes volunteer opportunities and the “wish lists” of worthy North Bay organizations on an ongoing basis, working with the Volunteer Center of Marin. We hope our readers will scan the list regularly and find a match between their personal interests and the very real need that’s out there.

Q:

My boyfriend of two years isn’t overtly weird; he’s actually a really nice, normal guy, but he has this “hobby” of going for walks totally naked. We live in Vermont, where this is actually legal. I tell him that women find this upsetting, but he is really turned on by being seen naked by them and has no intention of stopping. Also, he can’t get aroused with me unless he’s been on one of his walks. He says that when he doesn’t have a girlfriend, he masturbates while walking, but because he has me, he doesn’t. Should his nudism bother me? It really doesn’t, but I wonder if it should.—Naked Dude’s Girlfriend

A:

I’m always kind of amazed when people write me about how their partner’s “really great”—except for this one little thing. Your boyfriend, for instance, is “a really nice, normal guy” except for how he’s a sex offender. “Dinner’s almost ready, hon,” you call to him. “I won’t be long,” he calls back. “Just taking a quick walk around the block to go scare a few little girls with my wang.” Sure, people should do what pleases them sexually—if they’re doing it with other consenting adults. Leaving the house without a blindfold shouldn’t be considered a form of consent. Most of Vermont is clothing-optional. (One town passed a law against it, and I’m guessing there are signs reading “no pants, no shoes, no service.”) But because it’s legal to take your meat out for a bobble in front of the ice cream store doesn’t mean it’s right to force other people to look at it. On a lesser note, the same goes for nose picking, which is legal in Canada, the 50 states, Puerto Rico and Guam. Also, what’s legal in Vermont is nudism (going naked), not lewdism (going naked with a sexual intent), which is why the latter comes with a maximum of five fully clothed years in a Vermont prison. A sexual oddity becomes a psychiatric disorder called paraphilia when somebody can’t get off without it and is intensely compelled to engage in it... say, to the point where he’s risking jail time. Sex researchers Masters, Johnson and Kolodny write in Heterosexuality that though paraphilias play out sexually, the preoccupation isn’t the pursuit of pleasure but fleeing from psychic pain, as with “compulsive handwashing or the person who must constantly line up all the jars and boxes in the pantry into neat, perfect rows.” Unfortunately, though there’s been some success in treatment with therapy and antidepressants, they find that getting somebody to give up “what he or she deems to be a source of his or her most intense pleasure is likely to be fraught with problems.” The question isn’t should you be bothered, but why aren’t you? Your boyfriend isn’t playing nude volleyball on weekends. He’s playing stroke the salami while strolling the neighborhood. Oh, right, he doesn’t do that while in a relationship—because his compulsion is fitted with a handy on-off switch? Ask yourself what compels you to stay with a guy who commits sex crimes every time he takes a walk. How much of your life is twisted around enabling him and convincing yourself you have a great boyfriend—even as you hear the faint screams of the little old lady down the street? Every relationship has its issues, and many women complain that their man isn’t that present during sex. Then again, that’s usually because they suspect he’s fantasizing about his hot co-worker, not because they’re waiting for him to come back from traumatizing the coffee klatsch.

Q:

How long should a guy wait to call a girl after the first date? One friend waits a week. A female friend said this annoys girls and a guy should call the next day. This contradicts the old “three-day rule.” What is the right timing?—Confused

A:

I like the 30-year rule: “Hello, Tammy, you might not remember me, but I took you out for drinks in 1981.” Nothing tells a woman you aren’t desperate for her company like taking three decades to call her. That’s the point of all of these rules— for a guy to not seem desperate. A guy who isn’t probably doesn’t call at 9:01 the next morning, but he doesn’t sit on his phone for three days like he’s waiting for it to hatch. He might text the woman the next afternoon, saying he had a great time and he’ll call soon. Curb your desperation by asking lots of women out (so you won’t fixate on one) and just hope some stick. Convey confidence by letting your interest guide when you call. Develop confidence and you could charm a woman by breaking the three-second rule—calling her before she’s even had a chance to get into her car. ✹

© Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. www.advicegoddess.com. Got a problem? Email AdviceAmy@aol.com or write to Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave. #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405.

Worship the goddess—or sacrifice her at the altar on TownSquare at ›› pacificsun.com JULY 22 – JULY 28, 2011 PACIFIC SUN 35

Pacific Sun Weekly 07.22.2011 - Section1  
Pacific Sun Weekly 07.22.2011 - Section1  

Section 1 of the July 22, 2011 edition of the Pacific Sun Weekly

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