Anyway, the point I was getting at was that the security guard had fallen asleep on the control station and had accidentally opened the doors and now there was any old rabble just coming in from off the street. The dumb-arse was working 2 jobs to feed his 5 overweight kids and figured he could just sleep the second shift and still get paid. His mistake had cost me a cigarette so when I was leaving I quickly went on his computer and loaded some weird German gay-porn site and the fuck-wit got fired. So really there isn't a point.
The other evening I was at the office late. It was only me there because basically I had been playing thumbtack mine field to get me through the clock watching expedition which was my job and was now at risk of being fired. So, this guy stumbles in at around half past 8 and he reeks of meths and piss. He comes over to me and says "Cun I haf a ciggaret? Puhlez?" So by this point I'm wondering how the fuck he got through the main doors because normally there's a security guard and you need a swipe card anyway. So, I'm telling this drunk to "Fuck off!" Except not quite as polite as that, until finally I decide this guy isn't going to leave me alone. So I give the guy a cigarette and watch as he tries to light it. You'll never guess what happened! Actually, you probably already have. This meth soaked bastard sets his beard on fire and I'm laughing hysterically as he starts thrashing around on the ground trying to put it out. I let him simmer for a while before letting humane-ness get the better of me and stamping his face out... Just kidding.
There's a busker across the road. I find it frustrating when you see buskers with amps. People who need money shouldn't own amps! Or shoes either. Actually no-one should need to busk. Have you checked out the dole system this country has? You'd think we were communists! Those jobless fuckers get almost as much money as I do working full time. Communism, Its like a chemistry experiment. Always works in theory, never in practice. Like those experiments where you have to observe the colour changes of liquids? Titration, that's the word I'm looking for. Could never get them right...
By this point, I have been standing directly outside the coffee shop for exactly 4 minutes and 27, 28, 29. Fuck time to go. Need to evade the people stares. Stupid beady eyes...
"... sir are you listening to me? Hello? What would you like?..." Rapid return to reality, "Fuck you gnome!" Wait was that out loud? I turned to look at the man at the counter, barked loudly and walked out. I was very fond of the storm out. It always disguised the fact that my brain tended to switch off at awkward moments. This was the 3rd time this week that I had tried to buy a coffee and had been distracted by the gnome on the guy's shoulder. Stupid fucking gnome, he always threw peanuts at me when I was trying to think, hence the attempt at frowning. I always wondered if there were any female gnomes. It seems that history pertains a certain lack of female gnomes. Maybe they are like ants or bees and there's just a single rudelyoversized royal gnome spawning all the other gnomes from a cave system somewhere in eastern Europe. I figure eastern Europe anyway, it just feels right.
Frowning was never my strong point. I glitched every time a situation arose that necessitated a frowning response. This was one of those moments.