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(503)362-9548 www.BryanJohnsonOrthodontics.com

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WISE

PAREN

T

How many of us parents welcome the rhythm and structure of fall just as emphatically as we burst into the freedom of summer only a few months before? If you’ve been tired, stretched to max parental capacity, or found yourself just plain wore out, read on for some quick tips to get yourself back on track.

by Jenifer Trivelli M.S.

Think seasonal

At the end of the fall season, by the start of the holidays, what would you feel most happy building into your weekly rhythm? A gratitude journal? Five minutes of mindfulness each morning? Long baths, getting out for walks with the dogs, creating art, writing, dancing, reading? Look at the flow of your schedule and find the best places for this to happen. Who can support you with this?

Think physical

Built up stress and frustration have physical effects (like cortisol and adrenaline being pumped into your system). Watching TV, scrolling social media, and eating ice cream might be a (needed) temporary band-aid, but to truly recover from the busyness and unstructured nature of summer, find a physical outlet to release. Bonus if it’s something that brings you joy or connects you to other people.

Get creative

You might try a different activity, go for a different time of day than you originally thought, or bring in different people to support you. This is important. Your efficacy and ability to be the person and parent you want to be centers on your ability to care for yourself. Surprise yourself and think outside the box to find what can work best to meet your goal.

Think quick and easy

Every time you go to pick up your phone and open an app, do a yoga pose or five lunges or jumping jacks or push ups or lift a gallon of milk ten times in each hand. Make a list of things you can do with no props, no special clothing, and no childcare. Hinge it on an activity you’d like to do less of (social media is an easy scapegoat here), but allow yourself to do that activity after you complete one of the things on your list. Instead of beating yourself up because that hour run in the forest didn’t happen, build your internal reward system (and your energy) by having some goals that are super easy to accomplish.

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Commit

No one else can make this happen for you. Sure, your partner and support people can make it easier. But they aren’t going to do it for you. Use whatever anchor works for you to make caring for yourself a priority - usually some variation of “I’m worth it” or “my kids/partner/loved ones deserve the best version of me”. Sometimes, having a visual representation of our intention can be the best reminder - perhaps a photograph of you feeling

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6 WAYS STRESS CAN

happy and energized, or a piece of art you create to express that feeling. Lots of people have found benefit in connecting with friends to keep each other accountable. Whatever it takes for you to find the inner discipline to stick with it - do it.

AFFECT YOUR BODY

It can be challenging to make space for a breather to set these intentions and goals for the back to school season. Reminding yourself that entering this time mindfully and with a solid self-care plan will provide stability and re-energize you as you enter this next school year will help you stay focused and committed to your goals.

1. Stress hormones are made by your kidneys. Your brain sends signals to your kidneys, which then release stress hormones.

2. Don’t sweat it!

The best parents are not perfect parents. The best parents are the ones who take good care of themselves: mind, body, and soul - because we can only truly give to our kiddos what we have given to ourselves.

Your body actually raises your blood pressure and heats up when you feel stress and can cause you to sweat.

3. Stress can make you blue.

Jenifer Trivelli, M.S., is a parent of two with a counseling degree and Youth Yoga Certification. She loves sharing brain-based, heart-centered tools with kids, families, couples and organizations. Drop her a line at jenifer.trivelli@gmail.com

Long term stress can cause depression, which leads to poor sleeping and eating habits.

4. Stress can actually make you gain weight. Levels of hormones called glucocorticoids are produced in abundance when we’re stressed, which increases the chances for certain cells to morph into fat cells.

5. Stress hurts your heart. Though the connection is completely understood, scholars and scientists agree that the two are intertwined. Why risk it?

6. Forgetfulness can be caused by stress. Stress can interfere with attention span and block the formation of new memories or the retrieval of old ones. 7

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As the school year approaches, parents and children can feel apprehensive about the possibility of bullying. Bullying is never a positive situation, but it can have a positive outcome. Here are some tips to help you help your child this school year.

When Your Child Is Bullied Contact school officials with the issue and work with them on solutions. Help your child to understand when and how to ask a trusted adult for help, and help them identify who they can ask for help. Understand the serious nature of bullying and affirm your child’s feelings about being bullied. Teach your child how to respond by: 1. Looking the bully in the eye. 2. Standing tall and stay calm in a difficult situation. 3. Walking away. Help your child learn how to say in a firm voice. 1. “I don’t like what you are doing.” 2. “Please do NOT talk to me like that.” Encourage your child to make friends with other children. Be supportive of outside activities that your child finds interesting. Find an adult who knows about the bullying, who can watch out for your child’s safety and well-being when you cannot be there. Keep a close eye on your child’s social media and smart phone and identify potential problems before they escalate.

When Your Child Is the Bully Help your child undestand that bullying is never OK. Be consistent and firm in your limits on aggressive behavior. Encourage empathy for other children by asking your chlid to consider how the other child feels about they way they were treated. Ask your child how they would feel if someone bullied them. Share experiences and feelings. Be a positive role model. Show children they can get what they want, the correct way, without teasing, threatening or hurting someone. Rely on effective, non-physical discipline, such as loss of privileges. Continually praise your child when they behave in positive ways such as being kind to, or helping other children. Positive reinforcement works. Contact the school principal, teachers, school social workers, and parents of the children your child has bullied, to work together to find acceptable solutions.

When Your Child Is a Bystander Encourage your child to tell a trusted adult about the bullying. Encourage your child to join with others in telling bullies to stop.

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adapted from www.healthychildren.org

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2018

H a rv e s t festivals

SUBLIMITY HARVEST FESTIVAL Sublimity, Oregon September 7-9, 2018 Parade, Tractor pulls, Monster Trucks, ATV Pulls, Horse Pulls, Live Music , Food Vendors, Kid Zone (inflatable slides, obstacle courses, & ZipLine)

houses – 3 age levels, Rock climbing, Bungee-trampolines & Stunt Jump, Oktoberfest’s Cruz’n Car Show , Wiener Dog Races, Live Music, Food & Drink

www.oktoberfest.org

CORVALLIS FALL FESTIVAL Corvallis, Oregon September 22 & 23, 2018 - Artists, 1K, 5K & 10K runs, Live Music, and more.

www.sublimityharvestfest.com

SHREWSBURY RENAISSANCE FAIRE Kings Valley, Oregon September 8-9, 2018 General Adult Admission: $14.00 $12.00 w/ coupon Seniors & Children 6 to 12: $7.00 Children 5 and under : Free Parking: Free Weekend: $24.00

www.corvallisfallfestival.org

RUNAWAY PUMPKIN HALF MARATHON & 8K RUN Lebanon, Oregon September 29, 2018 Time: 9:00 AM - 2:00 PM the Runaway Pumpkin Half Marathon and 8k transforms Cheadle Lake Park into a Halloweenthemed Pumpkin Village that is fun for all ages! Whether you are participating in one of the races or are there for moral support, there are plenty of activities for the whole family to enjoy!

www.shrewfaire.com

MOUNT ANGEL OKTOBERFEST Mount Angel, Oregon Sep 14 - Sep 16 The Kindergarten Performance Pavilion, Farm Fun Activities, Pony rides, Hay maze, Petting farm, Face painting, Balloon art, Bouncy

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www.runawaypumpkinhalf.org

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E.Z. ORCHARDS HARVEST FEST Salem, Oregon September 29th - October 31, Pumpkin Patch, Tractor-drawn, Hay Rides, Pony Rides (12:00-4:00) Corn-Oregon the Maze, Pedal Tractors, Pioneer Camp, Steer Roping Ring Toss, Pie Eating contest, Live Music, Food & Treats , Gold & Gemstone Mining , Face Painting Weekend Price – $8.00 everyone over 2 years old Week-Day Price: FREE admission (Some weekend attractions not available)

www.ezorchards.com/harvestfestival

FRENCH PRAIRIE PUMPKIN PATCH, PIG RACES, MAZES & MORE - St Paul, Oregon September 30 to October 31st Pumpkin Patch, Kid’s & Adult Mazes, Farm Animal Pavilion, Pigtucky Derby Pig Racing Show, TractorWagon Ride, Hand Pump Duck Races, Pig Barrel Train Rides, Pedal Karts , Sling Shot & Corn Cannon, Slides & Tire Pile, Obstacle & Farm Ninja Challenge Course Weekday & Weekend General Admission – $8 per person Farm Fun Wristband – $15 per person –

www.fpgardens.com

GREENS BRIDGE HARVEST FEST Jefferson, Oregon Open daily in October 9AM-6PM Pumpkin Patch, Hay Ride, Duck Races , Petting Zoo, Wheat Box Slides & Tunnels, Corn Maze Bracelets are $8

www.greensbridgegardens.com/ pumpkin/ KERR FARMS FALL FESTIVAL Keizer, Oregon Open the Month of October on Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays. Festival Games, Pumpkin Patch Corn Maze, General Admission: $5 per Person (2 and under Free)

www.kerrfarmsllc.com/fallfestival

AIRLIE HILLS FARM Monmouth, Oregon Oct 5th - Oct 28th 2018 OPEN: Friday, Saturday & Sunday 9:00 am - 6:00 pm Corn Maze, Acres of pumpkins Huge Outdoor Hay Maze, NEW Bounce House, Hay Rides, Hay Pyramid, Trike Racing, Pedal-Karts Dark Maze, House Smoked Pulled Pork and More on Weekends, Corn Maze , Wheat Box, Farm Animals, Indoor Hay Slides, Activity Wristband: $12.00

www.airliehills.com

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LONE PINE FARMS Junction City, Oregon Pumpkin Patch, Horse Drawn & Tractor Hay Rides, Corn Maze, Petting Zoo, Cow Train, Treasure Mining, Food Vendors , Playground

BAUMAN FARMS HARVEST FESTIVAL Gervais, Oregon Animal Barn, Apple Cannon & sling Shot, Barnyard Bridge, Bug Train, Corn Maze, Corn Tunnels, Dark Maze, Frontier Fort, Gem Mining, Giant Slide, Gopher Hole, Hay Ride, Jumping Pad & Pillow & Sock Hop, Kids Zone, Laser Tag, Little Tykes Zone, Nut House, Obstacle Course, Pedal Carts, Playground Pumpkin Hill, Rope Maze, Slide Tower, Swing Line, Tire Pyramid Food Vendors & Food Tasting

www.lonepinefarms.com

VINCE WOODS FARM Salem, Oregon Pumpkin Patch , Corn Maze, Pumpkin Forest and Caboose

www.vincewoodsfarm.com/attractions

DAVIS FAMILY FARMS Corvallis, Oregon Harvest Activities Open in October Pumpkin Patch, Hay Rides, Kids’ Slide, Fresh Donuts

www.baumanshf.com

FIR POINT FARMS Aurora, Oregon Open every weekend in October Pumpkin Patch, Cow Train, Petting Zoo, Giant Slides, Pumpkin walk Game, Pumpkin painting and Bounce Houses, Hay Rides, Nut House, Paint Ball Gallery, Food vendors & More

www.facebook.com/DavisFamilyFarms WALT’S WILD WAGON RIDE JOHNSON VEGETABLE FARMS Eugene, Oregon Weekends 11 a.m. – 5:30 p.m. through October 31 Weekday reserved rides begin at 9 a.m. Load up with miniature pumpkins and hit as many targets and scarecrows as you can as we move briskly toward the pumpkin patch. Hay Rides: $6 per person, Bungee pumpkin launch!

www.firpointfarms.com

THE MELON SHACK Corvallis, Oregon Pumpkin Patch, Corn Maze Haunted Corn maze , Kids Slide and more fun for the family.

www.facebook.com/themelonshack/

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www.johnsonfarmseugene.com

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DETERING ORCHARDS Harrisburg, Oregon Apple Daze Oct 6 & 7, 2018 Pumpkin & Costume Contest FREE Corn Maze & Hay Maze, Tractor Rides, Pumpkin Patch, Apple Blaster, Tractor Mining , Feed the Goats, Cows & Chickens, Food & Treats for sale, too!

www.deteringorchards.com

28th ANNUAL GREAT PUMPKIN RUN Corvallis, Oregon October 13, 2018 - 9am A family friendly run and costumes are highly encouraged. Costume contest, raffle, a beer garden, food, and medals for those who finish the run.

www.homelifegreatpumpkinrun. org/

3rd ANNUAL DALLAS OREGON GLOW RUN Saturday, October 13, 2018 A glow in the dark 5k run and walk benefitting children and families in need in the Dallas area.

www.runsignup.com/Race/OR

SQUISHING OF THE SQUASH AT THE OREGON ZOO Portland, Oregon October 19, 11:00 am to 11:30pm Welcome autumn by watching enormous elephants smash enor-

mous pumpkins. The Oregon Zoo’s annual Squishing of the Squash, in which some of the world’s largest land animals demolish some of the area’s largest pumpkins.

www.oregonzoo.org/events

WEST COAST GIANT PUMPKIN REGATTA Tualatin, Oregon October 20 10:00 AM - 4:00 PM Watch costumed characters paddle 1,000 pound pumpkins across the Lake of the Commons in a series of wacky races. This free family event also includes pumpkin golf, pumpkin bowling, pumpkin crafts, entertainment, 5k run, giant pumpkin weigh off, food, and much more!

www.tualatinoregon.gov/recreation/west-coast-giant-pumpkinregatta-official-page HOWLOWEEN AT THE OREGON ZOO - Portland, Oregon October 20 & 21,9:30am to 03:00pm, October 27 & 28, 2018 - 9:30am to 03:00pm. Scavenger hunts and activities teach kids about animals around the world. Kids collect treats and prizes at the different stations. Best suited for children ages 2-12, but all are welcome.Free with zoo admission

www.oregonzoo.org/events

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September 1

Salem- Carousel Cruise

FREE! Car show open to all makes, models, and years. Free to spectators. Lots of trophy classes, lots of vendors, lots of fun. www.wvsr.org

September 1

September 8

Salem- Walk -n- Wag

This family-friendly, 1.5 mile dog walk raises funds for Willamette Valley Hospice. The pet-centered vendor village opens at 8:30 am, fun activities include a dog owner look-alike contest, door prizes, photo contest with Noses, Tails & Paws, and demos by the Animal House Flyball Club and Creative Dance with Laurel and Zuzu! www.wvh.org/pets

Molalla- Molalla Train Park TrainFest

Free rides on the 7.5 gauge railroad running through 4 acres of beautiful park with a picnic area, snack bar, and garden G-gauge railroad. Open weekends from the first Sunday of May until the last Sunday in October from noon until 5pm on Sundays only. 31803 S. Shady Dell Rd. Molalla, Oregon www.pnls.org

September 8

Salem- Salem Saturday Market

September 4

Salem- Starr Studio Open House

Stop in between 5:30 and 8:00 for dancing, dress-up, games, free prizes, meet and greet, and tasty treats. Learn the top three things you need to know for your child to start wiggling and giggling, meet

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our Starr staff, and spin to win free prizes! Located at Starr Studios at 290 Commercial St SE, Ste 130 Salem, Oregon 97302 www.starrstudiossalem.com/

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9am-3pm Every Saturday April- October Over 150 vendors,handmade, handcrafted or homegrown products and local produce. Shakespeare at the Market, Teen Chopped Competition, Power of Produce (POP) Kids Club, Food Demonstrations and so much more! 865 Marion St NE www.salemsaturdaymarket.com


September 8

Salem- Capital City Cornhole Classic

Saturday, September 8 at 10 AM - 4 PM This friendly-competition cornhole tournament also features good eats from local food trucks, craft beer from Salem Ale Works, and activities for the whole family. State Capitol Park Salem www.shangrilaoregon.org/NewsEvents/

September 13

Mt. Angel- Oktoberfest

Free Kindergarten with children’s activities. World Class entertainment, vendors and food booths serving the best Bavarian and local treats. Each day begins with a performance by local school children, and performances by Folk Dancers throughout the day. Arts/crafts, Cruz-n Car show, Wiener dog races, 5/10K Fun Run and Half Marathon www.oktoberfest.org

September 15

Salem-Young At Art Baby Crawl

With an assortment of sensory items and washable/non-toxic paint your child can explore their artistic side without you having to worry about the mess! Ages: 9 months up to 2 years Cost: $10 *Tickets can be purchased through the link on our website. www.youngatartor.com

September 22

Salem- Kroc Family Fair

11 AM - 3 PM Outdoor activities, Inflatables, food booths and indoor Vendor Fair! Free access to the Kroc Center! www.salem.kroccenter.org

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October2

October 7

Located near the Oregon State Capitol, Our collections reflect the rich Pacific Northwest culture and explore art around the world. The permanent galleries feature Pacific Northwest and Native American artists as well as a diverse collection of Ancient, European, American and Asian art. www.willamette.edu/arts/hfma

Every Sunday! Kids up to 12 years old play free, 13-17yrs are $2.50 each! Eat at our delicious cafe and play some of our over 350 board games! 5008 Commercial St SE, Salem, OR 97306www.salemtickettoplaycafe.com

Salem-Free Admission to Hallie Ford Museum

Salem-Family Day at Ticket to Play Board Game Cafe

October 9

Salem- 2 hours for the price of one at SuperBounce

October 4

Every Tuesday! Enjoy our indoor inflatable park with 7 large inflatables in a safe and clean environment. Relax in the air conditioning while your kiddo enjoys jumping. 3160 Blossom Dr NE, Salem www.superbouncesalem.com

Salem- Halcyon Aerial Show at Elsinore Theatre

7:30 Pm Doors open at 6:30. Discover a world of wonder, magic, and beauty. Aureum is a story of finding love in the most unusual places, and how the bonds that unite us are stronger than those that divide us. Tickets $35 - $55 +$5 day of show. www.elsinoretheatre.com

October 9

Salem- Card Club at Craft Warehouse

1PM -2PM Share ideas, try new products, and learn the latest trends in stamping and mixed media techniques to personalize your cards. Craft Warehouse 3930 Rickey St SE, Salem, Oregon 97301

October 6

Salem- Oregon’s Bounty at the State Capitol

FREE! Join us for to celebrate the agricultural harvest! The Capitol will open up from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Activities, music, exhibits, free face painting, a free pumpkin patch and more!! Parking is free around the Capitol on the weekends. RAIN OR SHINE! Tours to the top of the Capitol are offered at 11 a.m., noon and 1 p.m. weather permitting and crowd capacity. www.oregonlegislature.gov/calendar

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October 13

Corvallis- Perinatal Support

9am Peer support group for perinatal wellness and support, for anyone struggling with mood issues related to pregnancy, birth, postpartum or early parenting. No cost. Pre-registration is encouraged, but not required. Babes-inarms welcome. Register:proudmamasup portservices.as.me/supportgroup

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October 19

Salem- Fall Home and Remodel Show

Come enjoy workshops, tour a Tiny Smart House, dream about your garden at a fall tree and shrub sale, browse booths, enjoy play areas for the kids, and more! Home improvement ideas and tips from the local experts. The largest ‘hub’ of building and remodeling resources in the area. October 19th-21st, 2018 Fri: 3pm – 8pm, Sat: 10am – 6pm, Sun: 10am – 5pm 2330 17th St NE, Salem, Oregon 97338 www.wvpevents.com

October 27

Salem- Samhain Celtic New Year

A Gaelic festival that marks the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter or the “darker half” of the year.When: 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. in the Spinning Room at Willamette Heritage Center Cost: $10 adult and $5 students. Free for children younger than 12. 1313 Mill St. SE www.celticfestival.info

October 27

Salem- Read to a Pet

Young readers are invited to read to one of our friendly 4-footed, furry volunteers and their human partners from 1 - 2:30 pm in the Children’s area. Reading to one of these listeners is a fantastic way for kids to boost their reading confidence! www.salemlibrary.org

arts & crafts, foods and free parking. Live music in the summer months. Come explore, discover, and experience local growers and artisans. 9am-3pm Summer & Marion St. Lot 865 Marion St. NE Salem, OR 97301 503-585-8264 www.salemsaturdaymarket.com

October 27

Portland- Disney on Ice

Celebrate what’s possible as five Disney heroines spark the courage inside us all at Disney On Ice presents Dare To Dream! In her Disney On Ice debut, see how far Along with Mickey and friends, discover your inner hero at Disney On Ice presents Dare To Dream! *Note: Costumes not permitted for guests 14 years & older. Moda Center at the Rose Quarter 1 N Center Court St, Portland, Oregon 97227 www.centerportland.com/moda/

October 28

Salem- Kids Fitness Foundations Halloween Party

2pm- 3pm Come to class in costume (nothing scary, no masks, and no accessories or pretend weapons for everyone’s safety!) Our class exercises will have fun fall/harvest theme to them! (Ages 4-6) Sign up for class here! www.buildinghealthylegacies.com/kidsfitness-foundations-salem-oregon

October 22

Stayton- Motion Monday at the Stayton Library

Find more events and add your event for FREE on our website.

10:15am · Music and dancing for little ones. All ages are welcome. From new babies to preschool kids. It’s a great place to meet other parents and kids! 515 N 1st Ave, Stayton, Oregon 97383

October 30

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Salem- Salem Saturday Market

Fresh, local fruits, vegetables, meats, cheeses and baked goods, flowers, plants,

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by Michelle Vlach-Ing Family Law is a complicated area of law because people and families have very different needs. Traditional nuclear families of a mother, father and children is not the norm, yet many laws are based on the idea that a mother and father were married and are now separating. Many “non-traditional” families include blended families, or families where children are cared for by family members, and other adults who may not be biologically related to the child. The other parent of my child and I are no longer in a relationship and will no longer be living together or married, what do we do about the children? Figuring out parenting time and custody can be very difficult. Whether parents are married or not, the break from a partner who shares a child is emotionally and legally complicated. One needs to selfreflect to understand the nature of the relationship going forward. couple of the many questions the parents should ask themselves is, “will we be able to work cooperatively together going forward?” “How will our relationship change over the course of the separation/divorce?” The relationship parents have together is different than the relationship parents have with their children. While parents may be divorcing or separating, the legal process of establishing parenting time and custody, the divorce will never separate the parent/child relationship. It is important to have a clear understanding of one’s relationship with the other

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parent, one’s relationship with one’s child, and the other parent’s relationship with the child. What should we do if we need to prepare legal documents to define parenting time and custody or dissolve our marriage? There are many ways to go about the process of divorce or establishing a parenting plan and custody. Some parents sit down and fill out paperwork together. Some parents either together or separately go to the courthouse to fill out paperwork on their own. Some parents hire lawyers to initiate the process. Other people turn to mediation or collaborative lawyers to help them. In many low conflict and unmarried cases, the parents resolve their differences on their own and work out a plan without having to involve attorneys, mediator, or the courts. Self-help as an option. In matters where the parents need a legal separation, or dissolution, or something legally enforceable, self-help is an option. As an attorney, I cannot recommend selfhelp, but there are people who are able to obtain forms and meet their objective. Sometimes parents do this together as copetitioners, or one parent files the paperwork and the other parent does not contest the petition. Assuming the paperwork is filled out properly and all the necessary events occurred to notify the other party, the petitioner is generally granted what is in the petition, but not always.

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Representation by a lawyer. Some complicated needs, such as safety concerns, financial concerns, or other concerns can best be addressed with the assistance of an attorney; or, if one simply wants to ensure that it is taken care of properly, one should always seek a competent attorney. Alternative methods – Mediation Some parents chose the assistance of mediators or attorney-mediators who can help them address their concerns and come to a workable solution. An alternative to the win-lose approach of the adversarial legal system, mediation is a confidential process to focus on the issues and involves mutual problem solving. Courts were not designed for family law, but were designed for a complainant/petitioner vs a defendant/respondent. Families are not designed to be parent vs parent, and when the domestic relationship between the parents is at its end, parents are still parents and they need not be against each other. In mediation, parents realize or are reminded they have similar concerns for their children. Most parents want what is best for their children. Their patterns of communication and history may hinder that discussion. For example, both parents may realize that the child has a need, or an interest but have different approaches and poor communication derail meeting those needs. Mediation can help. Two of the biggest benefits to mediation is keeping the process confidential, as opposed to the public nature of trials, and maintaining control over the outcome of the dispute. When people take their issues to court, they are putting the decision making of those issues in the hands of a stranger, albeit a stranger well respected and highly educated in the law. Mediation is not a substitution for legal advice. Parties engaged in mediation may also engage in advice of counsel. I always encourage my clients to seek advice of counsel even if they are unrepresented.

Another alternative – Collaborative Law Alternatively, sometimes parents find they want the confidentiality of mediation, and the ability to have a say in the outcome of a divorce, but because of complicated financial, property, taxes, or other matters, the parties need to be represented by an attorney but without litigation. Attorneys trained in Collaborative Law are committed to providing legal advice and keeping clients out of litigation. Attorneys who work with clients in the collaborative process may not engage in any form of litigation involving the parties. Attorneys engaging in collaborative law may also advise clients to seek the help they need from other professionals. A divorce can be traumatic. For example, one may feel one needs a divorce coach to provide the emotional and therapeutic support to help one make decisions. Commonly, parties need a financial advisor who can help plan for the future and provide financial advice. Sometimes the attorneys may feel they and the clients need a separate mediator to assist in the decisionmaking process. Collaborative Law can involve anywhere between two professionals or more. In some complicated cases it may involve six (attorneys for each parents, mediator, financial advisor, and divorce coach for one or more parents.) Collaborative Law can be more cost efficient and beneficial to some parties going through a divorce. Some of the benefits are keeping the information disclosed or discussed during the process confidential, rather than having a trial open to the public; keep decision making in the hands of the two adults who have the biggest stake in the outcome – the parents; and avoiding spending resources in an all-out battle. Resources could be used instead helping the parties heal and move from the difficult position they find themselves in. Is mediation or collaborative law a better alternative for everyone? No. In cases where domestic violence is recent or ongoing or when there is a good reason to believe one or more of the par-

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expect to receive a significant settlement, a financial planner or advisor can help the client figure out how to best manage his or her finances. The financial landscape will be different, sometimes less than what one is accustomed, and a financial planner or counselor can help the parties plan and adjust to the new lifestyle. Any final words? Parents need to remember that while their relationships as significant others has ended, they will always be the parents to the children created by their union. Like it or not, the parents will always be family. During this process, parents should consider the child’s point of view. If you are an adult child of unmarried or divorced parents, think of what it was like when you were a child, and how it could have been better. Some of the rules divorcing parents should follow are: - Never say anything negative about the other parent to your child. - Keep your child out of grown-up conversation. - Make sure your child understands that you love them and will never leave them. - Except under extreme circumstances, your child will spend time with both parents. - Do not make the child feel bad in any way for spending time with the other parent, or enjoying the time with the other parent. Hopefully one day, your children will grow up to be healthy happy adults. Even If the parents are not together, ideally both parents will be included when the child reaches milestones. There will be times separated parents need to see each other, such as major school events, sporting activities, performances, graduations, wedding, the birth of grandchildren, etc. The way one behaves towards one’s child and the other parent now will determine the relationship one has with one’s children in the future.

ties will not proceed in good faith, mediation or collaborative law is not a good alternative. What else should I consider when going through a separation or divorce? Oftentimes, the cause of a break up is related to a couple’s finances, intimate life, religious beliefs or practices, or ideas on how to raise children. I recommend parents not only seek someone to help with their legal affairs but also someone to address the root issues that are the source of the discord. Even though parents are separating, consider taking an elective parenting course. Not only the course required by the court, but one specific to one’s family. For example, there are courses for parents of children in different age groups. A child under three has vastly different needs than a grade schooler, middle schooler or teenager. We can always learn better ways to approach these problems. If parents had difficulty parenting when they were living under the same roof, it will be more difficult when they live in different homes. I often recommend to all my clients to seek assistance of a counselor or therapist. Losing a loved one through a separation is similar to a death in the family, and it is a difficult process without someone to confide in. Friends can be of help, but professionally trained counselors have tools to help in these types of situations. The attorney may have some experience with counseling, but his or her expertise is primarily in the area of law. One may have questions that the attorney cannot answer. Mental health counseling or therapy may be covered by insurance, so use it. The other benefits to using a counselor is the communication is confidential and he or she may be able to refer the client to other resources. Finally, find a good financial counselor or advisor. Understanding ones new budget and how to live within it is very important. Different approaches to handling money is often a reason spouses separate. If one

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Nothing in this article is meant to be construed as legal advice. Michelle Vlach-Ing is not your attorney unless you have a signed fee agreement with her office and have tendered the requisite retainer. Michelle Vlach-Ing can reached at michelle@ vlaching.com.


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A DAY Public School at Home

When I married my husband, I became an instant mom to four children. At the time, I thought there were only two options for getting a quality education: traditional brick-and-mortar schooI and homeschool. I didn’t know there was a third option: online school.

Our children are taught by state-certified teachers that they see and hear through live class connection sessions and that they meet in-person through state-wide events. They have homeroom teachers and counselors who advise them on their classes and ensure they are earning credits needed for graduation. And this all takes place in a comfortable and relaxed environment in our home (or wherever we are traveling). We devote specific space in our home for “school”, that’s complete with a desk for each child and shelving or cabinets to store all their books, art and science kits and other supplies. We event use laptops (one per student) that we received at the beginning of the year. We receive all of this free of charge. Because there is no homework (all course work is done as part of the daily plan), we have time to add park and museum visits, music lessons and pursuit of other passions.

We have had three children attending public school at home and we couldn’t be happier. The personalized learning is exactly what we want and need school to be. Initially, we started teaching our youngest two children the basics at home because they were not old enough to attend school. They were fast learners, and soon I was on the constant hunt for curriculum and activities. I started to envision their entrance into a first-grade classroom. I knew they would be bored, for sure. Shortly thereafter, we learned about a Colorado school powered by K12, and we enrolled our youngest two kids in second grade. (We lived in Colorado at the time and transferred mid-year to Oregon Virtual Academy. It was a simple process, with the kids continuing their courses, shifting to learning from Oregon-based teachers). That was nine years ago. Those second graders are entering tenth grade this fall.

Easy to See Progress and Achievement

I am often asked why we chose online school and what our days are like. Here is a snapshot:

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Our children each have a school dashboard that shows their courses, lessons and class schedules. At the completion of each lesson, the dashboard shows if the kids need a review or if they were ready for the next lesson. We can also see their progress in any given course and we can see their grades, on a consistent basis. Specific units and lessons of each course and the learning objectives too.


in the

LIFE

of a

Virtual School family Independence and Self-Confidence From elementary through high school, the courses have been interactive and engaging. Our children look forward to seeing what is next and sometimes sail through lessons on their own. For example, our youngest son realized he needed more time to complete his English and science coursework than he needed for history and math. He then adjusted his

schedule accordingly. This sense of independence empowers him to choose the right learning path for him and having control over his schedule has boosted his self-confidence. Learning in the online classroom has opened our children’s eyes and imaginations. They are not confined to four walls and as a result, neither are their interests. In the future, anything really is possible.

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- Patricia N. Oregon Mom of 4.

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HOW TO BE A LUNCHBOX

HERO

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Let’s face it. If given the opportunity, your kids gravitate toward the most unhealthy food choices possible. Let’s look at some healthy choices that can help parents and please kids.

Slicing potatos thinly and placing on a baking sheet with a little olive oil and cracked pepper, Mrs. Dash, or Rosemary or Garlic Salt and baking at 400 degress for 30 miutes can yield a pretty tasty chip! And the best part? You can serve them warm! So good.

NACHOS Commercial tortilla chips

are loaded with salt and preservatives. Make your own with whole wheat tortillas. Cut them into wedges and bake them at 350 degrees for 6 minutes till crisp. Add shredded cheese, olives, sour cream or greek yogurt and mild salsa for a much healthier and yummy alternative! For more irresistable fun cut them into shapes using cookie cutters before baking. Fun and Yummy!

CHICKEN NUGGETS My

kids love chicken nuggets. Cutting your own chicken breast into bitesize pieces and coating them with wheat bread and panko crumbs in a ziplock bag is so easy that my 12 year old makes them on a regular basis! Mix up the flavor with a little homemade taco seasoning, or parmesan cheese in the coating. Bake at 375 till golden brown.

PIZZA Nothing compares to the

ICE CREAM Let’s jot down all the

gooey deliciousness of pizza. There’s something about the stringy cheese and robust tomato flavors. A favorite of kids everywhere, pizza can be a healthy, affordable, portable option for families on the go. There are so many amazing alternatives! Pizza pinwheels use rolled up whole wheat tortillas, low fat skim mozzerella, pizza sauce and baked chicken. I even slip spinach into mine and the kids love it! Also consider feta cheese with zesty sauce on whole wheat bagel halves. Great in lunchboxes, too!

ingredients in this recipe. Ready? Bananas. That’s it! Slice your banana and place in freezer for two hours. Toss it into your food processor and you have sweet creamy banana ice cream! Try it!

FRUIT SNACKS

For my sons birthday- he asked for 25 boxes of fruit snacks. He’s 14. Nice try, Kid! I offer my kiddos frozen blueberries and raspberries instead. Freezing them takes the flavor to a whole new level!

POTATO CHIPS While its easi-

est to just pop open a bag of chips, making them at home can be pretty simple as well, and so much better for you!

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Pandora: Straight from a

Everywhere you turn- there’s an app to make your life easier. I asked my Facebook readers and they were quick to list some of their favorites!

reader’s post: “We use Pandora like crazy. My son loves the Disney stations and the 50’s Rock & Roll music. We listen to music while we cook and eat. It keeps him at the table rather than running off to play.” FREE www.pandoracom

Our Groceries: OurGroceries

is the simplest way to keep your grocery lists instantly synchronized on all the smartphones in your household-and it’s free! Multiple shopping lists, a web interface and even recipies! FREE! www.ourgroceries.com

Vroom: Marion and Polk Early

Learning Hub offers a free daily Vroom app that makes it easy to nurture your child’s growing mind with parenting tips and age-specific activities that make the most of their precious years. Daily Vroom’s brain-building tools will enhance the things you already do, and help spark new ideas. FREE www.parentinghub.org

Kids Place: Kids Place restricts

your kiddos to apps you have approved. Prevents kids from downloading new apps, making phone calls or texting and performing actions which cost you money. FREE! www.kiddoware.com

The Wonder Weeks:

Click List Fred Meyer: This

This app will keep you informed about the mantal leaps and bounds of your baby. A lifesaver during the times of wondering what on earth is going on with a fussy, poor sleeping or poor appetite phase. $2.99 www.wonderweeks.com

online grocery store ordering service by Kroger lets you shop onilne and pick up your order at the store from the convenience of your car. FREE www.kroger. com

King of Math Jr: A fun learn-

ing app with math puzzles and questiions where kids can collect stars and earn medals. Level up your character and have fun learning at the same time! Ages 6-12 years $2.99 www.amazon.com

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Do you have a favorite app for your family? I’d love to hear about it and share it with other local families. Feel free to drop me an email at yvette@willamettekidsandfamily.com

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Profile for Willamette Kids and Family Magazine

Willamette Kids and Family September/ October 2018  

It's back to school time in the Willamette Valley! Harvest Festival listings, Bullyproofing your kids, Stress Busters, Ask an Attorney, Onl...

Willamette Kids and Family September/ October 2018  

It's back to school time in the Willamette Valley! Harvest Festival listings, Bullyproofing your kids, Stress Busters, Ask an Attorney, Onl...