INSIDEbrown cock bay///some like it gross///la reina de la platja
LA FATXA does lloret! PA G E 8
B A R C E L O N A ’ S F R E E C U L T U R A L N E W S W E E K LY | W W W . B C N W E E K . C O M | J U LY 2 1 – 2 7 , 2 0 0 6
SOME LIKE IT REALLY GROSS SUNBATHERS AT ‘CHERNOBYL’ BEACH
VA M O S PA’ L A P L AYA !
VOL 1, NO 10
FORGET IPANEMA. DEJA LAS ISLAS VÍRGENES. YOU’RE IN BARCELONA NOW. LEAVE YOUR TOP AT HOME. GRAB YOUR SPF2.WE’RE GOING TO THE BEACH. PA G E 4
VOL 1, NO 10
S AY F O R M A T G E !
Week ‘ chernobyl’ beach BCN
IF YOU’RE INTO FETID ODORS, RUSTED SHOPPING KARTS AND SMOKE STACKS, THIS IS THE BEACH FOR YOU.
J U LY 2 1 - 2 7 , 2 0 0 6
W W W. B C N W E E K . C O M
E D IT O R’ S L E T T E R The first time I ever went to the beach in Barcelona I arrived with a silver one piece suit that I had swiped from my mother. Coming from a country that has more body issues than a 14-year old girl with an eating disorder, the notion of wearing a bikini and not being a size 0 was far beyond me. I was shaken and shocked to see bodies of all shape and size, gender and age, just letting it all hang loose. The only people on the entire beach wearing a one piece were me and what appeared to be an Olympic swimmer. Suddenly out of nowhere these five girls arrived to our group — two from here, an American and two from England. I felt like a pious Puritan from New England (where I actually am from) as they chatted amongst themselves while their super perfect, super tan breasts followed along in the conversation. I put on a skirt and swallowed my lame culture shock and read the nutritional info on the back of the bag of Lays I was eating. Someone once told me that half of the people that come to visit Barcelona have no idea there is a beach here. I find that unbelievable. Barcelona is a beach town, and the difference between the summer in Barcelona and the winter in Barcelona is striking. I often hear people complaining of the state of the city beaches — they are dirty, overcrowded etc. These very reasons, in my opinion, are what make the beaches here so wonderful. If you want a perfect beach go to the Caribbean. If you want a real beach go to San Sebastià.
Jennifer Cross J E N N @ B C N W E E K .CO M
staff Marcus Villaça foundeR / creative director Jennifer Cross editor / publisher Lena Wiget managing / listings editor David Tressel copy editor Tiffany Carter proofreader / pie baker Laurent Bompard distribution director Bruna Cypel design assistant Kade Agan intern extraordinaire editorial contributors Laurent Bompard, Isolda Dosrius Déulafeu, Núria Ferrer, Noelle Julian, Lee Lancaster, Joe Littenberg, Sabine Rietkotter, Maggie Scott, Spencer Tarp, Maja Wakin
art contributors Toni BG, Alfredo Lahoz, utensil
advertising sales Domenico Composto firstname.lastname@example.org Joe Littenberg email@example.com Robert Senior firstname.lastname@example.org Francesca Hanson sales/marketing assistant
San Gil 2, bajos 2, 08001 Barcelona, Spain email@example.com | www.bcnweek.com D.L. L-741-06 © 2006 all rights reserved
VA M O S PA’ L A P L AYA !
el mercaT de la flesh PREFER RARE OR WELL-DONE? HOW ABOUT SOME CHURRASQUITO INSTEAD? HERE’S OUR CLIP-’N-SAVE, MUY LOW-TECH GPS OF WHERE TO STRUT YOUR LEOPARD-STRIPE HACK-JOB OF A TAN. BY
ove glitter c ta e aka barcelon
the le think of as What many peop Sant ly al tu ach is ac Barceloneta be eta beach on el rc Ba al re the Sebastia, and e at the riv ar u yo chill until is much more The o. e Puerto Olimpic ation end, next to th inu nt co a is this beach t first part of bu n, urist populatio of the young to playa iringuito, the ch st la after the ont of a fr in t ou ins th itself quickly e a lot rants. There ar bank of restau camp out d an me co o wh more families e of the king advantag for the day, ta the jungle d an s om ro public changing again, beach widens gym. Once the -restauub cl e th th ea though, undern ale, the wh er pp e big co rant-bars by th ing and in the mix, tann PYTs are back ing lanirt fl broken practicing their despite the , im sw ny Ma . ce guage of choi d gold water has an od fact that the , so what er itt gl t no 's sludge in it. It the hell?
ock bay browni q c uel m aka sant
veral pril hosts se Sant Mique one chirind an s club vate beach mous for fa it's more guito, but osterone. vels of test its high le om the fr the beach, The end of way down e th l al guito you last chirin As . ay pier, is g to the last and rs ba e th to get closer oneta, s of Barcel restaurant sculptof s re ac see on the you'll just g in ll people lo wards ed abs and to n further dow is y beach, but g er en e sexual the pier, th fully, or re ca d ea h. Tr rather hig ked bum ip over a na you might tr in action.
bamboleoo bea ch
aka sant seb astia
After you pass the first chiri nguito, the be turns into the ach crowd international touristy mix th through the Vil at defines it a Olimpica. You' ll find gangs and Germans, of French along with anyo ne else who do to walk furthe esn't want r than they ha ve to, and does swimming with n't mind tampons. Its cl ose proximity restaurants an to the d bars of Barc eloneta, as we abundance of ll as the beer vendors and Bamboleo” makes this an doughnuts, attractive beac h for anyone wh know better. To o doesn't be fair, it's gr eat for people English bachel watching. or parties with the groom dr matador outfit, essed in a Thai massage wo men sitting on boardwalk, st the rategizing atta ck, guys doing on top of their push-ups girlfriends... what more do you need?
playa [ so-hip -it-hur ell ts] The tw o chir in aka b ogat
guitos beach are th that o e hip c ccupy ate fo this hiring r the uitos, hip kid mostl approp s they y a cou ris e p r les or everyo ve. This ne is y single is oung, s beac their V and ev h, ersace eryone shade you're has s on. A not lo s long oking it's al for qu as so con ality g venien want t oods, t l o get y loca ted. If the pa gum, y per, o you ou can r perh go up want f aps so t o the ast fo me Repso od, Mc there. l. If y Donald If you ou s is w also a ant re right al foo bunch d, ther of res above e are tauran the be ts dir ach fo been p ectly r whic rovide h parkin d. This conver g has makes sion to its nig er, sin meat m httime ce peo arket ple ca all th motos n arriv e easito get e on t smash heir ed and groov e.
way-too-far be ach aka n ova mar bell a
At the beginning , a continuatio n of the same from Mar Bella: young gu iris. The chiringuitos st ay open all da y, and they serve pret ty reasonable food since everyone appears to be coming and staying an d not leaving. On Sundays there are still mass es of young people out at ten pm. After the chiringuitos st op, however, th ere is a substantial st retch of beac h left, and this, once again , has a lot mo re families and it's mo re tranquil. It 's not touristy at al l, because the tourists don't like to co me this far, an d some natives who ca n't get out of the city on the weeken d will take re fuge in this quieter ar ea. This is also where the water actu ally starts ge tting tolerable again, an d people who aren't afraid of sea creatures can go swimming with a lo w probability of contracting a derm atological vir us.
let-it-a llhang-ou t cove aka ma r bell a
y-feud il m a f a l ca aria a ic aka nov
r the othe each on b e th a d to 'll fin ing on Descend Port, you ts. e Olympic e touris r th o f m o d e n a sid s ie is il th m , a ung f Sebastia mix of yo and Sant are n ta e e n th lo e s to Like Barc sy acces wider, ovides ea and it's , s r a beach pr b d n a padts g n n a yi ur eople pla by resta p e r o akes m find arking m so you'll er. The p c diac h o s it w d n a or people f dle ball ve no ti c 's a attr ut there this area ollers, b tr f s o d h n a tretc per bags to this s et sonality guitos g in ir h real per c e th t h ig . n t y to beach. A t they tr r at leas slutty, o
Next to the big sand du ignated ne, this naturis is a des ta beac as an o h, which lder ad double u l t singl Don't g s es hang o unles out. s you c den app an hand earance le the s , at you of an o udr lder ma side at n with a the bar pants. , t-shirt This par and no t of th quiet, a e beach s it isn is 't a big fairly do have stretch to suff , but yo er the the ret u f r aining w eaks wh all sta o sit on people. ring at Actuall the nak y, you g at all t ed et plen he beac ty of th hes whe younge at re ther r patro e are ns, too fades o . The na ut pret k e dness ty fast to the , and th young p en it's eople m night o back aking a f it on day and the bea beach v ch. The olleyba y've set ll nets bars al up out her l have s e, and t erious people he DJ lineu partyin ps to k g. Thes chiring eep e might uitos p be the ar exce people guiri llence, are for as mos eign bu t t not to urists.
Guiri Trivia! BEACHES ARE CLEANED EACH DAY DURING THE SUMMER, IN THE MORNING, AFTERNOON AND NIGHT.THE SAND OF 30 HECTARES OF BEACH ARE RAKED, 50,000 LITRES OF WASTE IS REMOVED AND RUBBISH FLOATING ON THE WATER IS DISPOSED OF. W W W. B C N . E S VA M O S PA’ L A P L AYA !
‘chiringuitos-r-us’ Beaaaatch! WANNA SIT PRETTY ALL DAY WITH A COLD CAÑA IN HAND? HERE’S WHERE YOU CAN DO IT.
B R O W N C O C K B AY BY
R E S E A R C H A S S O C I AT E / B A D - C LU B - M U S I C E X P E RT
CHIRINGUITO DEL MAR /// SANT MIQUEL Connected to the next chiringuito over, which opened as of July 15, and both have food provided by the restaurant Francacella. The menu looks really good, and even their tapas, including hummus, manchego, and nachos, are a little more involved than your average deep-fry-in-the-morning, serve-untilmidnight fare. Caña 2.50¤, cocktail of the week 3¤, other cocktails 6¤. There’s a guy here who makes the best mixed drinks, so ask for him. NO NAME /// SANT MIQUEL other Francacella bar that just opened July 15. Sant Sebastià. Beer: 2¤ (caña) and 4¤ (grande). Cocktails 6¤, normally, and 3¤, cocktail of the week. They make good mojitos. The people behind the bar were awesome and really friendly. No beach chairs or DJs at either one of these two bars. GOA BEACH CLUB /// SANT SEBASTIÀ The neon lights chiringuito with windchimes, fake potted flowers, and other trinkety shit hanging from the ceiling. They do have umbrellas for the tables, though, which is nice. Caña ¤2.50 / grande 4¤, cocktails 7.50¤ — mojitos, caipirinhas. They’ve got a horchata machine, juice machine, and a margarita machine. Very busy on a Saturday afternoon, so don’t expect friendly personal attention as you wade through the international tourists. Bar doesn't have beach chairs. Food: salads, pizza, sandwiches, pasta, fried tapas, and the staff will bring it out to the beach if it’s not too busy. EL CHIRINGUITO /// SANT SEBASTIÀ Not connected with any other chiringuito or bar in the city, and they’ve put little work into the décor, despite having had the contract for four years. It’s not as busy as Goa or 23. There are about six real potted palms, but nothing else to distinguish their little brown box + deck from all the others. Cañas 2.50¤ or 4¤, cocktails 6.50¤ — mojito, caipirinhas. Serve salads, pizza, some tapas. The employees do all have cute matching t-shirts, though. 23 BEACH BAR /// SANT SEBASTIÀ Run by the guy who runs Princesa 23 in the Barrio Gótico. Beer 2.50¤, cubata-cocktail 6¤, cocktail of the week, 3¤. Full cocktail menu as well. Food includes bravas for 4¤, hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken wrap for 6¤, and there's a full menu besides. The tables are often full even when the beach isn’t, mostly with young people and big groups settling in for the afternoon. No DJ, but the music is usually good: pre-90s Michael Jackson, other pop dance hits. DOCKERS XIRINGUITO BEACH /// NOVA ICARIA Tubo 4¤, piña colada, mango daiquiri, other cocktails 8¤. The place is decorated with a few palm trees and fake lamps. The first time I went on Friday night it was boring and there was basically no one there, but Saturday day it was packed from the beach with young hipsters. They were playing Peaches and some other dance floor music. No DJ. They sell salads, sandwiches, tapas… the usual. DESEO /// NOVA ICARIA No connection to any other bar in the city or other chiringuitos. It’s run by a private owner who’s had it for seven years. It gets packed on beach days and, in fact, the owner was too busy to tell us his prices. So it’s a mystery that you’ll have to check out for yourself. It definitely can’t be more expensive than the cañas at the clubby chiringuitos that sandwich it, though. Ask to be seated at Denis's tables. No DJ, and they were playing something that sounded like latin ska when we were there.
INERCIA BEACH /// NOVA ICARIA Inercia and Dockers are both connected to Club Inercia in BCN, which has some lovely pictures up on its website, if you’d care to check it out: www.dockersbcn.com. Tubo 4¤. Cocktails 8¤. They were playing bad house. More fake lamps. EL CHIRINGUITO FITNESS /// BOGATELL Run by the Chiringuito Group, along with the Bogatell Beach chiringuito. Caña 3.50¤, cocktails 9¤, they have mojitos, caipirinhas, and a full drink menu. Chairs on the beach are a major part of this bar's setup. EL CHIRINGUITO BOGATELL BEACH /// BOGATELL BEACH Cocktails and beers are the same prices as at Fitness, although they might be a Euro less during the day. Beach chairs also. This is the hip-cat chiringuito with all the Gucci sunglasses and models that beckons you from afar at night with its red and green lights. The mix is international, but most everyone speaks Spanish, and they’re all in their early twenties to thirties. The DJ’s music is dancy/clubby, but of a higher caliber than some of the other beach bars, and on Sundays it’s usually a mix of latin/club/ chill/disco. They have tapas, sandwiches, salads, pizzas, and the wraps are really good. EL DULCE DESEO DE LORENZO CLUB DE MAR /// MAR BELLA Connected to the next chiringuito down, but not to any other place in the city, these two bars win for best names. Their DJ was playing mellow house/house. Be prepared to see a lot of naked people wandering around, and no design investment in the place whatsoever, unless you count the lovely sign. 2.50¤ caña, 4¤ grande, and they sell mojitos and caipirinhas for 8¤. They also sell salads, berberechos, bikinis, bocattas, pizzas. Just opened 3 weeks ago. EL MISTERIOSO SECRETO DE AMPARO CLUB DE MAR /// MAR BELLA Much more chill than the Dulce Deseo, and they were playing a mix of non-electronic music, although there was no DJ. 2.50¤ caña, 4¤ grande, mojitos and caipirinhas for 8¤. No real decoration here either, except for a bizarre yellow triangle of fabric slung from the ceiling. Not really full, just serving the people on the beach who wanted beer or snacks. We asked, but the bartender, who was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his neck, did not know what Amparo’s mysterious secret was. MOCHIMA BAR /// MAR BELLA Connected to the Mochima bar at Nova Mar Bella and to the Mochima Club on Escudellers. Cana 2.50¤, Mochima splash cocktail 7¤, other cocktails 8¤. They have those liquor bongs as well. DJs several days a week. Food is more Caribbean than the other chiringuitos, and they also serve breakfast. Décor: lanterns, colored table cloths, and palm trees. The tablecloths are ugly, but it's a nice idea, at least. They also put out cute little lights at night. They have beach chairs, but they’re not usually out on Sundays for their huge DJ fiesta night. Very international crowds of, again, young hipsters. NUEVA OLA /// NOVA MAR BELLA Sorrylooking palm trees. Caña 2.50¤, cocktails 7¤. DJ on Sunday nights, when there are a ton of people. This bar is very close to the other Mochima, so they each trade runoff from their crowds on their busy nights. MOCHIMA BAR /// NOVA MAR BELLA Same as the other Mochima in terms of prices, food, and DJ. They seem a bit understaffed on their busy nights, so be prepared to wait. This is the last chiringuito, so during the day they also serve the rest of the Nova Mar Bella beach.
© BBC/LITTLE BRITAIN’S DAFFY D
Gay beach you say? Why yes, I’ll take one of those please, no, actually two, I’ll take two. Yes, that’s right, BCN WEEK reader, there are two gay beaches, one at either end of Barcelona’s approximate 4.2kms of dusty beige beachfront. Looking at the sea, there’s one at Sant Miquel all the way to the far right, and the other at Marbella, all the way to the left. I have suffered, over and over, the damaging rays of the sun in the name of research, so that you may know what it is that you are getting into, curious about getting into, or what you’re flat out avoiding. The gay stereotype is alive and tanning at the beach, so get ready to see some hot studs in tiny suits, it’s more of a showcase than anything else and there’s no other reason to go. There are many gay men who work hard all winter to be that one on the beach with the fantastic figure and the perfect suit, sculpted muscles and latest fashion sunglasses. So if you’re one of the studs or spectators, Marbella and Sant Miquel are the official showgrounds to get your trot off. (If you’re a stud please apply sunscreen while standing, doing so oh so slowly, and any gratuitous touching of the crotch/nipples is always appreciated.) In my opinion, however, the best thing about queer beaching in BCN is that all the subsets are forced into union. Everyone in the gay spectrum who usually mixes in very closed social circles is splayed out together. You’ve got your twinks and bears, machos and sissies, pretty boys and punks, dykes and fems, each grouped together nervously watching the other like adolescents at a completely gone wrong school dance. But of course there is another reason to go to these geographic extremes… both beaches, consequently or not, function as nude beaches as well, for both hetero and homo tastes alike. I love the inherent voyeuristic/ exhibitionist nature of being at a nude beach. There are so many different types of tits and dicks and butts… it’s great. I rarely get naked myself, but that’s due to a personal preference and has nothing to do with any body complex…spending more than half an hour at the nude beach will cure anyone of any body conscious problem they have as it’s all there in every shape and form. Of course there are the men who are always standing with hands on hips showing off their dangling schlongs that look like mis-hung bell clappers. And then there was that time I awoke from a lovely nap to a woman quite comfortably reading a paper, spread eagled, about 30 cm from my freshly-rested eyes. Her genitals were pierced, and sweaty. I don’t think I vocalized the horrified scream I heard in my head. It’s okay, though, we’re all lovely and beautiful, and one has to be of this frame of mind before going, because if not then it’s just all hideous and ridiculous, dangling, sagging, shriveled, and wiry haired with pretty gay boyz skipping across the sand. As you will not be required to be naked or gay while there, either Brown Cock Bay I or II (FYI: this is not the official Ayutamiento name, but rather a name my colleague has coined) is fun for the whole family. Get your cock out, or let your bush breathe, and make sure you have some seriously dark glasses so that you can take it all in; the human spectacle is rich and you won’t want to miss a freckle of it.
hanging out in ‘please don’t drool’ sant sebastià BY
As a gay friend of mine said recently, “There’s quite a lot of nice Spanish men on Barceloneta’s beach, but its a shame about the ugly foreigners.” Unfortunately, at times, I feel like I fit into that latter category of beach-goer. Looking in awe at the tanned lanky Catalan bodies on the beach, I think to myself, ‘did the mezcla of genes from 5 European countries run amock in my body?’ Of course I feel generally attractive and love to head out the door of my Barceloneta aparment for a dip at the San Sebastian beach, but at times it seems impossible to measure up to the amazing bodies. For starters there is just a lot more skin than many people from my prudish country are used to seeing on a trip to the seashore. I’m sure I’ve fulfilled my quota of seeing leathery 80 year old men in Speedos with unsightly low hanging bulges during my time in Catalonia. But if you take a trip to the San Sebastian beach you’ll see a lot more hot tail than you will old bulge. This beach attracts the hip, young, and hot. After a trip to conservative Morocco where I wore long sleeves for a week, I thought Barcelona could be Gomorrah judging from the amount of immodesty going on. I quickly bounced back from that line of thought and got topless on the beach again. Last time I checked, topless 16 year old Catalan girls do not make 26 year old American girls feel more confident on the beach. Try going to the beach with your horny male friends and you’ll soon notice every girl on the beach
who hit puberty last fall. For some reason these Lolitas all flock to my neighborhood beach to strut their perfectly toned buns and tanned nipples. They can be enough to firm your resolve to eat a little less schawarma late at night. When you are not wiping the drool off your mates’ chins, you have a little time to ponder the miraculousness of the Catalan body. The Catalan woman seems to have a naturally sleek frame while still retaining feminine curves. There are a million and one breasts that are firmer and younger. There are gorgeous culos without an ounce of cellulite. We may ask: What do they do?! Unfortunately, this seems to be a mystery that must be absorbed slowly after months of saturation into the Mediterranean diet and sun rays. So how to enjoy the beach with a less than Penelope Cruz-like figure? The truth is simple, you just have to go with the flow and relax more while comparing less. When you just liberate yourself and plunge into the water you’ll start worrying less about how you look and more about how you feel. You can still feel free to admire the human beauty around you, if you can contain your feelings of comparison. So next time you walk off the Barceloneta metro and head to the San Sebastian beach and hit the path (aka catwalk) to the Cubo leave your insecurities at home. Wear your skimpiest bikini and leave the top at home, but you still may want to pass on the late-night schawarma.
looking for radioactive mutants at ‘chernobyl’ beach BY
Oh happy day! It’s the beach issue! Sun, sand, clear Mediterranean water, orange inflatable floaties. Good things. Good times. A little too good. Where’s the grime? Everything has its dark side. Mustn’t every beach issue as well? In search of something more interesting than happiness, more taxing than relaxed sunbathing, one name kept seeping through the cracks like radiation. Chernobyl. Nyet! Not in the Ukraine. Chernobyl, Barcelona. Fittingly, this supposedly disgusting beach lies right in front of the FECSA energy plant. You may think you have no idea where the FECSA plant is, but you’ve seen it a hundred times. When you’ve looked up the coast in direction Badalona, you’ve seen three massive chimneys. They belong to FECSA. When you get off of RENFE at Sant Adrià de Besós, a machine-generated whirring sound descends upon you, shortly becoming a constant buzz inside your cerebro. The beach itself looks rather normal. The Forum’s solar panels are on the right, the sand is normal, clean enough, and there are plenty of people. If you ignore the FECSA drone in your head and the long white tube extending from the plant into the water, this is una playa bastante bonita. I ask the lifeguards what the tube is. It draws water into the plant for the cooling system, they explain, and then FECSA spits the warmed water back into the sea. Pero no tiran nada, eh. That’s to say there’s nothing more than water shooting out of that industrial, whirring monster. Nothing? Do you
believe it? I probe a little further. “Then why is this beach nicknamed Chernobyl.” “Ah,” they respond, “Chernobyl is the next beach over. Walk alongside the plant and under the tube.” Passing under the tubes is a filthy experience. There couldn’t possibly be any more opportunities to catch tetanus in one single place. Empty and broken whiskey bottles, rusted cans and sardine tin, and potato chip bags accompany the smell of piss and the sound of rushing water leaving the FECSA plant via a channel labelled “Danger of death due to strong currents.” That’s just in case anyone wanted to swim in water on its way out of a power plant cooling system. I found the Chernobyl beach lifeguard. He has no special story to tell of a man with three pichas. There’s no radiation, cause it’s a thermal plant. Still, he wouldn’t be surprised if they were dumping something into the sea. But this water is mucho más clean than the water in Barceloneta, Bogatell, or any of the BCN beaches. It’s a crystal bluegreen straight down to the clearly visible bottom. Aside from the surrounding architecture and its constant machine soundtrack, the beach is pristine. It certainly doesn’t merit the name Chernobyl, I decided. But seeds of doubt were later sewn. I told a friend of mine the story of my excursion, and the disappointing lack of radioactive mutants. “The water is so clean!” I told him, “There’s nothing wrong with the place.” “But maybe,” he says, “it’s so clear because everything’s dead.” Hmmm.
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Marañon, Un Mundo de Hamacas
C. Josep Anselm Clave, 3 CLOSE TO THE COLUMBUS STATUE AT THE END OF THE RAMBLAS
The entry is grey, a big sandbox, on the left, chair it. Lloret, maximum 50 km/h. Later on the right, how to go to the gas station and to Casino, important things! In the main avenue, I don’t know if I’m in a Leaving-Las-Vegas nightdream or in a Killing-Lloret-a-little-bite-more nightmare. What can we do in Lloret? Mainly during the day: shopping and shopping strident and useless souvenirs; eating fast food, thus you don’t break your original way of life; drinking Coke, beer, sangria, and big-sweet-honey-rose-cool drinks, strange drinks for me. And during the night? Going to the disco, drinking all type of alcoholic graduation drinks and, if you’re lucky, fucking some hole. Looking at this scenery, I have a brilliant idea. I’ll start a new bussiness, and you, my beloved guiris-playeros, will be my customers. Yes. I will be richer than now. Today I discovered your real essential way of life. As you show in your t-shirts “en tres paraules”, you like love desire wish for Spanish Triathlon: drinking, eating and fucking. I invented today a new risk sport, that will be all the rage. Everybody will talk about it. Dangerous sport that can cast doubt on your skills. But sure not, because you’re a good guiris-playeros and so prepared for that. I’m sure! I’ll offer you the only one opportunity to let run your intimate incstints. And after all, you can go back to your city as a respectable citizen and nobody will know what’s the real essence of your vacation. The damage is done in Lloret, and it will make no difference. Well, I can see... imagine: Ladies and Gentlemen, are you ready for Lloreting? The challenge! Lloreting, the new and hazardous sport. We admit all ages. You can get in touch with us on: www.lloreting.com. We offer 2 products: Kinder and Adult(-erous). The Kinder pack is perfect for mums and dads. It includes: 24h Au-pair service. Don’t worry if you don’t sleep during the nights, don’t worry about hangover, our au-pair girls will take care of your children. meal service Don’t worry about this, your sons and daughters ONLY will eat burger, pizza, fried chicken, ketchup and drink coke and sweetrefreshing drinks (orange and lemon). Optional: Introducing PAELIA. Playing service We guarantee the child will be minimum 4 hours per day on the beach, 2 hours shopping useless and cheap things in a Comercial Centre and 1 hour in a Game Hall. We will visit a new Comercial Centre every day, with an especial bus to do that. We adapt this services depending on the parents’ way. The only one condition is to give to the children the clothes and enough money for the day, and sun protection. The Adult(-erous) pack includes (*):
private guide service Our team of guides will show you all you want to
know in Lloret. You can contract one guide per person or one guide per group, it depends on you. Every morning they will wake up you, and the day will be according to the following services: Playa service we warrant 6 hours per day on the beach, and 4 hours during the night at chiringuito party. The rest of time, you can choose 2 activities of this ones: shopping, sangria drinking, making noise on the streets, disc-o-teking or fack-ing. night service 6 disc-o-teking or fack-ing hours minimum per day, and 4 hours on the beach. The rest of time, better if you sleep. Don’t worry about hangover, our guides will help you. free service Special service with no schedule. You can mix the services showed above. (*)Every Adult(-erous) pack includes free self-service of alcohol drinks. The prices will be established according to what services will be contracted. equipment bath wear, towels, sandals and cash money. physical condition to support hot temperatures and hot degrees drinks. If necessary, to have high sexual endurance to satisfy your potential spanish-catalan partners on the bed... ... I’ve doubts, if you have drunk alcohol, you won’t be able... I can see the bussiness marketing, yes! You’ll love it because you don’t have to think. I’ll offer you Lloreting, a perfect sport for your maturity size... remember Lloret, maximum 50 km/h.
We can not recuperate the original Lloret de Mar. We don’t. If we had been more clever in the past, we would have put a new “artificial” island in front of the Costa Brava, and invited you to enjoy your vacation there. Yes. It would have been the ideal solution. In front of the wild coast and far away enough from my earth. In this way you couldn’t have destroyed and changed, “de manera irreversible”, our little coastal towns. Well, you aren’t the only one cause. We are that kind of people always arranged to serve the foreigners. I can’t catch it, but it’s like this... Maybe to compensate a ridiculous inferiority complex, don’t know... Therefore, we went through a bad economical period. The result: everyone did all kind of things to make a buck, without consequences thinking. In this artificial island, called “New Lloret”, with Liberty Statue included, we would have built all things you need. Far away from us. Imagine. In this case, we would have needed a “Catalanish Fleet” to ship you. That would mean more money £££! It would have been a real ghetto, and we could have preserved our “patrimoni històric i artístic”. We could have reproduced our main monuments in a little entertainment center. Moreover the guiri-playero who visits the real Lloret is not interested in. It’s a pity you’re still looking for spanish “tòtems”: toros, sangria and Easy Girls and/or Boys...
‘FIGURAS’ OUR VERY OWN ‘A-LIST’ OF BARCELONA PERSONAJES BY
la reina de la platja This woman is here strictly on business. “No interviews. I’m here to broncearme,” I imagine her saying. I climb slowly out of my imagination and stand up to walk the 20 odd steps that separate us. But my legs are stunned into stillness by what my eye doth see. The Beach Queen has removed the top half of her bathing suit to reveal a pair of long, leathery breasts. Oh lord! “Uh . . . perdón, do you come to this playa often?” “Sí, claro! It’s what I most like to do. I don’t work. My husband está en el bar.” “What bar?” “El Extremeño.” “You’re from Extremadura?” “Claro! You don’t hear my accent?” “What’s your name?” “Señora Silvia Ruiz.” “Señora Ruiz, I think you are expecting demasiado from a guiri. Understanding is prioridad número uno, I usually don’t get as far as distinguishing accents.” “Pue... tu ere muy majete pase guiri.” So it went like that, small talk between me and the Beach Queen Señora Silvia Ruiz. Small talk until she sat up a little more and I sensed a sexy pose taking shape. Oh lord. Free advice to all those save the Beach King who’s out there somewhere: it’s ok to love the Beach Queen for being herself, just don’t love the Beach Queen. And for the rest of us, so we might understand her the next time, pue is pues, ere is eres, pase is para ser, and majete is nice. It appears not too many guiris are cuddling up with the reina.
SOME LIKE IT GROSS
the day i tried to be columbus For the average person the worst thing that can happen when spending a day at the beach is passing out in the sun after a few beers and waking up to find that their skin has taken on a vivid pink tone and that they will soon be the least sexy body on the beach. Being somehow different than the average person and always willing to experiment, I decided to hit the beach of Sitges at night with my crew of Irish drinking partners and enough liquid supplies to secure the next day’s hangover. We proceeded with our normal activities starting with the consumption of half our booze in record breaking time, followed by wrestling on the beach, the loser of each round being punished by having his/her underwear filled with sand. After bathing nude, my friend Abby realized that she had left the wine on the little wall where we had stopped earlier. Not the kind to waste time with prudish and conformist behavior, she just walked over, amongst the families and couples enjoying a romantic evening walk, wearing only her hat. As delighted as I was to hear her shouting from afar that the bottles were still there, my intuition told me that this night was going to spiral out of control. We kept drinking, walking around, drinking again and decided, as kids do, to find something REALLY interesting to do. Paddle boats! yes!
that is definitely a guarantee of pure, safe fun. The world is being ruled by a bunch of sorry asses who don’t value fun. We found that the nine paddle boats were tied together with a chain and lock. Should that stop us? No way! Imaginative and resourceful as I am, I came up with a master plan: push all the boats into the water, captain the boats on the extremities, and add one happy sailor in the middle for a bit of paddle power. And off we sailed. Well, perhaps sailing is not the right word, as our brave fleet looked rather like a giant sea snake having convulsions. It is actually one of those convulsions that had me suddenly facing the shore instead of the wide open sea, and I could see, among the peaceful lights of a summer night in Sitges, the rotating lights of a police van and the flashlight of a cop inspecting my wallet, which was of course in my pants, right there next to the crime scene. Aaah, the glorious arrival! The warm welcome from the natives as we landed on their shore. I was taken to the police van where I had to explain to an officer what our intention (if any) was. The charges of unlawfully seizing a private fleet were dropped as the officer listened to my mumbled explanations while trying to keep from laughing at me. I guess their routine usually deals with worse matters than a bunch of drunk pirates.
DRAIN YOUR BRAIN
BLACK HORSE L
Squinting into the sun, I catch a glimpse of a familiar swimsuit walking by. It’s a one-piece, leopard print little number. And then... wait... Yes! The same woven beach bag swinging alongside the suit. That means she’s been at this beach every day this weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Of course, that means I’ve been at this beach every day this weekend but, hey, I’m an out-of-work English teacher slash writer. There are a million of me in Barcelona, but there are very few of her. I have no actual proof that she was also here Thursday, Wednesday, etc. moving backwards in time, but if you judge by her skin you can tell there have been a couple hundred more weekends like this one in her life… it’s a dark, dark brown and seems thicker than most. It isn’t dry, but it obviously hasn’t been lathered with sunscreen, or perhaps the polar opposite: super absorbent sunbeam attractor cream. Her hide is exactly that, a hide, like a pelt. The skin is wrinkly as can be but at the same time tight and hard, like leather. She’d make a great shoe. This whole curing process makes her age difficult to tell, and you can be damned sure that I’m not about to ask her. If she pulled that flirtatious thing and said, “guess,” I’d be as good as hung. You try and guess the age of the jamón on top of your local bar counter, or how many leap years your auntie’s Christmas pudding has seen. Besides, this is not a flirting matter.
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Erin: No Moria,we go towards ‘La Pau.’ Moria: No actually Erin,we go towards ‘Trinidad Nova.’ Erin: (pointing to metro line up) No. Look,we’re HERE (points to Jaume I) we want to go HERE (Points to Poble Nou). Moria: Fine Erin, but you don’t have to be such a bitch. Erin: I’m not being a bitch, I’m just tired of your poor attitude. Moria:What are you, my mother? Erin: No but all you’ve done the whole time we’ve been in
you stupid slut. Erin: Can you please keep your voice down? Moria:Why should I? You don’t want people to know you’re a stupid slut? Erin:What are you talking about? That guy at that club? Moria: Guys plural.You just left me to go dry hump someone behind a bar. Erin: Excuse me? We were dancing. Moria: He had his hand up your shirt and you were acting like it was nothing. Erin: Sorry if you’re a jealous
Moria: Oh sorry, Ms.CulturedMy-Daddy’s-a-Big-Bad Professor. Erin: Oh sorry Ms. My-Mom’s-aSlut-Alcoholic-Just-Like-Me. Barcelona is complain.The food sucks.The people are rude.You don’t understand anything.Things are too slow. It’s too hot. It’s like travelling with my Grandmother for God’s sake! Moria:Well if you hadn’t been such a slut in Ibiza then I’d be in a better mood. Erin:What?! What the hell are you talking about?! Moria :You know exactly what I’m talking about. Erin: No,actually—you psycho bitch—I don’t. Moria: First of all, don’t ever refer to me as a ‘psycho bitch,’
prude that has gained ten kilos. Moria:You’re a bitch. I wish I never came on this trip with you. Erin:You’re an idiot.You don’t even want to do anything but sit on the beach and get tan. Moria: Oh sorry, Ms. CulturedMy-Daddy’s-a-Big-BadProfessor. Erin: Oh sorry Ms. My-Mom’s-aSlut-Alcoholic-Just-Like-Me. (Moria pulls Erin’s hair) Don’t talk about my family,you stupid rich girl. Erin exits.
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A F T E R A D AY I N T H E S U N
the short list
PH O T O S BY
bars, restaurants and hangouts que molan big time M E T I C U L O U S LY S E L E C T E D ( B U R P ! ) /// R E P E AT E D LY J U E R G A -T E S T E D /// N E V E R E V E R PA I D F O R
EL NUS MIRALLERS,5
TEL. 93 319 53 55
Maybe hanging out at a bar named after an object made to assist with suicide wouldn’t make you happy. Not to worry. It’s not that kind of a “nus”. El Nus is a quiet jazz bar tucked on a side street away from the boisterousness of The Borne. With its heavy wooden shelves, original moldings, various knicknacks sprinkled throughout, and two fairly impressive curiosity cabinets, it’s a fantastic place to escape from everything and have a quiet drink. Wine costs 2¤, beer is 3¤ and top-shelf liquors are an even 4¤. That may seem a little high but it’s offset with a bottomless bowl of salty corn nuts.
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ASK FOR THE FRIJOLES!
ROMESCO S A N PAU , 2 8 T E L . 9 3 3 1 8 9 3 8 1
Romesco isn’t a secret. It isn’t tucked down a dark alleyway. Everyone has heard of it before but do you know exactly why it is so good? It isn’t the brussel sprouts for 2,40¤ or the arroz con leche for 1,80¤. It isn’t the butifarra con judías for 3,00¤ or the tortilla española for 2,40¤. Romesco is so fantastic because the level of entertainment one will find while
sitting at the bar and enjoying what could possibly be the most economic (yet still edible) meal in Barcelona. It is a performance to witness. The three cooks/waiters work in unison yelling orders while calming the line of people waiting impatiently to get seated in this nofrills haven. In the meantime, they are also taking orders to-go and negotiating the sales of mobile phones with door-to-door sales men. The food is so cheap it makes you wonder how, but then it tastes to good that you don’t care why.
Across from the Palau de la Musica there is a different kind of theatre going on. L’Antic Teatre is a space for artists to gather, as well as those who enjoy paying 1¤ for a San Miguel. L’Antic appears to have been forgotten: peeling yellow paint, outdated flyers taped to the wall, the small makeshift kitchen, but it’s the space’s artistic atrophy that gives it its charm. In addition to its sizable two-level outdoor terrace (complete with a swing), every month there is a fairly comprehensive line up of events happening ranging from dance and theatre to movies. Don’t think you can just saddle up to the bar and plunk down your euro. You have to be a socio to get served here. Luckily being a socio includes nothing more than paying 3¤ and presenting your card every time you request anything. Also, if you were hankering for an Estrella or Moritz, no such luck. San Miguel is the official beer of the Barcelona bohemian (you can however get a Coronita). Food-wise check out the tarta de zanahoria (carrot cake) for 2¤ or the plate of jamon serrano with brie and nuts for 2,90¤. For the latest lineup of events go to www.lanticteatre.com where you can choose your language: English, Spanish or Catalan.
C3 BAR M O N TA L E G R E , 5 T E L . 9 3 3 0 1 3 3 1 5
M I C R O - B R E W E RY
LACERVECERA ARTESANA Beer lovers brace yourself. If you haven’t been to La Cervecera Artesana in Gracia yet then you best make your way. Possibly the only local micro-brew in Barcelona, here you can watch them brew the beer in front of your slowly crossing eyes. Their house beers include I.P.A. (Iberian Pale Ale), I.S. (Iberian Stout), Tangerine Ale as well as the sometimes available Honey Ale and Bronze Ale. At 4.45¤/pint micro-brews aren’t for those watching their wallets. There is
S A N T AGU ST Í , 1 4 T E L . 9 3 2 3 7 9 5 0 4
also a large selection of Belgian beers not to mention the famed banana lambric and the Jamaican Red Stripe, which is hard to find in this neck of the woods. You definitely wouldn’t come here for the atmosphere, unless poorly done Venetian masks suit your fancy. Not to worry, the beer all but makes up for it as well as does the large selection of tapas. La Cervecera Artesana is open Monday through Thursday 18.00-2:00h and Friday and Saturday from 18.00-3:00h.
It is almost as uncool to hang out at museum bars as it is to hang out at hotel bars. But we can’t help ourselves at the CCCB’s restaurant/bar C3. With both indoor and outdoor seating, you can choose which climate zone you want to eat your roast beef with BBQ sauce, sunflower seeds and pea purée in. During the morning, breakfast is only 2¤ (includes a coffee and a croissant), and during the week they have an always changing lunch menú. The prices are pretty reasonable (pear and parma ravioli with pesto rosso for 5,90¤ ain’t bad), You can flip through the paper while watching hipsters and wannabes alike picking up the final crumbs from their nemesis (it is actually called “nemesis”) — a chocolate orange cake with strawberry coulis. On the weekends the disco-ball in the bar swings until 3:00h. Sunday through Wednesday C3 is open until 23.00h.
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You’re standing in front of the freezer at the supermarket studying the prices of the frozen vegetables because cold showers and a ventilator simply don’t do the job? Well, that’s tough luck...
thursday /// jULY 20
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Those who feel sick when reading about Israeli politics should join the demonstration at the Plaça Sant Jaume today from 20:00h til 21:00h against the massacre of the Palestine people and the invasion of Lebanon organised by the Comunitat Palestina, the Xarxa d’Enllaç amb Palestina and the Plataforma Aturem Page la 1 Guerra. After the sun has set the quartet Kuntale experiments with jazzy rhythms in the gardens of the Universidad de Barcelona where an outdoor bar caters to the thirsty from 20:45h to 21:45h. At Poble Espanyol two feminine estrellas — Erykah Badu, the queen of neo-soul and Buika, the Majorcan singer and composer who’s been celebrated as one of Spain’s most talented and energetic new artists — will start their performance at 20:45h. Tickets cost 38¤ in advance sale. Apolo  hosts another The Magic in the Air Club, this time with DJ Andy Lewis (pioneer of the Camden scene of the 90s and DJ of the lengendary Blow Up) + DJ Eneida Fever. The night begins at 0:30h and entrance costs 10 Euros including drink. With-Aircon-Events: The CCCB hosts a debate entitled “The music industry and free culture” that’s part of the mp7 – music in process series. The colloquium about copyright and copyleft vis-à-vis new technologies starts at 19:30h and Nettle and Khalid Bennaji’s concert begins at 21:30h. Entrance costs 2.50¤. Next door another session of Spinning Sounds begins at the MACBA with Janek Schaefer from London who’s using a hybrid of digital and analog techniques, manipulating vinyl albums and superimposing field recordings whilst working in close relation to the venue’s space and architecture. His expansive discography can be found under such labels as Asphodel, Sub Rosa and Staalplaat. The performance starts at 22:00h. And every Thursday during July and August and until September 21 the MACBA opens its doors till 0:00h and sells tickets to the exhibitions for 3¤ when bought after 20:00h. APOLO  @ NOU DE LA RAMBLA 111 // CCCB @ MONTALEGRE 5 // MACBA @ PLACA DE ANGELS 1
friday /// jULY 21 Today a three day Feria del Disco starts at Fronton Colon at La Rambla No. 18 with about 50 exhibitors from all over Spain who invite everyone to bring their records along to sell or exchange. MauMau had called for creative contributions in video format that thematically relate to the World Cup. They’re showing the top-ten tonight and tomorrow at 22:00h. Entrance is free. It’s FM-time in Poble Sec: the barrio is celebrating its Fiesta Mayor with a Downtown Reggae Festival at the Camp Municipal Futbol Satalia, a “bingo popular” at the Plaça de Santa Madrona and a ball with discomòbil at the Carrer Blasco de Garay/Plaça del Sortidor. Open-Air cinema at Sala Montjuic screens Barbarian Invasions (Denys Arcand, Canada 2003) at 22:15h. Third World is playing at Apolo at 21:30 tonight for 18¤ and those who are after a proper session of German techno should turn towards La Paloma tonight where the Berlin duo Moonbotica plays at 0:00h. Entrance: 8¤. MAUMAU @ // SALA MONTJUIC @ SALA MONTJUÏC @ RIGHT NEXT TO ONE OF THE SIDE WALLS OF THE MONTJUÏC CASTLE // APOLO @ NOU DE LA RAMBLA 113 // LA PALOMA @ TIGRE 27
saturday /// jULY 22 The gallery H2O is currently (and until July 28) showing works by the photographer Nuria Rius in an exhbition called Contigo Aprendí in which the artist has tried to capture her feelings for her grandmother. On
Saturdays H2O is open until 13:00h. Casa Asia presents an exhibition called India with works by the Indian photographer Tarun Chopra who looks through the lens of his camera at his country. As part of the Festival Jazz & Carrer the Oliver Nelson Project plays at 19:30h at the corner of Nou de la Rambla with Av. Paralel. Chambao, Muchachito Bombo Infierno and Los Delinqüentes are coming to Mataró for the Curilla de Cultures tonight to give a concert at the Parc Central at 22:00h. Entrance costs 22¤. At Nui the music starts at 19:30h with a live performance by Edmundo Marino who plays a mix of pop-rock and funky-jazz. Entrance is free. And last but not least, Poblenou goes Cuban with the Festa Polbenou X Cuba at 22:00h that takes place at Calle Badajoz with Dr. Trueta. José Merino is invited as well as pinchadiscos who know their salsa. H2O @ VERDI 152 // CASA ASIA @ AV. DIAGONAL 373
sunday /// jULY 23 The beach will be packed, noisy and very, very hot. This lamentable situation can however be improved considerably once you dare to embark on a chiringuito crawl in search of the best Mojito on the beach. Make sure that you make it to Nova Marbella before 1:00h to join the after-clubbers but if you’re really ambitious try to make it to the beach in Mataró because Nic Ashton aka Big Bossa is DJing at the chiringuito Lasal until 3:00h which means that you get served a fine mix of jazz, funk, hip hop, future soul, Brazil and electronica together with your last Mojito.
monday /// jULY 24 One of the few places to show art on Mondays is Nui. The shop/gallery/ venue recently inaugurated the exhibition Ciudad de Piel by the artist Silvia Scaglioni that runs until August 12. Being shown are eight photographs, a video installation called “El Raval” and a sound installation entitled “Ruinas” which form part of a project Silvia undertook in 2004 and 2005 and that looks among other things at the enormous changes that “el barrio chino” has undergone in the last years. And — muy importante — the German Punk diva Nina Hagen and The Capital Dance Orchestra will inaugurate the MASiMAS festival at BTM (Barcelona Teatre Musical). Tickets cost 20-40¤. The show starts at 21:30h. NUI @ ALMOGÀVERS 208 // BARCELONA TEATRE MUSICAL @ GUÀRDIA URBANA S/N (THE OLD PALAU DELS ESPORTS)
tuesday /// jULY 25 O dios mio — Toto plays at Razz!! Apart from this highlight you might want to consider a visit to the Teatre Grec where the Gotan Project – three DJs and musicians who embarked in 2001 on a mission to modernise tango and who irreverently mix anything from dub to house or jazz — are giving the first and last performance. Prices vary from 15-30¤. TEATRE GREC @ PG SANTA MADRONA 36
wednesday/// jULY 26 In case you were looking for an excuse to treat yourself to a nice can of bright pink spray paint, here it is: The Montana Shop is exhibiting works by REMED – supposedly a specialist in mixing different textures, colors and typos - until tomorrow. And if you need an excuse to have a nice cocktail on the terrace of Casa Paco go to the theatre Tantarantana first. It’s presenting a dance performance as part of its cycle “teatro físico” a piece called “Crónica de José Agarrotado (menudo hijo de puta)’ and performed by the loscorderos.sc. And just by the way: Rosa Passos (the female counterpart to João Gilberto) is playing at Sala Bikini. MONTANA SHOP @ COMERÇ, 6 // TANTARANTANA @ LES FLORS 22 // BIKINI @ DEU I MATA 105
reviews summercase special
ASTROLONA cuz it’s better than ‘bar-ology’ BY
SUMMERCASE /// JULY 15 BY
Lady Ondina Osborne
This is not your season. Barcelona is full of messy tourists and it upsets your ambitious and disciplined mind to see all these losers who don’t seem to have a goal in life. You feel pessimistic about the future of mankind.
Flashback to 1989: I’m watching Primal Scream play early-seventies boogie rock to a handful of indiediehards. The music is already old hat to the group, who’ve spent the last year immersed in acid-house and ecstasy. “Our next single’s gonna be a dance remix,” the band inform the crowd, the genre-shredding ‘Screamadelica’ already taking shape in their collective minds. Flashforward to 2006: I’m watching Primal Scream play eerily similar early-seventies boogie rock to thousands of guiris and curious locals; the electro-throb noise and avant-Kraut grooves of recent years apparently on hold for now. Tonight, the band is promoting their latest offering ‘Riot City Blues’, a record harking back to the Stonesmeets-Stooges blueprint which seems to be their default-setting when the need to pay the mortgage out-strips the desire to push musical boundaries. Now, admittedly, the vast majority of the crowd laps it up, but for me, both lyrically and musically, this stuff is so reductive, so folded-in-on-itself that I
half expect to see one of those billion tonne cosmic particles on stage instead of a group of musicians. And it’s not that this kind of retro-pastiche can’t work either: last night, Belle and Sebastian flirted with folk, country and glam rock — the difference being that while that Glaswegian band put their own stamp on things, this one seems to all but disappear, crushed by the weight of their combined influences. All of this is thrown into sharp relief by the tracks from the group’s twin career high points ‘Vanishing Point’ and ‘Xtrmntr’, which punctuate the set. Here, we get flashes of everything the band can be when they really let loose: the sleek, motorik perfection of ‘Shoot Speed/Kill Light’ and the Iggy Pop goes Giorgio Moroder mutant disco of ‘Swastika Eyes’ being but two under-represented examples. Ironically, this latter song was once remixed by The Chemical Brothers, and the steady stream of people heading off early to get an electronic ear-bashing from them speaks volumes.
aquarius Last week was tough. The positive characteristics of your sign met the negative in a serious identity crisis. You felt friendly but cool, honest but capricious and loyal but in opposition. A new tranquil phase lies before you, as you will calm down and simply be unpredictable.
pisces You return to your roots and spend most of your time on the beach where you talk to your fishy ancestors and exfoliate your skin with sand in the backlight of the setting sun.
aries Patiently waiting for the civil war between Catalonia and the rest of Spain to break out you use your warrior energy to practice beach sports. Volleyball and beach soccer are the right way to keep the testosterone under control.
taurus You will continue to be peaceful and down to earth. The coming week you will be seen conceitedly humming your way along the beach, looking for something tasty to put in your belly.
gemini The coming week is going to be full of the intelligent and superficial flirting that Geminis are so good at. It won’t lead to anything serious, you’re too restless and insensitive for that, but it might be fun anyways, at least for you!
cancer You love summer! Your imagination flows and you’re loving and kind to all creatures. Your friends worry about you rambling on about bumblebees and singing flowers. But then again, they don’t possess your amazing imagination!
leo cut, copy and paste.
ph o t o by k a n e s k e n na r
SUMMERCASE /// JULY 15
One could think of Cut Copy as the group that bridged the gap between New Order and The Long Blondes at this year’s Summercase festival. Cut Copy spread their infectious blend of keyboard synth-pop sounds and bass and guitar riffs to a rocking crowd. This Australian group, based out of Melbourne, delivers a blend of dance music and rock that makes it impossible to stand still while witnessing their incredible on-stage energy. This band debuted a critically acclaimed LP, Bright Like Neon Love, in 2005. They are signed to Modular records, for those of you not familiar with this Aussie label: think the Avalanches. They proved themselves worthy of this association by playing a great set on the last night of the festival. Cut Copy has the great distinction of being a group that you actually want to listen to on your iPod while on the bus to work, but at the same time you’d choose their album for your next dance off. They deliver the sound of synthetic drums, while going hard on the keyboard for a true electro feel with a steady danceable beat. They are definitely going for sound over lyrics with simple refrains that are repeated often. On the other hand the they maintain their rock street creed by keeping their tracks short and sweet with guitar riffs aplenty. Their unique combination allows them to take the cake for something new and different at this year’s Summercase.
Since summer started you’ve spent every free minute on the beach, fishing for compliments. Be careful! There will always be people who are fitter and more sun-tanned than you. Don’t let your pride lead you on the destructive road of sun-tan oil and anabola.
virgo You try to carry out well-organized picnics and activities with your friends but they are obstinate and disobedient and refuse to bring home baked bread. Drop your dictator style and things will run a lot smoother!
libra With your open mind and your charming style you easily get new friends. Try not to believe in everybody and everything and don’t be such a copycat. You don’t wanna end up in a suicidal sect or a motorcycle gang.
scorpio Hot weather makes you feel sexy and mystical (as do cold weather, foggy weather and rainy weather) Go ahead, be sexy. But try not to be so jealous and requiring all the time. That you happen to be born in one of the bitch-signs of the zodiac won’t work as an excuse to your friends.
sagittarius You like to philosophize and be intellectual. The heat disturbs your thinking and makes you even more arrogant and thoughtless than usual. Your friends think you’re unbearable. If it goes on like this you will have to spend the rest of the trip locked in your room.
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new order BY
SUMMERCASE /// JULY 15
I am what you would call a die-hard New Order fan. I got my first New Order cassette (Substance) in 1987 when I was a wee ten years old. While all my friends were busting out to Tiffany and Sheena Easton I was inducing early age hearing loss by listening to “True Faith” at top volume on my highly coveted Sony WM-W800 Walkman (with dual cassette, playback and record). Me (now), and my inneralternative child were thrilled to learn that New Order would be at Summercase this year. New Order was starting at 23.00h on Saturday so I decided to wait up front and secure my spot. When the time finally rolled around cowboy intro music started (a strange choice in my opinion since there is nothing cowboyish about Mr. Sumner & co.) Nonetheless, I was holding my space, determined not to get rocked by the crowd. They kicked it off with ‘Crystal’ from the more recent Get Ready album. The crowd was feeling it, (one of the most important elements of the success of any concert), the sound system was amazing (perhaps too much so since in those 45
minutes I induced more hearing loss than three years with my WM-W800), but what was going on with New Order? Could they have been any less enthused? It wasn’t hard to pick up on the vibe — they were tired and gave the general impression that they were just going through the motions. By song three they started to rely on their classics with ‘Ceremony’. I couldn’t help but wonder if being with the same songs for over 20 years is like being with the same partner for 20 years. You look at them and think — “Oh, it’s you.” Then suddenly, by some act of the New Wave Gods, when they started playing ‘24 Hours’ (a Joy Division tune), the band’s whole aura changed. Stars aligned, planets went into orbit and New Order was rocking it out as is to be expected. They stuck mostly to classics after that, which was a safe bet. They came back for a twosong encore wrapping it up (of course) with ‘Blue Monday’. I am hoping the lame beginning was a result of playing the previous night in Madrid and had nothing at all to do with the beginning of the end. If the Stones can still do it after 37 years then New Order still has a few more left in them.
SUMMER ‘BOOK’ CASE
weird and wonderful
BALUARD 54, BARCELONETA TEL. 93-221-8936
THE WIND-UP BIRD CHRONICLE /// HARUKI MURAKAMI /// THE HARVIL PRESS, LONDON
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Many weird and wonderful things have come out of Japan, and Haruki Murakami’s novel The Wind-up Bird Chronicle can be added to the list, being perfectly though inadequately defined by the two aforementioned adjectives. The book is weird. The book is wonderful. It begins in a tranquil Tokyo suburb in Toru Okada’s kitchen, where he claims to have found the perfect music for cooking pasta. It’s an opera (read it to find out which and your tortellini will never be the same). As a recently unemployed law clerk, Mr. Okada leads a quiet life in his quiet house, ironing shirts when he’s nervous and cooking pasta at 10:30 in the morning. Then he gets a strange phone call. Then his cat disappears. Then his wife disappears. And Mr. Okada is left in his shell of a life without a clue. All of a sudden, with his life flipped upside down like a tortilla española, the phone starts ringing off the hook. Strange women with strange names know things about him they shouldn’t know. Old memories spring back into focus and new mysteries take odd twists as Mr. Okada tries to sort
through a convoluted web of clues in order to find his wife, Kumiko. The journey is surreal to say the least. All in the name of understanding, Toru Okada is taken through suspicious meetings, wet dreams, trespassing excursions, and even back in time, to wars and battles fought long ago between Japan, Outer Mongolia, and Russia. Yes, the book is weird. But to find out the meaning of self, and to understand how the past creates the future, connections must first be made between executed zoo animals, manskinning Russian intelligence officers, prostitutes of the mind, an unseen bird and its unique sound, and a random blue facial mark. Yes, the book is weird. The Wind-up Bird Chronicle is an incredible, original and creative book that puts deep, deep life questions into a smooth, exquisitely written context within modern Japan and the minds of its residents. Will Toru Okada find his wife? What about his cat? Are we really free in our lives, or is fate pulling us towards some unknown end?
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interior. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
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Poble Nou Beach Rooms Poble Nou Beach Rooms is a cosy place with lots of natural light in (where else) Poble Nou. A Barcelona classic, the apartment has original ceramic tiled floors. There are 3 bedrooms, each sleeping 2-3 perons. For short-term rentals, visit www.barcelona30.com.
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1_ iLIKETRAins — progress reform 2_ Madrugada — nightly disease
Crayon Box Apartment 3.1
3_ motor —klunk 4_ hot chip — the warning 5_ black cab — altamont diary
The Crayon Box Apartment 3.1 is the beach lovers dream, a 40m2 recently renovated apartment right on the beach, sleeping up to 6 persons. For short-term rentals, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hostal Els Angels
FOR SALE BOAT LIVING Can’t afford an apartment? Buy my boat and live on it in Torredembarra marina or move to Barcelona. Includes full domestic equipment. 49,000¤.contact: email@example.com
Hostal Fina A basic 2 star hostel located in the very heart of the historical centre of Barcelona, at Portaferrissa, the most commercial street in the city. The hostel offers basic, clean, well conditioned rooms, where you will be able to relax and rest, as most of them are interior and very quiet. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
POPPY NEEDS A HOME Old bike with a lot of character seeks new owner, gets you from A to B if not with a few rattles and squeeks. 30¤ only. contact: firstname.lastname@example.org
FOR RENT GAY ACCOMMODATION IN SPAIN Gay and gay friendly apartments and hotels in Barcelona, Madrid, Sitges, Ibiza and others gays destinations. Consult email@example.com or rainbowinspain.com
BARCELONA THREE STARS HOTEL 36 euros PER PERSON Central located three stars hotel with air conditioning and small kitchen from 36¤ per person in double room. Consult firstname.lastname@example.org or visit www.rainbowinspain.com
BARCELONETA Very nice IKEA renovated 1 bedroom apartment next to the market and subway. Tons of light. 700 ¤. Rafa 616 560 299.
sunny room Room for rent (Urquinaona) Nice bright, fully furnished room, exterior in a comfortable flat, situated in the center. Only 2 minutes from the Metro L1 y L4. 280¤/month all bills included. email@example.com
Hostal Santa Anna The friendly family-owned Hostal Santa Anna is practically on Las Ramblas. The quiet, clean and well maintained hostel has 18 simple rooms with views of the street or
Small, cosy, 1-star, 10-rooms hostel with a familiar atmosphere located in L’Eixample district, 10 minutes on foot from Rambla Catalunya. The rooms are basic, well-lit and sunny, with kitchen access; some have a balcony overlooking the street, and others overlook the large courtyard. 24 hr reception and laundry service for 5¤. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hostal Plaza This picturesque, 2-star, 20-room hostel is located between Passeig de Gràcia, Pl. Urquinaona and Pl. Catalunya, in the 1st floor of a modernist building. In the 1st floor, the hostel offers common areas, such as a bar serving drinks and breakfasts with plasma television, and a lounge with sofas and a quieter atmosphere inviting to read and relax. In addition, here is an Internet service for the clients. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hotel Travessera The Hotel Travessera 2 star hotel located right next to Gaudí’s lovely Parc Guell. Hotel Travessera has been recently refurbished and has 23 well-equipped rooms with en suite bathrooms, air conditioning, heating and TV. A good value, for reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hostal Las Flores The Hostal Las Flores is a cosy family-run hostel located right on Las Ramblas. This quaint 1 star hostel is an economical choice, with 22 rooms on 4 floors. Almost all have access to a shared bathroom, except one double room which includes a private en suite bathroom and has a view of Las Ramblas. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hotel Nuevo Triunfo Great value for money, modern 2-star hotel (opened in 2001), located close to Avenida Paral.lel, a bustling avenue just10 minutes’ walk from Las Ramblas and the historic old town. Its 40 comfortable rooms are fully equipped with ensuite bathrooms, air conditioning, satellite TV and telephone. The hotel also has complementary Internet service for guests and offers breakfast at a reasonable price. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Apartamento de la Paz The spacious 100m2 Apartamento La Paz has a 30m balcony stretching around the building and looks out over Las Ramblas and Port Vell. The apartamento can sleep up to 6 people, and is located on the first floor (no lift access) with lots of natural light. There are 3 double rooms, 1 with 2 single beds, 2 rooms with 1 double bed each. For holiday rentals, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hostal Ballestero A modest, well-maintained, 2-stars hostel of 26 rooms located near Meridiana Avenue, on the corner of Fabra i Puig Avenue, close to the commercial centre of Heron City. The hostel is situated in a 5-floor building with lift. Not especially charming, but it does offer clean, well-maintained rooms. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
BARCO Paula I Have an original experience on the Paula I sailboat (not a houseboat), or as we like to call it the “floating apartment,” located in the Port Vell. The boat can sleep up to 6 people, with 3 cabins with double beds. Watch the curious smiles of your friends when you tell them you’ve stayed on a 40 foot sailboat (not for sailing). Not many people will be able to say they spent their Barcelona vacation on a luxury boat! For short-term rentals, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Crayon Box Apartment 2.1 The Crayon Box Apartment 2.1 is a 40m2 private apartment located on the beachfront of Barceloneta. This newly renovated apartment can sleep up to 4 people in 2 double rooms, one with a large double bed and another with bunk beds. A sofa bed sleeps one more, which is located in the living/dining room which also has a TV and balcony. The kitchen has all the amenities and there is also a full bathroom. The apartment is equipped with heating and air conditioning. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hostal Boquería The Hostal Boqueria is a newly renovated hostel right on Las Ramblas, opposite the lively atmosphere of the Boquería. 15 neat and tidy rooms with TV, air conditioning, heating and private bathrooms, this
is a fairly standard hostel: 2 single beds and a sink in the room. Good value accommodation right in the centre of Barcelona. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hostal Barcelona Ramblas The Hostal Barcelona Ramblas is a brand new and clean hostel located in Nou de La Rambla. The hostel’s 32 rooms are equipped with heating and fans for your comfort. You’ll feel right at home with a TV featuring international channels. The staff at reception are helpful and friendly and speak English, French, German and Italian. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hostal Ciudad Condal Great-value, 21-room hostel located on Rambla Catalunya, one of the nicest streets in the city, right in the heart of Modernist Eixample. All the rooms in this central, clean hostel have ensuite bathrooms, air conditioning, and TV. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hostal Lesseps A modest hostel placed in an old building with a beautiful entrance door, in the popular Gràcia district, an area full of live with a special charm, which still keeps its village atmosphere. It is located a 15 minutes walk to the famous Parc Güell and Passeig de Gràcia. The hostel offers simple, clean rooms; but do not expect a design decoration. However, all of them are equipped with a complete bathroom, and TV. There are double rooms with 1 double bed or 2 individual beds, and triple rooms, which are more spacious. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
BARCO Déjà vu Oceanis 36cc The Déjà vu is a gorgeous 36 foot (11 metres) cruising yacht moored in the marina Port Vell. A Jeanneau Oceanis 36cc, it was built in 2003 and waves the French flag. Outfitted in cherry wood, the boat is equipped with modern comforts, such as satellite TV, kitchen, full bathroom, towels and bed linens, and even slippers in case your feet get cold. Sleeps up to 4. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Apartamento Picasso 32 Up to 5 of you can stay in the 50 m2 Picasso 32 Apartment smack in the middle of the historic and yet trendy district of Born. It has two bedrooms, one with a single bed and the other with two singles. The living/dining room has a TV and 2 sofas, one a sofa bed which sleeps two. The kitchen is fully-equipped, as is the bathroom. A small balcony gives a good photo-op of the gargoyles from the building in front, not something you wake up to every day. AC. For holiday rentals, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Levante Apartament M1 A recently renovated, 95m2 apartment with an excellent location,
which can accommodate 4-8 persons. Located in the heart of the historic Barri Gòtic, it is a basic, cosy apartment, decorated with classical style wood furniture. It offers 3 bedrooms: one with 3 individual beds, one with a double bed, and the third with 2 individual beds. For short-term rentals, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Travessera Apartments A private, welcoming apartment with daily cleaning service and towel/linen change located inside a 1-star hotel, next to Hospital Sant Pau. Sleeps up to 3 persons. For short-term rentals, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hostal Rembrandt Hostal Rembrandt is a clean, wellrun 28 room hostel in an unbeatable location on Portaferrisa. Can you ask for a more central location? visit www.barcelona30.com for reservations.
Arc de Triomf Room Short-term rental in a double room for 1 or 2 persons with en suite private bathroom and TV in gorgeous shared apartment. apartment is right by Arc de Triomf metro station (line 1) and Renfe regional train station. Visit www.barcelona30.com.
Hotel Climent The 1 star Hotel Climent is located on the Gran Via in a 7 storey building with 5 rooms on each floor. The rooms are neat and clean, with minimal decor. They have an en suite bathroom, heating, TV and telephone. All rooms are exterior, with natural light, and are sufficiently soundproofed with windows with double paned glass to guarantee a good night’s sleep. The hotel is well-maintained and is wheelchair accessible. Breakfast included. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
Pension Cortes Pension Cortes is a basic, clean hostel located in beautiful old building on Gran Via. Rooms are clean and cosy with single beds. Although the rooms overlook the street, it is relatively insulated from street noise. Metro station Urgell. For reservations, visit www.barcelona30.com.
WANTED DIVE Young and creative couple- her photographer, him artist looking for a cheap dive to live in. central barcelona or gracia. unite against middlemen! murray 600 706 442
bike needed Any type can be interesting. If it’s old and not damaged — perfect. If it’s a bit more modern, ok! But don’t want to pay more than 100¤. firstname.lastname@example.org
TV donation Necesito que me regale TV Busco una tele para que pueda disfrutar mi tiempo libre — me aburro mucho y me gustaria ver todo estas telenovelas de cuales esta hablando todo el mundo. Una en blanco y negro me serviria tambien! email@example.com
english classes American English teacher looking for private students starting in July. 12¤/hour. Adaptable, responsible, creative. Serious inquiries only. firstname.lastname@example.org
LOOKING FOR ROOM Hi! Soy Gaby, chica de 31 aòos, working for BCN WEEK. I’m looking for room or piso in BCN, close to the beach or in very center. If you know anything: email@example.com.
AND SERVICES VAN AND DRIVER FOR REMOVALS AND CARGO TRANSPORTATION Inexpensive, safe and flexible. Any day, any time. Barcelona / Catalunya. 647533344 / 933291363 www.vanbcn.com
MASSAGE EXCHANGE Seeking to start a small group of people doing bodywork at any level and willing to exchange sessions for the joy of it. I do Hawaian Lomi Lomi, Ayurvedic Yoga, Reiki and Metamorphic massage. firstname.lastname@example.org
AND I SAW YOU Did u see someone you like? Need to get a message across? Too shy to say it to their face? Then BCN WEEK’s ‘I SAW YOU’ is for you! Be sure to tell us who you are (man/woman) who/ what you saw (man/woman/badly parked car... etc) when? where? why? email or contact detail required. L1 SEXY BANDIT You got on, Arc de Triomf. Saw you pinch another girl's wallet, get off at glòries. There was something in our eye contact, mystery. Same time next week?
OR WE COULD WATCH TETSUO I see you in the library on C/St. Pere més baix sometimes. You only ever check out DVDs & u carry one of those big Berlin type messenger bags. We've said hi, would you like to have a coffee?
I'M NOT A NICE GIRL Met you in Casa Paco on Sat. night. Had this involved conversation and there was sth. Then your girlfriend walked in & u were gone. I like you, we could just hang out. email@example.com
HOT BLOND, HOT BEACH, LOUD FRIENDS Víla Olímpica in front of the fish 16.7. You long blond hair, beautiful all over. Sitting on blanket with obnoxious friends. I work at Nubaa, come by.
I NEEDED THOSE BOOKS Last week you stole a bag from under my table at Kasparo. All it had were books I'd just bought from Central. If you're not too big an asshole, would you just leave it back at the bar? Please?
cartoon character I see you working at the post office and sometimes walking up Pelayo to Pl Universitat. I was just wondering...are you really that guy from Mortadelo y Filemón??
Massive panic attack Summercase. Massive Attack. You cried when Elizabeth Fraser sang. I saw the tears stream down your cheek. Are you a suicidal freak?! Let’s jump off the A7 overpass!
Erica is wearing our new Micro-Mesh Bodysuit, now available online and at our stores. We promise to come to Barcelona soon and open a store there. In the meantime weâ€™re offering BCN Week readers free shipping when you shop online until September 30th. Just enter the following promo code when you get to checkout: BCN2006. To learn more about our company, to shop online, and to find all store locations, visit our web site.
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