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PAGE 2

Food Comments

"Artichokes ... are just plain annoying ... After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual 'food' out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead." -- Miss Piggy

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." --Sam Levinson

"This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them." -Gracie Allen

Short Sale Resource Specialists!

"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet." -Erma Bombeck

Many can tell you what you CAN'T do. Do you know anyone who: We will tell you what you CAN do. •Is facing foreclosure? Call today to find out how we can help. "I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a •Has to sell their home but can't? diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I Know that there are OPTIONS available •Is behind on their mortgage? ate faster." -- Joe E. Lewis and PEOPLE you can trust. •Is feeling overwhelmed by all of the above?

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"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead." -- Woody Allen

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." -- Fran Lebowitz

"Health food makes me sick." -- Calvin Trillin

"Watermelon -- it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face." -- Enrico Caruso

Did you know.....unless food is mixed with saliva you can't taste it.....the average person falls asleep in 7 minutes.....8% of people have an extra rib


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Bank Drive-Through Procedures

A bank has recently announced the arrival of the new "Drive-Through" cash-point machine where users will be able to withdraw cash without having to leave their vehicle. To enable users to be able to utilize this new facility, the following procedures have been drawn up:

MALE PROCEDURE Drive up to cash machine. Wind down window. Insert card and enter PIN. Enter amount of cash to withdraw. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. Wind up window. Drive off.

PAGE 3

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FEMALE PROCEDURE Drive up to cash machine. Reverse back 1 foot to align window to machine. Stall engine. Wind down window. Enter handbag and remove make-up bag and locate card. Attempt to insert card into machine. Open door to allow easier access to machine, due to distance from car to machine. Insert card. Re-enter handbag to find candy wrapper with PIN number written on inside. Insert PIN, press cancel and re-enter PIN. Enter amount of cash to withdraw. Check make-up and hair in rear view mirror. Retrieve cash and receipt. Locate purse and place cash inside. Put away receipt. Check make-up again. Drive forward for 2 feet. Reverse back to cash machine. Retrieve card. Stall engine. Restart engine and drive off. Drive for 3 miles. Release handbrake.

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A Sure Bet?

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum. MASSAGE "I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." OUR SERVICE A week later, the amazed curator called the archae- ANY 1EXPH. 10/31/11 ologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and MON-FRI 9-6, SAT- BY APPT. Beverly Ponce Master cause of death. How in the world did you know?" 1312 Illinois Ave. Therapist 24 Years Exp. "Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that Ste A, St. Cloud MA8548 said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'." 407-301-4285 MM7190

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“THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!” - 50,000 + READERS EACH ISSUE!

M

’S TRE IKE

Bachelor's Guide to E SE R V ICE Knowing When Your Food is Expired S FREEZER FOODS: ICE CREAM - If you can't tell Fam

the difference between your ice cubes and your ice cream, it's time to throw BOTH out. FROZEN FOODS - Frozen foods that have become STUMP GRINDING • TREE REMOVAL AND TRIMMING an integral part of the defrosting problem in your HURRICANE PREPAREDNESS • OAK FIREWOOD freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a 407-908-4525 kitchen knife. FREE Stump Grinding with Tree Removal IN THE FRIDGE: EGGS - When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime. Brian D. Solomon, P. L. DAIRY PRODUCTS - Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to A Small Town’s Legal Voice look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular Practicing In: cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway -- if you *Construction can dig down and still find something non-green, bon *Bankruptcy appetite! MEAT - If opening the refrigerator door causes stray *Foreclosure *Worker’s Compensation animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat. UNMARKED ITEMS - You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. EMPTY GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: - Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. 1311 Indiana Avenue Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this. Saint Cloud, FL ON THE SHELF: CANNED GOODS - Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball BSolomon@Solomon-law.com should be disposed of ... Very carefully. POTATOES - Fresh potatoes do not have roots, Board Certified in Construction Law branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth. ates Estim e Free y Ser vic Da Next ensed Lic

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F O 39 O R P

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PAGE 5

...Food is Expired (cont’d)

CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that ceHome ORANGE PEEL @ TGAZETTE HE HAIR STOP real should be discarded when it is two years or longer H unting beyond the expiration date, or when it will no longer PROOFTUESDAY SENIOR SPECIAL PAT’S MOBILE AUTO REPAIR H eadquarters fall out of the box by itself. SIZE-$ 2X2 .00 Perm! PROPERTY MANAGEMENT FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles, or things ISSUEI S T. C louD 01OCTCutS& Brush Style •3/2 – Lake front home with boat dock, fly out when you open it. *L H E & boat house, Lg florida room, Pets PRETZELS: Normally eternal, pretzels may be disOK$1200 407-361-0796 •3/2 – Sawgrass Subd, 2 car, Screened carded if they can no longer be picked up without porch, Fenced yard $1100 1005 E VINE ST., KISSIMMEE •3/2 – Electric, Water, & Lawn care In(IN THE SHERWIN WILLIAMS PLAZA) falling apart. Otherwise, there's nothing to stop you cluded, Pets ok, Tiled $1050 •3/2 – Off Nova Rd, 2 car garage, from eating a pretzel that the Pharaoh put down only 1153sf $875 •3/2 – Doublewide mobile home, 2 4000 years ago. screened porches, W/D, RAISINS: Raisins should not usually be harder than Family room $850 •2/1 – Duplex, New appliances, A/C & your teeth. Carpet, lawn care included, pets ok $695 SALT: It never spoils. However, if you can't chip off •EFF – Studio Apt, Elec, Water, State Licenced • DTS Graduate Lawn care included, $550 reasonable amounts from the block, maybe another * TUNE-UP OR $ OIL CHANGE box is in order, as fresh salt usually pours. K iSSiMMEE •2/1 – 2nd Floor Duplex Apt, New CarSPICES: Most spices cannot die, they just fade away. SPECIAL! . 10/31/11 pet, CHA $500 They will be fine on your shelf, forever. Put them in FULL AUTO REPAIR • A/C REPAIR •Eff – Studio Apt, Water and Electric InWELDING • TOWING cluded $450 your will. VINEGAR: If your grandmother made it, it is probaP oiNCiANA •4/2.5 – Osceola Co. 2 story, Loft, Patio, bly still good. 2778sf $1095 •4/2.5 – Polk Co, 2 story, Garden tub, EXPIRATION DATES: This is not a marketing ploy Family room $950 I PAY •3/2 – Osceola Co, Pool home, Fenced to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so yard, 1592sf $875 that you'll spend more on groceries. Even dry foods • 4/2 – Polk Co. 2 car garage, 1771sf, CA$H Breakfast bar $750 older than you are may be ready to replace. Perhaps •3/2 – Polk Co. Patio, 1251sf, No pets $700 for your extra you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen. *

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A Great Compliment

Duncan was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"

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© 2011 Orange Peel Gazette of Osceola County, Inc. I understand that this proof is the property of the Orange Peel Gazette and may not be reproduced or used as an advertisement for another print publication without express written permission from the Orange Peel Gazette of Osceola County, Inc. PO Box 700792, St. Cloud, FL 34770 www.opgosceola.com

P


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PAGE 6

Because i'm a Man...

F O O R P

• Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. • Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." • Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue. • Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items Like "Cumin" or "Tofu" For all I know these are the same thing. And never under any circumstances expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. • Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE PROOFSIZEISSUE-

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Only....

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F O O

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book early for holiday parties!

ST ANTHONY 2X2 01OCT

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F O O R

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O R P

Go to

www.opgosceola.com

N-- EW --CO LO M

R P OK!

BIG ING OCT 98.2 GER-B 15TH---%M ORE ETTER FUNN Y!

...SAY WHAT??

The Orange Peel Gazette is bringing you more of what you already love...funny jokes, stories, trivia and great local advertisers with a new format, bigger pages, more exciting content, AND SO MUCH MORE!

Check out our new website for links to READ the OPG ONLINE! check out our facebook page - follow our twitterings - chat on our blog - take the latest trivia question - or just to kill a few minutes of your time...See You Next Issue!

www.OPGosceola.com


INCREASE SALES - CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY - 407-892-5556 “THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

Housework Challenged

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb...

OPEE’S SPOTLIGHT

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The New CEo’s 1st Day

A large flywheel company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business! The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?" From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

PAGE 7

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DOWNTOWN ST CLOUD - CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY - 407-892-5556 “THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

PAGE 8

Spend the day in Historic

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Landscape Supplies

GET NOTICED! - CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY - 407-892-5556 “THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

Barbie Shopping

Tim is shopping to find a Barbie for his daughter when he notices he knows nothing about Barbie and there aren’t even prices on them. So, Tim brings three Barbie dolls to the checkout. “Hi, how may I help you,” says the checkout guy. Tim replies, “I have three Barbies and I need to know what they are and how much they cost? The checkout guys says, “Well, the first one is Princess Barbie and she is $20 dollars. The second one is Forever Barbie and she is $25 dollars. The third is Divorce Barbie and she is $250. “What!!” Tim shouts. Are you kidding me?!! Why is Divorce Barbie so much?” The checkout guy explains, “Well, Divorce Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, and everything else Ken owns!!”

A Womans Dream

A woman is sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, middle-aged man enters. He is so striking that the woman can not take her eyes off him. The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly toward her. Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring he leans over and whispers, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do for $20... But, on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is. The man replies, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considers his proposition for a moment and then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses into the man's hand along with her address. She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully says, "Clean my house!"

PAGE 9

Cypress Mulch • Pine Bark Designer Gold & Red Mulch Shredded & Chips Pine Shavings for Horses New Products: Rocks - Stones • Soils D is tr ibuto r of Pe bble J unct ion Produc ts

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Haircut with Cathie or Patti Hamilton formerly of Twilight Cutz Kissimmee

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1200 Delaware Ave, St. Cloud (Midtown Motorcycle Plaza)


HAVE MORE FUN! - CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY - 407-892-5556 “THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

PAGE 10

S E

Expert on Children

“A Screen by Essing is a Blessing Call today for your Blessing.”

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an “screens by Essing” educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami 407-891-2040 after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, Visit: ScreensByEssing.com 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Pool Enclosures Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. and Licensed & Insured I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free Screen Rooms 1101 Pennsylvania Ave., St. Cloud professional advice. Email: Donna@ScreensByEssing.com Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

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along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. (inc: Cut & Brush, iron, Style *long Hair Extra ) The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is Tired of looking for a GREAT haircut? good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, Come See US! gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go 1200 Georgia Ave., St. Cloud walking with your partner!" 407-892-2818 The room got really quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. Complete Automotive Repair "Yes," replied the teacher. New and Used Tires • Custom Mufflers "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?" Oil Change $17.99* Plus a FREE 22 Point Inspection & Tire Rotation

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Medical Checkup

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely DIE!!!" "Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he's in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of sporting event on T.V. And most importantly make love with your husband several times a week, and satisfy his every whim." "If you can do this for 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" She replied, "He said you're gonna die."

Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."

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PAGE 11

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INCREASE BUSINESS! PAGE 12

- CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY - 407-892-5556 Sell it All...

“THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

A man calls his stockbroker all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice. He says, "Sell it all, sell everything fast, right away." The stockbroker tries to explain that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be. The man says, "Let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5 years." "Yes, go on," the stockbroker says. "Well. My wife has this thing about the market. Her grandparents lost it all in the great crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to original sin. When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the stock market and always leave all our money under the mattress." "Wow, I didn't know that. I guess you want the money because the market is going down, in case she asks for it." "No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days."

"Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead."

No Dogs Allowed

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeingeye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!" "A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success." - Robert Purvis

DEESE MANAGEMENT & REAL ESTATE, INC. 1006 PENNSYLVANIA AVE., ST. CLOUD, FL 34769

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4903 Newton Court, St. Cloud

4/2 Home, Formal Living & Dining Rooms, Split Bedrooms, Family Room, Eq. Kitchen w/ Eat-In Space, Approx. 2100 SFH & 2-Car Garage.

$1050 Rent, $1050 Sec. Dep.

2106 17th Street, St. Cloud 2/2 Home, 1-Car Garage, Fenced Yard, CHA, All Tile & Approx. 1100 SFH. $850 Rent, $850 Sec. Dep. Donna Deese, PRM, LCAM Broker-Owner

ST. CLOUD & KISSIMMEE

1014 Missouri Avenue, St. Cloud 2/1 Home, CHA, Carport, Carpet & Tile, Beautiful & Functional Kitchen & Approx. 900 SFH. $800 Rent, $800 Sec. Dep.

MORE RENTALS... •1/1 Apt $475 •1/1 Apt. $485 •2/1 Condo $700 •2/2 Mobile $675 •3/2.5 Townhome $950 •3/2 Home $975

515 Mabbette Street, Kissimmee

2/2 Home, CHA, Kitchen Remodeled, Hardwoods & Tile, Great Room, Den/Ofc/3rd Bedrooms,Fenced Backyard & Approx. 1100

SFH $800 Rent, $800 Sec. Dep.

We have Commercial Properties in St. Cloud! Call the Office for Details.

841 Valnera Court, Poinciana

4/2 Home, Formal Living & Dining Rooms, Family Room, 2-Car Garage, Interior W/D Hook-UP, Carpet & Tile, CHA and Approx. 1800 SFH.

$950 Rent, $950 Sec. Dep.

603 Brack Street, Kissimmee

3/2 Duplex, 1-Car Garage, Parking Pad, CHA, Carpet & Tile, Equipped Kitchen, Screened Porch & Approx. 1300 SFH.

$800 Rent, $800 Sec. Dep.

Christina M. Gentry, GRI Sales & Property Management

Deese Management & Real Estate, Inc. offers Sales & Property Management throughout Osceola County.

Call our Office when you are ready to make a move! Office 407-891-2214 Email: deeserentals@aol.com • www.deeserentals.com


SOUND FUNNIER! - CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY - 407-892-5556 “THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

PAGE 13

Before the Cable Guy Comes...

In my husband's work for a cable-television company, he encounters illegal hookups that drive up costs for other customers. One day he arrived at a repair job just as the homeowner was pulling into the driveway. She pointed the way to the den, where the TV was located, and then walked out to get the mail. As my husband approached the TV, he saw a note taped to the screen. It read: "Don't forget to hide the descramblers before the cable guy comes. Love, Tom."

Summons

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day. "What for?" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, "Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!" Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."

Art Suppy Store

I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches. Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?" Me: "Certainly, what width?" Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Scissors?"

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A Step in the Right Direction

BIG FOOT SEPTIC SYSTEMS Tank Pumping - $225

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PAGE 14

py Tails Boarding Kennel p a H “Comfortable, Clean & Caring” FREE Day Camp with Boarding Stays

2331 Eastern Ave. St. Cloud

407-892-3411 Daycare Available! www.HappyTailsWeb.com

Regular Run $16; Large Run $18; Larger Run $20

Per night, includes several supervised playtimes. Just bring food. Extra pets eating and sleeping together in the same run each get half off.

Growing old...

A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all these years, she would give them one wish each. Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for herself and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! ... The wife had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and kazoom! ... The husband turned 90!

Young Business Man

A young businessman had just started his own business. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it brilliantly decorated. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the young businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he was working a big deal. He was shouting huge figures and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I'm here to install the phone!"

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love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.


GET MORE BUSINESS!

- CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY - 407-892-5556 “THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

PAGE 15

WHEN FiSHERMEN MEET

"Hiyamac" "Lobuddy" "Binearlong?" "Coplours" "Cetchenny?" "Goddafew" "Kindarthay?" "Bassencarp" "Ennysizetoom?" "Couplapowns" "Hittinhard?" "Sordalike" "Wachoosen?" "Gobbawurms" "Fishanonaboddum?" "Rydononaboddum" "Whatchadrinkin?" "Jugajimbeam" "Igoddago" "Tubad" "Seeyaroun" "Yeahtakideezy" "Guluck"

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it's All in The Name

PROFESSION: NAME - Lawyer's daughter: Sue - Thief's son: Rob - Lawyer's son: Will - Doctor's son: Bill - Meteorologist's daughter: Haley - Steam shovel operator's son: Doug - Hair Stylist's son: Bob - Homeopathic doctor's son: Herb - Justice of the peace's daughter: Mary - Sound stage technician's son: Mike - Hot-dog vendor's son: Frank - Exercise guru's son: Jim

DAVID’S

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PAGE 16

“IT’S BACK” Friday Night... ALL You Can Eat Seafood! Buffet @ 5 p.m. - 9 p.m. Sunday Breakfast Buffet @ 7 a.m. - 1 p.m. Fish & Chips (Haddock) Daily Specials

“A Fun Place To Find”

Family Fun Tent and RV Sites $5 0/NIGHT Daily/Weekly/Monthly Rates CABIN Look For Our Upcoming Events! SPECIAL We Also Have: Airboat Rides Pony Rides / Raceboat Rides / Rental Boats Call for Details: 407-348-2040 EastLakeFishCamp.com 3705 Big Bass Road, Kissimmee

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Poker Game

The guys are playing poker when Fred loses $1,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Richard looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell his wife?" So they draw straws and Bob picks the short straw. “Be discreet”, the guys tell Bob and “Don't make this situation any worse than it is.” Bob replies, "Gentlemen! Discreet??! I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name." So Bob walks over to the Fred’s house, knocks on the door and the wife answers. “What do you want Bob”, she asks? He says, "Your husband just lost $1,000 playing poker." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Bob says, "I'll tell him!"

Early Morning

A couple is waked at 3 o'clock in the morning by a knock on the door. The husband gets up and goes to the door where a stranger asks, “Can I get a push?” "No way," says the husband. "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He closes the door and returns to bed. "Who was it?" asks his wife. "Just a stranger asking for a push" he answers. "Did you help him, she asks?” "No I didn't, it's three in the morning!" "Well you've got a bad memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember a few months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him." The man does as he is told and returns to the front door and calls out into the dark "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes", replies the man in the dark. "Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes please!" replies the man in the dark. "Where are you" asks the husband? "Over here on the swing" the man replies.

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GET MORE LAUGHS! - CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY - 407-892-5556 “THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

PAGE 17

Got Any Grapes?

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?" Again, the bartender tells him that, “no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes.” The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes and if you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your little duck beak to the bar!'' The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?'' Confused, the bartender says “no”! ''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?”

Know Your Role

Barbara Walters, of Television's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Ms.Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'

-Read the Orange Peel Gazette ONLINE! Just go to www.opgosceola.com and check out the links to our facebook page, twitterings (not a word) and your favorite paper....online!

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Relay For Life 2012 of St. Cloud Would you like to be a part of St. Cloud’s signature Fundraiser? Are you undergoing treatment for cancer or have you beat cancer?

If you answers yes to either one of these questions we want to invite you to be a part of Relay for Life 2012

2012 Relay Dates...

April 28th & April 29th

For information on how to be a part of this event please visit:

www.relayforlife.org/stcloud

or contact: Sue Vitelli 407-957-4061 • svitelli49@gmail.com Erin Harvey 407-581-2513 • Erin.Harvey@cancer.org


INCREASE SALES - CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY - 407-892-5556

PAGE 18

“THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

Marriage Vows

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows a little. When you get to me, and the part where I'm to promise to, 'Love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others be faithful to her forever', I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the ONLY groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the ADVERTISE IN THE eye and says: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE! before her, obey her every command and wish, serve CALL 407-892-5556 PER ISSUE! her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long ROOF LEAKING ? Need a DJ for your Next as you both shall live?" Event or Party? • Fast service The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a • reasonable prices tiny voice, "Yes." The groom then leaned toward the Handyman services pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal?" Top 40 • Dance • HipHop • R&B • Latin specializing in The pastor handed back the $100 bill and whispered... Rock • Country • Video DJ • Karaoke roof repair / All types "She made me a much better offer." 70’s, 80’s, 90’s & Todays Hits Man of the House Beljay Roofing, Inc. CALL 407-680-2992 A man had just finished reading the book Man of the 407-367-9235 House while commuting home from work. By the time Licensed and Insured • CCC1328227 he reached home, he stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said. "From now on I want you to know that I am the man of the house and my word is law! You are to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect you to present a scrumptious dessert. Then, after dinner, you are to draw my bath so I can relax. And when I am finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" "The funeral Director would be my guess," She replied.

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- CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY - 407-892-5556

improvement

“THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

The Perfect Shot

A guy is standing over his tee shot, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... His partner says, 'What's taking so long?' The first guy says, 'My wife is on the clubhouse porch, so I want to make a perfect shot. His partner says, "forget it...you'll never hit her from here."

ladies Man

The elderly man flattered himself that he was still a ladies’ man, and decided to flirt with the beautiful waitress. "So tell me, sweetheart, where have you been all my life?" he crooned. "Actually, sir," she pointed out sweetly, "for the first 45 years of it, I wasn’t even around."

PAGE 19

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PAGE 20

“THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

Opee gazette says: Let’s play!

These are some (allegedly) real-life examples of what NoT to put on a resume..... -- "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets." L -"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a MidA R GENE QUIZ 3 west chain store." E H T EDGE L -"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levW O KN els, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable." -- "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." -- "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet." -- "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." -- "I am a rabid typist." -- "Exposure to German for two years, but many words $478,000 Question... are not appropriate for business." How many languages and dialects are spoken by -- "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so people all over the world? far." A) 1,000 B) 4,000 -- "I have become completely paranoid, trusting comC) 6,000 D) 9,000 pletely nothing and absolutely no one." $479,000 Question... -- "References: None, I've left a path of destruction beApproximately, how many people speak Chinese lan- hind me." guage? -- "Don't take the comments of my former employer A) 1 billion B) 1 million C) 5 billion D) 5 million  too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers." $480,000 Question... -- "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I posThe language with the richest vocabulary is? sess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try A) Hindi B) French stock brokerage." C) English D) German  -- "I procrastinate - especially when the task is un$481,000 Question... pleasant." English Language have more than ?? words? -- "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel A) 450,000 B) 45,000 free to respond to my resume on my office voiceC) 4,500 D) 450 mail."

Who Wants To Be A Zillionaire?

$482,000 Question... Which book has been printed in the maximum number of languages and these scripts? A) Bible B) Hiraka Sutra C) Super Book D) None of the above 

$483,000 Question... The oldest printed work in the world, which dates back to AD 868 is? A) Bible B) Hiraka Sutra C) Super Book D) None of the above 

$484,000 Question... Who developed the small pox vaccination? A) Eduard Jenner B) Alexander Fleming C) Albert Einstein D) None of these

$485,000 Question... Marco Polo traveled through...? A) Greenland B) Canada C) China D) Iceland (Answers below - See you next issue)

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Cow's Away!

“THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

(Did this really happen?) Earlier this year, the dazed crew of a Japanese Trawler were plucked out of the Sea of Japan clinging to the wreckage of their sunken ship. Their rescue, however, was followed by immediate imprisonment once authorities questioned the sailors on their ship's loss. They claimed that a cow, falling out of a clear blue sky, had struck the trawler amidships, shattering it's hull and sinking the vessel within minutes. They remained in prison for several weeks, until the Russian Air Force reluctantly informed Japanese authorities that the crew of one of its cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow wandering at the edge of a Siberian airfield, forced the cow into the plane's hold and hastily taken off for home. Unprepared for live cargo, the Russian crew was ill-equipped to manage a now rampaging cow within its hold. To save the aircraft and themselves, they shoved the animal out of the cargo hold as they crossed the Sea of Japan at an altitude of 30,000 feet.

Tiger Snack

A tiger was walking through the jungle one day and saw two men relaxing under a tree. One was reading a newspaper, and the other was working feverishly on a manual typewriter. The tiger leapt on the man with the newspaper, and ate him up. The tiger did not bother the other man at all. That's because any predator knows that readers digest but writers cramp. Did you know..... dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish Continuous Concrete Landscape Border

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PAGE 21

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PAGE 22

CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY “THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

O .P .G . C LA S S IF IE DS

C A L L 4 0 7 -8 9 2 -5 5 5 6

ACCOUNTING

•LArrY W. sTOLTZFUs, CpA Individual & Business Tax Returns Accounting and Payroll Services 1st Mo. free for Accounting Svc. 407-873-6591 • 407-892-9671 Larryscpa@yahoo.com

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CARPET CLEANING

O N LY $1 0 .0 0

EMPLOYMENT

•LOgAN CArpET CLEANiNg iNC. •Home Health Agency Family Owned and Operated Seeking Caregivers, CNA’S, HHA’S. Serving Osceola County 20 years We work 7 days a week, Truck-Mounted Equipment 24 hours a day. Must be willing to Call for Cleaning Specials work different shifts and have 407-344-9050 or 407-957-6775 dependable transportation. AIR CONDITIONING •Bright Carpet Care Full service Call 407-891-8884 for interview Carpet & Tile cleaner. Vehicle, •AVON! Need extra $$$? •ALL TEMp A/C • Comm. & res. Flood, & Furniture Truck Mount unit Only $10 to start up! Call Dawn, $69.95 A/C Check-Up - Free Est. Call Kevin for Special offer. Ind. Sales Rep. 407-479-7536 CAC 1814398 • 24 Hr. service 321-437-8603 DawnAvon@Juno.com $10 off any Emergency call w/ ad •iDEAL CArpET CArE iNC. www.AllTempAirConditioning.com •Delivery Driver Needed spECiAL: 3 rooms $55. 407-857-7800 Kissimmee/Poinciana Area Steam Carpet Clean & Deodorizing Easy route - 2/3 days/week ALTERATIONS No Hidden Fees! Truck Mount Unit 407-301-6991 HUGE Carpet Sale $.61 Sq. Ft. •Tailor’s Corner – professional •Bartenders/Cooks 407-709-2362 CarpetCareFL.com 20+ yrs. exp. Downtown st. Cloud Banquet servers/stewarts Tue-Fri. 10-6; sat. 10-4 Housekeepers/Houseman CLEANING 1222 10th st. • 321-624-7015 Experience is a Must. •Award Winning Cleaning- res. great pay! paid Weekly! ANIMAL REMOVAL & Comm. Flat rate starts at $55 Vacation pay! Health ins. •Humane Animal removal. Keeps Move in/out special $125 expires EOE-Call 407-472-4787 or Home and Pets safe. Low Rates. 10-15-11 Lic & ins. 407-668-8189 send resume today to: HumaneAnimalRemovalTeamInc.com COMPUTER BROKEN? OrlBooker@Hospitalitystaff.com 321-947-7134

ART CLASSES

•Watercolor class w/ Brad Buck Tues. & Wed. evenings 7 to 9 PM The NY Artist Shop - St. Cloud. Call to schedule 407- 957-1583

AUTO

•CAsH pAiD $300 AND Up For junk cars and trucks Any condition, running or not. FrEE TOWiNg. Same day pick up, no title needed. Call Kristen at 407-399-9977

BATHROOM GRAB BARS

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BATHTUB REGLAZED •$239.00 save Money, Change Colors, restore & Beautify. 5 Year Warranty Tubs, showers, sinks & Countertops, etc. www.AllTubguys.com Comm. & res. 321-438-9857

BUSINESS OPPTS. •ELiMiNATE YOUr grOCErY & gAs BiLL Ask me how. Call 1-888-432-4978 Ext. 85

•start your own home based business for $98. Limited offer Use this code: CL36073 to Unlock the secret. Call now 1-888-326-0751 ext. 153

sBC234.com 407-574-5229

•Make money and lose weight.

CARPENTRY

•BOB’s CArpENTrY Fix-Up, remodel, Additions, And Handyman. 407-948-9203

•COMpUTEr HEALErs of St. Cloud. Expert Repairs Lowest Prices Guaranteed 2428 13th St. & Tennessee Ave in the subway plaza 407-556-3992 - 407-346-8652

•Computer repair & services No Extra Charge for Evenings Weekends & Emergencies Virus removal, Tune-Up & More 407-494-4Fix. Lic. & Certified

CONCRETE

•HANsEN CONCrETE, inc All types of Concrete & Masonry! “No job to Big or too small” 35 Years serving Central Florida res. & Commercial - Lic. & ins. 407-908-1867 – 407-891-5250

•FrEENEY CONCrETE, iNC. Slabs, Driveways, Sidewalks, Patio Additions, Block work. 35 yrs. exp. Lic. & ins. • 321-624-3828

•KArEN THOMpsON CONCrETE 25 Yrs. Exp. – Driveways, patios, sidewalks, etc. Lic. & ins. 407-301-5947

•Earn extra $ as a paid Volunteer to benefit the Troops. Must have own vehicle. Call David 407-483-8952 – 321-746-9898 •Computer Technician Wanted Cyber Tex Computer 407-957-1996

•Need a non smoker w/ cleaning experience. With a small reliable car to clean homes locally. 407-891-9086 •receptionist/Admin Assistant Position available at established Construction Management / Real Estate development firm. Flexible 30 hour Monday - Friday work week an excellent opportunity for advancement for the right person. Please send resume to: richBenson1@live.com

EVENT PLANNING

•sErVEVENTs planning, photography, Catering, •CHApMAN CONCrETE 30 Yrs. Videography & Much Much More. 407-846-8851 servEvents.org Experience in ALL Concrete Work Comm. & res. FrEE Estimates Lic. & ins. 407-908-8870 GLASS

DECORATE

•iNTEriOrs BY KATHLEEN De-Clutter, Re-Organize And Re-Decorate Get help with a plan of action, reasonable rates 407-935-9991

DRYWALL

•TNT DrYWALL, iNC repairs, remodeling, Textures, painting, Add-Ons & Enclosures res. & Comm. 407-908-4542

•gLAss rEpLACEMENT OsCEOLA gLAss

407-892-0841 HANDYMAN

•swedish Home improvement,inc. Painting, Remodeling, Flooring, Drywall repair, Fencing. Lic. / Ins. 407-738-5040 / 407-574-6529 •Johnny’s Handyman remodeling * Drywall * painting Concrete * roofing 407-738-8918

407-892-5556

PER ISSUE!

HANDYMAN

•HANDYMAN rEMODELEr paint, Tile, Carpentry, Doors Windows & restoration 407-235-8388 Duke Massey

HOMES FOR SALE

•4/3 Hm. 2 Acre 4400 Cypress Dr. Short Sale, $165,000 •3/2 Hm. 1353 Wood Lake Cir. SS with Approval Letter In Hand $79k, Call Kelly Foster, FL realty investments, 321-946-1004

ONLY $10 pEr issUE gETs YOUr BUsiNEss Or sErViCE FOUND!

CALL 407-892-5556 LAWN SERVICES

•BLADEs prO LAWN sErViCE Located in Saint Cloud Res. & Com., Licensed & Insured Call Yancy 407-620-4393

LEGAL SERVICES

DiVOrCE BANKrUpTCY

•starting at $65• • 1- signature Divorce • Missing spouse Divorce • Mobile service • 1-888-376-7891

LOCKSMITH

LOCKsMiTH 407-892-0000 •sherlock security

MOBILE HOMES

•sT CLOUD TrAiLEr-rV pArK senior 55+ park, FOr sALE or rENT-TO-OWN. RV’s w/ add ons Reasonable lot rent. RV lot rentals available. - Call Penny M-F 9-4 407-892-6900 or 407-922-2274 Between Wyoming & Eastern Ave On Hwy. 192 in st. Cloud

•2/2 Mobile Hm. Adult park on Lakefront. screened in patio. pool w/ new filter system. 2 lots w/ fruit trees. Concrete under all fixtures. 12’ x 30’ shop. $50,000. 407 892-6767 • 407 873-9250 •st. Cloud remodels single & Double Wides rentals – Lease purchases 407-957-7979

MOVING

•MApLEs MOViNg FULL sErViCE MOViNg. Supplies •Loading and Unloading gary & Loretta 407-891-6427

MUSIC

•piano Lessons in st. Cloud 20+ years teaching experience Reasonable rates. Call 407-556-3790


THE BEST CLASSIFIEDS! -

MUSIC

CALL THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE OF OSCEOLA COUNTY -

•piano •Voice •Audition Coaching Certified Music Teacher Advanced Degrees 20+ yrs. exp. reasonable rates 407-433-7287

OFFICE RENTALS

•OFFiCEs FOr rENT Big Sky Blvd., Kissimmee Starting at $250 Month Utilities included • 407-873-3816

PAINTING

•pete’s painting & pressure Wash NO JOB TOO sMALL Licensed & insured 407-957-2862

PETS

“THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN!”

SCOOTER REPAIR •Electric scooter repair AA scooter World Will Come to You 407-396-4100

STAINED GLASS

•AMAZiNg sTAiNED gLAss Classes – supplies – Custom 1022 10th st. in st. Cloud 407-957-9577

TILE & GROUT

•TiLE AND grOUT CLEANiNg Carpet and Furniture Cleaning Logan Carpet Cleaning Inc. 407-344-9050 or 407-957-6775

TREE SERVICE

•Affordable Veterinary services spay / Neuter, & shots www.pawsitiveAction.org 407-803-3381

•Trimming & removal, palm Tree Maintenance. De-Mossing Trees stump grinding. Land Clearing. Debris and Hazardous Tree removal. For sale: Firewood, 407-TrEE-TOp TreeToppers,inc. VanHornTreeToppers@gmail.com

POOL CARE

•TOM’s UpHOLsTErY Auto Headliners, Boats, RV’s etc. 1713 Eastern Ave, St. Cloud 407-891-8276

•pET grOOMiNg 10% Off Full Grooming We also have a variety of Puppies! 407-957-3600 •spArKLiNg pOOL CArE, iNC. residential & Commercial service and repair. pool resurfacing 407-891-9406

UPHOLSTERY

WINDOW REPAIR •gLAss rEpLACEMENT OsCEOLA gLAss

PRESSURE WASH

407-892-0841

RENTALS

•sATUrDAY, OCT. 8 ~ 8am-3pm remmington Community-in Kissimmee, between Lakeshore Blvd. & partin settlement road

•BiLLY’s prEssUrE WAsHiNg 1 story from $75. 2 story from $100. Look for the big checkered trailer. Lic & ins. 407-709-5617 •Affordable Apartments for 55+ Brand New in st. Cloud Call 321-805-4733 ~ st.Anthony garden Cts. Equal Housing Oppty.

YARD SALE

Public Service Annc.

•www.FlSuncoastSports.com Youth Baseball and Softball Organization Always looking for players and teams. 407-319-7601 • osceola Council on Aging Flea Market- Wednesday, Oct. 12 8 am - noon. Large selection of new and vintage items. For those who may be interested in participating. Please call Helen @ 407-846-8532 ext #228 for further info •2 story 4/3 1/5 house, pool •osceola Memory Gardens Funeral with Jacuzzi. Move in condition. Homes, Cemetery & Crematory corin remington close to everything. dially invites you to attend a special $1500/ mo. Call 407-908-4943 workshop: •Furnished room private entrance “ARE YouR AFFAiRS iN Utilities & Cable incl. W/D & Kit. oRDER?” Seating is limited. privileges. Kiss-st.Cloud $300. Reserve your seat today by calling Osceola Memory Gardens at 407-957-9860 – 321-805-0618 407-957-2511. Lunch will be •2/1 Duplex, sm. pet ok complimentary. 603 5th st $925/month luncheon Seminar 11:30 AM: Call Kelly Foster, FL realty Friday, october 14th. investments, 321-946-1004 Buffet City •1/1 gar. Apt. Alligator Lake Front 4551 13th Street, St. Cloud For more info visit: www.osceoNo dogs, Non-smokers, Adults, laMemGds.com Boating & Fishing $500/mo. Newly painted 407-957-2705 $650/mo – 2/2 Apt, incl water $525/mo – 1/1 Duplex, carport $750/mo – 2/2 Villa, Comm. pool $900/mo – 2/2 Townhm, Harmony $1000/mo – 3/2 Home, Fr, FM $1200/mo – 4/2.5 Home, Fr, FM $1250/mo – 3/2 pool Home $1350/mo – 4/2 pool Home CastlepropertyManagement.net Castle property 407-891-9810

PAGE 23

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS

•Heart of Adoptions Alliance, inc. is a non-profit, Florida licensed child-placing agency with funds available to assist Osceola County birth mothers who choose adoption. The funds are only available for birth mothers who reside in Osceola Co. and can pay for her housing, food, utilities, toiletries, transportation, phone, maternity clothes, medical care and counseling. The caseworkers provide services and assistance to birth parents interested in placing a child for adoption, assistance to adoptees searching for their biological family, assistance to adoptive parents pursuing intercounty adoption, & provide information and resources regarding foster care adoption. info: 407-898-8280 HeartofAdoptionsAlliance.stc@gmail.com www.HeartofAdoptionsAlliance.com Counseling Services for the following...

Kevin VanKorlaar Ph.D. L.M.H.C.

• Depression • Stress Management • Anger Management • Parenting/Family Therapy • Addictions

• Anxiety • Grief and loss issues • Marital Counseling • Self-esteem/Life issues • Communitcation Skills

1420 Celebration Blvd. #200 • Celebration, FL 34747 • 863-421-7069 www.choosewisdomforliving.com

CHILD • ADOLESCENT • ADULT & FAMILY THERAPY

24

months

special financing available see store for complete details offer ends September 26, 2011

1750 E. Irlo Bronson Hwy.

Read the classifieds ONLINE!

www.opgosceola.com

407-892-5556

ST. CLOUD R

407-892-4362



OCT 1st Orange Peel Gazette!