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THE HOLY BOOK OF ZORRON


I.


Our Lord Zorron Almighty

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III.


n the beginning, the great god Pavis sent his angel Antony to a town called Nottingham to visit a virgin named Lisa. Through Elephant trumpets, the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, you have found favor with your god Pavis. You will give birth to a son and you are to name him Zorron. He will be known as the Son of the most high and his kingdom will have no end.’

IV.


V.


THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

VI.


VII.


I am the Lord and thy Iranian Prince, Son of Pavis and born unto the Lady of Ice. Through my sacrifice and later resurrection I have brought forth eternal salvation unto you through the medium of house parties and house music respectively. Thus is the word of almighty Zorron:

VIII.


IX.


I. Keep holy the Sabbath day; feed me gold and present me with vintage gifts of Moschino, Ralph Lauren and YSL. Fuck Fendi.

X.


II. Thou shalt not worship false Orozma deity before me. If thoust does, repent of your sins and write it off as a bad one.

XI.


III. Thou shalt indulge into the ever-changing hallucinogenic pattern that is my sphincter.

XII.


IV. Thou shalt feast upon kebabs and Holsten pilsner 5% lager, for this is the body and blood of Zorron that has been sacrificed for your sins. Whomever doth consume my flesh and blood, remaineth steadfast to the teachings of Zorron will receive eternal salvation.

XIII.


V. Worship unto me through process of divine procrastination and nosebleed prayer. Because in order to win some, thoust must first lose some.

XIV.


VI. Go in peace and love as my disciple to spread the good work of REAL Fundraising LTD in increments of 2 year binding contracts upon the gullible.

XV.


VII. Thou shalt not fall to the temptations of drone. Whoever shalt avert their nose shalt be saved.

XVI.


VIII. Live the sesh as a party enabler and you will have eternal salvation from the heinous pits of hell.

XVII.


IX. Thou shalt not covet next man’s pum, nor his ox, nor his several donkeys.

XVIII.


X. Go and make disciples of all the nations, and preach the gospel to every creature. Follow blindly the teachings of the just prophets Kalkbrenner, Dez, Cesar and Chim Chim. He who believes and is baptised will be saved, but he who does not believe will forever be condemned.

XIX.


Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever lives the sesh by these teachings will be called great in Heaven and shall be pencilled in to an eternal celestial odyssey of synth; 3 pound before 11 – 5 pound thereafter. For I tell you that unless you bite the beibis bullet, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven. Amen.

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XXI.

The Holy Book of Zorron  

The Holy Book of Zorron

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