Primate by Bianca Sams
(Based on: personal reaction to Inherit the Wind.)
Bianca Sams Biancasams@hotmail.com
PRIMATE A darkened stage. We can barely make out two figures sitting on a bench. The shadow of metal bars runs across the stage. Bo and Rachel get up and go to the edge of the stage. They each run from side to side waving their arms up and down. They stick out their tongues laughing all the while. Bo finally bends over, sticks out his butt, and waves it at the audience. They are in a manic dance for attention. Why does he do it?
I dunno. I mean really.
RACHEL I know how stupid can you be... BO Day in and day out. He just... Sits there. Like a lump. A dull lump. Lump on a log.
RACHEL BO RACHEL BO
RACHEL And he thinks heâ€™s so important. Sitting there. Doodling along. So superior.
RACHEL All because he can do that... BO And if he throws one more banana in here..
RACHEL Like we can’t tell that there is something in it. Smack! Right in the kisser.
BO A big smelly pile of poop! Or the next time he waves the banana I should smack him right across the face. Wham! He’d go totally ape shit. RACHEL And we’re the dumb ones. Less evolved. We don’t snatch YOU out of your sleep. In the middle of the night, I might add. BO I can’t believe that damn zoo keeper sold us. Prick. Humans. So freaking entitled.
RACHEL Oh Bo, did you hear about Brian? Brian who?
RACHEL You know. Brian. Short guy...Brooklyn zoo? He lived in #6. He died. Died?
RACHEL It was terrible. He was just standing there drinking some water and he starts foaming at the mouth...bleeding..and falling all over. It was terrible. And all of them...they run over and just watch. And scribble. Heartless. BO Heartless. What was in that water I wonder. RACHEL That’s what I’d like to know. I look sideways at everything they give me now. BO Danielle over in #3, she isn’t looking too good either. She’s seeing that sleep doctor.
RACHEL Is she doing that shock test Clara was doing? Her hair stood up on all ends for days. BO No. I think they changed it. She’s been awake for three days now. Straight. No food. No sleep. RACHEL I stopped eating. Who knows what they’re putting in it. BO You are looking thinner these days. Thanks.
BO I didn’t mean it like that...jeez. RACHEL No eyelashes after that damn new mascara. Pains everywhere. Fuck this. I knew it was bad but I never thought it’d be like this. Barnum and Bailey coming to town. Every day it’s something new. Eat this and poof no hair. Try that. Poke here. Push there. All in the name of what? We die for what? Science? All so some old guy can have a four hour hard on and some chick can lose 50 pounds and have anal leakage. Rachel runs to the front of the cage and screams wildly. She jumps up and down. RACHEL (cont’d) Screw you!!!! Screw You! I ain’t your freaking cousin! We’re not related! I didn’t evolve from YOU! You didn’t evolve from me. Bo rushes up and grabs her. He forces her to back away from the edge and sit down. BO Chill! You don’t want to be tasered again. RACHEL (still agitated) Let them taser me. I’d like to see them try. Murderers! Sadists! One, Two, Three, Four! We won’t take no freaking more. Five, Six, Seven, Eight! Stop with all the Primate hate! One, Two, Three, Four! We won’t take no freaking more! Five, Six, Seven, Eight! Stop with all the Primate hate!
She gets back up and rushes the front of the stage. Chill out!
He forces her to sit down on the stage. Just as Scientist #1 and #2 walk on stage and observe. Calm down!
RACHEL No I bloody won’t calm down! I want to go home Bo. If there is even a home left. I want to run through the bush and eat my own damn bananas. I want to see the sunrise and not have someone testing shampoo on my ass! I am sick and tired of this. I thought it was bad when we lived in the zoo and all those little horrible boys would come and spray paint “we ain’t related” everywhere. Now we are here and these jerks won’t stop trying to kill us! They say they evolved from us! They don’t look like me. Or act like me. You don’t see ME kidnapping them. You don’t see me pouring things in their eyes. You don’t see me blowing things up. That’s them, those horrible selfish jerks!! They talk about Darwin. Their evolution. They say we’re family. Would they treat their mama this way? I don’t think so. Bo holds her. It’s okay. It’s okay.
RACHEL It’s not okay. It’s not fair. BO Life isn’t always fair. And you’re right. Maybe we are not
their family. Maybe we were created differently. Maybe we were created special. Maybe this is God’s plan. Maybe there is something else out there. Excuse me?
BO I heard the fat guy who was working with Clara say maybe this is God’s plan. RACHEL The smelly guy that no one likes? You’re listening to him? BO Yeah. He’s smart. And when no one else is around he talks a lot. RACHEL Yeah, that’s because they don’t talk to him. The blonde one that throws up after she eats anything, she says he’s an idiot. He isn’t a real scientist.
BO She poured hair spray in your eyes. Is she really a credible source? RACHEL I don’t believe in a God. Anyone dumb enough to make THEM the top of the food chain can’t be that smart. BO They suck. I agree. And I’m not exactly sure they realize they can get all the same information without testing us to death. They are the ones that invented computers, right? But what he said made sense. I mean look around. How are you and I so different if we’re the same “species”? How are there so many different birds, fish, plants, us, them and we are so complicated, so varied. Yet, so I dunno... simple. How is there such a perfect system? That kind of order doesn’t just happen. It can’t just happen out of nowhere. RACHEL Sorry, I fell asleep. What did you say? Cute.
RACHEL I mean really. Some guy woke up one day and created the world. I heard that from that crazy chick that broke in here and took Lucas away last year. When the police brought him back he told me she kept him outside with her dog and fed him peanuts. Those people are just as crazy as these people! Cause the problem is THEY ARE ALL PEOPLE! People think they are so freaking smart. They haven’t the slightest clue. People think because we look different from them, walk different than them, don’t talk like them that they have the right to do whatever the hell they want to us! BO But what if you’re wrong. What if there is something bigger? A God out there that has a plan for you and me. RACHEL Then I’d really like to meet this guy and tell him off! I’d like to meet him and say...these people you created, they are pretty screwed up. This world has gotten pretty screwed up. BO But is that God’s fault or the humans’ fault? Well he made them.
BO And he told them NOT to do this stuff. He told them to take care of the earth, take care of each other, to resist arrogance, to be kind, not to kill, to love thy neighbor --
RACHEL That’s like telling a baby not to pee on himself, get banana in his eye or to pick the ticks off his own back. It ain’t gonna happen. BO What about the good things they do? They can’t all be bad. What about that lady that fed us when we were babies, and tried to protect us when those men came to take us away? RACHEL She was nice. But that’s not enough. BO What about that guy from Tibet. That lama guy. The Dalai Lama?
BO Yeah, he’s pretty cool. Telling people to be nice and stuff. RACHEL Yeah, but he’s one guy. Most of them could care less about each other, let alone us. And I’d kill them all if I got the chance. Bite their faces right off!
BO Does that makes us as bad as them? Maybe we are related after all. RACHEL No. They hurt us. So it’s self defense. BO So, should I hurt you because they hurt me? That’s not the same.
BO That smelly guy says to turn the other cheek. RACHEL Maybe that smelly guy should try being in here for a day. BO Hey, our lives could be worse. We could be Bubbles. RACHEL Yeah, I heard he tried to commit suicide after Michael died. The note said: (singing) Tell’em that it’s human nature. BO (dead pan) Why do they do us this way?
RACHEL It’s bad. He was a pretty young thing. Seriously. These humans screw us all up. I’d really like to just strangle one of them. BO Maybe you’ll get your chance. The two scientist come toward their cage. Bo and Rachel begin to panic.
RACHEL Oh no. Not again.
Please don’t take us!
BO Please don’t take us. RACHEL Rachel and Bo back away from the scientists. As they come closer and closer, Rachel screams. Black out.