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chicken

friedNEWS

Snake eyes

Doorbell cameras are an important line of home security, allowing people to see who is at the door even when they are not at home. When doorbell camera footage makes the news, it is often for something weird like that guy in California who licked a doorbell for a few hours and then walked away. What was up with that? Sometimes there are frantic Nextdoor posts about people offering liquid drugs in solo cups that merely turn out to be partygoers with the wrong address, but the doorbell camera viral video game took a turn toward shocking last week when footage from Lawton did for ringing doorbells what Lethal Weapon 2 did for going to the bathroom: make the routine terrifying. Video shows Jerel Heywood dropping by to visit his friend Rodney Copeland in Lawton, but as Heywood opens the front door, a snake that had been coiled around a porch light reaches out and bites Copeland just above his right eye. “Take me to the hospital,” Copeland can be heard saying immediately after the bite. Copeland is fine. The snake was not venomous, and the wound did not require stitches. The snake might have gotten flashbacks from its ancestors in getting banished from Ireland by St. Patrick, if that were actually true and snakes had some sort of Shirley MacLaine-esque connections to past lives. After screams attracted a neighbor to the commotion, the neighbor brought over a hammer and pummeled the 5-foot-5inch snake to death, according to CNN. Copeland told CNN that he plans to keep any potential uninvited guests away by spraying the yard with sulfuric acid. We hear that works for snakes and doorbell-lickers.

Hold the phone

Countless hands have been wrung raw over the negative influence the everpresent cellphone has on modern life, but Oklahoma Department of Corrections is worrying about them more than the Momo challenge. Earlier this month, The Oklahoman reported that the department has confiscated nearly 1,800 contraband phones from inmates since the beginning of the year and more than 48,500 since 2011, and according to department representatives, prisoners are not using them to play Pokémon Go. “It is the cornerstone of communication to the outside, where gangs run their criminal enterprises,” corrections director Joe M. Allbaugh told The Oklahoman, adding that “shot-callers” heading the more than 100 gangs known to operate in Oklahoma prisons can use contraband phones to “call out hits” and “threaten families.” To decisively to take away inmates’ screentime privileges, corrections department officials say they need the federal government to allow them to jam cellphone signals inside the prison, a measure that is currently illegal without permission from Federal Communications Commission (FCC), which warns that jamming can interfere with law enforcement communications by diluting radio signals and preventing emergency calls. Critics such as

Ben Levitan, who serves as an expert witness in telecommunications cases, said allowing prisons to jam phone signals is a “very slippery slope.” “Once that door is opened, we can never turn back,” Levitan told Vice last year. Officials say phones are smuggled into prison by staff, thrown over the walls by outside accomplices to be collected later, and even delivered by drones. Others, which The Oklahoman reported are “marked as hazardous” after confiscation “because the inmates hid them on their bodies or stored them in unsanitary places,” are presumably snuck in through good oldfashioned keistering. It’s nice to see that, even in the digital age, some things never change.

Teacher strikes

While everybody was abusing the new “gender swap” filters, a Del City High

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