OF the month OF the month
MAGAZINE MAGAZINE ISSUE 02 November 08
ISSUE 02 November 08
“SO AMAZING ITS BLASPHEMOUS!!”
“SO AMAZING ITS BLASPHEMOUS!!”
- Of the month magazine
- Of the month magazine
all fall issue!! all fall issue!!
back so soon?! we knew you couldn’t resist us! aww, aren’t we just the cutest?? we know, we know. jaykay! anyways, we hope you enjoyed our first issue! wooh hurrah! sorry about all the typos though. if youve found them all you win a prize! the prize is one of ellen’s socks. well, here we are in november! the month of tofurkey, english separatists, and votage. by votage i mean voting, and by voting i mean remember to get out and vote on november fourth!!! make p.diddy proud. everyone who goes out and votes wins a prize! the prize is ellens toothbrush, and i think she only has one so you’ll all have to share. remember to
well that’s it....go on and enjoy!!!!!!!!!!
send us an email...
E M BER
top 5, artist
“I was born with a hole in my right ear and I can stick a long pin in it and don't even feel it.”
“I fell off a skateboard while holding onto the back of a truck going 25 mph when I was 15 and I live to tell the story.”
“I have a small scar below my lip where I bit through it as a kid after falling off a swing...twice.”
“I knocked out my four front teeth while sliding down a metal submarine in kindergarten. I got lost as a child at Knott's Berry Farm while humming the Flintstones song to myself and looking up at the sky.”
to see, not to see “I ripped my nose open when I was 7 jumping over the couch. The last time I did it I hit the the coffee table and wasn't able to go to Palm Springs. I had to stay home with my Grams. But don't worry she fed me all the popsicles I wanted!”
to rent, not to rent “My college admissions essay was about how I could roll my tongue both ways. I even dubbed the term "tongue ambidexterity".
poem layout, graphics, enemy
diy, playlist, book
“I have a deathly phobia of bananas, and the only movie that’s ever mad me cry was Jack Frost. . . the one with Micahel Keaton.”
“When I was little, I used to tell my right hand from my left by a freckle on my left hand. But I used to get really worried, because my freckle was somewhat off-center and I thought that freckles gradually moved closer and closer to the edge and then just fell off your skin. Anyway, it never fell off, and sadly enough, I didn't learn my right from my left until I was seventeen.”
“My family and I came over here from Russia on a rowboat.”
“My orthodontist told me I was the worst patient he ever had, and I had to have special metal braces because I kept ripping the wires off of my braces.”
“My middle name is O. As in Bobby O.”
table of contents P1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MOvie otm p4. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .artist otm p9. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . city otm p11. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . diy otm p13. . . . . . . . . . . .playlist otm p14 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .album otm p15 . . . . . . . .. . . . video game otm p16 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . top 5 otm p18 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .book otm p20 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .poem otm p22 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . enemy otm p23. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .drink otm p24 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .thanks!
movie to see: nick and norah’s infinite playlist One phrase: Awkwardly hilarious Michael Cera!!! Every girls perfect emo dork (Well mine at least). He has the best one-liners. If he doesn’t make you want to go see this spontaneous comedy then I don’t know what will. Well, okay for the guys Nora (Kat Dennings) is the mysterious hottie...so go for her. Their adventure takes place in one night. They are on a mission to find this band called Where’s Fluffy, who are playing at a secret location. So basically, it’s a typical teen flick - girl meets boy, asks boy to become pretend boyfriend, best friend gets drunk, best friend gets lost, there is a van that is well equipped, gay band helps find drunk friend, girl’s ex gets jealous, a fight erupts and there’s a piece of gum that goes where no gum has gone before. Do they even find the band in the end? Well that is for me to know and you to find out! This is a wonderfully awkward comedy that is about figuring out what is best for you. It has all the corks of comedy, romance, and adventure. To top nick, silly drunk friend, and norah it off the soundtrack is amazing as well. (which by the way is now available). All I can say is that if you are a fan of good music, Michael Cera, and awkward comedies, this is the movie for you. And if you are not, well we won’t leave you out so don’t worry this movie is for you as well. GO SEE IT…NOW!
of the month by julie and jason!
FYI, the lead singer is a super mega hottie
awww how cutezz!!!!
movie not to see: lakeview terrace Has anyone else realized that Samuel L. Jackson looks completely different in every movie he is in? It kind of freaks me out. Like from Star Wars, to Mr. Glass, Jumper, and Black Snake Moan. But his new movie, Lakeview Terrace is a real bust. I don’t even want to go into that much detail. All the movie portrayed was racial hatred and really bad thriller scenes. If you are a fan of Samuel L. Jackson, just wait to rent it and if not, don’t even bother. -jf
OH NOEZZZ!!! AN INTERRACIAL COUPLE?!?! somebody call the wahhmbulance!
oh hai mr. creeper!
movie to rent: forgetting sarah marshall As we approach the winter months and the days get progressively colder and closer to flu season, I suspect some of you will spend a portion of the time recuperating from any miserable virus by watching a flick or two. There’s often nothing better than some popcorn and a great comedy to help you weather your symptoms and recapture some vitality, unless of course, it pains you to laugh. Be that the case, then I recommend heavy meds. For all the rest of you, I suggest picking up Judd Apatow’s Forgetting Sarah Marshall, a simultaneously heartwarming and crude film, which blends the romantic with the absurd to culminate into a romantic comedy that stands above many others of the genre. Forgetting Sarah Marshall focuses on Peter Bretter (Jason Segel), a somewhat slovenly, yet down-to-earth music composer who is dating television’s hottest detective, Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell). However, we are given very little about the dynamics of their relationship, because they breakup in the very first scene. It’s in this scene that we are given a very generous view of Pete Bretter in the buff. This equates to a hilariously funny and unbelievably awkward fully-nude break-up scene (only Segel is nude, sorry fellas). Peter’s painfully embarrassing break-up leads him to unsuccessfully try to forget Sarah Marshall. Running out of luck in L.A.,
Peter packs his bags for Hawaii, only to learn upon arrival that he happens to share the same hotel as Sarah and her new boyfriend, rock star lothario Aldous Snow (Russell Brand). There to help Peter through his personal hell is concierge Rachel Jansen (Mila Kunis) and several other eccentric and often downright creepy staff (mostly played by those from the typical Apatow line). As with any Apatow film, the movie provides its own share of sexual humor and absurdist moments to provide laughs, yet what sets Forgetting Sarah Marshall apart from others of its kind is the attention to character detail and development. Peter, though somewhat of a schlub, is not so much so that the audience cannot relate to him. In fact, many of the situations Peter finds himself in are situations in which audience members themselves might have plausibly experienced. Kristen Bell manages to humanize Sarah with her performance; while Sarah Marshall is still recognizably quite the bitch, she has a depth and emotion to her characterwhich makes her appear more rounded and human than the average “bitch” archetype. Both Brand’s and Kunis’ characters are surprisingly fleshed out and immensely entertaining, with Kunis showing a real flair for the genre. Brand is able to make Aldous Snow into a very likeable character, despite his reprehensible penchant for humping anything with legs (almost literally). Overall, the careful balance between raunchy humor and heartfelt moments successfully blend together to create a highly entertaining romantic comedy almost guaranteed to provide you with as many belly laughs as it does “aww” moments.
movie not to rent: plan nine from outer space Since this month’s “To Rent” article covers a romantic comedy, I thought I would maintain the humor theme and cover what is widely regarded as the worst film of all time, Ed Wood’s Plan Nine from Outer Space. If you’ve read last month’s issues, then you might be able to guess that I have seen some pretty bad movies in my day. With this in mind, Plan Nine was unquestionably the worst film I’ve seen to date. Plan Nine is a perfect example of success achieved by being the worst at what it does. While at only 79 minutes of runtime, every minute spent watching this film screams “why aren’t you doing something more productive? Like maybe clipping your nails or picking your nose”.
Plan Nine begins with an introduction by the movie’s narrator, whose presence does little to create a coherent direction for the plot, or even give any real exposition to the events in the film. In fact, the narrator’s words serve to confound the audience more than anything, spouting off nonsensical warnings that “future events such as these will affect you in the future”, followed by the paradoxical, let’s see what “happened on that fateful day.” Anytime you feel utterly confused within the first thirty-odd seconds of a film, you can bet it’s not going to be pretty. The film opens with what appears to be a very shoddily made cockpit with a shower curtain for drapes. Pilots Jeff Trent and Danny suddenly encounter a flying saucer. How they noticed the saucer without noticing the conspicuous string attached to it remains a mystery. The shot then cuts to the funeral of an unknown woman and shots of a very grief stricken unknown man. Seemingly later, two gravediggers are filling the grave of a deceased woman when they hear a noise. Deciding it’s best not to stick around when creepy noises are about, they turn to leave, but not before running into the reanimated corpse of the old man’s “dead” wife. The shot then cuts away to grief-stricken old man, who ultimately kills himself in his insanity. Some of you might know these few scenes as the last shots of famed Hungarian actor Bela Lugosi. When the old man comes back to life later on in the film, don’t be de ceived. Lugosi, having died during the v production of the film, naturally could not make it to the set to finish filming. Undaunted, Ed Wood hired his wife’s chiropractor, Tom Mason, to finish Lugosi’s role. Lugosi’s “ghoul man” character is thereafter shown only with a cape covering most of his face. Despite Mason bearing questionable resemblance to Lugosi, Wood unbelievably decided to maintain the façade, causing the film to be famously touted as “almost-starring Bela Lugosi.” In order to spare you the play-by-play of an almost incomprehensible plot, you should know that by the end of the film, the audience comes away with little more knowledge about the events of the movie than they do going into it, save that the word “solarbonite” is boldly thrown around in order to add direction to this magnum opus of bad.
While Plan Nine is probably the worst film made to date, it probably could serve as a “so bad, it’s good” for you more diehard science fiction buffs. For the rest, I suggest only renting this one if you plan to get heavily intoxicated or if you’re a film student learning exactly what not to do when crafting your masterpiece. -ja
sweet artwork....crappy, crappy movie.
artist of the month
So Of the Month is supposed to be a student magazine: run by students, for students, featuring students. So we've decided to make artist of the month one of us, and for the month of November we are featuring Kelly Winton, aspiring photographer and art and history major at UCLA. And for those of you wondering when the last time I interviewed someone was, the answer would be neverâ€Ś
kelly winton kelly winton kelly w winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly w winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly w winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly w winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly w winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly winton kelly w winton kelly winton kelly winton 1. What medium do you usually use/prefer? I do photography primarily. The art program requires that we do six different mediums (photography, painting, drawing, sculpture, new genres and ceramics). Of those, aside from photography, I do enjoy painting. But, if I called myself anything, It'd be a photographer.
2. When did you get in to making art? And why? My mother is passionate about photography. She used to take photos of rock concerts back in the 1970's. She has a great collection of Rolling Stones, Grateful Dead and Neil Young shots when they performed in San Francisco. Seeing her work inspired me and she gave me a 35mm camera when I was 13 that got me interested. But when I started taking photography classes in high school, I started to love it. 3. What style would you consider yourself? Do you consider yourself a style? I don't really consider my work to be any "style," that would be too complicated of an answer if I did attempt to define my work in that way. But in simple terms, I love photographing still life and landscape. I find portraits a little daunting. I can do portraits of friends and family, but strangers is a tad awkward. My work right now is about my hometown Berkeley, CA.
4. Do you have any influences? Or do you have any artists you hate and aspire not to be like? I love William Eggleston. His photography is fantastic. His use of color is important to the history of photography. He takes pictures of weird, ugly things that turn out totally beautiful in a twisted way. I also admire Joel Sternfield, Jitka Hanslova, Richard Avedon, Annie Leibotbvitz, Cathie Opie, Irving Penn, the list could go on. I'm only listing photographers, but in other fields I like Picasso, Gaugain, Rothko, Matisse, Warhol, Lichtenstein, etc. 5. Do you want to go into a career where you can use your art? I'm not sure. I want to do something creative. I don't see myself working a desk job from 9-5 (I might though if it was at Dunder Mifflin). I would love to find a way to incorporate the arts into my life though.
6. What would be your ideal job? My ideal job would a photo editor for a magazine. I'm a total magazine/media junkie. That would be like the best of both worlds.
7. Do you like art school/recommend it? Art school is challenging, but UCLA worked out because it is a liberal arts school and there is more than just art, which is why I am double majoring in History and Art. If I was only going to art school, I would go crazy. But really, I feel like art school gets a bad rep. It's incredibly time consuming, creatively exhausting and intimidating. It's not like we just paint pictures all day. I just wanted to clear that up. 8. What is the single worst song you've ever heard? Nickelback sucks bad. It's for people who hate music.
10. Do you think Van Gogh's cutting off his ear was a good move? Do you think you have to suffer to be a great artist? No. I think art can be complicated, but I don't think you have to suffer to be great, that's just silly.
11. What do you think of post-imp (that's post impressionism for all those not up to date on the made up art lingo I'm using)? Do you have a favorite time period in art? Post-Imp is BOMB. Totally. I love it, it's more "wacked out," right? Ha. I also like abstract expressionism, that Pollock guy was sick. 12. Okay since I know you do photography, do you prefer print or digital? Printing! Even though I know it's a dying business, I love it. There's something more satisfying when you get to sit in a darkroom all day, talking to yourself and staring at color corrected prints. But really, the process of the darkroom is really more enriching and awesome. I feel like digital print is kind of like cheating. That being said, I find iphoto incredibly fun. But when it comes to fine art photography, using film has a specific look and history that suits me. -eg
all photographs by kelly winton . photographs taken in berkeley
Visitors can tour the Palace of Westminster, which has housed Parliament since 1512. The Common’s Chamber was destroyed by Nazi bombing in 1941, yet Winston Churchill had it rebuilt exactly as it was after World War II. Its green benches allow Members of Parliament (‘MPs’) to face the opposition party and engage in heated extemporaneous debate. Visitors can watch its proceedings from the gallery balcony or online at http://www.parliament.uk/. Just up the road, Queen Elizabeth II lives in London’s Buckingham Palace, a “modest” 828,818 square foot chateau that has been the official royal residence since 1873. Although visitors can only tour small portions of the palace in September, the surrounding Hyde Park allows visitors to experience bucolic serenity in the heart of the city. On a sunny day, take a photo at the palace gates and have a picnic under a tree. Remember to bring some extra bread for the ducks!
of theby brett month “When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford.” – Samuel Johnson, (1709 – 1784) Walking along the Thames River, with the Big Ben clock tower and Parliament in the distance, it’s hard not to agree with author Samuel Johnson: London truly offers nearly everything life can afford – except good weather and a cheap meal. The history of London extends back over 2,000 years to the time of the Romans, and has ever since been one of the cultural centres of Europe. With a population of over 7 million people, one can find food, art, and entertainment from nearly every culture. However, the city retains its classic British culture of tradition and deference. Tea and crumpets, anyone? London is home to the governing body of the legendary British Empire. The Houses of Parliament house the two-chamber government consisting of the House of Commons – an elected governing body – and an unelected House of Lords, whose members are appoint for life positions by the monarch. Although parliament has existed since the 13th century, it has been the supreme sovereign body of England since the 17th century following the execution of Charles I.
Another can’t-miss stop is Westminster Abbey, a large Gothic church that was consecrated in 1065. Rebuilt to its current state by King Henry III in 1245, it serves as the resting place of many of Britain’s most famous monarchs, including Elizabeth I, Henry V, and William and Mary. In September 1997, the Abbey was used for the funeral of Princess Diana, watched by 2.5 billion people worldwide. To save on the costly price of admission, consider visiting the Abbey for a choir or organ service. For history aficionados, the British Museum shouldn’t be passed up. With over seven million artifacts from all seven continents, highlights include a large exhibit on Egypt and the Rosetta Stone, which allowed archaeologists to read ancient hieroglyphics for the first time. A large reading room under a dome was added to the recently museum recently, which finely complements the Roman architecture. Although it makes for a fine afternoon visit, one would need to spend a good week at the British Museum to fully absorb its features. Finally, behind its historical allure, London also offers a vibrant nightlife that is among the best in Europe. Areas such as Covent Garden and Leicester Square offer a variety of pubs, clubs and dance venues. Fabric, a large club on Charter house Street, and Ministry of Sound in Southwark are among the best. For those
looking for a quieter night, seeing a theatre show or taking a ride on the London Eye are also enticing options. Getting around London is feasible without a car. Tourists can easily visit many cites on foot. Considering that the British drive on the opposite side of the road, be sure to read the signs that say “Look Right” or “Look Left” before crossing the street! Purchasing London Transport’s Oyster Card can save money when using public transportation, whether the expansive bus system or the London Underground, London’s metro system. “Mind the Gap!” as the announcer has traditionally warned passengers. Therefore, although expensive and cold, London, England remains one of the most popular travel destinations and global centres of culture in the world. -bn
DOit yourself! of the month by kristina
candidate bag! Fittingly enough, the DIY of the month is a cry to our November election. Since our generation pools the greatest number of voters, it certainly canâ€™t hurt to use our influence to spread the word to our friends, co-workers and younger siblings of the power of the vote. So whether you be donkey or elephant, grab some paint and show us your colors! You will need: 1. Canvas bag (the kind you can find at Michaelâ€™s or most art supply stores) 2. Neon fabric paints 3. Stencils (Helvetica font) 4. Paintbrushes 5. Newspaper 6. Water 7. Paper towel 8. Clothes iron (optional) 9. Fun political slogan!
Instructions: 1. Prep: Lay out the newspaper on a large open surface. You may need to iron the canvas bag, as they sometimes come with a strong crease down the middle. 2. You can decorate your bag any old way you like. To create the splatter effect, as is shown here, take a paintbrush with fan-like bristles and glob on a color. Using your fingers, gently splatter the paint across the bag. (Be warned: a small amount of paint will go a long way. Like over-the-counter-across-the room-and-out-the-doggy-door long way. Make sure your surface is very clear to begin with). Repeat splatter effect with two-three different colors. 3. Once your splotchy background has dried completely, lay the stencil directly onto the canvas and paint your first letter. Make sure the stencil is as flat as possible, so the paint doesn’t sneak under it and spread to unwanted areas. Repeat with each letter, wiping off the stencil with a wet paper-towel between each. And voila! You’ve got your very own political masterpiece! And in like ten years you can say it’s vintage! -ks
of the month by kristina
The month of November is all about the promise of fog and a good ol’ tofurkey dinner, and what better way to celebrate the freshness of the season than with a mix of some of fall’s most promising new artists, (think Santogold’s new wave vibe and Bon Iver’s indie singer-songwriter appeal) combined with some older beloved favorites the likes of Bernard Sumner himself? The key to the quintessential November compilation is a little bit of everything sweet. Miles Davis to channel Paris in the autumn, Dan Rossen to take you back to Graceland: the place that started it all, Chan Marshall (Cat Power) to remind you of the glory of freedom. Revel in the soft beauty of Bon Iver’s “Re-Stacks,” on a morning walk or a long drive to somewhere far away from the city. Do a show-stopping steering wheel jive to my new favorite: “Last Day of Magic” by The Kills. And at the end of the day, no matter how tired you are and how awful your boss was and how angry you are that your roommate stole your last spoonful of Nutella, let Sufjan remind you of the blessing it is just to be alive. For if November brings us anything in its hazy colder days, it is that gentle reminder of what we can be thankful for: namely, good music, cranberry jello, a day off school, and the chance to unite with those people who know just how to make us crazy in the most affectionate of ways. Happy listening! -ks
1. Ceremony- New Order 2. L.E.S. Artists- Santogold 3. Fake Empire- The National 4. Au Bar du Petit Bac- Miles Davis 5. Last Day of Magic- The Kills 6. Naked if I Want To- Cat Power 7. Staring at the Sun- TV on the Radio 8. Boy with a Coin- Iron & Wine 9. Re: Stacks- Bon Iver 10. Eyes- Rogue Wave 11. Raise the Dead- Phantom Planet 12. Love Always Remains- MGMT 13. I Summon You- Spoon 14. Lovelier Girl- Beach House 15. So Much Beauty in Dirt- Modest Mouse 16. Graceland- Dan Rossen 17. Somedays- Regina Spektor 18. Not Dead Yet- The Weepies 19. Pachuca Sunrise- Minus the Bear 20. Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing- Sufjan Stevens 21. Soil, Soil- Tegan & Sara
OF THE MONTH by andres
MGMT - Oracular Spectacular If you’re into indie, electro, or psychedelic (drugs or music…either one works), then this band is perfect for you. Started by a couple of art students from Connecticut, MGMT is a unique band that blends all of the musical styles mentioned above into great pop music. Drawing inspiration from bands like the Flaming Lips, Happy Mondays, and the Glove (Robert Smith’s side project from 1983), MGMT is able to capture audiences with their creatively catchy hooks. Coincidentally, the band was able to get Flaming Lips producer Dave Fridmann to work on their first album. Oracular Spectacular is a hell of a debut album with no fillers. Every song on the album offers its listeners something different, something special. At first listen, you’ll instantly be able to pick out the hits such as “Time to Pretend” or “Kids”. The former has already been used for the trailer of the movie Sex Drive. Even though these songs will be stuck in your head for at least five days straight, give the other songs a chance. After you listen to the entire album about three times, you’ll realize just how good it is. A dreamy song like “The Youth” shows a softer side to the band, while the Bee Gees-esk “Electric Feel” will get you thumping your foot. The last song on the album, “Future Reflections,” is proof that these two artsy kids from Connecticut are songwriters to be reckoned with. Next time you’re in a record store, make a b-line for this album. You won’t be disappointed. -apv
of the month
Despite this month being the month of turkeys and imperialist pilgrims, the game I will be reviewing is sports, rather than gratitude, though I am thankful that this month’s game kicks so much ass. This game is NBA 2K9, which is probably one of the best basketball games to date, and a pretty nice step up from its predecessor, the similarly named NBA 2K8. The big addition that has been heralded by the game’s creator, 2K Sports, has been the living rosters, which will periodically update your players stats based on their real live performance. The system is run by the enigmatic 2K Insider, a position so secretive that the election process was probably held in some clandestine underground lair by people born without identities. The Insider has the tremendous responsibility of updating all the players based on his analysis. Though this feature is neat, it has not really translated into anything special yet. Based on my play-through, the most significant change is the way the players move without the ball. Last year’s 2K8 was plagued by players who would simply camp around the perimeter and your big men down low, turning play into a score fest with a single character to force the opposing team to throw a double team your way. Running plays was
possible, if difficult, and getting an open shot for a guy on the perimeter was more a matter of having them double your big down low and then kicking out. This year, players will now make back door cuts, or curls to the elbow or perimeter. Though the plays run are only simple screens, they really make a big difference in simulating a real basketball game, where most people who play this game are unlikely to run any plays more complicated than a curl in real life anyway. Furthermore, this year’s animations have seen another upgrade, creating a greater sense of fluidity. Add that in with improved crowd animations and stellar announcing by Kevin Harlan and Clark Kellogg, and it becomes very easy to get lost in the game and feel as if you are actually playing real basketball. A word to the wise, this game has a steep learning curve, and it takes quite some practice to get used to the abundance of controls. As a matter of fact, the manual that comes with the game refers you to an even more comprehensive manual online, which may even refer to another manual, possibly with cosmic origins even. Some may find the abundance of maneuvers daunting, or even a little silly, but once mastered, they only add depth to an already complex game. If you plan on purchasing a sports game, or even if you want to buy a game, and kind of like basketball, then I recommend picking up NBA 2K9. -ca Next month: Fable 2
top5top5top5 top5top5top5 top5top5top5 top5top5top5 top5top5top5 of the month top5top5top5 o
With the economy going to hell, a war that has lasted for too long, midterms and papers, and a low number in our bank accounts, we all need a little pick me up (a legal, and low cost pick me up that is). That’s why this month’s Top 5 is the 5 BEST SHOWS ON TV RIGHT NOW, OR THAT SHOULD STILL BE ON TV RIGHT NOW! And I don’t mean any reality TV shit, i.e. Wife Swap (ok, I did watch it that one time but seriously there is much better material to waste brain cells on). I mean the ones that make you laugh the hardest and take life less seriously. And numero uno goes to...
1. The Office (NBC) a show that can range from so horribly awkward that I’m actually covering my face with my hands to wonderfully sweet all within 23 minutes is pure genius. Shot in “mockumentary” fashion, The Office records the events and relationships at Dunder Mifflin, a dying paper company and a completely dysfunctional work place, led by inept boss Michael Scott (Steve Carell). What makes The Office so awesome though is the diverse cast of characters, who range from lovebirds (Jim and Pam) to somewhat senile (Creed) to being confused for a mentally handicapped person (Kevin) to power hungry and beet farming (Dwight). Let’s face it, this show is not only incredible, it’s educational. For example, it taught fellow columnist Kristina what “that’s what she said” jokes really mean. Favorite quote: Michael: “AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.” 2. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX): perhaps the most politically incorrect show on television, but it makes me laugh harder than anything else out there. As my friend Ashley likes to say “you feel like a horrible person watching it,” but you can’t stop! The show centers on a brother and sister (Denis and Dee) and their two friends (Mac and Charlie) who own a failing bar called Paddy’s Irish Pub in Philadelphia. These four friends are self-centered, dishonest, and just generally lacking in any sense of ethics or decency, which makes the show just that much more incredible. Of course they get themselves into horrible situations and nothing is sacred on this show, q which you can sense from the episode titles such as “The “The Gang Gets Racist” or “The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby.” Baby. The show is so funny that Danny Devito strangely decided to join the cast in the second season, bringing even more corruption to Paddy’s. You have to watch for yourself! Favorite episode: “The Gang Gets Invincible”
3. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart/ The Colbert Report (Comedy Central): where college students get their news!! Yeah, I know they’re technically two different shows but there is not enough room on the list to separate them, so oh well. Without these two, the last eight years would have just been depressing. These two make me laugh everyday about events that would otherwise just be scary. From taking down Tucker Carlson on Crossfire (Stewart) to providing the most awkward ten minutes the White House has ever experienced (Colbert at the Correspondent’s Dinner) to trying to run for president (Colbert), these men have done a lot more than comedy with their shows. They have helped to keep our generation informed and taught us to get through the bad times by not always taking life so seriously. Favorite rant: Jon Stewart making fun of Congress for taking time off during the economic crisis to honor Rosh Hashanah “I'm here…I mean, seriously, Utah, you're not coming in for Rosh Hashana? Wyoming?.” 4. Flight of the Conchords (HBO): where else can you see New Zealand’s "fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo"? The stars are Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie, who play a two person band from New Zealand trying to make it in New York City. Each episode, Bret and Jemaine perform at least two songs, although I’m always confused over whether or not the other characters can hear them. Besides Bret and Jemaine, the show really only has three other main characters: Murray, the band manager, who really doesn’t know anything about music but insists on taking roll call at every meeting-- he does work for the New Zealand consulate and has awesome posters such as “New Zealand: it’s not part of Australia”; Mel, the band’s only fan and official stalker; and Dave, the boys’ best friend, who is constantly getting confused about their nationality. Favorite lyrics: Does the space cold do funny things to your nipples, making them all pointy? Bowie. Do you use your pointy nipples as telescopic antennae transmitting data back to Earth?”
5. Arrested Development (Formerly Fox, until those BASTARDS cancelled it): as you can tell, I am somewhat enthusiastic about this show (somewhat enthusiastic= I cried, yes cried, when I heard it was cancelled [yes, I know crying is a bit much, but I was having a really bad day already and then I heard it was cancelled and it was a straw/camel’s back situation]). In a word this show was: classic. Okay, maybe I’m building it up too much, but whatever, how many other shows out there can you watch for like 7 hours straight and still want more? And yes, I am aware this article is making me sound completely psychotic and/or loserish but oh well, it’s worth it. The show centers around the wonderfully materialistic and self-absorbed Bluth family, right after Papa Bluth has been arrested for fraud of his company. His son Michael tries to keep his psychotic family together but has to deal with the likes of cousin love, a slightly disturbing motherson relationship, a failed magician of a brother, a rabid seal, the Blue Man Group, homosexual angst, never nudes, a racist puppet, a fake English nanny, and a banana stand. If that doesn’t get you excited, there is something wrong with you. Favorite long running joke: the chicken dance. -eg
The Inconvenience and Wonder of Falling Madly in Love with a Time-Traveling Librarian Called Henry: Or, How I Spent the Last Week of My Summer Vacation The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger is an ingenious work of literature that illuminates the prosaic details of everyday life, the passing of years, the ups and downs of love and lust, and what happens should one accidentally fall in love with a time traveler.
OF THE MONTH by kristina
Henry DeTamble, characterized as a debonair librarian at The Newberry Library in Chicago, is a man with a rare chromosomal disorder that enables him to fall in and out of the present at any given moment. One moment it is May and he is shelving books at the Newberry, and the next it is December and he is shivering in an alley by the Vic Theatre, fighting for his life because a homophobic drunk has insulted the hasty attire (a baby blue sweater embroidered with ducks) that he has scrounged off of some unfortunate passer-by. His time traveling is spontaneous and unpredictable, lending itself to many awkward, dangerous, and inconvenient situations, as he is always arriving unexpectedly, and stark naked. Henry is a rare literary character, a contradiction of terms. He loves the Violent Femmes and Patti Smith, he owns a beloved and battered copy of Peter Pan,
he is an avid runner, he is a chef extraordinaire. None of his hobbies match a particular genre or stereotype; he is fascinating to become acquainted with. But the true gem in The Time Traveler’s Wife is Clare Abshire, the woman whom Henry loves. Clare is described as being timeless as a Botticelli angel: fragile, pale, a redhead with the curves and softness that typify a classic, age-old beauty. However it is not her physique that makes her enchanting, but rather the slight eccentricities of her nature. Clare was born into money, but has chosen the Bohemian route, following her artistic inklings to Chicago, where she studies the unique art of papermaking. She is bilingual, she is well read, and she is fierce as both a humanitarian and a lover. Henry’s and Clare’s relationship blooms from the time she is a small girl, when Henry appears in the meadow behind Meadowlark, Clare’s sprawling family home in Michigan. As the novel progresses, it becomes more evident that Henry has always known Clare as his wife. But since he first appears to her when he is in his late thirties and she is six years old, he treats her as affectionately and appropriately as he might any child.
As Clare grows, she comes to understand the deeper connection that she and Henry share. Clare learns the art of patience, as Henry’s visits to her are sporadic and unplanned. Although he comes to her from the future, Henry refuses to reveal to Clare the facts of their life together, or how they will ultimately meet each other.
at which many attempt and most fail. She has the rare ability to make her characters transcend the written word and come to life in one’s memory, as though they were long forgotten friends.
When she finally reaches the age of twenty, Clare
The Time Traveler’s Wife is a gripping and sensational read, recommended for a long autumn night, or a lazy morning by the fireplace. It will twist your heart and allow you a rare and extraordinary insight to your
understands that she and Henry are destined to meet in present time. Once she encounters Henry on an unexpected visit to the Newberry, she begins the process of courting the young version of the man she already loves, a man who still has yet to know her.
imagination, a place you once knew as a child but have since forsaken for too much bitter coffee and too many late-nights spent poring over Chaucer and Marlowe and poets with ridiculous punctuation and lots of middle initials.
The Time Traveler’s Wife follows the unusual pair as they grow older and as Henry dapples forward and backward in time. They experience the typical trials of a couple in love: infertility, jealousy, and having to side-step the errors their parents made before them, the errors we are all inclined to make ourselves at some point. But the deeper issue is Henry’s time travel, and the pressing worry it brings his wife as she struggles to understand and accept the limitations, as well as the strengths, of love’s gripping bond.
Pick it up, skip to the Pike’s Place for hot apple cider, and forget the Middle English. With this one, you’re in for a treat. -ks
Niffenegger is an exceptional artist. She crafts every sentence into something simple yet eloquent, a feat
snuggle up with a good read!
poem of the month by yevi and bobby
So, unless you’ve been living under a rock your entire life, I think everyone has read Shel Silverstein poetry at some point in their lives. I recently stumbled upon his poems again and was reminded how awesome, trippy, and hilarious they are. That’s why, as a nod to nostalgia, I’ve chosen "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out" as this issue’s poem of the month. I get just as much enjoyment reading it now as I did when I was a kid. It’s really great to read aloud, since the clever wordplay especially stands out. Not to mention, the illustrations are quirky and fun. They definitely complement the poetry. Anyone remember the naked old man who used his beard as clothes? Anyways, this poem brings an interesting take on not doing your chores, because what happens if you don’t take out the trash? That’s right, the world will pretty much end. Obviously. -yf
Shel Silverstein’s Sarah Cynthia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out from Where the Sidewalk Ends Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would not take the garbage out! She'd scour the pots and scrape the pans, Candy the yams and spice the hams, and though her daddy would scream and shout, She simply would not take the garbage out. And so it piled up to the ceilings: coffee grounds, potato peelings, brown bananas, rotten peas, Chunks of sour cottage cheese. It filled the can, it covered the floor, It cracked the window and blocked the door With bacon rinds and chicken bones, Drippy ends of ice cream cones, Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel, Gloppy glumps of cold oatmeal, Pizza crusts and with withered greens, Soggy beans and tangerines, Crusts of black burned buttered toast, Gristly bits of beefy roasts... The garbage rolled on down the hall, It raised the roof, it broke the wall.... Greasy napkins, cookie crumbs, Globs of gooey bubble gum,
Cellophane from green baloney, Rubbery blubbery macaroni, Peanut butter, caked and dry, Curdled milk and crusts of pie, Moldy melons, dried-up mustard, Eggshells mixed with lemon custard, Cold french fries and rancid meat, Yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat. At last the garbage reached so high That finally it touched the sky. And all the neighbors moved away, And none of her friends would come to play. And finally Sarah Cynthia Stout said, "Ok, I'll take the garbage out!" But then, of course, it was too late... The garbage reached across the state, From New York to the Golden Gate. And there, in the garbage she did hate, Poor Sarah met an awful fate, That I cannot right now relate Because the hour is much too late. But children, remember Sarah Stout And always take the garbage out!
In a Nutshell by bobby white
I shoot wolves from a chopper, and drink beer from a can. If I wasn’t firing a copper, I’d be fighting Iran. I knows me foreign policy stuff Don’t Vladimir Putin look tough? I see Russia from my backyard, Look! Hockey mom’s on guard! Drill, Baby, Drill For that sweet northern oil, Who cares about some deer? I’m the boss around here! Vote McCain on the 4th It’s my solemn belief, Don’t vote Obama, (he’d be Muslim-in-Chief!)
No wonder this is called “clamshell packaging”. Have you ever tried to pry open a clam’s shell?? Well, I for one haven’t but I’m assuming it’s rather hard. Seriously, though. Who the hell thought up this? I had to rush out and buy a cheapo calculator the other day from the bookstore on campus before one of my midterms., and the only ones they had were in this stupid jerkface plastic. Really?? REALLY?? Come on now. Well, It’s a good thing I carry around my sandblaster at all times, otherwise I’d have to call in Lou Ferrigno to open this this bitz up! Normally I wouldn’t have bothered, but itcame with that sweet matching flower keychain and I just couln’t pass up a deal like that.
Unfortunately, after an ungodly amount of scissor stabbing, fruitless attempts at using my teeth to try and tear a corner off, and realizing that I left Lou Ferrigno’s number at home, I decided to give up. . . . THUSLY I was unable to use a calculator on my midterm. . . . . EVEN MORE THUSLY I couldn’t get my keychain out!!
You know what really grinds my gears? What Kaitlin? What really grinds your gears? What really grinds my gears are the packaged products that cause you to cut off half your fingers before you can get it open. You know what I’m talking about. . . . those industrial strength plastic containers that are packaged around calculators, batteries., headphones.. . . . .jerks, all of them! So this formally brings me to this month’s enemy. . . . .asshole packaging!
Let’s think about this for a minute. Should I really have to spend 45 minutes trying to open up a 3$ calculator? Should I really wind up with more cuts on my hands than a blind wood whittler? (. . . . hi oh!) The answer is NO! Actually the real answer should be a “NO. . . damnit!” I loathe this packaging and the jerk who came up with it. Jerk, you better watch out. . . . cause if Kaitlin Jue ever runs into you on the street, you can bet your tooter she’ll give you a piece of her mind! -kj
of the month
This month’s drink is my all-time favorite, the Tequila Sunrise. Despite the girly appearance given off by its trademark sunrise colors, the Tequila Sunrise is unequivocally one of the best ways to feel no pain with your buddy tequila while not having to grit your teeth or chug an insane amount of juice as a chaser. Personally, I think tequila has only two real uses: a) adding kick to a mixed drink or b) inducing painful dry heaves or vomiting. The Tequila Sunrise is best used as a “starter drink”, easing into the “I can’t taste anything anymore” zone for the more hardcore partiers amongst, and giving just the right buzz for those who prefer to order just one drink and quietly nurse it. When garnishing your drink, I recommend sticking with the traditional orange slice and cherry, though you can get more creative if you wish (kiwis!). But drinkers be forewarned, as it is traditionally served as a “long drink”, too many of these can put a real dent in your wallet, so introduce it to your friends after your turn for rounds has passed. Anyway, on to the drink! -ja
3 parts Tequila 6 parts Orange Juice 1 part Grenadine
of the month
Serve in a highball glass on the rocks Oranges and cherries are a recommended garnish
eadin r r g
e th of
stay tuned for our next issue...coming out dec 1st!!!! send us an email at....... thmag@